Best of 2023: Part 2

Speaker 3 James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 7 Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

Speaker 8 I have. We've done live shows there.

Speaker 9 And guess what?

Speaker 2 We're doing more live shows there next year. Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.
But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Speaker 8 Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

Speaker 2 The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March. It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.
Those shows have been a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 We cannot wait to do them live.

Speaker 10 Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

Speaker 2 You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

Speaker 13 If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Speaker 4 Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

Speaker 3 And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

Speaker 8 So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

Speaker 16 The day in between is for reflecting.

Speaker 2 Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Speaker 18 It's that time of year again, back to school season.

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Speaker 18 Instacart, we're here.

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Speaker 10 Welcome to the second part of our best of 2023 episodes of Off Menu, James.

Speaker 3 That's what we're listening to.

Speaker 46 Best of 2,223 episodes.

Speaker 47 I didn't even know we'd done that many.

Speaker 48 You must be finishing off the cleaning now.

Speaker 49 Yeah, I hope so.

Speaker 50 James, if you're listening,

Speaker 52 look, this is a whole other episode.

Speaker 54 So maybe give the house another once over.

Speaker 52 Yeah.

Speaker 47 If you're getting to the end now, you know, just do it again.

Speaker 54 Make sure it's spic and span.

Speaker 47 So maybe you won't have to clean again until next year.

Speaker 57 Like the whole house would be fine.

Speaker 59 Now, we love a character enough menu.

Speaker 61 Our guests didn't disappoint this year either, James.

Speaker 57 Not just us doing the great characters.

Speaker 49 No, not just us doing the great characters.

Speaker 55 Also, Judy Love, Carol Vordeman, Paul Rudd, and the first person to do an entire episode in character, Garth Marenghi.

Speaker 64 Oh, with a good bit of butter. And I love my, is it presidential butter?

Speaker 65 It's got the salt in it.

Speaker 66 It's got the presentation.

Speaker 68 Oh, yeah, the president, I think.

Speaker 69 Oh, yeah, that's it. President.

Speaker 51 Oh, my.

Speaker 70 Oh, I've changed. I've changed.

Speaker 72 Oh, my God.

Speaker 72 I've changed.

Speaker 74 That butter is amazing.

Speaker 8 Yeah, with the chunks of salt in it.

Speaker 41 Oh, my God.

Speaker 64 I just see myself in waitrose.

Speaker 78 Yeah.

Speaker 79 Walking down the freezer aisle. The butter at New York.

Speaker 80 And I just reach for my...

Speaker 81 What's it called?

Speaker 82 President, I think.

Speaker 81 President, butter.

Speaker 79 Lower it into the cart.

Speaker 81 Yes.

Speaker 83 Wander around alcohol.

Speaker 79 Looking for a nice mailbox.

Speaker 81 Oh, a few olives.

Speaker 80 Oh, life, life.

Speaker 79 Forever changing.

Speaker 85 I like this character.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 87 Love this character.

Speaker 88 Life.

Speaker 81 Life.

Speaker 81 Just wandering endlessly and effortfully.

Speaker 90 Effortlessly.

Speaker 79 You know the word I'm trying to say.

Speaker 81 Effortless effortlessly.

Speaker 92 Ironically taking a lot of effort, design this word.

Speaker 81 Effortlessly.

Speaker 79 Through the aisles, my olives and soft knead soda bread. My prison on sore bread, no butter, salt.

Speaker 94 America.

Speaker 64 Argentine and Melbourne.

Speaker 81 Delightful and deep and rich.

Speaker 89 And magazine might buy a home life.

Speaker 79 Home and farm life.

Speaker 81 Magazine.

Speaker 89 What happened in the middle? My bonbour jacket.

Speaker 79 Is that what it's called?

Speaker 81 Bonbo?

Speaker 96 Bottom jackets and bonbour jackets. I don't know what the jackets are.

Speaker 91 Barber, barber.

Speaker 41 Barb Barber jackets.

Speaker 81 Maybe a north first.

Speaker 22 Maybe one of those.

Speaker 80 Oh, she's absolutely love it.

Speaker 91 Judy,

Speaker 98 can you please do an episode of Loose Women where you just do this character

Speaker 91 and you do it under a different name? What would I call her?

Speaker 101 What would I call that character? She'd have to be Mrs.

Speaker 102 Something.

Speaker 66 Or Lady something. Lady something.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 72 It'd be better if I call her lady, but I'd have to use like a patwa, which is Jamaican slang, so that people Jamaican would know what that word is but nobody else would you've just got people saying this word yeah yeah which is like absurd but people just call it yeah it'd have to be something like that i don't know this character is just in me sometimes that's great it's a great character love it i think i mean what pack what could you could you use well there's the normals in it like bumber clerk rascal they don't make people know those ones yeah i think people know those

Speaker 76 so i've got a five they even use those words in lakanda yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we say that in lakanda before

Speaker 64 See, that little bit of spice, and you're swimming over to Shakanda.

Speaker 112 You see that?

Speaker 70 Oh my god. I mean, I'd have to find a word.

Speaker 64 I'd have to think. Maybe by the end of the day, I'll find a word.
And lady will have a name.

Speaker 113 So a word that could kind of mean Lali Da.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 114 Well to do.

Speaker 64 Shack up on them.

Speaker 102 So that's like show off on them or something like that.

Speaker 66 That could be double barreled.

Speaker 89 Double barrel. Check out on them.

Speaker 64 Maybe my name is Lady Shagard on it.

Speaker 64 You would never know.

Speaker 66 Shack out on them. Yeah.

Speaker 80 Lady, check out on them.

Speaker 91 Not saying that's an official name, but we'll work through it.

Speaker 117 So all like uncles, step family, everybody's farmers. Yeah.
First boyfriend was a chicken farmer, Rick the Chick.

Speaker 66 What?

Speaker 99 Rick the Chick.

Speaker 117 Rick the Chick. Ricky, his name was.
He was a chicken farmer.

Speaker 91 Yes, yeah.

Speaker 48 So why, if he was a chicken farmer, why do people call him Rick the Chick?

Speaker 117 No, Rick the Chick, you have Billy the Milk. You have...

Speaker 119 Yeah. What you have to understand.

Speaker 91 But he was a chicken farmer.

Speaker 66 Why is he a chick chick now

Speaker 84 because he's the chicken farmer but then he should have been rick the rick the chicken farmer what no but he's not a chicken is he say that that makes you think chick is short chick is short for chicken farmer that makes me think he's going to be a chicken ricky the chicken farmer yeah he's the chick rick and farmer the chicken farmer

Speaker 117 you want me to be called that yeah definitely yeah rick and farmer does that just he makes me think he's a chick in wales is yeah that a lot of people have the same surname yes so you have to distinguish and a lot of people have the same first name.

Speaker 117 So a very common name would be like David Jones, for instance.

Speaker 117 And so and a lot of people would be that. It's like even in

Speaker 117 our rugby scrum, we've got Wynne Jones and Alan Wynne Jones.

Speaker 129 Yeah.

Speaker 117 Two entirely separate people. So that's how normal it is.

Speaker 117 So you distinguish.

Speaker 123 Win the rugby and Alan win the rugby.

Speaker 117 No, you might say the

Speaker 131 ball.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 117 Or you might, you know, you'd give it so. So, it's like my stepfather was, um, who's my dad, who's Italian, who was Italian prisoner of war, Italian food.

Speaker 117 We're coming on to that, and he had uh, Die Ginge, so it was David, and they all had the same.

Speaker 117 So, Di Ginge would work with my dad, and then there would be Die the Spark, or as you would prefer to call him, David the Electrician.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah, that's why

Speaker 100 did you have a nickname, Carol?

Speaker 73 Yeah, but I'm not telling you

Speaker 106 because that would go viral.

Speaker 111 Really?

Speaker 134 So your dream drink? Is it brown?

Speaker 12 It would be brown, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 66 It'd be a pine of Guinness.

Speaker 83 Ah, very deep brown.

Speaker 137 Yeah. The deepest of brown.

Speaker 91 I mean, yeah, you're right, because

Speaker 138 it looks black in the glass.

Speaker 12 But then if you really look, that's brown.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 139 Almost red brown. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 139 You're absolutely right.

Speaker 135 It's the nectar of the guards.

Speaker 140 Yeah.

Speaker 46 Huge respect for this.

Speaker 14 Fantastic. This was in the Ed Stream menu.

Speaker 138 It was instead of water, though. I didn't have it as my dream drink.

Speaker 141 I had it instead of the water.

Speaker 142 So he didn't choose still

Speaker 140 sparkling.

Speaker 136 He chose a pine of spinnerless.

Speaker 135 A pine of Guinness. Yeah.
Or a still sparkling.

Speaker 138 I think it's more hydrating than water.

Speaker 63 It's good for you.

Speaker 138 It is good for you. People drink it after marathons because it's got so many great nutrients.

Speaker 115 You know,

Speaker 143 after childbirth,

Speaker 145 when my wife gave birth to our first child, you had a pine of Guinness.

Speaker 146 I had a pine of Guinness.

Speaker 51 And I felt great.

Speaker 58 I felt like I ran a marathon.

Speaker 77 It's funny you should say.

Speaker 135 Yeah, I gave her a pine of Guinness. She had a pine of Guinness.

Speaker 148 And my mom did the same thing.

Speaker 137 She gave her a pine of Guinness.

Speaker 111 She was smashed.

Speaker 149 I was like, huh, come on.

Speaker 59 We've got a baby.

Speaker 135 You got to take care of it. She's like, woo!

Speaker 144 Babe.

Speaker 150 Just a queue of people out the door.

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 144 Everyone just pushes dropping.

Speaker 152 Who's the lady that likes Guinness?

Speaker 50 Do you want the shamblock in the top of the Guinness?

Speaker 153 No, I don't need any of that touristy garbage.

Speaker 97 Yeah. No.
Quite right.

Speaker 16 No.

Speaker 135 But it needs to be poured properly because people don't know how to pour Guinness. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 148 Because there's a real, there's a real way to do it.

Speaker 135 Here's something that if you're in a pub and you see somebody pouring a Guinness, and they have to, you know, you take it up, you leave a little bit of space and then you let it rest for,

Speaker 135 I believe the optimum time is a minute, 19 and a half seconds.

Speaker 66 I think there really is an optimum time.

Speaker 154 Yeah.

Speaker 135 And then instead of pulling the tap, you push the tap forward to finish it off.

Speaker 156 Something about nitrogen release and that kind of thing.

Speaker 135 And there's a, and that's the way you do it.

Speaker 139 Wow.

Speaker 155 And people don't know that.

Speaker 135 I mean a lot of people like you could see people pouring Guinnesses in bars and you just think like this.

Speaker 157 Yeah, they're doing it all in one.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 158 You don't know until it's too late.

Speaker 99 You've ordered the Guinness.

Speaker 158 Are you ever there with your head in your hands? Oh, fuck this.

Speaker 156 I'm like, I'm going to have to grin and bear it.

Speaker 135 I'm going to drink it.

Speaker 135 I'm not going to send it back because that doesn't seem agreeable.

Speaker 145 No.

Speaker 141 Yeah. You're right.
You can't send it back.

Speaker 122 It would be, I mean, if you say,

Speaker 135 I need you to pour me a new one, you didn't pour that right.

Speaker 12 I can't think of like, I I would feel like, I mean, I would never do that because I would feel like it's just a huge jerk.

Speaker 135 But if somebody that was next to me said, you got to pour me, you didn't pour right, I would say, that guy's my hero.

Speaker 139 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 146 Way to go.

Speaker 159 Yeah, there are people who do that.

Speaker 140 Yeah.

Speaker 134 But I would say that that is off-limits to you now.

Speaker 63 You can't do it. No, no, I can't.

Speaker 57 I can't.

Speaker 106 No, absolutely.

Speaker 160 Paul though, to tell me to be pulled the Guinness.

Speaker 137 Yeah.

Speaker 66 That's it. Yeah.

Speaker 161 It's one of the downsides of fame, I guess.

Speaker 135 It's probably the biggest downside of fame. I can't ask people to pour me a Guinness the right way.

Speaker 60 Yeah.

Speaker 78 You just have to put up with it.

Speaker 2 Thankfully, I'm getting them free now anyway, because I'm just

Speaker 84 famous.

Speaker 138 I would respect the guy who did it, who made them pour it again. But then I would keep quiet about that and I would catch eyes with the member of bar stuff who'd made do it.

Speaker 159 And I'd go like,

Speaker 146 roll your eyes. I'd be like, what a dwat.

Speaker 91 What a douche.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 148 And I would feel bad for the bartender.

Speaker 60 Yeah.

Speaker 91 I feel bad for, yeah.

Speaker 112 I feel bad. Look, here's the thing.

Speaker 66 I feel bad for everybody involved. Yeah.

Speaker 139 It's a real situation that we've got on our hands.

Speaker 76 Do you have because people are obsessed with specific places being good for a pint of Guinness.

Speaker 135 There are some pubs that are really, yeah, that are, they pour a really good pint.

Speaker 135 It's an interesting thing that I learned because people, when the States, if they're going over to Ireland, they say, oh, you have to have the Guinness there.

Speaker 135 It's better there.

Speaker 156 They make it differently.

Speaker 165 And that's not true.

Speaker 135 They don't make it differently. In fact, the Guinness that you're drinking in the States or anywhere else, it was made there.
But it's been sent over in kegs.

Speaker 135 And when you're you're drinking it, even though it's totally fine, chances are it was made two months ago.

Speaker 135 And when you're in Ireland, chances are it was made two days ago. And so that's why it tastes so good.

Speaker 148 Yeah.

Speaker 166 And like, I mean, is that what you'd like for your dream meal?

Speaker 100 I'd like to be drinking.

Speaker 12 I am in Ireland drinking it.

Speaker 85 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 160 Yeah.

Speaker 136 I mean, the Guinness, the first ever Guinness I had in Dublin was just mind-blowing.

Speaker 158 Yeah.

Speaker 137 Like, oh, this is.

Speaker 115 completely different to anything I've had.

Speaker 138 They look after the taps and the lines and all of that. They have like inspect Guinness Inspectors.
Absolutely.

Speaker 168 It's a really serious business.

Speaker 148 Yeah.

Speaker 135 And yeah, cleaning the lines and doing all of that and doing it the right way.

Speaker 155 But yeah, people going in and checking.

Speaker 78 I love it.

Speaker 135 Well, there's also the brewmaster.

Speaker 135 One time years ago, I met the brewmaster at the Guinness storehouse in Dublin.

Speaker 66 And he said,

Speaker 135 sometimes he's been in pubs and then... the bartenders will get really nervous.

Speaker 148 They know who he is.

Speaker 12 It's like having a food critic show.

Speaker 135 And they're really making sure they're pouring it properly. And yeah,

Speaker 135 they're stressed out. It's a real thing to go over and have all of that stuff inspected and checked out.

Speaker 90 Yeah. You met the brewmaster.

Speaker 171 Were you nervous to meet the brewmaster?

Speaker 135 I was not nervous, but I was excited. And he's the one that told me about the minute and

Speaker 135 19 and a half seconds.

Speaker 164 And I poured one with him.

Speaker 135 And he gave me a certificate that says I know how to pour properly. I think they give it to everybody that shows up, but it didn't matter.

Speaker 51 I felt like a cool kid and score.

Speaker 137 You don't get the certificate.

Speaker 155 You didn't pour it properly. Imagine that.

Speaker 113 I failed.

Speaker 91 No certificate for you. Yeah.

Speaker 112 You gotta earn it.

Speaker 87 We take it seriously around here.

Speaker 91 See you later. You come back again.

Speaker 115 You gotta wait three months before you go.

Speaker 153 Yeah.

Speaker 136 Still just got your provisionalized.

Speaker 140 Yeah, you've got to go and do a theory test. Yeah.

Speaker 138 Where there's like a video of someone pouring Guinness and you have to

Speaker 141 hit the screen when they do something wrong.

Speaker 148 No, you got to, it's a six-month course.

Speaker 86 And you really do.

Speaker 100 Yeah,

Speaker 100 it's grueling.

Speaker 139 And once you fail, if you fail once, it's back to the end of the line.

Speaker 136 And how was that Guinness that you poured yourself with the Brewmaster present under that supervision?

Speaker 170 It was perfect.

Speaker 136 So do you want that exact Guinness for your...

Speaker 142 You want the Brewmaster supervised?

Speaker 135 I'd like the Brewmaster to pour me one. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 66 Of course.

Speaker 97 Of course.

Speaker 136 Yeah, that Brewmaster will pour you up a lovely Guinness.

Speaker 133 Yeah.

Speaker 91 That's what they say.

Speaker 136 If you were offered to play the Brewmaster in a film, would you do that?

Speaker 135 I don't think I'd get cast in that part.

Speaker 112 I think they'd have to go Irish

Speaker 135 because they take it so seriously.

Speaker 135 But if they said you can do the accent,

Speaker 135 I'd say, right.

Speaker 135 And I'd say,

Speaker 156 okay, one, two, three.

Speaker 139 Yes, I'll take it. I'll do the part.

Speaker 140 That's great.

Speaker 135 Yeah, I would.

Speaker 91 I'd love to do it.

Speaker 12 And then I would go there and really do a lot of research.

Speaker 156 Yep. Yep.

Speaker 138 It's nice to know how quickly you take the part, though.

Speaker 77 Yeah.

Speaker 141 James gave no other details.

Speaker 157 It was just like, we'd like you to play the brewmaster in a film.

Speaker 139 Yeah. And you've gone.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 111 Oh, when do you guys start shooting, by the way?

Speaker 173 Yeah. It's pretty soon.

Speaker 100 Who else is in it?

Speaker 124 Ashton B, obviously.

Speaker 51 Of course. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 174 And

Speaker 175 all the Gleesons are in it.

Speaker 114 Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 151 Yeah. All of the Gleesons.

Speaker 169 Donald, Brendan, Jackie.

Speaker 73 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 86 They're all in it. They're all in it.

Speaker 159 Everyone else is Ira.

Speaker 111 Joanna.

Speaker 135 Everyone else is Ira.

Speaker 85 And it's about, and I'm sure you're all aware of this.

Speaker 108 I'm sure you're aware of the history of it all, all, but it's about the killing speed that the brewmaster went on.

Speaker 135 Yeah, no, it's fun. It really kind of checks a lot of bosses.

Speaker 135 I get to do an Irish accent. I get to be a killer.

Speaker 115 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 138 He would take people to the brink of death and then he'd wait one minute, 19 seconds, and then he'd finish them off.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 91 And then he would actually take the knife and push it forward once it was buried in their chest and not back to let the gases from the heart expel in the right way.

Speaker 148 And yeah no he took it really seriously yeah yeah he wonders why people get nervous when he's around

Speaker 51 you're fucking murderer yeah yeah it's nothing to do with like getting the pouring right now

Speaker 136 as a child though you must have enjoyed halloween and trick-or-treating um yes i did but i again i was always writing halloween wasn't as big a thing when i was younger you know it was an american thing it's more guy forks was the you know bonfire night was was the thing so there was a lot of uh setting things alight that i enjoyed did you ever set anything alight that like really sticks in your head as like the best thing that well we set a light a local tramp once but we were caught now this feeds into my book in incarcerator okay yeah yeah okay i'm not just being frivolous yes yeah yeah yeah right it there's there's the third story in this yeah the randy man

Speaker 141 that's about a tramp where he wasn't actually set alight in the story he's not set alight in the story he's actually drowned um He works in a toilet.

Speaker 183 He's a toilet attendant and he works in a toilet block and local kids pump the outlet pipes back into the toilet block and drown him in sewage.

Speaker 141 That was a variation on an experience I had as a child where my friends, my mates and I decided to set fire to a local hobo because they do like fire.

Speaker 181 This is the thing. They're always around.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, when you see them in films, they're always standing around a fire.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 66 so because they like fire yeah yeah now i'm not saying what i did was right it was wrong no no no it was wrong

Speaker 141 we didn't know then that they need the fire to keep warm yeah we didn't understand that then we just thought they like they like this stuff yeah

Speaker 118 so do we what can we do yeah no i understand that yeah how do you want this beef cooked what's uh what sort of level

Speaker 157 um medium rare medium rare yeah all of it if you're going to do the heart yeah rare yeah i like i like absorbing that pure but most other stuff i i i you know i do like just be again you've got to be a little bit careful where it's come from you don't know what can exist in in uncooked meat so you've got to be got to be careful i can see through the glass your public sisters going haywire i think it's because of the the story you told a second ago about the um the homeless person yeah uh well you'll cut that out i presume well it's up to you i mean you said it's in that interview

Speaker 181 you asked me let's get it out the way it is there is nothing i am saying. When I say that I was wrong,

Speaker 186 I'm right.

Speaker 131 I was wrong.

Speaker 88 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 181 What was the question when we talked about that anyway?

Speaker 137 Well, we asked, what's your favorite thing?

Speaker 115 You sure you said favourite?

Speaker 111 I think what did you say?

Speaker 49 Well, maybe the thing that you most regret,

Speaker 118 we'll have to listen back to it.

Speaker 177 I'm pretty sure I didn't say the thing you most regret.

Speaker 12 I think it was in the sort of area of favourite.

Speaker 185 Yeah. Yeah, it was definitely one of the...

Speaker 56 I mean,

Speaker 141 most vivid thing I remember setting it on fire.

Speaker 66 Yeah, it's vivid.

Speaker 134 But you've said that you acknowledged it was wrong.

Speaker 91 Yeah. It was completely wrong.

Speaker 181 Yeah.

Speaker 115 And, you know, I got stiffly told off. Who told you off?

Speaker 160 I think his mother.

Speaker 5 There we go.

Speaker 62 Some people, James, didn't even realise Garth was a character, which is I think what we were hoping for.

Speaker 52 Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what we were hoping for.

Speaker 66 And

Speaker 7 anyone who did get angry at the episode, we are glad.

Speaker 16 Yes.

Speaker 4 But there's one person who doesn't like characters of any type, especially cartoons, is Alex Jones.

Speaker 67 But that's the regularity thing, I think, as well.

Speaker 139 It's like every Wednesday, what we're having corned beef hash. And then you move away and you realise you can have whatever you like on any night of the week.

Speaker 139 But then Wednesday rolls around and you're like.

Speaker 91 I missed that corned beef hash.

Speaker 66 Yeah. I know.

Speaker 187 Like Monday was lasagna and salad day

Speaker 188 for years.

Speaker 66 Great. About 20 years.

Speaker 66 Monday was. Yeah.

Speaker 187 And, you know, that's not a bad Monday, is it?

Speaker 56 Garfield loves lasagna but doesn't like Mondays. Yeah.

Speaker 118 So that would be crazy for Garfield.

Speaker 190 Garfield doesn't know what's going on.

Speaker 106 Well, but that would be Garfield.

Speaker 51 He'll come back to that.

Speaker 122 That would surely be the way.

Speaker 191 Yeah. To help Garfield like Mondays.

Speaker 33 Perfect for Garfield.

Speaker 91 Because he looked forward to it.

Speaker 45 Give him a lasagna on a Monday, turn him around.

Speaker 85 What do you mean Garfield doesn't know what's going on?

Speaker 187 Garfield, honestly. He used to annoy the shit out of me.

Speaker 187 I don't know why. Everybody loved Garfield.

Speaker 193 I was like, what's the big deal?

Speaker 25 God.

Speaker 147 So annoying.

Speaker 106 Why did he annoy you?

Speaker 103 I don't know.

Speaker 118 He was quite negative, wasn't he?

Speaker 51 Yeah, very negative.

Speaker 187 Yeah, negative. Everything's a problem.

Speaker 187 God, shut up, Garfield.

Speaker 195 Yeah, everything is a problem too.

Speaker 196 It's not nice to Odie the dog, and that's quite a nice one.

Speaker 187 You know, I just think you could do with better energy.

Speaker 159 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 185 What would you do if you had to interview Garfield on the one show?

Speaker 170 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 187 Oh, he wouldn't even get past the flipping security door. No, we'd pin a poppy straight into him.

Speaker 111 Take that, Garfield.

Speaker 178 It's not even remembering Sunday.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 175 And you raise a toast to Alex when you're there?

Speaker 197 Yeah, of course. Well, think of me.
Yeah.

Speaker 132 Order a bottle.

Speaker 118 I'll say happy birthday

Speaker 76 to Alex Jones.

Speaker 151 And she'd be like, who?

Speaker 23 She loves the Dauphinacia.

Speaker 187 She doesn't think it's right for a Sunday.

Speaker 137 She hates Garfield.

Speaker 197 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 66 Sorry, I think that's all right. Trivia.

Speaker 166 Yeah, yeah, that's why it's not controversial.

Speaker 187 No, somebody bought me a Garfield calendar.

Speaker 66 It was a joke.

Speaker 188 So misguided.

Speaker 66 How old were you when they did that?

Speaker 132 Oh, quite young.

Speaker 187 And then, speaking of calendars, do you know the other one that somebody bought me? And I don't.

