Skaldova - Ep. 4: The Dawn Hold

This is a head gum podcast.

Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.

This is not another DD podcast.

Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody.

Skaldova!

Hit me with it.

I am your dungeon master, Jake Hurwitz, here with Brian Murphy.

Swearing off hobbies to do jade jobbies, Zudrick of the murder.

Whoa, Emily Axford.

Feeling a bit queer from all the bach deer.

It's Willie Handam.

You get used to it.

And of course, we've got Caldwell Tanner.

Oh, your mossy pal with eyes of blue will be beside you through and through.

It's Boggy Roger.

This bog's for you.

Wow.

That's right.

He is a bitch.

That's your Valentine.

That's the Bobby Valentine.

I'm sponsored by Anheuser-Busch.

This Valentine is very wordy and sponsored by Budweiser.

What the fuck?

Fucking Roger.

Just cracks a Budweiser.

And before you drink that, how about a little recap?

No, dude.

I remember.

I remember everything.

I remember.

Let's go.

I attack.

Whoa.

I attack the castle.

Look at the castle, dude.

I attack Zutric.

What?

Ow!

I'm dead.

Actually, that's good.

Fuck, I'm dead.

I attack my preconceptions.

Wow.

That's really good.

Okay, I forgot that Boggy was so introspective.

I actually do need a recap.

Take it away, Jason.

Yes.

Last time, our three peculiar adventurers continued on their journey to Cave Castle, meeting an old resident along the way.

Darwin Wednesday, a former scared one, told you that Bulrick the Banished discovered Black Lace deep in the caverns of the Old Keep and now is planning a ritualistic offering in order to wield its dark power.

You made your way across the Dancing River, narrowly avoiding a deadly encounter in its treacherous waters.

You waxed passionately about the gods, about pessimism and hope, and also about the merits of hobbies and murdering your brother.

I love that that was all under the umbrella of we.

I think we all talked about that.

It happens to everyone.

Finally, you descended into the ravine where the castle now rests, and on the descent, Welly saw the Ender's sign in a willow tree.

Then, in turning, all three of you saw the name of the castle and the words of House Summer, And that is where we are now.

How is While I Breathe, I Hope written?

Is it carved?

Yes, so there's like a giant carving that says Donhold, and then arched, kind of carved into the archway, are the words Salsoa Salnu.

Sort of a subtitle for the castle.

Exactly.

So I look for a colon.

Hey, we're not in the diarrhea corner, right?

Come on now.

Sutrick, when did you take up so much of the

so much of the mantle of comedy?

I'm just trying it on.

Wow, maybe comedy is his hobby.

I'm just trying it on.

I have a really blue sense of humor.

Because normally, I've seen many a bard perform, and they just get periled with all sorts of stuff.

Turnips, parsnips, all sorts of root vegetables.

Wow, now that's one way to make a salad.

Sure.

Wow, that's awesome.

Hell damn, thank you, ma'am.

Awesome.

You know what it is?

She's quick.

She's really quick.

Light on her.

Damn, thank you, ma'am.

I'm going to write that down as the name of my first special.

That's really excellent.

I feel like I'm part of an improv troupe.

God damn it.

Amidst

all of this reverie,

I think Wellie wants to put her fingers up and feel the grooves of the rock that

while I hope I breathe is written into.

Wow.

Okay.

So you guys are still a bit away from the castle, but I'll let you do that as you approach.

We all walk very fast towards the castle.

Yeah, we're shuffle.

We're hopped up on camaraderie.

Things are flowing, right?

We're bouncing off each other.

Dancing River's got nothing on us.

Your giggles are echoing in the cavern of this horrifying ravine.

It's so dark.

It's so fucking dark.

I'm waving around the light while we giggle.

Zeldric is Nerudo running ahead.

He's coming.

Zeldric's skipping in his armor as crows flying overhead.

Who are these characters?

Boggy tries to do a little wall jump, but rolls his ankle real bad.

Wow.

You guys have gotten...

You're hyper for some reason.

Welly.

I think impending doom makes me a bit punchy.

What is Willie about to do?

Because there's someone here who's crying before she speaks.

Wellie, what is going on?

What are you doing?

Puts her hands on her knees and does that little

dance where you move your hands.

Is it the Charleston?

Is that what it is?

It's called.

I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it's called.

You feel like your knees are clacking and your hands are moving in front of your knees.

That's great.

I'm so sorry.

That just tickled me, that little refrain that we just did.

So Wellie does that dance as the castle facade looms in front of you.

The last home of the last princess, the one whose favor was so fiercely sought after that it brought the world to its knees.

The hopeful inscription carved in the stone stands as a stark contrast to the forlorn keep, though you guys are doing what you can to brighten the mood.

The darker the night, the brighter the fire, I say.

I think Welly's getting giddy with the boys, but then she sees the contrast of the shadow of the carved rocks and remembers why she's here.

Great.

The mood shifts as you guys approach, because beyond the castle face, the towering stone walls of the ravine rise behind it, so it seems to get larger as you approach.

The main gate is almost serving as an imposing welcome to the cave itself.

So, tell me again, how are you approaching once you all stop skipping and goading each other?

Yeah, well, I mean, obviously, Willie's hopped up on her encounter with the ender.

I think Willie's gonna turn to Boggy.

Boggy, I think that maybe as we proceed, we might want to put this out.

And I hold out the rod of alertness.

Oh, yes, yes, this would absolutely draw unwanted attention of all sorts.

Okay.

Yes.

Does that seem like the right move, Sue?

Maybe, first things first, we should at least light up the front of the castle and make sure there's no one poking out a window with like crossbow bolts or something like that.

Yes.

Oh, right.

Yes.

Let's check for slits.

Always check for slits.

You gotta check for slits, sir.

Sir, I need to use the cardinal corner.

Start up already.

Oh, no.

We are not stopping for the carnal corner.

We're not turning around for the carnal corner.

I'm not gonna tell you, Ellie.

You saw the ender symbol.

Don't do it anymore.

the carnal corners for the end of this day.

We're not taking any carnal corners.

You gotta hold it.

You gotta hold it.

Yeah, someone hold the rod.

No carnal corners, all right?

Oh, my God.

Hold the rod up to the slit and let's see if there's anything in there, okay?

How dare you guys?

Stop, everyone, okay?

I worked on this all week.

Yeah.

I was being fucking funny before, but now I'm serious about being vigilant.

Someone take the rod and hold it up to the slit.

My manzotta, you have to get on stage.

Roll fucking perception perception checks.

I feel like this is the moment where you fully understand what it's like to be MRF.

Yes.

Okay, so

whoever's using the rod of alertness can do it with advantage, and then I will give the help action to the other person.

What is your perception?

Mine is quite bad.

Oh, mine's okay.

Plus three.

I'll give you the help action.

Okay, quite used to looking out for now 20.

Oh, oh.

I'm really mad right now.

I'm like, I'm being completely serious.

I was joking around the floor, but I am not joking around now.

And I'm just like fully shoving my head into the castle, looking around.

So yeah, as you are approaching the castle looking for slits in

the facade.

Wellie blushes.

You notice that before you even arrive at the castle, this blanket of dead leaves before the entrance.

It seems as if the wind rustles everything, all of the dead

all around this ravine.

