D&D Court: Hot Farts, Boston Bards, and Drowning Barbarians (w/ Danielle Radford!)

This is a head gun podcast.

Welcome to Dungeon Court, everybody.

We are your Supreme Court justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, joined by the Lowly, Lowly, Lowly, Lowly, Lowly, Lowly, Lowly, Loly, Loly, Loly, Lowly, Lowly, Lowly, Loly, Loly, Loly, Lowly, Lowly, Lowly, Lowly, Lowly.

Don't get too into it.

Bailiff J.

Kerr.

What's up, everybody?

And then we've got joining us this week our friend Danielle Radford.

Hi, thanks for having me.

Everybody, I'm excited.

Thank you for being here.

Oh, that was nice.

I am.

I'm so excited.

It went from us insulting Jake to you just being so sincere and so on.

Well, now that you all have told me that, like, you know.

Yeah, you're excited to insult Jake.

I'm excited to insult Jake.

Now I'm excited.

But you can't do that yet.

Not until I swear you win

as a justice.

There is decorum.

I got it.

Would you kindly read the oath?

I, Danielle Radford, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the players as well as the DMs against all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that I take this obligation of my own volition, and that I will well and faithfully embark upon this noble pursuit of justice.

So help me, God.

Welcome.

Clean.

And with that, you can be really mean to me now.

Yeah.

Whoa, whoo.

I was just waiting.

Yeah, this is great.

I was mentioning, I think,

I love how I'm about to say, like, some people might know this.

No, they don't.

No one knows who I am.

But there was a time when I was a paralegal, and there was also a time when I worked for ALJs, which is administrative law judges,

when I was living up in Seattle.

So that I would be like their assistant.

I would help them with like cases and like writing out orders and stuff.

And so it feels really good to like be on this side of it.

You know, I do.

And I do think that that means, so are you a bailiff or paralegal in this part or assisted?

You know, I'm so much.

This actually

is.

We am just a bailiff.

We've been about like

a four-time but disgraced and disbarred judge.

Yeah.

He's risen and fallen from judge.

I ascended in Boston, then I and then I was disbarred.

Yeah.

We keep giving him a second chance.

It's on us, honestly.

Oh, I want that Hulu documentary.

The rise and fall of James.

The rise and fall and rise and fall and fall again and fall again.

He keeps catch me if you canning in different states.

And let's see which way I go this week.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Crit is now in session.

The honorable Supreme Crit Justices Oxford, Murphy, Tanner, and Radford presiding.

And I'm so excited to see what kind of legal expertise you can bring to our first case.

And from Gabba Gublin

to our own venerable justices and their trusty sidekick, Bailiff Boy, I present to you the case of the noxious fart.

Oh, God.

Okay, okay.

It's pure and strong.

Yeah, that's good.

A few hogliday seasons ago, I DMed a low-level New Jersey-themed one-shot for some friends where the party had to journey through treacherous barren pines to wrest a powerful gubernatorial artifact from the hands of the evil ogre Christophus Christian.

Okay.

The party took a long rest, and I asked them to describe their morning routine to encourage some role play.

My older sister, playing a DeVito-esque gnome named Nart.

Nart.

DeVito-esque.

What do we think DeVito-esque refers to?

Is it stature?

Yeah.

Is it attitude?

I think it's hair.

I think it's bald.

I think it's

bald.

Okay, yeah.

Everything we picture when we picture DeVito-esque is correct.

So this DeVito-esque gnome named Nart describes how our friend's character, a sexy tiefling named Chad, ripped ass so loudly that it startled everyone awake.

Our friend immediately argued that she couldn't just narrate that, indignantly insisting that it was completely out of character and Hot Chad would never do such a thing.

As a compromise, I ruled that I would allow the fart if everyone within five feet, most of the party, made a con save against 1d4 poison damage.

What are we doing here?

Eventually, everyone agreed to take the damage and the session moved on.

But it gets brought up every time someone mentions D ⁇ D and our friend is still a little falsey about it.

Anytime someone mentions D and D, like

I bring up how I railroaded someone into farting.

Anytime someone brings up the letter D, they literally just start farting.

Talk about my DeVito-esque gnome.

I asked the court, was I correct to honor my sororal bonds or should I have protected Chad's sexy dignity?

Okay, so this is the DM being like another player says it would essentially be like if Moonshine was like, what do I do this morning?

Yeah, Beverly rips out.

Yeah.

I smell another person's mother.

It'd be one thing if the DM was like, roll a constitution saving throat and not fart in your sleep.

I guess that's you could consider that a joke, a crass one that kind of sucks, but you could do that.

But just narrating that someone else farts is weird.

I mean, it's fart railroading.

Let's face it.

Fart roading.

This is fart railroading.

We rarely, rarely.

Which is even worse, arguably.

Yeah.

I think like you can do reverse DM railroading where you just like say that something exists exists and then the DM will say yes or no.

Usually no.

The concession of like I'll allow this fart if you take damage.

That doesn't make any sense.

Maybe then that PC also gets one.

It's like, okay, if you could make me fart, then I also get that you just burped disgustingness into my like mouth.

Yeah.

But it sounds like Sexy Chad still was unhappy and they're still salty to this.

I think that the DM said, okay, I'll let you say that happened if you all take damage, almost assuming everyone was going to be like, like, I don't want to take damage, but then everyone saw Sexy Chad trying to not fart and was like, yeah, dude, I'll take damage.

It's only 1d4.

Yeah, 1d4.

Teach sexy chad a lesson.

Like, do we need to get sexy chad a book like everybody poops?

Yeah.

Hot people do fart.

Hot people do fart.

Hot people do fart

so loudly.

Like, yeah, sexy chad wouldn't have, like, to fart loud, I think you have to push it out.

He's sleeping, though.

Is there a sexy way to fart?

Is the question.

Sure.

On the toilet and you giggle.

Jake figured it out.

There is the trick if you want to be that person, you go into the bathroom, you take the towels and then you use it to like trumpet

slowly out.

So it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I gotta say, that's way ruder.

Fart in my toilet, not in my towels, friends.

Do not fart in our toilets.

Not in the hand towels, not in the handout towels.

What are we, barbarians?

As long as there's a hamper there, you can fart in the hamper, that's fine.

Everyone's got like one backup hand towel.

Yeah, you go.

You go back up hand towel.

You go to the handle for the guests that have to fart straight in the hamper.

Can I suggest the most polite way to

would be to take your pants down and do it into a wind going away from it?

Oh, that's smart.

Yeah.

That's just like majestic.

Yeah.

Or maybe

a bare ass fart out the window into the wind.

That's really good.

That's number one.

On the highway.

Yeah.

That's just getting whipped.

That's just all getting confused with a bunch of people.

And then there's all the gasoline and everything.

Yeah, right.

Because I do, I mean, look, obviously you can't railroad someone else into farting, but also

I do feel like there is a lesson that has to be learned here.

I'm also wondering what else sexy chat has done where everyone at the table is like, I 100% will take damage for you to not do whatever the fuck it is that you're doing right now for like two seconds.

Well, they're playing the hot character against Chad.

It's interesting because everyone does fart.

