Ep 253: Sophie Willan

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

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And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

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Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, taking the hard-shell tacos of conversation, adding in the seasoned mints of humor, the shredded lettuce of having a great time with your friends, the salsa of the the internet, the guacamole of content,

and have I done grated cheese?

No, a bit of the grated cheese of

just being such nice chaps and then whatever else you'd like, maybe some sour cream, but that doesn't represent anything.

It's just sour cream.

It's the off-menu podcast, but taco, hard shell taco, taco night.

It's the new dawn, it's the new day, it's a new life, and a new series of off-menu.

That is Ed Gamble.

My name is James Acaster.

Together we own a dream restaurant.

We invite our guests in every single week.

We ask them their favourite ever, start a main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is Sophie Willen.

Sophie Willen, we couldn't think of a better guest to be the first episode of the series.

And I mean that in that we really want Sophie to be the first guest of the series, not simply that we couldn't think of anyone better.

Sophie Willen is absolutely fantastic.

The whole nation has fallen in love with her.

Everyone loves Alma's Not Normal, her sitcom.

And she was incredible on Taskmaster.

and there's a new series of alma's not normal coming out soon as well the second series very much looking forward to that and the first series is available on iPlayer now so you can go and catch up re-watch it if you've seen it already or go back watch it and you'll be ready for the second series to come out soon that's a good idea Ed we've got some exciting stuff as well coming up James we have uh do you know have you ever heard of the palladium I have James we've we've done the palladium live haven't we yes the London Palladium and we loved it so much that we are coming back to the London Palladium in March next year.

2025, which doesn't sound like a real year.

No, well, we don't know if it will be yet.

Who knows what will happen on New Year's Eve?

Yeah.

Maybe they'll change all the dates and stuff.

They could do.

Maybe the clocks will go back.

The clocks of time.

The clocks of time.

I don't know any other clocks, mate.

The 21st and 22nd of March, off menu live in London at the London Palladium.

Tickets go on sale this Friday if you're listening to this on the day it comes out.

But there is a pre-sale.

if you go and sign up to our mailing list off menupodcast.co.uk you will get the pre-sale day details 10 a.m on Thursday general sale on Friday gotta be quick with those tickets wow Ed that you delivered that information brilliantly thank you so much I admire you a lot we will have a different special guest for each show yes we would love you to be there it's gonna be a lot of fun Also, what's gonna be a lot of fun is this episode, but listen, if Sophie says the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick Sophie out of the dream restaurant.

We will.

We always do that.

We will.

We always do that.

And the secret ingredient this week is trifle.

Trifle.

Trifle is something that Sophie picked to put in a hamper for Nick Mohammed in

the latest series of Taskmaster.

And look, we always scour for foods related to the guests.

I think this could be a tricky one because if Sophie picked trifle in Taskmaster, that normally means it's something right at the front of your brain.

Maybe she was thinking about trifle that day because she loves it so much.

Will it be her dream dessert or even her dream starter?

I feel bad chucking someone out for such a lovely thing.

I love Trifle, especially chucking out.

We've only ever chucked one person out before, Jade Adams, who's an Alma's not normal.

Yeah, so

this could be a running thing.

It would make us look bad.

It would make us look really bad.

Yeah.

But I mean, I would say hopefully that doesn't happen.

It'd be funny if it did.

Yeah.

Hey, we know what we know what's funny.

Just the off-menu menu.

I'm Sophie Willen.

Sophie Wellen.

Welcome Sophie to the Dream Restaurant.

Hello.

Welcome Sophie Willen to the Dream Restaurant.

I've been expecting you for some time.

Yes, I'm glad to be here.

We're very glad to have you here.

That was a particularly loud genie today, I'd say.

Are you happy with that?

Yeah.

Very good.

Took over the whole room, really.

Yeah, yeah.

It felt like appropriate.

I didn't feel like I was like overstepping.

No.

No.

Not on the edge.

Yeah.

Genie-wise, if you did Rob a Lamp and a genie came out and they were slightly over the edge in terms of volume, would you let the genie know straight away?

I think it'd be good to let him know.

You definitely said to Robin Williams, wouldn't you?

Just chill out a bit.

It's a bit much.

It is a bit much.

He is a bit much.

Yeah.

Changes the whole tone of the film.

Yeah.

It's like a genie on drugs, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah.

Did you like that film when you were a kid?

I love that.

That film was like, that was massive.

Me too.

And some music, isn't it?

If there's a good soundtrack, what more do you want?

I still revisit that film quite a lot.

I absolutely love it.

I still think think it's top, probably my top Disney film.

Fair to say, yeah, it's definitely up there.

Yeah, I like Arista Cats.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's good.

I was very into that.

Again, the music's good.

You know, if there's a good song.

If you're just listening to this, Sophie Mimed being an Aristocat.

Yeah, yeah, little dialogue.

It's like a jazzy kind of, you know, Robada wants to be a cat.

Yeah, yeah.

So a bit of scatting going on.

A bit of scatting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Would you describe yourself?

I mean, you seem to get into the cat mode quite there.

If you imagine yourself as an animal are you a cat no i mean everyone says it don't they but i would be a poodle yeah i don't think everyone says that

everyone goes for a dog though don't they i i i always think of myself as a mere cat oh well done

that feels very accurate yeah i think that's very you named yourself very well thank you yeah what what about you ed well The other day, I think I had this discussion with my wife because I was like, I feel like a cat because I just want to curl up and like in a big ball all day.

But she said, no, I'm a Labrador.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you don't know yourself then.

No, but I don't feel I have the energy of a Labrador.

So maybe like a very old Labrador, one on death's door, basically.

That's been through a lot.

Been through a lot, broken his leg.

Probably, if I was working on a farm, I'd be put down.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's how I feel.

Yeah.

I'd like to be a poodle who's been looked after by like a duchess or, you know, liking Aristocats, actually.

You know, that lady who looks after them, that would be fantastic.

The sort of poodle who gets left something in a will.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everything.

Yeah, everything.

Yeah, that's very nice.

And it's veal.

Yeah.

Do you eat veal?

I mean, but now we're getting on to food.

Do you eat veal?

I actually don't.

I've never had it, but I thought it sounds great.

Yeah, yeah.

So if you're a poodle, you'd eat it, but not as a human.

No, I don't want to take the Mickey, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

As a poodle of a duchess, it feels right to eat.

You can take the Mickey if you're the poodle of a duchess.

Yeah, definitely.

Actually, I might change my answer to poodle of a Duchess.

Yeah, we can do it together.

Me a cat sounds stupid now, but it's not a nice life.

We're very excited that Anne was not normal is on iPlayer now, this first series, and the second series is on its way.

Yes.

Are you as excited as we are?

No, you're just terrified, aren't you?

When something's coming out.

You wake up in a hot sweat going, shit.

Yes.

You know, and it'll be fine when it's out, but you don't know.

And I'm in the edit for three months every day.

So you get so close to it, you have no idea what's actually happened.

Do you know what I mean?

But I think once it's out, and if it's been a positive response, I'll feel a bit better.

But I've done my best, that's all you can do, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, that's a pretty good press release.

Yeah, yeah,

I thought, yeah, I forgot his press, isn't it?

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have no idea if it's good or not, but I've done my best.

That's all you can do.

It's great.

I'm too close to it.

No, I am pleased with it.

And we've got new characters now.

Yeah.

We've got Steve Pemberton.

He's playing Uncle Dickie.

We get to know Lorraine Ashbourne's character's family, so so grandma in it.

We get to meet her siblings, which obviously is chaos and loads of jokes firing at each other and loads of like mean jokes and you know trauma, but then also a lot of love and humour.

So that's quite nice to see where she came from, grandma joke.

So Steve Pemberton, had you what was first filming Alma's Not Normal or doing Taskmaster?

Well, Steve had actually said before, oh, I'd love to be in Alma to Shiv because they've worked together.

Yeah.

And then on Taskmaster, it came up again, and I was like, I'd love him to play this role.

So there he was.

Nick Mohammed's also in it.

Wow.

