Ep 208: Izuka Hoyle

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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At homes.com, we do whatever it takes to get you the in-depth info on local schools you won't find anywhere else.

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Welcome to the Off Menu podcast.

Taking a little shot of the orange juice of friendship and adding that to the fruit salad.

Not put orange juice in your fruit salad, James?

Yeah, no, definitely.

I'm laughing because my new favourite thing now is and adding that to the fruit salad really makes me laugh.

But even though I know it's coming.

Yeah.

I'm trying not to laugh.

Also, I don't know when this episode's going out with with regards to the rest of the fruit salad yeah but I've also lost track of how many things I've put in the fruit salad or I think we said I'd do five maybe I don't know how many we said we you would do yeah but um I know that I'm not really sure how many things and what the things are that you've put in the fruit salad so far um

And I think it was a safe bet because you haven't put any juice in it yet to add the orange juice in the fruit salad.

But now you've done that.

So it has to be just the fruit from now on yeah and i have no idea what's in this fruit salad yeah because at some point i'm gonna have to finish making the fruit salad and then that's when people are gonna have to enter the competition which you may or may not have heard about yet yeah yeah so i don't yeah at some point we've declared there's a competition with this fruit salad thing but um we don't know which one that is no

and what order these episodes are going to go out in and you would have thought bonito might know but obviously benito only hears the episodes back again when he's editing them based on the schedule of where we're releasing them yeah so who knows who knows so you know most likely the first fruit salad one isn't going to be the first one that goes out so there will be some where it's adding it to the fruit salad and that won't make any sense to the listeners yeah and then there'll eventually be one where we establish the premise of the fruit salad competition yeah and that might even be the last one might be no no no no benito's also not been keeping track but we don't we don't expect that no we don't expect that He's got enough on his plate.

That's a gamble.

My name is James A.

Caster.

We own a dream restaurant and we invite in guests in every single week and we ask them their favorite ever started main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is azooka hoyle azuka hoyle a wonderful actor uh boiling point james she's in boiling point uh she's in big boys amazing i mean look boiling point it's this is perfect brand synergy we've got someone who has actually played a chef Yes.

On the podcast.

Someone who...

We've had actual chefs before, of course.

We've had actual chefs before.

but this just makes so much sense this is cooler yes than all the chefs we've had on yeah and uh the film's great the film's fantastic and rather excitingly uh it has become a tv series yeah uh which is out now it's bbc one uh and you can watch it on bbc iplayer very excited definitely gonna watch every single episode love the film i'm definitely gonna ask azuka about all of that i mean you try and hold me back i'm gonna want to know everything about boiling point i don't know why i I would hold you back on a format where we do ask people about their work to stop you asking questions about it.

Sure, some of the times we've had guests in here, you have asked too much about that work and shown too much enthusiasm and really hung around on those topics for too long.

Plucking an example out of the air, talking to Florence Pew about Midsummer.

What are you talking about?

That was good.

There was a lot of chat about Midsummer.

Was it?

Yeah.

I had to listen back.

I had to take your word for it.

Yeah.

But I think that'll be alright.

Well, I mean, I love boiling points, so we might be in for another one here.

Yes, we're very excited to talk to Azuka and finding out what her dream meal is.

But of course, if there is a secret ingredient, we will be kicking Azooka out of the restaurant.

That ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable.

And this week, the secret ingredient is

walnut

oil.

Walnut oil, not one of my favourite oils.

No?

No.

You got a favourite?

Depends.

Are we using it for cooking or dressing?

I don't want you to wear it, Ed.

I see.

Salad dressing or cooking, James?

Salad dressing, I don't know.

Yeah.

Well, walnut oil, maybe salad dressing is all right.

I like sesame oil in a salad, depending on what's in there.

I mean, if I'm just making a dressing anyway, I'll probably go with like, you know, a rapeseed oil or something like that.

Delicious.

Olive oil, because the old classic.

The old classic.

Yeah.

If you've seen Boiling Point, you'll know why we're choosing this oil.

If you haven't, we're not going to spoil it for you.

Walnut oil is important to the plot.

It is important.

Yes.

So you'd think, if you've seen the film that Azuka would not choose this, but we will see.

Fingers crossed anyway, because I'm looking forward to talking to Azuka.

Big fan of her work.

So this is the off-menu menu.

A visitor.

Azuka Hoyle.

Welcome, Azuka, to the Dream Restaurant.

Hey!

Welcome, Azuka Hoyle, to the Dream Restaurant.

Been expecting you for some time.

Why are you look so worried now, James?

Straight away.

What's wrong?

What went so wrong so quickly, James?

That's not what you want from a genie, is it?

That they come to the look and then they look perturbed.

I didn't like the sound I made with the pss.

I felt like it was too...

No, I thought it was quite impressive.

Yeah.

I thought it was too, like.

I had a hard P sound at the beginning of it.

So I don't normally.

Yeah, too plosive.

Is that Benito?

Tuplosive?

That's your brand?

Yeah.

That's your brand, Benito.

Not your production company.

Benito's got a brand.

Yeah.

Do you have a brand?

No.

Azuka?

No, I don't.

I guess you're if you're an actor, it's bad if you've got a brand, is it?

That means you

get cast as one thing all the time.

No, if you've watched, you mean like a typecast?

Like if you've got a thing.

Yeah, if you did have like a brand that was you, do you think that would affect the casting?

You would always get cast as the same kind of stuff because everyone associates you with a certain vibe.

I mean, that does make sense, yes.

But I like to think of myself as having a bit more to offer.

They could see past past the brand and see the ability and still cast me in every role, which is really just the same.

Yeah, yeah.

Every role.

Do you want to be every role?

Every role.

No, no, no, no, it's too much work.

I'm exhausted just thinking of that.

No, no, no, truly, I'm exhausted.

You ought to be the first actor to do every role.

Oh.

No, it's not that.

Oh, Eddie Murphy.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, Eddie Murphy.

Eddie Murphy's done every role.

Eddie Murphy has done every role, and Eddie Murphy is very funny.

He's much funnier than I.

How about this, though?

Go on.

How about I'm a big studio guy and i come up to you and i say yazuka here's the idea do the voice huh do the big studio character commit azuka we've got a big idea for you

shrek we're gonna no i'm not shrek

i'm a big studio fat yeah and we got an idea for you azuka we're gonna remake nanny professor and you're gonna be every single member of the clubs could never

come on we want you

could never we want you could never everyone's saying they want you It would be a real left turn career wise It would be a left turn and probably also be the end of the roads Yeah that left turn at the end of the road

drop drop drop dropped by everyone on the team imagine if you pulled that off oh sensational yeah I'm not sure how people feel about the Natty Professor as a piece of work now but it would need to be revanced you couldn't just do it as is really

someone would have to rewrite it I've not watched it in a very long time but it's not aged great question

I think you know someone could write a new version of it yeah And if you get, like, yeah, someone else to do that and take that on, whoever did that, if they nailed it,

that's Hall of Fame.

You're in the Hall of Fame.

Hall of Fame.

I mean, yeah, if you want to be in the Hall of Fame, then that's probably a good avenue to go down.

You know, I just want to keep make enough peas to be able to buy myself a home and my friends a home and keep playing lots of fun characters.

Yeah.

Well, I'd say, Nutty Professor, you play a lot of fun characters and you're probably making lots of peas.

This is true.

Yeah.

Imagine the peas.

I feel like I just have to say, yes, I'm going to do it.

Yeah.

Segue.

Yeah.

Because we won't drop it otherwise.

Neither of you will drop it.

So yeah, why not?

Nutty Professor, all the roles.

Someone will write it.

Stupendous.

We're in the dream restaurant.

Of course, in the film and the new TV series, I'm guessing.

You don't work in a dream restaurant.

It's a bit of a nightmare in that place.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Good.

Yeah.

We're talking about boiling point we're talking about boiling point a stressful restaurant yes yeah apparently very accurate to a lot of kitchens yeah yeah i mean a lot of us got to kind of go in and watch a lot of chefs cooking in very stressful times and they didn't hold that because they had an audience that's for sure

um and also you know phil who wrote it and directed it he is a former chef and then we had chefs working on the show with us and working on the film and they all just loved to kind of let us know how stressful it was and is yeah it's a it's a hot environment it put me off ever working in a kitchen oh did it yeah from what all positions not just a chef yeah i think every everyone has a stressful time in the film right yeah matrix

yeah the waiters the waitresses the capies i don't think anyone's having fun no if anything i think the experience of the front of house in that film made me think that's the worst position because you're getting it from the kitchen and then horrible horrible customers as well you just can't catch a break no how many tanks do you do of it of the film,

we did

four.

We did two on the first day, two on the second day, and the film that you're watching is the first of the second day.

Take three.

Wow.

Did anyone mess up at any point and then it had to start again?

No.

Wow.

And a lot of our dialogue is improvised by the actors.

So we were just in the zone, bro.

I would be so in my own head.

Would you?

Oh, if it came to me and it's like, right, you got to go now.

