Ep 207: Nick Frost

September 27, 2023 1h 4m

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Want anything from the shop? Nick Frost – star of ‘Shaun of the Dead’, ‘Hot Fuzz’ and ‘Spaced’ – joins us in the Dream Restaurant this week. And a bromance begins…

Nick Frost’s new book ‘A Slice of Fried Gold’ is published by Bonnier on 28 September. Buy it here.

Follow Nick on Instagram @FriedGold

Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.

Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).

Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.

And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.

Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here.

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James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

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Those shows have been a lot of fun.

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Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, taking the grapes of conversation, crushing them with the bare feet of friendship, pouring into the bottles of humor, and you're making podcast wine.

I think there's more steps in wine than that.

Also, every episode gets better with time.

That's true.

It ages.

It ages well.

But some episodes are best enjoyed straight away.

Yep.

And some age well.

That said, Gamble, my name is James Aikas.

This is Off Menu Podcast.

We own a dream restaurant and we invite a guest in every single week and ask them their favourite ever starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink, not in that order.

And this week, today's guest is...

this week today's guest is nick frost

nick frost it's it's nick frost an amazing actor writer i mean just part and parcel of uh our appreciation of comedy and televised comedy and comedy films very excited to have nick in yeah yeah played so many iconic characters so many um i think I think it was safe to say this is national treasure states.

I think so.

This is a national treas.

National treasure.

Also loves food, cooks a lot, has written books about food.

Well, he's written a book.

He's going to be chatting about his book with us.

It's called A Slice of Fried Gold.

And it's his love letter to food, to kitchens, and the people in them.

So exciting.

I think a lot about what he cooks at home and his recipes for home cooking and things like that and stories branching off that.

It's a great idea for a book.

It's very exciting.

Yeah, and we're hoping to get some of those stories.

Maybe some stories that aren't in the book.

Maybe.

Two in this episode.

Some exclusives.

However, even though we love Nick Frost,

as we do every episode, this is not just for Nick.

Not just for Nick.

But if Nick says the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will be forced to kick him out of the dream restaurant.

And this week, the secret ingredient is Cornetto.

Now, I assumed we'd done this for Edgar Wright when we had Edgar Wright on the podcast.

No, because it was a live one, we let the audience pick it.

So it was salad cream, I believe.

Now, obviously, we do like Cornettos.

We're not idiots.

But

Nick, along with Simon Pegg and Edgar, made the Cornetto trilogy.

Yes.

And so, therefore, just because it's associated with the guests and the producer, Naira Park, yes,

we must mention Naira Park because, yeah, I know she listens to this.

Oh, yes, so to leave her out of the Cornetto trilogy team would be an oversight, yes.

Naira, without Naira, the Cornetto trilogy would not exist.

No, it wouldn't have the fun little.

Uh, I was trying to do a Cornetto analogy and then I panicked.

we're bringing our A game today, so I hope, I hope Nick Nick is

as razor sharp as we are.

Because we will do a bit of back and forth in this episode.

I'm looking forward to this episode.

I'm looking forward to hearing Nick's choices, the stories behind food.

And hopefully, he won't choose a Cornetto.

Because if he does, we'll feel pretty bad.

Feel pretty bad.

I'm excited to meet him.

Yes, me too.

This is the off-man.

You've met him already?

What?

You've met him already?

Yeah, yeah.

I met him on the set of a film.

Just for one day, little chats in between takes.

I was just there for a day playing Felix the Ironmonger.

Who was originally supposed to be that part?

Felix the Cat.

Yeah, Felix the Cat was bedding.

Yeah.

This is the off-menu menu of Nick Frost.

Welcome, Nick, to the Dream Restaurant.

Hello.

Hello there.

Welcome, Nick Frost, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

Thank you.

We have been.

We've talked about getting Nick on for a long time, haven't we?

Listen, I think if I scrolled through my texts from Edgar, right,

pretty much all of them are...

Do you know who you should get on?

Yes, I do.

You texted me this last time and we're working on it, Edgar.

He's been texting me a lot.

Edgar does this from time to time when usually it's with people he knows and he does the thing where he says, oh my God, you've got to meet so-and-so and you'll love them.

You'll love them.

And like twice this has happened now where eventually I meet the person and I hate them.

Yeah.

Like we end up actually hating each other.

It's really not odd.

That's always why I can do that.

So that's probably why

I didn't want to come here and just immediately hate you guys.

Yeah.

Which could happen.

Yeah.

But you're here now, possibly.

And I don't.

Well, yeah.

Not into the main part of the other one.

No, but I've got to say that if I did, it would have happened by now.

Right.

Like immediately I walked in.

I would have been like, oh, fuck this.

Is that why you got here early?

Because you're like, you wanted that time to be

like this.

I wanted to give give you some time to find a replacement.

Should

just say,

I'm going to bounce so that I can't stay.

One of my kids just died, so I got to leave.

Always a stock excuse.

Oh, no one ever questions it.

He's never been questioned.

Yeah, he's charming.

His mates are always like, thanks for...

Hooking me up with Nick, but he had to go.

What is the kid die?

I'm so sorry.

Is he okay?

No,

you mean like a young goat?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, because he's a butcher.

Oh, right.

It's a goat fan.

I think I'd question it if that happened twice in a row.

Yes, right.

Yeah.

But would you, if someone said, I've got a goat because my kids died.

What do you want?

If they were that plastic,

oh my God.

But they were really all right with it.

Hey, are you right?

Yeah, fine.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah,

any good.