But I'd actually already approached Nick before Taskmaster, and then I was like, Oh, yes, you didn't get back to us, but he was stuck with me then, wasn't he?

Yeah, he got him.

So I think he did it out of politeness, but he's great.

So you can always guarantee that with Nick that you can bully him into something through politeness because he's the nicest man.

If you corner him, you can probably get him in anything, I reckon.

Definitely.

Yeah.

No parts for McNally and Robbins.

No, I didn't.

Yeah, because well, Joanne and me were drinking at the bar afterwards, obviously, which we did quite a lot during the process.

But I said, do you act?

She said, no, I'm shit.

I'm shit.

I'm shit.

So I thought, great.

Well, I won't be putting you in.

And I don't think John's into acting, is he?

No, I don't.

No, I don't get the vibe he is.

He's certainly never, I don't think he's acted or given any intro any vocalise that he likes.

I think he's into stand-up and spreadsheets.

Yeah.

And queen.

And queen, yeah, that's the we can only have three things, yeah, and those are his things.

Yeah, definitely.

Have a series two different to season series one.

I think it's better because I've well, I don't know.

I've gone a bit further with it, I think, from the first series.

It's got a lot of comedy and drama.

This one is comedy, drama, but I think I've pushed it a bit further.

And also, in my head, I'm not doing a third series.

I've decided, so I feel I've wrapped everything up here.

Wow, do they know that?

Yes, I've said it.

You've said it off.

I'm not doing it.

Yeah, yeah.

I would love to do a Christmas special because I think care experience at Christmas, we don't see it on our screens.

I mean, you do, you know, Oliver Twist and all these bleak stories, but, you know, actually a modern care experience where an adult reclaims Christmas for themselves, I think would be a great story.

Yeah.

So I'd love to do that, but, and then that would be it.

So in a way, I've been able to push it as far as I can because I know that this is for Nito.

But then what if you get convinced into another one and you've pushed it so far, you're going to have to push it even further for another series?

It says knocker I've got to say no.

So, did you did you know that when you started writing the first series?

Were you like, I want to do two and then out?

No, I didn't know really, but I kind of knew roughly where I wanted to go.

But a lot of what happens in this second series has happened because it's drawn from personal experiences.

It's it's fictional, just to be clear, but it's drawn from personal experiences.

So, a lot of the things that happen in this second series are closer to what's happened to me over the past few years because that was very retrospective.

The first series, Alma's very, um, you you know, basically a bit like me out in my 20s, even though she's in her 30s.

So I didn't know I was going to write what I've written in this second series, but I thought maybe I would have done three series, right?

Yeah.

But evidently not.

We always talk with still sparkling water, Sophie.

Do you have a preference?

Sparkling.

Sparkling.

Love it.

Said definitively.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

No, you're not wavering on that whatsoever.

And I actually find still water horrible.

I only drink it because you have to, but I just, my grandma used to have a bit of water and go, oh, I feel like I'm drowning.

And I really relate to her.

Yeah.

And she always used to carry a little bottle of tizer or some little bottle of dandelion and burdock in her back.

And that's me.

They're pretty extreme flavours of pop.

Yeah.

Tyser.

What flavour is Tom?

I don't think we've ever talked about Tizer on the podcast.

No, I don't think we have, but I don't think it's really come up.

I love Tyser, yeah.

For people who've never tried it, how would you describe it?

It's a bit like a LucasEd, like a Lucas Ed original.

Yeah.

And dandelion and burdock is like licoricey.

And they're both really cheap from Quality Save, which is why grandma and you can get little ones.

Yeah.

They're sort of quite close to medicine, I think.

Yeah, they feel like medicine.

Taste-wise, and the old bottles make them feel like medicine as well.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Which is why it makes sense for grandma to have one in a handbag.

Yeah.

Like cough syrup.

It is like cough syrup in the winter.

Or if you're on a night out and you've got a bad tummy, I think you can have a shot of tequila rose because it's very like Gavascon.

It's literally the same with tequila in.

It tastes the same, or it does the same thing.

It tastes the same, but I feel it's helped me.

If I've got a bad tummy and I've got to have a drink, it's, you know, someone's birthday or something.

Oh,

I have one of those.

Feel instantly better.

Tequila Rose is the pink.

It's quite creamy.

Is that right?

Yeah, it looks like Gavascon.

Like Gavascon or Peptoibismol.

Okay, Americans would say, yeah.

So, and is that available at most bars would you available at most bars it's like yasu but with tequila and yeah yeah i feel like now i'm sponsoring them you know yeah or they're sponsoring me well they'll definitely send you some after this the go this is the first time tequila rose has been mentioned on the on the podcast

right it's not the first time benito oh she's beat me to it and marie did it okay fine but i we don't know if anne-marie was sent any so maybe this will be the yeah yeah and what way round do you want do you want to be sponsored by them or do you want to sponsor them i don't know i think i really i should want to be sponsored by them because I don't know what I'd offer if I was sponsored by them.

Well, you'd have to give them money.

I don't want to be doing that.

No, no.

I guess you do that anyway when you buy it, right?

Yeah, because I've already given them enough money, actually.

I've already been sponsoring them.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

How often would you say on a night out you have a polytomic?

Well, sometimes, you know, alcohol doesn't work for me, gives me acid reflux.

Yeah.

So I do often need a tequila rose just to get going.

Yeah.

A tequila rose and a moprazole

together.

You know, a moprazole, like an exium acid reflux tablet.

I've got you.

It's something that happens when you're over 30, isn't it?

When you drink, there's certain things you need, like Gaviscom.

I never had in my 20s.

So how did you discover this?

So in your 20s, it wasn't a thing.

Never a thing, never a thing.

And then in your 30s, do you just come up with the idea one night?

Just suddenly felt a burning through my chest.

You know, it's like I turned 30 and suddenly my chest started to burn.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like a sign, you But I love the thought process of alcohol's making my chest burn.

I'll tell you what, I'll have this particular alcohol.

Yeah.

And that's going to sort me out.

Wisdom.

Yeah.

Very wise.

What types of alcohol do you find don't agree with you then?

I mean, all alcohol, really.

Okay.

Well, that's the problem.

Yeah, it is, but apart from a tequila rose, mine.

I'd still carry on drinking.

I remember, you know, I'm a trooper.

I always say that about you, Sam.

Thank you.

She's a trooper.

Yeah.

So you've got sparkling water, which you you love

i love sparkling water in fact that's what i always have instead of a water i would never i mean i know it's there now i'm thinking oh i should drink that but we don't want you to feel like you're drowning yeah that's the last thing we want

to drown our guests so when your nan drank like uh tizer she didn't feel like she was drowning you was gonna say why why when your your grandma was drinking tizer did that she didn't feel like she was drowning in tizer then because she could drown in tizer she could do i don't know i think she just likes things that were sugary and and and sort of fizzy.

I don't think she drank water really ever.

Yeah, I feel like I'm going into a northern stern, like some sort of Ken Loach film here.

You know, like people, plenty of people on here who don't drink water.

Claudia Winkleman.

Yeah.

Florence Pugh.

Yeah.

You know.

I mean, if Florence Pugh's not drinking water, I mean, that's quite glamorous, isn't that?

Yeah.

I was worried when she said it because I was like, I think a lot of people listen to this are now going to...

gonna not drink water because Florence Pugh doesn't and that's not good.

A lot of people

I feel inspired not to drink water now.

You've got to take your lead from Pugh really, haven't you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

When you hear that sort of stuff,

let's do what she does then.

Yeah, she looks great.

Poplubs or bread!

Poplums or bread, Sophie.

Well, then poplums or bread.

Bread.

Very clear.

Yeah.

Because poppin' ups make you feel like you're drowning.

No, they're just not as fun.

Good luck drowning in a pop-up dump.

Yeah.

If anything, that might come in handy if you're drowning.

Yeah, it would actually.

You could float for a bit, couldn't you?

Yeah.

Get enough of them.

Could you get enough of them to make a door?

And then it starts to sog and then you'd be fucked.

Oh no.

Yeah, you would be fucked.

Yeah.

Yeah, it'd be a very different end to the film Titanic.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, if she was on a massive poppadum.

