Trinyvale X Strahd - Ep. 3: Ismark the Lesser

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This is a head gum podcast.

Welcome

to Barovia.

Barrovia.

Switched it up on you guys.

That's right.

Just a little DC10 intro trap for you there when you all pass the flying colors.

I'm fucking sweating.

I didn't know what to do.

Yeah, I barely passed.

You are clinching your jeans.

Yeah, this is why we're improvisers.

Well, now that we are all warmed up, folks, it is so exciting to be back with episode three of Trinavale Extrad.

I am your Dracula uncle, aka Drunkle.

Sticking with that, Caldwell Tanner.

Joined as always by my peculiar players, Brian Murphy, bringing disaster to the Burger Master, Jens Lindell.

Damn, I have a Burger Master rhyme, too.

Caldwell spilled.

Caldwell spilled something.

I didn't spill it.

I just hit my clipboard.

Yeah.

You spilled your clipboard, dude.

Spilling dice does not fucking count.

And now we have to leave this in.

Well, there was no way not to do it.

All right, other intro.

Emily Axford.

I don't have a Burger Master.

Okay.

Having fun with my Jen Alpha son, Anyx Lumier.

Callie Sen Alva?

Yeah, I decided after we talked on the short rest, I was like, I feel really strongly, I have a really clear picture of Bluetooth, and he is firmly Gen Alpha.

I was saying that during the show, not just during the short rest.

But then when we talked about it on the short rest, I was like, we won you over eventually.

I was like, yes.

Okay.

And the thing is, Bluetooth has an old soul.

So sometimes he seems Gen Z.

So his name is Gen Z, but he's Gen Alpha.

Right.

So fucking confusing.

It's obviously Gen Alpha.

So fucking confusing.

And here to cut through the confusion is Jake Hurwitz.

Aero Blaster hunting the Burger Master, Nyack of the Ranophore.

Wow.

Oh, beautiful.

A sandwich intro, two burger buns,

and my gin alpha meat.

Is a hamburger a sandwich?

Thank you.

Okay, I'm just doing like bad topics of conversations.

That's actually

fucked.

So random.

That's like, I got like a riddle guy in here that was going to say exactly that.

Yeah.

I'm fucked.

I got to replan the whole session.

Guys, is a hot dog a sandwich?

Is soup a dinner?

So while I replan everything, because Murph just spoiled it all, how about a quick recap?

Let's do it.

Yes, please.

When last we met, our ridiculous triplets had just passed through the gates of Borovia and into the land of Strahd von Tsarevich.

As you walked down the Svalich road, Jinns caught the scent of death and you noticed three corpses a little ways off the trail.

Upon investigating them, Nayak found a jar of pickled ghouls' tongues.

Damn right.

And he and Onyx proceeded to tongue them right back.

You also found replacement weapons for the ones you left at the Night Lotus, but when you tried to take them, the corpses rose from the dead and attempted to steal your lives in return.

Using the mist as cover, you escaped and returned to the road, where you took a short rest to lick your wounds and, in Onyx's case, manifest a new familiar.

And so, with

Gen Z, Gen Alpha,

With your Gen Z, Gen Alpha, packed of the chain imp Bluetooth, aka Gen Z, by your side, you continued down the trail.

Using a lantern Gen's found in the mud, he lit the way and you quickly arrived at the village of Borovia.

Once inside, Onix and Nyaks disguised themselves as the dead bodies they found in the woods for some reason.

It was so fun that we both have it now.

That could be like your thing.

It's fun.

Yeah, we played dress up.

Yeah, finally a little Onyx-Nyak episode.

also we can both um disguise ourselves as gems why for what purpose what why did you even dress up as these people in the first place

keep going

it does eventually get us in trouble keep going coldwell donning your disguises you burst into the blood on the vine tavern demanding vegan food for free Your presence caught the attention of a dour man named Ismark.

He recognized your disguises as the faces of his missing friends, Dalvin and Korga, or Dolphin and Corky, as you called them, and asked if you'd been able to place the Burger Master's notice on the gates.

As you chatted over a pile of Ark the bartender's homemade nut cheese, you realized that Ismark is the Burgamaster's son, and that he also bears a grudge against Strahd, whose minions and monsters have been harassing his family for weeks.

When you mentioned you wanted to kill Strahd as well, Ismark grew worried and suggested you move the conversation to the Burgamaster's manor.

Upon arriving, you caught a glimpse of his sister, Marina Kolyana, who is mentioned in the letter you took from the corpses.

You showed Ismark the letter, which made him grow suspicious.

He asked, why didn't you pin it to the gate like his father asked?

One nat one deception check later, Onix commanded Bluetooth to attack him, and Ismark drew his sword in return.

And that is where we are now.

Okay, Ismark, you need to calm down, I say.

I need to calm down as I try to hit him with the butt of the sword.

Look, we have to knock him out and tie him up.

That's the only way we're gonna be able to explain this.

I don't know.

Who are you disguised as?

You're aggressive.

You're escalating things.

Time out.

Time out, I say, trying to stab him with an arrow.

There's no reason for anyone to disguise themselves as anything.

We are guests at the resort.

I don't even have a weapon.

Attack Bluetooth.

Okay, everybody, roll initiative for me, please.

Oh, dear.

Oh, my God.

14.

19.

Seven.

Alrighty.

So, uh, here is where we stand.

You are all in front of this ancient mansion covered in chipped paint and dying ivy.

There's a rusted iron fence about 30 feet back and four sets of board-covered windows on either side of a large door, which Ismark now guards.

Before the door shut, you caught a glimpse of a woman with striking features and auburn hair, but she scurried deeper into the house as soon as Ismark shouted.

Ismark points a long sword at your chest, Onyx.

You see angry flashes of red sunlight glint off the blade as his hand quivers.

Are you in league with Strahd?

Tell me, tell me now, the manager?

No, I'm coming to complain to him.

We hate the manager.

This has been a terrible stay.

We're trying to get your burger restaurant back on track, you moron.

What burger restaurants?

We have to knock you out.

You're not thinking clearly.

Is for God's own restaurant.

I do not know your plan, but clearly you are not allies of mine.

So he he prepares to attack, but Nayak, you are first in the initiative.

Okay, I'm going to cast Zephyr Strike, which is going to give me some movement where I won't get an opportunity attack.

And I'm going to retreat back towards the rusted gate.

Okay.

And just kind of put my hands up and just be like, we were joking.

We were joking.

You were joking.

Oh my God.

You were joking when you get so serious.

When you stole the faces of my dead comrades and wore them around, I don't know why they did that.

I don't know why they did that.

If I were to die before I had them bury me at sea, I would want them to wear my face.

We're not burying anyone at sea.

The sea is far away.

What is the sea?

What is that?

I don't know.

I'm on your side.

Sir, you've never been surfing?

I've heard legends of a large, large lake.

A lake larger than any.

With love, sir.

What is surfing?

What are burgers?

Who the fuck are you?

Look, my name is Jens.

I'm staying at the hotel.

This is Onyx.

She's staying at the hotel.

This is Nayak.

He's also staying at the hotel.

I haven't dropped my disguise.

Look, we ran into your friends.

We thought that they were helping build the new building at the resort.

Instead, they were dead.

And they honestly were kind of rude.

They attacked us.

They were zombies.

Yeah.

So we came here looking to use our meal plan as part of the all-inclusive.

get a little bit of food all we're doing is trying to get to the manager so that we can complain because the power went out in our yurt and somebody named Reagan who honestly has stolen my style because we have the same jacket

do you know Reagan do you know Reagan do you know do you know Reagan do you know Reagan's gonna do a history check

uh

no no I don't know Reagan is this another person whose face you've stolen are you wearing Reagan's face now

we don't do that all the time.

I do.

I'm gonna turn into Reagan.

I'm gonna disguise myself as Reagan.

Okay.

Oh, that's a

you've never seen that's Reagan.

That's Reagan.

He looks like Zis.

I have masks of many faces, so I can do it at will.

He squints and says, Oh, Emistalf, I've heard of them, but no, I do not know this face.

Oh,

okay, so he acted like he worked at the place,

but now, someone who lives nearest the manager has never seen him?

Did Reagan even work at the place?

Was Reagan just an insane guest that was

trying to get us to put all our stuff into a box, which we did?

Was it just to steal our stuff?

Did we get?

I am still very mad at you, and I have a lot of questions.

What did we do?

We didn't kill your friends.

We just dressed up as them, as a goo.

Well, I don't...

Look, I'm in agreement with you, Ismark, about these two.

I don't know why we would have to do disguises.

It just, it didn't make any sense to me, literally at all.

So, I don't know, if you want to hit them a couple times or something, that's fine with me.

I won't.

How about this?

It was actually, we were doing it out of reverence so you could see your friends one last time.

Yeah, it's actually a burial rite.

That is cultural.

Well, now I'm not going to touch it.

So, Nayak, for your turn, you went back towards the gate.

Did you want to make like a persuasion check or anything?

Or do you want to Jinz is next in the order if you want to let him try?

Yeah, I'm going to try to.

Could you just give me the help action and both of you shut the fuck up?

No.

Let me think about that because I do have minus one

persuasion.

Consider it.

Consider it.

I believe in you.

Why?

Why do you believe in him?

Okay.

Yeah, you know what?

I'm just going to throw my hands up and say,

Ismark, if you don't think this is funny, then I

just

Then I give up and I'm gonna try to do a persuasion check.

