Ep 183: Motsi Mabuse

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, taking the burger of great chat, squirting in the catch-up of humor, but not before removing the Gherkins of evil.

Ed Gamble there.

Opening the podcast in quite a controversial way, I would say.

I'd say that that would be the earliest that some listeners have gone, what?

Yeah, Yeah, cookies are the best bits.

You know, I agree with the listener.

Yeah, yeah.

But I know some people don't like girkies.

Some people don't like them.

So it's very, it's very nicely done.

I love cookies.

I'm Pink Pink Pooh.

I love them.

I'm a gherkin boy.

Yeah.

This is where we both agree.

We're both gherkin jerkins.

We're gherkin jerkins, make no misturkin.

That is Ed Gamble.

My name is James Acaster.

This is the Off Menu Podcast.

We invite a guest into our dream restaurant and we ask them their favorite ever: starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink.

Not in that order.

And this week, our guest is Mozzie.

Mozzie Mabusi.

Mozzie mabusi a professional dancer a professional dancer a judge on strictly an incredible judge on strictly my favorite judge on strictly no shade to the others

is a very closely run contest a lot of the time the judges have to say to the to the celebrities this is such a tough decision it's so close yeah that's what you're saying as a judge of the judges yeah i'm splitting hairs here but mozzie i'm afraid the other two judges she is my favorite yes yes she's brilliant can't wait to chat to her uh also author yes Finding My Own Rhythm by Matsumbusi is out now.

It's her story.

It's her life story.

There's so much in there from like winning dance competitions all around the world, becoming a strictly judge, living in South Africa, Germany.

I mean, what a life.

Such a life.

Such a life.

Such a life.

And you know what?

We can't wait to have a little bit of insight into that life through food.

That's the show.

Yes, that's the show.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, you know, on our good days, the show is a tour through people's life via via food.

Yeah.

On the bad days, it's stories about Pooh and Wee.

It's nonsense as well.

Yes, yes, yeah, yeah.

So we'll see where this one goes.

We love Mozzie Mabusi, but if Mozzie says the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to throw Mozzie Mabusi up the dream house trying to be overhead.

I just burped.

You better keep that in when Mozzie's on.

Oh, listen, by the time Mozzie comes in here, I'm keeping on top of it.

Are you a fan?

You're actively a fan.

I'm a massive fan.

I'm not burping in front of Mozzie Mabusi.

And you better tame that stomach as well.

Oh, God, I don't know.

I better eat something.

Yeah, eat something, man.

But this week, the secret ingredient is

microwaved vegetables.

Now, this has been suggested by a listener.

No.

No.

Me.

That's a good suggestion.

Well done.

Thanks.

I was going to give full props to the listener for that, but

that was you.

Probably some sort of versions of it that work fine, but every microwave vegetable I've had in the past, so sad.

You've got to put a hole in the bag, put it in the microwave.

Soggy.

Soggy, horrid.

No flavor.

Soggy, sad.

I'd rather have any other type of prepared vegetable.

How are you doing your veg at home, James?

Well, that's a good question.

The other day,

I fried up some asparagus.

Sure.

You know, if I'm going to do some broccoli, I'd roast it.

Yeah.

Very rarely do I boil veg now.

It used to be my go-to when I first moved out of the Acaster hearth half.

Hearth.

But now

I will

roast or fry my vegetables.

I'll griddle.

I'll regularly griddle.

Wow, that's a good idea.

You came over recently and

I did some charred broccoli.

Beautiful, beautifully charred broccoli.

Just in a dry griddle pan and put another heavy pan on top of it for like five minutes, flip them, five minutes again.

Beautiful.

I went on Claudia Winkleman's Radio 2 show.

Yes.

And she said,

she brought this up, I think, expecting a rise out of me.

She said, Ed Gamble came on this podcast.

He said, he's a much better chef than you.

What do you say about that?

I was like, yes.

I think she bat me into that corner.

I i said yes he is and uh but i don't think that's true and when i was there well for example i said i was there last time he griddled some broccoli uh did polenta for the first time and it was delicious and he slowed cooked some beef cheeks and they were delicious and no there's no way i'm doing any of that

ever

yeah look you gotta have me over and i want i want some of the classics look if you don't have me over for Torito and fucking broccoli pasta at some point, I'm going to kick the hell off.

Do you know what?

Yesterday I did.

So I hadn't made chorizo broccoli pasta in ages.

Yeah.

And I was really hungry in the evening.

And so all we had was the ingredients for that because my girlfriend still buys the ingredients for it.

That is mad that you're like, we'd have got nothing in the house apart from all the ingredients for chorizo broccoli pasta.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen, when one of the only ingredients you've got in the house is a broccoli stump without the head.

What's going on?

But I didn't have the pasta.

Ah, all I had was some noodles.

So I made chorizo broccoli pasta with noodles.

Chorizo broccoli noodles.

Yeah.

And

it didn't not work.

It didn't not work.

It didn't not work or it did not work.

It didn't not work.

It worked.

Well, it didn't work either.

But it was a departure.

So maybe you'll be doing it again.

Had noodles, broccoli.

Yeah.

Surely you had some other things to maybe make it like a like a East Asian style dish.

This is the thing.

This is why you were right to say to Claudia, you're a better cook, man.

Yeah.

Because I wouldn't have thought of that.

I just thought, well, I know how to imagine that.

Do you have garlic?

Do you have ginger?

Do you have have soy no no no ginger no soy soy yeah garlic yes yeah yeah yeah yeah chili any chili uh yeah yeah chili yeah yeah you could have made like a really nice stir chicken beef

loads of stuff yeah yeah yeah well choriso broccoli noodles it is yeah

we're very excited to have mozzie in the dream restaurant uh to chat about food and a little chat about her book as well uh this is the off menu menu of mozzie babusi

Welcome, Mozzie, to the Dream Restaurant.

Thank you.

Welcome, Mozzie Mabusi, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

What do you think of the genie?

I mean, the explosion, that was a welcome.

Usually, when I get somewhere, there's always music, you know,

that jingle that follows me.

So I was like, is something coming up now?

That was perfect.

We should enter like that, like the judges do.

Yeah.

And be like, yeah, why not do a little shimmy, then

sit down, you and me?

I can do a little shimmy.

I mean, the listeners can't appreciate it.

Or I do what Anton.

Anton does a very classy.

He just

blows a kiss, kind of stands there and just does a classic.

Yeah, yeah.

Elegant.

But you three have to come up with a different move each time.

I mean, when the music plays, you have to move.

What else is there left to do?

And I can do that.

Anton is probably not allowing himself that freedom no no he's too yeah rigid he's too rigid serious yeah he can only blow a kiss that guy

shame do you have a go-to move that you would do in that situation when you hear your name I never plan anything I just kind of whatever happens happens and mostly it's the same kind of okay hey everyone actually you know what I scream but thank god i mean everybody knows i scream but

but thank god at that certain moment the mic is off because it's it always feels like like you know that that come on let's get ready in time and then I have to wake myself up so if the mic was on we'd all be in trouble

live TV having to come up with a little shimmy to do yeah I don't know what I'd do it would fall over my trousers and come down with it well it's the thing as well I mean yeah live TV and you're you're all having to as the judges give your thoughts on something you've just seen yeah and one of the things that

I don't know this is probably quite a boring thing to say, but

I can't believe how none of you ever really ever say um or uh or anything like that.

You just go straight.

It's like it's like it's like you're reading straight off a script, you're just doing bam.

And it's like these are so well thought out observations and opinions about the dances.

They're not faltering at any point.

You're not going all over the shop.

Not at all.

You know, I speak English and I speak German mostly.

Like I would say 80% German and then 20% English, but then I communicate with my daughter in English.

So I'm always translating everything.

Wow.

And I'm always stressed out because my tongue has become so German.

So it feels like my tongue is a leather belt and I'm just softening it up and I'm thinking, do not make a mistake.

And the worst part is that my South African brain still corrects me when I have done a mistake.

