Ep 197: Jenny Eclair

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Speaker 1 Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, Peeling the Garlic Clove of Conversation, putting it in the crusher of good times and frying it in the oil of the internet. And just eating garlic.

Speaker 1 And just eating garlic. Well, that's the start of a recipe, isn't it? That's the start of most good recipes.
My kind of party. That is Ed Gamble.
My name is James A. Caster.
Say it was a party.

Speaker 1 This is the off-the-dead podcast. We own a dream restaurant.
We invite a guest in every single week.

Speaker 1 We ask them their favourite, ever start a main course dessert, side dish, and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is.

Speaker 1 Jenny Eclair. Jenny Eclair, a brilliant comedian.

Speaker 1 Are we... Are we approaching national treasure? You know that

Speaker 1 we're going in the beach.

Speaker 1 We've got a big shovel and we're digging up some national treasure. We don't even need a metal detector.

Speaker 1 We don't even need a metal detector because everyone's trying to dig to get this national treas.

Speaker 1 One of the best treasures there is. One of the best treasures there is.

Speaker 1 Just you try Shane, Dad.

Speaker 1 I absolutely love Joni Eclaire, an amazing comedian, absolutely brilliant on Taskmaster recently. I'm looking forward to it.

Speaker 1 As of recording, it's not gone out yet. I think the first episode is tomorrow.
Ed, however, has seen the whole series because he does the Taskmaster podcast.

Speaker 1 So I always have to stop myself from asking Ed what happens. Yes, but I don't think it's a massive spoiler to say that Jenny is fantastic on the series.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well I'm very much looking forward to seeing Jenny and Claire on Taskmaster, a match made in heaven.

Speaker 1 A match made in heaven and hopefully it's a match made in heaven for Jenny and the dream restaurant. Yes, but as always, there's a secret ingredient that we deem to be unacceptable.

Speaker 1 And if Jenny says it, she will be kicked out of the dream restaurant. And this week, the secret ingredient is Eclaire.

Speaker 1 obviously.

Speaker 1 So, Jenny's

Speaker 1 lazy boys. Yeah, come on.

Speaker 1 Although, you know, obviously, I like Eclairs. I don't.
We've talked about this before. So that's kind of quite

Speaker 1 because you don't like them. So we aren't sticking to.
Yeah. We are still sticking to the actual, you know, correct thing.

Speaker 1 Jenny's going on tour. Jenny is going on tour.
It's an extension. It's a tour extension.
So it was already a smash hit. Yes, absolutely.
But now it's XXL, the tour, James. Yeah, 60 plus.

Speaker 1 For fuck's sake, FFFS, FFS. Yes.
I can't speak today.

Speaker 1 No. National Treasure FF.

Speaker 1 So you've got to go and see Jenny's tour. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 She also has a brilliant podcast called Older and Wider that she does with Judith Holder, which you must go and listen to as well, available in all your podcast shops. Make sure you listen to that.

Speaker 1 Go and see Jenny Live. Watch Jenny on Taskmaster if you haven't caught up on the series yet.
Yes. Man, so much stuff.
But first of all, listen to this. This is the off-menu menu of Jefferson.

Speaker 1 Gene Claire.

Speaker 1 I've listened to loads of these, you know. Yeah? Yeah.
I don't really listen to other people's podcasts because I get very jealous. Yes.
So I never listen to yours until you invited me.

Speaker 1 That's the rule. I've told Ed this.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are we recording, by the way? Yeah, we're in,

Speaker 1 here's the gold.

Speaker 1 Here's all the snidey gossip when I don't think the microphones are on. So I just thought, well, I know this is a very popular one.
I've got a 22-year-old lodger at the moment.

Speaker 1 I've got my niece living with me. She's at Lambda.
What can you do? And so she's a big fan and all this sort of thing. And I was going, yeah, well,

Speaker 1 yeah, well.

Speaker 1 And then I got invited on. I thought, right, I better listen to a few of these.
And it's, well, it's a very clever conceit.

Speaker 1 That is the first time it's been called a clever conceit. It's a clever conceit and it is bulletproof, it seems.
Yes, apparently. It is bulletproof.

Speaker 1 well let me see if i can ruin it for you here we go welcome jenny to the dream restaurant

Speaker 1 i am in well i know no this has given me a sleepless night or two i've got quite worried about it i'm quite competitive and i just thought right what what can i think of that nobody else has thought of and i really drew a blank so it's quite difficult and the worst thing is you've offered too much choice because we've offered everything yeah okay fire some questions at me and i'll try and answer them

Speaker 1 welcome jenny and claire to the dream restaurant we've been expecting you for some time. We're just going to get our bits in whenever we can.
Have you? Have you now?

Speaker 1 But thank you very much for inviting me.

Speaker 1 I have been waiting some time, but

Speaker 1 I know that I've listened to one with Kathy Burke when you kept banging on about how you'd wanted her for so long and she was your dream. And I got quite

Speaker 1 a bit snitty about it.

Speaker 1 But she is my dream guest as well. If I had a podcast like yours and wanted guests, she would be up there.

Speaker 1 You do have a podcast, though.

Speaker 1 Well, why do you think I mentioned it?

Speaker 1 I do have a podcast.

Speaker 1 We do not have guests. We did have guests, but you know, they just talked over us.

Speaker 1 Who said it was your turn? Imagine that. Imagine that.

Speaker 1 So, in fact, we couldn't pay them and we couldn't. I mean, I know

Speaker 1 I'm not expecting any financial recompense.

Speaker 1 I believe you are getting paid. What? Yeah, yeah, we're paying you for this.
Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We bet you come into the studio. We'll pay you, of course.
Oh, that's really brilliant.

Speaker 1 So, no, we couldn't couldn't afford guests, so we decided rather than get people in for no money and then feel slightly resentful throughout the program, we'd not have guests.

Speaker 1 And we do it on something called clean feed, so we don't need to come to a studio. It's all quite

Speaker 1 cheap.

Speaker 1 And but we are going live, we're going, I don't know when this will come out, but we've got some live shows in uh, sorry, I'm starting to stutter now because it's making me anxious in June and July.

Speaker 1 So you're thinking about the live shows, yeah. Yeah, yes, yes,

Speaker 1 you've you've done so many different live shows. You've stand up, you've done like like uh uh grumpy old women, huh? huh grumpy old women

Speaker 1 on either side the vagina monologues i did do that and oh god yes it's

Speaker 1 you did do it yeah yeah it's it's very dated that show is very very very dated indeed i think when it first came out it was a sort of really quite strong polemic but i think now it's just as it's anyway let's not it's all marvelous everything's marvelous and everyone's very talented yes let's leave it at that fine lice uh are you a foodie jenny i wish i was for the purposes of this show and then i'd have sort of more interesting things to say to you i do you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm not really, and I'm not really encouraged to be one. I live with a man who's actually, he's 74 and he has the taste buds of an eight-year-old.

Speaker 1 He genuinely would be happy eating children's party food for the rest of his life.

Speaker 1 You know, if I said, I'm really sorry, but from now on, it's just cocktail sausages and crisps and maybe some jelly and ice cream. I wouldn't bother him at all.
Wow. So that's his dream meal.

Speaker 1 If he was on the podcast, it would be cocktail sausages, crisps and jelly and and ice. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's very, he's often when he goes to restaurants, he's looking at the menu and he can't see any of those things. It's quite disappointing.
It's rare that you get any of those on a menu. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 You'd happily do that as well, wouldn't you? I think I would.

Speaker 1 Well, what I'd like is to go to a restaurant and for that to be like a literal off-menu item so I can go and some cocktail sausages with cocktails.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. That'd be really fun.
Yeah. But that's that.
Well, you should go out with Jeff then. Go to a special dream restaurant of your own.

Speaker 1 We don't go out to eat very often. I'm very northern.

Speaker 1 I live in London. I have done for 40 years, but financially, I'm northern.
Right. I find it very easy to close my purse and keep it tightly shut.

Speaker 1 And I've never been to a restaurant where I thought, well, that was a good deal. That was good value.

Speaker 1 Never, never, ever once in my life. Not unless someone else is paying.
Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I always feel like slight resentment when the bill comes. You go, what the fuck? You money

Speaker 1 genuinely? You think it was worth that?

Speaker 1 You know, no, no, I don't. There must have been a time where it was all right.
Never.

Speaker 1 Never. Not once in my entire life, to be honest.
I eat at home mostly. So do you cook a lot? Oh, God, no.

Speaker 1 No, I'm much better than I was. I mean, you've got to remember that when I was, you know, your age and younger even, because you both, you know, you've been around now.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But, you know, when I was in my 20s and 30s, which I presume you're both in now. You're one of those.

Speaker 1 I was out gigging most of the time. So, you know, I was never in to make the family meal.
You know, I was in Nuneaton or wherever. I was on a train.

Speaker 1 So I do remember, and I've said this before on other shows, but my daughter coming home from, you know, when they get to that age where they go to other people's houses and they start to realize things are different.

Speaker 1 And she came home and she was about four and she went, do you know something? I went, no, what? She said, do you know, and this is true. You can make cakes in your own house.

Speaker 1 And I went, that's a lie.

Speaker 1 I said, not in this house, love, love, not in this house. And then I tried,

Speaker 1 at the time, I didn't have a cooker.

Speaker 1 Not have a cooker. Oh, wow.
I had a hob and a microwave. So I got some of those My Little Pony buns.
They were little fairy cakes

Speaker 1 and they were microwavable mix. And they had sort of stickers to put on the top.
And it was a disaster, absolute disaster. I once tried to make a Christmas dinner in a microwave.

Speaker 1 That didn't work either. No way.
That's when we decided to get a cooker for Christmas because I had family coming and all that.

