Ep 190: Kiell Smith-Bynoe

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

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It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, Opening the Packet of Humor.

Smelling the crisps of great times, tearing the packet at the side, and opening it up for everyone to enjoy.

Bangerang!

That's a gamble.

My name is James Edcaster, and we have a dream restaurant, and we're inviting a guest in.

We're going to ask them their favorite ever start, a main course dessert, side dish, and drink.

Not in that order.

And this week, our guest...

Kyle Smith Bino.

Kyle Smith Bino, a wonderful actor,

comedian, writer.

He's one of these polymaths, James, if that's the right word.

Polymath.

Is he a polymath?

Is that the right word?

We're good at multiple things, polymaths.

You can do all that.

Yeah, yeah, I think.

Kyle is those.

He's a polymath.

He is in two of the best recent British sitcoms.

Got to be happy with that.

To be able to straddle both of those.

Yeah.

Ghosts and Stathlets Flats.

Yeah.

Pretty good going.

He's got his own sketch comedy, Blap called Red Flag.

Yep.

That's available on all four, I guess.

Yeah.

He's great fun.

He's great fun.

We had a little off-menu meal recently and Kyle came to it.

and had such a great time.

We were like, we have to record this.

Get this guy on the pod, but get this guy off the pod if he says anything that is our secret ingredient that we have come up with in advance.

Absolutely.

And this week, the secret ingredient is ghost pepper.

Ghost pepper.

Linked, of course, to the fact that Kyle's in ghosts.

But also...

I don't want it.

I don't want ghost pepper.

No, this isn't a challenge show.

It's not like, oh, let's show how much heat we can take.

It It doesn't taste nice.

No, a ghost pepper.

It just makes you sick for days.

Panic attacks.

Yeah.

Ed just did a burp.

Thinking about the ghost pepper.

I did.

Ed's got some food at the minute.

We have a bit of food before Kyle gets here.

And Ed has ordered himself.

A fart in a box.

Yes,

some broccoli.

Some char-grilled broccoli.

Yeah, some salad.

And then he just added, this is optional, a boiled egg.

So he's there with that now.

And I've got a block nose from a cold, unfortunately, so I can't smell what you guys must be smelling right now, which is basically like an old man's trousers.

Yeah, so the old man's trousers.

The old man's done the belt up really, real tight, and then he's put belts around his ankles and done those up real tight.

So the trousers has completely filled and then he's just guffed all day long.

And now Ed's ordered it on delivery

and it's got it.

Yeah, and I would imagine it stinks.

This is the off-menu menu of Kyle Smith Bido.

You're not joining in on that?

Just me?

No, I was just, I was taken by surprise.

Yeah, yeah.

Welcome, Kyle, to the Dream Restaurant.

Welcome, Kyle Smith Bilo, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting it for some time.

There we are.

That interrupts the person as they start saying thank you.

Oh, right.

I didn't know if there was more to the intro.

I was waiting to interrupt.

I thought it was a double.

But then you just looked at me.

No, and I like that.

You're the first person who's waited for the genie to appear rather than be interrupted by the genie.

And I like that.

It felt polite, but also you had a natural air of authority that I appreciated.

Yeah, man.

You looked at me as if to say, and

yeah.

Because normally people rub a lamp, don't they?

But I think if you had a lamp, you'd just sort of look at it until the genie popped out.

I'd look at it until someone says, what's that?

Yeah.

I'd keep showing people until someone's like, what have you got there oh this

and then genie have you ever had a lamp yeah yeah yeah oh yeah

what a genie lamp for a bed site that oh a couple yeah yeah do you know what i did have that i used to love do you ever have those usb lamps no you know what i'm talking about no it's like a it's a you it's a lamp but it's the end of it is a usb and you stick it in your computer oh and it comes on when you put it in the computer that's good actually yeah like that nice no that's good and you had one of them had one of them don't have it anymore what come on well i don't have

oh wait no it ran off

that's the better story though the real thing um i don't have a port anymore they don't make them like they used to be devastating when you

did and you didn't want to get the adapter just for the usb

people think i'm an idiot yeah i've got that adapter yeah yeah i use it loads but not for the lamp not for the lamp but if i if i was given one of those usb lamps i could use it right you could yeah yeah it'd just be but it's just like you know obviously the adapter's got like it's got flopping around that adapter, you know, it's not very solid.

Oh, the lamp flops around.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well, it's got to, innit?

Because it's like, it's got a bend, you know, then.

Oh, it's bigger than a photo.

I thought it was just going to be like a little light and that is it.

No, no, no, no, no, it's a lamp, like a lamp.

You can use it like a desk lamp properly.

Yeah, yeah, whatever direction you want.

And it flops around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, terrible.

It's a terrible lamp.

So when you were using it, actually.

Yes.

Because I'm trying to think now, you got a laptop there that's providing the light.

You can see the screen.

Yeah.

What are you illuminating with the desk?

Because if you're in the dark.

yeah and then maybe

maybe a zoom for example zoom wasn't around them uh-huh but skype yeah yeah when they're skyping yeah you want to show your face as well as yeah the face because you're getting the face from the screen yeah not enough so you put a lamp on

the main light big light yeah because you'd be like what late night skype yeah yeah just for listening

accidentally uh punched the table there when he he was doing an impression of the big light and then he pulled his hand down and bopped the table well that's what happened to my big light It fell down on the table.

So then I had to get a little lamp.

USB one.

What's the latest night you've ever Skyped anyone?

Oh,

we're talking whatever.

Yeah.

Skype specifically, not Zoom.

Well,

which is later?

Were you late night zooming during the pandemic?

Yeah, boy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

How long have we been talking?

We're talking fours, fives.

Wow.

Fours and fives.

Who too?

Yeah.

You know, quizzes and shit like that.

Four in the morning quiz.

Yeah.

Who are people in different countries?

No.

no no here what yeah because you're like you're times times so many quizzes right yeah go on crazy we all had different like 24 hour quizzes we all had different experiences in lockdown and i forget that some people just completely went yeah yeah so i kept my body clock pretty much the same

but some people were like yeah but some people were like i'm staying up all night and i'm sleeping all day yeah i forgot that people did that yeah yeah yeah because it's interesting that you said that four or five was the latest zoom you did whereas i would probably see that as the earliest zoom oh really

get up

rather than waking up for a Zoom?

Well, I'm not staying up for a 5 a.m.

quiz, mate.

No, I'm not staying up.

I was up.

I was just up.

Yeah.

My routine was like...

Yeah, but I would see quizzes as something you schedule in with people.

Yeah.

Not an impromptu thing.

We go to do a quiz.

I probably did about four quizzes in the whole, in the entirety of lockdown.

Yeah.

A lot of it was chat shit.

A lot of it was house party.

I even got a house party.

I do remember that.

I think maybe the first two days and then I was gone.

I got annoyed with all the the notifications going, this person's on house party now.

I got told that Slowtie had joined and that Slowtie had come off of it.

That was the extent of what I did on house party.

You did get to chat in between.

No, no.

I mean, I've never chatted to him.

You know, I got his number once when I met him.

And then, yeah, I just got told he's joined it.

I was like, cool.

And then within the same week, he's not on there anymore.

Oh,

well, fair enough.

I mean, kind of.

Quick tie.

Colleagues, but yeah.

You call that guy quick tie.

Oh, I call him quick tie.

Oh, because a house party.

What?

Do you remember house parties?

Would you like food?

Do you like food?

I'm very heavily into food.

I mean, we can't ask your favorites early doors because obviously, we're going to get

the whole podcast.

That'd be a very short podcast.

Yeah.

But, like, have you always been a big food fan?

Was there a point where?

Yeah, I think

I have a strange relationship with food in that I can always eat

but I complain about everything

yeah

and I'll continue to eat the food that I complain about right do you ever enjoy it or is there always something oh no I enjoy it quite often yeah but there are things that I don't like that I will keep trying

whereas a lot of people just give up with stuff yeah give us the top example of things

that was ready to go yeah already had that you want another one

well I want to dig down into the olives thing first so you don't like olives.

Don't like olives.

But you will always eat olives.

I'll always try and olives.

Is this because you've been told that it's a taste that over time you acquire?

So like maybe

this will be the one where I finally get olives.

Like some people do with like Captain Beef Hearts Magic Band, doesn't it?

A music reference.

I thought

I thought it had ended on beef hearts and then and that was a food.

And you were like, some people are like, that was Captain Beef Hearts.

And I was trying to guess really quickly what what it was.

Yeah, like a brand of beef hearts, like a team of beef hearts.

Captain Birdseye's other stuff.

Captain Birdseye's beef hearts.

This is evil castle.

I want to like olives because they're always around.

People are always putting olives about.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're always putting olives about.

Always.

Yeah.

I'd quite like to be into them.

Yeah.

I feel like that about Formula One.

Okay.

People are always putting it about.

Yeah, non-stop bang on about it.

Yeah, you'll probably probably never have a time in your life where Formula One.

I mean, unless like, you know,

unless like people prioritize, you know, combating climate change so much that Formula One becomes like out, yeah, or we can't do this anymore.

We can't excuse it anymore.

And it has to be electric cars.

Maybe that, maybe then Formula One will be out of your life.

Right, yeah.

But otherwise, it's going to be around for a while, isn't it?

For the foreseeable.

Yeah.

So it's like, it's like olives.

It's like olives, yeah.

Yeah.

Once Jamie gave me an olive that I liked.

Dimitri.

Yeah.

we're talking here.

Yeah.

Your partner in crime.

Is that fair to say?

Would you say your partner's in crime?

Well, I'll say the two of you.

I think they're thick as thieves.

Thick as thieves, but really?

Yeah,

thickest thieves.

Yeah, that's what I'll see.

Are there any other friends?

I feel like I'm more of a cycling.

But like, you know, two banditos.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, when you see the two, you go, those two like have a shorthand with each other.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You seem to like be on the same page.

You know, you have to talk sometimes.

You both know what the vibe is.

Yeah.

And everyone else has got to like go right.

We don't see each other that much in real life, though.

Okay.

If it's not like a thing.

I'd like to.

Yeah.

But no one ever comes to my house.

Really?

Too far, apparently.

That's a shame.

Yeah.

Not enough olives.

And there's no olives.

Yeah, you've got to put more olives about.

No olives, no beef hearts.

No formula one on the TV.

He's not coming.

That's Jamie's idea of a dream afternoon.

Yeah.

Knocking olives back, watching the Grand Prix.

I feel like I'm more of his psychic than a partner in crime.

No, no, no, no.

He's not enough of an alpha.

I feel like

I feel like I'm a robin to his Batman.

He's such a robin.

He is a massive Robin.

Really?

Yeah, he's a Robin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think so.

I mean, he's, yeah.

No, I was going to say he's Alfred, but that's too much.

That's too high a position.

He's Robin.

Alfred.

If Robin had an Alfred.

Yeah.

That's Jamie.

That's Jamie.

Yeah, he is.

Someone's butler to the psychic.

Yeah, someone's

Robin's PA.

Yeah.

What was this olive he gave you that you liked?

Big green one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

You know the one.

You know the guys.

I think I might know the exact ones, you know.

Yeah.

They're tinned.

They're called Pirello olives.

Yeah, they had a name like that.

Yeah, I bet Jamie meets those.

They're the hip olive to eat this.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And Tash was like, why don't you like olives?

What's wrong with you, you idiot?

Yeah.

That sort of stuff.

Tashami too, yeah.

Yes.

So that's sort of.

Popper then all the surnames of people who want to know.

That sort of

made me want to like them more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Peer pressure, innit?

Bullied into liking olives.

Yeah.

She couldn't believe it.

Yeah, she couldn't believe it.

And also, like, I think my palate is quite childlike anyway.

So I'd like to throw in some adult things.

Yeah.

Sure.

You can tell people you like olives.

Yeah, yeah.

When you eventually do, if it happens, do you think you won't shut up about it to people?

You'll be dropping it into conversation if you like olives.

And I can't wait.

Or maybe I won't even pop it into conversation.

I'll just take some out.

Yeah, yeah.

Out of your bag.