But this pile of leaves is almost undisturbed in front of the doorway.

And with your nat 20,

that's a fucking pit trap.

It's a pit trap, isn't it?

God damn it.

I take a rock and I throw it in the pit trap.

Classic.

Or it could be someone camouflaged.

No, it's a fucking pit trap.

I know it's a pit trap.

I know a pit trap when I see when I throw a rock at it.

Is it a pit trap?

It's a fucking pit trap, man.

The ground.

Oh, I told you.

Hunger.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, I didn't.

I wasn't born freaking yesterday.

Someone tried to kill me like two days ago.

When were you born?

When was I born?

Don't worry about it.

I am reborn every day.

Are you immortal and the helmet is the only thing keeping your brain?

No, I'm 25 years old.

I'm older than you.

Really?

Okay, okay, okay.

Pit trap averted.

All right, well done.

Is there anything else in the pit?

I look in the pit.

Bones.

Bones!

In the pit, you see the loose dirt and the rotted foliage laying on a bed of rusted spikes.

You narrowly avoided it.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, that would have been us.

That could have been you.

Daddy, I know you have a habit of falling, but this would have been your worst fall, yes.

Ooh, indeed.

Normally, I like to fall after some good drink in a long day, but falling into this pit would be no fun.

Hold my hand so I can go down and see if there's any sort of poisonous icor on the spikes.

Of course it would form a human chain.

Yeah, can we form a human chain so I can see if they have any sort of bespoke poison that they use?

Sure.

Yeah, you guys form a human chain.

I won't make you roll.

These are just really sharp, rusted spikes.

Ooh, rusted.

Careful.

Yeah, tetanus is the greatest poison of all the stuff.

You might have gotten tetanus.

That's too true.

So, Zudric, that was a great time to start taking things seriously.

And now all that is ahead of you is the archway.

But Wellie, you wanted to try to run your fingers fingers across the carving, right?

Yeah, I just want to feel closer to a time when the gods walked this earth and Princess Lenark and everything she represented.

Sure, yeah.

Do you want to give me an arcana check?

Yeah, and I also kind of want to fiddle to see if it's like if you pull out a stone or something, if that does anything.

All right.

So three on the die becomes a five.

All right, so that's a five.

And do you want to give me a sleight of hand check to kind of try to feel the stones to see if anything is loose?

Oh, I have an advantage on that.

13.

All right.

As you're running your fingers across this message, a tiny little piece of rubble comes loose in your hand.

You didn't feel anything as you touched the inscription, but this pebble...

I love a pebble.

Yeah.

In contrast with the rest of the ravine that has a chill, the pebble feels warm to the touch.

Oh.

Pebble feels warm.

Can I do a history check on the pebble to see if it's from this ravine or if it's a significant stone from elsewhere?

Sure, yeah.

She's been staring at that pebble for a long time.

I feel like we're spending a lot of time on the pebble.

10.

The pebble itself, you don't feel like is particularly special, but it is a piece, a little remnant of the past.

And well, you've always desired to be closer to the age of stories, and now you're actually touching a relic from those times.

Oh, I clutch it to my breast so tightly, tightly, and I'm just beam.

I'm so happy.

Perhaps a good addition to your sigil.

Oh,

yes, I could.

I could do that, though.

I am a fraud for even wearing this sigil to begin with.

Well,

what better way to make it your own than by remaking it with pebbles you find along the way?

Oh, wow.

You don't have to use exclusively pebbles.

You could.

No, I love pebbles.

All right.

I love it.

I feel like we're really getting ahead of ourselves.

We might all die in like an hour or so.

Let's proceed carefully.

Look out for pit traps.

Look out for like spikes coming out of the walls.

Look out for like if Welly is secretly a double agent is gonna stab us in the back or if Boggy is a double agent is gonna try to kill you while you're brand new tar.

Indushins, all these things have happened to you, haven't they?

Of course.

Yes, as Willie's head goes into the cloud, Zudrix stays grounded.

And you guys step through the gaping entrance into what was once a vast reception hall.

An impossibly high vaulted ceiling extends above you and disappears into disorienting blackness.

On the opposite wall is a dais, a splintered platform where the princess may have once welcomed guests.

Behind it, chipped stone carvings cling to a crumbling mezzanine above.

Drape from the stonework, a forgotten banner hangs in rags.

The floor is slick with water and rife with jutting, jagged stones.

To your left is a turret that is fully collapsed, the rubble spilling through the doorway into the great hall.

Beyond the rubble is a row of arched windows, cracked and buckling, straining under the weight of the encroaching mountain wall.

At the end of those windows is a darkened archway.

Then, to your right, a line of worn pillars extends the length of the great hall, their surfaces pitted and eroded.

At the end of this row of pillars, a large double doorway bound in iron is closed, a massive wooden crossbar resting heavily across it.

Okay, so first things first, I'm going to do a quiet crow call.

I call my crows.

They perch on your gauntlet and on your massive armor.

Yeah, I hold my hand up.

One crow perches on your helm.

We must be vigilant.

You will be difficult to see in the darkness if you could look ahead and see if anyone is spying on us.

Thank you, my friends.

And I stick my hand out to let them go.

Zoday, I've been meaning to ask, can you make sure that the crows don't watch us while we sleep?

Because it was just a little creepy waking up and and

an inch from my nose.

Look, I don't have hobbies, but they have hobbies.

They like to watch.

One of their hobbies is people watching.

Well, if it's a hobby, then I'm okay with it.

Yes, maybe I'll send the crows down the

quietly.

Tabitha,

lead the others down the dark archway while we investigate this room.

And you're basically asking them, is there anyone in that room?

Yeah, I don't have an ability to talk to them or anything.

I can just do Animal Messenger as a ritual.

So I think I'm just trying to see if they have any kind of stress response or anything like that.

I have advantage on like animal handling checks.

So I'm just sending them like, ahead, if you see anything weird, preen hard.

So they go into that room, they preen hard, they fly back, and they don't seem any more or less agitated.

There's nothing visible to them in that room.

They must be deeper.

Or if I were to case a joint and prepare an ambush, these pillars seem like

a very juicy vantage.

Oh, yes.

Let's look behind the pillars.

Yeah, maybe I'll just light a torch because I feel like a torch is a little more contained light than the rod of alertness.

Yes.

So I'll light a torch and then just kind of

run down the pillar real quick to shine the light on it.

Okay.

Boggy, you sprint down the row of pillars.

You can give me a perception check.

Show yourself.

Vagrants be named.

Okay, I do get advantage because I've got the rod, even if I'm not lighting it, I believe.

He's got the rod.

Who's got the rod?

That's an 18 with rod.

Great rod.

You sprint past the pillars.

It's really fun, but you don't see anybody hiding behind these pillars, and nothing is hiding, waiting to ambush you in this room.

Okay.

All clear.

I feel like the big thing here is the barred door.

Yeah.

The question is, are they keeping something in there, or is that where we want to go to get deeper in?

I guess I'll does someone want to listen with me and perhaps we can get a better idea.

I want to stick my head up against the door and see if I can hear anything.

Yes, I can do that as well.

Here, use this horn.

Wow.

Okay, as you guys move into the hall, you hear the rickety clanking of the castle's rusted porticulus closing behind you.

It comes to a rest with a final ringing clang, the sound rolling through the cavern like a wail.

