Skaldova - Ep. 3: The Dancing River

This is a head gum podcast.

Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.

This is not another D and D podcast.

Welcome back to Skulldova, everybody.

Skulldova!

I'm your dungeon master, Jake Howitz, here with Brian Murphy.

Bandit, Harmer, who sleeps in armor.

Zudrick of the Murder.

Indeed.

Emily Axford.

Lady Love Scorner in the Carnal Corner.

Oh, it's Willie Hamdown.

I forgot about the Carnal Corner.

You've been in there a long time, Willie.

And of course, we've got Caldwell Tanner.

Arthropods, Fish Barons, Scholars, oh my!

But Boggy Rogers here, so never you cry.

Everything's going to be fine, I guess.

I thought you were going to say that you'll never die, which kind of goes against your whole cruise thing.

Oh, no, we all die.

Yes, yes, yes,

I would argue he has the mark of immortality on him.

Oh, he has sidestepped the ender in her beautiful thought.

Oh, now, but that is only that is the dance that you do with the ender.

It is many sidesteps.

Don't talk to us from the carnal corner, bro.

I'm unconscious.

Before we get into it, what do you guys say to a little recap?

Slap me with that recap.

Sure.

All right.

Fucking fine, dude.

Last time our three awkward champions traversed the valley of the whispered oath.

You reflected on the non-sexual beauty of nature before eviscerating some bandits, falling down a sinkhole, and wrestling a giant bug.

Boggy found a rod of alertness, and later, you found yourselves chucking axes at a knight named Sir Dyer.

The knight, in service to the Duke of Silk, told you that his lord's wife had been corrupted by black lace, and the missing adventurers that you seek are his two children and their guard.

He revealed his feelings for the Duke's daughter before giving you a glowing liquid called Daybreak.

Zudric offered offered him a half-hearted apology, and Wellie named two different horses Genevere.

And that's where we are now.

Okay.

Wellie's also unconscious.

I passed out because of

the erotic tale of the walk in the garden.

Should we just let's tuck Welly into her sleep sack?

Oh, yes.

Put her in this little trench I've dug for her.

Yes.

Cover her in moss.

We bury Welly alive.

I seem dead because you basically just roll me in, but my cheeks are still so blushed that you know I'm alive.

You can see that her cheeks are flushed, so there is blood flowing through her.

Horse and rider have vanished into the night.

The air is clear and cold, with stars scattered and shining across the sky.

There are more of them out here, far away from the burning hearths of Mudtown.

The drumming of Sir Dyer's destrier fades away, and soon you're left only with the soft crackle of your campfire, and I think Welly's quiet moans control the silence.

It is getting late.

You guys have buried Wellie.

Is there anything anybody else needs to do before turning in?

Well, I suppose, should one of us keep watch?

Perhaps

you want to handle it, zoody old boy, or should I?

I can take first watch.

I guess Wellie's just kind of out of the rotation.

Sort of just sidestepped it by getting too horny to be awake.

I feel like she exhausted herself mentally and physically.

Welly wakes up up whimpering and choking.

My lady, there rose such pretty petal.

What?

Jesus Christ, she cored that apple.

Don't talk to us immediately after having a wet dream.

You need to take like a minute, take a lap.

It wasn't a and then I

no

stop.

Wellie, you can have first watch.

I suspect you'll be up for a moment.

Yes, I do feel invigorated.

Okay, good.

You take first watch.

Fair enough.

Boggy is already like just Boggy kind of just leans up against a tree and like instantly falls asleep.

Yeah, I was sitting on a log in my full armor and I just roll over next to the log still in my full armor and fall asleep.

Leaving the fire blazing.

But that's good though.

I need the fire.

Yes, and the fire warms the back of Zudrick's armor and Wellie with her post-nut clarity is able to keep a very watchful eye.

You guys take turns and the night is uneventful.

The next morning, you wake to soft sunlight in the clearing filtering through the trees.

After yesterday's rain, the golden rays deliver warmth to the softening forest floor.

Subtle as a nod, soft as a sigh, the season is beginning to change.

Overhead, birds call and dart through the evergreens, while unseen critters rustle in the brush.

I hunt the critters.

Yeah, we have to throw in the fire.

I hunt those critters instantly.

Yeah, can I do an attack roll on the critter?

I'm trying to get a musk grab if I can.

You can give me a survival check if you're looking for a musk grab.

Shit, that's just an eight.

Great.

So you alert all of the game in the area to your presence.

You can hear them fleeing into the woods.

Ah, now it's a chase.

Is there any left of that deer?

Yeah, I think it takes a while to go through a whole deer.

I mean, we haven't really frozen it or done anything.

I think it's going to go bad soon.

We should

chimney.

Yeah, we should probably eat up now.

Great.

So you feed yourselves, you feed your birds, you're fortified by your day-old deer meat aged to perfection.

Yeah, let's leave this here after this.

Right.

Well, we'll bury it in the bog to preserve it.

Sure.

You know better than me.

We can come back?

Well, eat it from the bottom of the bog?

It works on the bodies.

We found many a corpse at our hideout.

And then you ate it.

Wait a second.

No!

Well.

Hold on.

This feels relevant.

Yeah, wait.

You found corpses in your hideout?

Corpses?

Oh, there's plenty of corpses in the bog.

Have you never met a bog corpse before?

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, just people

throwing, you know, the murdered victims and stuff in a bog.

Yes, precisely.

It does, yes, it has preservative properties.

Do you have any water from the bog on you?

Hmm.

Well, I've got my canteen.

There's still a little bit in there, I suppose.

Do you drink bog water?

Who doesn't these days?

Isn't it infested in this economy?

Okay.

Give me a constitution save.

Yep.

Bonjour, you look pale.

God, that was so close to a nat one.

Don't worry, it's just a seven.

Uh, okay.

You feel a little ill, but it would have taken a nat one for you to actually get poisoned.

This would explain the horrible diarrhea I've been hearing.

You have not been going far enough out from camp.

It keeps anyone off our track, though.

Campfire rules, you put the cardinal corner 10 feet away and the diarrhea area 15 feet away.

The diarrhea dungeon.

Everything needs to be way further away.

The doo-doo dunjon.

I don't know much about camping.

I don't know much about hunting, but everything needs to be way further away.

All right, let's get to this castle, right?

Yes.

And also, this daybreak stuff that we were given.

Is this something we should put on our weapons now, or is this something we should do when we get closer?

I examine it.

I know a thing or two about relics, but only ones that I've acquired via salicious means.

Perhaps, Welly, you would be best to hold this, because you are good at handling sacred relics.

Oh, that I was, and I still can be.

I hold it with so much purpose.

And then

I think I'll also, I'll give you a help action to investigate it.

All right, let's check this out.

Dirty 20.

Ooh.

Amazing.

Just by holding it, by looking at it, you're feeling its warmth, and it does, it feels like this is going to be better used in a moment, not far.

Not far in advance.

Yeah, you'll be able to apply it as a bonus action or just before going into battle.

Great.

Okay.

This seems like something short-lived that we should use in a moment of need.

I think Welly, who is so desperate for magic to come back to the world, I want to look at this and see if I feel the source of its magic.

Is it just pure herbalism or is it a lingering essence of the gods who've departed?

You see, in this liquid, holding it up to the light, it has almost an ethereal quality, glimmering, moving, shining light across the forest floor.

You can assume that this is a relic of the past, something that is imbued with that ancient magic for those who believe.

This is precious residue.

