The Mavrus Chronicles - The Babe Blazes (Part 4)

This is a head gum podcast.

Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.

This is not another DD podcast.

Welcome back to Bahumia.

Bahumia

Blazing Babe.

And Blazing Babe.

And Blazing Babe.

And Blazing Babe.

I'm your dungeon docent, Emily Ax.

We're joined by Brian Murphy.

Hates stickers, loves liquor.

Max, son of Bumphers.

Not true, man.

You're a beer guy.

I thought beer counted as liquor.

Is not all alcohol?

No, it's not.

The whole rhyme is interesting.

I don't know what things are.

And, of course, we got Jake Hurwitz.

Oh, fuck.

That really threw me off.

This is worse.

This is worse.

Brian Lee's handed something in.

I handed something in.

He failed the assignment.

Rands with a dragon and drives a station that's wagon.

You could have just said station.

Why is that?

Why put the bats in there?

You're never.

It's tilted on purpose because of emo.

See if you can do worse than that, guys.

And following it up, we got Cobb Will Tanner.

Night vision dentist on a mission to send this.

It's hungry.

Damn.

That was good.

That was honestly.

Thank you.

One of the best ones Cobble's ever done.

And of course, our very special guest, Zachoyama.

I have Maverick the Unschooled.

No creepy premonition will dull his shine.

90% of his time goes to keeping his boy Mac in line.

It was a little shaky in the middle.

I got tired of it.

You stuck the landing.

You stuck the landing.

He just needed a little break.

Yeah, you know, like the skateboard.

It was kind of like a carrier struggling, actually.

Yeah, a solid second place.

Okay, last session, the Boys of Summer entered a healing, metaphorical dreamscape to cleanse themselves of their infernal wounds.

Hungry Dave performed dentistry on an ancient gold dragon.

Mac finally let go of the memory of falling off the bike as he watched Carl crawl off, leaving him behind.

One could say he had a quarrel with Coral.

They're the same word.

And Tred dreamt of a driving lesson with a remorseful ashen dr nevers what are we doing in this station that's wagging

that's just how he says it mavers's dream however was less metaphorical and more vivid than the rest he watched an eerily crisp version of his future self attend glade home university becoming a bit of a loner and an outsider at the prestige elfin school

his vision however was interrupted by two mysterious presences.

One called from above, the other from below.

Mavris embraced the dark smoke that called him child of my child.

And you all awoke in a healing tent, no longer infernally touched, except Hungry Dave, who cripped to turn his beady black eyes into slide-on dark vision.

Yes!

Check it out.

Wow.

Yeah, it hurts a little bit every time.

A nicknaming sunglasses.

When you awoke, you saw Amber, the Ember emissary, who informed you that they'd apprehended the pixie tread had made flee, and you went to question her.

On your way there, however, a writhing mass of sweaty limbs poured out of the cuddle cave and stuck in the middle of it, pleading for help was the better late than never's own Jen with Two M's.

Jen!

You bravely faced off with the moaning possessed cuddle, but Mac's magic fizzled in his hand at the sight of all the seltzer schwag the seltzer dryads had gifted you earlier, and it caused him to question his faith in the blessed brew.

Eventually, you defeated the corrupted cuddle, and Hungry Dave used a beguiling arrow to enchant the released cuddlers, who Mac promptly ordered to remove all the seltzer schwag stickers from your various accessories.

Jen with two ends approached, recognizing Tred as her fellow Better Late Than Never's founder, Ted's son.

She asked Tred where his father was because she hadn't been able to find him.

What?

What?

Dr.

Nevers?

That's where we are now.

So these cuddlers that you guys saved, released from this cuddle are picking all the stickers off of all your stuff.

Keep peeling, everybody.

Keep peeling.

If we had some rubbing alcohol, that'd be awesome.

Oh, I can do rubbing alcohol breath real quick.

Hold on.

Yes, bring the stickers to me.

And Jen with 2N, ends she's looking rattled she's holding this a little bean magazine covered in infernal goo from that corrupted cuddle that you punted at her um and she actually she turns her attention just from tread to all of you and she says oh wait i i know all of you you're from the party plan i could swear i've seen you around the supermarket yeah you were my manager at the circle k i've been working there ever since the divorce you know where doctor never hears you you got divorced we're so very

congratulations because you know marriages end, and that's fine.

People got divorced.

And that's fine.

Sometimes

a relationship is just like for a time, but it's still love.

It's all love.

It's all love.

All love.

Love is love.

You see that?

This is the first person that your words are actually positively affecting.

She's like, you're right.

It is all love.

It is all love.

It's all up.

Do you know where my dad is?

Because I had a really freaky dream about him.

I didn't mention it to you guys, but we were driving towards the Burning River.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.

I got like really heated about everyone's sharing their dream, and you didn't even share your dream with me and that's really fucked up of me to do that.

It's all cool.

It's all up, man.

It's a whole lot.

Yeah, my dad's hands were ash and

going towards the river and he was apologizing.

Did he like burn the burning babe?

Blazing babe?

I didn't feel like he burned the burning babe.

It feels like he's he's

dealing with some kind of like fucked up dark magic.

Did you have like a premonition, dude?

Is that like where's his

where's his like did you?

I'm gonna call her a cult leader.

Yeah.

And I think that's a bit extreme.

Are you talking talking about Fiona?

Right, Fiona around like I only did it for you, and I feel like that's like him talking about, you know, learning magic.

Is Fiona around?

Where's Fiona?

And I feel like you're a pretty good judge of character.

Like, oh, I mean, I have my issues with Fiona, but it's like partial.

What are your two and gen?

What are you doing?

Talk some shit.

Like, I feel like

the tea.

Here's the shit.

You know what I'd like to do is I'd like to spill the fucking wine into my mouth because I'm having a day, and Fiona's all, we can't drink anything.

We have to be a sacred vessel for the sacred flame.

And I just honestly, I walked away.

I bored myself a little glass of Pinot Griche.

It's okay.

And then I came back and I hold off on July 8th.

What?

What?

What you drive, Maruna?

It's a dry July.

You just said that.

On 8th, you have to hold off a child of wine.

I'm confused.

I just want to say, Jennifer.

I'm actually really glad that you share it because I was feeling so guilty because I came back and everyone was gone.

I want to say I respect wine, like I feel like we're allies in the war against seltzer.

Thank you.

Yeah, do you want something?

I hate a seltzer.

I don't

want to drink something.

Did you know that this guy over here at point of tread was freaking out about the stickers?

He loved him so much.

Oh my god, every time she becomes his thing, there's always a way that it gets back to his thing.

Excuse me?

I just want you guys to know I'm absolutely not participating in Dry Joel.

What?

Every time you talk about it, I'm just quiet because I am not doing it.

I just want to make sure y'all know.

Have you been jacking it, dude?

Absolutely.

Have you guys noticed that I've been a little more high-strung than usual?

Oh my god.

I just thought you were getting worse.

I don't know.

But also, I haven't been jacking it.

Yeah.

Me neither, but that's just because I did double in June and I'm just honestly still checking.

You were hurt.

Yeah.

That's fine.

Look,

Jen with two ends.

Where's Fiona?

Where's Mr.

Dr.

Neville?

Pino Grigio and I came back.

Is the rest of the crew?

Is the whole crew going?

I was looking for Ted, but I don't know where he is.

Are you just having like an affair?

Don't tell me if you are, but definitely tell me if you're not, because I've been kind of assuming that you are.

Your father?

Oh, no.

He loves your mother.

Oh, great.

I mean, so do I.

Yeah, she's cool.