Were you?

Did you guys think it was funny?

That's a 13.

See what?

Was it a joke?

Is it?

Have we not suffered enough?

Ismark, they didn't tell me it was a joke.

I...

I don't know.

Nayak just mouths wow.

I don't know who you are or where you're from, but this is not the way jokes are done.

He just mouths wow back.

I can't explain what this is.

This is a very grim land, but even here we know what jokes are.

This does not seem like one.

Nayak pantomimes pulling his shirt collar and gritting his teeth.

You know, now I just feel like I need to kill you because it would be doing the world a service.

No, it's fine.

Great.

Nayak, is there anything else you want to do on your turn?

I think you're No, I'm going to sit down cross-legged in the dirt and shake my head.

Great.

Oh, hold on.

Let me roll one more thing.

Sorry for not helping Jens, but Onyx egged me on.

Honestly, it was perfect.

Jens has a terrible headache.

He just rubs his temples.

He did drink a lot of wine at the bar.

My God.

My brother's dehydrated.

Let us into your home.

Jens, it is your turn if you'd like to make a persuasion, Jin.

Yes, I would.

Okay, look.

I'm looking here at your burger restaurant.

I gestured to his mansion.

Clearly, things have fallen apart.

Okay, so maybe restaurant is your word for mansion.

I get it now.

We have a lot of sympathy for mom and shop pops that get put out of business.

by large corporations that frankly don't know how to run a business.

They don't know hospitality, okay?

We had a yurt.

We paid for the premium yurt.

We paid for the all-inclusive.

And here you are having to pay for our dinner when you are an employee of the resort town.

You shouldn't have to do that.

This is Stradd's fault.

Don't you understand?

Stradd is dividing us.

He's such a bad manager that he's turning patron against host.

It's wrong what he's doing here.

Burger Masters should be able to make burgers and sell them for a decent price to people that just want to visit the resort town.

Jens, are you crying?

Jens wipes away a tear.

I'm sorry.

I guess I just thought things could be different around here.

Be the change we wish to see in the resort.

Give me that persuasion check.

All right.

God knows I'm going to roll bad, even though I should do good.

God damn it.

Oh my god.

I also got a 13.

Oh no.

I wonder what he would have rolled with hell.

Let me see if I have any bullshit with my new shape.

Hang on.

I feel like you've got some bullshit.

Hang on.

Oh my god.

All right.

Okay, I just got a 13.

Uh-huh.

I would like to.

I

see that he's not totally buying it.

So I would like to...

I have an ability called enthralling performance that I can do as a bonus action, but I need to do it for a full minute.

Wait, how could you do it as 10 minutes?

I can do it as a bonus action, but it takes a full fucking minute.

Wait, what?

They have to watch and listen to me.

You can choose, okay, enthralling performance.

Once per short rest, you can choose four creatures that watched and listened to you perform for one minute.

Each target makes a wisdom-saving throw and is charmed if it fails for one hour until it takes any damage you attack it or sees you attack its allies.

So I think I'm just going to start dancing.

So I'm just gonna begin dancing.

Hold him off for a minute.

Bravo.

What a speech better.

Oh, oh

I start bopping and laughing.

He's not done.

At a certain age, you shouldn't bop and laugh.

This becomes quite literal.

So much popping.

You've been turned.

Strawd is in your mind.

You speak in the same honeyed words as a vampire.

And now, look, your body moves as if possessed just keep watching

You see keychain is up next in the initiative.

He just turns to you and says do you want me to bite him?

No, he needs to one full minute of watching me dance and no one can attack him.

I just keep dancing.

Okay, Keychain's gonna try and tackle him so he has to watch you dance

Keychain got a 15, which would have been great for the persuasion, but he's decided to tackle instead.

Let me roll contested.

Oh, shit.

Ismark got a 21.

Jesus.

So he just.

You see, Keychain in his dog form lunges at Ismark, and he just kind of like

grabs him and like calms him down.

Says, shh, shh, shh, this is not your fight.

This is not your fight.

You are a simple creature.

Go!

Keychain buys that.

I keep dancing.

Yeah, Keychain just kind of like lies down and rolls on the grass.

And that brings us to Ismark's turn.

Okay.

Too many times has he seen vampires and ghouls and creatures of the night try to just while their way into someone's house?

He does not trust you yet.

So he is going to attack the person that did a weird speech and is now dancing in front of him.

Nyak?

He's prone.

Attack him.

I did a weird speech, but not a weird dance.

I saved space.

I'm still popping and mocking.

Wow, was that your hip?

I guess this is maybe arguably threatening looking as I dance towards him.

I will free you!

I will free you!

You're being puppeted by the dark lord.

I'm being puppeted by inspiration.

Okay.

There's no way I can keep dancing.

It's gonna take 10 rounds.

You guys, just whisper, knock him out.

Okay.

So he has a long sword and a short sword drawn.

He slashes.

His first attack misses because he's like distracted.

You actually get like one good pop in

that pops a little too low.

Oh, yeah.

Do the wave.

I have one hand out.

I sort of block it with the short sword.

And as the long sword hits it, it clangs and I wave back out.

And as this happens, he just says, no.

What?

Just no.

And then he slashes you again and then once with a short sword, that's going to be two hits.

And you take 17 points of damage.

Jesus, I'm almost dead.

I'm so close to dead.

Don't stop dancing, brother.

I just turn and yell, murder him, kill him,

kill him.

I don't know why you've stolen their faces.

I do not know if you're.

I haven't stolen anyone's faces.

I tried to dance for you.

I tried to talk about your burger restaurants.

Dude, we did two speeches and one dance, and you're killing my brother.

We did two speeches in a dance.

You have come to me at a very testing time.

My father is dead.

The Burger Master is dead!

That's right.

Why didn't you lead with that?

How are we going to open a Burgermaster without the secret spices that the Burgermaster has?

Do you know the rest of the science?

Do you know the recipe?

Do you know the secret spices?

Do you speak of the secret spice of leadership by which he led this town?

Yes.

Yeah, I see.

Yeah.

No, I do not.

They call me Ismark the Lesser.

I have nothing of him.

I have none of his sauce, none of his spice, none of his candor.

Oh, okay, so we can't kill him.

Jeez, if you're Ismark the lesser, I'd hate to meet Ismark the Greater, I'd say.

And as you sideways, thumbs at Ismark, and point to my grievous wounds, and make Rodney Treacher feel face.

I have no respect around here.

We'll fucking kill you.

Stradd's minions, they came night after night.

My father's poor poor heart, they could not take it anymore.

This minions, they held me and my sister back, as we could do nothing to help him.

And now he lies dead in our house.

And you think that I will let you

kept him in that house.

I did not want to alarm the townspeople.

They're at the verge of despair as it is.

Sir, take us to him.

He may have his recipe in his pocket.

It might be on his person.

Places could be there.

Yeah, bring us to him.

You wish to desecrate my father's heart?

We're not going to desecrate my son.

We wish to search it thoroughly.

And we can dress up as him and give you a hug and say that you're worth something if you want.

Yeah, we can call you just Ismark, not Ismark the Lesser.

Yeah, we could say Ismark the Normal.

Yeah, we can both disguise ourselves as your dad and hug you and call you Ismark.

Yes, once upon a time, Dalvin and Korga called me

regular Ismark.

Reggie for short, and it was lovely.

But those days are long gone.

I don't know.

I don't I don't know if I can believe in that world anymore

Onyx, he's kind of looking at you now since you kind of instigated this whole attack

But but he seems on the verge of breaking and it is your turn.

Okay

He did stab me really hard so just do it literally whatever you want.

Okay,

I think that I can try to talk to you right now, but I think that

ever since I became off the grid, I've realized that actually children are the future.

And I want.

And I think that we need to listen to the children.

And so I think I'm going to push Bluetooth forward and I'm going to have him pop his pop his earbud out of his

now and let like a Manosphere podcast

do a persuasion.

If you're ever feeling despair, what you need to do.

Oh, my God.

He's talking about beaning a room and you have a dead body in there.

Okay.

So, like, maybe you are not being your best self right now.

Even the Trinity Veil triplets cannot listen to Man Seri podcasts.

He is my son, Bluetooth.

So, yeah, I think that with the innocence in Bluetooth's eyes,

I think Bluetooth is going to try and do a a persuasion check.

Oh, okay.

He has plus zero.

He got an 11.

You have to knock him out.

We have to just knock this guy out.

We have to knock this guy out and just go into his house.

Okay.

Just attack him.

You know what?

Here I was thinking, oh, the next generation will save us, but actually, we have to save ourselves.

Yeah, look at what he's listening to.

Bluetooth, you should be listening to that on 2x speed.

You're not taking in enough

i'm sorry for not loving my full ground sub

um and then i think i'm going to say look

you clearly have quite literally a skeleton in your closet you're trying to figure out how am i going to tell the rest of this town this we will host

We will host a funeral for your father.

You.

If you stand down.

You would help me bury my father.

Yeah, what are your customs?

Bury at sea,

bury

we're not going to the sea.

Well, a Viking funeral out into the ocean, not into

the sky.

He doesn't even know what surfing is.

There is no sea here, but uh, the morning lord speaks of the radiant realm and the daybreak cove, where there are pure white sands and

beautiful blue waves crashing against them.

I think that really sounds like the ocean.

Yeah, yeah, that's the ocean.

Actually, that's what it is.

