Ep 262: Joe Locke

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, taking the batter of conversation, pouring it into the waffle iron of the internet, removing it when it's cooked, and adding the maple syrup of humor.

We're having waffles for breakfast.

That's Ed Gamble.

My name is James A.

Caster.

Together, we own a dream restaurant.

Waffley versatile.

Waffly versatile.

Is there a little popping sound at the end?

Together we own a dream restaurant.

And every single week we invite the guests and ask them their favourite ever.

Start a main course.

Drink, dessert.

Side dish.

Side dish, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is Joe Locke.

Joe Locke is a fantastic actor, famous, of course, for Heartstopper, a hugely successful, popular netflix show massive based on some really lovely graphic novels actually yeah by alice osman i met alice at the um gbm banquet oh she was lovely and dealt with a lot of people coming up to her and they saw her doing one sort of bespoke drawing yes for someone and then she had to do about 90 of them and unfortunately that the last thing I had to do was go and get her to do one for my tour manager, Paul Brown.

Well, because he's a huge fan.

Did you draw Paul Brown?

No.

Quite easy to draw Paul Brown.

Yeah.

Tell Paul if he wants me to draw him, I can do it for him.

Lovely looking boy.

Yes.

Gorgeous.

A gorgeous boy.

Paul, if you're listening, keep doing you, buddy.

But we're not here to talk about Paul Brown.

We're here to talk about Joe Locke.

Not only is Hot Stopper Season 3 coming to Netflix on the 3rd of October, Joe has also bagged himself apart.

in Agatha All Along, which is very exciting, which is launching in the UK on Disney Plus on September the 19th.

It is, of course, the spin-off Marvel Disney series from Wondervision following Catherine Hahn's character.

And there's a big reveal at the end of Wondervision.

Yes.

But we won't spoil it for people.

No.

It was Agatha all along.

Yeah, yeah.

That's a really cool song about it.

So you probably saw it if you're on the internet.

But I'm very excited to watch it.

It's the most excited I've been about a Marvel show in a long time, I think.

Yes, it's very exciting.

But listen, if Jose has the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out of the the dream restaurant and lock the door behind him.

Oh, I love it.

Thank you very much.

This week, the secret ingredient is

spring onions.

Might come up.

You never know.

Yes.

It's because his character in Heartstopper is Charlie Spring.

Yeah, that's why.

And look,

we did a little bit of a check.

In the past, a secret ingredient was spring onion beard.

Yes.

As in the little bit that comes off of the bottom of a spring onion, a horrible little beard.

Yeah.

But we've not done just full spring onions before.

Yeah.

So this is a new one.

We actually like spring onions just because this character's called Charlie Spring.

I don't really have them in the house anymore because if you don't use them straight away, the green bit goes all floppy.

Yeah, it all turns into one big beard.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah, horrible.

ZZ Top.

They all turn into ZZ Top, mate.

Exactly.

No one wants that.

Apart from in ZZ Top, of course, there was one member without a beard.

His name was Frank Beard.

It's really good stuff.

Yeah.

It's like, that's one of those facts that everyone knows, like tomatoes are a fruit, but everyone enjoys hearing it.

Yes, exactly.

I think think maybe it was.

Was it Frank?

It was something Beard.

His surname is Beard, and he's the one who doesn't have a fruit.

That's the important bit.

Frank Beard.

Frank Beard is Frank Beard.

Frank Beard doesn't have a beard.

Yeah.

Tomatoes are a fruit.

Yeah.

And we hope that Joe Locke is a very open guest.

Because

he's not locked.

I hope he's not locked down.

I hope he's quite open and chatty.

This is the off-menu menu of Joe Locke.

Welcome, Joe, to the Dream Restaurant.

Oh, it's good to be here.

Welcome, Joe Lock, to the Dream Restaurant.

I've been waiting outside for quite a while.

Apologies, actually.

Thank you.

Is that something that you would do for a restaurant?

Would you queue to get a table?

No.

Normally, it would just DM them and then they'd give me a table.

Yes, finally.

Someone using the celebrity status.

Sometimes it doesn't work, but it works quite a lot.

I respect this honesty.

Oh, I also have this.

I have a fake email that I use as my assistant, which is actually me on a different email.

And I use that to get like restaurant things because I've realized that if you are pretending to be official, there's more of a chance that people will take you seriously.

Yeah, if it feels like you've got a sick person.

My assistant's called Lisa Fox.

I wanted a name that was slightly maybe porn star, but like still could be a real name.

And she got me a free holiday.

So that was a great one.

That's a great assistant.

Yeah.

Lisa Fox.

Lisa Fox is great and you don't have to pay her anything.

No, I know.

It's great.

How does Lisa Fox's email manner differ from your own?

She says the things that I couldn't say.

Like, oh, Joe is unable to do that, unfortunately.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, we need heal on the new one Instagram story or

like really harsh.

And I'll come in like, oh, thanks so much, Lisa.

Does Lisa ever take over?

Does Lisa ever say anything about you?

Like, oh, Joe can be a bit temperamental.

No, but maybe I should start doing that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's more authentic.

Yeah, I think.

Eye roll emoji and stuff like that.

She's had a really hard week with Joe this week.

Sorry, Joe's not getting back in contact at the moment.

Yeah.

Are you worried now, though, that people might hear this and be like, well, we know who Lisa Fox is.

We're not responding to that.

You're going to have to just change it up.

I'll just change her name.

Think of another slightly porno name.

It's not Lisa Fox with three X's, is it?

No, but it should be.

I was going to change it to.

Last time it was one of them.

Well, I mean, look, what we're very excited about is, well, there's a number of things, actually, but Agatha all along, we're all excited about that.

Has Lisa Fox has got to be a little bit more like that?

Has Lisa Fox been working hard with this?

She's been using that to get me some restaurants.

Yeah.

Did she like email Kevin Feige?

You know what?

She didn't, but she maybe should

be future.

I think her and Feige should talk.

Or Feige's assistant, or is it Feige pretending to be someone?

Yeah, Defair.

Maybe.

I feel like Feige probably does have an assistant.

I know he has an assistant.

He does.

Have you met them?

I have.

Is it Feige with his cap off so you can't recognise him?

I have actually seen Feige without his cap.

That's one of my big things in life.

I've seen him without his cap on.

Why did he take it off?

I don't know.

I think because you were at dinner.

Maybe it was a you know got to be respectful.

Yeah, he's got a really nice head.

Has he?

Yeah.

Why does he hide it all the time?

I do his cap.

No, it's a power play, clearly.

He takes the cap off for, you know, his most valued cast members.

I would hope so.

Yeah.

Let's just say he goes, this is the real me.

Did he stare at you really intensely and say, this is the real me, Joe?

He didn't.

He didn't know.

I'm going to be really careful because I really would like him to give me more jobs.

Yes, because he listens to anything.

Oh, yeah.

He'll definitely listen.

No spoilers.

