Ep 244: Sara Barron

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Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the kiwi of conversation and putting that in the fruit salad.

That's Ed Gamble.

My name is James Acaster.

Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and ask them their favourite ever, start a main course dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is Sarah Barron.

Sarah Barron, a wonderful comedian, James.

So funny.

We've both seen her do stand-up many times.

Always has us laughing.

Yes.

Always, always has us laughing.

She has us laughing.

Has us laughing our heads off.

I've interviewed her before.

Yes.

Another podcast.

Excellent guest is what I'm saying.

I know we're in for a treat here.

Sarah also has a podcast about television, James, that she co-hosts with Jeff Lloyd, who is a wonderful broadcaster, and also Sarah's husband.

What?

So they did a very successful podcast about about succession when succession was coming out.

And now they have pivoted that obviously great on-air and off-air relationship into talking about TV in general.

So

do go and get that podcast, which is called they like to watch.

Now, listen, we love Sarah Barron.

Yes.

But as always, if Sarah picks a secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will be forced to kick her off of the podcast.

Yes, we will kick her off the podcast.

And today, the secret ingredient is

Wendy's Burger.

Wendy's burger.

This is because Sarah also does another podcast which is sort of the official podcast for Wendy's Burgers, James.

It's certainly, I believe, sponsored by Wendy's Burgers.

So we are not throwing any shade to Wendy's here by saying we don't like the burgers.

I ain't never had no Wendy's burger.

I've never had a Wendy's burger.

We're little English boys.

Yeah.

There's not a Wendy's near us, but

it's relevant to the guests.

It is.

And we've been to America.

Yep.

But I hate to say it.

If I go to America, I'm not going to waste a meal on a a Wendy's burger.

Well, listen, I would do that.

You haven't.

You've been to America more than anyone else I know.

Yeah, I've been low.

I've never had a Wendy's.

But, like, I will.

I will at some point.

Yes.

You know, like, I went and had Popeye's chicken once.

Yeah.

Because I only think we've got it here now, but we didn't at the time.

So I was like, I'm just going to try this fast food change.

No.

Maybe if we ever go to America to record some podcasts again, we can go and get a Wendy's.

Yeah, we should.

We should get a Wendy's next time we're there.

Yeah.

And see what all the fuss is about.

Yeah, absolutely.

But there will be a bloody fuss if Sarah says Wendy's because she's been kicked off the podcast and that would be a shame because I like her a lot.

Yes.

Hopefully that won't happen, but let's find out.

This is the off-menu menu of Sarah Barron.

Welcome, Sarah, to the Dream Restaurant.

Gentlemen, thank you so much for having me.

Oh!

Welcome, Sarah Barron, to the Dream Restaurant.

I've been expecting you for some time.

Oh, this is just a joy.

And I love when someone's energy is higher than my own.

Yes.

It never happens for me.

But it makes me feel like I'm in a safe space to really explode in my own way at some point.

Yeah, good.

Well, we're looking forward to that for sure.

Very high-energy act as well.

I know.

And I'm trying to tone it down.

No, why?

Because I think I once in a different point in my life, I was teaching like adult continuing ed at like a shitty school.

I teach like writing classes to adults, and we'd have to be observed by like the dean of this kind of bullshit school.

And then he wrote this review of my teaching.

It was like, I've been doing this for 20 years.

I've never given this critique before, but would you mind speaking more quietly?

And I think that something about, I think there's an oppressiveness to me.

I mean, I'm sure I'm saying this to you now to get you to be like, Sarah, no, no, no.

But I'm always trying to like.

dial down.

I'd say no.

Rain it in for me.

No, no, no, no, no.

There definitely is an oppressiveness.

Yes.

But it's great.

Yes.

Because you're now doing it in a world where that's welcome.

It's, it's, you know, I want that in your comedy act.

I don't want you to, I don't want to go and see a Sarah Barron show and you're talking all quiet or

sort of like deadpan.

No, you want to be feeling exhausted.

Yeah.

People say that to me.

They're like, you must be exhausted.

I'm like, this is not a compliment about.

my personality or my stand-up.

I'd say if that's the first thing they're saying to you after a show.

Oh, daddy.

That is a good thing.

I know.

I know.

I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You did it.

Exhausted.

I have a friend who's thinking, like, I will lie through my teeth about anything.

Like, a disingenuous compliment is like my whole personality.

Good to know that very much.

You turned up and said we had more skin.

No, no.

Let me just say, it's also my love language.

Or maybe it's my communication style.

So just when I see someone, I do think that I go compliment, compliment is a way of ingratiating, but it's sincere.

I'm talking like immediately after a performance of some kind.

I have zero problem being like, I mean, you're, this is the best I've ever seen you.

Like, and I'm, and I'm thinking to myself, whoa, you're terrible right now.

I just have no problem being insincere.

My friend cannot do that.

And so his thing is that he will always go, you did it

as a way of having a thing to say after something that's disappointing.

You did it.

I would hate that if someone said that to me.

How do you think that went as obviously

the worst how do you remember it all i've had that before

were you happy with that that's another one also i don't think i did remember it all remembered that conversation yeah yeah that's never leaving my head until i die be the last thing i remember these horrible things that people say i know anyway yeah i feel like i'm excited i was excited for and then excited in the presence of your high energy welcome james thank you thank you i'm happy that you know it was a lot of pressure on me uh-huh giving someone who is

high energy a high energy welcome.

But you're a genie, so it's you know high energy.

Hey, high energy genie.

It was fun watching you come out of that little yeah, let's not even talk about the pun

lamp.

It's very fun.

It's very Disney princess-y Aladdin-y to me.

Is that what people is that the journey it takes?

Aladdin's definitely come up before.

I'm not going to make out like Aladdin could have been, but like, but it is quite, I mean, Disney princess-y,

how do you feel?

I'd love to hear Sarah Barron's views on the Disney princesses.

Maybe all of them individually, one by one, and the concept of Disney princesses as a whole.

Generally not ready for that.

I did some prep and I don't feel ready.

I can say that there was, I had a period of my adolescence where I was like very into, what was the trio?

Because I'm a bit older than the two of you.

So it went like there was a

bell from Beauty and the Beast.

What's the hand movements you're doing?

It's just just, I'm, I'm, what am I doing?

Are you rifling through your little kitten pawing at something?

yes i think i'm a combination of a little kitten going meow meow yeah

and then also you're looking through the roller

i think i am looking through my mind also interesting Aren't I fascinating, boys?

Okay, so there was Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

Then we have, we're all early 90s here.

Then we have Ariel.

Then we have Jasmine from Aladdin.

So those three I know well.

Anything after that, I have zero awareness of Disney films.

Would you count Nalu and the Lion King as the Disney princess or no, because she's a lion?

No, because by then I was a teenager.

So I was like through the princesses by then.

I was very, you know, Barbie dolls, princesses.

And then age 12, it was like done.

And what would you move on to?

Is it not broadcastable?

I'm just thinking.

Yeah, I think it's not.

I think then I started writing in notebooks.

I'm just sat here thinking.

Basically,

this is arguably an anecdote for a little later in our conversation, but I can just I can go I can go big at the beginning.

I can go big at the beginning.

That's what we were hoping for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So basically I went from playing with dolls

to you're there is so much fear in the eyes of the three men at the table, six eyes of fear.

I went into diary writing.

Yes.

Okay.

And then diary writing, as I matured, turned into erotic diary writing.

Wow.

That was clearly me having some kind of exploration

of the issues that we all confront.

And have you ever been more, like, have you ever been less physically comfortable than you are right now?

Oh, no, I'm fine.

Are you fine?

I want to hear some details of these diaries.

Okay, then thank you so much.

I will tell them.

Yeah.

So my, it's, it's essentially what it is, is it's like pornography written by a child.

Yes.

Yeah.

I'm slightly more uncomfortable now than you can.

Yes, but if you want me to keep a tally on it.

Yeah.

Okay.

I understand how that sort of ratcheted it up for you, but stay with me here.

Yeah, it's not the word child, it's the word child in pornography.

No one likes to say that.

I refer

the way around you said.

What did I say?

You said pornography written by a child.

That's the way around I want those words to be.

Oh, right.

It's not to be said near each other.

Not a problem.

Thank you.

Thank you for the guidance.

Yes.

Thank you for the guidance.

