Ep 206: AJ Odudu

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, peeling the Satsuma of humor and putting in the segments of good friends into the fruit salad of the internet.

Ooh, that's looking like a nice fruit salad now.

Things are going well.

That's a gamble.

My name is James A.

Custer.

We own a dream restaurant, and every single week we invite in a guest so we ask them their favor ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is aj adudu aj adoodoo a brilliant presenter broadcaster and fantastic company i'm so excited a big fan of aj um especially her series of stripped me stripping dancing yes big moment in my life yeah huge big highlight of my lockdown what what i've not realized until this point is what james is doing with the people that we book is he's pretty much saying yes to people who've been on that series and he's trying to tick off the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Even though we haven't completed your bake-off episode yet.

We haven't completed that and I want to.

There's a few things that I want to complete.

Yeah.

And we're doing, we're getting there.

Yeah, we are.

We're getting there with a few of them.

Yeah.

And I think that's tricky series bit by bit now.

Bit by bit.

We're doing all right.

But listen, I love AJ.

Yes, she's brilliant.

And all the stuff that she's got coming up.

Yeah.

Big Brother's coming up.

She's the new host of the new Big Brother, which is going to be on ITV2 and ITVX.

Yep.

Big fan.

But if aj says the secret ingredient what are we going to do we're going to evict her evict her yeah sorry yes we will evict her sometimes i think we're on the same page and then sometimes i know we're not yeah i just thought that was really dark what you were about i was like what's gonna what the you thought i was gonna say we're gonna kill her yeah well you you you were like what are we gonna you pointed at me what are we gonna do like what the hell The secret ingredient this week is piccolily.

Piccolilly.

This was suggested by a listener.

Yes.

Peter K.

He brings it up in his comedy.

He says, don't eat anything that's luminous.

That's a good point.

I mean, we'll just, we'll basically, we'll ask Peter Kay, really.

I believe he's from the same county as AJ?

That was suggested by Martin Trory, James, not Peter Kay.

Ah, fair enough.

I don't personally mind Piccolilli, but I'd say I have Piccadillily once every three years.

I don't think I've ever had it.

It's very vinegary, which I like.

It's got a real bite to it.

I might like it.

Piccoli, hence.

Piccolilly.

Oh, do you know what?

I love it then, but you know,

if Martin doesn't like it,

then we'll submit it.

It's a secret ingredient.

We'll bow to Martin and Peter K

now.

Always.

I'm not sure.

Yeah, like you say, AJ is from the same county as Peter K, so maybe they're all anti-piccoli.

Maybe she's like, don't eat anything that's luminous.

Yes, fair enough.

But very excited to speak to AJ.

This is the off-menu menu of AJ Doodoo.

Welcome, AJ, to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you for having me.

Welcome AJ OJudio to the Dream Restaurant.

Been expecting you for some time.

Thank you so much.

I mean honestly, I'm delighted.

You've just jumped out the lamp like a real genie.

Yeah, like a real, real genie.

Do you want to describe the jump to the listeners?

It was pelosive.

Explosive.

Now, you're reading the fact that it says explosive behind me.

It says plosive many times behind me.

What is with the plosive?

I love it.

I love it.

That's the name of the production company.

Okay, classic.

But you went with explosive in the end.

I did.

I did.

It was.

It was a big bang.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A puff of smoke.

Yeah.

In theory.

Yes.

In our minds.

Mind smoke.

Yeah, it was real.

Yeah, it was real.

In a way.

It was mind smoke.

Yes.

You've asked AJ to describe it.

You can't start correcting her.

It was real.

I want the listeners to think it wasn't real.

No.

But it was real in our minds.

Yes.

And in reality.

Yeah.

And in life.

Do you think, AJ, Derren Brown would be able to trick you quite easily?

Because just then, like, I got you to say explosive about even, you know, because it was written loads behind me.

Do you think he'd be able to trick you?

I'm easily manipulated.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, when people go out and see psychics and stuff like that, and they're like, oh my gosh, they've been absolutely amazing.

They just told me lots and lots.

And I'm like.

Did they tell you?

Or did you tell them?

And they repeated it back to you.

yeah and especially if it's positive stuff people love hearing that it's like star signs it's like oh i'm an aquarian it means i'm really creative i call it the floor and blah blah blah blah blah and it's like what's the negative and i'm like

i don't remember any negatives about my star sign actually it's very that energy yeah yeah i will focus on the positive uh the plausive and then i will correct myself yeah yeah yeah you know who really loves star signs believes in star signs is uh sally Traffic.

Do you know Sally Traffic?

No, she does the traffic on the she's got a vendetta against the lady who does the radio and the radio weather on radio.

Oh, wait, no, she does it on um Claudia Winkleman's show and um all every show as well.

I do know who she is, of course.

I do, yeah, right.

What's your vendetta against though?

Well, she believes in star signs, I'm not into them, oh, which is fine, I think.

But hence the eye roll when I said Aquarius.

No, no, I was like, good on you.

You were talking about it in realistic terms.

Yeah.

You were saying, ah, those people fall for all that shit.

But like,

I wasn't even being disrespectful when I met Sally Traffic.

I was just standing around talking to Clara Anfro was about to go in and do a show, talking about promoting her show about star signs.

Sally Traffic comes out of her office.

This is just

in the waiting area.

And she's like, I love star signs.

I believe in all that.

That's me down to a T.

Then Clara Amphro left us alone.

to go and do her interview.

So then Sally Traffic's like, you believe in him as well?

And I went, no.

And she went, ah, how old are you?

And I was like,

37 at the time.

She was like, oh, I'll get it.

Woke.

James is very outspoken.

He's very honest.

And that's why he's a classic Sagittarius.

Yeah.

That's true.

Are you a Sagittarius?

No, Capricorn.

Oh,

do you know some of the most successful people in the world are Capricorns?

Can't name them right now, but yourself is one of them.

Yeah, I'm one of the most successful people in the world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And do you know the other star sign?

Yeah.

Which is hugely successful.

Aquarius.

That's me.

Yeah.

Yeah, there you go.

Would you say that all of the star signs are represented amongst all of the most successful people in the world?

Maybe.

Possibly.

Probably.

Yeah, yeah.

Definitely.

Well, who knows?

Pisces probably gets a look.

Are you Pisces?

Oh, lovely.

What does that mean about me?

I don't know, but you're very creative and fun, I think.

Thank you.

And also, compatibility-wise, Aquarians tend to get on with Pisces.

So it's going to be a great episode.

So, you're going to get on, Capricorn.

No, we get on as well.

No,

we do get on.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That's a relief.

No, we do get on.

Listen, Aquarians, we go with the floor.

Everyone thinks that we're a water sign.

Yeah.

But we're actually an a sign.

A what?

An a sign.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, I know.

Don't change it.

Don't change it.

Don't change it first.

Yeah.

Benito, Google what star sign Sally Traffic is, please.

I just want to see

why we didn't get on.

Compatibility-wise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You probably weren't compatible.

Maybe she was trying to spark a romantic connection.

And sometimes the basic, your compatibility changes romantically.

So, for example, Aquarians were really romantically connected to Libras and

who else can't remember.

I'm not massively bizarre.

I'm beginning to get that sense, AJ, that you don't you don't really believe that at all.

Come on, I'm not Mystic Meg.

I'm not psychic.

I'm not into star signs.

I don't get it.

Most legitimate of all the

psychics.

Yeah, that's it.

She was the one.

Virgo, apparently.

Sally Traffic.

Oh, no, we like a Virgo.

Capricorn and Virgo.

Um,

now I don't think you two are compatible because you're very creative and strong-minded.

Me?

Yes, Capricorns are very focused.

You can work solo.

Do you know what what I mean?

You can work collaboratively, but you have a vision and you stick with it.

Virgos are very strong as well.

I do like a Virgo.

Yeah, yeah.

I think Sally Traffic's a good egg.

Virgos are good at traffic.

Virgos are great at traffic.

Virgos are great at traffic.

Do Aquariuses like food?

Yes.

Absolutely.

All types of food.

All types.

You'll have nothing that you don't like.

When you're going to a friend's house for the first time, is there anything you don't eat?

Are you just like, no, fine i tend to say as it comes because the things that i don't eat can be picked out usually with ease but there is one food that can't be picked out with ease and it's mainly because people tend to crush it and crumble it right everywhere sprinkle it everywhere on top of things and that thing is pistachio

Pistachio?

I thought you were going to say parsley or something.

No.

Pistachio.

Pistachio.

I don't like it.

I don't like it.

I don't know why.