Then silence, only the steady drip, drip, drip of water and and your footsteps as you cross the floor.

And you guys are going to inspect the barred door?

Yeah.

I'm actually, while they do that, I'm going to scramble up atop the rubble near the turret

and just notch an arrow.

All right.

Great.

That's nice.

It's already in action in case anyone comes out.

All right.

So Boggy perches himself amongst the rubble as Zudrick and Welly go over towards the door.

This door is directly to the right of the dais.

It is a colossal wooden double door bound in iron with a heavy beam of wood laid across it.

Now that you guys are closer, you see that the drawbar is bowed and the doors are splintering as if something on the other side has been trying repeatedly to force its way through.

Okay, so this is probably a monster, but yes, I will.

Okay, Willie, stand back a little bit.

I might get knocked around.

We're not gonna knock.

No, but I'm gonna stick my head up against it and I might piss something off.

Before you do,

can we just inspect the rest of the room?

The dais and whatnot?

Fine, I'll be waiting here.

I tap my toes near the door.

I just feel like whatever comes out could absolutely destroy the room.

Yeah, no, I'm not trying to.

Yeah, I'm not trying to open it.

I just want to listen and see if I can hear what's happening on the other side.

Better some good pebbles on the dais.

Okay, then, yeah, we're going to.

But yeah, no, no, no.

Your instinct is correct.

Classic, hold your head up to the door and then suddenly someone swings an axe through it or something like that.

Okay.

Yeah, I guess, like, before we anger whatever is on the other side of this door, can I look at,

you know, the dais and the murals and whatnot?

Yeah, smart.

Yeah, do you want to give me a perception check?

You can do it with advantage since you are, you know, there's nothing in this room hunting you down.

Whoop, who goes there?

Oh, it's just you, Ellie.

Okay.

Proceed.

You shot me.

Everything is echoing in this cavern.

17.

Okay, 17.

Great.

You see that this dais and the stonework, most of it is just kind of ceremonial, decorative.

And you would know this from your studies that this was a place of joy and light.

And with your 17, you also see the giant banner unfurled behind it.

Though it's tattered, you may remember that Princess Lenark Summer's sigil was a sunburst.

And you can see the remnants of that sunburst in the giant sigil.

Um, Welly clocks away the sunburst sigil asks maybe at the next long rest, rest, she might try to turn her own sigil into that.

Very cool.

And pledge herself to an order of one, or rather three.

Um, and I think also Welly looks at this place of joy collapsing and feels the weight of the present sorrow on the joy of the past,

and then says, All right, open the door.

Let the monster out.

What?

No, I.

I thought that was your plan.

That's absolutely not my plan.

I just want to listen to the door.

Oh, okay.

Listen to the door.

Yeah, okay.

I'm just gonna do so carefully.

Just get kind of close to the door and listen.

I guess I'll do what Boggy did.

I'll have my lance out.

I'll be ready if this one's gonna ambush me.

I'm gonna be ready to attack if Zudrick gets in a patch.

I just want to hear if there's like rushing water or if it sounds like there's like rocks moving behind it, if it is a trap or it's like a monster, if I hear breathing or scratching or something like that.

Okay, so you want to give me a perception check to see if you hear anything?

That is a dirty 20.

There you go.

Woo!

Yes, it is.

I'm rolling good.

A dirty 20, it's quiet on the other side of this door.

Okay.

Well, that

to me screams, monster.

Really?

I would think that that would be a lot more, you know, gargling and snarping and rustling.

You would think that, but it's just further down the chamber, snarfing and grumbling and stuff like that.

Had it been water or something, we would, I think we would hear it, or we'd see something leaking through, or if there was anything else.

But

what if it was someone innocent stuck in there trying to get out?

There is no one innocent here, child.

Fair.

All right, well.

Is she a year older than you?

Oh, true.

Child in.

Such a crazy reveal.

Look.

It's been a rough 25.

Which is crazy because I'm 25 to 45, somewhere in that range.

You could be older than me.

Let's first go down maybe the archway that Tabitha went down and didn't really seem to.

She's not doing her nervous preening, which is what she does if there's a particularly big stag that she knows I'm going to have a hard time attacking because I suck at hunting.

Do you?

Yeah, I'm an awful survivalist.

Well, you landed that deer when we first met.

Yeah, no, no, no.

I just dropped a rock on it from like super high up.

I got lucky on that one.

You dropped a rock and a deer.

The aim.

No, it wasn't.

No, it wasn't.

Sir, the aim.

It was a huge fucking rock.

What a bully.

And there was like a ton of deer down there.

Sir, you dropped a huge rock on a herd of deer.

A huge herd of deer, yes.

Look, I was fucking starving, okay?

I mean, this could be your hobby, deer bowling.

I didn't feel great about it.

Let us move on from the deer bowling.

Okay, let's watch.

I don't know if I can.

Let's walk slowly down the archway.

Yeah.

Okay, I have my lance out.

it has 10 feet of reach i'm just jabbing into the dark okay yeah i'm gonna try to stealth i'm not very good at it but i'm gonna try to walk meekly

as you guys approach zudrick you poke your lance into this dark room uh you feel nothing and as you get your eyes closer you see it is a large turret The floor drops away sharply at the threshold into a dark pool of water, filling the entire base of the rounded tower.

The original stone staircase has mostly crumbled away, but halfway up, a surviving section clings doggedly to the wall, spiraling toward a landing above and another dark archway.

Oh, we can get upstairs.

Okay, um, it didn't work out last time, but let's try.

Or, I mean, it did work out, but it was complicated.

Um, I give you a rope and you can lance up to the landing again.

Yeah, is it done?

Is it 15 feet up?

Yeah, it's about 15 feet up.

So it's basically a tall turret with half of the stairs gone, and then midway up, they start again.

Let's just really quick again check, make sure it's not magic water.

There's not a freaking monster in the water.

I hate it when there's monsters in the water.

I think that it probably is.

I stab into the water violently.

Do you stab into the water?

I stab into the fucking water.

Okay.

Wow.

Easy there, boys.

Yeah, they're going to attack us.

Are you just kidding me?

Are you going to freaking pole vault over a monster?

I support it.

Yeah.

No, boggy seems like it's a problem with it.

Just, you know, you poke at the water, something pokes back.

Yeah, boggy.

Yeah, well, it better, better to poke it before it pokes us.

As you have this argument, you're poking into the water.

No, I said jabbing violently.

As you jab into the water violently, it erupts in a frenzy of snapping.

And we'll thrash it.

Fine, I'll give it to him.

I'll give it to him.

The pool is alive with piranhas jumping out of the rattlesnake.

Piranhas?

Piranhas.

Their razor-sharp teeth gnashing wildly.

And as you say, fuck this guy, fuck this guy, you're turning and pointing at Boggy.

Out of the roiling water, a dark tentacle rises.

That's the real, that's the main event.

Everybody, roll initiative.

Okay.

See, in the bog, when you poke at something, you just poke at a snake and make him mad.

18.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Two fives.

12.

Comes a 10.

All right.

At the top of the order, fortunately, it is just the piranhas, and they have nothing to do since none you guys are in the water.

Okay, piranhas are not the main events.

They are stuck in the water.

We're talking tentacle here.