Speaker 1 And he's thinking, oh, God, this is really expensive Christmas because, you know, I'm not only providing the meal. I'm having to buy a fucking cooker on top of it all, you know.
So that's that.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Christmas dinner. Did you think it wasn't worth the money? I've always said about Christmas dinner, if pot noodle would do a giant pot noodle Christmas dinner flavour, I'd be happy with that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I wouldn't really.
Would you be happy with everyone else's reaction to that, though? That would make me laugh a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My brother and my sister, yeah, a lot. No, I'm not a foodie.
I know that, Ed, you are a foodie. I feel that James is trailing some way behind you in the foodie stage.
I'm trying, I'm like Scrappy Doo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Scooby. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sometimes he goes mad and I have to put my hand on his forehead and he's just swinging around. Yeah, that's when he chooses a cheese board.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so are you the cheeseboard boy? No, you're the cheeseboard. How dare you say that? You're a pudding boy, I am.
I'm a pudding boy. You're a pudding boy, okay.
You don't look like a pudding boy.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Oh, you don't look particularly cheesy either.
No, there you go.

Speaker 1 Take that as a compliment. Yeah, yeah.
But, oh, it's not.

Speaker 1 So, sorry, where were we? I think we were going to talk about your tour.

Speaker 1 60 Plus. FFS, exclamation mark, XXL.
Yeah, they're trying to sort of make me do new material. So that's where the XXLs come in from.
That's them trying to make you do new materials.

Speaker 1 They add XXL and then that lights are fire, wouldn't you? Yeah, it's meant to.

Speaker 1 I wrote a show about being 60. I'm now 63.
So we've got to sort of update it, upgrade it, and all that. So it's got new stuff.
I mean,

Speaker 1 it genuinely has has as well because since i was last on the road my mum's died and i've had a grandson so you know there's a there's some life-changing stuff going on and i do i do have uh some material about being at my mother's deathbed which involves food about how

Speaker 1 this ridiculous situation occurred i don't know whether you've ever done the deathbed vigil not yet no right well another bit of your podcast would be what would you eat if you were uh waiting at someone's deathbed for them to die what snacks are good new features because that's a different because people are always like what would your last meal be?

Speaker 1 But it's a nice spin on that. Yeah.
Of what would, what would you eat while you're waiting for someone else to die?

Speaker 1 You wouldn't think you'd have much of an appetite, would you? No. No, not.
I love my mother so much. And my sister and I were there at the deathbed.
And

Speaker 1 it was one of those situations where they say, come quickly. So you drop everything and you just, and it's 250 miles and you do, and I hadn't eaten.
And because you're not thinking about food.

Speaker 1 You're not that you're thinking about getting to your mother's deathbed. So I'm there and I'll get there at two o'clock.

Speaker 1 And really, you know, they're saying it's last breath time and all this six o'clock. And I'm thinking, oh, I haven't had anything to eat.
You don't like to mention it, do you?

Speaker 1 My sister's, you start saying, Have you got a banana in your bag? Then it's eight o'clock, and there's a change of shift. And the nurse is popping their heads around.
I'm going home for my tea.

Speaker 1 And you're thinking, Oh, God, I wonder what they're having on chicken fajitas. Oh, I could really do with the chicken fajita.

Speaker 1 And you know, your mother, and all this, and you just, you don't, the last thing you expect to feel is is a bit peckish. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 And that's, that's where, and it was just after Christmas, it was January.

Speaker 1 My sister and I, in the end, we were resorting to going through my mother's locker and wardrobe to try and find leftover Christmas treats, you know, like there's tinder biscuits, nothing in there, you know, some old Byros.

Speaker 1 And you just,

Speaker 1 and there was a sort of box of um what are those Turkish Turkish delight? Yeah, fucking can't stand them.

Speaker 1 And, you know, we're licking, we're licking the residual sort of icing sugar because just to keep the energy up.

Speaker 1 And then you sort of, you're just thinking, oh, God, what are we going to do? And then it's crept into the next day. You just think, oh, God.
And they've locked the kitchen.

Speaker 1 They've locked the kitchen. They don't trust us.
Well, they're right not to. They can turn it to light up there.

Speaker 1 Just the icing sugar.

Speaker 1 And anyway, and then she died. And then suddenly you lose your appetite, don't you? So there we go.
That's my.

Speaker 1 Wow, you really hurried that story along.

Speaker 1 I thought there was loads more detail to come in. Sorry.
Very abrupt, Dead.

Speaker 1 Anyway, there we go. I wouldn't trust myself in that situation.
If I was with someone else at a deathbed, what if one of you's got a bag of crisps and the other one wants a crisp?

Speaker 1 Are you passing the bag over the person? It's a tricky as well. Because they say that your sense of hearing is the last thing to go.

Speaker 1 Do you really want the last thing for your loved one to hear is you crunching through a packet of monster munch? You know, it's kind of not the done thing, is it? Yeah, that's not great.

Speaker 1 It's not great. It doesn't feel good.
All she could hear was my stomach rumbling, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 I'm making noises like a washing machine, but there we go. Well, people could go and see the show.
And also, yeah, you're doing the podcast tour as well. So loads of opportunities to see your life.

Speaker 1 It's boring, really, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Do you not get tired of yourself? Oh, yeah, yeah. Constantly.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, oh, not you again. You know, it's all those, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Now, we always start, Jenny, with still or sparkling water. Well, they're both quite dull, but I'll go sparkling,

Speaker 1 very clean glass, good glass, thin rim. I don't like a thick rimmed glass or mug or anything, really.
I like a thin rim

Speaker 1 for nah.

Speaker 1 And sparkling with ice and lemon. But what I would prefer on the side, and then I'll have some top, I'm always a very thirsty person because I talk a lot, I get quite dry.

Speaker 1 I'll have some tap water on the side as well, because otherwise it'll get expensive for you. Mind you, it's a fantasy restaurant.
You pay?

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 This will be the first meal you've ever had this value for money this is worth the money oh god my northern heartstrings relax

Speaker 1 um and i'd like some ginger beer on the side a good ginger beer ed'll know what i'm talking about yes good cloudy like proper ginger beer yeah old old jamaica is that

Speaker 1 i like that and i like the fentamines as well yeah yeah so i like ginger beer a lot obviously alcohol free i've not started drinking yet you'll know when i do

Speaker 1 um there will be alcohol involved in this meal jenny i have a question why is it just me who would know about the ginger beer and not james don't trust him

Speaker 1 i don't i don't think that he'd have the palate i'm not sure i might i think i might be underestimating the slightly he knows what he's talking about this guy honestly no no no i i i like it i'm happy to lean into this

Speaker 1 okay i might maybe i know i've i i honestly really enjoy your shows i really i just thought oh i now know what everyone's raving about they are it's it's really good and i've i've heard some really wonderful, lovely people.

Speaker 1 And what's clever is it's not just about food. They reveal quite a lot about themselves.
Yeah. Well, I'm going to be very buttoned up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You've already talked about your mother's death. Oh, God.
Remember that? We've already clenched that out, have you?

Speaker 1 Nowhere else to go, really. I'll backtrack now.
Anyway, there we go. I love

Speaker 1 the thin-rimmed glass specifying that. Because I would agree, and I would never think about...
Very few people come on here and think about the glass and the water. Almost nobody.

Speaker 1 No, i'm really fussy about glassware tableware i i don't do an listen i'm going to own up to how i eat at home because you know i'm making a nonsense of everything i say we barely ever eat at the table we haven't even got trays we haven't there are only two of us mostly uh i mean the lodger eats but yeah i've got the lodger the 22 year old uh niece lambda lodger lambda lodger we call her lambda lodger um she keeps her food separate um she eats a bit earlier than us we don't eat till 8 30.

Speaker 1 we eat on our knees and we don't have trays. We have good quality magazines.
Perfect. Pardon me.
When Jenny said we eat on our knees, will you imagine them knelt down? Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, I'd be fine.

Speaker 1 Because I'm a squatter. I'm a natural troglodyte.
I'm a floor squatter.

Speaker 1 But the old man

Speaker 1 is like, are we not allowed to say troglody? No, of course you are. You are.
Don't worry. No, no, you're not going to be a lot of people.

Speaker 1 I think it's just the way that you threw away the phrase natural squatter that made me laugh. Yes.
Just as if there's natural squatters and there's people who are unnatural.

Speaker 1 Well, you want to watch my bloke try and squat. He couldn't get back up.
You know, you'd have to. I'm the same.
Oh, really? Tight hips. Yes, he's very, and I'm very loose around it.

Speaker 1 Are you a natural squatter, James? Yes, I do yoga. Yes, James, for sure.
I do

Speaker 1 my squats. But like a year or two ago, not so much.
Yeah, yeah, you can flex those thighs. You must think you're going to have to start doing something

Speaker 1 with those, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so when I say on our knees, I mean the plates are on our knees. Okay, gotcha.

Speaker 1 And we don't have trays. The magazine.
We have good quality magazines. It might be an interiors.
It might be an El Deco. A glossy.
It'd be a glossy and quite thick.

Speaker 1 Good quality.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And Jeff can't throw a magazine away.

Speaker 1 We have hundreds of years of El Deco and wallpaper and interiors, hundreds of years of that. And you just eat off them.
We eat off them.

Speaker 1 See, in our house, and I thought this might be the case with you as well, but you're probably going to think we're disgusting. We have fancy cushions on the sofa and we have eaten cushions.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's disgusting.

Speaker 1 So it's just one of the eaten cushions. Yeah.
We'll go on the knee, plate on top of the cushion. That's old folks' home stuff, that.
Yeah, it's slovenly.

