D&D Court: Dog Slaps, Bath Bombs and the Messy Breakup Monk (w/ Robbie Daymond!)

This is a head gun podcast.

Welcome to Dungeon Court.

We are your Supreme Court Justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, joined by the Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Lowly, Loli, Loli,

Bailiff, Jake Hurwitz, you have a lot of flesh.

That's right.

Welcome, Jake.

I'm here.

I didn't want to miss Robbie Damon every time.

Oh, yes.

Welcome.

Hi.

I'm in your home.

We're your shooting.

Don't tell me who wants to say he's in the house.

The address is.

Yeah.

We sleep on the floor here.

Yes.

Welcome, guest judge, Robbie Damon.

Oh, almost, yes, yes.

I got to do something.

There's a formality.

Yeah,

we must swear you in.

A quick oath you have to.

Give me the knife to slash my hand.

I only take oaths and blood.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's how we accept oaths.

James is supposed to FedEx the knife to you.

Did you not get it?

Well, I used it for something else.

So, yeah, you just pull up that oath right there.

Raise your hand if you want to.

I can't believe you sent it to me on parchment.

This is amazing.

That hand is bleeding everywhere.

Yeah, go ahead.

I, Robbie Damon, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the players as well as the DMs against all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that I will take this obligation of my own volition, and that I will well and faithfully embark upon this noble pursuit of justice.

So help me, God!

Yes!

Wow, beautiful.

Welcome, Rick.

I learned HOU.

Rugged Damon's not my real name.

Oh,

well, it's Justice Damon now.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Crit is now in session.

The Honorable Supreme Court Justices Oxford, Murphy, Tanner, and Damon are presiding.

And now, our first case comes from one, Andy H.

Andy writes, to the honorable Supreme Crit Justices and Bailiff Wormley Dirt Food.

That's what

you say.

Emily tells me.

I posted it.

I felt, okay, I'm the one who posted to solicit cases and I couldn't bring myself to pretend I was Jake.

I like this.

You could have just left it off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Everybody else actually insulted me, but

I did say please direct your insults to Jake.

Yeah, this guy had it it out for you.

Should it please the crit, I present to you the tale of a well-meaning barbarian with a heart of gold, but hands of doom.

Okay, on our party's maiden voyage into the vast uncharted realms of adventure, the barbarian, spotting a humble dog, sought to bridge the gap between beast and adventurous.

How is a dog humble?

Beautiful.

I feel like all dogs are human.

I think all dogs are really.

I think all dogs are humble.

Well, actually, some

look a little proud, right?

Don't trust a Malamuse.

My dog isn't humble at all.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah,

like a breed.

If it has a breed name, it's not so humble.

Or the dogs that are hypoallergenic.

They just

be shown freeze.

I don't make you sneeze.

Yeah.

All right.

I get it.

I do have shit all over my ass, but I'm not going to be able to do that.

This is one of the humble dogs.

Are you still talking about you or the dog?

Both.

Okay.

All right.

So this is a humble dog.

So they sought to bridge the gap between beast and adventurer with a kind gesture, a simple pet.

Alas, faith

in the form of a gnat one had other plans.

plants.

Instead of the tender caress the barbarian intended after rolling a crit failure, the DM narrated that the barbarian, quote, delivered a resounding slap.

No!

What?

No!

That echoed through the forest and brought shame to generations of our ancestors.

It wasn't even a punch.

It was a slap.

A slap.

I asked, how does one redeem themselves when their very first act as a hero is to unintentionally insult man's best?

Humble dog.

It's so funny.

Well, it doesn't doesn't sound like murder.

It was almost it was a slap.

It's a literal bitch slap.

It was a folk paw actually.

Very good.

Is it the DM's fault?

We all felt really bad and I could tell

mood ruiner.

What a wild way to start the game.

It's a DM to just be like, roll to see if you kill this dog.

It's also, wait, it's animal handling.

Shouldn't the dog bite the guy?

That's a good net one is you pet them in the wrong way.

They give you a net.

Yeah.

But maybe you roll that net.

Well, we're trying to pet you.

Reach out to pet, you do like an e Honda slap slap between the front.

You're walking over and you're going to pet, but you trip.

And so then whoops.

And maybe the dog is so friendly that the dog is coming up to you.

You think you have to reach.

To be clear, we didn't kill the dog, though.

We just slap.

Oh, he just slapped the dog.

No, it just slap the dog.

Oh.

He slapped the dog across the board.

Well, why did I think the dog was dead?

Well, the barbarian rolled damage.

DD court usually would have the dog be dead.

Right, yeah.

Why am I doing the worst?

I instantly was just like, well, clearly the dog was dead.

Disclaimer.

Do not slap a dog in real life.

Why did I think the dog is dead?

The dog isn't dead.

It's just insulting.

Yeah.

Okay.

I have a question.

When you are DMing and you're DMing, this is the first session and you have someone slap a dog and you're like, damn, that really brought the mood down.

Do you guys think there's like recourse or space in the role-playing world to just be like...

Scratch that.

That didn't happen.

I'd like to retcon the dog slash.

Yeah, yeah.

You can retcon that at any point.

Yeah, you can can do a record scratch on that.

Yeah, we're living in a fantasy world where you regularly kill sentient beings.

A dog slap is bad.

Do not slap dogs.

But there's something about it being a dog that makes it worse, though, because dogs are so regular in our world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I would have rather slapped a centaur or some like mythical beast.

That's kind of something you can slap to.

I wouldn't slap a goblin.

I would absolutely slap an elf.

Nothing tiny.

Some DMs, like, punishment of Nat ones is so strange to me because, like, just the math of it is any number on the dice, you have a 5% chance of rolling it.

The idea that any person is, you know, one out of every 20 times is going to hit an animal like a dog they try to hit it is fucking.

There's a 5% chance that every dog you touch, you might slap.

Yeah.

Why was the dog there in the first place?

I wonder, too.

I know he's very humble, though.

Yeah, he was so humble.

Was the DM's intention for this to be a funny moment?

The last line is, we all felt bad, and I could tell even our DM felt guilty.

Why did he do it?

I think we need to all get more comfortable reading the room and being like, Hey, we're actually all sad right now.

Yeah, oh, guys, that didn't really happen.

You're allowed to say that didn't really happen.

You could say JK, yeah, JK didn't happen, redline that, yeah,

or like just make the turn the dog into a devil.

Then it's like kind of retroactively, it's like you find that

a powerful enemy this day.

Wait, that's a really good sentence for the DM.

Now they have to reveal down the line that this dog was actually part of a greater conspiracy.

Take it to the end.

Take it to the end.

Eighty episodes later.

Yeah.

Dog's a big bad guy.

Yeah.

That's it.

That's it.

Oh, it's Cerberus's baby.

Yo.

Yo, I still wouldn't want to fight Cerberus, though.

Like in Hades, when they don't make you fight Cerberus, I was like, thank you.

I've been dreading this.

I don't know.

It'd be three slaps.

One, two, three.