Speaker 198 I actually, no, worse.

Speaker 139 I've just watched the service, so it's in my hair.

Speaker 66 Um,

Speaker 101 Beavis, be the beevis, bevis, and buttered.

Speaker 101 I mean,

Speaker 88 what? Was it the same person who bought you those calendars? No.

Speaker 89 I was lost for words.

Speaker 137 I was not expecting that.

Speaker 91 How old were you when you got bought the Beavers and Butthead calendar?

Speaker 81 Probably about, I don't know, 14.

Speaker 187 Like, I couldn't be anywhere further from Beavis and Butted.

Speaker 187 But somehow, somebody'd gone into flipping W.H. Smith or Woolworth or whatever at the time and thought, oh, she's going to love it.

Speaker 106 I know. Do you remember any of the, I mean,

Speaker 201 they're pretty colourful characters, Beavers and Butthead.

Speaker 42 Do you remember any of the months and what they were doing on them?

Speaker 187 I just remember a lot of yellow and turquoise kind of colour and angry faces.

Speaker 120 And no, bin.

Speaker 42 With the Garfield calendar, did they take the opportunity to do a little joke with all the Mondays were like, you know, scrubbed out or something?

Speaker 137 Did they?

Speaker 187 Yeah, there was that.

Speaker 103 There was a cross on all the Mondays.

Speaker 200 Great.

Speaker 187 But it's not that funny.

Speaker 89 There was this.

Speaker 115 Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's the same joke 52 times.

Speaker 73 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 203 Did that go in the bin as well? Yeah.

Speaker 140 Yeah. Yeah, straight in the bin.
Garfield's a bit of a bad.

Speaker 12 Straight in the bin.

Speaker 132 Yeah.

Speaker 150 What would have been the calendar you would have liked to receive?

Speaker 197 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 187 One of them with, you know, little kittens or, you know, kittens in a basket, or I don't know.

Speaker 203 There was a thing called Forever Friends, and I had a wall planner, Forever Friends, Wall Planner. I used to love that.

Speaker 132 Or, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 190 I mean, new kids on the block. New kids on the block.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 115 Well, that is. You want kittens or forever friends?

Speaker 106 Or new kids? Garfield's a cat.

Speaker 191 Hand beef and butthead are forever friends.

Speaker 91 Yeah, come on.

Speaker 103 Nice try.

Speaker 25 What more do you want?

Speaker 200 Nice try.

Speaker 197 and then and then

Speaker 187 we were talking on the show the other day about bill and ted oh that's another pair i can't bear

Speaker 84 i can't bear

Speaker 106 it's just not me and i'm sure they're very nice people bill and ted yeah yeah yeah yeah bill and ted are nice people

Speaker 130 yeah they do they just want to even call my child ted but i want everyone to be excellent to each other but i don't want a bill and ted calendar you would have bought it no i mean that's how have we got to calendars from beef wellington

Speaker 92 i bought up garfield again because it's funny that you don't like garfield and then we've discovered you also don't like beavers and butthead and bill intent

Speaker 67 it's worth it it's very specific isn't it yeah i feel bad now they probably are very well i mean you don't like two men who hang around together a lot and are best friends uh and love rock music

Speaker 187 well actually when you put it like that it's like my husband and his best friend trevor

Speaker 190 Hey, Trevor? Who the kids call?

Speaker 206 Uncle Treasure.

Speaker 188 That's not his name.

Speaker 115 What's your husband's name?

Speaker 105 Charlie.

Speaker 159 So Charlie and Trevor is a bit like Beavers and Butterhead, isn't it?

Speaker 187 Yeah, although, yeah, they are. Actually, they really are.

Speaker 190 Maybe that's why I'm so annoyed with Beavers and Butterhead.

Speaker 150 What would you do if you got a Charlie and Trevor calendar?

Speaker 187 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 22 Ben,

Speaker 129 Ben, Ben.

Speaker 187 He was our best man. I love him dearly.

Speaker 197 Yeah. I love him to death.
Uncle Treasure.

Speaker 187 He's lovely, but together.

Speaker 4 I think that's one of your favourite moments from the year, isn't it, James?

Speaker 101 This is what I love this, the best of.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 57 Because, like, these are all the highlights, and I'd forgotten that she hates Garfield and Beavers and Butthead.

Speaker 14 That was funny.

Speaker 127 But listen, Ed, we've had a few hot takes on the podcast, not just about Garfield and Beavers and Butthead.

Speaker 62 Look, podcasts are edgy these days, and we are no stranger to being edgy, James.

Speaker 54 We've got to put clickbait out there in the world, just like, you know, we're not above that, is what we're saying.

Speaker 62 Too right.

Speaker 143 Let's hear from Paul Meskel, Ross Noble, Papa Esseadou, Harriet Kemsley, Arlo Parks, Jimmy Famarewa, Paul Rudd, Carrie Adler, Dr.

Speaker 143 Maggie Adren, Pocock, Graham Coxon, Harriet Kemsley again, and Nick Frost.

Speaker 99 I don't think I'm into this whole like foods looking like other foods because I've been deceived before

Speaker 164 when recently

Speaker 169 we were at this like fancy dinner, like an awards show thing, and they brought out this thing that looked like an, I was starving, they brought out this thing that looked like an apple kind of salad, like little garnishes around it.

Speaker 207 I was like, love apple.

Speaker 169 yeah and I made a mistake where like I put my fork into it and I thought it was like oh it was poached so it was kind of soft and put in and it was pate

Speaker 164 I can't do pate it's like disgusting and I was like I was deceived especially not surprise pate right yeah nobody wants surprise

Speaker 169 and like and it sticks to your mouth yeah and you're at like a fancy dinner so you can't be like what the fuck is this

Speaker 208 I just got an image of you sat there at the awards ceremony, the only person enthusiastic about the food.

Speaker 209 Everyone else is so jaded and they bring over that and you go, go i love apples i love apples

Speaker 118 i ate potpourri at a shrikan restaurant once

Speaker 40 i don't think we've heard this no i didn't think of it until now when paul said that he's been stung in the past i was like oh yeah i remember that that reminds me of when my entire family went to the gurkhas together actually i don't think it was sharang but anyway went to the gurkhas nepalese probably yes nepalese yes that's it that's right yeah went to the gurkhas and uh

Speaker 177 there was some potpourri at the end of the table.

Speaker 140 And I thought,

Speaker 118 as a whole family, actually, we all agreed we weren't sure

Speaker 108 what it was.

Speaker 111 And I was like, but it looks delicious.

Speaker 108 I went in, had a mouthful of the wind.

Speaker 66 Don't eat it.

Speaker 199 No.

Speaker 96 It's floral.

Speaker 69 Here's the problem. Right.

Speaker 112 I won't, I won't eat mango, right?

Speaker 60 It's too tropical.

Speaker 48 it's it's it's just too it's too tropical what so what's the issue with it being too tropical for you you don't want to get ideas above your stage

Speaker 104 i don't want to be transported to the to the mangrove no towards the towards the end of his life my father developed uh i would say an unhealthy obsession with mango eating it not you know i didn't just have him around the place and he had uh yeah like mango chutneys and dried mango and he a lot of mangoes and then and there's never been a thing in his life before you've never seen him eat a mango no no he'd never especially i mean he was finding it difficult to eat and i think the mango

Speaker 104 mango might that's going to be dark innovation it might just be that mango is the thing that is mixed into food that's easy to to eat but he i opened the fridge and he had an unhealthy amount of mango flavoured yogurt yeah and i just thought it's too it's too i'd never really thought about mango before that and i went it's too much mango and i just and then i when i thought about i thought i don't i i it's it's too tropical for me but i do like the mango chutney yeah on a popadom so interesting i mean i mean you'd have to ask a psychiatrist about that to work

Speaker 56 a psychiatrist if they just yeah if i may listen to that clip would go i think it's more that it reminds him of the end of his father's life rather than yeah yeah maybe i don't think the tropical thing is an issue.

Speaker 1 But you did look at the mango and you went, it is too tropical.

Speaker 67 You separately then thought, Do I like mango this much?

Speaker 69 No, it's too bad. Nobody wasn't dead at that point, though.

Speaker 13 But you said towards the end of his life, he suddenly started eating loads of mangoes all the time.

Speaker 104 So, what you're saying, that like, what? So, you mean, like, I opened the fridge and went, there's too much mango in this.

Speaker 42 Obviously, that now you would associate the mango.

Speaker 124 Yeah, but at the time,

Speaker 52 by the time you decided,

Speaker 127 I'm off board with mangoes because you opened the fridge and there there was too many mango yogurts.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 104 But then equally, some might say, if I was to eat mango now, it would transport me back to a time when my father was alive.

Speaker 93 Yeah. So

Speaker 91 I don't think that makes it less.

Speaker 115 Does that make it less tropical then?

Speaker 143 Because it's not transporting you to

Speaker 48 tropical climates.

Speaker 138 It's transporting you back to when your father was alive.

Speaker 78 It's a difficult situation, isn't it?

Speaker 60 What else is too tropical for you, Ross?

Speaker 104 Oh, blimey. I would say, like, Lilt is fine.

Speaker 91 Right.

Speaker 124 Even though that's their brand.

Speaker 8 Well, that's totally tropical.

Speaker 91 That's their whole brand, Ross.

Speaker 124 But hang on.

Speaker 200 Totally tropical. No, no.

Speaker 104 But it's not too tropical, is it?

Speaker 91 Right.

Speaker 93 It's totally tropical.

Speaker 200 It's completely tropical.

Speaker 104 If they released, you know, like, say, like a diet beverage, would be like a less sugary version.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 104 They don't do.

Speaker 104 Well, say, like, Red Bull. You've got Red Bull, then you've got sugar-free Red Bull, and then you've got lua caffeine Red Bull.
So Lilt is totally tropical.

Speaker 104 that's the right amount of tropical but if somebody said do you want to lilt and i think i'm feeling a little bit tropical i feel tropical right i just want the right amount of tropical but then some idiot comes out of the kitchen yeah they've hollowed out a pineapple absolutely and they've poured the lilt into it yeah yeah whoa yeah yeah it's too tropical that is too tropical so you never drink out of a pineapple nah or a coconut

Speaker 69 yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean i don't know if if you had to pour lilt into a coconut, is that too tropical?

Speaker 48 Well, the liquid itself is still totally tropical, right?

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 138 But then combined with the vessel, it's too tropical.

Speaker 91 Yeah, it's too tropical.

Speaker 69 It's too tropical. Yeah.

Speaker 99 Are you aware that Caulston Press have released basically their own kind of Lilt?

Speaker 137 What?

Speaker 184 So that they've...

Speaker 118 Do you want to give some background?

Speaker 66 Yes.

Speaker 7 So for the listener, you already know.

Speaker 109 If you listen to enough episodes, that I've obsessed with Corston Press and love Ruby Corston Press. The nice nice people at Causton Press sent us a lot of cans of it recently as a result.

Speaker 113 Ross came here today, opened the fridge to get a soft drink out, was not prepared to see that much Causton Press

Speaker 47 and punched the air and said yes with many S's on the end of yes.

Speaker 52 And then told us that you're addicted to it at the minute.

Speaker 60 Absolutely addicted to it.

Speaker 104 But you know what? I'm ashamed to say it that I did not know the brand.

Speaker 104 Because I've just been buying it at the Marks and Spencer's Motorway Services and I saw the rhubarb you know i've started the tour and uh you know i've been in australia and i've come back and i've seen hang on a rhubarb beverage what which is not tropical at all you know what if anything it has the um taste of the allotment about it

Speaker 80 if anything it's the opposite

Speaker 104 if you were to pour lilt and it's like if you know like equalizing acidity if you were to pour the rhubarb press into you know like mix that with lilt it would just taste like water the tropical the totally tropical taste yeah and the total you know rhubarb grown indoors in the dark yeah the opposite of the the yeah the opposite of tropical they're gonna cancel each other out what would happen if you poured rhubarb corst and press into a coconut i think that would be a neutral that would be a tropical vessel yeah

Speaker 69 tropical vessel allotment drink allotment drink pour them together i think if you're the sort of of person who wanted to drink from a coconut and was thinking to themselves, like,

Speaker 112 oh,

Speaker 104 I want to drink from a coconut. I like the look of it, but I don't want people to think that I'm some sort of tropical lardy da.
Yeah.

Speaker 129 Then pour a bit of that rhubarb in and people go, oh, look at you.

Speaker 60 All tropical.

Speaker 139 You go, have a sip of that.

Speaker 211 I'll give you that. Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

Speaker 151 And then you win that one.

Speaker 80 Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You're fierce.

Speaker 76 I love cheese so much.

Speaker 136 And if I have it in the house, it just gets eaten in one sitting.

Speaker 154 Oh, so you literally can't be in the presence of it?

Speaker 158 I can't be in the presence of it.

Speaker 131 I can't have it at home anyway.

Speaker 115 I have it when I go. You really are the opposite to me.

Speaker 154 I used to sell the cheese off my pizza when I was at school.

Speaker 66 What?

Speaker 66 What?

Speaker 83 What do you mean, what?

Speaker 66 That's it.

Speaker 81 That's it. That was the end.

Speaker 106 It was short for what do you mean?

Speaker 189 So you would sell the cheese off your pizza?

Speaker 154 Yeah, when I was at school, school dinners, you get what?

Speaker 154 You get like two slices of...

Speaker 154 I wouldn't say it was like high-quality pizza, but it resembles pizza at least knife under the cheese cut it off yeah who wants some i'm swapping it for what three freddos yeah i'm swapping it for some good fine gums i'm swapping it for maybe even a cookie wow so you're money 50p 50p for the cheese yeah i mean that's a good market for it that's really that's really good 50p people love cheese like you've got

Speaker 171 it i'd be absolutely snapping that cheese bankrupt yeah who was buying the chip like did you have a main customer who would always do it?

Speaker 177 Or were you different people every time? Good question.

Speaker 137 You know what?

Speaker 91 It goes to the highest bidder.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 141 I would think that you'd establish someone who they always want the cheese.

Speaker 154 You'd think someone would always be following me in the lunch queue.

Speaker 39 You'd have like a mate who they would always get it from you.

Speaker 196 Someone who's got a real problem, would you?

Speaker 92 Yeah, he's like, there you go.

Speaker 49 It's the standard.

Speaker 158 It's part of the routine at lunchtime.

Speaker 177 50p gets their cheese.

Speaker 154 Yeah, no,

Speaker 118 I was quite democratic with it, I would say.

Speaker 154 I would say, like, I mean, there are probably more cheese lovers than cheese haters out there, so you can spread love, don't you?

Speaker 158 Well, especially if it's pizza day, right?

Speaker 154 Yeah, but I mean, I suppose the sad thing is, on the other side of that, is then you have cheeseless pizza.

Speaker 154 The bread's not high quality, the tomato sauce is not high quality.

Speaker 154 There's now no toppings because the toppings went with the cheese.

Speaker 112 Well, you put a Freddo on yours. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 66 Melting very quickly.

Speaker 158 So you would just have tomato bread.

Speaker 154 Tomato bread, yeah.

Speaker 139 I'm saying it like I wasn't happy about it.

Speaker 137 I was really happy. happy.

Speaker 158 You were having some cheese. You know what?

Speaker 163 I genuinely imagined being the kid who bought the extra cheese and got excited about the idea of putting an extra layer of cheese on top of my pizza.

Speaker 154 Cheese on cheese. Yeah.

Speaker 161 Being like, oh yeah, this is the best day at school ever.

Speaker 105 It's exciting.

Speaker 175 Yeah, that might be exciting for you.

Speaker 76 That's why I love pepperoni feast from Pizza Hut so much.

Speaker 136 Double pepperoni, double cheese.

Speaker 171 Is it? Yeah.

Speaker 155 I didn't know that.

Speaker 66 Didn't know that about the pizza hits.

Speaker 141 Pepperoni feast is double cheese, isn't it?

Speaker 118 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 136 Layer of pepperoni on the tomato, then cheese, then pepperoni then cheese from memory well then i would assume it would be tomato cheese pepperoni cheese pepperoni that's what i would assume that is better actually i'll just assume that yeah yeah yeah yeah mad to put the pepperoni

Speaker 137 it's like a pepperoni pizza with then another layer of cheese yeah yeah yeah no i i think you're both right why would you put the pepperoni on the bottom that's absolutely crazy but if you did so let's say you went to a pizza hut yeah and you got the pepperoni feast and there's two layers of cheese on there yeah are you selling that for a quid or are you selling each layer separately?

Speaker 154 Well, first of all, I think what I'm ideally going to try and do, I'm trying to do pepperoni, pepperoni, cheese, cheese so that I get rid of the cheese in one fell sweet sweet and still get the toppings.

Speaker 154 Do you know what I mean? And then, yeah, like it's going, it's going for at least a pound.

Speaker 196 So you're going to have a word with the kitchen before they make it?

Speaker 166 You're going to say, can you please?

Speaker 154 Well, I think all of us need to have a word with the kitchen to see like

Speaker 154 what is the technique going on here.

Speaker 154 What's the deal? But like, yeah,

Speaker 154 I'd definitely be like, I'm trying to probably get a business out here.

Speaker 150 You tell Pizza pizza hut that you're trying to get a business going i'm trying to make a profit

Speaker 118 what you're doing here oh pizza hut is that still thing yeah can you still go walk into a pizza hut i think you can ketrin you can yeah

Speaker 175 pizza hut on the roundabout there's a roundabout in ketrin big roundabout and if you go on it there's a pub there's pizza hut there's nando's some mcdonald's and then there's a gym on this roundabout

Speaker 12 you work your way around yeah you can see the business sense yeah they know what they're doing yeah yeah they know what they're doing absolutely Banana Krispies.

Speaker 103 I absolutely hate bananas.

Speaker 56 Banana cocoa pops.

Speaker 136 Banana like rice crispies. Banana, no.

Speaker 138 No banana.

Speaker 213 It's like it's like genuinely a phobia, I think.

Speaker 137 Yeah.

Speaker 138 Real bananas as well as banana flavor.

Speaker 213 Banana flavor is actually better than actual bananas. Like there's like the thought of a banana in a waste paper basket is

Speaker 183 Yeah, that's too specific for Ed.

Speaker 127 He nearly choked with his drink there.

Speaker 5 Sorry, I was having a sip of water.

Speaker 138 The thought of banana in the waste paper basket.

Speaker 194 Do you know how it creeps out?

Speaker 213 Like they'll always, or it could be like over the side, like the way that it like displays itself.

Speaker 111 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's so someone, if you saw someone throwing from across the room a banana skin into a waste paper basket.

Speaker 213 And this is another thing where people know that like they find it funny to like wave them in my face because they know that I don't like it.

Speaker 215 But like it's genuinely, I just don't trust it.

Speaker 138 What about in a cartoon when someone slips over on a banana skin? How do you feel about it?

Speaker 55 That's the origin of your craft.

Speaker 49 That's the origin of comedy.

Speaker 67 It's the original comedian, the banana skin.

Speaker 92 You say you don't like it.

Speaker 88 You wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for that.

Speaker 213 Yeah, but maybe it's my enemy, you know. Maybe that's what it is.
It's like, um, it's like that's my kryptonite, maybe that we like work against each other.

Speaker 213 And I'm just trying to genuinely walk down the road. Yeah.
And then there's a banana peel.

Speaker 138 What would you do if banana skin jumped out of you?

Speaker 101 I would, that would really be bad.

Speaker 213 But like a costume would probably be fine, but it's the way that they turn brown sometimes and then like the texture and then the inside

Speaker 213 and how people eat them, I just find so upsetting.

Speaker 201 What do you mean?

Speaker 213 well they just like i don't know like they just eat it it's just like like i don't know how they eat them so none of this is about the taste of banana well i think one of the things is i'm allergic to a lot of fruit i actually think i'm not allergic to being a banana so it is unfortunate that i don't like banana but yeah i i just i don't like how they peel them and they eat them like it just like they hold it i don't know it's just yeah yeah yeah do you do that everyone in the world

Speaker 111 but um

Speaker 127 for some people what do you think about this because this is how monkeys do it.

Speaker 136 And then some people copy this, hold the banana.

Speaker 118 It's worse would be upside down. So they hold it by the stalk bit.

Speaker 131 No.

Speaker 118 So it's like a little handle.

Speaker 166 And then they peel it at the top and they eat it.

Speaker 138 It makes more sense because then you get the little spiny bit out the top.

Speaker 155 And you've got a little handle. Yeah.

Speaker 213 I don't even. Yeah.

Speaker 213 I don't even know if I know what the spiny bit is.

Speaker 215 Like, I really stay away from them.

Speaker 55 When you get down to the bottom of a banana.

Speaker 51 you get the little i've never got the black bit there at the bottom of the spike no no you don't know what there's a little spike i don't know what's happening at There's a little spike at the bottom of the banana going into the banana to keep it in.

Speaker 155 To keep it in, it's not for me.

Speaker 138 Yeah, when they were designing the banana, they went, we're going to need a little spike in there to keep it in.

Speaker 145 Yeah.

Speaker 66 Keep it in place.

Speaker 118 Okay, so there's going to be no bananas on this, and you don't like the thought of the banana rice krispies that I had when I was a kid that got discontinued.

Speaker 213 The flavor thing I can kind of handle, but then it makes me think of a banana, and then that's the problem.

Speaker 138 So foam bananas, which are banana flavor, but they're in the shape of bananas.

Speaker 83 I could handle it, but I'd rather not. Yeah.

Speaker 94 That's fine, too.

Speaker 138 Look, this is your dream menu.

Speaker 131 We're not going to

Speaker 131 force a foam banana.

Speaker 106 Just getting a feel for you.

Speaker 89 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 127 At the top of the episode.

Speaker 54 What's your dream starter if we get into the meal proper?

Speaker 218 Okay, I would say very simple, but I love like a tomato and burrata salad with a bit of basil.

Speaker 219 Again, black pepper, olive oil, just keep it simple.

Speaker 54 Is there a place where you've had that's like the best place, the way you've been to it?

Speaker 175 And they make the best version of that?

Speaker 119 There's a restaurant in LA called Speranza that is really really good italian food and i love that and all the pasta's homemade i just love italian food it's just so like comforting yeah it feels really warm yeah i love it i've got i i think i like it what what but then i well say here's here's my problem italian food in general

Speaker 127 mate italian food what i like it one of the main foods i like

Speaker 108 it is i do like it but like i've never like it's never my go-to what this is the reaction i always get so i always get this reaction

Speaker 100 everyone's always like who is this guy What the hell is he talking about?

Speaker 99 Look, I love pasta.

Speaker 134 I love choruso broccoli pasta.

Speaker 119 So, broccoli is the go-to.

Speaker 188 That's very specific.

Speaker 12 Yes. Oh, he made it every day of lockdown.

Speaker 91 Yes.

Speaker 139 So, like, you know, how dare you say you don't know if you like Italian food or not after doing the Wedge of Lime guy?

Speaker 221 My Wedge of Lime guy wasn't Italian.

Speaker 91 Yes, he was. He was

Speaker 168 all the Italian rhythms.

Speaker 49 It was London gangster.

Speaker 71 Yours was

Speaker 12 what do you want? You won the.

Speaker 66 That was you.

Speaker 51 That was your fun.

Speaker 1 You want

Speaker 182 what do you want some lime with that and that i i and you were like

Speaker 137 expressive like an italian hand yeah you did italian hand oh i didn't know i did that i should probably issue an apology yeah that was my bad

Speaker 137 well here's the thing everyone always when i say this about italian food everyone's like what the hell is the matter with you correct i like it but like i've never like gone nuts for it.

Speaker 54 It's never my first choice.

Speaker 55 And I went to Rome recently and I was like, here we go.

Speaker 113 I'm going to finally get it.

Speaker 127 I didn't get it.

Speaker 111 You didn't get it.

Speaker 49 I got the desserts.

Speaker 137 I love the desserts from Trevi Fountain, near Trevi Fountain.

Speaker 12 Not in the Trevi Fountain.

Speaker 76 No, just you stood in the middle of the Trevi Fountain.

Speaker 61 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 134 Yeah, this is a place nearby with really good desserts.

Speaker 200 But what about, like, you know, the antipasty, all the cold meats,

Speaker 91 none of that.

Speaker 200 I don't, I don't think it gets to me.

Speaker 91 What's the go to then?

Speaker 73 I'll probably go for Thai over that, or Indian, or Chinese, or

Speaker 127 Japanese, a lot of European cuisines.

Speaker 140 Like Italian?

Speaker 91 No, no, no.

Speaker 49 France and stuff.

Speaker 90 I mean,

Speaker 111 Sri Lankan.

Speaker 9 I'll just put Burrata, which I think if you did a spreadsheet of all the best starter options.

Speaker 155 I do love Burata, actually.

Speaker 116 That would win out, surely.

Speaker 91 Burata is delicious.

Speaker 219 Trizzo broccoli pasta and Burata.