Speaker 1 That is really, really slovenly because they must be splattered and

Speaker 1 they must smell. It's stinked.
Well, one side, so you only do it on one side, and then when you're done, that's the side that

Speaker 1 goes away from prying eyes. Have you heard of the cushion tray? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It is, james is right it's we are entering old people's home territory but this is a tray you know it's a hard tray but it's got a soft bottom um yes i love it well i want it there is there is your christmas and birthday gift rolled into one i think i just want to live in an old people's home

Speaker 1 well i i honestly i can tell you you don't because you're quite a foodie and you're going to get mince yeah that's true yeah yeah you will complain about the food there one of my grandmothers went into an old people's home and that's all she would talk about when you went to visit how bad the food was yeah yeah and the tea they put stuff in the tea to make it thicker yeah so they don't have to swallow it that sounds quite good oh you'd like that one you like the thick tea yeah if you're in a rush honestly you you wouldn't

Speaker 1 and they give it you in a beaker as well just watch that just watch those sort of propensities when you yeah okay but slightly creative sheer

Speaker 1 cushion tray yeah i'd love that okay right i think i think a fan might you might get inundated with cushion trays will be sent you'll be sent some personalized cushion trays and the fan will do a photo print of their face on the cushion side.

Speaker 1 So that when you eat it,

Speaker 1 it's nuzzling your groin. Their lips are nuzzling your groin.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there you go. Again, fine.
That's what will happen.

Speaker 1 The ginger beer.

Speaker 1 So you've got your thin-rimmed glass, which I love. And the ginger beer is there on the side.
Is that in a can still? Or in the Fenterman's bottle? Or have you got that in a different...

Speaker 1 I don't mind drinking from a bottle or a can at all, but I think in this situation, we'll glass it up. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll have a similar thin-rimmed glass yeah and you want this topped up throughout the meal

Speaker 1 ginger beer not used before yeah I you know this has got to be an endless font yeah yeah and fiery you want fiery

Speaker 1 I like yes but not silly yeah and there's a terrible soda poppy one which people keep getting in the in the Tate modern or and the Tate Britain and I every time I go to the Tate I think not that fucking awful ginger beer and I've had words I've I've had words I have so this is not the best.

Speaker 1 This is not your best ginger beer. Yeah, yeah.
They've got to start. Yeah.
I'll put their game at the table.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Where do you stand on ginger ale? Confused, slightly.
It reminds me of my father and sort of 70s drinks and Boxing Day drinks parties and possibly alcohol going into it as well.

Speaker 1 What do you have with ginger ale? Is it whiskey and ginger ale?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I see. I can't do whiskey.
I really can't do whiskey. You know, whiskey and I don't...

Speaker 1 You should never give whiskey to certain women. Bad-tempered women should never drink whiskey.
You know,

Speaker 1 I'm prone to shout at buses anyway, but you know, give me whiskey and I'm just there shaking my fist and calling God an arsehole. It's not.

Speaker 1 I don't know. That sounds funny.
Well, it sounds like a laugh

Speaker 1 for us. Yeah, there's a very short-lived laugh.
There we go. But I'd rather have, yeah, I think ginger ale.
I'd rather have booze in than ginger beer. Ginger beer is nice on its own.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's got its own stuff going on, right? Yeah. Poploves or bread.
Pop logs or bread, Jenny Claire. Pop Pop-doms or bread.
Okay, right. That was so good.

Speaker 1 That was a big one, wasn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're in this studio. Is it called Plosive? Yes.
Yes. Oh, you did a very plosive pee then, and I got some of it in my face.
Yes. I'm quite glad I'm wearing glasses.

Speaker 1 So, Pop-Doms or Bread. I'm going to go.
Can I have a scandy basket? rather than an either-or. When I say a scandy basket.
Yeah, please, please.

Speaker 1 You know, if you have breakfast in like Norway, Oslo, I say Norway, well done, you know, Sweden, places like that. And I like those.
It's like a big round Rye Vita.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 But they're better than Rye Vita. They're a harder, crisper.
Yes. And they sometimes made on the premises in the good hotels because they're very good at breakfast.
I'm a big, big breakfast fan.

Speaker 1 So I do like that scandy kind of, I like a dark bread. I like a pumpernickel.
I like that sort of thing. Yes.
You're getting Benito to Google what that, what those bigger scandy crackers call.

Speaker 1 It's like a crisp bread, right? Yes, it is. It's a big crisp bread.
And they make them in the round. They're like as big as a driving wheel almost.
Oh, wow. You can get them in Ikea.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can get them in Ikea.

Speaker 1 Along with the Lingonbury jam. Yes.
And

Speaker 1 I'm a big condiment girl. Big, big on the condiment.

Speaker 1 Not so much on the condoms.

Speaker 1 It's either or. Yeah, yeah, I'm not eating that.
Well, everybody's got to pick a team. Yeah, suddenly I've got the taste of a condom in my mouth and I don't want it.

Speaker 1 Well, here's the thing. What if you had to smuggle some condiments through customs? How would you do it? I'd fill them.
Yeah, I'd fill a condom full of lingonberry. Swallow it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That would be. And then if it bursts and you'd say, I'm having a very heavy period.

Speaker 1 Even though I'm 63.

Speaker 1 Periods for 12 years. Anyway, you asked for it, didn't you, boys? There we go.
I kind of did ask for it, but like, I don't know if it would burst.

Speaker 1 Don't try and take Jenny on at this go.

Speaker 1 Don't use me as your condiment mule.

Speaker 1 i'll be as a good

Speaker 1 yeah so

Speaker 1 so you want like a basket of mixed scandinavian breads and crisp breads and crackers and all of that tea is delicious and i don't eat butter right uh i haven't eaten i don't know whether you know this about me uh because i do bang on about it but i used to be anorexic and

Speaker 1 people do look at me now as if to say oh i didn't know you could recover that well

Speaker 1 sort of but i was anorexic at obviously drama school triggered it because um drama school in the i went to to drama school 78 to 81 at a time when people were still allowed to be vicious to um you know i've got the lambda lodger uh and it's all you know she's at drama school and i mean it's incredible the education she's getting and a lot of it is about consent and a lot of it is about you know how to behave towards people and all this kind of thing

Speaker 1 And when I went to drama school, the teachers are allowed to call you fat girl.

Speaker 1 So and I was, I mean, all of the women girls in my year ended up with some kind of psychosis

Speaker 1 and there were quite a lot of eating disorders

Speaker 1 around at the time and I really I think I struggled until I was about 27.

Speaker 1 So it's it can be I mean it is it's a bad illness because it is it's still of a lot of the mental health illnesses it's one that still has quite a high death rate and you do have to

Speaker 1 it's it's a very weird one because it's so obvious how to get out of the box you've locked yourself in. You just eat some food and you just won't give yourself the permission to do that.
So

Speaker 1 I made my parents and everybody around me very miserable for quite a long time. But yeah, so sorry, you've gone very quiet.
No, just letting you speak, Johnny.

Speaker 1 I was thinking, haha, how's this for buttoned up?

Speaker 1 I forgot. We got you, Claire.
We got you. Yeah, just, I'll start crying quite soon.

Speaker 1 You were saying you don't eat butter. And that is probably my last leftover thing from anorexia.
I used to have lots and I don't eat chocolate either and I don't eat pastries.

Speaker 1 I know it's your producer Ben's birthday today and there's something sticky and delicious. Yes.
And it's not just me.

Speaker 1 Love it.

Speaker 1 Love it. And

Speaker 1 I just,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't do that. But I used to not eat pastry as well, but I have a terrible...
I love a pork pie. Yeah.
Yeah. And I had a 63rd birthday recently.

Speaker 1 And my friend Judith that I do Older and Wider podcast with sent me a four pound pork pie.

Speaker 1 It was like the size was a very small baby

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 this is a true story right so the courier because it came from Oxfordshire I wasn't in so he put it he was meant to put it in my safe place right this pork pie but for some reason he decided that behind the bins wasn't good enough and what he'd do is throw it over my side garden wall into the back garden

Speaker 1 and when I realized that she sent me a pork pie I thought it was going to be smashed to pieces. No uh no This pork pie was so solid and the crust was so thick, there wasn't a crack in it.

Speaker 1 It survived the throw. It's because they're built for like miners to drop down shafts and stuff.
This is it, exactly. And I looked at this pork pie when I got it out.
It was absolutely perfect.

Speaker 1 I thought, I'm so tempted to stand on it to see if it'll take my weight.

Speaker 1 Oh, pork pie. I mean, pork pie, yeah.
That's just one of the finest things in the world. It was a good one.

Speaker 1 I do a TV show with the chef Tom Kerridge. Right.

Speaker 1 And me and the other judge on that show, Nisha Katona, had a bet with him once about something that was going to happen.

Speaker 1 Sort of, it was like a political bet about when everyone was, you know, there was a new prime minister and all of this. And we were like, who do you think's going to be appointed prime minister?

Speaker 1 And we had a bet going and the bet was for a pork pie. Right.
And Tom lost the bet. And luckily, he runs a two Michelin style restaurant called The Hand in Flowers.

Speaker 1 So he sent me a Nisha a pork pie each. And that this thing was double the size of my head,

Speaker 1 thicker than a Victoria sponge.

Speaker 1 It pork in it, but then also black pudding throughout it as well.

Speaker 1 It is, I think, best thing I've ever tasted. And I just, every 10 minutes I'd be at the fridge going...
Just a little sliver. A little sliver.
A little sliver.

Speaker 1 This is the first time I'm hearing about this. Is it? Yeah, I hear about this delicious pork pie best thing he's ever tasted.
If you notice, I'll be around getting in that fridge. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you not bring some in? No, no, no. He's a very mean man.
He's very mean, man.

