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This is a head gun podcast.

Shalom

Ashley.

Yes,

Thanks for tuning in and Shelcome to Turtle Tank, the show, or should I say Shell, for those of you who think

this time?

Stop it.

Shell?

The show, or should I say Shell?

I was really, thanks for tuning in was great.

Okay, I overkid it.

The show, for those of you who think outside the box, Turtle, I'm Lake Turtwitz, along with your celebrity host, Shell Maley Oxford, Brian Surfey, and called Shell Tanner.

Great to be here.

You've got 30 more minutes of intro, right?

We do Turtle Tank rarely enough that the first 10 minutes of every show is how much we hate it.

Or hate the puns, I guess.

We don't hate the show.

I love the puns.

I love the puns.

They're honestly, it's mostly Shell.

Jake is like a warm-up comic before an actual stand-up.

I love it.

I can't think of any other part of a turtle tank.

Who's Jake?

I only know Lake.

Yeah, Lake Turtwitz.

Lake Turtwitz.

Okay, our first pitch comes from Alex W.

Alex W.

Lake is so tenuously connected to turtles.

It's so tenuous.

That's a good question.

So tenuous.

Go on.

It's a body of water.

That's where they live some of the time.

I mean, they don't live in any body of water.

Right, I guess they visit there.

You're right.

I should have said land Hurtwitz.

Hey there, turtles.

May I present the drunk status condition?

I am DMing a bachelorette one-shot for my friend getting married and the rest of the bachelorette party.

I decided the game should be a bunch of PCs going on a bachelorette trip and came up with the drunk status condition to fit the vibe.

After you drink, one more than your con modifiers, alcoholic drinks, make a con save equal to 10 plus the number of drinks consumed.

On a fail, you become drunk.

There are four levels of drunk.

The first is tipsy, where you have advantage on charisma and dex checks, but disadvantage on wisdom and intelligence checks.

Advantage on dex checks from being tipsy.

You're loose.

That's when the beer pong shows.

Oh, no, yeah, you're right.

Two and a half drinks in.

This is when you're good at pool for some reason.

Yeah, this is why gymnasts always take a shot before they go out.

Good ones.

You saw Simone Biles once again.

I'm poking some holes in this.

You don't know what's in that water bottle is the thing.

Yeah.

The second is buzzed, where you have disadvantage on dex checks and saves, but advantage on strength checks and saves.

Oh,

strong strength.

This is why you see the powerlifters at the Olympics.

Yeah.

The third is proper drunk where you have disadvantage on all attacks and ability checks but believe you have advantage.

Yeah, yeah, that seems right.

And the fourth is blackout where you must make a wisdom save 10 plus the number of drinks consumed or lose all memory of the events that occur at this level.

You also fall under the poison condition.

Yeah.

Tortles.

For the price of just a single egg to raise as my own and blessings of good luck for the bride to be, I would give you 65% stake in this connection.

Okay, so we're all going to mix our genetic material into one egg so that you will have a chance of raising, like, you know, one of our clones.

That's how we're going to suck.

Yes, yes.

That's cool.

Turtle clone.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She'll name land.

So tenuously connected.

I mean, so far it seems the only thing that I'm like, I guess you want to know.

It's so complicated.

Yeah, but that's the purpose of this.

They're doing a bachelorette party.

So I have a feeling that braving the elements, the elements being tequila sodas, is the adventure.

I would say this almost feels more like an alternate exhausted condition level,

which I kind of like.

And that's what I like about it.

It's a little complicated, but I think if you're taking it like level by level, if you hand up maybe like a little cheat sheet so people like know what they're getting up to, it's not too complicated.

Yeah, I think the thing with the Caldo brings up a good point about the exhaustion thing.

And with the exhaustion thing, with each new level, you just add more stuff.

So it just gets worse and worse and worse.

And arguably that's what it should be, right?

Although, I guess there's the idea of like you have advantage on charisma check, so like you're maybe charming after you've had a drink.

Yeah, yeah, you're loose, you're cool.

It's kind of funny to me to have like, okay, one drink in, you don't have extra strength, but two drinks in, you do actually get that strength boost.

There's just something funny as a player to be like, okay, wait, actually, I'm going to take one more shot and see if I can get buzzed.

It also keeps the players engaging with the system because they want to exploit all the different levels of it.

I think like you wouldn't want to have this be like a permanent fixture of your campaign, but if it's like, this is a one-shot, though.

Yeah, for a one-shot where it's like, we're going out.

We are like having more drinks than our con modifier can handle.

I think that that's like a fun way to handle this.

It's like, I mean, like, yeah, if this is like the mini-game for the episode or for the session, then this feels fun to me.

I feel like we've done this a few times in our campaign where we like, you know, we played beer pong or

flip cup.

Flip cup in the frigid north.

And like, maybe you can introduce some drunk mechanics there.

Yeah.

So like you get slightly better at the game.

Oh, wait, did you introduce these mechanics in Hot Boy Summer?

Maybe?

I think that we got better at some point.

I think that there were some drinking camps.

There was

a beer pong finale.

Yeah, there was, wasn't there?

Does somebody invent this?

Is this

one of you hatchlings need to pitch our own idea to us and see if we catch it?

Because we won't.

We won't.

We'll all hate it.

Yeah.

Yeah, we just go

on it.

And it's just something I did in episode 50.

No, this is cool.

I think it's a little overcooked.

Interesting.

I think it's a little overcooked.

I think there's a little too much.

You like a runny yolk.

Yeah, I like a runny yolk.

We don't need to get lost in the tank.

I don't need to get lost in the tank here.

But I think maybe I would just, so I do agree.

I like the idea of there being some pluses to the early levels of drunkenness, like the adding to charisma and things like that, and maybe even adding to strength sort of boons and banes that go with it.

But I would would maybe just have one boon and one bane at each level to make it a little simpler.

Okay, so just give the boost to like first level tipsy, just boost to charisma because you're not actually getting more dexterity.

Just disadvantage to charisma.

Would you give disadvantage to wisdom or intelligence?

I would say just one drink in, wisdom.

I would say wisdom.

Yeah.

You could still be good at like you'd be able to barred off rivalry.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You start pondering the meaning of life.

Yeah.

That's

yeah.

You start talking way too too deep with like a work friend.

Oh, there should be one like with the buzz one where you like can't filter out talking about yourself.

Yeah, and then you actually divulge too many things.

You can get to blackout so they forget everything.

Exactly.

You talk about your genuine interest a little too deeply.

Yeah.

So I think for the price of one egg, I think this is there.

We just need to shave it down a little bit.

I think we're close.

Yeah.

I like it.

Yeah.

So should we, do we all go in and offer one egg?

Yeah.

One clone.

You I can't afford it.

One clone egg.

Yeah.

I think we're going to put four of our eggs in a nest and we're going to put like a black cloth over them and like shuffle all the eggs around.

So you do not know which of our turtle babies you're getting, but you are claiming.

Oh yeah.

We'll put them just on the beach and see which one makes it to the water before a bird scoops them from.

Is that what moms do?

Turtle babies.

They don't do it on purpose.

I mean, they don't like wanting babies.

That's just where they lay their eggs.

I don't think they're testing them.

Maybe they are.

I don't know.

Wow.

Turtle moms are so exactly savage.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh-oh, here comes the pelican investor.

Ah!

No, I don't want to come at turtle moms too hard because they're working hard, but I do feel like they could have found a safer place.

Right.

Right.

Putting my daughter on like the top of a jungle gym.

All right, figure it out.

I'm a turtle dad.

Yeah.

I guess you don't want

the eggs to wash away, but you don't want them to have to have a long run.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's tough.

It's tough.

It's tough being a turtle mom.

It really is.

You know, they should just, put them and then just put a little umbrella over them.

That's that's really smart.

So then the birds can't see from above, right?

The birds will just think it's yeah, well, it would need to be a huge umbrella because it would need to span like most of the beach because they waddle their whole way down the beach.