She does an insight check to see if you actually like your mom or if you have deep-seated issues with your mom.

She got a 17.

I love my mom.

See, as you say this, you notice that she really likes that because she herself is a mom.

Whoa.

That's really cool.

That's cool.

No, I haven't been able to find any of them anyways, but I really appreciate you all saving me from that like terribly intimate.

Are they fucking?

What is going on in a car?

They're kind of just like rubbing.

I think it's very like drug-fueled or something.

they're just robbing each other oh okay is the goo on the land's end is that like

kids or is it like is it like dude icor or is it like demon icor

is it geiker or is it just like give me a perception yeah is it geiker you can't just or investigation ask me

stuff

can i help you

can i help you tell me i got a seven we're gonna we're gonna go with the seven i'm just punching you in the arm

i dude i can't do stuff figure it out.

You don't know.

The rest of you guys see, it's a less potent version of this demon.

You could touch this.

It's kind of like residual.

So it's just like a different color, and I'm sitting there looking at it like, is it jizz?

So if we just remove the cover and the back side of the magazine because it's super smart.

I'm more concerned about like the freaking demons that are jizzing everywhere.

I know what you're concerned about.

Yeah.

This is what I'm concerned about.

Your dad is missing, dude.

And you're concerned about Jack and Dolly Lands and when you you haven't even made it off.

I'm celebrating until we find my dad, right?

I have an airtight pocket in my disc bag that's usually for snacks, but I'm going to put the lands in there to keep it safe.

And let's find my dad.

All right, let's find

out.

Jen with two hands, did you see anybody that was doing like demon-y stuff?

Like, did you see any demons jacking off?

That's a good question.

Because there's D, there's forgetting, I mean, I've seen it.

There's Sky Curve

everywhere, but not here.

No.

Oh, okay.

Like on a nasty channel.

I mean it, yeah.

Okay.

Like you pay for a TV channel?

No, like, I mean, you're just looking for, you're searching and you stumble upon something.

Totally.

Right.

As you guys are having this conversation with Ji Wenchu and the little fuzzy Pomeranian fire spirit kind of nips at your ankles, like trying to corral.

What are you supposed to do?

Oh, I think we're getting.

It didn't hurt that bad.

Go to kick it.

Whoa, John.

Mac, wait, Mac, okay.

Shit, sorry.

Bit me.

I'm happy.

Absolutely not.

Look how small it is.

It's okay.

Okay, it's tiny.

Okay, so we know who the demons are, right?

Seltzer girls.

I feel like you have like a weird vendetta for them.

Yeah, but there was that one that was like super charred, and I feel like we should have like taken better stock of that mentally at the time.

Okay, let's go talk to Amber.

The puppy wants us to do something.

I am.

The little fire spirit is just wagging its tail.

You have to take a shit, bud.

It does shit.

We're going to have to shit your bird.

Where are the bags?

We're going to give it to you.

You had them, dude.

I had them.

My pants are too tight to put anything in my damn pocket.

Then why did you take the bag?

You can't fit a bag.

Dave, I'm going to need two frisbees.

Oh, come on.

That's the only way you're fine.

Use my putters.

Grab two putters and just...

Throw it.

Well, don't throw it.

That's Dave's.

You got to huck.

It's a girl who's who I'm going to be.

Oh, sorry.

I hucked it.

Let's go over to the picture.

So you guys follow this little fire sprite.

Oh, I scoop it up and I carry it.

You scoop it up.

It's fiery, but even though it is fire, it feels like a nice little, like, warm glow, almost like a loaf of bread that you just took out of the oven.

Oh,

I scritch it.

Um, and it sort of directs you with its little wagging tail towards an official-looking yurt.

Uh, hey, that's the yurt.

That's it.

Whoa, is that like the president's yurt?

When you go inside, you actually see sort of a quorum of wildfire druids who are these other Ember emissaries and organizers of the event.

They're all pacing, whispering in hushed tones in the center of the room, restrained by the Gladehome Zine Wizard's Big Beast hand, that large, shimmering, arcane hand that once gave you a delicious hug, Mac.

Yeah.

Is the Pixie.

All right.

Okay.

She's no longer under the effect of tread spell, but she still has fire in her eyes.

So she's not actively dangerous.

It looks like maybe she's been there for a little bit, so she's kind of settled into an antagonistic resignation.

When you first come in, there's like a flicker of fear because

you did face her and best her.

Yeah.

But she kind of just relaxes back into this

cockshore attitude.

Oh, okay.

She thought that she was going to get away with this, but she messed with four guys whose jack-off schedules are totally out of danger.

Usually we're always at the same time, right?

Because it's all the time.

She looks at you, Trent, and she goes, you,

you made me afraid, but you're the one who should be afraid.

Not really.

Like, you were afraid of me, so I'm

why would I be afraid?

Yeah.

But I'm not afraid of you.

I don't need to get it.

Okay.

Don't get scared just because she's like laughing and saying, I'm like, not afraid at all.

No, she's coming.

Why is it so funny?

You're kind of back.

You have a phone right away.

Why aren't you telling it to me?

Hold firm, hold firm.

Excuse me, Miss Pixie, can I sidebar with you for a second?

I'm gonna cast Bane on her.

Woo!

And then I'm going,

I would like to attempt to intimidate her.

Okay, she absolutely fails.

Well, I think she just, I think it's the opposite of Blessed.

She just loses a D4.

Okay.

So if she does like an insight or something versus my like intimidation.

It's a two with Bane minus two.

She gets literally a zero.

Okay.

Okay.

I get up in the little Pixie's face and I go, I don't know if you've seen how many spells I failed to cast, how many mace swings I failed to hit, how many stickers my friends wouldn't let me peel off.

I'm getting pretty freaking ticked off, and I'm bound to hit at some point.

And when I cast a spell and it actually does affect something, I'm thinking about infecting you unless you tell me where the demon's been jerking off.

Because there's Icor and Gaikor everywhere.

This has completely worked.

She rolled terribly.

You're...

You're...

You're...

I...

Hey, hey, hey.

Wow.

I'm what?

You're wasting your time.

I'm not wasting shit.

Because the babe is going to blaze.

And when she does, she'll come.

Who's she?

She who he showed to me.

And her flaming river will spill into this world.

She who she put what?

A Flaming River.

I saw that shit in my dream when I was driving

my dad dude.

My dad.

And like, wait, my dad isn't.

Do you know my dad?

Where's Fiona?

His name is Darkie.

Where's Dark Te Nerva?

Fiona?

Who's the he who showed you?

Should we do an insight check to see if she reacts to Fiona?

I'm gonna

use suggestion.

Ooh.

And be like, wait, who's the he who showed you?

He came to the grotto and he put her fire in my veins and made me her acolyte.

He

the one who wears her prophecy that she will come better late than that.

No!

No!

Freaking dad!

My fucking dad?

What do you, why, what?

Why?

That's not his style.

Is that Tred's dad's Geigor?

No.

Is it gonna fucking eat in the grotto?

Is my dad fucking nutting in the grotto?

Tred, you cannot puke.

You absolutely cannot puke right now.

If Tread puke, I'm gonna puke, because I've got nothing in my stomach right now.

Tread's throat was going dry, and I was like salivating.

I'm salivating.

Mavera can't be a con save, and if anyone fails, then you all roll the disadvantage.

Not one.

Everyone rolls a disadvantage.

I roll a 19.

I gotta learn a 14.

It's a con save.

I got a 13.

Okay, Ted or higher you don't puke.

Just Maverick

until Mavericks casts a spell.

Dude,

what?