So you you can't be like, my character doesn't fart.

Yeah, that's weird.

Yeah, I was.

Well, no, he can.

I was fully like, this PC is so wrong to make the other PC fart.

And then as soon as Danielle was like, well, Sexy Chad needs to realize hot people fart.

I'm like, damn.

Yeah.

Hot mine.

Normalized farting.

But this is not the way to do it, right?

Yes.

You can't, again, you can't railroad a fart.

And I think we got to be that impressive.

It's a shame.

I think adding the poison

even less hot.

Could Sexy Chad now weaponize their own farts in the future based on the people who are not going to be able to do that?

Yeah, he's absolutely not into it.

He's done like a D4 of like temp HP.

Like this fart actually smells so amazing that it gives you an aura.

Because that's at least

hot people, their farts don't smell.

Okay, but what if there's an inverse?

I don't actually have like first-hand experience with this.

What if it's kind of like a picture of Dorian Gray, but with hot people's farts?

What if all the nastiness that's not happening in their face is going into their farts?

And they actually have the most rainguards.

Or there's just a painting of them farting that smells really bad.

Just constantly, like, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sad.

It's my painting in the attic.

I'm sorry.

Your house just smells so bad.

It's not a meth lab.

Yeah, yeah.

I painted this with rotten egg tempura.

Okay, so we do agree that Chad does need to learn that

people fart.

However, this was not the way to do it the DMs.

This was not the way to do it.

PC railroading.

So we are against this PC

and this DM.

Yeah, we're against

Danny DeVito-esque.

Unfortunately, we're against ruling snark.

Yeah, it's really sad.

I feel like the DM, my assumption is they were trying to give the players an out.

So I think I'm only ruling against the DeVito-esque.

No.

No,

the DM allowed the players to run wild.

You gotta at some point be like, you can't narrate what someone else did.

Is there something kind of endearingly pure, though, about someone who really wants to play a DND character that's so hot and doesn't fart.

And it's very naive.

Yeah.

It's Arthurian in a way.

It's just like, yes, I have never farted.

I'm so pure.

I'm pure of ass.

Virgin cheeks.

It's like Princess and the P.

Like instead of not being able to feel the pee, like he can't feel when he has to fart.

Well, and that would also,

that is a reason why he would fart while he's like, you're holding it in all day long.

That's a really good thing.

You're finally on the side.

But that's no, I think you hit Ram.

Sleep is like the true final frontier.

Like, if you can hold in the farts while you sleep and

remain pure, if you're asking to remain pure in the eyes of God, then I think that that is truly the test.

Yeah, I do.

I mean, Chad often.

It's better than being pure in the eyes of God.

Chad needs to learn how to be that vulnerable, but this probably isn't the test.

This is not to say.

It's not the same.

And that's why I think you have to have our

fart trait of Dorian Gray in your fart trait.

Yes.

In your attic.

Oh, just have fun.

You had to put a fart painting in your attic.

In your attic.

You want them in the living room?

I mean, it's in the book.

It's in the attic.

It could be in the living room, but it could be like covered, you know?

And everyone's like, what's behind that?

You're going to need a mechanism behind the painting.

There's going to be a small slit where the ass is, and you're going to have a balloon that inflates and uninflates so that it is like comfortable.

We have to move on.

Cold is an artist.

We have to move on.

You can handle that.

We don't move.

You just invented farting.

So ordered.

So ordered.

So farted.

I was born too late.

I was born too late.

Our next case comes from Amanda Kay.

Sorry, I'm on the phone with the Met.

And they say they want to.

So ordered.

We have to move on.

But you have to take this phone call.

My name is Amanda.

I'm a college student in upstate New York.

And I've been playing in a campaign with three other girls from school since September.

My case is about some drama that took place in real life and is leading into our game.

Yes, please.

Our party is pretty standard.

I play a barbarian, and two of my friends, let's call them Apple and Banana.

So pretty distracting.

We're not going to be able to handle this, unfortunately.

Yeah, sorry.

Let's rather call dwell Jake and Emily are not going to be able to handle this.

Let's just do part in Banana's attic.

I don't even know if they're to blame.

But we'll have to do that and move on.

Apple and Banana play a cleric and wizard respective.

To keep things brief/slash anonymous, Banana got broken up with recently.

There we go.

And Apple said she saw our DM, who we'll call Blueberry.

Okay.

Making out with him at a party.

What's the boyfriend's name?

Let's call him Pear.

Okay, like that.

Yeah.

Making out with Pear at a party hosted by a mutual friend.

We all share who we can call pineapple.

Sorry.

Hey, Sam.

Is this an episode of Veggie Tales?

I would watch Veggie Tales if this is what happened.

The Veggie Tales are very religious.

They don't make out at parties.

It really is.

This is

people do make out at parties.

It's all blended into a smoothie for me.

I can't believe it.

I would tell you.

Larry the cucumber is never farted.

I feel like there's so much association with all, like, blueberries and bananas and stuff that there's it would arguably be less distracting if it was just like Rebecca and Sarah.

Like those names are much different to me than like blueberry and banana.

I'm basically just like, okay.

All right, well apples.

I like the cheese.

I cheat cheese with apples and bananas.

Okay, so blueberry.

Ultimately, the names don't matter.

It's just that the the DM is making out with one of the players' exes named Pear.

Pears.

Stop.

Pineapple is making out with Pear Player.

Don't think you're better.

Bro, okay, blueberries.

The party was

out.

Pineapple really is.

It doesn't matter whose house it is.

DMs are making out with you're exes.

You do want to remember that name pineapple because it comes back.

Come on.

Wait, is Pineapple the original?

No, no, pineapple is just where the party took.

Oh my god.

Pineapple hosted a party.

Okay.

Got it.

Where blueberry.

Pineapples are actually

made out with pear.

What the fuck does banana have to do with this?

Banana is X.

Banana is X.

And it's Apple.

Who the fuck is Apple?

Apple is just the cleric.

Why is Apple in apple?

What the fuck is Apple in this story?

Because they're in the table, Mark.

There's no proof that this kiss took place, but both me and Banana trust that Apple isn't lying.

Oh, Apple actually.

is the wizard.

It is goody apple sauce.

Goody Apple saw it all.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Our most recent session.

That is actually beautiful, the cleric witnessing an injustice and having to be like, you know what?

I am a cleric.

I must speak the truth.

Wow.

Because the wizard has to have this knowledge.

Yeah.

Our most recent session was tense.

Blueberry, that's the BM.

Yeah, we know.

We know.

Didn't know what we knew about the party.

Oh.

Nobody felt like role-playing.

And things almost came came to a head when she was describing a busy tavern, and Banana mumbled, sounds like Pineapple's house, a little too loud.

Justices, I'm not asking you to solve college hookup drama, though we can try.

Yeah, yeah, no, but we were going to parsley.

I think that is what I'm going to focus on.

But how do you deal with interpersonal conflict at the table?

DD is a social game, and I just don't know if I can handle another passive aggressor.

Yeah, that's tough.

I feel like we got to solve this before we come to the table.

Like, you can't show up super mad at each other.

I think the second you knew, you guys had to reach out to pineapple panels.

Pineapple's not even planning.