Now, the reason why Edgar has been so adamant about it is because you are like, we usually would ask people if they're a foodie, but it's well known that

your Instagram is full of pictures of of food that you cook.

You're a big cook.

So like, has this been your whole life?

Written a book about it.

I have, yeah.

For God's sake.

It's a slice of fried gold.

Right.

Well, I didn't really, it crept up on me, I think, slightly.

I think food as a, you know, thinking about food as a child now, it's a nice memory.

It's a nice memory of childhood and my parents and family and friends and stuff.

And growing up in a kind of weird family where there weren't good memories were kind of outweighed by bad sometimes so it's a nice way to remember that you know i think and then as i got older i kind of found that i could cook so i could cook for my friends and then that turned into cooking for my family and then now cooking for my kids you know and i think through that trying to get them because they're i say in the book there are things that i used to that my mum used to cook me that i learned how to cook and now i cook them so i don't have parents anymore but they can i was going to say my children can now taste my mum

through through you know yeah that's the only way they'll know them and i kind of think there's something more tangible in that than just looking at a photograph yeah of a woman with a beehive

you know yeah sure

and through the books is that is this like your entire like life story through food no not really i think it was like uh

because i wrote another book before a few years ago and it and with this one it was like okay so i'm gonna write every recipe that i remember in my head and that I use on a day-to-day basis.

Obviously, there's like a, like 20 that are always like revolving.

And then there's a bunch of other stuff in terms of people coming around, barbecue, salads.

And so I wrote down everything and it was like 250, 300 things.

And then I wrote down a bunch of techniques that I know or I taught myself.

And then I wrote a little story and the recipe for every one of those things I wrote down.

Oh, nice.

And then it was like 120,000 words.

And it was like, this is a written book.

And then, you know, we kind of chiseled away and found something.

I didn't want it to, I wanted it to be like a memoir and funny and a bit about food, but it's also about friends and my family and my wanting my kids to know me a bit better through that, you know, and

not just being an angry dad who threatens to hit them often.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, frequently.

You were saying earlier that sometimes you'll go out for a meal with Edgar and he'll inhale something delicious and push it away and not seem to really appreciate what he's had.

Do you ever have him around your house?

You've made him something incredible.

No, he's pretty good at that, to be fair.

I think he understands that effort's been put in and I think he kind of relaxes a lot more when he's in someone's house and his...

partner's there and we're outside and you know he really appreciates it.

I did have, I had,

I was working once with an American director and I thought it would be nice.

I said to him, we're We're going to have Sunday lunch.

Why don't you come over on Sunday and come and have Sunday lunch?

He was like, Oh my god, it's amazing.

And he said, What time?

I said, Well, come for two and we'll eat at three.

And then he turned up at like five o'clock.

And, you know, obviously, being English, and I made a rib of beef.

And I said, Well, why, what, why are you so late?

What's happened?

And he said, Oh, I thought it was like, uh, because like in America, they have like a big buffet and you just wander around.

No, I just made you Sunday lunch.

What are you doing?

It's fucked.

It's completely fucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What have you done?

It's 80 pound wing ribber beef, you fucking dick.

I'll be living.

Oh, well, you know, I would be.

Ed would have turned his house upside down.

We just used to open the front door.

Yeah, you just got to eat, right?

Yeah.

You wouldn't let him in the house.

No, no, he's not getting in the house.

I'd move.

I'd move the house.

Yeah, yeah.

Quit whatever job he was doing with him.

Get one of my friends to run the door and say, oh, he doesn't.

Yeah.

He died.

Him and his children died.

Is there a dish that you've put on your Instagram that has got the most amount of interaction that people have got the most excited about that you've been cooking?

Oh, I'm not sure.

I made a pie the other day and I make two pies, me and the kids.

And then my partner, who doesn't eat meat, I usually make her a separate pie.

And I'd done like lots of nice little pastry work on top of the me and the kids pie with stars and stuff.

And I hadn't bothered with hers.

And then she was like, oh, why haven't I got any pastry stuff?

I was like, oh, okay.

So so I did like a dick

and that that got loads of light.

It was like 180,000.

And yeah, it was nice.

It was nice to see her eating like that.

Vegetarian dick yeah, yeah.

Vegetarian meatless dick light.

Yeah, that's thoughtful.

I don't know.

I think people just like it when like chopping.

People like chopping.

Yeah.

Do you do quick chopping?

Quick chopping.

Yeah, I like chopping mushrooms quick is.

I think I don't, I haven't really had a, I hate the phrase deep dive But I haven't really had a deep dive on I bet that's a thing for sure.

Yeah, I mean I know there's that I keep I think it's because I look at it a lot but it comes up in my algorithm I'm quite mad but it's that Chinese girl that's obviously she has a mic in around her mouth and then she just inhales wet sausages

I just it's compelling but I just James loves that sort of stuff.

I don't watch that.

You love ASMR.

I love ASMR, but I watch people eating sausages.

Is that what ASMR is?

The sounds of it.

I think yeah, like the

when people whisper into the the microphone,

I don't like the mouth sounds.

Yes, you do.

I don't.

I mean, I should like it, but there's something just so gross about it.

Well, that's the interesting thing about ASMR.

Like, you think it sounds gross, and James finds it deeply sexual.

No, I don't find it sexual.

I get the whispering stuff, but the kind of wet...

I don't like the wet mouth sounds.

I don't like it.

No, I don't find it sexual.

I like the light triggers.

I like the lights being shining in my eyes and moving around and stuff.

That's what I like.

That's what I find relaxing.

And sexual.

It's not sexual, Nick.

Yeah, I think it could be.