Yeah, it's too bad this isn't DD court because we could you know punish somebody and tell them to put little umbrellas above turtle egg clutches.

We'd have to come down real hard on turtle moms, unfortunately, because frankly, they're just not cutting in.

And neither are their children.

Yeah, so we'll

lay four eggs near the beach.

And we'll see which one makes it easy.

You think the best one wins?

You can scoop the survivor.

Yeah, I would say if you want to be on pelican fighting duty, then like that's what you can bring to.

If they all make it, you can keep four.

Yeah.

Pelican moms are out there trying to feed their pelican kids.

That's true.

We forget that about Pelican moms.

We have a beef with Pelican Tank, which is the other show.

Yeah.

I do find that.

Pelican parlor.

Yeah, it really shouldn't be tank.

Do you guys get like weird suggestions from Reddit?

That'll be, there's one that's called Nature is Metal, and it'll just show like it'll just, I don't follow any of this because I don't want to see it, but it'll just be like an alligator fighting a giraffe or something like that.

Like in the wild.

It's not like a fighting pit.

But I'm always.

That happened in my backyard.

I'm literally always just rooting for whoever is getting attacked.

And it's like totally not how nature works.

The second that one of them, it's like you're rooting for like the alligator who's getting attacked.

And then the second the alligator starts winning, then you're, then you're rooting for the one that's the there was one yeah there was one where a bunch of boars or warthogs i don't remember was chasing a lion i think like a lioness and she jumps up into a tree to get away from all these boars and i'm like

that's awesome wow great go lioness then she jumps down and grabs one of the boars and brings it up into the tree with her and then it switches and i'm like no the poor boar yeah you didn't have all the con you got the enemy nature shows are doing a lot of like they have to do kind of a lot of PR and investment in the animal, like, leading up to the kill.

Like, if it is from the Lions POV, it's just like, the cubs are so hungry.

And you're like, God, you got to win.

You got to get out there, Lioness.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

You hate to see like a snake wrapping around eggs.

I hate it when they do that.

But the snakes got to eat.

Snakes got eat.

Stealing eggs in general is hard to get.

It's tough.

Yeah.

I don't like it.

Snakes, cut it out.

Come on, mice.

Come on.

You can't have tofu.

Yeah, wait till they hatch and then eat them.

We can't go through a drive-through?

Yeah, give them a fighting chance.

Yeah, I just feel like, yeah, like a vegan hot dog would be fine for a snake.

It's the shape of their body anyway.

Oh, that's a good point.

What if you could make an egg or a bean that was so big that it looked like?

That it looked like an egg.

Oh, that would be absolutely disgusting.

I think that's a good thing.

I'd have to go

picture the texture of that, and I want to.

Right, you go to cracking them all beans.

Wait, no, I have 10 additional points.

I have 10 additional points.

Okay, Chaos P writes, greetings, turtles.

Time is eggs.

I shall keep this brief.

Time is beans.

Time is eggs.

Time is beans, you means.

Time is beans.

Time is beans, you means.

I shall keep this brief.

Exhausting death saves.

Exhaustion is an underutilized mechanic in most 5e play, despite it narratively feeling like a natural consequence of an adventuring lifestyle.

Right on.

And if you desire higher stakes for your players, but feel a long rest cure everything short of death, look no further than exhausting death saves.

For each failed death-saving throw, the PC suffers two levels of exhaustion.

Three failed death saves results in death, which is coincidentally the consequence of the sixth level of exhaustion.

Okay.

If you believe a near-death experience should be a bigger deal than one good night's sleep can cure, this might work for you.

Only one level of exhaustion is removed per long rest.

So it might be days before the wounded PC is at full strength.

In play, I have found this variant has resulted in more strategic play, more teamwork, and more respect for the risk of hitting zero HP.

We do need more.

I didn't mean like general respect for HP.

You just saved my life.

No more dismissing a dying friend because you know they probably won't die this turn.

Yep.

What kind of friend does that anyway?

This line is a lot of fun.

We need more respect.

We need more respect.

Just my players absolutely hated doctors before this.

And now, honestly, they think they're okay.

Whoa, this last paragraph is groundbreaking.

This idea is not for sale.

What?

What?

For any eggs.

What?

It is released into the public domain for all to use at no cost.

No, I blocked this.

I blocked this.

We're going to buy it.

We're going to actually put a battery in it.

We're going to winnie-capoo this.

We're going to put a red shirt on the egg, so then it's ours.

Then it's fucking.

Yeah, we're going to undercap it.

Yeah, we're going to put a red shirt on this idea and give it a name.

It's exactly the same, except we call it exhaustion tiredness.

Exhaustion tiredness.

This is caught, that is killed.

This is our idea.

This is us, yeah.

And we are going to sue you for being too close to our tiredness.

Yeah.

Tired to death, copyright.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is a great idea.

I really like that.

That's a great idea.

What is one level of exhaustion?

Is that just your speed?

Disadvantage?

That's disadvantage on checks, I believe.

If someone wouldn't mind pulling this up, yes.

It's disadvantage on

checks, ability checks, but not attacks.

So that it is kind of fun because it is like you, if you're in battle, you're not actively being punished for like with every single attack, but you are like, if you're just trying to talk to someone you might be stumbling over oh and this is only it's only failed saves right so technically if you get knocked out you wouldn't have any right it's only exhaustion that's cool so these are the exhaustion effects number one first level disadvantage on ability checks okay second level speed halved yeah right third disadvantage on attack rolls and saving throws there you go yeah that's four levels

point maximum is halved yeah uh and then fifth speed reduced to zero sixth is death.

That all makes sense for it also is it's a really good system, too, because it's like, if you had two failed death saves, you would have four levels of exhaustion.

But basically, once you slept, okay, my hit point maximum is no longer half.

Yeah.

And that's going to feel good to even just get rid of that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not so like harsh that you wouldn't want to play in this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because you know, you fell one, that's only disadvantage on ability checks.

I feel like that's fun role play.

Yeah.

I thought the half,

or I thought the disadvantage on attacks was level two, but since it's level three, it's great because you kind of have that first level to play with where it's not that, that bad to have one or two levels of exhaustion.

Yeah.

But it does feel like consequences.

So I think this is rad.

I do agree that people getting knocked out and then popping back up and knocked out and popping back up is kind of silly.

You're right.

That is brutal though, because then if they get knocked out in battle and then, but you're right, though, then you'd be strategic.

Yeah.

Then your team is going to bring you up.

Make sure you you healing word them.

You bring them up.

You don't let them get near death.

I think this is rad.

Yeah.

Can you walk me through the mechanics one more time?

It's every death save you fail.

You just get a level two.

You get two.

Yeah, right.

Wow.

That's what you're doing.

Which makes every time you sleep, you can only remove one.

Okay.

Wow.

I really like this kind of homebrew when someone takes a rule and then backwards engineers a homebrew.

You know what I mean?

Because this

hatchling

who happened to have a parallel idea to us, It's really close to our entire life.

Really close to our entire idea.

It's so unfortunate that we thought of it.

Yeah, we were already in the trademarking process.

That being said, I do really like this idea that they came up with where

the logic of being like

six exhaustion levels is three death saves.

And thus, one death save would be two exhaustion levels.

I think this is really cool.

I think it's really cool, and I'm really glad that we came up with it before.

Yeah, I think we're going to have to let the market decide, right?

We're just going to have to put both these ideas out there.

Yeah, do the people want tiredness or exhaustion, which honestly is kind of sweaty to say.

Yeah, and I don't even know how to say that.

That's a long word.

Yeah, whereas tiredness,

this is really relatable approach.

Exhaustion might be easier to copy right now that I think of it.

Wait a minute.

Can we just call it exhaustion like eggs?

Because that ties into.

Oh, that's.

Oh, you're right.

Okay, so actually, we will pivot.

Exhaustion.

Yeah.