They get more frenzied.

They're really anxious to eat.

Then that is welly.

You have a huge tentacle looming over you.

Okay, so tentacle's gonna grab us, bring us in the water.

Piranhas eat us.

Freaking classic, okay?

Don't let it do that.

I'm going to take out my maw and I'm going to attack the tentacle.

Okay.

Well done.

Does a 12 hit?

A 12 does.

It does.

Yeah.

It's just a freaking wet noodle.

Oh, Lord Star Guide me.

Yeah, it's just a noodle, man.

I am going to say, activate hilt rune and do my extra damage.

It echoes in the cave.

Yes, let's make ourselves known.

Well, yeah, I mean, we're already drawing tentacles out of the water.

That is 14 bludgeoning damage plus 7 fire damage.

Whoa, amazing.

Wow, 21 damage.

And as I hit it, invoking the rune of the hilt, fiery shackles come out, and it has to do a strength-saving throw or be restrained for a minute.

Oh, that would be excellent.

So I would love to restrain it like onto the side.

Damn.

Yes.

Yeah, just keep them freaking suckers in the water.

Just handcuff that thing.

Oh, that is, that's gonna pass.

I think it's a dirty 20 for it.

Okay, okay, that passes, but it also, because I used my maul, it has to do a con saving throw or have the prone condition.

Oh my god.

That is only a six.

Okay, so now the tentacle is prone.

And everyone has advantage on it, and it has disadvantage on us.

Disadvantage, wow.

Alright, so this tentacle gets injured and starts flapping around wildly.

All right, that is Zudrick.

Alright, great.

Well, we'll continue with the plan.

I can launch and attack at the same time.

So I will do my pole vault, but shoving the lance into the tentacle as I jump up to the second area.

Sick.

So I'll make an attack with advantage.

That's a 25 to hit.

Hits the noodle for sure.

That's our murder, man.

That is 20 damage.

Yeah.

My God, this thing is so hurt already.

How dare you guys?

Let's finish him off.

What is this?

Welly has blood lust in her eyes.

That's right.

Maybe instead of regular lust, I could have bloodlust.

Well, yeah, I don't know.

We'll talk about it later.

is it just like a big eel what what's going on here it doesn't matter

it's trying to pull us into the water so piranha's gonna eat us it's classic stuff if we if when we're trying to get up it will be reaching at us so if we can finish it off then it will make our path up to the ledge safer yes yeah so i uh launch myself up I can still move as I do my launch, and I will get up to the like second floor essentially, and I'll start getting the rope ready.

Great, Petey Ghost is done.

it.

Okay, so you're kind of like midway on the staircase, just out of the tentacle's reach, but you have your lance.

Yep.

And during this confusion, the tentacle is going to swipe at Boggy.

Ah, but with this advantage.

Disadvantage, because it is.

It's a prone noodle.

It's a prone-ass noodle, and it rolled a three.

Be gone!

This snake has too many eyes.

The noodle slaps at your feet, Boggy, and that is your turn.

I shall slap back.

I'll do my two attacks.

Okay, short sword is 21, and the rapier is going to be a 20.

Wow, okay, so you double sword attack, and you hit both times.

11 damage?

Boggy, finish this.

Yay!

Noodly octopus.

Just look back.

Are we keeping this?

Yes.

Yes?

A shrug.

I just ate Bob Deer.

I'll eat anything.

Wait, we do not want to eat this.

They're feeding it black lace.

Oh, no.

Oh, okay.

So not good in a pie.

No.

I doubt it.

Yeah, I slice it up into little pieces and then I kind of feed the piranhas.

Oh, very nice.

I have no quarrel with you.

You feed the fish.

Remember this next time we return.

Yes, that is just their nature.

They go buck wild for this calamari.

And the octopus is dead.

The piranhas are still in a frenzy, but they're in this pool.

Zudrick, you are halfway up the stairs, and Boggy and Welly, you're at the base.

Yeah, so

yeah, I'll lower the rope.

Okay, so I'm going to tie the rope up there and then I will essentially give the help action to them as they try to make their way up.

Sir Welly, have you ever seen a suckered snake like that before?

No, I don't.

I can't say that I have.

Zudric, where are you tying the rope to?

I guess I will try out any kind of outcropping or anything like that, and I will pull at it with all of my might to make sure that whatever it is isn't going to pull a brick out or something like that.

Make sure it's not an ancient idol of archaeological import.

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'm just like banging through runes.

Yes.

Check to see if it's made of electrum or better.

Just like

put it around a statue.

Yeah, no, I think it's fine.

We really need a treasure bag.

Ancient secrets carved in stone crumble into the piranha pit.

You guys can make your athletic checks to get up to Zudderick with advantage.

Woohoo!

Two 17s.

Oh, I also got a 17.

Wow.

23.

18.

I'm muscle up.

Zodrik pulls you guys up, your boots dangling over the void of snapping fish.

And all three of you are on this staircase clinging to the wall, and it leads up to a platform.

How are you guys proceeding from here?

All right.

Yeah, let's just go up to the platform.

Unless, do you want to attack some of the stairs in case they're tricky?

Yep.

Zodric, yes.

You remind me of my friend Longest Tom.

He would always use his long, long pole to poke around as we went.

And what happened to Longest Tom?

Well, he was hung.

Jesus.

Wow.

Wow.

I'm so sorry.

From a long rope or a very short rope, in fact.

Wow.

Yes, the irony was not lost on the Baron.

Jesus.

Okay.

Well, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna turn to Sudrick.

Yep.

I'll walk ahead, kind of like every step that I take, I have my hands against the wall.

I'm kind of padding my feet down, making sure there's no false stair.

We're not going to collapse down.

Okay, give me a perception check with advantage as you're going up nice and slow and prodding all of the steps.

16.

Good for you.

Good for you guys.

The second to last step is a pressure plate.

You see that there is an uncanny space here between the stone and the wall.

Yeah, look at that uncanny space.

It's so, this is,

it just doesn't even seem like a real space.

Uncanny cannons.

It's just not flush at all.

Yeah, Jesus.

Just like you dropped a stone on a herd of deer,

this set of stairs was ready to fall into the piranha pit, but you do spot the trap.

As we're seeing all these traps, does it feel like that these traps are from the time of Princess Lenark, or are these recent renovations?

These seem like much more recent renovations, and they don't seem very well constructed.

These are almost opportunistic pitfalls that the scared ones have just put in your ways to slow you down and weaken you so they can face you in your weakest state.

Okay.

Yeah.

See, Welly, everyone's trying to kill us.

I must say, your eye for tricks is coming in quite handy here.

Yes, this just confirms my worldview.

Yeah.

I step over the deadly trap.

I can't wait to kill these guys.

I hate to admit it, but his dark doubts are very handy.

Yeah, these guys are are just bad.

You skip the last step and you step through the gothic archway, finding yourselves in a narrow, sloping corridor.

Rubble chokes this passage, and you have to twist your bodies to slip past the loose stones.

The precarious ceiling seems to press in on you as you make your way across the angled stone floor.

Finally, at the end of the passageway, you find an ironwood door, rusted shut on its hinges.

All right.

Rusted shut?

As As if it's not been opened in a long time?

Potentially.

It does not look like it's been disturbed.

I wonder.

