Ep 295: George Egg

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Welcome to the off-menu podcast taking the baked potato of conversation, adding in the baked beans of humor and the pre-grated cheese of friendship.

Scumdily upshots yum, yum, yum, yum.

That's Ed Gamble.

My name is James Aker.

So together we own a dream restaurant.

And every single week we're inviting the guests to announce their favourite ever start and main course dessert, side dish and drink, but not in that order.

This week, our guest is George Egg.

George Egg, in many ways, is the perfect guest for this podcast, James.

Yes, he's a comedian.

He's a chef.

When we started Stand-Up, Ed and I, we mainly knew George as a comedian.

He'd went around the clubs,

tearing the roof off every single night.

And then he started doing a food themed show, which I think we'll talk about with George.

And then that has evolved over the years.

And now he's the snack hacker.

He's the snack hacker.

Very successful online videos where George hacks snacks.

He takes like, you know, things that you can buy just off the supermarket shelves or at a petrol station, that sort of stuff, and just...

upgrades it turns it into a delicious gourmet snack pimps them up pimps them up and finally uh george has a book called the snack hacker which is out on the 5th of june and available to pre-order now.

And all of those fun, crazy recipes are in there.

It says here, this thing's like deep-fried pot noodle, microwave, shakshuka, and twiglet brownies, which initially when I read that, I thought, holy shit.

But then you think about it and yeah.

Delicious.

I mean,

I've made some of George's snack hacker recipes.

They are very easy and straightforward, fun as well to do, and all taste amazing.

Great.

We're very much looking forward to speaking to lovely George Egg.

Yes.

He's a good egg.

He's a good egg.

But listen, even good eggs go bad sometimes.

If George Egg says a secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we are going to kick him out of the dream restaurant.

And this week, the secret ingredient is snacker jacks.

Snacker Jacks, because it sounds a bit like snack hacker, isn't it?

Snack a hack.

Snack a hack.

The snack.

Hacker snack.

Jack a snack, snack hacker.

Snacker jacket, hacker jack.

Hacker jacker.

Obviously, the way to go you would have thought would be to pick egg.

Yes.

But that's in everything, really, isn't it?

It's such a common ingredient.

Yeah.

We'd be kicking George out so early and that seems stupid when we've got a comedian who has a cookbook

on our comedy food podcast to just kick him out because he said egg.

We were just going to hope that he doesn't say snacker jacks, but here's the thing.

He might do.

We're not playing it easy.

No.

Because George, as we've said, gets stuff that you can just get on the supermarket shelves.

snacks that already exist, pimps them up, and he loves those.

Yeah.

He might have snacker jacks a snacker jack snacker hack that he does snacker jacks would add texture to a lot of things yeah oh man the thing is george is going to be so sad if we kick him out yeah he's such a nice man he's really looking forward to being on this podcast because he knows it's perfect for him if we kick him out it's going to genuinely hurt his feelings it's not going to be like jade adams where she was like really leaning into it like ah yeah and that was on zoom so she was at home so she yeah she didn't care he's he doesn't live in london if he lives in brighton or hove or something he'll have driven here or got the train, which is a nightmare to London.

That's the worst place in the country you can get the train to London from.

If he comes here, sits down, and then we...

It's famously Benito.

That's true, that's true.

Yeah,

Benito, I know you might think it's just an hour away, but like Southern Rail is an absolute nightmare.

They cancel all the time.

They cancel all the time.

People hate it.

It's the go-to.

butt of any train joke is Southern Rail.

That's got many an applause break on Mock of the Week.

May it rest in peace.

Who would have thought Southern rail would last longer than mock the week yeah i mean it had the last laugh i guess but george or the the laugh replacement service oh brilliant stuff you say that in scenes we'd like to see you'll tear the roof

but george will be very very sad if we say george bad luck you said snacker jacks you're kicked off he'll go no really

he won't be like ha ha ha he'll go really

Are you serious?

Yes.

Yes, bye-bye.

Bye.

Goodbye.

I hope you.

I've just checked the trends.

They're all cancelled.

Good luck hacking that.

Good luck hacking the rail replacement service.

Which is why we're telling you now his book is called The Snack Hacker.

Yes.

And you should all get it.

It's available for pre-order.

So look, get it.

There's the plug because who knows how long George is going to last on this?

Let's see.

This is the off-menu menu of George Egg.

Welcome, George, to the Dream Restaurant.

Thanks for having me.

Welcome, George Egg, to the dream restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

I think, well, I think I've been wanting to come here for some time.

And there you are.

There's the genie.

There's the Maitreya.

Maitre D, yeah.

I think we're still sticking with Maitre D, aren't we?

I think it's suits.

I love that you're the Maitre D.

Thank you.

Here's a question.

Yes.

Off the bat.

What sort of a genie?

Well, what sort of a waiter?

Yes.

Are you?

That's what I want to know.

Yes.

Well, this is your dream restaurant.

So I am your dream waiter.

But what are the different types of waiters that are in your mind?

Well, I don't, I get stressed in restaurants, various reasons.

I think a lot of it kind of harks back to being a student and not having much money and worrying about bill splitting anxiety.

Yes, okay, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So, you know, I'll go in and I'll go, I'll go, I'm going to have, I won't have a starter, I'll have tap water or whatever.

And then everyone around me starts getting cocktails.

Yeah.

And then I'm thinking, well, what's going to happen at the end of the

night?

And then a thing that compounds that is when you've got a waiter who's very sort of trigger happy with the topping up so i've had that with water worse i've had that with wine so they'll be like me and someone else and we've bought a bottle of wine between or i'm assuming we're going to split the wine yeah and i'll be drinking mine a little bit slower than than they will and then the waiter's kind of nipping in and topping the side so i despise that yeah yes i i i will not be uh top up charlie i i those people

I do find it very stressful, even if it's like with tap water and it's free.

But they're just constantly, because I want to have a chat with the person I'm talking to I don't want this person dipping in yeah suddenly they're on my shoulder filling up my water and then they're gone again and I know if I have a sip they're going to be back in to get it to the level that it was at yeah

I hate that I had that in a restaurant once but yeah I actually wrote to the restaurant afterwards

to let them know that this one waiter I said you know he's doing a great job but it's just it's too much and we actually we were going to order dessert we ended up just kind of going should we go somewhere else yeah he was topping up all the time he was just too too attentive see that's what i mean what a balance for that guy right because he's also like i've got to do my job here yeah so but i guess it is just that is the fine balance of being good at that job is knowing when to stand back and when yeah i think that's that i've i've seen what's his name fred what's it fred fred syriac yeah yeah talking about about waiting you know and you've got a you've got a ghost in and out and you know you don't even know they're there that's

although i don't want to not know you're there well because you're well you're you're you're a genie for a stuff.

Yeah, well, I could make myself invisible and still keep you topped up.

That's true.

Or really, I mean, I should just like, you know, be able to cast some sort of spell on your drink that means that it tops up.

And also,

the big concern here is I'm not paying.

Look, no one's paying.

No, you don't need to worry about how much wine the other person's having.

By the way, I understand that so much.

And it is pathetic, isn't it?

Going.

They're getting more wine than me.

Yeah.

We want it to be fair.

Yeah.

Fair.

Can you bring us two half bottles?

Here's another thing.

What about this?

When a waiter comes up, like, because I'm undeniably into my food.

I'm a big, you know, I'm a food guy and

I will finish what's on my plate.

I'll, you know, and if I think I can get away with it, I'll be, you know, running my finger around the edge of the plate and getting every last morsel.

When a waiter comes up and says, oh, you were hungry?

Or

you ate that quick?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's, that's a big, that's a, that's a

the worst I've ever had.

And this wasn't, so it's a similar thing, but for different reasons, this was bad.

I was at a place and the food was, it was bad food.

And the waiter was like the nicest man.

And also, I think owned the place.

Yeah.

Really lovely, friendly man.

And I had something that was not good.

And then he came back and he went, oh, you ate it all.

That's cool.

Never happened before.

Yeah.

So I was like, oh, that's a bad sign.

That's cool.

This guy ate all his food.

Ring the bell.

Yeah, it was that.

So that let me know I was in the, definitely in the wrong place.

What sort of a place was that?

Was it one of those places where they have all pictures on the walls?

It was, no, it was a place like nothing you've ever seen.

It was a vegetarian place in Rome, and it was across the street from our hotel.

And we just fancied not having meat that night.

So

we googled it, best vegetarian.

It's like right over the road.

Really thought we'd landed on our feet and walked in.

And it was like someone had last minute had to put together something that looked like a restaurant out of the things that were left behind by the builders and then pretend that this is yep this is always like this and please come on in because often the vegetarian option i find is is a safe bet because more efforts been made this egg doesn't eat meat and if we go out for a meal i will always feel obliged to get the meat dish because it feels like i'm out for a treat that's got it i've got to get some meat and she'll get the vegetarian dish and i inevitably you know, nine times out of ten, have food envy.

That's what we were up for that night.

We did not pan out very bad.