Yeah,

shining a light on.

Not shining like my bits.

It's not that.

Do you find that because you can cook?

People seem to regard it as a magic trick.

People who can't cook are absolutely blown away by even really simple stuff.

Yeah, agreed.

I think a lot of the time people come around and think you're a wizard or it's like, dude, I just made you this is a sandwich.

Yeah, I made you a ham and cheese sandwich on white bread.

I think also there's a part of me that uses it as a way of showing off slightly.

Because I mean, I think being an actor, there's a, there's a, I don't know, not a preconceived notion that actors are show-offs, but I'm just not that at all.

So if I can, if I can silently stand behind my kitchen and not engage in any small talk with people I've known for 25 years and then silently serve them up something amazing, that's kind of the conversational.

Yeah.

That's me, my way of saying, I, I love you, but I find it difficult to to do this, you know.

Yeah, how do you take the compliments?

Do you take them well?

Oh, do you know?

No way.

God, I mean, I just, I, yeah, I just can't do it really.

So if people d try to really compliment you on your food and really shower you with go to the toilet.

Yeah.

My wife often finds me in the toilet just with the lights off.

But if no one mentioned the food or didn't give you any compliments, how would you feel then?

Oh, I'd be like, I'd say to my wife,

there's nothing, no words, just that noise.

Yeah, yeah, they're fucking.

I don't know.

I think I kind of always get the impression people enjoy the effort.

Yeah, absolutely.

But sometimes you just don't know how much of an effort.

But I think that's also down to my brain makeup and the fact that I love

my nucha of mise-on-place and set up and peeling stuff and chopping and like pastry and making stock.

It's all part of it, you know.

Yeah.

Just love it.

And cleaning up as you go along.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

I'm into into that.

I worked in a commercial kitchen for a while, yeah.

It doesn't fly if you can't, yeah, yeah, you just don't work like that.

I think my yeah, my favorite thing about cooking is when you serve the meal, the kitchen looks like it hasn't been touched.

Totally, that's so satisfying.

It's almost a whole change in my book, yeah.

Oh, I'm really proud of that as well because you go to some people's houses and they just do a make a little thing, and it's like, wow, you used 12 fucking plates.

How would you do?

There's only three items.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How did you do that?

Also, it's, I think, me knowing that as soon as that food goes on the table, I'm done.

Then you can just sit down and enjoy it.

Oh, I love it.

All that hard work is worth it for that point, you know.

But then you've got the small talk while you eat the food and then clearing up when everyone's finished, back out the small talk.

No more clear-up for me.

Unless I feel like, oh, I'd rather do that.

Yeah.

And then I'm happy to do that, you know.

I'll do the clear-up as well and sort of chat while I'm doing it.

Yeah.

But then I've had a couple of drinks by that point, so you almost don't even notice the clear-up.

Yes, it's just feels like you really got away with it.

Do you sorry to turn the light on to you?

Do you turn the light on this guy?

Would you have a dishwasher or do you wash up?

Um, I have a small, like a half-size dishwasher, so plates go in there.

It's going all right, but you know, we're hoping to get the full-size dishwasher soon, and then I and then I'll wash up the rest of the stuff.

Yeah, yeah, it's a bit of both, yeah.

I like to wash up.

I kind of

like this is going to come across wrong, but I kind of like the

kind of cleansing quality quality of burning myself with really hot water.

You know, something about it.

I know it would kill someone else, but I'm going to put it in and I'm going to take the plug out.

Because what I'll do sometimes is if it's super hot, I'll run the cold tap and then use the flow to hide my hand in.

Do you know what I mean?

So then I know I can get to the bottom of the sink and pull the plug out.

and then get back out using the tube of cold.

Yeah.

If you know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah, that covered.

You got to get in the cold current

yeah you feel like you got away with it you've you've really stuck it to the hot water but normal people wouldn't even put their hand in a sink that hot

to be honest

so we always start with still or sparkling water i'm gonna have sparkling i like the i like the way it feels in my mouth yeah

um and i'm gonna probably have some lime squeeze a bit of lime squeezed in if that's allowed squeezed in and then discarded or do you want the actual lime to bob about in the remain in the glass i don't know i i don't want to have to make that choice no i want to put it in i'll take it out oh sometimes if i'm with the kids i'll do a thing where i'll eat it like whole yeah and they love it they love it

or they're like that's gone mad yeah that's a bit of lemon or lime or you just pop a wedge straight in yeah yeah chew down yeah even with a piss yeah i went through i only did it about three or four times but i went through a phase of sitting in meetings peeling like a lemon because i I was like, People don't just peel and eat lemons like oranges.

So, I did it a couple of times, and

it was a lot of hard work.

And then people were like, Do you just peel and eat a lemon?

I was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, but you've got to be remembered in these meetings, you know.

Yeah, just like, yeah, so anyway, I was talking to just peeling a lemon.

Which, uh, which meetings were these?

Oh, just like field meetings, like meetings for script work and stuff like that.

So, in my own, when I had my own company, it was just like, uh-huh.

Yeah, he's just at the boardroom, just peeling a lemon.

Didn't work with a lime.

I couldn't really, I couldn't peel a lime.

Too small.

I'm sure there are kinds of limes.

They probably grow them somewhere in Japan that are quite big and massive limes, yeah.

Loose,

like loose-skinned Japanese limes.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's the thing, yeah.

Loose-skinned Japanese limes.

Massive Japanese loose limes.

So let's pop one of those in.

You're a lot of that, but loose-known Japanese lime.

Yeah.

Peel at the table.