Speaker 106 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 167 Trizzo broccoli pasta was invented by a man from Bristol.

Speaker 78 Gloucester.

Speaker 108 Gloucester, sorry.

Speaker 174 Looked ahead there.

Speaker 184 I i don't know where tom carriage is from from glouter but yeah but i mean burrata is delicious and the tomato and i love a caprazy salad is that italian yes yes

Speaker 139 as you well know yeah i love it burrito is that's a great choice because some people come and say mozzarella and tomato salad which is fine but the burata it's a step up

Speaker 200 you've leveled up did you used to like mozzarella more and then one day you woke up and you went i prefer burata yes yeah that's probably exactly what happened that is probably exactly what happened again eyes opened i'm a burata person

Speaker 91 i like that first thought of the day probably to be honest probably are you going with because sometimes you order a burata salad and they they've already cut the burata up or like oh no no drizzled it over and you're like oh i wanted the experience the experience of cutting it open and it just yeah blows out definitely it's part of it i like to be in control you know oh yeah

Speaker 166 yeah yeah that's a big part of it it's like where do you draw the line of the control though because you don't you don't want to cook the whole meal no but i want to be able to to configure it how i want yeah like with the lime i'll do the squeeze

Speaker 118 you'll do the squeeze

Speaker 134 so in the dream restaurant for your dream meal are you gonna be overseeing things in the kitchen as well no no no no you don't want to be a supervisor

Speaker 139 i'm just there in the kitchen stood over them yeah no no no you want the first bit done for you but then the first bit done for me and then the the rest of it i can handle is this why you're taking on more production duties with your albums now just to have that little you're sort of like squeezing the lime honestly yes yeah i want to be the one to to squeeze the lime I was trying to extend that into an analogy about making an album but I've got absolutely no idea I did not have the vocabulary to do that how you would make squeeze the lime yeah to a into a note

Speaker 7 production choice

Speaker 56 I don't need to squeeze the lime on this song yeah

Speaker 176 although we have no idea what you're talking about

Speaker 153 but to return to the question it's got to be poppadoms it's got to be poppadoms yeah i feel almost similarly to the sparkling water thing there is a feeling of i don't know like it's special like bread is great obviously sourdough is on every restaurant menu with a kind of fancy whipped butter next to it i'm seeing a lot of uh there's a lot of like glazed dinner rolls at the moment as well is that the new that's the new bread new thing mate yeah just a little that's why you got me here now for the

Speaker 115 main leads we want mainly for sort of you know yeah bread forecast

Speaker 153 um is there certain stuff that you just get very tired of where you're like i swear to god if they've got truffle on this again i'm on this menu yeah it does it does happen where and i think actually it can probably seem quite unfair to like restaurateurs like they you know there are these things that become real obsessions of chefs and then like you know people like me that write about food just kind of lose it out of all proportion because there's like

Speaker 153 another like wild garlic mayo like you know and it is there is a lot of it but I guess it's like anything, isn't it? There's, there's trends and there's, there's things that really bubble up.

Speaker 153 And then suddenly everyone will be like, absolutely not, mate. Like, you know, we only need to look back through like food history or recent food history to see.

Speaker 153 But yeah, it can, it can just get a little bit much at times. Yeah.

Speaker 196 When do you think popping candy is going to be over?

Speaker 222 I think I talked about this on like the first episode of the podcast.

Speaker 129 It is, yeah, they do love it, don't they?

Speaker 4 Popping candy.

Speaker 76 And every time you see someone on a TV show popping candy in something, someone will eat it and go, oh, oh, this chef's got such a sense of humor.

Speaker 71 They don't.

Speaker 66 What are they talking about?

Speaker 60 The chef needs to grow up.

Speaker 135 Because my dream dessert would be the perfect slice of cheesecake.

Speaker 163 Nice. The perfect slice of cheesecake.

Speaker 223 Slice of cheesecake.

Speaker 175 Talk us through how it's perfect.

Speaker 61 It's light.

Speaker 135 The crust is thick and kind of graham crackery, but not too.

Speaker 135 It's kind of soft, but not too soft. And it's the difference between the crust and the cake itself.

Speaker 135 It's the right consistency

Speaker 146 in my mouth.

Speaker 161 You're absolutely Goldilocks in this one again.

Speaker 108 We've never had an episode where the word consistency has been said so many times.

Speaker 100 Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 162 Well, I'm consistent.

Speaker 122 Yeah.

Speaker 122 Here's the thing.

Speaker 135 I'm textural.

Speaker 100 Yeah.

Speaker 162 You know, I'm thinking this is this is also part of the whole thing with the ketchup and the sauces.

Speaker 100 When I was really little, I used to like cucumbers.

Speaker 12 I loved cucumbers, but the middle part freaked me out.

Speaker 104 And so I'd have to cut out the seeds and I'd just go for the cumber.

Speaker 84 I don't want, I don't want the, the middle part wasn't done.

Speaker 91 It was too larval stage.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 148 And it wasn't done cooking.

Speaker 135 And so.

Speaker 138 So you see the middle as the cue and the outside.

Speaker 84 It's cumber. It's all cumber on the outside.

Speaker 148 And so it's like, oh, I can handle the cumber.

Speaker 100 In fact, are you going to eat your cumbers?

Speaker 200 I'll take those.

Speaker 144 You can have my cue.

Speaker 122 Yeah. Just, in fact, a plate of cue looks disgusting.

Speaker 139 Yeah. It's like the inside of a pumpkin.

Speaker 148 And then, you know, I got over that. Thankfully, I got over that.
And now I can eat the entire cucumber.

Speaker 91 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 148 And love the cucumber.

Speaker 131 I'm down with Q.

Speaker 148 Yeah. That also sounds bad out of context because

Speaker 168 January 6th.

Speaker 222 But the consistency, the thing of like, you know, it's like oysters or something.

Speaker 157 I'm not, I'm not crazy about that. Yeah.

Speaker 140 So you want the nice, crispy, but not too crispy base.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 113 And

Speaker 148 a really like a, yeah, a rich, but, but a, uh,

Speaker 144 I really, like a good cheesecake.

Speaker 8 It could be really, it could be really high, like a, like, um, you know, like in New York, they'd do great ones.

Speaker 141 Is this a baked cheesecake or like, just like cream cheese and stuff and put it in the fridge?

Speaker 160 I think it might be that.

Speaker 112 That one. Yeah.

Speaker 123 Because if it's got the, the biscuity base.

Speaker 76 Yeah.

Speaker 91 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 131 Pretty creamy again.

Speaker 148 And a cheesecake.

Speaker 60 Yeah. Weird, right?

Speaker 111 Came to me later in life.

Speaker 12 Came to me later in life.

Speaker 148 I didn't like, I was like, as a kid, I wouldn't go near it just because it's called a cheesecake.

Speaker 25 Pop dumps or bread. Pop-doms or bread, carry out, Lloyd.
Pop-doms or bread.

Speaker 193 I've got a request. Yep.

Speaker 225 Can I have a panna chocolate?

Speaker 111 Yeah. Oh, my God.
Who saw that coming?

Speaker 91 All right.

Speaker 161 I'm strapped in for this episode.

Speaker 185 Ed, what is it? Your impression of a pana chocolate?

Speaker 76 Nah, you can come see me live if you want to see the chronic of my show.

Speaker 49 It's disgusting.

Speaker 225 Yeah, what? Is it anti-panachocola?

Speaker 136 Is it little chocolate nipples?

Speaker 137 It does have little chocolate nipples. Where?

Speaker 91 At the front,

Speaker 185 the little chocolate bits at the front.

Speaker 137 The slough size.

Speaker 115 Oh, don't tell me the material doesn't work.

Speaker 193 I see when you've sliced it in half.

Speaker 94 sorry i was thinking of it that way i was like what eyes are like a lizard at the front it's got yeah yeah

Speaker 66 i don't even fucking know either

Speaker 83 but are you laughing at panna chocolate or are you

Speaker 193 oh it's the first time anyone's picked a pana chocolate for the bread course yeah look i do like and i do respect it and i i i what's the word um dinard what's a better word than that I ruminated about this.

Speaker 193 I like Um Dinard. Thanks.

Speaker 222 I think that's more fit into the situation.

Speaker 89 Thank you.

Speaker 198 I'm Dinard.

Speaker 215 Because I've had some amazing bread in some very good restaurants.

Speaker 225 But then the thought of not having a pana chocolate in my, because I

Speaker 225 almost every day pana chocolate or a cinnamon bun. But to me, I thought the cinnamon bun is,

Speaker 225 I could have had it. It just felt like the pan of chocolate almost sneaks into the bread category easier than the cinnamon bun.

Speaker 198 Yeah, I agree with that.

Speaker 225 So I was like, okay, cinnamon bun, it's hedging towards puddings, isn't it? So the panachoc from a specific place,

Speaker 225 meal, I don't know if that's how you say it, M-I-E-L. It's the French word for honey, so I might not be saying it right.

Speaker 83 Mille, mill, mill, mill, mill.

Speaker 130 It's just near Warren Street, and it's one of the best bakery patisseries in London.

Speaker 225 Everything from that shop is incredible, but they do a very good Pana Shock, and they do a

Speaker 225 ganduja, however you say that one, Nutella-type Panachock, a special one with like chocolate lines all over it. That is very good, but it's almost too much for the bread course.

Speaker 123 Yeah, not like a normal Panachock on the bottom.

Speaker 226 No, that's like a normal, just easy Panachock.

Speaker 191 So I like a Panachock my bread cause

Speaker 40 it's too much for the bread cause what I'm obviously going to pick up on that I'm surprised Ed hasn't picked up on yet is Panachock.

Speaker 91 Panachock?

Speaker 185 Because if you're saying that is how much you're saying Panachocola in your life, then you have to shorten it to Pana Shock.

Speaker 160 Panachock.

Speaker 185 I've never met anyone before who's called it Panachock because they're normally.

Speaker 91 Who calls it Panachocola?

Speaker 56 Oh, people who have only one a year. Yeah.

Speaker 89 Panachocola. I say.

Speaker 91 Can you shorten it even more than that?

Speaker 226 Some people call it a pack, PAC.

Speaker 111 Who calls it that?

Speaker 33 Oh, like actual bakers.

Speaker 225 No, like bad station bakeries because I've been looking before and I've gone what's a PAC I want a pana shock and I've gone oh they've caught they've shortened it yeah pana shock that might be I have a lot of bad um verbal habits with my mums from Essex and that is what my mum calls them pana shock do you want a pana shock let's get two pana shocks

Speaker 94 I'll have a pana shock

Speaker 226 oh you're having another one you eat so much sugar

Speaker 66 while ordering me sugary bakery so I think that might be a slightly Essex thing that rather than me like amazing croissants, an amazing croissant dough is as good as amazing bread.

Speaker 193 Yes, and that's what I mean.

Speaker 220 Like proper, proper mu.

Speaker 225 It's French pedisserie, but the person who runs it is not French, but they've trained there.

Speaker 215 And it is that kind of like, I used to live in Paris very briefly, and it is that, it is as good as the panache.

Speaker 67 Loads of layers.

Speaker 215 Loads of layers.

Speaker 89 And good chocolate.

Speaker 215 Those two eyes you're talking about.

Speaker 132 Nipples. Yeah.

Speaker 215 Nipples. That's a bar.

Speaker 206 That's when the cheap bar.

Speaker 215 you know they just put this is like you you know like it's like they put chocolate inside it yeah you are getting chocolate.

Speaker 5 But that's what people think of when they think pan of chocolate, which is why the material works.

Speaker 106 Yeah, yeah, no.

Speaker 108 To be, if I were in context, he's talking about a breakfast buffet, a pan of chocolate, you get the breakfast buffet, and it's all there and no shock.

Speaker 50 And those little nipples make you think that there's shock in there.

Speaker 81 Oh, that is the worst.

Speaker 106 There's no shock in there.

Speaker 198 Because that's a machine putting the bars down and the machine chopping off the end of a bar.

Speaker 206 And I've worked that out by being upset by this happening to me. So I've gone, what the fuck? That had two big nipples.

Speaker 188 I was going to get a big button shock and this is all pastry.

Speaker 132 No, no, I didn't buy a croissant.

Speaker 66 I bought a pan of shock. Yeah.

Speaker 193 I need the shock to deal with it. Where's the shock? Where's the shock?

Speaker 89 I'm in shock at this pan of shock.

Speaker 192 Oh, but actually the piece de resistance

Speaker 130 is the Yorkshire pudding.

Speaker 191 Aha, yes. Yes.

Speaker 103 And so this is sort of the non-dairy.

Speaker 115 So it could all be served in a massive Yorkshire pudding.

Speaker 103 I love it. Because the thing is, as

Speaker 130 using sort of the non-dairy milks, I can't make Yorkshire. I used to make fantastic Yorkshire puddings.
They'd fluff up in the oven, they'd come out, and they'd hardly sink at all.

Speaker 103 And

Speaker 105 I'd eat them.

Speaker 130 But I can't do it. Because with non-dairy milk, there's something in the cow's milk that enables the Yorkshire.

Speaker 103 And so they come out sort of little flat pancakes now.

Speaker 130 It's just so disappointing.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 55 But you two want a big, dairy Yorkshire pudding.

Speaker 12 Yes.

Speaker 14 Big enough to have the whole road.

Speaker 103 You get the roads inside. I can chip away at the corners.

Speaker 12 Yes, absolutely brilliant.

Speaker 182 That's taking up no real estate on the plate because it is the plate.

Speaker 107 Well, this is what I'm going to say.

Speaker 123 Normally, I have a go at people who put Yorkshire puddings because I think they take up too much real estate on the plate.

Speaker 219 But if it is the plate, that's a great loophole.

Speaker 91 You've got to. You've got to.

Speaker 89 I don't know why.

Speaker 89 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 49 Because, you know,

Speaker 127 I'm enjoying actually how Dr.

Speaker 167 Mackey is quite at odds with you, Ed. Yeah.

Speaker 68 He loves Yorkshire puddings.

Speaker 49 He likes cheesebuds.

Speaker 76 But if it's a big Yorkshire pudding, I can completely understand that.

Speaker 118 Would it be fair to call the big Yorkshire pudding the black hole of the roast dinner?

Speaker 96 Yeah.

Speaker 56 Swallowing up all the other stuff.

Speaker 149 Yeah, everything gets sucked in.

Speaker 12 You can probably get a lot more in one of those black holes than you think you can, right?

Speaker 191 Surely, is that true?

Speaker 101 And think of the gravy because you could really go home, yeah, go high because you've got a lip now.

Speaker 39 Would you do that?

Speaker 175 Would you just pour it until it's full to the brim of a gravy?

Speaker 82 No, no, I want to.

Speaker 91 I think you're asking, would you put gravy in a black hole?

Speaker 37 And what would you like to do? Actually,

Speaker 7 would you put gravy in a black hole?

Speaker 130 Well, all I know is if you did put gravy in a black hole, like everything else, it would get spaghettified.

Speaker 108 Spaghettified?

Speaker 105 I'd love.

Speaker 191 What do you mean?

Speaker 5 And what would happen if you put spaghetti in a black hole?

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 228 Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 105 So spaghettification is actually a scientific term.

Speaker 130 But what happens is, with spaghettification, because a black hole, the gravity is so strong, the gravity at your head and the gravity at your toes would be significantly different.

Speaker 215 So as you fall into the black hole, you get strung out into a string of spaghetti.

Speaker 103 Whoa.

Speaker 193 Yes.

Speaker 130 But if you ask about spaghetti going into a black hole, spaghetti is already spaghetti but i guess it'll get just more elongated it wouldn't turn into a different shape of pasta no

Speaker 66 you'll get pena

Speaker 193 i need to say that very carefully

Speaker 212 i mean look i hate to ask you about blur versus oasis because i just mentioned it but here's the here's the only i might not ever get to interview anyone from either band ever again so would you say it's fair to say that you absolutely pulverized them?

Speaker 229 But Oasis, no.

Speaker 91 Come on. What come on?

Speaker 16 We obviously did. It's not a competition, Craig.

Speaker 148 You absolutely destroyed.

Speaker 57 Where are they now?

Speaker 55 You absolutely made a fine paste of them.

Speaker 51 They don't even talk about it.

Speaker 114 At the same time, I thought

Speaker 167 it was record sales as far as the 90s.

Speaker 229 People go on about, yeah, they won this battle. They didn't win the war.

Speaker 169 The war is still.

Speaker 145 on.

Speaker 66 Oh, yeah. It is, isn't it?

Speaker 91 Wasn't it?

Speaker 66 It seems to be.

Speaker 176 Yeah, but I would say if the war is still on, Bloev is still like on the main battlefield and Oasis

Speaker 68 in the first aid tent.

Speaker 146 Yeah, two separate first aid titles.

Speaker 100 Two separate first aid tents.

Speaker 74 But no chaps,

Speaker 51 where's everybody? We've come here for a good fight.

Speaker 159 Yeah.

Speaker 91 And there's no one here.

Speaker 88 Yeah.

Speaker 76 No, but the thing is, though, if Oasis were to get together,

Speaker 229 then

Speaker 166 they would lay waste to us.

Speaker 139 Do you think?

Speaker 66 Probably.

Speaker 222 But that's a good thing.

Speaker 85 Yeah.

Speaker 229 And I think they should.

Speaker 112 Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, it'll be a laugh.

Speaker 229 That's a long time ago now, all that stuff.

Speaker 159 And we were fighting for our careers.

Speaker 229 We were, you know, it was a matter of life and death

Speaker 229 for young people to be getting a career together. Of course, there was going to be competitiveness.
And, you know, there was a few things that were said that were, there was no need for that.

Speaker 198 But, you know, what are you going to do?

Speaker 229 The people were trying to get themselves out of their situation.

Speaker 229 And rock and roll was one way of doing it. So you're going to be serious about it.

Speaker 160 You're going to be,

Speaker 229 you know, sort of

Speaker 229 defend it.

Speaker 166 I chose Blur in the Battle.

Speaker 155 I went and bought Country House.

Speaker 144 Did you?

Speaker 212 It's for very vivid memory.

Speaker 55 Kevin HMV

Speaker 212 bought it and the lady behind the counter said to me, good choice.

Speaker 196 And then she started singing it while she got it from the because you had to go.

Speaker 134 I'd give her the empty slip case and she had to go and find the cassette in the little like library behind it.

Speaker 99 And she was just singing the song as she was going to get it.

Speaker 98 I really remember it really vividly because I felt like like it was like the same way i felt when i went to vote for the first time it is a bit like

Speaker 56 this is important i'm making a decision and i'm going i'm going and i'm i've decided i'm gonna get country house

Speaker 66 and she told me well done you made the right choice and then she sang it as she handed it to me that's like faking and was this in kettering says ketman hmv right well that's good i'm glad we got i'm glad we got you know one one that i suppose yeah i didn't think either song was they were both a bit daft

Speaker 175 yeah sure they were daft but that's what you want, I guess, for like a little

Speaker 42 battle between the songs.

Speaker 183 You want some fun, fun songs.

Speaker 170 Yeah.

Speaker 177 But then the Universal was like, that was the next single.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 137 And

Speaker 136 that was a big part of my life.

Speaker 155 That was a big part. So

Speaker 136 I did the Kettering Gang Show. Do you know what that is?

Speaker 229 A gang show? You're in the Cub Scouts.

Speaker 169 Yeah.

Speaker 76 Why would Graham know what the Kettering Gang Show is?

Speaker 137 Well, he knew more than...

Speaker 76 But specifically the Kettering Gang Show.

Speaker 140 Well, Kiki, you guess what the Kettering Gang Show would be?

Speaker 112 Yeah, I know what a gang show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 87 so you think it's so it's just one that's in ketchup yeah as opposed to mine which was fair enough a standway gang show yeah stanway gang show you're familiar with the stanway gang show because there was a stanway gang show versus ketring gang show actually we won the battle but they won the war yeah it was big with the ketring gang show and it was like my first time performing on stage and it really meant a lot to me i really really wanted to do it and my parents knew that i've I'd really I'd wanted to do it forever.

Speaker 140 I was probably 10 years old or whatever.

Speaker 196 And they knew that I really wanted to be on stage and perform.

Speaker 136 It's my first chance actually getting to do it.

Speaker 166 And when I got home from the first performance of it on my pillow was they bought me the Universal by Blur on cassette.

Speaker 90 Wow.

Speaker 166 And a little note that said,

Speaker 158 well done.

Speaker 136 And all this. It was very important to me.

Speaker 107 So that's nice.

Speaker 118 Every time I hear that song, I think, I think about that.

Speaker 171 Nice story.

Speaker 136 First time being on stage.

Speaker 140 Weren't expecting that, were you?

Speaker 67 No. Normally your stories end with you being embarrassed in some way.

Speaker 155 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 136 At some point, I'll probably embarrass myself.

Speaker 158 I've saw the tape and then I pissed my pants.

Speaker 140 What did you do at the the gang show?

Speaker 176 I was uh

Speaker 91 piss your pants

Speaker 229 were you told to wear um swimming trunks when you performed in your gang show just in case you got stage frightened

Speaker 229 I was I was what what in the cubs I was slightly younger than 10 maybe eight or nine but they were said wear swimming trunks just in case you get stage frightened and we

Speaker 139 lose control of yourself.

Speaker 142 Do you still do that to this day?

Speaker 106 Wet wear blue arena?

Speaker 175 Yeah. Got your trunks on?

Speaker 229 Got the trunks on.

Speaker 63 You might see the drawstring peeping out at some point.

Speaker 150 That just seems like a way to guarantee a kid's going to piss themselves.

Speaker 76 It's a bit like, what?

Speaker 95 You said, that's frightening.

Speaker 96 What?

Speaker 108 I didn't know that could happen.

Speaker 171 Get your trunks on, Graham.

Speaker 11 What would you do if you ordered a big scallop and it arrived and it had glasses on?

Speaker 213 Yeah. I would hate that.

Speaker 202 I would absolutely hate that because this is the one.

Speaker 129 Hello, I'm Simon.

Speaker 213 This is why I can't have salmon because I was trying to have salmon for a while, but then I heard that they sing when they die.

Speaker 199 It's true.

Speaker 205 It's true. You can find it on the internet.

Speaker 213 They sing.

Speaker 194 Not like a popular song, but like this.

Speaker 25 What do you mean they sing when they die?

Speaker 213 Like they're like, oh,

Speaker 204 no, it's not like that.

Speaker 108 Go on.

Speaker 213 You can imagine it. It's like...

Speaker 111 I actually can't imagine a fish.

Speaker 213 Imagine loads of salmon and they're all being killed and they're letting out this horrible song that's like, they're so sad because they're being killed.

Speaker 188 That's what it is.

Speaker 226 Is Ben googling it right now?

Speaker 127 Yeah, Ben will be googling it because it sounds

Speaker 111 made up.

Speaker 134 It's a Chemical Brothers song, apparently.

Speaker 142 That's called the Salmon Dance.

Speaker 115 Is there any chance you could have seen a Chemical Brothers song and got mixed up?

Speaker 155 Yeah.

Speaker 213 This is definitely true. If it's not true, it would be very helpful because I did used to like the Prat smoked salmon sandwiches.
Yeah.

Speaker 111 But you know, they're not actually.

Speaker 200 They've been discontinued they've been discontinued probably

Speaker 116 if you like

Speaker 113 um but obviously they're not really singing that's what they don't they don't think they're singing yeah

Speaker 213 but it's like a sad it's like a sad like morning like noise

Speaker 94 yes it's very emotional yes

Speaker 213 yeah so i just i feel too bad you know i just like this is the thing they get in my head like when i gave up meat i just like i picture them this is the the thing you know and they're looking at me and they're like why yeah you don't have that see this is what i think most people they they they can disconnect and yeah no i think i do have it but i can disconnect yeah that's it i can't disconnect yeah you know i've got pets now for the first time since you know i was a little kid what pets and two cats

Speaker 166 love them absolutely love them if someone said to me i'm gonna kill them and eat them i'm i'd be like you know just the worst thing in the world yeah yeah but yeah i you know hypocritically i am going around eating dead animals most days.

Speaker 213 Yeah, and cows can play football. Harriet, that is true.
You can see that on the internet. They play football.
They're actually much smarter than you think they are.

Speaker 215 They're actually like dogs.

Speaker 1 You know, you got James into a really serious contemplative state there for a second.

Speaker 216 Shall I say that?

Speaker 138 Where he was genuinely like confronting his own lifestyle.

Speaker 101 And that is true. Cows play football.
And then you said,

Speaker 15 and then you said, yes, cows can play football. As if he'd said anything.

Speaker 1 That related to cows playing football.

Speaker 215 Yes, because a cat is like a cow.

Speaker 213 This is what I'm saying.

Speaker 100 A cat's like a cow and a cow can play football.

Speaker 51 I was like, literally was going, I'm not going to make fun of Harriet for this.

Speaker 182 I'm going to admit that, yeah, I know we, you know, even though you're saying about salmon singing and all this kind of stuff, I'm going to,

Speaker 106 but it's not football, it's fetch.