So because I, and also, if it makes you guys feel more comfortable, the characters in my head as I were, as I was writing them, like, they were like 18.

Right.

Okay.

So I'm like 12, and my characters whose story i'm writing are like 18.

the the protagonist is 18 the protagonist jenny because for a second i thought you were saying the other characters were here we go were 18

because that would make me feel way worse no no this is from the mind of a child but you've you're talking about but she's thinking to her right like

the the the coolest people if you're 12 is like an eight like a 17 year old are you kidding when like you're 12?

Let's say I say you want 18, not a problem.

I get it, I get it.

Okay.

So my spelling is bad,

but I'm using proper language because that was how I was raised.

Yes.

Proper language.

Yes.

So repeatedly, I make mention of boobs,

but I spell it bobs.

Repeatedly, I use the word penis, but I spell it pinus.

So it'll be like, I took my bobs and I'll put them on his pinus.

Like very, very, very strange.

Yeah.

And then I, I didn't, like, there was, um, if you guys want to avoid eye contact in this next part, that's like completely right.

I'm looking right at you.

Yeah, you're looking, it's so, um, there's like so much empathy in what you're doing in a way because you're like, I really want to carry her through this.

But also, I want to, I want, I want to make sure you keep talking about it because I am finding it very funny.

Okay, okay, that's good.

So, and like weird shit happens and

like, uh, like, so I had the thing.

I don't even think it was a sexual thing.

I just think it was like an interest in Michael Bolton.

Was he a thing over here?

Yeah, sure.

So, wait, Ed, listen to me, Ed, Ed, Ed.

You couldn't have sex unless some song from the album, Time, Love, and Tenderness was playing.

So a consistent feature is like,

hold on.

Yeah, I've got to put on.

I've got to go put on some Michael Bolton.

Yeah.

And you always had to have champagne.

Yes.

You could not have sexual intercourse without like a...

That was sort of how you began.

And then once everyone was done was like,

and then I didn't.

Was Jenny having sex every day?

Yeah, she had sex multiple times a day, every day.

And she'd go to like a car and she'd like, you know,

she'd do it in a car.

There'd have to be champagne in the car, right?

There's champagne in Michael Bolton.

It's like, it's just there.

Yeah, yeah.

She'd go to like a party and be like, hey.

She'd be like, hey.

You feel like doing it tonight?

Oh, wow.

Yeah, I'd be like, hey, you feel like doing it tonight?

And then the guy'd be like, yeah, I can do it tonight.

And then they'd like go into a room at like wherever the house party was.

And it'd be like, would you like a glass of champagne?

And then you'd put on the music and you'd do it.

Yeah.

And I.

I get his pinus out.

I get his pinus out.

But interestingly about his pinus is I didn't understand.

I thought the reverse about erections.

Well, you thought they were hard all the time and they went soft for sex.

Not quite, although basically

when I hear someone else say it back to me, it's so much better.

It was that I thought if an erection went on too long, you had to stop.

It was like, like, calm that pinus down.

I can't do this anymore.

It's too, it's too hard.

It's too hard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

We got to soften that pinus for this to continue.

And then the grand,

the grand finale was, I didn't understand, like, certainly for women.

the idea of orgasms were very, very unclear.

Yeah.

I mean, good.

Yeah, thank God.

Right.

Right.

And I would have been good.

Well, I just, I would be more worried if Sarah, when she was 12, was writing with a full knowledge of all sexual intercourse.

Well, I don't know.

I mean, a lot of women would say that those kind of things need to be taught about more from an earlier age.

I would agree, but I wasn't the one to carry that weight.

I wouldn't be educating.

Let's work on the spelling before we get into the education.

I think if you can't spell penis, you shouldn't be allowed to see one or touch one.

Sure.

No one's going near my part.

And just, I feel the need to say, I don't, like, I don't, I think where this came from was a complete lack of exposure to anything real.

Yeah.

Like, I don't think I saw a piece of actual pornography until I was like 20.

I mean, really remedial shit.

Well, you didn't need it.

You were no.

Look at this brain, boys.

Look at this big brain.

This sexy brain.

So, so there'd be like talk about mounting feelings,

but then I didn't understand

what would happen and so the characters would just piss all over each other

be like oh and then his kind of something and i peed

on him

wow

i feel we've really opened

with one of the most

unarguably oh did you not see the pee-pee coming there was no ramp up to it you gave no pee-pee coming you gave no um there was no disclaimers yeah it was just straight into they peed all over each other.

Oh, because that would, it was like, and then there was a lot of peed on them and then peed on each other.

So when Jenny was doing it with someone, you go to the house party, you go to a room, champagne, Michael Bolton, and they'd look at each other and then just both urinate on each other's face.

No, it would be like they'd be, it would, I said humping a lot.

It'd be like humping, humping, humping.

Yes.

Yeah.

Can you believe what a thing?

I can I've thought about this little diary that I kept quite a few times in my life.

But the

transition from dolls to princesses

to writing my own stories.

Yeah.

I never thought of those things as part of a continuum, but I think they are.

Yeah, there you go.

That's what happens if you ask Sir Baron who her favourite Disney princess is.

Or whatever we ask.

I didn't even know we would go there.

Great.

Well, look, on the subject of urination,

still a sparkling water.

Okay.

I'm one of these people.

I feel like attacked by sparkling water.

Right.

Because there's a situation where I wouldn't, but I feel generally water is to hydrate.

Yeah.

And or if I am having a lovely meal out and part of the plan for the evening is like I'm going to drink, I have a real fixation on never getting too drunk.

I love the taste of alcohol, but I don't particularly love drunkenness.

So I feel the water is there to hydrate, to help me.

Sparkling water is like, to me, it's there as a, like I drank a lot of sparkling water when I was pregnant.

Yeah.

It's like a prop, not a hydration device.

So if you're not drinking alcohol, you would have sparkling water.

Yes.

If I'm going through a phase where I'm like, I'm going to be good, but I feel no true meal is complete without a beverage other than a regular water.

Right.

I might go

still sparkling, heavy on the ice, and many pieces of fresh lime squeezed in.

Do you not like sparkling water because it reminds you a bit of champagne and you don't want to piss over everyone?

It's possible.

Yeah, maybe.

Do you drink champagne much now?

Oh, that's

oh, that's interesting.

Do I drink, it's a little, I'm like a really cheap bitch.

And I didn't even really know that until it was explained to me about myself by various friends and my husband.

But I'm also like a real snob.

So I don't want to, don't give me a prosecco.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

I want some expensive fucking shit

from France.

Yeah.

It's going to cost me like 25 pounds for a glass, but I'm also never willing to spend that.

So it lives in this hinterland of things I so desire but won't treat myself to.

But then if it was, if they suddenly said, oh, we're doing like a deal and all this champagne's really cheap today,

would that that stop you drinking it?

Because it was cheap?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Because the point is it is expensive.

I'm just getting it at a deal.

Yeah.

We, um, my husband and I one day we were going over to a friend's house for dinner and they had had a couple and they had had like some wonderful new, like they were recently engaged to be married.

He had just had like a wonderful professional milestone and we're walking over and I said to my husband, I was like, well, you should pick up a bottle of champagne, right?

And he looked at me like, look how much you've grown.

Yes, that that is that's a lovely thing that a grown-up would do

and i walked in to this liquor shop and i saw how much it would actually cost to buy a bottle of champagne and i said to my husband i was like i physically cannot do this so you go in there and you spend 50 pounds on these assholes that i need to fucking celebrate tonight like i'm so it just that cheapness lives inside me and it's a lifelong project to that's nice that the intent was still there so you knew that you wanted to do that but it you just couldn't physically commit the act yourself.

But I told my husband to do it.

You know what I mean?

So I did.

I think it is, if I may spin this to a positive, it is showing some amount of growth within me.

Yeah.

But so I now know the appropriate way to behave.

It took me until my mid-30s to understand how other people act when they're decent humans.

Right.

And now it's hard for me, but I am always trying to force myself to...

to be the change that I want to see in my family.

Nice.

Pop-loves or bread.

Pop-lumps or bread, Sarah Bamman.

Pop-lobs lobs or bread.

Okay, I had a last-minute shift on this one.

Up until the point of entering your fine offices, I was going to go pop at him.

Yeah.

Specifically because a bread to start a meal is, I love, bread.

Who doesn't love bread?