Or you could get him in one to just get a total.

Cartoon slap.

Yeah, think it's doing the three stooges.

Being a fighter and you finally get your third attack and then you see Cerberus coming up.

Oh, you're right.

That would feel sick.

Fuck it.

Okay, Cerberus is a big bass.

It's really, yeah.

I mean, I guess you would do animal handling because at first I'm like, why are you making them roll the pet a dog?

I feel like I would just be like, married them petting the dog.

I understand it, though.

I actually think that's understandable.

First session, everyone wants to roll.

Everyone wants to learn like, what does it mean to roll and stuff like that?

It is fun to be like, I play my flute.

Cool.

Give me a performance check.

I think this DM was probably just some kind of sloppy improv of just being like, okay, something, something goes wrong.

You hit the dog very hard.

Oh, fuck.

I ruined you.

First, I ruined it.

You slap the dog.

Okay.

Because we've talked about the TV show, The Slap, before.

At length.

Okay.

At length.

Let's dive back in.

What if that show had been not about a child, but a dog?

Even more obsessive.

High instincts or lessons?

What size dog?

Because I think like a Labrador or bigger, they will get slapped and probably just like kind of smile at you, and it like won't affect them at all.

Just smile at you, like, bring it on.

Unless it's like a really if it's like a hard slap, if it's like an open palm slap that, like, we don't have to keep going in on the dog.

How hard does this happen?

I feel like we can just say it's bad.

I'm just seeing with the random pet of a dog, there's a chance for a lesson here.

Yeah.

Careful when you pet a.

You'll tell a kid, careful when you pet a new dog.

You might slap it.

That's not what's going to happen.

All right, we're going to punish this DM.

We're all against this DM, right?

Because

the DM, even the DM was against themselves.

Yeah, yeah.

DM was just some clumsy improv, I think.

Clean punishment, Cerberus, or something dog-related is your big bad, and justifying that slap.

Okay, yeah.

All right, so your whole entire campaign is about working that slap.

Yeah.

And maybe a dog gets to slap them.

A dog is to slap them.

Yeah.

I honestly would love to be slapped by a dog.

Yeah.

They're like little, little beans on your face.

Oh, that'd be cute.

They kind of have claws.

Does I do dog massage?

Go on.

No, let's figure this out.

Okay, fine.

We'll come back to it.

Quinn writes, may it please the court.

Hey, Jake, Winky Face.

Wow.

How's up?

What do you say?

He's married.

God damn.

Yeah.

Oh, wait.

And so is this person.

He's a married baby.

I think I'm married.

I present the case of the DM, me, and my non-DD playing wife.

My group cannot get together too often for a DD, so we're very excited that our schedules aligned to play for the first time in months.

I prepared a one-shot, but only came completely prepared for the first half since we generally can't play that long.

Gotcha.

After playing for the allotted time, my wife, who was watching our three kids, told my friends and I to keep playing.

Hero.

Hero.

What a nice

amazing game.

We immediately began combat.

My party was not optimized for combat at all, and the monsters were much too powerful.

After knocking down one of the PCs before anyone could even attack, I dropped my monsters' AC and health significantly.

My players do not know this.

And I told them that they had seven potions and allowed them to take them with a bonus action.

This is a homebrew rule we have played before.

Even with the changes, my party barely made it out alive, all of them having been knocked out at least once.

That's wow.

Mid-combat, my wife stood where only I could see her and started mouthing the words, kill them all.

Yes, I like it.

Total party kill.

Okay.

After the session, when my friends left, I told my wife about the concessions I made, and she told me I was weak.

She said it's my job to give them the world and their job to try to live in it.

She said I should have killed them all and that I took away the stakes by doing what I did.

She said,

She said, it doesn't matter that the players were tense throughout the combat and that everyone had a great time.

Okay, I think this must have been a really rough bedtime for these kids.

Judges, was I right to soften the combat for my players, or should my wife take my kids and leave me for a man who can be a stronger DM?

I love this lady Macbeth.

Yeah,

interesting.

I feel like this is a wife that watches her fair share of murder porn.

She was out with the three kids in the training yards, running them into the ground.

She wanted blood.

For someone who doesn't play DD, though, like the non-DD playing wife, I do like her ethos, which is it's your job to make the world and their job to survive it.

That's what I'm doing out here with the kids.

The real secret is she's not going to lean for somebody else.

She's been out min-maxing on her own.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She put the kids to bed in the barn.

No blankets.

They've just got to figure it out.

Yeah.

This is, it's interesting.

It's interesting.

I would say if this was like a first session or something like that and you were all like level like one or two and you're kind of like fixing it up so that you don't total party kill your players.

But you guys are playing like a a level nine thing.

I think you probably maybe didn't have to fudge it.

Yeah,

as a one-shot

on a one-hot shot.

Yeah, dude.

Wait a minute.

As a one-shot, though, as a one-shot, you could have killed them.

I think so.

You could have.

Actually, I'm going to side with the non-DMD.

Like, I killed them all.

Yeah, I'm leaning on it, too.

They like it.

If you are going to spare them, if you are going to spare them, you did do the right thing if you were going to spare them, which is like, take this to your grave.

You don't tell them that you lower to the AC or whatever.

They all got knocked out.

That sounds pretty good.

Didn't, I'm going back to the evidence.

I'm going back to the event.

Didn't he confess to

a smaller level of preparation for the back half, which I assume was the combat, and therefore made a mistake

and only discovered it after the first round.

Okay, right.

So he's backpedaling.

He's backpedaling, yes.

Not because he's weak, but because he's unprepared.

What were you doing instead of preparing?

Taking care of your three beautiful children?

Yeah.

Now that likely story

i'm sorry but if you're changing diapers that is just

you can change diapers and read scats at the same time yeah

i do think one shots are the time to kind of kill everyone right yeah like one shots are the time to kill i think you like leave one person alive to tell the tale

oh god but in a one-shot they can't even tell the tale they're gonna straight i guess no but you could bring that future character to another one shot and they could show up and be like that you have to earn the right to show up in the next so in this damn's defense, it sounds like so.

Somebody got taken down before they even rolled.

Right.

Before they even went.

So, there is, you know, this is like a little bit of a dog slapping moment where it does just kill the table.

I hope this translates.

I hope this keeps on coming up.

We'll keep figuring out the dog slapping.

The dog slapping presents.

This is a barbarian dog slap.

Yeah, it was a real dog slap.

But it is, imagine just having all your friends over.

You rarely get to play, and it's just like, all right, we got the go-ahead to play for hours.

Start combat.

That's 70 damage to you.

You're dead.

That 70 damage to you.

You're dead.

That 70 damage to you.

You're dead.

Okay.

Anyone want to play Smash Brothers?

I've been pondering for a second, and I think I need to recuse myself because I'm so charmed by your fucking brutal Lady Macbeth wife.

Yeah.

That's actually true, because I'm no stranger to my wife calling me a weak man.

So

I'm going to recuse myself.

I just sympathize too much with this.

All right, Robbie, Caldwell.