And I'm just like, it's too late.

You know, I can't change it.

It's live TV.

So I'm always fighting that.

And in times of pressure, I have slipped.

I have spoken German, but I'm just like, come on, it's a continent.

You're all here.

Everybody understands a bit of German somewhere.

So it's happened quite a few times.

And I hear like what's going on with my tongue.

And I have that South African accent.

So it's a mess.

It's a a complete mess

as someone who only speaks English that is such a even a weird idea to imagine that you're talking about your South African brain and German tongue and having an internal dialogue about the languages and I'm just sat here sometimes I can't even think in English no or speak in English you

absolute mess

the thing is you all speak differently every time I'm in I'm in the country I really have to concentrate some people I just don't know I'm just like are we speaking the same language I mean there's a lot of accents here like different types of

I struggle with mostly like on strictly I really struggle with people that come from the north like I just like I'm like can you please translate at this point because I I it's so strong and I I just don't understand really I'm being honest it's like it starts with hello and then it's over

but the language of dance is universal yes yeah when AJ Adudi was on it, was that quite difficult for you?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

But there have been quite a few people from the north.

So I'm always asking Craig and stuff.

And I'm just trying to, you know,

understand

and positive.

But it's not easy.

You're so clearly talented at sort of picking up new languages.

But, you know, in a couple of years' time, you'll probably be speaking like you're from Leeds.

I don't know.

Learn the Leeds dialect.

Well, I always,

with my team

in my room, I always put on then my

what I hear is the English accent, and I'll be just like, hello, everybody, how's everybody doing?

And they all love their

song because they're just like, what is going on?

I was like, this is how it sounds to me, how everyone is speaking.

Yeah.

Well, you mean, you're sitting next to Craig for a lot of it, who's a very, very posh English voice.

Darling.

Your new book, Finding My Own Rhythm.

Yeah.

Which is it too late to call it South African Brain German tongue?

We can change the title.

Change it to that, yeah.

Call it that.

You know, exciting.

What was it like writing it?

Because I mean, this is like, is this like a fair to say, it's like a life story?

Yeah.

Well, it was, it's, it was interesting because I had to go, I had to look back again.

Obviously, um, some things I had forgotten, and while you're writing, you remember certain things.

I feel like it's a diluted version of the truth, kind of just making it readable.

Because I think some of the stuff that really went on in South Africa and the dancing world is a little bit harsh and people, you don't want people to be scared.

But it's a kind of a leading,

giving away for people to see how it was back then.

Yeah.

Because

was it in South Africa you did the dance competitions as well and won them there?

Yes.

What's that like, Entrana?

because like i think strictly looks stressful

for the dancers an actual dance competition must be even worse i mean that must be like crazy well you know when you're young i i'm the one that wanted to dance so when you're young you kind of go with it i just i feel like it started go crazy when you start pre-impression yourself so the first one you're like yeah i won i'm the african champion and then it's all fun and then you see you say that like that was your first the first thing you did you're like well I'm African champion

no like the first comp I won I won four like categories and I have four trophies I mean for my little brain at that time I'm like wow how old are you I was a between I would say between nine and eleven and after like three months or something so you know like I was quite competitive in school with different things.

I did running, swimming.

I did,

you know, when you have a like debate and I did all of that stuff, but

you got one gold star or something, but four at the same place.

I'm like, this is home.

So immediately I got stuck.

I think it got worse later, but in the beginning it was just lots of fun and discovering every like you want to wear the pretty dresses, your hair gets made up and all of that.

As a girl, it was nice.

And do you ever see, like, when you're judging on Strictly, you ever see a dance and you think, I could have done that when I was nine.

Yeah, well,

it depends who's doing it.

Some of the dancers, I think, I could done that.

you know, with a cloth in front of my eyes.

No, it depends, really.

Some, some, some stuff.

Yeah.

I mean, they're beginners, right?

Yeah.

They're They're people that never dance.

So it's okay.

But I have to say this year that the standard is high.

Like, I'd have to start practicing again.

This year and last year.

Very good.

My favorite thing about watching Strictly is when there's, say, a less talented celebrity on Dance Wise and the composure that the professional dancers maintain during the dances when they're, you know, say just dragging someone around the floor basically or dancing around them.

Just the absolute composure, like the person they're with is also a professional dancer i just think it's incredible yeah tony and cat here this year one of my favorite things to watch ever yeah i loved it i love i absolutely loved it and i mean it's fun for us to watch as a professional

in the week because i i did the show in germany as well and i had um

let's say a kind of Tony Adams and the people loved it.

They thought it was entertaining.

And the best part is that he was a great guy.

So we could sit and talk.

But my dancing brain, I had to just tell, forget it.

There's not like, just make this about joy.

But all dancers, I think most dancers are quite competitive.

So the hard part is like telling your own kind of ego and your own kind of competitive side, chill, this is not going to be that.

And

what you learn later, this is entertainment.

So Katya and Tony never won, but I mean, that they they were vibing they gave an energy that we will all never ever forget so it's something that you know you impress for a while some couples were really good but you've already forgotten them we won't forget them I mean no for sure hopefully

we won't forget some of the moves let's say that

are you a big food fan before we get into your dream menu I love food I mean I do look like I love food

I love food I just think that it's, it's, it's a, if, if you have that opportunity, it's a pleasure of life.

So I, I enjoy.

I mean, don't tell us any of your choices yet, but we're going to have some different world cuisines in there from

maybe from where you live now, from where you grew up.

Yeah, I try a lot, but not too much.

Like, I've been to Vietnam where I kind of also have to step out.

I'm like, okay, go ahead, husband, you do that.

I'll watch.

I'll have chicken.

do we have chicken

what dishes in particular oh man I've seen it all I have seen it all on a plate and my husband's like come on try it out and I'm just like no

I mean I'm brave but not that brave like like really honestly I've seen it all we've been to markets in Vietnam where you kind of choose what you eat and

yeah you can imagine and people have fun and would love it I would love

all of that yeah yeah yeah, yeah.

I'm very

much similar to your husband, it sounds like.

Yeah, if there's something new to try, especially if people would be impressed or disgusted that I did it, absolutely.

I'm a show off.

Oh, no.

Have you been to Vietnam?

Never been to Vietnam.

I should go.

You do that.

Yeah.

What are we talking?

Like, weird animals?

Like animals we've like sea animals also that I have haven't ever seen, like don't know where the orientation.

I think they're from the sea.

Yeah, and sauces and spices that I appreciate.

I appreciate, you know, kind of there's something different, or I appreciate eating something here and then trying out in like China or in Japan and say, oh, it tastes completely different.

Or Thailand, I love Thai food.

So

it's just that I kind of have to recognize what I'm eating.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something from the sea that you've

even counted before, yeah.

Then I know the name.

You don't want to recognize a guy.

Oh, no, it's David.

Not that far.

That's when I wouldn't eat it if I was like, I've met that guy.

Guys, are we still talking about food?

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

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Well, let's start with your dream menu.

We always start with still or sparkling water.

Sparkling.

Still water is death, guys.

Oh, wow.

That's fairly contrary to what a lot of people would say.

Yeah, a lot of people have come in.

They really hate

sparkling water.

Sparkling water is the strictly of waters though, isn't it?

Effervescent.

I guess.

But then I would imagine that if you were dancing, you would want a still water to quench your thirst.

Well, in the good times when I have a choice, it's always sparkling.

If I'm working out or something like that, I have still water.

But it's always sparkling.

I drank still water all my life.

Like, all my life.

And I just, like, like, I cannot.

It feels like a step back.

No, I can't.

I have to enjoy it.

Come on, let's be honest.

Water is nice when you're thirsty.

Like, like, we drink water because we have to.

Yeah.

The body needs it.

If we had a choice, we would not drink water.

I mean, the choice is of a taste.

I quite like it.

I don't mind it.

Yeah, sometimes I'll sit down for a nice glass of water.

To be fair, I do have three drinks in front of me.

Coffee dark cocoa water.

That's the thing.