And like more than one dish involved a liquid, which I'm pretty sure was mouthwashed.

Wow.

That they just put into it.

I was like,

this is bad stuff.

What vegetarian did you know?

Yeah, vegetarian.

Because

I find saffron sometimes has,

if people use too much saffron, it's got a slightly candidacy sort of taste.

I wonder if they'd

gone a little heavy-handed on the old expensive saffron.

Have you ever hacked a snack with saffron?

Well, I don't like saffron.

but for that very reason i find it a bit too much so i've i've used something called paella powder in a snack hack which is uh which i bought in spain and it's i think it's mostly yellow food coloring and there are there is smoked paprika in there and i think there is a very tiny bit of saffron in there but you put it in with your pylor and it looks the business we should talk about snack hacker yes to pro properly introduce you to our members of the audience who might not have might not have seen the snack hacker video probably billions of people who don't know about snack hacker no no no there's there's two people and we've got to explain it to them okay but it could it couldn't be more up our listeners streak how did it get started what is it like that's snack hacker is a series of videos that uh are ongoing that i've put on social media i started doing during lockdown because uh you know theaters were closed couldn't go on stage because my for the listeners who don't know my my kind of on stage thing is i cook on stage but that's by the by so snack hacker i thought i've got to start making videos or start doing something.

So with the help of my son, Jem, we started making these little videos, which I put on where over about sort of a minute and a half, two minutes, I will hack a snack.

But there's more to them than that.

So they started out by kind of taking an existing food item like something from Gregg's or McDonald's or wherever else, and then enhancing it in some ways.

So the very first episode, I got a got a cheese and onion bake from Greg's, opened it up like a pocket, put in some pickled jalapenos, ate it, talked about it.

That was it.

Really simple.

But I did seven episodes, put them out, and they just seemed to, it was one of those things where, you know, got traction immediately.

A lot of people were excited by them.

A lot of the followers started going up.

And then we carried on making them.

And at the time of recording, there's about 105, 106 episodes.

And I started out with interfering with existing snacks.

And it's kind of it's evolved.

And because...

I just say that the snack hacker is a much better name than than the snack interferer if you were yeah but it's funny as well

slightly but not funny when you're in prison isn't it there is there is one little section of outtakes i've got of when i was so much later on about episode 80 i i did something else with a um this sounds really awful as well

but i uh i i used the greg's cheese and onion pasty again but to make a kind of uh like cauliflower cheese taking cauliflower cheese which is so nice so i'll just tell you what you do really quickly so a lot of them do involve a bit of actual cooking because i'm you know i'm in the cooking so you get you get a slice of cauliflower, you cook it in brown butter, you toast some hazelnuts, hazelnuts and cauliflower and cheese, really nice combination.

Go down to Gregg's, get a cheese and onion pasty, open it up, cauliflower in there, crushed hazelnuts, onions, the burger onions, you know, the kind of crispy ones that is on every street food thing at the moment.

Loads of those, put the lid back on, eat that.

Oh my God.

So anyway, that's absolutely heavenly.

But at the start, we thought it would be funny to have a little to camera bit where I'm saying, you know, three years ago, I interfered with a cheese and onion pasty.

And we must have done about 30 takes.

And then we've stitched them all together.

We might put out some time of me just corpsing constantly and then trying to make it sound better and it ended up sounding better.

That does sound like the worst lockdown ever.

You got bored and you started interfering with the cheese and onion pasta.

While your son filmed it.

I absolutely love the snack hacker videos.

I've watched so many of them.

I've tried to, well, I have made some of the stuff on the moment the you've texted me you've told me that

my naan yeah naan base pizza which I did twice but also is the naan base pizza which obviously for the listeners if you need to explain it is that the base is a naan yeah it's a circular a circular naan I used I use a garlic one did you find a circular one no you see because the saddle shaped ones are kind of yeah I know you were seemed wrong I know that you were disappointed we were sort of further away from pizza at that point aren't we yeah exactly I sent you the photo of it and you were like

no one's george

but uh

and then i made the pizza sauce from another video of yours where um i think another youtuber yeah

suggested yeah a guy called adam purnell who yeah uh goes under the handle the shropshire lad or a shropshire lad but anyway and he's a barbecue chef and he yeah he he was a guest that's another thing with the with the series i've had various guests including you yes not you yeah not me written time not yet we did talk about oisters and creps at one point And yeah, his idea, Adams, was using

the kind of Bloody Mary mix.

Big Tom.

Big Tom.

That's the one he used.

Big Tom.

Yeah.

With

hot sauce.

James just shouted, just for the listener, James shouted Big Tom up into the sky.

And it sounded like you were giving out a tribute to your friend Big Tom.

Up there with Big World.

Saluting.

That was great.

I made the pizza sauce from the Big Tom and the hot sauce that I had.

I got loads of hot sauce in the fridge.

Did you put the pepper army on it as well uh no i didn't use pepperami i used uh as a different type of sausage but that's the thing you know i mean the topic could be whatever and that is the ethos about the whole kind of yeah the kind of idea around snack hacker is it is you know without wanting to get to ratatouille the film but that anyone can cook and cooking can be as simple as putting one thing with with one other thing you know and then going oh wow that's combination i wasn't expecting and it's so much more satisfying isn't it i go i got into a horrible rhythm of takeaways recently just because you know i'm not at home all of the time.

And then you're like, I can't do a big shop.

There's no point.

And then you get into that rhythm of takeaways.

And then as soon as you pull yourself out of that and go, I'm just going to cook something, even if it's something that you get from the takeaway.

Yeah.

You'd feel so much better about it.

Well, one, one for that is my Peshwari toasty.

Go on.

Which is just, it's super simple.

So the kind of idea behind that is that people eat microwave curries and there's no shame in eating microwave curries.

They, you know, there's some great ones out there.

There's some rubbish ones out there, but maybe they, you know, give you a nostalgic hit or whatever.

A Vesta curry is like, you know, revolting, but it reminds me of the past.

But anyway, so for those occasions,

when you've got a microwave curry and you kind of go,

I want to feel like I've achieved something, you make a pechewari toasty, which is basically either in a Brevel kind of one or I've got these, this collection of very nice analog toasty makers that are kind of like a clamshell thing with long arms and they go over the, directly over the gas hop.

Anyway, you make a toasted sandwich with ground almonds, a desiccated coconut, chopped up sultanas, a little bit of cardamom in there.

And then you butter the outsides and toast it and it's it's basically a pechoiri nam in a white bread sandwich and the edges where the where the brevil or whatever presses it they go like a kind of gary bordy biscuit and it's just heavenly and then oh I know I forgot you butter the outside and you put flaked almonds on the outside so you get that kind of you know it's all the flavours of a pechewari nan and then a bit of coriander and more butter on the outside and then and then you rip it up and scoop up the microwave curry with that and you don't even have to take the microwave curry out of the packet because you've made the sandwich you've done the cooking so you go it's fine and then you know if you put it on a plate to make yourself feel better no exactly if you were eating it with a spoon straight out the packet you'd feel terrible yeah but you make the sandwich and then suddenly you're cooking yeah genius um and is that in the snack hacker book the cookbook that you've released it is in the snack hacker it's got so much in it i mean when do you start thinking about that about let's do a book uh i guess we i mean i don't know maybe about a year ago or so i mean i mean right from the beginning i mean in fact from before snack hacker i've always thought i'd like to i'd love to write a cookbook sometime anyway and then once snack hacker got the traction it got well me and jem my son we came up with a pitch sort of explaining what the idea of the book is which is very much about the snacks but also about kind of where your food comes from for me personally there's quite a lot of memoir in it about you know my dad cooking when i was a little boy and through writing the book i've realized how quite how much of the the food i've done on the videos has come from my childhood and uh and food memories but it seems to me like a much more manageable and practical cookbook cookbook than most cookbooks.

I've seen so many cookbooks.

I'll sit and read them like a novel, but I'll be like, I'm never fucking cooking anything out of that.

I'll look at the ingredients of like one.

I'm not doing that.

Yeah.

Because often you're like, I fancy cooking something tonight.

I'll grab whatever cookbook I've got.

Yeah.

Look at every single recipe.

Well, all of these are, I've got none of this in the house.

I don't know where I buy half of it from.

With your one, it's like, yeah, yeah.

Great.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

I'll cook all of this tonight.

There's one recipe that all you need is some sauerkraut with caraway seeds in, which sounds a bit obscure, but it's one jar.

You just need to go down to, you know, some international supermarket, buy a jar of that, then you can do the recipe.

Yeah.

I ordered a Reuben recently from somewhere and it didn't have sauerkraut in and I was very annoyed.

Is it even a Reuben without sauerkraut?

That's what I thought.

Yeah.

What was in it?

Two pretty thin slices of beef.

Like absolutely, I was I was pretty annoyed.

Now, you know, disclaimer, it was at a cinema.