I mean, I know those people are out there, but I sort of believe that something strange emotionally has happened to them to rob them of it.

They probably don't like, but yeah, I think it's like...

Or are you suggesting gluten-intolerant people have done something in a previous life?

I'm suggesting that gluten-intolerant people are fucking liars.

No, I'm just joking.

No, really, I'm saying it's a very unique thing to not love.

Yeah.

So the truth of my love.

Yeah.

Is that the title of one of the stories?

Yeah.

Gotta be.

Once in a while I hear myself say sentences and I know it sounds way too American and then I'm sort of always wishing I could rewind.

The truth of your love?

The truth of my love is bread.

So I think I should say bread, even though if I was truly sitting down to like a three-course meal, I would go pop at them just for the lightness of it all.

Final answer, bread, but plot twist, and after being so judgmental of people who don't like bread, I cannot eat butter.

Wow.

Okay.

You just can't?

No, I've always hated it.

And like, you know, butter baked into something, whatever.

So if I sit down to a meal and I can see some really nice bread, what I want is like the finest of olive oils dipped into a little ramekin and then some very expensive sea salt to sprinkle into that olive, like a grease, it's almost green.

Dip the sourdough.

That's what I'm picturing into the olive oil.

So no balsamic, but you would like sea salt into the

olive oil itself.

Yes, I have grown out.

I worked in an Italian restaurant for like six years in my 20s, and something about that process inched me out of my love of balsamic.

Wow.

Have you guys had an ochetto?

No.

What?

It's an aged balsamic.

So think of a thicker, finer balsamic.

Then I have then.

I just did not know that that was the name for it.

Yeah.

I enjoyed that.

What about it, seeing it every day has stopped you liking it now?

Do they do something to it in the back?

No, no, no, no, no.

They didn't.

I think I felt like I experienced, and it wasn't even like that.

It was one of these places.

It wasn't particularly fancy, but it was in the day, like back in the day when it first opened, it was cool man.

so they're doing some cool

right like and a chetto yeah and there was some bit of snobbery about it that I think was actually unfounded but it must have like wormed its way into my brain I think I I think what I feel is that most of the times I would ask for a balsamic I wouldn't love the balsamic I'd trust the olive oil but not the balsamic right it would be too watery yeah I mean come to think of it i'm not like anti-balsamic but like i would pick olive oil any day yeah

out of the two.

Well, it's not normally one or the other, is it?

Yeah, but I mean, I look balsamic had a real day back then, you know, it was

big, huge, you know, and it was in everyone's kitchens for a while, put it in all the salads and stuff.

Now, I ain't going near it.

No, there's other vinegars I prefer.

I'll just, I'll just say it.

I'll put it out there.

Go.

What are you, what are you going for?

Apple cider vinegar.

I'll put that.

I'll put that in a dressing with mustard any day of the week compared to balsamic.

Are you making a lot of dressings?

You seem like a guy who would make a lot of dressings.

Not at the moment.

I've seen a guy who washes his face before bed but

well that was a conversation before the podcast but no still um people should know you're both glowing today and i was interested upon entry in your skin regimes because i've been suffering some problems at the moment i'm interested in what other people are doing right big reveal ed doesn't wash his face before he goes to bed if i were one of your listeners i'd be so into that detail about it yeah yeah it's amazing well there you go so natural oils you've got to let the natural oils wow swim around and my i naturally produce balsamic as well do you now yes i didn't know that well black goo.

Same thing, innit?

Hosted this podcast with him for a long time now.

I didn't know that he excretes balsamic from some part of him.

I don't know.

Yeah, I think apple cider vinegar.

Okay.

People wash with that or something, don't they?

Or they drink it.

I don't know.

Yes, my mother drinks.

She's like real into that stuff and she does some shit with apple cider vinegar, actually.

Now that you mention it, white wine vinegar better than balsamic.

Yeah.

These are for your dressings.

Yeah.

Apple cider vinegar, rapeseed oil, and whole grain mustard is a lovely lovely dressing.

Wow, there we go.

You heard it.

I like that.

Yeah, or I'll use, I'll even use soy sauce, sesame oil, and rice wine vinegar

is a good dressing.

If you want to see it.

I love the sign of that one.

That piques my interest more.

I love sesame oil.

Where do you guys stand on the idea of an incredible salad?

Does it exist as far as you're concerned?

Yeah.

Oh.

Just a bit.

Love salad.

No?

Really?

Yeah.

Like, do you think you've learned to love salad, but you tell yourself no?

No.

Let me tell you recently just last night

So there's there's a salad that I've really got into lately.

Uh-huh.

I get it on delivery to be fair.

So it's not even like I'll make it myself.

But Mildred's

do this amazing artichoke Caesar salad.

And my go-to from Mildred's used to be this rice bowl with tofu, fried tofu in it, delicious, and kimchi.

And just as a side, I got this salad one day and I was like, whoa, we got ourselves a new headliner.

I'm not even into I don't even care about this tofu dish anymore and now that's my yesterday I was like so excited thinking all day about can't wait to get that artichoke Susa salad later on very delicious

the possibilities are endless with salads do you guys like um make answer individually do you make a big effort to watch your girlish figures both of you

Because I know you, I think of you as I've eaten a meal with James, but I've seen you eat a meal.

And it was a very, it was, I think it was in the run-up to your wedding and you were like in a zone with your eating.

Yeah.

I don't know how you've not seen me eat.

Okay, okay, okay, very fair.

I, I, you know,

I,

you know, I'd say 60% of the time I probably eat fairly healthily and then 40% of the time I absolutely go to town.

It's my biggest joy.

Yeah, yeah.

I think that's exactly.

And it's the same true for you, James?

I don't know, really.

I mean, I haven't really had to think about it until recent times when my metabolism went, now you have a more normal metabolism, bad luck.

But

yeah, I definitely do think about it.

But also, I just can't, I love eating unhealthy food but i can't do it all the time like i just feel like right

i get a hangover from food yeah yeah yeah same yeah so like that that that salad thing isn't even trying to be it's just so delicious you're listening to your bodies i do the opposite i have to override my brain which thinks that this can't be a treat because it's a salad you can't love this as much as you oh think you do because this is just a boring salad and i've got to actually override that and go no i do love it and i'm almost not going to order it just because i think it's boring but actually this is what I want right now.

And often I'll order something thinking, no, this is what I want, like something that's not as good for me.

And I'll know it's not really what I want.

But you're trying to treat yourself.

I'm on autopilot.

Yeah.

And then I'll be eating it going, this is disgusting.

I never even wanted this.

What the hell is wrong?

What am I doing?

I was like, I wish I just got that salad that I actually written.

That's what I really wanted.

But you were trying and failing to treat yourself, essentially.

Or it's just like, I think my body is just on that kind of like autopilot.

You know, the first thing I did when I got, when my pocket money went up to two pounds as a kid was say to my parents can i spend this all on sweets that was that was number one question so like that's what my my brain is geared towards is i'm going to spend money on food can i spend it all on sweets

can i spend it all on stuff that is like naughty treats and actually

i don't always want that no no but you're still sort of that's still within you from your childhood yeah so You're from America, of course.

Of course.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

What an accomplishment.

Now, salad, sometimes in America, means just something covered in mayonnaise, right?

Is that fair to say?

I think that's fair to say.

That's why I think I still don't understand the decency of salad.

But like, literally, like, chicken salad would be chicken and mayonnaise mixed together, right?

Are you aware of that?

Yeah, I mean, I really, there was a...

place growing up where you'd go and you get like the taco salad and it was the most repulsive thing.

It was like disgusting black olives, some cold, unseasonal tomatoes, a half of a boiled egg,

and like cauliflower florets, and then some disgusting dressing on top of it.

And that I think I am still trying to unlearn that as what a salad is.

Coastal towns in the US, especially in California, what great salad places.

I know, but I didn't grow up there.

I feel bad speaking this way of my native town,

but I'm from right outside Chicago and I

feel

like my feeling on too many Chicago establishments, too much sauce,

too much sauce, over sauced.

As a city, it's oversauced.

Too many TVs in the restaurants there.

And I don't, I love TV.

I think it's the thing I love as much as I love food.

I do a podcast about it.

I love my television.

Yeah.

But I see a TV in a restaurant and I go.

Bad restaurant.

No, it's like garnishes on cocktails, I think, reveal everything about a restaurant.