You have a choice.

And this is the healthy choice.

We drink it for health.

Yes.

I mean, you do know that there is someone who works, one of this Trickly team who doesn't ever drink water.

Really?

Yes.

Who?

Giovanni?

No.

Actually, this would be a fun guessing game.

Giovanni,

I think Giovanni drinks water.

Is it a dancer?

No.

Then it's Anton.

No.

Craig?

No.

Shirley?

No.

Who's Who's left?

Claudia Winkleman?

She doesn't drink water.

She doesn't drink water.

She thinks it's disgusting.

You see?

She thinks it's disgusting.

And she says she can't kiss her husband after he's drunk some water because she imagines he has a big swollen tongue full of water.

No, but

it's a necessity because the body needs it.

But if we had a choice, we wouldn't drink water.

We've got, you know...

fizzy drinks, we've got coffee, we've got wine, we can go on.

Well, would you have something else for your water course then?

if you because now you do have a choice sparkling water with a bit of lemon and ice yeah a bit of lemon and ice to start it off crushed ice no just the cubes and would you agree with Ed that it's the strictly of waters?

Yeah,

it's great.

It gives you life.

You know, it's something bubbling and you're like, oh yeah, it's not just plain old water.

There is something happening.

Strictly's a fizzy show.

It's a fizzy show.

We sparkle all the way.

Exactly.

Everyone's sparkling.

Do you want, as well as bubbles in your water, do you want some actual sparkles in there as well?

We can put some glitter in your water for you.

Oh, wow.

That's never been offered.

I will never say no to sparkles.

How can I?

How can I?

If we zoom in on all the little bubbles in your sparkling water, they all look like glitter balls, like the strictly disco ball.

Yeah.

Yeah, would you like that?

I'm one of them to have Tony Adams' face in it.

Tony Adams' face is reflected in the glitter ball.

It was top off.

This is the Strictly water.

Yeah.

Yes.

To advertise that.

I will take everything for Strictly.

Yeah.

At this point.

I've just realised I meant to shout pop a doms.

So normally I shout pop-doms or bread.

This is the first time you've ever choked on it.

And I literally

had a burp come up as I was doing it.

Oh, wow.

I mean, I don't want to admit that, do you, Mozzie?

But

I was completely ruined the timing of it.

I basically suppressed the burp, then looked at Ed with very guilty eyes.

That was like I was supposed to shout then.

And I, yeah.

What I didn't want to do is shout out and burp at motto mabusi and then be like fucks that guy where am i the rest of my life i'll just be thinking about that yeah every time you watch strictly from now on yeah i burped at that lady

still got yeah good yeah you skip surprise even though you knew it was gonna happen

bread guys always bread

bread bread bread any particular type of bread that you would like on your dream meal i mean we have uh the

how do you call it in UK?

We have

this Falconbord in German.

And it's quite, it's like a dark bread,

healthy, nice, thick, and then you have some butter on it.

That's that's amazing when it's freshly done.

So warm.

The Germans do bread very well, a specific sort of bread, like a sort of heavy

feels that really feels like you're having almost a full meal with every bite like proper.

Yeah, I love that stuff.

And like if you travel out of Germany, you'll like look for a bakery that's got German bread because they just, and there's like when you go to the bakery, it's just the whole thing is bread.

And you're like, okay, what am I going to eat today?

What am I going to eat today?

Yeah, they love bread.

Like a wide selection in your bread.

A lot of, a lot of selection.

So

I don't know why you live in Germany.

Well, I live there because

I landed there.

Yeah.

I fell in love, moved to the country, and then I was like, okay, it's just for a year.

And now it's been 22 years.

So I've adopted some German mentality and things.

What sort of things have you adopted?

I hate being late, like

timing.

And I just also

think you have to work, like the Germans work, work, work, and follow rules.

I'm quite like that in

every perspective, I would think.

It's very low-key.

It's all about just, you know, what is the function?

And it makes things comfortable.

And you know, people will not step out of line.

Like you can rely when they say we're doing the,

you know, we have on Wednesdays the garbage, this garbage and this, and this goes to the plastic.

And you kind of feel like every neighbor does it and they're like, look

at the one African Ukrainian family in the street and we'll be like, okay.

So things work because everybody just really, like, the bus comes on time and all of that.

So that's kind of the German things.

Maybe I'm German.

Yeah,

I like the sound of that.

I think I'm sorry.

I like the sound of that.

My dad lives in Germany for a bit.

Really?

And he loved it.

He loved all of the different bins.

Yeah, I mean, and explaining that to South Africans when they visit, I'm just like, oh my gosh.

And they think I'm crazy.

But they just have a system.

The German have a system.

And then, yeah.

And I landed there because it was quite safe.

I felt safe.

I was in the dance bubble.

And then like, you can leave your bag in the car.

You can leave your car open.

Well, it depends probably where you live, but it is just that sense of safety you had.

And coming from South Africa, where you're just like.

ducking every single corner and then going to Germany and feeling like you could breathe.

I think that's why I kind of felt, okay, I'm going to stay here for a bit to get used to not looking behind my back every time

yeah it is that must have taken some getting used to though even just like leaving your bag in the car and yeah but that blew your mind the first time you saw someone do it I mean like even in summer you go out of the car forget to close the window I'm gonna go to Germany and steal loads of bags

you could

you could you could definitely you could also you could even if the window was like open that much, I reckon your arms are so likely, you could get through, like, Mr.

Tickle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mr.

Tickle, yeah.

Yeah, like Mr.

Tickle.

Yeah, like a two-dimensional

piece of paper, like flat standing, yeah.

And get through there.

Is it hard to suppress those

German need for rules and things being the way they are?

Is it hard to suppress that on the panel at Strickley?

Because you're quite a, I'd say, of the four, you and Anton are more laid back and generous.

You laugh at Craig for being very strict, Yes.

He's very strict.

And you're laughing your head off next to him.

Yeah, I laugh all the time because I know him privately and I can't kind of switch back enough because you meet Craig and he's like the sweetest.

He's fun.

He's so relaxed.

He's just, we laugh a lot.

So when he comes on the show and it's Craig and then he does it, I'm always like, man, didn't we just have a conversation like five minutes ago?

Who's this person?

So I'm always laughing at that.

And obviously it's the very opposite of what i am so it's it feels like i told him you really do make my job really easy

because you smash everything and i'm just like let's build it up again

so it feels um that way but in my mentality when i'm judging and entertaining and all of that i'm very much um myself complete self so i it's not that hard to kind of switch that german side off it's difficult to be in South Africa.

That's always difficult because I have to really literally tell my brains, relax.

When people say we're coming later, just know it's later.

It's not five minutes late, not 10.

They come at three o'clock when you said, let's meet at eight.

So that's later.

So there I have to really like kind of, because I get stressed.

I'm like, we're leaving, we're leaving.

We're going to dinner.

And I'm dressed and my people are still going to take the shower.

I'm like, what?

So it's that situation.

He would be future.

Oh, I hate that.

I would hate that.

If people turn up at three when they're meant to get there at eight,

I wouldn't even bother showing up.

But if I was that late, but into Ed's house,

I would just

face my own death and

try and make him think I was dead and never see him again.

It's true, though.

It's weirder, though, if I try and tell myself to relax about it.

Because if I go, like, you just be chill, you'd be chill.

And then chill Ed is so obviously not chill.

Be like, oh, hey, man, don't worry about being late.

That's cool in this house.

clearly not me the pressure kiss yeah and the pimp and somebody asks you something really like can you pass the salt and you're like salt you're just angry because of something

would you like me to pass you the salt now or should i leave it an hour after you ask for it exactly that man i cannot stop burping man

are you drinking sparkly water no i i had a diet coke and a bowl of poke so i'm really i mean i can't tell you mozzie i'm sitting here being like if you're sitting here doing fishy burps this whole podcast man you're never going to...

I'm holding it all in my throat.

It's horrible.

Oh, James.

I want it to be relaxed for this one.