And that's what we do in the tank, is we make things better.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

So, yeah, we're stealing your.

So we like this idea.

Everyone's free to use this one, but you can pay for our premium version coming out soon.

Yeah.

Eggs, exhaustion.

Eggs plus.

Exhaustion plus.

Okay.

It is a subscription model.

Right.

You subscribe, and then every month we just call you and say, how's it going?

It is a robocall, though.

Our next pitch comes from Immortal Crow 786.

All right.

Oh, congrats.

Immortality is an achievement.

Very cool.

Almost tortoise level.

A gift range.

Although a crow, a crow in the sky, descending upon our little innocence as we test them on the beach.

Yeah, it would be weird for a crow to be eating at turtles on the beach, but who knows?

Anything else?

They get hungry enough.

They're smart.

Yeah.

They adapt.

Yeah.

They adapt.

Yeah.

Okay.

What's this clever crow got up their sleeve?

A business rival writes in great tortellini turtles and Jim, I think.

Close.

Land, Lane.

I've come to you today about body enhancement magic.

Anime, TV shows, movies, et cetera, they always have magic that makes the body stronger, faster, more resilient.

There are some spells in DD that do buff, but I would like to put out a single spell that would increase your stats by a single point starting at level two so that you are stronger.

Higher level versions of the spell would raise the increase amount and allow your characters to fully feel like a mage with attitude as they kick your Batowski.

Okay.

It could be like an Eldritch invocation for Pact of the Blade or a spell for the Blade Singer Wizard.

Okay.

All I want is a single egg.

Everybody's just asking for single eggs or giving them away for free.

I don't know what's going on.

I guess they're worried about the pelicans and the crows.

Yeah, it makes sense.

All I want is a single egg that smells like cotton candy to use as a candle.

Thank you.

Wow.

So

I feel like you were a little light on details.

How long does this last?

Yeah.

You just permanently

a point.

It seems like it would have to be like a concentration thing or something.

Yeah.

I think that it seems like, yeah, it seems like they're probably saying, like, rather than enhance ability, which just gives you advantage,

why don't we increase the stat?

And then you can scale it up so that you can increase the stat by more.

Yeah.

Advantage is so good, though.

It almost feels like mage armor, but for your body, I guess.

Because like mage armor is like one of the few spells that lasts for a long time and bestows a pretty good benefit if you're like a sushi wizard.

So it seems like you're kind of doing that, which I don't, I don't hate.

I mean, especially if you're like burned in a slot for it.

I mean, it feels like a color of armament hockey from One Piece, if you ask me, which I think is pretty cool.

I don't know that this is speaking to my eggs.

Yeah, it feels, it kind of feels like you want to feel like a specialist in DNA sometimes.

Like I like having a skill and I like having one thing buffed.

So I like almost, it gives me like a purpose to know what to do.

But just having like all of a sudden a plus one to history that I didn't have before is like.

There is a, I want to say it's called borrowed knowledge.

And I might be a little bit mistaking this, but I think you basically can be proficient in something that you aren't normally proficient in.

And that almost excites me more to be like, cool, I can add, if my proficiency bonus is plus three, I can add plus three to an ability that I don't normally have it.

And I think that excites me more.

Yeah.

Does going up one in every single ability give you that much?

I don't think so.

I think not really.

Are we talking about like score or are we talking about modifier?

Modifier more so.

I think it was just score though.

That's what it red light to me.

Because that might not even boost it.

It might not.

But they did say you could upcast it so that it goes for more.

Yeah, I guess it gets, I think it's a little more exciting if it's upcast.

And I was like adding two to things that I had zero.

But even then, if you were like a wizard, wouldn't it be better to just like shoot a cone of cold or something than to have like plus three strikes?

Yeah.

I do think there's, it's like this, it's almost like a cheat code that makes the game a little less exciting.

It's like solving a problem that we kind of don't have.

It's fun to problem solve.

I guess it could be good.

It could be good to like add to your decks for like stealth or something like that, but then you have pass without trace.

You have stuff like that.

There are basically spells that do all these things individually.

Doesn't this just seem like a better version of enhanceability?

Like, is that what this is?

I personally think it might be worse than enhanceability because

enhance ability gives you advantage and getting just a plus one boost might not be as good statistics.

Yeah, definitely is.

I definitely don't think it is.

Oh, he's not.

I don't know the math, but i feel like it's

advantage is like plus five on average better yeah i don't know would i i don't exactly know the math i don't know math either but i agree with that right yeah i feel like i'm correct yeah i think that advantage just feels better because you get to roll more dice and you get to look at more numbers well no no you're definitely boosting you have a better chance it's not just that it's fun it's just do you know what i think would be

the statistics work

do you know what i think would be more fun okay but this is actually like really different and maybe not a good pitch at all.

But I think I would have more fun is if it was a spell that let you swap two skills.

So let's say you're like a wizard and you're like all intelligence, but then like you guys are going through some terrain.

Yeah.

And you're like, you know what?

I'm just, I'm swapping intelligence and dex.

And so then it's, you do have a disadvantage, right?

Because then suddenly your intelligence is whatever your dex was, but you can suddenly be like kind of dexterous.

Yeah, I like that a lot.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

Like, you know, a shifter wizard who can like shift forms feels very fun.

Almost, you know, I guess, I don't know, now that just feels like a variant of a druid who can wild shape into a strong form or something like that.

But I don't know.

I think there's something really fun for that.

Yeah, some kind of shapeshifter.

That'd be fun.

Yeah.

Okay.

Or something there.

I feel like this thing, though.

This is a little undercooked.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We like our

over-hard or over-moody.

No, we like them runny, right?

Isn't that how you like them, Murph?

We like them runny.

He likes them runny, but this is IRL.

This is too runny.

This is too runny.

The albumin is still on the egg.

We hate it.

You're perfect at a diner this morning.

Sir, you can't be in the kitchen.

I'm sorry.

This is too runny.

Sir, I haven't even started cooking it yet.

That's not your plate.

This egg isn't ready to run across the beach.

Yeah, and I think you knew it too, because we didn't talk about concentration.

We didn't talk about how long it lasts.

We didn't talk about any of those details.

Let's put a little umbrella over this egg.

Yeah.

Actually, you know what?

Let's hold the umbrella in so it can cook a little bit in the sun.

I think

this egg was in the shop.

Oh, we could get like um we could get an umbrella that has little um magnifying glasses that's really helpful oh yeah that seems not that seems not good for the turkey that's cool so it's like an umbrella it's a beach umbrella with a magnifying glass yeah yeah yeah yeah god that's such a good prank imagine oh give somebody a beach umbrella they put it up at the beach and then lie down and fall asleep and they burn a hole through their chest

you could make it say something oh that's really cool benjamin franklin actually invented a bifocal umbrella exactly like you're describing that's really such a prankster Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, so I think no one's going to be able to do it.

This one's a pass for us.

I think so.

Let's see if Kenzie LZ

can do better.

Tortles, I give you an idea to make roleplay a bit easier for new players or a table that is playing for the first time together.

Okay, okay.

The rumors.

Each player writes four rumors about themselves.

One true positive rumor.

one false positive rumor, gossip that looks on you favorably, one false negative rumor, etc.

I guess there's a fourth rumor that they don't mention, but

okay, four rumors.

As a player in DM, you know which of your rumors is true and which is exaggerated nonsense.

The DM distributes the rumors to the other players.

Wow.

Now each player has a random fact or short story about the other one.

They assume all of them are true.

This can be a good bridge for a campaign where the players meet in a local tavern.

They would know stuff about each other and can help guide interactions.

Since each player wrote their own rumors, they have control over how their character is seen by various NPCs and other players.

If you live in a small town, village, area, or a city, you know stuff about random people.

The DM will randomly distribute the rumors so every player has different ones about each other.

So I've done this in two campaigns now, and

it's usually pretty fun.

However, the first time I did it was with a Bria and it was like baked into this system that was like regency.

