Ep 257: Amy Annette

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Speaker 1 Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the aubergine of conversation, slicing that up with the knife of friendship, adding the tomato sauce of good

Speaker 1 humor, the mozzarella of content, and the parmesan of being best buddies. Aubergine Parmesana.

Speaker 1 Aubergine Podcasta.

Speaker 6 Aubergine Podcasta.

Speaker 1 My name is James Ed Costa.

Speaker 1 Pat is that Gamble.

Speaker 1 Together, we own a dream restaurant. We invite a guest every single week.
And we asked for their favourite ever star, a main course dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order.

Speaker 1 And this week, our guest is...

Speaker 1 Amy Annette. Amy Annette.
Amy Annette, a wonderful comedian and a dear friend of ours, James. Yes.
I mean, for years, Amy has impacted the world of comedy in so many different ways.

Speaker 1 And she's finally taken her debut stand-up comedy show for the Edinburgh Fringe. Thick Skin is on at the Pleasants Courtyard right now.
So go along and see Amy Amy and Net.

Speaker 1 Listen to this episode first. Yes.

Speaker 1 And also like Amy's podcasts. Yes.
What women want. What women want.
Yes. Amy is a wonderful podcaster as well.
But get yourself to the show. Listen to this.
Get Amy's vibe if you don't know her.

Speaker 1 Pop along to the show.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a wonderful way to spend your time. You're going to have a great time here and there.

Speaker 1 Very nice. Of course, though, if Amy's is a secret ingredient that we've pre-established, she will be removed from the restaurant.
And you better hope she has thick skin if we're kicking her out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so she won't be upset because that's what thick skin means. Yeah, that's what thick skin means.
Yeah, and this week, the secret ingredient is nettle tea. You came up with this one, James?

Speaker 1 Yes, because Amy's got the word net in her surname. Yes.
So I just worked from there. Nettle tea.
I bought nettle tea.

Speaker 1 I have had nettle tea.

Speaker 1 You seem like the sort of guy who might have had nettle tea. Yeah, there was a period of my life where I wasn't drinking caffeine about five years.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And during that, I tried every tea under the sun. Yeah.
And nettle tea I just found very boring. I feel like you would have had nettle tea in your jumpers phase when you were wearing the jumpers.

Speaker 1 Sure. When you had the big hair and you were wearing the jumpers.
Yeah, that would make more sense to have done it then. I mean, a gig where everyone's having a drink and be like,

Speaker 1 do you have any nettle tea? I'd be like, I would quite like that, please. And everyone's just like,

Speaker 1 who's this fucking dweeb? You got to follow it up with a shot of Doc Cleave Squash. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Very important. Should we chat to Amy then? I'd love to chat to Amy.
This is the off-menu menu of Amy Annette.

Speaker 1 Welcome, Amy, to the dream restaurant. Hello.

Speaker 1 Welcome, Amy Annette, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

Speaker 10 Oh, my God, a genie.

Speaker 1 Wow. Hello.

Speaker 1 Finally, a reaction from a guest

Speaker 1 that establishes the fact you're a genie and they're impressed by you. And that you've exploded into the room in a puff of smoke.
Yeah, yeah. Green smoke.
No one has coloured the smoke before.

Speaker 1 No one has coloured the smoke before. Green.
It's not normally.

Speaker 1 Do you see that when you see a genie in popular entertainment rather than in real life? Thank you.

Speaker 1 Is it a colourful smoke or is it just your standard sort of white stuff? That's such a good point. I guess it is white, but then I'm thinking blue, even though I said green.
Because of Aladdin.

Speaker 1 Because of Aladdin. Because of Aladdin, is that blue? He's blue, right? Yeah, the smoke can't also be blue.
Maybe

Speaker 1 Benito, you don't have to Google this. Google image.
Straight away.

Speaker 1 genie puff of smoke aladdin yeah yeah what what's uh in the doo doo doo doo boop boop boop boop boop boop that one hang on you know uh

Speaker 1 i dream of genie i dream of genie yeah oh wow i would not have got that does she i thought that she pops out is that smoke she's out a lot of the time though right so yeah he's rubbing that lamp a lot

Speaker 1 Well, that would be a nightmare if you were married to a genie, though. And you're like, I thought we were going to spend time together.
And every time she's in a little bit of a little bit of

Speaker 1 a lamp, yeah, yeah. But she's so comfortable in that lamp.
Yeah. Have you seen it? It's like got a lovely bunket, yeah, sort of like a sort of lounge, a secret lounge.

Speaker 1 I don't think I remember the interior of that. They were married in that, oh, yeah, big time, yeah.

Speaker 1 She's a genie, but she's married, okay.

Speaker 1 Is he the master? Yeah,

Speaker 1 and I guess I'm also in my head thinking of the witch one, which is a different show.

Speaker 1 A lot of American shows about straight men marrying magical blonde women, magical blonde women who are their servants, yeah,

Speaker 1 Amy. no.
Puff of smoke. That's where we got to.
Puff of smoke. We've been for many meals together.
Yeah, so many. All of us.
I would say most of my meals are with

Speaker 1 either one of you. Yeah.
Or both of you. Or both of us.
Yeah. Really? Yeah.
That's exciting. I don't eat when I'm not with you.
Hang on. All of your meals.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right. So.
I'm hungry.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen either of you in Amy. No, we've both been on tour.
Yeah. If I'd known.
I'm so hungry. But you weren't eating.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because if I'm not in a fancy restaurant with my pants, I'm not eating.

Speaker 1 You know that internet phrase, passage and princess, and it's for like people who don't drive, they get driven around. I've not heard that, but I like it.

Speaker 1 I do like it, though. You're the passenger princess, James.
And you're the passenger king. No, that doesn't work.
You're the king. Anyway, you drive it.
That's what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 1 And I feel like I'm the passenger princess meals-wise with you and your continued food-based success. I've had some great meals off your own, off the back of this.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I get messages, you know, from you and that guy quite often being like, oh, we're in this nice restaurant and I get some little food pics. So you guys are striking out on your own.

Speaker 1 That's so depressing that even when we're on our own, we're like,

Speaker 1 let's show Ed what we're having a little job.

Speaker 1 You're referring to my longtime lover, Nish Gumai. Yes, absolutely.
Yeah. We don't normally like to say his name on the podcast.
Why?

Speaker 1 Is that the secret ingredient?

Speaker 1 We should start making it that. We should make it that for every episode.
Then we don't have to come up with a new one every time. And no one can ever mention Nish.
Yeah. But you love mentioning him.

Speaker 1 So you'd have to. Yeah, he loves being mentioned as well.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I listen to this podcast only the ones that I think I might be mentioned in. Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, you're mentioning quite, I mean, it's quite a few of them in the past, certainly, because you are well within the off-menu law. I'm in the law.
I'm in the canon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because of your advice when eating ramen, which is always order an extra egg. Such good advice, but need it be advice? It just feels like the most obvious thing in the world.

Speaker 1 But you said it first, you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, before any Japanese person.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure they'd say always order an extra egg. No.
No. I think to the wise, it seems obvious.

Speaker 1 But like to the rest of us,

Speaker 1 when you told me that for the first time, it changed my mind. Yeah.
And I lived opposite a Raman place at the time. Of course.
And that's now it changed.

Speaker 1 Everywhere. I just think

Speaker 1 it feels so decadent when you think about it, but when you do it, it makes so much sense. Also, often you're given half an egg as standard.
Yeah. So I'm just completing the circle.
Yeah. The oval.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So you're not ordering an extra egg really because they only give you a half in the first place.
And because of that, I actually do often order two, maybe three.

Speaker 1 Extra eggs. If it's possible.
Because

Speaker 1 I want two full eggs. You know, someone got a tattoo of that, right? What? Someone.

Speaker 1 I'm right remembering this, aren't I? A tattoo? Someone got a tattoo saying always order an extra egg. Is that someone you? No, no, no.
I mean, I'd happily get that.

Speaker 1 But they got like a picture of egg, maybe in Ramen, and it says, always order an extra egg. I'm trying to remember if they also

Speaker 1 don't put Amionette on that. Amyonette on it.

Speaker 1 If they also had it, that it was I don't think they did,

Speaker 1 but they, at least in the post online, credited you. Gosh.
So in some people's worlds, in the Marvel universe of your off-menu,

Speaker 1 but now that I'm here, I'm fulfilling some sort of prophecy. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, absolutely. That's powerful.
This is like one of the post-end game Marvel films. The nuggets.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you know? I recently learned that's not what they're called.

Speaker 1 The nuggets.

Speaker 9 They're called Easter eggs at the end of a movie.

Speaker 1 All right. Oh, God.
I I know. I disagreed with you because I was like, okay, the nuggets must be a thing.
I don't know. I've been calling them nuggets.

Speaker 1 At the end of the movie, I go, I go to Nish, my long-term lover. Is there going to be a nugget? And he tolerates me.
So he says yes or no. He doesn't say, that's actually not what they're called.

Speaker 1 But they're more called... Easter eggs.
No, post-credit sequence. Post-credit sequence.
Easter eggs are like within the film. Would be all the way through little references.
Gosh.

Speaker 1 So if you, I guess if you're referenced in an episode of Off-Menu.

Speaker 1 I'm an Easter egg.

Speaker 1 Who am I in the last? By the way, we're going to cut everything we've said before this, and the episode is going to start with you saying, I'm an Easter egg. Just poof.
A genie. I'm an Easter egg.

Speaker 1 But yeah, they're the posters. But they're definitely not nuggets.
No, I've learned the heartbreak. Now I want to start calling them nuggets.

Speaker 10 Call them nuggets.

Speaker 1 It's fun. That's a nugget, guys.
Really smart Millie turning to the rest of the cinema going, that's a nugget. Oh, do you remember the nugget with Harry Styles in it? Told you that being a nugget.

Speaker 1 Yeah. with handsome Brett Goldstein, all these nuggets.
It's exciting. I stopped a family leaving the cinema because Brett's nugget was coming up.
You said, my friend's going to be on this screen.

Speaker 1 I said, guys, you might want to hold your horses. There's a post-credits.
There's a handsome hairy man coming.

