Ep 268: Jessica Hynes

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Talk about refreshing.

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A brand new phone with Verizon.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, taking the pink sugar of friendship, pouring it into the candy floss machine of the internet, collecting the floss of humor onto the stick of great meals.

Man, how has it taken this long for us to do a candy floss?

Well, you to do a candy floss.

I'm not going to share any credit with this one.

You just want to do that.

You do the intros.

I just want to reveal that when I started doing it, James's eyes lit up.

He was beaming.

He was beaming.

Even though I don't like candy floss.

It reminds me of me.

People will find weird.

People will find that weird and off-brand, but the feeling of being a kid, discovering what candy floss is, having not not tasted it before but really wanting it is one of the best feelings yeah i love uh the idea of candy floss i do not eat candy floss something that pops up in my algorithm quite a lot is a family where the dad makes candy floss art wow i don't know where they are in southeast asia somewhere and he can make like whole flowers with different colored petals using different candy flosses and his kids are getting good at it now as well and i'm very proud of them That's a gamble.

My name is James A.

Caster.

Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week.

We're inviting a guest and asking a guest and asking their favorite ever, start a main course dessert, side dish, and drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is

Jessica Hines.

Jessica Hines.

National Treasure Alert.

Absolutely.

Ring-a-ding-ding, National Treasure.

Amazing comedy actor, writer.

I mean, obviously, Ed and I, we grew up with Spaced.

Sure did.

Immediately.

We're slowly ticking off our Spaced register.

We are slowly ticking

off the Space register.

Jessica's in the franchise, which is out now on Sky Comedy and now.

Yes, you've got to go watch it.

What a cast.

Himesh Patel.

Loli Adafopé, who has obviously been on this podcast.

Also, Richard E.

Grant's popping up every now and again.

He was on this podcast as well.

I'm just shouting out the people who have been on the pod.

If you haven't been on the pod, I ain't shouting you out.

Although Himesh hasn't been on the pod, but...

We should get him on the pod.

We're aspirational here.

Yeah, Nish bullies him.

We've got to get him on the pod.

Yeah, Nish calls him Hollywood and points, points his finger millimeters from the bridge of his nose and says Hollywood and does that every every time he sees him Sam Mendez is like well directed the first episode is like he's produced it as well Armando Ianucci been on the pod been on the pod um like it's very exciting yeah um the trailer looks amazing yes can't wait to see it we recorded this in the past it's not out yet so yes so we've not seen full episodes yet but we've seen the trailer we're very excited and we are very excited to have Jessica Hines in the dream restaurant love Jessica Hines and uh I mean there's so much to ask her about

um and I imagine it'll all go out my head by the time we sit down.

But hopefully she will not go out of the dream restaurant.

Oh, lovely.

If she picks a secret ingredient, which we have pre-decided upon and was the only thing that we could think of and was the first idea and the one that we're going with.

Ben suggested if you said yes.

No, I think I came out of the toilet and I said, I know what Jessica's secret ingredient should be.

And you said.

Heinz-baked beans.

And I said, yes, that's what I was thinking of.

Very rare that Ed ever comes out of the toilet.

Yeah, I record most of mine from inside the toilet.

Yeah, yeah, usually.

So when he's got an idea, he'll come out of the toilet and announce it.

And this time it was the secret ingredient should be Heinz baked beans.

Heinz baked beans because Jessica's called Jessica Heinz.

Not spelt the same.

No, different.

But,

you know, I hope she'll forgive us for going the easy route.

Yeah, I think she will.

Looking forward to meeting her.

You've met her, of course, before.

We were in a film called Seize Them.

I say we were in a film called Seize Them.

Hollywood.

I was there for half a day to film my scene and Jessica was a proper part and it was brilliant.

But yeah and we we had a lovely meal there actually so you know I already know this lady can talk food this is the off menu menu of Jessica Hines

welcome Jessica to the dream restaurant

welcome Jessica Hines to the dream restaurant been expecting you for some time yeah that was a big one wow yeah yeah I went for it yeah do you appreciate how much I went for that

I've been doing that forever.

The clap felt like a kind of like an expulsion of bad energy.

It felt like, you know.

That was Ben.

Oh, that was Ben.

The clap of the shout.

It was like, boom, it's a new day.

Oh, so when you say expulsion of bad energy, you mean we were getting rid of it rather than we were putting out into the world.

Like regularly, like a regular session.

Like snaps, you know, like kind of fireworks.

You know, that's the origin of fireworks.

Just get it all.

Yeah, this is.

Yes, that's what the Chinese New Year is about.

That bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, getting rid of all the bad energy.

Wow.

See, I'm just just all just like you know just thinking everything that's just english so i just think it's guy forks james you know what that's on brand and i yeah and i forgive you for that i really do i mean you thought fireworks were invented by the english because of guy fawks yeah sure

i thought it was like i thought they're meant to represent yeah you wish you could have done this you wish you could have blown up the houses of parliament mate look at this i think that's what they then came to mean for us in england yeah they were appropriated obviously into the bonfire yeah sort of.

But they're invented by the Chinese.

Yeah.

I had no idea.

Yeah.

So I've already, this is the quickest I've learned something on the podcast.

See, this would be interesting.

We need to find out more things that James assumes is English.

Oh, interesting.

Food-based, perhaps, because that's what the podcast is.

Mustard, of course.

English mustard, yeah.

Mustard seed, though, probably not English.

Yeah.

What?

Mustard seed, probably not English.

Come on, mate.

The only thing that is English is potatoes, James.

I think, I think you'll find, yeah, pretty much.

I think they were brought from somewhere else.

Yeah, actually, yes, you're right.

Of course, not even potatoes.

I'm so sorry.

My world's going upside down about the front here.

I'm sorry.

I'll tell you what I would like to know.

Is this English?

The franchise?

Well, very interesting question.

It's a combo of both English and American talent.

Nice.

And I'm in it.

It's very exciting.

The trailer's fantastic.

Really funny.

So many great stars in it.

Yeah.

Amazing team behind it.

Guess Sam Mendez.

Friend of the podcast, Amanda Inucci as well.

What can you tell us about the franchise?

It's set on the set of a franchise.

So if you kind of think of any kind of Marvel universe, any superhero universe,

it is set on

a very similar set to that, except it's not.

But not based on any real people?

No.

It's called Maxim.

So the studios are Maxim Studios and all the superhero characters are created, are fictionalized for the purposes of the comedy series.

But the idea is that we're focusing on the people behind the scenes of the franchise.

That's my my alarm.

I love it.

It's 10 past one.

Now, we all needed that to know that.

That's good to know.

Was that telling you

it's time to do PR?

No, it's time to promote the franchise.

I can't remember why that alarm is there.

It's just there, and I haven't taken it off.

And I haven't taken it off now, so it'll probably go again tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you must remember to take it.

Oh, wait, off.

Sorry about that.

The old 10 past one alarm.

The old 10 past one.

Alarms, did they originate in England?

I don't think so.

No?

No.

No.

Someone else came up with alarms as well.

Interesting question.

Do you mean the concept of alarms?

Yeah, I mean, it had to be invented somewhere.

Well, I would say alarms probably came from the clock, and the clock, I don't think, came from England.

I think the clock.

And you know, I have a speculative question.

Do you think people were worried about the clock in the same way that they're worried about the internet?

Do you think when people actually invented the concept of time, everyone like, like, that's it?

The game's up, the jig's up.

Yeah, it's over.

Like, can't you see what they're going to do?

It's going to be like sectioning off time forever.

And some people are like, no, no, don't worry about it.

I've often thought that.

Yeah, there were people who probably thought we need to live in the moment, but not know how long a moment is.

Can't you see how they're going to appropriate the clock?

Yeah, it's great.

Wow, an invention, but what they're going to do with it is then they can control us and

segment our lives.

Yeah, and some people couldn't stop staring at the clock maybe all day long.

So you've got to stop being closed.

You're worried about becoming obsessed.

It's like, you know, Gilead is obsessed with time now because of the clock.

All he does is sit there and wait till it turns three o'clock.

Yeah,

you know, it was 10 past one.

Yeah, it does.

Exactly.

I've got to say, I'm a fan of the clock.

Yeah.

You are a fan.

Yeah, it makes things easier, doesn't it?

Sure, that's the way,

obviously.

I mean, how could you say anything else?

You've been brainwashed, like all of us.