You might be in trouble now just for the feeling that he's got a head.

Maybe.

I probably will be.

Yeah, everyone will know.

If you're the Marvel brain.

If he's got a top of the head.

Yeah.

I mean, speaking of spoilers, what can you even tell us about Agatha all along?

Nothing?

I can tell you it's about a show about witches.

And my character, I can't tell you anything about because that he's mysterious and that he has a big mystery that holds a lot of the keys to the show, which is great.

That's good.

That's cool.

And that's sort of it.

We go on this long long road and fight things to get power yeah look at i mean the the the gymnastics you have to do yeah yeah i don't envy it i saw it in your eyes you're like you're about to say what you fight and you were like things things yeah we had our press junket this weekend and it was it was a long one and to the end me and catherine who plays the lead were like sort of helping each other not spoil things yeah there was one time she was like and then joe does and i was like i don't think that's in the trailer she's like things he does stuff

well you're already better than tom holland at this Yeah.

Although I found out all of that was fake.

What?

It was all a press thing, like a marketing.

He did it one, he like spoiled one thing, and then they're like, oh, we're going to run with this.

Yeah.

It felt like that, you know?

Yeah.

After a point, you're like, this is just, they know it's fun and it's funny.

So they go, okay, you can say this.

Guess what?

This will probably have to come out in the edit.

Yeah, because Joe's not allowed to spoil the fact that...

Tom Holland's spoiling stuff is fake.

What if Joe's been told he's allowed to go out and they're like, I'll tell you what would be a good news story yeah is if joe lock reveals that tom holland's spoiling stuff is fake and then that'll run and then people will watch all all of the all of uh the tom interviews again all of joe's interviews and we'll get loads of press off it i think that's joe could be playing this thing i could be completely playing it i've been fooled and you you're you're more sucking at the marvel teeth than anyone happy to had you auditioned for marvel stuff in the past i hadn't the when they first sent me the audition for this i didn't have a clue what it was about they like the first episode which i can say because in the trailer is like very like because agatha's in a spell at the end of wonder vision she's like caught the true crime book in our show so

my first scene was a scene from episode one which is set in like a police drama and i was like what the hell is this this is not a marvel series yeah because they didn't tell me anything and then like as i got more in the process they were like telling me a bit more and a bit more and a bit more we've both auditioned for stuff for marvel stuff before and it's funny i have I thought you had.

Oh, no, I think I did.

I can't remember what it was for, though.

But what's fun is then seeing the thing that comes out yeah and spotting the character that you auditioned for played by a megastar played by a megastar you're like well there's no way i was ever going to get that but also like you auditioned you you got given a completely different scene that wasn't even in it in the first place because you get to piece it together and go ah yeah yeah

it was the part of chris hemsworth yes obviously yeah yeah are you much of a foodie do you like food i do like food i've i've been able to eat a lot of nice food because of lisa fox

she's absolutely hooked you up

what's the best reservation that Lisa Fox has managed to bag you oh

this nice restaurant in Capri when I was on holiday a few weeks ago which I tried and wasn't able to but Lisa Fox was able to

wow so you're the nicest pizza I've ever had in my life they're like absolutely no way they just read my Instagram message didn't reply but Lisa Fox did Lisa Fox like she found so you just email them on their normal like info at the restaurant's name does she give info money does she say hey have you seen heartstopper she

you can't say that no but she like she says who i am yeah then in the next email she'll like go into it a bit more the reason i do it is because she can say things that i can't if i said them i'd sound like an asshole yeah but she can say it can say this is not good enough well she's a sassy trick lisa thought yeah she is yeah she's a history in the industry

Well, we will start with still a sparkling water, Joe.

Do you have a preference?

Sparkling.

I feel like I'm the only person under 25 who likes sparkling water.

But I find water boring.

So the sparkling water gives it like, I don't know, some energy, some fizz.

Yeah.

Well, you know, young people today, you got a shorter attention span.

Yeah, exactly.

So you need the water to be doing something.

Exactly.

I need you to keep me hooked.

But you were saying that you think you're the only person under 25 who likes sparkling water.

I think that...

Is it not big with the kids these days?

No.

Oh, man.

I feel like flavoured sparkling water is...

Yeah.

Seltzer.

Seltzer.

Because everyone loves a white claw, but not like normal.

Like a bottle of San Pellegrino.

So does it make you feel like older when you drink a Sampelle?

An old soul.

I do.

I am an old soul in general, though.

So yeah, it feels very fitting.

Yeah, that's why you're able to pretend to be Lisa Fox.

Exactly.

I presume she's over 25.

Well, yeah, she's in my head.

She's like mid-30s and a bit too much filler.

Like.

Yeah.

No, this is what I embody.

This is what I am inside, really.

Yeah.

It's aspirational.

Let's pitch the movie.

It's Mrs.

Doubtfire for the TikTok generation.

You get yourself in a situation where you have to dress up as lisa fox yeah so what if that happens what if they want to meet her you're emailing and they fall in love with lisa fox i have had people ask me how she is when i've like oh how's lisa it's really great to email her i'm like oh she's great she's really good yeah you know she works really hard bit too much fellow again but there you go

she'll get the balance right one day

poor lisa fox

it's a good film yeah it's a good film we can pitch it i think we should we can all get in get in on this together but i think I mean, couldn't really fit into the MCU, so probably not.

So, no, maybe not.

Probably not pitcher to fire you, maybe not.

I mean, you never know, they've got a lot of different things now, yeah.

When he takes his cap off, is that like it's not work now?

Like, I don't know, I feel like for the first time,

it's not work,

you know.

You want to impress him.

Was it just you and him?

No, there was there was a few of us which made it way easier.

All the Avengers, he's a very, very lovely man.

Yeah, oh, I'm not an Avenger, unfortunately.

Were the Avengers there, though?

They weren't.

That was like I was trying to catch you out, but

you and the rest of the Avengers, and you were very quick.

I'm not an Avenger.

Yeah.

I wasn't really trying to catch you out.

Yeah.

Accidentally, I did.

Accidentally, I've got you.

You did get me.

You really got my channel.

Joe Lock's an Avenger.

We got him.

You think you got him?

I just got him.

This is huge for the pod.

People keep asking me, like, oh, is your character going to come back?

And I'm like, well, obviously I want him to.

Like, it's a stupid question.

Of course, I want him to, but I don't know.

Yeah.

People feel like they're going to catch me out.

I'm like, well.

I wouldn't say no, obviously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's an awful question as well, because it's not like any of them.

Even if your character died if if they all come back so so you know that's not no one ever dies in a marvel show yeah they all come back as a different part now they've got friggin' downey jr back again you're like well obviously i don't have to ever get worried if any of them die

that was the biggest death you ever did and now he's like six weeks later all right as i'm going

back again you're excited takes his mask off like feiggy takes his cap off

feige had to teach him how to do that yeah he did do it like this this is the dramatic way of doing it.

People go nuts when I take my cap.