It feels creamy and sickly.

The texture, the flavour, I don't like it.

And people like to put it on cheesecakes, on top of ice cream, on top of a lot of amazing things.

I'm like, why ruin an ice cream with pistachio?

And you're right.

You don't like one of the only things that can't be picked out of something.

Yeah.

Because no one's really putting whole pistachios in stuff, really, are they?

No.

They're crumbling.

They're crumbling.

They're crumbling.

It's a nightmare for you.

It's a nightmare.

I can't get it off.

Can't get it out.

Can't get it off.

It's just in my mouth.

And I can't get it out.

I have to swallow.

It's a mess.

But so if someone said to you, oh, we're having you over for dinner.

Is there anything you don't like?

Would you still, you wouldn't say, I don't like pistachios.

You just take the risk.

I'd take the risk, to be honest, and I'd probably just skip dessert.

I don't want someone to like completely change the menu because of me.

I'm not that person.

That being said, it would be nice if there wasn't pistachio on the menu, but it's not the end of the world if there is.

I'll agree.

I mean, it doesn't improve any dessert crush pistachio over the top of it i don't have to i'm not i'm not having a better time no i'm a pistachio fan i like pistachios but i think crushed up and put over desserts no that doesn't do anyone any favor but even pistachio as a nut itself i'm like it's a bit of aggro innit you have to crack it open it like well eat there's a great new project uh project product uh and it's a project in their hearts wonderful pistachios they come in a bag they've had the shells removed wow excellent stuff.

Yes, we have advertised them in the past, but this is a personal recommendation.

Yeah.

And AJ, I mean, if I may, I will double down on that because Ed was like, you've had those wonderful pistachios.

They live up to their name, I tell you.

I love them.

I don't think I said that.

He didn't say that.

He said, talk about wonderful.

No.

I didn't say that, AJ.

He said,

they are wonderful pistachios.

I can see why they called it, is what he said.

And he was like, you've got to try them.

I was like, I'm not bothered, man.

He was like, no, you don't have to open them.

I was like, forget it.

Then one day,

it didn't have long between episodes.

I had to quickly wolf something down.

There's a bag of them on the table.

I thought, I'll have a little bit.

I'll just have a couple of nuts.

They go back in.

I ate the whole bag.

They were delicious.

I couldn't stop eating them.

You couldn't stop them.

The salt and vinegar ones.

They're just wolfing them down.

What?

They come in different flavours.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

Barbecue, salt and vinegar.

Honey roasted.

Do you know what?

Genuinely, these are all delicious flavours.

But like, the thought of those flavours paired with pistachio is making me feel sick have you got have you still got them in the next room benito we've still got them in the next room would you we've nearly we've nearly run a podcast end of this episode would you try one yes i'll try one all right okay i'll try one let's do that also we're we are nearly running out so um of time i've only just got it

we just want you to eat a pistachio yeah what's your menu eat a pistachio

also what we want to talk to you about before we run out of time i've only got about five minutes left

is a new series of Big Brother.

Very exciting.

I'm so excited about it.

So what can you tell us about this series?

Are they going to ramp it up?

Which you are hosting, by the way.

Yes, AJ's not in the house.

I'm not in the house.

I'm not in the house.

I did actually have to explain that to someone the other day who's very, very young, a very young person.

And they were like, oh, you're going in.

And I was like, no.

Would you?

Ever?

No.

No, you're hosting now, aren't you?

Yeah, I wouldn't go in there.

You've seen how the sausages made, haven't you?

You've seen seen how the sausage is made.

You don't want to be in there.

That's the phrase, isn't it?

If you've seen how a sausage is made, you don't want to get inside the sausage.

You don't want to get in that sack.

You don't want to become a sausage?

No.

But I'm so excited.

They are going to ramp it up this year.

It's going to be out in the autumn.

It's going to be...

in its new home of ITV2 and ITVX.

And I'm going to be hosting it alongside the wonderful Will Best, who's a really good mate of mine and an amazing live host.

So, us two together, it's like dream team.

Yeah, you think I think, and I'm sure it is, and so does the channel.

Yeah, the channel's together.

You're on board, the channel's on board,

soon the audience will be on board.

Fingers crossed.

I mean, big brother audiences, you know, they're pretty hardcore.

They're all going to get their favourites in the house.

Do you want to have to deal with those people?

Have you got a technique for when someone's about to come out the house?

Everyone's going nuts, all the live audience.

Yeah, have you got to like do a bit of crowd control there?

Do you know what?

The crowd control with me is just be louder than the crowd.

I feel like I'm very equipped for that role.

I've never been described as quiet.

Body language.

Do you know what I mean?

Sometimes you just have to look at someone and go, come on.

That's it.

Do you know like when you were younger and you were getting told off by your parents at like someone else's house?

And if he was acting out of the blind, they didn't even need to raise their voice.

They didn't even have to say anything.

My mum would just give me a look and I'd be like, oh,

I've crossed the line here.

So you can give the crowd one of your mum's looks.

Exactly.

One of my mum's looks.

That's it.

To be fair, the listener didn't see it, but AJ did the impression of her mum's look as you were saying.

And that worked.

As soon as you did, I was like, I'm going to behave for this podcast.

Yeah, calm down.

Stop throwing eggs, guys.

I don't think you even need to announce who's been evicted.

I think you should just put a live feed into the house.

and have everyone who's nominated sitting in front of the screen and then you just look at the person who's evicted and they come out and they'll be like, That's me, that's me.

Do you ever just, I mean, because I've seen some reality shows where, like, they do the eviction chat, or they do like a big reunion at the end, and the host interviews everyone.

And some hosts do a better job than others at masking their actual feelings on the housemates, or something.

And sometimes you can tell they hated this person as well.

We've all hated them for the whole series, but you can tell the host also disapproved of them.

So

you will be good at masking that.

I think I am going to be quite good at masking how I feel about them personally because it's about their story, isn't it?

It's their journey, their story.

I just want to get inside their minds, I guess.

I want to ask all of the questions that everyone at home wants to ask.

I want to understand

why they did what they did or said what they said.

And I think because it is Big Brother and everything is filmed 24/7,

I wouldn't even need to really say this is what i think i can just say have a look at this clip

now how do you think

the public responded to that do you think maybe that is the reason why you're sat here today and not not someone else yeah that's my energy that's gonna be great that's really good sort of like um almost like sort of head teacher energy of like and why do you think that was wrong yeah yes yeah yeah do you you know what i mean like don't ask me the question i'm asking you the question yeah it's good as well because that's less work for you overall yeah yeah

just just clips i think a lot of the arguments in big brother classically have been driven by lack of food sometimes oh my god well people get hungry don't they know what genuinely this is this is the reason why i'd never go into that house right because i just think you know meeting people being sociable that's one thing that's amazing but also you know how it is it's exhausting you might get back i mean i don't know what you do to unwind in the evening but i'm like i do like to sit in silence and watch tv it's hard to believe because i go yap yap yap yap yap all day but i do i have quiet time with me myself and i

and i don't want to speak to anyone yeah but there it's 24

like oh my gosh what they're sleeping next to me they all sleep next to each other they have to do the shopping list with each other it's it's kind of like i always remember in previous series people being like cheese you want cheese that's so expensive i don't eat cheese yeah i don't even eat cheese an argument isn't it about cheese yeah and also the scenes the desperate scenes where people are going right we're dividing the toilet wall and sheets by sheet they're cutting it out and they're rationing toilet paper and it is just i just couldn't do it no no i wouldn't want to ask any housemate in there, do you scunch or do you fold?

Because one's economically not right.

One's a bit more wasteful than the other.

I'd go through all of my toilet paper ration within the first hour of getting it.

Why?

And then, well, and then I'd just because you know, I'd like to be luxurious with that sort of stuff.

And then for the rest of the week, I'd just be having a shower every time I went for a shit.

Yeah.

It was a good way of doing it.

Yeah,

they don't film you in the shower.

No.

It's okay if you've just got shit running down your legs in the the shower,

they're not gonna get that on camera

because there's always like I remember a classic celebrity big brother argument.

John McCrurich wanted his Diet Coke, he complained about his Diet Coke the whole time.

There's the Diet Coke, David's dead, David's.

Oh my gosh, that was nothing to do with food, that was nothing to do with food, but it was iconic.

Well, it's the best TV show moment of all time, and I'm including like succession.

It was so good,

and um, I just remember Nikki, bless her, R.I.P.

But she was amazing when she was like, who is she?

Who is she?

Where did you find her?

And then just complaining about, you know, she just eats all of the cornflakes.