And like, every time it comes to you,

are you not thinking,

oh, here we go.

I got it.

I got to get this.

If I fucking say this farm,

the thing is, is that because you've got the leeway of improvisation, you don't, there's nothing to get right.

There's beats you have to hit, right?

So there's certain, you need to, you've got a certain amount of time to hit certain stuff and then make sure that if you're in charge of motivating the camera to move to the next bit, then you've done that.

But in terms of the exchange that happens with the other character, I was having a whale of a time.

When the camera would come over, I was like, here we fucking go.

I'll tell you what, I'd get in my head.

I'd suddenly be like, and I wouldn't want to do this but in my head i'd be going oh god i'm going to try and introduce a new story element here and then the camera pan around i go i saw a ghost the other day

in the kitchen i saw a ghost i saw a ghost in the kitchen

That's really good.

See what anyone else had to do.

We've rehearsed, we've practiced, we've got some kind of thing.

And then you just take us completely off fucking course and go, saw a ghost

in the pantry.

I need you to know if someone can help

and see what they do.

Meanwhile, Stephen Graham's just stood looking at you like he's going to rip your head off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's his resting face, right?

Oh,

he's like a giant puppy as well, though.

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

Oh, here we go.

Go on.

Nah, nah, nah.

I actually said that.

Shawty is like a little puppy dog.

So he shouldn't have run his mouth up on TV shows.

Has he ever made a statement

to counter your challenge?

No, because he's a busy man who doesn't need to be bothering himself with stupid little bits of

Jonathan Ross Lee.

He

fired shots at Rummish.

That's all of us.

And I'm disappointing you, Ed, for not calling him out.

Oh, look, I'm not calling him out, but I'm very happy for you to call him out because I want to see what happens.

You know what's going to happen.

Yeah.

You're going to get your head.

You're going to get absolutely fucking pummeled.

As if, man.

That would never happen.

Have you seen him recently?

Has he seen himself?

Has he seen me?

Has he seen himself?

How's that a comeback?

Yeah, he looked at himself and went, yeah.

Even without him here, you panic there.

Has he seen himself?

Has he seen himself?

Has he seen himself?

Because he made me think again.

I don't want to see what would happen.

I tell you what, we wouldn't even need one take, man.

Me beating him up.

We do that in half a take.

Yeah.

Game over.

End of film.

Is it a film that you're getting beaten up in now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm the hero.

Whenever I think about like one take things, or or I always remember when they used, they used to try and do like the bill live, so like everyone's panicking about not getting it right, but they'd always cut to the scene too early, and there'd just be some people stood behind a window in a door, just stood there staring straight ahead, and they stand there for five seconds and then walk through the door and start talking.

That would be me.

I couldn't, I couldn't hack it.

Are you acting off camera as well?

Yeah, we try and stay in it as much, but I mean, I'm prone to a little giggle now and again.

Adds the stakes.

I mean, pardon the pun.

No, I don't know.

I'd mess it up.

I mean, listen, you don't know until you've tried.

Have you ever done any sort of like improv, not in the world of comedy, more in like dramatic film, television setting?

Tiny bit, but even then,

I'm not used to being on those things, so I panic on that.

Really?

Yeah, how does your panic manifest?

As comedians, all the time on stage, but then once the cameras are on you and you're doing a thing, I'm like, oh no, I'm starting to think, overthink it in my head of what I'm going to say because everyone's cameras are on there.

I don't want to have to start again.

Do you find that your instinct is that you need to be funny in those moments?

Yes.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah you've got the comedic curse.

Yeah, because the way my brain works is I think what's the point of me saying anything unless it's funny?

So I'm if I was improvising in a dramatic scenario I'd just be stood silently.

That's why it would be.

Yeah.

I saw a ghost.

I saw a ghost.

That's why that would happen.

That really got me.

It would be all about that.

So the new Boiling Point TV series, I guess is that shot more like a traditional TV series?

There are long shots in it.

The series will open with a 20-minute long shot.

Wow.

It's far more improvised than the film was.

Oh, wow.

Actually, we were put to our improvising tests on the series.

But yes, no, we had obviously had, we could start again.

We had more takes.

Minus the first 20-minute take, but...

20 minutes was light work for us after doing an hour and a half.

So we just washed that out.

In a studio as well.

And then also some parts on location.

Is it back in the same

restaurant?

No.

No.

We are in a new restaurant called Point North, which specialises in northern cuisine, but based in London.

Okay.

Okay.

So are you the same characters?

I am indeed.

We are indeed.

So you've all moved.

Has the events of the film started growing up?

No, no, no, this is good.

Have the events of the film happened?

They have happened.

So this, we pick up around six months after the final frame of the film.

And everyone's moved on with their lives.

You know what happens?

A lot of us are

going.

No, no, no, gone.

Though there's a frame after if it carries on the film, you see me running and beat him up

on the floor.

Yeah,

you're waiting for him to pass out.

Yeah, he passed out.

What you don't see on the film is that he passes out from Feto because he sees me.

What you want to see is you just spike in the bag before he takes his last bit.

Yeah,

just like tiptoeing like a Grench.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm very excited about it.

So I'll be filming Great British Menu again then.

And Tom Kerridge is another judge, and he absolutely loved the film.

Lovely.

And I was like, surely it can't be that stressful in kitchens.

Tom, he's like, no, me, it was fucking bang on.

Because it is like that.

Yeah.

Even just, even just when we're doing the scenes of stressfulness, you do get stressed as an actor.

You have to go home and really shake it off.

Like, it's, and it's relentless when you're, because we filmed that for the series was,

what, three to four months in that same kitchen.

And I, when I first started, I said to Phil and everyone, I was like, I'm fucking gassed to do this because I'm always hungry on set.

I was like, we're going to actually have like decent food.

And that's when I found out that none of the food is edible that we cook.

Nothing's edible.

Oh, why not?

Well, because you know, you've got fish that's in a fridge for seven days that so long as until it, the rule is until it's brown, you can continue using it.

But that doesn't mean that it's not fucking stinking.

So you're in there trying to film this all.

Oh, you can smell this rotten fish.

Oh, lovely.

So we all start with still a sparkling water.

Yes.

I must say before we start this,

I have put more thought into

the restaurant itself

than the three courses of which I will eat.

Okay.

But I guess you can discover that as we go along.

We can.

We can describe it now if you want.

Is it up to you?

Well, the restaurant is obviously a dream restaurant.

Yeah.

So I can have anything and everything of which my heart desires.

Yes.

Cool.

So this restaurant is outdoors,

but it's like a conservatory, like the biggest conservatory you've ever seen because it needs to be a multi-sensory experience.

So all senses are involved with this and all the animals and all the herbs and everything that you'd consume or just want to look at is around you.

Do you know what I mean?

Out of the window.

Obviously, there's some people that have to censor that.

Like you don't want to see a killing happening outside or a mating or a birth.

Like there's some things that you maybe, do you know what I mean?

Like an angry monkey like running and banging on, smashing the glass.

Like it's peaceful.

Yes.

Does this mean you're going to eat monkey?

Well, no.

No, this is an Indiana Jones.

So there's just loads of animals.

So you're like, in a discernment.

Yeah, it's just like, it's like you're in the middle of nature.

Because I imagine that this is like, I don't know, I get a very like final meal vibe, but not like you're going into prison or you're on death row.

More like

don't look up vibes.

You know that scene at the end of Don't Look Up when Leonardo DiCaprio's family is just like eating and like everything shaking, but they're just pretending like it's fine.

Yeah.

I imagine it's like that.

Yeah.

So this is the last meal for everyone.

Interesting.

And we've all decided to just be like, fuck it.

So the end of the world.

The biggest cookup of our lives.

Yeah.

And watch the comet descend upon this earth.

Okay.

Wow.

Sort of

apocalyptic magazine.

Okay.

Yeah.

And I imagine that within the restaurant, so

you look out of the windows, all these massive windows, the ceiling, the side windows, you've got like a huge waterfall that like runs into a beach.

And then you've also got like a massive jungle and a rainforest around you and maybe a desert's at the back.

Like this is a place in which we can have every season and every kind of worlds or country around us.

Okay.

So you have everything, which also inspires the menu.

Have you ever been to Cosmo?

No, no.

It's dire.

It's an all-you-can-eat

restaurant where you take your plate up back and forth and it's it's supposed to be like all around the world.

They have a cuisine from every around the world.

I would like it that there's a door.

So you get up from your table and there's like a like a little like hobbit door, like like a grotto.

And each one has a sign above it and it's a different country.

and when you walk through this door you enter a living room from a completely different country which is a family that have home cooked their traditional cuisine yeah right and everyone's got their own little trolley and with plates on it and you enter each door and it's a it's a 12-hour experience so each course is maybe breakfast lunch and dinner Got you because you've got 12 hours until it's the end of the world.

So it's like it's a globe, it's a global all-you-an-eat buffet.

It's a global all-you-can-eat buffet made by people from the country that you would like the cuisine.