All right.

I definitely have two minds of of this because I'm like, this definitely could have, in addition to killing the characters, killed the vibe.

And it sounds like everyone got knocked out and it did end up being like a tense fight.

So maybe this person, because if you're running a module, right, modules are built on, you're supposed to have a certain number of people.

Like if you were.

to run Curse of Strahd straight out of the box for three people, you do have to change it a little bit than if you're running it for five or six.

Sure.

You know what I mean?

Like X amount of vampires in this room versus, you know, you got to scale that XP and whatnot.

Yeah.

That's a really good point, but have you considered it's his job to create the world and it's his job to survive it?

That's fucking poetry.

I don't want the podcast to come off as anti-wife guy.

Oh, yeah.

Interesting.

Interesting.

I just imagine her sharpening and toning kitchen knives and mouthing kill them is so fucking

as she's nursing your daughter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kill them all.

Yeah.

What if I married?

Yeah.

I mean, fantastic.

It is a really tough one.

It is a tough one because I do think, I think you did the right thing if you wanted to keep them alive.

But also, your wife is very.

I'm going to go back to the evidence, too.

Didn't he also say that he knocked everybody down at least once with the adjusted AC?

That means it was still a hard fun fight.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

It probably sounds like it was still a really fun session.

Yeah.

And if everybody still got knocked down, even with adjusted AC and everything, I'm like, Would this have just been a one-round total party kill?

Because there's a huge difference.

Yeah.

Everybody exhausts themselves.

Everyone uses all of their stuff.

They've killed three of the four bad guys, but the last guy gets them.

And then the session ends.

That's way different than just those four guys go before your four guys and win.

Yeah, you didn't make it easy for them.

It was still crazy.

Yeah, so this being this hard, I think, but Mouthing kill them all is so fucking funny.

Yeah.

It just makes it hard to rule.

I think I have a punishment here.

A white punishment.

I think that like you do need your wife to kind of act as like your dark vizier during the next session.

Oh, that is interesting.

Just be like whispering in your ear.

My lord.

I think the punishment.

That king was already delivered.

Yeah.

Because he was going to have a great night if he'd have killed them all.

Because his wife was totally.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah.

He missed out on that heat of passion.

Yeah, yeah.

I think you're right.

Punishment.

If you had, like, she's sitting there being mouthing, kill them all.

And if you had in that moment, not breaking eye contact with her, crit, crit.

Oh, oh my god

oh yeah you're all dead oh and then you walk over dip your wife smooch her yeah yeah move the baby she's nursing away

just scooch that bassinet oh it's awake that's the next hour you're like

i don't know you know what guys okay so here's what i'll say yeah i'll say i think i'm gonna rule very slightly in favor of the wife because

I think if you are going to fudge something like this during like a one-shot, you do have to take this this to your grave.

And you told it to your wife.

So you didn't take it to your grave.

The secret is out.

The secret is out.

You should only tell us

if you're going to lie.

Though your wife sounds very ride or die, I can't see her telling any of your secrets.

That's true.

So mostly just because it's very funny to whisper

killed them all.

Does that have to be unanimous?

We have to see what's the

both.

Yeah, splitting the vote.

I'll say, because you told someone you shouldn't shouldn't fudge, so I will lightly rule in favor of uh Lady Macbeth here.

Okay, okay, so then that's two versus one.

So then that means that we sentence him to what just happened, which

happened.

Yeah, that was what I was going to say.

I rule in his favor, he did the right thing, but his punishment was missing out.

I think we're also all a little terrified of the wife, right?

Oh, yeah,

my type.

I'm married to Ginger.

Kissed by fire.

All right.

So ordered.

And our next case comes from Nick A.

Okay.

To the studious judges and the redacted bailiff, who is a big Dragon Ball fan, I hear.

I present the case of the surprise monk.

I was in a game where halfway through a session, the DM surprise introduced his friend as a type of cowboy assassin bounty hunter coming after us, complete with a drawl and two katanas.

Cool.

That's great.

The guy was playing a Kenzie monk sent to hunt us down.

He was level five, same as the rest of us.

He proceeded to absolutely beat the shit out of the party, dropping four out of five of us to death saves in just a couple rounds of combat.

He took out my dwarf fighter with 49 HP and 18 AC in one round.

He then proceeded to steal some of our key magic items as he walked off into the sunrise

whistling a tune

and telling us to visit the king to get our stuff back.

He also beat the shit out of our NPC.

Why?

A kid named Charles.

What?

Leave Charles alone.

Take that, Charles.

And it also poor little dog.

He also slabbed a dog.

Not our dog, just some dog.

He could have been wild-shaped druid.

We don't know.

To make matters even more interesting, this was a guest appearance.

He only showed up to kick our ass and steal our stuff.

He had just broken up with his long-term girlfriend hours before the session

in a reportedly messy breakup.

What?

So the DM probably felt bad for him.

You have to not go to DD that night.

You have to.

That's what the breakup was about.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just designing his

cowboy with the business.

The bounty hunter rides tonight, babe.

Oh, God, that's funny.

You don't pay enough attention to me.

Do you think I should have two katanas?

If I use a bonus action, I can.

We laughed a lot.

He seemed like a good guy and felt bad about whomping us.

But, judges, I ask, was this okay for the DMing guest player to surprise Wampus like this?

It's pretty fucking weird.

In a 1v5 and steal our key quest items?

I am at the mercy of the court.

Why is he?

Who pour pawns in someone else's therapy?

Yeah.

And it sounds like it probably would have felt pretty good, too, to be like, man, I just lost the love of my life.

Let's assume it was the love of his life.

And then just go and just

break down.

How messy could the breakup be if you went to play DD that night?

Yeah, that night.

Yeah.

Just a thousand-yard stare across the table.

Did he show up on the bottom?

I withdraw my second guitar.

Right.

Yeah.

He just very mechanically destroys everyone.

I like this.

i like it i you hate it i like it

i think it's fun i think like because he was like if you want to get your weapons back go see the king makes me think like gotta be a plot hook great this is a plot hook which is actually better than a lot of the stuff we get right i yeah this tom like saw an opportunity yeah to be like all right i can do something to give my characters a plot hook and i can help my friend get over their messy break do we do that do we think this was pre-planned

before break it was pre-planned but do no, do we think that, though, that it was like, hey, man, I need a place to stay.

I just left.

I can't.

I can't back that.

Objection.

Yeah, hypothetical.

Yeah.

So hypothetical.

That's our bread and butter.

Gotcha, gotcha.

This isn't a real card.

Yeah, if you do generous reads.

Yeah,

I need to know if the players, like, if there's like a trash bag of clothes in the corner of the room while they're playing, that really informs the idea.

Just really poorly packed, like a single sock with no pants.

Just a PS5 and three socks.

I think that's a fun little, I think it's a fun little guest star.

Man, I don't know.

I feel like when it's, when you bring on a guest star to PvP, specifically to have them be better than all the people at the table, there is a kind of weird vibe.