So you're going to have San Pellegrino.

Yeah.

That's my brand of choice.

You want any ice and lemon in there?

Yeah, loads of lemon.

Also, maybe some lime.

I prefer a lime and a lemon.

Good on you.

I prefer.

Let's rank the citrus fruit.

Okay.

Yeah.

Lime, grapefruit, lemon, orange.

I'd say that's correct.

Are we just sticking to those four?

Or what you?

The big hitters.

What are you trucking in?

Well, I hate to be this guy, but where's the old Yuzu?

I do like a Yuzu.

Yeah.

And Yuzu?

Fucking that.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

Where's Yuzu going in the, if you're ranking it amongst those four, which you did perfectly then immediately.

The bottom, but only because, you know, it's less common

on potential occasions.

It doesn't pop up as much, does it?

Yeah, yeah.

Poplubs or bread.

Pop lobs or bread, Joe Luck.

Poplops or bread.

Oh, bread.

Yeah.

But like a focaccia, like

an oily focaccia, not a bredy focaccia.

You've just got back from Italy, did you say you were on holiday?

Kids.

Yeah.

So are you in an Italian mindset?

I'm always in an Italian mindset.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, this is good.

Yeah.

How oily are we talking?

Like, really oily.

Like, the focaccia needs to, like, juice when you bite into it.

Nice.

Yeah, that's good.

Garlic and rosemary on top.

Well, you say you've always, always been in Italy in your mind and in your heart.

When did that start?

I think my mum only used to be able to make two meals.

No offense, mum.

Bolognese and chili.

Yeah.

Bolognese with spices in.

So

Zay, that is two dishes is a real.

That's a lovely compliment to your mum.

Bolognese, chili, or mints.

Literally, every meal, very northern mum, every meal had mints in.

So I think probably then.

But then I found real Italian food and that as well.

Again, no offense, mum.

No offence.

I mean...

I love a bolognese.

It's one of my favourite.

Whenever I go home, I always get her to make it for me.

That's what you're hoping for when you go home.

You're hoping for the bolognese roller coaster.

Oh, and the sleeve.

When I go home.

She'll often say yes to making it.

In the same way, like whenever I go home, she'll also do all my laundry and because she just likes having me home.

Yeah.

Which is mean of me to take advantage of, but I definitely do.

Yeah, but you know, if the offer's there, right?

Exactly.

Yeah.

If the offer isn't there, I know who can get it for you.

Email your mum.

Yeah.

Hello.

Joe would like the bolognese when he returns home.

I think she'd absolutely kill me if I did that.

Still goes out of her way to say who you are at the time.

I link to your IMDb and your insta.

Yeah, in case she's forgotten.

Yeah, if you do all his clothes, then you'll do an insta tweet.

Yeah.

Insta tweet?

Oh, I'm so old.

Are you having anything to dip it in, or should it be oily enough for catcher that it doesn't need it?

Balsamic.

I love a vinegary, anything with vinegary, but like olive oil and balsamic.

Not a sweet balsamic, like a really...

Yeah, I'm with you.

I don't like when it's too sweet.

Actually, I get annoyed that I was giving it.

When it's thick and sweet, it's like, yeah, yeah.

yeah.

No, it's almost a glaze.

Yeah, you don't want to touch it.

My partner got the glaze during lockdown, ordered it.

She absolutely loved it.

She was like, have you tried this?

I was like, yeah, it's disgusting.

And it's the worst thing that's happened to me during lockdown.

I can't believe you did it.

I can't believe you got the Balsamic glaze.

Let's get into your menu proper.

Okay.

Your dream starter.

I had this for the first time a few months ago, and I've...

probably ordered it every week.

It's the Pau Baji from Dashume.

I think it's like blended vegetables and spices and they give you some bread to dip it in i don't know what is in the mix but it is the most delicious thing yeah ever and i luckily live in the dashum delivery radius yeah it's just one of my biggest brags in life so i at least once a week will order it just that and listen to any crazed Joe Lock fans listening to this there's a number of Dashums yeah and a number of radii so you're not going to be able to figure it out also from that I think Dashum do dark kitchens now as well so so could it really be anywhere could be anywhere it could be anywhere.

So just don't even bother trying to figure that out.

That, yeah, I mean, that's great.

When you realize you're in the radius of one of your faves.

I was in New York for a while at the start of the year, and lots of my castmates were like,

they all kept going on trips.

I'm going to go to London.

Like, oh, I'm going to go to Deshum.

And I was like, well, I live within the Deshum.

They love Dashume.

Americans.

Absolutely.

How they love the queuing aspect and all the

experience you don't have to deal with.

You know what?

I dash.

I have never not queued.

Really?

Yeah.

Are they not?

Are they

like, they're like, they don't

have to be aware of it?

I feel like it was a try.

I just, I quite enjoy the chai when you're queuing outside.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The whole experience.

Okay, so for Dashum, you'll queue.

Yeah.

I mean, look, I love Dashum,

but the queue, I'm not dealing with it.

That's why I get delivered.

25 minutes on delivery.

Narrowing it down now.

Yeah.

They're there.

They're sitting at a map of London with a compass to spin it out right.

She's either here, here, or here.

Is there any castmates who you've like, you know, you've bonded over going for meals, going for good food?

I, well, yeah, I mean, I was in Atlanta for a long time last year, and they have

weirdly have really good food in Atlanta, which you wouldn't expect, no offense to Atlanta, but...

Well, full offense by the time you're in the city, yeah.

It's a really foody city, and

we go for a lot of meals with our castmates, which is fun.

Because then also, if you go with Marvel, then you never pay.

You can go to really nice restaurants and just eat what you want.

Yeah, I will have the main on the side and two glasses of champagne.

Thanks.

Is that why Feige takes his cap off because he's got his wallet under there?

Yeah.

There's all the money.

He takes off and all the money just falls off.

He does.

It's all loose change and notes.

It just cascades down onto his shoulders.

And the weighter has to pick it off of his head.

Which is a really heavy Amex.

Yes.

There's Mickey is under there now.

Yeah, he has to.

Surgically attached.

Can't remove him.

They got him.

I went to just landed out at the weekend in California, which was really fun.

And they like, I asked them, because we were going to be in Anaheim for the week, oh, can we go?

And they're like, oh, you're really busy because it's D23.

I was like, well, I don't expect a queue.

You're going to be taking me.

But it was a very, very fun.

Did you skip lines and stuff?

Did you get

a little escort, which is great?

Oh, wow.

It's a real power trip.

That's the dream.

That's your dream.

Yeah.

Being shown around Disney and skipping all the queues.

I would love, especially if you're, I mean obviously in my head you're being shown around by one of the characters

yeah it was Mickey

Mickey himself well with that off haunting and it's figures under there that's the actually yeah that's the twist

Mickey Mouse if you were being escorted round Disney by one of the characters which character would you most like to escort you around Disney yeah oh goofy yeah yeah I don't know because he's goofy he is goofy but I don't trust his organizational skills yeah he's gonna get you killed man yeah you were like just fine don't put the seatbelt on yeah yeah.