Yeah, I've been brainwashed, actually.

Who do you play in the franchise?

I play Steph Munden, who is the script supervisor.

And what I learned from playing Steph Munden is that I could never, ever, ever be a script supervisor in real life.

I do not, literally, do not have the brain and the qualities and the skill.

It is the hardest job on set by far.

It is so complicated and amazing.

What script supervisors do, I learnt.

I mean, I've always known they're kind of amazing.

They're holding every single kind of fact about the camera lens, the angle, the shot, the continuity.

But like when I really kind of started to shadow script supervisors on the set, I realized this is so hard.

It is such a hard job.

So I just was pretending, obviously, having gleaned as much of an idea of what the job entails.

Without having to go too deep into it.

Well, I went as deep as this tiny little pea brain could go.

I grasped as much of the technical skill as I could and sort of learned how to pretend, you know, sort of tippity tap tap.

But it is such a complex job and predominantly a job that mostly women do, which is a very interesting fact.

And when you say you were shadowing,

so as it was being filmed, you're following the actual script supervisor.

The corner of my eye, just looking at them on their paths, looking at what they're doing, sometimes trying not to be annoying, but kind of saying, what do you actually, so when you do that, what are you, are you, and you know, and then them very patiently and kindly sometimes giving me time and then in other occasions kind of going, I just need to, sorry.

Yeah, but that's great.

I am actually working.

I'm like, absolutely fine.

That's great because then you can take that into your part of being like, sometimes you're just working.

And then sometimes you're working with that.

I mean, you have to be so super focused to be keeping a track of everything.

Obviously, now it's computerized now.

So a lot of the information.

But then you need to know how to do the tippity tap tap.

You need that to know.

Oh, you did research.

Yeah.

Okay, well, you need to know how to get into the main thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I I did something once, and the script supervisor had their dog on set for the whole thing.

The thing is, is when you're a good script supervisor, you can bring your dog.

You can bring, well, you could bring your donkey on set, and people would be like, that's fine, because you know, you just got to do what you've got to do.

Yeah.

People respect script supervisors.

Do you watch a lot of franchise stuff?

Do you watch Marvel and films?

I have done.

I really enjoy it.

Yeah.

I mean, I like, I think the one I sort of really love the Thor

iteration, the Taika Wetiti, you know, comedy versions.

I feel like he, his, his are my kind of favourite, I think.

But I, yeah, I do.

When it comes up, and I think when my kids were younger, I watched it more because I watched it with them.

But yeah.

Have you ever auditioned for a Marvel film and not known that you're auditioning for it?

Because they give you a moment.

No, I kind of did do a little bit of an audition, yeah, maybe, for something in Wonder Women that I didn't get.

Does this show sort of undercut?

the cinematic universes of comic books.

Is it satirical about them to the extent that you're worried that you're not going to be able to break your way into superhero superhero films after that.

I'm not really worried about anything.

I'm just glad to be working.

I really don't think that far ahead.

I'm trying to be very much in the moment, Ed.

Yes.

Sorry, I'm a clock guy.

I'm thinking years ahead.

No, because it's not really necessarily about, I mean,

it's much more about actually the kind of huge behemoth that is massive, massive, massive, expensive filmmaking.

That really is the subject.

So it's a workplace comedy set in the world of massively expensive film making.

Now, are you a foodie?

Before we get into your menu, are you a fan of food?

Well, of course.

I mean, how can you not be?

Is anyone not?

Yeah, we have had a few non-foodies on who are just like, I just fuel.

I don't care.

I don't think about it.

God, I would love to be that person.

Yeah.

I would love to be just a fuel person.

What do they say when they say, just fuel?

What does that mean?

What is that like?

I've got no idea.

I mean, it seems to me like a completely joyless life.

Wow.

To be like, maybe they get joy from other things, not just stuff in their gob, you know.

But I don't know, because if you're not getting joy from that, what are you getting joy from?

Yeah.

Okay, there's lots of other things you could get joy from.

Name one.

I don't know, not that I know of.

Name one.

Food and the clock.

That's all I've got.

I think you've got to enjoy the things that you just have to do anyway.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You have to sleep.

You have to eat.

You have to go to the toilet.

Yeah.

Enjoy those things.

Yeah.

Correct.

So, you're so profound.

I wasn't expecting that.

I thought this was more of a jokey, lighthearted.

Sometimes, but it depends, you know.

James is taking it down a philosophical route today.

I love it.

The guy loves going to the toilet.

Yeah.

I love philosophy, invented by the English.

As we all know.

We always start with still or sparkling water.

Sparkling, if I'm out, I mean, it's a treat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Never sparkling at home?

Sparkling at home too, sometimes with a bit of lemon in it.

How about that?

How do you like that?

I love that.

You're slicing the lemon at home?

Yeah, I'm slicing the lemon at home lemon is massive at home yeah lemon is big lemons are in trouble you know like i've got a lot of the lemons are running scared because i'm using a lot of lemons in everything take us through the daily lemon rotor well there's lemons in a bit of water there's lemons in recipes there's lemons in tea oh yeah there's a lot of lemons they think they're safe when they see the kettle boiling no they're not safe you're going in that as well they are not safe i uh started today with a celery and lemon juice.

Ooh, wow.

James is in films now.

That sounds delicious.

Like a character in the franchise.

Can I just say just celery and lemon?

It was, yeah.

Whoa.

That's what it was.

Hardcore.

That must have tasted.

if you don't mind me saying

horrible

it was delicious i loved it celery is quite sweet it's the second time i've had it this week i i saw it the other day yeah uh and was just like that could be horrible but i'm gonna try it see what it's like yeah absolutely loved it.

One of those things where I already knew on the way home, I'm going to tell my girlfriend how nice this is when I get through the door, and it will absolutely ruin her day.

It's going to be so boring.

But, you know, I can't wait to tell her.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

This is delicious.

It's celery and lemon.

Okay, yeah, great.

And then today,

I knew that the place that sells it was en route to the studio, and I couldn't wait.

As soon as I woke up this morning, actually, Joe what, Jessica, I thought of it as I was falling asleep.

I thought, I'm going to get the celery and lemon.

I'm going to get that tomorrow.

Oh, I love that.

And then I was so looking forward to it.

Yeah.

You know, so, you know, lemons are in trouble in my house.

Watch out.

So you bought this.

You didn't make this?

No, boy, I'm not making juice.

What am I?

A chef?

You know, what else are you going to spend six pounds on?

Yeah.

Bluff from a glass of celery and lemon.

Yeah, a little shot.

That's money well spent in my book.

Do you want to shout out where it's from?

Do you know what?

I knew this would happen.

I got it this morning.

I was walking away.

I was thinking, this is so delicious.

I'm going to mention it on the podcast.

And then I realised I don't know the name of the place.

And I looked back and I couldn't see the sign anymore.

And I was like, hopefully I won't get asked.

Now the worst has happened.

This is my biggest fear.

I've

been worried about it all day.

It's 20 past one now.

I know that because my alarm just went off.

But you know, we've been worried since like eight in the morning when I've got that celery and lemon juice.

Do you, I'm just asking,

do you ever eat things that aren't appropriate for breakfast, for breakfast?

Go on.

What what?

I'm just asking you that.

I'm just asking you that.

Definitely.

If there's leftovers.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

Sometimes it's what you want, right?

I think anything can be a breakfast if you put a fried egg on it.

Okay, good.

Do you have to put a fried egg on it, though?

That makes it feel more breakfasty to me.

Right.

I don't think you have to.

No.

But like, certainly, like, leftover curry in the morning.

Yes, it's so good.

That's absolutely delicious.

You could put a fried egg on the curry.

I could put a fried egg on the curry.

That's great.

Definitely.

That's changed my life.

Yeah.

Or especially, like, I think fried eggs go very well on like...

Thai leftovers or something like that.

Oh, nice.

Nice guy.

Little fried egg on the top.

Delicious.

I love that.

Yeah, I mean, I definitely, I think the other day I was on holiday.

Yeah.

But I still was like, and I actually got this because Ed told me to, but I was in Tokyo and there was a,

I was in a 7-Eleven and there's just a bar that is just an ice cream bar that's like covered in like wafer.

Oh.

And it's pretty big as well.

This is my breakfast.

And I just bit into it.

And it says a wafer all on the outside, ice cream and bits of chocolate in the middle.

It's like the end of a cornetto, but over and over again.

It's really good.