If

you saw one of the celebrities burp while they were dancing, and it was so obviously a burp and you smelled it a little bit,

would you reduce your score for them?

Well, it depends if it's out of timing or not.

I mean, if it happens and you're in the music, whatever.

But if you kind of stop and I'll be like, what's up?

Then obviously, no points there.

If they like did a bit of a flourish with it and it was clearly on time, then great.

Yeah.

If it was right at the end.

At the end, their arms go out.

I did a burp on the last note.

As the dancer, then my only fear would be if we ended up in the dance off and I had to do it again.

Yeah.

That would be the only thing.

I'll be like, I've got to recreate that because they all think it was part of the dance and it wasn't.

And now I've got a burp going on.

Let's get into your dream menu because otherwise I keep on asking about Stritley and we said we said we'll do that throughout the episode.

Your dream starter.

You know, the thing is when you love food, to pinpoint it to one thing is like awful.

Oh, we know what we ask people to do is horrible.

Yes.

Yes, yes.

It's not funny for people to be on the podcast.

We have a laugh at that.

Listening's fun.

I love Italian starters.

I love when you kind of have a choice of, and then you can mix it.

I mean,

you have everything when you have tomato and mozzarella, and then you've got,

that's what I usually do, but when you've got everything, mushrooms and

salami and like the whole platter.

And then you're like, okay, let's start.

So you would like a platter, you look like a antipasty.

Yeah, antipasty.

Oh, exactly.

But a yummy one.

Antipasty sounds very good.

This is the dream restaurant.

It will be.

You don't need to specify yummy.

i'm just saying because there's a lot of not good stuff

yeah write that down not not

not horrible not a horrible one as a yummy anti-passy you know what i the word is stuck into my head because yesterday we were looking for some christmas presents but funny christmas presents for the team and i found a kind of very nice disu out of candy, you know, like little tiny sweets.

And I had my daughter and she kept on running around the whole shop going mommy you're yummy panty here you're yummy panty

and everyone was staring at me

you know and a couple of girls came are you Musmabusa and I'm like oh no

right now I'm not

so that's why yummy is in my head would you like the yummy

panties the yummy panties on the anties anti-panties

what do you think of this Marcy

I had a friend who when he was younger like a little kid in primary school still,

he went shopping with his dad and it was his mum's birthday coming up.

And

his dad wanted to buy his mum some nice underwear.

Sexy presents.

Tantalising

sexy

presents.

Scented.

But the dad was too embarrassed to go up and buy them.

So he sent the kid.

So sent the kid up to buy some sexy lingerie for his own mum.

What do you think about that?

Whatever works, guys.

no, for real.

At this point, think of the goal.

And, like, how sweet is it?

Like, you probably the child's like, yeah, my dad's over there.

So,

but don't get busted in the bushes.

But, whatever works.

Just be a mannequin.

Yeah.

Put some underway on himself.

Yeah.

No, do it.

Go all the way.

That's fine.

What else is on this antipasty platter then?

So you got some salami, tomato mozzarella, mushrooms.

We've got, I don't know the names in English, you have to excuse me, the lemon with the proscuto around it.

Yeah.

Yeah, melon, not lemon, melon.

Yeah.

Almost like that.

Oh, for a second now.

I was like, lemon with ham?

And you accepted that.

Well, I thought it was something I'd not heard of.

You know, I don't assume I've heard of all the foods.

This might be some sort of German-Italian hybrid thing.

Something you get in Vietnam, then you eat melon, Edward.

Yes.

Melon and lemon are crazily close to each other.

I mean, pronunciation, you see?

Yeah.

I've got that excellent.

They're just anagrams of each other.

That's crazy.

Has that ever got you in trouble before?

When you wanted a lemon, you got a melon?

Yeah.

No.

Vice versa?

No, yeah.

You asked me for some lemon in your water earlier.

Watermelon.

What did you want?

Watermelon.

Watermelons.

Melon.

You see, there we go.

Melon.

Yes, the honeymelon.

Do you want more bread on there?

Any sun-dried tomatoes?

Anything like that?

Bread, bread, bread.

Sun-dried tomatoes, yes.

I love also,

you know, from Greece, they fry it like the tzucchini.

That's really, really nice.

And is this like a sharing platter?

Would you share this with someone?

Who would you like at the dream meal with you to share that with?

One person that eats well is my husband.

So he's the kind of person that I know we can order more and we don't throw away food.

Like he'll be like,

so I, yeah, he is because he's just like, you know, when I met him, he didn't care.

He was like, food, food, just eat, you know, and now he's like, I used to ask him, how does it taste?

And he would be like, oh, it doesn't matter, I'm hungry.

So now, like, he kind of tells the difference.

So, but I always know that I always order so that I know he'll have the rest.

Yeah.

Smart.

So he's like a bin, like he's a big dust bin.

A little bit, a little bit.

He can eat.

That's my job as well.

Don't worry.

Clean the table.

I'm my wife's dustbin, too.

It works.

It works.

Ed loves being a dustbin, actually.

He prides himself on it.

Yep.

Makes you feel useful.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

And more like a sort of garbage compactor.

You know, like the thing in the middle of the sink that people have sometimes.

Disposal unit.

Like in, do you remember?

Like the one in the Flintstones, I guess.

Oh, yeah.

In the Flintstones, the garbage compactor's real and can talk.

It's a little dinosaur, a little pig dinosaur.

Yeah, I'm a pig dinosaur.

It's a little pig talk.

Speech.

So it's kind of like a little pig dinosaur garbage compactor but it helps

i'm helpful i'm helping i'm a helpful guy very helpful banana skins or that

i ate a banana skin once and dried

out my mouth yeah i saw it on the film k-packs there's a film called k-packs with kevin spacey and um jeff bridges and kevin spacey is a man who think who's claiming to be an alien and you're not sure for the whole film if he's an alien or a man who thinks he's an alien and at one point he sits down with jeff bridges who's a doctor to talk to him and there's a fruit bowl and he just picks up a banana and just eats the banana with the skin on just like an alien so eats it all like that and i read that he he'd done it in real that he did it for real it wasn't like a fake banana that would taste it was a proper thing so i was like but i thought the way he does it looks delicious i bet that's delicious

late teens so i did it and it completely dried my mouth out but i saw it right through to the end still i ate the whole thing wow but yeah it was it was pretty pretty bad we're not sure if james is an alien or not

we're gonna do some tests for you would you think i was an alien what planet would you think i was from

oh wow help me

just for the listener box he looked directly at benito and said help me and i don't know whether that was about the specific situation or the whole podcast in general i'd like to say that was the first time it happened on the podcast

What's the correct answer there?

The closest to the planet.

Or closest to...

Not this planet, but the closest one.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so you and your husband are sharing some antipasties for the middle.

No one else, you don't want any of the strictly judges with you?

Why are you putting me in that spot?

I want all of them.

You have one strictly judge with you.

All or nothing.

I'm not choosing.

You can't choose between them.

No, no, no.

I don't want to get myself in trouble.

Everybody's coming to the dinner.

Yeah, yeah, all three of them.

All three of them.

And would Craig be like, oh, this antipasty, it's not the best antipasty I've ever had.

This is quite bad.

And Anton's there going, it's a 10.

every mouthful he has he loves it no shirley gets the decided vote we eat it together we do share a platter every time actually we do we do and we love it we all love cheese and crackers i think everybody calls

crackers yeah yeah of cheese and crackers grapes yes we have grapes and um hummus that was behind the desk well what well

when we kind of like hey how are you doing how was your week we sit together i've seen it it when, you know, the scorecards go up and one of them's got a big lump of hummus on the top.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Flicks all over the audience.

But we're always clearing up because we get like, you know, there's stuff on the tapes.

But we share.

We share.

You ever grabbed the long panel by mistake and you've ended up giving someone more or less points than you intended to?

No.

Has anyone else done that on the judging panel?

No.

That can't happen.

Yo, yeah, yeah.

Shirley did it this year.

First year she did that.

Oh, yeah.