Yeah, yeah.

yeah my pocket

just loose a few loose olives on a cocktail stick yeah yeah which weirdly makes you look so not grown up if you just pulled out yeah yeah a handful of olives from your pocket yeah little boy with a pocket full of marbles yeah

i've got yeah yeah

and throw them in my mouth like peanuts yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

exaggerated then do you think when you like olives finally you'll feel like batman yes yeah yeah

batman does like olives right Not in his costume.

No, I can't imagine Batman eating an olive.

I can't imagine him.

No.

Bruce Wayne likes olives.

I can't imagine Batman eating anything, though.

Really?

Do you know what I mean?

That's a really good point.

And we haven't ever talked about this on the podcast.

But, like,

I can't really imagine

Batman eating anything.

The mask is like.

Yeah, imagine Batman eating a banana.

You'd have to eat it sideways.

Yeah, because I guess he's got to eat for energy when he's running around.

Yeah, a bowl of soda.

Imagine that.

All the milk dripping down onto his mask.

What I can imagine, though, is like a frick breakfast bar.

Yeah, just put it by the bottom.

Just slot

straight in.

But without the wrapper.

I can't imagine him eating it.

And he's like, I've done the wrapper and the wrapper's still on it.

You can't imagine him eating that.

Like, imagine me in a breakfast bar.

Just

a naked water.

Yeah, as it is.

Wait, does he have gloves?

Probably.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can't eat anything then.

You can't eat anything with gloves on, man.

He's not eating an omelette.

He's not eating it.

I mean, there's no fruit.

I really can't imagine.

It's weird for a bat.

Right.

Yeah, upside down.

Or maybe I can imagine him eating stuff upside down.

Maybe if he's handing it upside down, I can imagine him eating a big load of fruit.

More like one of those bottles with a little tube stick.

Yeah.

He's sucking on that.

I can imagine him doing a shot, standing up right ways.

I can imagine him doing a shot, but not drinking a pint.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Slam it but breaking the glass.

Yeah.

It's really difficult.

It's really hard.

I could have just said a baguette.

Some of them

should be.

But then people are going to imagine different things when you say subway because it's like different breads, in it.

Yeah.

You know, so I would imagine it's a little bit more.

Oh, hearty Italian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

BMT on Hearty Italian.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what he's having.

Southwest sauce.

Yeah.

Loads of jalapenos.

No olives.

They do olives in some way.

Yeah.

They're little sliced black olives.

Sliced.

Yeah.

Also,

not many people know this, but when Batman gets a BMT, it stands for Batman Tasty.

That's what it stands for.

Batman Tasty.

Adam West would have eaten some.

Adam West definitely would.

He would have had a whole ice cream sundae or a big pizza, would he?

Yeah, I'm thinking of Christian Bale.

Yeah.

And I can't imagine that character eating anything.

No.

I'm actually thinking Michael Kean.

I mean, that raises an interesting question, Adge, isn't it?

It's like who's playing Batman and can use picture the meat in anything.

And Adam West I can picture him eating anything.

Everything, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I love that Batman.

Don't take it seriously.

Keaton, Keaton, I could imagine that character eating like a Kit Kat.

Yeah.

Or something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Individually.

Or biting into it like a Batman.

Yeah, biting into it like just having

the four fingers and just like just biting into it haphazardly.

Bunch of grapes.

Bunch of grapes.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Easy.

Imagine Ben F like eating a big plate of mash.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Baggers of mash or something.

And Adam Westbat.

Imagine him eating Dairy Lee Dunkers.

Like that's what

he's not at all.

There's nothing to that.

Which is one of his catchphrases as well, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Dairy Lee Dunkers.

David Duncom.

Yeah.

Dunkum.

Dunker baddies.

In the bed.

Imagine him eating luncheon balls.

Like, put them all together.

Put them all together.

Ham, cheese, ham, cheese, biscuit.

Oh.

Have you learned something about you there?

Or is that what you think Adam West

would have?

Not you.

What else is there?

That's all there is, right?

Ham and cheese.

Ham, cheese, biscuit.

Yeah, but you wouldn't go ham, cheese, ham, cheese, biscuit on top, though, would you?

Surely you'd start...

But you've got to start with biscuit.

This is early or late.

Skype puts a face sandwich.

Still a sparkling mortar.

Still, sparkling is bullshit.

Okay.

What do you think is bullshit?

Like, what is it?

Yeah, yeah.

what is it it's a good it is a good question it's bullshit man

where was i the other i was in somewhere quite proper and i had to spit it out back into my glass right

because you didn't know it was gonna be sparkling no because it looked fucking ambushed by yeah yeah was it a clear glass um not very bubbly no i i know i know exactly where it was and i arrived late to a dinner

and some the the guy just said the waiter was just like water and i said oh yes please yeah and then poured it.

And I didn't like watch him pour it.

So I didn't see the bubbles.

And

then I just went to drink it.

And I was

just spun it out instantly as it went into my mouth.

How did that happen?

Because I'm imagining that happening.

So you've arrived late.

The guy comes over.

He just says, for some reason, water.

Oh, the guy works there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's not like another customer.

So that's a bit of a maverick move from him to just say water and then go with sparkling.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's what the table had, right?

But yeah, that is what the table is.

So

you're looking ahead, ahead, completely looking ahead, and then the water is poured.

You don't see that.

And then you pick it up.

Oh, no, no, no.

Imagine if I was just looking ahead.

But to not have water poured and then not look at it and then lift it up and drink it is

I was talking to the person to my left.

Yeah.

And then it was poured over my right shoulder.

And

yeah.

So

as I looked left, he went right.

Yeah.

Poured it.

Chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat.

Yeah,

drink, spit.

Spit it out.

Yeah.

So you've turned up late.

Yeah.

I'm turning up late.

You're late.

Spit out.

You spit your water everywhere.

When I'm disgusted.

See you later.

It's like a film like King Ralph or something.

A person turning up to a fancy thing.

She's like,

what's this?

It's sparkling water.

You've got to warn people.

Yeah.

No, it's bullshit.

You said this was a Charlotte Ritchie.

Yeah, well, yeah.

It was.

We had a ghost lunch.

Right.

So So it wasn't just you and Charlotte.

All the food was dead.

It was about everyone else's concerns.

It was just you and Charlotte having their meal for two.

They wouldn't like it.

Why are they eating so?

Why has it got so much food?

What are you doing?

Is that guy even talking to you?

It's a great picture that you should have got that picture.

Get everyone else to leave the table and then say, ghost cast lunch, put that on Instagram.

That would have been incredible.

That would have been a banger.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Next time, I think, who was to my right?

I think it was Ben.

And they enjoy Sparkling War.

So the guy just assumed that everyone on that corner of the table was drinking the same thing.

Idiot!

I've got him fired.

What did the rest of the ghost cast have for their waters?

Was it all sparkling?

I it was quite big.

This will save us quite a bit.

It'll save us quite a few bookings, if you could tell us.

Yeah, yeah.

Um,

after we get everyone on, then I'm gonna, I can guess.

Do you know what?

I can't think of anyone who's as against sparkling water as I am.

Yeah, you're very, very, very against.

I guess I think it's ass.

I don't know everyone's proper names, forgive me.

But I'd guess the uh scout Master

only has still water.

But are you imagining him in character as the Scout Master?

Yeah, and as his character in Pink Show as well.

I don't think he would have Sparked in Water.

Yeah.

I think you might be right, actually.

Yeah.

And I think because he's part of the Horrible Histories crew.

Yeah.

There's just more kids, innit?

It's kids' show.

So I'd say not Sparked in Water.

Is that part of being in a kid's show that you don't drink Sparkling?

Yeah, your palate is like...

That was very long ago.

That was 12 years ago who did that.

He's a a man now yeah yeah and he also wasn't a kid when he did it

any more questions about the ghost cars and what what's

i imagine the guy who's goes around in his pants is a sparkling guy simon farnaby yes yeah um uh

and uh i can't actually remember But he's, I think he's, he's like a different level.

He probably drinks like, he just, just has the eyes.

Yeah.

Lolly's already been on the pod.

What does she say?

She's sparkling, isn't it?

We can check.

I'm going to say sparkling for Lolly.

If I know Lolly the way I think I do,

I'm going to say Sparkling.

Katie Wicks, I imagine, is baffled by the concept of water.

The character.

No, the

Katie, yeah.

Lolly's

still.

Maybe I don't know her at all.

Yeah, yeah.

To be honest, I've never acted with a girl.

Never been in the sea with her.

Never been a single girl.

It's all seen with her.

No idea.

Poploes

I also think poppads are bullshit.

Popadums and prawn crackers.

It's nothing.

It's solid air.

It's solid air.

Wow.

This is sort of

what I appreciate.

That's an

album, solid air.

Like, prawn crackers, I prefer.

I know that's not what you asked.

John Martin album.

That's right.

What prawn crackers I prefer?

I prefer prawn crackers, but I think those and poppadoms are both solidaire.

Also, at this meal, when you were late, did someone put down poppadoms and you thought they were bread?

You had to spit them all back onto the tray.

So hard to spit out.

Mouthies that you dry, have some water before I can come out.

Everyone.

Everyone drenched.

Everyone has to walk away.

The guy in his pants is looking stupid in front of everyone in the restaurant.

He's in your mind.

He's in his pants at the table.

He's in his pants at the table.

Yeah.

Of course he is.

The caveman making a fool of himself.

Yeah, I can't get on board with Pop of Doms, man.

Like, what's the point?

Not even with the dips or anything like that?

No, no, rubbish.

Prawn crackers.

Thai prawn crackers.

Yes.

I can almost get on board with.

The brown ones.

Yes.

What speed do you want your Thai prawn crackers?

Immediately.

So fast.

All right, okay.

Slow time.

That is nice.

That is nice.

I mean, listen, I didn't know where it was going.

My listener won't appreciate this, but Ed has a stinking cold today.

He's not getting in 100%.

And the fact he managed to do that, most comics in the game,

if they were fighting Fit 100%,

wouldn't have been able to put that together.

Amazing.

Slow-tie porn corn.

I'll be honest.

When I eventually got it, I thought it was beautiful.

Thank you.

When I did that joker originally, the slow tie, quick tie joke, I put a little sticker on it in my mind, and I thought, Thai food might come up.

And I'll do that joke by hooker, by crook.

That is a little tip for any new comics listening.

Put a sticker on it.

Put a sticker on it.

Put a sticker on it.

Because you never know.

Don't just rely on lady luck to help you out.

You better put a sticker on it.

You better get that sticker book ready.

I'm glad you bought up the Thai crackers because Thai porn crackers, because I think they're delicious.

And the first time I had them, I literally started just texting.

people that I knew to tell them how great these crackers were because I couldn't believe.

And I know I discovered that actually most people know about Thai porn crackers.

But I was like, holy shit, you've got to go to, I was in Tao Tao Zhu.

I was like, you've got to go to Tao Tao Zhu.

The crackers here are fucking off the chain.

They're amazing.

And then everyone was like, we've had those before.

You can get them at a lot of places.

And I was like, oh, I thought it's just, I thought it's just a special type.

Yeah, man, that's.

Yeah.

But you're saying.

The reason I mentioned them is because I think Chinese prawn crackers are fucking stupid.

Right.

A lot of people like them.

What is that, man?

Why don't you like them?

Come on.

It's polystyrene.

Okay.

Have you seen them being made when they're like tiny and then they deep fry them and they puff up massively?

No, I haven't.

It's pretty impressive.

I've seen that.

I would watch that.

Firsthand.

I've done it.

You've done it.

When I worked in the kitchen, yeah.

Really?

I put them in the thing.

And you can't believe it when they hand them to you.

These can't be the prawn crackers.

Little tiny translucent discs.

It's like the bit in Back to the Future 2 when they make the pizza, isn't it?

It is like that.

Translucent discs.

Yeah, it's a little translucent discs.

If someone gave that to you and you can guess what that is, pogs.

Yeah,

you might guess it's a pog.

I have to see it.

I must see it.

Yeah.

I bet you could watch it like, I bet there's some ASM.

I want to see

these chickens of this look like.

Prawn crackers being fried.

Well, I like it.

Yeah.

Do you think I'm going to like it?

Yeah, I think you'll like it.

I think you'll like it.

The visual.

Yeah, the visual.

Yeah, you'll like the visual.