Speaker 1 They watched it. And when they left, their dad turned to me and said, thank you very much for that.
That's very decent of you. That's so nice.
And you went. Great nugget, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, pretty good nugget. Great nugget.
I really like that neither of you engaged with my weird horn for Brett there. I think that was correct.
Well, listen. Handsome hairy man.

Speaker 1 Handsome hair man. It's not, I don't think it's even a handy man.
It's just the facts, stating the facts. Yeah, yeah.
It's not a personal horn. It's a societal horn.

Speaker 1 It's a group horn. Everyone knows you've got a long-term lover.
A long-term lover who also has a wonderful eye. You're a handsome hairy man.
Oh, absolutely true. I have a doubt.

Speaker 1 Can we please, before we get into the menu, talk about your Edinburgh show? Oh, yeah. Thick skin.
I've seen the show and it's brilliant. I've seen the work in progress version of it.
Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 1 It was fantastic. I laughed a lot.
Thick skin, that's called. Yes.
There's a point where I really did an old man laugh during the show. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That really. Yeah, it was really laughing.

Speaker 1 Tell us a little bit about the show, please, Amy. Okay, it is about the 2000s.
Great. But also, it's not really about anything.
It's quite silly. It's quite goofy.

Speaker 1 It's loosely about growing up in the 2000s, how very much the fashion of that time is back. We've seen the children, they're wearing our clothes, my clothes, rather, not your lovely t-shirts and hats.

Speaker 1 My trendy clothes from my childhood. And it's very odd to see young girls who look like you did when you were that age, like 19, 20, but are living in a very different time.
And are we the same?

Speaker 1 Are we different?

Speaker 1 I like it. Comedy.
I'm really looking forward to seeing it. I'm going to come to a preview because I'm not going anywhere near the Edinburgh fringe.
I can't even imagine you. No, no, thank you.

Speaker 1 No, I can't wait.

Speaker 1 We always start with still a sparkling water, Amy and Ed. Do you have a preference? What do you think?

Speaker 1 Now, you can't do this for every question.

Speaker 1 I like to to ask you.

Speaker 1 We've been to many meals, but have you

Speaker 1 paying attention to what I've been choosing? I think you've always had still water. Correct.
Ding, ding, ding.

Speaker 1 Yes, and tap, please. I'm not paying.
I get furious when there's some suggestion that they're going to trick me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Still or sparkling. What I want to say is free or pay.
And then let me go from there. Sometimes they say, I say just free, please.
Yeah. Cheap, no money.

Speaker 1 And then they say, oh, the sparkling is free because they do it themselves. And then I begrudgingly, I will get it just for the joy of having something that normally costs money for free.

Speaker 1 Even though you prefer still water. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think a real theme of this is going to be me realizing I'm not well.

Speaker 1 That happens to some people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was looking through my photos on my phone to remind myself of meals I've enjoyed. Oh, no.
I'm not well.

Speaker 1 I eat so much mortadella.

Speaker 1 So much smoked ham of various kinds. Okay, so what I want to investigate is every time you eat mortadella or smoked ham, are you taking a photo of it? It seems like it.

Speaker 1 It's not necessarily what you eat all the time. That's what's terrifying.
Those are the photos I took. We must assume those times I just enjoyed a mortadella, no pics.

Speaker 1 Sure. And even if you are, why are you taking a photo of mortadella? Because I wouldn't say...
Who am I sending that to? Yeah. Not me.
I wouldn't say it's the most picturesque.

Speaker 1 It's ugly looking thing. Disgusting.
Yeah. Delicious.

Speaker 1 Mortadella is great. Oh, it's so nice.
I had some the other day, actually, from Dalesford. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 It It had pistachios in it. Oh.
I actually don't need a pistachio, but I'm happy if it's a. It was more a textural thing than a flavour thing.

Speaker 1 And I ordered some, like, it was on Deliveroo, I think.

Speaker 1 Dalesford on Deliveroo. Yeah, it was on like a grocery app.
And I got it. And my wife, Charlie, was away.
And I was on tour, so I was getting back quite late.

Speaker 1 And I'd just be getting back from gigs and having

Speaker 1 a little antipasty. Oh.

Speaker 1 That is chic. Going straight to bed.
Mortadella, bedtime. Bye-bye.
Mortadella in bed?

Speaker 1 I I think I draw the line there. I have a very

Speaker 1 high self-awareness for bleak moments. Sure.
And mortadella in bed might be crossing the line for me. It sounds lovely.
Yeah. But you'd have to get up.
You'd have to have wipes nearby.

Speaker 1 You'd have to have wipes nearby. There'd definitely be a bit where if I'm lying on my back, eating mortadella where I dropped some on my chest, and that would feel weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Also, sometimes there's stringy bits like around the edge.
If that got in your tooth and you woke up the next morning, that's sad.

Speaker 1 And I wake up in the next morning and there's a bit of mortadella next to me. Yeah.
Yeah. I'd be like, you killed and ate Charlie.
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 Just because she's quite pink. Yeah, she's quite pink.
She's got the pustachios. Yeah, for the pleasure.
She's a pink lady with green flex. Yeah.
She does like lime green clothes.

Speaker 1 Oh, but mortadella pre-bed. That's nice.
So you have done mortadella pre-bed. Oh, yeah.
In the house? In the house? In the bed? Not in the bed, but only because my longtime lover Nish is weirdly.

Speaker 1 a clean freak despite every

Speaker 1 aspect of his personality that you are all aware of. of,

Speaker 1 you know, because he's just like a sort of a jovial,

Speaker 1 big energy, hairy, handsome man.

Speaker 1 You've made him sound like Santa. That's the only thing.
In my head, I'm thinking of the Muppet playing the drums. Animal.
Animal.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would.

Speaker 1 Man, I would.

Speaker 1 So he would be very furious with food in bed. Yeah, okay.
Yeah. If I had my own bed, which I'm pushing for.
Absolutely. One day.
Absolutely. I can have food in that bed.
Crumb bed. Love it.

Speaker 1 Two separate rooms. Two separate rooms.
Crumb bed and love bed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Nish is never going in the crumb bed. He wouldn't want to.
So he's setting up residence in the love bed. Yeah.
And you're flitting between crumb and love. He can't be in the love bed on his own.

Speaker 1 That's sad. That's sad.
He's got to have another bed. You have a favourite bed.
Well, what does he need a bed alone for?

Speaker 1 You would know more than.

Speaker 1 You two would know more than me. Well, when we lived in a flat together, like just like maybe worrying, we could go never say prepare for worrying.
You're going to have a little worrying.

Speaker 1 A little worry bed. Yeah, a little worry bed.
Love bed is the one at its own. Yeah.
Don't you dare bring the worrying or crumbs into the love bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And also, I don't want worrying in my crumb bed either.

Speaker 1 Especially worrying about that. That's actually a place of pure bliss.
That's the best bed. That's the best bed.
My crumb bed.

Speaker 1 And in my mind, it's a divan, you know, like a sort of sofa bed situated, a day bed. Yeah.
You know, so it's it's kind of a reclining energy.

Speaker 1 Is this where you want to have your dream meal, in the love bed or the crumb bed?

Speaker 1 Do you remember in Sex in the City or any new york representation of the 90s um they would always take them to a club called bed and there'd be like a big room with lots of beds in it and if i've made this up wow that mortal it's gone to my head

Speaker 1 and it would be like the cool nightclub thing to do sit in a bed

Speaker 1 white bed and i always thought i actually don't know if i like reclining when food is around when there are other people there.

Speaker 1 So am I alone in the dream restaurant or is there a blue genie looking at me? Whatever you want.

Speaker 1 I don't have to be there. I can magic it into the restaurant for you.
Magic in and out. Yeah, you need never deal with another person in the restaurant.

Speaker 1 Then who am I going to talk to about how nice the food is? Yeah, that's true. Who am I going to make the noises to? You've got to make the noises at someone.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I've had some fantastic meals alone, but you are missing something if you're not making the noises at people.

Speaker 1 And then you find yourself, for example, taking photos of everything and sending it to people. Yeah, and I'm with Nish when he's sending those photos to you, so that is bleach.

Speaker 1 So I know I don't want to be in a bed, but I wouldn't mind a bed being nearby for after. Straight after.
Straight after. Yeah.
Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 9 Pop loves of bread, Amy. Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 9 Wow.

Speaker 1 I made Amy jump. Yeah, it's terrifying.
I haven't made anyone jump in ages. But even people, and they come in and they've not heard the podcast, like

Speaker 1 they just seem like, I've lost my touch. You've not lost your touch.
I think people are just like, yeah, of course this guy's doing. You don't have to baby me.
I've lost my touch.

Speaker 1 Well, baby, you got it back. Okay? Because I was shocked.
I was going to shout Poplums or Bed because of all the chat we've just done about. Yes.
Do you want to do that?

Speaker 9 Pop logs or bed. Pop loves or bed, Amy and Ed.
Pop loves or bed.

Speaker 1 Bed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, this I feel is a trap for me

Speaker 1 because of my longtime lover. I think you are trying to end my marriage.
We're not married.

Speaker 1 But bread. Oh, I love bread.
Loving bread is a huge part of my personality, I would say.

Speaker 1 Too much. In the pitches of Mortadella, there's often bread nearby.
Of course.

Speaker 1 So good. Put a bomb in the background.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cheeky little bread trying to get in the photo. Delicious.
Have you ever had the bread from Honey and Co.? They give you a sort of little bread platter. Have you been to Honey and Co?

Speaker 1 No, I've still not been there. Oh,

Speaker 10 fantastic.

Speaker 1 I follow their Instagrams, and unfortunately for them, I have figured out where they live.

Speaker 1 And I don't feel good about it. What? The people who own it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Itama,

Speaker 1 and he has a wonderful Instagram. Very exciting, very passionate, very lovely.
But they keep, this is not my fault, taking pictures out of their window.

Speaker 1 And I'm not going to say what it is, but there's a very clear local landmark out of the Ib. So every time I go past their house,

Speaker 1 I go, they live in the National Gallery in your story.

Speaker 1 I love that food. Oh, it's so good.
Talk us through the bread platter. What kind of stuff is it? Oh, you didn't even really understand that these breads could exist.