Okay.

And I think a TV on the wall makes me go, nah.

And I know that's very snobby, but I've also had it, you know, this is based on experience.

But also, you've already called yourself out for being snobby at the beginning of the podcast, so you can just go have it.

I can just say whatever the fuck I want now.

Talk me through the garnishes on the cocktails theory.

Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

You're ordering a Manhattan.

Yes.

Here are three things the Manhattan can come with.

Number one.

a maraschino cherry.

Are you picturing that?

Bright red.

Yeah.

Number two, good.

Number two, a brandied cherry.

You picturing that?

Darker.

Darker.

Number three,

orange zest.

Now, to me, maraschino cherry says you're in a fucking dumpster heap here.

Might even come in a plastic glass.

Exactly.

Sure, sure.

Don't mind it.

The other two make me, you don't mind it.

Not really.

Oh, really?

Oh, you want.

If I'm in a dive.

If I'm in a dive bar, I love that.

And would you order a Manhattan in a dive bar?

Probably in the States.

Yes, but not over here, right?

No, no, no.

Well, also, there's not really dive bars here because dive bars here are self-consciously like US dive bars.

So they're probably better bars because they're like, yes.

They're going, oh, we're all about the aesthetic and the drinks and all that.

This is so funny.

I've completely forgotten this, but I think, right, when I lived in the States, yes, I would have had a cocktail and a like a dive.

And we all would have been like

into how grinding it was.

Like strong pause as well, like proper, like just pouring a whole glass of beer.

Get it in there.

Shout out to Sam's in Austin, Texas.

Holy shit.

Did they really get you wasted?

I went in there.

I tried to get tacos from a place that was shut.

So we just took a chance on Sam's barbecue.

Went in, some of the best ribs I've ever had in my life.

And then they're doing takeaway daiquiris.

And so we're like, yeah, we'll get these for the road.

We're walking back to the hotel.

They were insane.

They were all the colours of the rainbow.

And tasted like the amount of sugar that's probably in a rainbow if you drank it.

Like it was

bonkers and so much booze.

Delicious.

can you handle that without puking yeah i did but like when i laid down to go to bed never from just one drink before yeah have i felt like oh i'm going to space this is like well that's i think you need to go in there knowing the amount of booze they're putting in them

because then

i don't drink them at the same speed as i would drinks in the pub here right so i'm not having like four of them right i'm having two probably yeah i love i love the dive bars in the us but here i think the dive bars are shit pubs that are the equivalent yeah there really isn't.

Yeah, you can't.

The UK does so many things at beautiful,

but not a dive bar, does it?

No.

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Your dream starter, Servant Baron.

Okay.

So I've realized about myself, because I think as the gentleman here do, like I think about food and I think about thinking about food all the time.

And so it's interesting to me to have a new thought about food, which I did trying to come up with my dream menu, which is, I don't think I ever truly crave a main.

I think it's possible that every food I have ever gone, oh my God,

is some version of a starter.

So this, this part was very difficult.

And then there was like nothing I truly wanted as a main.

So

I think

my number one starter is the dream plate of nachos.

The most incredibly done nachos that you have ever prepared.

My brother is a professional cook and I was back in Chicago for a birthday.

I don't remember how old.

And he said, like, what do you want for dinner?

And I said,

he's a professional cook in Chicago.

Yes.

Is he the bear from the bear?

My brother, listen to this.

My brother trained at Michelin restaurants, like did the whole thing in Spain, doing all that shit, comes to Chicago, trains in all these like Michelin-y restaurants, and then opens a sandwich shop.

And so when the fair started, they go to my brother and they're like, would you consult on this show?

And my brother is like, this sounds fucking stupid and no and turned it down.

And now he's like midway because he,

we pre-talked, our pre-chat was bear related.

I have, my brother and I think a lot of other industry professionals do not die for the bear in the way that some of the rest of us do.

But now he's watching it being like, I can't, it's such a phenomenon.

And so on the one hand, he like hates it because he doesn't feel it's a realistic representation.

But that is his story and his journey.

So now if you guys are in Chicago, you will have to go there for one of his sandwiches.

Nah, only if he was a consultant on the bear, I would go.

Yeah, I'm eat at his place.

No, I'm too busy.

I'm going to all the places that are owned by people in the belly.

Except my brother's sandwich truck.

Except my brother's sandwich truck.

I only eat food.

By people who are consultants on the bear.

Just show up there, look for someone who looks a little bit like me, but younger and a man, and then just say that and then leave.

And for listeners, James is wearing a t-shirt from the bear.

I am currently wearing, yeah, the original birth of Chicago then.

So this is mad.

This is mad.

This is happening.

It's mad that your brother is the bear, but also isn't the bear and hates the bear.

Is your brother a hottie?

Here's whether or not my brother is a hottie.

Are you ready for that?

Yes.

They can't see him as an arm consultant with the bear.

No.

So my brother was like not attractive.

She's this very round, round boy,

which is great.

Be a little round boy.

Yeah.

Fine.

Grows up.

Yeah.

And is like something happened.

And he's still a husky boy, husky, husky.

But he got attractive.

And there was this sort of window between

him growing and like being on track.

And like before, he had three kids and life gets difficult.

And my friends would be like, your brother is so hot.

Like, why don't I write your brother's hot?

And I'd be like, okay.

And my parents are obsessed with my brother's hotness.

In our family, I am the natural byproduct of my parents.

Like they're these two people, and they're how they are, and I'm the child that they would have.

The perfect combination of all of their things.

I would say the shitty combination of all of their things, but thank you for the compliment.

And then

we won't be able to talk you out of what you've just said, so fair enough early on, but whatever.

And then they have this boy, and he is this blonde,

beautiful, perfect creature.

And they

cannot believe that they made this child who's so perfect.

And my

sister-in-law, dark, but it will get funny again, I hope, her father passed away.

And I went to the, we're a Jewish family, so I went for the Shiva, which is sort of like the wake.

And so that's the environment.

It's a Shiva where people are mourning.

And it was one of the occasions where my sister-in-law was like introducing my brother to all these friends and family for the first time.

And I'm there with my parents, and my father kept going, Watch people look at your brother for the first time.

Watch people look at your brother.

They can't believe how handsome he is.

They watch the next time she introduces,

they're like obsessed with his beauty.

And he's not, what I always say about my brother's attractiveness is if I say nothing about it to people and then they meet my brother, they're like, Your brother's kind of hot.

If I go on about it, now when you guys see him, you'll be like, You really oversold how hot your brother is.

So, this has been this thing.

And in my late 20s and his sort of early to mid-20s, I was like, Oh, I guess my brother is like a babe.

I spent a summer in Chicago.

So he's always lived in Chicago.

And when I was in the States, I was mostly in New York.

And I was cycling.

It's a great cycling city.

And there are all these like really, like six-way intersection things or whatever.

And I'm cycling.

I'm like 28.

I'm adorable.

Yes.

I'm pecan.

I'll say it.

You can't say it, but I was a pecan.

I'm like a girl on a bike.

Oh my God.

Oh, my God.

I see across the way.

I see

an adorable man also on a bike.

Yeah.

And he looks at me and I'm like, and I was just like, oh,

that like cute boy is looking at me.

Like, that's so great.

Like, what will come of this?

Because we're going to cycle past each other.

But just, that's a lovely and flattering moment.

Did you piss?

That would happen later.

Yeah, yeah.

We, the light turns green.

We cycle, cycle.

We're looking at each other.

We're fucking looking at each other.

We get close enough.

I'm like, that's my brother.

That would be my brother we stop I'm like I thought you were working I was like oh we never spoke about it like it wasn't we were a hundred percent checking each other out yeah

never spoken about well how do you know he was checking you out he wasn't just like oh there's seven

first of all that hurts my feelings second of all second of all because of the awkwardness that could feel and then years went by and I like started I was like oh that's like a funny it's like a funny thing that happened and my sister-in-law does not find it amusing but I think it was the moment where I was like

Benito is not pleased.

Did your brother confirm that this was what happened when your sister

doesn't like it?

So I presume.

I've never said to my brother, with whom I like to think I have a close relationship, not sexual, let me add.

That's fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess if you're living in a world where you have to add it, you gotta wonder why.

Do you guys know that incest is like actually very common?

I've never fucked my brother for real, but did you legit know that?