Like the mountain of cornflakes is in that bowl.

And you're like, oh my gosh, babe, chill out.

It's literally cornflakes.

But they are.

They're so hungry.

Yeah, it sounds good.

You've got to do that with cornflakes.

What?

I think cornflakes, you've got to have a big mountain of cornflakes in the bowl.

Yeah.

Why?

Because it melts down.

It's just great like i i like i want to eat loads of corn flakes so i like piling them up and then you put the milk over maybe a bit of sugar first out the house you'd be absolutely first out the house yeah i'm imagining i would james why are you eating all those corn flakes you've eaten everyone's corn flakes for the entire week in one bowl because it's great because i like a big bowl so i like a big bowl so a small bowl of corn flakes doesn't hit the spot oh my gosh you'd be amazing in the house yeah you would be actually already

i know you'd be iconic do you know what aj it's genuinely one of the things i have to live with in life is knowing that i would be the best on reality tv and yet i'm too up myself to do it

it's it's it's it's it's a real shame because i i know i know i'd be excellent value yeah you could be strictly i'll be brilliant i'll be brilliant on traitors anything any of that stuff i can make a whole living just doing that all those shows but um sadly I'm too too stuck up.

Too pompous.

How do we bring you back down to Edge?

Yeah, not you don't.

It's just like, I mean, sadly, because I'm a Capricorn, it means I'm hugely successful.

Yeah.

Which means that I'm never going to do those shows.

You don't need to.

You don't need to.

If my career crashes, if someone can somehow figure out how to bring a Capricorn down,

then I get desperate, then you might see me in the middle.

Well, the only person I know who could bring a Capricorn down is an Aquarius.

So you're going to have to do some work there, AJ.

Head to head.

I don't ever want to bring anyone down, though.

It's not my vibe.

I just want to I just want to bring them up.

Everyone can be up together.

And I'll never be on those shows.

If I was ever on those shows, I'll tell you, you think McCruick gets angry if someone steals his Diet Coke?

I'll be furious.

And I'd have a story to tell him.

Yeah.

As well, about how much Diet Coke means to me.

Yeah.

Still a sparkling water.

Still.

But it's actually tap water still.

Your preference is tap water.

Yeah.

Well, especially Blackburn.

So I'm born and raised in Blackburn and the water honestly is delicious in blackburn lancashire that water coming out of the taps it's from the pennines darlings yes so it's stunning it's delicious and all through my youth growing up i was like i just don't get bottled water like why in the uk is anyone paying for water unless it's flavoured or sparkly or whatever i kind of get that but i still i'm like i don't get it as a concept and then i moved to london we've got hard water in London.

Yeah.

And you can taste the difference.

And I am like, oh my word, this tap water is disgusting in comparison to Blackburn Tap Water.

But I've got a filter through the tap.

So it's somewhat filtered, but still, just as it comes.

I still stand by the logic.

But you want for your dream meal, Blackburn tap water.

Blackburn tap water.

It's got to be for me mum's kitchen's tap.

Yeah, I completely get this.

When I was thinking, I mean, when Ed and I did our dream menus, we kind of did loopholes on the water course, like naughty little boys.

But if I was going to choose a water, it'd be the water from my girlfriend's mum's kitchen tap in Salford.

Oh, and I have that because that is deliberate.

You know, the individual tap doesn't.

Both of you

need to readjust what you're talking about.

The actual tap doesn't make a difference.

The area.

It does make a difference.

I'm fully on board.

Makes a difference.

The tap.

The tap.

You can't go.

What are you talking about?

The tap in my girlfriend's mum's kitchen.

Because what if she moves?

What if she moves to London?

Okay.

Yeah, but in Salford.

I added in Salford, didn't I?

Yeah, but that's someone else's tap.

Yeah.

That's someone else's tap.

I hear you, but I'm thinking my dream meal, you know, my dream water from my dream scenario.

And

it's in my mum's kitchen.

I understand.

Do you know what I mean?

It's genuinely the first thing I do when I go back home to see my mum, I'm like, oh, mum, I'm back.

And instead of popping the kettle on, I just head straight for the tap.

And when I come back as well, I always take me massive water bottles and bring Blackman water back.

It's like I've been to Luds.

Have you ever heard of Luds?

Yeah, Roman Catholic.

If you, if you're Roman Catholic Christian, you'll have heard of Lords.

It's where people go to get holy water, have miracles performed on them, and cure themselves from ailments, right?

So it's, I've never been, but growing up, I went to a lot of religious primary schools and churches and whatever.

And that was that was where we'd go.

And people would bring back gallons of holy water yeah and that is what i'm like coming back from blackburn i feel like i'm carrying holy water yeah but it's blackburn tap water but it does and when it runs out in london i'm like oh i've got it get a priest to bless your mum's kitchen tap oh my god it'd be holy holy water then it would

then you got both then my mums would become lords well then but then more people are going to go there right it feels like she's going to have a queue of like people with ailments all the way around the corner.

She's gonna have a massive water bill.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I hadn't even thought about that.

I look I grew up in London and I've got to say I think the rest of you your water's too soft.

Not true.

I've got family who live up north.

When I go visit them and I have a shower I come out of there my hair I look like a chihuahua puppy.

It's too fluffy.

Well you've been standing in there doing a full shit.

I don't do this shit.

I'm not going to do this shit in the shower in big brother.

Do the shit in the toilet and then immediately get in the shower to wash my butt.

The The water's too soft.

I'd say you're still in the shower for too long because you're washing the shit off your ass.

But they won't do your hair's all fluffy.

It's too fluffy.

I come out looking too fluffy.

Oh my word.

No, I think you're wrong there.

I think you're just not used to the good stuff.

Yeah, I think that's it.

Do you know the worst thing is though, right?

Because, you know, I don't always drink filtered water.

And my houseplants do get filtered water.

The house plants are fussier than me, let me tell you.

They die if I give them london water and you actually do see the hard residue on the soil sometimes and i'm like i am putting that inside my body what is in this london water have you ever tried giving your plants the blackburn water i haven't actually because

mate that's exactly what i was going to say

yeah oh my gosh

jumanji this is perfect

i can't even be annoyed that you got there before me there's no need for us to both be on this we're joke

We're joke brothers.

We both share the same mind.

Pop loves of bread.

Pop loves of bread, AJ doo doo pop loves of bread.

I'm going poppa dums

because it's lighter.

It's crispier.

And before a main meal,

I'm very against the notion of filling myself up with loads of bread.

It's too heavy.

But I love bread.

Don't get me wrong.

Love, love, love bread.

But it wouldn't be in a three-course meal scenario.

I love poppa doms with like a chutney with it as well.

That's nice.

And what's the mint one that you get from the Indian restaurants?

Oh, that's gorgy.

Yeah.

I love that.

Gorgy.

Gorgy.

Gorgy.

Yeah.

Gorgina.

Gorgina.

That's gorgina.

Gorgina.

Lovely.

So you want just those two dips, the chutney and the writer.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

Nothing else.

Don't want any of the onions.

Don't want anything else.

And actually, two poppadoms specifically.

Two.

That's tops actually.

I'd probably have one and a half.

You just end up filling yourself up.

Yeah, I don't want to be full.

I don't want to be full before my meal.

Yeah.

Honestly, when I go to restaurants as well, sometimes with my mates, everyone's like, oh, would you like bread with that?

Get the bread.

And I'm like, why are we doing the bread?

We're about to get a meal with sides, dessert.

There's going to be no room for dessert if we have half a loaf of bread before the meal.

But what if it's really good bread?

It's worth it.

Like, when it's like so good.

There are some restaurants where, like i'm like we have to get the bread here it's so it's so they're just giving you the look no

i'm getting you're getting it victorious i'm getting mama doo look what's your favorite bread okay uh

there's a whole bunch i like i guess like i've chosen on this before this fluffy kind of pizza bread from altar i like guinea bread it's not oh

heavy guinea bread yeah yeah yeah it's too heavy that's like the main meal this is what i'm saying it's too heavy it's too stodgy It's like too much.

And then, obviously, you can't just have bread on its own, right?

So it's like, I love salty butter, like really salty.

I love it.

And then if that bread is warm, I do like it when the bread's served warm.

Look, guilty is charged.

Especially as you've got the salty butter and you just spread it thick layer and it just melts into the bread.

And it is so delicious.

It's, I mean, it's like having like a crumpet bread cake.

It's just like delicious.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's filled me up.

That's my issue with it.

So I can't have it in my dream room.

No, it's fine.

It's fine.

I love poppa doms.