I think it was not level five.

I think that there was some miscommunication that this was not a level five.

I don't think that one level five monk could destroy a party.

Yeah, maybe they were going to be level five before the breakup, and then they got a couple extra levels when they arrived.

I'm trying to think of tears running down their face besides like everyone grouped together and like a wizard hitting them with like a huge spell or something.

Which level do you get stunning strike at?

Maybe like

stun everybody.

That's interesting.

Just went around and stunned everybody.

That's kind of maybe a level five monk could if they just got really like bad.

That's the thing.

If they were actually level five and they kicked the shit out of them, that's kind of like,

but do you know what that means?

Then that girl should get back to you.

Unfolded, like, was the DM helping the guest player in any way?

Were they engaged with exterior combat and meanwhile, they're just getting

stabbed in the back while they're fighting other people?

Do you sometimes also feel like the dice show up for you when you're, let's get, let's go here.

Do you ever feel like the dice show up for you when you're like, your personal life is not,

you're not rolling mat 20s in your personal.

Like, then the 20s start showing up.

So it could also be that this guy showed up and the dice were like, you need this.

Right.

It was dice Christ speaking to.

Yeah.

I feel like I'm too emotionally invested.

I might have to recuse myself as well.

Because I, as a person, I'm like a 25% good-natured troll.

Like, like, I love that shit.

Like, I love if you're like in an MORPG and there's like a high-level character waiting by the squirrels.

Yeah.

Like, that's my favorite.

It's going to steal your shit.

So I kind of like this guy.

I don't know.

The thing that's making me like totally feel kind of okay with it is just that it was like, okay, you got your shit taken from you, but this is more like this is breath of the wild you're going to you're losing all your shit to then reclaim all your shit there isn't a feeling of like just stealing your shit and the person who really lost something was that monk they lost the love of their life yeah and then still went out and hung out that night

what if they went and became a real monk afterwards it's one way

what do you want them to do after they just had a breakup i think going and kicking a bunch of people's ass

if it's a quote-unquote messy breakup and you're done breaking up by like 5 p.m to go What do you suggest he do?

What do you suggest he do?

I would assume you would keep arguing like all night I would think right

okay so Murph is saying he didn't quite hard-unquote messy breakup it shouldn't be it shouldn't be done by the time

that was yeah that's pretty clean and things like that

if you have plans at 5 p.m.

and you broke up that day and you go to those plans I got news for you it wasn't and you remember your action economy at the ball Yeah,

it was pre-meditative.

You got all your stuff.

Did it say who broke up with who, though?

Because, like, he might have literally been like, he woke up at 9 a.m.

He sat in a large being, like, break up with girlfriend and then go to D D.

True,

six hours till

I think that, I mean, yeah, there's clearly some tension with the amount of D D that this guy says.

How messy that is.

The idea, though, there's also like a part of me that's like picturing this monk just like

that's another crit.

Sorry.

I'm like, Katana has the bleed property.

Sorry, I'm getting a lot of texts.

Oh, now we're actively breaking up during the session.

Holy shit, I think I like that.

Imagine my dream table to be at.

His phone is buzzing non-stop.

Right now

I'm creating my dream table for myself, and it is this guy playing, and then the Lady Macbeth wife whispering in the corner.

Oh, yeah.

And then the dog slapper slapper hand.

This is a pretty legit team.

Yeah, not gonna lie.

Have you guys played the dog slapper subclass?

There's a little fuss on it.

Yeah, you have advantage on any attack against a dog.

You're lawful evil.

I did look it up, and fifth level is when you get stunning strike.

So it's possible

that this person's like a dwarf with like 48 HP and like 18 AC or something got taken out.

That's a lot of damage to do for a monk.

Fifth level monk, you could hypothetically have four attacks and everyone rolled bad.

You could have stunned all four people in one turn.

Yeah.

But still, like doing like, having to do like 200 damage.

You'd have to be creating so much.

He could have been kidded up, maybe discussed.

Oh, yeah.

DM gave him some goodies.

Kinshay, yeah, I can say like they get like cuts.

If he's got two katanas, maybe he's doing like double d8s of damage as opposed to like the standard d6 for a monk.

I don't know.

I feel like just the idea that I have like a crew of people that I play with and I'm just like, my other friend's friend's coming by and I gave him cool katanas and he's pretty sad.

He had the cleanest breakup ever.

Cool if I invite my sad friend to the D ⁇ D game tonight.

He just comes and kicks your ass.

You're just like, cool.

I'll never see you again, I guess.

I'm also struggling with stuff.

Yeah.

I guess the more you describe it, the more I like it.

The final question is, like, was he being a good heel about it?

Like, was he like,

it sounds like they kind of had fun, but also

this person wrote into our show this, so they are a little upset.

I think I understand why you're feeling a little miffed, but I think that just focus on the fact that you will be able to reclaim your shit.

And like, maybe it was just a one-off, you can laugh about it later.

Yeah, I think we might.

And maybe, maybe the DM could do it so that here would be a sentence.

The DM

doesn't level up this monk, and then in the future, when you guys are higher level, you get a reaction to the

kick.

And you kick his ass.

Yeah, after they get back together.

That's right.

He probably went right back.

Once he finds somebody else.

But this is, should we do a vote here?

Because I feel like we're kind of split here.

I have to go back on precedence because I feel like I have voted in the past against DM pets that come in in PvP.

Yeah, I guess I think I'm like, this is like the DD is not about,

it's not about stealing girlfriends, where sometimes when a story is really funny,

you just want to act like

it.

You want to let it exist.

I think ultimately, maybe I would rule against the DM and the guests, but I guess I would just sentence the DM to give you your shit back in a fun, narrative way, and then give you a rematch that makes you feel super strong.

Yeah.

I lied, I want to vote.

I absolutely love it.

I want it.

I like it.

You're good in my book.

Wow.

Yeah, no, it's fucking fun.

Okay.

Deciding vote?

I mean, I don't know, week to week, if you're playing this DD game consistently, like, and like you've got a crew that's like meeting a lot, I think it's kind of like a fun change of pace to be like, oh, there's just another guy here all of a sudden.

And

he has six guns and he can wield them all at the same time.

And he has sneak attack with everything.

That's true.

I think also if we found out that he was like way statted out, but he just had really lucky rolls and you did.

There's no way

that's the only thing making me hold back too, because the DM did say they were level five.

Not really.

So if that's, if it's true and they just got lucky with the roles, I think that we should play test this at some point.

I do think, yeah, maybe we need to re-exit.

We need to re-litigate this, I think.

I guess we can.

Wait, should we do our first reenactment?

We don't have enough stats in front of us.

But I am literally like, I think if they were, I guess if they were grouped together, I'm just, I'm still like, I don't think any melee class that is level five could kill four other melee characters unless they rolled like absolute minimum on their HP every time.

It would need to be like everybody's got 20 HP.

You're right, because you only have a limited supply of key points.

And what I'm talking about, that magic first turn where you get everyone, that's what, one key point per stun, and then another two key points.