It's classic ocean style.

Oh my god, that's that's the ocean?

Yeah, and that's just fucking real somewhere.

It's just fucking real, and it's honestly at the edge of everywhere.

Can my dad's ghost go there?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Sure, whatever.

Absolutely.

Yeah, we don't care.

Look, I just think that we are actually meeting you at a time when you are not your best self.

And I actually want to help you become your best self by helping you remove your dad's dead body from your house.

We just...

Okay.

Yeah, we need to get those spices.

And we need to get this thing honestly we need to get this cleaned.

I

wave my bloody hand

at the man.

You severed my brother's arm at the shoulder.

Yeah, I miss.

Grievously managed to die.

I'm so sorry.

Okay.

He's going to bleed out.

We've got to go inside.

Yeah, I'm going to die maybe.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Like, just read the room.

Who has attacked who?

Right?

You did this really big attack.

Okay.

And I think it's because you're so pent up because your dead dad is decomposing in your house.

It does smell rather bad.

Over here, didn't kill Corky.

Didn't kill Dolphin.

Didn't kill your dad.

You, one guy, you're the guy who attacked my brother.

Yeah.

Nearly killed him.

I just, I was dead.

You have a secret burger recipe.

You've never heard of the ocean.

I feel like you're the bad guy.

Are you Straddh?

Are you Straddh?

You have Stradhyde.

No, man.

You're Strad.

Because the light just went out in our room.

If you're Strahd.

If I were Straddh, I would be sucking at your neck.

this is a good be honest be honest how long have we been talking and i haven't sucked your neck this is true think about it we would suck your neck strahd takes what he wants this is true

well if you're not strudd then

we'll guess at the hotel yes my name is corky i stifle a laugh

you did it's not funny i'm dumping

no whatever your names were you you didn't kill my friend strahd took them perhaps perhaps there is a way forward.

Yeah, and it's going to be starting with getting rid of your dead dad from your house because that's such a health code violation in a place where you're making burgers.

It's rather gnarly, and yes,

a bit of a burden on my life.

Yeah,

we're gonna turn things around.

It won't be easy and it won't be cheap, but we're gonna help you.

Yeah, yeah, very well.

Um,

again, I still do not know what this burger recipe you speak of is.

Perhaps that a do we?

That's why we need to look at your father's body.

Okay, um

why don't you give me a persuasion check with advantage?

Okay, wait, no one else do it.

Okay, dirty 20.

Okay, dirty 20 and a 17.

Dirty 20 and a 17.

It's not all with our negative one modifiers roll.

Come on, let me try.

You see, despite everything, he still seems poised to attack, but he hesitates.

And then the door creaks open.

A woman with auburn hair wearing armor over a crimson red dress steps out and she puts her hand over his sword and says, Ismark, please, we must trust.

That is all we have left here.

If these people say they will help us, then we must believe them.

Did you just come from the house?

Yes, I was waiting in there with a crossbow.

I was going to shoot you.

Oh, that makes sense.

Do you have a band-aid?

Yeah, Ismark the Lesser really fucked up my brother.

We're gonna keep calling him Ismark the Lesser until he the Lesser went so crazy.

Yes, he goes ape mode, absolutely.

He's been training his whole life to kill Strahd

and to defend our household against all of the forces of evil.

And, well, he just got that chance, but unfortunately, it seems he was mistaken.

Yes, how's that going for you, Ismark?

Yeah, Ismark.

Yeah, Ismark the Lesser.

I'm under a lot of pressure, clearly.

Yeah.

But you.

you spoke of being off the grid.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's so important to get clarity.

Yeah, we're doing a new thing where we don't post for a few days and then we just do a dump at the end.

Yeah, it's cool.

And we say that we disagree with

you a lot.

That gets you a lot of engagement.

Yeah.

It's called clout and it's kind of

honestly we're realizing now what's important.

Yes, perhaps that is the secret spice.

Yeah.

My sister.

She needs to get off the grid.

Strahd has twice come here and bitten her.

Is this her?

Yes.

Your sister?

Yes.

As he speaks, she like rubs kind of a bite mark on her neck.

Oh,

okay.

Um ismark.

Whoa.

You kind of like every accusation is a confession.

You think that we are Strahd and yet look at your sister?

No, she has not been turned yet.

To be turned, you must be fully drained and fall dead, and then you rise again.

Oh.

So Strahd's just snacking on your sister.

Indeed.

he is toying with her and toying with my family.

Oh, that's so fucked up.

That's so fucked up.

Yeah.

Yes,

I think that Ismark is right.

I think I must leave this town.

I am too close to Strad.

She gestures up towards the big pillar stone, atop which you see the faint silhouette of a castle.

But before I can leave, there is one thing I must do.

We must properly bury my father.

Yeah,

we were just saying this.

Yeah, we were just saying that it was really weird that he's just in the house.

It's decomposing.

Ismark was insistent that we not share this with the villagers, and I understand to an extent, but it's like, come on, like Ismark, this is it's really creepy stuff.

It's so creepy.

Every day you don't tell anyone, it gets weirder.

Yeah, it gets weirder.

Yeah, how many days?

Three days.

That's too many days.

That's just too many days, Ismark the Lesser.

I can smell it from the foyer, Ismark.

I was thinking about it.

you know, I went to the tavern thinking maybe some wine will help me be inspired about what to do, how to solve this situation.

Oh, yeah, you've got your dad decomposing upstairs, and you're just hanging out at the tavern, tossing back what?

Hey,

this is

kind of obvious why it's called Is Mark the Lesser.

I say it loud enough for him to hear.

I look to Bluetooth and I say, this is not an alpha mindset.

Stop!

No, you're not listening to those.

I go to Bluetooth's iPad and I switch to some rabbit hole.

He just lets YouTube out of that.

No, we're not letting him fall down into YouTube rabbit holes.

The type of asshole that we are is not that type of asshole.

Excuse me, are you talking to my son?

And I unzip a little hoodie, and then I'm wearing a bedazzled shirt that says boy mom now.

No!

He's never done anything wrong.

Mom, can I have $20 for merch?

Can I pickpocket Jones and give it to her?

Look, you should be watching AI-generated videos.

Those are the best.

They're so funny.

They're so funny.

Yes, my brother is quite troubled by the events that have taken place in town.

But

his heart is in the right place, so I think the sooner we move, the better.

But please come inside.

You look quite quite distraught, quite

grievously injured.

Yes, yes.

Before we kind of commit to anything, I just have to say when it comes to cleaning, we're sort of like a Marie Kondo thing and it costs a lot of money.

Yeah, we're gonna help you clean up.

Yeah, well, we don't do the physical cleaning, but we give you a lot of organizational ideas, a lot of feedback.

I see.

We're gonna consult you about how to get rid of the dead body, but you don't do for free.

I understand what sort of fee do you charge.

There is a little money left over in the coffers, not much, I'm afraid.

Perfect.

We'll take that.

Yeah, we'll do that fee and then also kind of a back-end fee.

Well, Nyak will do some of the cleaning.

Nyak will write up the papers.

Well, hey, I don't know, just throw their dad in a bag, right?

No,

it must be done properly.

Yeah, the morning lord will not take him if he is in bag.

There must be rites and rituals.

Okay.

All right.

Totally, there will be.

Niack takes the order and goes to keychain.

All right, go get a big, big bag.

Body Body goes in the bag.

Okay, and hurry up, dog.

Woof, woof.

Keychain doesn't listen.

So, Marina and Ismark lead you inside their mansion.

You see that the interior is well furnished, yet the fixtures show signs of great wear.

As you pass through the rooms, you notice that every window is boarded up and every wall sports a hastily made holy symbol in the shape of a sun.

You eventually come to a small side drawing room, and you find the coffin.

Wilting flowers surround the corpse, attempting and failing to overcome the odor of three days' worth of decay.

He wears a silk doublet and a small, simple silver ring in the shape of a sunburst.

Even in death, the man's face is marred by despair.

I see Marina goes to his side.

One hand grips the coffin, and another grips an ornate sword strapped to her waist.

Yes, so initially, Delvin and Korga and Zolt, who was the third of the traveling party,

we were going to ask them to help us, but they have obviously been taken by Strad.

So, first things first, what we need to do is take the coffin to the church to Father Donovich.

He's on the west side of town.

Do you think that you and Ismark could manage that?

It looks really heavy.

I'm just concerned.

Before it goes, you're supposed to touch it and say thank you to it before you get rid of it.

Say, oh, I see.

Okay, yes.

Well, I figured I would do that at the funeral proper, maybe.

No, the coffin itself.

Right.

Like, if it brings you joy, you should hang on to it.

It's actually hanging on to it.

Does that spark joy?

No, it doesn't bring you joy.

Great.

Okay, then we will then.

Keychain and Nyack, I think, can carry this.

Yeah.

Well, Keychain, for sure.

I think Bluetooth could help.

Bluetooth could help.

Yeah, Bluetooth.

No, Bluetooth is very weak.

I can help.

I can help.

That's great.

Everyone has to help.

I do a mage hand.

I can only carry five pounds.

There, I help.

I think what would be best.

You see, Ismark steps up.

What would be best is if perhaps two of us were on one side and two more were on the other side.

Nayak starts pushing it towards the door.

It's wider than the jam.

Did you build this in the room?

Did you construct the coffin inside the room?

I think if we just turn it sideways,

can we turn it sideways?