Yeah, if she was on a big poppadum, he probably would have got on it with her, wouldn't he?

Yeah.

She could have given him some room.

But if it was a poppadum, she could have snapped off a bit and then he could have got on that bit.

Or eaten a bit whilst you're there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why not?

Be nice while you're waiting for the life folks or whatever.

So bread is more fun than poppadums.

I think so.

And more practical.

Practical?

Practical.

What are you using it for?

Well, no, I don't mean I'm going to make a boat out of it, but I think it just keeps you going longer, doesn't it?

Than a pop-a-dum.

I guess it fills you up more.

Yeah, it fills you up.

It does.

It does.

Yeah, yeah, which is often people's main fear when they come to this podcast.

Oh, yeah, bread, I'm going to fill up for the main.

But you're like, no, this is great.

No, no.

Enjoy yourself.

Treat yourself to a nice slice of bread.

They make crumpet bread.

Yeah,

Greenelsha's Bolton pasta shop.

They make crumpet bread.

So it's a loaf of crumpet and sliced crumpet.

Oh my god.

Sliced crumpet.

That's a great idea.

It's very good.

Very, very good.

If you're a bit ill, a bit run down, a slice of crumpet bread.

I'm noticing a bit of a theme here, Sophie.

A lot of the things you're picking so far, or you're talking about, you're always feeling a bit ill.

Yeah.

And then you get something to make yourself feel better.

Maybe it's just I eat for medicinal purposes.

I don't know.

But I think it's because, you know, the north is cold.

You need fattening up, don't you?

At the moment, the way you're talking about the north, I'm imagining Game of Thrones.

yeah yeah i think you should yeah that's exactly you know people are so cosmopolitan or like that but really they're lying everyone's still trying to make fire

speaking in only vowels you know this crumpet bread sounds amazing yeah that's the size of a normal loaf of bread so you slice they slice it for you you slice it with you they slice it for you and then you can put that in the toaster pop it in the toaster yeah And it's got a lovely texture to it.

Yeah.

Because it's obviously like a crumpet, but it's also a loaf.

i mean it's just brilliant really would you ever use it to make a sandwich so do get two slices of crumpet loaf and put stuff in between you can't have it as a sandwich because it has to be toasted it's like a crumpet it's weird you could have a toasted toasted sandwich yeah toasted sandwich i've never done it but yeah sure you could toast them and then you could toast them yeah all right toasted sandwich but that's a toasty isn't it you don't do you say a toasted sandwich i would say toasty toasty is short for toasted sandwich right yeah i i wouldn't say that What would you say?

I would say a toasty is one of those things that's made with a pop of toasty make.

Oh, you want it like so it's almost sealed around the outside for me as a toasty.

A toasted sandwich is just the two bits of toast with filling.

That's what I'm saying.

I think you're right, Action.

It's good to clarify.

We've done it before.

I remember, I used to have one of them brevels and the triangle.

Yeah, yeah.

So we got one a couple of years ago.

Still got one knocking around our house.

It is a treat.

And you do use it more often than you'd think if you've got it in the house because why not yeah just you know cheese put a bit of cheese in there then you get that pocket of i mean unmanageably hot filling once you've done that but i don't think you could do that with the crumpet bread could you because of holes yeah you'd get a lot it'd be quite a pickle and yeah yeah it'd be messy business actually it wouldn't work in the in the brevil no you couldn't prevail the crumpet no no no yeah you need to do it in the toaster it's a whole yeah procedure and when you had the brevil did you have some signatures do you have some go-to's that you just cheese and ham that was often my cheese and ham classic really good but now you've said about the tussie i think i would invest in one yeah because it's just great for lunch that inter it's so good or just like a little snack when you get in after a night out that's really fun as well i feel like we're on qvc yeah yeah this is what a brevel can we've gone quite qvc on this episode i think we've advertised a few things order now and you get a free palette knife oh yeah yeah that's all right yeah it's good for with the brevil sometimes if any cheese escapes you have to leave it to cool down and then you can just chip away what's left on because otherwise it's a nightmare to clean.

Yeah.

You don't want to be cleaning it while it's still hot.

No.

Oh, Benito's showing us a crumpet loaf.

Crumpet loaf.

Crumpet loaf.

Yeah, that's it.

That is good.

It's more loaf-like than I imagined it would be because when you said the crumpet loaf and you take slices off, I was like, so essentially that's just a long crumpet.

Big wobbly loaf.

Yeah.

So you just,

but it's got the properties of a crumpet, but very much in a loaf format.

Yeah, so you're getting the best of both.

Yeah.

You really are.

BWW.

The bread, best best of both they should have that instead yeah yeah

so is that the dream bread that you want for your dream meal the crumpet loaf or is there any other bread that supersedes it i think it's margarine

the listeners are all yeah

all right i'll go with crumpet bread yeah i'll have crumpet loaf fantastic butter on it has to be yeah not no margarine was it in your house growing up was it margarine or butter always butter yeah never any margarine we had margarine growing up did you yeah we had margarine as well did you horrible taste Horrible taste, but I didn't know any different.

And then when you discover you can just have butter in the fridge and keep going back for it, what a joy that is.

What a joy to work out you're a grown-up and you can just have butter whenever you like.

So good.

Fabulous.

Yeah.

It's just nice to discover things, isn't it, when you get older that you can do yourself.

Yeah, and then you go absolutely crazy on it for about five years and then realize you do have to hold back and that the people the people restraining you from that initially were actually doing you good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So earnings.

What other things have you were you like that you just discover when you're older that you can just have whatever you want that you just went for?

Nutella.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I used to love it when I was a kid, actually, but you were only allowed one spoon.

Yeah.

Because now no one can stop.

You can have a whole jar.

Yeah.

It's quite nice, isn't it, being an adult?

Yeah.

You can do what you want.

Have you seen that?

Have you seen the video online of the guy who eats a whole jar of Nutella?

No.

Yeah, he just like it's, you know, they speed it up so you're not watching it in real time.

Yeah.

But he just sits down and eats the whole jar of Nutella.

Then at the end says, I just ate a whole jar of Nutella.

What did you do today?

And then that's the end of the end of the video.

How far do you think you could get through a jar of Nutella if you were eating it like a big yoghurt?

Probably half an hour.

Well you could get through the whole oh my question was how far could you get through the jar?

Oh, and you've gone with half an hour.

How long would it take?

How long would it take?

Let's see.

That's a different question.

Yeah, yeah.

I guess they still answer the question.

This answer is the question.

The whole jar.

The whole jar.

And I'm talking that middle one, not the big

one.

The one that you get a a free glass at the end of that.

Yeah, it's actually.

There's always a bone.

You can rinse that.

Use it again.

Yeah, I could definitely, whatever it is, I could eat all of it.

I'm just not doing that because I've been made to feel like I shouldn't drink it.

But yeah, maybe there was a time, you know, when you're talking about like realise you can do whatever you want.

Absolutely.

When I realised I can just go buy a Ben and Jerry's whenever I like and eat the whole thing, that was very liberating.

But now I'm having to really make sure I don't eat the whole tub of Ben and Jerry's.

Yeah.

Because I could do.

Then Then you become your own parent, finally, don't you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Funny time.

I don't know.

I don't love that.

We have to do it.

The problem with Ben and Jerry's is, or any ice cream carton, you think, oh, I've only had half that carton.

But you're doing it on the measurement of down to the bottom.

And what you're not taking into account is it gets wider.

Yeah.

So what you've actually probably done is three quarters because you've only left that much at the bottom.

Yeah.

And then you're like, fuck it, I'll just eat the rest of it.

Yeah, may as well.

What's the point?

Yeah.

And just leave it there.

May as well take it.

It's almost offensive, isn't it, to leave a little bit.

Leave a little bit.

And then you've got to remember you're going to come back to that in the future.

Oh, I'll have some ice cream.

And you realise that past you's just left a spoonful.

Absolutely livid.

You'd be furious with past you, wouldn't you?

Furious with past you.

I do get old with that, yeah.

Yeah.

I am like, oh, I forgot I got that ice cream.

Yeah.

See it.

What the f?