You don't want to be showed around by a goof.

No, maybe not.

I think Minnie would be responsible.

She would.

Yeah.

Daisy.

Yeah, and she's used to dealing with...

I mean, she hates her husband.

Yeah.

They all seem to just have dysfunctional marriages.

Yeah.

Well, because they're all clearly related to each other.

That's true.

Yeah, that's good.

That's not ideal.

Daisy Duck is Donald Duck with eyelashes.

They're related.

You're going to get in trouble for that, man.

I'm not.

You're going to get in deep trouble.

I don't work for Disney.

Not with that.

Not face to work.

You're never working for Disney.

Oh, shit.

I used to have a bus driver that used to do a really good Donald Duck impression.

Not related, just

at what point would he do the impression?

How would he, how would he?

Like when you were getting on the bus, you'd be like, can I have a child ticket to town, please?

And he'd be like, I just can't do the impression.

Yeah.

But he would say yes and the Donald Duck for him.

He'd be like, yeah, that's 70p or something.

Yeah, he would.

And then would you still want to get on the bus after that?

Yeah, I mean, in the Isle of Man, there's not much choice.

Just get on the bus or walk for two hours.

Yeah.

you have to get on the donald duck bus yes

start i remember when i was like young it being fun but then i was like 13 and you're still doing it yeah get a new impression man yeah

you've had a long time to work on a new impression and this isn't fun for us all we're all on the isle of man yeah the loudspeaker like yeah

Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Talk about refreshing.

You know what else is refreshing this summer?

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Are your dream main course?

There's a restaurant in New York called Donangi, and it's like Italian-American, and they do these lasagna rolls it's like a big dish i don't know why they decided to make them rolls but it's the nicest thing i've ever eaten in my life i said that about the paboji but i still mean it

should all be

except well then it's the nicest meal i've ever had in my life yeah and that was a lisa fox reservation oh yes well done lisa well done lisa will only eat lasagna if it's in rolls

if we see it stacked like a normal lasagna you are in big trouble.

Only in rolls.

Yeah.

So as in the pastas, everything's rolled up.

It's like rolled and then they like slice it.

So like a Swiss roll.

It's like a Swiss roll that's like cut up.

So like in a dish.

Like an M ⁇ S wrap.

Yeah, but like loads of little M ⁇ S wraps in a dish.

I think Swiss Roll covered it for analogy-wise.

Well, Joe said that they cut it diagonally at the top.

Yeah, they do.

Oh, it's diagonal.

And for me, that's like a M ⁇ S wrap.

An MS wrap or even a Sainsby's or Tesco wrap, you know, they tend to do it diagonal cut

at the top.

There's something about the diagonal cut that makes everything seem more fancy.

It is.

Because sometimes I'll do that at home with a steak.

Oh, wow.

And you feel like you...

Well, yeah, you let it rest and then you just, when you're cutting it, just go in diagonally and then put it on a plate and then for presentation, just sort of fan it out.

And I'll do that at home alone.

He does it at home alone and he pretends the steak's his wife and

he talks to it.

Yeah, I also have a wife.

Steak was my round wrap, my main, but the lasagna took it.

The lasagna rolls sound great so they then putting them in the dish and then sort of putting more stuff on top of bakery like more cheese and more sauce and yeah yeah they used to have a michelin star but they lost it but oh no i don't know why because their food's amazing it's weird i wonder what

they're trying to get the star back with the diagonal cut well this is why i was like probably a good time to go because they just lost the stars they'll be trying to get it back yeah perfect so they're working hard did lisa fox say that in her email

Do you want that star back?

How about you get a star?

Come and eat in your rest.

Well, I have a star for you.

Yeah.

I'll be so tempted.

You're very restrained with Lisa Fox.

If it was me and I was pretending to be my own assistant, I would go absolutely hog wild with stuff.

My friends and family keep me like, can I use her email to like get when we're on holiday with you?

And I'm like, no, you know,

if I expand Lisa Fox to more than just me, then who knows what she'll do.

Yeah.

But also, here's the thing.

I think Lisa Fox works for you because you're you and you're an actor and you're on the show.

Yeah, but they use on my name and then I just won't turn up.

Yeah, you can't beat it.

Yeah, they can't do that.

No.

Or even if they're just saying, like, hey, it's Lisa Fox.

I've ever said Joe Locke,

could his mum come and have a meal soon?

I mean, that's going to start.

Then it's like, oh, this Joe Locke guy doesn't even tell, he just tries to get meals for his family.

Surely one day you're going to have an actual assistant.

I mean, hopefully.

There's going to be a horrible moment where you're going to have to fire your fake assistant.

Oh, no.

Will you send out an email from Lisa Fox to everyone saying, I'm leaving the current position, but here's my replacement if you need anything.

Maybe I will.

Just like use the same email and just, yeah, yeah.

Or whoever you hire.

You have to say, by the way, your name's Lisa Fox now.

Yeah.

No, no, I think Lisa Fox has to send out an email letting all the people know.

It's with a heavy heart.

The condolence is rolling.

Yeah.

That I terminated my employment with Joe Locke.

It's been.

15 glorious years.

I just can't handle him anymore.

Yeah.

I really respect this strategy of booking restaurants, though, not just the Lisa Fox.

I mean, if I can get a reservation on my own, I'll just get a reservation.

Sure.

Yes, but Lisa Fox's plan B.

Lisa Fox is there if it doesn't.

Because restaurants always have tables.

Yeah.

They always do.

They're saving them.

That's a secret that you learn.

The deeper you get into this biz.

Hold on a second.

Restaurants have always got tables.

Are you shitting me?

They're like, yeah, yeah, they're all.

Yeah.

Somebody tells you.

Every performance, every theater has seats.

They're all there.

None of it's sold out.

We'll We'll get you in.

Speak for you as well.

Although I'm going to the fringe tomorrow and I wanted to get tickets for a show.

So I emailed them and they were like, no, we're really sold out.

And I was like, actually sold out?

Like, really?

And they're like, yeah.

I was like, oh, right.

Never happened to you before.

Maybe I had to go industrial on that.

The next day, it's like, my name is Sam Buttersby.

I am Joel Luck's lawyer.

You better free up those seats or we can take you to card.

Yeah, maybe I will tomorrow.

Get Sam Buttersby off me.

I will.

The lawyer.

Have you got a lawyer in real life?

I I do have a lawyer.

Well, not anymore.

Well.

You got Sam Buttersby.

Sam will have to fight with my lawyer because she's great.

Yeah.

I wouldn't want to be at the end of.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, dear.

Perfect filler as well.

Your dream side dish, Joe?

Really thought about this one.