I think she said six and she had seven.

And then they asked which one was it or something like that or something happened like that but you can't because you have to we have a scoreboard so you have to give the scoreboard and then take the number

right so you concentrate you make up that how efficient that is

it's it's different i mean like in germany we don't have a scoreboard so you can wait until the very last second

and so you speak to the couple they go upstairs they speak to the

presenter and even then you still don't have to decide so you can like literally have like five minutes to kind of reflect and then decide.

And then it happened: one of the judges was like, Dry, and he had a four, so now it's like a meme, meme,

a meme everywhere, in every channel.

People like dry.

Yeah, that happens forever.

That's his life.

He walks down the street, and kids are going, dry.

He's famous for the letter

of the attention.

Your dream main course, is this a sharer as well, or is it just for you?

No, you know what happens.

So, my dream main course is that I always kind of, when we go to dinner, I'm like, okay, I'd love this and this.

And I'm so lucky that my husband says, okay, you choose.

So I choose both, and then we like we do half-half kind of thing.

So, like, he doesn't really like only when he orders like a spaghetti carbonara that I'm like, I'm out, I don't want that.

But, um, well, why, why, why do you hate spaghetti carbonara so much?

For me, it's like it's bland, like, there's just one taste, like, it's just, yeah,

I don't like it.

This is where it's got cream in it, though.

Because when it doesn't have cream, it's quite a lot nicer.

I have to try it without cream.

You look so upset.

So upset thinking about spaghetti carbonara.

No, I've tried it and it's just, I don't get it.

And when he orders, I'm happy for him because that means he's made a decision.

But

I'm just like, ah, I try to get it.

Also, he knows it's the one dish you don't like in the world.

So you must be sitting there going, well, what have I done today?

I must have said something out there and then he's like, come on, fuck you, I'm getting a grabanara.

But he loves fish.

Like he'll take pizza with marinara, pizza, like he'd put, and that I don't like so much so there are some dishes that he will take that i'm not uh in it but my favorite meals i would say the dream meal is schnitzel yes this is our first schnitzel this might be our first

schnitzel the proper one guys so what's the proper one please like it's thin thin thin thin thin and then it's crunchy and then you've got a um cucumber salad gherkin and then you've got the red berry sauce and then you've got pomice, like a French fries, like that's that's good.

And what meat is it?

Normally it's pork, but you can have chicken.

But it's it's normally pork, but a nice thin one with it with like that crunchy part is actually raised from the the meat itself.

And and the minute you put like the knife, it goes

such a good choice.

Thin one, yeah, nice, very nice.

Because it's not filling, like if you have the not-so-good ones, it's just like

brunch.

It's not nice.

And do you want your husband to order another dish that you can have half of?

Well, if it's good, no.

I'm like,

hey, yeah, but he'll probably order it with me.

Like, if it's good, we order the same.

But that must be annoying if it's a really good schnitzel, for example, and you've ordered something for him that you know you're going to have half of, because the agreement is he then gets half of the schnitzel.

So you get halfway to the schnitzel, and you're like, this is going to be an early goodbye to the schnitzel.

Well, straight into the bin.

No, I do make sure that whatever he orders is yummy.

It's like it's not like, yeah, if it's nice, it's nice.

But

I really, really have a very, very friendly husband.

He'll be like, let's order another one or something.

So it's.

You love this guy.

Yeah.

He sounds great.

I love this guy.

I love this guy.

He is.

He is shame.

You're obsessed with Austin.

I am.

You're obsessed with this guy.

I know.

I know.

Poor guy.

Yeah.

No, I'll take Schnitzel because I love a lot of stuff.

Like I also love

spaghetti marinara, but when it's well done, like like, oh, gosh.

Really good.

Good, good, good, good.

Yeah.

I feel like you need to try a proper carbonara that doesn't have cream.

Because in the Stanley Tucci episode on his TV show, I can't remember where it is he goes to because it's obviously it's all around Italy.

It might be the Rome episode.

And he has Carbonara done the right way.

And it's just, it just looks so good and him and me and he's like this is the best one I've ever had and it's the same but it shouldn't have cream in it Yeah, they're very you know the people he's talking to who make it are like yeah, yeah, they're annoyed that cream gets involved Yeah, I think it's a thing that people try to fit the taste of something to the countries like if in Germany if they say chili like it's chili for the Germans if they say chilly in Thailand you can't eat that

like you run so I think it's a

to do with

just obviously just imagining someone going to Thailand and just running away every time they see a GA.

Oh, I'm German.

There are certain things which, weirdly,

Ed and I find really funny.

And people running is one of them.

And I don't know why.

I don't know why the idea of funny.

That's such an extreme thing to do to run away.

Yeah, someone running away.

Running away is funny to us.

Yeah, running away.

That's how you know you've had an easy life.

The idea of someone running away is funny.

Have you ever ran away from anything?

Good question.

That's a great question.

yeah um

yes yes i have run away the only time i remember properly running away and being scared was a night out in ketring where i'm from oh wow well so this was when i was a teenager

and had some friends who had a flat above a like a kebab shop right in right in the right in the center of town

The story where is it going to?

Yeah.

So we were all there on a Friday night, me and about

probably like, there's probably about 15 or 20 of us and all into kind of like punk music at the time we're all listening to quite loud punk music and and chatting to each other and three massive guys who were probably in their 30s walked past you know shirts iron shirts on from work and all this they're hammered from the pub and they could see some of us on the balcony and they were shouting up turn that music down we hate punk music and uh and they just it was just bad luck for the rest of us they spoke to the mouthiest ones who were just like we love it whatever what are you gonna do about it mate?

And those guys were psychopaths.

Oh, wow.

And I don't know how it got from us being in a safe flat altogether to all 15 of us running through the town and in different places.

Why did you leave the flat?

Well, I'll tell you why.

You stay there, shall we?

I'm going to say I don't know how.

They kicked the door in.

Oh, wow.

So it was full.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, that's again.

That's not the only time that's happened to you when you've been in a flat, but finish this one.

What's that happened to me before?

Edinburgh Festival.

Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you that.

Tell me, tell me.

Guy keeps the door in.

We claim we phone the police when we haven't.

They leave us alone.

Then someone decides one of the drunk punks goes, I know, I'm gonna go and confront those guys.

He goes out on his own.

We all have to go after him to get him back.

And then we're out in the open at that point.

And then we're all running, we're all running away.

There is that's so funny that you get confronted for playing punk, you're a load of punks hanging out in the flat, and then within a second, you're going, We have called the police.

we don't believe in authority up until we feel scared please come and find it nothing weird

it never works right always too late and then at the end of a festival someone uh kicked our door in because uh a member of uh somebody was living in the flats not me uh poured poured a pint of water out the window onto his head and then the guy tried to kick the door in couldn't kick the door in thank god but i did have a can of spray paint on him and spray paint said a word across the door But fair enough.

It's the word you're thinking of.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

I'm going to bring it back to food.

I've been experimenting with spaghetti recently, Monsey.

And?

I've come up with a...

There's a couple of things.

Is there another sweetie panty story?

No, not a sweetie panty story.

Candy.

Yummy panties.

Yummy panties.

Not sweety panties.

Have you been experimenting with spaghetti?

No,

with eating it and stuff.

I'll not be wearing it.

Marmite.

Oh, Marmite and the spaghetti.

Cook the spaghetti, drain it, save the pasta water.

In the pan, butter, marmite, pasta water, bit of cheese until you've got an emulsion, put the spaghetti back in, mix it, absolutely delicious.

Really?

Oh, God, so good.

Oh, my gosh.

Now, if you don't like the sound of that...

I should tell you, he is a good cook, so it probably is nice.

There's a Nigela recipe for peanut butter spaghetti.

Wow.

That is absolutely fantastic as well.

Wow.

Similar principle, principle, yeah.

You don't, you don't seem impressed.

You know what?

This thing is with Marmite.

I won't get it.

I will, I, I, I accept that it's there.

Every time I bring somebody here

to visit, it's the trick.