I got it for my breakfast, Jessica.

So that is definitely amazing.

Because we had a bit of a thing on Sunday.

So we had some people, we had a kind of thing.

And I made a really, really nice curry and a very big apple crumble.

There was a little bit, a little bit, you know, interesting because I didn't put the apple crumble in the oven as long as I thought I had.

So when it came out, the apples and pears, it was an apple and pear crumble.

They weren't that mushy.

They were quite crispy.

Because I'd put quite a bit of cinnamon in and actually...

the crumble was just like whizzed up oats with a bit of coconut oil and a bit of brown sugar and a bit of cinnamon there was something very nice about it not being mushy.

So, I got so that's been a little bit, and there was some leftover.

So, that's been a bit of a feature.

That's we've been having that a bit for breakfast.

Well, that's almost granola.

It's almost granola, but it's cinnamon, cinnamon, breakfast time, right?

Apple, yes, oats, of course, of course, brown sugar, yeah, it's a treat, you know.

It's it's a

fun put a bit of yog with it, and then it's definitely breakfast.

Yeah, but we all that in yog slider, yeah, we're yes and in it.

There's a great shop near,

which is an amazing shop where I live called Everest Cash and Carrie, which is run by the local Nepalese community in Folkestone.

And they have an amazing yogurt there called Creamy Hole,

which is a sort of live yogurt.

And you can't get it.

You don't get it anywhere else.

I'm not sure what country it comes from, but it comes from a big pot and it is live and it is delicious.

Wow.

How live are it?

How live are we talking?

It's as alive as you need it.

As alive as you would ever need it.

I'm saying, you know, if you want it any more alive than that, I wouldn't know where you'd go.

No, that'd be so scary, man.

If the yogurt was really alive, I'd be so scary.

Okay, actually, I'm going to put my question on hold.

I just hear F.

Let's talk about that.

Come on, let's.

What would scare you about that?

Well, if you opened it up and the yogurt was having a chat.

All singing or dancing.

Yeah.

Chatting to itself.

Yeah.

What would it be saying?

Or like a little man-shaped yoghurt beast came out the top of it.

That's an advert.

You're just basically pitching.

It's Lurpak man, but with yoghurt.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

He came out.

With a trombone?

With a trombone saying, hello, I'm Creamy Hole.

I mean,

my question was going to be, did you get Creamy Hole recommended to you?

No, I just saw it on the shelf.

And you thought, I'm going to get that.

Yeah.

Because of the name?

Everything.

Everything about it screamed, buy me, buy me, buy me.

And I've never regretted buying it.

It's delicious and it's just lovely yogurt.

Yeah, well, so it's a good recommend for it for example and i'm sure the whole is h-o-double sure but you know yeah i mean i i still imagine that's affected sales

i don't think any you you promoting it on this podcast is going to help go some way to getting rid of the hurdle that they must have to overcome every single day oh no i thought you meant it increased sales are you kidding me no one's buying creamy hole at least they yes they're taking pictures of it at least maybe not maybe not a ton here but like if this is a this is an international yogurt

you know something you might not know much about No.

Like, I'm telling you, it's selling.

Don't be worried about that.

Pop it up to bread.

Pop logs or bread, Jessica Hines.

Pop logs or bread.

Understand what you just said.

Pop-loves or bread, Jessica Hines.

I heard James at Acaster.

Okay, so you need to slow down.

You need to quieten down.

You need to say it again in a calm inside voice, please.

Thank you for doing this.

Finally, someone's done this.

Could you please say it in a calm inside voice and then I will respond?

We're having a lovely discussion about creamy hole and you've shouted over the top.

I heard or bread.

What I did not hear was that

at the beginning.

Okay, so start again.

Take a breath and start again, please.

Would you like pop-a-doms or bread?

Okay, now we're talking pop-adoms.

It's a nice choppy.

Pop-adoms, always pop-a-doms.

Thank you.

Yes,

pop-a-doms.

Always pop-adoms.

I'm glad you got him to repeat it because you didn't even hear it the first time.

I had no idea what he said.

Imagine when we have American guests on,

how much of a difficulty they have with that, but it doesn't go away.

I think, hey, come on.

I'm sure some Americans love it.

They don't understand him a lot of the time, and they have to look to me for the translation, essentially.

And then the rest of the episode, they're looking at Ed.

Right.

I'm just sitting there.

I'll say stuff, but they'll just be looking at Ed.

Is that where you do it?

Is it your way of clocking off?

It's fun.

Yeah, I don't have to do anything after that.

Do you want the dips with the poppadoms?

It's always there somewhere.

Always the dips of the poppadoms.

Always the dips of the poppadoms.

Always them.

And then literally, like treating the poppadom like it's a pizza, like it's a pizza, everything on all at once then trying to kind of get it like yeah crunch it without it all falling apart and then scooping up the onion and all the whatever even though it's too hot yeah that's definitely when you say treating it like a pizza are you doing like a base of a base of one topping yeah i'm just scattering it on there you know just because obviously at that point you're so hungry you you you've ordered whatever deliciousness you've ordered and you want it and you're hungry but like the poppadons come and it's like you fall on the poppadons as if you had lean for days and you're kind of cramming.

I mean, anyway, this is just me and you're kind of cramming it in your mouth as if you're not expecting another amount of food that will put you into a coma.

That is me in an Indian restaurant.

Well, they're so delicious.

I mean, like, you know,

how can they be that delicious?

It's insane.

It is crazy.

English, right?

Poppadoms.

They are English, fairly.

They are English.

Yeah.

That's what I thought.

Yeah, you have just reminded me, actually, of why I wanted to put this section in the podcast to begin with in 2018 because of how much I love poppadons.

Someone hasn't come on.

Tell us about the first time you ever had a popadon, please.

Can you tell us about that?

What was your

very first time?

Can you remember it?

I mean, with you, it's like always surprisingly late.

No, you're not.

It was probably like 27 or something.

It wasn't late.

No, no, no.

In an Indian restaurant or was it a takeaway?

It was in an Indian restaurant.

Yeah, yeah.

We didn't get takeaways very much.

My mum would cook and then very occasionally we'd go out for a meal.

Yeah.

Actually, maybe it was late.

I don't know.

But it would have been at the Raj or the Royal Bengal in Ketron, which are like two doors down from each other.

They're raising all.

Yeah, but they're the two main curry houses.

And I don't know what the building in between them is, but it must be tents in that building because

they are both buying for all of Ketrin's

business curry-wise.

And they're both excellent.

You should open a curry house in the building in between.

I should do, actually.

Yeah.

Acasters curry.

Yeah.

Acaster's English curries.

And I can just sell, I guess, popped ons and curry with eggs on it.

That's my idea.

Breakfast curry.

Yeah, breakfast curry.

Someone's going there.

Yeah, good but they're both great places i love going to them equally although the raj are the one that gives me freebies because i'm famous great oh lovely yeah congratulations thank you very much yeah well done man

your dream starter well um i'm just gonna preface this by saying that this is this is sort of what i'm craving at the moment because i'm getting over this like flu that everyone's had and so i've been kind of like really craving healthy food so you could ask me this dream menu at another time and it would be different.

So this is very much what I'm craving at the moment.

You want nutrients, you want things to build up your immune system.

Yeah.

So my starter, and this isn't as simple as you might think, but it's lentil soup.

Okay.

Because

I was in Budapest filming last year and there was a Syrian restaurant opposite my hotel and they did the most delicious lentil soup I've ever had.

I've ever had.

The most delicious lentil soup I've ever had.

And I was like, I have to to now, like, and I was eating it all the time.

I love it.

It was so good.

And I was like, right, I really have to work out how to make the most delicious lentil soup.

Lentil soup, I go, I want to eat my own lentil soup.

So that's basically when I, when I came home, I sort of tried to, and the answer, of course, as you would imagine, is lemon.

It's always the answer.

It's lemon, guys.

It's bloody lemon.

As soon as you came home, those lemons would be like, oh, shit.

And it's like, she's home.

She's home.

You slam a new recipe on the side.

Lemon, cumin, garam masala.

Yeah.

Maybe a little bit of, maybe a little bit of ginger you might want to scrape in there, maybe a bit of garlic.

You want to kind of, you know, like put the lentils in with the lemon and all the seasoning and then put the water in.

And then you've basically got the most delicious soup that you just never want to stop eating.

It's so delicious.

I heard you.