Yeah.

what like a posh cinema yeah yeah i think it's a posh cinema but i still think if you're gonna put reuben on there it should be a reuben well i think once you've seen the images of your kind of american massive rubens deli rubens where it's three fingers thickness of pastrami or salt beef in there and then you buy one from a supermarket and it's like i think that cinema shouldn't be allowed to show when how he met sally ever again

first of all we always start with still a sparkling water well as we were discussing earlier about the bill kind of anxiety i would normally go for still water tap water yeah because i just think well you know i don't want to pay the money but because we're in this restaurant i'm not i'm going to go for sparkling and i'm going to go for a very particular sparkling which is uh it's some water that me and mrs egg had we're on holiday in grand canaria and we're in the capital and we we just had this it was just like the perfect glass of water i'm quite jealous of this straight away because um when we've done our menus in the past, which is twice now, the water course is the only one where I haven't felt like I've always sat down for where I had the best water and I can't think of anywhere.

So we end up hacking that course and just saying, Ed said Guinness once for his water course.

There's water in it.

So like, but

like, I've always been like, I would like to have like a best glass of water I've ever had.

And the fact that you've got that.

Well, it was, it was just one of those kind of like perfect storm of temperature sparkle.

So it was very, I think that different places they they go for you know some it's more effervescent whatever this was very lightly sparkling almost like half and half yeah yeah yeah a very gentle sparkle and a thing that's so important for me the thickness of the glass that is a big issue with beer and everything

you know what i mean like you want a thin really thin glass and it was it was an incredibly thin glass just perfect and we said to the wait waitress we said look this this is the best glass of water we've ever had she must have thought you're insane

i really do back into the kitchen just be like whatever you cook for these guys it's fine they're gonna love it they just told me it's the best glass of water they've ever had you really you really blow hot and cold with waiting staff george yeah you're either telling him it's the best glass of water you've ever had or you're right you're writing a letter to say they were too attentive

so yeah so that's the water there although

i'll see the first time you got one of those insulated metal flask bottles yeah and then you put cold water in it and then about three hours later you're still going to some of that water yeah that's something isn't it that feeling isn't it though it's like oh my god you want to get everyone around science come and try the water

i just thought of this it does feel good to like i'm sorry i was i was doing an impression of the person then at the time i wasn't telling you i've just thought of something oh i see it

i realized the way you looked back at me i was like oh no i've gone too fast from my impression into uh what my next thought words are your tool james words are my tool

ironically i couldn't think of what to say next after that words are my tool my point is, when you do that thing with the bottle of water, with the metal bottle of water, you do feel very, very pleased with yourself that you thought of it.

Yeah, you know what?

Slightly beating the system.

And that feeling is almost better than the feeling of hydration.

Yes.

No, it is.

It's all about beating the system, which is kind of goes back to the whole snack hacking thing.

It's all about kind of going, I'm in control here.

What else could you keep in that bottle?

Yeah, because that wouldn't be snack hacking, putting water in that bottle.

Scrambled burger.

If you put chocolate custard in there, tell you what, that's snack hacking.

I like to get a thermos and I like to cook sausages or put them in a thermos and take them to the cinema and then halfway through the film unscrew and you know

the cinema is peopled by people going

Someone's got someone's got hot sausages This has got to be a midweek daytime showing you are not going on a pack Saturday with a thermos full of sausages.

Oh, yeah, no, it's quite it's kind of end of the run What kind of films are you watching where a hot sausage is appropriate?

I mean, what film isn't appropriate for hot sauce?

When is a hot sausage from a thermos?

Yeah.

Are you just picking them out with your fingers, the hot sausages?

Well, we've had that before where we've used too narrow a neck on the thermos.

And it's been, yeah, yeah, and then you're shaking.

And then you're drinking the sausage

at the top.

Sausages sticking out like a deodent ball.

You roll that your arm bit.

Smelled like sausages all day.

So yeah, wide neck, you've got to go

considerably wider than the thermos.

we've done it before we put too many in and then it's then you can't yeah you know

yeah well family you know yeah yeah well i love a lot

that's what i love about your family because like you you all seem to be on the same page yeah well apart from mrs egg who wouldn't want the the meat sausages no she's got corn sausages vegetarian option yeah she's kind of she'd be like no you know you guys have the sausages i'll go sit up the other end of the cinema sit somewhere completely different away from the family that smell like hot sausages pop loves or bread pop loves or bread george egg pop loves or bread do you know i knew it was an

before you answer.

An announcement.

Yeah.

How many episodes of this podcast we've done now, Benito?

260-something.

That's the first time I've shouted pop-doms or bread, and it's made me fart.

Oh, wow.

Maybe it's the thought of the sausages.

As I shouted bread, I did a fart.

And it was forced out by me shouting and doing them.

The first time you said bread or the second time?

Oh, yeah, the first time.

But you still went in just as hard the second time.

Yes, because

I was trying to.

I was so worried that maybe people had heard the fart.

Would you just

keep on going?

Were you not worried that if you pushed even harder, you might squeeze the sausage at your thermos?

Maybe.

Maybe.

I was hoping that could be too small.

And it wouldn't come out.

So there you go.

It's a first of the popcorn.

It's a lot of first.

For these times of showing popular absorbed bread, but that's the first one.

It's a modest sized room, this as well.

Yeah,

let's hope he doesn't smell the pot sausages by the end.

We'll see.

Pop lobs or bread, George.

Well, here's the thing.

I think you know what I'm going to say.

Well, I guess you're going to say bread, or you've got a hack where you got both of them.

No, I'm going to say, I'm going to say bread because.

Where was the, in fact, that I think the last time.

I saw you on your birthday making bread.

Yeah.

Shall I say where?

Yeah.

E5 Bakehouse.

E5 Bakehouse having a, for your birthday, somebody got it for you for your birthday.

My daughter, who works works at E5,

at the time of recording.

Yeah.

You never know what she might have done between now and then.

Yeah, she's a baker.

And I said I would love to, because I love bacon bread anyway.

Obviously, I love bacon bread, cause I do.

And she said,

I'll organise you to do a stage, which is, you know, when you go and basically chef for free in a...

in a food establishment.

So I went and got there early in the morning and we spent the day baking bread.

And James came in and came backstage i did they let me in backstage we're gonna say happy birthday to george and i could see all that and all the you could meet meet all the bread i met all the bread we tried to get you to have a go with the bread but you were you were bread shy you were dough shy i wouldn't do it why not man i don't i just i i it is a it is a very high my history of bacon is not good

i don't touch it do you know it is quite uh intimidating the dough yeah in e5 because the quantities are insane because east london it's like sort of cotton attitude here

Yeah.

You were doing a good job, man.

You were doing a good job.

I loved it.

I absolutely loved it.

I mean,

before I started doing the cooking on stage shows, I had this real, because I was doing stand-up for years before that, kind of more conventional stand-up.

I had this real thing where I thought, I'm going to, I'm going to stop doing stand-up altogether and I'm going to do something in the culinary world, like, you know, have a cafe or whatever, something like that.

And then I started doing the onstage cooking and realized, oh, watch, I can do both.

But I think I could work in a bakery.

I'd be happy going in every day doing the the same thing.

It's meditative.

You feel like you're creating something

of value.

You know, it's not intense.

It's just, yeah, it's fantastic.

Was there something about bread?

Because that is such a staple food for so many people that making it feel sort of...

Oh, it's quite...

It's like integrity.

It's in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that the right word?

Also, it's only when I met your daughter that I realized your surname isn't actually Egg.

Yeah, I know.

Because I always assumed it was.

Meg Egg.

And then your daughter's called Meg.

And I was like, there's absolutely no way.

That is mad that that is the first time you thought that egg might not be George's real name.

I met a guy called Paul Foot.

But

there are real eggs out there.

I've had people find me on social media and say, I found another egg.

Yeah.

This is how I'm doing my family egg tree.

So what's the particular type of bread you want then for your, because I know you're George Egg, you're not going to just want bread in general.

Well, here's the thing.

So I want to give a shout out to, I suppose, Honourable Muncheons, that's what we say, isn't it?

Yeah.

To white sliced bread with margarine and cress.

And I tell you why that is, because when I was in nursery school, we grew cress.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

As we all do.

Yeah.

And I will never forget the sensation of having, and when we finished growing it, it took about a week or so.

And then we cut it down and we had white bread and it would have been been margarine thickly spread and then we cut the put the cress in and just the sensation of having that it's just you know it's the ratatouille you know critic that's very

needs moment but that's not the bread i'm choosing i'm choosing e5 bread because it's it's such incredibly good bread and because i've been there and i've made it and my daughter makes it and you know it's great bread i know it's great I know it's great.

I mean, they featured on my first dream menu did here.

I think my side dish was the roast carrots there.