All your mates are there it's just a stunning experience you can bring your dog if you want

as the final point yeah it's really important that it's animal cases doesn't swing it for you you can bring your dog you can bring your dog i actually got like emotional thinking about this in the car

here's the thing if it is end of the world though yes i would worry that the families who are cooking it are going to be affected by that What do you mean?

They know that they're all about to die.

It's the end of the world.

Okay, so maybe this is about to be snubbed out.

I don't know if I want someone making me food who has nothing matters in their head.

Yes.

So what if it's almost like a VR experience in the sense that my current time, this is happening, their current time, they're in my position.

Do you know what I mean?

So it's not like the end of the world.

Somebody is like giving you server.

Because also I'd feel bad about going into people's homes to have food that they've cooked for me when really they should be spending their last moments on earth with their family.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So they're in a different time.

They're in a different time, but they're present.

But they're present.

Yeah.

And you're in like Edward Norton's house in Glass Onion?

Yeah, kind of, but not as bougie.

Okay.

Do you know what I mean?

Let's just keep it a bit chill.

It's a massive conservatory.

Massive conservatory, but just not too bougie.

Maybe there's a few people.

But then you also...

So actually, I'm confused, actually.

So it's all glass, but you're going through the Hobbit doors, which are in the glass.

Yeah, they just kind of appear.

So you go through that, but then you're in like a non-glass.

It brings you into totally different portions.

So this magic

portal.

Yeah, there's magic involved in this i think that's really important to note yeah okay well that sounds great i'd be really worried during this meal would you yeah because there's a comic coming and i'm in a conservatory okay i think that's the last place i want to be you don't want to see it well no i don't want the glass to shatter and i don't i don't want to know i'm definitely going to die with loads of glass in my face how would you how would you want to spend your final moment realistically i guess just under the duvet

yeah yeah with anyone with any yeah alone no no no no can't have anyone see me like that Fucking out.

Because I do though.

Well, that's realistic, though.

You won't be under the D if I have a panic attack.

Yes.

Okay.

But I certainly wouldn't want to be near glass.

Yeah, but I just feel like it would happen so fast you wouldn't really feel the glass in you.

It would just one minute you're alive, next minute you're alive.

All right, you've sold it to me then.

I wouldn't feel the glass in me.

How would you want to spend it?

Beating up Stephen Graham.

I'll probably hold Stephen Graham over my head, aim him at the comet, and go,

age before beauty, Graham.

And then let him get hit by the comet first.

Or throw him into the comet.

Yeah, I throw him into the comet, shatter the comet like Armageddon, save the world.

That's what would happen.

So I'll probably do that and then go through one of the Hobbit doors and hide in case he survived it.

For the rest of your life.

That's a good question, though.

Couldn't you go through one of the Hobbit doors that are in a different time and hide out there as soon as you know the Comet's coming?

No, I think we should.

it should be the end.

Yeah, you want it to be the end.

It's got a bit of that.

Otherwise then my brain's just going to let me have loads of leeways for the rest of the and you'll never be able to find the combinator

throw it.

I like the door.

I really like the doors thing.

The doors thing's really cute and actually if anything that's the main thing that I'm excited about.

I'm imagining it a bit like Monsters Inc.

Yeah.

Oh.

Where all the doors come down.

Yeah.

That's the theory with Monsters Inc.

amongst uh hardcore Pixar fans.

Oh no.

Oh really?

Is that the doors don't actually go just to the human world.

They go back in time.

They're time traveling doors.

Wow, it's a bit of a story.

And Monsters Inc.

is happening in the future, where monsters live on Earth and inhabit Earth, and humans are a thing of the past.

Gosh.

So they're having to go back in time to harvest laughter and screams.

Why is that a theory?

Because there's the theory that all of the Pixar films exist in the same universe and are part of the same storyline.

And that Boo for Monsters Inc.

is actually the witch in Brave.

And

she's traveling through time.

And that's why she's working in the workshop.

She's trying to make one of the doors so she can go and find Sully again.

One of the carvings in The Witch's Workshop in Brave is of Sully on a wooden board.

This supports this theory.

Wow.

So that's a bit.

A lot of the Pixar films are about energy, energy crisis and

climate crisis.

So, you know,

and emotions giving people power.

See Inside Out, if you don't believe me

for example sorry we should have let you know at the start james is a total fucking dweeb

would a total fucking dweeb be able to throw stephen graham into a comet

i don't think so

i'm loving this restaurant you're right you've put i think you've put way more thought into the restaurant than anyone else we've had on easily that will definitely come back to bite me though in the sense that everyone else has put a lot more work into what they will actually eat i don't know because you've got pieces you've got the globe to choose from well this is true yes and you said it's going to be a 12-hour experience, three courses, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It's worth mentioning there's sleeping pods as well.

If you get a bit tired, because that's a lot of eating and drinking for 12 hours, you are going to need a nap.

But are you really going to take a nap in the 12 hours before everyone dies?

I mean, I'd be getting on it, obviously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big time.

But some people, you know, the teetotal honeys,

they might need a nap.

Maybe a little snooze.

Well, the pods just say teetotal honeys on them.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Teetotal honeys.

We don't know if you want to have sparkling mortar.

So still, all the way, I don't understand sparkling water.

But what's actually disturbed me more listening to your podcast is more than hearing the people that choose sparkling water is the people that don't drink water.

I need all of them to go to the hospital tomorrow and check their blood sugar levels and just their general insights.

How can you go without water?

That's not who you'd think either.

Really?

Yes, not the people you'd expect.

No.

Jordan Banjo, professional dancer.

Winkleman.

Claudia Winkleman looks like the epitome of health.

Florence Pugh for a while.

Florence Pugh absolutely threw me.

I couldn't believe it when she said no water.

I was like, what do you...

I mean, listen, I guess it's not for everyone, but it is and should be.

By design.

It is for everyone.

But still, because sparkling water, I just don't really

understand.

And I think that's...

a very acceptable answer.

I do like the juxtaposition

of you saying you want a massive conservatory with doors where you can go to anywhere in the world and it's the end of the world and then i don't understand sparkling water yeah i don't understand sparkling

that's too weird yeah it's just too weird for me i can't i can't figure out whether somebody really rich or really poor invented it

that's interesting what do you mean water

either somebody was just like hmm how can we make this how can we make this more delicious yes you know and we'll just put bubbles in it i can't figure out if someone was just making the most of what little they had or if someone was bored and was like oh that's interesting you know what i mean yeah i was trying to i'm like if i i mean i'm sure there's an answer we can google it immediately but i can't figure out which one i would lean towards i'm gonna say we can't google was the person who invented sparkling water

i don't know who invented sparkling water i've got no idea and how old is it yeah yeah was it invented before soft drinks like you know or did it come as an afterthought of like we could also make water fizzy yeah I mean,

it can't have come out before orange juice, surely.

Gas just squeezing it into it.

Someone just sticked on that and went, tell you what, this is delicious.

I don't even know what that is.

That's going to be early.

Orange juice is early.

OG drinks.

Still water.

Orange juice has got to be pretty

hot on his heels.

Anything.

Anything you can just pick off.

Yeah.

Hot in his tails, I said.

Hot in his heels, isn't it?

Yeah.

It's the phrase.

Water, then all juices.

Yep.

And then I guess Fizz gets involved.

Wine's very early.

Yeah.

But I guess that's old juice, really, isn't it?

Yeah.

As I'm constantly told by my wife.

It'd be early, but I guess not.

It's just old juice.

Why is this in the the house?

It's old juice.

She's weird.

She's a weird person.

Doesn't even get under the covers with him when the comets come.

But surely wine comes after juice.

Yeah, you'd have all the juices, but they had to wait for wine a bit longer.

So even if they were juicing the grapes early doors, they'd have to wait longer for it to turn into wine.

And are you going to a particular door nation?

Scotland.

Through the door to Scotland.

Stand in Thailand Spring.

Straight from the waterfall, straight from the glens.

Have you ever had it straight from the waterfall?

Of course.

You have?

Yes.

Right a passage?

Right a of passage.

Have to do it?

Just cut your hands and just chuck it down your throat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When did you go and do that?

Oh, God.

I do it.

When was I last in Scotland?

June.

I went to Delavik, which is just south of Obin.

Went during a heat wave, stunning, took my dog and my best mate.

We did a Monroe, and then we just drank from the stream, dog and all.

It was beautiful.

Yeah.

You're trying to drink upstream from the dog, I'd imagine.

Yeah?

That's very good, yeah.

But also Scottish tap water.

That stuff is elite.

I would drink Scottish tap water over any bottled water.

Yeah, you'd have to.

Yeah, and then you drink the tap water down here and almost had a heart attack.

Didn't believe it.

Yeah, it's completely fair.

I mean, the further north of Great Britain you get, the nicer the water is.

Yeah.

It's just.

Well, I grew up on London water, so I'm used to it, you know.

Yeah.

I think I've said it before on the pod.

I think some northern water too soft for me.

Really?

Partly for a shower.

But look at his hair.