Camp points free saw.

Yeah.

You had homebrew stuff that gave you like an extra D6 on some attacks.

You still, if you hit on everything you did at like level 13, you could do like 35 damage.

Yeah.

I can maybe take out one yeah there was some damage boost that was

two things because are we talking robbie do you want to come on our show sometime and kill everyone

yes please

it'll be an honor are we ruling against the guest player or the dm oh

wait i'm gonna bring up i'm gonna bring up one point i'm gonna see if this this this conversation is a little bit ready okay so one of two things happened right he and the guest star got together and decided i'm gonna use you as a plot device yeah for me that's no different than creating an NPC that you're going to fight and do that with anyway.

But on the other hand, if the DM didn't know this was going to happen and it was just Lucky Rolls and this guy did just have an asshole build to kill everybody else, then the DM's a gangster because they didn't,

because they took this scenario that could be negative and turned into a positive by spinning it into the...

So I think it's good DMing.

I think it was premeditated.

I think the DM planned it because the monk said,

if you want your stuff, go to the king.

It seems like the DM was like, I want them to go to the king, take all their stuff so they have to go to the king.

I want them going to the king in humble, dog-like place.

I'm King Rufro.

I just laughed you.

I think I'm ruling against the DM, but so lightly, just saying that

my sentence stands, which is give them their stuff back in a fun way and maybe a rematch could be a good thing.

We have to go to Bailiff Jake.

Okay,

I would go against the DM.

Okay.

I think the DM was trying to play guys.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Justice Damon.

See how you treat your guests.

Dude, you finally hate me like everyone else.

No, no, it was minute one.

Slap him like the dog that he is.

Hey,

okay, so this, so we're going to do a light punishment for this DM.

Yeah.

Maybe you know what?

How about the justices that Justice Damon gets to do the punishment since you don't want this DM punished at all?

I don't.

You can give them the lightest punishment.

You get to go into this game as a tri-katana wielder.

Robert Arasana child.

I'm going to fly to Madison, Wisconsin, and be your guest star just to fuck up your home.

I've got three katanas and I'm married, so I'm not combined.

Relationship-wise,

there's nothing going on at home.

He's like, Zoro, but he's like, We're in therapy.

She's

punishment is.

Oh, I got one.

When you go get their stuff back, whoever you fight there has to be underleveled to your party.

It should be a massacre.

That

just throw a bunch of squishies at you.

That's fucking balanced.

Okay.

So fucking ordered.

So freaky.

I took that oath seriously.

Yeah, you did.

You're still bleeding a lot.

Hey there, Nad Poles.

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Megan Kay Wrights, honorable justices and jersey boy jack.

That's me.

It's my favorite sandwich chain.

I present to you the case of the bath bomb delay.

Justices, I started an online Saturday game of Lost Minds to try and help some friends who wanted to play D and D yet never had the chance.

About halfway through the campaign, my friend shared that her friend was also interested in playing.

Let's call her Amy.

At first, Amy did not play.

Whenever they redact the name, I always know.

Let's call her Amy.

Let's see what Amy did.

Let's call her shithead.

At first, Amy did very well and was super interested in playing.

But slowly, her interest began to fade.

She started canceling sessions,

loudly talking to her boyfriend during sessions,

and in general, just not paying attention.

During our final session, she didn't arrive for our 8 p.m.

start time.

When we messaged her, she stated that she had just drawn a bath and put a bath bomb in.

I told her to come to DD and have her bath later, but she insisted she would have to bathe for an hour prior to coming because she already put her bath bomb in.

Okay.

We certainly must bathe.

We were already planning on a shorter session because...

My sumptuous bath.

It's bombing as we speak.

We were already planning on a shorter session because a few of our players were not feeling well.

She conceded that she would only join if someone paid for her bath bump.

What?

Her friend at the table did offer to pay for the bath bump.

Why don't you choose?

And eventually,

she did join and we played, although she was very disconnected from the game.

Justices, I asked her.

Yeah, she was dirty.

Should we be obligated to pay for her bath bomb?

And should she be allowed to remain in the campaign?

I need to know about the relationship between the friend who paid for her bath bumps.

I don't know the relationship.

Yeah,

I can see them in my mind's eye.

They met at Sigma Alpha.

Guys, there's a power dynamic going on here with the girls.

We're more dynamic.

One has always been in love with the other one.

Has never dated anyone.

It's so, whenever these questions come up, and it's just like, this is not a DD thing.

This is just your rude and real life thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I have a question, though.

Okay.

Have you guys, have you guys used a bath bomb before?

I don't know what it is.

You don't know what it is?

No.

What a crazy word for you to not know what that is.

I assumed it was like some kind of.

It was a weapon.

No.

Yeah.

I thought she was doing demo on her bath.

It's like, yep, some salts and herbs and spices.

They call it aromatic.

Yeah, it's just like a little ball of like fragrant aromatic stuff that you put and then it dissolves into the bathroom.

Someone gave me one at a con and it had a full dice set in it.

Oh, wow.

I actually used it.

But then after it was over, I was like, oh, he's like, yeah, deep floor up my butt.

Wait, it's not.

The dice came out in the water?

Yeah, it was in the bath bomb.

And I was like, oh, this is nice.

Wow, no.

It's like stepping on Legos

with my bracket.

Have a bit in the drain and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My daughter had a bath bomb that was like really fun and cute.

I had like a little toy inside, but like it was like pink and red.

So at the end of the bath,

you don't want to see that.

She showed us a picture of that.

That was horrifying.

Truly horrifying.

She came with a warning.

Everything's okay.

Yeah.

We gotta go fucking horrifying.

Yeah, she did not butcher a chicken in a tub.

I love the hubris on bath bombs.

It's so horrible.

I mean,

it's also because you had plans, right?

So it'd be one thing if they were like, okay, we got to do this last minute.

We got to move this two hours early or something because somebody has something.

And you're like, I just drew a bath.

I just put a bath bomb in.

I don't want to waste it.

I'm going to do it.

But it's the humility to lie.

Just be like, I'm busy.

You want to say goodbye?

Well,

lying would be better than being honest.

Well, what if it's a lush bath bomb?

Those are pricey.

Yeah, yeah.

My low-key love this.

I was once your voiceover.

I'm nodding my

welcome.

You're going to defend back.

I was going to say that.

There was a chaos over session, and Eric Milesley came in.

We were at Nickelodeon once and he was like 20 minutes late and like the show runners were pissed.

Okay.

And like he comes in the door and he's just kind of cruising and like, where were you?

And he literally just goes, sorry, guys, I was eating chocolate covered almonds.

And I was like, yes, that's the most gangster thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, respect.

Great.

You got to get your voice right.

Chocolate almonds are like, get your voice right.

Bro, like good on him.

Like pre half an hour late and just joyfully saying I was doing something extremely mundane is kind of

apology.

There was no apology in this.

There was honestly a threat.

Someone needs to pay for my bath pitch.

And she was already late.

She was late, and they're like, are you coming?