Are you going to, well, I mean, we've seen you be mother already today because you gave me shot me that look.

Are you going to be mother and slap and smash the poppadoms?

No.

I break it off piece by piece and I never understand when people are just smashing through popadoms.

I'm like, excuse me, what sort of etiquette is this?

Yeah.

It's not right.

There's loads of crumbs when you smash through it.

Yeah.

And I don't, yeah,

you're losing some crumbs.

We're losing edibility once we get to crumbs.

Because how are you eating the crumbs?

Do you want some salty butter to spread on your poppadoms just so you don't miss out on that?

No,

I don't want it.

I don't want salty butter there.

Okay, fair enough.

Just good to offer these things.

Thank you.

Because they don't often.

Yeah.

In Indian restaurants, they won't often offer you salted butter to spread on your poppadums.

Bring along sandwich fillings and stuff that you can

Can I get a bit of tuna mayo on my poppadom?

I wouldn't say no to that.

Yeah, that'd be kind of funny.

Like the tuna melt, but with poppadoms.

Oh, yeah.

Oh my gosh, that'd be so nice.

I don't think the melt bit.

I just think the tuna.

I think the melt bit.

I think tuna mayo, cheese, pop it on either side.

But then how are you melting it?

Just zap it under the grill.

Zap it under the grill.

Zap it.

Just zap.

You could zap the tuna and cheese under the grill and then put it on the poppadom.

I think that's too many textures, you see, because I think once you get into chewy territory with crispy it's getting a bit messy but if you have like tuna mayo on the corner maybe a cheeky little cucumber on top nicely sliced and then like the poppa dumb on the bottom almost like a pizza poppadom yeah that and you gob 1010 chef's kiss so so do you want that then if that's 1010 do you know what i don't do you like the tuna mayo with cucumber poppadom yeah yeah yeah i love that scrap the chutney Yeah.

Scrap the writer.

Yeah.

And let's just have tuna mayo on the poppadom.

Perfect.

We've invented

a new thing.

Yeah, that feels good.

Do you think it's going to catch on?

No.

I think at least one person listening to the podcast will do it.

Well, no context off menu who runs a Twitter account.

Normally, if someone invents a dish, they will then try it.

Wow.

Yeah.

Well, tell us how it is, please.

Yeah, yeah.

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Your dream starter.

Oh no.

I'm just giggling because given the conversation we've just had, this makes no sense.

Yeah.

But my dream starter is homemade cheese on toast.

There we go.

Well, now I can.

No, it makes more sense to me now because...

You don't want to fill yourself up on bread before you cheese on toast, right?

That would be insanity.

It would be insanity, yeah.

But I love cheese on toast so much.

I love toast, actually.

And anytime I'd get back from school going up, so we'd have stew.

There's always rice and stew in any Nigerian household.

There's always rice and stew in the fridge.

And the stew is like tomato-based, there's meat in it.

It's a little bit spicy.

It's delicious, right?

And the flavor just gets better and better the longer it's in the fridge.

So that had kind of been my snack.

My mum would always have rice in there to have with the stew, but I loved toast and stew together.

Dip it.

It's amazing.

Like, oh, it's so good.

But that being said, leave the rice and stew in the fridge for the moment because cheese on toast is my dream starter and it needs to be a really strong, mature cheddar.

Yes.

It needs to be thinly sliced.

Not so much.

I knew he went like that.

As soon as she said thinly slice, slice, I just saw, I knew it was going to happen.

My peripheral vision.

After we'd been like, yeah,

to the mature cheddar, as soon as you said Finney slice, I saw him going,

not too thin.

Like it, it didn't like it.

I don't like it.

I didn't like it.

I don't like it dripping over the edges.

Getting your grill all messy.

No, I don't like it.

I think it needs to be.

It grow up, AJ.

It needs to melt perfectly.

Do you know what I mean?

So I would get like brown bread, like with the seeded bits in there

seeded I'm happy with seeded

seeded seeded seeded is good.

I was back on board by the seeds, but when it was brown bread I was like come on seeded brown bread.

I love it.

Thickly sliced.

I was raised on brown bread.

Oh lovely.

Yeah.

Lovely.

I had you down as a sourdough guy.

I didn't discover sourdough until about five years ago.

Why is it all the rage?

Now I don't get sourdough.

That's another thing that I don't understand.

Yeah.

Because it give that put that in the toaster 10 seconds too long you're chewing on cement sure it's so hard it's like chewing a brick it's scratching the sides of my mouth it's just not good no it's very difficult to find the point where it's correctly toasted exactly because if it's under toasted it's it's bread too chewy yeah it's bread it's bread it's chewy bread is bread and then if it's over toasted it's just rock solid yeah i'm just like eating tiles don't want it not nice do you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah So we're back to our thickly sliced seeded bread in the toaster.

Ah, now, now I have a question.

Yeah, hit me.

I was fine with the thinly sliced cheese, but now you said it's thickly sliced bread.

And for me, that combo, that scares me.

The ratio's off for you.

It's not thin.

It's not like too thin.

It's not like see-through.

Do you know what I mean?

So you can't see, once melted, you can't see the toast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's not dripping.

It's not so thick that it's dripped over the edge i want to see the crust yeah as well okay so about three millimeters

that's the cheese that's the cheese

how many millimeters of bread um i'd say about five okay

yeah that's all right that's easy that's good and then i think I mean, listen, me maths is all off.

I can already tell because five millimeters isn't thick, but it's thick.

It all makes sense in the toaster.

We take it out of the toaster, we put salted, thick butter on there loads of it it's drenched in salty butter then we put the mature cheddar cheese all over it we melt that we get it out i don't want any of the sauces on there although i do like that sometimes to just treat myself makes it feel like a pizza doesn't it and then

it does doesn't it and then we have just to like if i'm feeling healthy yeah i feel like right you know those like oblong tomatoes yes those

cutting off face down.

They've not been under the grill.

They're cold.

You put them face down about three slices on each half of bread.

Yeah, that is like a mini pizza.

That's like a mini pizza, yeah.

That is.

Yeah, that's popping me.

It's like an upside-down pizza.

Yeah.

Because the tomato's on the top and the cheese is on the bottom.

Yeah, it is, actually.

Would you ever stray into the area of Marmite?

on cheese and toast no no no no no no the impairments uh yeah henderson's yeah

Even though they're the same.

I know you're not from Sheffield, but like, yeah,

you can say on the podcast that Henderson's and Liam Perrence are exactly the same, can't you?

Yeah.

Confirm that they're the same.

It's so by the by, innit, really.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

So just so people know.

But I do like a bit of Liam Perrence on my toast.

But again, that's just a bit of a brucey brownness sometimes.

You know what I mean?

It's just a bit of a treat from feeling a bit saucy.

But otherwise, it's just cheese.

Cheese and tomato.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lovely.

I don't think we've ever had cheese on toast.

I'm trying to think if we have or not.

And I'm very happy that you've chosen it.

When I first got into cheese on toast when I was a kid, it was absolute life-changing.

It's like, this is worth being alive for.

Yeah.

Right.

This is what life is.

Whatever else life throws at me, at least I've got to taste this.

Yeah.

Absolutely brilliant.

And I would have marmed my marmite and cheese on toast phase.

Liam Perrins and cheese on toast phase.

I've probably chucked a few tomatoes on there.

Definitely went for a big olive.

And

when I discovered olives olives and got into olives, they were going on the cheese on the toast every time.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

You're going all the toppings on there, aren't you?

I just think get creative, you know.

Yeah.

Oh, I love that.

I think that is it.

That's the message today.

We've got to be more creative with our toast.

Yeah.

Would you ever try another cheese on the toast?

Would you ever do a Stilton?

Not on toast.

I love Brie.

I love Stilton.

I love cheese, but not on toast.

Classic cheese on toast.

Let's just keep it mature, Cheddar.

Do you know what I mean?

So get quite creative, but not too creative.

Yeah.

I don't even want red Leicester on it.

Do you know what I mean?

I don't want that.

Horrible.

Looks nice.

I like it yellow.

I think yellow and red, beautiful.

Orange and red, it's getting a bit wild visually.

Do you know what I mean?

Clashes a bit.

Yeah, and you've got to see.

You got to taste with your eyes first.

Yeah.

Before you taste with your mouth, ain't you?

Yes, you do.

First bites with the eye.

Yeah.

I like you specified homemade as well.

Has been made by you.

It has been made by me.

Also, my really good mate, Tembi, makes a banging cheese on toast.

Honestly, she's the only other person I feel like has got it absolutely spot on.

And what does Tembi do that's different to other people?