Well, I was going to say it's a good head of hair.

Yes, good head of hair.

If you go up north, does it start to fall out?

It fluffs.

Oh, does it?

Big time.

Right.

Yeah.

It looks nice.

It looks nice for once.

What do you mean, for once?

You've got horrible hair.

Oh, you're a bit jealous.

Oh, it's horrible.

You got lovely hair, James.

You got a big head of hair, but

it's like a big matted clump.

Awful.

Thank you.

Really Really grimy.

Yeah, London water.

But if you go up north, it'd be much nicer.

No, no.

Get a little bit of body to it.

Don't like it.

It'd be nice and clean for once.

But it's just like held together by old jam.

Thank you.

Pop rubs or bread.

Pop rooms or bread.

It's like a hot.

Bread.

Pop blobs or bread.

Spread, spread.

We're going through the Irish door and we're going to have some soda bread.

Scotland to Ireland.

Yeah, really, really exploiting the old magical travelling door system at the moment.

Yeah.

You could probably do it in a flight.

Probably.

Flight, you just hop on a boat

or a train or a horse yeah yeah soda bread yes soda bread because i was tempted to go sourdough bread soda bread's better yeah if you have soda bread in ireland stunning good butter irish butter as well irish butter yeah you don't need to go through another door for the butter no also don't ask me the brand of irish butter because i don't know kerrygold we'll give you kerry gold right yeah we'll give you kerrygold okay nice so you guys are both you're doing a little stint in the irish if i walk through the doors it's you two there to say

sort of bread and we can be in every single one as different characters with different accents

like andy murphy love that i think it should be the genie dressed in the different national dress every time you go through the door yeah absolutely happy to do that and i'm saying that not knowing where you're going for the next courses

i don't have to do any of this we're on safe ground so far

yeah yeah

I've ordered kilt yeah and I don't know oh no don't know enough about it Dado docket you wears a cap yeah baseball cap baseball cap baseball cap on a little piano just like yeah there you go

delicious soda bread doesn't come up enough on this podcast

i absolutely love it every time most people say sourdough sourdough comes up a lot yeah some people just say nice bread you know like nice bread baguette french baguette comes up a lot oh to be fair french baguette from from france in france you've ran to the shop picked that up yeah bit ham bit of locally sourced brie flap it on.

That's delicious.

Do you want to ask the baguette question?

Yeah, yeah.

If you're in France, in Paris, and you're going to a bakery and you've got yourself a warm baguette and you're walking back to the Airbnb, let's say that you're staying at, on the way back there, do you bite the top of the baguette on the way back or do you wait until you get home?

Yeah, I can never wait.

I'm gluttonous.

Respect.

Yeah.

That's the new psychopath test.

It's just off.

People who don't bite the end of the baguette need to be in prison.

I really struggle to not eat half of my dish before I've taken it from the kitchen to wherever I'm eating it.

It's a real battle.

The same if I've just opened the door to the deliveroo guy and I'm there like feebly trying to like open it up the bag.

It's a horrible, horrible sight.

Yeah.

Before they've even gone away.

I just have no self-control.

Because they ask for a code now.

Yeah.

Just so you're like mouth full trying to give them the code.

Yep.

No, it's always the same code.

It's the same codes.

Yeah.

Which I didn't know for ages.

Not for everyone.

Is it not?

As in not everyone doesn't have the same code.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure.

Otherwise,

I'd run around London interrupting delivery men.

It'd be very easy to do.

Just grabbing the food.

I've got a different code because basically I went in a strop one night.

So I cancelled.

I just deleted my deliveroo account.

Why would you do that?

Because I was in a strop with the

I couldn't see past it.

Fair enough, fair enough.

I was just like, oh, fuck these guys.

And then the next day I was like, setting up a new account.

So I've got a different number now.

But that old account, my number that I used to get was 69 all the time.

Oh, you know.

So I'm really gutted that I've said goodbye to that now.

Oh, I hope they don't retire the number.

I hope they give it to someone.

I hope someone else

got it.

Yeah, how many times when Deliveroo brought you your meal and you said 69, did the driver say nice?

Every single time, and then we'd do a 69.

You said the lucky number,

we'd have to do it.

Do you keep the cube on?

Yeah, obviously.

I was like, a different number then, actually.

Yeah, yeah, keep it.

Keep the cube on.

Sorry, Azuta.

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Where are we going for the starter?

Your dream starter?

Starter, I think probably Italy.

Ah, I'm alright, dressing like an Italian person.

What are you wearing?

Yeah, what are you wearing?

You should decide, really.

No, you decide.

This is your

added thing to the Dream Conservatory.

This is just like the Dalmio puppets?

Yeah, okay.

They're pop in pop culture.

That's also a nice, I guess.

They're just like shit.

It's a friendly thing to see.

Yeah, people like the Dalmio puppets.

I'm scared of the Dalmio puppets.

What?

They're terrifying.

They're interesting.

Is it not because you've got the Gran?

And then...

I'm trying to remember.

Is it like her family?

I think she's the matriarch.

Yeah, she's the matriarch of the family.

Which one are you?

I'll be, I guess, the main dad who's always coming in.

It's a dummy or the mother.

Yeah, yeah, who says that?

I'll be that guy.

But you're life-sized and you're a puppet, or you're just dressed in what the puppet is usually dressed in.

Up to you.

Like,

I can be a Dalmio puppet version of myself, so a new Dalmio puppet, but it's me.

I'm just trying to think how skinny that would be.

Yeah.

Like, IRL.

It might be funny to think of now, and the whole situation is absurd that I've created.

However, that might just be a step too far.

A life-sized Dalmio puppet who can walk and talk is like a nightmare.

Yeah, that's horrific.

That's like

paralysis.

Goes to Christmas present.

Yeah.

In Christmas Carol.

Yeah.

I mean, I guess I could be with the Dalmio puppets, but like, you know, Michael Cain in Christmas Carol.

Yeah.

So it's like me and them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I live with them and I'm accepted accepted as just a character and I accept them for what they are.

Yeah, like he does with

everyone.

Even though I'm massive, like Will Feralin Elf.

Like Will Ferrellin Elf, and I've been raised by them, I guess.

I've been raised by Dolmeo puppets.

So I don't know the difference.

No one's told me yet that I'm not one of them.

Okay, sweet.

So we won't disrupt that either.

Yeah, yeah.

That's an opportunity for a feature film, I guess.

Yeah, very much so.

I go find my family in Kettering, and I have to, they could be like, you are not a Dolmeo puppet.

And talk to me like that.

He thinks he's a Dolmeo.

Yeah, you sit down to dinner and Kettering and say it's Dolmeo Day.

Yeah.

But like, it's not not Dolmeo Day.

Yeah.

Every day you say it's Dolmeo Day.

I still make them spaghetti for breakfast and send them off to the day.

Yeah, yeah, that works perfectly.

Yeah, so that still fits in.

If anything, my own real life family would be delighted if I put Pop-Tarts and sugar in all of those and maple syrup all over that.

My dad would be delighted.

Yeah, James's dad eats like Buddy the Elf.

Yeah, he is like the Elf.

Okay.

He might be my dad.

That could be the next Elf.

Really?

Elf sequel is that Buddy's got a kid he doesn't know about.

He turns up and it's me.

And he's my dad yeah what about him is like buddy the owl he just eats like him he just said that's what he would eat like he's eat candy and sweets all the time and put maple syrup and everything if he could absolutely love it he only eats other stuff to be polite because he has to blend it with society bless him yeah i am partial to a sweet to be fair yeah well i'm looking for that's great that's great so we're in italy yeah yeah james is with his dolmeo family

what have they cooked you up for your starter they have cooked us up oh you just can't go wrong with some good bruschetta.

It's a very boring choice, but it just hits, it hits, because you get the freshness of the tomatoes and the basil.

You've got the bread, more bread.

I know that we had soda bread, but I imagine that our stomachs can hold everything and anything for this.

Bruschetta followed by a phenomenal pasta dish.

I want to say it's got like a thick, red, rich sauce.

Chorizo.

Yes.

Can't go wrong with chorizo.

In the pasta.

My god, of course.

Yep.

The pasta is cooked within the sauce, of course.

And then I guess secret ingredients that I do not know, but the family who are cooking it me do.

Yeah, they'd know.

Domeo.

Domeo, don't know.

Now, I can't have, I couldn't, I couldn't have my last meal with Domeo.

No offense to the Domeo family.

Well, that's an awkward conversation, isn't it?

Yeah, because I realise.

Yeah, that's going to be an issue.

Because you're making things, even if you don't say that to them, if you just say it to James and have him pass a message on, you're creating an awkward family situation for James.

I feel like I'd hope that James just would know not to conversate or ask that of the puppets and just go ahead and take the initiative and just switch out Domeo for like a plain passata.

I mean, I'll do it because it's your dream meal, but like it's not going to be a great day for me.

I know, but also

for me.

Remember, this is just

different time periods.

There's different characters.

This is just another day at work for you.