But do you think it's going to change your attitude to prawn crackers if you like the visual?

No.

Do you see it?

It's like watching.

What's it called?

When they film

a street and then they speed it up throughout the day.

Time-lapse.

Yeah.

It's like watching that because it happens so quickly.

It's like watching a flower bloom in time that's being filmed at a time-lapse.

Yeah.

That's what it's like.

It's like the entirety of spring.

Benita's watching.

How long does it take?

Seven seconds.

Oh, literally.

Before your very eyes.

That's even more reason for me not to get on boredom.

That's more of an argument to what is it?

Yeah.

Well, that's your argument a lot at the moment.

What is it?

Yeah.

Well, I guess they're the same thing.

Prawn crackers and sparkling water.

Yeah, go on.

That's it.

Yeah, yeah.

Hate it.

Hate them.

You hate them.

No, I don't hate.

Well,

no, I don't hate them.

I hate poppadoms.

You hate pop-doms.

I mean,

I've never had anyone who hate them.

No, that's not good.

I never had anyone who would say solid air about them either.

Like, they've got flavour to them.

Do you like crisps?

Yeah.

Okay, so what...

They're flavours, though, innit?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, like.

There's no plain crisps.

Oh, right.

Well, that's a big shout.

I mean, that's

flavour, isn't it?

No.

What's a plain crisp?

Really sorted?

Yeah, that's plain.

That's plain.

Ooh, that's not plain.

It's because it's salt flavour.

Yeah.

Have you ever had salt and shake?

Is that the one you put, get the sachet?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I used to love them shits, man.

You said buy multi-packs for like 50p.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You ever tried just eating the crisp and it's done before?

You're joking.

Put the salt in.

Hold on, actually, that's blown my mind.

Yeah.

That you weren't even curious.

No.

You never thought, I want to try one just before, just to see what it's like.

No, because I know it's going to be nothing.

No, but you don't.

I mean, but

first time I had a salt and shake, I was like, well, I've got to try one.

Yeah.

I was just excited to shake it.

I've got to have a naked.

okay look we were all excited to shake it but like well for some somehow you had the discipline to be like no it wasn't even disciplined it was curiosity

i'd say it's more disciplined to not taste them yeah to go no i'm here to salt and shake yeah and i want to do all the acmin immediately yeah i was like i want to try it see what it's like on its own now you said you were excited to shake Did you have a special style?

Or was it just...

It was just probably the regular.

Yeah.

What's the regular though yeah what's the regular uh throw them into the garden let the cats fire them

break up the cats get the bag back yeah

that's probably shaken now I hate cats as well yeah so I don't know why they came to me first yeah what are they

what even are they

just take out a rip the packet yeah a little bit yep put it in there shake it about but when you say shake it about you know are you like grabbing the two top corners and spinning it around no No, um,

my hand on the

opening, like you're just gripping it, yeah, like a like a paper bag, like you're grabbing someone by the scruff of the neck, yeah, and then you just

shake it.

It's like you're trying to get information out of it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like I'm trying to get its uh pocket money to fall out, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, bread, anyway, it's bread, yeah.

Any particular type of bread?

Favourite bread is hardo bread, huh?

You ever had a hardo bread?

No, no, you gotta get into that, man.

Yeah, Jamaican hardo bread,

It's fucking hard, man.

It's like

it looks like a big sponge.

Yeah.

Feels like a brick.

Wow.

It's hard.

So that's weird if you see it and you think it's going to be soft and spongy.

Yeah.

Is it like a loofah?

Because that looks like a sponge, but it's actually quite hard.

Yes.

Yeah.

The only two things that I think that can be said about.

So far.

So far.

Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes a sofa.

Yeah.

There might be other things that look like a sponge, but hard as a brick.

But

sofa.

Yeah.

Yeah, one day something.

Now, Kyle's saying sofa.

Yeah.

You're acting like you said so far.

Yes, that's what I thought.

Yeah.

I'm glad you, I'm glad you were there to...

Because I didn't even realise that he had.

Yeah, yeah.

So you're saying a sofa looks like a sponge, but it's hard as a brick.

Yeah.

Okay, I thought you meant.

Not all of them.

I thought when I said

there was nothing else.

I know everything that's gone on here.

There's nothing else that looks like a sponge, but it's hard as a brick.

I thought you, to correct me went so far.

I was like, sure.

You always, I mean, I thought a bit pedantic.

I goes about the same.

But yeah, so far,

there's nothing.

Crushed velvet so far.

Also, I can't think of any examples at the minute of things that look like a sponge but hard as a brick, but I'm putting a sticker on it.

And later on, I'm going to try and

if anything comes up.

How hard is it?

It's not that hard, but it's hard if you're expecting normal bread.

Right, okay.

It comes often not sliced, so you've got to slice it yourself.

Yeah.

We want to have big bread nice.

Yeah.

I don't want to say it's sweet, but it's, there's definitely a flavor.

I can't explain what the flavor is.

Flavours may be like it's got butter on it already.

Right.

Okay, nice.

I don't know how else to describe it.

Are you having it just by itself?

Are you using it for sandwiches or because it's hard?

Are you using it to dip?

Is it a dipping bread?

It can be a dipping bread, but usually just that and butter, you're sorted.

Yeah.

And if you are having a struggle meal, growing up, having a struggle struggle meal, mum's not in,

and like there's nothing, there's nothing in the house, you find a can of corned beef, butter, hardo bread.

It's salted.

Maybe some hot pepper sauce.

Does sound good, actually?

It's a dream.

But it's used quite a lot in breakfasts.

Jamaican breakfasts.

So you might have it with Aki and salt fish, planting, that sort of stuff.

First time we've had hardo bread.

Also, I don't think a sofa looks like a sponge.

And

I don't think it's hard as a brick.

Come on.

A crushed velvet sofa.

If anything, I want a sofa that looks like a brick and soft as a sponge.

That's what I want.

I want nice, hard edges.

Yeah.

And then you sit into it and it feels like.

It feels like a sponge.

I think I'm often duped by sofas that look soft and they're not.

Right.

I know what you mean.

It looks like it's because of the velvet, I think.

It looks like it's going to be soft.

Then you sit on it and it's more spring than

also, I don't want to get like, oh I'm an actor about it but have you ever been in those trailers with the luminous green sofa?

No.

It's like a new one.

I've only seen them in the last like three years.

And you go in there and they're like, oh, jump on it, broken back.

Medic.

And they're like, someone jumped on the CGI sofa again.

You've got your trailer going out.

That's a bench.

That's a pot bench.

You accidentally sat on the scout master's lap.

My sofa at home is a piece of shit.

Is it?

Yeah.

And I'll say that.

I'll say that now.

I don't give a shit.

I'll say it now.

I'll say it now.

Four in the morning, you're sitting on that sofa.

It is hard.

Yeah.

And we got the place fully furnished.

Yeah.

And we're renting.

So.

You can't get rid of it.

I mean, I want to, I really badly want to get rid of it.

But what do we do with it, you know?

Sorry about that, man.

I am too, but whatever.

Do you still sit on it or do you sort of...

I sit on it, but like, I'm not happy when I do it.

Yeah.

I sit on it with like, all right, I'll sit down, yeah, and then I sit on it like

I'd be more comfortable on another sofa.

I'll whisper that into the pillows.

I'll be more comfortable on another sofa.

The pillows you trust, though?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're good guys.

Are you not worried that the pillows are friends with the sofa?

No, they're not, definitely not.

Do they not come together?

Oh, if you see the wet, mate,

I put the pillow on the sofa, turn around, turn back, they're gone.

They got

somewhere else.

The other side of the room, in the sink,

they're in the kitchen sink.

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Okay, so I love calamari.

I think the best calamari out there has got to be basaba.

Yes.

I don't think that's been topped yet.

I would agree.

But also I like the new versions of stuff that people like.

You know, there's all these fusions like dynamite calamari and

what's this dynamite calamari?

It's like no bang bang shrimp.

Bang bang shrimp is like I was just about to use another version of that to describe it.

Popcorn shrimp.

You don't know actually popcorn shrimp.

Yeah, well, I do know popcorn shrimp.

So, how does popcorn shrimp relate to bang bang shrimp?

And how does bang bang shrimp relate to the top?

It's a dynamite shrimp like dynamic cauliflower.

What is bang bang cauliflower?

It's kind of like popcorn cauliflower.

Um, hang on, what am I thinking about?

Dynamite shrimp comes in a cocktail glass.

No, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry, hang on.

Dynamite cauliflower.

P.F.

Changs.

What?

Sorry, I bet it's too complicated.

P.F.

Changs.

The American Asian Fusion Rest.

Yes, yes.

They do a dynamite shrimp.

Right.

And it comes in a cocktail glass.

Yeah.

A big cocktail glass.

And it's shrimp in a sauce that's like,

it's sort of creamy, but it's like, it's almost like it's been put in parines.

Okay.

So it's like a spicy mayo sort of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

But like with some five spice in it.

Uh-huh.

It's like that kind of vibe, but it's so nice.

Yeah.

And I've tried to make it myself and I can't.

Right.

Ruined it.

Yeah.

And

that, I think, is the closest competitor to Basaba's calamari.

Yeah.

Also, Basaba's calamari, obviously the full title is Tai Calamari.

So we've got to ask.

Oh, yeah.

What speed do you want to tie calamari?

Dynamite, bang bang.

Fast.

Fast day.

Fast die.

But then you said, so you said dynamite shrimp then.

Yes.

The dynamite calamari.

I think dynamite is the was not a thing.

The source.

So have you had dynamite calamari?

Oh, yes, sorry.

Yes, I have.

Yeah.

And it wasn't very nice.

Right.

But I think.

But dynamite shrimp

versus the Thai colour mari from

Basaba.

Basaba.

Yeah.

So you're down to those two.

Yeah.

But then you then you get people going like lollipop chicken.

Right.

And I'm

lollipop chicken.

Yeah.

Do you mean that's what she had at the meal?

Lollipop to chicken in the mouth.

Lollipop chicken.

Scout Master Wolf checkers.

You know, there's all these fucking fusion things that people's coming up with.

Like the other day, I had pork bonbons.

Yeah.

That sort of thing, you know, like,

feels a bit made up, but also can get on board.

Liked it.

The little, almost like little sort of, they're almost like party food, really, isn't it?

Like a lot of skewers and a lot of people.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot of that.

But I think, I think that Basaba Kanamari is the best Kanamari I've had.

And after that, if we're within that region of calamari, shrimp, bitsy, gowadi, sea,

I'd go bang bang shrimp or dynamite shrimp, depending on where you're for.

Do you want a sort of big glass?

Do you want a massive glass?

Do you want a huge glass?

I'll tell you something that might see if this influences your decision one way or another.

Edgar Wright came on the podcast, a live version that we did, and he chose as his starter or his side, I can't remember which.

Starter, I think.

The Basaba Thai Calamari.

Are you the kind of person who, if you're at a meal with people and they get the same thing, you don't want to have the same thing as someone else?

Big style, yeah.

Yeah, so hearing that someone else has ordered the basaba.

Hang on, sorry, I've got I've got to admit something.

Yeah, because I know he directed um

I met Edgar at the Enemies, yeah, and for some reason, my friend Michael, who was in Last Minute and Soho, what was it called?

Last last

minute, go talk to him.

Um,

he introduced us,

but then I asked him his name, even though I knew.

Sure.

I was like, that's Eggarite.

And he's introduced me to Eggarite.

And then I was like, yeah, MKO, what's your name?

Yeah.

And then he was, and I think like, even then.

That's all right, though.

Yeah.

But I found I was overthinking it because I was like, why have I done that?

I know.

And I've never done that before.

It's not like.

I'm not very awkward in scenarios like that.

Or at all, really.

But like.

that sort of thing.

I was like, what have I just done there?

Can't still think about that.

That's only going to be.

When you said Edgar Wright just now.

I was thinking about that, wasn't listening to you, right?

Okay, so he's thinking, I wish I hadn't said, What's your name?

So, this might be an opportunity, actually.

So, if Edgar's listening to this,

great.

Do you

want to pick the same thing as him to show that you know you guys would get more?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, he's famous because he always puts one shot of the base of Tai Kalamari in all of his films.

Tai Kanamari trilogy.