Wait, close the tip.

Close the tank.

Joe!

Whoa!

He's giving me a hug.

He's going to end up with the ball.

Oh, boy.

Okay, you have to clean this up.

Okay, we'll carry the coffin, but not.

Okay, hang on.

Let me put him back in.

Are there any herbs and spices?

Any ingredients?

You can investigate, investigate, to see if he has the burger recipe on him.

I give Jens the help action with my mage hand.

Yeah, give me a nat 20, please.

Okay.

Come on.

Okay, I got

investigation 17.

17.

God, that's pretty good.

I think you maybe find, you do find a letter, but I think it's a previous draft of the letter that he was planning on putting on the door.

Does it smell of onion powder?

Does it smell of garlic powder?

Is he doing like the secret sauce, the Thousand Island type thing?

Like, what are we talking here?

Is this a sauce-based burger?

Is this just a quality of meat situation?

How did he become the burger master?

Are you hungry?

Is that what you're trying to tell me?

No, we just had nut cheese.

That's a good point.

It could be just his meat source.

It might not be spices at all.

It might just be a connect.

The right combination of like veal and cow.

Who was in your father's circle?

Who did he talk to?

Do you otherwise?

Who did he see?

The kitchen?

Of course, yes.

Can I go into the kitchen?

Yes, please.

We have no staff there anymore.

It is just us in this house.

okay i go into the kitchen it's gonna be tough to scale i'm going into the kitchen can i do investigation that's where we use ai i think we combine mom and pop with ai

it's infinitely scalable i don't know what that is but it sounds sinister

okay i got it at a three a three

in the kitchen um i think i'm in the bathroom

outside onyx hurry up i have to go too

all right we gotta get this flush the sink Let's get this guy back in the coffin

and let's bring him to the church.

And look, I know you didn't want anyone to know about this, but I think, Ismark, it's time that everyone knows that there's a new burger master in town, right?

Give them some hope for the mom and shop pops.

And maybe the priest has a recipe we could use.

That's true.

Right?

Because Burger King, Burger Priest.

What?

Oh, that's good.

Like Judas Priest.

Same one.

Burger King.

Same one.

Burger Priest.

Because obviously

Burger King was created by a king.

Okay.

So maybe he's a priest.

Okay, say last.

My father did talk of his dream of a time when all in town would be fed and cared for.

They would have bread aplenty and many a dip to dip their bread in.

Wands, yeah.

Riches and a full belly.

Perhaps is that what you were speaking of?

Yeah, I think so, yeah.

I think so, yeah.

Well, perhaps

this dream is one that you can help him realize.

There is no one left in this household besides my sister and I.

Perhaps it is time, you're right, that we open it up and we

get this kitchen full and ready to reinvigorate Perovia.

It's we have lived under the shadow of Straw for too long.

Okay, now this is the Alpha Mines that I was looking for.

Yeah, I'm sorry, did Mark the Lesser just leave?

Because all I see here is Mark the pretty decent.

He's Mark the Alpha.

No.

Hey.

No.

Everyone, let me check your YouTube group by selling.

My brother and sister are the alphas.

Let's put some nice AI videos on there, okay?

Okay, all right.

Let's bring this coffin to you, Zebries.

Let's get him back in there.

Do you have like six horses and a carriage?

Oh, yeah.

Can we have six horses?

Yeah, six horses will do.

one can we have six horses yeah we have one sick mule okay great we'll use the sick mule okay can i i'm gonna do healing hands on the sick mule you know i'm about to die right yeah i look at i look at jens you're fine jens you're the algorithm speaking out of his own body and i put my hands on the sick mule yes so The funeral would need to happen at dawn.

It's already, you know, midday at this point, I would think.

So if you wish to sleep and rest for a bit, we can start out fresh tomorrow morning.

Can we bring the body to the church, then come back and rest?

Because there's something about just sleeping near a dead, decomposing body that is like not a high-class resort.

I don't really see what's creepy about it, but we're not weird like you, is the thing.

Oh, wait, maybe weird is Mark.

That could be my

advanced mind.

Yeah, that could be like the fun, cool burger master, okay, like a sort of like a clown, like a in the box yeah no i don't think we want to be fun cool burger i think we want to be can i pull i pull nayak and onyx to the side yeah

let's be honest okay yeah there's gonna be a lot of heat on the next burger master it's gonna take a lot of flack for trying to replace the older one and clearly is mark the lesser is called ismark the lesser for a reason so we let him be the shitty one sort of take the heat and then when we jump in and save the burger business yeah we can kind of jump in so let's kind of fluff him up for now okay and go from there That's really smart.

Yeah.

That's actually great.

Yeah, weird is my.

Call him the slider master.

Yeah.

This is really good.

Can we just bring your dad's dead body now

to a charge?

Yes.

Okay.

We'll be right back.

Yes, and please feel free to take Yesper, my sick mule.

Okay, I have healing hands, Sam.

Right.

It's

the thing is, I have 4 HP.

Yeah.

Again.

Okay, yeah.

You heal the mule.

All right.

No, good.

Good.

That's good.

That's awesome.

I'll be fine.

No, I'll be fine.

Okay.

Okay.

So, the way this will work is: I want you to line up on either side.

We're going to do a series of ability checks.

If both people on one side fail, the coffin falls.

If one person on each side fails, the coffin stays up.

But if three or more people fail, the coffin falls over.

Everyone takes damage, and it's also just going to be really embarrassing for the whole morale of the city.

Sure.

Okay.

Yeah, they don't want to see the burger master crash out of a coffin right into into the middle of the street.

Especially because no one knows yet.

Yeah.

They'll find out by spilling his corpse out.

And he's already been rattled around because you already dropped him once.

All right.

So I just want you to tell me who's lining up on what side.

Who's on the left side?

All right.

Who's the strongest here?

Weak.

I have a plus one to athletics.

I have a plus zero.

Oh, I have a plus two.

Great.

Okay.

Nyax ripped.

What is Bluetooth's strength?

Minus three.

Jesus.

Okay, Bluetooth, get the fuck out of here.

He's a kid.

Yeah, get out of here.

Go listen to something else.

Listen to a podcast to make yourself stronger.

No, don't.

Look, we're going to get you into some science-based lifters, okay?

Muslims about how to talk to people at the gym.

No, stop.

Not that.

Listen to music, for God's sake, guys.

Wait, check this out.

What is this?

Not another DD podcast?

That seems interesting.

I click that and put it in Bluetooth's ear.

Oh, it goes in his mouth.

Oh, okay.

Sure.

Okay, so there's four of us if we use keychain.

What's keychain strength?

Keychain strength is plus two.

Oh, great.

Maybe I can just use Bluetooth for a help action.

You can do that with familiar.

Oh, that's a great idea.

So I'll do that.

I actually also have a spell called controlled mutation.

I think I can help with strength checks.

Let me see.

Okay, I'm going to cast controlled mutation and just give myself huge rippling biceps and triceps, but I've obviously skipped leg day and chest day and back day and everything except for my arms.

So I have huge jacked arms.

Wow, look at those vanity muscles.

What?

Triceps are pretty important.

Okay, so you're doing that.

So then maybe me and Keychain will be on one side, Nyak and Onyx will be on the other side.

Okay.

And me and Onix both have advantage.

Yeah.

And Nyak and Keychain are both kind of strong.

So Keychain and Jens on the left of the coffin, Nyack and Onyx on the right.

And I'll say that, you know, you are bringing Yesper the Mule.

So, Yesper can kind of bear the weight in the middle.

And I'll rule that Yesper will have a reaction and they can let somebody re-roll if they need to.

Great, cool.

Because they're balancing in the middle.

Okay, cool.

All right.

So, you have this coffin.

You all lift it up.

Oh, it's actually pretty hard to just do with just your arms.

Wow, those are all the toast vanilla muscles, huh?

No.

You're going to hurt your back more than you already have.

Who needs a back?

You see, my back is so skinny and my biceps are so huge.

So, you all hoist the coffin and proceed out of the front door of the mansion.

A grim silence hangs over the village, but whether in reverence or ignorance, you can't be certain.

So, as you kind of stumble out the gate of the mansion, everyone go ahead and give me an athletics check.

Okay,

pretty much the roots.

Bluetooth giving me help action.

Nat 20.

Oh!

15!

8.

Okay.

Let me roll for keychain.

Nyak, lift with your biceps.

Lift with your biceps.

I twisted my ankle.

So only Nyack failed that time, which means that the coffin stays up.

Woo!

I got a sliver.

I got a really deep sliver.

You said you were strong.

I am, just not right on the skin.

Onyx, how is Bluetooth helping you?

He's playing podcasts for me that are hyping me up.

Like hype meditation?

No, just the same ones.

And I'm like, wow, that's such a good point.

I do need to work all the time and not have time off.

Your co-workers are the enemy.

You are alone.

So true.

I look at Jack.

If you need support, you're weak.

If you're a lone wolf, at least you're a wolf.

The lone wolf cast, and it's hosted by two dudes.

Yeah.

Except in Barovia, they are actual where we have.

Yeah.

Okay, so you manage to get out of the mansion, and then you make your way past the town square and through a narrow street full of ancient houses wilting like weeds.

The only sound is the creaking of the coffin's timber and the clicking of Keychain's metallic feet against the cobblestones.

Suddenly, a swarm of green-tinged zombie arms burst through a dust-caked window and swipe viciously at you.