This is from the age of stories.

This used to run abundantly.

Oh, wow.

So the gods are real and they just abandoned us on purpose.

Does this comfort you, Willie?

It comforts me to know that maybe they'll come back someday.

Well, I think it's great that they left us this, and now we can use it.

They're lost.

Yes, I'm sort of a crew of Boggy here.

Well, let's get going, Lady Genevere.

Which one?

Okay, should we just name them all, Lady Genevere?

Seconds?

we'll just call one of them second.

Jenny one, Jenny two, Jenny three.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Okay, Jet, so we'll just call one of them Jenny and one of them two.

Okay, I will ride Genevere the second.

Great.

All right, Jenny.

Stop.

I'll walk.

Don't walk.

All right, let's proceed carefully.

Yes, I straddled Genevere.

All right, we all have to watch the way we speak.

I said ride, I realize that.

I started off sort of the sexual energy, although I did not mean to put it off.

It's so early in the morning for this, but you guys are waking up right into it.

Wellie puts on this glowing necklace and you either ride or lead your horse.

By Rorick's direction, you know that you are only a short ride from the old castle.

And as you head off, The heather trail unfolds in gentle, meandering curves, and the primeval forest begins to thin out around you, overgrown vines giving way to a moss-laden floor where birch trees stand thin and pale, their white trunks like the masts of sunken ships in a green sea.

A derelict stone fence marks the boundary of some long-forgotten border.

Beyond it, wildflowers burst in unruly clusters, their scent hitting your nose before you can even see them.

Then, the scent of something else.

Something sweeter.

The undeniable aroma of roasting meat.

Everybody, give me a perception check.

All right.

That's where the muskrat went.

Okay, other bandits here.

A dirty 20.

I got a 14.

17.

So, Welly and Boggy, you both are able to see because the trees have thinned out a little bit more, the sky is more visible, the woods have become less dense, and now you can see a wispy white thread of smoke rising above the tree canopy.

This is not someone cooking the rancid deer meat like you guys did this morning.

It's not rancid yet.

Just kind of bad.

Everybody, give me a constitution save.

Shit.

Okay.

Oh!

22.

That's great.

17.

I got it.

23.

Wow.

It'll take more than old meat to get this screwed out.

Damn, you guys might have thrown that meat away too early.

Shit.

Shit, we gotta go back and get that deer from the bottom of that bog.

Fortune favors the boy.

Oh, it'll keep for a week at least.

The crows didn't eat all of their cookies.

I'm ready for broad deer.

All right, anyway, who is cooking up here?

Shall we try to sneak ahead and take a look?

Why don't you sneak a little bit ahead?

I'm bad at sneaking.

I'm very bad.

You are a clanky fellow.

Oh, darling.

I get so intense.

I am actually not good at sneaking either.

Yeah, Boggy, why don't you

go ahead and

send a message back to us?

I'll use my superiority dice to make a stealth check using my ambush technique.

I love to hum while I walk, so I get all my humming out right now.

I just go, hmm, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

And then I go quiet.

I kind of flip my cloak inside out so that it goes from being being mossy to this, like, this speckled gray, almost like a boulder.

Very cool.

Did you know that he could do that with his cape?

No, I didn't at all.

All right.

I would have been furious at you if you didn't tell me.

Sutrick, I can't keep secrets.

Good.

That is good, young Willie.

I pat Willie on the head.

I purr a little bit.

What?

You're hilarious.

So that is going to be a 25.

Oh, my God.

Amazing.

All right.

so just like you're sneaking up on a scholar or a fish baron in the woods, you duck under branches, you weave between grasping, thorny shrubs, you keep on moving through the woods, and finally, after passing through a buzzing cloud of gnats, you can see through a curtain of trees where the smoke is coming from.

Boggy, you see a low hut made of scavenged wood with a thatched roof.

tucked against an ancient stone outbuilding.

This wooden addition seems much newer, a haphazard but sturdy dwelling with a fishing pole propped against the makeshift door, and beside that, a pair of well-worn leather sandals.

Sandals?

Clearly, this person knows how to party.

I think perhaps I will sneak up to the door and see if I can peek in the window and see if they're present.

Okay.

Get a vibe from them.

You can do that.

Give me a stealth roll.

Okay.

As Boggy is gone, Zedric's just standing there quietly with Welly and just goes, So, what do you do to pass the time

non-sexually?

I write sonnets.

I said non-sexually.

No, my sonnets are very chaste.

If anything, they're sort of me repenting for how sexual I feel inside.

Okay, well, that would argue sexual.

Do you have.

What about you?

Do you have hobbies?

No.

What?

I just don't have any hobbies.

Not cars?

I'm just vigilant.

You've never written a sonnet?

Never.

You don't play a musical instrument?

What if someone stabbed me in the head while I was playing guitar?

You don't bet on horses?

What if someone ran me over with one of their horses while I was betting on them?

God, I hope they're not bonding while I'm gone.

Welly, you're on a wild side of life that I can only imagine.

I got a 13 on my stealth check.

Okay.

So as you slink towards this window,

you hear a voice.

Don't come no further.

I don't want no trouble.

Nobody wants trouble, friend.

We're all looking for good times times in the woods.

Clearly, you are, or you wouldn't be here.

Did he find a glory hole?

How do you know what that is?

Well, glory, you know, God's glory.

What?

Do you peep through it and see scripture?

I'm going back to silence.

As Boggy approaches this hole, I mean window,

stepping into view from a tangle of brush a few paces from the hut, a wiry man covered in sprigs and flowers appears with a short bow drawn at you, Boggy.

He was hiding in plain sight.

As you look through his floral camouflage, you can see his piercing blue eyes squinting at you.

I don't like visitors, especially when they come wearing steel.

Ah, well, we must protect ourselves in these foul times.

You know that as well as I, friend.

What's your name?

I'm Boggy Roger.

Well, state your purpose, Boggy Roger, or I'll shoot you good.

Just passing through, walking along the Heather Trail towards the nearest town, trying to find an inn to catch a good night's sleep.

Nobody passes through the Heather Trail unless you're looking for that ill castle.

Oh, there's a castle this way?

Give me a deception check.

16.

I hope if Boggy meets someone bad, he lies to them.

But if he meets someone good, he tells them the truth.

I think I hope that too.

All right.

On this we agree.

Who's the person in your life that you're saddest that you had to kill?

Probably one of my brothers.

What?

Yeah.

My name is Darwin.

Darwin Wednesday.

And all I'll tell you is if you're thinking about going to that place, well, I urge you to think of something different.

There's an ill omen inside that keep.

I should know it used to be my home.

Darwin, Darwin, these are dark things to discuss.

You must come back with me.

We have bog deer buried not twenty paces back if you wish to feast with us.

I ain't going no.

You say you have bog deer?

Verily so.

Who are you traveling with?

Just Just two soldiers of fortune like myself.

So, how did you kill your brother?

Okay, well, he was trying to, like I said, big reason I don't have hobbies.

I was trying to learn the guitar.

I was playing it really loudly.

And he tried to.

He was, of course, working for a different baron than I was working for at the time, but was pretending to work for my baron.

So he tried to sneak up on me while I was playing the guitar.

Luckily, I heard him at the last second, clocked him with the guitar.

Didn't realize he was going going to die from that.

Sudrik, we're going to get the guitar back in your hands.

Okay.

Listen, if it would not scare you too greatly, I'll bring them over and we can all discuss further.

Well, yeah, I ain't following you into the woods.