Yeah, yeah.

Big question for the genie, though.

Bruschetta and pasta.

Yeah.

Have you been both as a starter?

Well, listen, in the past, Joseph Quinn came on the podcast and he was the first person to use the cheat of adding a pasta course before the main course in between the starter and the main.

So I would allow you to use that loophole that he found of doing the brochetta as your starter

and then having a pasta course of this Torizo tomato pasta as your pasta course when we have the main.

I think that's we've let people do that before.

Okay, brilliant.

And it's one of my favorite loopholes.

Yeah.

It's a great loophole.

You could almost get the brochetta from the Dolmio people and then hop in the next door, which is a different region of Italy.

Yes, and it's like real people from Italy, very good.

Or Tucci's house.

Very good.

The Touch.

He goes to Stanley Tucci.

Oh man, he can cook.

Yeah, yeah, Stanley Tucci could make it.

So there you go.

That escapes any awkward conversations with the puppets.

Okay, brilliant.

Well, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, great.

But would I be with the Tooch as well?

Yeah, I mean, that would be a joy because also fantastic conversation.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, the conversation would have to start with me, Mama, and him, who I am, but like, yeah, that's

that's what that's fine.

Can I be there for that bit as well?

Yeah, of course, yeah.

Thanks.

Yeah, yeah.

So your main course, are we staying in Italy?

No, main course,

we're going to pop across to Africa.

I am half Nigerian.

Yeah.

And recently I've been eating a lot of Nigerian food.

It's not something that I ate like growing up at all.

And I kind of got that hunger for it recently.

So that's very much required by my taste palates constantly.

So I would go with Jaloff rice, Nigerian Jalof, obviously.

I would go for some Asan goat meat, which is incredibly spicy.

I love spice.

Amazing.

We're talking Scotch Bonnet times four.

We'd want some porridge yam on the side for me, a bit of puff puff.

to souk up the extra gravy and some plantain that would be my choice but i would also get off on the fact that my friends would be going to different doors and coming out we'd be like oh wow look at all the different cuisines that we've got geez a bit of that geez a bit of that we're a real picker me that's why tapas is a great thing yeah i like to kind of just have everything now i want to drill down more into the different parts of that meal i want to hear all about them but first off we just got to cover off what's james wearing hoping

what's the genie wearing when you go through the nigerian door okay he's trying to stitch me up

we are going to have some traditional wear okay yeah I actually don't know the names of it, like the names of the pieces of material.

But what I do know is that there's kind of like a long coat yeah sort of thing which you'll be wearing the trousers and then you've got some kind of hat on very vibrant colorful colours great but next time you have somebody who is half Nigerian or full Nigerian on this podcast make sure that they're able to just kind of get the finer details for you and get that specific names yeah so we've got the we've got the jollof yep you know I think the jollof wars are over on this podcast there's there's been a lot of battles has there yeah yeah

I think the more we ask people about it now the more they're like look man everyone can just enjoy their own jolloff why are you trying to turn us against each other and And then we feel really bad.

It used to just be that, like, they'd bring it up themselves.

The guests would be like, this is the best jolloff.

Anyone else can shut up?

And then we were like, oh, so this is a thing.

Cool.

But then we try and fan the flames.

And then it takes on a bit of a different tongue.

Doesn't quite have the same effect.

Look, Jolloff, amazing.

Planting.

to talk about a lot as well.

So delicious.

Yeah.

What was the goat's secret?

So it's in this like Assam pepper sauce.

It's basically just got like onions and it's cooked, cooked, I think, for a couple of days in this incredibly spicy sauce.

But it's just like, you know, sometimes when you get those meals, you try those dishes and it's like you're then addicted to it for the rest of your life or what feels like it will be.

I can't, it's just a specific taste that I constantly need every second of the day.

So all I can describe it as is this very spicy, flavorful

goat situation.

The goat situation.

The goat situation.

Is it the goat of food?

It's the goat.

It's the goat of Nigerian food for me.

Yeah.

Whenever I have something, I always want that to accompany it.

Do you know what I mean?

Whenever I have any other jaloff, the porridge yam, puff-puff, whatever, I want that meat.

I want that spice.

I love goat.

I don't, I mean, you know, I barely find it anywhere, but when I get it straight in.

Is it on a menu or like to find it to cook?

No, on a menu.

I'm sure I could find it to cook.

You'd have to go to specific places.

Like I was looking because I started cooking Nigerian food last week, but to get a lot of the ingredients, I'm going to have to go to like, you know, West African supermarkets.

But it's the same if you cook any cuisine that isn't British.

Yeah.

But goat, goat was great.

Even Caribbean curry goat.

Yeah.

Oh, it's just got, my friend asked me the other day, she was like, what is the difference between like goat and beef?

What?

Because she doesn't eat meat anymore.

She's been vegan for a long time.

And I was like, for me, it just feels like goat is the meat that you, its baseline flavor, you're able to paint over it really well.

Whilst like chicken and beef and other kind of meats, fish, they're all so strong in their natural flavor.

But with goat, for some reason, it's more tender and you're able to give it more flavor.

I always find.

It does have a distinctive taste though as well, right?

So it's slightly gamier.

What does gamier mean?

Just...

Ah, caught out there.

Using words you don't even fucking know.

I do know.

I do know, but it's very difficult to describe a taste.

It's like someone asking, what do you mean by salty?

Like, it is what it is.

Okay.

You will have tasted it, but you've not associated it with that word, I guess.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's slightly earthier, maybe.

Oh, it's delicious we had a goat the other day did you i don't talk about that why why nish ruined it for me today why nish ruined that for me this morning what did you say i had a goat named after me in ketron oh yeah at a theme park they got loads of goats so they named one james a caster

and then my mum went with my nephew yesterday to see the goats and james a caster wasn't there anymore and they said he had been moved to a field to be a companion for a horse

and

i told nish this this morning morning because i thought you fell for it i thought what a sweet story and nish went that goat's dead and we ate it the other day at the restaurant and i was like we did not eat that goat and he was like yeah yeah we at james acast the goat and you ate it and you loved it and it really ruined ruined that meal for me well we there were goat belly samosas at brigadiers they were absolutely amazing wow um and the goat shoulder we had goat shoulder

but it wasn't james acast the goat he is a companion for a horse in the field right now you've fallen for it that's like gone to live on a farm but they can't say that because it's already on a farm.

So that's the next excuse up.

They did not eat James Acas.

They can't name it after

local celebrities.

A gawk was named after you and then it was eaten.

They were not eating it.

It's a companion for a horse.

It's not a companion for a horse.

That doesn't happen.

It's not a Pixar film.

That's lovely.

There are loads of videos on the internet of like unlikely animal friendships.

Yeah, but that's because they all live on the farm already.

Yeah.

No, this one's moving.

You know, donkeys and dogs, horses and dogs, cats and dogs.

Yeah, I think it's I believe it's a companion force.

We did not eat it.

Okay, no one's eaten it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Someone's eaten their horse.

The horse?

Yeah.

Someone ate the horse.

Yeah, the goat had to watch and then they killed the goat.

What the fuck?

This guy.

I struggled to eat horse.

That doesn't pop up that often though, right?

I mean, not really.

It depends where you are, I guess.

France?

Yeah.

Yeah.

France mainly.

France, yeah.

You're not going to go through that French door and have a bit of horse.

I don't think so.

No horse, no frogs, legs, no snails, please.

I'm happy with that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can't do a French accent.

Although we do, like, because French is the accent and the language I have to speak in boiling point.

So that's, that's one.

I had some French food and I was there and I was like, okay, interesting.

Very garlicky.

Yeah.

And I love garlic.

Love garlic.

But yeah, no.

It's full on.

Yeah.

But the baguette situation is nice there.

You know, wake up in the morning, go get your loaf or what would you call it?

Stick.

Yeah.

Stick a baguette.

Your ham, your brie, your butter.

Oh, stunning.

How long were you there for?

I was only only in Paris for two days because I went over to meet a woman who was helping me with the language for the series because did you have to go out and about and like speak in public in like French?

I did a bit of it, yeah, yeah.

And she was she very kindly helped me for about two hours every day for about six months

because when you don't speak that language and then suddenly you're thrown into a set where you have to improvise in language that you don't speak, that's a very different kill.

So it must be a thing where like, you know, you do the film, you finish the film, you think, well, that's that character.

Gone, never have to think about that again.

Fully, completely, utterly, yes, especially for this one.

So, when Phil called up and went, Guess what?

We're making it into a series.

My light flashed before my eyes.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, I really, really need to learn this.

But initial feelings of uh happiness and joy, I'd imagine, yeah, immediately followed by, oh god, yeah, dude, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What country are you going to for your side dish?

Now, obviously, we've got sides on the Nigeria, to be fair, there's a lot of sides on that.

But if you want to, if you want something extra, if you want to use one of those other doors, it's the last day on Earth.

So maybe.

I mean, I think if anything, I'd probably just be wanting to pick at what my other friends have got.

Who are the friends, first of all?