Everyone, give me a wisdom-saving throw to avoid being frightened.

They're after the recipe.

What the hell?

Shout out to the two crews.

So afraid.

14.

Oh, I need to.

I'm a bard.

I should start giving people bard kits for a while.

I was wondering.

Yeah, you can say stuff to me.

Okay, so Jins with a 14.

Kijun got a 19.

Your side is okay, but shit, Nyak and Onyx, you see these zombie arms reach out at you, you flinch, the coffin starts to fall.

Can I have an action?

Yes.

I will cast calm emotions to end the frightened condition on us.

Okay.

So I think that, like, as the phone, I soothe us into.

I kick Bluetooth, and then his iPad starts playing ASMR to calm us down.

Thank God, she's doing ear-licking sounds.

Wow, we're going to make a really great burger today.

Whoa, maybe she knows the spices.

I like to mix some paprika in.

Okay, so you listen to the squishing of burger patties and it calms you down.

Yeah, so that just lifts the frightened condition?

Yeah, so it is each humanoid in a 20-foot radius sphere centered on a point you choose within range must succeed a charisma saving throw or be affected.

We can all choose to fail.

Okay.

The creature has immunity to the charmed and frightened conditions until the spell ends.

If the creature was already charmed or frightened, those conditions are suppressed for the duration.

Everyone focus on my arms.

Don't worry about the zombie arms.

Monday, arm day.

Tuesday, arm day.

Wednesday, rest day.

Thursday, arm day.

Friday, arm day.

Saturday, rest day.

Sunday, rest day.

A lot of rest days.

A lot of arm days.

Did you take the whole weekend, Bob?

Of course, yeah.

That's not weird.

That's not the weird part of the joke.

You see that the zombie arms were reaching towards your arms because of how big and ripped they are.

I thought so.

Jealous?

But I think that now, because of calm emotions, we'll be immune

to each humanoid in a 20-foot radius sphere.

That's sick.

Okay, awesome.

I think we can all just choose to fail.

Amazing.

Okay, so yeah, you feel calmed and buffeted as you shuffle past the remaining houses and arrive safely at the church.

It is the sagging edifice of rock and wood built next to the very roots of the pillar stone that supports Castle Ravenloft.

A bell tower rises towards the back, and flickering light shines through holes in the shingled roof.

As you enter the churchyards themselves, you notice that the ground is covered in shallow graves, crumbling tombstones, and the restless roots of a bald cypress tree.

Everyone give me a dexterity save as you try to navigate this final treacherous stretch.

Can we say as we're approaching, I gave them bardic inspirations?

Yes, because I haven't been using those.

Okay.

A D6?

It's a D6 for now, yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Remember, everyone, lift with your arms.

Just your arms.

No back, no chest.

No anything.

No legs.

Let your back go.

Let your back go.

Relax your core.

Relax your core.

Relax your legs.

Huge.

I got a six on my bardic, which takes me up to a 14.

I got a 23.

Woo!

I got a 17.

Onyx, you were the only one that failed, but since Nayak and everyone else succeeded, the coffin remains afloat.

and you make it to the front of the church.

With some difficulty, you manage to pry open the heavy, claw-marked doors.

As they swing open, you see a mildewed hallway.

Gross.

I'm frightened now.

At the end of which is a brightly lit chapel.

On either side of the hallway, you see small doors leading to adjacent chambers.

Excuse me,

we have a body.

We have a dead body.

Dead guy for you.

Come and get him.

Dead guy delivery.

Okay.

Yes, coming.

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So, are you going to just like wait in the foyer here?

Yeah.

I guess we'll, yeah.

Okay, great.

Yeah, we'll go in the door, but not into any rooms.

We'll just kind of wait for someone else.

Okay, great.

We can ask to be let into the rooms after.

Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We want a tour.

Yeah, I mean, we absolutely want to tour.

Well, it would be rude not to.

So you.

Hi, are mules getting sick in your hallway?

Yeah.

I don't know if that's normal donkey sounds or is a mule a donkey?

I don't know.

I think it's a donkey in the horse.

Okay, make it whatever it is, he has diarrhea.

Yeah, yeah,

whatever was left in the fridge, the donkey ate it, and now it's on the floor of the church.

Wow, do you know the secret recipe?

Secret recipe?

Yeah, the secret recipe.

I'm talking to the donkey.

Of course, yes, we all talk to donkeys.

Would you like me to hitch up this mule outside?

Sure, yeah.

Yeah, that'd be good.

I'd say a feedback with some

Yeah, hey, hey, how's it going?

I'm Jens.

Oh, hello, hello.

I'm Dolphin, Dolphin, Corky.

Fucking stop.

This is Onyx, and this is Nyak.

We are guests at the hotel.

Okay, we have the all-inclusive.

So, like, if there's any kind of buffet stuff, if you have the continental breakfast, because honestly, we're supposed to.

We're allowed to order at any bar.

Yeah,

we're friends with Ismark the Lesser.

Oh, yes.

Poor Ismark, yes.

He does his best, that boy, but you know, he's not

no collion in Dirovich.

Who's in the coffin, by the way?

Oh,

yeah, that guy.

Yeah.

So him.

Yeah, I think that's

him.

The burger master himself.

Oh, no.

He's past, and they were just keeping him in the mansion, like fucking psychos.

I shouldn't say this because I'm a priest of the morning lord.

Yeah.

But that's fucked up.

Yeah, it was

actually cuckoo behavior.

That was so weird.

Oh, wow.

I'm kind of like, did Ismark the Lesser steal the secret herbs and spices because there's nothing on his body?

Keeping a dead person, like, in your house, that's...

who would do that?

I think like only psychos.

Yeah, it's crass.

Did you ever have a burger from the burger master?

Yeah.

Could you describe it in detail?

What did it taste like?

My name is Father Donovich, by the way.

Just, you know, to get the introductions out.

You are Dolphin.

I'm a mother.

Dolphin Onyx, the mother.

You are Jins, just Jins.

Just Jens.

And then you are, of course,

Corky Nyak.

What's your name?

Nyak X.

Corky.

Nyak X.

Corky.

Beautiful.

Sorry, your child.

You are father to a boy?

I'm a father?

To a boy?

She's...

Are you a boy then?

I run my temples.

She's a boy mom now.

You're a boy mom, that is beautiful.

Read the rhinestones.

Yeah.

Can you see your shirt?

I have only a...

I have a brother, that is it.

But I have no children.

What?

I have a brother.

That is my only family.

Sorry, you introduced yourself as father.

I am a father of the morning lord, like a a religious father, a pastor, a priest.

Gents, I can't do this.

I'm gonna go take an unguided tour.

You are asking about food.

Annex is gonna look around your house if that's okay.

Yeah, is it okay if she pokes around?

I think it's just it is not my house, it is the morning lord's house, of course.

Please make yourselves at home.

Yeah, okay.

Just it's typically you'd give a tour.

Right, it's okay.

Yeah, just should maybe like move this coffin out of the foyer first.

Yeah, okay, sure.

We don't know where to put it.

I mean, I feel like we brought it most of the way.

Yeah, we've done everything.

I think we would.

My hands are tired.

I have an altar in the front.

I have a sliver.

Do you see this?

Nayak has a sliver.

I don't even know what that is.

That is huge.

It's like a splinter.

It's the same.

It's really more of a twig.

All right, yeah, we'll do the one more.

We'll get it up to the altar, but after that, I gotta be honest, I'm done with this burger master.

I've dropped my part of the coffin to go wander around.

Nay,

on an unguided self-tour.

Okay, very good.

Okay, so we get the coffin over there.

Sure.

And then, yes, you wish to wander, that is very much fine.

You asked about the Kolyan Indirovich's food?

Is that what you were saying?

Spices, yeah.

Well, just spicy.

What did his burger taste like, was my question?

You know, there were happier days where he would invite the people of the village over for feasts, and he had wonderful

dips and flatbreads, and a burger.

What is a burger?

Is that some sort of like it's ground beef on a bun?

Maybe a brioche with an apology, something or else is that why?

Is this a beef sandwich?

Oh,

Jens just looks so serious and goes, I cannot get into his mind.

He called himself the burger master, but didn't call them burgers.

Was this sort of some deconstruction of burgers?

Meat and bread.

A sloppy Yoronovich.

He called them Kolyamis.

Kolyamis?

Kolyamis.

Okay.

I think it was a play on cool yummies, because when everyone saw them, they went cool.

And then afterwards, they said

yummy.

Yummy.

Kolyami sandwich.

Yo, Kuliami sandwich.

Okay.

Alright, the more I learned about him, the more I'm fascinated.

It's so quaint.

It's so scalable.

The best part was, you know, it was sort of a make-your-own cool yummy.

There would be like dips and spreads, and there would be the pile of the flat breads and the pile of meats, and it was just kind of a free-for-all.

Wow.

It was sort of like a eat fresh, have it your way situation.

Wow.

Like a buffet.

We have something like that in our world, but I usually don't do that for burgers.

This is brilliant.

It was.

He called himself a cool yummy artist when he would make them.

Interesting.

Sort of a Fudrucker situation.

But also subway.

To combine the two.

He would say that other pieces of bread there sub-par.

This is the way.

Those are sub and this is the way.

Okay.

These are utter at the great feast.

He really was a burger master, way more so than I even thought.

See if Jens gets insanely emotional.