I've gone with on the same lines of having it with the lasagna and not just my like, because if it wasn't, I'd just have like really vinegary chippy chips that would be my but they wouldn't go with the lasagna so i've gone with like really garlicky citrusy broccolini like the long ones yeah like really like so garlicky and citrusy that it hurts when you eat them oh you want people being in pain yeah i want like three whole limes or lemons like just to squeeze on top yeah we can provide you with the whole you know all the citruses ranked yeah okay just on if i can decide what mood i'm in dual yeah you can just go for it you know are you gonna put grapefruit on your broccolini though maybe not, maybe not, but it'll be there.

You never know.

Yeah, you never know what sort of mood you're gonna put.

That's just because people haven't started doing that yet.

Maybe if a restaurant started doing grapefruit on the broccolini, everyone would be like, actually, that's awesome, and copy it.

There was at this Donange restaurant, they did a chrysanthemum salad of like chrysanthemum leaves from the flower, which was weird but delicious.

Sounds a great place.

Yeah, this does sound good.

I'm just disappointed to hear it's lost its star.

Hopefully they get it back.

Hopefully this will help them.

We are very much part of the decision process with the Michelins.

Yeah, in the michelin organization yeah we we basically decide that's to be strange for that restaurant uh yeah we lost a michelin staff but then we got it back where we were mentioned on a podcast that discusses incest amongst the disney character yes

we're very grateful to them

are you such a foodie that you look for the michelin style places and you're like i'd like to tick that off i'd like to go to that place you know i have i went through a period where I was like, oh, I want to try and go to loads of like Michelin style restaurants.

And I've realized that I just don't have the palate for it.

Right.

Like, I I was in Brazil and me and my friend Kit were there for press and Netflix had booked us this like really nice restaurant, which is one of the best in the world.

Like 15 course tasting menu.

And then it got to the dessert and the food was like, it was fine.

I got to dessert and it was like what we thought was this chocolate thing with this white chocolate sauce.

It wasn't.

It was gorgonzola sauce.

And we just took a big bite of it.

And the chef was looking directly at me as I was eating it.

And I like, was like vomiting in my mouth because it was the most strong, like, it's disgusting.

Also a surprise, right?

Yeah, yeah i was expecting some really nice white chocolate at the end of this like long posh meal of like ones calls theirself like ants yeah so yeah how were you with the ants the ant was fine it tasted like lemons because it was eating lemongrass which is it was great so where are you ranking ants in the citrus

um above yuzu below wow above you

that's a bad day for you

poor yuzu there is that thing though if you're expecting one thing and it turns out to be another thing it's almost more disgusting i was trying to like tell the others at the table, like, don't, don't do it.

And they were like, but I had it in my mouth.

And I was trying to, and I was like, looking at them, like, they were both doing it at the same time.

And we were feeling the same things.

The chef was like staring at us, like, yeah, good.

You got your mouth full as they're going, I love white chocolate.

Down the hatch.

And you're trying to communicate it with them.

White chocolate, here I come.

Two tickets to chocolate town, please.

Trying to swallow it was horrible.

What are the Brazilian fans like?

Because all I ever hear from people who are in shows that are big in Brazil, they go out there and it's like madness.

Brazil is being in Brazil, it was the only time in my life I've ever felt famous.

Yeah, like we had like a car and security, and we were like, some are people outside every restaurant we go to.

And I don't know, they have a very fan culture there.

I'm not sure I could deal with that every day.

No, but it's nice to know people like at work, I guess.

So, not only was the chef staring at you,

there were people at the window just staring at you

eating the gorgonzola.

Yeah, everyone looking at you.

He thinks that's white chocolate.

We got him with the classic trick.

He's falling for it again.

Where are you from up north?

The Isle of Man.

So, sort of up north.

But that's not up north.

Well,

that's an island.

Yeah, but yeah, you're right.

Yeah, no, I'm not.

It's easier to describe as up north.

Yeah, I'm not right.

You are, because you're from there.

But when you say it about Michigan star places, so my girlfriend's from Manchester

and rightly gets very annoyed that places, often places in London get mission stars a lot quicker

than places outside of London, especially places up north and like I wondered if you you find that as well when you're like trying this mission star food and I was thinking that deserves a Michelin star no offense.

Again full offense I mean every time you say no offense

you really have fully slammed an entire place.

There's some great food in the Isle of Man but not good enough to get a Michelin star.

Yeah.

Maybe I've just not been to them.

Well there's a lot of fish.

I'm not a big fish fan.

Right, there's a lot of fish places on the Isle of Man.

Yeah.

You'd hope so as well.

You would.

Yeah.

I mean they're surrounded.

Yeah.

I think they should give a Michelin star to the bus driver for the impression.

Yeah.

The Michelin should start doing that.

Just awarding things that aren't food, but that they think are cool.

And going, that goes for Michelin star.

And so it's on the bus and there's Michelin.

And they're like, what's that for?

And he'll be like, what do you think it's for?

Going, going, going, going.

Well, that's just deserved.

Really sad one year he loses a star.

Yeah.

Yeah.

His impressions.

He did it.

He let it drop.

He did.

He started.

And then he's got to try and get it back.

He starts like wearing no bottoms to be more like Donald Duck.

Gets fired from the bus.

I was really confused then.

That would be more like Donald.

Yeah.

That'd be more like most bus drivers.

If you're a bus driver, I don't think I'd wear trousers for most people.

No one you'll see, right?

Can't they?

No, when have you looked down at a bus driver's crotch?

All the time, always check.

That's the rule.

Always check.

Always check when you go in a bus state.

They're not Donald Duck in it.

Or Winnie the Pooh in it.

Yeah, Winnie the Pooh's the main culprit.

is he the main person you think of when you think of someone wearing no trousers or pants is Winnie the Pooh you know what he is I saw someone walking past King's Cross yesterday with no shoes and no trousers on but he looked like like a he had like a shirt on so yeah he seemed quite he was on the phone yeah seemed very hot day normal it was warm day it wasn't like shorts though they were very clearly just underwear but shirt and tie on his mobile phone pair of calvins I saw the Olympians at King's Cross the other day dropped my phone off at the train station and they were all getting off the Eurostar And they're wearing their medals, Joe.

Good for them.

I mean, I would.

Yeah, and beat it, wouldn't actually.

Wouldn't you?

I don't know.

If everyone, if all the...

If everyone else was, then, yeah.

Yeah.

You don't know if you're ever going to do it again.

But I just would never win a medal.

Oh, come on, mate.

Yeah, you would.

Come on.

You might win an Oscar or something one day.

You told me you're not going to land in Heathrow holding the Oscar?

But then no one else will have won one, so I wouldn't have anyone else to do it with.

Depends who you fly home with.

That's true.

You could say to all the Oscar winners, do you want to come back to the Island of Man.

So come back to the Isle of Man for a party.

And then

as you get onto the plane, you just turn and go, Everyone hold your Oscars.

Everyone hold your Oscars.

Get them on your backpacks.

That's a big.

I mean, you would put it in your hand luggage.