It seems anyone beyond here is here by choice and has been here for a while.

They have not left.

Or the freaking dead.

Could be that.

I mean, yes, your dark viewpoint does have its merits, but please, come on.

Within reason.

Can I do a history check to know how long, how many decades it takes for rust in this climate to evolve?

I mean, it's rather rather humid.

Uh, you can give a history check while I Google that.

Uh, dirty 20.

Basically, what Wellie wants to do is like she sees the rust, but then she also sees the recent renovations.

And so she's like, is the rust a ruse?

Is there another entrance and this is a fake entrance?

Like, she's just kind of like seeing the recent renovations and the rust and being like, do they match up timing-wise?

You think it's a rustful ruse?

Yeah.

You can deduce that most of these traps are kind of just like thrown in your way and they didn't go to any great lengths

So they probably didn't get through this rusted door.

Yeah, faking this rust would be maybe a step further than they would go But you do know that this castle has been unoccupied for hundreds of years and that these monks moved in and lived here for a period of time before Bulrick so maybe this is a door that they couldn't even get past

Or maybe they've already visited this room and didn't use it to spring a trap.

So perhaps they are behind that barred door and this is something else entirely.

I don't know if it'll help us get us deeper into the castle or if this will just unlock some sort of secret, but I think regardless we should open it up.

Yes, my thought is that there are multiple entrances to the area beyond here, but only this door will lead us further in.

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Yeah, let's do it.

Let's try to open this door.

All right.

Tony, ho!

Boggy runs toward and just lowers his shoulder.

All right, give me a strength check.

Oh, geez, I think it's a pull door.

Oh, hell yeah, that's a dirty 20.

Woo!

Oh my god.

Boggy drops his shoulder, springs forward, and bursts immediately through this rusted door.

Wow.

Good work, Boggy.

The door flies open, and Boggy tumbles into a pool of piranhas.

Wow.

Wouldn't that be so dumb, though?

You're allowed to do that for the record, for future reference.

The door flies open, and Boggy, you're hit with a blast of stale air.

Squinting into this darkness and raising your dim torch, you see that it's another turret.

This one's rounded walls are covered in bookshelves, most of them bare.

Several decaying upholstered chairs are overturned, piled high in the center of the room.

Underfoot, the floor is a scattered carpet of destroyed books, pages in tatters, covers spotted with mold and age.

This is this what was on the other side of that main hall?

Was this the destroyed?

Are the steps down here destroyed to get to the main hall?

This is deeper in the castle.

This is not the destroyed turret behind.

This is almost like a false hallway behind the dais going into

this little room.

So this is turret number two.

This is your best guess is better than mine.

Boggy doesn't believe in maps.

Okay.

Really?

There's so much evidence.

Well, sure, you just go on like what's growing on the trees, whether the snakes are fleeing, what the birds are saying, stuff like that.

Maps just try to tell you what to do.

Do you reuse the stars?

Oh, all the time.

The stars are kind of like a map.

Yeah, but they're like much cooler.

Okay, cool.

I would say that a map is a...

Let's check out these books, huh?

Yes, yes.

I think let's

do a little reading.

I want to dive in.

Yeah, let's do, let's comb the room.

I want to look at the things that have been destroyed.

Oh, see, also, I want to move some bookshelves around, see if there's any, like, hidden passages or anything like that.

Okay, why don't you start erratically pulling books out and I'll study the books that are here.

Great.

He's a dungeon machine, this man.

Hope, hope, hope, hope.

You start pulling books down, moving bookcases.

Zuderic is doing a speed run of the sunken keys.

Okay, everybody give me perception checks as you scope out this

library.

15.

17.

It's bad.

Eight.

Okay, so Wellie, you are almost overwhelmed by all of the pages on the floor.

Greatest stars.

So much secret knowledge lost to time.

Oh, I wish to recover it.

Books, they're just songs, but worse.

And with Boggy, you got a 15, you said, and Zebra got a 17?

Yeah, but I don't care about books.

Boggy, as you say, I don't care about books.

You slip on one.

Foul Sheath!

Most of these books are almost destroyed beyond comprehension here, but one cover lays on the floor, and you can read it.

It says, A Captivating History of the Seafaring People of the faraway fjords.

Hmm.

Faraway fjords.

Yep.

Do you want this?

I hold it right in front of your helmet.

When is it dated to?

The people that they speak of.

Does it predate history that we might have heard?

You would see that this is dated to, you know, hundreds of years before.

Yeah, let's crack it.

Inside, these pages are all fallen to ruin.

But you do feel that this is an ancient book.

And Zudric, you know that your people have been landbound for generations.

Whoa, see, yeah, seafaring.

That's strange.

Can I

look at Zutric and see if he is descendant of the gods?

Will you take your helmet off so I can look at you and see if you're descendant of the gods?

Yes, and we need to check you for lice, too.

It's been a minute.

I don't, I would, I would prefer not to take my helmet off inside of the castle.

No, if you're part of Boggy's bots, you need to do a lice check.

That's just part of the agreement.

I don't have any lice, I promise.

Okay.

All right.

I'll just wait till you take a shower.

What?

Do you shower with your helmet?

Of course.

Yes, I just pour it in.

I sort of soak myself out.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

How do you avoid the rust?

No, it's rusty as home.

My armor is very rusty.

Especially on the inside.

As well, he finds this newfound interest in Zudrick's past.

Zudrick, you take in the wrecked library.

You look at the empty walls, the books on the floor, and then you do look up.

You're looking for hidden doors.

The ceiling is cracked and crumbling away, but among all of the haphazard scars, you see one fine arcing line, the kind that a door might make from scraping along the ground.

Somebody stole the door.

God, they beat us to it.

You wanted to take the door for yourself?

All right.

Yes, I will try to, I guess, put my hand down on the wall and try to push at it or pull at it.

Okay, go ahead and give me a strength check.

May I help Zudric?

Yes, you can.

All right.

Remember, lift with your legs.

18.

18.

You push along where this line traces back to where you assume that this secret door is, but you don't feel it budge.

Whoa.

Really?

Oh, Willie, is this magical in some way perhaps there is a a password or something like that okay can i look around and sort of uh i just trying to use history instead of perception what about what about the can you say that when i breathe i hope or something like that

oh yeah i'll lean in to where the door should be and say sell soa sell new

wellie as you do that you don't feel any magical presence but you realize as you lean close to where the door should be a stack of books looks oddly propped up and even among the rest of the ruins.

Okay, I reach for that stack of books.

Okay.

And I go to pull one in the middle out.

As you do that, you hear a deep, satisfying click and the low groan of a heavy door coming to rest.

on its hinges.

And as you do, you also hear a sharp little whistle.

Wellie, give me a constitution save.

Oh, what?

As a poisoned dart flies from the books.

Oh, no.

God's damn scholars!

I got a seven.

Wellie, you take five damage and you're poisoned for a minute.

All right.

Wellie, I've been attacked by books.

I'll suck it out.

I'll suck it up.

Books are just songs but words.

You hear me?

Foul scholars.

You hear me, you histories and analogues and chronicles.

I start swinging my lance wildly at the door.

This library is a prison!

Let these words free!

A prison of the machinations of scholars!

Welly, let me suck the poison out.

Come close.

Okay!

I come close.