Speaker 108 I'm going to admit that, yeah, you know, our lives are hypocritical.

Speaker 87 And, you know, that you're actually, you know, you imagining them dying and stuff.

Speaker 186 That's not the weird thing.

Speaker 113 It's weirder that we block it out.

Speaker 14 Just trying to extend that to you. And as I'm saying that, you say cows can play football.

Speaker 136 And while I've been saying this bit, I think you said it's a veg, not a football.

Speaker 115 No, she said it's fetch. It's fetch.
It's not a football, it's fetch.

Speaker 137 I thought you said it was veg, like if they're painted with a lettuce.

Speaker 108 It's fetch.

Speaker 213 So what I was trying to say is that you love your cat and your cat, you find like an acceptable pet, but you could have a cow is what I'm saying.

Speaker 213 Like a cow is more like a cat, a cat than you think it is, but you try and cut it off and you think, oh, the cow, you know, like it's some big stupid cow. But actually, they're very intelligent.

Speaker 138 Well, James was confronting that logic there in quite a sort of openly

Speaker 138 emotionally raw way and I actually think you've made him eat more meekness yeah I don't don't care now because you've said he could have a pet cow and cows can play fetch yeah yeah and salmon sing when they die

Speaker 188 I mean this I'm sorry you don't know this this is all just this is true

Speaker 112 we do now

Speaker 155 the football thing so that's like so they can't play football um I actually don't know if they can play football

Speaker 213 But if you throw, I got confused between football and fetch. If you throw a ball, they will go get it and they'll bring it back like a dog.

Speaker 213 So, this is what I was trying to say: like, a cow is like a dog. You can't eat dogs, but you can eat a cow.
You can't eat a cat, but you can eat a cow.

Speaker 215 I was trying to, I was, yeah, I was just trying to go along with what you were thinking, and then you took it as an absolute affront.

Speaker 91 Well, you didn't go along with what I was thinking.

Speaker 7 First of all, you lied and said that they could play football.

Speaker 213 Can they play football?

Speaker 110 Interesting.

Speaker 178 Yeah, look.

Speaker 93 Let's see it.

Speaker 56 Here we go.

Speaker 88 Standing in the middle of a, just for the listener.

Speaker 91 Standing there,

Speaker 47 not doing anything with this football.

Speaker 211 So it still left it alone.

Speaker 48 Just in case you're wondering, there is a title above the video that says cool football.

Speaker 91 It says cool football.

Speaker 99 There's a bunch of people stamping up to the cow, which has stood near a ball.

Speaker 88 And it seems to be not playing.

Speaker 189 One of them has kicks the ball at the cow.

Speaker 146 At the cow's ass.

Speaker 173 And the cow is now

Speaker 58 a bunch of absolute arseholes.

Speaker 99 And a cow that seems to be just guarding the ball, but not playing with it.

Speaker 127 And it's just walking along with the ball.

Speaker 115 It's accidentally playing football.

Speaker 175 Yeah, it's not playing football.

Speaker 99 It just wants to keep the ball.

Speaker 14 And these people are antagonizing the cow.

Speaker 100 I don't approve of this.

Speaker 182 I guess the video has made me want to eat less beef because I feel sorry for the cow.

Speaker 99 I'm on the cow's side

Speaker 91 in that video.

Speaker 99 But I don't think that cow could explain the off-side rule.

Speaker 172 Heston Blumenthal has a restaurant in town called Dinner, and they serve a starter called a meat fruit.

Speaker 171 And that would be it.

Speaker 172 I mean, that's like, that's the only thing from a restaurant that's on my entire.

Speaker 91 I just love it.

Speaker 139 It's just like magic.

Speaker 172 And it's something that I could never and would never try to make. And I think part of that is there's a joy in that.
Like, this is so special. Like eating amazing Chinese food.

Speaker 172 It's like, I could never try to make this. So there's a joy in that, you know.

Speaker 172 and it i just it looks like an orange yeah a mandarin and you cut it inside and it's meat they do a different one in the winter too they have like a plum a meat plum oh do they change up the fruit yeah season yeah i don't like i don't like meat plum but

Speaker 172 just like the tangerine one and they again the bread there like a really nice kind of they've obviously oiled it to and did it on the griddle and then sorted the bread too oh it's just so good is it like is it chicken liver parfait in the middle of it but that's really light as well isn't it so it's not just great and if you i've stayed in that hotel uh i think we stayed there as uh like a birthday treat once and it's part of room service oh you can get it up to the room you can sit and have it in the bath if you wanted meat fruit in the bath yeah just floating on the slice of sourdough

Speaker 136 into your mouth yeah yeah oh yeah so this has come up on the podcast before quite a long time ago maybe even like the first series and we haven't had it again i think josie long said it no i got it wrong oh it's magic oh dynamo said it did dynamo say dynamo said meat fruit oh good um it's one of the things that i still haven't tried it and every every time I hear about it, I'm like, I'd really like to try that.

Speaker 158 And kind of know that I'd love it, know that it'd be really nice.

Speaker 172 I also like seeing other customers eating it too, because other kind of

Speaker 172 like white middle-class English people who are there, obviously, because their kids are paying for it, or and they, oh,

Speaker 91 it looks like a fruit,

Speaker 125 they're not sure what it is.

Speaker 111 It's too much theatre for middle-class diners, isn't it?

Speaker 114 They can't go.

Speaker 91 Not orange.

Speaker 111 it's not an orange

Speaker 138 i feel like because it's quite famous now people are going there for that right some of the element of surprise is gone so i feel like yes right maybe one day heston should just make the plate like meat plate like a meat plate yeah and then but then have a normal tangerine on it right so people are like gonna have the meat fruit yeah right

Speaker 172 and then they go through and it's meat plate yeah meat plate there's like a weird in the book there's there's a like a i i don't know a lot of the times things go off on tangent so it was like I wanted people to read, to read a book and you're reading a recipe and then suddenly you get to a point and you're like, oh, hang on.

Speaker 66 How the fuck do we get to this point?

Speaker 106 You know, I like how a story can do that.

Speaker 172 And there's a recipe which was kind of based on dining at dinner where someone found that if you were to eat this part of the chicken, but you were to dry it over like 20 hours and then grind it.

Speaker 172 And if you were to then snort that, it released something inside your body where you literally fell backwards and swept up in a

Speaker 172 wave of ecstasy. And you would fire out of a gland in your anus this incredible chicken stock.

Speaker 172 And so someone just found out this could, and then it took off. So, and my book gets to a point where a young couple take

Speaker 172 her parents to go and

Speaker 172 try this this amazing thing and it's all part of the dining you know you're sat and your your table is essentially on like a sluice grate yeah and as you walk in like people are

Speaker 91 firing the stock out of their aims but then like the waiters capture it and then you then all sit and drink it and stuff like that that was part of going to dinner i can see it i just like that thing about cooking that there's secret glands that fire stock should you you know tweak them i would definitely snort the chicken and oh my God.

Speaker 139 If that was part of an experience in a restaurant, I'd be. Yeah.

Speaker 138 I know no bounds of

Speaker 49 presentation.

Speaker 172 Have you ever seen that people eating auto-long with the clothes over their heads?

Speaker 116 Only in succession.

Speaker 175 That's the only time I've seen it.

Speaker 106 Oh, I haven't seen that.

Speaker 182 That's where they do that in a scene.

Speaker 139 I've switched off succession.

Speaker 85 Sorry, just as a side.

Speaker 91 I'm done.

Speaker 172 I've saw four reps. I'm done.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 172 Yeah, there was a lot of, I mean, probably cut this out, but a lot of actors just not sitting on chairs properly.

Speaker 122 Just sit on the chair.

Speaker 127 I don't think we can cut that out i think that's amazing

Speaker 100 an amazing chair what you do is in reason not to like succession because they weren't sitting on chairs properly

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Speaker 61 And here's the annual category of great clips, but we couldn't find a good hook for them all, so they're all lumped together as anecdotes, James.

Speaker 62 It's our favorite anecdotes.

Speaker 57 He's written anecdotes in bold underlines.

Speaker 53 This is a new section.

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 16 AJ Adoodu, Alex Jones, Paul Foote, Tahib Jameau, Graham Coxon, Helen Bauer, Joe Cornish, Rhys Shearsmith, Lily Allen, Paul Foote, and John Kearns.

Speaker 76 So for this drink, for the drinks course, would you like to be in an airport just before you're about to go on holiday?

Speaker 9 Is that the feeling that you want to invoke?

Speaker 101 I love that feeling, and I do. I love it.
I love the weather spoons. I just, I've just, I'm like, oh, it's nice.

Speaker 201 And why the weather spoons in the air?

Speaker 131 Because obviously, there's a lot of options in the airport places to drink.

Speaker 212 But if it's weather spoons, do you feel like you're properly saying goodbye to the UK?

Speaker 101 Yeah, I do. Because

Speaker 101 I think as well, when you're going to certain places,

Speaker 101 nowhere does pubs like the UK

Speaker 101 at all.

Speaker 91 Even in America, they're like, oh,

Speaker 101 we've got the Irish bars. I'm like, it feels like a themed bar rather than an actual

Speaker 8 and it's table service.

Speaker 101 Yeah, it's very confusing.

Speaker 101 So, yeah, I think maybe, should we have a rum and coke at the weatherspoons before catching a flight?

Speaker 210 That'd be nice. You tell the truth to us.

Speaker 139 You're not still going to weatherspoons in the airport.

Speaker 73 Come on.

Speaker 71 You're in the lounge, mate.

Speaker 66 I'm not. Give over, AJ.

Speaker 66 I'm not.

Speaker 101 I'm very rarely in the lounge.

Speaker 100 You've got access, though.

Speaker 51 But I've got access.

Speaker 101 Do you know what it is with the lounges that confuses me a little bit?

Speaker 101 Not all of them do the announcements.

Speaker 194 Right.

Speaker 70 And

Speaker 101 I need a tannoy.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 101 I'm very easily distracted. Yeah, yeah.
Tell me to go to my gate. Yeah, but if it's silence, I'll be like, oh, I'll listen to a podcast, or I'll listen to some music, read a bit of a book.

Speaker 101 Oh, what's that on the counter? I'll have a little bit of bite to eat. And then I'm like, oh, should I get these nuts for the flight?

Speaker 101 Yeah, they're probably serving food on the flight, but I'll get these ones as well. Should I do that? And before you know it, I'm like, oh my gosh, I've missed my flight.

Speaker 178 Or like, I've nearly missed my flight.

Speaker 106 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 149 Have you missed flights before?

Speaker 101 I've only missed one, I've missed two flights before, two, and it was bad.

Speaker 188 it was

Speaker 111 not good

Speaker 101 it was not good

Speaker 85 god

Speaker 82 one of the flights that I missed yeah

Speaker 101 was to my one of my best mates Veronica she was getting married in Casablanca oh my god Casablanca in Morocco basically as like one flight a day from from London do not miss it because if you miss it you're not getting on that flight today

Speaker 101 you'll have to pay loads of money to get there tomorrow fine i've missed the flight that's stressful mismanagement of time let's just put it down to that okay and then were you at the airport when you missed the flight no i was on i was actually on the train to the airport being like oh i've got my train times mixed up here i think wait a minute this train doesn't get to london bridge until that time and then and then i need to get to victoria and then i need to get onto the heatho express and oh i'm gonna miss this flight I basically was like I'm gonna miss the flight

Speaker 101 I'm on route and I'm like I literally got there and they were like we closed this gate like two hours ago so you're like not even a little bit late for your flight you're like well late for your flight amazing that you still even though you knew that you still went to the airport

Speaker 101 because I just thought well you know there's flight delays yeah you know there's there's there's pandemoniums at airports yeah I was I was praying for the flight delay yeah got there

Speaker 101 they were they were running on time So the flight had gone

Speaker 101 and I was left with a real dilemma because there's no more flights until tomorrow afternoon.

Speaker 101 But I need to be there for tomorrow morning because in the afternoon, my friend is getting married and I am the bridesmaid.

Speaker 8 Oh no.

Speaker 12 Oh, AJ.

Speaker 136 Oh, AJ.

Speaker 101 Oh, guys, it was so bad. I literally had to fly via like Portugal.
I had to go to like three different countries before I could get to Casablanca. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 101 I was like, guys, I need to get there in the morning.

Speaker 70 And they were like, do you know what?

Speaker 101 The only way you can do this is by spending all of your money. And like, we just start flying from now.
Get to Portugal, get to, go to Spain, go to France, go here, go there.

Speaker 70 I literally...

Speaker 101 was on like five different flights to get to Casablanca. And then I get there, the taxis to where I needed to get, it was, it was, it was a lot.

Speaker 101 Long story short, I got there just in the nick of time but i looked dreadful

Speaker 101 i looked like i'd been dragged through a hedge backwards my mate was like also veronica is the most chilled person ever it was like she weren't even bothered she was like oh don't worry about it i was like i have been around the world to get here this is insane so yeah that's why i don't like lounges

Speaker 139 It also, that and the rissoles really sounds like the sort of thing you'd eat before you go out drinking.

Speaker 111 Oh, yeah. Or

Speaker 200 after.

Speaker 187 So in Cardiff, and you'll have listeners, I know, in Cardiff, and they'll know about Chippy Lane.

Speaker 187 Chippy Lane, it's not really called Chippy Lane, but it is Chippy Lane because all the sort of late night takeaway places are on it. And the floor is so slippery from chips.

Speaker 187 Yeah.

Speaker 187 So when you'd go down there in a heel.

Speaker 71 Whales, man.

Speaker 187 You are taking your life into your own hands.

Speaker 192 Chippy Lane in a heel, 3 a.m.

Speaker 89 Disaster.

Speaker 200 But, oh, the rewards. If you make it into the shop, the rewards are like no other.

Speaker 187 Rissol, chips, curry sauce, tons of vinegar.

Speaker 132 Oh, my mouth is watering.

Speaker 33 How slippy is it?

Speaker 48 Could you start at one end of Chippy Lane and slide all the way like Martin McFly down to the other end?

Speaker 187 Well, let's just imagine it. Okay, your chips are falling on the floor.

Speaker 137 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 192 A few people have walked over them, so they kind of worn into the concrete.

Speaker 103 Very slippery. Yeah.

Speaker 117 very slippery floor is lava people say bananas it's not it's chips chips should be in cartoons as people for people slepping on them yeah

Speaker 190 not bananas there you go if you're touring in cardiff yeah chippy lane that's where you need i can walk down banana lane and no in in heels no problem yeah yeah they can't run down banana lane

Speaker 58 We're gonna talk a lot about food today.

Speaker 182 We already know that you are a foodie.

Speaker 122 You appreciate fine foods.

Speaker 14 When I first met you over 15 years ago,

Speaker 92 you were definitely in a phase at that point, and maybe it's not stopped, maybe I still don't, where you said to me, I only ever eat in Michelin-style restaurants now.

Speaker 41 It was sort of, I mean, I don't know whether you've misremembered slightly, but that's what you said.

Speaker 41 Perhaps I was trying to impress you.

Speaker 91 I think, well,

Speaker 41 there's a truth to that in that, that you get the good value. The best value, I think, in restaurants is at the top end and the bottom end.

Speaker 41 You can get some really cheap thing for £1.70, good value, and you can pay £200 for a really good meal, and it's really good.

Speaker 41 Where you lose out is on the sort of mid-range, where it's just not particularly like the sort of Bella Ritalias and the places that are a bit better than the Bella Ritalias.

Speaker 41 It's nothing. You could cook it yourself.
It's not that good. And it's money down the drain.

Speaker 91 So, yes, therefore, it is.

Speaker 41 One should eat in the Michelin style restaurants when one can.

Speaker 9 I would like to see you host a consumer affairs show where you judge whether the things are money down the drain or not.

Speaker 5 Because that is a catchphrase.

Speaker 222 It's money down the drain. Yeah, money down.

Speaker 41 That would be the name of my show.

Speaker 74 Money down the drain.

Speaker 41 And I would look at things that are down the drain, money-wise.

Speaker 221 And would it be like Antiques Road show where members of the public bring stuff to you and you decide if it's money down the drain or not?

Speaker 201 Or are you going to establishments and deciding if what they're selling is money down the drain?

Speaker 41 Yeah, I'd go to establishments and there's obvious things.

Speaker 41 I find it hilarious that people are caught out by things like this. Like I bought a fridge a few years ago, a fridge, and it cost about £200,

Speaker 41 which is what you have to pay for a really quite good fridge.

Speaker 41 I mean, you can really pay a lot of money for a really expensive fridge.

Speaker 167 There's like some American ones if you want to do that.

Speaker 41 But it doesn't really make much difference. It's a fridge.

Speaker 41 So £200 for a fridge. There's not much that could go wrong in a fridge.

Speaker 41 And it's under warranty for the first two years anyway. And then they try and sell you a thing.
Would you like like peace of mind? It's only £28.99 per year.

Speaker 41 And if anything happens to your fridge, it'll be replaced. Like, does anyone actually just look at that and think, what are the chances of the fridge breaking down?

Speaker 129 Low?

Speaker 41 What are the chances that I'm going to end up paying a lot more? Like, it's ridiculous. Why do people do it?

Speaker 77 Madness.

Speaker 41 This is the sort of thing I'd say in my podcast.

Speaker 41 It's not a podcast, is it? It's a TV show.

Speaker 100 It's a TV show.

Speaker 41 I got confused. This is a podcast.

Speaker 111 This is really happening.

Speaker 91 I forgot that.

Speaker 89 This is real. This is real.

Speaker 125 This is real TV show imaginary.

Speaker 201 And if someone did pay £28 a year just in case something happens with their food and goes along with it,

Speaker 155 what would that be?

Speaker 100 Well,

Speaker 41 in the show, they sign a thing that if they've been found to be putting money down the drain,

Speaker 41 then I'll save some of that money.

Speaker 41 So I'll say 50% of the money that they're putting down the drain will be saved. And the other 50% goes to me.

Speaker 41 So I will be siphoning from people's bank accounts money.

Speaker 41 People who have made stupid decisions in the past,

Speaker 41 any bad decision, I get half the money.

Speaker 209 So in a way, going on the show is also money down the drain.

Speaker 46 Yeah, it is. It's massive.

Speaker 41 You know, I might say to you, you've got an investment and you can say, it's quite a good investment. I'm getting 7% interest.

Speaker 41 And if I found one with a higher interest, I'd say, you should have thought about that. Higher interest.
So you then get the higher interest, but you pay half the difference to me, you see?

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 41 For life.

Speaker 175 When you get them money down the drain, when that gets siphoned to you, do you have to pay tax on that? Or is that tax-free?

Speaker 17 Tax-free. Good.

Speaker 41 Yeah, because, well, it is, isn't it?

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 41 Because it's not earnings, is it? It's just money I'm siphoning off.

Speaker 91 Yeah. It's a gift.

Speaker 41 My accountant, I said, you know, how does it work with the tax situation with certain things?

Speaker 41 Earnings tax at this rate.

Speaker 41 Dividends tax at this rate. Siphoning.

Speaker 41 Has anyone ever paid tax on siphoning? No,

Speaker 106 no, never.

Speaker 41 Another thing you can do with siphoning is you can siphon money out.

Speaker 41 Like you might have too much money. It's a bit of a problem.
I've got too much money here. It's causing a problem because there's the

Speaker 41 capital gains tax situation, big worry. siphon it out into the cayman islands yeah

Speaker 41 that's that's siphoned off siphoned off that's siphoned not siphoned out yeah siphoned out is when it comes out of their bank account into me sure yeah and then that was then ironically siphoned off yeah into other accounts around the world and then that gets siphoned up yeah that gets uh siphoned up into property portfolio right yeah yes because i i would like to be wealthy enough that i don't have a house or even second home or even three homes, a portfolio.

Speaker 41 That's what I want to have, a portfolio. So you don't even really know what's in it.
Yeah. Got a portfolio.

Speaker 74 Oh, right, I'm going to Hong Kong next week.

Speaker 41 Shall I stay in a hotel?

Speaker 91 I think I might have somewhere in Hong Kong.

Speaker 41 Let me check my portfolio. Yes, I've got somewhere in Hong Kong.
I could stay there. Although the portfolio says someone's in there at the moment, could be a, well, I'll stay in a hotel.
Never mind.

Speaker 129 You know.

Speaker 82 So you always end up in a hotel anyway.

Speaker 51 You always stay in a hotel.

Speaker 41 but then i might think oh well uh you know i need to expand the portfolio in certain areas certain markets would you ever like like your property portfolio to include hotels because then then you've got yourself covered there if you buy hotel and you own hotels yeah i'd like to own a hotel and then you got a room whenever you want and you've got really i mean i stayed in a hotel in melbourne earlier in the year It wasn't my hotel.

Speaker 73 No.

Speaker 41 I want to point out before I start the story.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 41 You know, it wasn't mine, but I knew someone who knew the owner of the hotel. Best room in the hotel, wasn't it?

Speaker 41 All people at reception saying, if there's anything you want, anything at all, just let us know. I mean, that's just imagine if that was my hotel.
Yeah.

Speaker 139 I think they do say that to everyone, though, in hotels, right?

Speaker 91 Oh, do they? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 41 I don't know. I've never stayed in hotels.

Speaker 41 I don't stay in hotels often because I'm normally just in my one of my portfolios.

Speaker 41 I don't, I'm not familiar with it

Speaker 165 i i don't know why i just didn't i've never translated i've in my mind i'm kind of like this is this is a luxury that i'm afforded when i'm away at work but i guess i could just a buy salted butter yeah or just you've been to the white house man i have been to the white house

Speaker 171 did they have there at the white house did i have butter at the white house

Speaker 158 i don't think i had white house do you have any food at the white house um

Speaker 165 we didn't sit down and have a proper meal i don't think just nibbles and stuff surely there's some nibbles surely the nibbles are the what yeah i'm all right i'm gonna get food i don't think we sat down and ate no i think we had yeah we came in we did our thing not even sandwiches we had sandwiches and i remember hannah asked for a banana she was like is there any fruit and and you know and they gave her a banana but like they gave her a banana on on like one of those silver platters right and there's a picture of her somewhere and somebody like this lovely person who works at the white house is like holding the silver platter and underneath is one banana and i was like this is that's the most white house shit that's happened to me.

Speaker 60 Hannah Waddingham got to be one of the only people in the world charming enough to get away with going to the White House and asking for a banana.

Speaker 100 She was just like, Is there any like fruit?

Speaker 165 And I don't think she expected it to be a big deal.

Speaker 106 And somebody comes with a

Speaker 165 with like this almighty banana.

Speaker 55 They should have come and bought that whole thing on them.

Speaker 118 And then they opened the clotch.

Speaker 167 It was just those shit biscuits she's got me.

Speaker 106 Bad luck.

Speaker 127 More than biscuits again.

Speaker 140 They did give us biscuits, I think.

Speaker 165 They give us a break. Yeah, because the White House

Speaker 165 catering staff made us biscuits and they put in these like lovely little containers and um i remember trying to save it and i was like oh i want to like give it to my mum and but it was ages till i went back home so i was like go eat them yeah

Speaker 165 so and they were lovely unlike the ones that hannah has to eat which are disgusting and i've tried one of them and it's yeah it's rough it's rough but they not fake to like oh we got

Speaker 165 eaten so many of these biscuits let's just like try and make them nice no but i think the thing is you know if like if you pack it like if there's like loads of sugar and stuff she has to eat a lot of them and so at some point it's like we just can't have that that actually happened to us on on certain season one um the catering team that we had at the beginning like we just had everything it was like a very american like it's an american show so it's like an american where we had donuts and every type of fanta imagine like every canned drink you could ever want snacks sweets pastries and it got to a point where all of like they just realized as the episodes were going on that we were all just gaining weight and so um at some point they got switched out and we got healthy yummies

Speaker 165 came in everything's really healthy and kale juice and I mean they're also like really great and we had healthy yummies for three seasons then by the end of it like I really loved them but um there was a part of me that I was like I remember when we had donuts every day

Speaker 158 I don't like I don't like all posh no

Speaker 229 you know tasting menus and things like that that that's all a bit odd

Speaker 229 I don't like being mollycoddled and treated like a toddler or a baby in a restaurant yeah people point with their little finger at bits of what's on a plate and

Speaker 229 tell you what it is.

Speaker 76 I've never thought of that as being treated like a baby, but it makes absolute sense when you put it like that.

Speaker 229 It's like, just put it, just, you know, just let me eat it.

Speaker 68 Although, you know, I've never thought about the pointing with the little finger as well.

Speaker 118 Yeah. And actually, I think if they came along and they pointed with their normal pointing finger at my food, I think I'd be like, get the hell out of here.

Speaker 40 I feel that wouldn't, that would, that would offend me more.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 87 Pointing with the little finger does feel cleaner and less rude.

Speaker 98 Less aggressive.

Speaker 142 Whereas if they were pointing with their actual finger, I'd be like...