So it was like fueled by rumors and reputation and stuff.

And then we just did did it.

I think we don't want to, we can't get too into Cloudward Hoe because it's still coming out.

But we did do a version of this for Cloudward Ho of

rumors

about the characters.

And some of them are true and some of them are not true.

But I could, I could see that being very this one was actually parallel thinking.

Yes.

Yeah.

I think that it came from this other system that does that.

I can't remember what the name was, but there was a system that we did.

It's the Accord of Faith Flowers.

Yeah.

Good society.

Yeah.

That's what it is.

This this is like the real life icebreaker two truths and a lie yeah only thing i would say is that false rumors can be a little bit confusing i think that the dm has to uh be smart about what false rumors make it in right because otherwise they can feel like red herrings that people are distracted by yeah i could see it being almost like part of a backstory that like you know i miss i something i did was misunderstood and that you would want to let in but it's just straight up lies yeah i think that that's gonna feel more fun than just a full lie.

Especially for if you're new role players, right?

This is probably if you've been playing a lot together,

like putting lies in there or whatever and having like tension or thinking that like someone's actually a bad guy or something might be good and might be interesting.

But for new players, you might just kind of want to go.

Right, it's a lot to balance.

Regular rumors.

Regular rumors.

Yeah.

Almost factoids.

Yeah.

It could be like you know some things about the other players and maybe you know something vaguely.

Like they were at the scene of this crime.

What does that mean?

Yeah, it's also a really cool way for the players to like deepen their character because you're like, yeah, thinking about, like, oh, like, what do people in town know about me?

Like, what do I know about myself?

Like, what is something I want to share?

It's a great like writing exercise just to kind of get in your character's mindset.

Yeah, I feel like it's also, I've never done it with people who didn't know each other, like, as characters who didn't know each other.

It's really good.

I really like the idea, especially for like, we're starting out in a tavern.

Yeah.

And then it's like, because a lot of times it really would just get people who are like new to dnd like talking to each other yeah i heard about you yeah that's yeah yeah it is you like your eggs really runny

it is quite literally an icebreaker like it's like doing an icebreaker activity but in role play which is which is really good yeah so kenzie kenzie asks all i request is a another single egg

we really are in a recession huh all i request

All I request is a spotted egg and some light praise.

I'm doing a good job and I'm an okay mom.

You're doing a great job and you're a great mom.

Wow.

You're crushing aid.

Yeah.

Now the egg isn't spotted because I put so much into that compliment.

We're going to give you a regular egg

compliments.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're going to compliment you so much that you hopefully don't notice the compliment.

The spots we are going to be selling separately.

We have a spot sticker pack that you can use to decorate your egg.

Egg bedazzling is going to be the big trend for 2025, I think.

Ooh, bedazzling our eggs.

I mean, that's pretty much like a low-budget Faberge, right?

For too long has Faberge been in the hands of the cultural elite.

I think it's time.

It's time to bring it back to the people.

To sticker and bedazzle your eggs.

Every man's Faberge.

The layman's decorative egg.

Go to a diner and just hand them a sheet of stickers and say, could you gussy up my eggs?

I like it hard-boiled and bedazzled.

Hard on the outside and inside.

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Hey there, Nadpoles.

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Thanks, everybody.

Okay, our next idea, Caldwell, you're going to love this one, buddy.

What?

You don't know that.

You don't fucking know that.

You don't know me.

I don't like this.

I'm getting pegged here.

It's going to be a weird.

It's gonna be a weird, wacky one.

Caldwell's getting pegged here.

He's gonna really like it.

Okay.

Lucy L.

writes, howdy torts, I may finally have a use for Caldwell's special coin or DVD.

No!

Can I tell you what I thought this was gonna be?

Well, Caldwell's insistence on flipping coins and flipping DVDs,

you know, is a source of eternal torture for me.

But I thought this was gonna be the first thing I was like, what is a a fucking Looney Tunes mechanic that Galdo would love?

And I was like, it's going to be something with falling off cliffs where you can do a deck save to do like the wily coyote run out into the air and

stand there for a second.

There's an

artificer infusion that's basically that.

That's like, yeah, it's you like feather falling.

You fart just before impact

to give you a small boost like a jet thrust.

Yeah.

Again, you could just flavor your Misty step with that.

Misty fart.

Yeah.

There's a cleric ability that lets you protect against a death save.

And I feel like that would just be when you get flattened and only your eyes remain and you're just a pile of ash, and then you just shake it off.

So I think there's a lot of, yeah, you know, it's all actually already in 5e.

It's like fully Looney Tunes already.

You just have to find ways to flavor it.

So this isn't Looney Tunes called.

You just have to get this is insist on flipping a coin instead of just rolling.

Prop comedy on a podcast called one.

Prop comedy on an audio audio podcast.

You didn't even have the DVD nearby.

You have a coaster.

You held up a coaster.

Do you want to flip that coaster?

Hold on.

I have a coaster.

Let me go get my copy of Final Fantasy VII.

He's out of here.

And we can't even read the case without him because it's.

Holy shit.

His car is starting.

Yeah.

Unreal.

Okay, he's coming back.

Or hopefully, I don't see him actually.

No, the footsteps have gotten fast.

I was hoping we could just.

Okay, there he is.

He's bleeding a lot.

Okay, I'm back.

Hold on.

He's covered in sweat.

I couldn't find Final Fantasy VII, but I did find Hunter-Hunter Disc 1 from the Chimera Ant Arc.

So I think that's going to be a real juicy one to flip.

Oh, you took it out of the box.

I took it out of the box.

Yeah, so we can flip it.

It's a loose DVD.

Okay, so we've got a loose DVD to flip instead of a coin, and that's funny, question mark.

Some would argue no.

It's the greatest

of our time.

Even if you you were to be able to see it, some people would say it's not that funny or interesting.

I think people are going to be impressed by my anime DVD collection.

I'm surprised we have never brought DVDs to a live show.

Yeah.

Could you imagine the top it would get?

Oh my gosh.

Throwing them into the audience.

Just the audience gaslighting me into thinking it's a cool thing to do.

I'm just going to

message the audience separately somehow and be like, everybody bring your most prized DVD and fling it on your

body.

We should just do a full DVD live show, right, where we don't bring any dice.

We only bring the DVDs.

Every option either works or it fails based on the DVD.

It's all based on the cover as a failed DVD.

Yeah, and it's canon, too.

Yeah.

Okay, this is going to be a DC heads flip check.

DVD DC.

If you can see the cover of iHeart Hookabees when you flip it and not the back side of it.

Are you flipping this thing?

That's Beverly's DVD.

Beverly doesn't die.

Okay, what is this idea that involves fucking DVDs?

Let's find out.

I'm already against it.

Go on.

A new feat I call skin of your teeth, revamped lucky rules.

Okay.

There are some people who seem to get by on the thinnest sliver of good fortune, as opposed to halflings who seem to naturally have good things happen to them.

Arguably, these folks could truly be called lucky.

After all, what is a victory snatched from the jaws of defeat if you can't see precisely how sharp those teeth are?

One would argue that it would be closer if it was on like a 20-sided die as opposed to just a 50-50 chance, right?

Because that would be just like a huge witch or a huge.

Do you guys think that the head side is success or the shiny side?

Because I feel like the shiny side is the head side is success.

The logic isn't 100% sound, but let's see if the idea.

Oh, you're right.

It's shiny.

Once per round.

If a roll you make fails, one roll made against you.

Once a fucking round.

If a roll you make fails or a role made against you succeeds, what?

You may sit so often.

You may flip a DVD.

Why?

Adding the one to the total number on heads or subtracting that one on tails.

Oh, I'm asking for either one.

What are you owing about?

What are you owing about?

Oh, this would be.

This is an incredible idea.

Why?

Are you listening?

Jake, do you want to read it again for him?

Because I think he's.

You can't all gaslight me into thinking the DVD flipping is.