Everyone knows about that.

Everyone knows about that, man.

Do you want want anything from the shop?

Tai Kanamari from Passaba.

Which shop are you going to?

Passages.

I don't want to get the same as someone else.

And on a date, especially, that pisses me off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Actually, I've got one friend, Hassan,

who will always say, what are you getting?

And I don't want to tell him.

No, don't want him to know.

I don't want him to know.

Why?

Because he'll just say, yeah, I'll just get that.

Or he copies you.

He's not asking to think of the same thing.

He's going to get the same thing as you.

Even if he doesn't even have to look at the menu.

He'll just say, what are you getting?

And then get the same thing.

No, no, no.

I'm not having that.

And it's because he gets food envy, this guy?

No, it's not even that.

He's just like...

He can't be bothered to say that.

He's like, can't be bothered to look at the menu.

That's unacceptable.

Awful.

Idiot.

Yeah.

I don't like him.

Yes, I'll often try and get something different.

I do the same.

I completely agree with that.

Yeah,

Ed hates it.

Yeah.

If you go out to a meal and he doesn't know what you're getting, and when they come along to the order,

the person comes to you before, asks for your order, and you say what Ed was planning on getting.

Oh,

he then is in a state of turmoil.

I'm thrown with you.

Yeah, yeah, I'm so thrown by that.

Yeah.

Unless it's a big table.

If it's a big table, I'd say he struggles.

Really?

Because then he's like,

god damn it.

Yeah, I suppose it depends how much is on the menu, right?

If there's eight people, you know.

But then if there's eight people and eight dishes, Ed's going to be crossing his fingers that

it's everyone gets.

Or I'll deliberately settle on the weirdest thing that I think no one's going to get and then convince myself i want that so i was out for a family uh lunch the other day uh and on the starters menu was a chilled persian yogurt soup and i was like right i'll just get that because no one else is going to pick that yeah was it good no because in the end they got around the table and no one had picked the confi duck wings wow

bang straight in there confi duck wings what world are we living in yeah aren't choosing the confi duck wings what else was on there just some like i don't know some mackerel or something

yeah i was just like

yeah, starters, yeah.

Duck wings.

Duck wings.

So good.

Lately, I've.

Well, obviously, yeah, duck wings are.

I don't think I've ever seen that on the menu.

Duck wings.

I've only seen it twice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's one of my rules.

Not all rules.

Yeah.

It's one of my rules.

Yeah, yeah.

If I see duck on the menu, I'll get it.

Yeah.

That's a good rule.

That's a good rule.

Yeah.

But so is this meme because you don't like getting the same thing as people?

You're going dynamite shrimp.

Yeah.

Because

Edgar Wright's sitting there with his Tai Kanamara.

Exactly.

And I'll just have a bit of his.

You've already.

I don't know mate.

You don't know me.

I'll have a bit of that.

Who are you?

I think you'd say.

All right, mate.

I don't know you.

That's all you'd actually say to Edgar Wright.

Well, that sounds great.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah.

And obviously, every time someone says dynamite, because I think of Miss Dynamite and saying dynamite.

I met Annie.

I didn't meet her.

Okay.

Weird line to go into, but then you brought her.

I was in a show and she was in the audience.

And then someone pointed out, someone in the show pointed out that she was in the audience yeah and then you went and then i spoke to her from the stage

you just went i just went yeah miss dynamite yeah what what show is this that you were in

a

lady dynamite

um i'd love it if they did like they used to do on live at the apollo where there were celebrities in if they did like some shakespeare productions like that that would be brilliant

about the audience

tough as

I was doing the latest show Mo Gilligan show right okay and she was on the second row yeah and I spotted her and I was like that's my

and was just doing there was a point where I noticed her and then I was just thinking about that for about 20 minutes yeah until DJ Spooney, who was a musical guest, pointed out that he had some garage friends in the audience.

Yeah.

And I was like, finally, someone someone said it, yeah.

And then I was like, I'm so glad you brought it up because 20 minutes ago, I was like, That's Miss Dynamite, and I haven't thought about anything else since.

And then I told her that when I was younger, I used to read the back of her album cover and then go into school and pretend that her lyrics were mine.

Wow, you used to rip off Miss Dynamite.

Hold on, hold on.

So, you go into school and say of it in a song and then tell them the lyrics,

yeah, or you would like to do it.

Miss Dynamite T he

called me down about

What?

Hell, this is a massive hit.

We all know it.

Yeah, that's on.

I wouldn't do the bait ones.

I'd do like track six.

Track six, yeah.

Go in and do that.

But you would go in and just perform it to people.

Yeah, because in the playground, everyone would, like, be spitting bars at some point

at lunch.

And then I'd just come in with something.

Maybe like four bars of my own.

Yep.

16 of Miss Dynamite, end with another four of my own.

Nobody's noticed.

Well,

I wasn't there, but I imagine people could see the joints.

Yeah.

I imagine there was a vast shift between you as a school kid into professional musician, Miss Dynamite's lyrics.

Hey, I was good, man.

Yeah.

Suddenly your name changes in your lyrics halfway to it.

But he was rapping about hating olives, and then he just started rapping about

being a female MC.

Have we got to call him Miss Dynamite?

So I told her.

I confessed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that was a nice moment.

Did she say it was okay?

No, she didn't say anything.

It was like, that was the punchline.

And then everyone laughed.

And they're like, so, Kerry Godleman, what have you been up to?

Yeah.

Really funny reveal that Kerry Godleman was there as well.

Yeah.

Always funny.

DJ Spooney, Moga, look at you.

And then talking to Miss Dynamite, Kerry's just sat in the corner.

Kerry there.

Dream main course.

This is tough.

You know that.

You know that.

Oh,

yeah, it is so tough.

I'm hoping someone else has ordered it on the podcast before because I know.

I know now that's going to be an issue.

Can I just tell you a few things I like first?

Yes.

Honourable munchants.

I think of myself as quite a snob.

Food and drink-wise.

And not much else.

Maybe clubs as well.

Yeah.

Clubs.

Yeah, I hate a shit club.

Like

people got their shoes off.

You know, like...

Because we're talking about food, I instantly talk about the chocolate bar.

Oh, I hate that as well.

I don't think the mint ones or the fruit and nut ones.

Actually, the raisin.

I could go on board with raisins, but they don't do that anymore, do they?

Do they not?

I love the raisins.

I love the raisin club.

And the well, I love the mint ones.

Same taste profile, but that's Yorkie, Yorkie biscuit and raisin.

Yeah, I like Yorkie biscuit and raisin, yeah.

I've had that.

If you're not, no, you'd love that.

If you missed the raisin, I've never had a Yorkie.

Well, the advertising campaign was off-putting, yeah.

And I was pretending to be Miss Dynamite, so I yeah,

I go here.

The Yorkie, they're not for girls.

That doesn't, that doesn't

That doesn't level up of his fast.

Hold on a second.

He should be spitting that bar.

Oh, yes!

Brilliant.

Wow.

You said he's not feeling well.

Wow.

I don't believe you.

I want the best volume of my life.

My God.

Just so the listener knows.

But it hasn't edited out any silences there or pauses.

That was in real time.

If I know Benito, he's going to edit in a massive silence.

He'll put in a silence.

And he'll get other times to edit like um in the epidemic past podcasts and just Ed going um

I think the one you mentioned mint mint club I like the mint one bullshit I think any flavoured chocolate is dumb okay

Okay Chocolate orange, hate it horrible yeah mint's worse yeah interesting I saw saw.

So

I don't agree with you, but I know where you're coming from with it.

Slid that under the map.

I know where you're coming from, but I don't agree with you.

But I do understand it.

Right, right, right, okay.

I do understand because I know a few people like that who don't like orange chocolate, really don't like it.

I think it's stupid.

So tell me what's the orange you would like for anything.

Horrid.

Yeah.

Horrible idea to have a chocolate in the shape of an orange as well.

Yeah.

That's sacrilege.

Nonsense.

Did a way to trick you with one once.

Orange?

Orange, sir?

Oh, yeah.

come on.

Hang on a minute.

Not even looking at it.

So how do you do the scenes?

Adjust your pants.

Oh, man.

What was the question?

You said you were quite a food snob.

Oh, main class, yeah.

Yeah.

Food drinking clubs.

You're a snobber.

Yeah, yeah.

However, love a spag bowl.

Yeah.

And sometimes don't don't mind where it's from.

I'll take a weather spoon spag bowl.

Okay.

That's the biggest shift from I'm quite a food snob, I think.

But it's great.

But I would have a Weverspin Spag Bowl.

That being said, the De Vere Hotel in West Hawesley in Surrey did the worst spag bowl I've ever had.

I tell you what, not enough guests fully name-checking

a place to then absolutely dump on it.

Also, what was wonderful about that is you built up to it like you're about to say you loved it.

So Benita started writing it down and then you said it's the worst one ever and you just had to scribble it out.

Yeah.

Because

we link every single restaurant that's mentioned on the podcast right on our website right right right um and i don't think we've ever had anyone specifically shout out a place and say shit

but so as soon as you've been naming it yeah writes it down yeah god knows he has to hyperlink it later i'll put it on the website worst baby i've ever had forget it

what was so bad i genuinely and i remember saying this at the time i turned to katie wicks and i said this tastes like a bicycle bicycle seat

it had all of the qualities of a bicycle seat do you only eat with men from a naked car naked bike ride um no but

the reason we were at that hotel is because we were filming it says haunted yeah yeah

it was like delivery doesn't go there right there's like six restaurants on just eat and one of them you have to order 24 hours in advance so I was like I'll just see what they've got at the bar

And it was a Sunday night.

The restaurant had closed.

The bar were like, yeah, we're just doing these few bits.

I was like,

Oh, spaghet bowl.

The go-to is a pizza or a burger.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, no, the spaghet bowl in there.

Yeah, I have a spaghet bowl.

Yeah.

Horrid.

Horrid.

White seat.

So it sounds like a bike seat.

Was there anything else that you didn't like?

Where do they fall down here?

The sauce.

The source is horrible.

The spaghetti was like, there's al dente and then there's just like you didn't really bother.

Yeah.

It's sort of the two, the two main bits.

Yeah, it's like raw spaghetti.

The bowl.

Yeah.

All of it.

The bowl.

Yeah.

The spaghet and the bowl.

spagh and the bowl yeah yeah terrible hated it but do you know like that's not their primary that's not what they're designed for yeah you know what they're selling

you're giving them money for it so good on you for calling them out yeah i say and i hope mr devere hears this i mean he hears it

sat at home chewing on a bike seat listening to this

but it's not

like it yeah

yum yum yum not spag bowl so i think are you just listing things that you like first before you get into your actual first or yeah I do like...

Do you want to check out Spag Bowl for the

listener?

Because what I'm about to say is the other end of.

Right.

Do you want to show that you're down to earth as well?

Before you learn that.

My feet are still on the floor, man.

Duck and Dauphinoir.

Oh, yeah.

Duck, Dauphinoir, honey rose carrots.

Yeah.

Cut the parsnips if it's going.

If not, don't mind.

Duck and Dauphinoir, I can't ignore that on a menu.

Well, you said earlier, you said, if duck's on a menu, you're having it.

So, yeah.

But that is, like, if I had all of my favourite foods, I would pick that every time.

Right.

Yeah.

How do you want the duck cooked?

Is it like a duck breast or duck leg?

Duck leg.

Yeah.

And like cooked for like confi.

Like, yeah.

Jack ordered that.

Ah.

With a Dauphinoir.

Joe what?

Jack D.

definitely had a comfy duck leg.

And now I'm thinking he had Dauphin Wild Potatoes, but like maybe he didn't.

But I know he definitely had the comfy duck leg.

Yeah, no.

What's that one?

Different

potatoes, but but I knew he'd ordered potatoes.

They're cheesy.

I'm quite pleased with that.

I'm not sure maybe.

So how do you feel about that?

Is it okay that you've got the same protein as Jack D?

Or are you worried now?

Is it going to have to be the...

No, it's okay because it's not the same meal.

Yeah, it's not the same meal.

It's not the same meal.

A comfy duck is such a good choice.

Yeah.

And honey roast veg is like, what's the point in having any other veg?

You know?

Really?

Yeah.