Fair enough, friend.

Why are you laughing?

You reminded me of an old joke a friend once told me.

I like jokes.

Tell me the joke.

Oh, yes, the joke.

The joke that I know and that is real.

Well, if you follow someone into the woods,

then

you better follow them back.

His fingers tense on the bow.

And then he lets out a chuckle.

Funny and wise.

My favorite type of joke.

Indeed.

All right.

There's much truth in Japes.

You can call your friends over here.

I'll call my friends over and we can discuss all this further.

And we'll bring a fresh serving of bog deer for you to feast upon.

All right.

I'm going to double back and and say, great news, I've met an amazing guy.

Oh, excellent, that's wonderful.

Great, okay.

Can we meet him?

Yes, come forth.

Okay, great.

And did you say we needed bog deer?

Oh, yes, bring the bog deer.

I think it's like miles back.

Yeah.

We did kind of like a half-day's trip.

And I don't know about you guys, but that was a deep bog.

Yeah.

It sank for a while.

We're going to lose like half a day, Bogdeer.

Okay, I'm just saying.

I don't want to be like harsh right now, but I did promise bog deer.

Okay, let me see if the crows have any scraps left.

They might be might be able to get by this on a technical scale.

I'm gonna burp a crowd to see if I can get a bit of bog deer out.

Let me find a new deer.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Yes.

And just quickly dip it in the bog.

Yeah, we just let it get dirty.

We just don't really clean it up.

Oh, okay, yes, just slightly seasoned in bogs.

I'll look for, I'll call my crows and see if they see anything in the brush nearby or anything.

Cool.

Yes, I'll help.

All right,

give me a nature check with advantage since you're calling it crows.

I guess I'll have my crows help, Boggy, because I have bad nature.

Yeah, I scramble up a tree and I kind of watch where the crows are going.

Yeah, I mostly ate squirrels when it was just us.

Welly, do not watch me climb this tree.

Why?

Sort of a humpy.

No offense, but you're not my type.

Bucky's a little offended.

I'll roll survival or yeah, you can roll a survival or nature with advantage since Zederic's crows are going to help you.

Sick.

Oh, Tabitha.

Give daddy a kiss.

18.

Okay.

Tabitha alerts you to the presence of a stag in a small clearing nearby.

Elder's bosom.

That's a six-pointer.

Yes.

This would be a fine catch.

A fine prize for my friend Darwin.

Can I try and make an attack roll on it?

Yeah, you can make an attack roll with your bow.

Okay, so this Darwin drives a hard bargain.

We couldn't even just meet him.

We have to bring an offering.

I don't know.

What is he fancy himself some sort of god?

I did forget to mention he was pointing a crossbow at me for most of our conversations.

Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah.

He's my type of guy, I guess.

I'll make this a lucky roll.

That is a 24.

Okay.

You fell this deer.

All right, great.

I go over and I put it in my giant sack of meat.

A hug from the ender this day.

Good work, Boggy.

Indeed.

All right, so let's

slap some mud on this and then get on our way.

Yes, all right.

Let's get it a little boggy.

I'll take your canteen of bog water and just drench it.

Oh my gosh.

Gives it a funk, you know?

Yeah.

All right.

So you guys ruin this pristine kill a little bit, just enough to make it a bog deer.

And then we, yeah, just drag it back towards Darwin's house.

Great.

As you approach Darwin's house, dragging this deer behind you, he's standing out front.

His bow is propped up against the door next to his fishing rod.

Greetings, good sir.

We have heard glad tidings of you.

Yes, I have heard that you are ever vigilant and ready to murder on sight.

I think that that is an apt response to seeing maniacs like us in the woods.

I behaved similarly myself last night.

You see Zudrick and shuffles for his bow.

Oh, fuck.

I knew it was an ambush.

Steady.

Steady, Darwin.

Oh, why do you fall for everything, Darwin?

He's a clanky sort.

You need not worry.

Stop saying that.

Come on, you should have thicker skin, brother.

All right, that was funny.

Because of the armor, I have thick skin.

Okay.

All right, that's the gee, this is the kind of bumpaloo humor I like.

Anyway, your...

What was your name again?

My name is Darwin Wednesday.

All right, I'm Zudrick of the the murder.

Because of crows.

But also, I guess I do kill stuff.

Would you like a bog deer?

I was promised a bog deer, yes.

I'm keeping my distance to seem non-threatening, but I am covered in blood from the bog deer.

And I tossed the sack.

Because I'm the one who's rolling it out.

I lean over to Boggy.

How did Zudrick get the most blood on him?

You did the slaying.

I didn't want to say it, but I saw him produce a small brush.

Okay, okay.

I chuck the meat like halfway between us.

Darwin shuffles towards it, gives it a look, and smells the bog water, does confirm that it's bog deer, and he nods.

So Darwin here was saying that he used to live in the castle further down.

Castle?

Are you perhaps a disgraced lord?

Stop.

Disgraced lord?

Disgraced?

No.

A lord in good standing?

It's not a fucking lord, dude.

I'm not in good standing with anything.

I ain't no lord.

I'll tell you what.

Lord of fishing, perhaps.

He chuckles again.

He's really warming to Pocky.

That was funny.

That was funny.

Sue, Darwin, this cottage that you live in, the stones are so old.

Are they as old as the castle itself?

Do they hail from the time of stories?

They may well be.

All this land was the land

of the castle, This border, these outbuildings.

I don't know if they were stables or granaries or what, but the walls have held, and

I just built my structure against it because if it stood this long, then surely it can handle a bit longer.

Right.

Well,

the castles of old are built very well.

They can withstand for a long time without much maintenance.

The one I lived in withstood a cataclysm and sunk into a cave, and it's almost half intact still.

Yes.

Why?

Why is that why you left?

Because it collapsed?

No.

Rynch got pricey.

Stop.

I was a member of a fellowship, a family.

We called ourselves the scared ones.

Yes.

You're...

And so you peddled in black lace?

No, never.

I never touched the stuff.

The black lace is why I left.

Okay.

What happened?

Well, look,

I went went into that castle not because we were weak, but because we were afraid of where the world was headed.

We were scared that the gods would never return to a place so corrupt and devoid of its own humanity.

Arguably their fault, right?

Like if they liked it so much, they could have fucking stayed around.

I don't know if they started it, right?

I beg of you.

You are treading on heresy.

I beg of thee.

Just saying.

Don't throw stones in a glass world.

I'm sorry about that, Darwin.

Go on.

Go on, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm pissed off.

My brother tried to kill me while I was playing guitar.

What?

He killed him with a guitar, and he hasn't taken up the instrument since.

What?

I've sworn off hobbies.

You?

You have the ability to play the guitar.

Do you know how long it's been since I've heard a loot plucked?

I was at my fireside?

I didn't say I could play the guitar.

I said I was learning the guitar.

I do actually technically have a loot on me for the record.

Already in my inventory.

I realized of all the people to be ironic.

And I gestured to my armor.

That's funny.

Thank you.

I was going to say.

Darwin snort laughs.

Wellie laughs so hard she passes out again.

I was going to say, a bit ironic of me to get mad at Boggy for inserting something and then for me to sort of have an outlandish outburst.

I apologize.

What were you saying, Darwin?

Everyone laughs for eight minutes, slowly catching their breath and repeating the joke and then laughing again.

Wellie passes in and out of consciousness several times.

Yes, ironic.

Ironic.

Oh, gosh.

Yeah.