His eyes turn red, and he puts his hand on the priest's shoulder, and he goes, I'm sorry for your loss.

It seems like he was a great man.

He was, yes.

The village has fallen on hard times.

I think, you know, not many people know this, but the devil Strahd,

he saw something in Marina.

Something that possessed him to draw his attention to the village in a way he he never did in the past.

Ever since the Burgomaster adopted Marina all those years ago, something changed and the days of feasting were over.

But

we have a task ahead of us, it's true.

If we are to truly celebrate the life of the Burgomaster, I think, you know, we must make this a proper funeral so that the Morning Lord will send down his beam of light and draw him up so that he might return to the radiant realm and dig his feet into the white sands of of forever.

So I think that we will need a couple of things to make this proper.

I'm thinking, you know, tasteful decorations, food, maybe some faithful villagers.

Could you could you help acquire those?

We can help you throw the best funeral this town has ever seen, but I think it requires some exclusivity.

I'm thinking pay for entrance to the funeral.

Or maybe make it the can't miss events.

Invite only

like a donation.

Pay to play.

A donation, yeah.

Mandatory donation.

We pass around the plates during the service.

Yeah, but before they come in, not during the service.

Okay, okay.

That doesn't seem that different than what we normally do.

No, wait,

Father's actually onto something here.

We get them in and then we guilt them into giving us money.

It's like demanding it.

Wow, I can't actually legally say I like that, but it seems pretty cool.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

You know, trying to bring Subway to to Burgers, it was a...

It was his dream, but now it's ours.

We're going to build a Fud Ruckers ever.

And if we can do the Fud Ruckers at the church, we don't have to pay taxes on any of that income.

We can worship.

No more bloodsuckers, only Fud Ruckers.

Thank you.

Yes!

Oh my God.

We have it.

We have it.

This guy rocks.

You're a marketing genius.

This is the first cool person we've met here.

I'm sorry.

This resort town is fucking whack.

I am cool, and I, you know it, and I'm so glad you're here.

But let's kind of hurry.

Let's hustle things along, right?

Great.

Right?

Because, like, you've got your plan.

I've got my plan.

I'm going to sit here and pray over the body.

I just think you should maybe go

right now.

What?

All right.

This got...

You're really, you're rushing us out.

I know.

We have a lot of preparations.

Onyx didn't even finish her tool.

Onix is looking around.

Yeah,

I've been wandering around snooping.

Let's actually cut over to Onyx right now as you see the priest starting to get a little antsy about how long he've been staying here

Onyx to give you a lay of the land of this this church here.

There's this big chapel you see all of these like moldy broken pews There's this big like rope that leads to a bell on top.

You can see like bits of light filtering through there's also a exit to the back that which leads towards the graveyard,

which you imagine is where you will bury Kolyan Indiervich tomorrow morning at dawn.

Okay.

But you also see that small moldy hallway that you passed before with doors on either side.

Okay, so I'm bringing Bluetooth to go down the moldy hallway because I'm telling Bluetooth, you can learn so much about a person by snooping in their medicine cabinet.

So that's what we're looking for.

Medicine cabinet.

Okay.

Yeah.

Cool.

So you go back to this hallway.

You look into either door.

On one side, you see kind of like a drab little room.

There's like a straw-filled mattress.

There's a wooden training dummy in the corner, corner, but not much else.

And then on the other side, you see what you assume to be Donovich, the priest's bedroom.

There's an old desk and a chair standing against the south wall with a wooden holy symbol mounted above it.

You see a straw-filled bed as well with a shredded tapestry hanging from a rusted iron rod.

What's on the tapestry?

It has been torn, but go and give me a...

Yeah, go and give me a perception check or investigation.

Nine.

Okay, great.

Yes, you see that it does look like another kind of symbol of the morning lord, which is like usually a flower or a sunburst, sometimes a sunflower.

It's all just kind of like symbols of like the sun and, you know, bright things that do not exist in this land anymore.

Okay, okay.

But I'll say with a nine as well,

you do see a wooden cabinet with four tall doors in the corner.

For its size, this wooden cabinet contains very little.

You see a tinder box, a few wooden boxes full of candles, and two well-used books.

One is called Hymns to the Dawn, a volume of chants to the morning lord, and the second is called The Blade of Truth: The Uses of Logic in the War Against Diabolist Heresies, as fought by the Olmist Inquisition.

And as you page through it, you see it is this strange book that mixes logic exercises and, like, honestly, mindfulness prayers with lurid descriptions of fiend-worshipping cults and the Archfey.

Okay,

I'm going to take the book.

Okay.

This is a medicine cabinet, but it is also a library.

And we support public libraries.

I say to Bluetooth.

And yeah, I think.

And then I'm going to also try and take the

training dummy.

If we ever want to use the H-O-V-Line.

Onyx,

you go to take the training dummy, and as you do, underneath it, you see a trapdoor.

And as you move this training dummy, as you scrape it along the floor, you hear

screams emanating from this trapdoor.

You hear someone, their voice ragged, screaming in a hollow under the earth.

Brother, let me out, brother!

I am hungry!

Brother, let me out!

Why do you keep me?

You are the father's brother.

What's your name?

I'm a boy mom.

Are you a father brother?

I am.

How did you know which shirt I was wearing?

I could see the rhinestones glinting.

He's an uncle.

I am a brother of the father.

It only works if your brother is the priest.

Okay.

I am Doru.

What are you doing down here?

Oh, oh, oh.

My brother, he locks me down here because i am a sinner because i look at picture of nipple

you

saw a picture of a nipple yes

or where

i could go for a nipple

it was in a secret compartment where in the bookshelf

bookcase okay describe it to me i'm gonna go try and find a picture of the nipple in a secret compartment uh roll another investigation with advantage okay

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Okay.

Breathe the nipple.

Oh, yeah.

You find a false backing to one of these cabinet doors, and inside of it, you find two things.

You find a picture of a nipple.

It almost looks like

it's like a sunburst, but somebody has like drawn a nipple in the middle of it and like shaded it like way too well.

Okay, okay, okay.

Um, I love it.

It's just a

touch heretical.

And you see, written in like illuminated manuscript is just the word yes.

I palmed this as well.

I cannot wait to show this to Jensen Nayak.

And the last thing you find is a vial of holy water.

Oh, okay.

I palmed this all.

I'm going to go back into the room, shut down the trapdoor, and say, Do you want me to open up the window and open up the trapdoor and you can escape from your past?

Yes, yes, I've done nothing wrong.

Okay,

he does not feed me.

He just punishes me.

Anyx is going to do a gut check.

She's going to look into Bluetooth's eyes and say, whose side are you on?

And she's gonna roll, I think, maybe like an insight check.

Okay.

It's a 19.

What kind of insight do we get on on this guy?

He rolls something for him, and I'll tell you.

Meets it, beats it.

He rolled a 19 deception.

Okay.

As he talks and says, oh, let me out.

You know, I'm Doru.

I'm just, he keeps me down here.

I'm hungry.

Hungry.

He says the word hungry over and over again.

And with a 19, with an insight,

There's something about the way he says hungry.

It's almost as if he's speaking through some sort of obstruction in his mouth.

And And on a whim, Onix, you look through the keyhole in the trapdoor just in time to see a shadowed figure licking a long pair of glistening

fangs.

Yes.

Okay,

um,

I am going to take the training dummy, but I'm not going to open the trapdoor.

And I'm going to, but I will open the window.

Okay.

And then I'm going to drag any moment you wish to open it, that would be great.

Yeah, I got it.

It's open.

Okay.

And I'm going to drag the training dummy back into the trap.

Where are you taking that?

That is mine.

Let me up!

Let me up!

Can I actually just pour a drop of this holy water, just a drop, not the whole thing, onto him through the trapdoor, just to see what happened?

A drop.

Shit, yeah, you see, there's a little hole for the key.

Yeah.

And as you look closely, you see his eye peering out, bloodshot, but yellow and fierce, and too intense to be a human eye anymore.

You'd see it peering out, trying to find you, and then all of a sudden you pour a drop of holy water into it.

I knew you would come back.

I

okay.

Onyx is going to hoist up her training dummy and march back into the church and say, Father, you have some explaining to do.

What?

What do you mean?

Your brother.

I explained everything about the.

Oh!

I just found him underneath your training dummy and I think he is a vampire.

Do you want to come clean?

Listen, I did what anyone would do.

My brother Doru, he's a sweet man.

A year ago, a great wizard from another world gathered an army of villagers to fight Strad.

My brother Doru was one of them.

They go to fight, but of course, they lose.

The wizard is killed.

He goes over the Sare Falls, never to be seen again.

But my brother...

He returns.

I did not have the heart to do anything else, so I trap trap him down there.

What do you feed him?

I cannot bring myself to feed him anything.

I pray every day, hoping that the morning lord will show me what to do.

You're trying to pray vampirism away.

Okay, well, I'm not gonna comment on that.

Just I feel like you're putting a really nasty stink on it.

Okay,

so he's never had like blood

or like a burger.

Maybe if we just gave him a good burger, it'd be like a medium rare, bloody.

We need to just get these people need a FUDRUCKERS.

Okay,

okay, well, in exchange for keeping your secret,

I get this.

I point to the training dummy.

Yes, please.

Perhaps when you go out to make your preparations, you could fetch him

some sort of like extra rare burger.

Yeah.

Because I'm worried to leave him here, so I do not leave the church often.

We can grab him a burger that stuffed costs money.