Hold on one second.

What's

that?

I may finally have a use for Caldwell's special DVD.

Okay,

Lucy is asking for one humble egg.

Wow.

Or negative one egg.

Negative one egg.

Give me eggs.

You owe me eggs for this.

First off, Caldwell, flip the DVD.

Let's find out.

Also, I'm going to go back to this.

I actually think that the descriptor on the DVD, I agree with you actually now that the shiny part should be the success because it's shiny.

And also, then you're not scuffing the DVDs.

Yes, and also like when you look down at it, you're seeing your own face and you're seeing like a mirror version of the face that succeeded.

So it's like you're like

parallel.

That was my reason for why it should be a failure.

Yeah.

You lean over, see your reflection.

But let's see.

What am I doing?

It's like when you turn off the switch and like you just see your face from a really old fashioned face.

Let me show you why this idea is not great.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So I'm going to set.

So, Carlo, do you have a D20 near you?

No, we only have DVDs.

You have one right over your shoulder.

I can see a DVD.

You do have a giant D20 right behind me.

I'm going to put you right over your shoulder.

Okay, yeah, I have a big red one behind me.

I'm just going to roll it.

Okay, so you got a big red D20.

All right.

So we'll say you have a plus two to this roll.

It's going to be a DC-15 check.

Go ahead and roll it, Caldo.

Let's say what the thing is so it feels more dramatic.

You're

going to get over a bridge and you're holding onto a rope and there's a bunch of crocodiles below you.

Yeah.

And the crocodiles are fighting giraffes.

We're rooting for the giraffes until the giraffes.

The giraffes are about to descend into the river and take these.

The giraffes have backup coming, and it's going to be a massacre.

But we did watch the crocodile rear its young, so we're kind of confused about the following.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'm going to roll a DC 15.

I get plus two to it.

You get plus two.

That's a 16.

All right.

So

that feels good to you, doesn't it?

Okay, and that's fantastic.

And now it doesn't go.

It was within one second.

Right, because plus one is never going to.

It does happen every once in a while, but you have to.

When do you decide?

Do you decide after?

It kind of makes you stop down for a second on every single roll.

Because would you do it because you

if you did it after and you got a minus one, it doesn't matter because you already failed, right?

So if he got a 14, he would just be like, I'm going to flip the DVD.

Yeah, technically, you don't need the minus one.

You don't need the minus one.

It's either one.

It just can give you a plus one.

Oh, yeah, the minus one has no negative effect.

Right.

And if you did it beforehand, what just happened would happen all the time, which is every round you would just be like, well, for every roll, I'm going to flip a DVD.

I might be getting a plus one.

Or actually, you should.

You should every single time if you don't do it once per round.

Well, I guess not because statistically, it's just plus zero because it's minus one half the time and plus one half the time.

So it's just, there's no reason to do it.

Oh, right.

I am picturing this table like descending into hating DVDs.

It's going to become so DVD focused.

It's so DVD-focused.

Right.

Caldo, I guess you want to flip a DVD because that's what the people want.

I mean, actually, you ready?

Here we go.

Here we go.

Wait, wait, do we decide what it was minus one?

I'm going to go down the fence.

Let's flip this DVD.

Yeah, yeah.

Flip the DVD.

We're going to buy buy the idea.

I'm not buying the idea.

And remember, Shiny Side is.

Shiny Side is yes.

Shiny Side's good.

Yeah.

That's Shiny Side.

It's a good idea.

Wow.

That's awesome.

That's so fucking funny.

Everyone at home just lost it.

I bet also, like, for the sake of a podcast, flipping a DVD probably sounds like nothing.

I also couldn't hear it.

I couldn't hear it.

It sounds worse than the rolls.

It's hold on.

Let me do it on the pure wood.

Let me get get a pure wood flip for you.

There's no, you're just going to break your DVD.

That's funny.

It's actually.

There's no.

It was underwhelming.

We should.

Yeah.

I don't know.

We didn't even know that it did.

We didn't even see it flip.

Yeah, okay.

So maybe the problem with flipping DVDs hasn't been the idea of flipping DVDs, but rather there's not a satisfying sound.

Could we make a like a pog slammer of a DVD?

Why

do we want 50-50 chances on stuff?

It's not how the fucking game works.

I guess you're describing a coin.

Yeah.

It's like a DVD, but it's like a heavy thing that's bigger.

It's made of like metal.

Yeah.

Maybe, and there's like a clear, distinct head.

Yeah.

You could also, as a team building exercise, go to like a pottery studio and you could all make your own DVDs and then you flip them and if they don't break, that means you succeed.

So there's like, there's a lot of ways to do it.

You know what?

Actually, it would be kind of hard to throw a DVD on a wheel.

Like throwing plates is harder than throwing bowls.

Really?

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, just something to think about next time you're hanging off.

Next time you go to your friend's place and they put like, you know, they put like your salmon in a bowl instead of a plate.

It's like, maybe that's why.

Right.

Well, I serve all my food on a ball.

They couldn't make the plate.

Couldn't hack the

plate.

Yeah.

Salmon's a little underdone.

And so is your table there.

Say that the next time you go to a dinner party, say, couldn't make the plate, huh?

What would you do if you went to a restaurant and they served all of your food on DVDs?

I would think it was really, really fun.

I would just be like, we're in LA or New York.

This is just a bad idea that someone took too far?

I would think it was really fun because they would all be little circular things.

Yeah.

There's a little hole in the center.

And then maybe the waiter brings it out with their finger through.

It would be way too small.

It should be a record.

It should be a record.

The record would be better.

Well, I think your main course is on a record.

Like, the shared plates are on DVDs, obviously.

Yeah.

The record one, I'm just convinced, already exists.

Yeah.

The DVD is new.

Just think about the waiter like leaning over with a DVD perched on their finger.

it's awesome and they have to hold it in front of you until you finish no one has nostalgia for dvds this restaurant is going to go out of business so fast i don't think that's true i think people are crazy for blu-rays these days you're right i do have i do have some dvds and i did dream of having a dvd rack at one point yeah

i had the highly controversial opinion that we shouldn't have a dvd rack dream died yeah i i i haven't pursued it yeah unless you got to go yeah you need the album so you can flip through it with ease and i think that's yeah, you can always go to Caldwell's if you want to view DVDs.

I got a whole shelf full of them.

Okay, so our people.

One last thing I want to say on this because I do think that like there is an inkling of this, this hatching has an inkling of a good idea here, which is that this kind of gets to what I like about Pathfinder, which is where you can give people the help action and give them like a plus two to something.

So I think that it's less about you flipping a coin if you fail and more about everyone having like one coin per day that they can flip to potentially give you like a plus one or a plus or minus one, or maybe even a plus two, minus two.

I'm cool with that.

Once per day,

that makes sense.

I mean, it might as well be a DVD instead of a coin.

Yeah, there's just like better abilities to do this.

Like, there's just like actual luck points, like, you can just re-roll it, or there are things that'll just be like, give the person strength or advantage on checks.

So, like, this already exists in not coin form.

I'm pretty new to um DD 2024.

2024.

Are there any feats that let you flip DVDs?

DVK.

DV feed.

That's true.

I haven't clicked around enough.

I mean, you're DMing.

Imagine the applause that you get when you unearth, when you take out a folder of DVDs for a DVD case.

Yeah.

So I think the thing about DD that is interesting is that you make your characters so they have proficiencies in certain things and have certain abilities.

And then the D20 allows for like a range of different successes.

No, not a DVD technology.

That's what we can call the DVD.

We can rebrand them and trademark it.

Yes.

So like I think it's more interesting to be like, as a rogue, when I roll an 11, that's actually a good stealth because I have plus nine, so I have a 20, verse, for instance, flipping a DVD

where I would just do it or not do it, where it's not, it's not even a game, right?

We're just flipping coins.

The game, the mechanics of the game are interesting to me.

Yeah.