What was I thinking?

Oh, I've patted myself on the back in the past for being such a good boy.

Well done for not eating the whole tub.

There's literally a pebble in there left.

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Well, you get to your proper menu now.

Yeah.

So your dream starter.

By the way, it's off to a lovely start.

The crumpet bread.

I already want crumpets.

Yes.

Oh, that's good.

Now, so like, that's nice.

Good start to the menu.

Well, I have gone down a northern stereotype here with all of it, really, I think.

But it's because I do think Lancashire have some really great carb-based things.

Potato cakes.

Yeah.

But, you know, not the ones you get in a supermarket, the packet with fresh homemade potato cakes

you get from Yeo pasta shop, green ulshares.

They're absolutely beautiful.

And you put them in the toaster and they're nice and crispy on top, very soft in the middle with loads of butter.

And then you stab little holes in it.

and it melts through and it's just fabulous.

And then I put a little bit of salt and pepper on top.

That's nice.

Very nice.

That sounds absolutely delicious.

To me, it seems like you've created another crumpet.

Yeah, it doesn't.

It's not a crumpet.

Yeah, but you've put holes in it.

You've given it the property.

You've toasted it as well.

I think you got it from the same place.

No, it's from Lancashire.

No, but you got it from what was going to be, whatever it was called, Green something.

Oh, well, that's because they do the best wildness.

Yeah.

I know, I feel like a lot of mine are at this base.

But that's great.

This is your dream menu, you know?

This is what we want to hear about.

I mean, it does sound absolutely delicious.

It's delicious.

Let's read about the potato cake.

It'll sound better.

That it still sounds good.

I sound potatoes.

But I don't think I've ever had them like proper fresh.

It's almost like suet pastry.

It's that soft.

You know, it's lovely.

It's almost like a dumpling.

It's proper hearty and filling.

So we appear to be on potato cake Wikipedia, which is great.

Nice, isn't it?

It's a name given to various shaped potato dishes around the world, including a patty of hashed potatoes, a fried patty of mashed potato, a fried and battered slice.

I mean, there's a lot of different

sorts of in northern England and some states in Australia, a thin slice of potato that is battered and deep-fried may be called a potato scallop.

Oh, yes, scallops are all right, but that's not

what that is.

I feel I need to get on this page and correct them.

Yeah, so yeah.

Another thing it's going on about hashed browns as well.

It's really not being...

Who is this guy?

Let's find his name.

I feel

Yeah, I feel let's tell him now.

You're chaotic.

You need to go back to the drawing board and do some corrections.

Go on, but who is it who's written it?

I don't know who's written it.

You thought it.

That's what I was about to say.

I found the person who wrote the Wikipedia.

Let's find him.

It says Scottish tattooscons and Lancashire potato cakes are made from mashed or reconstituted potato and flour and baked on a griddle.

They are typically served fried with a full Scottish or English breakfast.

That's it.

Yeah, that's a proper one.

Yeah.

So you want one of those from this bakery that you also got the crumpet bread with?

Well, either that or ye old pasta shop.

Ye old pasty.

Yep.

Which again do the best pasties in the world.

Right.

I really feel strongly about this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's been going this business for hundreds of years.

You'd hope so if it's called Ye Old Pasty, right?

Ye old, yeah.

Well, it's in an old Tudor building.

It's a listed building in Bolton.

Yeah.

So obviously that's been there a long time.

And then this pastry business has been going like 200 and something years.

It's called a Ye Old Pasty Shop.

The queue goes round the road.

It's ran at the moment by a woman in her 80s called Mary.

She's fabulous.

And she's actually got a sculpture of Alma in the window of her.

Oh, really?

She tried to give me.

And I was like, oh, no, it's great here.

Because what do you do with the sculpture of yourself?

It's weird.

Anyway, she's brilliant, Mary.

She's been there years.

She's had all sorts.

Every time you go in, she goes, Oh, Ringo Starr's daughter has been ordering pastas.

That's through.

She gets them shipped over to Paris, I think.

She's in.

Wow.

PTK obviously comes in.

He parks outside.

outside.

He won't come out.

She comes out for him and brings him loads of pastas.

Every time I go, she makes me a pasta with my name on it.

It says Sophie on it.

It's a really big one.

But then she insists that we do a photo shoot.

So she gets out this little red carpet and the banner and I have to hold the pasta like I would have BAFTA.

Yeah.

But you have.

Yeah, to be fair.

But I suppose the pasta is more impressive.

It's brilliant.

But I say you're qualified to say that it's like winning a BAFTA.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you have to queue queue now?

I always queue anywhere, but even though there's a sculpture of you in the front window.

But then she rushes you around.

If you don't queue, you end up stuck chatting to her for like 50 minutes.

She's like, Sophie, come around the back, come round the back.

And then I sit there with a cup of tea and we go through every ailment.

Yeah.

Yours, by the sound of it.

Yeah.

What food remedies, each one.

But she's quite wild.

We went to this charity gig together.

She was the first one up to suggest a conga.

You know, last one on the dance floor.

But anyway, the pastry is a bit brilliant.

Yeah.

I'll just tell you about the the cheese one.

Yes, very thin pastry.

You've never known anything like it.

Soft and thin.

Yeah.

And then the middle is pure it, is it?

When you

potato, onion, and cheese.

And then it's just a delicacy.

There's no pastas like it.

I really want a pasty now.

I've not eaten anything.

Yeah,

I've not eaten today.

That's what I'm realising.

Every food that you describe, I'm like, I'm going to have that after the

record.

I'm going to have a quite bit nice.

Well, I'll have to send you some down, ye olds.

Oh my god.

No, we'll make the trip.

I'll walk there.

Get the trip.

Yeah.

I'll walk there.

I won't pull a Peter Kay and stay in my car.

Yeah.

Probably not in Bolton, though.

He's probably more popular in Bolton than you are.

Peter Kay?

Yeah, yeah, probably.

Possibly.

He ain't been on Task Mark.

So all that sounds great as well.

But you want the potato cake from there or from a different place, from the other place?

Well, do you know what?

I think I'd just say in general, we'd go to Ye Old Pasta Shop.

We'd get a potato cake and a pasta.

Look, you could have a little potato cake and a pasty for the starter, I think.

Yeah, if you want a ye old pasta shop, it's going to be very carby this, isn't it?

We're going to be knackered actually.

We're eating it as well.

Yeah, thoughts.

Are we with you at the dream meal?

Well, yeah, I thought

we were doing it.

Very happy to come with you.

But sometimes people don't want us to be there.

You know, some people want to be alone.

Some people want to have like family members there, loved ones.

No, you've just said two things I don't want.

Alone or with family,

yeah, all right.

We'll come along because I do want to try that pastity desperately.

Fabulous, it's always nice to take people who've not had one, yeah.

So, on Alma, when we were filming the second series, I know that at 11 o'clock I get hungry

because you get you set up at 5 a.m., they feed you at like what 8 a.m.,

and then often you don't get food till like 3 p.m.

And you don't want to be the difficult diva asking when lunch is, but you can feel that you just

so I thought what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna make sure I've got me 11s.

So I had my driver, Chris, who I got, I had him specific one.

So he's my one.

And I gave him

a kitty for the two months we were filming.

And every day in his little bag, he had a special warming bag for me.

He would bring me two pastas, a meat and potato and a cheese potato from your pasta shop.

But then all the crew were like, oh, that looks good.

So I was like, oh, do you want one next?

Before I knew it, I was getting 60 pastas a day, costing an absolute fortune.

We'd stop at 11, go, cheese and cheese and potato this side, meat and potato.

It was just mad, you know, chaos.

Everyone had a pasty by the end.

We were all put on loads of weight together.

I absolutely love that you're like, well, you don't want to seem like a diva.

So I send my driver with a special warning bag.

Yeah.

I know it's mixed messages, but but then if you're buying them for everyone else then as well, you've nailed them.

You bring it back around then, don't you?

But then surely, just surely that's taken up so much time sorting all the pasties out that you may as well just move lunch earlier.

Well, no, because Chris is on it.

Chris.

Chris fucking

by the end of it, dragging sacks of pasties behind

it.