Like a lot of people are fucking their sibs or doing shit.

No,

another conversation.

It is true.

We can talk about it another time.

But a thing is that I think a lot of people are experimenting with family members.

Like, maybe it's more cousins.

I don't think that's true.

I'll find the statistic and send it to you.

How are they even getting those statistics?

Who's admitting to that?

Let alone that many that is common.

Please don't send me those statistics.

I'm live tweeting it to you now.

I've never said to my brother, Can you please confirm in 2008?

Ben has never had to write on his list of things in the podcast, incest.

He's written on his notepad.

He's never had to do that before.

Bring the heat, motherfuckers.

My brother made me some wonderful nachos.

Thank you.

For what I believe was my 36th birthday.

He homemade the tortilla chips.

They were like freshly fried.

Wow.

He made a mole sauce.

It went heavy on the homemade.

Just even the way you're talking about the nachos, I can't.

You want to bang your brother.

Yeah, it's so obvious.

This is not fair

I think he's a great guy yeah yeah yeah yeah

but I don't want to bang yeah

I don't want to bang yeah describe the nachos more all right you guys they were like

so tasty in my mouth

I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to talk about food in a serious way now.

I'm trying to, I'm trying to bring it back.

Well, the nachos sound lovely.

They do sound good nachos.

Whatever.

You know what?

I think if you talk to my parents, they would sound like they want to bang him too.

I think there's this weird fixation in my family with like my brother's excellence.

And the rest of us are like these pieces of shit who just get to wander around and be related to the king.

That is the attitude.

Yes.

Sounds very difficult.

But that sounds like a wonderful starter.

Is there meat on the nachos?

No.

Guacamole?

Yes, obviously.

No nacho without guac.

Perhaps skip the cheese because I never love the combo of the cheese and the sour cream.

We go heavy on the sour cream.

It's going to be meat-free because I feel there's too much else going on on these nachos and you don't want to overdo it.

A salsa fresca.

And maybe like some fresh jalapeno.

And it's just, it's the perfect expression.

I feel that a classic, just showing I can talk about food right now, that the classic, there are, how many amazing combos are there of a cheese and a bread?

Infinite?

Infinitesimal.

No, that means small and I'm going for big, right?

So there's an infinite.

It seems like there's an infinitesimal.

I think it's what I said.

I don't know, words.

I think it is.

I think that's right.

Infinite.

I have another anecdote right now, which I am keeping to myself.

No, because I don't want, this is what I didn't want.

I didn't want you to be keeping them together and figuring out I can't tell my anecdotes.

There's no cheese on it.

It doesn't feel like nachos.

Oh, okay.

I'll put cheese.

I'm not adamant about the lack of cheese.

I have found as I age that really really like what I love in nachos is truly the sour cream.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Because too often the go on.

No,

I splashed my neck.

And literally I knew, because Sarah looked at me as I was talking, and I knew.

I thought you were saying like there's Sarah, there's something.

Sarah's going to think that's a thing.

Every movement.

Because I know it's anything we do.

Like you were saying, like, Benito hates this.

Yeah.

Anything we do.

It's so exhausting to be around me.

I know that's true.

Every movement we make, you are reading as something deeper than it is, or you're reacting to every movement.

It's like interviewing a cat.

Do you want to shout out your sexy brother's sandwich shop?

No.

That motherfucker earns so much more money than I do.

And I'm not pleased about it.

From the insurance shop.

Yeah, he's doing so much better than I am.

I'm happy for him.

So I don't want to shout out, but I will.

It is the fat, as we say in America, shallot.

The fat shallot.

There's some brick and mortar shops.

Yeah.

And then his sandwich truck.

If you follow the fat shallot, we better fucking get to promo and my shit because this is bullshit that I'm promoting my brother stuff.

But everyone go to a sandwich shop in Chicago, it's very, very good.

And he's a good, sexy boy, yeah, who works hard and he makes those sandwiches.

You can always check out his sister,

you can always

tell where the truck is because it's being followed by a line of horny women.

Your drink bank course, Sarah.

Okay.

This was between two things.

Yeah.

I kind of wanted something in the family of a fish chowder.

Like, you know, I don't even, I'm not that familiar with fish chowder, but I feel like once in a while, I've been in New England.

Sorry to talk about the other one.

Like a New England,

Martha's Vineyard.

And I had a fish stew, but it was creamy and it was so delicious.

And so that, that is sort of hanging out here as an option.

But I think if forced to choose, it would be like a, and I mostly don't eat meat anymore, but this is a fantasy situation.

Like a pastrami on rye with a re, some really good sauerkraut, just the right amount of dressing, enough but not too much, and the right pastrami.

Is there anywhere in your mind that you're getting this from?

Is there a particular place?

Yeah, I think there is.

The fat shallot?

No.

We're done talking.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

We've spoken about it enough.

Yeah.

I'll be googling it later.

Please do.

Shallot owner nude.

Google images.

Katz's Deli in New York.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, I lived in New York for 15 years, but I like what makes me very sad when I get back there now is I'm like, why weren't you, why weren't you like going more places in New York?

You know, like, I think I went to Katz's Deli once and I should have gone once every couple months.

Like there are ways in which I really exploited that city, but ways in which I'm like, you should have like gone on more walks.

You should have gone to this part of the island one day.

You should have done these things.

And I feel whatever about me, like in whatever way I regret not milking the city as much as I could.

Yeah.

Something in that will be healed by sitting at Katz's Deli and ordering a pastrami on rye.

Yeah.

I mean, I love it.

A sandwich.

I mean, a great sandwich.

I know you're a 30 Rock fan, by the way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't mean to love all right.

But I have done,

it hasn't gone out yet.

Yeah.

But I did Celebrity Mastermind and they asked you for your specialist subject.

And I was like, no brain.

Like, I didn't know that you couldn't just do whatever you wanted.

I gave no thought to it.

And I was like, 30 rock.

And then they said, Ed Friday.

Think I already can't gamble.

Yeah.

But a Liz Lemon quote is like the greatest thing in life is like the perfect sandwich.

And I believe this to be true.

It is just, that's why I don't understand people who don't like bread.

Like how can you not love a sandwich?

When you did Celebrity Mastermind.

Uh-huh.

So you were in Belfast for that, I've assumed.

That is where I consistently have the best seafood chowder ever.

That's unbelievably upsetting news because

I have.

I'm not sure that's how he meant it.

No, no, no, but I really,

I went, I went to Belfast early.

I've never been there before.

And I was like, oh, this is somewhere I'd like to have, you know, at least a half of a day, if not more, to like walk around and explore.

And I asked for all these recommendations.

Like, I'm not a great,

I'm a real baby when it comes to travel.

Like, I leave it up to whomever else to figure out where we'll eat and what we'll do.

And I was like, no, you're grown up.

And I got these recommendations and just none of it.

Like, I think I was there on a Sunday and a lot of things close early.

Everything's closed in Belfast on Sunday.

I always end up there on Sunday and I'm gutted because everything's shut.

What was the name of the place that you went to?

Well, it's always a different place.

So every time I go, I just ask whoever's, so on this occasion, I ask the people who booked Celebrity Mastermind, where's the best place to get seafood chowder?

I asked this ahead of time over email.

I went to the coffee.

You know, normally, whenever I'm going to do a giga, I say to them, where is currently doing the best seafood chowder in Belfast?

Does it change?

It changes pretty regularly.

It's because you're asking a different person, that's why.

Oh, great.

It doesn't change.

There isn't one place that everyone agrees on, and then it changes, and they have a meeting.

Well, then, this is great.

People have just got different opinions, either way.

Yeah, works out pretty well.

Either way, I think it's a great idea.

Yeah, what I've gained from this, which is very instructive, is I'm going to say, Here's what I want to eat.

Where should I go?

Not is there a restaurant you would recommend?

I think that's actually a better,

a less overwhelming question for a person.

Yes, I think so.

Also, I was actually going to offer you actually before we do move on fully.

Soup and a sandwich is a meal.