Or does she not let you see?

She doesn't let me see it.

She's better with presentation.

I'd say that.

I go in halves.

She goes in triangles.

That's where you get on.

She gets a beautiful...

She somehow gets a texture of the cheese that I've not quite mastered.

It's a bit brown in places and yellow in others and golden in others.

And it's just.

She's blowtorching the top, do you reckon?

Oh, yeah, maybe.

It's a good idea.

I think she's blowtorching that.

Yeah.

She brings it out of the kitchen.

Do you know what?

Sometimes I have that as dinner.

That's your full dinner.

And I just think you're going through the process of preparing, you know, cutting the chopping boards out for the tomatoes.

Do you know what I mean?

So it does feel like you've treated yourself.

You're in a way, in a way, it's like elite toast making.

Also, in home economics at St.

Bede's Roman Catholic High School, which is the name of my high school in Blackbert.

Glad to hear that.

In home economics, that was the first thing that we got taught to make

toast in the grill and a cup of tea, which I was very baffled about because by that age, I was like, We're making mice and stew.

Yeah, in our house.

So, what are you guys doing?

Like, you can't make toast in a toaster.

Why are we doing it in the grill?

It's an easy day at school for you, though, though, isn't it?

Oh, it was lovely.

It was like on your to-do list for tomorrow, like, must bring in one tea bag.

You had to bring it, you know,

we had to bring in that one tea bag, and we had to bring in two slices of bread.

What?

They're not providing a tea bag and two slices of bread?

They would provide the milk.

They would provide the sugar and they would provide the butter.

Cheese.

They didn't provide cheese, jam, or any of the toppings.

No.

No.

What would happen if you turned up without the bread?

That was it.

You had to sit out with

the whole thing.

Put a cheesebug in the toaster.

Yeah.

I imagine.

Been main course.

Oh, so tricky.

I'm thinking a dish.

called starch with ogbolo soup

and it would need to be cooked in Nigeria on my mum's veranda.

Love it.

Now I thought your mum lived in Blapa.

Yeah.

She does, but she does have a gaff in Nigeria.

Yeah.

Go on, mum.

She did it.

Basically, a lot of Nigerian cuisine that I grew up on was like you'd have a carb-based thing like grounded rice or pounded yam and that's quite plain tasting and then you dip it in a really rich soup or sauce basically which has a lot of meat in and fish and it's just so flavorsome it's delicious and we grew up on on this thing called starch which is like yellow and jiggly but it's really nice it's hot and really nice my mum would make that and we'd pair it with all sorts of different soups.

It's really delicious with pepper soup, but it's also really nice with obola soup.

But when I got to Lagos and asked for this dish, they didn't even know what I was on about.

And I was really confused because I was like, am I more Nigerian?

All of a sudden that I know this like exotic food that no one in the land

knows about.

I was so, so, so confused.

And then when I was on WhatsApp call to me, mum, I was like, mum, they don't know what this thing is.

Like, am I saying it wrong?

Like, am I using like your pronunciation?

to I don't I don't get it and she said no it's it's more common in the south of Nigeria in Delta States that's where we're from very far from Lagos actually so it makes sense so have you been there and got it since yeah and it's delicious it's great yeah what's in this soup how's this soup prepared I to be honest guilty as charged I have no idea about this I don't know how this soup's prepared it just comes to me can I describe the taste meat in it uh there's meat in it well you know whatever meat you want in in it,

tend to have like lamb in it and fish, like a white fish, basically.

You just have to hack through the bone.

We just deal with bone and skin and tails in our soups, just like whatever.

Do you know what I mean?

But you don't like pistachios crumbled up on your ice cream.

No, no.

Well, you're eating it with your hands.

No, you're right.

You eat with hands.

Do you know what I mean?

Nigeria, you eat with your hands so you can just pick things out.

Because here, I'm like, how am I going to pick out the pistachio from the ice cream with a fork?

what it's it's too much it doesn't make sense cutlery is very difficult for me at the best of times but whatever um but it's delicious it's spicy it's i can't really describe the taste you have to it has to be tasted to be appreciated do you know what i mean yeah is it yeah is it hot spicy it's like a hot spice but on the spiceometer because i've got quite a high spice threshold

so i'd say for me it was quite mild but for you it might be off the charts.

Do you know what I mean?

Have you seen other people have it and be like, you didn't want me?

This was hot.

And you're like, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's a lot of, a lot of fanning of the mouth and a lot of cold.

Which doesn't help, by the way.

Anyone who's doing that out there.

Fanning your mouth absolutely doesn't help with reaction to spice.

Cooling down.

It doesn't.

Yeah, not at all.

It doesn't.

Apart from a glass of milk, apparently, but who wants milk with the meal?

Sure.

Don't make sense.

Messes up the taste, buds.

Yeah.

Let's leave it out.

Yeah.

I was torn between that dish and chips, cheese, and gravy.

Very different.

I guess once you've had cheese on toast, following it with chips, cheese, and gravy is.

You're a bit too much in the same.

Although, I don't know.

Maybe just a big blowout meal where that's your vibe and you're just basically doing that over and over and you never do it again.

Literally, I did so much sports at school growing up that I just ate so much.

It was absolutely an incredible time in my life, actually, when I think back because I cannot eat that amount of food anymore without severe consequences.

But every single day I used to have a slice of pizza with chips, cheese, and gravy, a chocolate chip cookie, and a bottle of lime aid every day for five years.

And that was just my lunch.

Just in case anyone listening wasn't aware of where AJ's from.

Blackbird.

No one else having a bottle of lime aid for lunch.

A bottle of lime made.

aid.

It's the most flat bird thing I've ever heard.

Yeah.

It's a bottle of lime aid for lunch.

Lime Aid or Cherry Aid?

Yeah, Lime Aid.

It was one of those panda pops.

Remember them?

So good.

Limaid and Cherry Aid for me, they're the best ones.

Lime Aid, and like, I

hadn't thought about Limaid for years.

I loved it so much.

And if I'd get in to dinner late, I'd made friends with the dinner ladies because back in the day I did used to be on detention a little bit.

What?

Yeah, I know, but I was actually really good, but it was just too chatty.

And this voice really carries.

Like, I'd deny, I'd be like, sir, it weren't me.

And they'd be like, right, come on, you've answered back and you were talking detention.

And I'd be like, oh, crying out loud.

Lines didn't really work with me.

So they'd get me to like empty the bins and stuff.

And so the dinner ladies in our school were also the cleaners.

So then I'd become really good mates with the cleaners because they'd be like oh we get to go home early aj's been on detention she's emptied all these bins so tina would just save me the bottle of lime aid that's nice of her sometimes she'd be like aj don't you have you were doing a job for her yeah lime aid it's on the house and i'd be like cheers tina

the name of every dinner lady ever as well yeah thank you tina thank you tina and janet yeah

and doris i love the idea as well that for a while they were like, you've got to do lines, AJ.

And then eventually they were like, just empty the fucking bins.

No point going to the bin.

That's not going to work.

Just empty the bins or something.

Just empty the bins.

She's a lost cause.

She wants to talk.

She wants to talk.

Let her talk whilst emptying the bins.

Through the dinner ladies.

Hustling herself some free lime aid.

Dream side dish.

Creamed spinach.

Don't you just feel so posh when you're having creamed spinach in a restaurant?

Yeah, yeah.

And my favourite cream spinach at the moment is on Dean Street Townhouse.

Nice place.

A very swanky establishment in the heart of London Soho.

And I remember...

Note that Ben is laughing this episode.

No, yeah, yeah, it's funny.

But just things like in the heart of London, Soho.

It's rude, yeah.

It's gone.

He's gone.

It's on the floor.

I don't know why.

But I just remember, right, so when I, when I moved to London, everything is just, oh, gosh, so expensive.

It's actually criminal, like, how expensive things are.

And you know, like...

15 quid for a bottle of lime mate.

Like

you can't.

Get them for the dinner ladies.

Like a breakfast.

15 quid for.

We're like a lot.

and i remember going to um dean street townhouse for the first time many moons ago and i had a it was like a tv meeting so it's one of those meetings where you're not paying but also i it was one of my first meetings so i didn't know the the paying etiquette i i thought i was paying so i would quite often genuinely pick the cheapest thing on the menu even if i didn't like it and be like i am gonna go for

what i can afford which is this and it's usually like burgers and chips and it's like in a really swanky place yeah but I remember I just was like oh I'm gonna get what's that really cheap steak as in like the thin the really thin

minute steak it's like a minute steak right so I ordered that

and I was like

right I'm gonna get that and that that'll come with a side so lovely and then they were like do you want a side with that I said, does it not, what does it come with?