Speaker 1 Where are you on the pork pie? I've also got where... Pork pie boy? I like pork pies.
I would say that, yeah, I like, it has to be a really rich, buttery pastry in Christ.

Speaker 1 If it's not, then I get all sad about it.

Speaker 1 I've got over the jelly stuff now, I'm fine about that. When I was a little kid, I didn't like it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and when it's got a little bit of something extra, like some black pudding in there, then obviously, gourmet, I'm all for it.

Speaker 1 Guess who's still scraping the jelly off my partner, my 74-year-old partner. Of course, yeah, because he's got the taste buds of a six-year-old.
He loves jelly and ice cream, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he likes, yeah, it'd be all right if it was strawberry jelly inside the pork pie. He'd be really lovely.

Speaker 1 You're not having butter, are you having anything

Speaker 1 buttery?

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Please may have some uh philadelphia low-fat cream cheese thank you absolutely i love i love filly i love filly i like the clean taste of filly i don't like a claggy taste no and i find butter too claggy right i mean obviously i'll eat it in a pork pie pastry yes but not by itself no so you want the uh this this swedish scandal scandy basket with a crack of bread and some Philadelphia light yeah thank you delicious there we go

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Speaker 1 Your dream starter. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, quite dull.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry about this. I've really thought about this and I've thought, well, no, have what you like because quite often I don't have what I like and I call it menu masochism.

Speaker 1 And I think it's something that women really suffer from much more than men. You know, if my, if I go out with Jeff to eat, not that we do because we're too mean, but you know, if we ever did,

Speaker 1 he would just look at a menu and he would not, he wouldn't panic about it. He wouldn't get into, oh, God,

Speaker 1 can you give me another 25 minutes? Thank you very much indeed. And he would go, I'll have the steak, I'll have it medium well done.
I'll have chips. And if you put some vegetables on that, it's fine.

Speaker 1 I'm not fussed. And then I'll have, oh, some apple crumble.
And some, I'll have that.

Speaker 1 No trouble at all. Of course, Jess's having a steak medium well done.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm suspecting turkey dinosaurs.

Speaker 1 I was expecting bite to the baked beads. Only.
Only.

Speaker 1 I'm there going, well, I've never had curried whelks before. Maybe I should try those.
And my daughter's inherited this from as well. And

Speaker 1 every time we eat out, more or less, another reason why I don't eat out is is we choose the wrong thing we choose the uh some fish we've never had before that turns out to be the boniest fish in the world

Speaker 1 and it's just it's a misery and you're just sort of thinking what oh god this is just a a nightmare i completely i i genuinely do the same thing yeah but also i've got we've talked about it on the podcast before a terrible habit of choosing what i want as soon as the menu comes then if someone else i'm with orders the same thing i have to i have to change what what i'm having well what what what's that all about because if we're going somewhere I feel like we should have the full breadth of the menu.

Speaker 1 We should experience as many different things as possible. Yeah, but you're not sharing, are you? No, but I just feel as a table.
I don't refuse to do that. Well, I don't refuse to do that.

Speaker 1 I'll happily share someone else's. No, Richard D.
Grant is a refuse nick on the sharing. He will not share.
Yeah. I'd like to share a meal with it.
He's a nice man. Very nice man.
Very nice man.

Speaker 1 So, okay, so, right. Okay.
You're quite difficult then.

Speaker 1 Right. What about you, James? The honest.
I'm happy with. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll get whatever. and then i like it when if i'm with someone who's a sharer and we get different things great we can try and

Speaker 1 swap them but like uh yeah i don't mind getting the same thing as someone else especially if i've never been there before and i really want to try that dish yeah but imagine imagine the scene jenny everyone gets the same dish then what's the discussion after the meal you go oh we all enjoyed that night's over i don't really talk about food that much

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm greedy, as you know, obviously, but I'm not that. I don't really, I haven't got much to say.
Sorry, anyway, my starter.

Speaker 1 i again it i'm going a bit scandy i want a fish platter but without any bones you know a bone-free i don't like bones i don't like them any circumstances whatsoever i don't like a bone chicken thigh if i'm cooking a chicken something or other it's got to be boneless i'm not having bones yeah and and jeff's very bone phobic because he wants mr ferry when he was five because he got a bone stuck in his throat and it ruined a family holiday and he's never been allowed to forget it or something so he's jenny give me a second with that you've packed a lot of information to that story there, and I've got to imagine it all play out.

Speaker 1 Jeff is bone phobic because he missed a ferry when he was five because he got a bone stuck in his throat. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's bone phobic. And I'm bone phobic as, well, we don't like bones.
What can I say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Jeff prefers food he can mash with a fork.

Speaker 1 You know, he likes that. But is he bone phobic because he got the bone stuck in his throat? Or was it specifically because he missed a ferry? It was because he missed a ferry.
And that merged as well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it made his life difficult for a while because it was a family holiday and it all got a bit... Oh, God.
So, and then he focused, he's focused on the bone thing. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I shouldn't have got the bone stuck in my throat. Yeah, guilt, guilt.
It's amazing what things, you know, things when you're a child, when you're a child, what an impact it can have in your life.

Speaker 1 Where was the fairy going to? I've no idea. And was never interested enough to ask.
You know, when you're sort of quite interested up to a point and then you go, that's enough detail.

Speaker 1 So this fish platter will be...

Speaker 1 There'll be the, okay, we'll have some smoke. We'll have salmon.

Speaker 1 And I want it 70s style.

Speaker 1 You know, when they used to dress a salmon like a fish right poached salmon and I want it with olive eyes and cucumber gills properly done yeah you know a pale pink and pretty I like and a prop you know nice I'm quite fussy about china and plates and things you know I'd quite like you know the state banquets I'd quite like to borrow their I'd like to see what they eat off I couldn't do gold though I couldn't have metal on a you know metal plate that would annoy me and I can't eat you know when sometimes you're eating a boiled egg and someone's giving you a silver spoon it's a bit tarnished it's the worst taste in the world.

Speaker 1 You know, there's some things, and if cutlery is badly balanced, you know, some people, they think they can reinvent cutlery and then it'll sort of be weighted in the wrong direction.

Speaker 1 And whatever you do with it, it's on the floor and you think, oh, for fuck's sake, you know, it's just a knife and fork. But I want a classic knife and fork.
I want it nice. Yes, classic.

Speaker 1 And I like nice plates.

Speaker 1 Do you need, you know, fish knives, the flat ones? Yeah. Why are they necessary? Why are they there?

Speaker 1 They are there because there was a time in history when people didn't know what to buy each other for wedding presents.

Speaker 1 And it's as simple as that, really, I think. It was a fish canteen.
Yeah. They were called.
Yes. But is it to get it off the bone if it's on the bottom? I think it's a bad bone.

Speaker 1 So you definitely don't need that for this.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no. I prefer to be eating some of this with my fingers.
That's another, you know, that's another reason why I don't go to restaurants. You know, it can be a pig.

Speaker 1 And I have smoked salmon as well. I do love char-grilled octopus.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You know, really sticky, really sticky. I want some lobster in here.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'll have it out of its shell because otherwise I get in a mess, you know, and it all goes under my fingernails. Shell's a bone by a different name.
It is. Yeah, you're not shallophobic.

Speaker 1 You're bona phobic.

Speaker 1 Sorry, bone phobic, not bona phobic.

Speaker 1 You're bone phobic. Bone phobic.
I think I might have just since developed shallophobic. Yeah, I'm bonophobic because I've got one stuck in my throat, Mr.
Trainer.

Speaker 1 Is that true? You see, I'm very gullible as well. No, I'm just making her joke.
Even though he got a bonus stuck in his throat.

Speaker 1 You've got a bonus stuck in his throat.

Speaker 1 I was making a sort of dick dick jam.

Speaker 1 I'm quite deaf as well, so I didn't really hear. You had to really enunciate the dick jams properly.
He said he was bona fire. He shouted them in my face.

Speaker 1 So I got this boner stuck down my throat because I was gobbling on a boner. That's how you had to do it.

Speaker 1 And massive prawns, really massive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I want their shells quite loose.

Speaker 1 I want a loose shell. So you don't mind the shell on the prawns? No, because I can slide my fingernails under, but I get to.

Speaker 1 What I'll have with the lobster, because I'm going to take my time with this meal. I'm really sorry, boys, I could be here sometime.

Speaker 1 I'll have a pad of very good quality watercolour paper, and I might have a little pan of watercolours, and then I might, I'd like the lobster shell on another plate, and then I might take some time to paint a still life of the lobster shell.

Speaker 1 Now, that's definitely a first. Yeah, we've haven't someone do it, we haven't had anyone do watercolours before.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, no, that would be,

Speaker 1 if I ever get the opportunity to send you a picture of a still life of a lobster, I'll do that for you. Please.
There you go. Just stick it on the wall.

Speaker 1 This is already, it's quite a soothing meal then, a very relaxed meal. You're taking your time.
You're doing your painting. Take my time.
Yeah. It's so nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I'm not paying for this at the end. I'm really going to enjoy it.

Speaker 1 And I want, I don't want Ayuri. Yeah, yeah.
I don't want that. I want mayonnaise.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I know people say they can make their own mayonnaise and they're all very fussy about it.

Speaker 1 I want Hellman's Light. Yeah, that'll do me.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a classic. A Hellman's is an absolute classic.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, Philadelphia Light, Hellman's Light. It's a theme.
Yeah, yeah. Remember, ex-anorexic.
Yes. I've got to cling to

Speaker 1 some of the rules.

Speaker 1 And I quite like some crudeté on the side, just to sort of give myself some textural mix. Yes.
I like radishes. Oh, I love a peppery radish.
A really, really sharp pepper.