Oh,

I also forgot to say when I go to Cats' Deli, i get uh reuben with pastrami so they also they i think they do it as standard with salt beef oh but i get pastrami ruben oh god it's the best i think that i think that's what is in my i think that's it yeah yeah that that one side of the seafood chowder yeah that you had in belfast yeah okay actually well then may i recommend i love i loved the one at the cloth it was delicious there's little bits of trizo in it as well that was a nice touch

but the best one i've ever had was weirdly and you'd have to go back in time to this specific to 2018 and go to the holiday inn what in belfast yeah i didn't see it coming did someone recommend that to you nope i was staying there it was on the menu i i i was having a i was writing a book at the time as well so in the daytimes i was just in my room so i was ordered room service it arrived it's the best seafood chowder i've ever had what it blew my mind i had the same thing the next day it was so good was it the first one you'd ever had nope i had many before trying to find a reason i could

and when you reflect on that now you you feel convinced you you you own that opinion you don't think there was something going on with you then so i went back

yeah like receiving things yeah yeah yeah but i i went back so next time i was in belfast i was like we're going to the i wasn't staying there anymore but i was like we're going there we're going i ordered it and it wasn't as good and i said to the the waiter i was like um

You're not the same chef that you had last year.

And he was like, oh,

you have, no, but

you had his, did you have your seafood chowder?

And I was like, Yeah, and he was like, Yeah, that it was like, it was really good.

It was like, That was, that was great.

And that guy was like, He made such well, we all loved it,

and then he's gone.

And he said, Oh,

it's not as good anymore.

And I was like, That's good that you had someone verify that opinion as well.

Because

I was so heartbroken that I couldn't shut my mouth when he came and took the bowl away.

Sure, sure.

But it's also, it's like very interesting.

Not that we want to you know make any assumptions about anybody ever but if you picture the person who can make like one of the great seafood chowders of the world you don't just necessarily place them at the holiday innovation

about this oh god maybe that guy was doing a reverse bear yeah reverse bear maybe that was the start of the bear story yeah the start of the bear story he's an amazing chef Works there for a bit, but then is like, I'm dressing for better things.

Yeah.

Goes on to better things and then sets up a sandwich shop.

Yeah.

And then fucks his sister.

We've never fucked.

We've never kissed.

In real life, outside of your imagination.

Outside of that.

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But you'll say this you want the chowder that I had.

Oh, no, no, no.

I have another.

I thought the chowder was included as part of my main with my soup.

Is that correct?

Like a soup and sandwich.

I can even go half a sandwich with a soup.

We'll include it.

Yeah.

My side is going to be, so again, at this Italian restaurant that like figured, I think, heavily in my something.

It's just, it's in that, it's in me, that Italian restaurant still.

They did like part of the menu was all these different little like vegetables served in ramekins, which sounds uninteresting.

Some of the greatest vegetables I've ever eaten in my life.

And at this time, I was very into eating the rainbow.

Have you guys ever done the rainbow?

No.

Done the rainbow, Ed?

You seem like you would do that.

You're not eating the rainbow.

You eat sort of, like you eat all the colors of the rainbow in a day, and you're going to be like, fucking fittest you have ever been in your life.

Really?

Well, I don't think it's anything to do with the rainbow as such.

I mean, it just encourages people to eat loads of different vegetables, right?

Yeah.

So it's got to be vegetables.

Well, no, because you could eat...

Because luckily, all the colors of the rainbow are one of those things.

We're not going Skittles or like the rainbow, the actual rainbow you talked about earlier.

No, it's like, so you should have moved through these things.

And I would get, they served this broccoli rub

that was served with like these very finely sliced chilies and a pressed salted ricotta cheese.

Oh my God.

Some very fine olive oil.

Yeah.

And that would be my green.

Do you think eating the rainbow?

is ever canceled out by cheese and olive oil.

Ask me that question in another way.

Ever cancel.

Oh, meaning if I ate the rainbow, but then do my cheese and olive oil, like is it a, is it healthy versus unhealthy?

Is that the question?

Do you think, yeah, do you think you can make something healthy unhealthy by covering it in cheese and olive oil?

Because eating the rainbow to me, I was like, oh, broccoli, that's healthy.

You're thinking that broccoli rob does not sound healthy because it's got olive oil and cheese all over it.

I understand your point.

You're seeing it wrong.

Yes.

Think predominantly broccoli rob, but not in a healthy way, in just a respect the rob kind of way.

Respect the rub.

I wasn't respected the rob.

My purple of choice when I would rainbow.

Oh, that instantly sounds gross.

Would be red onions.

So I was like eating red onions every day.

Not purple.

No.

Oh, sorry.

But you know how a red onion is purple.

So it would count as my purple.

Including the name.

It's red, isn't it?

But it is purple.

Nah.

You guys, it's not even about the beetle.

The beetroot's there.

It's right there, Beetroot.

Beetroot would be pink for me.

Beetroot's red.

The red onion's more pink than purple.

I'm telling you right now, if you were to cut open a raw beet right now,

what you would see is magenta.

And if you were looking at a red onion and you were new to our planet, you would call it a purple onion.

You'd still call it an onion, would you?

You know what I'm saying?

Well, I'm new, but that's definitely an onion.

I just can't quite work out my colour.

The thing is, I agree that it is purple.

But because it's called a red onion, I couldn't let that be my purple.

No.

Pickled beetroot would be my purple.

Pickled.

Well, you know, that's how it's red beetroot.

Beetroot is not red.

a tomato is red benito is looking like we're getting in the weeds with this he thinks we're getting in the weeds

google

it doesn't matter what google beetroot google pickle beetroot you know the ones that come in packets yeah google pickle beetroot we're looking at beetroot that's red that's purple mate this is cooked yeah that's what i mean that's how i'm drawing that when we're looking at the less cooked stuff that is a magenta that is a true magenta the finest color of the

spectrum if i was eating the rainbow that would be my purple i'm not saying it's completely purple but that would be my purple no way yeah why

i owned a george foreman grill yes and i would slice my red onion every day

grill it and then eat it with like i'd put it on like some like uh cottage cheese or something my best friend is woman named maggie um her husband is named joey go on you

i know that james enjoys names uh-huh and maggie is very funny my best friend is a woman called maggie yeah it's a very funny sentence to hear from an adult

Are you saying it's a child's name?

Yeah.

Having a best friend.

And what's her husband's name?

Oh no, it's me.

It's Joey.

Yeah, yeah.

You're saying to me those are baby names?

I guess just hearing an adult say my best friend.

So that's funny anyway.

I find best friends.

And I, look, I have, you know, family friends.

Do you think there's something as an adult about having a best friend?

Yeah, that always

funny.

Best friend is very funny.

That always makes me laugh.

Is it?

Yeah.

Any grown-up.

But it's not like I think it's weird.

It's just that any grown-up talking about their best friend makes me laugh.

Yeah.

I think that's funny.

You guys don't have

a best friend.

No, I have best friends.

Other people I would call my best friends.

Do your wife and partner

have a best friend?

No.

No.

No.

Close friends.

Close friends.

Multiple close friends, but no best.

A tight-knit group.

Can I just say I also have a tight-knit group, but then I also have a best friend.

Maggie is the queen of the friends.

She's the queen.

But I don't even say that as weird.

It just always makes me laugh.

Because it's such childlike behavior.

And then the name Maggie maggie to you feels teeny tiny yeah it's like you know and she's a teeny tiny lady so she's just very miniature in all these ways there's something that i just find funny like someone's saying they're scared i think it's funny yeah and i don't think there's anything wrong with being scared it's anything makes me laugh childlike probably makes you laugh yeah my god maybe but like so you say my best friend is a woman called maggie that i'm hitting all your boxes with that one

is joey small They're both, you know what?

They are both.

What I hate about them is that they are both aging unbelievably well they're in their mid-40s now and they they legit look better than they did in their 20s because they're called maggie and joey because they're called maggie and joey and they're they're just compact people

great to fashion and they just are very very cool you getting it yeah okay so they come over to my house we're in our 20 and so it's the vibe is very like single sarah and the young married couple who's been together since they were like 23.

yeah they but they come to my apartment and we're like hanging out whatever okay and then it's the next that's like on a sunday and the next day is a Monday.

Hello.

And Maggie calls me late on Monday night and she's like, hey, I want to talk to you about something.

She goes, we opened our closet this morning to get our coats and we both opened like to go to their real jobs.

And she goes, we opened the closet and it fucking stank.

And we looked at each other.

They went, Sarah's onions.