Puke into my beef.

Fuku to my bee.

Okay,

I've got to keep it together.

Killed the frisbee, dude.

Dr.

Nevers barely even knows how to cast spells.

How the hell did he give you power?

He's a dentist.

Okay, if you asked her how the hell did he give you power,

I'm going to say with Maverick's suggestion spell on her, she's just going to say it.

He gave me this.

And she shows you a charm bracelet with a little moon on it.

Oh.

Whoa, you're the cult leader Fiona must have been getting...

Does Gen with Two N's have...

Did she have one of these bracelets on?

You did not see one on Jen with 2Ns.

Interesting.

Okay.

Well,

etiquette for Blazing Babe.

I'm going to give you

this

bottle opener necklace.

And I'm going to need you to slide that bracelet onto me.

And I put my neck at her wrist so we could switch.

Okay.

Read me the language of suggestion because I'm trying to think.

There's no reason she would do this, but maybe suggestion might.

It's a wisdom 16 save, I should say.

I forgot.

But it's you suggest a course of activity, limit to a sinusoid, and then magically influence a creature you can see within range that can hear and understand you.

Okay, it's a reasonable thing.

I'm going to do a wisdom save with the bane.

If she fails, Maveris, you can choose to tell her to engage in this transaction.

On a failed save, it pursues the course of action described to the best of its ability.

Okay, she got an 18, but a minus 4 on the bane.

Okay,

so

she does the pleur handshake,

puts the bracelet onto you.

I do it weirdly, reciprocate it with my neck.

As it goes onto you, give me a wisdom saving throw.

Oh, cool.

I get to roll.

It's a 10.

Oh, wait, no, no, no.

I have good wisdom.

That's a plus seven, 17.

Okay.

you, for a moment, as this bracelet goes on you, you feel fire running through your veins.

You see visions of the infernal

plane spilling into this world.

You see a woman wreathed in fire entering this world and you desire nothing more and all you want to do is light that fucking babe on fire.

Holy shit.

But you resisted.

Okay.

Okay.

Dry July.

Dry July.

Do we all get like a turn with the bracelet or what?

Um, can I can should we break the bracelet?

It seems fucked up.

Actually, as she takes it off and puts it on you, she like goes limp and then opens her eyes and they are clear.

Oh, she's up.

Are you okay?

I freaked out on you.

Was it just the bracelet that was doing that to you?

Where?

Am I?

Oh, wow.

You're at a blazing babe.

I know I'm at a blazing babe.

You had the crotto.

Did I have bad telepathic tipple?

No, you tried to light the blazing babe on fire.

You did try to light the blazing babe on fire after you talked to Tred's dad.

Did you see a guy who looked like this, like kind of more handsome and older?

What?

I think she, like, everything's pretty foggy, but on a 15, I think she can retrieve in the fog of memory.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

I was hanging out by the grotto.

Yeah, he was apparently in the grotto, like, fucking...

He came by.

He gave me and my friends bracelets.

So my dad is passing out these like fucked up bracelets.

I can't remember.

Okay.

Okay.

But like he probably got them from Fiona, right?

So Tret.

Yeah, so did I...

I saw like a woman on fire.

Was it...

Could I tell if it was Fiona?

It wasn't Fiona.

Was it the Blazing Babe statue?

Was it just...

Yeah.

It was like, imagine the blazing babe statue burning away to reveal a meaning.

Like a a demon yeah like

a fiendish

right well because like they're trying to cleanse the vibes in this land but like if the vibes are off and that thing goes off early then like the vibes are just going to be permanently fucked okay they're like trying to summon this fire demon here and my dad is helping them do it boys it's like hey hey i have an idea he's supposed to be fucking cleaning molars and shit

You do remember in your dream him just saying, I just wanted to do this to have something to talk about with you.

Yeah, and I think it somehow is all my fault because I just haven't been

to Tret.

Tread, can I sidebar with you for a second?

Sure.

Earlier today,

for the first time in my life, I heard you say something really special that I've never heard before.

It's the first time I ever said anything special, okay?

No, no, no, no.

No, no, just this specific phrase is the rest of the day.

Ruining every moment before it happens.

That looks the narrative up to me.

It looks like

I sidebar sidebar with Dave.

Did you break him up?

What's up, Beverly?

You said something really special that I've never heard someone say, not you.

Okay.

You say special stuff all day.

You said love is love is love.

Yeah, and that's kind of really sick.

You came up with that independently.

I think I heard that somebody else might have said it, but it was like.

I don't know, though.

It felt like it was coming from your heart.

And I think that...

Your dad created you and you're a person who's special enough to say that.

I don't know.

If anyone asks, we did not have this conversation.

Dave, do you think Maveris is being nice?

No, I think they're like at each other's throats, man.

We really got to get in there.

I just

get emotional when I hug Maveris, but in a way that makes it look like I might be attacking him.

Love is love, man.

Love is love.

It's love.

Wait, it's all love, guys.

You guys are not used to this energy.

They're taking down my

break them up.

They're having like a stilted awkward fight.

Okay.

Hey, wait, I got one more thing to tell you, Mac.

Yeah.

I belch a peanut butter stout really loudly into his face.

Whoa, that's awesome.

Okay, so we have.

I think I can smell the notes.

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So we have to find my dad.

I know how to do it.

So I have locate object.

Do you have to roll for that?

No, I don't.

That's the fucking best thing about it.

It's just a regular ass spell.

So I'm going to cast locate object.

And I was going to do it on the t-shirt that I know he has, but other people have that shirt.

So maybe I'll do it on, since he loves your mom so much, I'll do it on his wedding band.

Yeah.

Yeah, he does love it.

Oh my god.

I really, I really fucking hope this works.

Because otherwise, it's gonna make me feel really uncomfortable around Trenton.

As long as he didn't like take his ring off to talk to pixies in the grotto,

which should be cool.

Wait, why would he do that?

Dude, I have no idea.

Doesn't make sense.

It's not cheating, but

so read me the language of locate object, and we'll resolve this spell.

Describe her name and object that is familiar to you.

So he was kind of got in before like the

trend of getting like a cobalt or like a titanium ring or something.

So he just has kind of a classic gold ring.

It's like kind of slim.

I personally would go for like a thicker one, but it's definitely timeless and I respect it.

Much like I respect wine.

You sense the direction.

It's not for me, but it's still good.

My parents sold it to him.

It's from their scales.

Oh shit, that's awesome.

You sense the direction to the object's location as long as that object is within 1,000 feet of you.

If the object is in motion, you know the direction of its movement.

Spell can locate a specific object known to you as long as you have seen it up close within 30 feet at least once.

Alternatively, the spell can locate the nearest object of a particular kind, blah, blah, blah.

Spell can't locate an object if any thickness of lead, even a thin sheet blocks, a direct path.

It's just if it's within a thousand feet, I can track it.

Okay, this is a very fun spell.

What you sense as you send this out into this huge festival, what you sense is is Tred's dad's wedding ring climbing 20 feet up the blazing babe effigy.

Holy fuck!

Your dad's climbing the babe!

Why?

He's mounting the babe!

For what reason?

He's gonna burn it, dude.

Oh, fuck.

He's gonna burn it!

We gotta stop him!

Real quick, boys, shove this!

I bust out the blessed brew.

I'm gonna give everyone the plus one AC.

Were any stickers in sight when you cast that spell?

I don't know.

You gotta heal the fucking stickers.

We had a whole fucking gang of people.

You had a bunch of colours.

Okay, okay.

But I'm going to say that this was happening, but you've kind of caught it.