I'm not into honey roast.

Yeah, I love roast veg and I love like...

Do you like sweet?

I do like sweet, but for dessert.

Sure.

And I think, yeah, I don't always love it when like it pops up in my vegetables.

I like I want them to be like quite savory, yeah, right.

Um, I'm up for like you know, things being in amongst them, I don't have to have them.

How are you feeling about?

I don't mind a honey rice veg,

but I'd happily take just normal roast veg because I think that brings out the natural sweetness, especially with a carrot.

Yeah, that's a sweet thing anyway.

Yeah, but you know, I'm not, I'm not going to sniff it if it's anywhere near near my duck.

I had confided duck in probably one of the best restaurants I've been to, which was in

no Benita's picking up the pen again and he noticed he didn't want it to unless it's one of the best restaurants I've been to fully name it yeah it was really great for a piece of shit restaurant that I'll never go to ever

it was a no it was a different branch of the de Vere hotels

Chapito Ameza uh-huh in Lisbon Right.

And it was in a castle.

This is.

I think Chapito might mean castle.

Which is hard for me to hear because I went to Lisbon for the first time this year and I didn't go to this place that you're saying, which is one of the best restaurants you've ever been to.

Well, I don't know if it's still, I mean, this was 2013 or maybe 14.

Is it still there?

It's still there.

It's still there.

I mean,

it's an amazing city for food.

Does Chepito mean castle?

Have I made that up?

I'm guessing that it means castle on the sea.

Okay.

Chepito Amazo.

Mesa.

Amazing.

Amazing chips.

That's how I process it.

I was like, it was called amazing chips.

Amazing chip shop.

Yeah.

Yeah, the doaunt was amazing chips.

I'm mad.

Sorry, I had a duck, but I had it with mash.

Uh-huh.

Well, that's in my top five, I'd guess.

Five meals.

Meals.

Ever, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Two of my top five were in Lisbon.

Great.

Yeah.

Where was the other one?

Tulum.

No, not Tulum Cancun.

Uh-huh.

That was recently.

Seventh F, best Seventh TF I've ever had.

We saw you just after you got back from Mexico.

You

saluted

and then came for a meal with us.

Yeah, you did.

Yeah, which was commitment.

Well, you know, you've got to...

I mean, I'm not saying this because I didn't, I wanted to come.

First of all, I wanted to come.

But secondly, if something's going on on a day that you get back from a holiday and you know you've got to regulate that sleeping pattern, you've got to go to that thing.

Ah, okay.

So we were more of a sort of

sleeping pattern.

No, not at all.

I was very happy to be invited, surprised and happy.

And also the food was fucking great.

Yeah, it was really nice.

Really nice.

Cafe Murano, Angela Hartnut.

Yeah, great.

It was really good.

Yeah.

They didn't give me the last drink I ordered, but whatever.

Oh, no, no, no, that's fine.

Scuba the name, but you know,

scuba the name, we're not shouting that out anymore.

No, the food was great, and the rum old fashioned's greater, yeah, the rum old fashioned.

Yeah, and I've never seen anyone order that before.

I was going to bring it up in the drink in the drink section because I've never seen anyone order a rum old fashioned before.

I don't know about

it, actually.

I feel like maybe I had an old fashioned that was quite sweet anyway.

And then I complimented it, and someone was like, you should throw rum.

And I was like, love rum get it in yeah but yeah surf and turf that surf and turf i had in taboo in cocoon wow what was the surf and what was the turf right lobster yeah full lobster wow

a whole lobster

and a whole mexican lobster yeah massive are they massive too big and

uh b fill it now i didn't look at the price when i ordered it yeah distracted by someone again

attracted to someone else actually

research caveman way before you?

Or do you do you think I'd take the castle ghosts on holiday?

Yeah, that's who you're in the Lisbon Castle in my mind.

Always, yeah, yeah.

Castle ghosts are in there knocking about.

Yeah, me and the captain.

Yeah, yeah.

I should have checked the price.

But it tasted good enough.

It did.

It did.

Yeah.

It did.

And it's the best servant of I've had.

Yeah.

Best lobster and best steak and then best servantev.

Wow.

There you go.

Yeah.

300 US dollars.

Way.

Whoa.

Spicy.

Yeah.

That's a

sell your return ticket home.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Can it be worth it at that price?

I think if you're talking best certain dish you've ever had,

you're in a position where

you can afford it, then congrats.

Yeah.

I wouldn't do it often.

You know, whenever I watch ghosts, I think, this isn't small money.

Are you watching the American one?

I know they're

coined it.

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

No, no, no, they deserve to be millionaires.

I mean, the food was great.

But yeah, I'm sticking with my original main cause.

And it's not from any specific place.

You don't want to have it from Amazon Chips.

You can have the duck from Amazing Chips if you want.

Yeah, maybe.

If you want, we can give you the duck from Amazing Chips and put it with a Dauphin Waz and honey roast veg from anywhere.

Not this time round.

Not this time.

Next time?

Next time.

So your dream side is that Dauphinoir is that the Dauphino?

No, no, that's the side of something else.

That's the main course you just had there.

Yeah.

Okay.

Fine.

Fine.

I think I would go cream spinach.

Because usually, in any other scenario, my dream side will always be mac and cheese.

Okay.

Always.

But you've already got the cheese and the dauphinoir.

Yeah.

And mac and cheese with dauphinoir is mental,

yeah.

It's like, what's wrong with that guy?

You know, I was about to say it's quite rich, but then you have replaced it with cream spinach, so you're still double, you're double creaming, and also you have nightmares, huh?

You'll have nightmares because cheese, yeah, yeah.

Do you cheese actually give you nightmares?

I strongly believe that, really, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, if you have it late, not like normal time.

What's the latest you've ever had cheese doing one of your 5 a.m.

Zoom quizzes?

Well, that's different because

I'm not going to bed, I'm not going to break it.

like that.

Get all the cheeses.

The cheese in the cheese round.

Oh, no, this is...

Guys, I've got to go to bed soon.

This is going to be bad for me.

Come on, don't.

Don't waste out of it again.

But those were the...

I mean, that was like the kind of quizzes.

It was like, someone's got to cut a post-it in half.

Like, the first person to cut a post-it in half.

And everyone's got to find the scissors, then find a post-it.

Get it.

I've done it.

So, like, who was his quiz masters?

Richard Osman, someone like properly figured out format.

Really going, come on, we're going going to do a quiz.

Making sure it was interactive, you know, you can't just be sat there, you've got to, you know,

get around the house, find something.

In my mind, you're doing a quiz with the Castle Ghosts.

Right, so

I'm not actually allowed to have them on Zoom.

Yeah.

Because of the quizzes.

I mean, also on the Zoom, suddenly, yeah, the guy's in his pants.

It's like, everyone's stealing my thing.

Why are you all sitting there?

Why are you all sitting there in my...

How is my character unique now if you're all sitting there in your pants?

You can't all do it.

I'd love it if we found out it was just Simon Farnaby who thought they weren't filming below his waist, so he just turned up on the first day with no trousers on.

Oh, shit.

We need to make this a character.

We'll do an episode where we go into the origin of it.

There's no way Simon would let us into his house for that long to be on a quiz with us.

There's no way.

Yeah, yeah.

We're not finding out.

That guy is just like, he's a mystery.

Oh, yeah.

He's been a mystery for a long time, but I imagine even more so when I think about the cast of ghosts, I think he's not hanging out with the rest of them.

Do you know what, though?

There's no way.

He does.

yeah but then he doesn't come to a lot of things yeah yeah but when he is there yeah like when he has to be there contractually

he's got an early morning next day yeah so he will stay in the hotel yeah then we'll he'll come out with us aside from that no chance do you ever um send him a text and he doesn't he doesn't answer it and then what would you call that

I don't know.

What would I call that?

Just rude, isn't it?

Just rude.

I hate that.

Cream spinach.

Cream spinach.

Yeah.

Well, that sounds good to me.

With the duck as well.

I know you aren't going double cream, as Ed pointed out, but I guess that's not.

You know, too much cheese before bed, yeah, nightmares, too much cream.

Nah, nothing.

Wet dreams.

You have to wet dreams.

You have yourself a wet cream right there.

Guys, I saw it cream before bed.

During lockdown, this is a spinach I don't know, by the way, not wet dreams.

I was ordering from Hawksmoor now and again, like the best steak restaurant, and they would put in the boxes their cream spinach,

which you just warmed up in a pan, and it is phenomenal.

And I think the key is they chop the spinach quite a lot.

So it's almost the cream is amazing.

And nutmeg.

Nutmeg is so important.

Like a real good bit of nutmeg.

So good.

I saw this on a recipe that I found online.

Yeah.

Didn't have any.

Oh, man.

I remember texting you about that.

So I haven't been to Hawksmoor before.

Ed shouted it out on the podcast a lot.

So we got sent those boxes.

We're very lucky boys during lockdown.

Sometimes I feel bad about it but uh we got sent and the spinach and i remember for whatever reason it was it was just me for the weekend i was just on my own knocking about this hawksboar thing came and i i ate the whole thing of cream spinach which was a lot it wasn't just like a little side portion for two it was a big old load of cream spinach and i just i thought i'll i'll cook it i'll eat a bit now and i'll save the rest for whenever later in the week and I ate the whole thing in one go in front of the TV and texting Ed as I was doing it because I couldn't believe how nice it was.

I never had it before.

It's like, holy shit.

I mean, that is, if I was to have cream spinach on a menu, it would be that exact one.

Right.

Because

you didn't cook the steak because you were scared of setting off your fire alarm.

Yes.

Yeah.

My flat's very small, and

the steak would have created too much smoke and would have set off the fire alarm.

So, but I actually had a steak recently.

We set this steak like two years ago.

Right.

It's been in my freezer for like two years.

Then Phil Wang had a barbecue the weekend of the Platinum Jubilee.

The Platty Jubes, as you call it.

Yes.

I don't think enough people know that you coined the term Platty Jubes.

And not enough people have paid me for it, have they?

No, but you, I mean,

that's not us doing a bit now.

You genuinely came up with that.

Yeah.

And people.

My wife doesn't believe you, by the way.

That night I was saying, Carl came up with Platty Jubes.

And afterwards, she went, I meant I couldn't say it at the time, but he didn't.

She knows it's got to be someone, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, but she said it to me as if she thought it was her.

He didn't.

He didn't do it.

As if everyone came to the conclusion.

There's been a lot of that.

There's been a lot of that.

I don't believe people doubting that you can.

And I'm like, I just say to them, it's got to be someone.

Yeah.

Why not me?

Oh.

See, that makes me think you come up with it when you float it like that.

Oh, no, I did.

My thought is like, why do they not think that I'm

capable of shortening two words?

Yeah.

My friends that know me.

Yeah, yeah.

What was the original?

tweet or whatever it was that got it off the ground it was um i don't know about you man but i'm gassed for lizzie's play jubes yeah yeah might order some trainers on nike id and did that go nuts that tweet

no nothing but four people who liked it were like five influencers yeah it was no it wasn't even that it was afterwards people going someone just told me people are calling the platinum jubilee the platy jubes yeah and then it went from that yeah yeah so Someone.

The tweet itself had no activity at all, but word of mouth.

People

looked at it and went I'm gonna start saying that but I'm not gonna yeah engage with the tweets yeah yeah

bullshit Greg's used it and then I tweeted them saying you owe me 50 quid and they DM'd me being like oh you created this and I said yeah and then what are you going to give me and then they were like send us your address and I did nothing

now there's no way now Gregs just know where you live

yeah that guy I've ghost.

That's his address on the notes board.

Go over and have a look at the mural we've had painted outside the Newcastle branch.

Go and have a look at it.

That's the guy from Ghost.

That's where he lives.

Just so you know.

He claims he invented plenty of jeans and he tried to get some sausage rolls and everything.

He's got his address.

He doesn't know what we're going to do.

I've had nothing from them.

They've got your address, man.

I'm going to keep back in that DM, actually.

What would you want if a big box...

A Greg's black card.

Yeah.

How often would you use a Greg's black card?

Monthly, probably.

Yeah.

Worth it.

Do you know what?

I don't know if they still do them, but the mini donuts from Greg's 10 in a pack.

Yeah.

They still do that?