Speaker 1 Cold, crispy, peppery radish.

Speaker 1 Once went somewhere and they were offering them as a starter with butter well yes well that buttered radishes well that's that's your nightmare of course it's ruining something you love with ruin a radish yeah whereabouts was it did they do it at quotis that was a quovardis yeah yes have you had buttered radishes uh i didn't have them no i didn't that i think someone else ordered them yeah

Speaker 1 couldn't do i've not had buttered radishes i think i mean look i would i would happily try them but it didn't it didn't no it didn't float your boat did it no no why would it radishes what else is is on the crudeter?

Speaker 1 I can't remember what else you can get in crudets. I quite like celery, but it's not all that, is it? No.
Cucumber sticks.

Speaker 1 I'm now eating what my grandson eats, really.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's radishes. Carrots.

Speaker 1 It's a bit dull, isn't it? A carrot? Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, no, no, I've

Speaker 1 been radishes a little bit.

Speaker 1 The radishes are the best and they look good as well. So if I can't manage the painting of the,

Speaker 1 what was that thing? I said,

Speaker 1 that's it. I'll do radishes because I know I can do them.
Yes, great. The radishes.
Do those from memory.

Speaker 1 Your dream main course.

Speaker 1 Okay. What about where I'm eating? You usually ask your guests where.
That's true. We sometimes do something.
Do you have a specific pernotation?

Speaker 1 No, because that was the thing that was really confusing and foxing me. So I'm really glad you didn't ask.
But you brought it up anyway.

Speaker 1 Well, only because the choice, I have to, because last night I was awake thinking about this and um the trouble is i find it very difficult if i can't control the environment so i'm thinking about an ocean view and then i'm thinking you've had the seagull traumas from other people yeah and i was once um in cornwall and that and i it was a big bap i had

Speaker 1 with pastrami it was pastrami and hot mustard and cucumber and that and it took the whole thing it took the whole thing and i genuinely felt like a tippy hedron in birds you know i couldn't believe and no no one else on the beach batted an eyelid.

Speaker 1 It was like, it was so common to them. And I was hysterical, absolutely hysterical.
I was face down the sand screaming and going absolutely mental.

Speaker 1 And people just go, yeah, yeah, that happened to me last week. I thought, oh, sorry, I couldn't do a Cornish accent then, but you know what I'm trying to do.

Speaker 1 And that really, really upset me, really freaked me out. The whole bap.
The whole bap.

Speaker 1 Yeah, big, big. And I'd quite like to see that pigeon, not pigeon, seagull again, go, try this pork pie, mate.
Try and take that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no chances taking the pork pie. No chance.
Not with me hanging on to it.

Speaker 1 Four pound pork pie and 13 and a half stone clinging to it. Try that, mate.
So you don't want it anywhere in particular?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 then last night I was thinking the Orient Express because this is...

Speaker 1 But then people would be dressed up. They'd be in fancy dress.
And that makes my fists clench. Right.

Speaker 1 Well, you could be on the Orient Express just... by yourself or whoever you're eating with.
Yeah, that'd be good. I don't want anyone else.

Speaker 1 I love a view, you know, because it goes through, I'd like, you know, like the film merge on the orange express and i love a snowy landscape i love love love a snowy landscape that would do me that would really do me do you want there to be a murder that you have to solve at the end of the meal we we jeff and i love i mean we've gone through all the agatha christie's during lockdown when we were anxious we did them all on audio at night time and sometimes we've woke in the middle of night we'd have to say to each other do you want some more story we have some more story and but we've gone through all the agatha christie's and there's some dreg at agatha christie's and they are so bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah. She was still allowed to write when she was losing it.

Speaker 1 And there's some insane stuff. Some really, really, the lesser known Agathas, there's a reason why they're lesser known.
They're absolutely insane. You and Jeff listened to them before in the morning.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we try, we try. And then there's a point where we turn to each other and go, this one's shit.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I did think, and I do like those very cozy restaurants, you know, like an Andrew Edmonds, I'm sure you've been, you know, that kind of thing.

Speaker 1 But then I, you know, I'm, I'm quite wide and I don't like those when tables are very close together and you walk to the toilets and you've got other people's dinners up your backside.

Speaker 1 And I like my own house to eat at. I do like that because we I like watching telly while I eat.

Speaker 1 So what about the Orient Express, but you're in a compartment that looks like your own sitting room? No, no, I want it a bit posh than that.

Speaker 1 I'll have the Oringt Express, but no one dressed up in fancy dresses.

Speaker 1 No one else is on it. Snowy landscape and it's going to your house maybe? Maybe it goes straight to your house.
I don't mind. I don't mind having a jaunt, a trip, going on a bit of a holiday.

Speaker 1 But when I'm eating, the last thing I want to do is have a long way to get home.

Speaker 1 That's why sometimes if you're staying in a good posh hotel, there's nothing better than getting completely stuffed and a bit pissed and knowing that all you need to do is get in a lift to get to your room.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a beautiful feeling. That's a lovely feeling, isn't it? Rather than thinking, I've got to get an Uber after this and I can't move and I don't know where I am.

Speaker 1 You know, it's that sort of thing. So I do like, I like to know how I'm going to get to my own bed.
And if I'm on the Orient Express, I've got a... You've got your cabin.
Got my cabin.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's just you.
Jeff's not on it. No, Jeff's with me.
Jeff's on it. I'll go.
Otherwise, I get frightened.

Speaker 1 So your dream main course. Okay,

Speaker 1 and I haven't told you this. It's not very interesting, but I have an allergy to tomatoes.
which has ruined my life. And I only developed it in my late 40s.
Oh, wow. I know, I know.

Speaker 1 A lot of people think it's a hormonal thing. It's a sort of perimenopause kind of

Speaker 1 coincidental thing. I don't know, but any red seeded fruit, in fact, gives they give me mouth ulcers,

Speaker 1 and they're very small, but they're incredibly painful. It feels like somebody is constantly stapling the inside of your mouth.

Speaker 1 And this isn't good for people like us who talk for a living because I get them all around the inside of my gum lines and things like that.

Speaker 1 And everyone thinks I'm pissed anyway half the time. So it doesn't help.

Speaker 1 So I've had to eradicate all tomatoes out of my diet for oh it's years now it's it's it's a long time because it's all it's not just raw tomatoes it's all tomatoes all tomatoes devastating yeah it's tomato puree you know because people say oh it's just got a tiny bit of tomato puree and you go no you twat

Speaker 1 allergic to tomatoes you know that's why I've always got a sort of microwave cauliflower cheese on me yeah because people can't be trusted

Speaker 1 you've always got one on you well not now because I don't need to eat now but if I'm going out for a meal and I think oh I've forgotten to tell them or something I've got to have something an alternative with me, haven't I?

Speaker 1 You got the old microwave or cauliflower cheese? I like, I love cauliflower cheese. I really, really, really do.
So for this main cause, course.

Speaker 1 Sorry. God, it's hard.

Speaker 1 I'd like to sort of magically not have a tomato allergy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely. You've got a genie in the house.
Done. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you very, very much. Okay.
So do you know what I've craved for a long, long time and I've not been able to eat? A spaghetti bolognese. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's dull and I'm really sorry and it's not exciting and it's not foodie. But it's classic for a reason, Jenny.
Yeah. And you haven't had one in a long time.
I haven't had one in so long.

Speaker 1 And, you know, if I was being nice, I'd say I'd like my mum's, but it wasn't very good.

Speaker 1 I'd quite like to make my own. Or maybe I'd like my own in reserve because I know that I'd make it with so much love.

Speaker 1 And if I was allowed to cook with tomatoes and I'd just make, I'd make a meal of it, literally. I would, that would, you know, it'd be a thing of love.

Speaker 1 Tomato puree in there, tin of tomatoes,

Speaker 1 a bit of tomato ketchup. Oh, ooh, bang it in.
Because I try to make mince-based meals. My mother's was a bit watery.
She was a bit mean on the tomato puree.

Speaker 1 It was a bit pale brown sometimes, you know.

Speaker 1 I don't like garlic anymore either. I used to, but you don't like garlic anymore.
I don't like it anymore. It's not an allergy.
You just

Speaker 1 I've got a really, really heightened sense of smell, like stupidly, um,

Speaker 1 like a bloodhound.

Speaker 1 wow um and that again it's i'm on hrt yeah because otherwise i am very very depressed um hormone replacement therapy and i will take it till i die and it gives some people like me a heightened sense of smell a lot of pregnant women get this it's a hormonal thing why aren't the police using women on hrt to have you not seen us we're on leads

Speaker 1 sniffing along pavements um yeah it's it's it's sometimes it's great but sometimes it's it's quite offensive and garlic has suddenly gone into that, oh no, I can't. Wow.
Can't do it.

Speaker 1 Not heavily garliced. You know, garlic bread makes me...

Speaker 1 It's butter and garlic.

Speaker 1 Very bad nightmare. It's a geniic clair nightmare.
Oh, it totally is. So it'd be very, very light on the garlic, if any at all.

Speaker 1 And it would be a very bloody, heavy, red, red, probably a bottle of Chianti in there as well.

Speaker 1 You know, very slow cooked, long time. So the mince really breaks up.

Speaker 1 I make a terrible Shepherd's pie now because i can't use any tomato puree or anything and it's it's just dry yeah very very dry doesn't matter what you do it's always a bit dry people dread it i'm going i go shepherd's pie tonight lodge goes oh i've got i've got something it's fine cauliflower cheese in my bag

Speaker 1 i love that she's just called the lodger here that she's related to you oh absolutely love it daisy daisy lodger the daisy daisy yeah yeah yeah i do also like that You yourself say the shepherd's pie is awful and very dry, but you still make it regularly.