Speaker 106 Well, yeah.

Speaker 111 It's accusational.

Speaker 229 It's just the pretense of it. The pretense.
I don't mean pretense. It's pretent.
Pretensive.

Speaker 85 Pretend.

Speaker 106 What's the word? Pretense.

Speaker 124 Which one you're looking for?

Speaker 58 Have a handful of it.

Speaker 46 It's the fakery.

Speaker 49 It's the fakery of it.

Speaker 229 You know, this this bloke is doing this and he's describing what that's called and and and this is a little bit of foam to go with it and that's the sort of drink that you should have with it and and and it's a bit like

Speaker 229 i i just don't take it i can't take it seriously it's really absurd yeah and i think people should just be how they are

Speaker 66 but what if that is how they are the the waiters and stuff and the people at the restaurant if that that's that's that's fine but you can tell you can see through it yeah you can see through it can't you yeah yeah

Speaker 229 would you ever be to many of those things thank you would you ever be brave enough to say to a waiter like halfway fruit i see through all this no i i i wouldn't be no that's the sort of the thing that people i'm close to men n and possibly people in the band I play in would be would at certain times not have any qualms about just

Speaker 91 are we allowed to swear on yeah yeah right okay tell the people to fuck off

Speaker 41 put it fucking down and fuck off yeah

Speaker 77 and that that sort of thing and um sometimes when alex is talking about his cheeses do you go i see right through you i see right through you alex yeah and i see a load of cheese in there

Speaker 46 it's good cheese yeah you like his cheese

Speaker 229 i've eaten it i've eaten it Yeah.

Speaker 159 I've eaten it at Christmas. We usually get a...

Speaker 229 I think Alex was complaining recently that he sends out Christmas parcels of cheese to everyone and gets nothing back

Speaker 137 every year.

Speaker 229 But the thing is, you know,

Speaker 115 it's not like he's getting a different gift every time, right?

Speaker 95 He gets to be in blur for an extra year.

Speaker 142 He should never take that for granted.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 66 That's your present.

Speaker 229 But his cheese is nice and he expands.

Speaker 229 I'm waiting for the cheddar.

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 229 yeah but the old blue monday that's quite yeah that's great yeah yeah so you you you think you should carry on with the cheeses oh definitely yeah i i never get through my quotient of cheese my christmas quotient ever it's just too much yeah i mean i probably have the amount for for christmas and new years that he might have in one night and i and it's still too much you know he is a maniac when it comes to to the cheese.

Speaker 164 I bet he has sparkling water.

Speaker 85 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 229 Cheese caning.

Speaker 208 Caning on the cheese, yeah.

Speaker 229 so much cheese have you seen him just like devour a load of cheese in front of you and can you not believe that i sort of can because i'm sort of used to it now but if it was the first time i would be quite shocked possibly yeah no not really i mean i mustn't you know ours is a lovely man i i i love alex but i did see him once eat a massive amount of that blue monday yeah Well, it was a Christmas amount, let's say, on a bit of cracker, which you're allowed to have a bit more than your auntie or something.

Speaker 229 And but he went slap and then squirted a load of honey on it as well.

Speaker 106 You've got to try it like this.

Speaker 154 I was like, Yeah, go on then.

Speaker 186 Yeah, buffing up blindly.

Speaker 229 I couldn't do that enough again for another year.

Speaker 111 Not for another year.

Speaker 106 That was much.

Speaker 198 Yeah, it was much.

Speaker 55 You better get onto your menu proper.

Speaker 57 Yeah.

Speaker 115 I'm focused.

Speaker 93 I'm focused.

Speaker 89 No one said your word.

Speaker 111 That's how it felt.

Speaker 189 Your dream starter.

Speaker 214 I would like prawn purri.

Speaker 51 Oh, yeah. It's the best.

Speaker 25 It's the best starter.

Speaker 231 It's delicious. It's like the nicest curried prawns and like this fried, it's more bread, but I'm medically addicted to bread.

Speaker 2 Like fried, sort of like doughy, roti.

Speaker 74 Oh, good.

Speaker 231 Oh my God, I can't handle it. With like lemon that you put on the prawns.

Speaker 231 There's an amazing one in South London

Speaker 231 called Apollo Banana Leaf. It's like a Sri Lankan restaurant.

Speaker 231 And you know it's good because like they sort of have a menu, but they don't. They just sort of go like, if you say anything, they're like, we don't have it.

Speaker 74 We don't have it. Yeah.

Speaker 231 Like, but then they just sort of make up other dishes. And at the end, they just sort of like guess at a price.
You're like, can we have the bill?

Speaker 41 And they're like, uh,

Speaker 51 20 pounds?

Speaker 114 Like,

Speaker 94 so you know it's good.

Speaker 114 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 91 Because it's all about the food and it's just magical.

Speaker 8 And the prawn purri is something they have on there all the time.

Speaker 231 That is their. I have never been turned away with a prawn puri.
Great.

Speaker 91 Never. Always get it.

Speaker 33 Always get it.

Speaker 209 I love, I do love a prawn purri.

Speaker 91 When I was growing up, when I was living at home with my mum, that was like when we'd order an Indian, we'd always share everything, but then she'd get a prawn puri for herself.

Speaker 149 And for some reason, I never got a prawn puri.

Speaker 8 So I would always be like, that prawn puri looks amazing.

Speaker 138 But it was like my mum's secret treat that she would have.

Speaker 113 Yeah.

Speaker 8 So when I started ordering my own takeaways, always a prawn puri.

Speaker 61 And you know what? It was worth it.

Speaker 214 It is because it's also like the ultimate greedy person starter.

Speaker 231 Yeah. Because everyone else just gets like a simple, like they got samosas or something.
And then obviously you can be like, samosa.

Speaker 231 Someone gets a bag of ion barges, give me an onion barge, don't be a dick about it. You get a prawn pouri.
That's coming in two separate items because you've got the prawn curry and the bread.

Speaker 231 But if you order a prawn pouri and a naan, everyone's chill with it. But if you order two naans, then you're two naans Helen.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 231 So it's like you've really like thought about it. You're getting two parts in one.

Speaker 67 No one wants to be two naans Helen.

Speaker 94 I was and it was a tough time.

Speaker 81 It's a tough time.

Speaker 13 We could tell that you were.

Speaker 175 When you're saying it was like, that's not a very good thing.

Speaker 168 That wasn't a universal inclination to it.

Speaker 114 Too nonce Helen, if she comes.

Speaker 107 But now I figured out the prawn puri trick.

Speaker 49 Yeah.

Speaker 131 Yeah. I love a prawn purri.

Speaker 142 One of the sweetest stories Ed's ever told.

Speaker 143 That I don't, I don't want to gloss over it too much because, like, I already told it because I knew you'd love it.

Speaker 106 When he grew up, he started ordering prawn purries to be like, it's a mum.

Speaker 51 And of course, we've talked about it on the podcast before.

Speaker 61 My Pizza Express order is My Pizza Express order because I copied it off my dad.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 95 So cute.

Speaker 33 And do you feel close to them when you do it?

Speaker 95 No.

Speaker 183 But part of you must.

Speaker 144 Just think of them.

Speaker 12 Prawn Puri, definitely. Yeah, yeah.
Think of mum.

Speaker 71 Did you ever confront her and be like, why did I not get one?

Speaker 125 No, like I said.

Speaker 74 Really, I mean, obviously I don't corner her and be like, what the fuck?

Speaker 113 I think she was probably already getting fed up with me being like, and I want this, add this, and this, and this.

Speaker 61 So she's like, well, all right, you can have that, but you're not having any of my prawn purri.

Speaker 151 We've ordered half the restaurant already.

Speaker 25 she's gonna have something for herself yeah well she's got her boy that's all she needs a sweet little boy

Speaker 210 your dream starter dream starter okay well i think i was thinking about this and i'm gonna like in the dream restaurant can i be anywhere that i want yeah yeah so it's like the rules of space and time are suspended yeah so i would go for a bruschetta lovely lovely Very funny thing to follow you asking if the rules of time and space are suspended.

Speaker 146 Well, this isn't a Neil brocht.

Speaker 85 Absolutely loved it.

Speaker 100 And I'll do whatever I like.

Speaker 210 So the one of the rules.

Speaker 91 The rules of science that apply.

Speaker 221 A bruschetta, please.

Speaker 210 This is the follow-up to your poshest meal I've ever had. So when Attack the Block came out, this Italian producer bought it to distribute in Italy.
His name was Aurelio De Laurentis.

Speaker 210 Dino De Laurentis' nephew. Yes.
Dino De Laurentis, famous producer, right? Barbarella, Flash Gordon, Blue Velvet, Conan,

Speaker 115 Serpico.

Speaker 91 Oh, I know Conan.

Speaker 51 Famous, famous Italian producer.

Speaker 210 Anyway, his nephew, he buys it for Italy.

Speaker 210 He puts me in a private jet. I'm at a festival in Switzerland in Lorcano.
He says, Joe, come, come and see me. I want to meet you.
I love your film.

Speaker 144 A little bit like that, his voice was.

Speaker 60 Yeah, that's nice.

Speaker 210 And so he puts me on a private jet from Lorcano. I fly to Naples where I get on a...

Speaker 210 speedboat like a sexy speedboat big James Bond speedboat I get like speedboated out to this little bay off the island of Capri where Aurelio De Laurentis is floating in this beautiful cove with a little plastic floating tray with a cappuccino on it.

Speaker 60 Wow. I get off the speedboat.

Speaker 5 I bash my ankle against the steps so there's blood running down my ankle.

Speaker 146 Immediately ruining the scene.

Speaker 210 Well, I'm in excruciating pain and I'm dribbling blood everywhere. I don't say anything about it.
I just get in the water. Oh, salty sting, healing the wound.

Speaker 210 And I swim over to, and that's how I meet Aurelio. Anyway, cut a long story short.
I stay a night on the island of Capri.

Speaker 210 He takes me the next day for lunch on this private island off the Amalfi coast, which has Rudolf Nureyev's villa on it, right? The ballet dancer. I think it's called Lagali or something.

Speaker 210 You can hire it now for about like $300,000 a minute.

Speaker 210 So it's on on this private island and a friend of Aurelio's is staying there and we have lunch there and they just bring the most incredible tomatoes.

Speaker 210 I've always had a conflicted relationship with tomatoes, right?

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 210 Didn't like them as a kid at all. And tomatoes are a fruit, correct?

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 210 So these tomatoes really tasted fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 144 I mean, really extraordinary.

Speaker 210 Like all my life, my dad has said, don't be so fussy about tomatoes.

Speaker 191 They're a fruit.

Speaker 91 And I shut up.

Speaker 139 They're not a fruit. They're weird.

Speaker 210 These tomatoes, they were just sensational. And they were chopped into a bruschetta with some amazing olive oil on.
And it was just the most beautiful thing I've ever tasted.

Speaker 210 There was another big, mysterious billionaire who I think had hired the island. And he had all these peculiar artists and people there.

Speaker 139 It was very odd.

Speaker 210 It's a bit like that John Fowles book, The Magus.

Speaker 139 Have you ever read that? No.

Speaker 210 People who've read that might know what I mean. Just this weird collection of people.
So I'm sitting next to Aurelio. He's smoking a cigar.
The other billionaire is smoking a cigar.

Speaker 210 Aurelio's watching him and he leans over to me and says, that man smokes a cigar like he is sucking a cock.

Speaker 91 And I say,

Speaker 144 yeah, yeah, he is.

Speaker 210 That's the sort of thing billionaires, the sort of quip.

Speaker 89 Yeah, billionaires.

Speaker 8 It's good.

Speaker 11 And that guy leant over to the guy who's next to him and said exactly the same thing about Aurelio.

Speaker 106 Also, I would imagine I wasn't there.

Speaker 58 But I don't think he was.

Speaker 191 From the mental picture in your mind,

Speaker 144 do you think they're two very different i've been very lucky in my life to i've sucked a lot of cocks to

Speaker 176 to smoke to i've seen people smoking cigars yeah i've seen i tell you what i've seen people yeah doing that going down on people yeah i cannot imagine anyone doing one as they would do the other really when i suck a cock i go

Speaker 71 that's a pipe isn't it

Speaker 210 i think think this guy might have been licking the tip of the cigar with a circular tongue motion. I don't know whether this is a false memory syndrome, but that's what sprung into my head.

Speaker 149 I feel like you might have invented that.

Speaker 210 Don't you moisten the one end of the cigar?

Speaker 91 I don't fucking know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 210 Anyway, listen, Aurelia Durange was a really lovely, incredibly generous man.

Speaker 100 Yeah.

Speaker 210 And he gave me the time of my life.

Speaker 210 He also gave me the tomato of my life. So for my starter, I would be there in that, on Rudolf Nureev's private island

Speaker 210 with Aurelio and the cigar-sucking man

Speaker 210 with that bruschetta, with the elements of that bruschetta.

Speaker 11 You should probably just jump in and say, when we talk about a mysterious billionaire on a private island, it's not that one, right?

Speaker 151 No, it's not that. Well, there's a few to choose from.

Speaker 151 What a reveal at the end of that story.

Speaker 210 I was only there for lunch, so I don't know what happened when the sun went down.

Speaker 210 And everybody seemed of a legal age. Yes.

Speaker 210 but everyone was quite confused

Speaker 230 i remember when i was little i used tried to make myself get a cold by running i used to do it repeatedly run up to the door and put my nose near the the keyhole to try and get a draught into my nostrils

Speaker 161 when i was little i used to do it to try and get off school yes yeah and that was the best way you could think to do it was nose to the keyhole freezer sitting completely

Speaker 108 unmolested in the corner yeah not going there not going near the freezer no no just a gentle breeze with a keyhole.

Speaker 17 Sniff the keyhole.

Speaker 67 It didn't work.

Speaker 230 But, you know, I taught like all my entire childhood was based on trying to not go to school.

Speaker 230 But I remember one time really wanting to go to school and having a terrible stomachache and having to come back because I had diarrhea.

Speaker 230 And I was sent home having shattered myself.

Speaker 230 I think maybe that's another Jarvis, actually.

Speaker 144 Yeah, which didn't happen, but the threat of it might have

Speaker 66 been back home again.

Speaker 230 But yeah, it was interesting.

Speaker 137 Of course, whenever you did get ill, your parents couldn't give you anything.

Speaker 136 You should have phoned it all for the pigeons.

Speaker 66 Yes, of course. Yeah.

Speaker 122 Oh, we've got some painkillers.

Speaker 66 Oh, no, they've all gone.

Speaker 191 What are all the pigeons doing on that field?

Speaker 89 I've done an experiment.

Speaker 115 It's an experiment.

Speaker 230 The other thing I used to do as a kid in the same back garden that I was throwing past each malls over the fence was try to catch a bat.

Speaker 66 Every night.

Speaker 230 Nearly every night from when I was about 11 till about 15,

Speaker 230 at the end of the garden with my dad's fishing net trying to catch bats.

Speaker 66 I realise now it was a futile

Speaker 66 endeavor.

Speaker 170 Because you can't catch them, can you? Because they're

Speaker 78 solar.

Speaker 230 However, I just wanted one. I wanted a little bat.
And then I was told they were full of lice and they would have bit me and I might have got something horrible.

Speaker 230 So I stopped trying to catch them, but I never did catch one.

Speaker 118 You'll have loved, growing up in my house.

Speaker 140 My mum used to look after bats.

Speaker 131 No. Yeah.

Speaker 136 So like if there was injured bats, my mum would look after them.

Speaker 230 Probably one of the ones that, if I'd have caught it.

Speaker 115 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 91 Some fucking hitchers from a net.

Speaker 66 But like, yeah, we'd be looking.

Speaker 185 So there's a number of bats that like, yeah, I had them hang off my finger. No, you didn't.
When we were learning to fly again. Pip Astreels?

Speaker 115 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 158 So you'd be there with your finger out, hanging out.

Speaker 132 And then you'd fly around the living room, go back on your finger again.

Speaker 66 Go away.

Speaker 136 And then, yeah, my mum would release them back into the wild.

Speaker 118 Pip Australia de Halloween.

Speaker 140 Pip Astralia de Halloween.

Speaker 66 Pip Astralia de Halloween.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 140 But yeah, once Pet Rescue came to interview my mum and do an episode, do a pet rescue episode about my mum.

Speaker 158 Why the hell haven't you told me this?

Speaker 66 Well, it hasn't come up before. That's amazing.

Speaker 136 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 196 I was trying to get in the background of it and they cut me out of the shot.

Speaker 137 Oh, as per.

Speaker 71 Yeah.

Speaker 53 I'm used to it now.

Speaker 115 Oh, but it's like the Adams family.

Speaker 66 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 66 Good Adams family. Yeah, good Adams family.

Speaker 131 Brilliant.

Speaker 131 Big stuff.

Speaker 118 What would you have done with the bat if you'd caught it?

Speaker 230 I'd have looked at it for a bit and then tried to uncurl it from the net because I presume it would have gone into a tight ball.

Speaker 90 Yeah, it would have got bad.

Speaker 230 Yeah, it would have been bad. And then just let it go, I guess.

Speaker 118 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You could have started COVID much earlier.

Speaker 66 Got it out of the way.

Speaker 115 You can't blame me for that.

Speaker 171 This is 1970, 76.

Speaker 230 But yes, I would have just been fulfilled.

Speaker 131 I caught one finally after

Speaker 230 many years attempting it.

Speaker 230 And then I would let it go again. Yeah.
But I think I did try to have a bat box at the end of the garden. Nothing ever went in it.

Speaker 131 No.

Speaker 230 Annoyingly.

Speaker 118 But you had him in your house.

Speaker 132 You had them in the house. Incredible.

Speaker 66 Well, I don't know, about four of them.

Speaker 207 Yeah, one different times.

Speaker 136 They get names, but just because my mum wouldn't have named them, just because we were kids and wanted to get them.

Speaker 230 But real names are like B21 or something.

Speaker 196 No, no, we were wanting to give them names.

Speaker 158 I can't remember what they were called.

Speaker 14 I remember like the one, the pet rescue one was called something stupid because we just give it silly comedy names like that made us laugh as kids.

Speaker 177 Yeah.

Speaker 118 But then the pet rescue people were like, we want you to call this one radar.

Speaker 134 because it's for the show and my mum was like that's very basic they don't want people thinking that i get i catch bats and I call them stuff like radars.

Speaker 196 That's the kind of person I am.

Speaker 177 But they were insistent that on camera, make sure you refer to it as radar.

Speaker 131 So through gritted teeth, she would.

Speaker 91 I'll say it.

Speaker 230 And it was as if it was her idea.

Speaker 159 Yeah, so she really didn't love it.

Speaker 230 I can't stand it. It reminds me of like when you get stump people to do things for you in filming and you look terrible because they're doing it and their acting is bad.

Speaker 6 You make me look shit now.

Speaker 91 I don't know why I leap from a bat to that, but that's what it reminds me of.

Speaker 91 Same injustice.

Speaker 136 I love the thought of a stunned person on one of your shows like doing a massive stunt like smashing through a window rolling through a fire lying on the floor and you're going you're making me look

Speaker 155 i met up with two friends recently from americ america and as soon as i sat down with them huh here he is

Speaker 158 as soon as i sat down the first thing they said to me they went right what would you say a row of soldiers is because they had clearly been having a debate with each other about Brits and what we say and obviously as soon as I said it the the lady of the of the couple it's a straight couple lady of the couple went yeah I told you I was right and she was right but then they told me the context that they'd had this discussion about was actually they'd watched a bake-off episode and Mary Berry had said that she wanted all the crimping on the pastry to be like a row of soldiers and I think Mary Berry would have been talking about actual yeah soldiers of war.

Speaker 66 Okay, right.

Speaker 151 What was the word?

Speaker 76 The classic James A.

Speaker 200 Caster story.

Speaker 103 What was the word? Huh? What was the word? The row of soldiers?

Speaker 137 Oh, I said it would be when you, there's some toaster, you chop it into

Speaker 91 thin bits.

Speaker 233 Okay, I thought you were talking about like a collective noun, like, you know, sort of argument of witches.

Speaker 103 Like, what would you call a row of soldiers? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 141 What would you call a load of soldiers?

Speaker 115 Platoon.

Speaker 1 A platoon of soldiers.

Speaker 49 Yes, if I'm ever...

Speaker 140 I once fantasized about having

Speaker 91 a careful.

Speaker 151 Okay, James, you've told me about this before.

Speaker 1 This is a podcast, man.

Speaker 191 You can't bring guests in here and start telling them about your fantasies because this is Charlotte Church all over again.

Speaker 81 Oh, no. Oh, man.

Speaker 108 Charlotte Church really ruined my life.

Speaker 132 We love Charlotte Church. Yeah,

Speaker 48 she was a fantastic guest.

Speaker 115 And then James said, you want to be in a waterfall?

Speaker 196 Charlotte called James a pervert immediately.

Speaker 78 It was fantastic.

Speaker 220 What did you mean?

Speaker 50 She wanted to...

Speaker 140 have her water course from a waterfall and she said i want to hold the cup under the waterfall and have it I said, are you going to hold the cup under there?

Speaker 42 Or do you want to be under the waterfall like that?

Speaker 160 And I was not thinking like dirty, pervy, like wet t-shirt stuff.

Speaker 200 At all.

Speaker 63 But Charlotte Church, man, she went there.

Speaker 112 She went there.

Speaker 91 She

Speaker 46 threw me in amongst it all.

Speaker 99 And everyone was like, that guy's a grubby little perver.

Speaker 53 It's never, it's all people shout at me now in the street.

Speaker 150 Okay, so what are you fantasizing about this week, Jane?

Speaker 118 A toaster that has slots for soldiers.

Speaker 188 That That is a genius.

Speaker 56 You could put a whole platoon in there at once.

Speaker 200 Yeah. That is so clever.

Speaker 233 My daughter, Marnie, who's my youngest daughter, she likes to have two dippy eggs for breakfast before she goes to school.

Speaker 232 So I'm constantly making soldiers.

Speaker 233 Yes. That is my morning routine.

Speaker 150 How many soldiers for two dippy eggs?

Speaker 215 I do like two quite big slices of sourdough and then...

Speaker 233 chop them that way and then in half and so there's quite a big mound of soldiers right she doesn't really eat the egg she just eats the soldiers

Speaker 233 yeah actually you know what i do when when i i drop them off and i come back and i'll have the egg but i've recently realized that my cat likes the egg and i've walked in on the cat in on the egg so i've obviously come in before

Speaker 203 and eaten this egg and my cat's been in there you've been just yeah i've been eating cat eggs just to be clear because you weren't very gra you weren't like as detailed it's like look eating the egg she my cat stands on the table and licks the inside of the egg which i've left there after you know to go and do the school run yes i've come back not realized the cat has been in my egg yes and i've then eaten the rest of the egg and it's disgusting i understood that story okay absolutely perfectly the first time okay james what did you think was happening the egg

Speaker 150 You thought the cat was fucking the egg.

Speaker 115 Okay.

Speaker 91 You are a perf.

Speaker 111 they're gonna be shouting at you on the street.

Speaker 185 You sent me down that grubby road and then I was like, oh man, the cat's there

Speaker 122 on top of the egg.

Speaker 66 That's a great idea, though, the toaster.

Speaker 96 No,

Speaker 108 that's not a great idea.

Speaker 99 I'm ashamed of myself.

Speaker 57 Don't encourage it.

Speaker 197 Oh dear.

Speaker 38 A toaster with the soldiers. Yes.

Speaker 41 I never used to be able to use the chopsticks actually until I was about...

Speaker 41 Actually, I never could do it.

Speaker 111 Yeah.

Speaker 41 But one time I was on a flight from Sydney to Tokyo and I sat next to a Japanese lady and I just observed her and I learnt everything from

Speaker 94 why are you look looking like that?

Speaker 59 Because you're having a go at me for waiting for you in a phone box and you sat next to a woman you didn't know and washed her hands for the whole flight.

Speaker 41 Yeah, well, I wanted to see what she was doing with her chopsticks. And I learned everything from that.

Speaker 142 You didn't ask her, did you talk to her and say, what's the secret?

Speaker 41 Yeah, I mean, the way you paint it in a very different light then.

Speaker 74 But, you know, I think

Speaker 41 it it wasn't like we were having a big long chat the whole flight but it wasn't like i didn't say anything either you know we would have had a couple of exchanges it was very nice food you know yes you yes you you you having the um japanese dish as well you're very nice yes the the you know something like that

Speaker 41 you're very nice no the the sashimus are not you're very nice

Speaker 91 that you said to her you're having the japanese dish as well you're very nice i thought you said that as well but well yes she was she was she was very nice she was very nice person you know but i didn't mean it like that.

Speaker 221 But you observed her.

Speaker 41 Yeah, I observed her.

Speaker 177 And now you live your life like her in all ways?

Speaker 167 Or just the chopsticks?

Speaker 41 Yeah, in some ways, I live my life in that way, you know, because I use the chopsticks with her. And also, if I were to ever fly to Japan again, I would be going there for a euthanasia session.