You figured out the recipe.

Did you ask them?

No, I didn't ask them.

You just came back and you figured it out.

Well, I just kind of looked up different like lentil recipes.

I mean,

I just like, yes, weird.

I just sort of sort of weirdly figured it out all on my own

i mean i obviously went on the you know i went onto the mainframe i went on i went you know i went in on the internet and um and uh and you know i did some research

but yeah and then but then i'm then i kind of like experimented a bit but yeah that is just like whenever i go like anywhere that does lentil soup i'm always like i'll have i want to try different people's lentil soup because it varies obviously from place to place but this was so delicious this is something you've always loved then you've always loved lentil soup honestly this is just this this lentil soup changed your mind on lentil soup lentil soup changed my mind on lentil soup and i realized that the lentil soup i might have been having before was it wasn't the good kind it wasn't the best kind and having then eaten this lentil soup and this restaurant had another thing called fool which is like fava beans and tahini and lemons again and and that and it was that flavor combo of like this is this is all i want it's just like that lovely sharp lemony tahini spicy just deliciousness so yeah you're in that phase at the minute that your lentil soup phase yeah i'm just loving lentil soup right now people close to you have they notice this and oh you love it they love it because i guess you're making big batches right

sometimes i'm making big batches sure sure yeah yeah that's happening yeah yeah i just think yeah with something like lentil soup you're not gonna make one portion are you I've tried to make a smaller portion, but then it's just never enough.

Yeah.

So I try to kind of, I try not to over make which is sometimes difficult when you're kind of you know you don't know who's going to eat it yeah but yeah how much lentil soup is in your freezer at the minute yeah actually none congrats no there's no lentil soup in my freezer right now how many lemons are in your house right now uh seven

seven lemons absolutely not not for long ed

ah you better watch out they're at home listening to this absolutely terrified waking in their boots

waking in their lemon boots

who who in your who do you are all the people that you know loves the lentil soup the most who's been like you're gonna make this every time i see you this is so good i think my daughter my daughter i've got one child who still lives at home and my daughter she loves my lentil soup and then adam my husband loves my lentil soup and then you know everyone who comes in loves my lentil soup everybody loves virtual soup what can i say i'm not going to lie about it everybody bloody loves it that's why i make it

i like this voice i like this yeah i like this character the character makes the lentil soup the character is trying to be humble but let's be realistic about how much everyone loves their lettuce.

That's a good category for the character.

Yeah, just being honest.

Just being honest.

Just being honest.

But I did have, like, when I was ordering it

in this restaurant when I was in Budapest, I did used to have like sides.

If I was feeling a bit more hungry, I would have it in soup and then I would order their like Syrian babaganous, which that was a whole other level.

Yeah.

Because it was a bit chunky.

It wasn't creamy babaganous.

It was like a little bit chunky with a bit of tomato.

Do you know what I mean?

Love it.

Yeah.

That's the dip that I could just eat the most of on its own.

Yeah.

Like if someone said, you've got to eat a dip for ages.

That's a good question.

That is a really good question.

Can you go into dips?

I would like a baba ganoush, please.

And I could do a tumor.

I'll eat it with a spoon.

And I was eating it with a spoon.

As long as eating a lot, I was working.

I was eating the spoon of lentil soup, spoon of baba ganoush,

all on my own.

So happy.

Yeah.

I've just been in Greece and eaten a lot of

terraman.

The musical.

I played Kinicki.

Yeah.

I play Sandy.

God, he's so good.

A lot of dips.

Oh, dips.

And a lot of

tarot.

A lot of tips.

They're probably different tarot to the ones we get quite pinky, dark.

I know it's not like white.

Yeah, proper white tarot.

Posh tarot, good tarot, really good.

Really good.

Come on.

It's good stuff.

But I could eat that with a spoon, even though

it's got a real strong, pungent taste to it.

So what else?

You're having tarot in Greece?

What?

What else?

There was a father fava bean one actually that they were doing quite a lot yeah which i think might be a specifically sort of santorinian thing santorini um oh they love fava beans in santorini oh yeah

sure

yeah they're as scared as the lemons in jessica's house those are the two main dips i'd say there are a few others but just had a lot of a lot of grilled fish a lot of grilled veg

Is Babaganous your dip if you could if you had to eat one dip massive like a meal a meal-sized portion of one dip

could you eat it like a yog i could

do you know it would have to be homemade hummus i'm sorry it's so boring so boring

but like listen when you do i mean when we make you know when i'm at hummus i do soak the chickpeas yeah so i got soak them in some cases i've even peeled them when i've wanted just just for kicks.

So you have to, you know, after you've boiled them and all the skin gets loose on them and then you just sort of like spend ages just like sort of because the skin sort of falls off them and then you you've got this kind of like crackly load of sort of chickpea skin and you just sort of pull it off and put it off and then it kind of becomes so creamy.

So yeah, I do like hummus.

I'm homemade hummus.

So good.

You gotta open a cafe.

Yeah.

I am open.

I'm opening a cafe.

In fact, I just literally like just right now decided

you're gonna do it.

Just

literally at this point.

Yeah, dips and soups.

Dips and soups.

Let's call it dips and soups.

Dips and soups, yeah.

Soups and dips, actually.

But you know, fair enough, fair enough.

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dream main course

okay eating this with a spoon um

you could eat probably eating with a spoon but you might want to fork yeah because there's something that i um we discovered we did a lot of tempura during lockdown this was a thing that we did

and so this this main course is a sort of combo of things but one of the i mean maybe i suppose i could call it a side but it's on the main plate but it could also be a side okay

but when we were in lockdown i had um a card that let me go to shop in the cash and carry which i was registered for vat

i didn't think there was a problem with it i don't know just maybe i'm not running soups and dips yet

maybe i'm just in the kind of r d stage but still i had a cash and carry card so that those were the only circumstances which my my husband would let me panic buy because obviously cash and carries, that's the point of cash and carry.

It's all panic buying.

You know, it's tins and tins and tins of everything and they have big

lots of everything.

So it's kind of I've never been in one, but it's my dream to go.

Oh my God, I can't believe that.

It is so fun.

Yeah.

It's so fun.

I bet.

So one of the things they had there was huge tubs of artichokes.

So artichokes, big, solid, lovely artichokes.

So you would buy it and it would seem like an expensive buy.

It would be quite a lot of your bill because obviously artichokes are expensive.

But when you kind of worked out how much you were paying for one tub of artichoke for literally three little slices yeah it worked out a bargain you may as well so we had quite a lot of artichokes knocking about in the house during lockdown and tempura was kind of on the menu and then i was like artichoke tempura yeah let's go there yeah let's go there and it was out of this world that sounds amazing it was

artichoke tempura why wouldn't why wouldn't you because it's like the way an artichoke is there's layers and so there's surface areas that sounds like the beginning of a the way it is The way an artichoke is.

The way she is.

So there's layers, exactly.

So that when you kind of, you know, cook it like that, it kind of holds its shape, obviously, because they were really good proper.

They were kind of inbrine, so they weren't too slimy and squidgy.

They still had a little bit of crunch.

They were good, kind of cured artichokes, if you like.

And they work brilliantly temporarily.

So that would be a feature in my main course.

How big was the tub of artichokes?

I think we'd always

have a little bit of a little bit of a little bit.

Okay,

like, okay, let me just try to think of it.

Like, how could I describe it in this context?

I mean,

I was going to say bucket, but that would be too big.

So not a bucket.

Not a bucket.

Not a bucket.

Like a small bucket.

A small bucket.

A small, kind of a lot, a very, very large jar.

So like what if you imagine the largest jar, like an unreasonably large jar that you would never find in any vase?

It depends on the vase.

I mean, this is

a small vase.

Also, I think a few people might be listening to this and thinking that they've got a very different definition of panic buying than you have.

Right.

Because Because you panic bought a top of artichokes.

We all remember that part of lockdown

where everyone went mad and bought up all the artichokes and you couldn't find money.

My husband was extremely like strict.

So we would go, we would go about not panic buying.

It was like absolutely.

But he was almost so worried about it that we would go shopping and I would put two bags of muesley and he would say, put that back.

Put one back.

I was like, I think it's normal to buy two bags of muesli.

But he wouldn't allow it.

Even outside of a pandemic.

Outside of the pandemic, I would buy two bags of muesley, but it was not allowed.

You'll have to put one back.

You have a muesley every morning.