Speaker 1 You go, shepherd's pie, my terrible shepherd's pie today. Well, for you guys, I'm going to have a microwave collie power cheek.

Speaker 1 This is a disgusting.

Speaker 1 I mean, this is great. This is a...
Palmers and Lashings of. Oh, yeah.
You need

Speaker 1 lots of that. Yeah.
Right at the end. Yeah.
And some mayonnaise. Sorry.
It's a terrible habit. Hang on, what? Yeah.
Yeah, I have mayonnaise with everything. Right.
See everything.

Speaker 1 Well, you should have said this at the top of the episode. You have mayonnaise on your spaghetti bolognese.
Yeah, a little bit. Jenny.
Or a Greek yogurt, a little blob of Greek yogurt.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm very sorry.
Well,

Speaker 1 I respect you too much for it to

Speaker 1 affect how we carry on the episode, Jenny.

Speaker 1 I was about to ask you, because Joe Thomas has been on this podcast, Joe's spaghetti bolognese, and revealed that his recipe for spaghetti bolognese involves a lot of cream. He puts cream in it.

Speaker 1 And I was going to ask you it, because I thought, oh, Jenny O'Claire will tear Joe Thomas a new one. But then you've said you put yogurt and...

Speaker 1 I would never cook with cream. I don't like cream.
I think it's another claggy taste.

Speaker 1 And it's, you know, people rave on, I think think double cream is one of the most disgusting things in the world.

Speaker 1 And my idea of torture is being held down and a squirty can of squirty cream being pushed into my face.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 That's disgusting. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, no, Joe's wrong about his

Speaker 1 Spiette Bolognese recipe. Yeah.
Just wrong. Mine's better.
Some people put chocolate in as well. I think that's quite a newfangled thing.
That's sort of post-my generation of mince dishes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, like a very dark, a very dark. Very dark, yeah, yeah.
So

Speaker 1 not a Snicker bar. Why is it a sore subject? It's what sent me out of pointless.
I went on pointless. I had to name ingredients in pasta dishes and get a pointless answer.

Speaker 1 Tom Carriage again, wasn't it? Tom Kerridge's spaghetti bolognese. I went for chocolate because I thought

Speaker 1 it was grated chocolate in there.

Speaker 1 What was it?

Speaker 1 That sent me out. I got 100 points on that.
Yeah. Whatever it is.
What was it, though? Oh, there's loads of ingredients in all the different pasta dishes, but my partner, Joel Dommit,

Speaker 1 he had already got 100 on his one, so I had to get like pointless in order for us to go through. So I just had to take a big swing.
I could have said, you know, mince or whatever. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That would have been a correct answer. But instead, I've got an incorrect one and we crashed out and I looked like an idiot.

Speaker 1 Well, you don't because it's actually, a lot of people do use it in mince dishes. Yeah, yeah.
So who's the idiot now? Tom uses it in his chili concarny. Yeah, yeah.
But no.

Speaker 1 Listen, I've humiliated myself on more of those quiz shows than I dare, honestly.

Speaker 1 I've had some terrible terrible moments we did pointless together well i not for long because i was out first or second round you did you were you were oh god you were there he was bristling with it the oh i've never seen anyone so keen keen as muscle we got knocked out though you didn't did you yeah we got knocked out i think maybe one or two rounds after you but you got knocked out because you were with sophie hagan and and the category was uh carry-on films with only certain letters in them and sophie's from denmark obviously never seen a carry-on film and she said carry-on full english breakfast

Speaker 1 Which is a great way to go out. Yeah, yeah.
And I've been on with Linda Robson. We were also knocked out first round then as well, but it's just great because I hadn't seen her for a bit.

Speaker 1 We had a time for a quick gossip of two and a half hours. Linda's like the queen of Islington.
I've had such fun with her. And I mean, she takes her own bottle of tomato ketchup to Wagamama.

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Speaker 1 Oh, your dream side dish. Okay, well here, I might go a little bit, a bit Yotem.
Oh, yeah. A bit Yotem Otilengi.
And I saw a side dish on the insta.

Speaker 1 You know, like they sometimes whack things on that you're not even following, but you go, oh, that looks nice.

Speaker 1 And it was a Yotem and it involved rhubarb and burrata. Oh, yeah.
Now, with a pink peppercorn drizzly oil,

Speaker 1 apparently, which I haven't got in my house. So I just thought that.
And I like rhubarb and I like it in a savory. I went was once in Copenhagen and I had a lamb dish with the rhubarb.

Speaker 1 And it was one of those incidents that could have gone very menu masochism. and that she was a triumph.

Speaker 1 Right, yeah, so um, okay, so you've never had this dish, but you saw it and you thought, why not? And it looked so pretty as well.

Speaker 1 I do like pink on the plate, yeah, and that's yeah, that would be something. Very good at that making dishes look nice and fresh, yeah, seasonal and vibrant.

Speaker 1 And you go to the shop and you think, I want everything, I want everything, and Jeff just wants one of those big meringues.

Speaker 1 What pig meringue does Jeff want?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What pink meringue does Jeff want?

Speaker 1 He likes a big pink meringue, you know, one of those great pig meringues that they have. Oh, yeah, that's fair enough.
What I loved about that is it started as like a universal observation.

Speaker 1 We are like, yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1 And you do this, don't you? And it ended with, and then you go to the shop and Jeff wants a big pink meringue.

Speaker 1 I love that you've chosen a dish that you haven't had, but you want to have. That's very nice.
Yes. And that sounds delicious.
Burrata or always a hit. Always, yeah.

Speaker 1 So good. Yeah.
Yeah, I had it when I got married.

Speaker 1 I got married very, very late because I don't approve of weddings at all. I hate them, actually.
Although I like the food, buffet.

Speaker 1 So my favourite meal, actually, would be that would be if someone said, you know, the last meal before you're electrocuted in a chair for doing some terrible crime. Yes.

Speaker 1 What's the question? What crime?

Speaker 1 God, so many.

Speaker 1 A buffet, a proper sort of 70s wedding buffet, you know, which would have lots of cold cuts and salads, but they wouldn't be as good as Otilengi salads.

Speaker 1 They would, you know, maybe i'd go i'd go sort of semi 70s buffet slash otalengi yeah yeah little fusion yeah fusion definitely burata i had yes when i got married that was my starter lovely yeah can vegans eat it no no there were a few go what can i eat oh did you not bring something for yourself no i didn't say that obviously i said it's special vegan burata

Speaker 1 problem solved

Speaker 1 um well this sounds great i went to um one of the Ottodenki restaurants recently, and we'd had Yotem on our podcast. Yes.

Speaker 1 So I went there, and there were some people there because they'd heard the podcast episode, which is always nice.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 the chefs, because they'd listened to that episode as well, they sent out a little

Speaker 1 extra bits for me,

Speaker 1 which is obviously very generous. But it was lunchtime and I only wanted a small bite.
I was like, those motherfuckers.

Speaker 1 I didn't want all this food. So I got them back revenge.
I bought them a round of beers. Fuck you, chefs.
Do you like that? Well done, man.

Speaker 1 They'd love that. Huh? They'd have loved that.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't they? Yes. That's nice of you.
You did a good thing.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 They did the same thing to me. They sent me all the bread.
Did you buy them a round of beers? No, hell no. I love buying a round of beers.
They sent me all the bread options.

Speaker 1 As a type 1 diabetic, that's basically an assassination attempt. Yeah, yeah.
That was quite aggressive. Yeah.
Yeah. There's a plaque.

Speaker 1 At Cricket, they give you the option of buying a round of beers for the chefs. It's on the menu.
That's nice. What do you mean at cricket?

Speaker 1 There's a restaurant called Cricket. Oh, right.
I thought you were,

Speaker 1 you know, the oval.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I don't understand this. Okay, there's a restaurant called Cricket.

Speaker 1 Dream drink. Now, you said there was, you promised there was going to be booze.
Oh, there is booze, yeah. And it's limited booze.
This is not

Speaker 1 on a sort of tap like the ginger beer and the fizzy water and the tap water. Also, I'm like a camel.
I barely need to go to the lavatory, so don't worry about me, guys. I could sit feel your can go

Speaker 1 um, but Chardonnay, and I know, oh, you're wincing, Ed. No, I'm not wincing at all.
I actually he'll probably get a bit technical here, though, won't he? He'll go, yes, he will.

Speaker 1 Are we talking an oak barrel?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we are. Yeah, yeah, we're really oaky.
The Chardonnays are oaky. We're going really oaky.
We're going a dark yellow, like a UTI infection.

Speaker 1 That whole, yeah, because you hear that reputation about Chardonnay, it's ABC, C, anything but Chardonnay. People are quite sniffy about it, but I've had some lovely Chardonnay.
Lovely Chardonnay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, lovely. I drink it at home a lot.
Every night, every single night, I have a glass of Chardonnay and I put ice in it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what I do. Because the drink's never cold enough for me.
Never. Never cold enough.
I was a nightmare as a child.

Speaker 1 I used to, when my mother would try and give me milk and it had to be ice-cold, ice-cold milk. And I used to call it ice-cold.
Yeah, it's like ice-cold. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where do you stand on like slush puppies and stuff i don't have that sweet tooth i have knocked that out of me i just genuinely don't have it yeah so no i wouldn't do that

Speaker 1 what about uh chardonnay slush puppy oh now we're talking now

Speaker 1 oh if i could have one of those fancy fridges like mr swallow yeah um and and it came that but

Speaker 1 yeah when he was on your podcast oh yeah sorry yeah

Speaker 1 i i i thought you fucking hell i'm i'm i i thought you'd you meant to say mr frosty no

Speaker 1 no but but you are talking about Nick. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Nick.