And for us.

But for us, DVDs are interesting to me.

Yes.

But what I'm saying is

it's almost like an assist trophy or something like that, where you have this rare coin that's got Shrek's face on it.

And you've exhausted all of your abilities.

And yet you've got this coin that could give you a plus one, which might be all you need.

Or it might give you a minus one and you fail.

So this is just like as a last-ditch effort that you can do once, and then the coin vanishes.

Shrek returns.

But there's just other stuff that does that.

I do think that's not a problem.

Yeah, I do think it's interesting that Shrek is love, Shrek is light.

Yeah, it's true.

Too true.

I do think it is so funny that I do think the audience would get in on gaslighting me into thinking that all of the DVD flip ideas are awesome.

I do think if you broke out a DVD at a live show, the audience would go batch.

And they will.

They would go wild.

It'd be hard not to fling that thing into the audience, though, when we really couldn't.

It'd be a lot of fun.

Yeah, you'd have to just hand it to someone for sure.

Yeah, you could chip a tooth.

This person owes me eggs.

Yeah, well, we flipped to see if we were going to buy it, and it landed shiny side up.

So we are wearing that.

And sometimes you've got to invest in undercooked eggs.

And then, you know, then you start your own restaurant and just see where life takes you.

Yeah.

Tiny little tacos on a DVD.

Who says no?

Charby writes, hello, turtles.

Quick and easy one here feels like a slam dunk.

Can I just start go back for one second to the idea where we're serving food on a DVD?

Just imagine you go to eat it and then your stupid little face appears on the shiny DVD and you're just like, man, I don't actually want anything.

No, no, no.

You got to do shiny side down for that, I think.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right, no, well, the shiny side is there after you're eating.

You check.

if you have anything in your teeth.

That's really good.

It's a good idea.

Again, it's a good idea.

You're going to want to see the full Monty box art when you're eating.

And then you flip it over when you're done and check your teeth.

Yeah.

Although you do want to see, I feel like, wouldn't it be exciting to finish your meal and then find out what DVD you've been eating up?

Oh, that's me.

I got Boondock Saints.

The ultimate DVD.

And then you could have a lucky DVD where you get like a free dessert or something like that.

Wow, what a fun mechanic, Merv.

Oh, yeah, that's cool.

Because most of the DVDs are fight clubs.

That's like

most of the DVDs in existence.

In this world, I would say, yeah, this doesn't make any sense, but it feels right.

I think Boondock Saints is the DVDist DVD that you can get.

I think so.

Well, there's certain movies that came out when DVDs were just going off.

Right.

And I'm sure Boondock Saints did great in theaters, but I think it did even better on DVDs.

Do you know who I think is probably killing it on DVDs?

The Lion King.

Probably, yeah.

I think it was MVHS.

Who made the most DVDs?

And

Gemini will only tell me who sold the most.

So

can we all guess?

You guys can guess.

How much did this place come out?

How much did this come out?

Oh, Oh, wait, shit.

It could be Star Wars.

It could be.

I think it's the Lion King.

I'm going to say, I'm going to do a Dark Horse

and say 40-year-old Virgin.

Oh, that's a good one.

Oh, man.

It could be Anchor, man.

I think it's going to be family-friendly.

No, you know what?

It could be Star Wars.

I'm going to say Star Wars or Fight Club.

We'll go Fight Club.

Okay.

So Murph is going Fight Club.

Not on the list.

Not on the list.

Not on the list.

Damn.

How big's the list?

This list is 20.

Jeez.

Yeah.

All right.

Keep going down the line.

Okay.

What was your guess?

My guess was 40-year-old virgin.

No.

Ah.

Not on the list.

Emily, yours was Lion King.

Yeah.

Very interesting.

That is the top best-selling film, not the top best-selling DVD.

Okay, I'm going to say, I'll say Star Wars, A New Hope.

No.

What?

Okay, I'm going to guess.

Do you guys remember the,

do you guys remember when they would make you learn typing by playing you movies?

Mavis Beacon teaches typing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mavis Beacon teaches typing.

Well, that's if CD-ROM.

If star.

Yeah, that's just not a DVD.

I'm sure there were DVDs of it.

Okay, fine.

Hackers.

It's not hackers.

The Matrix.

Wait, is it Shrek?

The Matrix is good.

Close with Shrek.

Oh, Shrek is in the top 10.

Okay, well, Mission Impossible.

No, not in the top 10.

I do think it's family-friendly.

I still can't believe Shrek.

Wait, all right.

I think I'm just a little off.

I'm going to say Shrek 2.

Shrek 2 is higher than Shrek 1.

Why is number 1, 2, 3, 4?

It's 6.

Okay.

Okay.

God damn it.

Are we ever going to get number 1?

Do you think?

I think, you know, in.

Oh, Toy Story?

I don't know.

No, but we're getting it.

We're zeroing in on it.

Oh, okay.

It's like a kids' movie.

Inside Out.

No, what?

Not Inside Out.

Would have been like something that came out in 2000-ish, I would think.

It was like such a good guess.

Armageddon.

Give you guys the year.

Armageddon.

One of my favorite movies, not on the top 10.

2003.

2000.

2003.

Family-friendly movie.

Shark Tail.

So

Finding Nemo.

Okay.

Yes.

Whoa.

Okay.

That makes sense.

I told you guys it was going to be family-friendly.

I was confused by the no Star Wars, but Nemo, Nemo makes sense.

God damn it.

Okay, wow.

Wow.

And this is the kind of trivia night that we could have at our DVD bar.

Yeah.

Where all of your cocktails are served on television.

We do

flippers, and it's based on, and whenever people say, why is it called,

I know why Flippers has to do with flipping DVDs.

What does it have to do with DVD?

And you say, Because Finding Nemo is the best-selling DVD of all time.

And Flippers the name of a dolphin from a different

property.

And then we ask them, Do you have a reservation?

And they're like, No.

And then we're like, It's okay, actually.

We're empty.

You want to flip a DVD to see where you sit?

We can seat you.

Look, we can definitely seat you anywhere.

Anywhere is fine.

The bartender and the owner were clearly just having having an argument

it's called working for equity you'll get paid on the back end oh and the mascot investing in the company and then

the mascot for flippers could be crush the turtle from finding nemo this all comes back around this is expensive this is expensive

and also why is it called flippers that i guess he had are they got flippers they have flippers turtle legs are called flippers

when you're a sea turtle yeah yeah all right um another idea this one comes from charby Charby writes: Hello, turtles, quick and easy one here feels like a slam dunk.

If you can get multiple sources of advantage, all additional sources can turn into a simple plus one.

Okay, that's interesting.

So, your party's battle master fighter uses trip attack on your BBEG, knocking them prone, creating advantage for other party members to attack.

And the party mastermind rogue uses a bonus action to help each source of advantage instead of being wasted or else would just become a plus one.

This is one.

Yeah, this is a good one.

I really like that.

I think that's cool, actually.

actually that makes sense because five five e kind of simplified it just so it was like advantage is just you just get the one advantage but it does make sense that it would be you know if one of the players tackles someone and they're prone and one of the players casts something that like would magically enhance their shot yeah

it would be even easier yeah i also think it would make for some creative um unique moments where your characters would try to do stuff that they weren't necessarily good at if it's like oh i actually have a plus two to this yeah so like i actually might go for it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's kind of funny.

I have advantage and a plus two.

Right.

Sometimes, like, a character has like a natural ability that gives them advantage, too.

And you, like, like role-playing, you still want to help them somehow.

This is great.

There's definitely times, especially with like silvery barbs or something like that, where like you line up an advantage for someone and then you find out, like, oh, they already had advantage.

And you feel like you've wasted the spell slot.

So, yeah, this feels like a great solve for that.

I almost feel like it could be juiced up.

I feel like it could be plus two.

I feel like it could be plus two, right?

I don't think that's too much.

I think I like it as plus one.