You don't want to buy a muesley every single week.

Yeah.

Buy two bags.

That makes sense,

regardless of the global health situation.

If it wasn't for your

wimp husband, how much

you called him it?

No, we edited it out.

No, no, I did not call him that.

He was a good citizen.

Better than me.

Square?

No, good citizen.

So if it wasn't for your good citizen of a husband.

Yeah, thank you.

How much do you think you would have bought of some?

Do you think you would have panicked about it?

We don't want to have gone.

No, I would have.

I mean, although in some cases,

when things eased, I did then buy.

Okay, we're still eating brown rice

and in fact, chickpeas and in fact lentils.

Do you buy the big sacks of rice?

Oh, yeah.

It came in boxes.

So, yeah.

So, yes.

Yeah, yeah.

I had to buy buckets so it didn't go off.

But I felt like that was okay because it's not like I'm going to the shops and then clearing.

I was buying it from somewhere that all wanted to sell me lentils in bulk.

Does that count as panic buying?

Not really.

Not if you're still having it.

It's not like...

No,

I guess everyone who's walking around cash and carry is probably not panicking.

But I will tell you this.

When it all arrived.

When it all arrived the first time,

my husband was like, what is this?

I said I've bought some things in bulk from you know wholesaler stuff that I think that would be useful and he sat down he said I've done the calculations if we eat this foodstuff every meal

we will still be eating it in seven

he said you are going to have to send half of this back

So I did.

I did.

I sent half of it back

because it was just completely.

Well, they probably thought you were like a a survivalist or something, yeah, and to a certain extent in the moment, I felt like that's maybe what I was.

So, but anyway, so I did have to send half of it back.

Sure, luckily, I've learned how to make lentil soup, so yeah, that explains your startup, yeah, that explains why lentil soup is what time

is lentil soup again, you're peeling chickpeas, making your own hummus.

Yeah, so far, every single dish has been things that you panicked for during the pandemic,

toilet paper for dessert,

that was one thing we didn't panic yeah no that was not that i never understood that never understood that so is it just the tempo artichoke tempo then lovely there's a thing that i started in making which is like really really really nice finely finely finely finely chopped salad like but with like greens so like you know when you really when you know kale is quite a it's a bit of a contentious vegetable people are like it's for donkeys you know um i've never heard that by the way have you no

i think that's maybe what

Second time you brought up donkeys,

as well.

I do love a donkey.

But yeah, so it's like really, really finely chopped.

So, but you like literally almost so they're like, you're kind of turning it into, I don't know, something.

Yeah, so it's not leafy at all.

So you really, really finely chop it and finally chop it with like other kind of fresh vegetables and there's lots of lemon in it and it's just like a really nice chunky, maybe walnuts.

Oh, yes.

are you with me on that maybe so

with you had a little walnut salad today did you yeah yeah for our lunch in there because you want that little bit of crunch and maybe the walnuts maybe they've been baked yeah maybe they've just been put in a pan for a bit yeah yeah

just put a little

bit toasty put a bit of heat on them just bringing out that oil that lovely and then finally chop that and mix that up and then put that with a little but whatever you want really mushrooms finally chop some mushrooms in there a bit of lemon maybe a little bit of tamari or a little bit of soy sauce on there as well, just to give it a bit of

depth, something

there.

She is, there she is.

Glad you brought her up.

Yeah, and then, and then on with that, like maybe a bit of aberration, maybe a bit of forest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You need to get rid of that hummus.

You've got to get the chickpeas in there somewhere.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

You want some brown rice on the side?

Yeah, sure.

As well.

I actually have a really

way of making, like, if you brown rice, obviously, brown rice, that's just brown rice.

But, like, I like to chop up sweet red onions and then fry them like quite a lot.

Again, a bit of tamari, bit of umami, maybe a bit of sauce, whatever you like, a bit of white miso.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Stir that in and then put that in with the brown rice and just like give that a big stir.

And then that as a dish is just delicious.

That sounds good.

It's delicious.

It all sounds so good.

It does.

It is good.

It is good.

In my head, I just keep on

going around.

I just keep nearly laughing because I'm imagining someone going, do you want some kale?

No,

that's for donkeys.

That's for the donkeys.

It's making me laugh.

I know people say it's for donkeys.

Just imagine someone said it for a long time.

The visual would be cut to just a very silent donkey just chewing hard down kale stalk.

Because they eat the kale.

I actually do chop the stalks out of kales.

I do.

And in that situation, if I'm trying to make it like a finely chopped, like lovely raw salad, I will take that.

I will do it.

You don't want the stalks in there.

Listen, if you want to eat the stalks, good.

But you're a donkey.

Do it.

You are a donkey.

You could chop them up and put them in a pasta because if you don't want to do with the stalks, because you're using all of the leaves, you could chop them up, have them in some pasta with some chorizo maybe off the top of my head or something like that.

Yeah, not a bad idea.

I actually did,

somebody did say about like parsley stalks are good at the end at the end of when you're if you're making a little tomatoey sauce you might bang that in there, a handful of parsley stalks, bam.

Pesto?

You could whiz them up into a little

bit of a situation.

I love a bit of pesto.

Do you ever make pesto with, again, walnuts?

Yeah.

Do you ever make pesto with walnuts and parsley and oil and garlic?

You don't need.

You know what?

You don't need pine nuts.

We're so fixated.

Oh, it pesto.

It's got to be pine nuts.

No, no, no, no, no.

Everyone says that.

Obsessed.

Yeah, yeah.

Obsessed.

I mean, pine nuts are lovely.

They are like the absolute sort of like the jewel of nuts.

I've never finished a bag.

They're too oily, aren't they?

I mean,

you can't scoff pine nuts.

No, you can't scoff them.

I can, I'd.

Like macadamia.

Use them for a dish.

Am I invisible?

Like,

toast them.

Sorry, did you say something?

Who are you?

Toast them, put them in a salad, but then they're going in the cupboard and I'm not touching them again.

Yeah.

Is that because you're conditioned to treat them like they're special?

Well, they're the jewel of the nut.

The jewel of the nut.

Yeah.

I mean, but I mean, obviously they're very costly compared to other nuts as well.

Yeah.

Sorry, what what were you saying

scoffed them what a whole bag of pine nuts yeah i used to walk around

before i lived in london but i would come to london for gigs and i'd just have to kill like 12 hours a day because i'd stay around so many of your stories start like this but with different foods getting angry about that yeah well it's a bad

two years of this with two years of staying around people's houses and then like i've got to go to work you've got to get out i was like i'm hoping my gig doesn't start at all you just used to go and buy yourself a little bag of pine nuts and go and eat them in the park yeah or you take them from your friend's cupboard no i would take them from the cupboard no no no

You never take anyone's pine nuts.

I get them from shop or something and just walk around Wolfingham, around London.

Just and then look at free art.

They don't seem like an eating nut to me.

You're like a snacky nut.

Yeah,

for most people.

For most people.

So I'm in the right here.

Well, I wouldn't.

Listen, let's not put a value judgment on it.

It's right or wrong for eating.

I mean, you know, James isn't wrong for scarfing pine nuts.

That's weird, though.

Just willy-nilly.

He's not wrong for it.

He's just sharing his truth.

Yes.

Also, I worry about pine mouth.

Yeah, yeah.

Pine Mouth is a thing.

Anything about Pine Mouth?

No.

Ed Easton got it.

I only found out about it on this podcast many years ago when we just started.

Okay.

If you have a bad pine nut, it

coats your mouth with the bad oil, and then it changes the way you taste everything for ages.

Yeah.

Everything goes like garbage.

You're actually kidding me.

No, no, no, it's true.

That's Pine Mouth.

Ed Easton got it.

The heck.

Ed Easton was in the room below us when it came up on the podcast.

I went and I dragged him up.

It was due and Ivo Graham's episode, if you want to go back and listen to it.

Ed Easton came in and he

very bravely shared his story of getting pine mouth.

Yeah, so that's it.

So I'm actually scared of pine nuts because of that, especially ones that have been in the cupboard for a while.

Wow.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I can see that.

Because I can't

be walking around and everything tastes bad.

No.

Because then I've got nothing left.

No, exactly.

Yeah, he's got nothing left.

God, I did not know that about pine nuts.

Are there any other nuts that are like that?

Not that I know of.

I think all the other nuts are safe.

Yeah.

They're not going to coat your mouth and mess your day up.