This is the dream restaurant, so we can't invent limes.

Yeah, we have a loose-skinned Japanese lime, and I'm going to

peel that and put it into your squeeze it into your drink.

Thank you very much.

Have it bobbing about, you can eat the whole thing, entertain your kids.

They'll remember that, you know.

That'll be something when they're older, they'll be like, Dad used to eat the limes whole and it was like really

eating lime.

They'll think it's not a normal thing for dads to do.

Yeah.

And then they'll tell their friends and they'll be like, What the fuck?

God, you're abused.

You know, that's kind of abuse, right?

It's watching your dad eat a lime.

Just as some way to try and make them like me.

Is this enough?

Is it?

Is it any ice in the drink?

Uh, nah.

I'm all right.

Good on you.

Because then it it isn't unless the ice has been made using the sparkling water.

Oh.

Yeah, because just so it doesn't.

Then it would lose its fizz, surely.

It it's going to dilute it, yeah.

So you'll you want you'd want sparkling.

What if the ice cube was lime juice?

Oh, nice.

Would that be nice?

I don't know.

With the peel still in it?

Oh, yeah.

Crunch through the ice.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, I don't know.

But yeah, no ice.

No ice.

Fair enough.

Loose skin Japanese lime.

Squeeze it in.

Eat it for the kids.

Yeah.

Jobs are good at.

Yeah, thank you.

Popadoms or bread.

Pop dumbs or bread, Nick Frost.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

I'd never, who would ever.

I mean, I think it all will be revealed when I...

But yeah, bread, not poppa doms.

Unless my main course is curry, then yeah, I get it.

But I like bread a lot.

I love crusty bread.

I love salted butter.

I went to Denmark a few years ago and I found like an amazing little restaurant called, there were two of them, like in a forest on a beach.

And one was like a place you went to have dinner called the Red House.

And then they had one you could have lunch in called the Yellow House.

And it was like just amazing.

There was only like 10 seats in there.

And they served up these breads, which had obviously been made in their own tiny little bread molds.

Yeah.

And they served them whole, like little, tiny little loaves.

It was like amazing.

Just, yeah.

Like one was sourdough, but one was like really dark and almost sweet.

And yeah it was just great just crispy oh yes i was like that's in on that kind of bread where if you kind of examine it you can see just the kind of bubble bubbling underneath yeah just really amazing oh wow these these restaurants sound amazing they were really good the red house and the yellow house yeah simple they're like 40 minutes north of copenhagen and I just found them and booked them and then we went for a walk along the beach.

There's like an amazing, I don't know if it's, there's like an amazing Danish designer from the 50s who essentially was allowed to design all the buildings in this town, all like the, he designed like a petrol station and the theater and like the places you change in the beach and stuff.

Oh, cool.

Everything was concrete.

So I can't remember who it was, but I went there specifically to go and see that because it was kind of amazing.

And then I found that these places were there too.

So you have lunch in one and dinner in the other.

And then dinner in the other, yeah.

Is it the entire same clientele from lunch are all in there no we well we went to have lunch and it was amazing and then we went back a few days later to have dinner in the other place yeah and it was full of pricks

it wasn't like nice at all in fact i was i remember there was a time when i'm looking at this guy thinking i'm gonna hit you with my main cause like it was just bogged just bogging it was like this is weird it shouldn't this is a michelin style restaurant you shouldn't

have to think oh i'm gonna fight the rest of these yeah clientele i like how you think it's the same people for lunch and dinner like that's why i see you yeah i thought you had to go on the same day yeah right there were 10 of you having lunch and then you just waited on the beach between like it's the cursed child yeah exactly it's like it's the cursed child yeah yeah

uh yeah we went for a walk along the beach and there was an amazing house just on the beach and i said to my wife oh wouldn't it be amazing if we we hired him and spent the summer here summering in copenhagen yeah and like i came back and looked on air at like Airbnb or something and the house was there and we rented it for like three weeks.

Oh, wow.

And it was, it was, it was horrible.

We left after like two days.

I was there for two nights on home and then my partner turned up.

And like, I don't know why, but the people downstairs, it was like they just had industrial skunk machines just pouring weed smoke up through the floorboards.

Yeah.

Just like crazy.

I mean, it was just crazy.

I don't know much about you, but I'd think that was your dream.

No?

No, not now.

I mean, it was.

Yeah.

I mean, if you'd turn me 10 years ago, but I was just like, it was too much.

Yeah.

And we fucked off.

We left in the end.

They drove us out.

I'm going to Copenhagen later this year.

Oh, I love it.

Would you recommend I go to the yellow house, the red house for the day?

Yeah, I hope it's.

I heard the yellow house may have closed, but I went to Noma.

I went to Noma once, talking about food and stuff, but I kind of got some family in Sweden.

We have a little house we go to sometimes, and you have to go via Copenhagen.

And I didn't tell,

they weren't lies, but I kind of omitted truths in terms of missing a fly and found myself on my own in Copenhagen on a Saturday.

And I, I guess here's the, here's the lie, but I'd, behind this facade had been finding myself a table at Nomar.

And so I got a table like through just texting people and DMing people saying, oh, I mean,

and I got to go to Noma on my own.

And it was, it was amazing.

It was incredible.

And I think, I don't think my, my mouth will ever forget it.

But it was also like when we, like the last kind of course that came out, the kitchen had made little cornettos for me.

Oh, wow.