Speaker 1 That's how I feel every time I have them. One is sort of sweet, but not malty.

Speaker 1 And that's fantastic for the labne.

Speaker 10 Oh, the labne. The delicious cheese.

Speaker 1 I think it's strained yogurt, maybe. Like a.
Well, I'll tell you this. It's bad for me.

Speaker 1 But I love it so much.

Speaker 1 And they have a sort of pitter, but it's quite plump.

Speaker 1 That's a plosive. Plump.
Plump.

Speaker 1 That's for Ben.

Speaker 1 He loves plosives. He loves plosives.

Speaker 1 Every night when I do my sound check, tour manager Paul tries to make me do a plosive to check to see that there's no popping sounds on the mic. And I've never used plump before.
What do you use?

Speaker 1 Normally, the story at the moment is

Speaker 1 Pedro Pascal and Paul went for a picnic and Paul pulled his trousers down and Pedro called the police. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I try and bullied Paul within the sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That I immediately understood. I was excited by the sexy Pedro Pascal imagery.
Yes. Sorry, I got distracted by it.
So the plump pitter.

Speaker 1 Oh, plump pitter, which is nice, right? Because pita, delicious in any situation, but sometimes can be on the flatter bread, which is, of course, another word for pitter aside.

Speaker 1 Well, I think pitter, my whole opinion of pita has changed in maybe the last five years. That's a great food revolution.

Speaker 1 This country, this bloody country,

Speaker 6 it's just destroyed Pitter.

Speaker 1 Growing up with supermarket pitters,

Speaker 1 those drinks coasters that come out of the plastic packet. I'm going to vote for you, Ed.
Thank you. Because I'm excited.
This is my manifesto.

Speaker 1 You put the pitters in the toaster and then they come out and you try and tear them apart and they're hotter than the sun. So hot.
So hot.

Speaker 1 And then you see actual pitters where they're all puffed up and plump. Yeah.
Oh, my goodness. It saves your life.
It really does. Delicious.
Pitter pockets.

Speaker 10 Pitter pockets.

Speaker 1 That's just a plump. Plump explosive.

Speaker 1 A pitter pocket, very much my childhood. Exactly this.
You put it in the toaster. It's burning hot.
You take it out. You try and cut the top off.
You cut way too much. You've ruined the whole thing.

Speaker 1 Steam everywhere. And yet you persist and you eat it.

Speaker 1 So yeah, delicious breads. And then they have,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't even be able to guess at the name of some of these breads, but they are so fantastic. And they come in great quantity in a sort of semi-unasked for situation.
Great.

Speaker 1 Like I'm sure we're paying for it, but it just sort of pops up.

Speaker 10 Oh,

Speaker 10 where does the bread come from?

Speaker 1 So unlike the water, you don't check that they're free.

Speaker 10 How interesting.

Speaker 1 I'm happy to pay for bread in that situation.

Speaker 1 My dream would be free bread, of course. Yeah.
Oh, bread for the table that just pops up? Bread for the table.

Speaker 1 Would you like that for your dream meal for the bread to pop up unexpectedly throughout the meal? Yeah. Different breads each time.

Speaker 1 Though I need, does the genie have a sort of overview of how much gluten and dairy I'm eating for my own good? Yes, but I can also take away the effects of that, if you like.

Speaker 1 So that's happened in the past. Yeah.
In episodes, people have said, you know, I'm intolerant to this. Can that not be an issue? This episode? Yep.
Can I not get full? Yep.

Speaker 1 Like any consequences of food that you'd like remove, I can do. Yes, please.
Dairy.

Speaker 1 But let's be real.

Speaker 1 In real life, I mean it anyway. Sure.
Yeah. Consequences be damned.
Yes.

Speaker 1 May I bring up one of the consequences? It's one of my favourite stories ever. Yeah.
It was a wonderful

Speaker 1 one. Yes.
Yeah. We were walking back from the cinema once.
I can't remember what we'd seen. You had to go into a Baskin-Robbins.
We'd been to Anando's. We'd been to Anando's.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have we been to the cinema as well? I think we just went to the Fulham Broadway Nando's. Yes.
Which is near a cinema. Which is near a cinema.

Speaker 10 Possibly we saw a show.

Speaker 1 And then we were walking back. You had to go into the Baskin-Robbins to use the facilities because no one went in there to buy ice cream ever.

Speaker 1 And you were in there for a while and you came out and out loud said, so sorry, Robbins. Yeah.
And that is a phrase that has now is just in my vocabulary. Absolutely.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, if you ever do a crime, let's say, in an establishment,

Speaker 1 you have to leave the establishment and say, and you don't have to say, I just did a crime. All you have to say is, so sorry, the Ecola Theatre.

Speaker 1 Is that another place where it's happened? I just honestly can think of any other specific.

Speaker 1 So sorry, close of offices.

Speaker 1 So you want the whole breadboard come in at different times, surprisingly. Does it come with specifically this honey and coke bread? Does it come with like little dippy things or little butters?

Speaker 1 Oh, so what's crazy for me telling this story is I don't think there is butter there, but of course, my one true love, butter. Butter.

Speaker 10 Oh, salted butter.

Speaker 1 I think it was I came from the salted bacon, the chocolate bacon generation. Do you remember there was a period of time when you couldn't get away from chocolate-covered bacon? What? This is a truth.

Speaker 1 This is a central truth.

Speaker 10 This is part of my identity.

Speaker 1 Growing up, there was just a moment in time where suddenly, gastronomically, everyone was very excited by the idea that you could cover bacon in chocolate. Now, I am older than you, Amy.

Speaker 1 But I would still consider us part of a similar generation. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't remember the chocolate bacon generation. That feels like peak ed.

Speaker 1 I sort of know what you mean. Yeah.
That that was like a bit of a, when things started turning a bit like dirty food or like

Speaker 1 Elvis Burger or anything else, stuff like that. But it wasn't just like like gross out, over-the-top gluttony.

Speaker 1 It was like almost quite not chic, you know, but certainly like, this is, this is progress, this is future, this is science.

Speaker 1 I honestly, this is what I feel like when I listened to the Tim Key episode and you were making fun of him for having an egg timer in the pot. And I was like, yeah, we all have that egg timer.

Speaker 1 It's not electronic.

Speaker 1 It's a great gift for Christmas. And I was like yelling at my phone.
So I'm sure there's someone out there being like, yeah, I remember the great chocolate bacon, Jen.

Speaker 1 I think if you'd said, do you remember when you could get chocolate bacon? Sure.

Speaker 1 I think we would have glossed over it. But when you refer to it as an entire generation where you couldn't get away from chocolate bacon.

Speaker 1 I honestly felt like for a period of time, you leave your door. What's that? Someone trying to offer you some gourmet

Speaker 1 chocolate covered bacon. Amy lived in the Selfridge's food court.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, all I'm talking about is the salty sweet. Yeah.
I love it. Yeah.
I'm into it. Saltier, the better.
So do you want some salted butter?

Speaker 1 I would like salted butter, which is the only addition I would make to a honey and co

Speaker 1 mese bread platter. Unlimited salted butter? Yeah, if there's no consequences.

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 1 I just don't want to so sorry the dream genie fantasy toilet. Or is you going to be in a bed as well? So sorry, my fantasy bed.

Speaker 1 Tracy Emmett. My day bed.
Yeah, Tracy Ammet. I saw her the other day outside these offices.
What did you say? I said, hello, I think you're brilliant. What did she say? She said, thank you.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And then?

Speaker 1 That was it, really. Oh.
Yeah. I was quite starstruck.
Did she recognise you as the great food podcaster of our generation? Of course not.

Speaker 1 I'll just say why James was outside the office because we had a gap in between recordings and he went to the bookshop around the corner to borrow a board game.

Speaker 1 And could you? Yeah,

Speaker 1 Jenga. Jenga, not a board game.
No, that's not a board game. But your board game adjacent.
Yeah, yeah. Fills the same hole.
It's really cool. Here's my question to you.

Speaker 1 Did you see Tracy Emmon while you were holding

Speaker 1 a thing of Jenga? I was bringing Jenga back to the office.

Speaker 1 Wow. I think she would have liked that actually.
She'd have to say hello. she'd be a great guest on this that's what i said yeah

Speaker 1 you just said i like your work do you want to play jenga everything went out of my head sure just you're brilliant straight at the office could have asked her i don't know could have said hey if you're around here if someone you you didn't know who had a slightly odd vibe no offense james came up to you holding jenga and said do you want to be in my podcast what would you do how close is my edinburgh family

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Speaker 1 Your dream starter.

Speaker 1 Yes, okay.

Speaker 1 So looking through my phone, as I said, looking at all the photos, I looked first through food and then I looked at photos of the two of you because I thought it'd be nice if we could go down a trip down memory lane.

Speaker 1 And of course, I famously take unasked for candid photos. Yes.
Always. Ed hates it.
I do. I hate it.
He hates it so much. Little creep shots from.

Speaker 1 After a party, I'm just going to send Ed a few pictures of him having a lovely time with his wife, not knowing he's being documented.

Speaker 1 Normally from an angle that I look very unattractive at, and my mouth's halfway open because I'm saying something. And I've got one eye shut.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a great pilot. Yeah.
That's true. Well, there's no angle you look bad at, Ed.
Come on. Yeah, from the right.
Really? You know, like that.

Speaker 1 Like that. You've got it.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, the right.
No, left. Your left.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My left.
Yeah, yeah. That's where I am now.
You look lovely.

Speaker 1 Ed, you have the most symmetrical face of anyone in the world. No, no, no, I don't.
You're a symmetrical boy. No, one side's all right.
The other side looks like a honey and coat bread basket. What?

Speaker 1 Delicious. Side I'm on.
Delicious, and I'm into it. Yeah, cover it in labnet.
Oh, yes, please.

Speaker 1 Hairy or not, I'm going there.

Speaker 1 I'm going there.

Speaker 10 Here's my question to you.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I do believe that you are the most symmetrical man in the world. Well, that's very nice.
Then my mum, who you've both met,

Speaker 1 asks after you, she says, how is the handsome man and his wife who used to wear the dresses?