What I was trying to say is that we moved into that castle to leave society behind and to deepen our connection with the old lands, the old ways.

Right.

What were the old ways that you practiced?

Well, the ways of

hunting what the land gave you,

of having community

instead of the hustle hustle and bustle of life.

Surviving in the hinterlands was hard.

We were starving.

And then we did begin to fear for ourselves.

And

that was when Bulric came and cast out a good port for Hilt knows what.

But we took him into the castle as our brother.

We gave him shelter.

And in return, he taught us to hunt and to build.

He taught us how to survive.

And then

he convinced us to help him dig out the old castle, to unearth what was lost.

And Bulric said that the forgotten secrets of the gods were tucked away in the catacombs.

But when we cleared those lower passageways, Bulric found something at the end of them.

Something that made him believe the gods weren't coming back.

And that's when he decided that the only hope for a god to walk among us again was if he became one himself.

Oh, yeah.

Indu's feet.

What did he discover that made him think the gods weren't coming back?

I don't know.

He wouldn't let anyone back there who didn't drink his black lace, and I wouldn't imbibe it.

I didn't want nothing to do with it.

And did you leave the order on your own?

I did.

When my brothers and sisters consumed that dark draught, that's when I lost them.

Even as they stood with me, they were gone.

They don't eat.

They don't drink.

They've joined Bulrick in creating monstrosities out of the creatures that dwell in the caves.

And I never wanted to abandon my order, but a few weeks ago, they captured three travelers.

Not critters this time, but people.

And I knew I couldn't stay and keep my soul.

Maybe now I am scared.

He trails off, looking into the middle distance with his clear blue eyes.

Yes, we believe we know the three that were captured.

Yes.

What is the purpose of the scared scared ones have been selling this black lace?

It seems like something that would be sacred to them.

Why are they giving it away?

I think Bulrick

wants as many people and creatures under the influence because if he can consolidate his power, if he can wield the black lace, they'll be his minions.

They'll be under his control.

So the black lace

not only turns, it almost makes them vassals to him.

I don't know if they're his vassals or his thralls yet, but

I know that's what he intends.

I don't know how he's going to do it,

but if you're looking for those travelers, I think you might have time to stop it before his plan unfolds.

Okay, Sir Darwin, we are looking for those travelers.

What are we going to be walking into?

What sort of ritual was it that made you turn foot?

All I know is that he's going to make some kind of offering, the gift of a lifetime.

It's a sacrifice to the old guardian of the castle.

Who is the old guardian?

All he says is the old guardian.

I don't know who used to guard that keep.

Well,

all I know is that my boggy buds and I accosted several a lord who was selling snake oil and false medicines, and I have no love for them.

Mostly because you can't sell their stuff once it's crashed to the ground and it goes rotten very quickly.

Of course, it is

near the rug pull.

Yeah, because it's kind of the charisma of the con man that sells the concept.

Exactly.

Yeah, the tarnics are worthless on their own.

Yeah.

I have a question.

When you lived in this keep, did you see any evidence of the time before, of the age of stories, of before the war?

The only evidence I ever saw was in those early days when we were working together, when we were building, when we were hunting, and when we began to dig.

But once they discovered whatever this black lace is or whatever the source of it is, then it was darker times than I ever remembered.

Interesting.

Sounds like the real gods were the friends you made along the way.

Darwin laughs again.

Funny and wise.

I laugh, but I'm also like, haha, that's kind of blasphemous.

So, you know, tread carefully.

Yeah.

Listening to Darwin say brother and sister over and over again and staring into his piercing blue eyes summons up old memories for Boggy.

Can I do an insight check to see if he looks familiar to me in some way?

Sure.

Yeah, there's part of me that wants to just investigate these piercing blue eyes.

You all are too horny.

16.

Okay, with the 16,

I don't think you've come across Darwin before, but if anything, with the 16, maybe you see those piercing blue eyes and you see a hint of you know, what might have been a friendly face in better circumstances.

Indeed, I haven't seen eyes like that since long ago.

But these eyes are cloudy.

These old things?

I woke up like this.

Do you get a lot of compliments on your eyes?

Are those contacts or are you in hijack room?

What's a contact?

Oh.

Contact lens?

What's I don't know what you speak of?

A contact is a con tactfully executed.

Yes, yes.

Boggy does them all the time.

Yes, it's what we tried to do with the tonics, but it didn't work because they go bad so quickly.

Anyway, we've

we thank you for your time.

They're just my ass.

What are you talking about?

Yes, it makes a lot of sense.

Okay.

Darwin, is there any of your brothers or sisters in particular that you fear for the most?

When you say this,

he goes quiet.

My sister, my sister Faye.

Okay.

I was closest with her.

She was my bunk mate in in the keep.

That's a really strong bond, bunk mates.

No, then you got it.

You gotta be careful with bunk mates because sometimes you're on the lower bunk and then they'll loose in the upper bunk so that they collapse on you and kill you.

But you find out about it ahead of time, so you set up your sword so it stabs through them when they try to fall down on you.

Cedric, that's awful.

This is why everyone needs to sleep in holes in the ground.

Yeah, me and my bunk mates just said the secrets in the dark we couldn't say in the light.

Anyway, Tarling, that's good.

That's true.

We had a good thing going.

We had a good thing going.

We had a carnal corner down the hallway.

We had a

diarrhea area.

Far away from the sleeping area.

Much in

yours.

It had to be.

Dong Jong, yes.

He says 15 feet, which I think is just way too minimum 15.

I just hear every flap.

Twisted my words clanking.

It has to be downhill of the cardinal corner, too.

Yes.

Of course.

Of course.

You want to create sort of a fecund diameter.

And

what does Faye look like?

I'll keep an eye out for her.

She's got a slack build with high cheekbones, stark white hair, and

I don't know if she'll ever do it, but if you see her smile, she's got a chip right on her front tooth.

All right, and has she taken the black lace?

He looks down.

Very well, we will kill her quickly and personally.

No, no,

what

happens to the people

that we will try.

We will try our best.

Yes, we will try.

I do quotes.

And then I roll my eyes when I'm wearing a helmet.

Sutrak, so help me, I'll chop off those rude fingers.

Welly,

what's gotten into you?

Look at that.

Ooh, a little bog spice.

I think I had too much bog deer.

Yeah, we spent too much time together.

We were getting too familiar with you.

I have indigestion from the bog, dude.

No, it gives you a little bit of a funk.

Darwin, you've been great.

We've learned all kinds of stuff about diarrhea corners and also, more importantly, the keep.

Yeah.

I suppose 20 feet away could be fine.

Yes, I will look for Faye.

Right, but if you

if you can't save her, just do me a favor and quick, clean, make sure she's not a part of Bulrick's plan.

Very well.

Speaking of Bulrick, every lord, every leader has a tell, has a weakness.

Is there anything you can tell us about Bulrick that we could exploit?

He covets and desires power more than anything.

I would say his biggest weakness might be his overconfidence.

He may believe he can fight you without any help.

He may try to prove something to his followers, and he may not see you as a threat, but maybe he'll underestimate you.

All right, and what are the defenses like?

Are we walking into a heavily armed castle that has archers at the guard towers?

What's the situation?

My brethren are stuck back deep in the castle.

They'll let you enter it, but they may not let let you leave.

They'll try to close in,

they'll unleash ungodly beasts that they've created down in the depths.

You'll be hunted once you enter the castle.

Very well.

Okay, before we leave, can I take some bog water and distill it down so that it looks dark and murky as close to this black lace substance as I can make it?