So I'll let you have like a whole round to prepare before you go out.

Let's bust out some Blessed Brew and get plus one to their AC.

Here we go, Lex.

Let's get this vibe right.

And we'll do a nice, I know you guys like rag on me when I do like the peanut butter stouts and stuff.

And you guys like a little bit of a lighter thing.

I'll show you that beer can be light.

We don't need to drink seltzer and I'll do a summer shandy.

Whoa, this is actually pretty good.

It's refreshing as hoe.

Oh my god.

The lack of peanut butter is so

it's just like it's not that heavy.

I don't have time to be mad at you guys.

Just go.

Why would you be mad?

I'm giving you a compliment.

A trip back.

Can I fall through the tent and take it all down with me?

You guys all race to be the first person out of the flap of falling all over each other.

And you come out and you see you would have discovered him higher but because of that locate object you discovered him 20 feet up people are starting to catch notice they just think it's someone pulling a prank tred's dad is scaling the blazing babe dr.

nevers yeah dad

everybody roll initiative dad you're being weird

your son is here

yes that's another nat 20 nice dude and uh we have a lot of homebrew that we like to use for nat 20s on the show.

So, Emily, I'll let you tell me.

Okay, for my nat 20 that I got,

Dave would like to

do like a dash action or something?

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

All right, cool.

Dave will like just dash ahead.

You guys all eat the dust of Dave.

He is the athlete.

He's an athlete.

Yeah, I have to admit that.

Yeah.

So, what did everyone else get?

16.

11.

7.

Dave, you are first to act.

You see Tread's dad 20 feet up in the air.

With your dash action, you're like easily within range.

You see that he's summoning a fiery cantrip in his hand.

Oh, shit.

And right now, no impediments.

Just fucking.

Dave, if you have to kill him, we'll

forgive you.

How can I kill

you?

The source of my knowledge.

That's true.

You're mentor.

You're dental.

You're tenniferous.

This is a waste of your talent.

He's always going to be between these two.

You are a brother to me.

There's a father and son, and then there's mentor and mentee.

Say, forgive me, my mentor.

Charge up a disc.

Dave, just call to him.

I'm sorry it had to be this way.

It's too late, Trey.

Just like,

tell him to not do it.

You got really close to him.

Just tell him to ask him what's going on or something.

Dave inserts his black sunglass eyes so you can't see him crying.

Those are filling with water.

And we're going to make two attacks.

On my dad.

Wait.

No, he has to.

He has no choice.

What choice do we have?

How I saw this going.

How much HP does my dad have?

Can I say that I'm doing

five?

Can I say that I'm doing like non-lethal to try and knock him off?

Absolutely.

Okay, great.

Cool.

You're killing him.

I can play that.

If you want, you can just use your attack to knock him off, and he'll just take falling.

Yeah, do like a shove attack.

Yeah, yeah.

Essentially, do a shove attack with your disc.

Long-range shove attack is what I'm going to be doing.

21 to hit.

21 to hit.

Yeah, it hits my dad.

Oh, no, no, he's been working on it.

If you successfully knock him off, he's going to take 10 falling damage.

No,

dad, get you.

Dogner never eats shit at the base of the

house.

Oh, my God.

failure.

Someone's eating a video.

Failed groan.

That's gonna be a failed comp.

He let out a really sad groan.

We should have put a cocoon under there.

Is he saying anything?

Give me a perception check.

God, it was like a thwack.

It didn't sound right at all.

He liked faced plants like he wasn't fighting for kids.

I gotta

do

23.

23, you see the fire in his eyes.

In fact, with a 23, you see that little bracelet.

He's under some kind of spell, yeah.

Okay, great.

So don't kill him.

Let's remove the bracelet.

I'll kill him.

If we have to kill him, we'll have to kill him.

We were able to remove the bracelet from the pixie.

I have one more attack.

I'm going to go in.

Don't.

Oh, yeah.

I'll say with your attack, he could have fallen right at your feet.

Can I use, instead of an attack, can I like cut off the bracelet?

Yeah.

Okay.

Absolutely.

Can I just do that as like a free action or something like that?

I think it would be like a little attack, right?

Because he's in a

state of possession.

He's groaning and flailing.

Dr.

Nevers, please.

No, I want this.

This is great.

19.

Absolutely.

He lay into this bracelet.

In fact, that's almost so high he's going to take one damage because he is.

Oh my God.

You cut through so hard.

I don't want to damage your money maker, sir.

He needs to touch Trent's mom with those hands.

He comes to you right to hear that.

Oh, Mr.

Dr.

Nevers.

Ah, Davonaxius, what's going on?

Sir, I don't know what happened to you, but you put on a bracelet that made you some sort of emissary of the devil, and I'm very sorry that I had to beat you up.

And I'm going to say that now you guys can have Tred's dad's character.

He has two hit points left.

I kneel next to my dad and I say, you've hurt yourself.

That's what I've heard, but you'll be okay.

You have my word, my healing.

And I cast healing word.

Tread?

Hey, Doc,

what are you doing here?

I thought you had a gig.

I

actually wiggled.

It should have sounded more

impressive than that, honestly.

But I'm all here.

You said that Tread just dropped you off.

Yeah, we said we freaked out.

Yeah,

we were all lying, but you were possessed by the devil and you tried to light the statue on fire, so I feel like you're being worse than that.

I feel like you have no, like,

you're not standing on it all, dad.

The last thing I remember is Mac inviting me to the grotto.

Oh, yeah, and apparently, I think at the grotto, you like freaked out and possessed a bunch of people.

Did Fiona give you a bracelet?

As you guys say, Fiona,

four fiends come rushing out with little spiked chains.

They look aggravated.

They were here to keep people from going after Tred's dad.

But now they've fucking lost their guy.

So they are going to all throw firebolts at this blazing babe effigy.

Oh, fuck.

Shit.

Are they hulking or tossing?

They're hooking.

Fuck.

Maverse, it's your thing, dude.

That's what I do.

Maveris hooks.

Oh my god, one just crit.

Yikes.

Oh, no.

Now, I'll tell you guys that this Malora effigy is vulnerable to fire damage.

Yikes.

And I know how many hit points it has.

The next one

hits as well.

Oh, dear.

The next one

gets an At one.

Nice.

And the final one gets a three.

Okay, so two of them hit, and now this has been ignited.

So it's going to keep taking more fire damage.

Let's re-enter initiative.

Do we see Fiona?

No.

Okay.

Next in initiative is MAC.

MAC.

You see about 30 feet up, these fireballs have ignited the wood of this Malora effigy.

You see the flames sort of greedily spreading, producing this unnaturally thick black smoke.

What would you like to do?

Okay.

Everyone is starting to freak out.

This is bad.

These guys, especially with that crit, just hit it for a lot of fire damage.

Can I reach my hand into

the effigy and channel the power of a cool, frosty Gatorade

and cast a third level cure wounds on the blazing babe.

Yeah, I'll let you do that.

Especially since you have like a watery divinity.

Well, these beers never water down.

That's true.

You're right, actually.

It's so awful.

I do.

It should ignite it further.

Cool pills and her pores start spraying out over the fire.

Ooh.

Ooh, yeah.

Do you have like holes in your hands?

18 HP.

18.

So you give it 18 HP back, and I'm going to say that that extinguishes the flame.

So

I cover it in beer.

Let's see Seltzer do that.

Look at this silver Batman.

Are you still aware of the Batman back?

Can I do a quick look around and see if the Seltzer spokespeople are around?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it 10?

You see the Seltzer girls are there, but you see that there's actually some friction between the two of them.