In it like a bag.

I don't know, man.

I used to go a lot on my fat man lunch crawl.

Oh, yeah.

When I used to go to about five places in a row.

Yeah, yeah.

For lunch.

Yeah.

Just fill up a big carry bag full of stuff, take it home.

Really?

Yeah.

Big stuff.

Different times.

Different times.

Different man.

Big stuff.

Big stuff.

As in, are you saying big stuff like big time?

Well, it sort of encompasses everything, doesn't it?

I was big stuff.

It was big stuff.

I had big stuff.

It was big stuff.

It's big stuff.

I'd love to have a thing called big stuff.

Big stuff.

Oh, shit.

I can't wait to use that instead of big time.

Yeah, man.

Big stuff.

I can't wait for you to tweet that you invented it.

Yeah, yeah.

Here we go.

This is how it starts.

Oh, no.

As soon as you leave, leave we're gonna see that pop up on your twitter yeah that's big stuff and then when the podcast comes out you'll dm benito i'm a 50 quid for that

oh yeah we're gonna get the tweet stuff for the tweets 83 he's looked it up this is the original tweet i don't know about you man but i'm gassed for lizzy's platty jubes i don't even know what it is but i'm ready capsule ready might make some trainers on nike id bullseye emoji 100 100 emoji fingers crossed emoji like it at kf red hot and you've also what was that 21st of may

it was 21st of april of 2022 at 2 40 p.m so that's like you've just woken up

first thing on my mind so that's what we're talking here seven retweets

172 likes eight quote tweets let's have a little look at them oh uh some comments um underneath um

Full conquer says early thoughts about what you're going to go for with your trainers, question mark.

and you said unfortunately they wouldn't have arrived until after the platy jubes so you've got that in again yeah this is on june 1st so actually i should point out april 21st the original tweet full conquer replies on april 21st you replied to full conquer on june the first

that's the day i got back from

unfortunately they wouldn't have arrived until after the platy jubes but i have something else in store with a party emoji no engagement with that whatsoever full conker doesn't reply to you because it's been over a month

and i don't even know what you're talking about.

Also, Bella Baby replies saying, please do Platty Jubes brunch with the Huns question mark.

You don't reply to that.

She came early.

She came to the party.

Now, here's an interesting thing.

Ella tweets.

Yeah.

Says, I will be using Platty Jubes exclusively from now on.

And then loads of crying laughter emojis.

And then she says, thank you.

So that is, I mean, again, you don't engage with that at all.

You don't reply to it.

You don't favorite it.

But she says that.

Also, yeah, someone says not platty dubes and puts those crime face emojis and says they should put that on decorative plates.

So that people like.

This is before no one else had heard it.

So I don't know.

People like

said it.

Now, weirdly, I quickly, it says eight quote tweets, and then I quick on, I click, I click on quote.

I click on quote tweets and it says no quote tweets yet.

So I don't understand

they've all got you.

So you've little bots that you've

they're all me.

Yeah, yeah.

And I've blocked anyone else from seeing me.

So that's the full engagement with your tweet there.

I mean, someone's made a Helen Mirren joke, but not really acknowledged the term plenty dubes.

Ignored.

Yeah.

I'm assuming you ignored them.

Yeah.

That seems to be your MO on Twitter.

Yeah.

So, you know, it wasn't.

But that was only the first one.

And then I.

Then you did more.

Then I did more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What I think we skimmed over was that you said it got 83 retweets and it got seven.

Yeah.

That's a big lie.

That's really tough, actually.

Yeah.

To to hear that from both of you.

Yeah.

Because that makes it seem like I'm a liar.

Yeah.

Which doesn't help because this whole thing is about how reliable you are.

If we can trust shit.

You know what I call that?

Small stuff.

Small stuff.

Small stuff.

And I'd said that.

And I said that.

First one to say it?

Yeah.

Until you tweet it later.

I think that maybe one of the other Platty Jubes tweets.

Got 83.

So you did a few.

Oh, yeah.

I'm not going to stop there, mate.

Not going to stop after the seven main tweets.

No.

I've just got, I've just got a good thing going.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, you've got to follow that eight.

You've got to load that up.

Yeah, you got a few comments.

Ignored them all.

Yeah.

So that you got to follow that up.

Yeah.

I got nothing out of that.

I got nothing at all.

I mean, how big was it?

Everyone was saying it.

Everyone was saying it.

Everyone was saying it.

Wow.

I mean, when I'm going to see that tweet, I think it can't have started here.

This is what Tash said.

This is what Tash said.

Yeah.

Dimitri.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.

Or Big Meech, as I call it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was like, well, it can't, it obviously not.

Look at the engagement.

Yeah.

I'm like, that's not what it's fucking.

That's not what it's about.

But if, like, if we need to search Slatty Jubes on Twitter and just scrolled and scrolled until the earliest tweet, that would be the first one.

Yeah.

I promise you it would be the first one.

Yeah.

Someone will do it.

Someone will do it.

Yeah.

When is this out?

Four years?

Maybe.

Enough time for you to start some fake accounts and do whatever.

Report everyone else who did it before me.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, that was all to say I went to a barbecue at Phil Wang and had that steak.

Yeah.

Right.

Which went quite well, actually.

Yeah.

It was the hit of the barbecue.

Do you know what?

This has been one of the longer records, but I personally wouldn't lose any of it.

No.

I'm not being sarcastic here.

We're not even at, we've got drinking dessert to go.

I'm really enjoying myself.

I'd just like to take this opportunity to ask Benito to just not take anything out of this.

even i'll be like you said i'm having a good time what do you have on the stronger side remote fashion yeah this is gonna it's getting interesting and remote fashion for the for the boy i love a whiskey i love a whiskey gift from a nose yeah yeah

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your drink course now we're here we've got some whiskeys um four whiskeys around

i went to a bar in Wansted, which is no longer...

The building is still there, but it's a pizza place now.

And it was a bar.

And it was quite a nice new bar as Wansted was becoming one of those places where people are like, come to Wanstead.

It's nice here.

And I had a cherry vanilla old-fashioned.

You like sweet drinks?

I love sweet drinks.

Yeah.

I drank Disarano.

I used to drink Disorano.

That was my go too.

And then I just discovered other things.

That's a garitis, one, isn't it?

Disorano.

Amaretto, yeah.

Amaretto.

Yeah.

Amaretto.

Joe, it's a real shame that you fucked it up.

You fucked it up so bad.

You badly lately slammed it when you first met him.

Hopefully.

That's what you're going to nagging people all the time.

That's how I get my jobs, man.

I really hope that somewhere we'll do them again because I've never seen chervina old-fashioned anywhere.

Is that something you would attempt to make at home, maybe?

Oh, man.

I get really annoyed when I have to, when I make something and it doesn't taste the way I want it to.

I don't have the patience for it.

I don't really like cooking for that reason.

Although, I do have an air fryer.

Now, I'm not going to talk too much about my air fryer because I could go on forever.

People who have air fries fucking love their air fryer.

I love it.

I'm like, you know, like how Australians love Australia.

Yeah,

that.

I'm that, but air fryer, mate.

That'd be a good jackass video.

What?

Dick in an air fryer.

I I like how you expected me to make the mental leap to it being a dick in the air fryer.

That's all they do.

Wait, everyone.

So what?

What?

Dick in an air fryer.

I was the first I ever done it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, don't you have to shut the air fryer for it to work then?

Yeah.

Completely close it.

Yeah.

So you'd have to jam the mechanism or...

Shut your dick fully in the air fryer at which point you may as well shut your dick in anything.

I've never seen an air fryer So in my head I was imagining no i have it's like a see-through shoebox with a hole in it

put your dick in from the side

you know they don't make things that have dick access like in case jackass wouldn't use

yeah

you see that tweet about the vacuums in the house that people are getting

it's like a waist height vacuum where you just throw your clothes and it goes into the it go you you make a laundry chute in your house all right through vacuum i love that and then some surgeon or doctor replied to that tweet saying accident emergency cannot deal with a waist-height vacuum

being installed into people's houses.

The jackass boys absolutely over the moon when they saw that.

Pre-order.

In the group chat.

Is he having it on pre-order?

We gotta meet up.

Don't you not feel that.

We've got to meet up.

My house now.

We all try and buy them now.

Yeah.

And then we'll hopefully we'll get enough.

Everyone try and buy them.

Look, the air fryer didn't work.

Wasn't that how we imagined it in our heads, that air fryer?

So it's going to be a clear shoebox with a hole in the side for our dick.

Hey, man, I just got this air fryer.

Where's the dick going?

Their group chat is called Where Does the Dick Go?

So many customer services having to respond to it.

Subject headed, Where Does the Dick Go?

Dear Mr.

Knoxville, we're sorry that you were unsatisfied with our blender.

I watched the new jackass

on the plane when we were going on honeymoon.

Charlie was like, this is the worst way to start a honeymoon I've ever seen.

And there were big screens on the plane as well.

Just close-up dicks.

Like the air hostess coming around going, would you like a drink?

I'm like, yeah, pause the class.

So many dicks.

I can't remember what it was that I watched on the flight to Australia, but I realized that they'd edited it, edited out all the sex stuff.

And then I realised that, oh, well, then I was told that Emirates do that.

Uh-huh.

Emirates just get rid of all that stuff.

Did it make sense to you in the film?

I was like,

well,

tell me first.

Might be what I'm watching 50 Shades of Grey for.

Yeah.

Yeah, how short was that first?

They set banana fry, then that's it.

Yeah.

Mold credits.

Unbox it, plug it in, end the film.

You just see them looking around.

Go, where does it be?

Mr.

Grey.

And then Phil went.

So you want vanilla, cherry, whiskey sour.

Well, no, old fashioned.

Old-fashioned.

Old-fashioned.

Which I would think, the reason why I say whiskey sour by mistake, was because I was thinking amaretto sour.

And I would think that vanilla cherry, you'd want that with the amaretto, maybe.

You know, like a baked bowl tart.

I think you can, it can't, that can be too sweet.

Okay.

Because I have Dysrunner with cranberry.

And occasionally that's too sweet.

Okay.

Or if I've got a friend, Tony, loves Cherry Coke, loves it.

Yeah.

I don't know why I find it.

He only buys Cherry Coke.

Yeah.

Tony?

Yeah.

He's not messed about with anything else.

And he knows there's loads more.

Yeah, yeah.

Coke Life, all that stuff.

Not interested.

Cherry Coke.

That's it.

Cherry Coke.

If you haven't got it, he'll leave the shop.

He'll go somewhere else.

How does he feel about Cherry Pepsi Max?

Text him now.

How does he feel about Cherry Pepsi Max?

Yeah.

He'll say no.

He'll say he doesn't like it.

Nonsense.

I mean, Pepsi Max in general is like, what is that?

What's the point?

No, but what is the point?

What is that?

Yeah.

Cherry Pepsi Max, huge.

We love Cherry Pepsi Max.

Huge on the show.

Do you?

Yeah, we love it.

I just want to know if Tony's on board.

If he likes Cherry Coke.

Actually, do you know what he'll say?

Yeah.

He'll reply, it's cool.

Why?

Is that what he'll say?

Yeah.

But that's not what he means.

Yeah.

But you know that people here.

He'd be like, why'd you buy Pepsi?

Why are you buying this?

Yeah, yeah, because he likes Cherry Coke.

But me asking him when our last conversation was me sending him the tickets to the club that I went to on Friday night and he was like I'll definitely come and I haven't seen him since maybe two weeks ago so you didn't come to the club no no

in fact I told him it was sold out and he said I'll find a way sent me the link great I sent him the link haven't seen him yeah he didn't find a way didn't even follow up I don't know

I don't think he's Let me see if he's read that message actually.

I also would like to know how Tony feels about the fact that Coke Zero do a cherry flavor now.

Yeah.

And if if he's messing with that, or if he only likes...

I think he bought that once by accident.

Yeah, yeah.

And got shouted at.

He got shouted at?

He shouted at someone?

He got shouted at.

So who would you buy that for?

He bought it for someone else.

He would buy it in a group setting.

Oh, okay.

You know, like a party.

People give Tony that responsibility because they know he likes cherry coke.

Tony's always bring, like, Tony's always last to the party.

Yeah.