Is he filling the car with them?

Well, he's not just, he came on as what did they call him?

Because

he got a good fee.

Don't worry about it, Chris.

He got a really good fee.

In fact, I sent a lot of emails making sure he got paid for going above and beyond.

Yeah.

You know, he's not just a driver, he's more like my therapist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's lovely.

And he, you know, he got a new kitchen.

Yeah.

So he did all right.

He did all right, yeah.

Unfortunately, he can't use it because it's just full of fucking pasties

so but we're doing the the yeldi pasty shop yeah tasting menu yeah

as you'll start

and one of each pasty yeah one of one of a meat and potato a cheese and potato yeah or kind of you know pastry tapaz yeah tapastry yeah lovely

You drink main course?

Well, obviously I'm going to go steak pudding, chips, peas and gravy.

Yeah.

Obviously.

Yeah.

I think so, because I've gone down this northern steroid.

Right, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is my favourite meal.

Yeah.

It's delicious.

You know, a steak pudding.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You've had one.

The dome.

Yeah, it's like a, you know, not a pie.

It's a suet pastry steamed

with steak and kidney and gravy in the middle.

Tip it.

Tip it over.

Tip it over.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love them.

It's so good.

It's proper, like warming.

Really?

Party comfort food.

Yeah.

Delicious.

Yeah.

Full of gravy.

Full of gravy.

And then you had gravy on top.

And then your mushy peas as your side with the go with it.

Your mushy peas and your red cabbage.

Lovely.

Yeah, it does sound good.

I mean, I really should have eaten before coming in.

This is like, this is way too much.

But like, I find delicious.

Every now and again, you go to a pub, normally like a chain pub, and you really want one.

Or

you get some bad ones, don't you?

Yeah, I would never order it from somewhere that's not a chippe.

Yeah.

But in Bolton, you get the best of both because they've got a place called Olympus Chippe which has a restaurant

and it's a chip shop but a proper chippy chippy but the restaurant's really weird because it's it's got a piano and a pianist

and he's in his 80s and everyone else is in their 80s.

You can order beers as well and drink.

A bit like something out of cocoon slash David Lynch film.

It's really can I ask you a question?

Is everyone in Bolton in their 80s?

Well just maybe where I went as a child.

I don't know.

I mean I lived with my grandmother for a while so maybe She was in her 80s, I take it.

No, she wasn't in her 80s then, but I suppose she would be in her 70s now.

Yeah.

But I suppose it's because it's a daytime restaurant.

I like the sound of this place, though.

Everyone's in their 80s, and there's an 80-year-old pianist.

Yeah.

What's he playing?

Well, he plays all sorts.

When I was last there, he was playing from Brief Encounter.

You know, the, what's that?

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,

what is it?

I don't know.

I have not seen Brief Encounter.

Have you not?

Celia Johnson?

No, I've not seen it.

Oh, my my god.

Right, yeah, well, you need to do that then.

Yeah, yeah, I need to do that.

So I know what he was playing at the chip shop.

Yeah.

Just because it's a bloody great film.

No coward.

Would you sit in quite often to have the Olympus chippy or do you mainly take out?

I sit in.

I took my driver Chris as a treat on one of our lunches.

We went there as a nice treat.

Yeah.

We had a prosecco at lunch as well.

We thought, Sodic, we're coming to the end of the film in.

Nice.

Let's have a chippy and a prosecco.

And it was around Christmas at that point.

So So playing some Christmas tunes.

And there was actually a big staff do.

I forgot about that in the corner, which was quite intense.

A lot of women, will you play this for me more?

It ruined the ambiance.

What were they requesting from the peers?

Songs like, you know, just Christmas songs.

Right, okay.

Nothing too.

They weren't requesting Snoop Dogg or anything like that.

No, no, that would have been good, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

So would it be from there, Olympus Chippy?

I think it would, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's it's the pudding, mushy peas, chips.

Yeah.

Red cabbage.

Red cabbage.

And do they do red cabbage at Olympus Chippy?

Yeah.

Do they?

I love red cabbage.

Would you say that doesn't feel like a normal thing to have on a chippy menu?

Yeah, I think it could because it's quite the sort of northern thing, isn't it?

Bonfire nights you have red cabbage.

Have you ever had black peas?

No, I don't think so.

They're delicious, salty.

They're like in a kind of, you get them on bonfire night in a cup and they're quite liquidy, so it's more, and you can sip it.

It's a bit like a cup of soup but it's black peas and it's really salty it's delicious what do you mean it's

so what it's it's like mushy peas no it's not peas that no they're called black peas they're like a they're a different type of pea but they are peas because you just said they're not peas there no but they're not like green peas yeah they're not garden peas yeah they're not garden peas they're black-eyed peas let's find out because i don't know right okay so maybe black-eyed peas pigeon peas you would have a cup of these and drink it like a coffee there's a carrot in there a stick of celery in there an onion in there Wow.

They're lovely as well.

Yeah.

I've gone off now onto it.

No, that's good.

Because, look, I'll be honest, I'm quite

envious a lot of the time of northern identity.

And like that, because I'm from Ketron where we don't really have much of an idea.

No.

I actually met someone who knows you.

This is weird.

I was having a massage.

Okay.

It was already weird.

And she's like, oh, right.

So what do you do?

I said, oh, I did combination.

Oh, yes.

I went to school with James.

But it went on for ages.

I was stuck then for 50 minutes having to listen to all these anecdotes whilst having a massage.

Yeah, yeah.

Was that relaxing?

Not really.

No.

You seems like you're in a website of schools.

Yeah, was it all positive stories?

Yeah.

What were they now?

Can you remember who it was?

Don't fucking remember.

I can't really remember her face.

I mean, I said, mainly saw her feet and heard about you.

So can you describe her feet?

Maybe James will remember.

She had nice pumps on.

Can you think of anyone who might have nice pumps on and who maybe showed signs at school of liking going around rubbing people's shoulders and stuff?

That's good.

Where was this?

London?

No, Kettering.

You went to Kettering and had a massage?

Yeah,

it's near Nantwich, isn't it?

Or where was that?

Yeah, it was definitely...

It was near Kettering.

Okay, it was.

You were near Ketterin and you went to a spa and got a massage.

Wow.

I think if you go to anywhere near Kettering or in Kettering, most people will have been to school with James.

Yeah.

Or at least know him.

He's a local character.

Yeah.

Have you got a sculpture in your local chippy, though?

No, actually.

That's quite good.

I used to live around the back of a chippy.

So Nick's Fish and Chip Shop in Ketmin, which I've shouted out on the podcast before.

And I've been there.

Yeah, I went there maybe last year.

And they were like telling me loads of stories about me as a kid, which I don't.

know if it was me.

I think they got me confused with another local neighbor, you know, local child.

And now they've made it me in their head, maybe.

But like, yeah, I would have thought there'd be something.

Yeah, I used to go there quite a bit.

I'd demand it it next time you get back.

Where's my sculpture?

Where's my sculpture?

Where's my sculpture?

Or go and sit outside it in your car and make them bring you fish and chips.

Oh, yeah, I haven't tried that yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That'd be great.

That's a good one.

And Nick himself to bring me the fish and chips.

You are the Peter K of Kettering, I would say.

Yep.

Yep.

So, yeah, this sounds great.

And what I was saying is, I just like, I think...

When I meet people from the north who have such a strong identity that's connected to the north, I just think, I wish I had that.

And you clearly enjoy it as well, that you've got this like...

I do.

And then I also find it irritating with myself.

Like, oh, here we go again.

Oh, Sophie, come on.

You know.

But then at the same time, I just do feel really passionately about Lancashire food.

Yeah.

So it was quite tricky thinking, it'd be nice to step away from the Mike Lee anecdotes.

But it's quite hard sometimes.

Maybe in a few years, you know, I'll have more food to talk about.

Yeah, but I think if the more you're not home, when you have a strong connection to it, the more that food draws you back.

Yeah, it's the only thing that draws me back.

It just gives you a strong connection to where you're from, right?

Whereas I grew up in London, so

when I'm travelling, I'm like, what am I going to have?