When I came and met you backstage, I also met the person who made the carrots wow but did you talk to the carrots yes i talked to them i said thank you so much i said will we be because that you know for those people who don't know e5 the menu changes every day it's a different lunch every day so you know i very pathetically went will we be seeing those carrots again anytime soon

well you never know james's life is going to restaurants and asking people who work there when isn't a menu item coming back but that is that is the worst though isn't it it's yeah thing of when things here's something i want them to bring back yeah i don't like uh mortlaf serene mortlaf there

is i there is a thing you can do there's a recipe in the book where you you microwave it and add butter and then it turns almost into like kind of sort of sticky choppy pudding it's amazing but briefly uh serene did a like a cereal bar called the go bar

stopped doing it it's gone can't get it anymore but you loved it it was just it was so good it was kind of maltise serene but it was it was like a flapjack and yeah it was just it was heavenly but if you met the people from serene yeah would you go oh please bring back the go bar oh i i really would do you know i've thought i've actually thought about writing to them of course you have how do you how do you think the people at serene would apologize to you well i

oh

if they just went we apologize

you'd be like it oh guys

he's right there we are multi sorry

come on

i i went to uh the french in Manchester recently, which I've shouted out on the podcast before.

I love it.

And their bread changes pretty regularly.

They get it from Pullen Bakery in Manchester, and they did a malt loaf sourdough hybrid.

And it was so good with beer butter.

Oh, wow.

Beer butter.

Yeah.

Wow.

And or beef butter.

Actually.

Actually,

as I said, beer butter, I was like, that's not right.

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Let's get into your menu proper, George, your dream starter.

Well, am I allowed an amuse bouche?

Yeah.

People have had amuse bouche.

Yeah, yeah, you're allowed one.

Well, Jenny tried to introduce it as a format point for a while.

Yeah.

I tried to, but it was me telling them what the amuse bouche was because, you know, I thought it was an amuse bouche.

But also, I call it amused bouche because I didn't know at that point it was amuse bouche.

I really did embarrass myself.

But I mean, it amuse is amused, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

I'd I'd think so.

Yeah, but your bouche, it's an amuse bouche

before you've eaten it.

But it's amused, it's an amused bouche.

After.

After.

I see.

Or you have an amused

amused bouche.

But please, of course you're allowed an amuse bouche.

We would expect nothing less from the snack hacker.

Here's to hack the menu.

I thought

one thing I contemplated was because I'm always crippled by choice in restaurants.

And I was contemplating saying, well, could you just order for me?

Wow.

Because I've started doing that If I've gone somewhere with someone who I trust

and just saying, look, you know, wow, it's out of my hands.

And that's never gone wrong for you?

No, it's always better.

I couldn't imagine ever relinquishing that control.

I can't imagine that.

I'm often the person who has to order for everyone.

But I'll tell you what happens, George, is what happens.

Yeah.

So be at the table with my wife will be there inevitably.

She doesn't, she follows me around.

Well,

listen to the joy in the world.

Inevitably.

James might be there.

Yeah.

James's partner, you know, other friends, whatever.

Big menu.

There's like, like you're ordering small plates or whatever.

Oh, I like the sound of this.

I like the sound of this.

I'd be like, oh, yeah.

They go, you just order Ed, you just order.

I go, fine, I'm going to order.

But you've said I can order now.

So I'll start ordering.

Then they start throwing stuff in.

They go, oh, no, but we'd like, but directly to me, even though the person stood there.

Yeah, I probably I would probably be guilty of that.

I like the idea of someone ordering for me, but I probably would say

it's infuriating.

It's inferior.

It's it's too much fun to do it to him.

I would like you to order for me, though.

Yeah.

No, I mean mean, like in real life, somewhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But make sure you throw stuff in

or throwing stuff in that I've already ordered as well.

That's that's fucking annoying.

Yeah, sometimes you want two of them.

Well, you want enough for everyone.

You got a big, big gang, you know.

I haven't uh thought, I'm thinking now.

I'm suddenly thinking about the um the secret ingredient.

Oh, yeah, I'm worried about that.

Yeah, you don't need to worry about that, okay?

Good.

You do.

We have chosen

you should worry.

What it is, is it is uh what i i don't know if it's uh just to my my family calls it a bit of each that's what we would call when you're having a full english breakfast yeah and you have on your fork a little bit of every element yeah yeah and when i was a little boy my dad did most of the cooking at home and and occasionally we would have a uh a full english breakfast for dinner which is just such a that's joyous it's just the best isn't it messes with your head in the best way yeah no absolutely i didn't even know this was a thing until the podcast until until we interviewed jess phillips and i couldn't get my my head around it.

Do you know what else I like?

Non-breakfast items for breakfast.

Curry for breakfast?

Yeah.

When I go overseas to gig, I will, you know, I'll have the...

Went to Hong Kong with some other acts and they were having the

sort of British

Western breakfast, which was pre-milked cornflakes.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

And they were going, oh, they're all soft.

And it's like, well, don't get the, don't get their idea of what, you know, get

what people in Hong Kong eat.

Yeah.

Which is some unusual kind of rice porridge thing with fish flakes on but it was great yeah i told you when when i was in japan the last time on the breakfast buffet in a hotel we were in there was the japanese breakfast and the western breakfast and the western breakfast was uh spaghetti carbonara

I like that.

It's got a lot of money.

They've got bacon and egg.

Absolutely.

Now I'm thinking.

Let's get back to this amuse bouche.

Amuse bouche is a bit of each, but it's a bit of each from

So now my full English order would be very different to what it was.

So when I was small in the 70s or 80s, probably around like the early 80s, this would be.

A bit of each would be bacon with rind on it, which I'd have to cut the rind off because I didn't like that.

A bit of sausage, flat mushroom, egg.

Of course, I wouldn't have the tomato.

It was a bit of a fussy boy, so I didn't like the tomato on the plate.

It was too wobbly in the skin and chokey and everything else.

And then fried bread.

Amazing.

So that would be my bit of each then now you know it would be very different so i don't i actually am undecided whether it would be a bit of each from then or a bit of each now which is going to include you know your black pudding and your hash browns and well we could get you a really long fork for this amoose bouch how long or two forks or two forks i think amoose bouche we can set it up it'd look really nice actually like because it wouldn't be like full length forks so like like half length forks but they cross like that like an x and one's got bit of each past yeah and one's got a bit of each present.

There's going to be some crossover.

I suppose that's where they cross over.

Yeah.

Because that's where you've got.

So we've got black pudding, we've got hash brown.

Any other new elements that you want to put on there?

Not beans.

You don't want just a little bean on each prong?

Thank you, George.

I don't like beans on a full English breakfast.

Thank you.

Unless I'm on a ferry.

Imagine if I agreed with that.

But it just feels like...

I always say that.

Correct.

You know what I mean?

A ferry, like you're getting a ferry to France.

Yeah.

And there's something about, I don't know, certain environments on a ferry in a youth hostel dining room what you you're not beans you're you're old man

what what what are you doing what are you doing in the youth hostel as a child oh yeah fair enough youth hosteling holidays yeah yeah yeah fair enough that's what you're talking about now although you don't have to be a youth just

you don't you you can stay in a youth hostel as a as a grown-up as well

Youth hosteling is going to come with you later on, anyway.

Yeah, I think beans in a supermarket, cafe, youth hostel, dining room and ferry.

That's the only time it's allowed.

That's the only time it's allowed.

Not on this bit of each.

No way.

This bit of each sounds delicious.

Are you...

Sauce?

What are you doing?

I'm guessing you're going to have two splodges on the plate, one ketchup, one HP.

Do you know, at the moment, I'm really into my hot sauce.

I'm kind of

entertaining the room of my plate with a sort of spectrum of brown sauce, ketchup, various different hot sauces, salad cream.

Salad cream?

Yeah.

I say hot.

I mean, I'm a hot sauce guy.

It's going nowhere near a full English for me.

Just a little bit.

It's got to be brown.

It's rumbling now.

I'm thinking about that.

It happens.

James has farted already this episode, haven't you?

My butt's rumbling.

I really like salad cream with a full English.

Really?

Well, it's, do you know what I call it?

White ketchup.

But it is.

It's, it would be good, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

It's vinegary.

It's sugary.

Yeah.

I mean, it's literally tomato ketchup without the tomatoes, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And I don't think tomato ketchup really tastes of tomatoes.

No, it doesn't.

It's a taste of vinegar and sugar.

Well, let's let you into a little secret before we get on to your starter because you're worried about saying the secret ingredient.

You've not said your secret ingredient, but.

Did I get near it?

Obviously, the first suggestion we had for secret ingredient was egg because of your surname.

That would have been so hard.

It would have been hard.

We decided it would be unfair.

But if we had done it, you'd be out on your amusement.

What was your dream starter?

When me and my brother were teenagers,

we did this little few years where we did walking holidays and we would stay in youth hostels and we'd walk between them and, you know, hiking.

And we'd get exhausted.

And on the way home, we would always get the train back to London and we would treat ourselves to a British Rail microwave burger.

Oh, God.

And it was awful.

Of course it was.