Yeah, with just a little bit of a turning.

Nax holds out his hand.

Do you have any cash?

Onix holds out a collection plate.

Okay, oh wow, testing it out.

That's great.

Okay, he gives you two gold.

Oh, so you don't care what kind of meat he eats.

Good.

Well, that's fine.

He wants it rare, so we don't even really need to cook it.

Honestly, you could probably give him that mule.

He'd eat that.

We're actually kind of attached to the mule now.

Yeah.

What's its name?

I don't remember.

Fitbit.

The mule's name is Fitbit, alright?

The sick mule's name is Fitbit.

The sick mule's name is Fitbit.

And we're gonna get this VUDRUCKER started.

Alright?

Okay, please.

Yes.

I know that what I have done is wrong.

It is a sin greater than even a nipple.

It is my nipple, I must confess.

Oh!

You know all my secrets.

That's just awesome.

Shading is excellent.

Jens are not familiar.

I have lots of taste for nudes.

Yeah.

Nayak faints.

Yeah.

It took me 12 days.

That's awesome.

That's just awesome.

Awesome, Jen.

We think you're cool.

If you, whatever you wish, if you wish to build the fault rockers in the church, I will support the church.

It is.

You know my secrets.

You will help me keep them.

Thank you.

We are going to leverage them against you.

Of course, I understand.

It's casual, Blackmail.

Don't take it personally.

Yeah, we like you, honestly.

Corruption in the church.

It's the first time for everything.

Oh, there you go.

That's good.

That's awesome.

You should have heard before I said something about it, Ismark Lesser, sort of a Rodney Dangerfield thing.

Yeah, we're having fun here.

It sucks, but we're having fun.

Yeah, you have to laugh, right?

You have to laugh.

I'll do what I want.

You just go, though.

You don't have to laugh, Onyx.

All right.

We'll take the training dummy and let's go back.

Okay, all right.

So you're going head back towards the mansion?

Yeah, can I have help carrying my training dummy?

Okay, that's okay, okay.

Nayak, help.

Can I put it on the sick donkey?

Yeah, I'll balance it like it's a rider.

Oh, he's

Jen's laughs.

Are you feeling better, Fitbit?

Oh,

I think Fitbit's doing better.

Fitbit's doing great.

Wow.

What's so funny, Fitbit?

Fitbit does the Charleston.

Holy shit.

Fitbit can dance like me.

Fitbit, you just needed to get rid of something nasty in your stomach.

Oh, he.

You just had to throw up in a church.

Oh, my God.

It's like an AI cartoon.

Yeah.

That's the coolest thing.

It's the coolest thing I've ever seen.

It's almost as good as AI.

Yeah, I've only seen horses dance when I give prompts to AI.

You see, it moves in that disgustingly tweened way that AI videos do.

Wow.

Oh, look, yep, there's an extra knee.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Oh, yeah.

The horse has seven knees.

That's interesting.

That's fine.

I can forgive that.

Yeah, okay.

Otherwise, it looks pretty good.

So you head back to the mansion.

I'm going to roll something real quick.

I like to think that it was Onyx healing the donkey that made it into AI.

Yep.

Yes, beautiful.

So you head back, Fitbit the donkey,

clopping along happily.

Holy shit, did no one heal this donkey for like years or something?

Good lord, Ismark's strong.

We fixed it.

We barely trusted it.

Ismark is really the last one.

I feel like Ismark is the villain here.

Yeah.

Does Straddy have a point?

Am I crazy for thinking that?

Did you clock that Mernina was adopted?

Yes, that's interesting.

And then Strad became obsessed once she was adopted?

Huh.

Maybe we should talk to her.

Okay.

I could show her the nipple.

Excuse me.

I mean, we serve a mission.

Okay, sure.

It's a well-drawn nipple.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The thing is, it's erotic and tasteful.

All right.

Keychain's horny alarm goes off.

Yeah, Keychain, please.

Who gave him the nipple?

Ice spritz.

Keychain.

I space his name.

Oh, look at that red rocket, Keychain.

Come on.

Come on, indeed.

No.

Quit

that zombie on.

I put a cone around Keychain.

Don't lick it.

Bad dog.

Bad dog.

Let's go.

Okay, so you head back to the mansion.

You see that it's been an eventful day.

Ismark and Marina have actually already turned in.

They left a note saying to help yourselves to whatever's in the fridge.

And you see that they've cleaned up a bit and they give you instructions for where the guest suite is.

Okay, so this is why they are getting attacked by Strad.

They don't lock their doors.

That's part of it, certainly.

Also, guest suite doesn't feel.

I know the primary is open because your dad is dead.

Yeah, let's go sleep in their father's room.

Let's go sleep in their father's room.

Can we have his room?

Yeah,

knock knock, knock, knock.

No, we don't have to knock knock.

Let's just go in.

No, no, no, knock knock to wake them up, to let them know.

Oh, we're gonna let them know.

Oh, you're back.

Sorry, we were just exhausted.

It's a long day.

Is Mark Mr.

the Lesser?

Oh,

I'm I'm going by weird Ismark now.

That's kind of my thing.

It's kind of not taking on, but um interesting.

Listen, the guest suites,

we noticed there's not an attached bathroom.

And we were yeah, we need an en suite.

Yeah, so we're gonna stay in your room.

We're gonna stay in your father's room.

Yeah, the primary.

The primary.

We'll be in the primary.

We'll be in the primary just

you see Ismark's eyes go to his sword, which is like leaning in a corner.

Okay, yeah, fine, whatever.

Yeah, great.

that's good just when you wake us up with breakfast tomorrow we just thought you should know where we are

we're sort of oda continental should we put in orders now yeah yeah we'll hang it on the doorknob we'll write it down on the little on the door tab eggs over get this medium i'm going to do very rare eggs yeah okay really i hate to say it i'm gonna do the overnight oats so you're gonna have to start those now

because they need to be do i have to do i have to deal with yes they have to be soaking overnight otherwise it's just oats buddy You know what?

I'm actually gonna do the overnight oats as well.

If we want me to get out of town,

if we want them to escort me, yes, you have to fucking put up with this dude, okay?

Yeah, actually, um, I forgot I'm a vegan, so I will also do the overnight oats.

Okay, so two overnight oats.

Yeah, three overnight oats, actually.

I'm a vegan too.

Oh, sorry, um, two overnight.

I need them to be oats that have two overnights.

Weekend oats.

Weekend oats.

It just really softens up the oats in a way.

Is there any way you can make two night oats?

Yeah.

Two nights.

Is there any way?

Two night oats in one night.

Yeah.

Okay, yes.

Kind of do your best.

Well, you know, my father, he did have a cookbook.

What?

Well, yes.

That's where the recipe is.

It's kept in a special cabinet in the kitchen.

Okay.

You said you were going to search the kitchen and then you went straight to the bottom.

I only found the bathroom.

Yeah, I only found the bathroom.

I think she just peed in your sink.

Yeah.

Okay, well, you retire.

I will look through my father's cookbook and figure out how to make a two-night oats in one night.

Okay.

Great.

And we're gonna need that recipe book in the morning, so leave that out by the door as well.

We have to wake up very early so we can get all the preparations ready for the dawn service.

Yeah, we'll do we'll do like a 9:30 wake-up.

Yeah, why don't you guys prep as much as you can before you wake us up?

Because otherwise, incredibly too late.

Yeah, I think I'm just gonna get up and go.

Yeah, me too.

Me too.

I'm gonna sleep in what I'm gonna wear tomorrow.

Really, last second.

Wake us up up when it's time.

Okay, we stretch the definition of what dawn is.

Okay, I understand.

All right, yes.

Let's do you know what?

Late dawn.

8:45.

Yes.

We'll do 8:45.

Do you want to do it?

8:45 awake, so 9:30 leaves.

Great, yes.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, great.

Yeah, we'll do the service at 10.

That's close enough to dawn.

Okay, well, you know, normally church has two services.

We do second service.

Desmond, you've been great.

Yeah, thank you.

Okay, okay.

You hear him whispering to Marina, Marina, I'm going to kill them.

I'm going to fucking kill them.

I'm going going to murder them in their sleep.

I am really conflicted because I want to tell them about the fun gossip I have.

That the priest's brother is a vampire.

Yeah, well, that's how we're going to hold it over the priest if we tell Ismark the lesser.

You're right.

If we reveal the blackmail, it just becomes male.

Ismark the lesser has the gossip, it's not good gossip.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay, thank you.

I needed someone to talk me out of that.

Let's go to the en suite.

Okay, okay.

Okay, so you go to this dead man's bedroom.

Yeah.

It is covered in fresh cobwebs because it hasn't been slept in in three days.

Okay.

Wow.

Spider's moving.

Spiders moving quick, yeah.

You see that the floor has scratch marks on it, but it does seem like it's been cleaned up a little bit.

You see that the bed is large enough for all three of you to sleep on.

Keychain hops up into it and starts spinning around.

No, on the floor.

You go on the floor, Keychain.

On the floor.

Down.

Wait, and this little baby gets to sleep up there with you.

Come on.

Yes, because he is my boy and I am his mom.

Can't I be somebody's daddy son?

I look at Nyak.

I also look at Nyak.

What?

I hate him.

You have to be Key Chan's father.

I'm sorry.

You're an alpha.

You can teach me everything.

You have to be a boy, dad.

Look,

this next generation is absolutely screwed.