Boggy, you take two poison damage and you're poisoned for a minute.

All right.

Everyone, relax.

I'm poisoned.

I as well.

Not only of soul, but of body as well.

Now my body reflects my poisonous inclination.

We must dilute it with bog water.

Quickly, everyone!

Duck.

Duck as we go through the door, just in case it's just kind of loaded up there.

Great.

So you guys, rest for a little bit.

Your poison sickness fades away as you swing at the books.

I ret as you puke on the pages.

No, don't do it.

There's no windows.

It's going to freaking stink in here.

Oh.

Oh, that's nasty.

I think welly wretches sound like little sneezes and little spin-ups.

Good God.

A chill.

Whoa.

This is the first time I've drank something I didn't like.

Can everyone be serious?

I'm just army crawling on the ground now.

I'm army crawling through the door.

Yes, I'm just really poisoned.

Right you are, Zoody.

As you army crawl through the door, you find yourself in a small study.

A dilapidated desk in the center and two chairs still upright on either side.

The walls are close and all around you is a peeling mural.

In this room you guys can give me another perception check.

Ah, a study, the secret lair of evil scholars.

Willie, could you give me a hand here?

Yes, yes, yes, I will.

All right.

You're more perceptive than I.

21.

My internal life is too powerful.

21 as well.

As you guys come to, you're poison fading away.

Show yourself, learned ones.

You all spin slowly, taking in this painting that occupies all four walls of the room.

The scene is idyllic.

A rolling countryside and a spring full of nude bathers.

They're laying, lovers lay in the stream,

embracing on the grass, holding each other and holding glasses of wine.

Above them, the sun is shining brilliantly, and as you turn, you also see next to an iron sconce, a musical instrument, a liar, hanging on the wall.

Sutrick.

Yes.

If I said I didn't want to hear that played, I'd be a liar.

Wow.

That's good.

You know, I wasn't in the mood for it, but that was good.

There was a little poison left in there.

Yeah,

I really think someone should look through this painting for clues about what songs should be played.

But if I look at this painting, I'm going to explode.

Oh, my God.

Yes, Wellie, I'm going to just take a book and cover Wellie's face.

If someone could just draw bikinis on everyone.

Actually, that sounds really cute, too.

This painting just makes me mad.

I look at it.

Why is everyone not wearing armor?

Look at them.

Their flesh just exposed.

Look, is this how they parted in the land of stories?

Is this what we've lost?

I mean, this is why they all got killed, of course.

Does make me wonder if Princess Lenark lived with a freedom that seems wonderful.

Indeed.

To not be confined to a bog, but to bring the bog with you wherever you go.

You do smell like shit, man.

Is that new?

Wellie's going to

take a deep breath and train her eye on the sun.

That is the symbol.

I'm assuming that it's somewhat similar to the symbol of the princess.

As you look at the sun, you do see that it resembles the sigil, like a giant sunburst hanging in the sky.

Okay, so I'm going to sort of train my attention on that and survey in my periphery so as not to get too stimulated to see if there's any clue of like a song that should be played upon that lyre or any musical notes like anything that would coordinate with C D E F G A B sure Wellie why don't you give me a history check since you have studied this this history here

14 with a 14 as you're scanning this room trying to avert your eyes from uh from looking at the nude bathers you don't see any clues for the lyre but you do see on the ground, the carpet is crumbling with age, debris scattered throughout the room.

But among it, one item stands out.

There is a half-burned piece of paper.

I reached to pick it up in case it is a

song.

Wellie, you pick it up, and this is written in Elvish, which is an ancient language that you learn to speak with your order.

Yeah.

And you can't immediately understand

this letter.

It is a cipher.

It's a coded message.

But you understand the first line.

The first line is your grace.

Your grace.

And then you said it's a cipher, so the rest of it is.

It's encoded, so you would have to take some time to try to figure out what the coded message says.

Sir Willie, I hate to suggest this, but I believe we must consult a scholar.

Oh.

I know.

Well, I know.

Yes.

I also think that we probably don't have time to sit here and decode pretty messages while we are actively an enemy terrain.

Great.

Okay, so we'll take this um liar, I guess.

And who here plays the liar?

You do.

Well, I don't.

I was just trying to learn it.

I already have one.

Okay.

I'm gonna take.

All right, I'm going to take it.

I'm going to stand in the corner facing out.

I'm going to first off.

Where did that poison dart come from?

This is this is classic to have uh a freaking guitar in the same room that you'd have a poison dart.

Oh, yes, we should probably replace it with an element of the same weight.

Sure, yeah.

Put a little bag of rocks on it.

So, Zedric, are you going to try to play this liar?

Yes, I'm going to stand in the corner facing out.

I'm going to feel the walls and everything.

And then I'm going to.

And everything.

I'm going to feel the walls.

I'm going to feel the walls and everything.

I put my hands up, make sure no little dart holes, because we still haven't found where the freaking dart came from.

Do you need help finding tune?

Oh, oh,

do you have perfect pitch?

What a blessing.

Is that what that's called?

If I had a perfect pitch, maybe I would have been a troubadour instead of a knight.

I don't know what you guys are talking about.

I just found some tabs.

Zadrik, give me a performance check with advantage.

Oh, wow.

You've really set yourself up for success here.

Back to the wall.

I have plus zero, yeah.

I'm really rooting for this.

Yeah.

Wow.

I rolled a 19.

Oh, my God.

You strum a powerful chord and it rings throughout this room.

And the sonorous echo reverberates, and you hear a drawer in the desk click open.

Oh, you've done it!

Okay, unless I was a trap, there might be a bomb in the desk.

Zudric, you love the liar.

Let it overtake you.

Indeed.

I will let nothing overtake me, but I will keep the liar for now.

Yes, I think you should hang on to it.

Your fingers are meant for more than strangling, friend.

Because I want Zudric to feel comfortable with the liar, can I go investigate the drawer that came out?

Yeah, sure.

Just to make sure there's nothing aggressive.

And if there is something aggressive, I want to hide it from Zudrich.

Okay.

So that we can begin to work on his trust issues surrounding his liar.

All right, I'll use my thieves' tools to assist with this.

Great.

So give me an investigation check with advantage.

Oh, gorgeous.

18.

All right.

So now you guys can deduce that you've found yourselves in Princess Lenark's secret correspondence room.

She's got her mural painted all about her, her old lyre hanging on the wall, and

what seems to be some kind of frantic message, the last thing she read before she fled the castle.

And as the drawer clicks open, Wellie, you pull it, and there's nothing super special in here, but it's just the contents of an old, pleasant life lived by the princess.

As you pull on the drawer, you see an ancient bottle of some golden honey colored liquid.

Its glass is embossed with two crossed arrows and now that the drawers are open you open the other one you find crumbling parchment all blank perhaps she used to write messages or poems for people

and the top drawer holds a quill and a silver letter opener with a wavy shape to it.

Lastly, there is a ball of hardened wax and a sealer.

The emblem you might have guessed is a rippling sunburst.

I think that seeing all this and knowing that this is Princess Lenark's study, and knowing that she was perhaps most of all beloved by the gods, Welly starts to wonder if the nudity on the walls

is perhaps not the sacrilege she's been led to believe.

She's gonna stare straight into the tits of some naked people

and try to see it as maybe the gods saw it rather than the order of the oganor saw it.