Yes,

I've definitely got my best mate, Sienna, with me.

Yeah, she's vegan, mean cook, really good.

I got my other best mate, Renee.

And I've got my sister.

Quick question:

How does Renee feel about having the title of a best mate?

Very good because Sienna's on my mind because I was speaking to her last night.

Yeah, she'll probably punch me in the face after this, but I'll tell her not to listen, so it should be fine.

Good.

Yeah, I'm sure she won't suspect it.

Don't fall for that.

Don't listen to that one.

Don't listen to that one.

No reason.

Don't listen to this one, babe.

Yeah, no, there'll be an accumulation of people that make me laugh a lot.

Any of the other,

the wives of Henry VIII?

Any of the six casts could have been?

Any of the six casts?

Renee is in this original six cast with me.

Yeah, she's Catherine Navanigan.

Perfect.

One heroine character.

And she goes back in time to Heavy Dave Time to eat her.

She'd punch me in the throat.

Yeah.

She's a violent person.

She'd punch me in the throat.

And he's always punching her.

Oh, she's a scream in a minute.

She's a great crack.

Yeah, yeah.

Great crack.

Is that where you met?

Yeah, yeah.

That's where we met.

She didn't like me, actually, when we did that.

Really?

Yeah, she thought I was a bit of a twat, I think.

Interesting.

Then she obviously fell in love with me.

And the rest is history.

The fans of six musical are like wild committed, right?

Yeah.

That's all I've heard about the there's like people who come multiple times and sit on the front row and like

yeah.

I've heard that it's it's pretty mad because I never did it on West End.

So we helped workshop it, get it on stage, did West End for a few days and then the other girls took over and cracked on.

But obviously I was like, I'll do the soundtrack.

But the fans, the fans are, they're pretty mad.

mad they love it they really love it and it's almost like because it's like a pop concert thing they've it's garnered the fans of like a pop band basically oh yeah very much so the girls all have individual fallings the characters do in many ways but it's it's intense like you do other shows or be on tour with something and fans of that would turn up and just want to talk about that But yeah, other friends, I think, would be able to, other girls that are in it that are, that engage more with it would be able to answer about the madness of it all but i just kind of you got out of my head i got it early bro

yeah would you not want to use these time traveling doors to go back and meet the original that would be pretty cool i think i'd want to maybe meet boleyn she sounded like a scream it's a laugh yeah so which way which which which one are you i'm catherine parr so she survived

survived yeah just she might be still knocking them out actually

worth a check you might not even need a time traveling door so as far as i'm aware that that mine's not been updated she sure she surely did

yeah

that's a really good point but apparently not they're lying to kids yeah survive what the

how old is she huh what how does it go divorce beheaded died divorce beheaded survived it should be divorced beheaded died divorce beheaded eventually died eventually died yeah he's dead now yeah she didn't die while married to him but she is dead yeah she has to be yeah

maybe not so your side dish you're just picking up what your friends i'm picking up whatever my friends have got what are renee and Sienna likely to get from the different doors that you're going to be picking at?

I feel like Sienna has gone to some like agricultural farm and everything is just made from herbs.

There's lots of condiments and all sorts.

Yeah, it's probably my side salads.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah, Sienna will provide my side salad.

Renee loves Korean food and Japanese, so she's probably gone to the Japanese door and got some incredible sushi.

So I'd probably steal a bit of that.

Nice.

Not sashimi though, it would have to be maybe like a bit of prontempura on avocado.

Don't like raw fish?

I can do it, but I'd rather not.

And if it's my last day, I'm just going to eat how I want, I think.

Fair enough.

It sounds like the set of boiling point would put you off fish for life.

Yeah.

It stinks that bad.

Yeah.

Fucking hell.

Yeah, yeah.

Probably wouldn't ever want that sushi again, huh?

Oh, Jesus, those smells.

And then you've got like the mix of incense that's creating a smoky.

Well, they put incense there as well.

Yeah.

For the restaurant, or just like

try and diffuse the smell of the camera

see the smoke.

Oh, what?

They use incense for that.

As well as other stuff, yeah.

As well as us cooking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Incense mixed with bad fish smell.

It's one of the worst things you could ever think about.

Yeah, because anytime there's like a terrible smell and you try and cover it up with like something that's supposed to smell nice, all it does is ruins the other smell for you.

Yeah.

When I was in New Zealand once, I had some chicken in the fridge.

And I'd left it there for too long.

And it was like, I should have known.

I pulled it out of the fridge and it was like bulging.

Yeah.

the personification of salmonella yeah and i popped it i popped the top of the packet

absolute stink bomb and i um i had some ck1 with me i used to wear ck1 and i sprayed it in the air to try and get rid of the smell but i can't wear ck1 anymore anytime i smell ck1 i think was your wife with you at the time no no no just me just me in the house

just me there oh god awful ck1 instantly yeah sprays cologne on his chicken i didn't spray it on the chicken doesn't work sprayed it in the air and and that ruins EK1 for me because now it makes me think of off chicken.

I thought a new podcast is called Off Chicken.

Don't an egg.

Yeah, I can understand why you wouldn't want raw fish.

And now you don't want raw chicken anymore after that story.

Yeah, do you ever want raw chicken?

Some Aries of Japan, they eat chicken sashimi.

Really?

Raw chicken.

I think the dissonance there of eating raw chicken, I think even if I know it's perfect, I wouldn't be able to do it.

I'd be in my own head.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like you're improvising.

Like I'm improvising.

Yeah.

It'd be too much.

Yeah.

yeah, yeah,

yeah, man,

so bad at improv on camera,

so bad, and everyone expects you to be good because you're a comedian as well.

Yeah, it was like you didn't get to do much on that film, though, did you?

Yeah, did you occasionally, yeah, I've only been on two film sets.

What film go on?

I mean, you're familiar with uh Amazon Prime's Cinderella,

is Ben Billy Smithinder, yes, Yes.

He's a town cry.

No,

I can't say that I am.

I've not watched it, but I think we're obviously talking about the same thing.

So yes.

Yeah, I'm one of the footmen in that.

Who turns into a mouse?

Oh, okay.

Was it fun?

Sorry, I'm a mouse and turned into a footman.

And then I go back into a mouse again.

This is why he's bad at improv.

Oh, God.

Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, when he was a mouse, he was going, I used to be a man.

They go, no, you're a mouse.

You started off as a mouse.

That's the whole point of Cinderella.

And it was terrifying, or you enjoyed it.

I did two days on it.

I had to replace someone last minute, so it was very low pressure.

Did you know that before you came in?

Yeah.

The character name was still named after the person who was spotted.

Their headshot was up on the wall when you were in there.

May as well have been.

They did his hair like the other guy.

Yeah, they did.

They still had that.

They hadn't even had time to change that.

Right.

So it was like, there's your hair.

You look like John Mulaney now.

Yeah,

I definitely think there was a few takes where they were like, no, just stay wherever you like.

And I was like,

hello, Cinderella.

So, yeah, not bad.

James, you're halfway through a conversation right now.

You can't say hello, Cinderella.

And what's the other thing?

The new Ghostbusters film.

Oh, okay.

That's not out yet.

So we'll see how much improv makes it into that.

How was that?

It was a good fun.

Yeah, I loved it.

I loved it.

But like, yeah, every time I,

I had to plan my improv on the way to set.

Why?

Because I I knew that I was going to freeze up and mess it up otherwise.

So I was thinking of the car.

Hello, Bill Murray.

I think, what's my scene today?

Okay.

Think of a bunch of things you could say that would be funny.

It's nothing wrong with better preparation.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'm new to it.

I'm new to it.

I'm having to keep up with the best of them.

I wouldn't be able to do Boiling Point, man.

I think you'd feel out of place in that anyway.

Genie Waiter popping up in Boiling Point.

Yeah.

And also, let's face it, I wouldn't be able to hold myself back from whooping someone's ass.

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Dream drink, I guess.

Dream drink.

Where are you going?

What door?

I mean, red wine is the love.

Oh, so many doors to choose from.

So we are going to France now.

Well, do you go France?

Do you go Argentina?

Do you go South Africa?

You could go back to Italy.

Italy, exactly.

Lebanon.

Oh, yeah, you could.

It's good and good, good Lebanese red wine.

Yeah.

Nice stuff.

I do love a cap save.

I do love a Rioca, a Shiraz, and I just don't know, would you know the best place to go?

Cab Sav is difficult because it's the most widely grown grape in the world.

Most popular.

Obviously, you're a little bit more than a hundred.

Your classic Cabernet Sauvignon, you are going to France, probably Bordeaux, left bank.

But then some brilliant Californian cabsav as well.

and then south america you can get some pretty hefty ones there yeah it depends how do you want like a really heavy i think let's go full body full body but maybe so let's let's let's save the reoca for the second glass okay and have a medium body for the first glass what would you recommend are you or are you going cabs you want to go cab save cab sav for the first glass reoccur for the second well reoca i guess spain okay you've got to go to spain right cab savage as a matador in spain please yes yes Why not California?