I'm like, Nutella, Marmite, and something.

And I'm like, I never say anything, never ever say anything.

I'm like, try.

It's a delicacy.

I think pitching it is a delicacy, maybe.

Oh, Marmite, I think probably you either love it or hate it, right?

I think so.

I think so, yeah.

That's why I can't imagine it like,

but also it's salty.

Maybe it's not that bad, actually.

Yeah, salty.

It's pretty salty.

Oh, extremely salty.

Yeah, so it probably would work in the pasta.

Yeah, but if you're like sort of diluting it with other stuff and then there's, you know, and then it gets, it covers the pasta.

Could happen.

I've had chocolate that's got marmite in it.

Have you ever had that?

Surprisingly nice.

Sounds like one of those challenges

where you're like, do it or not do it?

How much am I getting paid?

I've definitely mentioned it on the podcast before, but there's ones where it's just chocolate that has some Marmite in it.

Yeah, I've had that.

And they've made it as blocks so that you can get a faint taste of it, and it's quite subtle.

In New Zealand for a while, they did a limited edition chocolate bar that I think was, it was weirdly, I think it was Cadbury's doing it over there.

Where it's like, you know, a Cadbury's caramel?

Chocolate bar, where it's like, it's literally just filled with caramel.

Yes, yes, yes.

It was that, but Marmite instead of

caramel.

Paul A.

Young had kids.

Big pockets of

marmite, insane.

And that was a bit tricky.

Huge respect to Paul A.

Young, the chocolateer, who did a similar thing to do.

Huge respect.

He makes amazing chocolate.

You should absolutely seek him out.

But he did do a Marmite bar like that.

And I ordered four of them because I thought, I'm going to love this.

I love Marmite.

And it was too much for me.

You love Marmite.

I love Marmite, but it's just too much for me.

Paul A.

Young did a Marmite chocolate brownie that was delicious.

And my flatmate at the time loved chocolate in Marmite.

That's how I got into it because he would get himself as a little treat.

He'd get a bar and it'd last him a couple of months.

He'd just have a little block a day.

And I got him this brownie because he'd just broken up with someone.

And I was like,

I love you, my friend.

He's going to love this.

And he did love it, to be fair.

The chocolate brownie one was good.

Cheered him up.

It did cheer him up.

He said, that's thoughtful.

I was like, yeah.

There you go, sorry that you're unlovable.

He's married now.

Friends.

He's married now.

He's married now, yeah.

No, Marmite, I think it's a Commonwealth thing.

I think, like, we had it in South Africa when we were young.

Like,

nobody has ever heard of it outside the people eating Marmite.

It's like...

There's one rule in Marmite Club.

Yeah.

Don't talk about Marmite.

Don't spread the word.

Spread the Marmite.

That's the catchphrase.

So you love it as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like it a lot.

I mean, in fact, like the our main logo for the podcast for a while was just the Marmite jar that instead of saying Marmite, it said off menu, and then Marmite sent us this.

Yeah, so the Marmite people sent us our own jar of Marmite that says off menu instead of Marmite, and that's when we knew we'd made it.

Yeah, that's probably anecdotally.

Yeah, no, no, no, I'm not touching it.

How badly do you want to sell this book?

Eat that whole jar, eat a spoonful of lemon.

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we've gone for german for the main side dish gonna stay in germany yeah i'm gonna stay in germany i'm gonna say there's a lot of ways that you can make potatoes taste yummy there's that yummy word again

but they've got this potato how do you call it like when they they've got the potato then they mash it like that

and then they fry it and then it's like like

smashed potato?

Like like a fondant potato, that sort of thing maybe?

Yeah, like it's it's it's really, really uh really, really very good, very tasty.

But it's um not a fondant potato.

Hash like a hash potato.

Hash potato.

Yeah, something like yes.

Yes.

Or what they do is they g um here you see you see i don't have to speak about these things so strictly so these words i don't have them in my so they grate the potato in little and then they put them like together and then rusty rusty rusty

yeah rusty's a great choice but now we're gonna have which one which one are you picking i'm taking the rosties guys rusties

the good ones

perfect for a schnitzel as well you could

lay a whole rusty on top and oh yeah

and the schnitzel you're combining those aren't you no one's looking down on you for that

um that's such an insight into how you think yeah

better Better think about what I do just in case anyone looks down on me for it.

Yeah, I'm just Christian.

Yeah.

I was Christian until my 20s.

Absolutely everything I'm doing, I'm thinking I'm getting looked down on for it.

I've got to be careful.

He's right.

Is there a particular place where you've had these potato rusties that was the best?

And that for your dream meal, you'd want them from that place.

There's a really nice restaurant.

It's in the hotel, actually.

It's in a hotel close to where I live.

konigstein that's where i live that's where my dad lived he lived in konigstein for three years really yeah yeah yeah yeah really and he's working in frankfurt and lived in koenigstein for three years yeah that's amazing you're right yeah yeah he's right it's beautiful beautiful town yeah it's so nice yeah

we live there

what a coincidence are you serious

so there's a kampinski hotel there and in the kampinski there's a nice restaurant and i mean yeah that's really place to go for the rosties for rosties for the schnitzel for the salad for everything.

Oh wow so you'd like the schnitzel from there as well for your dream menu.

Perfect.

Great.

Love that.

I've had really nice schnitzel in in München and in Vienna.

In Vienna they do some but that hotel restaurant is very very very very very accomplished and it's fashionable.

Is that what the restaurant's called?

Sorry.

Well we can find out we can google it.

We can google it on the website.

We basically put all the recommendations on the podcast onto the website so people if they're visiting

go there in Königstein it's

Kampinski Falkenstein it's called Falkenstein right and actually they they were filming the crown there oh wow yeah so a bit of the crown so it's really really good and you overlook like there's a park and then you can see all of Frankfurt from there up on the mountain lovely perfect if you were to pick a location for your dream meal has there been somewhere that's just had the nicest view that you've been sitting there and regardless of what you've been having to eat but like the view is like amazing the best is there one that sticks out to you well you know because of the dancing i traveled a lot i'm thankful for that there was a little restaurant that i was in um at night um it looked fantastic in mallorca

i don't know how you say it in english is it's in deja deja and they have like these little houses in inside the mountain and at night, you just see like the lamps.

And you're sitting there in the restaurants.

Everybody's got a kind of duck to go in.

Absolutely.

Wow.

Beautiful.

And lovely, lovely food.

That's a nice view that I will like never forget kind of.

Because Mallorca

reminds me a little bit of South Africa, you know, with the ocean and the mountains.

And so we went there and it then went dark and beautiful.

It's weird how setting changes food though, and food changes setting because like that that beautiful Majorca area you're talking about, if you had a schnitzel and rusty, that would feel weird, right?

Very.

Yeah.

Because you need that German surrounding.

Maybe it should be a little bit of cold as well and sort of maybe a fire and a lot of wood in the room.

Yeah.

And then that feels right.

But you can't eat a schnitzel on the beach.

No.

And like every time I go to South Africa as well, and they've got like schnitzel somewhere, I'm just like, I cannot.

Like, I won't.

Like, I feel like it's the disappointment will be too, too big.

Like, yeah.

Yeah.

Like, if I've been to America, if there's like an Indian restaurant, I don't bother going because we've got so many good Indian restaurants found here, and I just know it's not going to be as good there.

Obviously, if I was in India, that would be different.

Yeah,

but that's the thing, also, like we spoke before,

like Indian food, because we're so used to the way it tastes here.

When I went to India, I was just like, we're doing it wrong.

Yeah, like, like, there's such a such a difference, but I also can't eat it anywhere else.

Like, that's how it's got to be.

So, what would you eat in America?

A burger?

Oh, no, no, I mean, oh, there's so much good food in America.

Oh, I would eat spare ribs.

I did eat some spare ribs last time I was in America, and they were so good.

It was in Austin, Texas.

Me and my tour manager after the gig, we've got a place pinned for tacos.