You could have anything.

I don't think it would be London, isn't it?

Yeah, I'd love.

When I'm away from London, I just love connecting with my hometown by having a series of small plates.

Your dream side dish, so.

Because obviously you've got things all included in the main that could be considered side dishes, but this is good because now you can have a little bonus thing on the side.

Yeah, you know, if you wanted to, you seem quite annoyed that you're sticking to the northern cuisine, you could throw in a curveball.

Bob in as a cheeky curve.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Yeah, but aren't you going to like, if you do throw something in that isn't Lancashire, isn't that going to annoy you on the way home?

You'll be like, is it not thematic with the dishes?

I was just doing that to seem

more sophisticated.

I didn't want that, really.

Yeah.

What would I want on this side with all that that's going on?

Because there's a lot, isn't there?

Shot of tequila rose.

That might help settle the stomach.

Yeah, I'll have that to settle my stomach if I'm allowed.

Yeah, of course you're allowed.

Yeah, yeah.

If you want to settle your stomach with a little bottle of shot of tequila rose.

Absolutely.

You can have that settlement.

A shot, not a bottle.

A shot, yeah.

Not a full bottle of it.

How long do you think it would take you to drink a bottle of tequila rose?

I think

three hours and death, probably.

No, I don't think it's

longer than a Nutella.

Yeah.

And just to be clear, black peas peas aren't on this menu, even though you said that.

No, I just threw them at you.

So you wouldn't just like chuck them in as the side dish?

I will chuck them in as a side dish because they are lovely.

Yeah, because I think the tequila rose doesn't seem like a side.

I think that's just a given that you're going to need that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I will throw that in anyway.

Yeah, I think the black peas should be your side.

I agree with you.

You mentioned them earlier.

You clearly really liked them.

Yeah.

And you have them on when?

Bonfire night?

Bonfire night.

Was that like your way of sticking it to Guy Fawkes?

Yeah, maybe.

I do love Bonfire Night, though.

It's a lovely celebratory.

It's my favourite time of year that.

What do you think of Guy Fawkes?

Well, he did all right, didn't he?

Not really.

I don't know.

I don't know much about him, really.

He got caught and then they tore him apart.

They tore him apart.

Oh, yeah.

But he tried something, didn't he?

You can't knock him for trying.

Yeah.

You know, he tried to be rebellious.

He put it out there.

Yeah.

You know, he gave it a go.

He gave it a really good whirl and then it didn't work, but got other people thinking.

He very much took the approach that you're taking to the press for Alm was not normal, which is we just caught and he went, I tried my best.

Tried my best, yeah.

You can't get me for that.

Tried my best, gave it all I had.

And you got other people thinking about what?

Well, rebelling against feudalism.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, so was it?

Well, he tried to blow up the houses of parliament.

Oh, that was it, yeah.

No, so it was, yeah.

Then they chopped his dick off.

They chopped his dick off.

That's the first thing they did.

Oh, that's horrible.

That's mean.

Yeah, it's mean, isn't it?

Yeah.

Brutal and painful.

Steve's unnecessary to immediately drop his dick off.

It's a horrible way to die.

I'd imagine that.

Not nice.

Not nice.

Yeah.

Poor thing.

But at least he stood for something.

Yeah, even though you're not quite sure what it was.

I know, I feel awful because I should know, but I know it's a rebellious...

He did something rebellious.

He was saying,

you know, it was the sex pistols of the time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's that sex pistols gig, wasn't there in Manchester where like not many people showed up to it.

Yeah, yeah.

But everyone who was there went on to form a band and do something.

So I guess he was like that.

Yeah.

Everyone who liked Guy Fawkes at the time maybe went on to do something.

I don't think they did.

I think they probably went, well, I'm not doing that.

They chopped his dick off.

Yeah, that's a shame, isn't it?

It is a shame.

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Three-year price guarantee applies to them current base monthly rate only.

Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

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Well, you're drinking drink then.

I always find this a tricky one because I like most things for different moods.

Yeah.

If it's a hot day, I love a beer or a gin and tonic.

If it's a wintry day, you want a lovely red wine.

You know, if it's a celebration, a champagne.

Yeah.

But I suppose if if you know, this is the biggest celebration.

I'd I'd go champagne.

Nice.

Yeah.

Because this doesn't feel you say on a hot day or on a cold winter's date, the meal to me doesn't scream hot day.

No, so I don't think I could eat that on a hot day.

A fizzy vimpto goes perfectly.

Does it?

Yeah, with that thing.

If you go into the chubby, that's normally what you'd order, isn't it?

Steak pudding.

Dandelion and burdock or a a fizzy vimto and I've never been a dandelion and burdock fan so maybe it'd be fizzy vimto slash champagne

yeah well we you know we let people do various hacks on this podcast before including like choosing drinks for each course so you can still have the fizzy vinto yeah with that main course and your dream drink can be champagne yeah you know yeah or a margarita no I'm going margarita

I love a margarita yeah uh tequila margarita yeah just with the normal one with the salt around the rim not not tommy not the one on the rocks.

I don't want that.

I want a proper in the lovely glass.

Yeah.

And then I would need a tequila rose just for the acid reflux that comes afterwards.

That's funny, isn't it?

That tequila is going to give you acid reflux, so you have a different sort of tequila to sort it out.

Exactly, yeah.

Yeah.

So if you're having a margarita, is there any particular place that you love to go for a margarita that does like the best margarita?

There's a place in Mallorca.

My granddad lives out there and it's really beautiful.

It used to be a hotel for boats to come and stay, but they didn't make any money out of that.

A bit like a Disney film?

Yeah, a bit.

But then it was like, well, everyone could stay on their boat, so clearly that's not going to work.

So they made no money.

So they had to open it up as a cocktail bar.

But it's set out beautifully.

You can see the sunrise.

They do great tequilas

and margaritas.

And I think what

James was thrown by was you saying it's a hotel that boats could come and stay at.

Oh, I did.

So he was imagining

the boats being like the film cars, and they go to the hotel and they have a sleep.

Oh, I missed that bit.

Yeah.

So you bring the boat to the hotel and then the people get off and stay in the hotel.

Got you.

It's a hotel with boat parking.

Boat parking.

Not where folks can come and stay.

I mean, I still like the thought of a boat hotel, so I was against it.

Yeah, no, I'd have a boat hotel.

A botel.

A boatel.

Yeah, of course.

Of course.

Every time someone says Mallorca, I think of Timmy Mallet.

Every time people say Mallorca.

When I was a kid,

on Wackaday,

there was a section of it for a while called Mallet in Mallorca.

And it'd go, Mallet in Mallorca.

And it was him.

He'd gone to Mallorca for a bit, Timmy Mallet.

And it was my first time ever hearing about Mallorca, so I didn't know what it was before then.

So now every time I, when you said Majorca descent, in my head, I thought Timmy Mallet.

Yeah.

Straight away.

Do you want to sing the tune every time

in Mallorca?

Yeah, I kind of do.

In a way, Benito's googling that as well now, I think, because he knows he's going to get asked to do it.

Yeah.

So he might as well just

get ahead of us.

It is on the website.

It is on Timmy Malik's website.

It's just no, it just won't load.

But it says Mallet in Mallorca.

We all trusted you.

None of us thought you were lying about Mallet in Mallorca.

Yeah, but when it's like a childhood memory, you start to doubt it yourself.

As you're talking about it, and when no one else knows about it, you're like, oh, did that happen?

Yeah.

I think of Timmy Malet every time I see someone wearing an Itsy Witty Teeny Weenie yellow pocket bikini.

Which is often.

Yeah.

Especially in Mallorca.

Yeah, especially in Majorca near the botel.

That's why he asks Benito to Google for him.

Yeah.

Ed doesn't Google.

He's like Peter Kay.

He tells

Benito to Google things.

Google itsy bitsy, titty-witty, yellow pugadopikini, Benito.

And bring me the results.

Sort of memalic once at a festival, MACFest, in Wales.

He turned up.

What?

Yeah.

I didn't know he was still alive, actually.

Yeah, he's alive.

And here's the thing.