Speaker 1 What does your mum say about me? She says, How is that pest, James Acre?

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 you'll start, you want Ed's symmetrical face.

Speaker 1 Is that on the table? No.

Speaker 1 No, why am I being so sexual? I don't like it.

Speaker 1 Never, ever is that the dynamic of our friendship? No, is that you're sexual towards us? No,

Speaker 1 as soon as it's recorded. I thought that thing is what the young people like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, when you say you're being sexual, I see it more like a sort of

Speaker 1 a 1950s comic. You're more sort of like that.

Speaker 1 Is it bar?

Speaker 1 That is my true self. I do.
Fun mum, you've called me that before. Quite disparagingly.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was being me. You're acting like...
You were bullying me, gum.

Speaker 1 Maybe a comedian who might be on a bill in an episode of The Marvelous Miss Maze. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. That show did come out quite close to when I started doing stand-ups.

Speaker 1 I would love to have that hair. yeah oh so bouncy that's good um my my my starter is mortadella three ways

Speaker 1 mortadella three ways okay and i think that's i think that's achievable um chicetti that is uh the venetian small breads with various things on top which your friend chris yeah who lives in venice yeah told us to go to this bar.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Bar a la lo croco, croco, coco.

Speaker 1 How did you did you write that down? So you knew

Speaker 1 I wrote it down and I thought, I won't need to write that phonetically.

Speaker 1 Well, you nailed it to begin with, and then suddenly it carried on. It just kept very long.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry to all Italians. If anything, this is the best advert for your show, though.
You are absolutely covered across authentically.

Speaker 1 I'm weeping. Okay.

Speaker 1 Dreaming of this chicetti, let me tell you. Wow, we.

Speaker 1 That's again that 1950s person who's like losing their mind and then suddenly snaps back into it. Boys, when I tell you about this chicetti, you're going to lose your mind.

Speaker 1 So Chicetti is like tiny breads with various spreads or meats or fishes on top.

Speaker 1 So good. There is a few restaurants in London, like a chain called

Speaker 1 Chicetti. Yes.
Have you ever said that name before? Well, I have, but it was sort of an early running joke with me and Charlie that we would walk past it and for some reason pronounce it like this.

Speaker 1 Shishi.

Speaker 1 So now every time we walk past it, one of us has to say, Shisheshi. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the only problem with being in long-term relationships. Yeah, you start a joke, wow we, that's gonna go for a long time.

Speaker 1 You start a joke two years in, that's fine.

Speaker 1 Well, 13 years later, still doing it. Also, it's not a joke anymore, it's just what we call it.

Speaker 1 But do you just name every place you go past? Yeah, we go to shisheshi, so it's only Baskin Robbins.

Speaker 10 Be satisfied, I see.

Speaker 1 So, what do you want on these shisheshi?

Speaker 5 Mortadella.

Speaker 1 So that's so there's more there's mortadella on there.

Speaker 1 So it really opened me up to the idea, this chicety place we went to in Venice. Oh, so beautiful.

Speaker 1 And there's little tables and you go up and then you try to speak a bit of Italian and then they immediately speak English to you. It's so nice.

Speaker 1 Yes, well we heard you try to speak a bit of Italian earlier.

Speaker 1 I can only imagine how quickly they switched to English. They were like, shut up,

Speaker 1 shut this woman up.

Speaker 10 And then you sort of...

Speaker 1 point at the various things you want and they don't seem to judge you about how many you're ordering.

Speaker 1 I want them all. And then they keep making them as well.
So you're like, oh, I just had some squid, but what's that man doing? That's mortadella.

Speaker 1 So he's like slicing the mortadella. They pop it on the bread and then they give you a glass of white wine.

Speaker 1 So nice. So nice.
And so I'd like the mortadella that I had there. Now, I know Palmaham is not a mortadella, but if the genie should slip in a few sheaths,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't mind it. I wouldn't mind it at all.
And then my second way of mortadella

Speaker 1 is a sandwich. And I almost don't want to say this because of the shack for you of it all.
But when you guys mentioned Shak Fuyu for the first time, people went wild, went bananas.

Speaker 1 And I no longer could get in for my solo

Speaker 1 green tea matcha cake.

Speaker 1 And I could see those dweebos

Speaker 1 having their gorgeous cakes. And I was thinking, that should be me.
But there's a place in Vauxhall called Italo. Have you ever been? No.
I keep meaning to take you both. It's called Italo Italo.

Speaker 1 are we sure it's called that yes no no i'll send you a google map after um or other maps exist and it was they do these sandwiches that are so nice oh my gosh fantastic so they have they make i guess they make their own focaccia they have focaccia the sandwiches are so full they start making them from midday i recommend going there then and they have this chicken it was like a roasted chicken with rosemary.

Speaker 1 I feel like it had aioli in it. It certainly had like a sort of vinegary mayonnaise, but not too heavy.
And it was on the focaccia, which was buttered or maybe oiled.

Speaker 1 Certainly, there was an uncruisedness to it, you know. And then the chicken, it was too big for the sandwich.
Oh my god, this is fantastic.

Speaker 1 And it was roasted so succulently that the skin was slopping off, but in a good slopping.

Speaker 1 Good slopping. Good slopping, slopping slowly off.
And so you had to sort of catch it with your mouth, like it was an ice cream, but it was the skin of a chicken.

Speaker 10 And it was crispy.

Speaker 1 Thick skin. Thick skin.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. yeah like my comedy show thick skin it was delicious

Speaker 1 and worth buying a ticket for oh no i would buy a ticket for the sandwich any day oh wow and they also do fish finger sandwiches like they change what the sandwich is a lot that was a curveball for me suddenly fish finger

Speaker 1 what they do in rome

Speaker 1 just like a mama used them well for some reason i thought i need to make it clear that if anyone goes they might not get the chicken sandwich because they change it up a lot and i was thinking well and also fish finger yeah well that at least gives us an idea of the range of how much they can change yes yeah i'm sure sure it'd be the most bougie fish finger you ever had.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like your mummy's fish fingers.

Speaker 1 I went somewhere

Speaker 1 in Bristol called Cor, I think, C-O-R, all in caps. And the dessert there was this tiramisu.

Speaker 1 I think it was the Sicilian tiramisu where they make it with instead of sponge fingers, it's with panettone. Fish fingers.
Fish fingers. I thought that's where that was going.
Yeah, we do.

Speaker 1 I'm into it. No, that's panettone instead.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And then they grate, like, um i think i think it was like nutmeg and stuff on top of it and it was one of the best desserts i've ever had anywhere it was basically christmas pudding tuimbasu it tasted incredible and at my gig that night i was there for four days and my gig i told everyone you have got to go and get this touin bassu that was your first gig yeah i said you've got to go it's amazing and then uh my tour manager went the next day And I caught him from an email.

Speaker 1 I said, well, and he said, they said that that was only on for yesterday. And they haven't gone.

Speaker 1 And that people are asking for it so they were just really annoyed at that point yeah i i felt bad so i i respect what you've just done because i felt very bad yeah sending everyone to a place where that thing didn't exist you've got to tell them i had this amazing experience but i can't promise you that yeah yeah but if the people who run that restaurant are listening which i know they do listen to this podcast because they said they did core in bristol ah please

Speaker 1 put it back on the menu it's one of the best desserts i've had anywhere ever

Speaker 1 probably they just had leftover panettone.

Speaker 1 I think, again, I'm going to reveal myself to be quite the privo here. But often at Christmas, you'll have leftover panettone.

Speaker 1 Because I love a panettone in the morning for lunch. This bread.
It's sweet bread.

Speaker 1 I mean, that also gives a lot of behind the scenes. I love a panettone in the morning for lunch.

Speaker 1 I do not get up early.

Speaker 1 At Christmas, I'm not getting up early. So hang on, it's the sichechi.
Shishe. With mortadella.
The mortadella shisheti. And then what are the other two ways?

Speaker 1 And then one way is this Italo sandwich, which I'm imagining they're doing everything that they normally do, but it's mortabella instead of chicken. Instead of chicken.

Speaker 1 God, I can't even imagine what that would be like. Yeah, and the mortadella skin.
Oh, yeah, flopping off in a good way. Honestly, they make everything that feels like...

Speaker 1 I ate the sandwich. Oh, a thrill.
And I thought, there's nothing in this sandwich that isn't something I couldn't lay my hands on or make.

Speaker 10 And yet there's no way I can put it together like this.

Speaker 1 Also, that is because I think that about sandwiches that are that good sometimes.

Speaker 1 It's like they've perfectly roasted a chicken, they've probably brined the chicken, they've done all this stuff, they've made a butter for it or whatever.

Speaker 1 Then they've baked bread, they've done this, they've made a different thing.

Speaker 1 You're like, Yes, I could do all of that, but if I did it, I wouldn't enjoy that sandwich as much because I'd be looking at it going, that's two days' work for a sandwich, exactly.

Speaker 1 And then it's done, and I can go shop and get it. Yeah, and the economies of scale just doesn't add up.
Yeah, and what's your third mortandella?

Speaker 1 Um, rolled up like a rose

Speaker 1 on a platter.

Speaker 1 You understand what I mean. I don't need to explain it.

Speaker 1 You know, in Modern Family, there's this moment where Jay is being given a charcuterie board by Manny, our good friend Manny. And Manny says, this is charcuterie.
And Jay goes, this is charcuterie?

Speaker 1 I've been avoiding this on menus for years. They're killing themselves with that name.

Speaker 1 Yes, I do know that exact line. Yeah, because I say it all the time.

Speaker 1 They, on the board, they just have this like gorgeous, it feels like a very American thing. They're very good at boards.
They have like spreads. They spread out the meat.
They roll up the meat.

Speaker 1 They make it look like a rose. You know, you feel bad picking it up.
That's the kind of I want that. Fancy mortella roses.

Speaker 1 I want multiple smoked meats, mortadella, if I have to maintain my three-way mortadella starter choice, which I respect the rules, and I will. I mean, that's the rules that you've just made.

Speaker 1 And I respect them. You are respecting.
I respect my own rules. So I would just like as many hams, but not that honey-roasted wafer.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 We're talking mainly the Italian hams, aren't we?