Speaker 173 Yeah. Like her, like she was, you know,

Speaker 100 final journey.

Speaker 41 So she said, look, she said, I've had enough.

Speaker 91 You know,

Speaker 41 She said, I've got a terrible disease and I've had a good life, but I'm going back, see my family, and then it's a euthanasia session.

Speaker 111 End it all.

Speaker 41 So I can assure you, the fact I kept saying, you're very nice and looking at her hands. She wasn't bothered.
She wasn't bothered.

Speaker 41 She was well beyond all that. She just thought, if there's some weird pervert looking at my hands, fine, let him.

Speaker 41 Within minutes of getting off the plane, she was dead.

Speaker 41 She actually went straight into... She didn't even bother going through immigration.
She didn't even bother re-entering her own nation.

Speaker 41 Just as soon as she got into the sort of the arrivals area, they just put an injection in her and off she went.

Speaker 41 I mean, in some ways, it wasn't strictly euthanasia. It's more of a, more of an assassination.

Speaker 110 Yeah.

Speaker 185 But she knew it. She knew about it.
It was a pretty bonus.

Speaker 115 Yeah.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 41 I mean, in fact, she had said to me, please help me. I'm in danger.

Speaker 65 There's assassins.

Speaker 41 I'm going back to Japan. I want to go back.
I don't want to live my whole life in exile in Sydney. But there's a danger.

Speaker 41 I said, don't worry. I'll be looking out for you.
Don't worry. If I'm here,

Speaker 41 you'll be safe. She felt, I think, comforted to know that I had her back.
I was going to be...

Speaker 41 And

Speaker 41 as soon as these people all went around her, like with syringes and

Speaker 41 chloroform and poison darts and various other killing methods. As soon as they did that, I just, I said, oh,

Speaker 41 transfers this way you know i was off i was off yeah there's too much to handle it there's a lot a lot for you to take on all at once isn't it so we've all had that excuses you know on a plane you sort of bond with someone on the plane and then you say oh we'll keep in touch yeah yeah and oh you you're taking the same flight are you to uh

Speaker 41 yeah i'll see you on there yeah and then they they just give you the slip and then you never see them again similar to that but much worse because

Speaker 41 i promised i had promised that i would protect her yeah i would protect her life i was she said to me you know you're a stranger but we have a connection now because you are guaranteeing my life you're going to protect me yeah and she said that shows what decency you have as a human being because ultimately you will protect me And I said, well, it doesn't really matter that I don't know you.

Speaker 41 That's just what one does for another human being.

Speaker 137 We're all part of one human race.

Speaker 41 And so I'm going to protect you.

Speaker 159 I didn't.

Speaker 41 No, she was into the arms of the assassins.

Speaker 136 Do you remember her name?

Speaker 91 Yes.

Speaker 41 Yes, I remember her name.

Speaker 105 But you can't say it out there.

Speaker 41 I can't say it for legal reasons.

Speaker 52 But you hold it in your heart and you think of it every day.

Speaker 76 Every time you use chopsticks.

Speaker 41 Every time I use chopsticks,

Speaker 41 I think of her name. Yeah.
And

Speaker 41 every time I don't use chopsticks, like other times of the day when I'm not using chopsticks, I also think of her because I think, well, I sent her to her death.

Speaker 41 It was my fault you know so yeah yeah that's gonna weigh heavy yeah but yeah so I think of her all the time really it weighs heavily on my conscience but when I'm using chopsticks that's when I say her name over and over again yeah sort of like a mantra yeah yeah yeah which is ironically a hotel

Speaker 196 which which I stayed in a different one to you a different one to me yeah yeah one step ahead It's like restaurants, like the restaurant near me,

Speaker 224 they've just immediately, they've just, there was a sign on the door going, we're a dark restaurant now.

Speaker 83 What?

Speaker 224 You know, dark restaurants where where they just become takeaway only.

Speaker 11 Oh, I thought you meant like one of the restaurants where you have to eat in the dark.

Speaker 146 Yeah.

Speaker 99 That's a gimmick some places too.

Speaker 224 The Japanese say that

Speaker 44 harsh lighting, no, low lights cuts the app.

Speaker 116 No, is it, is it, uh, is it bright lights or low lights?

Speaker 90 Oh, my God.

Speaker 112 Bright lights. I would say

Speaker 48 I've never seen anyone go into something so confidently and then fall apart so quickly because there was no like we're just talking about you can be like oh about these dark restaurants or whatever and then right I've got something here yeah yeah I do the Japanese yes yes

Speaker 137 I'd say if I'm starting any sentence that starts with the Japanese yeah you got

Speaker 224 damn well know where it's going I know where it's going yeah yeah go on The Japanese, in Japanese restaurant, in Japanese culture, harsh lighting isn't a thing.

Speaker 224 Japanese culture in restaurants,

Speaker 224 harsh lighting cuts the appetite in half. Low lights keeps you hungry.

Speaker 44 So in this restaurant, I want the lights low.

Speaker 179 I want little candles flickering around.

Speaker 224 And I want to be in a little booth.

Speaker 224 I want the booth to be higher than my head.

Speaker 85 So I can't see.

Speaker 224 I hate the booths where you've just got head. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 179 You know, the booths.

Speaker 224 You know, you get put in a booth. Yeah.
but you can still see someone's head on the other side of the booth i know what you mean so you're sat and and the booth goes up your neck.

Speaker 49 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 51 Oh, you can't stand that.

Speaker 48 And sometimes if you're sitting, you're almost sitting back to back with someone else you don't know.

Speaker 179 You just see these heads bobbing about.

Speaker 48 If you put your head back, you could almost tap

Speaker 59 someone else's head, couldn't you?

Speaker 100 I don't want to see that.

Speaker 224 I want the booth where you're like, bang, you're like locked in.

Speaker 111 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 179 Like there's a pub in Northern Ireland which has...

Speaker 17 The crown?

Speaker 66 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 224 Yeah, the stained glass booths.

Speaker 60 Perfect.

Speaker 171 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 37 Yeah. That's what I want.

Speaker 4 Well, James, I'm sorry to say that even though those anecdotes were wonderful, that this may well have been the filthiest year of Off Menu yet.

Speaker 134 Yes, and Benito here is

Speaker 109 in brackets, a apology to my mother.

Speaker 11 Yes, but he's called her the wrong name.

Speaker 61 No, he hasn't.

Speaker 161 She gets angry if you call her that.

Speaker 124 Oh, yeah, she hates that, actually.

Speaker 13 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 113 And you know that, Benito. I got told off for that.

Speaker 184 Yeah, you know that, Benito.

Speaker 52 She said in a text, don't call her that.

Speaker 111 You're in trouble now. Yeah.

Speaker 47 Now, we largely blame Steve-O for this being the filthiest year.

Speaker 4 Yes, but unfortunately, some other people joined in.

Speaker 4 Angela Barnes, Carol Vordeman, Jenny Eclair, Jordan Gray, Paul Meskel, Arlo Parks, Jimmy Famarewa, Steve O, Judy Love, and John Kearns in perhaps one of my top three highlights of the whole year.

Speaker 57 Yes, I couldn't stop laughing.

Speaker 11 Not just off menu.

Speaker 146 The whole year. The whole year.
Yes.

Speaker 175 You know who I think looks like they stink?

Speaker 115 Ziggy Peelgood.

Speaker 66 I would never say that about Ziggy Peelgood.

Speaker 46 I'm sorry, Angela.

Speaker 205 Ed said that.

Speaker 234 I've never taken Ed Gamble to Ziggy Peelgoods ever.

Speaker 183 And the slush puppy puppy.

Speaker 191 No way, man. What are you talking about?

Speaker 91 It looks disgusting.

Speaker 99 That slush puppy puppy looks rank.

Speaker 91 No way. It's half of what puts me off.

Speaker 88 It just smells like that wet dog smell, that slush puppy.

Speaker 137 That's what I think.

Speaker 76 Well, you're imagining him covered in his own slush, right?

Speaker 91 Yeah. Well,

Speaker 234 you get wet. If you're making slush puppies all day, you're going to get wet.

Speaker 101 And if you're a dog and you're wet, you're going to smell.

Speaker 146 It doesn't matter.

Speaker 99 I think it looks disgusting, disgusting, that slush puppy, and they should get it off of the branding because, like, it puts me off nine times out of ten.

Speaker 137 I'm not getting a slush puppy, that little rank thing.

Speaker 111 Look at it.

Speaker 65 It's called a pushback.

Speaker 115 Yeah, it's called a slush puppy.

Speaker 106 You can call it something.

Speaker 88 Yeah, call it a slush puppy still.

Speaker 176 Or whatever.

Speaker 106 But like, don't have that puppy on there with his little like woolen hat as well.

Speaker 88 I think that makes it worse.

Speaker 100 Little beanie that it's wearing.

Speaker 234 Slush puppy machines are so old now. Like, it's such an old 80s thing that they're often quite faded, the slush puppy machines.

Speaker 64 They're often a bit, they look a bit sad.

Speaker 14 and sad i get that that makes it look like he stinks even more this is the most i've thought about slush puppies ever i think i think it'd be a sad day when you walk into kettering leisure centre and there's not a slush puppy machine i think you'd be sad on that that would be sad but like oh i wouldn't mind if i walked in there and there's a slush puppy machine but the actual stinky slush puppy's not on there i'll be happy just to not see it how would you know it's a slush puppy machine Hopefully it would say the word slush puppy on it.

Speaker 120 But it could be made by anyone.

Speaker 115 But then that would make me think of the slush puppy, right?

Speaker 120 Well, yeah, then it's in your mind anyway. Might as well do it.

Speaker 66 i guess they need a new mascot who looks a bit cleaner and looks a bit less rank than that little another animal maybe another maybe maybe slash pussy

Speaker 66 can't believe it

Speaker 167 the most disgusting thing

Speaker 152 even if i'd thought that even i wouldn't have said it yeah but but i am

Speaker 46 he knew you'd like it yeah yeah big laugh from angels he knows his audience he knew you'd absolutely love slash pussy there's not

Speaker 94 there's not many people who say that in front of That's true.

Speaker 118 Launched right into it.

Speaker 191 That's true.

Speaker 126 I didn't say that in front of Sir Lenny Henry.

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 88 That would have played a silence.

Speaker 91 And we would have all felt sad after the episode.

Speaker 191 I think you'd love a slosh pussy in a premiere in.

Speaker 89 Slosh pussy in a premiere in.

Speaker 174 Oh, God.

Speaker 107 I don't know.

Speaker 25 It's a good James Bond film.

Speaker 66 I've never seen a James Bond film. I don't know.
Octopus Pussy is a James Bond film. I can do it.

Speaker 97 Slosh pussy.

Speaker 47 I'm trying to join in, but I'm just trying to make it less.

Speaker 91 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 94 How about an animal? I'm just going to try to bring this back.

Speaker 234 How about an animal that should be wet? Like a slush duck.

Speaker 182 Yeah, but if you say an animal that should be wet, it's going to say slush pussy.

Speaker 91 Slush ducky would work. Slush ducky.

Speaker 106 Oh, it's slushless. I can handle slush ducky.

Speaker 88 Yeah.

Speaker 99 And the ducky can be called Siggy Pilgood if you want.

Speaker 127 I think that's even cooler.

Speaker 191 You can't peel a duck. You can't peel a duck.

Speaker 89 You can, but only once. They'll put you in prison.

Speaker 91 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 117 I've got a funny story. Funny scouse story.

Speaker 213 Yes, please.

Speaker 193 Okay, really funny scout.

Speaker 117 Last time I went up there, so you've got to understand, I grew up in North Wales, that bit strip of North Wales that's, you know,

Speaker 117 a third scouse, really. Yeah.
Real, I went to school in.

Speaker 63 Oh, man.

Speaker 63 I had a bad gig there.

Speaker 55 Did you?

Speaker 42 They destroyed me.

Speaker 63 Really? Yeah, supporting Milton Jones. They absolutely destroyed me.

Speaker 90 Did they?

Speaker 211 The audience. They called me to high heaven.
Yeah.

Speaker 45 They didn't, did they?

Speaker 90 Oh, yeah. They showed me.

Speaker 51 You've never been back.

Speaker 166 I've never been back.

Speaker 117 I understand. So Liverpool is up the road.
So you go to Liverpool for a night out and all that kind of thing. Last time I went, I went to a big do.
It was Jamie Carragher.

Speaker 117 And it was to raise money for,

Speaker 117 I think it was for a local hospice, could have been a hospice. But anyway, it was this big gig at the Titanic Hotel.

Speaker 132 Have you been there?

Speaker 84 Stunning.

Speaker 117 So about 500 people have paid money. Rod Stewart was there.
Pixie Lott was singing.

Speaker 117 So not a huge venue, but a lot of people. So Rob was there was on the next table.

Speaker 203 And I've known him for like years.

Speaker 117 Anyway, part of the thing is you go, don't you? And then you go from table to table and you have selfies and all of that. And everyone's going, hey, hey, Carol, come in.

Speaker 136 Come in. Come in.

Speaker 86 We love Vordas, you know, and all of this.

Speaker 117 I absolutely loved it. So we go round, round, round, round, round, round.
The night's getting longer and longer.

Speaker 106 I'm having a great time.

Speaker 117 And then I go to this set and this woman goes, oh, Carol, come in. Come Ed.

Speaker 228 Eh is Forders. She's going to the tape.
She says, come here, come, come here.

Speaker 117 So I'm going there and we're like arm in arm, me and this woman. And she goes, see him there.
And she pointed to this bloke on the table who was like, I don't know, in his 30s or something.

Speaker 71 She said,

Speaker 117 she said,

Speaker 117 you've been in his wank bank for six years.

Speaker 228 Can you have a selfie?

Speaker 59 I mean, there's a lot of...

Speaker 11 I mean, I was going to say there's a lot of questions we can ask about that story, but I don't think we will.

Speaker 91 Nothing we know.

Speaker 176 I think we already know the answer to that.

Speaker 124 Well,

Speaker 86 six years is very specific yeah anyway i did tab the selfie and told him not to laminate it

Speaker 106 all right well doesn't need to it's always fun there we go that's life

Speaker 94 um that's life you should wrap up that anecdote

Speaker 111 that's life

Speaker 117 anyway that's life no one else is life i told i told i went over and told rod he said oh i've got to go over and shake his hand i said i wouldn't advise

Speaker 38 again it i'm going a bit scandy I want a fish platter, but without any bones.

Speaker 38 You know, a bone-free.

Speaker 202 I don't like bones.

Speaker 38 I don't like them, any circumstances whatsoever. I don't like a bone chicken thigh.
If I'm cooking a chicken something or other, it's got to be boneless.

Speaker 66 I'm not having bones.

Speaker 38 And Jeff's very bone phobic because he wants Mr. Ferry when he was five because he got a bone stuck in his throat.

Speaker 38 I mean, it ruined a family holiday and he's never been allowed to forget it or something.

Speaker 66 So he's...

Speaker 60 Jenny, give me a second with that.

Speaker 161 You've packed a lot of information to that story there.

Speaker 61 And I've got to imagine it all play out.

Speaker 161 Jeff is bone phobic because he missed a ferry when he was five, because he got a bone stuck in his throat.

Speaker 159 Yeah.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 38 He's bone phobic. And I'm bone phobic as, well, we don't like bones.

Speaker 66 What can I say? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 38 I mean, Jeff prefers food he can mash with a fork.

Speaker 71 You know, he likes that.

Speaker 161 But is he bone phobic because he got the bone stuck in his throat, or was it specifically because he missed a ferry?

Speaker 38 It was because he missed a ferry. And that very well.
Yeah, it made his life difficult for a while because it was a family holiday and it all got a bit...

Speaker 66 Oh, God.

Speaker 11 So, and then he's focused on the bone thing.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 38 i shouldn't have got the bone stuck in my throat yeah guilt guilt it's amazing what things you know things when you're a child when you're a child how what an impact it can have in your life where was the ferry going to i've no idea i never and was never interested enough to ask you know when you're sort of quite interested up to a point and then you go that's enough detail

Speaker 38 so this fish platter will be um there'll be the okay we'll have some smoke we'll have salmon um and i want it 70s style you know when they used to dress a salmon like a fish right poached salmon salmon.

Speaker 38 And I want it with olive eyes and cucumber gills.

Speaker 38 Properly done. Yeah.
You know, pale pink and pretty. I like, and a prop, you know, nice.
I'm quite fussy about china and plates and things. You know, I'd quite like, you know, the state banquets.

Speaker 38 I'd quite like to borrow their, I'd like to see what they eat off.

Speaker 202 I couldn't do gold, though.

Speaker 38 I couldn't have metal on a, you know, a metal plate.

Speaker 202 That would annoy me.

Speaker 38 And I can't eat, you know, when sometimes you're eating a boiled egg. and someone's giving you a silver spoon that's a bit tarnished.
It's the worst taste in the world.

Speaker 38 Something I'm very, you know, there's some things, and if cutlery is badly balanced, you know, some people, they think they can reinvent cutlery and then it'll sort of be weighted in the wrong direction.

Speaker 38 And whatever you do with it, it's on the floor and you think, oh, for fuck's sake, you know, it's just a knife and fork. But I want a classic knife and fork.
I want it nice.

Speaker 155 Yes, classic.

Speaker 38 And I like nice plates.

Speaker 138 Do you need, you know, fish knives, the flat ones?

Speaker 144 Yeah.

Speaker 66 Why are they necessary?

Speaker 115 Why are they there?

Speaker 38 They are there because there was a time in history when people didn't know what to buy each other for wedding presents.

Speaker 66 And it's as simple as that, really, really. I think.

Speaker 38 It was a fish canteen.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 67 They were called.

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 202 But is it to get the get it off the bone if it's

Speaker 191 a bone?

Speaker 66 So you definitely don't need that for this.

Speaker 66 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 115 I prefer to, I'm eating some of this with my fingers.

Speaker 38 That's another, you know, that's another reason why I don't go to restaurants.

Speaker 191 I'm, you know, it can be a pig.

Speaker 38 And I have smoked salmon as well. I do love char-grilled octopus.

Speaker 144 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 38 Yeah. You know, really sticky, really sticky.
I want some lobster in here. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 38 And I'll have it out of its shell because otherwise I get in in a mess, you know, and it all goes under my fingernails.

Speaker 161 Shell's a bone by a different name.

Speaker 49 It is.

Speaker 54 Yeah, you're not shelophobic.

Speaker 109 You're bona phobic.

Speaker 149 Sorry, bone phobic, not bona phobic.

Speaker 159 You're bone phobic.

Speaker 202 Bone phobic.

Speaker 38 I think I might have just since developed shelophobic.

Speaker 139 Yeah, I'm bonophobic because I've got one stuck in my throat, Mr.

Speaker 151 Train.

Speaker 115 Is that true?

Speaker 38 See, I'm very gullible as well.

Speaker 159 No, I'm just making a jump.

Speaker 106 Even though he got a bonus stuck in his throat.

Speaker 46 He's got a bonus stuck in his throat.

Speaker 38 I was making a sort of dick jam.

Speaker 191 A penis tray.

Speaker 98 I'm quite deaf as well, so I didn't really hear.

Speaker 178 You had to really enunciate the dick jams properly.

Speaker 202 You shout them in my face.

Speaker 38 So I got this boner stuck down my throat because I was gobbling on a boner.

Speaker 81 That's how I think I had to do it.

Speaker 227 I am 11 years sober, but I'm going to put some alcohol onto the list because my drink of choice

Speaker 227 was a Jager bomb, and I miss it dearly.

Speaker 227 On a daily basis, I miss that lovely, what's it called? The digestif.

Speaker 91 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 51 I think what you call a Jager bomb a digestive.

Speaker 60 Well, hey, would you care if I had a digestive?

Speaker 51 We hope you enjoyed your bummy.

Speaker 227 And there was a cheap version of Jager Bomb called Jungfrau that you could get if you were doing it at home, which I sadly did. Because there's a reason I don't drink anymore.
I drank way too much.

Speaker 86 But I had this dream of like...

Speaker 52 I didn't go to uni, but had I.

Speaker 227 I remember researching that at uni, they have like these little beer tasting clubs and things that you can go to in the first week to like, to be friends with people.

Speaker 227 And I thought, I'm going to start one of them, but it'll be specifically for jaeger bombs that are paired with various different energy drinks and we tried different drinks and i'd make a like a really glossy like pamphlet with all

Speaker 227 the tasting notes and yeah and how like monsters different from red boy stuff and i found the perfect pairing because and i'm sorry to do this to you ben but this is a naughty word to have on a podcast yes there's an energy drink and an energy drink called pussy energy drink yeah and they know it's rude because they put a little star over the you it's not even like baby

Speaker 111 i thought that was gonna be way worse yeah imagine i thought oh great suddenly just changed the tree completely drunk something called cunt juice

Speaker 106 that's what i was expecting yeah

Speaker 89 the

Speaker 227 there's an integencore pussy and if you pair it with jaeger meister in jaeger bum it tastes exactly like a marks and spencer's percy pig without any a deviation it's a fizzy pussy jordan this this is so great but you can't tell james stuff like that.

Speaker 85 Yoda Lee?

Speaker 46 This is going to be the end of his life.

Speaker 124 Oh, man.

Speaker 92 You telling me Percy's in liquid form now?

Speaker 111 He's absolutely having that.

Speaker 48 Texting his girlfriend saying, get a crate of pussies.

Speaker 46 Yeah, listen.

Speaker 85 When we get back, I want to see all the pussy you can get.

Speaker 67 So it's a Percy Bomb, if you want to call it.

Speaker 227 You could call it a Pussy Pig, or you can call it a Percy Bomb. I'd go with Percy Pig.

Speaker 108 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 227 And that's what I want to submit.

Speaker 51 We're going with Pussy Pig. Yeah, yeah.
Write down Pussy Pig.

Speaker 106 Might down down pussy pig. Because that is what it's called.

Speaker 118 Pussy pig, cocktail, I suppose you call it.

Speaker 227 What is a Jaguar bomb? I mean, it's not.

Speaker 59 I wouldn't say cocktail.

Speaker 227 But yeah, you're right.

Speaker 91 But it's not a shot either, is it?

Speaker 227 It's not a shot. And it's not a mixed.
It's not like a mixer. It's not vodka and coke because it is supposed to be downed.

Speaker 162 Which most drinks aren't.

Speaker 227 Most mixed drinks aren't designed to do that. Yeah.

Speaker 175 It's sort of got the energy of a shot, right?

Speaker 166 Yeah.

Speaker 167 If it tastes like a Percy Pig, I'd want to be sipping this.

Speaker 111 I don't want to be a long time. It's a long drink.

Speaker 227 Perhaps it is a long drink with little pink ice cubes and stuff like really partnering it up with maybe it's a Marks and Spencer's collab situation.

Speaker 159 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 109 It'd have to be a co-lab that'd be they'd come after you with everything they've got if they knew that you were marketing your own Percy Pig drink.

Speaker 11 Yeah, but they're not also they're not going to sell a pussy pig at the services, are they?

Speaker 175 I at least like to sit in on that in that business meeting.

Speaker 106 We call it pussy pig on nothing.

Speaker 184 But like, oh, I mean, it sounds great, obviously.

Speaker 85 Obviously, it's some of my streets unreal.

Speaker 227 Properly used to get me. and it's not something you find anywhere.

Speaker 142 So you have to make it at home as well.

Speaker 227 So it's very much a drink to be enjoyed and solid at a friend's barbecue or you can always show up with the pussy and get their party started.

Speaker 42 Obviously, I think all Percy pigs are veggie now, aren't they?

Speaker 113 They are, yeah.

Speaker 99 But the original veggie Percy pigs.

Speaker 107 With little green ears.

Speaker 124 The little green ears.

Speaker 99 Would you say?

Speaker 87 So I think they're my favourite Percy pigs.

Speaker 170 Where do you stand?

Speaker 227 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a different texture to

Speaker 227 a chewy gummy, isn't there? You get to recognize them as vegetarians and vegans, like the strawberries. They're a bit harder.

Speaker 227 Basically, a vegan gummy is a little bit harder because of the old gelatine and that. You're right.
And also, perhaps one of them on a little cocktail umbrella on the top of it makes

Speaker 184 a lovely look at.

Speaker 57 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Where do you stand on Percy and Friends?

Speaker 111 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 113 The Pals. Sorry.
Pals.

Speaker 91 Sorry. Percy and Pals.
Sorry, he doesn't.

Speaker 227 I like the story of it. I like my...

Speaker 111 What's a story of it?

Speaker 85 I love that written on the back, is it?

Speaker 89 Well, he's a globetrotting, isn't he?

Speaker 227 That's what it's globetrotting Percy. That's what it says on the front of one of them.

Speaker 46 And I think that's because the species.

Speaker 105 Ben's nodding with such solidarity.

Speaker 6 That was so sweet.

Speaker 37 That was so adorable.