I'll be coming after my bath pitch.

Let me be clear.

I do not like the description of this person.

I want to bring up something that actually really bothers me about this.

I'm a huge bath pitch myself, but an hour-long bath.

How fucking tepid is that water at the end?

You're probably

mad at you for going over 45 minutes.

You got to be cycling the water.

You're probably draining it and reheating.

Oh,

wow.

What a bath hack.

You said you were a bath hack.

Huge bathroom.

I've never thought about

it.

What?

I totally take 10-minute baths.

Have you thought about wasting like an extra 500 gallons of water?

Yeah, you could just put it all the way up and leave the drain on.

Lane's the claw tub in your bathroom.

It's almost like a shower.

Yeah, you just never plug it up ever.

Just keep it going.

God, I mean, I'll say, that's fucking clever.

Yeah, real bath hacks.

I actually got to go take a bath right now.

I actually might need to right now.

Unless you want to pay for my bath bomb.

But this seems like.

I bet she already took the bath and she was just trying to get everyone to pay for the bath bomb.

Oh, small.

Okay, so

I think I've only ever received bath bombs as gifts.

So what is the upper limit of how expensive a bath bomb?

I think they could probably be expensive.

Search goop bath bomb date.

That's going to find us the ceiling.

Wow.

Well, I did find a almost $1,000 bath bomb.

Is that gold or something?

Oh, wait, wait, no, it's not.

I think, sorry, I think this is a bulk apothecary.

That's a lot of bath bombs.

1,000 bath bombs for one.

The most expensive ones are for a lot.

Search goop bath bomb.

Okay.

And while you do, I want to go picture what would be the most, like, I really am kind of into the idea that you had a bath bomb that you didn't know there was something in.

Yeah.

We're in the $50 range.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

50 seems like

significant.

Maybe.

50 seems like high end.

But still, it is like, if you, let's take this out of D D.

If you're like, we had dinner plans and you're like, I already threw a bath bomb in exactly when we had dinner plans.

I'll be an hour late unless you want to pay for my bath bomb.

It's nuts.

It's a weird confession to be like, I forgot about you.

Yeah, I'm doing the bath.

It also seems like this would have been a perfect excuse to have them not be in the campaign anymore.

Yeah,

because all the other stuff is like, I get it.

You don't want to be confrontational.

Somebody's checking out.

And you said this was their final, their final final session.

Well, here, this is just, this is a selfish person.

Yeah.

This is someone that doesn't belong at that table for a group activity.

Yeah.

There's self-care and then there's selfish care, folks.

Thank you, Carl.

Brain and hanging on that.

I did actually see someone saying that, though, like as a self-discovery thing.

I imagine 2025 is all about self-ish care.

Me firsthand only.

Take your time.

Take a bath bomb.

If you can't do it in the bath bomb length of time, then it's not worth doing.

The next time you make plans, throw a bath bomb in and see if they will accommodate you.

Your true friends are worth the bath bomb wait.

This is the friendship test.

Someone sent this on a podcast.

Would you help me move?

Would you pick me up at the airport and would you paper my bath bomb?

Yeah, I told you the most powerful person in your friend group.

Find out now.

Yeah.

Establish dominance in your

friendship.

How to win people and get free bath bombs?

It's a power play palette.

Yeah.

Such an insane power play.

Okay.

okay so it sounds like we're unanimous yeah

that's good because we've had some dense disagreements so far yeah yeah so far i like the energy in the

house though it feels nice

Anybody have a good punishment?

This person has to play DD in the bathtub with a bath bomb full of dice.

Oh, yeah.

So many.

Or Amy can never draw anything beyond a lukewarm bath again.

Oh, that's good.

I would say they should let everyone everyone at the table buy her a bath bomb, but it's a novelty one.

It's like, nah, you smell like shit.

Yeah.

Congratulations.

Okay.

That's good.

I was going to say we hide things in her bath bombs like, like, um, like peppers.

Peppers.

Oh, my God.

That it would get so uncomfortable.

Your face assaulting so much.

Gentle.

Okay.

If anything, it'd probably be a bit exfoliating.

What if she's got like a little cut?

Okay, fine.

Okay, what if we remove her bath and install a stall shower at her her house?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's all just a little too small for her.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like a motorhome one.

Yeah, yeah.

And I hate to go off on this now, but shower bombs is like a real potential market that has not been explored.

Oh, perfect.

Okay, so I got a shower bomb as a gift.

You got a shower bomb?

I haven't gotten it.

How does that work?

Do you like attach it to the nozzle up top?

I don't know.

I looked at it and I was like, you see, my god, to figure you out.

And then I got deep into the body.

You booked in a condom, you wrap the condom around the shower head, and then you poke it with stuff until it's a bad thing.

You swing the condom around your shower head.

Yes.

Okay, so.

Accuser like a priest censor.

I mean, a good punishment is that you have to figure out how to do it.

She has to figure out shower box.

She has to figure out shower box.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

Because we are removing the turkey.

So showered.

So shower.

Good luck.

Godspeed.

Our next case comes from Luna Lust.

Luna rights.

Oh, okay.

If it pleases the cuties of the crit and the extra cutie bailiff Rake.

All right.

That's just kind of easy.

He's a rake, she's a cutie, but wrong name.

So they're talking about somebody else.

I bring you the case of the main character DMs.

I have been in this DD group for a while now, and we have three rotating DMs.

The DM changes with every new campaign.

The problem is that two of the DMs work together to make each other the hero of the campaigns that they are running.

Some examples of this are DM1 letting DM2 become an adult dragon with all of its stats to fight the big bad in the air while

big on the ground

and watched.

He got bit by a dragon.

Becoming a dragon.

Another example, DM2 stopping a big, bad fight to tell us that DM1 was the only one who could defeat him.

Then he made us sit through a long cutscene where he described DM1 making the ultimate sacrifice that only he could make after a whole campaign of his patron telling him that he was the chosen one.

Ultimately, it wasn't even much of a sacrifice because his character stayed alive in a ghostly form.

This is insider trading.

Basically.

Yeah.

They make the backstory of the DM, who was a player at the time, intertwine with the main story and even go for long stretches just talking to each other as if it were something they had rehearsed.

Then telling anyone who tries to join in

as if it were something that was rehearsed implies that you think it was rehearsed.

Yeah, this two-man show.

This two-man show has gotten so bad.

This two-man show.

Yeah.

That it even started spilling into the third DM's campaign with them literally talking to each other about their backstories backstories while the third DM is trying to narrate their story.

I've brought it up with them and they have said, quote, it's a good story.

You're just not getting it.

Am I in the wrong for wanting to quit this group?

Or am I missing something?

You got to get out.

You got out.

Is it a good story and you're missing something?

No.

You got to get yourself a bath bomb.

Yeah.

Or these two need to write a book together.

Yeah, they should just kiss.

Just write a book.

I really feel like just kiss.

Like,

there's some energy between the two of you

that they need to work out.

You can have a two-person game.

Yeah.

You can have a two-person game.