Speaker 1 We're talking about the ones that really are bad for your heart. Yeah.
May we stray into Spain and pick up a bit of a berico? Oh, I should love that. Ham on a berico? I should love that.

Speaker 1 We wish to shave it off the leg. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's probably my favorite of all the bad heart hams. Oh, such a good bad heart ham.
Yeah, it's really great.

Speaker 1 So, mortadella is my favorite, but I think some of it is nostalgia because growing up, my dad, who's American, was very into bologna.

Speaker 1 this is what i was going to ask is bologna basically like a cheap mortadella exactly this yeah bologna is well this is this is the truth i'm about to say it's just a fact i'm going to say but i actually do not believe it to be true it is the ends of all the meats schmooshed and that is that is bologna it's like the good stuff went to sausages the better stuff went to the ribs yeah do you make ribs out of they don't make ribs i think ribs are the ribs are there anyway made of ribs aren't they listen i'm just i'm eating it i'm not making it Okay.

Speaker 1 In any case, the stuff that is not fresh or good gets professionally termed smooshed into bologna. Yeah, into like weird paste, weird pink goop and then put into sausage shape.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or disc. I'd say for your zammies.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 bear shapes. Yes.
Billy bear ham. That I do think is quite

Speaker 1 macabre for some reason. Yeah.
Why do we give the children the bear-faced ham? Yeah, it's really weird.

Speaker 1 And the fact that when it's sliced, it's the same face all the way through yeah and then i always imagine that the last slice you cut it off and he's got a really sad face you finished you finished him off yeah because you finished him off all his father's friends are dead oh he's packed him with his friends each slice is a friend yeah

Speaker 1 oh that's sad yeah but i did love i did love that as a kid bet you did yeah of course did you that while you were dressed as a pirate

Speaker 1 The other day, James told me the story about him being dressed up as a pirate as a kid, and I couldn't believe I'd never heard it before. Yeah.
But you told me you did it on another podcast.

Speaker 1 So I feel like it's... Yeah, I told it on Birthday Girls podcast ages and ages ago, but I'd forgotten it until then.
I blanked out my memory. And then they started talking about fancy dress.

Speaker 1 And I remembered that when I was a kid, I had a pirate's fancy dress outfit. And every now and again, I'd just put it on and then walk around the house referring to myself as Scallywag.
Scallywag.

Speaker 1 I'd jump up from behind the sofa and go, aha, it's Scallywag. I've stowed away on your ship.
And they're being like

Speaker 1 that. I'd always have stowed away.
And they had to be cross at me. Oh, no, Scallywag.
They had to be cross at you.

Speaker 9 How did you get on board again?

Speaker 1 Ah, I hid in the rice. And then I'll be walking.

Speaker 1 I'll be hiding some sort of cargo. I'll hit myself in

Speaker 1 some sort of cargo box. This is a merchant ship.
He's on a merchant ship.

Speaker 1 Ferrying rice. Ferrying rice.
I was topless with a skull and crossbones waistcoat. Yeah.
I had red and black striped, tattered-like trousers. Which I think is amazing that you had such good costume.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then just a like a brown woolen flat cap that was knitted for something else that wasn't part of the combo.
The costume ran out.

Speaker 1 And the drumstick. I'd hold a drumstick.
I'd walk about and go scallywag's here with a billy bear ham

Speaker 1 never eat a billy bear ham a scalliwag

Speaker 1 i love this i love to hear about scallywag i know yeah was always yeah i was stowing away and on the ship and there wasn't really much to the game i just walk around taunting them about how i did it i did it again i got on your ship again your sense of humor has not changed since then that's exactly what you did during the audience because it's got larger i did it yeah yeah i did it i stowed it away i stowed away i was in the rice

Speaker 1 delicious rice Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then how does it end? My memory of it is it would peter out into me just wearing that outfit but being myself. Sure.

Speaker 1 So sitting there watching TV with them all or doing something, yeah, eating my dinner. And I'm just sitting there in a pilot costume.
That's nice. What trauma do you think you were exploring?

Speaker 1 Not enough. Not enough.

Speaker 1 Obviously, I mean,

Speaker 1 if I sat down with a psychiatrist, they might say that I felt unwelcome in my own household and I felt the need to taunt them that

Speaker 1 I was there, and then that made me feel better. That made me feel like I'd won.
Yeah, and they were giving you too much rice. Yeah, it does feel like rice is actually quite deep out of this.

Speaker 1 I stowed away in all that fucking rice.

Speaker 1 It was easy. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Piles of goddamn rice back there.

Speaker 1 Take this rice out of my room.

Speaker 1 Once I'd like to stow away in some pasta, even though

Speaker 1 that's too much to ask.

Speaker 1 Your dream main course, Abbey.

Speaker 1 Well, you're talking about pasta reminds me of my central truth as a child was to find a way to eat buttery pasta at every meal without insulting everyone around me. And how did I do that?

Speaker 1 Yes, I read a book in the library, a shelter book, which doesn't make any sense, a homeless charity, but it was about food and how food is made.

Speaker 1 And there was a big thing about dolphins, and there was a huge thing about battery-farmed hens. Now I'm saying out loud, I'm thinking, I read more than one book.

Speaker 1 I've mixed that up in my head. But for some reason, I was like, oh, I'll be a vegetarian.

Speaker 1 And I wish I could say that I did that to save the animals, but truly I did it because I realized if you were vegetarian, you could just have buttery pasta.

Speaker 1 And in fact, you'd be doing whoever was hosting you a favor because they'd be like, oh, we've cooked all this meat, but it would be nothing for me to just have some buttery pasta.

Speaker 1 You know, you go, you're at your friend's house. Their mother's cooked a delicious lamb meal.
I don't want that. I want buttery pasta.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, Susie, oh, I would adore to eat your lamb meal, but I'm a 12-year-old vegetarian.

Speaker 10 Just some buttery pasta will suffice.

Speaker 1 I loved it so much. And also, it's my primary school.
They were obsessed with serving shepherd's pie. Yeah.
Shepherd's pie made at scale. Yeah.
No, it's no good.

Speaker 1 So that was when I thought vegetarian is enough for me. Say to the dinner ladies that you wanted buttery paste.
I said, Susie. Susie, my love.
Nice to see you again.

Speaker 1 Susie, your moussaka looks gorgeous, but unfortunately, I read a book by the Homeless Charity Shelter which tells me I cannot eat your meat.

Speaker 1 And I would just have whatever vegetarian thing they had, which would often be like a sort of buttery angel hair pasta. Oh my God.
Or thin slices of white bread with a sort of swipe of butter on it.

Speaker 1 And I'd have that with some orange squash and I'd be so happy. So is this your dream main? No, this is

Speaker 1 just my trauma because James shares some of the things. Oh, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 Look, some people have hacked this podcast and added a pasta course before the main course. Oh, that's so chic.
So if you want buttery pasta

Speaker 1 as your pasta course, we'll let you have that because

Speaker 1 your story was very compelling. Because actually, my main is incredibly meat-heavy.
And that is my own personal journey. Quick question about the pasta phase.
Yeah. Were you actually a vegetarian?

Speaker 1 Hard to say.

Speaker 1 Because like at home. It's not hard to say.
At home, were your parents like, you're eating bologna. You're not eating buttery pasta.
yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 I've revealed that in my childhood, I ate bologna.

Speaker 1 Yes. So I was a vegetarian, and I did at one point tell my parents I was a Porcatarian.

Speaker 1 Sorry for doing that. Well, you had your mouth full of water, Ed.
It sounds like what like Stiffler would refer to himself as.

Speaker 1 It doesn't sound good. Under religion.
I will say that when

Speaker 1 my dad finds it so funny that I did that, but he never tells a story in a way that doesn't sound weirdly like he is in stiff, he's about to bone stiffler's mom you know like he's very wait it's not stiffler's mom no yeah it is stiffler's mom yeah stiffler's mom well so who's the guy who bones stiffler's mom uh

Speaker 1 the guy who shits himself all the time yeah who can't go for shit at school shipbreak shipbreak

Speaker 1 the guy who can't go for a shit at school it's crazy to me that you can remember this but you can't remember chocolate covered bacon yeah because it was the same time

Speaker 1 Okay, I was 13 and I watched American Party. You think I'm ever going to forget that? No.
No, I know you. You haven't forgotten.

Speaker 1 If there was chocolate-covered bacon in Kevin, that would have had the the same effect on me. I would remember it.
Yeah, that would be, that'd be everything.

Speaker 1 In my dad's Diffus Mom's retelling of my childhood, he's always like, and then she came up to me and she says, I'll only take sausage. He's American.
He doesn't know. He's kind.
He doesn't hear it.

Speaker 1 He doesn't hear it.

Speaker 1 So there was, yeah, a period of time where I thought, okay, turns out I do quite like. the heart painful meats, the heart-hurting meats, and I do like sausage.

Speaker 1 So I am a vegetarian, except for I eat the most processed meat available.

Speaker 1 And then I went to Katie Balcombe's Bat Mitzvah and passed around on a tray was some chicken skewers. You weren't going around at Bat Mitzvah saying you were Borkatarian, were you?

Speaker 1 No, I could read the ribbon. Okay.

Speaker 9 I will say, this is a very liberal Jewish area.

Speaker 1 I'm sure there are a few Baukatarians in there.

Speaker 1 But not at the Bat Mitzvah, of course. You know,

Speaker 1 not on the day of the Bat Mitzvah. We're not having pork.

Speaker 1 But also we're in some sort of West Hampstead venue.

Speaker 1 I remember we, and she was walking around, probably not Katie herself, but let's imagine that, Katie herself walking around with, and it was a, maybe like chicken on skewers with a bit of peanut butter.

Speaker 10 We understand that.

Speaker 1 That's a, that's a classic. I tried that and I thought, this is chicken.

Speaker 1 This has been chicken the whole time. They're ruining themselves with that name.
Yeah. Jay.
Oh, it was so good. So then you became a chicken bogatarian.
No, it was a chicken bogatarian.

Speaker 1 And then I was with my friend Rosie and she had a hamburger and I thought, well, that does look good, actually.