I think that you guys needed to reach out to Blueberry and be like, hey, this is what's being said.

Is it true?

If it's true, you probably want to come to the bottom of the bag.

Either you can tell Banana or we will.

Yes.

So that is what

we're going to do.

Have a chat.

Hey, Blueberry,

we want to let you know that Apple saw this.

We saw you kissing her.

At Pineapple's house.

We saw you kissing her at Pineapple's house.

We are from Veggie Tales.

We're very religious.

So I don't even know why we were there.

I don't even know what a kiss is.

Yeah, I don't even know what a kiss is.

But you got to tell Banana about this, or I'm going to tell Banana about this.

Yeah, I think that when situations like this arise, you just have to have one bad day of texting.

You've just got to be hunkered down by your phone, like figuring this shit out.

Because this session was doomed.

You even said so yourself.

Like, no one felt like role-playing.

Well, why didn't no one feel like role-playing?

Because everyone was staring at everyone, being like, there's a huge secret.

Yeah,

conversation that needs to happen.

Off banana needs to be peeled.

Also, let's face it, Pineapple's Party sounds a lot more interesting than most DD dramas, right?

Because this is real drama.

Yeah.

This is a real story.

Everyone wants to get to the bottom of this.

Do you think, is there any way to do like offer catharsis via DD for this situation?

No.

No,

this is absolutely a conversation that needs to happen in real human life no more insight if blueberry is a big bitch

i am very curious about blueberry and maybe blueberry's name will be absolved there's a sincere apology that could patch this over.

Yeah.

And also like maybe you mistook and there's somebody who looks like maybe they were just both wearing blue.

Like

who knows?

But yeah, I agree.

You've got to, you've got to deal with it.

And I think doubly, because normally this kind of thing, I do feel like often falls on the DM because you're kind of like the rules person at the table.

So unfortunately, the DM can't like mediate.

They have to kind of like...

They're absolutely part of it.

Yeah, they have to like, but that means they have to like, you have to have this conversation.

Yeah.

I, I still think that the people to be sentenced is maybe the people who didn't tell the DM, hey, this is all out in the open.

Right.

Because you're the one, because the DM doesn't know it's out in the open.

So the DM is just running a session, not knowing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not knowing.

I mean, like, it's, I don't want to sentence you with the worst thing in the world.

Maybe you just invent farting painting.

Well, no, I invented that.

Yeah.

Sentence you to like have a conversation before your next

DM.

Although I will say it couldn't have been that dramatic for everyone to be able to, because it sounds awkward.

Yeah.

But it doesn't sound like, it's not like people were jumping over the table, like fighting each other.

This is, that's my thing, because it's, this doesn't sound like it's a case of like they had been together for years upon years and they had just broken up like Friday and then Saturday, they all went to the pineapple under the sea party or whatever, and like make out.

It doesn't sound like that's what it was.

Yeah, is that a Spongebob and Back to the Future reference?

Dude, yeah,

beautiful.

I want to go that far.

I only speak in references, but

just a warning.

Yeah,

I think part of this is I I can't figure out if I'm ruling too harshly or too kindly by being just like, I have no idea how to get into a college mindset.

I'm just much too old.

I have no idea.

I think the drama is eternal, though.

My only thing is just that the DM didn't know, so they couldn't have prevented this.

There's only like, there's only a couple people that could have prevented the awkward session.

Do DMs have a responsibility not to hook up with their players?

Yeah.

Yes, for sure.

But we don't know for sure that it happened yet.

Right.

Apple will happen.

No one knows.

No, everyone knows that.

No one has property to the D ⁇ D group.

Again, Apple got to talk to Berber or deny.

And then if they confirm, confirm and apologize and see if that

can allow the session to move forward.

Is there a world where the college isn't skid more?

Doesn't it just feel like this is a skid more thing?

Also, like, I feel like it has to be a small college to be like, already someone from my D ⁇ D group is hooking up with my ex.

Like, that's a, we're talking like a thousand people per D ⁇ D group.

If it's a D ⁇ D group, it could be a bard.

Yeah, yeah.

No, like I, I immediately, I went to an arts conservatory, which was quite small, and I was like, oh, yeah, this sounds like my drama department.

Or Vassar.

This could be a Vassar problem.

Major, Vassar problem.

Okay, you know what?

Oh, yeah, somebody like being in their house, like owning a house.

What could

you get them to transfer to Vassar?

What about if they're not at Vassar?

They should be at Vassar.

What about this?

Since we had so much fun with all of the fruit names,

how about you have to have a serious conversation with the rest of the table, but all you have to call everyone by the names that you said here.

So you have to be like

to make this a little simpler.

We're going to call you blueberry in an effort.

This is going to be a sort of like depersonalized

charge situation.

And you need to bring sort of like a fruit platter and be like, we're going to do some light role play to kind of figure out where to talk about your feelings here.

Instead of an olive brand.

Blueberry, you take these blueberries here.

Apple, why don't you tell us what you saw banana ex doing with blueberry.

And then you all make a smoothie afterwards.

You know what, though?

In this situation, just to get into the nitty-gritty of college drama, I would not rat out Apple for seeing kiss.

I would say, we heard.

I don't want to blow up anyone's spot.

I just want to tell you that this is the rumor.

Confirm or deny.

Or Apple has to be like, I saw you.

If Apple's comfortable.

If Apple's comfortable, that's great.

The fact that it's Apple the cleric, I'm picturing just the sweetest, nicest person being like, oh, what if I see?

Yeah.

I would love to not throw a grenade into our friend group i agree

yeah okay so we sentence you to a uh fruitful conversation yeah there it is wow so ordered there we go our next case comes from jonathan t jonathan writes to the distinguished judges oxford murphy tanner ratford and the side hustling bailiff jake thank you i present to you the case of the hogliday ambushed

okay it was a cold christmas and peak covet lockdown 2020 when our regular DD group, along with some additional players, met for a festive caper one-shot over Zoom.

Cool.

Okay.

Our DM told us to make new characters, the only guideline being they all were supposed to be thieves or bad guys.

The session proceeded in high spirits.

Everyone was enjoying the festive shenanigans in what was an especially difficult time.

Quickly into the adventure, we realized we were, in fact, storming the home alone house.

What is the good ending here for these characters?

I also want to know, like, the moment they realized, was it that sound bite from the TV?

Or was it like when they knocked over the little statue out front?

Oh,

I was thinking that what's the sound bite that Kevin's got to be?

Oh, keep the chip.

Oh, keep the chat.

Yeah, I'm like, was that the sound bite?

Yeah, pump your guts full of lead.

Yeah.

During the game, we found the encounters dull.

So myself and two other players hatched a plan over chat to betray the party at the end.

After all, we were evil thieves.

So upon completion of the adventure, treasure found, we drew swords and spells and attacked.

This quickly went disastrously in our favor after the DM's wife raised her magically embalmed firearm and proceeded to shoot another PC directly in the face.

We downed two of the six other party members on our surprise round.

Immediately, the rest of the table looked shocked and slightly confused.

Whilst a few saw the funny side, one player in particular took great offense, stating,

This is the only thing I've been looking forward to all Christmas so far.