So these days with the microwave burgers, when you get them, they suggest that you toast the bun separately, you microwave the the burger itself blah blah blah you know and it and the it's actually a more kind of realistic simulation of a of a half decent yeah burger can be but in those days when they when they first did them on the buffet car on the intercity train it would be the whole thing in a polystyrene box all microwaved so the bottom bun would be like hard like cardboard and then you have this hot burger and the cheese is just completely fused and the ketchup's boiling and then the top bun is steamed as well so it's all wet and which is now a thing everyone's steaming the buns But anyway, we'd have that with a can of bitter.

And we were only like 15, but you could just,

you know, those were the days.

And

it was just sensational.

And it was just, it was so welcome.

You made that sound disgusting, Dodge.

You imagine if you're 15 and you've walked, you know, three days, kind of three or four days, 25 miles a day, and you've been knackered and you've got on the train, you can't go home.

And you're hungry, you want someone to eat.

Yeah.

You get that.

And actually, it just hit the spot.

Yeah, but anything would.

Yeah, Yeah, but that did.

Yeah, yeah.

But that was what you did.

You had the routine of it.

Yeah, but it was that.

Yeah, it was that.

But it was that was what.

Fair point was the thing.

Fair point.

But here's the thing.

So then, so I, so that, that was like an amazing memory of having that.

And, and, and I hadn't, hadn't had one for decades.

And then when I did my first Edinburgh, I was coming back from doing my, uh, my tech and it was all knack and I'd driven there the same day and, and heading back to my digs and I went into a supermarket and I just thought I'm going to I thought I'm going to get a rusted because I knew there was a microwave in the accommodation and we didn't have a microwave at home.

So I thought I'm just going to troll and I was exhausted and then got in, can a beer, didn't read the instructions, put the whole thing straight in the microwave.

And it was again that Ratatouille Anton ego moment of taking a bite and going, I'm 15, I'm on the train again.

Say one of them, please.

But it's got to be from circa 88, 89.

Do you want the British Rail?

It's got to be the British Rail and it's got to be in the polystyrene box.

I mean, maybe even I'm, you know, jiggling about because I'm on the intercity.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We can put you on a train carriage for kind of stone's bitter.

Stone's bitter.

Yeah.

Bottom bun, solid like cardboard.

Chewy.

Soggy top bun.

Soggy top bun.

I mean, like.

Boiling ketchup.

Yeah.

Boiling ketchup,

like cheese welded.

Do you let it cool down before you start eating it?

Or do you just, do you or your brother just tuck into them straight away?

We would tuck into them straight away.

Yeah.

You would inevitably have to be sipping the beer at the same time.

Yeah.

You would get, that would cool it down and then you'd swallow.

Occasionally you'd do, you wouldn't have enough beer and you'd, and you'd swallow too early.

Yeah.

And you'd have a kind of locket of boiling hot, the puck of burger

behind the ribs, next to the heart, next to my heart.

The Snack Hacker by George Egg is available via Blink Publishing.

Well, do you know what?

Do you know what?

Here's the thing.

And I'm not going to do this to all of them.

I'm not, George.

But no, here's the thing.

Listen,

in the book, I have recreated that by making a burger.

It's like an inside-out burger.

So you flip the bun and you taste the outsides and it's squashed down.

And there's a beer and mushroom sauce.

That sounds nice.

That sounds lovely.

That sounds fun.

You're picking the British Rail burger.

Not picking that delicious sounding burger that you make.

I'm picking the British Rail Burger for this.

Yes.

For the memory.

Because you want to be with your brother on the other side.

What would you and your brother talk about on the train while eating these burgers?

Clugging the bitter.

I don't know because

we had quite strict rules.

We said no walkmans when we did the walking autolus.

We thought, you know, we want to all be chatting.

I think we were kind of talked out by then.

We would have talked the whole time.

We would sing songs from the BBC Radio Lord of the Rings when we were walking.

I absolutely love the idea of 15-year-olds going, no walkmans.

It's a time for conversation.

Yeah,

wholesome.

It was wholesome.

No, and then but yes so we did a lot of talking on the holiday so my memory of the train was snoozing eating britch royal burger drinking cans of stones yeah and then going how much more we got we've got another two hours yeah i can't wait to get home to my walkman yeah intelligent yeah

Your dream main course, George Ag?

So when the kids were small, we used to, my kids are all grown up.

That's why my daughter works in a bakery.

Yes.

She's half a child.

Child labourer for the listener.

MAGA

scenario.

But when they were small, we used to do a lot of camping holidays and we'd go to France.

And we found this campsite really near to Dieppe, a place called, it's pronounced,

it's just spelled EU.

And it's really difficult to find because as soon as you Google it, you just get stuff all about the EU.

We've left that now, yeah.

Which is a shame.

But when, in fact, that's that's...

If you ask for directions, where do you want to go?

We're fine.

It said in the book it said pronounced as a grunt.

That's exactly what I said

But anyway, yeah, so we found that we found this

this campsite lovely municipal campsite where you didn't it's quite basic and you didn't get you didn't get any other British people there, which is always a bonus.

Yeah, you know,

you know, it's someone going come

and have barbecue with us.

All right.

No, I've got a firmness full of sausages.

They're still hot.

Yeah.

Don't need that.

And I've other beans on the ferry.

And what we would have, and we still recreate it at home, is it's a camping dinner that we, of French sausages.

So, you know, you get the long, the long chipolatas in France, which I always am fascinated how they don't, because they're clearly proper intestines or whatever.

They're not like, you know, whatever the...

And have you noticed?

So many supermarket sausages now have in nice places.

It's all the kind of the fake collagen.

They're all for.

You can't squeeze the insides out.

They break up.

The sausage skin.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

by the by but in france you get the long ones they stay straight they don't curl don't know how they do that anyway so barbecued long french chipolatas lentils from a tin tinned lentils and tinned french beans which have a taste that's so evocative of holidays and you know potatoes cooked the the the the beans and the lentils cooked with cider oh wow And then you get to drink the cider so I get extra drink because then I'm just because there's the ciders left.

So I can have that.

that's not my drink it's just there we've already given you a tin of bitter on a train I think you're yeah oh I didn't want the tin of bitter with my with my starter are you joking actually no you need that to cool it down otherwise you're not gonna be able to taste the rest of this dream meal because you lost all the skin from your tongue and your mouth eviscerated

isn't that the worst when you do have a bite of something hot and then you immediately know when you you touch the roof of your mouth with

first bite oh great

well this is me for a while yeah days isn't it it?

Yeah.

Not even the meal.

Yeah, yeah.

Awful.

Brushing your teeth and catching it.

So that's the main, that's the main.

We're camping in France and we've got, and it's the sausages with the tinned lentils with Dijon mustard in with the lentils and cider in with the lentils and tinned potatoes.

You know what I love?

How often sausages have popped up in the menu already?

Yeah, you love sausages, man.

Yeah, they have, haven't they?

Yeah, but sausages are great.

Yeah, yeah, they are good.

So it's the lentils, potatoes.

Got me tinned lentils.

Tinned beans as well, tinned French beans, which just like, you know, they're like a paste.

But there's the flavour of the tinned flavour that just works.

And cooked in cider as well.

Cooked inside.

So put those in a pan and then put some cider and bubble that down.

I'd fry some onions first.

Yeah.

Fry some onions and garlic.

And then I'd put the cider and let that bubble down.

And then I'd put the tinned, the

lentils and the beans.

Yeah.

And then let that cook.

And then add a little bit of...

Dijon mustard at the end.

It's that simple.

Amazing.

Loads of parsley.

Do you ever give this dish a name?

Because if you cooked it so regularly,

people could come up with i think we'd call that the holiday dinner yeah something like that maybe

vibes slightly but it's more like brown lentils small brown lentils so it's not like the big you know and it's not tomatoey it's so good you could have called it din uh

yeah yeah to stop trying halfway through the word but doesn't food when you have food outside yeah it makes everything feel a bit more special doesn't it especially if you've cooked it it just tastes different it definitely tastes different when the kids were small we had this book called tastes and smells that has this

little rhyming couplets yeah it's just got this bit which says ham is hammier jam is jammier i love it but it is so true isn't it i love that you were reading that to your kids yeah and they were just like yeah yeah yeah and you were like i love this book

poetry ham is hammier jam is jammier and they're like yeah yeah yeah or whatever all right this is the fifth time you've read this yeah yeah stop reading us this book are there any other memories from those kind of holidays that you have that like are food related well i mean i I love going to France.

Yeah.

My highlight of going to France, I do like going to like a proper French market, but my highlight, well, in fact, my highlight of going abroad anyway is going to a supermarket.

Just love shopping in a foreign supermarket.

And I think probably one of the biggest highlights is seeing what different flavor crisps they've got.

Yeah.

Always a big moment when you're in a country you've not been to before to see what wacky crisps are going on.

Yeah.

I got some given to us.

Our neighbours went on holiday to France, came back a couple of days ago.

They gave me, I haven't tried them yet.

Guess what flavor they are?

Go on.

Oh,

let's guess.

You could even do it like 20 questions.

James loves guessing games, so this is.

We have a game that we play

called No.

Tony the Hole.

I'll give you a clue.

Yeah.

France.

It's a French thing.

Snails.

No, but

I'll try those.