Speaker 1 And I think that was probably when I stopped pretending that I I was vegetarian. Okay, because I thought we were going to get your introduction to every single meat there.

Speaker 1 I probably could. Chicken pocket, beefetarian.
Chicken pocket befitarian. Well, what other meat is there? Lamb.
Lamb. And you've already turned that down, of course, in the Shepherd's Pie and

Speaker 1 your friends have

Speaker 1 a lovely lamb dinner. Lamb shouldn't be minced.
Interesting. Why shouldn't lamb be minced? It's too precious a meat to be minced.
My hot take. It should be presented in a sort of shank

Speaker 10 on a platter in Wales.

Speaker 1 So I got my vegetarian buttery pasta and then my actual main is beef tatare.

Speaker 1 And that was my great journey to go from never eating meat to being like, I really like tartare. I like raw.

Speaker 1 The meatiest of all the meats. And is it from a particular place, this beef tatare? Well, again, looking through my photos on my phone of food I'd eaten, the real theme was mortadella, beef tartare.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Which I do think I'm not okay.
Looking back, there's very few pictures of salads. But who takes a picture of a salad? Well, who takes a picture of mortadella is also the question.
Me, baby.

Speaker 1 Me, baby. And many times.
I actually screenshotted them all so I could show you after. One is just a hunk of mortadella in a butcher's.
I don't even appear to be in the butcher's.

Speaker 1 In the photo. I'm outside the window.

Speaker 1 Zooming in. Oh, I love it.
But no, beef fat. I guess probably in, I'm in Paris.

Speaker 1 And I'm really impressing the waiter by choosing it. They call it there, I think, steak hash.
Yes. Hashe.
Hache.

Speaker 1 Hash. Hache.
Shageri. Shageti.

Speaker 1 But it's so nice. Though I actually like the one that is more like

Speaker 1 sashimi. You know, the like tartare that comes in, it's almost like a mush.

Speaker 1 I'm sure they call it something else. And there's also one where it comes in, it's like very finely chopped, almost like a sashimi.
I think I prefer that one.

Speaker 1 So I like sake tartare a lot as well. I'll normally get it if it's on like a classic menu.
And you get the main size. Yeah, I'll get the main size.

Speaker 1 Or I just think the starter size is never big enough. I mean, I have on a couple of occasions got the main size for my starter.
Yeah. Which is a hack.

Speaker 1 You can just, if you're paying for it, you can just order what you like. Sure.
So I'll just get the big one. You know what's better when someone else is paying for it? Yeah, that is good.

Speaker 1 You really can. But then if someone else is paying for it and I start going, you're paying for it, aren't you? I'll be having this main for my starter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right.

Speaker 1 You've got to order it.

Speaker 1 You've got to roll the dice. You've got to roll the dice, exactly.
So sometimes at places they do it table side. Oh.

Speaker 1 They bring it over and they mix it all up for you and they ask you what you want in it. So take me through when they put all the stuff in it.
What do do you want?

Speaker 1 This is when the way to get sad because I don't want Tabasco. Okay, that's fine.
Yeah, but that's, I think that is the better way to do it.

Speaker 1 The sad thing is it's meant to be, like a lot of French food, is a sort of protein that is a vehicle for flavor that is different. So like your snails are your vehicle for garlic butter.

Speaker 1 Your stéque chacher is your vehicle for Tabasco pepper. What else would you have on? Salt and pepper? Capers? Capers.
Yeah, maybe

Speaker 1 little gherkins. Am I mad in saying egg yolk? No, you're not at all.
1,000% egg yolk. Yeah, yeah.
I'm all in for the egg yolk. Yeah.
Two eggs.

Speaker 1 Like diced chalot.

Speaker 1 De chalot. Da chalot.
Moudarde. Oh, moutarde.

Speaker 1 That's French for mustard.

Speaker 1 All of those things. I just go with all of it.
Do you? Yeah. I should do that, but I weirdly like the bland, raw meat.

Speaker 6 Yes. Oh, dear.

Speaker 1 Do you think you might be turning into a werewolf? Yeah. I'm certainly.

Speaker 1 If I went to a restaurant with someone and they were like, steak tartar, I want a big steak tartar. And then the waiter comes over and goes, what can I add? They go, just the meat.
I'd be like, right.

Speaker 1 There's been a full moon. Yeah.
Or she has some sort of huge iron deficiency. Yeah, there's been massive iron deficiencies.

Speaker 1 I do sometimes worry when I look back at my food, I'm like, what vitamins am I trying? Am I like clawing in?

Speaker 1 And often they come with little sort of thin toasts, et cetera.

Speaker 1 Is that what you want with them?

Speaker 10 And thin chips. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes, I want

Speaker 1 bread, chips, ash. Yes.
Yeah. Meat.
Sometimes they have a very thin sort of salad, the thinnest. Yeah.
But with

Speaker 10 some of the strongest vinaigrette you've ever had.

Speaker 1 Really punchy mustard vinaigrette. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're awake. Which is good because you just eat a lot of bread.
Oh, I love that. I think I really like French food.
It just doesn't like me back.

Speaker 1 So sorry, French food. Yeah, so French food.
Yeah. I think that's fantastic.
Steak tartare for the main. I think chic.
There's a thing that Bao do in the King's Cross one where it's like

Speaker 1 it looks like a tartare because I think it's like a beef rice, but they build the rice ball and then on top of it, they have like slices of the raw beef. With the egg on top.
And then an egg on top.

Speaker 1 And it's slightly not sticky, but it's like it's held together somehow. Oh, that's good.
I've seen a picture of it many times and think I'd like that. And then I've never got it.
Oh. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I've got to go and get that. You've got to go get that.
Careful. There might be a pirate in that rice.

Speaker 1 Scallywag, you've done it again.

Speaker 1 Scallywag comes out. Stoned away to bow.
The egg stays on his head as he emerges out of the rice. Ah, you're Scullyworm.

Speaker 9 I've thrown away in the rice.

Speaker 1 Oh, Skellyworm.

Speaker 1 Can I have an honourable mention? Yeah, yeah. For my main.
Yeah. Have you been to the region, the

Speaker 1 full English cat, like the calf in Pimlico? No. Oh my gosh, it's so fantastic.
It has pictures of various boxes up. That's how you know it's good, is what I'm happy to say.
And they've all been there.

Speaker 1 And it's an old cafe, like a, I don't know how you describe it, because you don't, basically, you get in the queue. There's lots of Formica tables.
Formica?

Speaker 1 Nice old table everywhere. And tile.
It's great. And you get in the queue and then you get very stressed because it's about to be your turn.

Speaker 1 And then the man nicely yells at you and says, What do you want? And then you have to say, Two sausage, one bean egg. Yeah, panicked and said, One bean.
Two sausage, one bean.

Speaker 1 And I always found it so stressful, but I love it.

Speaker 1 You fucked up and asked for one bean. And he would throw me out.

Speaker 1 He would throw me out. He'd say, you one bean bitch.

Speaker 1 Get out of here.

Speaker 1 No, no, they're charming, they're charming, they're charming.

Speaker 1 Um, I don't want to give them a bad rap, they're kind, yeah, okay, they're gross, but they're kind of like a bitch if you go, no, but they're busy, and they, you know, they're busy.

Speaker 1 There's cab drivers in there, there's tourists in there, there's a lot of energy. You can't sit down until you shouldn't sit down until you've ordered your food.

Speaker 1 Right, they get very annoyed if they see you sitting down before you, no holding tables. Yeah, keep it moving.
The food is so good. The orange squash to die for.

Speaker 1 Tea in a big urn. Yeah.
Oh, and sausage is great oh no i'm gonna die young

Speaker 1 i eat so much meat

Speaker 1 no regrets it's delicious so is that your honorable mention for me breakfast from from the region the region lovely oh it's so good bonito's just googled it it's called the regency Thank you, the great Bonito.

Speaker 1 And I would tell you, the only reason I wasn't sure is because I used to work with the girl who would take me there and she'd call it the Rege. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 And I didn't think I had the aplomb to pull that off. So I just guessed how it ended.

Speaker 1 The rage. I loved it.
I say, yeah, to the rage. Yeah, that's great.
Please.

Speaker 1 And then I'll sleep at my desk after.

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Speaker 1 Dream side dish. Grape salad supreme.
Do you need me to explain that? Yes. No.
Grape salad.

Speaker 1 Grape salad supreme.

Speaker 1 So we don't need to explain it. So the book gas is open.

Speaker 1 Next thing. Dream salad supreme.
No, no, no, no. Grape salad supreme.
Absolutely. Keep it in delivered.

Speaker 1 It is a side dish at my family's Thanksgiving, which I for a very long time thought was a classic North American side dish.

Speaker 1 And then I took it to my friend Monica's Canadian Thanksgiving and she looked horrified. And it turns out, no, it's just something that is quite unique to my North American family.
Yes.

Speaker 1 It is grapes, pineapple, not fresh. Don't give me that shit.
From a tin. Tin.
Tinned pineapple because you're going to use the juice as well.

Speaker 1 The juice from the tinned pineapple, grapes halved, quartered if you're crazy and you don't have enough grapes. Whipped cream, mayonnaise, more than you think.
Sour cream.

Speaker 1 and if you're crazy, we don't do this, marshmallows. Right.
Well, we don't do marshmallows because we're not crazy. We just do mayonnaise and whipped cream.

Speaker 1 It's into the phrase mayonnaise more than you think is interesting. Yeah.
Because I would have thought

Speaker 1 that you'd have to have no mayonnaise. Yeah, more than you think.
Yeah. Zero in that nice.

Speaker 1 In that nice dessert you were describing. Yeah.
Yes. And this is the truth.
It begins as a kind of fresh, wonderful fruit salad. It ends as a savory side dish, perfect for your turkey.

Speaker 1 Well, this is the interesting thing. This is the one thing where I think North America and the UK have quite a lot of crossover in terms of what they enjoy in their palates.

Speaker 1 But when it comes to this sort of thing, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 This marshmallow business, this fruit and mayonnaise, the word salad is treated quite disgustingly. Yeah, that's crazy.
That is rich coming from this country. Come on.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I know I don't sound North American, but I'm furious on behalf of my kids. Salad in North America appears to mean it's got mayonnaise in it.
Absolutely. What's salad in this country?