But like, pine nuts are the sun that's something.

Be Be careful.

Is there anything to look out for?

I mean, how do you, like, in the, I mean, do they look different from the other nuts?

So for example, would you be more likely to do it if you were just wandering around a park, just literally

pouring the packet into your mouth?

Your dream side dish.

Dream side dish

would probably be fried halloumi just comes off the top of my head.

Yeah.

Halloo me to introduce myself.

Let it come off the top of your head.

Halloo me to introduce myself.

I've heard a lot of halloumi puns.

I've never heard that one.

Okay.

Yeah.

Enjoy.

Because hello me, I hear quite a lot.

It's funny how

there are certain things, the words that people hear, and you just can't help but.

So obviously when you hear Hallumi, you can't help but hear in your head.

Hallow me to introduce myself.

Someone told me the other day that they can't look at Eliam Broadway without thinking about feeling horny.

And unfortunately, because of the way podcasts work, there will be a large amount of people listening to this now who then will have the same thing.

Yeah, that will happen.

They'll just go in there.

Yeah, with both Hello Me to Introduce myself

and the feeling horny.

Talumi is something that I think that's why I could never not, I could, I could never, like, I could never not eat vi tulumi when it's really delicious and juicy and like crispy on the outside and it's got a little bit of whatever dip, but obviously essentially it would be the sweet chili sauce.

That would be the main thing that you'd want.

I mean, I think so, right?

We've been very anti-sweet chili sauce.

Yeah, I'm still anti-sweet chili sauce.

Wow, okay, let's go there because I need to catch up.

Because that's how they serve it.

Bernando's as well with sweet chili sauce.

Okay, and you don't like that?

No, I don't touch it.

I just like the halloumi.

Okay, why, Ed?

I can just go straight, just straight halloumi.

Yeah, but why?

Sweet chili sauce, you may as well have a tub of jam.

I think it's too sweet.

Wow.

I feel like there's almost nothing chilly in it.

It's just pure sweetness.

Wow.

I kind of feel the same.

same.

Hallumi.

Wow.

To introduce myself.

What would you have with that?

What would you prefer?

Just normal, just straight halloumi.

If I'm having Nando's, I can do like hot sauce with it, maybe, but I could just eat the fried halloumi.

So here's the situation, okay?

Like, just for example, just hypothetically, there's a lovely big plate of fried halloumi, the perfectly crispy, little ones that are a little bit joined, the cheeky ones that you'll go for.

It's a little bit bigger, delicious, fresh, still a bit squidgy, glistening.

They're glistening.

There's a lovely big tub of sweet chili sauce in the middle.

You're telling me.

You're telling me

you're going to go up to that play of Lou Mi.

You're going to pick up a piece of that sweet, juicy, salty cheese, and you're not going to dip it in the chili sauce.

I'm not going near it.

What planet are you from?

What is going on there?

Why?

I just don't like it.

I just don't like sweet chili sauce i think it takes away from us back talk us through it when did this happen well when did sweet chili sauce first become big probably the 90s yes yeah so it's probably back in the 90s yes a lot of kids were really into it yes and it just wasn't my it wasn't my scene i thought i'm a bit more grown up than this you know okay is it because it was sweet did something happen well it's just like to me like having melted down haribos and sweeties aren't my thing i'm not into sweeties i don't have a really sweeties you are because you like sweet chili sauce sauce.

Wow.

Oh, halloo me to apologize on his behalf.

You should not have said that.

You're a guest on this podcast.

So when did you stop liking sweet things?

Oh, so I'm type one diabetic.

Okay.

I don't, but I don't think it has anything to do with that.

I like sweet things.

I eat desserts.

I enjoy sweet things.

But I don't like pure sugar sweet things.

I don't know if that's connected to my type one diagnosis, but also I just think it's a shame.

I like spice and I feel like the sweetness in the sweet chili sauce outweighs the spice too much.

Do you think it's a bit patronizing to the chili?

I think it's patronizing to the chili.

I think that people eat it.

They're like, oh, I'm having chili.

You're not.

You think that's what people are thinking?

You think you lot

are eating the sweet chili sauce and going, I like spicy things.

You don't.

You're eating jam.

Maybe they're just eating that.

Maybe they're just not thinking, I like spicy things.

They're just enjoying the sweet chili sauce that could be happening.

But he does not in his head.

Yeah.

Because the thing is, is I wouldn't normally have sweet chili sauce on much else.

But when it comes to

fried halloumi side with sweet chili sauce, there's no way I'm not going to dip that halloumi in there.

There's just no way.

Yeah, see, I'm not even going to dip it.

I had some halloumi fries recently at a festival.

How were they?

They were really good.

Do you know what?

I got a dip.

Okay.

Yeah.

What was it?

Garlic mayo.

Okay.

How do you feel about that?

I feel that is a fantastic idea.

Yeah, it was.

That was good.

I didn't know what that okay signified.

And it was double dairy, which felt weird.

i double dairy you it that it does allow me allow me to double dare you

so that was good but there was sweet chili available and i didn't dip do you know what is delicious is real mayonnaise like homemade mayonnaise like actual mayonnaise that isn't and i feel someone panny bought eggs in the pandemic

that was hollandaise that was the hollandaise those were the hollandaise months exactly but yeah no i could see that yeah like oh lovely i mean a lovely good mayo I mean, who's not, what is not to love that?

I'm going to counteract what I said a little bit here.

Isn't that a bit cloying, though?

Sorry.

It was a bit.

It was a bit claggy.

Wow.

Okay.

Thank you for thank you for admitting that.

Thank you for being honest about that.

Hello, me very much.

Well, then I was trying my own one.

Hallelujah, very much.

Yeah.

And hello to you too.

Have you been to Bubala?

No.

It's amazing.

It's

a vegetarian restaurant in

Soho, but they do.

One of their starters is this whole block of fried halloumi.

And is it black seed honey or something?

Oh my god.

So that's you know

cheese and honey.

Yes.

See, that I feel like I'm going against my own point there with sweetness, but it is absolutely delicious.

Oh, no,

we're singing from the side.

That's phenomenal.

Yeah, it's really, really good.

Black honey on a chunk of halloumi.

I mean, that is like, I'm saying yes, it's not sliced or anything, so it's just one block, but it's like perfectly fried.

You gotta go.

I sound amazing.

Yeah, that sounds amazing.

Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Talk about refreshing.

You know what else is refreshing this summer?

A brand new phone with Verizon.

Yep.

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And lock down a low price for three years on any plan with MyPlan.

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Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

Your dream drink?

I don't drink alcohol.

So my dream drink is different because obviously in every situation, sometimes it's an alcohol-free beer, which there are so many brilliant ones.

They do amazing.

And every year it feels like there's more and more brilliant.

I

couldn't believe it when they brought out alcohol-free Guinness.

It was just like, it was like a gift to be able to go into a pub and have a lovely, big, and I, because I haven't drunk for seven years, I've even forgotten what a real pint of Guinness tastes like.

So for me, it was just like, it was heavenly.

So I love drinking alcohol-free beers, all different kinds of alcohol-free beers.

But my limit kind of, yes, and maybe it's alcohol-free Guinness.

Maybe I'll just go there.

It is good.

It's good.

It's good.

But in a meal situation, you see, that would be more like if I was going to go to a pub or go for to a pub lunch, we'll just be there.

I would have alcohol-free Guinness if they have it.

But like with a meal, I mean, I love, I love a sparkling water with a bit of a squeeze of lime.

limes

hold on a minute i know limes have not had a look in have they lemons just relax yeah

you hear that that's the sound of seven lemons we're bringing a sigh of relief but i love i got into in fact the lime the lot i did go in hard on the limes actually during lockdown again and like i really really kind of moved into limes and actually i've not really revisited limes but in a sparkling water properly like half a squeezed limes bit of ice i mean that it's literally the thought of it is it's making my mouth water right now.

That is just the most delicious drink.

So, dude, it's so delicious.

We probably haven't had this happen on the podcast before, where for someone's water course, they've chosen sparkling water with lemon, and then for their dream drink, they've chosen sparkling water with lime

and loads of lime, like proper lime, loads of lime.

So, you're like,

you've got a little bit of yeah, that is so delicious.

That drink, you are never going to get scurvy.

Congratulations, guaranteed.

You know, people still can get scurvy, yeah.

I'm sure, yeah.

Sorry, that's such a stupid thing.