So you can take...

If anyone, if we've run out of something at a party, you say, text Tony.

We've run out of cherry coke.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, you won't say cherry coke because we won't have cherry coke until Tony tells us.

So we went out of Coca-Cola.

Yeah.

Tony, can he get some?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then he tells me he brings...

And you know that's going to bring Cherry anyway.

Don't bother.

1.5 of Cherry Coke.

Sign Lil Kennedy.

Peter's done.

Zero.

He's on Coke Zero, Cherry, and the part he hates.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

After the shame.

And then he stops turning out to stuff.

Yeah, then he doesn't tell it because he knows

it at.

Yeah.

He'll probably reply to that tomorrow morning.

Yeah.

And then you'll reply to him in a month.

So like, yeah, the whole thing's going to take ages

that's also a good drink a sweet cocktail yeah controversially i hate lemon and lime any questions

now why did you figure this just now that you hate lemon lime because do you you thought my my thought process was like i also love a my thai but i also i always ask them to take the lemon out or lime juice whatever they're using

and i like a lot of cocktails i always ask them to take the lemon and lime out do you hate hang on yes do you hate both of those things separately or together You hate lemon and lime

in anything.

Yep.

Wow.

That is controversial.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Paul Hollywood would be angry with you.

He likes lime more than anything.

He loves lime.

Really?

Yeah, he loves lime.

I love lime.

I love lime.

We always have lemons or limes in our house.

Sometimes both.

I don't have lemon to seasoned chicken.

That's the only reason it's in the house.

When you say seasoned chicken.

Sorry, not seasoned clean.

Clean chicken.

Yeah.

Hang on.

What?

All right.

That's a good question.

All right, then, boys.

I say, yeah, that's back to Paul Hoggywood.

To clean chicken.

Yeah.

Vinegar, lemon.

To clean chicken.

To clean chicken.

So hold on.

You get it.

You get the chicken out of the packet.

First thing you do is give it a bath in some lemon and vinegar.

First thing I'm doing, tap on

salt

in the container that the chicken's in.

Yeah.

Lime.

Then rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse, lime, lime, lime, lime, lime, rinse, rinse, rinse, vinegar.

Yeah.

Lime, lime, lime, rinse, rinse, rinse, vinegar.

Under the tap.

Yeah.

I've never cleaned my chicken.

It's nice and clean.

And has, does it retain some of the flavor from that lime and salt?

Not really.

No, so you're just...

Just the season's separate.

Okay.

It's a cultural thing.

Is it?

Yeah.

Well, there goes all our jokes.

I mean,

if you went to Twitter now and typed white people wash chicken, there'd be a lot of stuff white people wash chicken yeah because there'll be a lot of like this is that white people wash chicken in between yeah yeah

white people don't wash that white people don't wash chicken yeah yeah yeah that's accurate yeah i've never washed a chicken in my life i just eat it dirty i guess

well a lot of people are like well that's making it worse by putting stuff on it

but i can see why like

the citrus and the salt would clean it's like abrasive right so you're getting stuff off it yeah but i suppose you're also sort of brinding it as well at the same time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Washing meat is big.

Yeah.

Big stuff.

Big stuff.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, I got it in.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

I got it in.

I got in that thing that I said.

Yeah.

And washing chicken is a big conversation.

Yeah.

Conversation point.

Well, you don't wash a chicken.

Nah, man.

You need to, man.

Yeah.

I don't know who I am at this moment.

Were you two different people then?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think.

Two people ganging up on something else.

Yeah, on someone else.

yeah

um

yeah vinegar or lemon or lime so white people not washing their chicken is that like a thing that like was noticed like people were saying like yeah don't you're going to white friends house and they don't watch the chicken no i think it was more of on from cooking shows ah yeah they're like what's chicken and people going like he didn't even watch that ah yeah yeah yeah and then they're

talking to other people going can you believe that yeah and then they're like then their white friends are like what did what you want yeah i can't believe i found that white people not washing something else Yeah.

Wait, what was the first thing?

Asian friends telling me I don't wash my ass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a cultural thing as well, because I don't know.

But both of them, they're both things that when I found out about them, I go.

That makes sense.

Right, okay.

I should put a milk bottle's worth of water up my ass

when I'm having a bad shit.

And I should be washing the chicken before I've eaten it.

Yeah.

Okay.

And salt and lime stuff.

I'll say it.

On the way home, I'm going to buy salt, lime, and then next time I go for a shit.

Yeah.

salt and lime your butt.

I was really crying out in agony.

Oh, God.

I loved that.

I get what you mean because my Hassan.

Yeah.

When did I speak about Hassan?

What did he do?

Hassan, well, you and him didn't always agree on stuff, but Hassan

will want to know what you're ordering.

Oh, yes, that's it.

That's why I mentioned him.

He's

avid bum washer.

And he has the little thing by the toilet.

Yeah.

But.

You think that's avid?

Yeah.

On stop.

Every time.

Avid bum washer, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

That's keen.

Casting aspersions, I think.

He's keen.

Yeah, he's keen to.

Well, I used to have material about this, about how the first time I found that out.

And then it makes total sense.

Yeah.

And we've just been wiping our asses with paper and going ass clean nothing else

wipe with a bit of paper and that's where I I'm I'm a wet wipes guy you're a wet wipes guy flashable yeah

yeah yeah we're not fucking out the turtle yeah yeah not causing the fat burgers

I wouldn't guys I wouldn't

would you wet wipe a chicken

is that not good enough if you wet wipe a chicken uh

because they got lemon on a lot of them have got lemon on

so it would actually

have anything else yeah.

It's the favourite thing we ever covered on Mott the Week when I was on it.

The fat burger.

The fat burg.

It was my favourite week.

I said that I deliberately made it over years.

And I've been flushing.

Sophie wasn't supposed to flush down the toilet all the time.

And then they said the British Museum or some museum were trying to buy the fat burg back.

We're trying to buy the fat burger so they can display it.

I said I was going to outbid them, get the fat burger, and then flush it all down the toilet again.

I do want to mention, I do want to give a special mention to tequila and apple juice.

Tequila and Apple.

I've never heard about that.

You heard it here.

Tequila Applejuice.

It's the one.

London Hughes will say that she invented it.

She's full of shit.

I hate people who claim to have invented stuff then.

Don't believe her.

Is there a name for the drink?

The Chaos Beat.

Yeah, yeah.

Great.

That's supposed to be the happy.

Makes you feel happier, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Unlike all other alcohol.

Yeah.

yeah people love saying it's the only upper yeah yeah

that's my way of saying it without

without having to say it yeah people love saying it's the only upper yeah what does the apple juice do to that does that like level it out does that make it less of an upper or more of an upper you're like whoa apple juice wow um

i think it just makes it sweeter yeah and you know me i like them sweet drinks you like them sweet which is why i'm excited about the dessert actually when i was younger my um cupboard on the left left-hand side of the kitchen at the end

always,

always had Capri Sun in.

Never, never ran out.

I never took the last Capri Sun out of that cupboard.

Ever.

You're saying this like it was a magic cupboard.

What I will say is I never saw it go in,

but it was always there.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a load of questions.

So

your parents saw whoever.

It was definitely my mum.

Yeah.

I didn't even know what was in that.

Didn't know what that cupboard did.

My mum would go to Queen's Market, Green Street,

and probably get like £10 for a pound.

I'd take half of them, take them to school, sell them for £30p each.

Oh, hold on.

You were selling them?

Yeah.

You weren't drinking these Capri-Sons.

So your mum was not only stocking up this cupboard,

she was stocking it up enough for you to run a small business out of it.

Yeah, I was, yeah.

That's a lot.

Capri-sons and hula hoops.

You're taking the hula hoops as well?

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

I was making

sales pattern.

Hello, my name's Miss Diny Dynamite.

Rapping about

the produce you've got in your bag.

That was your favourite sons of the song.

That was when it was really obvious where the joints were.

Just rapping about the price of Capricorn and Hula Hoop, the deals that you've got on, and then suddenly into the Miss Dynamite lyrics.

Hang on a minute.

Yeah, I was all throughout school.

I was selling drinks and crits.

People knew.

Drink and crit, yeah.

People knew you go to that guy.

Yeah.

And sometimes someone will come and buy the whole lot.

What?

Two drinks, two crisps.

That was a whole lot.

That was a whole lot, yeah.

That's all you had in your bag every time.

Was two drinks and two crisps.

Two drinks, two crisps.

So you bought every day you went in with two capacities

of crisps.

And you had those.

Those so many shadows.

Yeah.

And so everyone knew you can buy them off him, but he's essentially got two of each and then it's gone each day.

Oh, that's where the bidding wars came in.

Oh, yeah.

Because people will give me 50p for a capital sum.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Which is like, what's the markup there?

What are you doing?

Oh, look.

So it was £10.

Yeah, so it's 10p.

So

five-time markup.

Yeah, man.

And then that would be my lunch money.

Would you take one for yourself as well?

No.

So you didn't drink Capri-Sun?

At home, yeah.

On a weekend.

Yeah.

Can't wait.

But when you're eating it on the weekend, you're not thinking.

But you didn't need to wait.

You took it at home.

Take one into school.

Can't wait to eat these.

Sadly, I'm completely shackled to my business.

the thing the thing about me because other people wanted to do it but they didn't know where to get those flavors from i was getting exclusive flavors what flavors were talking we're talking cherry kush wow multivitamin now see i used to be in a band called the capri sun quartet and we would name ourselves after different flavors of capri sun okay and we never came across i'm gonna give you a couple tell me if you know them yeah yeah multivitamin Absolutely never heard of it.

Did you have a multivitamin?

You weren't James multivitamin.

I wish I was.

I was Sir William Strawberry.

Dragon fruit?

What?

No.

These are way cooler than the.

Are these knockoff Capri Sun?

Are these official Capri Sun?

They're official.

Yeah.

Foreign.

They're from like

the country that they came from.

Mainly Germany.

Amphelsaft.

Yeah, well, that's a dead giveaway, that one.

Lots of that.

Yeah, yeah.

Lots of that.

They will go quick.

Yeah, people like Africa.

Safari fruit.

What?

What's safari fruit?

I think it was just like orange

pictures of like giraffes and lions on the front yeah oh kids would love that but people didn't know where to get them from so people going to Iceland getting just like orange and trying to sell them and be like you're joking

fruit you have people competing with you yeah yeah it's like um

not plain food uh uh train food because that's that's like yeah i'm paying three pounds for a water but it's the only place i can get it sure and it's like in school you can't go you can't just go shop do you like the buffet cabbage yeah yeah You can drive up the price.

As much as you want.

I mean, I imagine you would struggle to sell the multi-vitamins one.

No.

You're joking.

You've got to see that packet, man.

What's the packet look like?

Colourful.

And I was like, oh, shit, what's that?

So no one else's mum went to the same shop that your mum went to?

No, my mum was going in the market.

Queensbury.

Right.

Yeah.

Deep in.

Deep in.

Yeah, man.

And those guys saw her every week.

Your mum know you were selling them?

No, no idea.

She thought you was getting food four a day or whatever.

Yeah.

Two a day.

Yeah.

And I was still getting my £25 a week from her okay for like lunch and other and whatever on the weekend but she was like have two capri-throughs and two packets of crisps for break time yeah yeah yeah wow i'll give her that money back one day

i'll get her a garden or something

the garden that dragon fruit bought there you go

straw in the top or in the bottom top bottom what do you mean i know loads of people who would go straw in the bottom

flip flip it up if i sold a capri-than to someone and saw them stick the hole in the bottom yeah i'm taking it back yeah yeah selling it to them i'm taking it back and i'm not giving them a reason the deals off

people used to try and buy in advance i'd be like no you can't whoever gets me first in the morning

i can't start taking pre-booking serious you didn't have any other employees you like no just you or me baby independent trader yeah man and when but then when we got to year 10 and people started going to the shop in technology then it was tough for me it was all over yeah yeah

that must have been hard yeah because we weren't allowed out for lunch until year 10 but then in year 10 people was just like do you know what i've got a break type i'll even wait for lunch were you trying to deter people going like i was like no i'm going to get run over

guys you got this you're going to get run over if you got you done your green cross code

you've got to think about this guys you might get run over out there

because by then we were only doing milk and cookies it was a you buy a maryland cookies full pack and a thing of milk.