Speaker 1 I don't know him. I know him as Mr.
Frosty. Yeah, yeah, but as well, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got one of those posh fridges that the crushed ice comes out.

Speaker 1 My dream would be to have a fridge that the crushed ice came out with Chardonnay.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Well, this is the dream restaurant, isn't it? Okay, I've got one of them.
Yeah. I've got on the Orange Express.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm so terribly excited. I'm taking it home.

Speaker 1 The problem with that, though, is that is a tap, essentially.

Speaker 1 So now you have constant access to a Chardonnay slush puppy oh I know it's got to dry it's got to run out it's got to be it's got to be three large glasses tops yeah quite a lot actually so yeah

Speaker 1 yeah I will be you know I'll be unconscious and out of action for two days would Jeff step in if no Jeff is not a drinker so he would he step in if you if you were like three glasses in and you were like oh yeah

Speaker 1 repeat him and say okay it's all same story all over again

Speaker 1 are they funny

Speaker 1 ghastly no he's a libertarian jeff He doesn't believe in telling people what to do. Right, unfortunately.
Even when you're like trashing the Orient Express. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's in the corner covered in meringue dust or whatever.

Speaker 1 He's gone crazy. No, I will not tell my wife to put on her clothes.
I'm a libertarian.

Speaker 1 And he'll stick to his one glass of, you know, Merlot or whatever. No, I will, I have learnt.
I have learnt with, you know, bitter experience to curtail my alcohol.

Speaker 1 So we'll just have the three large glasses glasses of Chardonnay slush that comes out of the tap.

Speaker 1 And you can take the fridge home as well. Yeah, thank you very much.
And I'll need some paracetamol for the morning. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll line that up. Yeah.
I might need a Gavascon chaser on this meal, by the way. That's fine.
Yeah, we can do that for sure. Okay, because I'm going to have some port in a bit.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Your dream dessert. Don't do dessert.
Don't do pudding.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 I thought that was maybe the one of the terrible words. What? No.

Speaker 1 Well, James is a pudding boy. Oh, God.
See,

Speaker 1 I always dread this situation

Speaker 1 because I can, you know, sometimes I really let rip on guests when they don't choose dessert. But sometimes

Speaker 1 there's guests who I don't feel comfortable letting rip. I can take it.
Because I'm either scared of them or I respect them too much. And this is a situation of both.
And

Speaker 1 so I'm going to have to just listen to to what you have to say and try and contain my anger right well i'll try and sort of play on your your sort of empathetic side which i i do believe exists yes and um i think it's a the a bit of the latent anorexia thing i think that i really okay do you see now how do you feel now james

Speaker 1 i'm glad i didn't fully go angry straight out of the gate aren't i i think that i when i was going through my greedier stages i was i did sort of stuff my myself with anything you know i've always been more savoury than sweet, but I, I did have a, my mother, we had a walk-in pantry at home because we lived in the north and people in the north can have these things like garages and pantries.

Speaker 1 And she, she was a good, if resentful cook. And she became more and more resentful about cooking as

Speaker 1 she got older and things got more and more burnt. But there used to be tins at the back of this pantry that were full of cakes and biscuits.

Speaker 1 She didn't work, so she, you know, felt she had to do this stuff and flapjacks and things like that and i would i'd be one of those children that would go in and i'd take the lid off every tin have a bit of everything you know i'd go in the pantry with a knife and i'd be hacking away at a fruit loaf and a this and a that and then she'd make rum toff as well you know what a rum toff is oh yes oh well jake well done here we go but we've weirdly got like like growing up so i i kind of know what what is but like

Speaker 1 there's a proper like

Speaker 1 uh ceramic like a ceramic thing that my parents have that says it on it so i would ask about what is this? But it's like, is it fruit something like... Yeah, in alcohol.

Speaker 1 Well, and I always had a taste for alcohol from a very early age. But I remember I used to, and it was fruit and it was booze.
And you have to leave it to stew.

Speaker 1 like for months until it's ready for Christmas. And I'd even prize the lid off that and I'd put a dirty spoon in it.

Speaker 1 So eventually when they did get it out at Christmas, it was just mold, just thick mold. So, you know, I had a lot of issues with food and guilt and stuff like that from quite an early age.

Speaker 1 And when I was coming out of anorexia, I found it the easiest thing not to have. I was terrified of getting very fat again.
And I was never very fat, but I was, you know, the size I am now.

Speaker 1 But at sort of 19, 20, I didn't want to be that. So I never, I never found my love for sweet things ever again.

Speaker 1 And in fact, then I sort of became quite political about chocolate and the way chocolate was forced down women's throats, this sort of advertising of chocolate, the sexual thing and the, and the, oh, you're so sad you're so lonely you're so have a great big slab of chocolate you useless bitch you know and I couldn't stand it I can't stand that sort of pressure on you know this in in WH Smith they used to you know and would you like a big fucking lump of cheap shit chocolate to go with that and you know go home and eat with your cat

Speaker 1 and I just that's been it for me I would like that we would like

Speaker 1 I would take some cheap chocolate home to eat with my cat yeah yeah well you know I don't know. I think I use it as an excuse, really.
But I've never, I've not, I think there's a deep fear as well.

Speaker 1 If I did start, I might never stop. Yeah, yeah.
So, you know, I have to have some rules.

Speaker 1 I cannot eat lunch till one o'clock. I cannot eat an evening meal till 8 or 8.30 unless I'm gigging, in which case I have to.
Lots of rules. Yeah.
Lots of rules. So.

Speaker 1 In that case, is there nothing for this course? Oh, no, of course, that'd be ridiculous.

Speaker 1 I'm going going cheese. Oh, yes.
Oh, man. I've got to be okay with it.
I heard the whole person.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sorry about that. But I am going cheese.
Yeah, I'm going cheese. Even though I'm going to be too full.
Yeah. You know, I've just had a side dish of rhubarb and burrata.

Speaker 1 Do I really need any more? Yeah, but if it's there, you can pick it up. Picking.
I'm picking. Yeah.
And I have some chutneys as well. I have a good fig chutney.
Yeah. Oh, nice.
And I might have some.

Speaker 1 Like a Fortnum's one. That's a good one.

Speaker 1 Well, do we have the same agent? We do.

Speaker 1 That's why I know about the fig chutney because it always comes in the Christmas hamper.

Speaker 1 Any particular cheeses, Jen?

Speaker 1 Well, I think I would take guidance from a cheesemonger.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I'd have maybe somebody who could come. I don't like a blue cheese.
I don't like, you know, the veiny cheese. I'm not into that.
I don't like...

Speaker 1 It's a bit like thin men on the beach with their legs out, you know, the veiny,

Speaker 1 thin men legs. You're earning blue cheese for me? Yeah, don't do blue cheese.

Speaker 1 Well, James,

Speaker 1 I have the skin tones of a jellyfish, to be quite honest, you know. And I love a baby bell.

Speaker 1 Hang on. You want a baby bell on your cheeseball? Oh,

Speaker 1 it turns out that we're both being angry as well.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just find the peeling of a baby bell one of the most satisfying things that an adult can do.

Speaker 1 So what if, I mean, this is a dream restaurant. What if we allowed you that peeling process, but within the wax was a nice cheese? Oh, God, that would be like magnificent, wouldn't it?

Speaker 1 It would have to be solid enough to peel and be and be the disc, like that perfect disc. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That would be amazing. I think that that is something that actually you should take on Dragon's Den.
Yeah. A foodie dragon's den.
Peelable, nice cheese.

Speaker 1 Surprise, peelable cheese, like a kinder egg, but yeah, like, oh, God, that's brilliant. Yes.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yeah, I'll have those.
I'll have just loads of baby bell surprise cheeses with good cheese inside. Thank you.
Perfect, but no blue. No blue.
But some like mature cheddars, maybe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that.
And do you want some of the crackers from the scandy basket to come back? I shouldn't really need them, should I? But, you know,

Speaker 1 I'd like a good... Can I have a pink lady apple or two? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. A palette cleanser.
Yeah, that'd be nice. The best apples.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 we were on a text group with a bunch of other comics. And for a while, quite the

Speaker 1 quite an aggressive debate broke out over what the best apples were. Well,

Speaker 1 there's no argument on this one well well what what were people saying granny smith a lot they were all saying granny smith we were very anti-granny smith and angry about it yeah sour very often sour

Speaker 1 thank you yeah i want a crisp pink lady we know where the best ones come from the fridge there's the fridge or yeah marks and spencer's

Speaker 1 i mean you know there's there are there are lots of supermarkets doing pink lady yeah but the marks and spencer's if you've got want good fruit you've got to go marks you love marks's

Speaker 1 i remember when i supported you on tour marks and Spencer Sandwich on your rider. Yeah, yeah.
Before we do wrap up, I'm going to go read you your menu back, but do you get sent a lot of a clair's?

Speaker 1 Because comedians get sent stuff

Speaker 1 often.

Speaker 1 And, like, you know, fans can sometimes come to shows and send stuff for you backstage.

Speaker 1 You must have been given a clair's before and been like, I don't want these. The older and wider audience know us better than to do that.
What would they know that we are,

Speaker 1 excuse me, sorry, diet coke?

Speaker 1 And I don't burp, but I did tiny one then.

Speaker 1 Coleslaw, we are big coleslaw fans. So the other side dish I was going to suggest was a celeriac remoulard,

Speaker 1 which is a posh version

Speaker 1 of coleslaw. Excuse me, now I'm burping myself.