Did not the lodestar guide the hand that painted these tits?

I think you could stare at the whole body instead of just the tits, and maybe you would be a little bit more than that.

You're just staring at the part that makes you feel the most spiritual.

Do you two think it'd be okay to take some of this?

I don't know that there's a strategic reason other than what a rare opportunity to have insight into one of the most enigmatic figures in the history of this world.

Yeah, sure.

Put it in the treasure bag.

Baki, careful, careful.

You're bending all the letters.

Boggy's just clearing the deck.

Perhaps it would be best not to disturb the mural.

Yes.

As far as the letters and whatnot.

Not to disturb the mural as it disturbs us.

What is the quill made of?

What kind of feather?

What a great question.

Wellie, you look at this feather, and though it is discolored with age, you do recognize it.

This is the feather of a kingfisher.

Would it be wrong if I took this?

I think

that would be all right.

Yes, you would honor that which is lost.

I put a second feather behind my ear.

Speaking of, I think it would be best if we shared a drink in honor of the lost age of stories.

Do you want to drink this bottle of honey stuff that we found in this age?

Nobody else is going to.

To be closer to the Princess Lenark, beloved by the gods?

Yeah.

This goes against a lot of my instincts.

Mine too?

Can we give it a sniff real quick?

Let me crack it.

Yeah,

I'll give it a quick mouth sniff.

You know what I mean, my man.

Damn, Boggy.

As you crack it, everyone give me con saves.

Whoa!

There's piranhas in there.

The babies.

Okay, so Boggy, as you go to sniff it, you feel compelled by the golden liquid to tilt it towards your mouth and you actually take a sip.

I didn't know you were going to drink it right now, but fuck it.

This is, it's the finest peat whiskey you've ever tasted.

You can roll a D4 of temp HP.

Boggy falls to his knees.

It is smoky.

It is complex.

It's smooth with just a hint of burn.

Oh, Sister Bix could do no better.

This is truly the draft of the gods.

You must, you must sniff of this.

All right, well, you look a bit hardier for it.

And if the pros outweigh the cons, then I suppose you'll be most vigilant to imbibe.

And I take a tiny sip.

The tiniest little mouth sniff.

You can roll a D4 as well.

All right.

And I,

being here in Princess Lenark's study, I feel closer to the gods than I've ever felt in all of my rigid and regimented rituals back at the Order, so I'm going to glug.

Whoa!

All right.

I mean,

a welly glug is still just a sieve.

It just makes a little bit more of a noise.

If it's a glug, roll eight d4s.

No, you can roll a d4 of HP as well.

Woo!

Indo's eyes.

She's got the way of it.

Wow.

You guys feel the warmth of this liquid coursing through you.

You can almost feel the warmth of the sun from this mural.

The beautiful note from Zudrik's slam on the lyre still ringing.

It was a G.

What made you choose a G?

It's at the beginning of semi-charmed kind of life.

Oh, I thought you were going to say because gods.

Because gods, no.

Because of semi-charmed kind of life.

No.

It's because of semi-charmed life.

Yeah, it's because of.

Okay.

Yes, indeed.

The sky was rose.

It was gold in this mural.

I find it frivolous.

Yes.

That was one of Flute Boy's favorite ditties.

Flute Boy.

And what happened to Flute Boy?

Well, Flute Boy, despite his name, was actually very old, and he died of old age while locked in the public stockades.

Whoa!

Oh,

wait, what?

Who died of old age in the stocks?

Yes.

Jesus.

He was not there for very long.

Again, he was very old before they put him out of the street.

Yeah, he would have.

Wow, he would have died regardless.

He went out singing.

He went out, yeah, in the stocks.

Good lord, you have a sadder backstory than I.

All right, well, this should give us a sort of glimpse into the scared ones' current state of mind.

That's the thing.

Do we think though, like based on the dust on this furniture, do we think that the scared ones have even discovered this room?

Don't think they have, which would suggest to me the fact that they're creating beasts and whatnot and experimenting.

They sure did not try very hard to get this knowledge the right way.

Or it seems that they only care about what lurks beneath the castle.

Or at least this Borick does.

Yeah.

These These lofty reaches hold no concern for them.

Alright, so is it back to that barred door then?

Yeah.

Do we see this as a dead end?

Are there any more egresses here?

Great question.

So

in this room,

this is the only door, but back in the library, there is a second exit with

a stone staircase.

Ah, excellent.

Okay, so then that is probably the way to get deeper then.

Yes.

All right.

Shall we?

Okay, yeah, let's do it.

All right, I will go ahead and

stab into the darkness.

As you poke your way down this stone staircase, you are led down into a wide hallway where a wrought iron gate hangs in a vast archway.

Okay,

Boggy, do you want to just charge it again?

Let's be easy.

We're kind of, you know, we might fall at this point.

That was, you know, more tucked away.

This does not seem...

Okay, the same situation.

And also, you know what?

We've been traveling for a while.

I should come clean.

I fully dislocated my shoulder when I just found that.

Hey, yo, ye.

Wow,

you've been an absolute champ about that.

The whiskey is helping.

That's good.

Can I just roll some ball bearings to make sure there's no tiles that will betray us with poison darts?

Very good.

All right.

Willie's ball bearings skip across the stone in the room beyond the archway.

No traps are sprung.

You hear just the skittering ball bearings moving across the floor.

Is it on the other side of the gate or before the gate?

So, right.

This is a giant iron gate.

At one point, it was full of glass and iron.

Now that glass is long shattered.

So you can see beyond the gate into this, into the room beyond.

But there's not like windows that we could bypass this gate.

We could crawl outside and then back in on the other side.

There's nothing like that.

No, you'll have to open up this gate.

All right.

Now that there's no glass, let's look through the gate and see if there's any way to trip it so that we can open it up.

Oh, that's a good idea.

While you do that, I'll take a hairpin out and try to pick the lock.

All right,

would you like to use my thieves' tools?

Oh, no, I'm good with my hairpin.

Oh, very good.

Willie, as you bring your hairpin to the Iron Gate, it just creaks open as you press it.

Oh!

I got it!

Wow.

I got it.

Excellent work, Willie.

That was crazy.

I wasn't going to make a big deal about it, but that's my first lock I've ever picked.

Really?

You were so confident about it i know well i just was i'm a drunk what i just drank whiskey for the first time in my life interesting some people develop a secret talent when they drink whiskey wow

amazing we must we must explore this further that was incredible that was quick good work all right

sir welly ham dam locksmith extraordinaire all right well you've given you've given me a confidence that i've never felt i walk forward and i only semi-violently poke at the floor.

As this gate swings open and Zudrik goes forward sweeping his lance,

you can get a lay of the land of this room.

On one side, the wall is completely caved in, the rubble giving way to the jagged dripping stone of the cliffs.

Half cavern, half hall, the crisscrossing wooden beams in this vast space are twisted and cracked.

In the center of the room, on the ground, the broken frame of a massive iron chandelier.

Along the other wall, at least 20 banners hang in various states of decay, some of them just empty bolts of wood.

And then, at the far end, a shaft of light from somewhere far above angles on a pile of ragged armor, rusted weapons, and other odd shapes, as light as bleached linen.

Bones, you realize.

There's your bones.