I wouldn't trust it in the hold.

No, I'd hold on to it for the whole thing.

It wouldn't even go in the hand luggage.

No.

Yeah.

Just keep gripping onto it for dear life.

Yeah.

On the Isle of Man,

what's the vibe like on the Isle of Man with you now being successful in Hollywood, etc.?

Is it we're so proud of Joe or is it here he comes Billy Big Bollocks?

Here he comes, Billy Big Bollocks.

People don't give a shit, which is great.

Yeah.

But then it's almost like so the opposite that it's almost embarrassing.

Like

getting recognized in the Isle of Man is just the worst thing.

Yeah.

Because it's not like, oh, here's this actor.

I know his stuff.

It's, oh, here's the, here he comes.

Yeah.

Thinks he's all high and mighty now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even though we're currently saying that on the Isle of Man, which he's returned to and he's still visiting.

Yeah.

And seeing people.

So he clearly doesn't think he's too good for us because he's literally here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm really glad I've left, but like,

I love going back.

I feel like I've got a new appreciation for it now.

I've

been nice places.

Yeah.

Now I can, you know, go for two days and then leave.

Yeah, yeah.

I enjoy it way more.

Your dream drink.

Aperol spirits.

I think it's just like the classic Italian.

If you went for an Italian main course, it's just my favourite.

I could drink it like juice.

I do drink it like juice.

Oh, yeah.

In the summer.

So it's the, that's campari.

Aperol.

Aperole.

Same thing.

Is that different

apparol campari is more like bitter campari is actually orange whereas apparole looks orange but isn't orange yeah so this is actually a big moment i've i've not

Ed is the one who knows stuff on the podcast.

Very rare does he get picked up on stuff and he's got it wrong.

Wow.

You've already established that you're under 25.

I'm not going to ask what your exact age is, but you just fucking destroyed him.

Sorry, Ed.

You don't feel destroyed.

Well, you look

educated.

And also I feel thick because it's called an Aperol Spritz.

Yeah, so like really, really did you on that one.

So Campari, that was you straight up the gate, real confident.

But that's another It's a big red Italian drink, right?

That's like me when I said tweet on Instagram earlier.

Yeah

Prosecco?

Prosecco and soda.

I know people who just make it without the soda and they're like, oh, it's way better.

And then I said, no, otherwise it's not Spritz.

Yeah.

You need to have the soda.

Also, then you can make it a much bigger drink.

Yeah, and you can like, if it's just Prosecco and Apple, you can't like glug it.

Yeah.

I want to be able to like have three in half an hour and it'd be alright be acceptable yeah you got you got to glug the spritz yeah yeah are you are you are you quite a burpee boy after that I'm quite a burpee boy anyway yeah yeah prefer it being coming up this way though then being a party boy yeah man we recorded an episode earlier today and I farted during it Joe oh

sometimes you can't help it open up and tell you that I mean it's quite a small room it is it's a small room there's no real airflow in here

so yeah it was unpleasant it was a guess that I knew anyway that's good though though.

At least if it was, yeah, if I'd done it during this episode, I'd just like to.

It wouldn't break the ice, maybe, if you did it at the start.

No, no.

If I'd done it, how would you have to see me again?

I'd have felt like you know, you felt comfortable enough to fart in front of me, you know.

Yeah, it's a nice thing.

Sometimes, though, when you're like really clenching it and you just can't hold it anymore, yeah.

Well, exactly.

I mean, I didn't even do that last time.

Just let it go.

Yeah, didn't even let it go.

Just didn't even know it was going to happen until that happened.

I'm 39 now.

I shouted too loud, and that was was it.

It was when he was saying Popadums or Bread.

Right.

He shouted and the fart came out.

Yeah.

No one heard it.

I had to tell them it happened.

But I just felt, you know, better be honest.

Did it smell or was it away with it?

I don't think it did.

I don't think it was a smelly.

She really could have got away with it.

Yeah,

absolutely.

He completely got away with it.

But I thought, you know, this is the first of the podcast.

I've been recording these since 2018.

I should let them all know that it's finally happened and I've passed wind on the pod.

Yeah, it's a long time to not let it happen.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah,

you've done well, actually.

Yeah,

we should have a thing on the wall that says this many days without a fart.

We've got to put it back.

Put it back to zero now.

Yeah.

When you meet someone for the first time, when do you feel relaxed enough to fart or burp in front of them?

Sorry that it's come to this, Joe.

You know what?

It really depends.

I feel like there's a party that wants to do it

quite early to break the ice.

But it depends who it is.

Like, I'm not going to fart in front of Kevin Feigey.

Of course not.

If the hat's off, I think.

Well, the danger is if you fart and blow his hat off, that's...

That would.

You'll blow off my hat!

You little punk kid!

You'll never work in this town again.

But obviously, like, when you're doing, like, a long series...

I mean, within two weeks, you get so well.

You're spending...

You see each other at your worst.

Yeah.

You've never done it on camera by mistake?

Oh, many times.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

And Heartstipper in the last season, me and Kit were filming our first ever sex scene.

And Kit, he fired during the first...

Which is really great because it broke.

It's such an awkward thing doing a sex scene.

But it was like mid-kiss and i just heard him fart and i just never i think they they got it and they recorded it i really hope they make something to blooper real because it just like broke the ice completely yeah of like the awkwardness of

so that was a great fart

yeah that's a wonderful fart to know what i don't know it wasn't me who actually farted so i've just told his story sorry kid james tried to make the pun fart stopper there but did it too it's a good one that's what our we call it in our cast group chat we call it much worse than fart stopper but i won't repeat them on this add me to the group chat i will any anyway that'll be fun if out of nowhere it's all the cast are heartstopper and me and me for no reason and i'll keep calling it fast stopper and just say james a cast has been added to the group and then just fly just fart stopper fart stopper

put it on the pooper reel

put on the pooper reel and then i'll do like the devil horn's hands emoji and then i'll just wait and just look at it until someone replies i wonder what they reply i imagine i'd get get ignored for the whole thing who do you think would leave the group first if james kept posting um and it's always stuff like that i'm never like changing it i'll answer who i think would reply first yeah toby would toby would reply first and he would love it so great that's good i mean with toby straight away yeah and every now and again i think i would i'd only say if someone was opening up about something serious i would write and i'd only ever write we're all here for you

so i would do that i would say we're all here for you or i'd make puns about farts and those are my only two gears Yeah, I think, I mean, it's not a very serious group chat, so I think

that's really opening up.

No, no, not in that group gender.

If I ever, if I ever get serious, I'll have that, I have that.

Okay, just in, yeah, just that I can shift into we're all here for you.

Yeah.

But I'm not allowed to say it twice in a row.

Yeah.

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We arrive at your dream dessert.

This is very exciting.

I'm a sweet tooth boy, so dessert's my favorite course.