No.

Confy duck.

Do you want to narrow it down by saying, is it sweet or savory, or do you want to just guess?

We've already started to narrow it down.

Krepes.

Krepsuzette.

No.

This is going to take you.

Should I tell you?

No.

Pana chocolate.

No.

Croisson?

No.

Pana raisin?

No.

Is it savoury?

Do you know what?

I'm not really sure.

Why did you offer that?

Do you not want to narrow it down sweet and savory and then you're not sure?

Well, I'll tell you what, that really narrows down.

That really narrows it down if.

I'm 51.

That narrows it down, doesn't it?

If you don't know if it, if sure, if I don't know if it's sweet or savory.

Yeah, yeah.

That narrows it down more than me saying yes or no.

Yes.

Come on, Ed.

No, I'm enjoying watching you struggle.

Shall I give you another clue?

Bon Bons.

What?

No, they're definitely sweet, aren't they?

Should I give you another clue?

Yeah.

A drink.

It's a kind of not sweet.

Cafe a la.

No.

Very French.

Much more French.

A booze drink.

Martini.

It's a French booze drink.

Daiquiri.

Spirit.

Cognac.

Like a pair of tooth.

You dab it with water.

Oh, what's it called?

The anise, you want.

Yeah, pastis.

pastis pastis pastis flavoured crisps wow george i don't even heard it

you know you're like perno you know you have perno and then you have some water and it goes and it's like magic because it's clear and then you have water which is also clear and then it's all cloudy i don't know that i love it i love the sound of it it's very aniseedy yeah i don't want crisps well i'm intrigued yeah yeah i mean i love aniseed in other things i love aniseed flavor with pork you love

there's a lot of the um snack hacker stuff you put licorice in you made some licorice buns was it like some i made some licorice pancakes so i did pancakes with blackcurrant jam and then i got like a panda licorice bar and grated it like parmesan oh wow and it's like blackcurrant licorice sweets yeah yeah yeah on a pancake and then you dust it with icing sugar and then grate more on top after it's all rolled up oh beautiful my favorite thing to do in foreign supermarkets is to try and find some products that are rude in english yeah that's good like finding some cereal called cum and stuff and do you photograph it or do you buy it photograph it normally i very rarely want to eat a bowl of um cum

What about if it's been pre-milked?

Hack that snack, George.

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Your dream side dish, George.

I haven't chosen it yet.

I've got two choices, and I've got to decide now.

Should I tell you what they're between, or should I just decide?

Tell us what they're between.

Yeah, I think so.

We might have...

No, I'm just going to tell you what I'm going for.

No, no, tell me, I thought it was between.

The one I've decided not to go for is too cool.

Well, it's just macaroni cheese, but I love it in so many permutations.

Like I love a lobster macaroni cheese.

Well, listen.

Do you want me to offer you this?

People have hacked the menu before by having a pasta course before the main course.

I think you could, especially in the snack hacker world, a lobster mac and cheese would be a pasta course.

Thank you.

I've still got to decide because it's between,

here's the choices for the mac and cheese.

Well, first of all,

how do you feel about mac and cheese as opposed to macaroni cheese?

Because I was brought up calling it macaroni cheese.

Mac and cheese has become the thing and it still irks me slightly.

And I think, come on, mac and cheese to me is the modern one where there's stuff added to it

and it's got a crust on the top.

Macaroni cheese to me is like a big glob of it.

Oh, it's all runny.

A big glob of it all runny.

Yeah, crispy top.

Yeah, that to me is macaroni cheese.

Also, I would say every time I have mac and cheese, I'm excited about it.

I love the idea of it because I love cheese.

I love Mac.

I've never really had a macaroni cheese that I've been like, that was as good as my image of macaroni cheeses in my head.

I have.

And it was

about it, brother.

It was his fault.

Hello.

Well, not his fault.

His

JP Take has to hear his suggestion.

So when I went to New York the first time, I knew that he likes food.

He, the genie over there.

Hello.

And I texted him and I said, can you give me some food recommendations for New York?

I mean, it's probably going to end up being Ed's fault this because there's probably somewhere that Ed originally recommended to me.

Well, first of all, it was the most comprehensive list I've ever had.

Well done.

Thank you.

Honestly, there must have been about 30 suggestions.

Fantastic.

Yeah, it's fantastic.

And one of them was Smack.

Yes.

Oh, so actually, this is Henry Whitticom's fault.

Oh, okay.

Henry Whitticom recommended this to me, and I passed it on to you.

Well, what a place.

Have you been there?

Yeah, I went there with my mum and my girlfriend.

It's just the best.

I love how scrubby it is.

I just want to James said that like it made him sound really cool

yeah i went there with my mum and my girlfriend

doing pretty well with the ladies

it's two different people by the way

what is

so that mac and cheese the one i i so i've been there a few times yeah to smack uh and the best one i had was the that had big hunks of like big fat bacon you know like real chunks crispy oh my god so that but then also case of spatzer which i just love and i had i did a show in germany did the show and then after the show it was just lovely it's so like that

in europe which it isn't here or or you know

other places where i've where i've done a lot of comedy uh at the end of the show the audience all goes and they get these big long like you know oktoberfest tables and benches and these catras come in and put all these big dishes on the on the stage and everyone eats and there was this casia spatzler which is just i i love it and i try and recreate it so it's basically mac and cheese but it's got a macaroni cheese It's got a crispy top, though.

So maybe it's mac and cheese, but it's not acacia spatzler.

And you've got this seam in the middle of slow-cooked onions.

Oh, yeah.

Like, you know, like kind of

total caramelised, like French onion soup onions.

Wow.

And then it's, and it's like noodles rather than

rather than.

They're like still, are they tubes still?

No, they're like the way they make the spatzler, which is their noodles, I believe it's like a batter.

And they, I think they pour it through a kind of sieve or a colander straight into the boiling water.

And then it's so you get these kind of ragged, sort of noodly things that are only about kind of six, seven inches long.

And then that's all with the cheese sauce and then the onions.

So is that what you want as your as your side dish?

I can't decide.

Can you choose for me out of those two?

I have to choose, don't I?

Well, oh, so you're deciding between these two for your pasta.

I'm going to go for the smack one because it was so good.

And I love the scrubbiness of the place and the look.

And they've got sachets in there.

You like sachets?

Sachetes or what?

Sachetes or hot sauce.

I love

collecting sachets and keeping them about my person so I can hack a snack.

You can hack a snack on the fly

whenever nature calls.

And they had in Smack, they had these little sachets of Louisiana hot sauce and

Guedens mustard, spicy mustard, it's called.

Yeah, you got a whole like...

Well, you got a bag, a jiffy bag of those, you got a tub of those, a bag of

untold.

I mean, like, yeah, it's just so much, like, like too much for a for a jiffy bag yeah and such a variety my my other daughter zoe went to japan recently and came back with sachets of cupie oh wow how about that yeah yeah yeah and also really weird god i know you're an easy dad to get presents for aren't you

i agree

from a burger van honestly i was saying find me find me she went to the food district in tokyo and she got these it's like it's margarine and some kind of bean paste

in one well it's like a double sachet and then you snap the top and both like aral diet like what aral diet you know the the glue that's two parts that you squeeze it together and then you squeeze the two out yeah how about that i haven't tried them yet love it you can put them on your licorice crisps it might work yeah yeah

i tell what i'm doing for my side so when when i did my first edinburgh i stayed with our mutual friend john robbins yes and who also collects sachets of sauce and has them

and who also it rarely happens, you are now, I guess, on the podcast, and you cooked one of the dishes on John's Dream menu.

I did, didn't I?

Yeah, that must have warmed your heart to hear that.

It really did, actually.

Must have felt good.

Well, they got it a little bit wrong.

If you got the muffin,

but it doesn't matter.

No, it does matter.

But it should be in a muffin, like a kind of McDonald's thing.

But anyway, and I was staying with another mutual friend, Mr.

Matthew Crosby.

Oh, yeah.

And I cooked a meal for them one night and I made this salad that I made every day pretty much that festival.

So I was using various ingredients in my show, like anchovies, which once they were open, I didn't want to use them, you know, too many, like, you know, too many shows.

So I was eating them, the ingredients afterwards as well.

And I made this salad that I call my Edinburgh salad because it's from the first year I was there.

And it was loads of stuff from Liddle, because that was just around the corner from where I was performing.

And it was sort of bitter leaves, kind of, well, like just a bag of salad leaves, cherry tomatoes, anchovies, torn-up mozzarella, black olives, avocado, torn-up cured ham, red onion, red chili, lemon or lime, mint, dill, and basil, because I was using all of those in the show.

Oh, wow.

And then just a little bit of olive oil.

Beautiful.

It sounds like a very tasty salad.

It's nice.

It's busy and it's bright and it's colourful.

And also it's that kind of thing of when you're at Edinburgh and you're eating unhealthily, hence the rustlers.

Yeah.

Something like that makes you, you know.