I think plus one with advantage is still going to feel so powerful.

Yeah, I guess if it's all, if it's all pre-roll, then it feels pretty intense.

I think you get away with plus two.

You can make it a D4 if you want to be crazy about it.

You could make it a DVD.

Oh, and if that were done in the art side, it's plus one.

Yeah, if it's the shiny side, it's plus one.

No, the shiny side is good.

We watch shiny side.

That's when I say plus two.

There's no negative on a DVD.

I kind of like that.

Shit.

Yeah, I mean, like, if you make that a coin flip, that's kind of fun.

Like, plus one or plus two.

We found it, folks.

We got there.

Terby doesn't name a price.

Okay.

Okay.

I mean,

we could give them a window seat at Flippers because it's actually currently empty.

Yeah.

Oh, and that's body.

Yeah, the foot traffic.

Yeah.

We're going to get a cardboard cutout of a famous actor, and you're going to be laughing as you eat your meal.

And people are going to think, like, wow, Michael Shannon eating at this restaurant.

That's crazy.

Michael Shannon, Walton Goggins, and then someone we don't know.

I got to go.

I got to check out Flippers.

God, I want to overhear that conversation.

To be a fly on the wall at Flippers.

Yeah, once they see the DVDs as the plates, people will start coming in.

They're not coming in right now.

Right.

Because I think they don't know the connection between the DVDs and Flippers and finding Mimo making the best selling DVD of all time.

Oh, the bathrooms could be really heavily finding Nemo themed.

Okay, yeah, like to a point where we get a season to sit.

You know,

that could be fun.

Right, we'll see.

We can make our own, we can take it.

We can make our own Crush the C-Turf.

Oh, yeah, we can

crash, but not Crash Putin, kind of Crash Bandicoot.

We'll just Photoshop Crash Bandicoot Eyes on Crush.

That's it.

And we'll be like, Crash is kind of nuts.

He's not chill at all.

He's gonna flip out.

He's gonna flip out.

Yeah, he's gonna flip out.

There is a crash DVD.

And if you get that one, he just comes out and wrecks your life.

Yeah.

Yeah, we do have to pay someone in a suit, like in the dead of New York summer

to be crashed.

Hey, you really can't take the helmet off.

The kids need to think that you're crashed.

Hey, people can see how much you're sweating when you take the guy off, and they start to feel bad for you.

I caught Letting Goggins bribing the waiter to get the crash DVD.

What's that all about?

Yeah.

Goggins was an extra in that.

Goggins loves crash.

Okay.

All right, you guys, we've got time for one more pitch.

This one comes.

Where did the time go?

Did we invent DVDs?

Mostly DVDs.

Yeah.

Time flies when you are trapped in the void of flippers.

Our new terrible game show.

Time flies when you're looking at DVDs, not watching them.

Looking at DVDs.

How successful were DVDs by year?

I think we got something.

Yeah.

This is the bonus round

There was Cars, Spider-Man, Dark Knight, Avatar, Shrek.

Avatar.

None of this is just avatar.

This is future haunting.

It's just holy shit in the top 10, rounding out the top 10.

You want to know what it was?

Yeah, I do.

Yes.

God, don't say that.

We're guessing what it's not your club?

It's okay.

Yeah.

Is it anything we've said yet?

Nothing you've said yet.

God damn it.

Something we love.

Something we love.

Not Flintstones.

You're on the right track.

You know what Stitch?

Right track.

No.

No.

On the right track.

Okay, so there's got to be something from the

Grinch.

Oh, my God.

Family friendly.

The original

Jim Carrey's The Grinch.

Wow.

Which came out in November 2001.

That's the world needed to laugh.

Yeah.

Okay.

Theoretically, they shot

it before.

They scrambled to get the Grinch done.

Jim is like,

America needs the Grinch.

Jim Carrey.

Strict to the NFA right now.

now.

Get Jim Carrey in makeup.

I know that we planned on releasing this in June, but it needs to come out six months earlier.

Jim Carrey was in costume when the news hit.

Yeah.

God.

Okay.

This one comes from Rebecca.

Okay.

Hello, Turtles.

Simple homebrew item.

The sword of screaming.

It has one D10 charges on it that can be added onto a hit like a smite.

A charge does one D8 thunder damage.

Cool.

You can add any amount of charges to any hit.

When the sword runs out of charges, it explodes, dealing however much damage dealt in the last attack to the wielder and can never be used again.

Oh, that is really fun.

That's cool.

When wielding the sword, the wielder cannot make stealth checks as the sword is constantly screaming.

Wow.

Okay.

All I ask for in return is a single egg.

What a fucking

recession.

For me to decorate using the Pisanke egg technique.

Whoa, hold on.

I don't know what that is.

Whoa, Pisanke.

Stop the fucking.

I've never heard of it.

Pisanke egg technique.

Okay, Pisanke eggs.

I'm looking it up.

Oh, those are pretty.

Okay, wow.

Yeah.

Describe it.

Describe for the audio.

It looks like a.

I'm just going to flip a DVD actually instead.

It's like a very ornate kind of like symmetrical pattern on an egg.

Very complex.

Like a really complicated, ornate quilt painted onto an egg.

Beautiful.

Gorgeous.

A quilt egg.

A quilt egg.

Okay.

I really like this idea.

Screaming Screaming sword.

I'm immediately imagining an incredibly heightened, dramatic moment where you're like, all right, I'm probably going to die from this, but so is the bad guy.

That's cool.

And you're like, I'm going to use five charges.

I'm imagining like a character moment, like, you killed my father.

And now, and the sword is just going, oh,

sorry, what?

I can't hear you.

Who are you?

Not making the music really loud in this flippers.

Not being able to stealth ever is kind of not worth this it's kind of a bad item well but i think it's like literally an item you use like one time you find it and then you just go not

and let it blow up yeah i guess all of the charges at once and accept all of that damage wow does it regain charges did they say no i think it i think it's just the one if you feed it a balanced meal it regains charges that's what i heard because the sword has a mouth right that's right yeah

i mean it has to scream would you guys s dms let people put it in a bag of holding to stifle the scream or would you be like nah dude i think that seems fair i think that seems fair right yeah i think you could put like a towel in its mouth or something like that and like muffle it i don't think you're ever like getting rid of the scream but i think you can muffle the screen i almost wonder if there's a version of this that has a dice roll element to it where essentially the more charges you let off the higher the save is and that it will explode on a low roll that's cool and then there's a risk every time as opposed to it just being like if you know you have five charges yeah you're probably just gonna use four and then throw the sword away right right?

Burf, I think you just described a gun blade, which is a different thing, but like twice as awesome.

We should just like, you know what, let's put a pin in that conversation.

We're going to put that in a separate tank.

We're going to keep working on that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

There is something.

There was something in Critical World

Campaign One where there was a sword that could like kind of absorb souls, if I'm remembering correctly.

And if you rolled poorly on like a save, the character could like die.

It was like a cursed sword.

That mechanic is, it's very interesting to have it come down to a roll with very dire consequences when bad things happen.

So I like the idea of being like, maybe every time you swing it, there's a constitution save or some kind of concentration check essentially so that you have the lightning going out as opposed to, you know, hurting you.

That's definitely like a probably a good tweak, but for me, you're like, you use it four times and then you throw it out.

No, I definitely like, I want to take that damage.

Why?

Yeah, go out in a blaze of glory.

Or even just like you still have one left you're like all right well i'm gonna do it one go down fighting and shouting yeah you could do it like that you use four at once and then you use once and take the damage yeah we need to put more cursed weapons in our campaigns yeah because now that we've been playing for a while i used to dangle cursed items in front of you guys when we were all first starting out and when you're new to d d you're like i don't want my character to die i don't want anything bad to happen and you don't want to do it now i think we're we've all played enough that we're like i want the talking sword please you know what it is though i think I feel like everyone needs to have cursed items because I would feel rude if I accepted a cursed item and then it screwed over the party.