Speaker 227 I think the animals are more exotic. So there's like a zebra.

Speaker 227 Do you know what the flavour of a Percy Pig is? I do, and I shall tell you, but do you want to guess at what the actual flavour is? I've got no idea.

Speaker 91 If I can remember,

Speaker 175 I think it's raspberry.

Speaker 60 You're very close. Strawberry?

Speaker 227 It's strawberry and kiwi mix.

Speaker 115 Oh. Yeah.

Speaker 66 Okay, I wouldn't have got that.

Speaker 12 I would not have an idea.

Speaker 227 And that's what Pussy Energy Drink is. It's literally strawberry and kiwi, which is why it tastes exactly like it.

Speaker 227 I have no doubt that a Percy Percy Pig contains raspberry or did at some point or some variation has raspberry.

Speaker 63 I think the sheep has raspberry in it.

Speaker 227 Yep, and there's a Coca-Cola. The Coca-Cola flavoured cow is my favourite of the powder.

Speaker 86 That's why there's the best of the pals.

Speaker 46 That is without question.

Speaker 227 In fact, I could even retroengineer my cocktail to just be a Jager bomb and Coke with one of those sweet cola flavoured cows on the top. That'd be just as happy with that.

Speaker 134 Yeah, I'd love a bag of just the cows if Mark or Spencer are listening.

Speaker 52 I would love it.

Speaker 57 If we had a bag of just the cows. Well, they do the drink now, right?

Speaker 76 There's a Percy Pig soda that they sell in Marks and Spencer.

Speaker 46 It Everything up, sorry to swear.

Speaker 127 It won't be boozy.

Speaker 168 Like you're won't be boozy.

Speaker 227 But I mean, it's the same general idea. No, no, no, no.
A virgin pussy pig is what you're saying.

Speaker 106 Oh, God.

Speaker 111 That's smart.

Speaker 111 Watch sales plummet. Yeah.

Speaker 91 Why do they call it that? Oh, I've bought a bottle of this virgin pussy pig. No, thank you.

Speaker 91 Absolutely not.

Speaker 91 Nowhere near that.

Speaker 159 That's right up my street.

Speaker 106 Gonna do a wee.

Speaker 208 Did you make any noises when you're eating this Carbonara?

Speaker 170 It was a lot of like, oh,

Speaker 106 oh my God.

Speaker 83 Oh my God.

Speaker 186 Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 76 Would you use that in your acting?

Speaker 123 Say you're in a scene where you're eating an amazing meal.

Speaker 208 Would you imagine the Carbonara when you're eating it?

Speaker 76 Would you go method with the Carbonara?

Speaker 169 It's like smell of the fart acting.

Speaker 158 It's like, oh my God.

Speaker 169 Like

Speaker 169 something like a really

Speaker 169 important moment, like a revelatory moment for characters.

Speaker 158 Oh my god

Speaker 83 oh my god

Speaker 118 i'm just thinking past that yeah oh my god can i get more parmesan no sorry paul you said parmesan out loud

Speaker 118 i would think about like food memories if i had to do a sex scene

Speaker 66 because

Speaker 177 i think about really delicious food yeah and how i felt about it but then that's not going to be sexual so i'm not going to Because I wouldn't want to be in a sex scene and I'm going to have to draw from sex.

Speaker 131 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 185 Because then the worst thing could happen.

Speaker 159 And then I think my life's over.

Speaker 169 And then somebody's throwing cream on your face.

Speaker 108 Yeah, I'm getting cream from all angles and it's not nice.

Speaker 166 So I think I would want to think of delicious food I've had so that my face is showing my absolute pleasure and ecstasy.

Speaker 131 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 137 But everything downstairs is completely chilled out. Yeah,

Speaker 137 yeah.

Speaker 169 It's just happy as Larry.

Speaker 68 When I was doing a sex scene, I have to say.

Speaker 196 Can we get an ashtray?

Speaker 201 That was one of those things that was deleted from Cinderella, actually.

Speaker 134 Sexy. The mouse was having sex, and they'll turn into a human half over.

Speaker 137 They changed the PG rating. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 90 It was pretty bad.

Speaker 163 And what was the reaction of the person that you were having sex with in the scene?

Speaker 177 Well, remember, I was a mouse at the beginning, so it was another mouse.

Speaker 115 So they exploded.

Speaker 185 No, no, no.

Speaker 91 Luckily, he died.

Speaker 81 Luckily, I just.

Speaker 81 To the director's card. I loved her.
I loved her.

Speaker 185 And then they cut that out from the film. They were like, it was too real.

Speaker 66 Yeah. Yeah.
Not real. But

Speaker 171 my acting was so good.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 169 The director pulled his eyes.

Speaker 164 He's like, James, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 66 It was an amazing performance of you having sex with a mouse.

Speaker 171 But we just, we couldn't do it.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 207 We couldn't have it on there.

Speaker 158 But I was thinking of favourite foods while I was doing that scene.

Speaker 66 Nice.

Speaker 177 At the beginning, I was thinking of cheese because that's a mouse's favourite food.

Speaker 136 And then I was thinking of ice cream when I was a human.

Speaker 158 Method acting. Yeah,

Speaker 106 I'm very method.

Speaker 140 We won't ask you about shooting sex scenes.

Speaker 180 I'm sure you've been nasty a million times.

Speaker 169 I mean, I'm always thinking about food during sex scenes. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 164 It's my

Speaker 169 it's an exclusive. That's what I think about.

Speaker 164 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 76 Well, my next question was, um, the toys are all suck, but it was relating to the pasta.

Speaker 81 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 91 Oh my god.

Speaker 109 We've told this on the podcast before, and it's another story that doesn't go anywhere.

Speaker 99 But like, you know, when we were in New York, Ed and I, we walked ages to go to this pie place, and then it was shut.

Speaker 137 But, like, all we could think about was how much we wanted some of that sweet American pie.

Speaker 183 Not like the film.

Speaker 111 We weren't doing that.

Speaker 194 I was going to say, that's what, that's what I was thinking.

Speaker 116 We weren't doing that with the pie.

Speaker 46 He's trotting across New York.

Speaker 59 He couldn't wait to get to that sweet American pie.

Speaker 106 I thought it was a cultural tradition there.

Speaker 7 I got chucked out the shop pretty quickly.

Speaker 73 Out of here.

Speaker 183 That film, man.

Speaker 140 what a film we had to talk about that with brett goldstein recently he asked he asked us what the uh most brett goldstein does a film podcast so we did a mashup for comic relief with uh the food podcast he asked us uh

Speaker 118 what's what's the most arousing meal meal in a film is and i said just everybody fucks the pie

Speaker 91 i might have said it yeah yeah

Speaker 183 because i was 13 years old and watching a sex a sex film

Speaker 91 though.

Speaker 118 You weren't 13 going, oh,

Speaker 66 that's sex.

Speaker 184 As far as I know of that, I don't have a clue.

Speaker 87 I probably know what to do with a pie more than a person.

Speaker 76 James grew up in Kettering, so the only apple pie he could lay his hand on was McDonald's one.

Speaker 66 He really burnt himself.

Speaker 91 Boiling hot.

Speaker 100 The kingdom come.

Speaker 58 My money's just getting better now.

Speaker 153 I'm going to have some beef suya as my side dish. It's probably more of a snack or a starter, but it's definitely not a main.

Speaker 153 And I think because the main that I've chosen, the beans, it's quite kind of simple. It's quite restrained.
There's no meat on it.

Speaker 153 Suya, for those that do not know, is a kind of like addictively fiery barbecued beef that's kind of like traditionally sold by like the roadside and kind of like little kind of outdoor grills in Nigeria.

Speaker 153 it's not it's northern nigerian in origin and it's in this dry spice rub which is called yadji specifically or suya spice and that's got peanuts in it so it's kind of mixed with like ground peanuts with kind of dried pepper it's like chili pepper it's got some ginger in there and it is like the most addictive thing you have ever had in your life genuinely it's out of control there's something about the combination of like sweet roasted peanuts and kind of quite intense heat with like charred strips of like a beef or you can have it with with chicken you get it in newspaper when you go to um if you have it traditionally in like nigeria and it's kind of you know it's quite primal you're ripping it out of the paper with your hands a cold beer as well and i think that'll be a good little matchup and it's and it's the sort of thing it is one of my absolute favorite um nigerian dishes and i think i write in the book that the first time i tried it actually was some that had been smuggled into the country by by a relative who had like frozen it.

Speaker 153 I still don't really know how they did it.

Speaker 153 I'd frozen it like in like a tin or something, like hidden it in their bag so that like it escaped detection and then got it to the UK and then it kind of defrosted and then they sort of like gave it to us.

Speaker 153 And I mean, you know, the fact that I'm still eating this, like,

Speaker 89 you know, like when it's kind of essentially been in someone's suitcase.

Speaker 153 but yeah it's amazing and it's it's a really really good dish yeah oh it sounds great even if it hasn't been muled into the country are there places you can get it

Speaker 153 yeah there's really really good I think you can get it all over and there's a place that delivers nationally actually called Alaji Suya which I would massively recommend they're in Peckham and they've got like they've got a couple of locations but they've got a main one in Peckham and the yeah they're they're really really good they use really tender meat they're yadgi their spice is like they give you an extra little baggie of it for the for the hardcore.

Speaker 153 And I would also recommend Chishiru, which is like quite an acclaimed restaurant that's in London by a chef called Jockere Bacchare.

Speaker 153 And she does like really nice bavette steak, like with the spicing on top. So that's like a little sort of like edging towards bouginess version of it, but it's still as delicious.

Speaker 97 We were going to go there once.

Speaker 91 Yeah. Were we?

Speaker 115 Yeah, before, I think it was before COVID.

Speaker 66 Yeah. We butchered it to go.
Yeah, I think we were going to go there.

Speaker 83 And then it, and then everything everybody.

Speaker 89 You should go.

Speaker 153 She's amazing. She's such a good cook.
And like, it's funny because I've eaten Suya on TV shows and also like spicy dishes as well. And it is a weird thing, isn't it?

Speaker 153 Where I feel like I do like spice, but I don't know if it likes me as much as I like it.

Speaker 153 Like there's a really growing body of evidence of me just like sweating and just looking like, what are you doing? Like, just like, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 153 Like, and it it was funny like growing up because a lot of my friends would have that thing of like wanting to get the hottest curry and you know when Nando's kind of arrived and I'd be sort of like ribbed for like oh if I went for if I didn't go extra hot at Nando's and I think growing up with food that could be quite hot and with like a lot of spice and stuff I just didn't really understand that kind of real oh god you've got to get the hottest one it's got but like but yeah I don't know how are you guys with are you I love it

Speaker 208 I absolutely love it, but I wouldn't, it's certainly not for any sort of masculine proof reasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just genuinely love it.

Speaker 142 As long as the flavour's there,

Speaker 140 and they're married together, brilliant.

Speaker 91 Yeah, delicious.

Speaker 92 If there's no flavour, it's just really hot.

Speaker 153 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 148 Just kind of like a blunt heat.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I like it to take.

Speaker 150 to take me to the absolute edge.

Speaker 153 Oh, man. Yeah.

Speaker 222 And when I start sweating and getting tingling,

Speaker 153 I think that's part of it, isn't it? It's almost like physical.

Speaker 153 Like there's another other end of the spectrum in terms of cuisine but um thai uh there's a few like speedboat bar i don't know if you've been we went yeah did you see

Speaker 163 that's another place i went i went and then the next week i went back with him because that the one dish at speedboat bar where they were like uh do you like hot food like yes

Speaker 139 and it came and it got me so close to the edge. Oh man.

Speaker 208 But I know when I've gone over the edge because I start hiccupping.

Speaker 151 Right. And I just started to get the hiccups.

Speaker 91 It was the

Speaker 177 Chinese sausage and the mustard green salad yeah yeah yeah oh it's amazing yeah the the prawn civiche stuff there was off the chain yeah i i really want those again it's so

Speaker 136 i remembered after we were talking about them the other day and how much we liked the food there and then i remembered the drink that i had that me and jamie dimitri ordered yeah and it was like that it was that beer jelly beer jelly beer

Speaker 140 like a frozen beer that had like ginger and honey in it yeah holy hell oh baby like that that that's a dangerous drink yeah yeah gulping that down like it was juice i was all ready to be angry at that restaurant because it used to be the taiwanese yeah

Speaker 144 yeah yeah yeah which i loved which the bow guys did yeah which is like the most beautiful restaurant i've ever seen yeah yeah but it's zoo was it zoo yeah yeah it was just a stunning restaurant yeah but that is everything is like yeah yeah

Speaker 153 proper sort of pulse pounding i think when you do it you're like because like plaza cow gang the kind of precursor to that, which is in arcade below center point.

Speaker 153 And that was my, like, you know, and they bring out little sort of, like, afterwards, you have these little like milk, like little, almost like little shots of like pink milk that are kind of meant to like tame the spice type thing.

Speaker 76 But, you know, when you're just like,

Speaker 91 I want more. And people look at you and they're like, you sure you want more, mate? You don't look well.
You sort of look like, I don't know if it's a good idea.

Speaker 106 Like, yeah.

Speaker 153 But yeah, it's so addictive. And yeah, like Suya definitely ticks that box for me.
It's just such a, it's such a rush.

Speaker 153 It's kind of like, you know, to the point where there is a little bit of a thing in Nigeria, especially in like Nigerian culture, where it's a bit like...

Speaker 91 And my mum's a little bit like, what is in that stuff?

Speaker 153 Like, she finds it a little bit kind of, she's not sure about it. She's suspicious.
And there's all these rumors about various kind of, you know, I think that,

Speaker 153 I mean, I did write a piece about it. There's various rumors of like it being almost like a bit of a natural Viagra type thing, like that there's kind of like weird sort of

Speaker 153 added things in there. So just be aware of that.

Speaker 91 Yes.

Speaker 77 Before you have started. So where can you order this from?

Speaker 42 Also, those rumours are started by someone who was eating suya and got a bona, right?

Speaker 175 And that's just like, that's the person who started that rumor.

Speaker 111 Yeah.

Speaker 60 Must be the suya.

Speaker 85 So yeah.

Speaker 66 Natural Viagra, guys.

Speaker 91 I'm hard as a rocket.

Speaker 115 Not that I'm an unstoppable pervert.

Speaker 159 Yeah.

Speaker 66 It was the CEO. You didn't actually have any of those.

Speaker 236 It's Steve-O's Bucket List special. What's extra exciting about this conversation is that it's the very first

Speaker 236 formal promotion for this special

Speaker 236 that I've done yet. And I don't even know what the messaging is.
I can tell you that I'm positive that this special

Speaker 236 will not be on Netflix or HBO

Speaker 236 or any other legitimate platform which presents comedy specials because it is actually triple X rated.

Speaker 113 Our friends are working on it

Speaker 52 and they've one of them has told me one of the things that you've got to do.

Speaker 113 And that's

Speaker 106 being done.

Speaker 52 That you have decided to do.

Speaker 86 Yeah, like

Speaker 174 there's no way that obviously that's not going to be on any legitimate platform.

Speaker 236 Like part of this project and this special, in this special, like I actually blow a load. I fully,

Speaker 236 not only do I, not only do I ejaculate on camera, butt naked with another man strapped to my back, but I do so simultaneously as I fall out of an airplane at 15, 15,000 feet in the air.

Speaker 144 Yeah.

Speaker 236 Like that's the most ambitious. like absurd and uh i mean it's just challenging

Speaker 151 you try and jack off to completion in a tiny little airplane yeah well i mean i think i'd be too i'd be too worried that because as far as i understand it with that

Speaker 91 have you you you filmed that already that's yeah like that's called skyjacking right that was called skyjacking

Speaker 186 just to be sure my thing that i'd be most concerned about is that as far as i understand when you ejaculate it's as you jump out the plane yeah which i would be quite worried that when i do that that means i just haven't got my wits about me and i'm going to get everything wrong well i mean when you've got the other guy strapped to your back you don't have to to do anything.

Speaker 55 He's got your jizz flying up in his face.

Speaker 100 That's what I'd be worried about.

Speaker 67 The blowback.

Speaker 236 Yeah, he definitely caught some,

Speaker 236 what do you call it?

Speaker 111 Crossfire.

Speaker 84 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 191 But I think if you're agreeing to do that, you're not going to be able to do it.

Speaker 100 I mean, dude, it was like it wasn't. Oh, yes.

Speaker 236 It wasn't just challenging logistically. I mean, it was challenging to get the coverage.
Thank God we had the camera in the right spot on the outside of the plane to really get the money shot.

Speaker 236 It's arguably the biggest success of my entire career for how challenging it was.

Speaker 89 Because consider this.

Speaker 174 I'm sorry for laughing, Steve.

Speaker 113 Obviously, I agree with you, but like I said, it's very funny.

Speaker 236 I found out that I was already in the airplane. That's when I found out that

Speaker 236 I needed to time the ejaculation within a very precise window of two minutes. Yeah.
Like that, that's counterintuitive to like, why, like, how's that?

Speaker 81 But come to learn that

Speaker 236 if we if if we fall out of this airplane at any other time then we miss the drop zone right there's a very distinct area that we have to land in yeah and we're only over that the two minutes is that all you got yeah so for that now that's precision i'm doing the most challenging thing and it has to be precisely and uh like never mind finding the company that was okay with doing this for their banner sure the individual who was uh actively strapped to my back yeah and now for the biggest biggest challenge of all, to tell a story in such a fashion that it makes a theater full of more than 1,000 people find it permissible, not just to watch me jack off to completion, but to watch it joyfully.

Speaker 106 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 93 I mean, and I did that.

Speaker 236 I pulled that off.

Speaker 91 That's a feat.

Speaker 236 Like that's the, when it comes to the craft of stand-up comedy and storytelling, like, like, I think that's testimony that I have, for the last 13 years of persistently performing, I have developed the craft to a point of mastery where in Alabama, thousands of people are watching me jack off and they're okay with that.

Speaker 111 Yeah, well,

Speaker 52 I think anyone going to one of your shows, I'd be surprised if they were.

Speaker 92 I'd be surprised if they go to see Steve-O in 2023 and they stand up and go, oh, this is too funny.

Speaker 37 I'm going home.

Speaker 91 Please, Stevo.

Speaker 58 Here's my question about skyjacking.

Speaker 110 We should ask you questions about food, but I do have questions about you jacking off and jumping out of a plane.

Speaker 14 So you know that there's a specific time you've got to jump out and that you've got to

Speaker 183 actually get that point.

Speaker 236 Yeah, there's a green light on the wind on the thing where the green light goes on and that indicates it's okay to jump.

Speaker 173 So there's the green light.

Speaker 222 But for you, the green light means it's okay to chizz.

Speaker 236 Yeah, exactly. And the green light's only going to be on for two minutes.

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 236 And that's the window. So when I found this out, I think maybe this answers your question.
I i said give me one minute's notice before that light comes on yeah because

Speaker 106 and what's that for are you going

Speaker 118 right i've got a i've got to think about were you thinking about a certain thing that you

Speaker 236 had a portable dvd player

Speaker 236 taped down queued up to a particularly salacious moment in a film

Speaker 48 when cameron diaz walks in in the mask

Speaker 236 no no something about mary where the guy's got the Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 142 Yeah, he was watching the Ben Stillis thing.

Speaker 106 Yeah, that's all.

Speaker 76 That's all the guys strapped to your back was the guy.

Speaker 89 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 73 Yeah.

Speaker 93 Yeah.

Speaker 174 I bet you'll get better.

Speaker 236 The reason for all of this,

Speaker 236 I've been performing live comedy now for 13 years.

Speaker 97 Yeah.

Speaker 236 You know, like just grinding and comedy clubs. And I started 2010.

Speaker 236 And over the course of these 13 years, my comedy has improved and it's become a multimedia experience. Like at first it was just me in a microphone.
That was my first comedy special.

Speaker 236 My second comedy special was me and a microphone and footage of the stories I told edited in in post-production to illustrate the stories in a multimedia fashion.

Speaker 236 But the footage was not with me on tour. Now for this third show, which is the bucket list, I filmed everything so that the footage could come with me on tour.

Speaker 236 And the footage had to be shit, it's not allowed on jackass. That was my deal.
I'm going to set my sights for like forbidden stunts. And the forbidden stunts were very clear.

Speaker 236 I had the idea for skyjacking for the last 20 years.

Speaker 236 Every time skydiving ever came up in conversation, I would never fail to say that my idea for skydiving.

Speaker 91 And

Speaker 236 then there's like, God, the things I did for this show, like life-threatening, flagrantly illegal.

Speaker 236 For example, I got a medical professional to administer stolen general anesthesia drugs into an IV in my vein while I was riding a bicycle through a field.

Speaker 89 And that it like

Speaker 236 this medical professional in disguise, I mean, it is just so illegal.

Speaker 191 Why was that disguise?

Speaker 236 They were wearing a hazmat suit with the face all like pulled.

Speaker 237 And yeah, you couldn't.

Speaker 236 But then we got another medical professional dressed as a clown, which was kind of appropriate.

Speaker 236 And he put a four-inch needle into my spine and injected a drug into my spinal cavity, which rendered me paralyzed while I was in a full sprint.

Speaker 236 Yeah. And that was before my buddies conducted experiments to determine just how paralyzed I was.
So that one is so nuts.

Speaker 236 Actually, after that one, I found myself paralyzed on the ground, sobbing because I was just tears of joy were flowing because it's so hard for me to raise the bar from where it's at.

Speaker 236 And like, that was such a profound success that it brought me to tears.

Speaker 214 I'll tell you what really it reminds me as well because it's that winter feeling of having toffee apples.

Speaker 64 So imagine that toffee apple taste or the sweetness of the apple, the little shot of brandy, pastry.

Speaker 65 That's childhood.

Speaker 146 That's childhood. That is childhood.

Speaker 64 the shot like fireworks night there it is yeah yeah that's what I think that was one of the definitions

Speaker 64 nostalgia that's the bit what's your opinion of Guy Fawkes if you're going to go into loose women mode and give an opinion on Guy Fawkes well I'm not great on the history he burnt down the place didn't he he tried he tried to he tried to

Speaker 64 yeah so he's a naughty boy yeah and you know at that time everyone has different um emotional needs and people in different places in their life and we're not sure exactly where Guy Fawkes was even though you know we have a story, but we haven't spoken direct to him, so it's hard to really judge.

Speaker 64 However, from the evidence, I would say what he was doing was absolutely terrible.

Speaker 67 Great, very balanced, very measured.

Speaker 89 Balanced.

Speaker 162 You've used the evidence.

Speaker 229 Yeah, they chopped his knob off when they caught him.

Speaker 149 Really?

Speaker 96 Why is the knob though?

Speaker 173 Oh, teach him a lesson straight away, right?

Speaker 64 But it wasn't setting up like setting fire to the places with his dick, was he?

Speaker 70 Unless he needed a clinic or something.

Speaker 91 What the hell was going on there?

Speaker 189 When you heard him setting fire to places with his dick, how are you imagining that?

Speaker 184 Is he shooting flames out of his dick, or is he striking his dick against a rough surface like a match?

Speaker 64 I feel like he's shooting the flames out. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 70 Yeah, bun, bun, bun, bun.

Speaker 84 Burn, bam, bam, burn.

Speaker 64 That's what I feel like. He's like, oh.

Speaker 111 yeah.

Speaker 189 So, like, quick, we got to chop his dick off.

Speaker 91 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 48 Yeah, I don't think it was in the moment.

Speaker 76 They didn't just see him try to set fire to it and just chop his dick off straight away.

Speaker 12 I think they arrested him and they were like torturing him and stuff.

Speaker 129 But why the dick?

Speaker 101 What about his hands? It's his hands.

Speaker 70 These dicks aren't going to get up, go and walk over to a match and light it, is it?

Speaker 67 Yeah, but I don't think it was a preventative measure to stop him setting fire to anything else.

Speaker 149 I think they'd caught him

Speaker 91 and it was like, it wasn't right.

Speaker 59 Let's see you set fire to anything else.

Speaker 121 I'll chop your dick off.

Speaker 11 It was like, we've caught you and now we're going to just torture you.

Speaker 66 Wow.

Speaker 64 Okay, I suppose that would be the worst form of torture for any man.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 127 Yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 6 I wonder if one of the people caught him was an exponent.

Speaker 81 They're going, oh, I've got an idea.

Speaker 129 Yeah.

Speaker 114 Why don't we chop his dick off?

Speaker 74 Chat me.

Speaker 74 Yeah, chat me.

Speaker 64 He never came and threw a stone at my window. So, hey, I'm going to make you have no dick.

Speaker 80 Forget trying to burn down the place and,

Speaker 64 you know, causing devastation. What about the devastation you caught to my heart?

Speaker 71 Yeah. So they thought, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 64 You set me on fire and never came back, bitch.

Speaker 64 So I'm going to chop your dick off.

Speaker 91 That's probably what they thought. Yeah.

Speaker 64 And gathered all the men together.