And you've ruined it.

Look what you did, you little cherk.

Look what you did, you little cherk.

He then proceeded to storm out of frame and started packing up in an outrage.

Where are you?

That's it.

I'm going to violate lockdown.

They probably mean packing up their dice, but I really did picture them like packing up their room.

Could you get like a DD hotel room?

Like, I'm going to treat myself.

I'm not quarantining anymore.

I'm going straight to a basketball game.

Please tell me, honorable judges, did this individual overreact, or are we truly the Grinches that stole his Christmas?

Wow.

I,

I, I, look, uh, lockdown, no one was normal.

I think you just have to start by saying no one was normal.

And also, so, add on top of that that, like, no one expects a PvP of like a really chill Christmas.

I think it's hilarious.

Yeah.

I think you have to know your table.

And I also think that during lockdown, there's like so much other stuff happening that people might not be talking about.

It was really bad.

So, like, you don't know what else Mr.

Pack'em up had going on.

I do love any hat.

It wasn't the only thing that bothered me, right?

It was just the strawberry.

And now his name is Mr.

Packamu.

So Raspberry Pack'em up.

He was getting chased by ghosts.

So,

yeah, this is.

I'm of two minds of it because on the one hand, I'm like, it's just a one shot.

If it were me and other people killed me, I'd just be like, what the fuck?

And kind of think it was funny.

Yeah.

But like Danielle was saying, you do kind of need to know like who you're at the table with.

Yeah.

And PvP, I do think you kind of need to make it clear that that's what it is up top.

Because some people get re like.

Tables get really tense when there's PvP.

For like good reasons.

And like you and you, I think the sin to me is like sidebarring with certain people and being like, let's

betray everyone.

Yeah, it's like, why did you choose certain people to betray everyone with?

It probably felt worse to have multiple people attack them rather than one person.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, because that's also like, oh, am I the person no one likes?

It's like, and there aren't, there are games that are specifically meant to like have that element that were very big during that time.

There's like Among Us.

There's like,

you know, there are other games that you could have been playing at that time where you could have gotten that if you just wanted to like attack your friends.

I think that doing PvP secretly as a group just brings up a very strong feeling of, is there a group text I'm not on?

It's like my nightmare.

And during lockdown, everyone's feeling left out.

Yeah,

do you guys have another thread?

This is blueberry, pineapple, apple level stuff.

Yeah, that's what's happening here.

There's also the element of, I think, it's frustrating with like surprise rounds and stuff like that because this happens.

And so it'd be one thing if like somebody hits you and then you're like, okay, cool.

I use my character and I hit you back or whatever and then like even if your character dies it's fine.

But this like calculated like cool we attack them.

I get an attack they get an attack

and then they don't do anything on their turn because they're flat-footed.

They fly five feet back and they trigger the paint can which hits them in the face.

Yeah

Yeah, they're kind of like they are left with no way for it to be kind of like we attack you and then now you get to be in on the fun.

There's kind of no way for the other other parts of the world.

You're just ambushed in a way that's not, I don't know.

I just think there's other ways to like make fun for yourself while playing D and D without like betraying everything that the DM has set up and like the party integrity.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like the DM, you know, they went through all the trouble of like translating all the traps from Home Alone into like D and D encounters and hazards.

I bet there was a giant tarantula up in there somewhere.

Cheese pizza buffs.

Yow.

Cheese pizza buffs.

Yeah.

There's just so much.

Yeah, like that scary furnace is probably like a fire method or something like that.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, I just, yeah,

I gotta give it up for this DM.

Yeah, really, yeah, it's really fun.

It's not really funny.

I think the surprise rounds are the real killer here because that just makes it not fun.

Yeah, I think it's the surprise rounds, the group coordination, and the time in which it happens.

Yeah, someone like attacking you once, just being like, ha ha, sneak attack, and shooting me in the back for like 35 damage, that makes me laugh.

Yeah.

Four like unanswered turns before me just makes me go, I'm bored.

Why did I play this entire time?

I don't know why you like me less than the other people.

Cool.

Yeah, it's funny when Harry slaps Marv, but if he like just stabs him ten times

while Kevin watches.

Yeah, let's leave the hole alone for this.

If the two burglars get frustrated at each other and bop each other on the head, that's fun.

Take out a gun because apparently someone did.

Marv just like shoots him in the face and it's like

now the movie becomes

a sticky less fun.

Although, it hypothetically could have turned in if this one person who was like, This is hurtful for me, had retreated deeper into the house.

Perhaps they could have used some of Kevin's traps against them and done their own 1v party, right?

But I mean, that's asking too much of them.

Yeah, you can't ask everyone to go into diehard all of a sudden without knowing that was what was happening, especially when this person clearly needed to move.

So, are we

all unanimously?

We're sentencing the group.

We're against the

PvPers.

Yeah.

No, I do think it's funny.

I do think it's funny, and I get why you guys thought it'd be fun.

I think that it just wasn't the moment for it.

Right.

I think Mr.

Pack'em Up is an overreaction, but I do think it's not entirely fun.

If anyone does like five attacks on me as like a bit, I'm like, it was funny the first one.

Right.

I guess the overreaction is kind of what makes this like interesting.

But for any time that you do this, you're actually probably hurting people quietly, too.

Yeah.

So it's good to get out of this, like, this level of thinking.

Right.

I think there's plenty of people that wouldn't pack up and yell, but they would just be like, just carry that resentment silently into like the next thing.

I'm sad for the rest of the day.

When they first said, I shoot Murph, I would laugh and be like, what?

And then they do their damage.

And then once the DM says, it's Murph's turn, he's surprised, he does nothing.

I would just go, huh?

Okay.

Cool.

I like everyone at this table a little less, I I guess.

Yeah, I guess I'm just going to sit here for the next 20 minutes while whatever this is resolves.

I look at Buzz's porn, I guess.

Yeah.

Okay, so we got a sentence, these PvPers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How about sticky bandit style have to get hit in the head with a shovel?

Your neighbor has to hit you with a shovel.

Yeah.

But like the kind where you don't die.

Like that's the bad idea.

Yeah.

This is

a fun box to the head.

You don't have a loud move.

Worst things hard iron shovel.

Worst things happen to them in that house.

Shovel red is pretty good.

That's true.

Not bad.

Although they, yeah, the heat shovel, it was a metal shovel for sure.

Oh, they could have to walk up to make a D and D theme.

They could have to walk up a stairs to have D4.

Oh,

would you rather go to Whiteboard shovel?

Kevin McCallister.

Let's do that.

We'll do the Legos and the broken glass and instead put it forward.

That's good.

And they do have to buy that guy a bunch of cheese pizzas now.

Yeah.

And don't pay for them.

Or rather, or rather, just like, wait, he did pay for them.

No, he, I think he pays for them.

Yeah.

Does he?

Yeah, he has

Buzz's money.

Oh, right.

He's six news from the porn box.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

But then he still plays the

recording.

The recording.

Yeah.

Because he does, he says, keep the change, you filthy animal because he doesn't have enough money.

Enough home alone lore.

Moving on.

Mike C.

Writes, to the illustrious judges, but especially Justice Murphy.