It would devolve so quick.

Oh, yeah.

Then you hit the dragon with your mace.

It's like, oh, dude, I do.

So weird.

I'm growing.

I'm an adult dragon now.

I think I feel, I think I feel wings coming out of my back.

Everyone on the ground watching me.

I'm going to take my shirt off to let my dragon move.

Oh, let me massage your back.

Playing out with them not sitting down at the table either.

They're like dancing around the table players.

Oh, I love it.

I actually wish the best for them.

Yeah,

I just wish they would stop getting in on other people's dams.

It's like clearly.

But I think that's where they get off.

Yeah.

Oh, they need an all-okay, hold on, hold on.

So wait,

even while one of the others not DMing, the other one's playing.

It's just the news.

Yeah, exactly.

Every time they play.

A group that rotates DMs, and then whenever they're DMing for each other, they make each other the chosen ones.

This is very egregious.

I could see this happening by accident at first, where it's like, we're the two DMs of the group, so we chat about what we're doing for prep and everything.

Yeah.

Maybe throw ideas off of each other.

But once people are watching a battle while they're in the air while the rest of the party is on the ground, you have to realize something's wrong.

You have to realize something's wrong.

And everyone's mouth is just a game.

It is so awesome.

I'm breaking into songs.

I can't help it.

My scales, they're forming.

I think sometimes people forget.

My transformation is so nutty and beautiful at the same time.

I think people forget that it's a game.

It's my first time blowing fire.

That was amazing.

I'm going to beat Fox while you blow fire.

I'm actually starting to think the only way this is excusable is if it is erotic.

Yeah, I gave it a bit.

Maybe I gave it a fact.

Maybe it's entertaining.

Everybody roll to see how enamored you are.

It's funny.

I actually do want these two people at my table as well.

Oh, demand.

They're making an incredible table.

What does the Fed do when someone does insider trading?

Because I feel like we have to base our punishment off.

I think they show up in Windbreakers for sure.

Okay.

Okay, then

they're going to show up in Windbreakers, which is actually kind of a opposite of a punishment for us.

I'd love a Windbreaker.

Uh-huh.

Oh, right.

Oh, all right.

So, we all get windbreakers.

Yeah, okay.

We raise their house and we're like, give us your notebooks.

Hands away from your notebooks.

They digitally lock their accounts.

Yeah.

You're out of your

data.

You're out of DVD on.

We get access to their text thread.

We get exchanging DNA.

You don't want to see that between the two of them.

You don't have to do it.

I do.

I know.

We get access to their PCs and we can just sync their PCs.

We can just narrate the least epic shit.

The guy who became a a dragon is like, I'm reverting.

I'm reverting to smaller than I was before.

I'm becoming a salamander.

Not even a giant one.

I'm challenged making 116.

It's not sexy.

It's not sexy.

Yeah.

Okay, so if we take control of all their PCs.

Okay, yeah.

Can our jackets say Fed D ⁇ D on the back?

Yeah.

Okay, so we de-level them.

Then the wife from the other campaign comes in and says, you're a weak DM.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And we get windbreakers.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's what are those windbreakers in the corner?

Yeah.

They're not ready.

We're ready now.

We're ready.

What aviator size do you wear?

Dragon size.

I just need holes for my dragon wings.

That's all.

I'm giant, but I can still build my sword so I can do extra attacks.

And I do katana.

Yeah,

these guys are.

You have to absolutely, you have to absolutely not play.

The fact that it got to the point where you said, like, hey, this is weird,

meant that they had already gotten in the way so much.

And then their response was absolute bonus.

Yeah.

Like, bless you for even going to them.

Because I don't even think I would have advised, like, talk to them.

I would have told you to get out without speaking.

I would have rewritten The Last Jedi together.

That's a guarantee.

They just wouldn't get it.

They're one session away from having their own language that you can't comprehend.

Oh, my God.

Don't teach these guys about thieves can't.

They will have a 45-minute made-up language.

Yeah.

All right.

You're being D-leveled.

The D ⁇ D Beyond accounts are being frozen.

I think that you can stay in this campaign if you want, but you have to go there being like, I am here to collect stories to make other people.

Yes.

Oh, that's good.

You can stay in this campaign, but you have to tell us everything about it from now on.

Yes.

I am in Naruto, and I am not Naruto.

That is what you have to accept.

That feels like a personal attack, actually.

I want to be in fucking Demon Slayer.

I made his sword, so

it's a pretty cool role.

Okay, so that's the punishment.

So ordered.

And now, of course, Justice Damon, we step into church at the end of the day.

Are you going to serve?

Yes, my son.

Okay.

I'm becoming a bishop.

I'm becoming a bishop.

There's no new odds.

My bishop wings and my bishop claws.

And your older.

My bishop breath.

My raiments.

My raiments.

There's a cure.

I'm a naughty little bishop.

All right, this confession.

this confession comes from Allie.

Dear Noble Justices on High and their part-time intern douge.

I feel like I would take a step too far.

I have a Dice Christ confession.

My friends and I started our campaign at 15.

We all still play together 12 years later.

Wow.

That's amazing.

Yeah, that's right.

I love it.

And have shared many wonderful memories at the table.

How'd you fuck up?

However, one memory haunts me from when we were 15 15 and i experienced my first character death needless to say i was distraught and much to my shame i did not handle it well okay okay my character was called sky and only wanted to quote be an outlaw which translated to him stealing openly attacking anyone who disagreed with him at the drop of a hat hitting dogs just

very good very good yeah yeah and even killing a saloon owner who wouldn't give him a free beer

he was a true maniac and i was the kind of player i wouldn't let within a mile of my table now.

Okay, that's not your 15.

Yeah, you gotta get it out.

Sky was arrested and eventually executed by a sheriff.

This was a fair by a who?

This was a fair and good in-world way for the DM.

I think that speaks to how much of a shit they were.

The execution was fair and good.

Sky is a good thing.

You feel like it's such a DD trope to be about to be executed and then escape.

That idea that someone went through the whole process, it was like, I had a trial, I lost, I tried to appeal, and I lost.

My last appeal was delicious.

And the last

caught their ass off and killed me.

The floor did drop out, and I wasn't.

The executioner is going to roll attack damage to chop off your head.

This was a fair and good in-world way for the DM to deal with my shithead character.

Unfortunately, this was not the end of Sky, as 15-year-old me made another character called Sky, who was essentially the same person.

Oh, this started a series of five guys I played.

Five guys?

Five skies

five guys.

Each one more unhinged and unhelpful than the last.

Wow.

All died in a variety of very justified ways.

The last two.

I love a penny-to-person who's just coming being like, hey, man, I deserved it.

Sky sucks.

Imagining playing.

I know you were 15, so y'all get.

But imagining playing with this person for 12 years where they're like, I keep playing the same guy.

I keep killing every guy.

No, it's different.

It's guy with two eyes this time.

It's sky five.

All died in a variety of justified ways.

The last two were killed by other PCs.

Oh,

Jiminy.