Are they like participating and trying to burn the effigy?

You look over and you see, actually, next in initiative, the one that you met as Tess is talking to the one, Trish.

And she's like, Um, Trish, I actually fucking lied about the fucking wildfire.

I am actually from the scorched plains of fucking hell, and I'm here to bring fucking hell to Bahumia.

Yes, you are, you gotta get seltzers everywhere!

I lied about everything.

The only thing I didn't lie about

is how much I love Trish's hard seltzer.

I knew it.

And then she consumes the other triad.

What?

Whoa.

Mac was right.

Mac was right.

I knew she was right.

So it wasn't the Seltzer that was evil.

It was, it was...

No, it was.

She's a brand ambassador.

They know what the brand amazes.

She's not good.

She said she loves it.

Did the Seltzer do that?

Yeah.

No, the Celts didn't.

She didn't corrupt anybody.

She's the spokesperson.

We don't feel like the Pillsbury Doughboy fucking stabs somebody and then you're like, I want a freaking muffin.

No.

i don't think you'd do that exactly maveris that's your turn you've got

this flaming blazing babe effigy and this infernal from the scorched plains of hell dryad who just revealed her true self to her friend and is going to join the fray okay

so you've got these like these four these four cackler guys didn't you say that you took jars of fermented veggies we grabbed some beets for the road you grabbed some because you wanted to trade them.

Do you want to give me an insight check on that?

Yeah.

I have a nine total.

You look at the beets and you think, nah, not for me.

Maveris, focus.

Stop looking at the beats.

You're looking at beets.

What are you doing?

Freaking demons jacking off everywhere.

At least share the beets.

Hell is upon us, Maveris.

And you're looking at fucking beats.

We need to finish killing Tread's dad.

Can I make a video?

A quick perception check as to why was Tred's dad, what was Tred's dad climbing up to?

I think you don't need a perception check.

It's like you see these little infernal fiend guys coming out.

Their plan was like Tred's dad, under this sort of charm effect, climbs the statue, starts lighting it up on fire, and they make sure no one can get up there to stop him.

But you guys interrupted him mid-climb and were able to get him down before that even came into play.

So now these fiend guys are like, fuck this.

We're going to take it down ourselves.

Okay.

Okay.

I guess I'm just going to do...

So there's four fiends, and then there's also this scorched plane dryad.

I'm going to just launch a chaos bolt at the

dryad.

Okay.

Sick.

So it even says I hurl.

Macro just hurl.

Yeah, you can hurl.

I mean, I make a red spell attack on the target.

So let's see what this.

This guy's not treating me right.

18?

That hits.

Okay.

So I can, I'll roll two d8s and then I can choose the type of damage, I guess.

Okay.

And then, and a d6 as well.

Okay.

Okay, so that's 18 damage.

And I can choose between five and eight.

So

I guess I'm dealing thunder damage.

Nice, yeah.

Should I need a fire?

Yeah, so you basically throw this thunderous thing.

It splinters her branches.

She was locked in this.

kind of tense moment that turned into a devouring of her fucking brand ambassador friend and you hit her for 18 damage, and she looks at you knowing where she's fucking going next.

What are you gonna do?

Eat me, you freak?

I just fucking made it.

Don't

you're scared again?

You don't, though.

I was kidding.

Don't.

He was joking.

Oh my god, you're kidding.

Can't anyone joke around anymore?

You're seeing that fucking kid.

Don't kill me.

Next up, I will hide my back.

Next up, you guys see.

Coming from the hot yoga tent, three scorching rays.

Scorching shays?

Fiona.

That's a hit.

On who?

That's a hit.

On the blazing babe.

So two hits.

They're trying to bring him

early.

And the blazing babe is on fire again.

That is Tred's turn.

All right.

The bolts that came from

The hot yoga tent.

Can we see?

Can I see who's in there?

You want to go run into there?

No.

Go in there, dude.

There is...

It is obscured as if by a fog cloud because of all the steam coming from this hot yoga tent.

Oh.

All right.

Someone is perhaps using this to obscure themselves.

I'm going to...

Aim my guitar over there and sing, let's clear the room and let's clear it fast.

I can smell your doom because Hungry Dave has gas.

The dude just beefed.

Oh, did he beef?

He beefed in that tent and I'm going to cast stinking cloud.

What does that do?

You create a 20-foot radius sphere of yellow, nauseating gas.

Centered on a point within range.

The cloud spreads around corners and its area is heavily obscured.

Oh my god.

The cloud lingers in the air for the duration.

Each creature that is completely within the cloud at the start of its turn must must make a constitution-saving throw against poison.

On a failed save, the creature spends its action that turn retching and reeling.

Okay, so Tred, you reach into the memory of that septic tank

that coded you in its fragrance, and you summon this stinking cloud.

Does she.

Does anyone in this tent

does anyone in this tent do anything this round, or is it just at the the top of their turn?

I think it's at the top of their turn.

Okay.

Yeah.

You hear like a feminine cough.

Sorry, Dave, tooted.

So feminine.

Yeah, that's right.

That's so funny.

I tooted, Tred, that was a really cool spell, but like you have to come clean with people.

Well, you have to stop hanging out with my fucking dad.

You guys see that?

All these people who watched you guys like be victorious in this pixie fight watched Tred summon a fart.

Why did you make it yellow?

I'm yellow, dude.

It's fucking third level fart.

Pretty powerful.

And then that's background to day.

Okay, cool.

So the babe is on fire.

Yeah.

The babe, the babe, the babe is on fire.

I think Dave's going to turn his focus to the babe.

He's going to like breathe in deep and then unleash a spray of blue Powerade flavored water blast

on the babe to try and put it out again.

I'll let you.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll let you do this like almost like a cure

Oh sick, okay, since you have your like little retainer and you're doing like yeah, I think technically it'd be like frost breath or something.

Yeah, yeah, cool.

So I do I believe 2d10.

So can I do 2d10 healing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sick.

And then we'll say that you put out the scorching rays that ignited it.

That's gonna be eight points of healing.

Okay.

Nice.

All right, this babe is igniting, getting to put out.

Igniting, getting put out.

The audience at this point is like, oh, what?

Oh.

It's tantalizing.

That's the best thing about Try July.

And then that is Tred's dad.

I can take one more breath weapon or one more normal attack.

Okay, cool.

Are the imps all gathered around or the cacklers?

If you had something that was like within 30 feet or 20 feet, you could hit two of them.

I only got a 15-foot cone.

Yeah, yeah.

I think a 15-foot cone, you can get two of them.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

I'm going to like...

I put out the statue and then I like look at two of them and go, hey.

And I'm just going to like chase them down

that wasn't my fart

seems like it was your fart it came out of his ass it reeks

uh okay so I'm going to do um

yeah I'll do another breath weapon on them uh so they're gonna need to make uh deck saving throws 14 is the number to beat all right these little fiendish guys go to die for their lives One of them gets a 14 exactly.

The other one crit.

I'm sorry.

Okay, so they both take half damage.

That's going to be another 2d10.

Let me roll that.

So they take three damage.

Okay.

Damn.

You say that that was significant to these guys.

Oh, okay.

And then that is Tred's dad.

If you want to do anything with him, you can also just have him.

If they're taking a lot of damage.

Yeah.

Let's send my dad after these guys.

My dad has a dagger.

Dr.

Nevers.

Dr.

Nevis has a knife.

Jesus.

No, it's definitely a piece of dental equipment.

He goes after him.

He's got a hook.

Little hook with a nice.

He's got a little hook.

You have a gun cleaner.

Sir, there are some rotten teeth over here.