But also crucially, in Edinburgh, I find, and actually I eat healthy in Edinburgh now, but if I'm on a run run of eating unhealthy stuff, I can't go straight from that to pure salad.

My body can't take it.

Oh, yeah.

I go into shock.

So I have to have cheese in it.

Yeah.

Oh, well, this salad, if you took away the leaves,

it's still a meal.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's substantial.

Yeah, I remember discovering those salads probably as a teenager.

I'd seen them on menus.

I've been like, hold on a sec.

Yeah.

There's like just a load of fried chicken in a salad.

Should I tell you what I've remembered that I want to have in my restaurant?

Yeah.

A cat.

Yeah.

Well,

I find the whole restaurant environment quite, I don't know.

Stuffy.

I hate, well, I hate going to restaurants by myself, which you do when you're on the road.

Yeah.

You find?

I love it.

I love it.

Do you?

Yeah.

See, I'm in and out too quick and I look at my phone the whole time.

I can't.

That's right.

I like it, I think.

You should make me walking.

You're in and out quickly.

Yeah.

No phones, no Watman.

I love looking at my phone.

I like being in and out quick, but I don't like looking at my phone, but I still look at my phone and I know what you mean.

But maybe you should just have the rule like you did with your brother what no phones yeah restaurant no phones no wartman's so you can talk to yourself sing order the wings yourself or whatever

whatever you need to do i'm not going to sing in a restaurant so you'd like a cat in the restaurant yeah i think that would make it really homely yeah you know when there's you know like a cat in a shop yeah yeah yeah or a cat in a pub pub cats are great pub cats are great my daughter meg the baker

when she was at school They had a school cat.

Wow.

Oh, that's nice.

And I think it was a stray that just wandered in and then everyone was like, yeah, that's fine.

And it would wander in out of classrooms.

It was just, and even at, you know, change of lesson time when the corridors are just

full of kids.

Did Meg go to Hogwarts?

Like a Hogwarts thing.

She went to Hogwarts, yeah.

Meg Egg is a

name of someone who would go to Hogwarts.

Yeah, absolutely.

Meg Egg from Hufflepuff?

Would she be Hufflepuff?

Yeah, Meg Egg would.

I don't know what that means.

You know Meg Egg better than us.

What does she value?

By the way, Hufflepuff.

Well, they value loyalty above all else.

Is it like bravery for Gryffindor?

But is it like horoscopes where whatever one you choose, people are going, oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, it's me.

No, no, because this is like a made-up world.

So they, like, they

can just have it be true.

Yeah, yeah, no, it's not.

I mean, I don't know, maybe there is.

I haven't actually read the Harry Potter book, so I don't know if there's a chapter in it where some of them are going, you know, that that hat just says whatever when you put it on, and it's and you just believe it because it's just basically just describing anyone.

You're not in really in slivering house, you know.

Do you believe in that shit?

your dream drink george so in brighton there used to be a restaurant called silo that has since moved to london yes and i haven't been to it since it moved to london but when it was in brighton when it first opened they had this drink it was very hipster when it first opened it was toe-curlingly hipster you know it was like all the drinks were in recycled jam jars that kind of thing it was a bit like

but they had this drink called elderflower ebulus that was made apparently by a Brighton-based fermenting, they made a lot of kombucha called the Old Tree Brewery.

And they don't do it anymore.

But it was kind of, I don't really know what it was.

It was sort of somewhere between homemade elderflower wine and beer.

It was slightly kombucha.

It had a kick.

It was probably about 5%, 6%.

Cloudy,

looked like pastis.

Yeah.

Cloudy, kind of greeny colour.

Heavenly.

And was that in a jam jar?

It was served in a jam jar, big one and uh yeah it's heavenly and then they stopped doing it and then you could buy it from the old tree brewery and now the old tree brewery has stopped doing it disaster but in lockdown do you want me to step in and ask them if they can put it

yeah but what did i do in lockdown you wrote you you had to snack you made you made it you made it you made some i made a barrel of it wow yeah did it taste the same or better or um it was close enough it wasn't exactly the same i didn't know how they did it so i made i basically followed a recipe for elderflower champagne is what it's called.

And it's like the lazy way of doing it.

So you just, you just mix sugar, elderflower, you basically make elderflower cordial and add yeast and then let it ferment.

So it's cloudy and it goes fizzy.

And I did it in like a brewer's barrel.

So it's got a valve on it so it wouldn't explode.

Yeah.

And for the first third of the barrel, it was quite sweet.

And then it carried on fermenting.

So by the end, it was incredibly dry.

Wow.

And it knocked your socks off.

Yeah.

Socks gone.

And my son, who

God, how connected is this?

Jem, who's designed the book, the Snow Becker book.

It's all his illustrations in there.

He designed a label

because we were idlers, lockdowns, things like that.

He designed a label for the barrel for the little circle on it

that said Elderflower Ebulis.

That's sort of like with our version.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah.

You say now, I haven't thought about Elderflower champagne for decades.

When you said it just now,

look, my mum listens to every episode.

So mum, you're going to have to text me and tell me if this memory is true or if I've made it up in my head.

But my mum used to make elderflower champagne at home.

I remember once being at home and then just hearing this, like a series of like

really loud noises.

And then

in the garage, all the tops were popping off the elderflower champagne.

So the fizz had got too much inside the bottles.

Was it just the tops or were there the actual stuff

was coming out of it?

Oh, no, no, they weren't.

The last didn't break, but like.

Just the tops.

That's a memory I have that my mum will have to text me and let me know.

I think it's likely because that is definitely a thing.

So the recipe that I followed was from a book guy, a guy called John Wright, who's the sort of forager guy from River Cottage.

And he writes so well, really recommend his books.

And he talks about making it the kind of cavalier way.

And his lovely story about a guy who had made a load of elderflower champagne bottles.

They were in his garage, in his shed, and all but two of them exploded.

And he was so scared to go in there, he borrowed an air rifle off a friend to take the last two out

isn't that great

your dream dessert george and i'm hoping because i quite fancy something sweet at the minute and i'm hoping that it's something that um like is nearby that i can i can hack i can hack i can do a snack hack yeah can you see dessert from that you're looking to the side well yes there's shops out there i'm looking at the windows we're in a good area for food though so i'm looking if if there's a if there's a sweet snack hack that george has got it is i mean it is a snack hack but it's it's a my mum snack hack it's not something you could do now you can do it at home but because it's not pc

where since the 80s yeah uh in the 80s

you couldn't do this now so for the listeners this was uh when uh thatcher was in i imagine this is my mum's uh homemade brown bread ice cream yes now you've done this on the channel i've done it it always always looks delicious.

It reminds me of something.

Someone did a similar thing for me once.

It is so good.

I'm very glad you've picked this because you did it as an ice cream sandwich as well at one point.

I did it as, yeah, just to put a photo up.

So in the in the book.

Yeah.

I keep saying in the book.

I keep saying it quietly as well.

Well, only because I felt like that was going to be kind of going, oh, in the book, this, in the book, that, but you know what I mean?

You're here to talk about the book as well.

Yeah, but I mean, it is in the book.

So my mum was not a very good cook at all.

My dad did all the cooking, pretty much most of the cooking.

But she did two desserts, like

kind of dinner party go-to desserts.

And one of them was awful.

And it was this kind of,

it's not really a trifle.

So she'd get Maryland cookies, soak them in sherry, and then they were sandwiched between whipped cream, almost like a caterpillar cake, and then covered in loads more whipped cream, and then covered in Cadbury's flake, crumbled up.

Okay, I'll say that now.

I want to eat it.

I'd eat it.

I would absolutely eat that.

I did eat it.

I ate loads of it.

Of course I did.

I was a little boy.

But it was too heavy on the sherry.

Yeah.

You know, it was like, I like a bit of booze in the dessert, but when it's

when it overwhelms.

To be fair,

as a little boy, you're not loving sherry.

Even now, I like sherry.

Yeah.

But I find if

you've got a dessert that's too heavy on the alcohol, I find it.

Yeah.

My palate, when it comes to desserts, is quite infantile.

I like, you know, I'm a milk chocolate guy and not a

not a dark chocolate.

Yeah, fair enough.

Maybe even white chocolate, blonde, blonde chocolate.

That's the new one, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

But yeah, so that was one of the desserts.

And the other one was brown bread ice cream.

And then what I did is I thought it was quite nice would be to make the brownburd ice cream and then make ice cream sandwiches with the Maryland cookies so that then I'm kind of doing a little

bad bad dessert.

But the brownbroad ice cream that she used to make, and it's such a simple recipe, it's basically just wholemeal bread, crumbs, hazelnuts and Demerara sugar, which you toast.

till it's crunchy and then you make a a meringue of egg white and sugar and fold that into whipped cream and then fold everything together and freeze it and because it's whipped it's stable so it won't go crystally like you know so you don't have to churn it um and it's it tastes like it reminds me of um the cornetto with the hazelnuts on you know the the chocolate cornetto reminds me of that it reminds me of the inside of the IKEA diamond cake that slightly bready sugary you know yeah yeah that sounds great I tell you what else it tastes like one of my favorite things the Kinder Maxi king

talk me through the kinder maxi king I think I know what you're talking about kinda Maxi King is...