Which was kind of amazing.

but like all the chefs come out to say hello when every guest arrives and stuff and but they had like i think they were saying that there were 40 chefs in the kitchen but then there were another 40 chefs upstairs yeah but that food was amazing that food was nice but if we're talking about like what we what you know none of that makes my final thing yeah i think i'm i'm the same so we've both been to noma and to a few places like that and it's always an incredible experience but there's never a dish where i'm like i would eat that every day for the rest of my life Did you go to Geranium?

No, I've not been to Geranium.

It's like this massive three Michelin style restaurant in the football stadium.

Right.

It's like in,

I don't know what Copenhagen's biggest team is, but it's in one corner of their stadium at the top.

And the kitchens look out on the pitch.

And it was amazing, but it was like

30 courses.

Yeah.

It was too long.

We got there at like 7 p.m.

And by 11.30, we were still halfway through and me and my girlfriend had had a had a route because you get a different wine with each course and after like seven courses she was fucking arse on and like he comes over at some point and starts to describe what's next and like she literally goes

I was like oh my god it was funny but I was also like oh dude you shouldn't pretend to be asleep

because also we've got a long way to go yeah yeah yeah and then at the end when I thought it was like 1 a.m.

I'm like oh we could go we can go now and then they come over to say oh we want to show you around the kitchens he's like oh off

it's just nice yeah we get it they're clean and

there's the pitch

that's what i so yeah i had that experience at nova where they show you around the kitchens at the end of the end and it's massive so it's just like so many kitchens and then i went to longclum recently for my birthday simon rogan's place in the lake district right it's incredible okay i think you've been recently as well right so just one of the best meals I've ever had.

And at the end of that, they go, Oh, we show you around the kitchens.

You're like, I've had so much food.

And they literally walk you to the back of the restaurant and go, There it is.

There it is.

And it's tiny.

Yeah, right.

It's tiny in there kicking out your body.

The main thing you look for, I don't know how, I don't know how you've done it.

They've done this all night

in this tiny little kitchen.

Yeah.

Food doesn't know how big a kitchen is.

Right.

Food has no awareness.

Food's got no idea how big it is.

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Let's get into your meal proper.

Okay, we'll do your dream starter.

Okay, so my starter, there's a restaurant that I've been going to for quite a while and it's kind of fancy, but I just kind of really like it and they're always really nice to me and it makes me feel special.

But Heston Blumenthal has a restaurant in town called Dinner and they serve a starter called a meat fruit and that would that would be it.

I mean, that's like that's the only thing from a restaurant that's on my entire.

I just love it.

It's just like magic and it's something that I could never and would never try to make.

And I think part of that is there's a joy in that.

Like, this is so special.

Like eating amazing Chinese food, it's like, I could never try to make this.

So there's a joy in that, you know, and it just, it looks like an orange, a mandarin.

And you cut it inside and it's meat.

They do a different one.

In the winter, too, they have like a plum, a meat plum.

Oh, do they?

Does they change up the fruit?

Yeah.

Season that.

Yeah.

I don't like meat plum.

But

it's just like the tangerine one.

And they, again, the bread there, like a really nice kind of, they've obviously oiled it to fuck and did it on the griddle and then sorted the bread too.

It's just so good.

Is it like chicken?

Is it chicken liver parfait in the middle of it?

But that's really light as well, isn't it?

So it's not so good.

It's great.

And if you, I've stayed in that hotel.

I think we stayed there as like a birthday treat once.

And it's part of room service.

Oh, yeah.

You can get it up to the room.

You can sit and have it in the bath if you wanted.

Meat fruit in the bath.

Yeah.

Just floating on the slice of sourdough.

into your mouth yeah yeah oh yeah so this has come up on the podcast before quite a long time ago maybe even like the first series and we haven't had it again i think josie long said it no i got it wrong oh it's magic oh dynamo said it did dynamo say dynamo said meat fruit oh good um it's one of the things that i still haven't tried it and every time i hear about it i'm like i would i'd really like to try that and like and kind of know that know that i'd love it know that it'd be it'd be really nice i also like seeing other customers eating it too because other kind of uh like white middle class English people who they're obviously because their kids are paying for it or and they oh

it looks like a fruit

they're not sure what it is.

It's too much theater for middle class diners in it.

They can't go.

Not orange.

It's not an orange.

I feel like because it's quite famous now, people are going there for that.

Right.

Some of the element of surprise is gone.

So I feel like yes right maybe one day heston should just make the plate like meat plate like a meat yeah and then but then have a normal tangerine on there right so people are like have the meat fruit yeah right

and then they go through and it's meat plate yeah meat plate there's like a weird in the book there's there's like a i don't know a lot of the times things go off on tangent so it was like i wanted people to read to read a book and you're reading a recipe and then suddenly you get to a point and you're like oh hang on how the fuck do we get to this point you know i i I like how a story can do that.

And there's a recipe which was kind of based on dining at dinner where someone found that if you were to eat this part of the chicken, but you were to dry it over like 20 hours and then grind it.

And if you were to then snort that, it released something inside your body where you literally fell backwards and swept up in a

wave of ecstasy.

And you would fire out of a gland in your anus this incredible chicken stock.

And so someone just found out this could, and then it took off.

So, and my book gets to a point where a young couple take

her parents to go and

try this amazing thing.

And it's all part of the dining.

You know, you're sat and your table is essentially on like a sluice grate.

Yeah.

And as you walk in, like people are

firing the stock out of their aims.

But then like the waiters capture it and then you then all sit and drink it and stuff like that.

That was part of going to dinner.

I can see it.

I just like that thing about cooking that there's secret glands that fire stock should you

tweak them.

I would definitely snort the chicken.

Oh my god.