Fuck him away.

Fuck him up, dude.

My dad got a 14 to hit.

He sees 15.

Run away, Dr.

Nevers.

Get out of there.

Dr.

Nevers squares up with a fiend.

No, Dad.

No.

Walk away, dude.

I was kidding about killing him.

Next up is the fiends.

Oh, fuck.

Can I?

Yeah, I don't have anything I can do.

Three of them go just shoot firebolts at this thing.

That's an at one.

That's a hit.

That's a miss.

So they just do

a little bit more damage to it because it's not a crit.

But one of them is going to take a swing at your dad.

Bring it on.

Come on.

He's going to try and bite your dad.

I'm going to roll in front of him.

He's trying to bite your dad.

Bite the hand and dad.

You're never going to hit him as ACS 13.

That's sweet.

ACS5.

Biting is between Dr.

and Mrs.

Nevers if they decide that's what they're into.

That's a hit.

All right.

No.

Okay.

I healed my dad back up to full, just so you know.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

Oh, amazing.

So he only takes six damage.

That's half of his damage.

He has Hellish Rebuke.

He has Hellish Rebuke, right?

Oh, does he?

Yeah.

Dad has Hellish Rebuke.

He's got some stuff.

Oh, yeah, your insurance doesn't cover this.

This guy's gonna try and do a deck save.

He gets a two.

Okay.

D10.

It's a nine.

Using the magic that Fiona taught him,

unleashes a wave of fire and ends this fiend.

Yes!

Holy shit, your dad murdered him.

Oh!

You treated him like a cavity, dad.

Dave, did you see that?

That's my work, dad.

You got him like you get gingivitis, dude.

When you see something's wrong, you gotta extract it.

That's a freaking plaque attack, my man.

Then that is Mac.

Okay.

Tred, what does she need to roll to get out of the fart?

16.

No, like, what kind of save?

Sorry, I can't.

Okay, sick.

Alright, you guys fucking owe me for this one.

I hold my breath and I run into the stinking tent.

What?

And then I'm going to cast bestow curse on her.

You touch a creature, and that creature must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or become cursed for the duration of the spell.

If she fails this, I want to

give her

disadvantage on con saving throws.

Okay.

Is it a wisdom save, you say?

Yeah.

Okay, she has a plus two to wisdom.

She gets a three.

Yes!

I immediately run back out of the problem.

But yeah, she has

bestow curse on her.

So she has disadvantage on con save.

She's going to be stuck in the fart room, not being able to do anything except for wretch unless she can pass a con save.

As you go in there, you see that she is concentrating on a spell.

Whoa, shit.

Okay, next up is this fucking tree that is coming after you, Maveris.

Bring it on.

So she has disadvantage on her attack against you, right?

Yeah, because I am wearing my shimmering Batman cloak.

Okay.

She looks at your shimmering Batman cloak and takes out these like barky claws and rolls with disadvantage.

And eight is going to miss.

And then

she keeps rolling with disadvantage until

she hits me.

Okay, so she has a second attack, but she's like, where are you, DJ?

I'm over here.

I am the knight.

What are you, like, fucking scared or something?

I'm fucking so scared.

He's quite a snake.

15 and a 19, so a dirty 20.

Shield?

Nice.

Wait.

Okay, yeah, it's a dirty 20.

Would that, would shield take you up?

Plus five, so I have.

Wait, I have plus one because of the blessed broom, so I'm 16, so I'll go to 21 with that.

So she misses!

Woo!

Okay.

Yes, Batman on her.

That is her whole turn.

Maveris, that's your turn.

Okay, Maveris.

This fucking infernal tree has squared up with you.

Does it seem like fire damage is like

because she's an infernal tree?

She's not vulnerable to fire damage like a lot of trees might be.

But she's not like immune.

But she's not immune.

Okay.

All right, broke it.

Fuck it.

Mouse minute meter.

Yeah.

That's your thing.

Batman.

Huge hooks.

I'm going to say that you have to take an opportunity attack to back up to throw it.

Okay.

Yeah.

But you currently have shields.

21.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And she's she's back only with this if you're full confidence, like

fame.

She gets a three and a five.

God is like the fucking knight.

I am the knight.

Meteors.

And I was just going to hug two meteors to try out in front of her.

Great.

Deck 16.

She has plus zero to decks.

Whoa.

I knew it.

Stiff joints.

Three

and a 14.

Do you damage?

Okay, so that's two 4d6.

Oh, nice.

Do you dang damage?

I'll say this right now.

You could enter right now.

Oh, he did good.

That's 20 damage.

She's still up.

Oh!

I can't roll much better than that.

She does not look good.

Your fucking meteors stick around.

They lodge into her bark.

Okay.

And then that is Fiona.

Who's in the fart?

Who's in a hot yoga fart.

Hey, hey, hey, Maveris.

I do a bane impression.

Hara was born in the fart.

Stop, dude.

That's amazing.

That's so funny.

I can't laugh right now.

This is a con save?

Yeah.

With disadvantage.

Plus one to con.

I'm going to do it in front of the board.

Okay.

That is a 10.

That fails.

That fails.

She stays choking on force.

What is the effect that she succumbs to?

She spends her turn retching and reeling, not unlike we did in the med tent.

Okay,

I'm gonna say she loses her concentration.

The fiends disappear.

Oh, shit.

Close the flap on that tent.

Dr.

Nevers, you did it.

You defeated them.

Fiona, now that you're sniffing farts, I want you to tell me, I saw somebody else in the freaking bracelet.

Who was it?

That is my mother.

Huh?

Fierna.

She rules the second layer of hell.

Oh, shit.

I am a descendant of her.

And I thought if I hijacked this ritual and manipulated its magic to summon her, she would finally, at long last, acknowledge me as her kin.

Holy shit.

This was supposed to be a show of my devotion.

Okay, this is really hard for us.

We didn't realize it was your mom.

Yeah, because like moms rock, and we like really want to.

Well, some moms might not rock.

It's true, some moms might not rock, but most moms rock.

Mother?

I feel so bad.

Vienna, come meet your daughter.

I feel like super guilty.

Why?

But she like manipulated your dad.

You manipulated a dentist.

Yes.

Because I would do anything to finally meet my mother.

Okay, that's sad.

As she says this, actually, she comes out.

She's like, the gig is up.

She comes out.

She burns with flames and it completely incinerates her silver robes and you see she's just wearing like an infernal breastplate.

The fucking moon cleric was just a fucking act.

Why don't you go and meet her instead of having her come here?

Because it feels like her coming here is super disruptive to the festival.

Because this is how I prove myself to her.

Oh,

by helping her.

And you've ruined it.

Yeah, but I feel like I'm just saying like, it's one thing to like impress your mom, but you should really find like someone that you want to impress that wants to be impressed by you like like I found with Tred's dad.

What the fuck?

That's such a weird thing to say.

I don't even understand this.

I don't even understand this.

The thing about Tred's dad is scratching also.

Yeah, the farts stink everywhere.

He smells so much fart.

And they melted the farts.

Yeah, I know.

I was in there for a split second.

It was rank.

But Tred's dad would never make Tred like have to do fucked up stuff to make him show up.

That's true.

Yeah.

He never like forced me to do dentist stuff.

He lets you play gigs at Piggly Wiggly.

Yeah, he was supportive of that even though it wasn't actually happening.

As you guys are saying this, we are going to have to stay on initiative because she is still up and you've still got this demon tray.

Okay.

Well, she's ratching in a fart.

Oh my god.

Who be?

It was Dave.

It was part of my song.