Why don't you get a glass of Californian Cab Sav?

Okay, fine.

James?

I guess I'll be dressed like California Man?

Yeah.

In the film California Man?

Brennan Fraser?

Isn't he a caveman?

Yes, but.

So you want to be dressed as a caveman?

They find him in California and they dress him up in clothes that they've got lining up.

Like a surfer.

A surfer dude.

Okay.

And that's how you're going to be dressed as surfer dude.

Yeah, in California.

Okay.

I can't wait for the messages from wine people saying I got all that wrong, by the way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See how I let you do that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, listen nigerian people are already coming for me for the fact i didn't know the name of the traditional clothing so i think i've got out this episode scot-free yeah you have

i'm absolutely fine yeah you're around mate if you two glasses two glasses well two but those are the two bottles that will be on the table and i'll be alternating between them yeah yeah i mean listen i i don't want i don't want to fuck with my palate too much but i've got a sweet tooth so A strawberry daiquiri is sometimes nice.

But maybe there's a bridging drink between the main course and the dessert.

Yes, or it's the first thing I'll have before I eat anything.

Great.

So

I don't want to fuck with my palate too much.

I'm starting with the strawberry daiquiri.

Is that when you're still in the conservatory?

Yeah, we're always in the conservatory.

So you're going back and forth.

You're going into the doors and then you come and go.

Have a nice chat.

Thank you very much.

Put it back on the trolley and then go back.

It's a buffet.

Yeah, it's a buffet.

It's a buffet.

Where are you getting the strawberry daiquiri from, door-wise?

Do you know what?

I had a really good one at a place called Enish, which is that Nigerian restaurant in London.

London.

They do one, and it's like just a glass of sugary goodness.

They've even got one of those fizzy strawberry laces, I presume from the Sainsbury's next door.

Put a cocktail stick in it and put it on the top.

Wow.

I mean, when they brought it over to me, I almost cried.

Great.

Starling.

This place has been recommended so many times.

Oh, you need to go.

You need to go.

It's good, man.

And good, Jolof Rice.

Everything I just said for my main course, I would get as a meal situation at

Nice.

Gotta go.

Gotta go.

Yeah, you gotta go.

Now you've heard about the strawberry daiquiri with the strawberry lace in it.

Yeah, that shouldn't have been the thing that tips me over.

Well, they do, strawberry laces from Sainsbury's.

I'm going straight there.

I was in Scotland recently.

Oh yeah, where were you?

Glasgow.

Lovely.

And every time I'm in Scotland, I always want to get iron brew, but I get iron brew extra, which is a sugar-free one.

And I feel very self-conscious when I'm buying it in public because I think, surely, this is frowned upon.

Is it?

I don't think so.

You think

if I buy it, everyone's looking at me like that, it's not real.

But if there was no demand for it in Scotland, then they wouldn't sell it, right?

I would get that.

Yeah.

My sister would get that.

I wouldn't, unless something's gone terribly wrong, you know, or I'm

yeah, your brand.

Great.

Dream desserts.

Dream dessert.

I think that I'm going to go through the door to USA and it's just going to be a giant pick and mix.

USA pick and mix.

Yeah.

Why USA pick and mix?

Because I feel like they have like the sort of candy that would be illegal everywhere else.

You know what I mean?

That would probably like burst your veins upon entering your digestive system.

Anywhere particular in the US?

I've actually never been to the United States, so I don't know.

I've just like had candy that's come over here, so I don't know like which ones are reserved for which states.

I mean, you're wearing a Biggie t-shirt.

Do you want to go to New York in the 90s?

Oh,

yeah.

And you can meet people like Biggie.

That would be pretty fucking cool.

Maybe do a pick and mix with Biggie.

Yeah.

I'm up for that.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Whilst he's rapping in my ear.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool.

If there's a pick and mix, he's not rapping.

He's focused on the pick and mix, isn't he?

He's the last guy I want to go to a pick and mix with.

Because

none of the things he like.

He's ramming me out of the way.

Yeah, yeah.

He's getting his hand stuck in one of the boxes.

You just go to the opposite side of him.

That's what he was notorious for.

The notorious PIC.

Oh, my days.

Yeah, I know.

I'd be all up about that pickamix.

Yeah.

So, what kind of things are you thinking about having in there?

Anything with like sour, sugary flakes on the outside, pencils, you know, those like pencil things you bite into, probably about that long.

Yeah.

Wheels, like the sugary wheels that you could put over.

Anything sour and gummy.

Yeah.

I am not a chocolate cake pastry biscuit fan.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

So I'm like really gummy, all that, all that worky.

I don't know if that's how I'm going to go out.

Big strawberries.

Oh, giant strawberries.

But also the wee squishy ones you can get as well.

Maybe like wash it all down with a fan of fruit twists.

This is like someone.

Down to like the fact I've spoken about it on the podcast before, but I opened a,

there was like a charity shop in Ketman that opened that I cut the ribbon for, but they had a little tuck shop at the back.

Yeah.

Oh,

even just the scent, like the phrase tuck shop makes me emotional.

Yeah, I used to just live for that.

We had something called a paper shop Sunday when I was little.

And I would just like close my eyes and just wait for Sunday every day.

Run, fucking leg it to the paper shop and then choose my two suites of choice.

You wonder why I had about eight fillings before the age of 14.

Yeah.

When you said Sunday, I was imagining you buying loads of stuff from the paper shop and then making a Sunday out of it.

I thought paper shop Sunday.

Because obviously by the time I got home, it would all be gone.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Yeah, yeah.

You can't carry things the way you're going to eat them.

I mean, that was why, yeah, I'm the same as you.

We had a news agent around the corner for us every Saturday.

I'd spend all my pocket money.

Yes, of course.

The sweets there.

Yeah.

Negotiated that as soon as my dad was like, we're going up to two pounds a week this week.

Can I spend all of it on

the side?

I can't believe it.

Yes.

Get it.

And two pounds was.

Two pounds got you far.

Lord, because you'd have things that were 10p, 5p.

I would be so rational about this.

Yeah.

So prepared.

Also, like, I figured out pretty early on they weren't counting them.

So I could just load those bags up and they would go, yeah, okay, fine, that's two quid, whatever.

Then go home, eat it all in front of live and kicking.

So, right.

I saw my dad eat a hamper of these fizzy sweets that

the tuck shop gave me.

Good man.

Because I was like, I'm not eating these.

I save them for my nephews, who at the time were like very young.

Put them on top of the fridge at in my parents house yeah bad move and he was like can i have some of those for dessert i was like yeah but remember they're for i look they're for your grown man you said it's for my nephews for my nephews

so his grandchildren i'm specifically saving it for them and he won't have some of that

for dessert yeah but remember you can't finish it because yeah yeah

rules reverse gets it in the basket puts it in front of himself so doesn't like get a few put them on a plate put the basket back on top of the fridge Yeah.

Basket in front of himself, gets a can of fanta out of the fridge, opens that.

And me and my girlfriend at the time sat there and watched him eat them like no chewing, just like a duck, and just put, just,

I just glugging him down with a fanta each time, absolutely astounded, like we were

in a lab taking notes on some creature.

And he's got all of them.

No, he didn't eat all of them.

He had about half that basket, which is still nuts.

Still nuts if you're eating your grown.

And I was pretty sure you can't be experiencing each sweet as it happens.

You're just getting the sugar and you'll be just like get it in my i just want it in my body just what's in them yeah like i just want that in my bloodstream i don't really care about how they taste

it's a real it's a real issue got the hypocrisy of talking about my dessert in comparison to coming for people at the beginning that don't drink water

sure yeah this is this is really so you've got a phantom fruit twist as well with phanta frozen phanta frozen oh the ones you get from the cinema yeah frozen fruit twist yeah usually you get the cherry mixed with the raspberry which is the blue one but i I just think the raspberry is the best one.

So I always just get that on its own.

So is the Phanta Frozen like a challenger to Tango Ice Blast?

Yeah.

And you prefer the Phanta Frozen?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes.

I think the Phantom Frozen came first.

Did it?

That's a bold statement, though.

This is the new Jolloff Wars.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Phanta Frozen versus Tango Ice Blast.

So I feel like Tango Ice Blast is the only thing really keeping the Tango company afloat at this point.

That's true.

I don't ever see anyone make a decay of Tango.

Yeah, yeah.

Everyone's always going to go Phantom.

So like i would feel bad even though i'm sure it does taste nicer the phanta frozen tango ice blast is like as soon as that's gone as soon as that gets defeated they're done yeah it's over it's over but i'm surprised that you know orange tango ice blasts aren't really much of a thing it's just the red or the blue yeah that's kind of across the board maybe it's an aesthetic aesthetically pleasing thing

there used to be yeah there used to be an orange one but i only ever see pink and blue when i used to serve them at the at the theme park in Kepwin that they then they named me go after me um there was there was a green one oh and that was my that was like lime yeah and I loved it so much are you one of those people that like lemon and lime you love lemon and lime

you love lemon and lime as well yeah especially with some with cola with coca-cola yeah the lemon and lime is itself absolutely but as a flavor

of something never usually ever choose it really it's my favorite vape oh god really

Azuka is a vapist.