Whoa.

Oh, this is actually an update.

Who I am afraid will once again turn against me when he hears my update to a previous camp.

I bring an update to the permissive Anchorman DM.

What happened in this case?

You downed one of the players, if I remember correctly, and then the player just decided that their character actually wasn't dead.

Yeah, and just they didn't want to roll a new character for a one-shot.

And you just allowed...

Anchorman-themed one-shot.

Yeah.

Oh, for an Anchorman-themed one-shot.

Yeah,

which I was already, so the reason they're saying I have a feeling feeling Justice Murph is going to be mad at me.

I was already mad at them for making Anchorman thing.

Yeah.

So Murph is on record saying Anchorman is fine.

Yeah, I guess.

I didn't say that.

I don't dislike Anchorman.

Because he doesn't like it enough.

Okay.

This is highly controversial for some reason.

I bring an update to the permissive Anchorman DM case from a while back.

To answer a question, we played this game in college when we were freshmen in 2009.

I think that's a lot of sense.

That's Anchorman on DVD years for sure.

But that is not the only update I bring.

We got together this Christmas for a reunion.

No.

And we played another Anchor Man one-shot.

There's no excuse for it.

Same characters, same DM.

The only difference, I walked to the DM before the one-shot and gave him Justice Murphy's advice.

Kill a PC early and keep them dead.

Don't just let them kip up because they don't feel like rolling a new character.

This happened almost exactly like it did in college.

Our rogue Brian Fantana was killed by an owl.

And the DM narrated how we, his friends and fellow news anchors, watched his soul leave his body forever.

At first this was met with silence from the table and then uproarious laughter as all of our characters had to immediately begin to grieve and process Brian Fantana's death.

That player rolled a new news anchor, champion fighter Veronica Corningstone.

And we finished the rest of the one shot and had a great time reconnecting.

I thank the court for their recommendations and once again beg Justice Murphy's forgiveness for making him hear about Anchorman.

I'm glad that they enjoyed their 15-year reunion.

Yes.

Wow.

That's really impressive.

Honestly, it is truly.

I mean, I laughed out loud.

It's very funny to do a light-hearted Anchorman one-shot and go out and kill people.

That's funny.

Yeah.

You doubled down on a bid.

I can't.

I can't fault you for that.

That's a gorgeous.

That's a gorgeous.

That's what helps you.

Technically, this is my fault.

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Thank you.

Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Squarespace.

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Goodbye, sweeties.

Our next case comes from Sophia.

Sophia writes, to the honorable, succulent, and juicy justices

and the dry, unseasoned Halifax.

They didn't even know I was here.

I have been engaged in a year-long debate with my other DD friends on a specific question.

What type of damage does drowning deal?

This arose from a theoretical conversation, but since has become a fixture in our average session, this is especially relevant as one of our party members is a barbarian and argues that it's bludgeoning from hitting the water and water pressure.

Oh, because they don't want to take bludgeoning.

They want to damage it.

Yes.

Unless she should take half damage while drowning.

Please, Supreme Crit, set official precedent for this issue so my table and undoubtedly countless others can end this debate with word from an official authority.

I don't think it's bludgeoning because I think that what it is is losing oxygen, right?

Yeah.

Oxygen decreasing from your blood vessels.

Yeah.

It's like suffocation.

It's asphyxiation.

Asphyxiation.

Although, so what type of damage would it be?

Would it be like acid damage?

I think it's force damage because it's squeezing your lungs.

And the pressure, too, like when you start to sink.

Isn't there water damage?

Is there water damage?

I don't know.

I think it's a bit more.

There's not, yeah.

Water damage?

Yeah, water damage.

Hey, it's damage.

It's psychic damage.

James is damn good.

Oh, no, I'm dying.

No, it's like water damage.

Oh, no.

Oh, my basement took water damage.

A red mole from four years ago say water elementals deal bludgeoning damage.

Oh, okay.

Isn't that interesting?

Okay, that is in the middle.

But that's like getting smacked by a wave.

That's like

a smacked by a wave is totally different than drowning.

Totally different than drowning.

Yeah.

I think horse damage is interesting.

Horse damage feels good.

The only reason I would say acid is just because it's like through, I would imagine as you're losing oxygen, that it's something about your blood is becoming not

almost nothing.

I do think almost.

So this is again is another thing that happens, I feel like a lot in cases and like arguments at the table is like we try to take real-world things and try to figure them out like D ⁇ D wise where it's like in the book it just tells you how to handle it, which is like it's not damage, right?

It's like however many minutes you can last is based on your con modifier, I think is it?

Oh, yeah.

So I think you don't even take you don't even take it.

But they might have had a homebrew thing of like when you're drowning you're taking you're taking a certain amount of damage.

I think at the very least you have to look at the spirit of this and you can't say that it's bludgeoning damage.

Yeah, you can't be taking half drowning damage as well.

Caldo has his finger up.

Could I also posit necrotic damage?

Okay.

Because

oxygen is how you live.

And if you're sapping away oxygen via suffocation, that's basically you're dying.

So it's necrotic.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also think that force damage would be appropriate for if you're drowning and you're taking pressure, like if you're getting deep in the past.

Right.

Yeah, that was kind of what I was thinking with force damage because once you start doing that, because it does start being pressure, I also, I really like your chemical argument.

I wish I was a person that studied the smart subjects.

Yeah, some scientist is out there being like, Emily, oxygen and blood have nothing to do with each other.

And I'm like, cool, I didn't know that.

I thought the magic school bus taught me that, but I really don't know that.

I was like, what did Sidislavsky say?

There's no oxygen and blood.

It's just little guys in there.

There's little guys in submarines, Emily.

Science has come so far.

It's not just little guys.

The magic magic school bus is real.

We found out.

Yeah.

Everyone's got at least one school bus floating around in their mind.

We all have a nano-mist wrinkle.

Everyone farts.

The average human swallows eight to ten school buses per year.

Right.

And they are full of children.

Yeah.

While you're sleeping.

Hot teachers.

But I think when we look at, you know, like barbarian rage, that's just kind of the, you have resistance to these type of damage.

That's like an in-world in-world justification for essentially like why you can fight with a shirt off.

You know what I mean?

Like why how you can be like a cool barbarian.

It doesn't mean that you wouldn't drown or that you don't have to breathe or anything like that.

And it is like reflected on your character sheet as a barbarian that you probably would last longer in the water because you probably have high con

because you would want to have high con.

So I think this is more about constitution than it is about being a barbarian.

So I would say sort of the damage doesn't really matter.

But if you really want an answer to this, I like necrotic.

I like force.

What are the other types of damage?

Acid, bludgeoning, cold, fire, force, lightning, necrotic, piercing, poison, psychic, radiant, slashing, and thunder.

Okay.

Okay.

So maybe poison could also be if you're, if you're like, oh, yeah.

If your blood is essentially like, would blood without oxygen be poisonous?

All right.

Okay.

We're getting into the weeds.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Listen up, scientists.

We don't know.

We just know that it's not bludgeoning.

We know it's not bludgeoning.

We just know that.

A lot of our beer is trying to back into that to take half damage.

Yeah, yeah, you've got high confidence.