He wasn't intentionally going to the festival.

He was on a massive bike ride and it has happened to go past.

And then he saw there was a comedy festival on, so he decided to stop for a bit and just had a little walk around only there for about half an hour and then he went on his bike ride again but I saw him in that time and was with Nathaniel Metcalfe who's the perfect person he's like into all that that era of television so as soon as I saw Timmy Mallet I was like Nathaniel is that is that Timmy Mallet over there putting his bike in a shed because this is what he was doing

and we were pretty sure it was and then eventually yeah he posted a thing on his instagram of just him outside the sign for mac wow thumbs up in it looking pretty happy with himself.

Did he not fancy doing a bait?

No, straight through.

Just on a bike ride.

Just whizzing through, yeah.

Yeah.

Imagine that.

Yeah.

That'd be nice to get to that point one day.

Yeah, where people go, I saw James Ericaster riding a bike for a comedy festival.

Yeah.

That could happen.

Rode it right through.

I saw that.

I was in between, I went to see Oppenheimer, and then I went to see Barbie on the same day.

And as I was walking between cinemas, I went through Trafalgar Square.

There was a busker playing.

It was guitar.

And a circle of people around him him watching him.

And then right through the middle of the circle, right through the busker's patch, on a bicycle, Owen Wilson.

God?

Just cycled right through it, head high.

Everyone could see it was him.

Through the circle.

Just through it.

Through the busker's patch.

There's a big circle.

Right the way through the middle of it.

Owen Wilson on a bicycle.

Yeah.

Carried on going through Trafalgar Square.

Did everyone go, oh, fuck, that's Owen Wilson.

Yeah, everyone was like stunned for a bit.

And the busker had to carry on playing, but clearly in his eyes was like, did that just happen?

You know, and we were, and yeah, me and my friend were like, Well, that's all, that's odd to see.

Yeah, on Barbenheimer Day, yeah, it'd be fun to do things like that if you were really famous, just turn up in really weird places, yeah, just freak people out in a fun way.

Where would you like

just something like you know, the freezer section of Iceland or something?

Look,

we'll get in the freezer and then like fish fingers.

I don't know what I imagine you getting into one of the freezer cabinets

and like it all steaming over, and then someone like rubs it to see what's inside, and then it's just your face up in there.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that'd be great, wouldn't it?

And you have to make that noise as well.

Yeah, or knocking on someone's door with their post.

Dressed as a post person, dressed as a postman.

Yeah.

Here you go.

Nice to meet you, Alex.

And then give them their post.

That'd be creepy, that one, I think.

It was a bit too large, yeah, too fast.

Yeah, because

Jason Manford did that during lockdown, didn't he?

He was like

delivering for Iceland.

So he kind of did both of those suggestions.

Yeah.

He was going around delivering people shopping for Iceland.

God really, which is a nice idea.

Yeah.

But, you know, because we're just talking like this, but in reality, it would be a bit much, wouldn't it?

A bit a bit much, especially maybe during the pandemic when there's a lot of stuff going flying around your head.

And

you're like, I don't know how I'm supposed to react to Jason Mamford being out here holding my fish fingers.

Yeah.

I bet a lot of people loved him popping up at the door though, because it'd be local in the area.

Yeah.

In Manchester, won't it?

But then I bet he would have been like, I can't stop and chat to all these people.

Well, you can't do selfies, can you?

In a lockdown, yeah.

So, he would have delivered them and been like, Don't touch me, but here's your fish fingers.

Yeah, let's keep this boundary.

Yeah, but here's your, yeah, here's your stuff.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, that should have been what the pandemic was.

It's just celebs delivering everyone's food.

Yeah, that would have been good, actually.

Everyone getting their Ben and Jerry's with a pebble left in it.

James delivered this one, yeah.

Your dream desserts hopefully willing.

Well, I'd go bread and butter pudding

Because I'm sticking with a very carb-heavy theme here.

Yeah.

Love a bread and butter pudding.

My granddad, he's a really good cook, and he used to make bread and butter puddings when I was little.

Yeah.

So it's a nice memory there with that.

That's nice.

And it's just lovely.

Did he have any particular way of doing it?

Was it because that was a little signature twist?

A lot of different ones.

Well, some of you have with liqueuring, don't you?

Or something.

He did it like that.

But you weren't allowed to go near him in the kitchen.

He's still like that now.

If you go near, get out, get out.

He's quite...

Gordon Ramsey with the Bolton accent and no neck, you know, he's just quite an intense person.

So much respect for that, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't like that when I'm cooking.

Are you?

Yeah, don't come near me.

I'm cooking so I don't have to talk to people.

Yeah, I think it's that as well.

And then also if you try and help, oh my God, everything you're doing is wrong.

Yeah.

You've never felt more that you're a bad human being.

So I just have to leave the vicinity.

And then at the end, I'll say, like, do you want me involved in plates?

And he's like, get out.

So I'm like, fine.

But I think, especially if it's like, that's like his signature dish, dish, right?

And that's what he's really good at.

He's made it so many times before.

He doesn't need help.

Doesn't need help.

Well, he's good at everything, my granite.

He's a really, really good cook.

Oh, fantastic.

He did cooking.

He went down to London for six months and cooked in a restaurant in London.

And then they moved back to Bolton.

But, you know, for that six months, he was a saucier.

Oh, lovely.

I know.

Was he just took the sauces?

Yeah.

That's amazing.

So he's very talented,

but very grumpy.

So just leave him to it.

We get all this lovely food, you know, if you go visit him.

But the the price you pay is sometimes you might get shouted at if you go into the kitchen.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah.

I feel like we've had quite a few really good bread and butter pudding recipes on this podcast.

Yeah.

And

now I want a bread and butter pudding as well.

Here's what's going on in my head: is that I remember that last time someone came on and they said their own bread and butter pudding recipe.

And it sounded easy and delicious.

And I thought to myself, I'm going to do that.

And then I didn't do it.

And now I've forgotten what the recipe was.

Was it the one with croissants in it?

Yeah, it must have been.

Yeah.

Croissants?

That's really good.

Another one you mean, they do a really good one in Cumbria with leftover croissants and different things.

And it's like, and raisins.

And

that's delicious.

And you know what occurred to me when you said bread and butter pudding?

Imagine making bread and butter pudding with the crumpet bread.

Oh, wow.

Bread and butter pudding with crumpet.

That would be very good.

Because that's soaking up anything you pour on it, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That would be very interesting.

Mama.

Yeah, you throw it somewhere.

With a go?

Fabulous, yeah.

That would be good.

I think I'd do that then.

Yeah.

A bread and butter pudding, was he, but with a crumpet bread.

Made by your granddad?

Made by granddad, but not in his vicinity.

How's he going to react, though, if you say, I want your bread and butter pudding, but can you replace it with crumpet bread?

What's he going to say to that?

God only knows.

I could do

FaceTime.

FaceTime him now and pitch it to him.

Yeah, I don't think he'd be going for it.

No.

Do you want me to phone him?

You can do it.

Yeah, you can do.

You can do it.

Just

see what he thinks of the suggestion.

Because I don't want...

He might be dead confused.

Like, where are you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, he almost certainly will be.

He was quite shocked to see himself pop up on Taskmaster.

Maggie, he never answers the calls, but let's give him a call, G-Dog.

Is that what he is in your phone?

G-Dog.

G-Dog.

Yeah, cool.

He won't answer.

Come on, G-Dog.

Come on, G-Dog.

I mean, it's worth it just to find out that your granddad saved us geodog and you're fun, to be fair.

I could try Maggie May, his wife.

Okay.

G-Dog and Maggie May.

And they live in Mallorca, right?

They live in Mallorca.

They've been there years, like 25 years now.

Maggie May, try Maggie May now.

Come on, Maggie.

Because Maggie might know if you've been off doing the crumbit bread, breakfast burning.

See if they remember Mallet and Mallorca.

Yeah, I'll ask.

Not going to happen.

What time is it in Mallorca?

Oh, hello.

Maggie?

Oh, you're there?

Listen, I'm

I'm live on the podcast.

I need to speak to Grandad.

No, we're not live.