From the market still?

No, from the shop.

I think that's your problem there.

I think you're trying to get them to buy shop produce they can get themselves, whereas before you had exclusive money.

No, no, no, sorry, that's what people were getting.

They wanted that.

They didn't want

you to have Capricorn anymore.

Okay.

About three years of that.

Buzz Lightyear.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You were Woody.

You were Woody and the Cookies was Buzz Lightyear.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Milk and cookies.

Mad that I knew exactly what you meant by that.

Yeah.

We've done enough episodes.

And knows what I mean.

Annoyingly, sometimes I say stuff like jackass and dick in the fry, and he doesn't get it straight away.

I have to spell it out for it.

But

I was like, yeah, he knew what I meant immediately.

Let's get on to your dream dessert.

All right.

I'm really interested in how you're...

going to respond to this.

Okay.

Well, we know you like sweet stuff.

So I'm feeling relaxed because normally I get angry people choose savory for dessert i think based on what i've said before

there may be some um pushback

you really there yeah

ms black forest gato now why did you think there would be pushback for this oh is ed looking like he's going to push back to it no i'm not necessarily pushing back but what were you thinking i'm not a black forest gato guy right really okay anything with aerated cream

here's a confession yes before we continue White people don't wash their black folks gaps.

I'm holding my hands.

I'm guilty of this.

Leslie, you've got to put salt live.

I can't believe I didn't put a sticker on that.

I put a sticker on it.

Here I am.

Here I am.

The sticker paid off.

That's a big sticker.

MS one.

Yeah.

Nothing like it.

Yeah.

Here's a couch.

It has to be my birthday.

Have you had it outside of your birthday before?

Not that I can remember.

No.

Not an MSS one.

Not an M ⁇ S one.

Yeah.

But

yeah, I mean, I can see how it's nice to have something that's just on your birthday.

Because then you really do feel like it's your birthday, which you don't always feel, you know, the older you get, the more your birthday doesn't necessarily feel like an extraordinary day compared to the rest of the year.

So it's nice to have something that only happens on that day.

So when you're doing that thing, you know.

You feel birthday.

It's your birthday.

I don't know how it happened, but my mum, at some stage, I'm guessing I was probably like 13, and my mum was like, this is his thing.

On his birthday, it's an MS Black Frost Gatto.

And I could not wait.

So this is.

So when you're 13, I mean, how old are you now?

33.

Have you noticed the change in M ⁇ S Black Forest Gato over?

20 years?

Well, this is the thing.

I haven't actually had an M ⁇ S one for maybe four years.

Okay.

I've had a Black Ferris cattle because my friends know,

like my best friend, Elena Hughes, she knows that that's what I love.

Who's Elena Hughes?

Best friend.

What part is she in ghosts?

She's the

dead play girl.

All right.

Everyone else, first name.

Throughout the whole podcast, us having to say the second name.

Elena Hughes, straight in there.

No clue who she is.

She's an English teacher.

okay actually she's not anymore she's ahead of year now

good job elena yeah well done going up in the world yeah

she knows when it's come around to my birthday yeah he loves the black forest go i'll get him one of them

won't get from her nest though why is she not going to ms when she doesn't she's not like oh it's got to be an ms one and then i don't even know because it just comes out happy birthday to you i don't know it's wrong you can't tell yeah yeah

so I don't think I've had an MNS one in maybe four or five years.

But you do want one for your dream meal?

Yes, please.

If that's okay, and it's your birthday.

Yeah,

is it just whatever your next birthday is, age-wise, or do you want a specific was there a best birthday?

I think I'd be lied if I said that it was a specific one, but I mean, I feel like one of my biggest birthdays

that I didn't organize

was my 18th or 17th, 17th, definitely 17th.

What are we talking?

Kerry Coates got the one time.

Tony came up.

Tony,

actually, was that a pizza art one?

No, 17, I wasn't doing pizza anymore.

No, no.

Quick question.

When was the last time you had a pizza?

Oh, great question.

I mean, 20 years ago.

Really?

Yeah.

Fuck.

Not even.

20 years.

Not even a delivery.

No.

I think I had one during lockdown because my girlfriend likes pizza.

I have great memories of pizza.

The base, the fried base.

I've talked about it before.

It's like they've deep-fried the base.

It's great.

But

I wouldn't get one.

Tried to get one the other day and failed.

I just wouldn't get one.

There's no way we have one.

I simply wouldn't.

Yeah, yeah.

What's a go-to then?

Dominoes?

No.

Yard sales.

Like, I'm not messing with any of the

big guys.

No.

Dominoes have put me off with their own advertising.

Oh, yeah.

Every time someone says dominoes, I'll just think, Domino.

Have you seen that?

Oh, the Yodel thing.

Domino ho hoes.

I love a Yodel.

Are you ripping off Miss Dynamite?

Yeah.

I think that's where they got it from.

We could all rip off Miss Dynamite, though.

It's Miss Domino.

You can really tell the point in the Domino's advert where they stop doing their own stuff and they start ripping off Miss Dynamite.

That's a

massive change.

I think you've got to get a Pizza Hut, man.

I'll get one.

Yeah, try it out.

I'll tell you what I should do, because I've not had like Domino's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's, any of those for ages.

The big stuff guys.

The big three.

And the big three.

I should go back and try them all again and give my findings.

Pizza Express I still get.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, but that's different that's yeah that's e m gaff yeah that's that's the nando's of no one's eating pizza anymore unfortunately so we're talking black folks out if i'm ms it's your birthday yeah and the whole meal's been on your birthday or do you want it to suddenly shift to your birthday on the on the dessert shift to my birthday on the dessert yeah okay yeah so it's a late meal but you're up for another six hours yeah

anyway yeah polish off the gato do a quiz

i'm gonna read your menu back to you now see how you feel about it still water you want hardo bread for proper ones or bread can i get cucumber in that still water?

Yeah.

Someone showed me that once and changed my world.

Someone showed you it?

Showed me, yeah.

How do you want this cucumber sliced?

Sideways?

I like the longer the slices, the better.

Longer?

I like the curly one.

A long diagonal kind of slice.

No?

No, not bothered about that.

Starter.

Dynamite shrimp.

PF Changs I've got written down here.

Main course, coffee duck leg with Dauphin Wils potatoes, honey roast carrots and parsnips.

Side dish, creamed spinach.

Drink, cherry vanilla, old-fashioned, dessert, mins black forest gatto and it's your birthday

that's amazing

feeling good

yeah i've also got another special shout out i know i've done a few you can do a special shout out please do crispy cream burger oh no no joe likes it out of krispy cream burger i had a real go at him actually yeah it didn't go down well but i've got what i've got an update have you had it no but I didn't like the idea of a piss yeah because it's gimmicky it feels like that sort of gross dirty food thing that that happened happened where people were like just chuck as much sugar and fat at something as possible and it was like an instagram thing but then i went to a place called from the ashes which is a barbecue place it's just a little hatch in the wall uh in hackney and had their del piero pulled pork doughnut which is one of the best things i have ever tasted in my life are you gonna say that the it was inside a donut Well,

it was like they cut a doughnut and they cut the doughnut in half.

Oh, great.

Yeah, yeah.

And then put this incredible like slow cooked pulled pork yeah with induya and then crackling in there as well and it was it's one of the best things i've ever tasted

it's in hackney was it what's it called uh from the ashes from the

i think they've got one in on uh seven dollars market as well actually from the ashes because that sounds like an absolute bit of me yeah it was incredible and it's really good barbecue anyway like really good slow-cooked brisket and stuff but oh so i came around to the doughnut thing and then i was like maybe i should try a krispy cream burger where did you have a krispy cream burger i first had it at uh red's true barbecue in manchester oh okay yeah yeah yeah i liked it but i didn't love the the patty yeah yeah yeah but it had cheese and bacon yeah and that does a lot

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so as a group yeah i really enjoyed it yeah

then i went to liverpool for my birth my 27th birthday yeah Black Forest Gateau.

Yeah.

As I was walking into a room.

So I felt like I was like, as

My 27th birthday in Liverpool, Death Row Records.

Yeah, it's called.

I hope it still exists.

And we ordered loads of shit.

And I saw what's sometimes called a Luther Burger after Luther Van Dross.

Yeah.

Because apparently he loved

two donuts and beef patty.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

there's it's called a few things lutherberger dean martin burger okay

and

something else can't remember but crispy cream burger dean martin probably predates yes all of them right yeah so but you still invented it right

yeah by tweeter fair yeah yeah so those are the two times i had it and then i had it on valentine's day 20

Such a funny thing to have on Valentine's Day.

So romantic.

2014.

Happy Valentine's, baby.

I love you.

Blaze running down your chin.

Because

me and the girl that I was in a relationship with.

Yeah, yeah.

Always.

Waltz being the key word.

I wonder why I did it.

Always spoke about having this Krispy Krember at some point.

On Valentine's Day, she made it.

Ah.

Here we are.

14th of February, 2015.

There she is, cooking out that Krispy Kreme burger.

Amazing.

Cooking it here

on the pan.

Look at that.

Looks good.

Some bacon there.

Bacon in there.

Look at that.

Egg as well.

Egg, bacon.

Yeah, so okay, it's a proper.

Looks good.

Looks good, right?

That looks like a whole donut on top of there.

Yeah, it was, yeah.

What?

What happened was she fried one.

You made it like you make your lunchable.

It's all stacked up with the doughnut.

Meat, cheese, meat, cheese, donut.

That's my death row meal.

Yeah.

But not necessarily my favourite meal of all time.

Not dream.

Just going out, guns blazing.

Dream, sorry, yeah.

Yeah.

So not your dream meal, but going out, all guns blazing.

Yeah.

You're having the Krispy Kreme.

Yeah.

Kaylee, thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you for having me.

Just to let the listeners know, longest record?

Well, I'd say, yeah.

So we started at 8.

Yeah.

Is that right?

Two hours 20.

It's like 7, didn't we?

Yeah.

Yeah, so it's 2 hours 20.

2 hours 20.

That's the longest.

And also the only record we've ever drunk during.

Yes.

I love that.

Yeah.

I don't think that much is going to come out of it.

I mean, I would push for it all to stay in.

Yeah, yeah.

But obviously, that's not going to happen.

I'm going to send a strongly worded email.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you very much, KO.

Thanks for having me, man.

Well, there we go.

I don't know what Benito edited that down to, but we were talking for two and a half hours.

I hope he kept it all in.

I've said it to him several times.

He's let me know that he's definitely not going to keep it all in.

But let me tell you, all of it was gold.

Yes.

I'd be comfortable with it all going out.

It was a very, very funny episode.

Very fun to record.

The only one that we've started drinking in.

Even the live ones, we didn't have a drink during the episode.

That's interesting, isn't it?

We didn't do it in the live ones.

Now I think about it.

But I think

we are ones to talk for a long time anyway.

And I think if we'd done them in the live ones, I think we had, we were talking for so long on the first live one that we had 40 minutes to go we'd not started the menu yet yes if we'd added alcohol to that situation it would have been a disaster could have been a disaster yeah um and this has been the only one i think that we've done in the evening yeah yeah first one ever yeah like all together in the same room in the evening yeah so uh you know and kyle he was like you heard him he's ready for when it got to that course he was like get me get get me something get me something dark in the glass and then we were we were going to jump on board straight away of course because we're pathetic people can't see but Benito's just in his pants now Yeah, even Benito has time we all had a whisper.

Yeah, the guy in charge of the decks Benito has decks for this.

Yeah, he's got his decks He remixes it as he goes along.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Also, though, Kyle did not say the secret ingredient didn't say ghost pepper.

No, he didn't.

Of course he didn't.

So we appreciate that.

Thank you, Kyle.

Do go and watch ghosts for God's sake.

Go and watch Stathlet's Flats.

Go and watch Red Flag on all four.

Kyle's brilliant.

It was a brilliant episode.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Now Ed's going to make this fart in a box, I guess.

Mad to think that in the story of it, I had it before Kyle came in and I'd not eaten it yet.

And then two and a half hours later, after drinking three whiskeys, I want to eat my egg.

Yeah, yeah.

That's your life.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

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We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

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