We're going to go there for tacos.

Everyone says this is the best tacos.

We're going to go there.

We finish at like half nine.

That gives us enough time.

We know that the place closes at half ten we get a cab over we get there for ten there's a short line outside the door and the last person in the line is like wearing a sign on their back that has been put on them that says closed oh that apparently this is what the place does is that when they decide they're done they go to the last person in the line and they drape a sign over them oh we know

on their back there's a laminated piece of card a laminated piece of card that says closed and this customer is now in charge of telling everyone that they're closed now.

No, it's closed now and getting shit from everyone.

Everyone who turns up is like, the best poster, halfway, it's like, dude, honestly, I'm just a customer.

I don't work here.

They put this sign on me and now I'm having to deal with complaints.

Well, they should have been closed.

Oh, no, they shouldn't be.

It's like, well, I'll come, you're allowed in, and I'm not.

It'd be amazing if he wasn't, though.

It'd be amazing if he wasn't allowed in.

Yeah, he got to the door and they were like, look at what you're wearing.

See you later.

You're the sign.

Come on, guys.

That's cruel.

But instead, we walked back to the hotel from from the taco place and said anywhere that's open we go there.

Sam's barbecue was open.

We went in there and we was like whatever you've got left and he's like the ribs are good.

We're like great we'll have ribs.

They were if I you know we're on dream side dish at the minute if I was to make a dream menu of that tour that I had in America they would be my dream side was these ribs.

Side.

They were yeah I'd have them as the side

because they were they were delicious but I know what my dream main would be from that.

I did do a whole thing with my tour manager where he was like, Let's do an off-menu, but for the tour.

So, we did that, and those were my dream side with those ribs.

Do you love that when he went, let's do an off-menu?

Like, oh, right.

I did love it, actually.

I wish I could say that I didn't, but I was like, that's a brilliant idea.

Also, man, that place did daiquiris as well.

Takeaway daiquiris

in a foam cup, huge, humongous,

absolutely insane that I drank this.

Yeah, like

they said, do you like boozy or sweet?

I said, I take boozy over sweet.

They went, yep.

And they weren't messing around.

No.

It was like a whole drum full.

It was fluorescent red.

And I couldn't stop drinking it.

By the time I got to the hotel, I was like, man, you really have to make sure I wake up tomorrow because I'm going to miss the flight.

How did you even sleep?

Yeah, I've got so much sugar in me and I'm hammered.

I'm going to go and kick someone's door in for playing punk music.

That's how drunk I am.

Everything being in America, everything

like a glass of wine.

I'm just like, is this the glass or is this half of the bottle?

Yeah.

And with like anything like any spirits as well.

They don't use any measure.

They just like free-pour everything.

So you go and have like a cocktail or something, and then you realize it's just straight booze all the way up to the top.

Great.

But it's quite expensive, right?

Like, it's, it's quite, we went out with friends in New York, and I didn't know, you know, so we were like eight people there, and everybody's ordering and ordering.

And I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to spend my money on clothes and shoes and bags.

So I'm just going to eat a salad and just have a little cocktail.

So, and they were eating and we're having fun, whatever.

And at the end of the like meal, they're like, okay, we're going to split the bill.

Like, and like in Germany, they never split.

Like 55 cents.

Okay, you paid 20 and you hit.

So I was like, okay.

The next day we went out.

You can imagine what I did.

Yeah.

If you could have won that bill.

I thought you were going to say you went clothes shopping with them all and made them split the bill with you.

Yeah, that would have been the send them the bill for the clothes.

No, no, no.

Also, I love how earlier you mentioned watching the sex of the city.

And now you've gone.

And then I went to New York and I was going to go close a little bit.

It's like exactly that lifestyle.

Yes, sorry.

You got to live your dream.

Yeah.

I did.

I did.

And that's that education that sex in the city.

Everyone should watch it.

Every one ma male.

I've benefited a lot from watching Sex in the City when it comes to food.

Because

every time I go to New York.

You're the only guy who took that from that.

Me and Mozie didn't think you were going to say that.

We're like, oh,

I learned a lot from Sex in the City.

Yes.

The food.

Smang on the bakery.

I go to Smango Nier Bakery and get the banana pudding all the time because that's what they eat in Sex in the City.

I don't know what you two are thinking about.

Yeah, life.

Your dream drink, then?

We were just talking about drinks a little bit.

I have this wine I love.

Yeah.

Like, it's called, I don't know if you guys know it, it's called chocolate block from South Africa.

South African wine, yeah.

It's fantastic.

It's really good.

I love that.

I think I have heard of that.

Yeah, you try it.

Try it.

It's just fantastic.

I don't know what's going on.

It's a very recognizable label as well.

It's like a white label just with chocolate block written on it in black.

Yes.

And it's pretty widely available, right?

You can find it.

sometimes with wine, like you have an amazing glass of wine, and you're like, Well, what's the bottle?

Take a picture of it, yes, and then you go online, there's nothing, there's nothing about it, but chocolate block, you can you can actually buy it, yeah.

Finally, it's it's you get it here, like and I take like I used to kind of fly over from South Africa with chocolate block, no clothes but chocolate block in the suitcase, but now you find it so so it's it's really great.

Does it live up to its name, very chocolatey?

I wouldn't say chocolatey, but it's got that, you know, chocolate has got a kind of,

well, it's rich.

It's rich in,

it feels like you're drinking velvet.

It's a good description of it.

It was a drink.

It's a big wine.

It's a big wine.

So if I put red wine in my velvetizer, would it taste like a chocolate block?

No.

Don't put red wine in your velvetizer.

Why didn't I bring the bottle?

I should have.

I have one in my room.

I think it would be like a...

It's like a bed.

Hi, baby.

No, it's Christmas time.

I'm hanging them out.

Yeah.

Well, that could be to work at Christmas.

That could be a mold wine.

I could do that in the velvetizer.

Put the chocolate block in, because that's still Texas.

It's a hot chocolate velvetizer.

If I'm putting chocolate block in there, I can plead innocence if I have to take it to

the mechanic or get it for me.

To the mechanic.

Yeah, yeah.

To the chocolate mechanic.

Yes.

So if I put the chocolate block in there and try and make a little mold wine, maybe put some cloves in there, a little orange,

a little cinnamon

And put it in the velvetizer and see and see what I come up with there and if it breaks I can go to the mechanic and go sorry it said chocolate block on it.

I thought it was hot

Sorry, all the cloves have gummed up the mechanism.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know

Confusing Merry Christmas life.

Do you like mould wine?

Mold wine the warm wine that comes yeah, it's called glue vine.

You're looking at me like my accent had got in the way there.

No, no, no, no, no.

I love it.

I just thought I was thinking I haven't had an opportunity to drink it yet and I'm leaving soon and when I'm back, they don't have it anymore.

That was just in my thought.

I love, I love, I love Glube.

When you said about northern accents earlier, I was like, I'm not Northern, but

no, you caught me.

You still understand.

I still have a bad accent.

You have something.

You have a sort of accent.

Yeah, it's disgusting, isn't it?

What is it?

You can tell me it's disgusting.

I'll never say anything like that.

I don't mind if you think my voice is disgusting.

No, not at all.

I know you think it's disgusting, but you don't need to say it.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Tell me if it's disgusting.

but

I understand you.

That's the main point.

And I understand it's disgusting.

Yes.

But where are you from?

Kettering in Northamptonshire.

Ah.

In the middle of the country.

I don't know.

I'm trying to think now if any strictly guests

have come from near there.

You're the only person to have come from Kettering that's in the water.

Yeah, but maybe if there's someone near there.

But I don't think there is really.

Gluevine is mould wine, right?

But the Germans do it.

Over Christmas.

Over Christmas.

It's mainly over Christmas.

So it's a European thing.

Yes, we don't have it in South Africa.

Because they have it in Scandinavia as well and call it different things.

So my wife's just filmed a show in Finland.

And in Finland, they call it Glergy.

Glurgy.

Glergy.

Glergy.