Speaker 10 Egg salad?

Speaker 1 Tuna salad? Mozilla salad? No, no, no. Potato salad? Potato salad? Potato salad, but that's American.
What's a British salad? Well, like leaves and vegetables and dressing. That's not British.

Speaker 1 That's French. That's Italian.
Yeah, but that's what I think most people would assume was salad. Jellied eels in the UK.
That's what you eat your salads.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. No, you're absolutely right.
And also, my Thanksgiving meal is very much based on my grandmother's

Speaker 1 chefing. And she is very much from that 1950s innovation.
Gelatin is ingredient. Yeah.
Time. So she's never served me anything in aspect, but I'm sure she absolutely did.
Jell-O. Jell-O.

Speaker 1 There is an, like, I think it's an American salad, which is jello and green beans.

Speaker 1 Even that's a little too far for me. Okay.
But the grape salad supreme. Now, that is delicious.
I don't, you know what? I've never, I've never tried it.

Speaker 1 In my head, I could not be convinced to enjoy it. I'll make you some.
Yeah. I'd like to try it.
Do you think I would enjoy it if... I don't think I can get over.

Speaker 1 You you don't really taste the mayonnaise?

Speaker 1 What a selling point. I mean, why is it in there? Well, I don't know.
Don't worry, you don't taste the mayonnaise. I have to tell you mayonnaise is in it because I think it's a crime probably not to.

Speaker 1 But I wish I could just say, try this delicious great salad super. Is it sweet or is it sweet and salty like all your favourite things?

Speaker 1 I'm the generation. The generation of the chocolate bacon.

Speaker 1 It is, well, it's grapes in various white liquids, isn't it? So yeah, it's quite sweet. You're really selling it.
It's so nice. And it's it's so good with like a very um sort of uh heavy meat.

Speaker 1 Oh, that would be good, actually. I now realize it comes from like a sort of my grandmother who had a load of church cooking books.
Have you ever seen these?

Speaker 1 Like old North American churches had cookbooks and they'd get everyone to donate a recipe. So it'd be some of the wildest stuff you've ever seen.
And we cook a lot from them. That was fun.

Speaker 1 There's a cookbook store in New York. It's so nice.
It's in the Lower East Side.

Speaker 1 And I bought a series of self-authored cookbooks where women in the 1970s and before had like printed their own picture cookbooks. All of them have an aunt on the front looking angry with a mole loaf.

Speaker 1 A meatloaf rather than not a mole loaf. That would be crazy.
They don't have a moldlaf.

Speaker 1 It's so good. Well, we, because I made, you didn't try it when I brought it to your house.
Well, I mean, I will try it next time you make it because I would like to make you both of that.

Speaker 1 Weirdly, I'm put off it more that you can't taste the mayonnaise

Speaker 1 because I was like, oh, that sounds like an interesting thing. I wonder what that will taste like.

Speaker 1 But now it just sounds like it's going to be a nice dessert that every now and again I remember has mayonnaise in. Yeah.
And it might make me feel weird. You can taste the mayonnaise.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Also, you would have it on the side of a savory dish, right? Yes. So it's turkey,

Speaker 1 potato, grape salad supreme, really. There's nothing else.
Maybe a broccoli if you're crazy.

Speaker 1 The flavor hole it's filling, really, is like a sort of sweet, like chutney cranberry sauce type thing, maybe.

Speaker 1 Yes. I think the flavor hole it's filling is.
It's a lot of mayonnaise.

Speaker 1 We, as a culture, this is my North American side. We don't want salad to be healthy.
Right. Okay.
Sneaky salad. I love a salad in New York, in America.
Oh, you get a salad.

Speaker 1 It's covered in the most delicious dressing of all time. Well, this is a salad, of course.
Oh, this is a salad. A wedge salad.
Yeah. Oh, an iceberg wedge with the blue cheese and the bacon bits.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Even what, like a chopped salad. I have not eaten enough.
A chopped salad with

Speaker 1 blue cheese and egg and all of that.

Speaker 5 Cob salad.

Speaker 1 That's just meat. That's good.
And chopped up. Yeah.
I like all those things because they've got like leaves in and some veg. Oh, so you like to pretend a bit? Yeah, I don't want a salad I can dollop.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's insane to me.

Speaker 1 You've had an episode where you keep putting your head in your hands and going, I eat so much meat.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, a salad. Grapes.

Speaker 1 Mayonnaise. Whipped cream.
I know.

Speaker 1 Dream drink. Thank you.
I've already mentioned the delicious squash at the Rege. Yeah.
And I do love a squash. I think that comes from school.

Speaker 1 Nothing better than a cold orange squash in those plasticky cups

Speaker 1 with the ribs.

Speaker 1 But my

Speaker 1 sort of, this feels like quite a fancy meal. I'm having tatar.

Speaker 1 A white wine. Because I often forget what I've enjoyed.
I recently went to Brat, the one in Shoreditch, which I know many people on this percussive reference. And it is delicious.
It's fantastic.

Speaker 1 The gorgeous various meat rices. Wow.

Speaker 1 We went with some fancy people, just Americans. Yeah.
Just two Americans we know. And the wine person came over and said, what would you like? We said white.

Speaker 1 And then they kept asking us for like description words so that they could choose us the bottle.

Speaker 1 It was like an escape room in that we could not find the word to unlock them to go away and find us a wine. They were very, they were trying.
I think they were trying to give us a great experience.

Speaker 1 I don't fault them for doing this. But the person said,

Speaker 1 dry. Yeah.
Fine. No.
The somme would not leave. The other person said, funky.
Oh, no. Well, that's not going to work.
First of all, disgusting. I don't want that.

Speaker 1 What a big swing. Huge swing.
But honestly, we were just like, how can we make you leave with love and professionalism? Someone said, crisp. And then eventually I said, Sicilian, and they walked away.

Speaker 1 It was huge. Yeah.
And never came back. And never came back.
And it turned out they didn't work there.

Speaker 1 They're just trying to get an autograph from Jason Manzukas, who we were having dinner with.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you want a Sicilian white wine for your dream meal? Yes. I think I want a Sicilian white wine, but then I went to Noble Rock the other day.

Speaker 1 I do go to nice restaurants.

Speaker 1 You weren't even there. Yeah.
Wow. I've been though.
Yeah. I think we went because you told us to.

Speaker 1 And it was so nice. And they have a crazy wine list.
Well,

Speaker 1 wine's their thing, right? Absolutely. That one felt less pressure to impress the person.
Yeah, so a Sicilian white, which I think there's one called like Catarotto, which is quite nice.

Speaker 1 That's actually quite accessible yeah

Speaker 1 but yeah I like it I don't like a very dry white wine because I get heartburn some other words that you could say to maybe make people go away yeah minerally

Speaker 1 that doesn't even sound like a real word slate say that volcanic anything from the volcanic regions because that's that's Sicily yeah yeah that all makes you sound impressive and I don't really know what a lot of that means wow yeah you can have stuff that's sort of made near Aetna yes I would love that

Speaker 1 really yeah

Speaker 1 These are all words I just pick up and then I throw them in just when I feel like it's right when I'm talking to a wine person. But what if they ask you follow-up? They don't, they know.
They don't.

Speaker 1 People who know about wine aren't interested really to hear what you know about.

Speaker 1 You've just got to negotiate the conversation by saying the right sorts of words that don't set off any of their alarm bells so they can then tell you what they know. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 So that, so I think you and I are the wine choosers often at our days.

Speaker 1 I think you and I are the papas

Speaker 1 of the group. Puppas of the group.
We are the puppas of the group.

Speaker 1 But I like to defer to you. I find it quite stressful sometimes being the wine papa, though I am often the wine papa.
Well, I find it stressful as well, but I also don't want something bad.

Speaker 1 Don't want something bad. And then also, I realise that quite often when we're together as a group, no one really minds.
So it's not like anyone's going. It's just me.
I'm the other wine papa.

Speaker 1 If you mess this up, the night is over, especially when we went out together on New Year's Eve.

Speaker 1 And instead of doing the wine pairing with the lovely meal that we had, with the specific wine pairing tailored to the meal, James instead had a cocktail with every course.

Speaker 1 It felt great until I stood up. Until it kicked in, yeah.

Speaker 1 Until it was like New Year's itself. And everyone else went out to watch the fireworks.
And I just sat down with the chef at an empty restaurant and was like, this place is brilliant.

Speaker 1 But I got a creepy photo of you doing that.

Speaker 1 The one where I really was like, oh, I'm in trouble now was when I was like, what's the one I haven't had yet? And we were still on the main like savory course. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they were like, haven't had that one yet. I was like, great, have that one.
And it came out and it was basically Fruits of the Forest Gato.

Speaker 1 seemed like mainly cream yeah uh it just tasted like they'd blended it was delicious but i was like i'm now having a pudding with my duck or whatever yeah

Speaker 1 i'm in trouble

Speaker 1 and then i mean we you know you made it past midnight we got back to where we were staying and then uh every time anyone got their phone out james shouted at them yeah

Speaker 1 Your dream dessert. So I think my dream dessert is.

Speaker 1 Sorry, do we not do them in French? I love it. I thought was it French? Well, I don't know.
I don't think dream is dream in French. It probably is.
No, it's not. It's rève.
I think. Rève.

Speaker 1 My god. Education.

Speaker 1 Wow. I think.
I mean, I'm sure you're right. That could also not be true.
I think it's right. And I've just, it told you a complete nonsense word.
And you both just went, Bo?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I'll go and say that. I'll say that it sounds like the sort of thing I would say is right.
Okay. So there you go.

Speaker 1 I love the crepe

Speaker 1 from the crepery in Hampstead. Have you ever been? No.

Speaker 10 It's not a shop.

Speaker 1 It's a stand, a truck, a little cart. A cart.
It's a cart. And it's right outside the Prince William pub, I think.
It's been there for years and years and years.

Speaker 1 I went to school in North London and on a Friday, I would traverse North London to go to Hampstead to get in the line for the crepere.