I really apologise.

I'm so sorry.

No, it's good to raise awareness.

Yeah, this is a good thing.

You're using your platform for good there.

Thank you.

You should be doing that.

Thank you, thank you.

And scurvy doesn't get talked about, does it?

No, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't.

Outside of sort of nautical history.

Yeah.

I think you should have all of those drinks.

I think you should have the sparkling water with the lime, but I think you should also have at some point in your meal the alcohol-free Guinness.

Even if it's just at the end or something.

but maybe not altogether but another drink i love is lassie so i love

like salty lassie

or a mango lassie like so my idea of a really lovely but that's kind of now we're getting into pudding territory here is to have like a lassie but with fresh mango so no added sugar just like fresh mango whizzed up with like kind of kefir like whizzed up like that is a that is a delicious drink so maybe this is a bridging drink from your main course into your dessert yes it is yeah it is respect nice to have a bridging drink.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

All those drinks sound great and you deserve all of them.

So

we found a place for each one of them.

We got sent some alcohol for Guinness during the lockdown.

What?

I put champagne in mine.

No, I put Prosecco.

I put Prosecco in it.

Yeah, made up.

Black velveteen.

In Dublin during the lockdown, there was a Guinness van.

There was a van that was...

taking Guinness house to house.

So you could have it poured from the barrel.

You could call up, they would drive up and they would pour the Guinness Guinness from the barrel out the back of the Guinness van in Dublin.

And then you could have a nice poured pint of Guinness during lockdown.

So civilized, isn't it?

That's lovely.

That's a lovely story.

It's Ed's favourite drink, pretty much.

Is it Guinness?

Yeah, he would have thought so.

He would have liked that.

I absolutely love Guinness.

It's amazing stuff.

It is amazing stuff.

From the back of a van during lockdown?

Well, yes, because, of course, you know, obviously I only drink it from a can because I drink non-alcoholic Guinness now.

And obviously, you can get it from a can with a widget.

But a lot of people would say that,

you know the poured Guinness in Dublin is the most delicious, which I'm sure you would know.

Have you been to Dublin?

Yes, I've been to Dublin and it is delicious.

Is it different?

I'm not sure I pick up on the nuances.

Right.

So there's plenty of places in London I really enjoy a Guinness, but it's also the surroundings.

You're in Dublin.

You're near the factory.

Yeah.

It's always good to see the factory while you're drinking something.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like that about Ribena.

Your dream dessert.

Now, you've already said that you don't have a sweet tooth, so I'm a bit nervous because I do have a sweet tooth.

I absolutely, even though I don't like sweet chili sauce, I love desserts, I love puddings.

Is this something that would have to go with the meal, the sort of absolute mess of the meal I just described?

You just whatever you want, honestly.

Like, no one's judging you for and remember, you've got that lussy there as a little bridge, yeah, as a little bridge into

sweetness.

So, it'd be a shame to go and do a savoury dessert, wouldn't it?

Well, I do love, I mean,

I mean, I feel so boring saying something like fruit like papaya or like mangoes and things like that but papaya is just like so delicious.

Like, you know, I mean, I would love to have that as a pudding, but it is a bit boring, isn't it?

Just having a little bit of that, oh, that lovely pink papaya, you know, when it's just so delicious and like,

and it's, it's kind of rare.

It's not a usual fruit.

It's kind of, it's kind of exciting.

It's a different kind of a fruit.

So I would love, I would like that, like sliced and also and and and like fresh mangoes also delicious and feels like a true a treat fruit yes

so could if i just kind of go go go into some principles and say i would love treat fruits like fruits that you don't normally have like a sharon fruit or maybe like a dragon fruit yeah maybe an assortment of treat fruits that you you have to go to a special shop to get the exotic this more exotic side of fruits the exotic side of fruits thank you that i think that's probably probably a way of saying that that would be my absolute like oh yes because then you know it's just everything is delicious what the listener can't see if you're only listening in audio is every time jessica said treat fruits she had a body movement for it yeah treat fruits

both hands yeah treat fruits kind of like big tommy cooperation

treat fruits yeah yeah yeah that's it but i love a treat fruit yeah yeah yeah i love a treat fruit something that you wouldn't get maybe normally in your box yeah sure

in your fruit box

organic fruit box the banana is obviously not a treat fruit under that dish.

Do you love a banana though?

It does feel like a treat every time, the banana.

One thing I would love to have, I guess, I guess, and this is as a sort of segue,

and this is a nostalgic pudding is a banana split.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, for me,

having a banana split is like the absolute, I mean, as a child, that was like the ultimate treat.

If you've got a banana split at the end of a meal, out, like that was like the best day of your life.

You know, like a banana split is just that and then the cream.

in its own special bowl in its own special bowl bit of sauce bit of whipped cream bit of something on it i love it i mean i love it who doesn't why aren't we having and why aren't there more banana splits yeah i was gonna say i feel sorry for the people who really thought banana splits would last forever and made the bowls yeah they must have been a company that were like well banana splits are going to be popular forever so we're going to create go into business we're going to let's go into business and create a whole new bowl because everything else you can just use for other stuff that what you're using a banana split bowl apart from a banana split yeah that's all you're using it for.

I know.

What a sad day for those people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What a sad day going.

What do you mean,

business?

No, no one wants banana splits anymore.

Why not?

They say they're for donkeys.

They're for donkeys.

Why don't they want bananas?

Donkeys, either.

I don't know.

It feels like it'll be the next trend to come back around, maybe.

Let's make it happen.

I'm so up for it.

Well, you've got soups and dips.

Soups and dips and banana splits.

Soups and dips, banana splits.

Welcome to my restaurant.

It's the full name.

It's supposed to be at the door to welcome us like that.

Welcome.

It's the full name, soups and dips, banana splits.

Welcome to my restaurant.

Because that would be great.

Because that was the full name.

Yeah, that's the advert and the full name.

Yeah, I'd go to soups and dips, banana splits, welcome to my restaurant.

Yeah.

Welcome to my restaurant.

Yeah, absolutely.

Gonna do it like that.

Yeah, I mean, I do think I would fully go in business with someone who was opening a a banana split place.

Yeah.

Like a hatch that just did banana splits.

I'll invest in that.

It's quite difficult to eat on the move, though, a banana split, I'd say.

So it would have to be a CT.

I think it would have to be a C to it.

There's a YouTube video of somebody who makes like banana like pancakes, I think in street food somewhere in Thailand that somehow has popped up on my feed.

Yeah.

And that I've kind of, I don't know how.

Yeah.

Like, because I'm not on any social media, but maybe some sort of food algorithm.

Is this your YouTube?

When I go in on YouTube,

this like it's just

for a moment, I thought you were saying it pops up on your feed, but you don't have any social media.

Well, I'm not popular.

So it's just coming up in front of your eyes.

It just sort of comes up on my phone.

Yeah.

But maybe it's

up to the search.

I didn't ask for this.

But they have like little banana, like that.

I would like to try one of them.

Banana pancakes.

It's like banana pancakes.

But I've seen like she does,

so she makes a sort of like stretchy stretchy pastry with a bit of, you know, so it's fresh every morning, the stretchy pastry.

And she kind of stretches it out, puts it

in this big, kind of massive, great big wok and fryer and then slices in the banana.

Oh,

that's good.

Folds that up, puts that in a little tray, and then puts a bit of,

I don't know what it is.

It looks quite sugary.

It looks like it could be some sort of condensed milk kind of style something like on the top of that little sliced banana.

I mean, and that's a, I mean,

I would like to try one of those

one day.

I would like to try one of those little banana pancakes one day.

I think that's a good goal in life.

Yeah.

One day I'd like to try that banana pancake.

I've got a banana pancake.

I'd have to go to Thailand, but I mean no objection to that.

You've been in the dream restaurant.

I've never been.

My friend's getting married.

I love Thai food.

In Thailand.

Love Thai food.

I've got a plus one.

Great.

You want to come?

Okay, sure.

You can come along, get you those pancakes while we're there.

Great.

I love Thai food.

Thai food, I did learn once like the basics of the Thai.

Like, so I, because I just thought, actually, once you get the Thai ingredients, you put it on anything, and it's instant Thai joy.

Can you tell us a secret?

It's instant Thai joy.

It's coriander, chopped coriander,

lime,

fish sauce, garlic, a little bit of chili, oil.

What about that?

Thai basil?