It's a straw man argument.

Yeah, you're killing.

Yeah, um, how do we punish this barbarian?

I'm down to drown them, but we can think about, yeah, we could try.

We could say, is it really bludgeoning damage?

Yeah, let's see if you take half damage.

Let's do some Salem court shit up in this game.

Yeah,

yes, yes, yes.

We'll hit the barbarian with a shovel near a lake.

And if you're immune to bludgeoning damage, you'll be okay.

Yeah, that's real immune to bludgeoning damage.

Okay, yeah, we don't often kill people on this court.

And maybe if you're in the middle of the day,

we won't.

Because you'll be in a rage.

It's bludgeoning damage, the shovel.

You'll just be nearly.

This really is witch trial.

Prove it.

Prove it.

Okay.

You have resistance to drowning.

So ordered.

Our next case comes from Alien Butt Puppet.

What?

Oh.

Dear.

Something we said on the show at some point.

I certainly

doubt it.

Something you said, maybe.

Dear sweet judges and Whittle Baywift, I present the case of the Irish Catholic bard.

My wife is a player in my campaign and plays a bard who willingly got turned into a vampire.

Her very religious parents disowned her for it.

The problem is, my wife insists that her parents are Irish Catholic and worship Jesus.

I have suggested they could be Palor or Lathander worshipers, but no, she absolutely will not back down, even after I allowed her hometown to be called Boston.

This is so

Let's go.

This is your fault.

This is your fault.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It is your fault.

Yes.

It is your fault.

It is your fault.

Not you, Sean.

Judges, do I relent to my sweet wife and her insane demand, or do I stand my ground?

You've already not stood my ground.

You've already not, you're on very shaky ground.

I await your tender judgment.

You're next to a lake, and somebody's, and your wife's got a shovel.

I left the door unlocked, cracked it open a bit, and she weaseled her way in.

How do I evict her?

her?

This is a constant thing in DM Court where people are like,

I would like to worship Catholic God.

You're like, what?

Why?

Yeah.

I mean, you know, this is everyone's fault.

There are no heroes in this story.

I will say, we all just read The Bright Sword, that Love Grossman book.

And like, they do talk about God existing alongside fairies and like old gods of Britannia and that.

So like, maybe there's like a way to be in that world, though.

You can't just be like, it could only be if you were comfortable if you were comfortable like being like yeah let's stat out jesus

i personally could see that being fun but also you'd have to be like hey is everyone at the table i don't know where you stand right

are you cool with that yeah make you comfortable uncomfortable what is jesus's challenge rating we gotta figure it out right as soon as you're like okay fine they worship jesus but they're not a big part of the story then your your wife is just yeah you just know it really is

i want to go visit my parents yeah and then her actual parents just come into the

potato.

Okay, now I want to renounce vampirism and accept Jesus.

And then your wife is playing a born again.

And then your wife breaks out a Bible, and the next thing you know, it's Bible study.

Yeah, and then you're getting baptized somehow.

And is that bludgeoning damage or what?

We do need to go back to what we said originally when we first heard it, which is that by allowing Boston,

you have sort of set all of this into motion.

You kind of can't have Boston without Irish.

I'm sorry.

It's just a lot of churches in Boston.

This is that me and Bill Bird.

Like, I don't know.

Yeah.

I would say you did invite the vampire into your house and now you're.

Yeah, that's interesting.

Very ironic.

The vampire is in your home.

Yeah, I am kind of like, what was the exact wording of the question?

Because I'm like, you shouldn't allow this, but also this is your fault.

Yeah.

If that makes sense.

Do I relent to my sweet wife and her insane demand or do I stand ground?

No, and also you didn't stand your ground.

You know what you also could do?

You could just reach out to other players and be like, Would this make you uncomfortable?

Because someone might be like, That actually would make me uncomfortable.

In which case, you say to your wife, Actually, another player is kind of uncomfortable with it.

I bet she backs down immediately.

Right.

The DM also might just be like, I don't want to

run like a campaign where the pantheon is like Palor and Jesus.

Like, it just might be where, although you did make a town called Boston, which

do you kind of want to know about the world you've created for Boston?

Yeah, I'm more curious.

Is there a baseball team?

Is there a couple academic institutions there?

Because if so, you're feeding this.

Do they hate those who yank?

No.

Wow.

How much HP do you have from being a wizard in a Boston accent wizard?

Wizard.

Are you a wizard?

Are you a wizard?

See these fucking wizards.

You're a fucking wizard.

I'm not a fucking wizard.

No, okay.

This is actually just okay.

So we agree the Boston part of it rocks.

Wizards and bodies.

Wizards and bodies.

Whizz is in bad.

Come by.

Yeah, it's actually great.

Wizard actually rocks, unfortunately.

Okay, so we agree you can have Boston and not have Jesus in your game.

Right.

Right.

Because White.

Yeah.

I mean, it's really good.

Because also think about like Palor is fun to say in a Boston accent.

Like, ah, Palor.

Yeah.

So maybe you bring that to your wife.

You say, like, think about how fun it would be to say Polore constantly.

Yeah.

It makes me think of the guy, like that viral video from forever ago when the guy was, uh, he, like, was catching a fish and he was like, oh my God, Polore!

He's Palord.

Can you see him?

He's beautiful.

I don't know that video.

I think maybe you can go and you can be like, look, I allowed Boston, but it's like part of the world building.

And I changed the spelling a little bit.

I made it Boston and it's T-I-N or whatever.

And so you're like, so I allowed that, but I can't allow this.

I can't allow Jesus.

Ultimately, you're doing way more work than she is saying no to whatever the heck you don't want to play on.

Yeah.

And I was, you know, I think once we did Boston Accent saying wizards, I do think that Boston could fit in a fantasy world.

Oh, yeah.

So I am going back on that a little bit.

So I guess we're sort of on the DM side.

Yeah.

Even though we do agree you let this go a little too far.

Yeah, tell your wife to go to MIT and become an artificer.

We're having too much fun.

We're doing a Boston woman shot.

Setting Southeast.

Okay, so what's the punishment for this Bostonian wife?

She has to do the accent the whole time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You say if you really wanted Boston so bad, you got to do the accent.

Yeah.

Listen.

Perfect.

So

our next case comes from Philip E.

Philip writes, to the venerated judges and the dishonored bailiff.

Thank you.

I present the case of the devil versus smoke bombs.

I was DMing a game for my brothers and their girlfriends in which they all chose the rogue class.

Shortly in the campaign, when asked.

For some reason, I just imagined this dude having seven brothers, seven girlfriends, 14 people at the table.

14 rogues?

Oh, God.

Anyway, that.

Imagine the sneak attack damage.

Devout Catholics in Boston.

Seven rogues for seven brothers.

All right.

Shortly in the campaign, when asked how many smoke bombs a merchant had in his inventory, I made the mistake of saying, I don't know, like 50.

You made a mistake.

My older brother immediately said, great, I'll buy them all.

On their next level up.

Smart.

We get smack.

On their next level up, they all took the blind fighting feet.

They proceeded to use them at the start of every combat, which, while annoying, was great fun as they sneak attacked their way through the Fey Wild.