Look, okay.

I need to.

I'm gonna take Bluetooth's iPads.

Look, you want a fun rabbit hole?

Learn about Fud Ruckers, okay?

We're gonna go down to nostalgia YouTube.

We're gonna watch a weird, here's a three-hour documentary about FUD Ruckers, okay?

You're gonna learn about what we're building here, okay?

Because this is your legacy.

Yeah.

Oh, well, now I'm not going to sleep either.

Yeah, we'll watch it.

I actually am not going to sleep either because I'm going to read my new book.

I want to, now that I don't have a phone, I read so much.

I say as I read for the first time in my life.

Sounding out every word.

So you all climb into bed.

Jens, you and Bluetooth snuggle up and watch YouTube essays about FUD Rocker Dance.

Nyack, do you have any bedtime routine?

I curl up on the floor next to Keychain.

That's very sweet.

You curl up on the floor next to Keychain.

You quickly fall asleep.

You have dreams about running through the mists, hunting, honing your skills.

Jinns, you have dreams of a beautiful burger restaurant, a burger empire, a giant burger mansion that rises taller even than Castle Ravenloft.

And Onyx.

As you flip through the pages of this book,

you find a section that's especially interesting to you.

It's a section on the Archfey.

It seems like there's not much of an Archfey presence in Barovia, at least not anymore, but you find a picture, an illustration that sparks some sort of reaction in you.

Is it the nipple?

At first, it's just the nipple, and after the involuntary shiver of the nipple, you feel a second, more spiritual shiver as you see a drawing of a circle of stones.

it's a circle of stones labeled the megalith, but as you look more closely at it, you realize the stones are shaped exactly like a Wi-Fi router.

And as you learn more, it seems like this used to be the gateway to the kingdom of the Feywild

before

the curse of Strahd befell this land.

And you go to sleep staring at this picture, and as you drift to sleep,

you hear a voice say,

Hello, Onyx.

It's so great to finally connect.

And that's where we'll end our session.

Who is that?

So Coca's reading actually is like listening to a podcast, apparently.

Oh, man.

What a wild episode.

Did we do anything unexpected?

Moving the training dummy to steal it was probably pretty interesting.

You did.

You went all the places I thought you would, but in the most unexpected way possible.

That was amazing.

That's a perfect way to do it.

The Fud Ruckers plan has come into focus.

There we go.

And boy, howdy, am I excited for the Fud Ruckers Church.

You can feel like Jen's having purpose for the first time in his life.

Starting a Fud Ruckers in a church.

You know, because they're turning all the churches into like hotels and stuff.

No, turning it into a FUD Ruckers.

Turn it into a Fud Ruckers.

Restaurant fucking rules.

And with that, you can hear us talk about this more over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

Don't sing yet.

Don't do it.

It's going to be 45 minutes of Fud Rucker talk.

Yes, we're probably just going to talk about Fud Ruckers a lot.

We're going to have to.

And we've got some things to plug.

We've got Dimension 20 Live shows.

July 20th, we're going to be in Seattle at Climate Pledge Arena.

And then in November, we're going to be in Las Vegas playing Starstruck.

So be on the lookout for that.

Search Dimension 20 Live.

Ooh.

Boom.

Oh, I'm just going to go ahead and plug, number one, Daniel Ramos, who does an amazing job doing the sound mixing for the episodes.

You can see his information linked in the episode description.

And I'll also plug Emily.

This is like one of my first times getting to go back and forth with Emily composing music for a series for me.

And it's such a fucking pleasure.

And all of the music you've been composing is just absolutely fantastic.

I loved it.

I worked really hard because I wanted it to be worthy.

Hell yeah.

It definitely is.

Hell yeah.

Well, you know what?

It's like a beautiful drawing of a nipple shining in the sun,

shining over the sea.

And I already told Calva, I guess we'll probably talk about this on a short rest, but I already told Calva that while starting to work on this, it really reminded me of Hot Boy Summer because the triplets have a very similar attitude in that it's like, okay, we need like a spooky cue, but it needs to cut off immediately because Jens is going to say something insane.

Speaking of cutting off immediately, we got to save this for for the short rest, folks.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And also follow me on Substack.

Substack.com/slash at JakeHurwitz.

I am writing a column on it.

Substack, have it your way.

Sweets.

Yes.

And with that, you can follow us on social media that Remiranda use at SeatsverseMe, at Callist Caldwell, at the Sverts Emily, and at Jake Hurts Jake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOT.

That's NEDDPOD.

We are, we are.

Youth of the nation.

We are, we are.

The youth of the nation.

It's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders.

Stand, be praised, let the adoration filter about you and wash your hair and make your skin shine.

Brad D, Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, wow, I'm reading Stormlight now and I finally get that reference.

Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trey Lay the Cray, Christopher B., Damio R., Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Tar Gott, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NBDMPHD,

Princess Yar,

Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, Star of Every Film Ever Made in Bohumia, Mike H., Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Jimma, Tyler F., Carborough Chapel Hill FPV,

Cece Lulu,

Bald Byrne, Hercule Prowl, Zerabbath Folk Detective, Timmy R.

Jake's Jerk Jelly, Hashtag CCC,

Cass Skateboard Cass,

Steven, shout out to BoyThe Troll C,

Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Eric McD, Ananarama, Percival Fredrikstan von Mussel Klasowski Derolo III Jay Dragonborn Guardian of the Vibe Honoring the Cock

Impressive Dongle Ben A Dave H Dustin S Not That Nick Danny F Hawkeye Pierce Book Varse Assistant Izzy F DPC is Awesome

Shown the Shady Mechanic of Zeldar Summer Rose aka Granter Mark the Dark Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Valaciaraptor, B, Perky Always, Pat L, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Faywild Therapist, Pierogi Frenzy, Salil, BioQuirt 7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat was Innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack Hubert, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament.

Valen, Paj the Bitch and Bunny Bard, Druidic Peyton, Carlin C.

Noah the Bullywog Boy, hashtag honor the cock,

James G, Everything Bago the Eladron, who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Hysteripe,

Reverend Shatterbones, Han, Eric B.

Marcos, PhD student like a wizard artificer, IRL, Learns the Balanced Druid, Frida M., Maggie, Holly the Green, haha, laughing hyena, Cal and her cats, Portland, Star, and Berlin, Aaron B., Russell H., a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes, every time.

Cody Care, Lorelei the succubi, and Kira the succulent snack.

McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yaunt and youngle, Andrew and Sid, soon-to-be education specialist John Adams, Meg, the mail carrier of Bahumia, James F.

Austin S.

Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls.

To get rid of them, turn to page 42.

To keep them, turn to page, you know it, folks, 69.

Oreo, wow, I'm a big fan.

Shane C., Barpo, Good Barrel, Barbarian.

Garrett G, aka one big curd.

Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee, the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared, the soap opera cleric, are now performing ballads from the age of stories.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Anthony, the rouddest of dudes, Jay!

The fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the carnal corner.

Such is life.

Candrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian.

Lexi H, MJ, the BFG, Roger L.

Nodrog, the pass-a-fist barbarian.

Jian Luca,

Leon Kumori, legendary hero of Bohumia from a future campaign.

Shenanigans O'Connor, Joshua S.

Alexander, Linz W,

Sky the Wise, aka the lone dungeon master, Johnny Dude K, the mischief of Nadpods familiars Pavu Eskinor the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile Kit and there Cat Jakewell Murphily whoa Tim M tiles Lamar MLG Cheeto Shell B Kenna's first favorite sprite girl stuck by one of Nyak's stray acupuncture needles taking 1d4 damage did cure her sciatica though so there's that jet s S, Snailus, who's infecting Worcester for within.

I have very few catnip joints left.

This cat chomps.

Jared and Olivia, who are having a romantic candlelit dinner at the resort now that the triplets left.

Papa Scades, Mima Scades, Megan N.

Anthony B.

Balnor's best friend Steve.

Stephanie of House in Zunza.

Benjamin A.

Gimli the Corgi, Papa and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A.

The two crew, Blue Through, Jennery,

Kelsey A, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus,

Seth the Stroker, Bearer of all Hog-related burdens, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.

S.

II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm.

Thank you for dealing with our clogs.

Dex Riddlewell.

Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critzburg.

Vin, Diagram.

Cadmilius.

Consumed.

Clinton P.

Cam, the Vampire Frogman.

Dean, Jake W.

Hi Mom.

Tuesday Cross.

Only here for the surf in Murph.

Dave, parentheses, Nadpod saved my life but stole my wife.

Oh, happens to the best of us.

Steve L.

Tyler M, Alex G, Zibbity Bockery, Kaylee, Katarina C, Misty, the crispy kitty, really hates flame skulls.

Greg W.

There's so many of us now, but hey, you're, but hey, you're doing great, and we love you.

Oh, thanks, Greg W.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Chupacabri, Booney is dead, the Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Aegis Gunari, Ignition Class Petal Storm, Charlemagne, not the god, DJ Dramamine,

Alric von Zarevich, my favorite patron, makes me say penis on my show, and I love it every time.

Jin the rowdy, and finally, Caitlin H.

Woo!

That is all of our elders.

Thank you so, so much for your generous support.

If you would like to join this illustrious council, you can do so by going to patreon.com/slash nadpod.

That's going to be it for us today, but we'll see you here again next week.

Thanks so much for listening.

Farewell.

That was a hit gun podcast.

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