Speaker 95 And then they all were like, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 99 I bet he was gutted when he saw that

Speaker 100 Simon.

Speaker 91 What's his dick rolling on the floor.

Speaker 82 Yeah, I bet he was gutted then.

Speaker 178 He was jumping ahead a bit.

Speaker 92 I thought he'd be gutted when you saw the people deciding his fate and one of them was his ex.

Speaker 176 I don't know where this is headed.

Speaker 100 I'm sure he saw his dick rolling on the floor.

Speaker 12 And then I think he literally was gutted.

Speaker 86 Yeah,

Speaker 66 there's a lot of things that start with chopping the dick off.

Speaker 64 Best place to start.

Speaker 106 That's the best place to start.

Speaker 166 But that's why, you know, traditionally, like, you eat toffee apples on bonfire night because the stick's meant to represent his dick.

Speaker 25 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 71 I like toffee apples.

Speaker 88 Yeah, well, you're eating the apple, apples night.

Speaker 200 So what is the apple?

Speaker 69 What is the apple represent?

Speaker 64 I was going to say.

Speaker 83 I'm not going to answer that.

Speaker 66 I like eating the apples.

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Speaker 32 you're all set for a nail glow up let's get those nails looking fabulous shall we

Speaker 44 And also I've still got this basket of beautiful bread.

Speaker 60 Yeah, you're dipping. Yeah.

Speaker 44 And the basket is a...

Speaker 179 Yeah,

Speaker 179 there's a hole

Speaker 179 underneath the basket, so it's constantly refilled.

Speaker 106 Oh, I thought you were going to do the popcorn trick on someone, but with a bread basket.

Speaker 116 Popcorn trick.

Speaker 114 Hand up the popcorn?

Speaker 71 Nearly. Knob? Yeah.

Speaker 44 Oh, my knob's going through the table.

Speaker 122 What, the bread?

Speaker 178 Well, this is what I was confused about.

Speaker 86 It's It's the only time I've ever heard anyone say.

Speaker 81 I wish.

Speaker 179 And that's why's my knob in the button?

Speaker 93 Why's my knob in the bread basket?

Speaker 58 You said you cut a hole in the bottom of the bread basket.

Speaker 125 Which we still need to.

Speaker 74 I'm putting a button on that to loop back to what you're talking about.

Speaker 92 Put a hole in the bottom of the bread basket.

Speaker 109 Cut a hole in the bottom of the bread basket.

Speaker 107 And I've only ever heard people doing that with this disgusting popcorn trick where they cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn, they sit their knob through it, and then they they offer someone some popcorn, and the person goes right down to the bottom for the good stuff, and then

Speaker 14 they touch their dick.

Speaker 179 Popcorn's on the lap, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 129 Oh, this bread basket's in the middle of the table.

Speaker 88 I don't know what you're doing.

Speaker 189 Maybe you're crawling under the table.

Speaker 179 My friends are getting a bit they're looking for a fish.

Speaker 179 Okay, my brother

Speaker 129 were fishing for a bit of

Speaker 93 catcher.

Speaker 84 Yeah, they just

Speaker 114 might grab my knob.

Speaker 111 Yeah.

Speaker 211 Yeah, maybe you put some so-dried tomatoes on it to disguise it.

Speaker 88 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 58 It rose me.

Speaker 25 John.

Speaker 122 You know, you know my knob.

Speaker 25 It's the low light.

Speaker 125 It's the low light.

Speaker 125 Yeah, you wouldn't know.

Speaker 228 You wouldn't know your knob would light it up.

Speaker 179 You can't see a thing.

Speaker 68 You're increasing their appetite.

Speaker 116 The Japanese say

Speaker 44 that low light.

Speaker 138 Low light.

Speaker 45 reduces your ability to recognise your brother's knob.

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 86 That's what they say.

Speaker 116 Oh, good God.

Speaker 118 The Japanese say, if you turn the lights down low,

Speaker 52 you're able to camouflage your knob in it.

Speaker 100 What if they're all doing it?

Speaker 100 What if we're all doing it as a lot?

Speaker 189 We've all thought it'd be funny to do it.

Speaker 183 So,

Speaker 14 do you all do that at different times throughout the evening?

Speaker 189 So, all at once, you go to do it, and you have to stuff all of your knobs through the same hole at the same time into the bread bus.

Speaker 86 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 118 And you go jostling for position.

Speaker 122 Yeah, but we don't know each other doing it.

Speaker 106 And then, at the same time,

Speaker 189 And then you all meet for some focaccia and end up grabbing

Speaker 125 each other's knobs. I mean, best case scenario, you grab your own knob, right?

Speaker 44 Yeah, best case scenario. Yeah, best case.

Speaker 93 Best case. You'd be relieved.

Speaker 91 You'd be relieved.

Speaker 51 Oh, you've been relieved.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 44 Anyway, so yeah, the bread's there. So what do you mean?

Speaker 122 Point bait, get the bread, dip it in the...

Speaker 224 In the onion soup.

Speaker 41 Yeah. And then also, if I'm...

Speaker 60 John, I do need to look back.

Speaker 44 Why does a hole in the bottom of the basket mean that the bread keeps refilling yeah yeah oh in my mind uh i don't know there's a there's a baker uh below us just keeps funneling it up

Speaker 56 okay so that's more realistic than what i was saying apparently

Speaker 56 well yeah

Speaker 106 yeah it would keep emptying surely

Speaker 99 surely the bread rolls would fall at the bottom is what benito's saying is that if you cut a hole in the bottom there's a baker funneling them up but surely for catchers going to be constantly tumbling back down the hole and blocking the tubes

Speaker 14 having a a nightmare.

Speaker 44 There's a portcullis.

Speaker 100 He releases.

Speaker 48 So every time it's empty, every time the basket's empty, he opens the portcullis, shoves the bread up, shuts the portcullis.

Speaker 12 You better put your knob in there if there's a portcullis.

Speaker 86 Really?

Speaker 111 Yeah, be careful.

Speaker 126 Be careful.

Speaker 51 Be careful of the portcullis.

Speaker 48 Yeah, you and all your brothers, the entire male line, dies in one night.

Speaker 48 Oh, the cocks in the basket.

Speaker 62 I mean, I'm reading this for the first time, everyone listening, and there's a whole section called burp.

Speaker 88 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 13 we should be ashamed of ourselves, putting this shit out into the world every single week.

Speaker 13 What, I mean, we shouldn't be able to do a whole category of our best of

Speaker 7 that is called burp that follows the category called filth.

Speaker 195 So

Speaker 13 it's pretty sad.

Speaker 57 But listen, 2023, according to Benito, it's been the year of the burp.

Speaker 175 We've guests belching in the studio.

Speaker 113 And one guest asking, what is burp?

Speaker 59 Let's hear from Judy Love, Jenny Eclair, and Paul Foot.

Speaker 118 I think the only time I've ever spoken to you about food is just knowing that you like Nando's.

Speaker 99 That's it.

Speaker 64 I do like Nando's, but my favorite, I think I like Nando's as a quick thing with the kids, but my favourite, I think one of my favourite West Indian food is oxtail.

Speaker 64 I love it oxtail. It's got to be cooked really well.
It's got to be succulent and just drop off the bone, sweet and nice. Nando's is not, it would definitely not be my,

Speaker 214 you know, if I that one amazing meal.

Speaker 159 No, yeah, this is the drama conversation we had.

Speaker 106 Wipe images.

Speaker 81 The gas from the smuggle.

Speaker 81 I was trying to not bilch.

Speaker 81 I was trying to catch you.

Speaker 85 I was trying to not burst. Yeah.

Speaker 82 So you chose to do that as well. I was trying to hold it in.

Speaker 82 And it just, what did my face look like?

Speaker 125 I missed it.

Speaker 48 I was that I turned turned around and thought I just heard a honk.

Speaker 111 Yeah.

Speaker 37 Can't you see my face?

Speaker 189 Yeah, your eyes closed and your bottom lip went over your top lip.

Speaker 86 And then you kind of blew upwards into your face.

Speaker 106 You bumped in your own face.

Speaker 91 Yeah.

Speaker 81 I was trying to hold it. It's very gassy, this diet coke.
I was trying to hold the belch because it would have came out.

Speaker 95 I can't even belch silently because I've got

Speaker 70 the mic in my mouth.

Speaker 81 I was trying to hold it and then it just forced its way up. Yeah.

Speaker 149 Well, you got away with it, Judy.

Speaker 91 Well done. I was beaten up by

Speaker 147 i'm glad we filmed this now yeah oh my lord

Speaker 85 you'll see what your face looked like

Speaker 214 don't you worry

Speaker 89 oh my gosh

Speaker 66 i'm going back for more

Speaker 82 so chapel down if you're listening that's what happens when she has bubbles

Speaker 82 that's great sending to do that for point you want lady backers to come down to the vineyard and burp in her own face?

Speaker 71 Oh, Lady Backers.

Speaker 70 Lady Backers, they might, they might say copyrights, Lady Backers, but I didn't.

Speaker 64 Lady Macca, because there is Bacchus. How can I say it?

Speaker 66 Backshot.

Speaker 140 Yeah.

Speaker 137 Lady Backshot.

Speaker 80 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 66 Lady Backshat.

Speaker 106 Backshat. Backshot.

Speaker 110 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she could say

Speaker 51 it's backshot's the opposite of a facebook.

Speaker 129 Yeah.

Speaker 41 Lady Backshot.

Speaker 102 She'd be like back shot, but it's, yeah, it is the opposite, isn't it?

Speaker 70 My gosh, Ed.

Speaker 91 Wow.

Speaker 91 Wow.

Speaker 91 Wow.

Speaker 91 Wow.

Speaker 91 Wow.

Speaker 91 Damn.

Speaker 51 You know, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 46 Just loving every second of this, Judy.

Speaker 59 Just enjoy such a good time. Enjoying ourselves.

Speaker 66 The

Speaker 38 older and wider audience know us better than to do that.

Speaker 38 They know that we are,

Speaker 115 I'm,

Speaker 38 excuse me, sorry, diet coke.

Speaker 38 And I don't burp, but I did tiny one then.

Speaker 38 Coleslaw, we are big coleslaw fans. So the other side dish I was going to

Speaker 38 suggest was a Solariac remoulade,

Speaker 38 which is a posh version

Speaker 66 of Coleslaw.

Speaker 38 Excuse me, now I'm burping.

Speaker 66 I absolutely love it.

Speaker 106 And I don't burp.

Speaker 111 No, no, you don't. No, no, no, no, just

Speaker 108 now a million times on the podcast.

Speaker 91 But

Speaker 41 I am in good health.

Speaker 91 Congratulations.

Speaker 41 But I have one weird thing about me, which is not really a health thing. And I only really realized eight months ago.

Speaker 41 But I used to, if I had like sparkling water, anything sparkling, like sparkling cherry cola and things like that.

Speaker 41 then I would go all bloated inside.

Speaker 41 And then if I had like all rich food, I would have to go to the like the blue and it'd have to release it in a really violent way that sounded like I was being sick.

Speaker 41 One time I was at the Dorchester Hotel having one of those Michelin star meals we talked about.

Speaker 41 And then I said,

Speaker 95 show me where the loo is, please.

Speaker 41 It's all very polite. Who's this way, please?

Speaker 91 Don't give so much sir and all that stuff.

Speaker 41 Then I went in and there was like some really rich people in the loo. It's the Dorchester.
And I just went

Speaker 41 like a vomiting sound. But it's like a vomit sound.
Yeah.

Speaker 216 But it isn't.

Speaker 41 Yeah. But it's like all the gas coming out all violently.

Speaker 112 Wow.

Speaker 41 Anyway, and I couldn't work out what it was. And I thought it was because I'm swallowing air as I'm eating, eating too quickly, and kind of air's going in.

Speaker 41 But anyway, then suddenly I was having a conversation with a friend a few months ago. And he said something about, oh, I just did a little burp there.
And then I said, what is burp?

Speaker 85 What?

Speaker 65 I just said,

Speaker 41 I said, what is burp? Because I didn't really know what burp was. I didn't know.
I'd heard the word, but I didn't know what burp was, you see.

Speaker 41 And then I discovered that you can burp either loudly, like little

Speaker 91 burp noise, or silently.

Speaker 41 But the point is, I realized that never in my whole life have I ever burped.

Speaker 87 Ever.

Speaker 41 I've never burped. I didn't know what it was.
So

Speaker 41 I've been training myself in burping because I looked it up online and it's quite rare what I've got.

Speaker 41 It's quite rare, but you can have it done by under general anesthetic you have to have botox injected into your sort of like down in the mouth down down in the throat that yeah yeah to help you burp to help you because it opens it up and then you can burp after that but i was trying to do training because i saw an internet video of a man trying to do a burp and one time after brushing my teeth i managed to get my mouth all full of that little toothpaste then i managed to do a belch

Speaker 41 and i have been able to more recently do like release all the gas in like the vomity way but less loudly than before like I'd be on aeroplanes and like the cabin crew would say are you all right what's going on yes but anyway so you could so the problem is that you're getting all that gas in there but you'd have no way of releasing it other than this weird vomit sound I can't release it other than the weird vomit sound but then strangely enough two weeks ago and I hadn't even eaten or anything.

Speaker 41 I've been doing all this training, you see. And then I was just changing a record on my record player.
And suddenly I did a burp.

Speaker 41 And that's the first one in my whole life but I haven't done one since that was about three weeks ago right but there's maybe a hope that I yeah and the next step would be another burp and the next step after that would be a silent burp which is like that's like a real pipe dream to me at the moment like I'm more likely to be in panto with Christopher Biggins than

Speaker 41 not that I want to no you don't want to do that I don't want to do that it's unlikely but it's still so anyway so um so that's that's that's why for that reason I would have this still water yeah So the last thing I need is more more bubbles inside me because of that thing.

Speaker 41 It's got a fancy name for it.

Speaker 174 Really not being able to burp.

Speaker 41 Yes. And you can have it done, but you have to have it done privately.

Speaker 41 And it costs about £4,000 or something. But it's what concerns me is that, you know, you've got to find, it's privately and you've got to find someone who knows what they're doing.

Speaker 41 It's not like the NHS when with the NHS, you can have something done on the NHS for free. And if it goes wrong, you can then just live with it for the rest of your life.
But tell everyone and just say

Speaker 41 the NHS they let me down there's been so many cuts so many cuts in the NHS it's a disgrace it's been running to the ground

Speaker 41 I went through a routine operation on my hip I've been in agony ever since I had a routine operation to check something to do with my gallbladder I've been uh I've been incontinent ever since and I can't have sex anymore it's a disgrace that's what that's what's happened to the NHS and after it uh they paid me just fifteen

Speaker 41 compensation. It's not a march is it? Considering I've lost my sex life.

Speaker 41 I've lost my sex driver.

Speaker 41 I've lost my ability to

Speaker 91 You know all that stuff.

Speaker 41 Yeah

Speaker 111 So

Speaker 41 you know if it's private you know you've got you can't do that. No, no.
So it's best to make sure they know what they're doing.

Speaker 100 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 41 So that's why I thought, why didn't I just train myself to do it? It must be possible.

Speaker 201 I mean, if you've done it where you were changing the record or you're recording player, that's a good start.

Speaker 88 Yeah.

Speaker 175 Maybe you remember what the album was you were listening to, the music.

Speaker 57 Maybe that helps.

Speaker 163 Maybe it relaxed you.

Speaker 106 Vivaldi, was it?

Speaker 41 Certainly not. No, it was JS Bach.

Speaker 41 I wouldn't have been listening to Vivaldi.

Speaker 41 Talk about second rate.

Speaker 89 I can't believe you just said that.

Speaker 41 That's like the most insulting thing you can say. The idea I was going to listen to Vivaldi in my own home.

Speaker 41 In my private sanctuary. When I finally got into my own home, done a complete sweep of the whole house, checked that that Ed Gamble isn't there anywhere in the home, and I can just relax.

Speaker 41 The idea I'm going to put Vivaldi on and then burp, well, it's insulting.

Speaker 109 I apologize.

Speaker 91 I apologise.

Speaker 85 I apologise.

Speaker 12 That's all right, James.

Speaker 59 Well, there we are.

Speaker 161 I mean, that's genuinely the end of the best of, is the burping.

Speaker 35 But as ever, we end our best of episodes with the annual pop-doms or bread complication.

Speaker 109 That's what Benito's written. Certain complication with a full stop afterwards.

Speaker 46 We'll be back with a new series in the new year.

Speaker 182 And yes, we will be releasing the episodes from the live tour.

Speaker 100 Oh, no, actually, I'll say it in the tone that Bonita will have written in.

Speaker 109 And yes, we will be releasing the episodes from the live tour.

Speaker 131 Bye. Bye.

Speaker 25 Pop it up softbread. Pop dumps or bread, Jenny Claire.

Speaker 91 Pop dumps or bread.

Speaker 66 Okay, right. That was so good.

Speaker 115 That was a big one, wasn't it?

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 38 We're in the studio.

Speaker 202 Is it called Plosive?

Speaker 38 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 202 Oh, you did a very plosive pee then, and I got some of it in my face.

Speaker 66 Yes?

Speaker 25 Popadums or bread. Pop loves or bread, fan breddy.
Pop dumps or bread. Poplums or bread.
Pop lobs or dead.

Speaker 91 Better tell you, baby.

Speaker 25 Pop loves or bread. I just say poplums are dead.

Speaker 115 That's the first pop-ups or dead of the bread.

Speaker 189 That's the first pop-doms or dead.

Speaker 140 Yeah, it was good.

Speaker 25 Pop-loves or bread. Pop loves or bread, Joe Cornish.
Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 60 Well,

Speaker 202 I'm a bread.

Speaker 25 Pop-lumps or bread.

Speaker 106 Pop lobs or bread, Jimmy Famarewa.

Speaker 129 Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 25 Pop loves or bread. Pop loves or bread, Kyle.
Pop loves or bread. Bread.

Speaker 25 Pop loves or bread! Pop logs or bread, Nick Frost!

Speaker 91 Pop loves or bread!

Speaker 115 I'd never, who would ever.

Speaker 191 I mean, I think it all will be revealed when I...

Speaker 172 But yeah, the bread, not pop-a-dom.

Speaker 25 Pop-loves or bread! Pop loves or bread, Lily Allen! Pop-loves or bread!

Speaker 66 Uh, mmm.

Speaker 233 It's toughy, isn't it?

Speaker 103 That's why you've asked it.

Speaker 91 The tough questions.

Speaker 25 Pop loves or bread! Pop loves or bread, Lost Night will pop loves or bread!

Speaker 66 I was.

Speaker 41 When you say pop-dubs or bread, are you referring to the Carla Leon sitcom?

Speaker 25 Pop dumps or bread! Pop lobs or bread, hello, parks. Pop dumps or bread.

Speaker 120 Bread.

Speaker 25 Pop lobs or bread. Pop loves of bread, AJ Doodle.
Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 200 I'm going pop for dumbs.

Speaker 25 Pop lumps or bread. Pop loves of bread, Harry, Kenzie.
Pop dumps or bread.

Speaker 138 Obviously, been looking forward to that for a while.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 94 Pop loves or bread, it's a hot.

Speaker 152 Pop loves or bread. Bread, spread.

Speaker 215 We're going through the Irish door and we're gonna have some soda bread.

Speaker 91 Eat the spots. Pop dumbs or bread.

Speaker 147 Pop loves our bread, Paul Mascara. Pop dumps or bread.

Speaker 109 I always thought I'd be ready for that.

Speaker 91 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 25 Pop lobs or bread, V Shear Smith.

Speaker 185 Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 91 Pop a dumbs or bread.

Speaker 66 Yes. Oof.

Speaker 25 Pop a dumbs or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Steve-O.
Pop-a-dums or bread.

Speaker 199 Pop-a-bread.

Speaker 85 Pop-a-dums or bread. Pop-doms or bread.

Speaker 178 Eat, Jimmy.

Speaker 25 Pop-dums or bread. Pop-lumps or bread.
Pop loves our bread, Carrie Adler. Pop-dums or bread.

Speaker 193 I've got a request. Yeah.

Speaker 225 Can I have a pan of chocolate?

Speaker 111 Yes,

Speaker 25 pop-dums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Cameron Borderman.

Speaker 125 Pop dumbs or bread.

Speaker 117 Pop a dumbs because they are just like congealed dust.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread! Pop lobs or bread, Alex Jones! Pop lobs or bread!

Speaker 215 I can't even believe it's a question!

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread! Poplums or bread, Graham Thompson!

Speaker 206 Poplums or bread!

Speaker 41 Poppa dums or bread, yeah?

Speaker 91 Poplums or bread!

Speaker 25 Pop lobs or bread, Jordan Gray! Pop lobs or bread!

Speaker 227 Poppa dumbs, yeah.

Speaker 82 Wait, hang on. No, bread.
I do apologize.

Speaker 107 I know you didn't mean it.

Speaker 82 I didn't mean it.

Speaker 91 Deep down, I like you.

Speaker 25 Pop a dumps or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Paul Foot.
Pop a dumps or bread.

Speaker 41 Oh, poppa dumbs or bread. Poppadums.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 136 Poplums or bread, Yoja Batodenki.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 186 I didn't know that was I was going to ask this question.

Speaker 170 Of course, bread.

Speaker 171 Who eats poppadums?

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread. Poplums or bread, Nick Mohammed.
Poplums or bread.

Speaker 203 Pop a dumbs, James.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread. Poplums or bread.
Poppy. Poplums or bread.
Poplums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Angela Barnes.
Poplums or bread.

Speaker 101 Bread's obviously bread.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread. Pop-lums or bread.
Don't you mind?

Speaker 178 Abagado. Pocock.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 106 People with double barrel surnames, it's very hard to shout pop-dums or bread at.

Speaker 25 So they have to do it really quickly. Poplums or bread.
Poplums or bread, Don Fedge. Poplums or bread.

Speaker 97 Oh my god.

Speaker 111 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread, Fox Pew.

Speaker 91 Oh, Poplums or Bread.

Speaker 25 I'll get bread. Poplums or bread.
Poplums or bread, Galf Marenkey. Poplums or bread.

Speaker 181 Pop a dumbs or bread. Um.

Speaker 137 Or Popadoms.

Speaker 129 Poplums or bread. I don't like it.

Speaker 85 Poplums or bread, Halabara. Poplums or bread.

Speaker 89 That actually shook me shit myself. Yeah.

Speaker 81 I knew it was coming.

Speaker 66 Pretty impressive, isn't it?

Speaker 129 Poplums or bread.

Speaker 25 Pop logs or or bread, Campi Burke! Bread! Pop lobs or bread!

Speaker 148 Bread!

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread! Pop lobs or bread, Steve Coogan! Poplums or bread!

Speaker 155 Pop a dumbs or bread. Well, not

Speaker 131 pop a dumb.

Speaker 140 Poplums.

Speaker 172 If I'm in a curry house, I'll have poppadums, but generally, no, I love good bread.

Speaker 91 Poplums or bread. Pop loves or bread.

Speaker 118 I didn't know that was a question. I'm not prepared.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Paul Fig.
Poplums or bread.

Speaker 91 I'm ready.

Speaker 115 I'm ready for this.

Speaker 25 Poplums or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Paul Rudd.
Poplums or bread.

Speaker 135 Bread.

Speaker 66 Strawberry?

Speaker 25 Yeah, strawberry jam. Pop lobs or bread.
Pop logs or bread, John Cairns. Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 75 Uh, bread, please.

Speaker 224 Can I have some bread, please?

Speaker 66 Thank you.

Speaker 25 Pop lobs or bread. Pop lobs or bread, Judy Love.
Pop lobs or bread.

Speaker 129 I don't know what happened, man.

Speaker 71 You might get deported from Shakanda.

Speaker 71 Your dream.

Speaker 236 What a podcast we've been recording.

Speaker 236 This has been

Speaker 60 wildly entertaining.

Speaker 235 Because the number one name in cleanup and restoration has the scale and the expertise to get you back up to speed quicker than you ever thought possible.

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Speaker 238 If you thought goldenly breaded McDonald's chicken couldn't get more golden, think colder!

Speaker 239 Because new sweet and smoky special edition gold sauce is here.

Speaker 238 Made for your chicken favorites.

Speaker 76 I participate in McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 33 Oh, hello, it's Amy Gladhill here.

Speaker 213 Hello, I'm Harriet Kemsley. Single ladies is coming to London.

Speaker 20 Well, we're already in London, I suppose, in a way, but we're doing a live show, aren't we?

Speaker 213 It's true on Saturday, the 13th of September at 7 p.m.

Speaker 215 at King's Place. So we've got your Saturday night sorted.

Speaker 213 We've done all the organising for you.

Speaker 205 Come along, have some drinks, alcoholic or non-alcoholic, both are available.

Speaker 20 And you can get your tickets from plursive.co.uk.

Speaker 213 Or just head to the link in our Instagram bio and just clickity-click-click. London, we're coming.