And they worked out that there was like a stink of onion

that had permeated my apartment apartment so intensely and I was like do you think I smell like onion

because I have very porous hair I'm just like a porous person and I was like I have very porous hair hair hair

and I was like I bet a nickname spongy hair on the circuit

I bet it is oh I have the worst hair I have the worst and I was like do you think I'm walking around smelling like onion and she's like well I'm telling you this because I think you might I think if our coach stink of onion because they were just in your apartment like why should we be convinced that you're just not stinking of onion all the time?

Your dream drink, Sarah.

I think the dream drink for me is some combination.

My two favorite things are coffee, a good coffee, but then some very, very strong alcohol.

So I know it's not fashionable, but I feel some variation of like the espresso martini.

It's probably something that I i just like fucking love yeah or like you know a double espresso with some sambuca like something like

like an irish coffee i think so i've never i'd never had an irish coffee but i bet i'd really really like it yeah i bet you would but my problem is there's never a moment in the day when i feel comfortable combining caffeine and liquor sure it's either too early for the liquor or too late for the caffeine yeah um this should be this has routine written all over it i'm not one to say to comedians that should be a routine but come on the premise there surely really really

too early for liquor or too late for caffeine

there's so much there that you can work with but as i mean we all know that when comedians say oh you should do a routine on that or i really like that bit of your routine what they're saying is is either i could do a routine on that or i wish i'd done that joke yeah i could do it i think you could do a routine on that if you'd like to take that too early for liquor too early for coffee yeah

i can say anything in that voice no no no that is very specific everyone says about you.

All note and no content.

My son and I, when like he ended school, like for the Christmas holidays last year, there was like a day where we were going to run an errand.

And I'm like the one who never does fun shit.

And my husband is all like, they go on these adventures.

And I, and it's because I'm not fun.

Like, I really am not fun.

But I was like, I'm going to be fun on this day.

Like, we're going to go have a fun day.

That, by the way, is the least fun energy anyone can have.

I'm going to be fun today.

Oh, I know.

That is not going to be like Monica.

Exactly.

I think that is exactly who I am.

Just I've had friends say to me, like, you know, there's these ways that we all like to think of ourselves as like good friends.

I'll be there for you.

I think like my energy on a night out is so ruinous.

I was being called like the granny when I was in my 20s.

Like I just, I got no fun to me at all.

I want to like sit, eat a little something.

Talk about my feelings, talk about your feelings, drink a little more than I'm comfortable with, worry I'm going to throw up, ruin the night, call it a night.

Like, that's my repertoire.

I've gone out and had a late night meal with you before.

Yes, I've been.

That was great.

I thought we had very, I mean, I don't want to, I thought we had very good chemistry that night.

We went out with your partner, and I just thought this, I felt good about that social night.

Yeah, well, how often do you go out with someone and their partner and think that you have good chemistry?

Why are you?

Did he tell you it was bad?

Did we have bad chemistry?

No, I didn't tell anyone it was bad.

Jesus Christ.

How often do I have to?

And I went away from the night saying, what a brilliant

meal that was.

That was a great meal.

Conversations.

You drank old fashions that inspired.

I think I started drinking old fashions.

I was like, yeah, I'm going to do old fashions now.

Yeah.

I love going out with a couple.

I rarely do it now because I'm in one.

That's just like, that was, you know, a lot of my 20s was in that.

I love

being alone with a couple.

Because I love talking.

Why is that funny?

I don't know why that was.

A, how much you emphasize the word love.

Yeah, that was ridiculous okay that was ridiculous

that was funny i just it's so i i'm always so interested in people's partners i think it says so much about them i love getting to watch a little dynamic unfold it's my absolute favorite thing

what i had a great night that night yeah yeah yeah i i mean definitely if you've met someone you've met them a few times and then you meet their partner So you're not like super good friends with them.

You've known for years this is their new partner.

But you, you know, you've met someone a few times, then you meet their partner.

It can change how you adds a piece to the puzzle.

You get information.

You get so much information so fast.

It's how much I emphasize things when I speak, isn't it?

It's so ridiculous.

What I'm really enjoying as well is whatever reaction I have or whatever I say, it sends you spinning down a new alleyway of neuroses.

Yes.

You know, I have always, and I hope today is some kind of correction for me, and I believe that it is.

But when we have been around each other previously, I feel that I become my worst self.

And that's not good chemistry, right?

Well, I think it's completely my fault.

I think that there's

some way that I feel need.

You won't remember this, I don't think, but the first time I remember us like being together, which would have been gigging together, was at a gig in Bristol.

And it was when I was like learning to open.

And I felt bad about the gig and da-da-da-da-da.

And we're driving back.

I think we drove back to London.

together.

And there was someone in stand-up who I had rubbed me the wrong way.

And I was like, and I'd never heard anyone bitch about him.

I was like, how am I the only one that understands this guy is like, no, this guy is a no.

And then his name came up and you went on a tear about him.

But it wasn't aggressive.

It was measured.

And I went.

who the fuck is this guy?

I was like, this guy fucking gets it.

He gets it.

And I think there was something that I then put on you about you seeing people right.

You get it.

He fucking reads the goddamn room.

And I think at that point, I became so desperate to be like, I'm great, Ed, right?

That I would constantly be like, I felt like every time I saw you for a year, I was like, anything new going on with your wedding planning?

And I would think to myself, I know how to talk to people.

I know how to ask them.

I know how to be interesting.

But every fucking time with this guy, it's like,

and is your

wedding?

And I was just horrible.

I'm sorry about you.

Always.

About the planning.

And then maybe I saw you after and I was like, good wedding then?

Like, it was the only thing that had ever happened to you.

Yeah.

I liked catching up with you about my wedding.

Well, that's very generous.

I felt I was like teaching you slowly to steer clear of me.

No way.

You're on the bed.

I mean, so first of all, I'd say everyone has that with someone.

Everyone has a person.

There's their person.

Everyone has a person who they panic around every time.

And in their head, they've messed it up every time.

So I think everyone's got that with someone.

Definitely.

But I would say with you, it's everyone you know.

This is terrible.

I really want to change that.

I'll be honest with you, Sarah.

This is the first time we've done this in the dream restaurant, but I don't think we should give you an espresso martini.

Because I'm too hyped.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's fair.

It's fair.

A decaf espresso martini?

But isn't that like a pussy move?

Like a pussy move.

A pussy move?

A pussy move move.

Like, no, you can't have a decaf.

Oh, I thought you were accusing Ed.

Because I don't know what pussy move is.

I don't think I, I think it just.

I thought you were accusing Ed of by him saying that to you, it was him doing a pussy move on you.

Oh, no, no, no.

I think that's like it was a disgusting term for like a sex thing.

Like a like a like a hit.

Like a chat up like that.

Yeah, like he's nagging you.

Yeah.

I don't think you should have that.

And you're like, oh, I get what's happening.

Just because of the leaps that you've been making for some of Ed's little things.

I don't.

And I just want to figure Ed's like...

Put this out there.

It wasn't.

No, of course.

Of course.

You were trying to be kind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's what it is.

It's the right day for me to get to have.

I'm not working at night.

I don't really have much to do except swan around.

And I'm sat down someplace that's going to do a nice one at 1 p.m.

Christmas Eve?

Yeah, perfect.

Perfect.

Christmas Eve.

Would you have Espresso Martini at 1 p.m.?

Yeah.

I love that.

Christmas Eve.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

That sounds wonderful.

Or even I would say like the 23rd.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

You know, and like my husband and I always go and see It's a Wonderful Life.

And sometimes if we can, we'll go in the afternoon.

So maybe I'd have it like on the 22nd whilst watching It's a Wonderful Life.

Oh my God.

Me and my wife do all our Christmas shopping in the center of London on the 22nd or 23rd.

That is so beautiful.

And it's a wonderful wife.

It is a wonderful wife.

And then, so we get it all done, then go for,

go for an early dinner normally at Bentley's and eat seafood and drink champagne.

But the dinner gets earlier and earlier.

We know what champagne leads to.

Uh-oh.

We know where that's going to go.

Who's a bit of Michael John on the jukebox?

Michael B.

Can I add something into your mix as you guys mature as a couple?

Yes.

Adding in.

Split up.

Who talks like that?

Can I add something into the mix as you guys mature as a couple?

Yep.

As they mature with their traditions.

Yes.

You guys are going to go, you pick.

It could be Liberty.

It could be Fortnum and Mason.

It could be Harrods.