It wasn't me, but honestly, at this point, I wish it was because that's such a powerful spell and I'm really excited for my boy.

I'm gonna work on making my farts like that.

I'm gonna eat some really rancid shit.

Please don't.

Dave, do you want to commit to that?

You don't have to

palette in a farting rank.

Dave, just think, just think so carefully.

Your farts are already off.

Dave thinks about the phrase breath weapon and then replaces breath with butt.

Simply won't do that.

No.

Tred, it's your turn.

This woman, I mean, she's been incapacitated by this horrifying smell.

You've got this tree from the scorched plains of hell that's trying to 1v1 Mavrus and can't do jack shit.

Okay.

The battlefield is in your favor.

Right.

So

oh yeah.

No, no.

Do you need...

Not really.

Do you need a hand?

I'm scared, but I'm not unhurt.

Yeah, I guess I'm not that afraid of like the fart sniffer.

So maybe I'll,

yeah,

I'm gonna witch bolt the tree.

And I have a new song, and it goes a little something like, What's the point in yelling?

What's the point in fighting?

How could you stand up to a witch's lightning?

Oh, baby, that's a 26.

My freaking Robin.

Yeah,

it's freaking Chris O'Donnell over here.

Was that a shit?

Shoe walker cut, dude.

I'm Clooney.

14 damage to the tree.

She had two hit points left.

Yes.

Rather fucking bolts.

I rolled three D12.

You killed the Sector Spokesperson.

I cry and I embrace Trent.

You lied to me.

To the light side.

You lied to me.

At this point, the wildfire druids, like, you've turned the tide of the fight enough that they can kind of come out, apprehend this woman.

They're gonna handle this elsewhere.

They're gonna get her into the therapy tent with her mom Amber the Ember emissary is like um Again, I really don't want to actually have to have an interaction with you because it's okay.

You can just if you want

to realize it's intimidating because we saved this thing like

Yeah, we held her in a fart.

I can't believe you came up to us and said started with it.

I just I keep trying I keep coming over saying I'm gonna thank them for saving the day and then you make me regret.

Yeah, Dave is already on the ground playing with her dog.

What?

So we're going to take care of this.

You guys fucking save the day.

Wow.

Wow.

Holy shit.

I'll try not to say anything stupid.

I was born in the farm.

Yeah, let me start.

Let me try.

Okay, it happens.

I regret it.

I regret it.

Okay.

I'm walking away.

I'm walking away so I can remember you as heroes, not losers.

Okay, so Amber brings the Amber emissaries.

They escort Fiona away.

And Tred, your dad, who just narrowly escaped this battle, thanks very specifically to your healing song,

he turns to you, regret welling up in his eyes, and he says,

ah, Tred,

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what happened.

I just, I met Fiona and she thought I had potential and uh you know you're so good at magic and i don't know next thing i know i'm climbing effigies and you know in danger and everything they were using you as like an acolyte dad so that she could summon her mom yeah it's not your fault dad it's like you just wanted to learn magic to be close to me but i just want you to be like boring

and hang out with mom.

That's all I need.

And dude, yeah.

Like, I don't want you to have any hobbies or hang out with my friends.

Yeah.

I love you, dad.

I love Le Tread.

He gives you a big hug.

Love is love.

It's all love out here.

It's all love out here.

I give another bottle of winter to somebody.

Wait, is Amber still nearby?

She's trying to note.

Amber, wait.

Oh, Amber.

Amber.

Maveris needed you.

Hang on.

I'm sorry, okay.

I just have a question

about the the

blazing babe is

is it possible that we I mean like are have the curses been lifted

is it when can we light her yeah and like is it almost August 1st I do need you all to if you want to help this happen I mean we've apprehended the person who is responsible for all the weird shit that was going on but I do have one more favor I can ask of you

Okay.

Anything.

Can you guys fucking party until dawn?

Yeah, but I just have to go into my tent really quick at midnight and then I'll come back out.

We have to take a quick break at like 11.59, but like if we're otherwise good to go.

We'll be back out at 12.010.

Start drinking wine pong gene.

I got six bottles of rusty grease.

Who's ready?

Yay, you were into wine.

Wait, I'm going to to open my fermented vegetables.

Okay.

Yeah, you open the fermented vegetables.

Give me a dexterity saving throw.

That is an eight.

An eight?

You take five acid damage and you keep taking it until someone wipes it off of you.

No, I got you.

I got you.

I lick it off.

Lick it off.

Yeah, dude.

Delicious.

Fucking so good.

Don't waste the time.

That's how you party.

Yes.

So that

you guys saved the babe.

You saved the blaze.

What do you guys want to do with the rest of your evening before dawn?

I want to do wine pong with Jen with Two N's.

And I want to tell my dad that it's alright if he has to go back home.

Okay, what do you want to do?

I remember those moon elves that were sandboarding, and that seems pretty dope, so I try that out.

Great.

You want to do wine pong with Jen with Two N's?

You sidle up to Jen with Two N's.

She is incredible.

You just saved the day.

Make a performance check to see how well you socially interact

with this

divorcee.

You can do it with advantage because you just saved the blaze.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

17?

Honestly, you kind of wow her.

Holy shit.

You do the perfect amount of letting her win, but then still win in the end.

Wow.

Wine pong's like...

It's like almost as fun as beer pong.

And I thought this

Pinot Noir was

dry.

Oh my god, I did too.

Tread comes out of the tent.

Forward, full body?

You know, I've always wanted to get into beer.

Is that right?

Tread comes out of the tent and says, Mac, it's your turn to jerk off in there.

What are you doing, dude?

I'm just saying I finished.

The LLP is still in there.

Oh, no, no.

I flipped it to the back, back page.

There's a little bit of gang on there.

He didn't say any of the things.

Happy August, James.

And Trey, do you wanted to talk to your dad?

Oh, yeah.

Do you just want to convince him to go home early?

No, you know what?

I want to tell my dad that I'm going to put on a show for him.

It's maybe not as good as the Piggly Wiggly, Wiggly, but

yeah, here's a couple new songs that I'm working on.

Okay, you take out your guitar, you start playing, give me a performance check.

Okay.

Oh, wait, that's my dad's character sheet.

Can we help him?

Oh, no, I think I got it.

What would you like to do to help him?

I sing along, because I was at the Piggly Wiggly show last time, so I think I know all the tunes.

Max sings along, gives you you the help action.

Okay.

It's going to be a 29.

Yes.

Yes.

Tred, you gather not a small crowd, a significant crowd.

Oh my God.

A crowd that's maybe bigger than could fit in the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly.

And your dad fucking watches you like

so proud.

And you even see that he sings along with a couple songs as if he's been listening through the wall as you've been writing them.

It's a Hogest miracle.

Dave, what did you want to do?

Dave wanted to try out sandboarding because he remembered it looked cool.

Right.

You go out.

You would say that I like soar past the moon as the song is like

happy hoggest to all.

I do all a good tug.

It's a 17.

Dave, you soar across the sky as Dred is performing for his dad, as the sun is broaching the horizon.

Oh shit.

And as it explodes on the horizon, the wildfire druids light this babe on fire.

It explodes into flame.

And

Maveris, as this magic smoke curls around,

maybe it was the long day,

the dramatic sidebars,

you feel your eyelids get heavy, you kind of drift into another dream,

another

smoky void.

Thick smoke moving in slow motion like it's underwater or something.

Then

the sound of boots approaching.

The smoke smoke parts just enough to reveal an elven woman.

Tall.

Ageless face.

Purple eyes and purple cloak.

Goggles perched atop curly black hair.