It's him he is.

Hello, Grandad.

Hi there.

I just want to ask you about bread and butter pudding.

Best way to make it.

Bread and butter pudding.

Yeah.

Let's think.

Bread.

Butter.

Yeah.

Black white bread.

Butter.

Full cream milk.

Yeah.

Well, how would you feel if I put crumpet bread in it?

Uh, not very, it won't work.

It won't work.

Why would it not work?

Because it's too spongy, that you want sliced white bread.

Right.

All right, thanks, Grandad.

I love you.

Don't forget the currants and the raisins.

I won't forget the currants and the raisins.

This is why I couldn't cook with him because he'd be over your shoulder.

Dude, I like all of this detail.

This is good.

This is James.

This is Ed.

This is Dan.

Hi.

I was doing a food podcast, and I was telling them about your culinary skills, but how you're also quite

in the kitchen.

I'm just doing it now, culinary skills.

What are you doing?

Jointed roast chicken

on peppers, potatoes, red onions, garlic.

Delicious.

That sounds absolutely delicious.

Yeah, they're a lot more impressed with your recipes than I've done for the past hour.

Small potatoes.

All right.

Beautiful.

Yeah, he's very good.

I better go, grandad.

Love you.

Love you, too.

See you soon.

Speak to you soon, Adios.

A saluego.

Right.

Love that.

Love him.

He definitely did a lot better on this than I did.

Yeah, we'll have him on an episode.

That was great.

We can have him on an episode.

Yeah.

So I think we've got to not do the crumbit bread then.

Yeah.

The expert.

G-Dogs told us it's not a good idea.

Yeah, it won't work.

He did seem quite already a bit pissed off.

He was like, well, you don't do that.

Yeah.

My favourite bit was you say, how do you make your bread and butter pudding?

What do you need?

And he went, well, bread.

Yeah.

He went,

let's see.

Let's say bread.

Butter.

But that was before he knew you were on a podcast.

He said absolutely trashing you.

I'll invent your menu back to you now.

See how you feel about it.

You want sparkling water?

Yeah.

You would like the crumpet loaf with butter from

green ulshes.

Starter, you want a potato cake from the old pasty shop with the cheese and potato pasty and the meat and potato pasty.

Selection.

A tapas.

Main course, the steak pudding and chips of mushy peas, red cabbage and gravy from Olympus Chippy with a fizzy vimto.

Side dish, black peas.

Drink, you would like a margarita from Mallorca, from the botel in Mallorca.

And on the side, you want the tequila rose.

Great.

And dessert, you want bread and butter pudding made by your granddad without crumping loaf.

Yeah, and without being in his vicinity.

Yeah, yeah, with just being completely as far away from him as possible.

That sounds great.

So delicious.

Fabulous.

And it's also, I'd say, it'd have to be a cold day for me to eat that.

Yeah.

And I would have to hibernate after that for about six months.

So a lot of carbs then.

That's big, heavy, serious stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

You're not messing up.

Not leaving the couch.

No, no way.

But Tequila Rose is doing a lot of work.

And also,

God bless, I'm going to be farting a lot after that.

Yeah, it's better to be alone, actually, maybe.

I think so.

But you don't want to be alone.

Don't want to be alone.

I've been together and then leave.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the meal could be outside, maybe.

Yeah.

Peter K will be outside.

Brilliant.

We'll get in Peter K's car.

yeah yeah go with him oh he'd be absolutely gutted if we all got in his car after eating that yeah he'd hate it do the old what's it the car share yeah yeah yeah

an episode a car show where everyone's just farting the whole time yeah yeah that'd be good

he hasn't done that for car she hasn't pulled up outside the pasty shop and stayed in his car and ordered a is that why he stays in the car do you think is he filming an episode that's maybe that's it that's a thing

the whole new series

can't get out we're on the clocks yeah

come on Sophie, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you, Sophie.

It's been fabulous.

Sophie Willen there with a cameo.

Is that recording?

Okay.

It's red when it records.

Yeah.

I thought it was green.

No.

We're recording for the hot.

Did we record that episode?

Were you looking at it and it was green and you thought we were recording?

I don't know, man.

Oh, man.

I just thought red meant stop.

Yeah, but it also means record, doesn't it?

Like on an old tape player, it's a red circle, isn't it?

Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're banker rights.

Well, look, great.

Speak to Sophie Willen with a wonderful guest rap from G-Dog.

Loved it from G-Dog.

Little feature.

I'm Maggie May.

I'm Maggie May.

Don't forget to.

Thanks for picking up, Maggie May.

Thank you, Maggie Mae.

Thank you, G-Dog.

Thank you to Sophie Willen.

And thank you for not saying trifle.

Although we have bread and butter pudding, it's not a million miles away from trifle.

Sure.

Yeah,

it's layered.

It's a layered dessert.

It's like a traditional British dessert.

And it was quite a traditional northern menu, as Sophie said.

It was very traditionally British, it felt.

So Trifle would have rounded that off lovely.

Oh, yeah.

We could have been headed there.

We could have been headed there.

And it would have been awful to kick out Sophie.

And then we never would have spoken to G-Dog and Maggie Mae.

Yeah.

So, you know, thank you, Sophie.

Yeah.

And obviously, James, you went on a bit of a wander through your brain there when bread and butter pudding was brought up because we've had three fantastic bread and butter puddings in the past on this uh on this show we've had c matt's christmas bread and butter pudding yeah which sounded amazing yeah ainsley harriot chose gary rhodes's bread and butter pudding and of course peter capaldi chose a panettone bread and butter pudding

although i think if he suggested that's a g-dog g-dog is laughing in his face because

i mean if crumpets are soaking it up too much too spongy panettone's definitely too spongy well i'll tell you what as we're recording this i've got five dates left on my tour and then i'm kicking about for the rest of the year yeah i'll happily make those four bread and butter puddings.

Yeah.

Before New Year's Eve.

And you promise?

Will you take photos of them?

I promise.

A little video and then Ben can put it on the off-menu social media.

I promise.

In the bath.

Eat them in the bath.

I'll not eat them in the bath.

I didn't agree to that when I said I promise.

You've got to eat your popped-down sandwich in the bath and then I'll eat the bread and butter puddings in the bath.

I'll do my popped-dom sandwich in the bath when you do the bread and butter puddings.

No, four different bread and butter puddings.

Forget it.

You just say no again.

Well, if you want to back out the agreement.

Monks, you're the one backing out the agreement.

You backed out of the

agreement.

I'm saying I will do it if you do what you've agreed, which is four different persons.

I know you won't do it.

I know that you will back out of the agreement.

I will do it, and then you will back out.

I am going to film myself making them, and I'm going to eat them, and I'm going to say which is the best of the four.

Okay.

So, I'm going to make Gary Rhodes's one.

Yeah.

I'm going to make C-Matt's one, which is a Nigella recipe.

Yeah.

I'm going to make Peter Capaldi's Panettone one.

Yeah.

And I'll make G-Dog's one.

Okay.

And are you going to make each one then have a bath for each one or are you

all in the bath?

I'm not having a bath.

That's you.

Dirty boy not having a bath.

Gross.

That is you have a bath with your popadum sandwich.

That's what you want.

Why don't you have baths?

I do have baths.

Normally, what?

This is like arguing with a kid in school.

I'm a pleasure to live with.

So if you want to watch James have a bath live, come to the London Palladium in March next year.

Have a bath live.

Yeah, like Tim Key.

There's going to be a bath on stage.

James is going to have a bath.

he's going to eat four different bread and butter puddings uh so remember tickets go on general sale on friday if you're listening to this on the day it comes out um happy new series by the way or the pre-sale uh is tomorrow at 10 a.m but you'll find out about that if you join the mailing list off menupodcast.co.uk for details on that watch almost not normal series one on iPlayer and get ready for series two coming soon get ready for James in the butt i'm not going to be in the bath we'll see you next week for episode two of this most recent series which is a number series

goodbye 12 it's series 12 of course it is i knew that off the top of my head bye bye so you want to press stop now it's going to go great yeah

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah, and we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true.

Saturday, the 13th of September.

At King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.