And that's where we'll end our session.

I'm scared of that pile.

It's coming to life.

It's It's going to attack us.

Not if we zeal it first.

I'm scared of bones.

I was looking for them at the bottom of the pit trap, but maybe they were here all along.

He's scared of bones because he doesn't have any.

He's an enchanted tooth of armor.

We'll find out.

Wait, is this your origin story, Zudrik?

Zudrick shrugs.

Save it for the short rest.

Sweet.

Yes, head on over to patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

Don't sing yet.

Listen to the short rest.

We'll chat about this more over there.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?

Oh, I do.

I have completely forgotten to share this, and I'm sure everyone who wanted to find it has already found it.

But the songs I did from the end of campaign three.

Oh, goodness.

I can't believe this has never been plugged.

I know.

I forgot.

They've been put onto Spotify with, I believe, four extra.

I had a bunch of B-sides because I was going, I had, I didn't know what the right song was.

I pitched a bunch of songs to Murph.

He chose the two that he chose.

And then I just had some B-sides that I still like.

I literally listened to one this morning.

Really?

Yes.

It was the Gloaming.

What's the Gloaming one called?

A Gloaming Lullaby.

Yeah.

That's right.

Yeah.

A Gloaming Lullaby.

I listened to it this morning.

It's sick.

So check out Emily Actually.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah.

It's called Lullabies from the Wild Side or Lullabies of the Wild Side.

One of those.

I've done a terrible pitch pitch.

It's from.

I wrote it.

I remember.

Yeah.

Terrible pitch.

Good lord.

Paul did the gorgeous album are.

Yeah, it does look very cool.

So, yeah, so if anyone was looking for that and didn't already find it, it's there.

We got a bunch of Dimension 20 shows coming up.

We're going to be at the Hollywood Bowl.

We're going to be in Seattle at Climate Pledge Arena.

And we're going to be in Las Vegas.

So be on the lookout for that.

Search Dimension 20 live and get your tickets.

Yeah.

Oh, I just want to plug.

I saw that Reka, our friend Reika, just...

launched a Kickstarter to make a movie.

Yeah.

It's called Vidya's Guide to the Afterlife.

Seems like such a cool project.

So absolutely go and back that on Kickstarter.

Anything Reika does will be good.

You can guarantee that.

Right on.

Reika Rocks, friend of the show.

Support Reika.

Yeah.

In the meantime, you can follow us on social media that Remy or May Not use at churchme, at jake or which is Jake, at EX4T is Emily, at Caldi is Cald.

Well, I did this in a weird order.

And you can look for our show on the internet.

What?

Yeah.

Using hashtag MadPod.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

We are.

we are.

The youth of the nation.

We are, we are.

The unity of the nation.

Do we even sing that song anymore?

And now it's time to thank our benevolent council of elders.

They are Brad D., Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C., Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T.

Balnor's Boy, Boyd's Friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B., Damiel R., Jordan L., Zyborg Version of Josh the Cobalt, Stevie Waggs, Hellish Rebuker, The NBDMPHD, Princess Yar, Jory S., Jack L., Nicholas C., the star of every film ever made in Bahumia, Mike High Tower, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F., Heradrian, Carborough Chapel Hill, FPV, Cece Lulu, Olcob's Dunkel, Older Byrne, Heracule Poirot, the the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R.

Rayko, Calder, Comes Cold, shout out to the Cold Come Companions, Frosty Facial, Taylor, B, Maybe the Real Treasure was the friends we made along the way.

Cass, Strong, Grinch, Steven, shout out to Bowie the Troll, C, Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad, Beardo, the Mad, Anna Rama, Percival, Frederickstein, von Mussel, Klowowski, De Rolo III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock, Maynes, Hegemony, Ben A, Dave H, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Vars Assistant, Izzy F, Big Bad John, DPZ is Awesome, Hashtag Honor the Cock, Sean the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer RG, Mark the Dark Lords, Taint, Kat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Velacie Raptor, B Perky Always, Pat L Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Faywild Therapist, Connor Savage.

Salil BioCourt 7.

Bean Rat was innocent.

Jack H.

King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament.

Malin Paj, the bitch and bunny bard.

Carlin C.

Noah the Bullywug Boy.

Hashtag Honor the Cock.

James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet Badger Stripey.

Reverend Chatterbones, Han, Eric B.

Marcos, learns the balance druid.

Frida M.

Maggie.

Holly, the green laughing hyena.

Cal misses the D5s with all her heart.

Aaron B.

Russell H, a monk named Dilgo.

Yes, the whole thing.

Yes, every time.

Cody C.

Lorelei the succubi and Kira the succulent snack.

McKenna Stout.

Your friendly neighborhood.

Yant and Yunkel.

Andrew and Sid.

John Adams.

We can be done with presidential puns.

Meg, the mail carrier of Bahumia.

James F.

Austin S.

Wayfarer.

Now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them.

Turn to page 42.

Keep them.

Turn to page 69.

Shane C.

Barpo Good Barrel Bard.

Barian.

Garrett G, one big curd.

Renee the monster captain.

Olivia the enchanting bard.

And Jared the soap opera cleric who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troupe.

Blue A.

Fico.

Garrett the Artificer.

Damon, son of that one merchant named John.

Valkyrie, the Gert Sea Brother.

Anthony, the raddest of dudes.

Jay, the fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo, Yeet.

Cantrip Double Door, the Bare Onesie Wearing Barbarian.

Lexi Loves the Two Crew.

Roger L.

Nodrog, the Pass-A-Fist Barbarian.

Gino T, John Luca, Tristan the Talentless Hunk.

Leon K, legendary hero of Bohumia from a future campaign.

Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S.

Alexander, Linz W, Johnny Dude K, Pabu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile, Tim M.

T.

R.

M.

L.

G.

Cheeto.

Shell B.

Kenneth's first favorite sprite girl writing a non-sexual sonnet about nature for the Order of the Oaken or It's Not Going Well.

Snailis, who is infecting Worcestershire for within.

Sir Welly's sultry secret sacred sapphic sonnet.

Pawpaw Sky Days.

Mimo Skydays.

Megan N.

Anthony B.

Savannah H.

Balnor's best friend Steve.

Stephanie of House and Zunza.

Benjamin A.

Gimley the Corgi.

Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend.

Mickel A.

Josh H.

Pilot of the the Nightmare Verse Flight.

Froky, the two crew blew through, Jennery, Ethan, the mailman, Maple, the shy bookworm, Ashosaurus, Seth E., Billy B.

Tori, the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.S.

II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A.

Ra, Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critzburg, Darius D, the guy from that one thing, Vin Diagram, Catamilius the consumed, A-gun banjo boy of the the Flatlands with two working kidneys, Bart of Holden, Clinton P, Dean, Jake W, High Mom, Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer, not the porn star, Steve L, Taylor Mick M, Alex G, Zibby DeBackery, Nicole, Kaylee of the Order of the Oaken Orr, Lady Jacqueline P of Castle Whitestone, Greg W wants the D20 Truck Nuts, Jake thought up, Baruch Thunderhelm, 5th generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide, literally Satan, Chupak Aubrey, Cohen P., the Duke of Silk's missing son, the Waterworth, Nick, and of course, Amy.

Thank you, everybody.

That was a head gun podcast.