Speaker 1 Sometimes the people in the pub and God bless them try to set up. a separate stand because there's such a long queue for the original.

Speaker 1 Do not be fooled. Get in the original queue.
It goes faster than you think. It's run by French people.
They speak French to each other.

Speaker 1 They seem to be kind of annoyed that they have to speak English to you, even though you are in London. Fantastic.

Speaker 1 And they do most amazing preps. They do savory ones.
I've never had them because I'm only getting one thing. I'm getting mixed chocolate, which is

Speaker 1 milk chocolate and white chocolate. They have the little,

Speaker 1 not squares, like... almost like milky, but what I'm trying to say, discs.
Discs. Tiny discs.
Tiny discs. Buttons? Yes.

Speaker 1 thank you chocolate buttons yeah milk and white so they have them sort of fresh if such a thing could be true about chocolate and then they put them onto the crep and then they melt oh my god and then they use their sort of long spatula thing to sort of smoosh them around like a sort of galaxy yes and then I get the smooshed food smoosh yeah smooshed discs

Speaker 1 because even tartare is kind of a disc yeah oh no

Speaker 1 oh well um I'll die happy with the crep in my hand and the crepe is so good it's so light and kind of crispy on the edges it's just a lot of of butter um and then i get banana in that and then they chop the banana in a way that only a crepere can which is like sort of on a diagonal nice yeah long slices long slices using the same spatula that they just used to smoosh the chocolate um and then it's uh with the spatula

Speaker 1 which is like a sort of fold fold fold into a cardboard into your hand yeah quite a lot of money so good yeah i'm always so impressed i mean watching people make a crepe when people have mastered that art yeah

Speaker 1 it's incredible they should should be paid more.

Speaker 1 When they haven't. It is.

Speaker 1 If you're at a festival,

Speaker 1 like a music festival,

Speaker 1 and then you get someone who is doing their first ever music festival, and they're working at the crepstand. Holes in it.
Just so that I'll get it for you.

Speaker 1 As soon as they start doing it, and you can tell they don't know what they're doing, I want to say, forget it.

Speaker 1 I'm not eating this. Forget it.
It's going to be like £12. Yeah, and like three times you'll have to watch them,

Speaker 1 like an old bloke come over and go, no, no, no, no, no,

Speaker 1 scrape that that down and go again yeah you've got to be really yeah no it's okay i didn't want to go and see the band on my way to see i just watched him fucking mess a crep up five times oh no and you're the king of crepes or pancakes

Speaker 1 yeah absolutely pancake day i had pancake day routine yeah huge big big routine big routine for you for me

Speaker 1 you were ready to shrive yeah yeah

Speaker 1 it was big stuff it was bigger than that

Speaker 1 that's probably your routine that i remember the most i know you've done stuff since it's the one when you know, all of us went to latitude for like the first time.

Speaker 1 We were all booked to do latitude and we're walking around and I absentmindedly bought a crap. It was Nish just pointing at me all day.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 As I was eating it, pointing me out to strangers, who, let's face it, didn't know me. Yeah.
All that routine. Going, hey, look at what he's...
He's shriving. He's doing some out of season shriving.

Speaker 1 And then I think that was the moment when Nish. realised that the best way to bully me was to quote my material at me two strangers

Speaker 1 What's crazy, I don't think I, I don't think even Nish and I weren't dating then. No.
Just a motley crew of fools. Hadn't happened yet.
Wow. And I saw that and I thought, yes, it's.

Speaker 1 That's my long-term lover.

Speaker 1 Wow. That guy really bullied that other guy.
That guy's president on my button.

Speaker 1 By bullying his friend. Wow.
Out of season something. Okay.

Speaker 1 That's the air heading guy for me.

Speaker 1 I will have one more honourable mention for the burgers that we used to order in Parsons Green. What were they called? It was early days Deliveroo.
Like truly Deliveroo just existed.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure it's even a name. It wasn't Deliveroo.
It was from their website. On their own? Yeah, Chosen Bun.
Chosen Bun. Chosen Bun.
They were great.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. They came in these like quite modern cardboard packets that like you sort of lifted.
There were these huge burgers.

Speaker 1 And I think it was like the first thing I'd ever been able to order on my phone without having to talk to someone.

Speaker 1 So I guess there's like a key element of shame that stops you ordering some of this stuff. And it got initially was a huge treat and then it became just became everyday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is so much. The burgers, the chips are really good.
The mac and cheese balls were really good as well. Gosh, the chips were so good.
Fantastic. Good old chosen bun.

Speaker 1 So that's an honorable mention for your dessert, right? Yeah, I'd have a sort of delicious.

Speaker 1 That's nostalgia. I have anything for...

Speaker 1 Yeah. The crep sounds lovely, especially the quality of the crep itself, because that really does, that's next level stuff.

Speaker 1 Ideally, you want the crep to be so good, you don't need anything on it, and then just pimp it out even more, make it even better with those buttons. What do you have in a Kreb?

Speaker 1 Chocolate and banana is absolutely a winner all the time. I don't like Catella.
I'd probably also chuck marshmallow in there and to. You're describing a salad at my house.

Speaker 1 A Kreb salad, baby.

Speaker 1 You'd eat that. But yeah, I think that would be my standard cookie.
Wait, banana, chocolate, marshmallow. I think so.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think the best one I ever had, I can't even remember where this was, but did peanut butter, vanilla ice cream, and um some sort of like jam like strawberry jam and i just went full elvis on it and i really loved that chocolate bacon sticking out the top yeah yeah may as well a bit what'd you what do you reckon i like in a crap amy oh black pudding

Speaker 1 yeah exactly what i was thinking of

Speaker 1 pudding the potatoes from the decatur par boil thinly sliced i was talking about stuff that's commercially available from a normal crap oh not your fantasy you are right crap it's savory crap i'm going ham and cheese.

Speaker 1 Ham and cheese, of course. I absolutely love a ham and cheese.
Jambo.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Waste of a crep. It's not a waste of a crep, man.
It's delicious. It's the same as, you know.
It's doing a different thing. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like comparing

Speaker 1 ham and cheese croissant as well. Thank you.
Thank you. I've got them as well, but

Speaker 1 I need to be healthy.

Speaker 1 When I see James with his ham and cheese crep, I know he's on the good.

Speaker 1 He's trying to be a good boy. He's on the way to the gym.
I've been to menu back to you now.

Speaker 1 Unless you have any more honourable munch and stuff. I'd like to have an espresso or martini

Speaker 1 with my

Speaker 1 crep, I guess. Yeah, yeah.
And it would also take away the slightly childish nature of sort of like scoffing a crep with your hands. If, in the other hand, you could be sloshing or martine.
Scoffing.

Speaker 1 Scoffing and sloping. Sloshing.
And we've had slopping early. Slopping.
Yeah. Smooshing.
Smooshing. Yeah.
We've had a very onomatopoeic management. Poet who's going to die young.

Speaker 10 Gorgeous.

Speaker 1 Tap water. Yeah.
You would like honey and co platter

Speaker 1 with salted butter popping up throughout the whole meal. And the labne.
Labne. Starter.
Mortadella. Three ways.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're making fun of Amy,

Speaker 1 isn't it?

Speaker 1 Yes. Bully me again.

Speaker 1 It was fun making fun of Amy for it.

Speaker 1 Italo sandwich and rolled up like a rose. Pasta, course, buttery pasta.
Main course, beef tattoo. Side grape salad supreme.
Drink, a Sicilian white wine. Yeah, because I'm chic.

Speaker 1 Dessert, mixed chocolate and banana crepe from Le Crepirie in Hampstead.

Speaker 1 Le Crepérie de Hampstead is what Benito's written. Is that what the actual place is called? Or is he just

Speaker 1 what it's called? Crepirie de Hampstead. Well, I would call it the Hampstead Crepirie, but I like that you use the French phrase.
Yeah. Well, that's what Benito's writing.

Speaker 1 Crepie de Hampstead and Crappé de Hampstein. And of course, espresso martini.
Of course. Amy, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.
Thanks for taking me there, boys.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much to Amy for coming in. What a wonderful episode, James.
A wonderful episode. I mean, I think you can hear it.
I was smiling throughout. You were smiling throughout, which is rare.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's also one of those episodes that we have different flavours of episodes. And that one was one where we're very familiar with the guest.
The guest is very familiar with us.

Speaker 1 So it was immediately very relaxed and went off into some silly areas. Yes.

Speaker 1 I hope that, you know, the listener knew what the hell we were on about.

Speaker 1 Hopefully they did. Yes, fingers crossed.
It's too late now. If they didn't, they won't be hearing this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but yeah, they won't be here. So

Speaker 1 anyone who is here,

Speaker 1 you get us. You get us.
Thanks for staying. Amy's show, Thick Skin, is on at the Pleasants Courtyard right now.
As you're listening to it, the Edinburgh Fringe is happening. It's 25th of August.

Speaker 1 Also, Amy didn't say Nettle Tea, so we've got to keep her in the restaurant. Yes, I would have been very surprised if Amy had said nettle tea.

Speaker 1 One thing that I had considered suggesting before I realised that net was in Amy's surname was

Speaker 1 thick skin like on anything like ice pudding. Like custard skin, white pudding or chicken skin.
And when she started saying about that, chicken sandwich with the skin on it. Slopping off.

Speaker 1 Slopping off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was a bit worried, even though she didn't actually choose that sandwich. She replaced it with her favorite meat.
Yes. But you were a bit worried.

Speaker 1 because the secret ingredient might have been something else that you didn't pick. Well, just yes.
So you were imagining a completely fabricated situation. Yes.
And worried about it.

Speaker 1 Well, it kind of, I guess, yes. I do, that's what, that's my MO, but also

Speaker 1 a part of me is very disappointed when, you know, someone gets close to saying a secret ingredient that we didn't pick. I'm like, oh, we could have kicked them out.
I could have been another person.

Speaker 1 And Amy, you know, we know Amy very well. Yeah.
So I would have been fine with kicking her out. Easy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No qualms. Well, we didn't.

Speaker 1 She lasted the course. Thank you very much for listening to the Off Menu podcast.
Goodbye. Thank you for listening to that.
Oh, I didn't.

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