Yeah.

However, we had a large argument.

One encounter.

Holy Paloli.

That we still disagree on.

While trying to close a corrupted portal in the Fey Wild, they were briefly transported to the nine hells and immediately attacked by devils.

Cool.

They did their usual and immediately filled the area with smoke bombs.

However, all of the devils had magical true sight.

I stated that would let the devils see through the smoke and negate any advantage or disadvantage.

They disagreed, as the smoke was not magical and would affect their eyes like any other being.

After some back and forth, I relented and granted them the advantage.

Was I right in my initial ruling that devils living in hell would be able to see through smoke, considering, you know, hell and all?

I await your ruling.

Wow, Jesus and hell coming up alive.

We are having a biblical.

I mean, my first thought is like, duh, devils can see through.

smoke.

Yeah.

Like fire and brimstone.

That's like their back.

That's their thing.

Yeah,

you basically gave them a technicality when you're like, they have true sight.

They can see through smoke.

Yeah, I didn't even think they would need to do that.

They didn't even need it.

Right.

You could have just said your fallback argument, and that would have been enough.

Do you want to look up true sight?

Is that what you're looking up?

I was looking up to see if devils had resistance to fire, which I feel like would translate to smoke.

Oh, that's interesting.

Oh, okay.

Coal, bludgeoning, piercing, slashing from non-magical attacks that aren't silver.

This is the horned devil I'm looking at specifically.

Is there any other kind?

Oh, damage immunities, fire, poison.

See, to me, I feel like I would rule that like if they're immune to fire, then, like, they can see through smoke.

There's fucking smoke everywhere in the night.

Yeah,

I would absolutely agree with that.

Yeah.

Also, you're the DM.

You're allowed to just be like, hey, everybody, in this one specific instance, you don't have your advantage.

This might be a little bit of a tough fight.

That's okay, everybody.

We're all going to be.

The definition of True Sai is they can see in normal and magical darkness.

Yeah.

Okay.

So that's why I'm trying to get it.

So you're kind of correct twice.

Yeah, you were correct.

You don't allow yourself to be bullied by your brothers.

Yeah.

So I guess the question is, was I right in my initial ruling?

Yes, you were.

So you were wrong to back down.

So we're ruling against you.

Wow.

I think the devils should be able to see through the smoke, especially if they have true sights.

And also, it's fine.

Like, you can just be as the DM and just be like, they can see you.

Yeah.

Like, put on sunglasses.

And hey, like, just as a person, you can stand up to your brothers sometimes.

Yeah.

Just like just as a person.

But there's seven of them.

I know.

I understand.

They all have girlfriends.

They all have girlfriends.

There's 14.

They're all sick chads.

They don't fart.

They have paintings that smell like ass.

My brother's girlfriends don't fart.

Never seen a fart.

Literally never seen a fight.

Immaculate.

Never seen her.

Yeah, you've never seen a fight.

I've been looking.

I've been looking.

No green cloud.

You've got an immaculate ass.

All right.

Yeah.

So we are sort of for this DM and that we think that your original ruling was correct, but we also are against you for backing down.

Yeah.

We're against you for magnetism, but they're kind of saying, like, was I right to say that?

And we're like, yeah.

So we're going to sentence your seven brothers and their seven girlfriends.

Dude, they had to break up, right?

Oh, yeah.

Or switch.

They all switch.

Yeah.

Do like a round-robin.

So it's like they all just move one to the left.

Yeah.

So now apples with blueberry, blueberry

with pineapple.

Yeah.

We can actually do it.

We can have like the ultimate irony.

They love the fog so much.

We sort of set up a, we throw like a smoke bomb in their home and they all stand across from each other and you just pick a random partner from across the world.

Oh, yeah.

That's fun.

That's fun.

Okay.

I mean, the nieces and nephews and nibbling might get confused, but it'd be fun for the adults.

Yeah, you'll figure it out.

Just accept Jesus and everything will be fine.

Okay, so ordered.

And now, actually, with that, we are going to step in.

We're going going to step into church.

It feels like we've been there for a long time.

We've been there the whole time, I think.

I was here a confession from Samuel W.

Samuel writes, I come before the wise dice priests and the high-pitched altar boy

to bring a confession from a campaign from two years ago.

I was DMing a party.

who made it to the final battle against the Big Bat whose main ability was to temporarily steal spells and class abilities to use himself.

A fighter's action surge, a wizard disintegration spell, etc.

During this final battle, Lewis, who is playing a Warforge cattle rancher named Ranch, was

about to attack the Big Bad and would certainly kill him if he hit.

Unfortunately, Lewis cannot roll for shit.

He has rolled back to back to back Nat Ones on at least six occasions.

He would be jealous of Caldwell's roles.

He, of course, failed to even hit the Big Bad.

What's worse is that his adoptive father father had just died before the battle and encouraged him to keep fighting and do the right thing

about the character, not his family.

Yeah, no, same.

Sorry.

He still kept his D ⁇ D

game together.

I'm still down to meet at seven, guys.

I might actually be early.

Hey, wait, is everyone turning against me?

Yeah.

I'm moving.

In an act of attempted kindness, I bumped up the villain's HP so that he would have another chance when his turn came around.

Unfortunately, during the extra turn of life, the BBEG used a stolen disintegrate spell to kill the party wizard, even going as far as to counterspell the wizard's counterspell.

Ranch did deal the finishing blow, and the wizard got a touching welcome into the afterlife with a former academic rival, but my actions still weigh heavy on me.

P.S., we all still play together, but I have never told them about my HP meddling.

Yeah, totally.

Okay, well, this is

the HP meddling.

Yeah, take it to your grave, but this isn't really the HP meddling.

It's going so hard.

Not only did you cast one of the scariest spells, you also counter spells.

It's funny too to be like,

it's funny, too, to just be like, the BBEG did this.

I had no control over the situation.

It's like, you've already cheated.

You're like, all right, the BBEG is dead.

We just want this narrative moment to happen.

It's just like, you got to do a better job with the smoke and mirrors.

Yeah.

I feel like when you're like doing that, when you're like beefing the HP a little bit for like one last round, that's when your Big Bad acts like really desperately and does something stupid.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It really is so funny.

We've seen so many cases of meddling the other way.

Like I weakened my bad guy.

Yeah.

And this one is like, oh, I beefed up their HP for the right reason.

And then I counted them.

He cast power word kill on everyone.

I mean, yeah, except for it's my favorite person who I was beefing the HP for.

Yeah.

Well, this is a confession.

So this person is saying, you are forgiven to

your grave.

Yeah, I absolutely take it.

You're forgiven.

Just don't tell anybody.

Yeah.

Tell him.

But it does sound cool.

The wizard got like a cool

afterlife thing, especially at the end of the campaign.

Sometimes it's fun to have your character die.

Yeah.

Then you get sort of an epic conclusion to their story.

Yeah.

So it sounds all good, I would say, for the future.

If you're going to show favoritism towards one person, maybe don't kill someone else in the game.

Yeah.

Turn.

Just lock that secret in a cold iron cage in your heart.

Yeah, there you go.

But so forgiven.

Thank you all so much for everyone for listening.