If that was part of an experience in a restaurant, I'd be

no bounds of

that.

Have you ever seen that people eating auto long with the clothes over their heads only in succession.

That's the only time I've seen it.

That's why they do that in a scene.

I've switched off succession.

Sorry, just as a side.

I'm done.

I saw four eps.

I'm done.

Yeah, four was enough.

Yeah, there was a lot of, I mean, probably cut this out, but a lot of actors just not sitting on chairs properly.

Just sit on the chair.

I don't think we can cut that out.

I think that's amazing.

An amazingly

amazing reason not to write succession because they won't sit on chairs properly.

Just sit on it.

But I like that you notice that early doors and your brain probably won't don't focus on that now.

Yeah, right.

I've got a lot of that with like costumes and stuff on anything.

It's like, yeah, I'm done.

Sorry, I hate these shirts.

I'm done.

How were they sitting on chairs in succession?

I've never noticed.

Just like, just like,

you'd stand on it and then crouch on it or you'd turn it round.

Any, you know.

Yeah.

I did a, I know, I did a thing, but just talking about this ages ago on like a show that I went on, but like when actors decide to do a thing in a scene where they have a cup and a cigarette and like a biscuit in their hands like don't what stop it what are you doing so much it's just

it's too much just sit in the fucking chair I think like I never know what my hands are doing if I think about what my hands are up to yes like even like in a photo I'm like well what the fuck are they there for yeah right so you've got to do something right yes but part of me feels like as an actor sometimes the actors in in this machine and are responsible for every bit of it acting yeah do you know what i mean yeah even if you don't act, you're still responsible for not doing that.

Yeah.

Because there is a button that makes it all move.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I'm trying to think if I've seen Nick in something where you've got a lot going on all at once.

I can't surely think there's been something where it's like that much stuff.

It's almost like an actor who chooses to smoke a roll-up on a.

Because what every actor's dream is, the bit of crumb of tobacco that is on your

anytime you get to

bring a bit of real life into a monologue, yeah, oh my god, yeah, I love it.

I mean,

yeah,

well, you know, like that, you did a you know, in the corner trilogy, you drink a lot of pints, you do a lot of pub talk, a lot of pub talk, a lot of pints, yeah.

Well, that's fun because it's just like, oh, this is what we did, yeah, this is what we did, you know, it's easy, learning the lines is the tough bit, but you're improvising Clyde, yes, I think Edgar wanted me to'cause I I always loved though, and and Edgar and Simon did too, those films Every Which Way But Loose, the Clint Eastwood and and and the orangutan.

And I would always say to Edgar and Simon he's not that good an actor you know not Clint Eastwood orangutan I was like I mean yeah he's all right but he's not like amazing he can do the finger or shake his chops a bit and it's not like amazing and that would make those

I heard years ago that Clyde the the orangutan actor he was beaten to death by his keeper really with a length of broom handle when he didn't behave himself Jesus yeah it's so cold It's cold.

Yeah, that is cold.

That's not.

A great, you know, one of the great orangutan actors.

Yeah.

Bludgeoned to death.

Well, here's a lighter question.

Of your three characters in the Cornetto trilogy, which one of them do you think drank the most in the film?

Huh?

Well, I think in the end, Andy, right, from World's End, because he's on a puppet, to be fair.

Yeah, once he kind of...

Once he decides he's going to drink again, then there's no stopping him.

But is that Ed?

Because that's in one

one night ed path ed's just a puffer really yeah danny i guess danny butterman can drink a bit also like he's he's smashed on the first night yeah he goes yeah he's doing a bunch of nights i think maybe danny would danny would drink alone at home you know yeah watching films yeah yeah

yeah maybe danny would be he would have the the most shot liver yeah of a moment out of full mind i couldn't watch him because he was sat too normally so i was like no that was my second people should be standing on these chairs

You should turn these chairs upside down and then have four people sat on the legs.

Dream main course.

Well, look, I mean, it's essentially a roast Sunday lunch.

Nice.

And I was thinking about this on the way, and I don't have many pork friends.

They like beef or chicken.

The kids don't really like pork.

So for that reason i'm having slow roasted belly of pork with a ton of great crackling on yeah i i spent years really struggling with crackling and thinking how sometimes i'd get it but it wouldn't be do you know sometimes when you just get like a shield of crackling it's not like if you get crackling great it becomes like a like pork arrow it really bubbles

up and yeah that was always my dream crackling and i've kind of cracked it the last couple of years so that kind of that kind of crackling, and just something that's been cooked for like six or seven hours.

And often, I'll just take all the skin off and then deal with it later, stick it under the grill.

You do the crackling separately, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because for years, I was like, oh, that doesn't seem feels like cheating, right?

But then it's like, who gives a shit?

It tastes great, yeah, that's the main thing, yeah.

So, I'd say that I'd say roast pork with a great roast potato.

You got a technique for most potatoes, people always looking for the tips for the most potatoes, yeah, just hot, just hot, hot oil.

I'd cook them in hot oil yeah i'd parboil them first

use an oven hot oven yeah uh yeah i mean i'd turn it on pre preheat the oven and then the pan i always put it into something i don't just tip them into

loose into an oven these are all good tips yeah i mean i think um annoyingly not annoyingly god love it my my ex-wife does an amazing roast potato yeah and mine are never quite as good i think you can say that's annoying well the situation to seem bitter.

I mean, also, I need to support her in that.

And so, you know, I often say to my son, we share, oh, isn't mum's potato nice?

You know, as a way of, I want him to grow up thinking, dad never, he never bad mouthed mum.