Ah,

a contact.

Perhaps you never know.

With the Lodestar's guidance, I may be able to pull some sort of sleight of hand if we need.

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Yes, we could pretend perhaps that we are there to join them, but

I don't know how convincing we will be.

Yeah, I just mean as like a last-case scenario if they're making us drink it.

Of course.

Darwin nods at that and he says, that's not a bad idea.

Give me one second.

Okay.

And he rushes into his hut and he emerges with some empty vials.

And he says, these are from our own caverns.

You may be able to fool them if you try yes okay perhaps we should douse a little charcoal in there too to darken the color yeah let's just try and mimic how it looks and then we'll each have one on us in in the event that we are being forced to take

very wise

very smart the lodestar works in you welly yeah

thank you boggy darwin uh actually kind of gets a little excited and he he looks at boggy he says you might be unassuming but but you're strong he looks at zudrick and you're cunning and he looks at Welly.

You might have a chance.

You really are going to go in there and oppose Bulrick.

Yeah.

And you know what?

We're supposed to get a thousand gold pieces for this, and you can have half of that.

What?

Under no circumstances.

That's not in writing.

That's absolutely not in writing.

I hold out my hand to show you.

I put your hand away.

500 gold pieces should help you refill.

Way, no.

Because all of us took this food.

I pick up Welly and start walking away.

We're done.

Thank you, Darwin.

As you guys are leaving, he calls out, you're not far, but you still have to cross the Dancing River.

I wouldn't dare fish those waters.

They're as doomed as the castle.

So be careful.

Wait, how do we cross the Dancing River?

And would you say that fishing is a good hobby?

Because we're on the hunt for Zudrich.

Oh, I'm not doing hobbies.

Surely you need a hobby to pass the time.

No, you just stand and have weird conversations.

I'm going to be honest, I barely have a hobby.

I don't even like sonnets.

What?

I think 10 syllables is too many.

Yes.

There you go, Welly.

Anyways, go on.

How do we get off of the Dancing River?

Okay, so

Darwin now jogs up to you guys after you tried to leave him a little bit.

And he says, no matter what, you'll have to cross the Dancing River.

There's a bridge across the Heather Path.

That's the surest way.

You just have to cross it carefully.

All right, very well.

You look after yourselves.

That's my hobby.

It's a good one to perfect.

And with that, he holds up his hand in salute, holding up three fingers, his index, pinky, and his thumb, kind of like an I love you sign.

Whoa.

And he presses them to his head.

He says, May the Lodestar guide you.

May the hilt help you.

And may the ender remember you.

Indeed, I've never heard that.

That's really good.

Thanks, but they haven't done anything yet.

So I'm not going to hold out any hope.

Zudrick, have you ever thought that your attitude is what's keeping them at bay?

Come on, man.

Crash.

Tudric shrugs.

I don't know if they get pissed at that.

I don't know what to tell you.

Sudrick shrugs again.

The gods are gone, but their hope remains, and you must hold on to that.

Why?

The rusty armor just emits a creaking sound as you shrug your shoulders over and over again.

Have you ever wondered if the reason they left is the same thing that's made you so jaded?

Well, yes, perhaps.

And in which case, why wouldn't it be godly to be pessimistic then?

To have given up like them?

I think that we don't know what happened in the war between gods and mortals.

And I prefer to speculate more optimistically.

And if you prefer to speculate pessimistically, then perhaps I will keep my thoughts about the gods to myself.

I don't want you to keep your thoughts to myself.

I'm really good at repressing feelings.

Specifically, thoughts.

Because thoughts are what create feelings.

Last thing I want is for you to picture a gloved hand, and then you feel the reaction to it.

Welly, why don't we both be more receptive to each other?

And I will lead the charge on that.

Yeah, no, it's fine.

Everything's good.

Everyone, take your fake files.

All right.

Thank you.

Your bottom's up.

No, not yet.

Sorry.

Definitely.

It's just bog water, man.

You hand me a shot.

I'm going to drink it.

Okay, so we need to get to this dancing river.

And I guess cross this bridge.

But I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Sorry, I've been hanging out with you two too long.

What a bully jest from you, sir.

Darwin's Darwin's full-belly laugh echoes in the clearing,

and his last message echoes in your ears until his words give way to the rush of a river ahead.

Through the sparse tree cover, you can see where the earth slopes downward into a wide babbling brook.

Dappled with light, the water glints and dances like a sequin-draped ball gown twirling under a chandelier.

There's no mistaking it.

This is the dancing river.

How are you guys approaching it?

We'll look for the bridge.

Yeah, is there a bridge?

Yes.

Give me a perception check.

I'll give someone advanced

12.

19.

So Welly,

maybe you're riding ahead and as you approach the river, Welly, you see two large wooden posts stand beside the river, charred at the base.

As you move closer, you can smell the acrid scent of burnt oak.

And now, Welly,

you can see the ashen remains of a wooden bridge, half sunken and scattered along the riverbank.

Beside the water, a large slate-gray stone bears a message scrawled in blood: Travelers go home.

That's not very considerate.

We're not going to listen to that sign.

The opposite of a welcome, Matt.

Can I do a perception check on the water to see if it's run afoul in some way?

Sure.

15.

No, it does not look like the water has run afoul.

It's crystal clear, rushing water.

It doesn't look terribly deep.

It looks like the current is strong, but like you guys could potentially ford it on your horses.

I think if we are good to leave our horses here, what if we made a rope bridge and then you, Zudrich, you could use your lance to launch yourself across and carry the rope bridge with you.

How far across the river is it?

Maybe 40 feet.

I can't do that.

I think you're going to have to take your armor off, otherwise you will absolutely drown.

Yes, not going to do that either.

Okay.

Are there any rock outcroppings like in the middle so that I could do like a halfway jump?

Yes, Zudrick, now that you ask, there is in the middle kind of like a gravel bar,

a drift of rocks making a small island pretty much in the center of this river.

Okay, I can get...

15 feet off of my lance.

I could probably get to the middle there and use Wellie's plan.

I'll sit down and knot together like a little rope bridge.

So, Willie, you construct a knotted rope bridge, kind of like a rope ladder with all of your guys' traveling gear.

Can we test this?

So it seems like the waters aren't corrupted from what Wellie saw.

Why don't we just see what we're up against?

Can I just throw a little piece?

I assume we just have some meat on us.

I just toss some meat into the water.

Oh, don't toss the meat, man.

Come on.

There's pebbles of plenty.

You toss the meat into the river, it rushes away.

I hate running water.

All right.

It's disgusting.

The water's too clean.

I love running water.

Running water is what takes the rough earth rocks and tumbles it into something smooth and perfect.

Ah, yes.

Running water also, I think, is how you know that the water is clean.

Oh, that bog water is very bad for you, Boggy.

Again, I don't know much about survival stuff, but it's real huge red flag that you drink bog water.

To each their own, friend.

The amount of mosquito eggs you eat.

Yes.

Give me a constitution saving throw.

Oh, chicken eggs are fine, but mosquito eggs are not okay.

All of a sudden.

Okay, that's a 22.

Amazing.

God, this is maybe Boggy has the right of it.

Cool.

I will run forwards, clanking on the ground, shove my lance in, and go 15 feet across to the rocky.

outcropping in the middle, holding the rope that

Willie had tied together.