Every year you go to one of those stores and you each can pick out a precious new ornament for your Christmas tree.

Now, we sort of do do something a bit like that, but you understand if you suggest traditions for other couples in the way you just did it, there's no way they're ever going to do them.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Because every time they do them, they'll go, Sarah Barron told me to do that in the creepiest way ever.

Oh, I thought I was doing it in like a sweet way.

Oh my God.

But

I'm trying to be sweet, and I'm seeming creepy, like a little, I was going a little sweetie.

Yeah.

I was like giving you my sweet face, not creepy.

Oh, God.

Your dream dessert, Sarah.

I think my dream dessert, when I was a kid, we went on a family holiday

and I was allowed to get a dessert.

And so that already felt festive.

And I went to this restaurant and I've never seen this before where they put lemon sorbet

into an actual lemon.

And I thought it was the most beautiful.

We started with princesses and I feel we're just going to bring it back in for a landing with a princess.

Like like I felt like a princess eating lemon sorbet out of a lemon.

Now as an

I want that magic in my life as an adult.

Now I feel as an adult that sorbet on its own is a bullshit food.

I have no respect for it.

A bit of a very, very good sorbet paired with a very flavor-rich gelato.

So maybe we're doing, what about this?

Like

a really good coconut ice cream with a very, very good tangerine sorbet.

Would you like the tangerine sorbet in the tangerine and the coconut in a half coconut?

No.

Okay.

I think what I want is still the lemon shell,

but a really, really good lemon ice cream

with a little bit of

maybe a coconut ice cream as well.

Forming the lemon.

All packed in to that frozen lemon.

And I dip in and I feel like a little

lady again.

So you, but it's not lemon sorbet anymore.

No.

It's lemon ice cream now.

It brings me the joy that I felt as a child, but with

my more adult opinions on dessert, which is that sorbet is never going to cut it.

I've had lemon sorbet out of a lemon before in a curry house because they tend to pop up on curry house menus.

Yeah.

Oh.

As dessert.

Yeah.

I ordered a punky penguin and they'd run out.

What's a punky penguin?

It's ice cream and a plastic penguin.

People love it.

Kids love it.

Excuse me.

Of course.

Kids love it.

I ordered it because I was feeling free, you know?

Oh, yes.

And the penguin has like spiky red.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But they didn't have it, so they had the sorbet and the lemon.

So I had that and I felt like a princess.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

But I was gutted about a punky.

And then did that sort of deprivation of punky, were you like, could you, did you get fixated on it until you were then able to have punky penguin?

I've not had a punky penguin since then because rarely am I feeling that that free and rarely is it on the menu in the places I go.

Have you, I have as an adult, there was some day, you know, it was like all the stars aligned and I wasn't, I was like on my own.

And since having a child, I went on a beautiful summer's day and I had an ice cream

cone.

just walking on my own on a beautiful summer's day.

And that is one of like the happiest times I've had in recent history.

Yeah.

There's something, it's very,

it's very, very childhood joy, these ice cream situations, I find.

Yes, I agree.

It's brilliant.

Every time I think, it's my turn to have an ice cream.

How many times in a week do you eat ice cream, James?

Well, it's

I guess on average, because obviously some weeks I don't have ice cream at all, but some weeks I don't have anything.

Obviously, I mean, some weeks you go crazy.

Yeah, you go cock.

So maybe on average, an average year, once or twice a week.

Uh-huh.

After dinner or is like a mid-afternoon snack?

As dinner.

Never as dinner.

After dinner, usually, but then sometimes it might be in the afternoon.

if I'm at a seaside town and someone's like, let's get some, let's get an ice cream.

I'm not going to say no to that.

No, you're not.

Okay.

So it can pop up in the afternoon.

But usually it'll be after dinner.

I love this lemon sorbet and the lemon with a bit of coconut in it as well.

You can't get much in there though.

And I just, I love anything that has like a tropical,

I like to feel like I'm in the tropics when I eat my dessert.

Never been to the tropics, but I would like to go and it's what takes me there.

And you see someone walking down the beach and you're like, hubba, hubber.

And then it gets closer.

Oh, no, it's my brother.

I'm not talking about that anymore.

Hubba, hubba, brother, brother.

If you want to say to hubba, hubba, brother, brother.

I've been, you know what I'm thinking about?

It's like that 30 rock, the 30 rock scene.

I always enjoy being around someone who's obsessive about the show because I feel like most of my life I'm walking around just wanting to make 30 rock references and be like, you know the scene where.

But you know the scene where like, I don't know if it's, it's off That's the deal breaker ladies where Liz Lemon,

like she gets pay again.

Is that why you're like a lemon ice cream?

Maybe it is.

Liz lemon ice cream.

She and Jenna are both gonna get to be on the cover of a magazine, and Jenna was like, You're not gonna goad me into, like, I'm gonna.

And now I feel like I'm not gonna discuss wanting to fuck my brother anymore.

Well, it's the end of the episode.

So, you good point, well made.

Let me read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

Okay, you would like still water, sourdough bread with olive oil and sea salt,

starter, your dream plate of nachos made by your hot broth.

Showing.

Showing.

Wax sour cream, salsa fresca, jalapeno, homemade nachos made by hand.

Main course, pastrami on rye with sauerkraut and dressing and a side of seafood chowder.

And we're going to Cats's Deli for the...

the sandwich there.

And we're going to the holiday inn in Belfast in 2018 for the seafood chowder.

Side dish, broccoli rub with chili and ricotta from now defunct.

It was called otto inoteca pizzeria.

Rest in peace.

R.I.P.

Drink espresso martini at 1 p.m.

on Christmas Eve or the 23rd.

Or the 22nd.

Or the 22nd.

Or the 22nd.

Not the 21st, I don't think.

Not too early.

That's when you do your final gig before Christmas.

Yes, that is when you do your final gig before Christmas.

Yeah.

Not me.

November.

Yeah.

Living the life.

Oh, he lives the life.

Dessert.

Lemon and coconut ice cream in a lemon shell i think it sounds good it does sound good do you think it sounds yeah to be honest with me do you think it sounds good

it genuinely does and i wasn't expecting it to sound good because this we've just been talking about incest for a lot of the episode yeah i'll be honest like i think it does sound good i'd say i definitely enjoy all of it i would enjoy the dessert but uh i also find it funny that that's your dream dessert why Just

two scoops of ice cream in a lemon shell.

Is this funny to me?

Why?

I genuinely don't understand why that's funny.

I thought we were just wrapping up the episode and now Sarah's got worried about something again.

No, no, no.

I'm not worried.

I'm done because I understand, I don't want to be exhausting to people and I understand that my worry is exhausting.

But I think that's, I think it seems like, oh, that would make sense.

It's like a childhood

fantasy reading.

It's a refreshing.

It shouldn't be a childhood fantasy.

That's fucking ridiculous.

No, it's just a lemon.

It's just a bit of lemon.

I know.

I just, I remember it.

I remember it so well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not, I think it's a nice fun time.

I'm going to see it.

Oh, it's amazing.

Oh, amazing.

Lemon sorbet in the lemon shell.

Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, restaurant, Sarah.

Guys, it was a pleasure.

Thank you, Sarah.

Thank you, James Ander.

Well, there we are, James.

What a wild ride with Sarah Barron.

I loved that episode.

Fantastic episode.

We learned so much about Sarah, heard about some delicious food, and crucially, Sarah did not choose a Wendy's burger.

And she did not choose to sleep with her brother.

That's very crucial.

She wanted us to get that point.

She wanted us to make that very clear.

Yes.

So we didn't have to kick her out the restaurant for either picking the secret ingredient or incest.

So thank you very much for that, Sarah.

Do listen to Sarah's podcast.

They like to watch.

They like to watch the podcast she does with Jeff Lloyd, wonderful broadcaster, and also Sarah's husband.

You heard about him in this episode.

About TV, exactly.

So do go and listen to that.

Follow Sarah on social media.

Try and see her live, for goodness sake.

She's an absolutely brilliant comedian.

But thank you again, Sarah.

And thank you to you guys, the listeners.

Thank you to the listeners.

Thank you, Ed.

Thank you, James.

Thank you, Benito.

Thank you, Benito.

Bit rude.

You didn't say thank you, Back.

Didn't say thank you, Back.

Didn't even look at us.

We'll see you next week.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

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