Hold on.

Is it on the...

Is it with the chocolate bars?

No.

I'm looking through the chocolate bars.

It's not there.

You can't remember.

I'll tell you where it is.

It's in the fridge.

But it isn't an ice cream.

It's one of those in-between.

So it's like a sort of whipped white, sort of sweet vanilla-y mousse covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.

And then it looks like it's like a tiny surfboard.

It's that shape.

And it's kept in the fridge and it's got a kind of core of caramel.

tasks.

I've got to get myself a Maxi King.

Honestly.

That's something we can get in the shop.

Here's the thing.

They're scarce.

Okay, thanks.

Great, thanks.

They're scarce.

They're not.

And here's where you can get them.

Supermarket in France.

Yeah, of course.

Of course.

Occasionally you get them in the UK, but they're not common.

Well, congratulations to our French listeners who are going to be going out and getting a Maxi King right now.

They're so good.

I was going to bring Maxi Kings with me.

to give you all at the end, but I couldn't find them.

And the shop that I was going to

was too far away from the station.

It would be too much of a detour.

And there's something else I want to have with the dessert, if I may, as a drink with the desserts part of it.

And it is the, because it's just, oh my God.

And it's another, I don't know, maybe it was you, maybe it was you through you recommendation in New York from the milk.

Is it just called milk?

Is it just called milk?

Yeah, mamafoku milk was originally wasn't it?

But anyway, it's their cereal milk latte.

I mean, all the, I've not had the latte.

The cereal milk milkshake is still one of the best things I've ever had.

Have you made their cereal milk?

No.

Very rarely do I make something.

You make stuff loads.

Yeah, but look, I should be doing more.

No, come on.

Don't beat yourself up.

Their cereal milk is so easy to make.

Here's a connection that I didn't know was going to happen.

You basically do what they did in Hong Kong.

Yeah.

You pre-milk the cereal.

Yeah.

That must have been what they were doing.

So you do.

What you do is you toast.

Fucking tourists were going in and taking it off them before.

Hey, we're making cereal milk.

Lattes out of loaf.

Bring them back.

Fucking stupid English.

Oh, fucking hell.

They're eating them again.

And they're complaining about them.

I went to then had the cereal milk latte, and then the next day, went into a thrift shop, and there's a load of books.

And there, right, like at eye level, was the Mumifoku milk bar.

Ah, yes, cookbook.

Of course,

I bought it a couple of dollars.

She worked there, didn't she?

I didn't know that until I saw the Christine.

Chef's sale documentary.

Yeah.

So you would have the...

I'd have the cereal milk latte, but the cereal milk by itself is heavenly.

You toast, toast cornflakes, then put milk in, a bit of brown sugar, and then the thing that makes it a little bit of salt.

And it's just...

And then you just let that steep.

So you let that steep overnight.

I think you toast.

Yeah, you toast the cornflakes a little bit to just get a bit more out of them.

Then you pour milk and then leave it.

And then you push it through a sieve the next day, put it back in the fridge.

I'm going to do that.

And it's just, it's the best drink.

I'm going to read your menu back to you now, George, and see how you feel about it.

You would like...

Sparkling water from Grand Canaria in a thin-rimmed glass.

Problems of bread, you would like the bread from E5 Bakehouse.

Amuse Bouche, you would like a bit of each, past and present.

Starter, you would like British Rail Microwave Burger circa

89 with a can of stones bitter with your brother.

On a train.

On a train.

And Leo.

Huh?

Leo's there too.

Your brother?

No, that's my friend Leo.

Henry's my brother.

But Leo's there too.

Leo came on the walk on holidays.

Henry Egg.

Henry Egg.

Pastor.

Casa Spitzel.

Casa Spatzler.

Kesa Spatzler.

Casa Spatzler?

But then.

I don't know.

But then did you decide on the...

No, you decided on the smack and the smack.

So pasta course.

The smack.

The bacon smack.

Yeah.

Main course.

Camping dinner.

That's barbecued, French sausage, tinned lentils, French beans, cooked in cider with the potatoes, tinned potatoes, Dijon mustard.

Diner.

Diner.

Side.

Edinburgh salad.

With John Robbins, I guess, and Matthew Crosby.

No, Crosby was an afterthought.

He's not there.

It wasn't an afterthought.

He was just further down the list.

Drink elderflower aboulis.

with your little uh label on it or you no you want it from the actual place um you want it from the original place i don't mind if it's the one we made or that was quite nice the one we made no i love it from the place i'd like you from silo from silo from silo silo in the past and then dessert mum's brown bread ice cream and a cereal milk latte from milk bar and can we all have maxi kings yes yeah and then you can dish out the maxi kings as well very strong chuck them like that yeah yeah just chuck them like button

very very strong that sounds very, very tasty.

Tasty.

I'd say, George, that's a meal that I would enjoy more as it progresses.

Yes, same.

What about the bit of each, though?

Surely you'd like that.

A bit of each definitely is very appealing.

I'm thinking that the British Royal Burger is the low point, but you don't have the memory.

Yeah, exactly.

That's very personal memory.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's it.

So like, I don't know if we've got stuff we've eaten on a train that would replace that.

You must have something like...

rubbish that is all.

I used to have the bacon rolls on there all the time.

They had the same problem.

But I think they're in plastic by the time i was eating them and they're soggy all the way through but it's not a good memory have you got a food item you can think of that is like that's rubbish but is a good that's like i know this is awful but it reminds me of you know that's good actually that's a good one for the listener if you can tweet us tweet the off menu account and say if you've ever had something that you know is awful but the memory makes it good and the best one will get a signed shopping board from the great bonito

thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant George.

Thank you for having me.

Goodbye.

Bye.

There we are, James.

The off-menu menu of George Egg.

What a lovely man.

What a lovely menu.

What an exciting sounding book.

Yes, The Snack Hacker by George Egg.

Yes, get the Snack Hacker by George Egg.

It's published on the 5th of June.

So many cool recipes in there.

Porridge pot pancakes, mushy pea hummus, to name but two.

Cheesy cup noodle with egg yolk.

And the photos in this and the illustrations are gorgeous as well.

Yes.

His son did the illustrations.

Yes.

Shout out in the gem.

Shout out in the gem.

I don't know.

I don't know what happened to my tongue there.

The other guy was eating some snack hacks.

You say, lovely menu.

We gave him an easy ride on that train burger because it was a touch of a nice memory.

But that is disgusting, man.

It was absolutely disgusting and then you know he didn't even hack it yeah he didn't hack it disappointed george

but look the rest of the menu sounded absolutely delicious you should all follow george egg on instagram at george egg we are very impressed that he got that handle yeah i can't believe he got george egg there must be must be loads of people called george who love eggs yeah and thought right that's me i'm the egg guy yeah i love eggs so much my name's george my name's george i'm gonna go for the handle george egg because my surname's already been taken what the

the snack hacker A snack hacker?

At the snack hacker, surely.

But yeah, so at George Egg on Instagram.

And you'll get, I mean, also, you've got to go on YouTube and watch all the snack hacker videos as well.

I'm sure they're on Instagram too, and all over the place, but that's where I watch them.

Yes.

I'll watch them all, like, all in a row.

Before I know it, the whole day is gone because I've been watching those are snack hacks.

And then I go and hack a snack.

George did not say Snacker Jacks, even though he's the Snacker hacker.

And we are very glad that we didn't choose egg which was our original yes because he would have been gone straight away gone immediately with an amuse bouche which would have been very sad that he's select that he that he put into the match can i please put this in here yeah it might have been funny man

pretty funny actually i do think we should have uh british rail burger as a future secret ingredient yeah add it to the list bonito it's on there I mean, imagine it being picked again.

Do you know what?

That person would absolutely deserve it.

Yeah, they would.

We'll get his brother on.

Yeah.

We'll get his brother on, kick him off.

Also, like, yeah, if you ever see George Egg on a comedy bill, you've got to go and see a stand-up too.

Yes, absolutely.

He's so much this guy's doing everything.

Yes, he's got a lot of stuff out there.

Make sure you go and check George Egg out and buy his book.

But for now, it's goodbye from us.

Goodbye from us.

That's Ed and James.

Yes.

Maybe from Benito as well.

I don't know if he ever was really noticed shaking his head.

No.

Not goodbye from Benito.

Benito is always in your heart.

Oh, hello, it's Amy Gladhill here.

Hello, I'm Harriet Kemsley.

Single ladies, it's coming to London.

Well, we're already in London, I suppose, in a way, but we're doing a live show, aren't we?

It's true on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At 7pm at King's Place.

So we've got your Saturday night sorted.

We've done all the organising for you.

Come along, have some drinks, alcoholic or non-alcoholic, both are available.

And you can get your tickets from plursive.co.uk.

Or just head to the link in our Instagram bio and just clickety click click.

London, we're coming.