Yeah.

Right.

But I think if it's something like this, where just like your sword might blow up and hurt you,

it's not as bad as if a sword is just like, you might kill your friends in the middle of the day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not crazy about the sword constantly screaming, but I feel like that's a funny thing.

It's funny.

I love the idea.

Yeah.

One person's scream might be another person's song.

That's beautiful.

Wow.

Right.

So, like,

what is scream?

sorry are you gonna take my order or no

scream is just screamo without the emote right that's really angry maybe the sword just needs its band backing it up and then like the music beautiful it's really i still haven't gotten my water

oh i'm working on walton's order okay

i think we're in on this one i think with a couple tweaks i think we all we all like it in different in different ways i think it's been so modest i think that like next time we do this i think you guys need to like drive a harder bargain yeah you forget we are egg rich.

Yeah, should we give everyone who pitched a bonus psi egg?

Yeah, sure.

You guys need to ask for a lot of money and give up not a lot of equity.

That's what we're looking at.

In fact, your first meal, actually, no, not full meal, your first appetizer is free when you come to Flippers.

And you need to get a free-to-fit.

If you sit in the window and look like you're having great averaging money.

And if you get a free appetizer, you have to order an entree and dessert.

And if you could mention the finding Nemo bathroom in the Yelp, that I think really get some foot tracks.

It's actually a four-drink minimum, too.

Oh, here's how we get away with the turtle in the bathroom is dead.

Here's how we get away with the trademark.

It's Finding Nemo.

Oh,

like Finding Nemo has definitely, that joke's been done before, I guess.

I guarantee it.

But just like Nemo with a little swoop.

Yeah, and he does perform.

There's a little stage in the back, kind of like Shobiz Pizza.

And like, he's going to, there's going to be an animatronic turtle and he's going to perform Screamo music while you eat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then we are, we're not going to be able to get around the trademark on that unless they do all C-based kind of puns based on at a certain point.

This restaurant is so successful that we don't need to get around the trademark.

Yeah.

They can come to us in court and we can fight it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In fact, we take them, we preemptively take them to go.

We counter sue.

They have to settle because they don't want us to drag them through the legal crisis.

It's easier to give up the rights to finding CMO to us.

They don't want to be in a protracted legal dispute with us.

And we're willing to be.

Yeah.

We don't have anything else to do.

Disney, you're turning down so much free advertising because we're going to have all the DVDs in there.

People are going to be able to see you.

We'll be selling the DVDs.

We'll be willing to partner.

Yeah.

We want to make it the biggest selling DVD of 2025, just like it was in 2003.

All right.

With that, we're going to wrap this one up.

Thank you all so much for listening.

You can head on over to our Patreon to listen to the after-show.

We're actually going to be doing DD chords if you'd like to hear DD court chord this week, head on over to patreon.com/slash nappod.

That's N-A-D-D P-O-D.

Don't sing yet.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

We've got some things to plug.

We've got some Dimension 20 live shows.

We've got on July 20th, we've got Seattle.

And in November, we're going to be in Las Vegas.

So search Dimension 20 Live.

Boom, baby.

Check out my Substack.

Substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz.

There's a new one coming out on Friday.

And check out my Substack account where I don't post, but people keep following it.

It's kind of nice.

Nice.

It feels good.

It's just like a little check-in.

And I'll go ahead and plug a couple things from the P.O.

box.

Let's see here.

Oh,

somebody sent us a blue hole fridge magnet from Santa Rosa, New Mexico, and it is

on my fridge now.

I can't flip it.

It's on the fridge, and that's where it's going to remain.

I love fridge magnets.

I have a new fridge that can take fridge magnets.

It's magnetic.

Please send me fridge magnets.

I like it.

Your fridge couldn't take fridge magnets before?

The upstairs fridge can't take magnets for some reason.

It's like not the right type of metal.

That's heartbreaking.

I also love fridge magnets.

Yeah, stainless steel.

Does stainless steel not take metal?

I don't, you know, I don't.

I'm not a ferrochemist.

Let's talk more about

fridges.

Yeah.

I just didn't even know they were making fridges that couldn't take magnets.

Denamalis sent us an autographed copy of the cast recording of Goosebumps, the musical.

So

I definitely didn't know that existed.

I didn't know that existed.

But it's got Alex Brightman from Beetlejuice, so it's probably pretty good.

I've listened to it.

Hell yeah.

And then Jay Narissa sent us some birch syrup from Canada.

Apparently, it tastes like maple syrup, but not as good.

Is that what they said?

That's so funny.

So, anyway, yeah, thanks so much for submitting stuff, folks.

It's always fun to see what goodies have arrived.

So, I appreciate it.

Thank you.

And you can follow us on social media that remain or may not use at SagefirstMe, at Caldee Scaldal, at Astros Emily, and at Tracourts is Jake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOT.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

We are, we are.

Youth of the nation.

We are, we are.

Youth of the nation!

It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D., Jeffrey S., aka Lord of the Fjord, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B, Damiel R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Targat, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NB DM PhD, Princess Yar, Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohumia, Mike H., Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Carborough Chapel Hill FPV, Cece Lulu, Bald Byrne, Hercule Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R, Jake's Jerk Jelly, hashtag CCC, Cass, Skateboard Cass, Steven, shout out to Bowie the Troll C, Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Beard of the Mad, Eric McD, Ananorama, Percival Frederickstein, von Musl, Klazowski, DeRolo the third, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock.

This isn't even my final form.

Ben A, Dave H, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Vars Assistant SEF, DPC Is Awesome, Sean the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zoboldar, Summer Rose, aka Grantaire, Mark the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Valay Sea Raptor, B.

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Oreo, Shane C, Barpo Goodbarrel, Bard Barian, Garrett G, aka one big curd, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric are now performing ballads from the Age of Stories.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Anthony the Raddest of Dudes, Jay, the Fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the Carnal Corner, Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bear Onesie Wearing Barbarian, Lexi H, MJ the BFG, Roger L, Nodrog, the pass-a-fist barbarian, John Luca, Leon K, legendary legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander, Lins W, Sky the Wise, aka the Lone Dungeon Master, Johnny Dude K, The Mischief of Nad Pod's Familiars, Kit and Their Cat, Tim M, Tiles L, TR, MLG Cheeto, Shell B, Kenneth's first favorite sprite girl, tut-tut, totally stoked for some more

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Everyone say thank you, Duncle.

Thank you, Duncle.

Jet S, Snailis, who's infecting Worcester from within.

My cat doesn't smoke its catnip, not weed.

Bahomia's favorite power couple, Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, and Olivia the Enchanting Bard.

Pawpaw Sky Days, Mima Sky Days, Megan N.

Anthony B, Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi, Pawpon Foster's canine friend, Mikael A, Josh H, Pilot of the Nightmareverse Flight, The Two Crew Blew Through, Jennery, Kelsey A, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Seth the Stroker, Bearer of All Hog-related Burdens, Billy Batson, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, Accidental Sharer of Recipes, Michael LS II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Critzburg, Vin Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed, Clinton P, Cam the Vampire Frogman, Dean, Jake W says, Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, only here for the surf and murph.

Dave, Nadpod saved my life but stole my wife, O, Steve L, Tyler McM, Alex G, Zibadabachery, Kaylee, Katarina C, Misty, the crispy kitty, really hates flame skulls, Greg W.

There's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you.

Thanks, Greg W.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide, Chupac Aubrey, Bony is dead, the Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Aegis Kunari, Ignition Class Petal Storm, Charlemagne, not the god, DJ Dramamine, Aurich von Zerovich, my favorite patron makes me say penis on my show, Jen the Rowdy, and finally, Caitlin H.

Thank you all so much for listening.

Thank you to all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course, our benevolent Council of Elders.

We'll be over on our Patreon talking more about the episode at patreon.com/slash nadpod.

Until then, we'll catch you all next time.

That was a head gum podcast.