So you take the rope in your gloved hand, you crunch across the gritty sand along the bank of the river, you dig your lance in, and you pull vault yourself across the shifting stones and over the cold coursing water, and you land in that mid-channel bar, the gravel shifting underfoot.

Okay.

Bully, he's done it.

Well, halfway done it.

Just alright, seems fine.

Just keep going the rest of the way.

And you leap again?

Yes, let's do it.

Going to lance in the ground and launch myself another 15 feet across.

Alright.

You plant your lance in the gravel, pull vault again, and boom, you land on the other side of the river, feet smacking into the wet grass of the opposite riverbank.

Okay.

Yes.

Okay.

I'm going to tie up the rope on this side and I'll tie it up on this side.

Okay.

All right.

I think Darwin was, you know, perhaps just being overly vigilant, which is of course good.

Yeah, I'm going to, I don't trust my dexterity, so I'm gonna try and climb across by like

underneath it.

Yes, okay, like monkey bars.

Yeah.

Yes, I'll go behind Wellie

and prepare an action to catch her if she falls.

Okay, Wellie, give me an athletics check as you swing across the river.

21.

All right.

So, Welly, you are swinging athletically across this rope bridge hand over hand.

I think I am still thinking of everything that Zudrich has been saying, and I think that I am starting to feel pessimism creep in.

As you feel that pessimism creeping in, gripping the rope bridge tighter and tighter, you look down and you see this flowing water.

The crystal clear current begins to darken.

At first, it looks like sediment.

but the color is unnaturally dark.

And besides that, it's thickening.

Now it's not even moving in the right direction at all.

Welly, below your swinging feet, the river stalls and swirls, then it rises.

Right below you, the leaden water pulls upward, unnaturally high.

A shape forms reaching out for you: two arms, a mouth, an imposing figure made from the river itself.

And as it does, you realize, much to your horror, that this figure is not the only threat.

Everybody, roll initiative.

Seven.

17.

I get advantage on initiative now because of my rod.

19.

Foggy, in that case, you are going to act first, but before you do, let me tell you what else is happening.

In addition to this aberrant water figure that is reaching for Welly's dangling legs, you also see bursting from the remnants of the Ashen Bridge below you an enormous river beast, a monstrous crustacean with pincers like gleaming hooks, and a maw of grasping tentacles moving almost hypnotically and dripping with ink.

And beneath its feet, rising from the muck, a writhing mass of leeches surging across the water, a slithering tide moving towards the bank that you are currently standing on.

And Boggy, you are first.

Well, I found our dinner.

Let's get out of here.

Let's just leave the river.

Get Welly, and let's go.

I'm trying.

I think I'm going to pull out my blades and try and slice this thing as I grab Welly and push forward.

Go ahead, make an attack.

Nap 20.

Whoa!

All right.

Nine damage.

Okay.

And then I'll do my offhand attack with my rapier.

Does a 13 hit.

It does just.

Woo!

All right.

You're not fit to drink, friend.

And that's saying something.

So that's just going to be four more damage.

You see that this thing reaching for Welly is still angry, but it is a little diminished.

Okay.

And is there anything else you can do?

I think I'm just kind of like getting a slasher that Welly and I can get free.

Just trying to like slasher this thing to distract it so that Welly and I can keep moving.

Okay.

So go ahead and give me an athletics check.

That is going to be a six, but you know what?

I'll go ahead and use Tactical Mind.

I'll let it detain to that.

Okay.

That's a nine total.

Okay.

So as you slash into this water monster, you try to navigate around Welly, try to hurry her along, and you miss a rope and you tumble down, hitting the gravel and the gravel island below in the middle of the river.

And that is this water monster's turn.

It's going to, even though you're down here, it's still reaching for Welly, so it's gonna try and grab her.

Okay.

That's only a 13 to hit.

Misses!

Okay, it reaches up, and Boggy has diminished it enough its arm is just out of reach of you, and now that is Zudric's turn.

Okay, I'm going to...

My lance has a reach of 10 feet, so I'll go like five feet in, just stepping a little bit in, and I'll reach my lance out, preparing an action, essentially, to pull anyone from the middle island to the other side.

Alright, so you are preparing to help anybody across the river who is stuck on that middle island and now Boggy you hear the crunching and the splashing of this monster crustacean coming towards you.

It is going to make two attacks.

A 17 to hit.

Ah, come to give me a watery grave, have you?

That hits.

A 17 and a 13.

13 will miss.

Okay, so it does get one of its giant pincers around you.

You're going to take 12 damage as it squeezes your waist.

Ow!

He's dead.

We have to go.

This time for real, he's dead.

Maybe you're right.

Wait, Willie was.

And Boggy, as you're in this thing's hand and its hypnotic tentacles are reaching towards you, you're going to need to give me a constitution save.

Oh.

Good God, we need to get out of here.

Been good at those thus far.

Not now, though.

Uh, that's an eight.

Good god.

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait.

Do I have a reaction even though I haven't gone yet?

You would, yeah?

Okay, when I see Boggy get hit, I'm gonna say, activate Lodestar.

And I'm gonna use my rune that when I see a creature within 30 feet of you get hit by an attack roll, I can use my reaction to choose a different creature other than the attacker within 30 feet.

Whoa.

So I'm going to like guide that crustacean to attack the water.

Sick.

Okay, so this thing reaches out.

It has its giant pincer around Boggy's waist.

And just before it goes to constrict you, Welly shouts something from the rope bridge that makes it redirect its pincer and chop over at this water monster for 13 damage.

This thing is actually looking much worse for wearing.

Oh, Inda's ass.

I thought it was fish food.

I could have sworn I got pinched.

What was that?

It's the Lodestar.

But, Boggy, you are not out of the woods yet.

You're standing there in the river and you see this tide of leeches swimming towards you.

They are going to take an attack.

Shout out to the two crew.

All right.

Your boots are so waterproof.

So they're gnawing at your boots and you're not able to break through.

You fools.

How do you think I keep my blood so clean?

I grab a couple leeches and I put them on my arm.

Those are bad leeches, I think.

Boggy.

You got to get the excess bog water out somehow.

Don't you know anything about tempers, man?

Wellie, that is now your turn.

What I want to do is I want to go into Might of the Gods and try to jump down, grab Boggy, and then jump back up.

Okay, so you want to jump down, grab Boggy, and then try to jump back up using Zudrick's lance.

Yeah.

I see you like...

Okay, do you like double in size, right?

You get like huge?

I think that it's...

Well, I think someone who believes in the gods, I would look like I was bigger, but I think to Zudrich, you wouldn't see it.

Yeah.

Big body is underwater, and like it's the distortion of the water to him that makes you bigger.

Yeah, yeah.

Whoa.

So I just, I think I'm, I'm feeling really conflicted, but if I let Zudrick's words affect me, I'll lose everything I can do.

And so I'm just gonna try and clear my mind and believe.

Okay.

Just do it.

Just do it.

So Welly relies on the strength of her convictions and the strength of her runes.

Yeah.

And you are going to jump down into the chaos and try to grab Boggy and escape.

Yeah.

Give me a strength check.

I do it with advantage.

It's okay, Wellie.

The Ender's boot heel comes for us all.

16.

16.

Wellie, you're hanging onto this rope bridge.

You grow dramatically in size.

Boggy's looking up from the river.

His view is distorted from the water.

Zudrick, maybe because you don't believe or maybe because there's light streaming in through your helm, but you don't see how large Welly has gotten.

But you jump down, crunching onto the gravel.

You grab Boggy in your large arms.

Is this it?