But if it was always just the potato, if that's all it is, he's just always, yeah, all he's got here is the potatoes and also, mum's potatoes are nice,

aren't they?

For the bloody house of the potato.

So,

yes, she has a good potato, but I mean, I guess it's always just crispy and soft inside.

Parboiling and shaking.

Yeah.

Through a colander.

Because you get a nice little

softness then to the outside.

My wife calls those Michael Kane's rice potatoes because he once detailed that recipe in an interview

in a broadsheet newspaper.

So he's taking a lot of credit for that recipe.

Yeah.

Put it on him.

Let him.

My favorite Michael Kane fact is that when he does a film at the end of the day, he has the wide shot first.

And then when they push in he puts his own trousers on and then when they push in for the close-up he's got all his own clothes on so then he can and then as soon as they wrap he's all right I'm off and then he goes

that is outstanding right oh yeah I love that but him like just saying to the mate of the costume can you make sure my trousers are just stood by so I can put them on that you've got to go that is a good impression very good yeah

that snuck up on me I like I like Michael Kane it's because also you're not doing too much So what people do with Michael Caine impressions often is they really go for

it.

But you've

60s.

Yeah, I think now it's

I think as people have aged, my voice has got better at doing an impression of them.

And I think David Attenborough getting old has certainly helped me too because I can do a...

I spent about two or three weeks a few years ago, I just said to myself, do David Attenborough.

and get a good one and I did it.

And so, shall I, I'm going to...

Please, please.

For these young baboons there, life is just beginning, while for others, that life is sadly making away.

And then, like, that was

understanding.

Otherwise, like, I was doing it to myself, so myself, like, he's in a voiceover booth, but like, he's going a bit mad.

So, like, after everything,

he says, ah, birds.

And the guy says, Hey, Dave, David, I'm so sorry.

You said birds at the end.

Oh, right, okay.

Ah, baboon birds.

You see him losing his mind.

But you hear him as well, like talking to himself, saying, I wish the earth would die.

I wish all the animals would die.

Dave, you know that mic, the microphones are, right?

That's a hot mic, Dave.

That's a hot mic.

So, yeah, let's have Michael Cones potatoes.

Also, like

carrots.

I like carrots.

Like, I like to parboil for some reason and again this seems like abuse but if we have like big carrots they're called dutchman's dicks in our house so

you know

now it seems weird like having my kids eat a dutchman's dick that seems weird that seems really weird now didn't at the time when when did when did you start calling them dutchman's dicks oh fairly recently i mean like five

this is something that's been with me forever like yeah but like peeled parboiled in beef stock, and then roasted in butter.

Oh, beautiful.

So good.

Really nice.

Thank you, Holland.

That's, yeah.

Thanks, Holland.

If nothing else, thank you, Holland.

I mean, I understand why, because they're orange.

They're orange and they look like a dick, right?

They look like a dick.

But like, well, when do you need to, I think, QED?

Yeah.

You sell enough?

I went did a press tour in Holland for a film I did and I ordered room service and when it arrived the door rang and I went to look through the

what were they called?

The spy hole.

People, people, people.

I couldn't reach it because obviously Dutch people are so tall.

It was like, it was like six inches away.

I was like, this is ridiculous.

I had to get a thing.

I should have just opened the door, but it was room service.

I was doing my duty.

Because we were talking about dicks.

Yeah.

I thought you were saying you couldn't reach the spy hole because you had a boner.

I couldn't reach the glory hole.

I thought it was like you had a boner and the bona hit the door and then you couldn't get your face at the spy hole because your dick was pushing you away from the door.

I would say that absolutely no one else thought that was what Nick was about.

That's what I thought.

I mean, in Dutch hotels, Nick hit the door first.

Has a spy hole too.

Dick hit the door.

So your dick can see whether or not room service is alright.

So Nick couldn't get his face to the door because the dick was pushing him away from the door.

You have a flashlight menu as well

for room service, so your dick can see if your flashlight is alright.

Yeah, that's what I imagined for a while.

So we got those delicious carrots, Michael Kane potatoes, amazing crackling, pork belly.

Gravy as well.

Sorry, I guess I love it.

Gravy is one of those things that is like

people think you're a wizard.

Yeah.

Because also it's

really easy, essentially, right?

Can you take us through it?

Because I think I try something different every time and it never really works.

Okay, I do the kind of same thing.

It depends what, but it's like whatever meat I'm cooking, it's a trivet of veg in the pan that I'm going to cook the meat in.

So if it's like lamb, it's it's lots of leeks, chopped leeks, chopped onion, carrots.

I never put thyme or anything like that in.

I'm just salt and pepper.

And then, you know, if you're going to cook it for a long time, all that just starts to break down and roast.

And then I usually put in like a liter of stock into that while it's cooking.

Then everything that comes out from the meat.

And then once the meat's resting, God, I sound boring.

No, no, no.

We're in it.

We like

all the juice out of that trivet of veg, whack the heat up, start roasting and frying that veg again, flour,

and then all the juice back in, and then just reduce it to fuck.

So, no, no wine or anything like that?

No, I'm not, I'm not, I don't, I mean, I have used it, I do use it a bit, but I just generally not.

Yeah, my old man used to use when he used to make gravy, like a can of McCunns, like old red and black McEwen's beer, is it beer?

But I was always remembering sticking a whole can in gravy in it, tasting like shit.