I am also a vaporist.

You came in with your vape earlier and asked Benito if you were allowed to vape in the room.

It was very important to you.

You asked me five times

more before I deferred you to Benito.

It was very, very important to you.

It's a very loud one.

I don't think it's fair for the listener to hear some kind of like unasked for.

Azuka's vape plays the crazy frog.

Yeah, which I used to do as a kid.

Doesn't it?

No.

Around the room.

Imagine a vape.

Every time you inhale from it.

Trying to vape in secret.

You love Crazy Frog.

I do love Crazy Frog.

I think we need to reassess Crazy Frog.

I think it was a work of comic genius.

Yeah, it was.

Yeah.

It was.

I think it did pretty well at the time.

Better than it deserved.

Yeah, but it was very much.

It was much maligned by the critical community.

Yeah.

I just think we need some sort of big long think piece on the crazy frog now.

Yeah, fair fair.

What flavor vape have you got?

It says pineapple.

I'm obsessed with pineapple vapes.

He can't have that in his house.

Why?

My wife's allergic to pineapple.

That is true.

Careful pineapple vapes.

That's true.

She can't be near that.

She just does not like the smell.

Yeah, I think it would, yeah.

I think it might sort of like psychosomatically bring out a bring out hives.

Fair.

Yeah.

And are you strictly lemon and lime flavor?

No, no, no, I'm rocking a cola at the moment.

Yes, yes, you are.

I heard that on the Paul Mesco one.

Used to be a peach boy.

Gosh, these are bold flavours.

I'll dip in and out of juicy peach, sure.

Dips in and out.

Oh, I've got fizzy orange as well, actually.

Oh, how is that?

It's fanta.

It tastes like fanta.

Oh, delicious.

Yeah, yeah.

Not like tango.

Well, I guess, yeah.

But I was trying to pitch it to a zooka, so I was going fanta.

Okay.

Yeah, you like fanta.

And you don't vape?

No, no.

You're a better man than both of us.

Never smoked, never vaped.

Never smoked, ever.

No, I never smoked.

You don't know what it's like.

Don't know what it's like, wouldn't it?

No.

Oh, God, your lungs must love you.

My lungs love me.

Every part of my body, actually, loves me, I think.

He's a a big smackhead though

really yeah yes

guilty as chart

i'm gonna leave your menu back to you now see how you feel about it all right you would like highland spring still water yes through the door you would like irish soda bread with kerry gold butter starter bruschetta from italy and then we're staying in italy going through another door to see the touch and having red sauce and chorizzo pasta

then we're going through another door to nigeria nigerian jollof asan goat porridge yam puff puff plantain

side dish we're going to all of your friends plates

picking on them

most likely you're having a a side salad from siela and sushi from rene with tempura prawn in it not with raw fish because it reminds you of the stinky kitchen Drink, well, you want a strawberry daiquiri as soon as you arrive in the conservatory, but you would like Californian cab salve and a rioca from Spain.

dessert you want a giant pick and mix with biggie smalls in new york in the 90s loads of different american sweets mainly fitted sweets with a fanta raspberry frozen or fanta fruit twist frozen fanta frozen with a combination of the cherry flavor and the raspberry flavor lovely and then probably a little bit of a a vape afterwards on your pineapple vape i think i'll need a vape between courses i usually get a craving as soon as i've eaten something so that'll just be ongoing throughout the whole night vaping maybe there's a shisha stand somewhere.

Yeah.

Three will go through the door.

How do you feel about it?

It's going to be.

I just can't wait for my friends to listen to this.

You've definitely used the doors to their full effect, I'd say.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

And, you know, I'll go home and obviously shed a tear over the doors that I forgot or missed, but there'll be lots of people that will be able to go through whatever door they want.

But you won't go home, you won't be home.

I won't, but other people.

No, no, no one will.

Everyone's going to fucking die.

Only in my universe.

Okay.

So just you.

Just you're going to die.

That's your choice.

Yeah.

Fair enough.

Well, it's a sad way to end this episode.

Well, you know.

The death of a guest.

Zuka seems okay with it.

Yeah, Zuka seems alright.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fair enough.

Her choice.

Good luck.

Good luck with it all.

I can't wait to watch the series.

Do tell Stephen Graham that he's dead, me.

Let him know.

I will do.

I'll tell him and then I'll show him a picture.

Me?

This guy's coming for you.

He knows what I fucking look like.

He knows what I look like.

Show him a picture of him when he's wearing his Footman costume in Amazon.

Yeah, Cinderella.

Amazon Cinderella.

Fantastic.

Yeah, you show him that.

I will.

You show him that.

Say, this is England, motherfucker.

Yeah.

Thank you very much, Azuka.

Well, there we are, James.

A fantastically detailed dream restaurant from Azuka.

Very detailed.

An entire universe, entire world, entire set of magical rules.

And timelines.

Timelines, so much going on.

It was like the sort of thing I'd imagine if they did a Marvel-themed restaurant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But like,

yeah, no, it would be.

You're absolutely right.

go through doors to different different timelines yeah that'd be quite exciting different universes the multiverse the multiverse of

funny old mood you today aren't you huh funny old mood i had two custados

yes thank you very much to forzer win uh of course we talked about the custado on uh jimmy famarewa's episode he picked that as part of his dream meal yeah uh james then stole that yeah and used it on his dream meal even though he'd not had it at that point Someone on Instagram posted that I stole all of Jimmy's menu.

Oh, did you?

No.

I had stuff from Mangal 2, which I was always planning on having.

And there was probably somewhere else I had stuff from, maybe quality chop house.

I think he had an olive oil ice cream, maybe from somewhere else.

But you stole his drink directly.

Yeah, and deliberately.

Deliberately.

And some people don't know when I'm saying something or you're saying something.

Oh, is this the case?

Okay, fair enough.

This is the Tatar Ju situation all over again.

Yeah, long may that continue.

I'm pleased to report that the Costado from Forza Wynn tastes every bit as delicious as I imagined it when Jimmy described it.

Yes.

And when I stole it and put it on my menu.

Yeah.

I've never put something in my dream menu before that I've never had, but it sounded so delicious I had to have it.

Had it today.

It is absolutely staying on the menu.

Incredible.

Well, let me tell you, I had two little shots of it as a taste.

Absolutely delicious.

I thought this will be my downfall.

I had it at the same time as my lunch.

Got in to record the episode with the Zooka straight afterwards.

My blood sugar meter on my phone was buzzing like a champion.

Not conducive to my insulin regime, but worth it for the short-term distress.

Maybe I should get a blood sugar meter.

No, I don't think you should.

No?

No.

I don't know.

It'd be interesting.

It would be interesting slash horrifying.

Well, you also have a working pancreas, so it wouldn't...

Wouldn't be too much of an issue, I don't think.

Compliment received.

Thank you for the compliment.

Not a compliment.

About my pancreas.

No,

I think you muggles a scum.

Don't listen to him, Panqui.

Thank you so much to Azuka for coming in.

Of course, we're very excited that Boiling Point is available now on BBC iPlayer and it's been shown on BBC One.

And the second series of the multi-award winning, hugely acclaimed Big Boys is coming later in the year to Channel 4 as well.

What a year.

Congratulations, Azuka.

Huge year.

Huge year for Azuka.

And an even bigger year for Azuka because she did not say walnut oil.

Thank you for not saying that so we can continue to ask you about your menu.

Yes, if you like me,

I'm on tour next year starting in March.

Hot Diggity Dog is the name of the show and I'm going across and around the UK.

Edgamble.co.uk for tickets.

Also, buy my book published on October 26th, Ed Gamble, Glutton, The Multicourse Life of a Very Greedy Boy, available from all good bookshops.

JamesAcasser.com for tickets to Heckler's Welcome in 2024.

Newcastle in Edinburgh.

I'm mainly looking at you.

That's where the ticket sales

aren't soaring through the roof.

Put it that way.

Yeah, I mean, but, you know, it's all relative, isn't it?

When James complains about ticket sales, he means it hasn't sold out in three and a half minutes.

Yes.

Yeah.

And I'm annoyed at that.

Yeah, it should be, mate.

Disgraceful.

I have seen the show, and it's a double thumbs up from me.

Thank you, Ed.

Huge vouch for that show.

It's absolutely fantastic.

Some of your finest work.

He's a nice boy, and I like him.

Huge shout out as well to the east london liquor co

uh who sent us some rye whiskey and some gin uh benito's been swigging it through all the episodes yeah he's he is having a good time that boy um picklebacks for breakfast thank you very much for listening we'll see you again sometime soon goodbye goodbye unless your name is stephen graham in wedge cats good night

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Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys because the Off Menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes.

But it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, badgering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episodes.

They can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Oh, Benito has bent to their whims and he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok, at Off Menu Podcast, on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast.

And on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.