And I know that you were hoping something was going to be white chocolate and was annoyed it was

cheese cheese yeah so I know that you're on team sweet too I am I am I love cakes yeah

my dessert would be a tiramisu yeah love a tiramisu almost all Italian

I told you you stuck to your promise yeah or like a I also love a churro yeah that would but that's not really I feel like that's like a post dessert I had some really good geez and churro on my last tour in Cornwall where's the best tiramisu you've ever had you know what I love the MNS tiramisu wow after talking about being on the Amalfi coast and going to all these fancy restaurants yeah mediterranean and sardinia yeah that was very quick

that is that that's demeaning isn't it when one comedian says to another that was very quick

in like a congratulatory tone man but thank you the one that comes in like the big the big

tray one yeah the tray the whole tray on my yeah yeah that's good stuff and like is it really because i don't i don't know if i've had one from ms is it really creamy it's quite creamy and it's very coffeey as well.

Coffee-y.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd say coffee-y, yeah.

Yeah.

You want to really, yeah, I mean, it depends what, like, different.

I found that more and more with Tumasu, the creamier it is, the more I go nuts for it.

But then other people.

I think it's a lot of intolerance, so I just regret it later.

I guess also on my starter, it'd be too lactate just to take right into the starter.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I mean, look, you're in the dream restaurant.

So lactose intolerance doesn't exist.

Yeah, if you want the genie to take away your lactose intolerance, like John Coffee.

Yeah.

Coffee-y.

I'm I'm like John Coffey from the green mile I can take it away from him right yeah like John Coffee takes people's pain away from them I can take the lactose intolerance from him right so I'd be coffee e like like the chip

the guy have you seen the green mile yeah doesn't he take the pain away and it goes through him yeah so is then he like lactose intolerant are you like

he'll always then just spill it out of his mouth like this this swarm of flies but I guess when I take it in and absorb it I will have that temporarily within me and I will have to take

from Joe I'll just give you some lactose you yeah yeah have some with me.

I think today,

because I know a few lactose-intolerant people, do those pills actually work?

I don't know if it's like a placebo or something, but most of them I also just forget.

I'm like, in the moment, I'm like, it's fine.

And then two hours later, I'm just like crying over the toilet.

You ever have a pill that you're like, it's not working, I'm going to take another one.

Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's just lactase, so I don't think it'll do anything to you.

Yeah, careful, man.

You never know.

You take too many, then you can only eat dairy.

You become

dairy.

If you eat anything that isn't dairy, you're in trouble.

Yeah.

You have to live on a dairy-only diet forever.

That'd be awful if you became dairy, though, wouldn't it?

Yeah, I wouldn't like that.

I don't really like dairy

in things.

People who drink milk, I find really weird.

It's creepy.

A glass of milk.

It's creepy.

It's weird.

Unless you're a kid, it's creepy.

Are you familiar with the comedian Josh Whitticomb?

Yes.

He'll buy just a little pint of milk from the shop and drink it on his way home.

I just like grow up is what I think to that.

Correct.

Did you hear that, Josh?

Grow up.

Sorry.

Grow up, you loser.

No, I just, I also just hate the taste of milk.

Like that weird aftertaste you get.

Yeah.

And the thought of what it is just, like, creeps me out.

Yeah.

But if it's in stuff.

It's in stuff, it's fine.

Yeah.

I make a mean custard.

Talk us through the mean custard recipe.

Well, it's just cream and egg yolks and vanilla.

And then you just whisk it.

Nice.

But it just tastes really nice.

I've never made my own custard before, man.

Me neither.

To me, this is like...

This is...

Not for anything, just to have.

And then you can make it really thick and eat it with a spoon.

Yeah.

There's loads of people our age or older.

I'm talking about mine and Ed's age or older, who are just going, oh, young people these days.

They don't do as much.

We used to have proper experiences.

We don't make custard this guy.

Oh, yeah.

So, you know, what are you talking about if you're listening?

Is that your signature dish, would you say?

Or are there other things?

My signature dish is a brownie.

I can make...

a really good brownie like really fudgy i'm really specific yeah brownies have to be not cakey really fudgy almost like raw

oh that's i mean also i'm in for a stage i learned to make these uh brownies and afterwards i dip them in melted chocolate and let them set so they had a and that was yeah a good brownie you should never be able to have more than like a little square because it's so rich yeah yeah yeah it should make me feel really sick it should be the same size as the lactase pill yeah yeah There's a place, a new place that's opened up in Hackney called Running Late, which is a coffee place, which I mainly went in for the first time just to congratulate them that they hadn't gone with the pun running latte.

I I was like, first of all,

I said, first of all, congratulations on not calling this place running late.

I did.

Oh, my God.

I said, congratulations on not calling this place running latte.

And they went, thank you.

It was so many people told us to call it running latte.

And we stuck to our guns and called it running late.

And I was like, well, you feel like the right choice.

I feel like they've got the ultimate James Acaster experience.

First of all, congratulations on not calling this running latte.

But they've got these little brownie bites, these salted caramel ones that are layered up.

So it's like brownie, salted caramel, brownie, but it is very small, like you say.

They're good.

They're dangerously good.

I love a bit of caramel.

Yeah, they're a very nice little, like, just like perfect amount.

Like, each layer is the exact same size.

You've got double the brownie to the salted caramel.

Nice.

I'm not bored of it.

You know how everyone's going, like, salted caramel's everywhere.

I'm not mad about it.

I will never get bored of salted caramel.

No, it's great.

No.

I'm done with normal caramel now.

To me, that is normal caramel now.

Yeah, same.

I've done down on how much of a sweet tooth I had because I feel like it makes me feel like more of a kid.

But like it's more grown up to say you don't have a sweet tooth anymore.

But I 100% have a sweet.

You're talking to two people who have been going on.

We like absolutely strong-armed you into a conversation about farts.

You were talking about getting into nice Michigan star restaurants.

We're like, who people have a farted in front of?

So don't worry about

how old you appear because we are pathetic, Joe.

When we listen back to this, there's just going to be two

weird old men saying to a young, talented man, what's the worst fart you've ever done?

Indeed, do you?

You don't ask that.

No.

Probably after some dairy.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I'll be mentioning that in the group chat.

I was in a theatre once and my stomach was just, I just, in the middle, I never like leave a theater during a show.

I think it's really rude, but I had to.

I was like, it's me or the chair.

It's going to be rudeer to stay.

It's going to be really rude to stay to everyone around me.

Yeah.

I was like right in the middle and I felt like such a wonker.

Yeah, and you can't explain, can you?

No, that awkward thing of edging down past people.

I'm like, I'm just about to shut myself.

Please, sorry, can you move?

Yeah, yeah.

It just doesn't work.

When you left, did you go butt to their face or but to the stage?

It's just not helping us.

But to their face because I wanted to like the performer to know that I was like, I was still wanting to be there with them.

Yeah.

I'm watching for as long as I can.

Yeah.

And then I waited outside to the interval, even though it was like 10 minutes into the show, because I was like, I can't walk back in.