So,

i don't you know i don't i mean i sometimes if i do like like a proper old authentic ragu with like three meats that i've spent two hours cutting down by hand maybe i'll stick a bottle of red in and yeah but other than that i just i tend to not that's my favorite way of cooking though i think oh it's great right doing quite a lot in the in the morning or whatever and getting all that ready then getting it in the oven

and then just hours later you just forget about it and then just smell and go oh but what a magical thing it's just like you feel kind of heroic, right?

I mean, I just kind of love that about cooking.

It is like where science and art live.

And you just stick a load of stuff in and leave it for ages.

And it just comes out and it's amazing.

It's making me want to cook.

I mean, all the way through the lockdowns, I was cooking quite a lot.

And I've really fallen out of it again.

And I'm just like, yeah, not finding time for it anymore.

And this chat's really making me miss it.

What would you cook?

What are you missing cooking?

Learned a few different things.

True so broccoli pasta.

I talked about that enough on the podcast, but that was great.

Cashew chicken, that's making that a home quite a bit.

This Thai soup that like my mum taught me to do.

So I started doing Thai noodle soup.

Started doing that quite a bit.

A whole bunch of roasts as well.

I was assuming doing roasts for the first time.

It's also a roast is difficult.

Yeah.

Right.

I mean, technically, there's a lot happening.

Timing-wise.

I love starting a new note and like putting my in the oven times and out the oven times and rest times.

And I was

like, I'm always amazed too how technically challenging full English is.

Oh, well, let's go have a full English.

It's like, there's a lot fucking going on.

There's a lot of things you have to, it's often like having people staying over the house or coming over for breakfast.

You think, oh, I'll do them with full English.

It's like, fuck.

Even toast turns into a difficult essence because you're like, when am I, when I'm in the top?

I've only got two slots.

I can't serve hot toast to eight people with a two-slot toaster.

Let's go to Squire's and we'll all have a nine-item breakfast.

Is there anything else on this roast dinner that you've got?

Well, I guess one of the elements was going to be my,

I'd say applesauce as well, sorry.

Yes.

But one of my, I'd have a side dish was going to be a cheesy leek gratin.

Oh, yes.

That's my side.

It's the one I make kind of.

And it just feels so.

tasty and naughty and it just goes with everything else, you know?

Yeah.

And just that final, you've got a bit of yorkshire pudding and you're just mopping it up you know yeah i love it when that cheese sauce mixes with gravy it's very good yeah yeah it's a whole new it's a whole new dish yeah yeah yeah i like making it it's really this is the kind of domestic chef coming out but like i can make it at 8 a.m when i get up and just cover it in cling film and leave it in the fridge yeah and i kind of like I like that.

I like pre-cooking loads of stuff.

You could do that with desserts too.

And then, and then you can tidy up while you're waiting, you know, have a clean.

Before we move on, I think because it's your own recipe, the listeners would love to hear your cheese leek gratin, just step by step.

Oh, okay.

So, um, like, depending on how many people, nice, see, I used to do like ring, like slices of leek, but I didn't like the way it looked.

So what I've done is I've turned them and I'm cutting them on the slant.

Oh, yeah.

So you're getting big kind of.

you know, fillets of leek.

Yeah.

So, you know, let's say four big leeks, loads of butter, fried down, not for long.

I mean, they're still bright green, salt and pepper, leave it to one side, then in the little saucepan, flour, butter, milk.

So we're making a roux, a bechamel, salt and pepper, and then just tons of great cheese.

Yeah.

I've done like two or three different cheeses, but I kind of just like really strong, some kind of cave aged cheddar with those little crispy,

little crunchy crystals in.

And then just pop it on top i've got like a really nice terra cotta clay spanish dish that i always use and it's starting to age really nicely that goes on top and then parmesan on top of that and then uh usually it's about 45 minutes in a hot oven so and it finished i kind of always because my ovens i bought a shit oven i had a shit oven that was in the house when i bought it and it broke down so then i just i didn't I just bought a quick oven and I'm getting to grips with it, but it's not great at all.

You know, I kind of, I follow a company.

I don't, I think they're American, but they're called Heston and they do ovens.

It's just like, wow, this is amazing.

You know, you just look at pictures of the ovens, yeah.

The ovens are just so powerful.

They're amazing.

But there's, I had a kitchen built in a house that I bought and then it costs so much money.

And they, like, it's a company that make kitchens in restaurants came and built a restaurant kitchen in my dream.

I had an extractor fan, which you could like release a piece of A4 paper like a meter from it.

It would just drift up into the fan.

Wow.

It was amazing.

And I've always yearned for that.

Again, I had to sell the house like literally three weeks after I'd finished it.

Oh, man.

And I couldn't move the kitchen out.

So it just had to stay there, annoyingly.

And I see the guy sometimes who bought the house.

He's like, the kitchen's still in the good.

Fuck you.

But I long for that.

I have an extractor fan now that it's kind of defying science where I've had three separate people come around and they've all said something different as to why it doesn't work.

So I think my dream kitchen would have a massive extractor.

Yeah.

Like an airlock.

Oh, yeah.

I've had a couple of houses now where the one Mission Impossible, the one you have to go down.

I had an extractor put on the side of a house and it was so big that the council said you have to you have to next door have to say it's all right.

Next door, we're all right about it in the end.

Yeah.

Because it was just like a powerful engine that extracted a lot of smoke.

But now I'm not, I mean, I guess it's an analogy for my own success and fame.

I'm just not, you know, at the heyday of my career, I was getting extractor vans, big, powerful extractors, you know, left, right, and center.

But now it's, I have to stand outside

and grill on a thing that I don't like.

The analogy fell apart a little bit at the end.

Yeah, but as your own sadness about your career

took over, so too.

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