Am I being crushed by the ender?

Not yet, Boggy.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all I've done in this.

This rippling flesh the ender's thighs.

I'm a weak man.

But you're able to secure Boggy and you are jumping to the other side of the river with Zudrick's help.

All of these monsters are going to take opportunity attacks on you.

Water monster is oh shit.

Rolled a 23 to hit you.

That hit.

Okay.

But I'll take the damage, right?

I can take the damage and still be moving.

Yeah.

Do your worst.

So you take 12 damage from this water beast.

This lobster beast is also going to take one pinch at you.

That is a 19 to hit.

That hit

only eight damage, but since it did hit, you have to give me a constitution save

as its tentacles reach out to grab you as well.

That's a 19.

Yes.

You're able to resist the poison tentacles.

You stare into them and you say, you know what?

Maybe this isn't as hopeless as I thought.

And just as you do that, the leeches are going to make one final last-ditch effort at Boggy.

That is only a four.

Your boots are so fucking waterproof.

And you guys flop flop sodden and bleeding on the other side of the river.

I'm really hurt.

Wellie.

Well done, Willie.

Do you need a potion?

Yes.

Good work.

Maybe if we just rest for a little bit before we approach this castle, I could feel better.

Let's put some distance between ourselves and the river.

Also, let's, I don't know.

This feels weird, but we gotta throw like a pebble at the horses or something so that they run away, because I don't want them trying to go near the the water.

I chuck a javelin at the horses.

No, no, no, no.

Oh, Wiley, come on.

Really good aim.

It's just gonna go right through their hooves.

Oh, okay, that's fine.

Yes, as long as you just scare them.

Okay.

Okay, give me an attack roll.

No!

No, it's his campaign.

He can kill as many horses as he wants.

Twelve.

That's fine.

You didn't hit a horse.

I pulled them back and we put it some distance between ourselves and the river.

Okay.

And you see the horses also absent-mindedly munching on grass.

They see the javelin fly overhead.

They turn and meander back towards Mudtown.

Yeah.

So, Willie, that was amazing.

Something happened.

I saw a light about you dancing.

Really?

Are you sure it just wasn't a trick of the water?

I don't know.

It could have been a trick of water.

It could have been the leeches sucking on my eyeballs.

I know not what it was.

They got your eyeballs?

Holy shit, we need an autometrist.

No, it's fine.

it's fine.

You want him to suck on them a little bit.

You don't want your eyes to fold.

Parasites now?

Oh, you did before.

Yes, he did.

He's drinking the bog water.

But yes, Willie, I would not have thought it possible for you to lift Baki over your head and be able to jump to the other side.

That was quite impressive.

Thank you.

It's fine.

It's nothing.

Well, no, it is.

It's something, certainly.

Yes, yeah.

Yeah, it's no big deal.

Right, you well, you did something good, and that's good.

Well, thank you.

Well, thank you for your lance.

To uh, you know, get back on to solid ground and away from a river that was trying to attack us.

Yes, indeed.

This calls for a song.

I hand the loot to Zudrick.

Zudric turns around and throws an axe at whoever is attacking him.

Surely yours is a setup, Baki.

You've got magic fingers, friend.

I know it.

I absolutely

learning to play the guitar.

Okay, it's like lesson one I got attacked.

Ah.

All right.

I'd give anything for another flute boy, and I think that you have the potential.

I guarantee I don't.

So you guys caught some rest on the side of the trail, but you press on on foot now, so it takes you a little bit longer.

But before the end of the day, the sun is low in the air, and a few yards ahead of you, you see a sharp drop-off.

This is a deep ravine.

At the top of the ravine, there's a giant willow tree.

just starting to bud and it clings to the ridge with its exposed root system digging into the cliffside like talents.

Tied around this tree, you see a thick rope.

Oh, that makes sense.

Personally, I do not like to see ropes hanging from trees.

I have bad experience with those in the past.

Sure.

Shall we try to tug the rope, I suppose?

Yeah, tug it.

Okay,

I also don't really like holes, so I'll sit this one out.

Sure, I go over and I tug on the rope.

Okay, you can give me an inspection check with advantage.

Oh, yeah.

A dirty 20.

Great.

You know, you could even pull up this rope, tug at it, tug at the knot.

This is secure.

Shall we proceed?

Yeah, yeah, lead the way.

All right.

I just go over and I do just a video game like jump down the rope where I go so fast down and get such rug burn on my hands.

Wow.

You see steam coming off of my gauntlets as I just go down so fast.

Loose playing fingers.

Zudrick, without hesitation, just drops into the abyss.

Give me an acrobatics check.

18.

You speed down this ravine, clenching your gauntlet just at the right time to slow your fall, and you crunch onto the hard earth below.

Is this descending into the castle?

This is descending kind of into the ravine where the castle sunk into, where it sunk into the earth.

I think Wellie's going to take her time because she's looking for any evidence of times before.

So I think she's going to go down slowly and see if there's anything written on the walls or Wellie, take this.

Boggy's going to hand Wellie the rod of alertness and he's going to take his flint and Tinder and light the top of it so that it will shed bright light within 60 feet.

Okay.

I'm like spelunking and like looking around looking for murals or anything like that.

Okay, great.

So give me an acrobatics check and you can also give me a perception check.

Acrobatics is a seven.

Oh boy.

Perception is a 14.

There you go.

I'm really neglecting my rope climbing.

Don't get distracted, Willie.

As you're going down, you look up and you see this willow tree just beginning to bud on the side of the cliff.

And now that you're looking up at it, you can see its exposed root system.

And this does look like something that you carved.

This looks like the ender's sigil, the tree tree with the roots growing underneath.

Is that you?

As you whisper that, you let go of the rope a little too much, a little too loose, and you start to tumble down.

Give me a dex save.

14.

Great.

You catch the rope just in time, just before you hit the ground below.

Zudrick, you see Belly seemingly falling towards you.

I have like a look of religious awe on my face, and then I start falling.

Oh no.

I knew you wouldn't have been.

You come to your senses just before impact, almost like something nudged you to grab the rope and you do and your feet hit solid ground.

Boggy, that is you if you want to give me an acrobatics check to get down.

Indeed.

14.

Okay.

Boggy, you make it down as well.

All three of you guys are down in the ravine now, looking up at the ridge, the sunlight and warmth of your campsite, of your journey today, of the battle in the water, they're all a distant memory.

The air in the ravine is thick with cold.

A small stream skitters and crackles over the rocks behind you.

Beyond the stream is a blanket of dead leaves, and beyond that, you see the gaping mouth of the castle.

The hermits have been at work here, just like Darwin said.

Parts of the castle that had been engulfed by earth have been excavated, including large parts of the castle's facade.

A hazy ray of the last light breaks through the branches of the giant willow tree above and lands on the exposed archway.

Carved into the crumbling stone is the castle's name.

This is a celestial carving above the castle door.

Yeah.

Wellie, you can read this.

Yeah.

The castle's name is the Dawnhold.

The Dawnhold.

And we have this.

I clutch the vial at my neck that Sir Dyer gave us.

And this is called Daybreak.

The Dawnhold.

Do any of the deities that I have learned to worship, like, are any of them associated with the sun?

Wellie, you've studied this at the Order of the Oak and Ore, so give me a history check with advantage.

15.

Wellie, you know the Dawnhold.

The Dawnhold is the old keep of Lenark Summer, the last princess to live in the Age of Stories.

Wait, really?

This is the.