But close to Glüvein.

Yeah, close to Glüvein.

And then in Denmark, it's Glerg.

But they put like nuts, they can put like slithered almonds in it and

raisins.

And raisins.

And then pour extra booze in it as well, like cognac.

It's so good.

I'm with you there.

there raisins in the wine that's weird because that's like old wine

raisins isn't it yeah it's not old wine no no no it could have been wine it's wine that didn't reach its potential it's like yes it's weird i guess

because it's wine is like really old grapes and then

raisins are also like old grapes yeah so they're just like different directions

sliding doors yeah yeah they look at each other and go this is what i could have been

and raisins, so they say find themselves bobbing about in the wine, must be very weird.

Yeah, yeah.

How would you feel, Mozie, if you were a raisin bobbing about in some wine?

Well, well,

I'd feel at home, no?

Thank you for answering that absolutely idiotic question.

No, what can I say?

We arrive at your dream dessert.

Oh,

has been such a difficult day.

Let's stick with chocolate.

Yeah, let's stick with,

again, my wording.

I will have that,

how do you call that chocolate that's not really completely like baked.

And then you go in and it's nice on the cake.

It's a chocolate lava cake.

Or a chocolate fondant.

Or a chocolate fondant.

It's a great cake.

With ice cream or maybe some vanilla.

I'm thinking, because in my head it's like something else is coming up, but I'll stick to that choice.

What was the other thing coming up in your head?

It's like creamy.

They eat it a lot in Spain.

Like creme Catalan, though.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's very good.

With some caramel on top.

Yeah.

It's a bit like a creme brulee, right?

But in Spain, is it the oranges?

And then you have caramel ice, like the sugar on top, and then you break it.

That's so good.

Then you're in paradise.

Do you want it that you order the chocolate fondant and your husband orders the creme cataract and you have half eats?

Yes, yes.

And he'll probably order something on top because he does.

He does.

I'll see why you're so obsessed with him now.

If he's ordering two puddings, he does, for real.

Don't you dare.

No, lack yes.

We found the line of what will be taken as a joke.

Do not have him on husband.

Boundaries.

That sounds great.

If you're splitting the puds like that, big respect.

Yeah, you can do that.

You'd have one thing to yourself and then something for the table to split.

I would do that, but I would also, in the past, when I have gone, oh, let's both get

different ones and we'll have half because I can't decide.

Whatever one I like the best out of the two, I'll order a full one of that again afterwards.

So I will do half and half and then I'll think, I really liked that one.

I wish I had a full one.

Order the full one.

Last time I did that was in Lisbon.

And this is something you might like.

Oh, nice.

I had a red wine and chocolate ice cream.

That sounds great, doesn't it?

And

yeah, I think that'd be right up your street, Angeline Mozzie.

It was very delicious with this amazing, quite thick, homemade wafer biscuit.

And it was so good, I just ordered another one straight away.

It was like, nice, nice.

I had to.

Absolutely obsessed with the first one.

I felt that way about the ice cream that you feel about your husband.

You know what?

It's funny when you speak about it.

I don't know what.

one thing I left out that I really, really, really love.

It's not like, I don't know where to place it, but that's truffle.

Like, I oh, if there's anything truffle

anywhere, I'm like, I have that.

Like, that's it.

Well, we could put a truffle on the side with like a little grater, and if you feel like it, just you can grate it onto the food on the potatoes, onto the

rusty truffle rusty onto the food.

Yeah, Marcy just did a dance move everywhere.

We got to see it in real life.

Ten.

Is there ten?

Love, love, love.

What if they asked for a joke, for a bit of a fun, they asked you to enter Strictly one year?

I've done it.

Yeah, but what if they were like, you're not Peter Danza?

You're one of the celebs.

Listen, I would do it.

Like, I keep on saying that every single day.

I'll tell you why.

Because every time I go out the stairs, I see all these girls and I see all these celebrities and they get fit, right?

They get fit.

And for me to be like, okay, come on, we're going to go to the fitness studio or whatever, home training i'm just like but if you have to yeah i'm always like find a show like that for me i'm to my manager find me that

but differently

i do the same thing i call my manager every day and say get me cast in a marvel film yeah all i want is that and i don't have to be in it i just want to do the gym bit yeah you know yeah i don't care if i don't make the edit fire me fire me just before

no i won't say that okay i can't say it that's a story that was told to me in confidence

I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

Okay.

You would like sparkling water with lemon and ice and some glitter in it.

You'll tell me the story afterwards, right?

Yes.

I've already told it to you.

Popped up some bread.

You would like bread.

You would like a selection of German breads from the bakery.

But there was one in particular you said that is your favorite.

Porkhorn bread.

Yes, delicious.

Starter.

Antipasty to share with your husband.

You want a yummy one with tomatoes, mozzarella, mushrooms, salami, honeymelon with the prochetta around it.

More bread, sun-dried tomatoes, fried zucchini.

Main course.

Schnitzel.

Yes.

Nice and thin.

Yes.

Side dish, potato rusty with a little bit of a truffle on the side that you can grate on if you feel like it.

And that is from the hotel.

Falkenstein Kampinski.

Then you want some chocolate block wine and for dessert, a chocolate fondant with ice cream for yourself, creme catalana for your husband.

Yes.

Half each.

And then he'll order a surprise one on top of that.

Yes.

That's a great menu.

I know we stressed you out,

but that's a delicious menu.

That's so good.

You've got to be happy with that.

Yeah, that's food, man.

What a perfect way to end the podcast.

We are changing the name of the podcast to That's Food Man.

We've definitely a bit of strap one.

Yeah, definitely.

Thank you so much for coming on the podcast, Mozzie.

Thank you, Mozzie.

Thank you.

That was the off-menu off-menu menu of Mozzie Mavusi.

Thank you so much to Mozzie for coming in.

That was great.

Thank you, Mozzie.

Sorry for the burps.

Sorry for the burps, Mozzie.

My stomach behaved itself, though.

Yeah, your stomach is very good.

I was burping away.

Gonna be thinking about that for a long time.

That is mad that she lives where my dad used to live.

That's crazy.

I didn't think enough of a big deal was made of it at the time.

No, I think she thought I was lying.

Yeah.

She thought I was doing a joke.

Yeah, yeah.

Which shows what she thinks the quality of my jokes are.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, that must be what passes for humour here in the UK.

Yeah.

My dad lived lived there.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

Cool next.

All right, yeah.

A delicious menu.

Great menu.

A great menu.

And you know what?

I'd love to eat that menu while reading Finding My Own Rhythm by Mozzi Mabusi.

Lovely.

And thank you, Mozzie, for not saying the secret ingredient.

Not saying microwave veg.

I'm not saying macrow veg.

No, thank you.

Mozzie likes to do things properly.

Not a lot of veg made it onto the menu, actually, to be fair.

Yeah, actually.

Oh, there's a bit of salad there.

It's not a side salad for the cucumber salad, yeah, with the schnitz, but mainly meat and potato.

Meat and potatoes for your mates.

You know what?

Every time I come out of an off-menu and think, I really want this now.

And it's pretty much the whole menu, so it must have been good.

The schnitz, the rosti,

and then we chiden pick muld wine or blue vine, but I do really want a mulled wine now.

I've not had one yet.

We are recording this in a festive season, and I very much would like a mulled wine at some point.

We've talked enough about it for it to be a thing now that you're going to want.

I mean, every festive season, everyone finds it.

The first time someone mentions a thing to you that you haven't eaten that festive season yet, I've got to have it.

I've got to have a mince pie.

When someone puts that in your head, you haven't had one yet, and then you have one, and then you go, not for another year, thank you.

Benito, can you make us some mulled wine, please?

Yes, and some mince pies with your fair hands.

Thank you very much to Mozzie for coming on the show.

Thank you, Mozzie.

You're the greatest of judges.

We will see you again next week.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, Next time, check Lyft.

Hello, I'm Carrie Ad.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September, the time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true.

Saturday, the 13th of September.

At King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.