Justified murders by their PCs.

Insane.

I love your adult awareness that you were wrong.

It's pretty cool.

I want to know how long it went on, though.

Is this past 20?

Yeah, we don't know how much.

I know you're not done yet.

Were you 16 or were you 20 now when I was 28?

Something tells me the fact that PCs were killing them.

I think these skies were lasting three sessions.

Yeah.

The last two skies had to just be undone immediately.

There is at a point you are just like a revenant and you're just coming back.

Consure.

Like the last one could have been like, hi, everyone.

I'm Sky.

I attacked.

Yeah,

after a talk with my DM, I saw the error of my ways and I made a reasonable character who engaged with the world and campaigned collaboratively.

But I still think of the skies sometimes and I feel nothing but shame and embarrassment.

I hope one day to earn Dice Christ's forgiveness for the session after session I derailed with my series of Edge Lords.

My child, you have.

You're forgiven.

You're all good.

We are all edgelords.

Sky's the limit.

Oh, yeah.

Sky was the limit.

You understood that.

Yeah.

And you got past it.

The fact that they feel remorse means they learned their lesson.

We have a lot of submitters to DD Court that are acting like Sky and they're in their 30s

and doing it with like strangers at game stores.

So you're good.

You know, the most powerful thing in this world is redemption.

And there is a possible world where, when you're mature enough,

you build the final Sky.

Oh, and Sky has learned their lessons and you redeem yourself via your character.

I think it's possible.

That's healing.

Sky come back.

I think it's time for turn of Sky.

Throwing the devil on this person's sky.

Let's bring back Sky.

Kill them all.

Just a great party kill.

All right.

Good stuff.

Amazing.

So forgiven.

So forgiveness.

Forgiven.

So that's all for this episode of DD Court.

We'll be doing some fun bonus stuff.

We're going to do Tortletank over there.

That's right.

Robbie Johnny was for that.

Sweet.

Over on patreon.com/slash NADPOD.

That's N-E-D-P-O- Don't see it yet.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Robbie, do you have anything you'd like to plug?

I think I'm bleeding out.

No.

Yeah.

When does this thing come out?

I don't know.

This week.

Oh, sweet.

Then please go onto Steam and check out Date Everything.

Yeah.

You can add it to your wish list.

And yeah, come hang out with us.

It's a a fun game.

Hell yeah.

Go ahead.

Emily, did you do voices for that too?

Yes, I don't know if I made it anymore.

Shut up!

Right now!

I'm just kidding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What better place to say?

You're amazing in the game.

You are unannounced

except for now.

Oh,

that's right.

You heard it here first.

Fuck, I got to break embargo.

You got to hear me.

You're contexting our PR team.

This episode will never see the light of day, Jim.

No, you're amazing.

The windbreakers are outside the window.

They come for us.

They took my steam code.

All right.

You can follow us on social media that we may or may not use at CH vs.

Me, AddieX for Emily, at Caldee's Caldwell, at JKer, which is Jake.

And Robbie, what are your socials?

I'm Robbie Damon or Robbie Dangerous.

Don't ask.

I was 15 when I

sky's all good.

And then you can talk about the show with hashtag NADPOD.

That's N-E-D-P-O-D.

We are, we are the youth of a nation!

We are we are the youth of the nation

just a joke for me.

It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Bryant, Victor T, aka Balner's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B, Daniel R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Kobald, Targot, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker Ph.D., Princess Yar, Jory S, Rachel from Anamorphs, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohemia, Mike H, Alca Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Herodrian, Carbrow Chapel Hill FPV, Rexthaniel the White, Cece Lulu, Old Cob's Dunkle, Older Byrne, Hercule Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R, Ryko, Calder Cums Cold.

Shout out to the cold cum companions, Frosty Facial, Taylor B, maybe the real treasure, was the friends we made along the way.

Cass, Strong, Grinch, Steven, and then there's something I think French.

That, according to a translator, says, I like dark beer.

C.

Mike K, Nick W, William W., Big Bad Beard of the Mad, Eric McD, Ananorama, Percival Frederickstein, Von Mussel, Klazowski, DeRolla the Third, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Jocelyn M., Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Vars Assistant, Issy F, Big Bad John, DPZ is Awesome, Hashtag Honor the Cock, Sean, the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer Rose, aka Grand Terre, Mark the Dark Lords, Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Valay C Raptor, B Perky Always, Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Fay Wild Therapist, Connor S, Salil, BioQuirt 7, Amber Dextrus, Trub Hopdropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament, Valin, Podge, the bitchin' bunny bard, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywug Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han,

Eric B, Marcos, learns the balanced druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly the green laughing hyena, finally caught up to the duck team, Akash T, Cal knows you're listening, Ricarda, comma, Wink, Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time, Cody C, Lorelei the succubi, and Kyra the succulent snack, McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yaunt, and young Andrew and Sid, John Adams, didn't win the vote, but won your heart, Meg the Male Carrier of Bahumia, James F, Austin S, Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls, get rid of them, turn to page 62, keep them, turn to page 69,

Shane C, Barbo Good Barrel, Bard Barian, Welshlander, Garrett G, aka One Big Curd, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jarrett the soap opera cleric were playing Stick It to the Man Down with the Monarchy.

Winter Slade, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Damon, son of that one merchant named John, Anthony the raddest of dudes, Jay, the fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo, Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie-wearing barbarian, Lexi loves the two crew.

Thank you, Lexi.

Roger L, Nodrog, the pacifist barbarian, Gino T, Gian Luca, Tristan the the talentless hunk, shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander, Linz W, Johnny Dude K, Pavu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Tim M.

MLG Cheeto, Shel B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl, kicking off 2025, seeing D20 live at MSG, dressing up as Sophia Lee.

Looking forward to seeing you, Shelby.

Snailess, who's infecting Worcester from within, Pawpaw Skydays, Mima Skydays, Megan N, Anthony B, Savannah H, Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A, Josh Hole, Pilot of the Nightmare-verse Flight, Froky, the two crew blew through, Jennery, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Seth E, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, Michael L.S.

II, Carl B.

Plumber of the Realm, Dax Riddlewell, Hannah A, Ra, Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Critzburg, Darius D, the guy from that one thing, Troy's Mom, Vin Diagram, GKC, Teehee, Teehee, Catamilius, the Consumed, Bard of Holding, Clinton P, Grinchful, Cam the Grinch Frogman, Dean, Jake W., Hi Mom, Tuzay Cross, the choose your own adventure writer, not the porn star.

Steve L, Tyler McM,

Alex G, Zibada Bachri, Nicole, Katarina C, Lady Jacqueline P of Castle Whitestone, Greg W wants the D20 truck nuts, Jake thought up.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

And finally, Chupac Aubrey.

Thank you so much to all of our listeners.

Thank you so much to all of our Patreon subscribers.

And of course, thank you so much to our benevolent council of elders.

We'll We'll be over on our Patreon with the after-show.

In the meantime, we'll see you all next time.

That was a hit gum podcast.