Yeah.

What was the show?

I'm not going to say that.

I can't say it.

Gruffalo Life.

Well, yeah, it was actually, it was the Guffalo Life.

Yeah, that's my favourite one.

Yeah.

Best thing I've seen.

I'll meet you menu.

Back to you now.

See how you feel about it.

Great.

You would like sparkling San Pellegrino water with every single citrus fruit at your disposal.

Pop dumps or bread.

You want oily for catcher with garlic and rosemary.

olive oil that oozes out of there and balsamic vinegar.

Starter, you want the Paobaji from Deshum.

Main course the lasagna rolls from don angie yeah

i'm gonna go and find them i want those lasagna rolls big time side dish the garlicky citrusy broccolini drink an apparole spritz which has what in it

apparole and dessert you would like the ms tiramasu yes fantastic that does sound very nice joe that's a that's a delicious menu i think and uh nice to have a new thing that has made both of our food bucket lists there.

Yeah, really happens.

Yeah, we do have to go to New York for it.

Yeah.

do you know anyone who can hook me up with first class tickets um

lisa fox might yes

lisa fox oh she's yet to get me airlines don't they don't do it no no i love that you've tried though i have

i have tried and i will try again

dear mrs fox for the millionth time

putting this guy in first class we do not care Has Lisa Fox been emailing Benito?

That's what I want to know.

Oh, yeah, but maybe Benito's been bigger than Lisa Fox.

That's quite exciting.

Maybe Rosie out there is just like,

we're going to go.

She's not there.

She's just, yeah.

I just hired her to like make me seem professional.

How about this?

How about this scenario?

Lisa Fox gets you first class on a plane and you sit down and the stewardess comes up to you and says Mr.

Locke please we'd like to treat everyone in the first class amazingly.

Will you like to come to the cockpit?

And you go in and then the pilot turns around and goes, what's up, Doc?

And the bus driver.

He's doing the bug's buddy impression.

And it's the bus driver, and he's gone up in the world in order to get his mission in starter back.

I think I'd probably get off the plane.

Even if it was middle.

I don't know.

Some of his driving was

very I love man.

Yeah.

Well, there are no speed limits, so there are some, but you can,

there's no national speed limits, you can drive as fast as you want on some roads.

Really?

That's it.

GTA, man.

Yeah.

It's cool, but like, so dangerous.

Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Joe.

It's been a pleasure.

See you on the group chat, buddy.

Yeah.

Fart stopper.

Fart stopper.

The wonderful Joe Locke there, James.

Thank you so much, Joe, for coming in.

What a lovely menu.

What a lovely menu.

What a lovely man.

And thank you for putting up with all of our shit.

Yes, we're very, very sorry.

And if this may improve our chances of having our apology accepted, we'd like to encourage everyone to watch Agatha All Along, which is out on the 19th of September here in the UK.

I'm told it's out on the the 18th.

In the US.

In the US.

Well, no, we've got some US listeners.

Yeah, but, you know, you're getting it a day earlier than us.

What's this?

Maybe it's timings.

So it'll just, because it's a few hours later.

So we just get it after midnight here.

Also, Heartstopper.

Series 3.

Series 3.

It's on Netflix on the 3rd of October.

In whatever country you're in.

Thank you, Netflix, for not screwing us over like Disney have done.

You're going to have an absolute Joe Locke fest in September and October.

Yes, and there's no excuse for not having a Joe Locke fest.

And shout out to the Donald Duck bus driver if you're listening, buddy.

We're sorry that we razzed you, but we hope you're having a great time.

I now want to go to the Isle of Man and just get every bus I see.

Absolutely,

until we see him.

Also, thank you to Joe Locke for not saying the secret ingredient, which I've now forgotten.

I've literally forgotten.

He didn't say it, right?

Did he?

Imagine if we remember it now, if, oh, fuck, he said it, and we should have chucked him out.

It was lasagna rolls.

It was lasagna rolls all moaned cut diagonally.

It was, of course, spring onion.

Spring onion.

I wasn't listening out for it.

Jeez.

I mean, did he say it?

Hang on.

Let's go through his menu again.

The Palbargi.

There might have been Spring Onion in that.

Yeah, you never know.

The lasagna rolls.

Side dish was.

Broccolini.

Okay, that's all right.

Yeah.

Obviously, Tim Basu ain't got

to be sticking out of an Apparol Spritz, although it might be.

I don't fucking know anything about it.

Yeah, no, LPMA wasn't an Apparole Spritz, but you didn't think Apparol was in it.

You got absolutely owned.

I didn't feel owned, I'll be honest.

Yeah, he until you said.

Owned you.

Until you said I'd been owned.

Yeah.

He could have gone a lot harder on me.

You wait till you listen back.

I ain't listening back.

I got owned.

You want to hear that again?

Look, maybe we have missed out.

Maybe it's in the power barge here.

We should have kicked Joe Lock out.

Well, listen, everybody.

This is very exciting because we'd like to announce a competition.

There's a new competition that Benito would like you all to know about.

All you have to do is you have to tweet the great Benito

and you have to tell him all the ingredients of an apparatus spritz and get them all completely right.

And everyone who gets it right

will get a sign chopping board.

You have to send

them in the order that Joe Locke said them in.

That's very important.

And then you will get.

the sign chopping board sent directly to your house.

We might make chopping boards.

This is something that benito's found recently today on for merch that we actually can get chopping boards and we're saying

can we get them with your signature on them like you know pre pre-signed but not him doing them by hand but when you've been offered when you've been offering a signed chopping board in your mind have you been offering a choppy board signed by the great benito yeah Because I assumed we were offering a choppy board signed by me and you.

No, I've always imagined it's signed by Ben.

But do you not remember when we actually had to send someone a signed chopping board where you both signed it i thought ben signed it what ben signed it oh first time we did it we said it was signed by ben and ben did it so that's a false memory you've got yeah signing the chopping board mandela syndrome mandela but like maybe mandela should have we should get okay if you list all the ingredients in the apparel spritz in the order that joe did them the great bonito will send you a chopping board signed by nelson mandela that is our promise

but bonito has just told us that only only one person has ever received one, even though we must have done this competition 80 or 90 times by now.

Yeah, so if you are due one and you haven't yet received it,

please tweet a screen grab of the DM that you sent to the off-menu account or whatever, going, I am owed this.

Yeah.

Pony up.

Yeah.

Also, I'm adding apricots to the fruit salad.

Yeah, so that's on there.

So if you've got the full fruit salad,

tweet off-menu official, say all the ingredients of the fruit salad, and then you'll get a signed chopping board.

And that should be it would be either from great benito or nelson mandela yeah and that's our promise and we will keep it we will keep it because we care about you care about our listeners and um listen it's an honor hosting this podcast for you every week and we don't take you for granted so enjoy your chopping boards enjoy your chopping boards look after each other bye-bye

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You check your feed and your account, you check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.