A long, thin pipe.

Murph, would you be so kind as to read something I've written?

I've had to make a few amendments based on Maverick.

Oh, shit.

I need to remember her voice.

Hello?

Maveris Bombara.

We haven't met yet, but I am Alanis,

the legendary wizard of Bahumia.

Okay?

I come to you because I have made a dire mistake, and only you can help.

Bahumia was under threat, and in assessing the threat, I created a series of alternate timelines with the help of some wishstones.

Most timelines, I was able to loop back to the primary timeline.

Unfortunately, there was one branch that took on a life of its own.

A rogue timeline.

I come to you because the point of divergence is you.

In the primary timeline, your friend Carl decides to go to Gladehome University, causing your friend group to descend into chaos, drama, and a word I don't fully understand, sidebars.

I do.

Yeah.

That makes sense.

In order to escape the drama, you transfer to Glade Home.

You become a hero in that timeline, but your friendship with your boys does not survive.

No.

Your absence sets off a chain of vitriolic sidebars.

Again, a word I don't fully understand.

And the friendship fractures irreparably.

In the rogue timeline, however, you stay with your friends and forgo your academic ambitions at Glade Home.

I don't pretend to understand the significance of this rogue timeline, why it persists, why it can't be looped, why it can't be scried, but I must do everything in my power to minimize its threat.

The stability of the primary timeline is now dependent on the stability of the rogue timeline.

Via powerful divination, I have learned that the key to that stability

is you and your boys.

And the key key to the stability of you and your boys

is actually you.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, Carl, or Coral, as you call him, Coral, Coral, is not the rock of this friend group.

In this primary timeline, it is actually your departure, your absence that ultimately dooms it.

Maveris, I believe it is possible that you may be the rock of this friend group.

I fucking knew it.

Maveris Bombara of the party plane, you are at the precipice of the divergence point whereby you may enter the rogue timeline.

For the stability of all of Bohumia, I'm asking you to put aside your academic ambitions at Cladeholm University.

Done.

Wait, hear me out.

The late nights in the library, the essays and exams.

Okay.

The postgraduate studies and hard-fought tenure.

He said he's out.

I need you to forgo all of that and just kind of hang out with your boys.

Will you do that for me, Maveris?

Will you enter the rogue timeline?

Like right now?

Maveris, before you answer, actually,

the dark sulfurous smoke that you reached out to

chokes her vision away.

And you hear the voice from your dream.

What she doesn't know is you already have entered the rogue timeline, child of my child.

And with that,

we'll enter the multiverse of Mavericks.

And that's where we'll end our session and start the pick-back mini campaign.

Wow.

Chills.

Legit chills.

Oh, the promise.

Mavericks can die now.

We can kill Mavericks.

If he dies in the multiverse, he dies in real life.

Oh, man.

Absolutely incredible.

Thank you so much for listening, Zach.

Thank you for being on.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, Devilish.

Wonderful.

I'm excited to explore the multiverse.

Yes.

The multiverse of Madras.

Oh, my God.

I can't wait.

And now, let's thank our benevolent council of elders.

They are Brad D., Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C., Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Beardman Dan, Carpe Liam, Bryant, who is worthy of a first-class Grinching, Victor T., Falnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B., Damiel R., Jordan L., Cyborg Version of Josh the Kobold, Targat, Stevie Waggs, Hellish Rebuker, Ph.D., Princess Yar, Jory S, Rachel from Animorphs, Jack L, Nicholas C., star of every film ever made in Bahumia, Mike Hightower, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F., Nee Badger, Heradrian, Carborough Chapel Hill, FPV, Rex Daniel The White, Cece Lulu, Olcobb's Dunkel, Older Burn, Heracule Poirot, The Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R.

Rayco, Calder, Comes Cold, Shoutout to the Cold, Come, Companions, Frosty Facial, Taylor B.

The Vengeful One-Winged Angel, Cass, Strong, Grinch, Stephen, Can Rage, Last for Four Years, C, Mike K, Lady Taco, Ya Girl Got Knocked Up, Congrats, Nick W, William W., Big Bad, Beardo, the Mad, Eric McD, Anorama, Percival, Frederickstein, Von Mussel, Klowowski, D.

Rollo, The Third, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Flux Rue, Ben A.

Dave H, Dustin S, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfar's Assistant, Izzy F, Big Bad John, DPC is Awesome, Hashtag Honor the Cock, Sean the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer RG, Cat C, Misa of House in Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Velacie Raptor, B Perky Always, Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Faywild Therapist, Connor Savage.

Salil.

BioCourt 7.

Amber Dextrous.

Bean Rat Was Innocent.

Trub Hop Dropper.

Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament.

Valen Paj the Bitchin' Bunny Bard.

Carlin C.

Noah the Bullywug Boy.

Hashtag Honor the Cock.

James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger.

Stripey.

Daddy Master Dandy.

Han, Eric, B, Marcos, learns the balance druid.

Pago self-proclaimed fake king, asking you to watch the disruptors, starring Allie Beardsley and Grant O'Brien, Maggie, Holly, the green laughing hyena, finally caught up to the duck team, Akash, Thakar, Cal, just Cal, Aaron B, Russell, H, a monk named Dilgo, yes, the whole thing?

Yes, every time, Cody, C., Lorelei, the succubi, and Kira, the succulent snack, McKenna, Stout, your friendly neighborhood, Yant and Yunkle, Andrew and Sid, John Adams, the write-in candidate, Meg, Meg, the mail carrier, manager of Bahumia, James F.

Austin, S.

Wayfarer.

Now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69.

Shane C.

Barpo Good Barrel Bard Barian, Welsh Lander, Garrett G, one big curd, Renee the Monster Captain, Box Clifton, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, who are playing Stick It to the Man, down with the Monarchy.

Winter, S.

Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Damon J, Anthony the raddest of dudes, Jay, the fairies say, Kakaw, congratulations to Susanna and Caldwell on their new baby.

Damn right.

Cantrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian.

Lexi H.

Roger L.

Nodrog, the pass-a-fist barbarian.

Gino T.

John Luca, Tristan the talentless hunk, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S.

Alexander, Lins W.

Johnny Dude K, Pavu Eskenor, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile, Tim M.

A catnapping in a sunbeam, listening to a podcast, MLG, Cheeto, CJ, Hampton, Shel B, Ken is now first favorite sprite girl, Triss Hard Seltzer, more like Piss Hard Seltzer.

Congrats to the Tanner and Wolf fam, Jackson R.

Snailis, who's infecting Worcestershire for within.

Captain Morgan, Pirate, Wizard, Paw Skydes, Mimosky Des, Megan N., Anthony B., Savannah H., Valnor's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A., Gimley the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Michael A.

Josh H.

Pilot of the Nightmare Verse Flight, Frokey the Two Crew, Blue Through, Jennery, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Seth E.

Billy B.

Tori the Tungsten, Dragoose, Michael L.

S.

II, Jacob the Purveyor of shenanigans, Carl B, Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A., Ra, Ace Drags, High Lord of Critzburg, Darius D, the guy from that one thing, Troy's Mom, Vinn Diagram, GKC, THE, THE, CATAMILIS THE CONSUMED, PART OF HOLDING, CLINTING P, Thankful Cam, the Frog Man, Dean, Jake W., High Mom, Tuesday Cross, the Choose Your Own Adventure Writer, Not the Porn Star, Steve L.

Alex G, Zibby DeBaccery, Nicole Katerina C, Lady Jacqueline P of Castle Whitestone, and of course, Potato Punk.

Thank you, everybody.

That was a head gum podcast.