And they said, nothing.

I couldn't believe my ears.

I couldn't believe it.

I was like, wait a minute, this place is robbing people blind.

You're just presenting people with a piece of meat with nothing on the side.

I have to pay extra for that.

Anyway, I treated myself to a five pounds portion of cream spinach and I've never looked back since.

Stunning.

Made to perfection.

It comes in this little like oval dish.

All those posh places, it comes separately, doesn't it?

chips have a pot the spinach has a pot your meat has a plate like everything's separated it's not just slaps on one plate like in a weather spoon do you know what I mean nothing's touching and you sort of have to scoop it out one at a time as you so please but I love it it's so nice do you think because five pounds spinny I always think there's not enough spinach in the like I haven't been to I think I have been to where you talked about actually but I don't know if I've had the cream spinach but every time I've ordered spinach like Wilton spinach cream spinach whatever whatever i always think there's not enough well it's tricky with spinach isn't it because have you ever made it at home yeah you will buy the biggest pack of spinach and you'll put it all in your frying pan and it will just cover one slice of toast with your eggs and avocado that's going on toast as well is it

get everything you're cooking at home whacking on some toast for god's sake

honestly just whacking no you're right spinach is mad it's mad it is mad it just disappears it evaporates so i'm like to be honest they must have used about three gallons of spinach in order, three kg of spinach in order to get that little pot.

Yeah.

I think it should be bottomless, though.

Bottomless spinach.

For a five, I want bottomless spinach or

just to keep bringing them out.

How much could you eat of this?

It's not a Corby Carver.

I could eat it at least three of them.

It's not a Torby Carvery, though.

You can't have bottomless of that.

Cream spinach, I love cream spinach, but it's so rich that I'll only get through one oval.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It is rich, but that's what I like.

It tastes expensive.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

It's like, we've made it.

Yeah.

We've absolutely made it.

You get to the end of that meeting meal and you're like, I've ordered really humbly because I obviously am going to get me card out in a second.

Use the bar job money to pay for this.

And

then they get it.

And then you think, oh, bloody hell, I should have absolutely

more.

You knew for the next time, though, right?

Yeah.

Surely nowadays

you know they're getting it, right?

They don't always get it.

Sometimes I get it.

Yeah.

Who you meeting with?

I know.

Execs.

Oh, they're not.

Stingy.

Exacts.

Stingy execs.

Making me pay my way.

How dare they?

There's appalling.

We talked about cream spinach a bit on the podcast before.

And I always bang on about this.

The Hawksmore cream spinach.

Oh, that's nice.

I thought you were about to say Hawksmore and that Ed was going to...

be really delighted.

Oh, yeah.

It's good stuff.

That is delicious.

Have you ever had a rice dinner there?

No, I've not had a rice there before.

Yeah, it's quite nice yeah very good very very delicious they know what they're doing yeah and we got sent some like boxes during during lockdown from them the cream spinach came in a big you know plastic pouch with loads of it and oh industrial size yeah just sat there eating a big roll of that loads of nutmeg in it as well it's really good interesting good it works

you're nodding along as well james ed had told me that he had just sat there and ate the whole thing And I was like, Ed's got problems.

And then the next day I was texting him like, I just did.

I just ate the the whole beef.

Just sat and watched whatever it was and not done.

Squid game on.

Sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what Ed I just watched.

I just remember squid game.

I mean, I ate all the cream spinach.

Your dream drink, AJ.

Looks like there's a lot of things competing in your head at the minute.

There's a lot of things competing.

Yeah.

As you know, I love water.

So there's Blackburn Water as a contender.

Which comes first.

Blackburn Watson can't be a contender for dream

surely not agent come on it is nice yeah but do you know what i do love

like holy water lime made yeah lime made lime made could be in the mix yeah a little panda pop from the dinner lady beautiful i love it when you go you're going on holiday yeah you're catching an early flight and nothing says a holiday like popping in to the airport weatherspoons and getting a little glass of fizz something nice do you know what i mean

usually if i do do that at the airport i like rum and coke or a little glass of prosecco and i love that and i think oh bluminak it's 11 a.m and i'm having a drink i am on holiday like the holiday started in the airport yeah that's very exciting that feels like a dream in itself because it's just honestly it conjures up so many positive memories i also love pina coladas and have you tasted the ms pina coladas out of the tin no they're so good like perfect for a picnic in the park

or just like a journey on a train.

Really lovely.

So I like a pina colada.

My favourite drink at the moment is a margarita.

People think that's quite basic, but actually I think it's quite, it's quite bougie.

Because I feel like you have to have quite an acquired taste to really like the taste of margarita.

And also, I always specify a salty rim.

Yes.

i really like a salty rim

all the way around yeah all the way around there are some places i recently was in new york sometimes they just put the salt just down the side of a glass yeah and i was like don't make me lick the side of the glass before taking a swig of this margarita yeah just put it on the entirety of the rim and I can drink it normally.

But you're making me glass lick and it's just

like a you're rotating it as you're drinking it all the way around the rim yeah all sometimes they'll do like a half rim as well no no just no if you want a salty rim you should get it yeah all the way around all the way around unless you specify the standard margarita in my opinion should come with a salty rim all the way around the entire circumference of the glass should be salty unless otherwise stated here's here's an idea for you if we're you know i feel like we invented the popadum course

why not this a margarita but rather than fresh lime juice, you use a panda pop limeade.

Oh

that would be disgusting.

I really do.

Okay.

I really do.

What would a panda pop mix well with?

I think a white rum and a panda pop would go really nicely.

Like a limeade

with a ray and nephew.

I think that would take the edge off.

Ray and nephew.

That'd be quite nice.

Or just a malibu.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, panda pop a malibu very sugary very sweet yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah very very sweet but worth it so for this drink for the drinks course would you like to be in an airport just before you're about to go on holiday is that the feeling that you want to invoke

i love that feeling and i do i love it i love the weather spoons i just i've just i'm like oh it's nice and why the weather spoons in the air because obviously there's a lot of options in the airport places to drink but if it's weather spoons do you feel like you're properly saying goodbye to the uk yeah i do because

i think as well, when you're going to certain places,

nowhere does pubs like the UK

at all.

Even in America, they're like, oh,

we've got the Irish bars.

I'm like, it feels like a themed bar rather than an actual bar.

And it's table service.

Yeah, it's very confusing.

So, yeah, I think maybe, should we have a rum and coke?

Yeah.

At the weather spoons before catching a flight.

That'd be nice.

You're not still going to weather spoons in the airport.

Come on.

You're in the lounge, mate.

I'm not.

Give over, AJ.

I'm not.

I'm very rarely in the lounge.

You've got access, though.

But I've got access.

You've got access.

Do you know what it is with the lounges that confuses me a little bit?

Not all of them do the announcements.

Right.

And

I need a tannoy.

Yeah.

I'm very easily distracted.

Yeah, yeah.

Tell me to go to my gate.

Yeah.

But if it's silence, I'll be like, Oh, I'll listen to a podcast or listen to some music, read a bit of a book.

Oh, what's that on the counter?

I'll have a little bit of bite to eat, and then I'm like, Oh, should I get these nuts for the flight?

Yeah, they're probably serving food on the flight, but I'll get these ones as well.

Should I do that?

And before you know it, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I've missed my flight, or like, I've nearly missed my flight.

Do you know what I mean?

Have you missed flights before?

I've only missed one, I've missed two flights before, two, and it was bad.

It was

not good.

It was not good

god

one of the flights that i missed yeah

was to my one of my best mates veronica she was getting married in casablanca oh my god casablanca in morocco basically as like one flight a day from from london do not miss it because if you miss it you're not getting on that flight today

You'll have to pay loads of money to get there tomorrow.

Fine.

I've missed the flight that's stressful mismanagement of time let's just put it down to that okay and then were you at the airport when you missed the flight no i was on i was actually on the train to the airport being like oh i've got my train times mixed up here i think wait a minute this train doesn't get to london bridge until that time and then and then i need to get to victoria and then i need to get onto the heathro express and oh I'm gonna miss this flight.

I basically was like, I'm gonna miss the flight.

I'm on route.

And I'm like i literally got there and they were like we closed this gate like two hours ago so you're like not even a little bit late for your flight you're like well late for your flight amazing that you still even though you knew that you still went to the airport i just committed

because i just thought well you know there's flight delays yeah you know there's there's there's pandemoniums at airports yeah i was i was praying for the flight delay yeah got there

they were they were running on time so the flight had gone

and i was left with a real dilemma because there's no more flights until tomorrow afternoon.