Speaker 1 I absolutely love it. And I don't burp.
No, no, you don't. No, no, no, no, just, just, just now a million times on a podcast.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 you love Coleslaw, so is that what you're fancy? They do, they send us more savoury snacks, coleslaw, Worth as Originals,

Speaker 1 you know, classic old lady kind of things. Yeah, yeah.
Delicious. Right.

Speaker 1 Read your menu, Batchy, now. See how you feel about it.
You would like sparkling water in a thin-rimmed glass with ice and lemon and then a tap water and a ginger beer.

Speaker 1 And that to keep coming throughout the whole meal, which is on the Orient Express, of course. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Probably numbers of bread, you want scandy basket with crisp bread and Philadelphia low-fat cream cheese.

Speaker 1 Starter, boneless fish platter, salmon, 70s style, char-grilled octopus, lobster, shelled, so that you can then paint the lobster shell watercolor while you're eating this platter.

Speaker 1 Massive prawns with loose shells and light mayonnaise with radishes and cucumbers, crudetes on the side as well.

Speaker 1 Main course, you would like to make a spaghetti bolognese with loads of parmesan, loads of tomato everything

Speaker 1 in it really, really red. And maybe a blob of mayonnaise at the end.
A side dish, otalengies, rhubarb and burrata with pink peppercorn drizzle.

Speaker 1 never had it before it'd be a first am i even willing to chuck in the uh celeriac

Speaker 1 yeah i think so too your drink you would like uh well you'd like to have a slush puppy machine that uh uh that's in a fridge that puts out chardonnay slush three large glasses and then it caps off and it doesn't let you have any more uh

Speaker 1 alcoholic sensitive yes yes it is very considerate fridge dessert uh full cheese board which has surprise baby bells that when you open them there's really nice cheese in them with the fig chutney from the Avalon Christmas hamper,

Speaker 1 pink lady apples. And even though you didn't say it just then, I believe you'd like a glass of port with that.
Oh, God, I want port with that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If I don't finish this meal with gout,

Speaker 1 I won't, you know, I want it all over again. Yeah.
Gaviscon Chaser as well. A Gaviscon Chaser, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So port, Gaviscon Chaser.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's, I'm, I'm now replete. Yeah.
And I will stagger to my bed. To your cabin.
To my cabin. And it will be by now.

Speaker 1 It's snowing now like crazy. And it's a dark, dark night.
I might hear a bear. No, I won't because I'm scared of bears.

Speaker 1 Maybe you put your stories. Maybe you put merchants.
Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah. Jeff and I would enjoy that.
Yeah, we would. That'd be lovely.

Speaker 1 I'm having such a great time. I can't tell you.
Cozy, cozy, cozy. I've got the top bunk.
Jeff's in the bottom bunk. Good night, Jeff.
It's bunk beds. You don't get a sweet, even in your dream.

Speaker 1 Jeff's at the bottom.

Speaker 1 Some random guy across the other side of the room. No, no, no one else is on this train, but we have choice of bunk beds, and obviously, I've gone to the top.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Is there anything better than being on the top bunk? No, I can't. Sleeping next to your husband? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Jenny, thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant. Thank you, Jenny.
Absolute pleasure. I've had a lovely time.

Speaker 1 Well, there we are, James. That was a great episode with Jenny.
I mean, I think we learnt so much about Jenny

Speaker 1 about Jeff. Yes.
Also, a really good menu. When I read it back at the end, I was like, I didn't really take the time to appreciate how delicious this was.

Speaker 1 A very good menu that I would argue was absolutely soiled with mayonnaise. Now,

Speaker 1 mayonnaise with the fish starter, yes, please. Yeah.
Mayonnaise on the bolognese.

Speaker 1 We had to let it go. We had to let it go, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean.

Speaker 1 And then adding the Solariat Remoulard. Yeah.
So there was mayonnaise on the side as well.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And, you know, she didn't mention it, but I know she's dipping that cheese in mayonnaise at the end.
One of them is baby bells. You probably peel it and it's just mayonnaise inside.

Speaker 1 Just a big glob of mayonnaise. Yeah.
But look, broadly, a fantastic menu. Yes.
And, you know, I didn't even get that angry at the lack of dessert. Well, I'm glad you didn't.
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I know that Jeff is in the same room. Yeah.
Eating his body weight in meringues. Yeah.
So I'm okay. Big pink meringues and jelly and ice cream.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I loved that episode.

Speaker 1 Do go and see Jenny on tour. 60FFS XXL.
Yeah, 60 Plus FFS XXL.

Speaker 1 That is touring now, that show. And do listen to Jenny's podcast that she does with Judith Holder.
Older and Wider, available wherever you get your podcasts. We've been sent some food.
Oh, also.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Jenny, for not saying the Claire. Oh, thank you, Jenny.
We've been sent food, Ed. Yes, and we'd like to say thank you for that food.
Yes, because it's nice of people to send us the food.

Speaker 1 First of all, actually, thank you to the people at Rovi for sending me that food. Yeah, when I went in,

Speaker 1 I did. I very much enjoyed it.
Yes. I didn't have anything to do with it.

Speaker 1 You know what? I'm going to steal that little

Speaker 1 trick of buying the chef's a beer. It makes you feel so good.
Yeah, that's great. It's real class.
Because that's what you have to do in sushi restaurants, you know, in Japan. Is it?

Speaker 1 There's no tipping in Japan.

Speaker 1 So the traditional thing to do is buy the chef a beer. I love that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I really recommend it to everyone listening.

Speaker 1 If you like it and you don't want to go

Speaker 1 if you feel a bit awkward doing compliments to the chefs or whatever,

Speaker 1 buy a round of beers for the chef. Also, sometimes you don't really know how they do the tips or where the tips go or anything like that.

Speaker 1 So if you say buy the chefs a beer, there's a tangible thing that's going to the person that's cooked your food. Definitely going.
A lovely thing to do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And obviously if they don't drink, you can buy them a ginger beer. Yeah, buy them a ginger beer, a Diet Coke.

Speaker 1 You know i could keep listing drinks yes we've been sent some coffee james from round hill roastery i'm wide awake this i mean look it's brilliant the stuff that we get sent because it gets sent to the to the studio to the plose of studios i'd say this is the most well-stocked podcast studio slash live promotions office in london yeah yeah we have a lot to offer our guests when they come here including the coffee from round hill roastery We also got sent some beers from Rooster Brewery.

Speaker 1 Which I'm sure will get drunk at some point when we have one of our sexy late night episodes or more likely the Implosive Christmas party.

Speaker 1 Yes, or more likely after a real tough edit, Benito will drown his sorrows on his own here. Yes.

Speaker 1 Talking to Toaster about us. Yeah.
They don't appreciate my toast.

Speaker 1 Also, thanks to the Deslade Farm Shop, James. Oh.
Sent us a lovely hamper of things. I believe the things I took home were some chocolate-covered honeycomb,

Speaker 1 which my wife ate.

Speaker 1 She enjoyed it.

Speaker 1 Some lovely granola, which I ate, and also some negroni, which I'm yet to have, but I'm very excited by. Thank you, Desload Farm Shop.
All is forgiven for looking Harry Potter under the stairs.

Speaker 1 Thank you very much for listening. We'll see you again next week, probably.
Bye-bye. Goodbye.

Speaker 6 Hi, it's Paige DeSorbo from Giggly Squad.

Speaker 10 You ever stand in front of your closet and just say, I have nothing to wear while you're literally surrounded by clothes?

Speaker 14 Because same.

Speaker 17 So I started listing pieces I'm over on Depop, and honestly, it's been amazing.

Speaker 22 You can sell what you're done with, and someone out there will love it.

Speaker 26 And the best part about it is there's no seller fee, so the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic.

Speaker 29 It's also insanely easy.

Speaker 30 I listed something while watching TV and it sold before the episode even ended.

Speaker 35 So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit could be someone else's new favorite.

Speaker 37 Depop, where taste recognizes taste.

Speaker 38 Payment processing fees, boosting fees still apply.

Speaker 42 For more info, visit dpop.com.

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Speaker 1 Total point treatment.

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Speaker 6 Hi, it's Paige DiSorbo from Giggly Squad.

Speaker 10 You ever stand in front of your closet and just say, I have nothing to wear while you're literally surrounded by clothes?

Speaker 14 Because same.

Speaker 17 So, I started listing pieces I'm over on Depop, and honestly, it's been amazing.

Speaker 22 You can sell what you're done with, and someone out there will love it.

Speaker 26 And the best part about it is there's no seller fee, so the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic.

Speaker 29 It's also insanely easy.

Speaker 32 I listed something while watching TV, and it sold before the episode even ended.

Speaker 35 So, download the Depop app and list your first item today, because your old outfit could be someone else's new favorite.

Speaker 31 Depop, where taste recognizes taste.

Speaker 38 Payment processing fees, boosting fees still apply.

Speaker 42 For more info, visit dpop.com.

Speaker 1 Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont. And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact.

Speaker 49 Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding.

Speaker 50 That is what we've heard, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 49 This changes people's lives.

Speaker 50 If you had to sum it up, how would you sum it up?

Speaker 49 An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals. Because it used to be considered so honourable, like sumos and they all live together, sumos.

Speaker 50 No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just messaged loads of Dereks? I don't think people know that.
I emailed a hundred Dereks.

Speaker 1 I don't think it was Derek's. I thought it was Brian's.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook.

Speaker 50 Our podcast is out every Friday. It's really easy to remember.
It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first day you feel alive again.

Speaker 49 Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, one of the hottest podcasts. People are going crazy for this podcast.

Speaker 50 Yeah, please give it a listen.

Speaker 49 We're loaded up on Buzzballs. We've got a Laboo Boo in both hands, and we are ready to screech.