We're going to have something fun over on our Patreon.

Danielle's a wrestling fan like me.

We're going to be running a little battle royal one-shot.

Oh, my God.

A rumble.

I'm excited about.

I'm calling it the Toil Tumble.

The Toil Tumble.

So head on over to patreon.com slash NADPOD.

That's NEDDPUD.

Don't sing wet

to listen to the Toil Tumble.

Danielle, thank you so much for joining us.

Do you have anything you'd like to plug?

Thank you.

Do I have anything?

Oh, you can find me at all the places.

I'm finally watching Severance.

I'm very new in watching Severance.

And I,

I mean, kind of a spoiler, but not really, because I'm very new in it.

I just want those old men to be in love forever.

Yeah.

Seriously.

That's like,

I've only watched for a season, but that is the heart of the story.

Yeah, for sure.

I'm just like, I didn't, I didn't know I needed Christopher Walker and John DeTuro to just make out hard sounds on a minute, but like, I do.

They're like borderline regency in it.

Yeah,

this is truly one of the

most beautiful love stories I've ever seen.

Yeah, just like eyes, like fleeting, like a touch of the pinky.

Yeah, they do it perfect.

It's incredible.

Oh my god, heart melting.

Hell yeah.

And you can follow us on social media that Remay or May Not use at TeachNurseMe at Calde Scaldal at Extrads Emily at Jake Heritage Jake.

And Danielle, what are your socials?

Oh, I'm on the Instagram, the Pretty People website.

It's just Danielle underscore Radford.

I'm not really on Twitter much, but it is probably just her name.

It's like the one that looks like me.

If she's talking about wrestling a bunch, it's me.

If she's like offering to like give you or sell you like a laptop,

then it's then it's me.

Better if it's a laptop full of wrestling, of wrestling papers.

It could be Danielle Gay.

Either way.

And I think I'm just DanielleRadford.bluesky.soch.

Yeah, just find all the ones that look and sound like me.

Yeah, just use context, not hard.

I can't wait to buy crypto from you.

Oh, you can't wait to buy the Radcoin?

Shit.

Shit, that could work.

Damn, actually, I really like Radcoin.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

It's down.

It's down hard.

No way.

We sank it.

But I'm draining the ocean for it.

And you could talk about the show online by using hashtag NADPOD.

That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D.

We who are the best.

We are who we are.

Youth of the nation.

We are who we are.

Youth of the nation.

It's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders.

Stand now and receive your accolades.

Brad D, Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B., Damiel R.

Jordan L.

Cyborg version of Josh the Kobald, Tar Gott, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker Ph.D.,

Princess Yar,

Jory S.

Rachel from Animorphs, Jack L.

Nicholas C., star of every film ever made in Bohumia, Mike H.

Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F.

H.

Adrian, Carborough Chapel Hill, FPV, Rexthaniel the White, Cece Lulu,

Old Cobb's Duncle, Older Byrne, Hecule Prao, Zirabat Folk Detective, Timmy R.

Rayco, Calder Cum's Cold, shout out to the cold cum companions, Frosty Facial, Taylor B, maybe the real treasure, was the friends we made along the way, and also that 12 platinum bar we found in Dracula's grave.

Cass Strong Grinch, Steven, Jem Le Bier Brun, C,

Mike K, Nick W.

William W, Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Eric McD, Anana Rama, Percival Frederikstein, von Musil, Klazowski, De Rolo III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock,

Jocelyn M.

Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S.

Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Farce Assistant, Izzy F.

Big Bad John.

DPC is awesome.

Hashtag honor the cock.

Shoan, the shade tree mechanic of Zebledar.

Summer Rose, aka Grandaire.

Mark, the Dark Lord's Taint.

Cat C,

Misa of House in Zunza.

Ariel, the occasional mermaid.

Selena N, aka Valaceiraptor.

B.

Perky Always, Pat L.

Maxwell J, J, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Faywild Therapist, Connor S.

Salil, BioQuirt 7, Amber, Dextrous, Beanrat, Was Innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack Hubert, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament, Valen, Paj, the bitch in Bunny Bard.

Carlin C, Noah the Bullywog Boy, Hashtag honor the cock.

James G.

Everything Bago the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey.

Reverend Chatterbones.

Han.

Eric B.

Marcos.

Learns the balance druid.

Frida M.

Maggie.

Holly the green laughing hyena.

Akash T, Cal, knows you're listening to Ricarda, comma, wink.

Aaron B.

Russell H.

A monk named Dilgo.

Yes, the whole thing.

Yes, every time.

Cody C, Cody Care, Lorelei the succubi, and Kira the succulent snack.

McKinna Stout, your friendly neighborhood, Yaunt and Yunkle, Andrew and Sid.

John Adams, didn't win the vote, but won your heart.

Meg the mail carrier of Bahumia.

James F.

Austin S.

Wayfarer.

Now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them.

Turn to page 42.

Keep them.

Turn to page 69.

Shane C.

Barpo Good Barrel.

Bard Barian.

Welshlander.

Garrett G, aka one big curd.

Renee, the monster captain.

Olivia the enchanting bard.

And Jared, the soap opera cleric, who are playing Stick It to the Man, parentheses, down with the monarchy.

Winter Slade, Fico, Garrett, the artificer.

Damon, son of that one merchant, you know, named John, Anthony, the rattest of dudes, Jay!

The fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo.

That's so sweet.

Cantrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian, Lexi loves the two crew.

Love ye, Lexi, Roger L.

Nodrog, the pacifist barbarian, Gene O.T.,

Jean Luca, Tristan, the talentless hunk, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S.

Alexander, Lins W.

Johnny Dude K,

Pavu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile, TM Am

MLG Cheeto Shel B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl, celebrating turning 32 by seeing D20 at MSG dressing up as Sophia Lee.

Snailus, who's infecting Worcester for within, Captain Morgan, Pirate Wizard, Mima Scades,

Megan N.

Anthony B.

Savannah H.

Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House in Zunza, Benjamin A.

Kimley the Corgi, Papa and Foster's canine friend, Mikel A.

Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare Verse Flight, Throki, the two crew, blew through,

Jennery,

Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Seth E, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, Michael L.S.

II, Carl B.

Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A.

Ra,

Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Critzburg, Darius Davis, the guy from that one thing,

Troy's Mom, Vin Diagram, GKC, Tee Hee, Tee He.

Cadmilius, the Consumed.

Bard of Holding.

Clinton P.

Grinch Valcam, the Grinch Frogman.

Dean.

Jake W.

Hi Mom.

Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer, not the porn star.

Steve L.

Tyler M.

Alex G.

Zibitabachery.

Nicole.

Katarina C.

Lady Jacqueline P.

of Castle Whitestone.

Greg W.

wants the D20 truck nuts Jake thought up.

Too bad, Greg, they're all mine.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

That is a noble profession, Baruch.

Continue your work.

And finally, Chupacabri.

Ah, that is all of our elders.

Thank you so, so much for all of your wonderful support.

We appreciate you more than you'll ever know.

That's going to do it for us this week.

Thanks again for listening, and we'll see you back here real soon.

Bye-bye.

That was a Hitgum podcast.