But I need to be there for tomorrow morning because in the afternoon, my friend is getting married and I am the bridesmaid.

Oh, no.

Oh, AJ.

Oh, AJ.

Oh, guys, it was so bad.

I literally had to fly via like Portugal.

I had to go to like three different countries before I could get to Picasablanca.

I was like, guys, I need to get there in the morning.

And they were like, do you know what?

The only way you can do this is by spending all of your money.

And like, we just start flying from now.

Get to Portugal, go to Spain, go to France, go here, go there.

I literally was on like five different flights to get to Casablanca.

And then I get there, the taxis to where I needed to get.

It was, it was, it was a lot.

Long story short, I got there just in the nick of time, but I looked dreadful.

I looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards.

My mate was like, also, Veronica is the most chilled person ever.

It was like she weren't even bothered.

She was like, oh, don't worry about it.

I was like, I have been around the world to get here.

This is insane.

So yeah, that's why I don't like lounges.

We get it.

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Your dream dessert:

custard and cake.

Custard and cake is one of my favourite old-time desserts.

It reminds me of home.

And my dad has got a sweet too.

From for many years before I moved into my own place, I lived in my dad's living room, essentially.

And sometimes he'd knock on the living room door where I slept.

The living room is my, also my bedroom.

And he'd knock on the living room door and he'd go, do you want some custard and cake?

And it'd be like midnight.

And I'd go, yeah.

It felt like really really naughty it was like it's bedtime our eyes should be closed but here we are we are gonna crack open a tin of custard thick custard and we are gonna get like a sponge cake drizzle it all over and it's gonna be amazing i actually say i say the can because i'd get the um the like ambrosia yeah my dad would use the uh the powder yeah the powder of custard and he'd make it himself wow it was just lovely and we'd always have that growing up as well that would be our big dessert parents are nigerian they only liked hot desserts really of course we'd have ice cream but really it was all about custard and cake my mum just hot hot custard hot custard on cold cake would you warm the cake through room temperature cake

yeah but the hot custard obviously heats the cake and it's amazing it was also my favorite dessert at school if there was custard and cake it was amazing but at school it would be like a chocolate cake with mint custard and it'd be green mint custard.

Have you ever had it?

I remember having that at school, I think.

I loved it.

I don't think I ever had it, but I've heard about it on this podcast.

Oh, my gosh.

Always lumpy, but fine.

Presumably, Tina's saved you a portion of that.

Tina's always, Tina's got me back.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really, really delicious.

But I love, love, love custard and cake to this day.

And it feels like a real treat every time I have it.

It's a really nice story.

Yeah.

I like it a lot.

And it was like normal sponge cake at home.

Normal sponge cake.

Plain.

Yeah, always called plain.

Victoria.

Is Victoria's sponge the one with the ice, the jam in the middle?

Yeah.

No, not that.

Not that.

Just the sponge throughout.

The entirety is sponge.

I don't want any fussiness, really.

Don't love icing on cakes massively as well.

I tend to scoop that off most of the time.

Yeah, that's me.

Custard and cake.

Always made at home because, quite frankly, restaurants don't really do it do they sure custard and cake it's like even when you order an apple crumble in a restaurant it's always with ice cream or cream no one really does custard not even in the winter well yesterday and i went for lunch together we did and we got so full on the main course and we also ordered a whole bunch of starters that um i couldn't manage a dessert which i was gutted about because they had a deep-fried bread and butter pudding with cold custard oh i come back

what do you you want about it?

He's sharing.

He's spilling his heart out of me.

Sorry.

I have no idea how important this is to me.

Cold custard?

Do you not like cold custard on a hot dessert?

Yeah.

No.

For me, it's got to be cold custard on a hot dessert.

Ugh, guys, what's happening here?

The only cold custard I like is in a creme brulee.

Yeah.

And is that even counted as custard?

Yeah, kind of.

I think it is, yeah.

That's the only one I'll accept because it's hard on the top.

Yeah, yeah.

And

everything is contextualized.

Everything's the same temperature.

Do you know what I mean?

The topping's the same temperature as the inside, but this hot and cold lights, it's a bit

wild, especially when it comes to custard, which I think should always be served hot.

What would you do if one night when your dad knocked on the door and he said, do you want some custard and cake?

And you went, yeah, that would be great.

I know it's midnight and we should have our eyes closed, but I want custard and cake.

And then he brought it in and he goes, I've tried something new.

Then he opens his hand, just dashes a load of pistachio dust all over the top.

Oh.

What did you do?

Dad.

Are you all right?

Oh, we're role-playing it.

Do you need to see?

I'm just trying something new.

Do I need to take you to see someone?

You are getting on a bit now.

You just turned 84, my dad.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, Dad.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, I'm just trying something new.

I know I'm 84, but I'm just, you know.

He wouldn't like that.

I know my dad, and he would not like pistachio on this custard and cake.

Absolutely not.

Oh, that sounds quite nice.

I've convinced myself into it.

We'll read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

Yep.

Water, you want black burnt out water from your mum's kitchen tap.

Poppad on some bread, you want a tuna mayo poppadom with cucumber.

Stunning.

Starter, a homemade cheese on toast with tomato.

Main course, starch with ogbola soup.

Ogbola soup from your mum's place in Nigeria.

Side course.

Dream.

What are they say?

Dreams?

Dreams.

Dream spinach.

Creamed spinach.

Creamed spinach from the dean street townhouse drink you bought rum and coke at an airport weather spoons yeah before a flight before a flight that you're definitely getting that i'm definitely catching dessert custard and cake brought down to you at midnight by your dad oh that's lovely that that's lovely or everything really tied to home in some way yeah yeah i am a i'm i am actually a real homebody

i am do you know what i'm going to chuck in a free panda pop of lime made as well thank you

from tina deserve deserve it for emptying the bins for more tina good old it's so nice thank you so much aj mate is that it

do you want more do you want to have the do i not have the uh the muncheons honourable munchins

you want to throw in

stream do the honourable muncheons with everyone else but me well you didn't bring him up you know you can well now that you've asked

My honourable munchian

would be broken biscuits.

Do you you remember them?

Yeah, yeah.

So, my mum was a cleaner and she'd pick us up.

She'd pick me and my sister up from school.

And then we'd go to another school, which she was the cleaner of in Blackburn.

And it was amazing.

It felt like I was in Harry Potter.

It was just like this grand school in Blackburn.

And I just found it so exciting.

And I also felt very grown up because it was like we're hanging out with my mum and all of my mum's friends who were also cleaners.

And before they started cleaning the school, they would all congregate in the staff room and have a cup of tea with broken biscuits but they'd bring in biscuits basically everyone would bring in a scone or a piece of cake or something and my mum's contribution was always broken biscuits which i absolutely loved and growing up i always thought i was drinking a cuppa i always thought oh i'm having a cuppa with doris and margaret oh it's amazing with my mum so good before we like around the How old were you in this situation?

Oh, my gosh.

I was for many years, actually, but definitely between the ages of like six and 13.

And I loved it.

Because I'd say, yeah, 13 is probably the point where when you're hanging out with your mum and loads of women called Doris and Margaret, you're starting to go, it's probably not my scene anyway.

This isn't my scene.

I mean, really, I should be back at my home school emptying the bins.

I'll switch you later.

Presumably, yeah, all the cleaners from your school came over.

They were dusting off.

Nothing to do again today.

Thanks, AJ.

Keep it naughty in class.

I reckon, even though it's an honourable mention, we'll ask the genie, but I think we can throw in a few broken biscuits for after the meal.

A patchy four?

Yes.

Yeah.

That'd be lovely.

Can we bring it along with the check?

With a cuppa?

It needs to be brought along with a hot cup of...

Or voltine.

Okay,

that's what I was actually drinking.

But I believed in my head that it was a cup of tea.

Yeah.

We just don't call it a brew, basically.

Great.

So it was like, oh, yeah, we're having a brew with the girls.

Is it like a malted thing?

Yeah.

It's kind of like, it kind of looks like hot chocolate.

And I think the actual way to make it is just with hot water, but we'd always throw in milk.

Yeah, it wasn't.

Yeah, throw in milk.

And it was just so nice.

It's like a proper comfort.

And I loved going to that school.

It was exciting.

And what kind of biscuits before we wrap it?

I'm going to be annoyed if I don't know what biscuits are in the broken biscuits.

Well, basically, broken biscuits is just literally the factory odd bits of the biscuits.

And so my favourites would be the custard creams, chocolate bourbons.