Do you two know about the Age of Stories and the war between gods and mortals that ended it?

I know the song.

I know some of it, yes.

Well, it all started because everyone was fighting for the love of the Princess Lenarc.

This is her keep.

Oh,

Endus Chin.

Do you think this is where the stories end?

Could be.

Below the castle's name, elven words are carved into the stone.

Salsoe, salnu.

Wellie, you also study this language.

Yeah, studying is what we do.

While I breathe, I hope.

Below these words, the opening to the castle is ink black.

The dawn hold beckons to swallow you.

like it swallowed so many before.

And that's where we'll end our session.

Unto the dawn.

It's crazy that

we were thinking about faith and hope.

And then we have this thing of while I breathe, I hope.

Very cool.

That was very poetic.

Sweet.

We'll talk about this more over on our Patreon, patreon.com/slash nadpod.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

Don't sing yet.

Oh, yeah.

Go to it.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?

I cannot see.

Yeah, I want to plug a game that Murph and I have been playing called Lorelei and the Laser Eye.

It's a puzzle game.

It's so fucking.

I believe it's been out for a few years, but we had a friend recommend it to us and it is like the only game that has held my attention in this way in a while.

We have put hours into it.

Yeah, we did.

Delightful hours.

A 20-hour weekend into it.

Yeah.

Incredible.

It was really fun.

It's by the people that made Yearwalk, right?

Yes, by the people who made Yearwalk, which if you like Year Walk, I love Year Walk.

You should.

It's amazing.

The puzzles are hard-hard in a very fun fun way yes challenge me daddy it's just random it's a it's a video game that says by the way you should have a notebook handy while you play this yeah which is great yeah new rules can't beat it yes uh oh i've got something fun to plug cool i'm doing a fun little thing uh with some folks you might know matt mercer and freddie wong we're gonna be doing a creator karaoke event for charity

um we're actually we're gonna be like singing along with a crowd and competing in karaoke uh and i think whoever wins gets to donate more money to their charity but all of the money money goes to charity, I believe.

I'm going to be singing for Emily's sister's legal film.

Central American Legal Assistant.

No shoes.

That's so cool.

So it's going to be at the Vermont Theater on April 4th, I believe.

The tickets are at, tickets are available now.

Tickets are at dice.fm.

It's called Creator Karaoke, April 4th.

It's me, Freddie Wong, and Matt Mercer.

It should be a lot of fun.

Very cool.

Great URL.

Dice.fm.

Yeah.

It's novegeta.fm.

You have to win.

No pressure.

No pressure.

And with that, we'll go ahead and wrap this one up.

Thank you all so much for listening.

You can follow us on social media that remain random at us at sahversme at Calde Scaldall at Axtro Demoley and at ShaCourts to Jake.

And you can tweet about the show using hashtag NADPOT.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

Who we are, who we are, the youth of the nation.

We are, we are, the youth of the nation.

It's the end of the show, and you know what that means?

It's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D., Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later Mixgater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Prudence, Travascus, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T.

Balnor's Boy, Huid's Friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Crayfei, Christopher B., Daniel R., Jordan L, Cyborg Version of Josh the Kobold, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the unemployed, but it was a toxic job, so it's not a bad thing.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that then.

Princess Yar, Jory S., Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bahumia, Mike H., Elka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Heredrian, Carborough Chapel Hill, FPV, Rex Thaniel the White, Cece Lulu, Old Cobb's Duncle, Older Burn, Erq Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R.

Reiko, Calder Comes Cold, Shoutout to the Cold Companions, Frosty Facial, Taylor B.

Maybe the Real Treasure was the friends we made along the way.

Cass, Strong, Grinch, Stephen, the virtuous pagan guide of Bear Hell Sea,

Mike K, Nick W.

William W.

Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Ananorama, Percival Frederick Stein, von Mussel, Klose Oski, Derollo III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock, mayonnaise, hegemony.

I don't know how to say that word,

Ben A.

Dave H, Dustin S, not that Nick, Danny F., Hawkeye Pierce, Book Vars Assistant, Izzy F,

Big Bad John DPC is awesome Hashtag Honor the Cock Shown the shade dream mechanic of Zelbildar

Summer Rose Grantaire Mark the Dark Lord's Taint Cat C Mesa of House and Zunza Ariel the occasional mermaid Selena and Velacey Raptor B Perky always

Pat L Maxwell J Lauren H Serve 16, Annie the Faywild Therapist, Connor S.

Salil, BioQuirt 7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat was innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style, the tournament, Valen, Paj the bitch and bunny bard, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywog Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, everything Bago the Eladron, who just wants to hang out with his pet Badger Stripey, Reverend Chotcherbones.

I think that one's new for me, and that's a delight.

Han, Eric B.

Marcos, learns the balance, Druid, Frida M., Maggie, Holly the green, laughing hyena, Cal misses the D5s with all her heart, Aaron B.

Russell H, a monk named Dilgo.

Cody C, Lorelei, the succubi and Kira the succulent snack.

McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yaunt and young, Andrew and Sid.

John Adams, we can be done with the presidential puns.

Meg, the mail carrier of Bahumia, James F.

Austin S, Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them turned to page 69.

Shane C, Burpo, Good Barrel, Bird Barian, Garrett G, one big curd, Renee the monster captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the soap opera cleric who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troupe.

You're in.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Damon, son of the one merchant named John, Valkyrie, the Gert Sea Brother, Anthony, the braddest braddest of dudes.

Jay, the fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local heading zoo.

Yeet!

Cantrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian.

Lexi, loves the two crew, Roger L., No Drog, the Pass-a-Fist Barbarian, Gino T, John Luca, Tristan, the talentless honk, Leon K, legendary hero of Bohumia from a future campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S.

Alexander, Lins W, Johnny Dude K, Pavu Eskinar, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Tim M.

T.R.

MLG Cheeto, Shell B.

Kenna's first favorite sprite girl skulking around Skaldova, surreptitiously feeding Zudrick's crow so they become her friends.

Snails, who's infecting Worcester for within.

Sir Welly's sultry secret sacred sapphic sonnet.

Mima Sky Days, Megan N.

Anthony B.

Savannah H.

Balnor's best friend, Steve.

Stephanie of House and Zunza.

Benjamin A.

Gimli the Corgi, Papa and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A.

Josh H.

Pilot of the Nightmare Verse Flight.

Froky, the two crew blew through.

Jennery, Ethan the Mailman, Maple, the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Seth E.

Billy Batson, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, Michael Lyle S.

II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Dex Prittlewell, Hannah A.

Raw, Ace Dreg's High Lord of Critzburg, Darius D, the guy from that one thing.

Vinn Diagram, Cadamilius the Consumed, a gun, banjo boy of the Flatlands with two working kidneys, Bird of Holding, Clinton P.

Grinchful Cam, the Grinch Frogman, Dean, Jake W.

Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer, not the porn star, Steve Law, Tyler M.

Alex G, Zibida Beckery, Kaylee of the Order of the Oaken Ore.

Oh, hello friend.

Katerina C.

Lady Jacqueline P of Castle Whitestone.

Greg W wants the D20 truck nuts that Jake thought up.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Literally Satan.

That's not me editorializing the last one.

That is another member.

Chupac Aubrey, Boney is Dead, Cohen Pace, The Duke of Silk's Missing Son, The Waterworth, Nick, and finally, Amy.

Thank you all so much for supporting us.

We love you.

And a wet one.

Goodbye, sweeties.

That was a head gum podcast.