Lemongrass, chopped lemongrass.

No one has ever, because it's a podcast, it means that no one could really appreciate that who was listening.

But no one has had adopted that pose.

We've got a video of it, so we'll try and put that out somewhere.

No, it was not

like this.

You went like this.

So you had your hand on your hip, like

I'm a little teacup, but also your hand on your chin with your elbow just as far out as your other elbow was.

And an extremely straight back posture, yeah, yeah.

And it was it, it was,

as we're trying to think of what's in the

Thai magic.

I don't really know.

The Thai magic yeah yeah

it was it was great you look like a sort of wax model of an inventor yeah in like a living history museum maybe I take that as a compliment yeah like if they did another night at the museum yeah you'd be like come to life as an inventor just thinking about something thinking about Thai ingredients would like that yeah I'll read you maybe back to you now see how you feel about it okay um you would like sparkling mortar with lemon yes please oh thank you you want poppin' ones for all the dips putting on putting them on there like a pizza starter you would like lentil soup from the rest of the place in Budapest, but also made by yourself, I guess.

Could be, but obviously, that would be ideal if they could provide that.

Yeah, oh, yeah, we can sort of.

So, that's kind of, I guess that's Syrian lentil soup, I suppose.

Yeah, Syrian lentil soup.

Starter.

Main course: artichoke tempura, along with the finely chopped green salad and walnuts, baba ganoush and hummus.

Yes, oh god, delicious.

Side dish, fried halloumi with sweet chili sauce.

Oh, come on.

Drink sparkling water with lime, and then you're gonna have a lussie to bridge yourself over to the treat fruits.

Yes, please.

Did you want a banana split as well on there?

Do you know what?

Just as a as it's a special occasion, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, well.

Banana split.

Banana split with some treat fruits around.

Yeah.

And then we'll send over.

Just to just to get to put me to sleep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then an alcohol-free Guinness at the end.

Oh, wow.

Maybe a little while after it, after a lot of that suggestion, maybe in the pub afterwards.

Yeah.

So I've done, had a bit of a walk around, gone to a pub, alcohol-free Guinness.

Who would you want to go to the pub with?

In the dream?

Just everybody.

What?

Everyone's invited.

Whoever I obviously I was out with.

What do you mean?

Like just you mean literally or in a fantasy world?

Your dream.

Well, yeah, obviously in the fantasy world.

We're not making you go to the pub now.

But like you're going to the pub now and have your Guinness after your dream meeting.

All of my best friends and my family.

That would be great.

Yeah, that's all for good.

Who's your best friend?

Who's your best friend?

One.

Well,

one best friend okay okay listen i've got i've got a lot of people i love in my life but my oldest friend is my friend siobhan who i met in primary school and she has told the story that she said she was new we were like four and then the teacher said oh uh jessica you have to look after siobon and she said i basically just took that literally and was like so in my mind that was like oh for the rest of your life so that's all that i took on that responsibility very heartily.

So now we're still friends, still best friends.

Perfect.

That's great.

The perfect companion.

That's great.

I want to see a film of that.

Yeah.

Or a sitcom.

I've got some good pictures of us.

We were super cute.

Would she have an alcohol free Guinness with you?

Yeah, she would.

She might have a little bit of a red wine, maybe.

Maybe.

She might not have an alcohol-free Guinness.

It's a particular tipple, alcohol.

I think alcohol-free Guinness is somebody who probably really liked drinking in the past.

I feel like that's probably.

It's a bit of a a giveaway yeah yeah and that menu sounds absolutely delicious it does sound great and uh thank you look thank you so much for

oh but

right fantastic it's normally me wraps the episode up james has tried it for the first time and he's got burp on cue no no that wasn't on cue that wasn't on cue i hope it wasn't on cue

can anyone can anyone basically i decided not to hold it in at the end because i thought i've already done a little bit the the rule of comedy let it out let it out

on the purple

works let it out but it looked like he was going to cry yes Yes.

He looked at me absolutely so upset.

Because he's got headphones on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice one.

Thanks so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Jessica.

It's been an absolute pleasure.

Thank you for having me.

There we go.

Wonderful stuff.

There's so much stuff I wanted to ask, and I forgot it.

I've just remembered all of it.

Oh, no.

Tell me.

Ask me.

I wanted to know if there's a film in the works of

her team on Sean of the Dead.

People have been asking about that for years and years.

They want there to be a film on the show.

I'm guessing not because it's quite a long time.

Yeah, but it's the anniversary of Shawnee.

It would be absolutely brilliant.

Yeah.

It'd be brilliant if it was that team.

Maybe there's another zombie outbreak.

So wasn't the joke that they look exactly the same and they're having the same experience but crossing paths.

Yeah, yeah.

So it wouldn't be the same film with different actors.

Just do a new one.

No, like do a second zombie outbreak, but you follow her gang.

Who else was in the gang?

Matt Luma, Miss Shearsmith.

Yeah.

Martin Freeman.

Yeah.

And Tamson Grieg.

Yeah.

What the?

Maybe there are other other people in that group, but I don't know.

No, that seems right.

I wanted to ask her as well about when she, her and Simon Pegg hosted a benefits show for when the tsunami happened in early 2000s or mid-2000s at the Apollo.

And you can buy it on, I bought it on DVD.

Yeah.

Watched it at home.

Johnny Vegas got absolutely smashed.

and his set is bedlam and in the edit like jessica's to come out and get him yeah and go Johnny it's over now so I wanted to know how long he did on the night what the panic was like backstage I wanted to know all about that because you know this is before I became a comedian I watched it and it blew my mind that this thing had happened and they'd released it yeah and uh I found that fascinating yeah and I've met him a few times but I don't want to ask him no about that

he won't remember no but I definitely wanted to ask Jessica and I've completely forgot to do it yeah uh so yeah I have to get her back I'm kind of glad you didn't ask her that really yeah why I liked all the food chat we had and stuff.

Yeah, actually, I mean, I know regrets about the things we did talk about.

I was laughing throughout because she's laughing.

She's so funny.

She's absolutely brilliant.

And she didn't say Heinz-Baked Beans, of course.

No, she didn't.

Welcome to my restaurant.

She did say welcome to my restaurant.

She said that

kales for donkey.

Yeah.

A lot of great things.

Yeah.

So everyone should, obviously, if you want to hear Jessica say more great things,

watch the franchise.

Watch the franchise.

Sky comedy and now.

And now.

Do go and watch that.

I'm going to go watch it.

I'm going to go and watch it.

Audition for it.

Of course.

Rightfully didn't get it.

Yeah.

Him has got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The proper actor who's been in like Christopher Nolan films.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

And you know what?

It was an honor to be up at the same role.

I'd seriously considered as much as he was.

Seriously considered as much as he was.

It means a lot to me that they...

Yeah.

I'd imagine you audition in between them sending the email,

offering it to him when and then there was like a day what just before his agent replied and that's when they did your audition so they could just fill a bit of time yeah yeah bonito's just got out to take a phone call so for the listener yeah we've been left completely the monkeys are in charge of the bus

the monkeys are in charge of the bus and we're going straight to foolish town here's i have so much to edit out now quick quick little announcement before he gets back if you want to win a signed shopping board by the great bonito all you have to do is tweet the off-menu official twitter saying hello that's all you've got to do yeah if you hello tweet hello and then there's no time limit on this yeah and bonito will get in contact with you yep get your address yep and he will sign the chopping board and send it to you open-ended it's open-ended so this never expires yeah this offer oh and here's something else you need to know yeah the great bonito has skid marks All over his pants?

Yeah.

Whoa.

Ed, we said we weren't ever going to reveal that.

Yeah, but i didn't ever think the monkeys would be in charge of the bus the monkeys are in charge of the bus that guy's got skip marks all over his undies and now everybody knows about it so listen if you want to win two chopping boards

you tweet hello full stop

how are you how are those skinnies looking bonito bonito yeah and then hashtag the monkeys are in charge of the bus

That's two chopping boards.

That's two choppies.

That's if you want two chopping boards.

If you want just one, you just tweet hello, and that's fine.

If you want two, it's hello, full stop.

how the skinny is looking bonito hashtag monkeys who in charge of the bus

thank you very much for listening to the off many podcast we i think it's that button that you press joe yeah i'll press this button yeah

Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Talk about refreshing.

You know what else is refreshing this summer?

A brand new phone with Verizon.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September, the time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.