I always liked a chocolate digestive as well.

That felt very mature because, like, my mum and dad like that.

So I felt like, oh, they

like that.

Like, that's quite grown up.

And controversial, because a lot of people think this is very plain and boring, but I think it's one of the most underrated biscuits on the planet.

A rich tea.

Really good for dunking.

Really good.

Oh, look, you know, rich tea versus a plain digestive.

I'm going rich tea every time.

Exactly.

I'm a digestive boy.

Oh, but I don't mind a rich tea.

I don't deserve to.

But

I love broken biscuits.

My grandma used to buy broken biscuits from Leeds Market all the time in just in big plastic bags.

Just go and get a massive plastic bag of broken biscuits.

And the good thing about them is because there's so many crumbs in there, that then covers the other biscuits.

So you get the flavor of some biscuits on the other biscuits that is so true i forgot about that small detail yeah but that is so true we'd get them in massive sacks right in morrison's in blackburn even shopping on a saturday was quite an exciting experience we'd alternate between two morrison's which was fun because it had this huge clock which was like it was like a monkey like on a tree with palms and it was like there's a huge animated clock in the middle of morrison's it's amazing amazing

so I loved that shopping experience for that but we'd also go to quicksave do you remember quicksave yeah that we'd also go there and the dairy

section you'd have to go through what are they called it's like the plastic curtain yeah that you'd only see in like an industrial milk factory or whatever that's where they'd store the milk and butter are you sure you're supposed to be back there

sounds like you've gone into the back of the shop yeah yeah

that's legit

That was legit.

That's where you'd have to go shopping.

And I loved it because I felt like, you know, especially on the trolley, you feel like you was going through the car wash as a car.

It's so fun.

I'm so glad we got your honourable munchons.

We never would have heard you like feeling like

you're a car.

This is the longest we've counted on chatting after I've had the menu back up.

I feel like you're about to get a detention for talking too much.

But yeah, I'm delighted for you.

Yeah, fantastic thank you so much aj thanks for having me aj

well there we are james aj doo doo lovely chat what a lovely chat uh i mean i imagine that's been edited down quite severely but yes every single bit of that conversation was a joy yes it was and some real chuckles coming from benito yeah yeah benito has had a lovely day today yes he's had three episodes in a row yeah which he's loved.

He's had a lovely day, hasn't he?

Yeah, he's had a great day laughing and giggling, and that's good.

That's important that he has a nice day.

Yes, you're going to get a lot more questions from your girlfriend saying who was the lady laughing in the background.

Yeah,

that was a great Benito.

Enjoyed his job.

Of course, watch Big Brother.

Yeah.

Big Brother is coming out in October on ITV2 and ITVX, and AJ is the host.

And I'm sure there's going to be some pretty fruity goings on.

Yeah, pretty fruity, just like Edge Fruit Salad.

yes we should also say we forgot to make aj taste a pistachio at the end we did it afterwards in the kitchen yeah she wasn't a fan no which was i felt bad about but she disliked it so much she had to drink an entire glass of red wine yes to get rid of the taste of course aj did not say piccolily did say pick a lily um don't trust anything that's luminous don't eat anything that's luminous no you can trust it you can trust luminous things i guess yeah you can trust you can trust them like air traffic controllers those those guys on the ground ground.

Yeah, they're luminous.

You have to trust them.

Yeah, you've got to trust them, especially if you're a pilot.

If you go, I ain't trusting you, you're luminous, just like piccolily.

And then you crush your plane.

The danger is, I suppose, if you're a pilot and you're landing at night, if someone spilt some piccolily on

next to the runway.

Yeah.

Especially if they've spilt it in the shape of an arrow pointing in the wrong direction.

Pointing towards the terminal.

The piccolily strikes again.

Oh, piccolily.

I'm on tour as well.

Hot diggity dog, edgamble.co.uk for

details and tickets.

There's lots of different ways to say it.

In one of the trailers, I look down the camera and go, hot diggity dog.

And I'm like,

I've just been hanging out with James too much.

Yeah, well, actually, we hang out with each other too much.

That's the way James would say it.

We're the same person at this point.

But in another one, I say, hot diggity dog.

Oh, that's good.

That's hanging out with each other.

Yeah.

Ninja's a grandpa from a Wild West film.

I've got a book coming out as well, Glutton, The Multi-Course Life of a Very Greedy Boy, available for pre-order now.

If you go to Waterstones, you get a signed copy if I ever get through signing these front pages, which is unlikely at the moment.

That takes a long time.

Hey, and apologies to the people at Waterstones who are running the Waterstones tent at Latitude, because you kept asking me to come over and sign the books, and I swerved you.

We got loads of food sent to us recently.

We did.

I want to say thank you personally.

Yes.

Here's one big thank you.

Yeah.

Longbottom and co Virgin Mary's.

Yes.

Now, as you may have gathered from listening listening to this podcast, the off-menu fridge is often stocked very generously with soft drinks, maybe the occasional alcoholic beverage.

I was very excited.

I didn't know we'd been delivered these, and I opened up the fridge door and saw that we had Virgin Marys.

Yeah.

I've been sinking them like nobody's business.

And I've got such a craving for them that yesterday when I went out for a meal, I ordered a Virgin Mary because I've enjoyed the Longbottom Virgin Mary so much.

Well, there you go.

Longbottom and Co., of course, started buying another Longbottom.

Yes.

And he decided to go with Virgin Marys because that was his nickname nickname at school.

It was a nickname at school until he beheaded the basilisk, and then he was called Big Dick Longbottom.

That's what.

If you ever take a Longbottom and Co-Virgin Mary and add vodka to it, you have to call it a Big Dick Longbottom.

You have to.

You have to.

Yeah.

Because he beheaded the Basilisk.

That's the rules.

And I'm looking forward to it.

It wasn't even the Basilisk, was it?

It was Nagini.

Yeah.

Apologies to all the potterheads out there.

No, I don't apologise to those guys anymore.

No.

I look forward to hearing this entire conversation on their Instagram stories.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, for sure.

Oh, great.

Well, it's a good conversation.

Yes.

Well, thank you for sending those.

Yeah, I really enjoyed that.

Thank you so much to Rave Coffee Co.

We get coffee sent to us on the reg and it's always exciting to try new coffees.

This is a particularly delicious bean and we're using it in the office.

It goes to the guests.

It goes to me.

And let me tell you, I do think it's delicious because whatever we had before this,

I didn't say anything, but it was gross.

Okay.

I wasn't liking it.

It made me feel a bit sick.

I wasn't finishing the cups.

Yeah,

it's because you only just started drinking caffeine again.

Yeah, yeah.

That's probably why it was a bit too full-on for me.

But these have been delicious the last few days.

Yes, thank you, Rave.

Thank you so much to chunk cookies, plant-based cookies.

Delicious.

Really gooey.

Really gooey.

I took a few home.

We had some vegan friends staying over.

I thought this is going to be perfect.

And I ate one of them.

I put the rest in the cupboard.

And I think subconsciously, I thought, man, that was delicious.

So I did not make my vegan friends aware of them.

Very clever.

Yes.

I ate two in the office.

Yes.

So I thought best not bring any home.

I was warming them up.

Had the kinderbueno one was delicious.

There was one with a bit of brownie on the top.

That was delicious.

Chop orange one.

Oh, my goodness.

Chop the orange one that I went for straight away.

And Ed immediately went, I know you're going to have that one.

Yeah.

Out of all of them.

I know you.

So there you go.

That's the point of my life.

I got to now.

Yes.

I'm a predictable, sad old man.

Thank you, chunk.

We also got sent a perfect draft beer machine, James.

Talk me through that.

It's like draft beer that you can have.

I mean, I'm not taking that home because that's a disaster for me if that's knocking around.

Yeah, I think it's fun to have in the office.

There's one in the office.

So now we can offer guests any time of the day a cold draft beer from a perfect draft beer machine.

And so if there's anyone listening to this who we've asked to be on the podcast, any potential guests who have said no in the past, now, if this sweetens the deal, yeah we've got a perfect draft beer machine in the office we can pour you a perfect draft beer always cold always delicious come in 9 30 a.m sink a beer with us yeah and then we'll record a podty then record a poddy i don't know

the only thing that mindset is hot toddy but i don't think the machine does that

i don't think it does that either thanks for listening we'll see you next week goodbye

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Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys because the Off Menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes.

But it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul?

The dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast, that's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, battering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episode so they can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Oh, Benito has bent to their whims and he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok, at Off Menu Podcast, on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast, and on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.