Ep 163: Rylan Clark

Speaker 1 James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world. Yes.
Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall? I have. We've done live shows there.
And guess what?

Speaker 1 We're doing more live shows there next year. Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.
But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone. Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

Speaker 1 The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March. It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.
Those shows have been a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 We cannot wait to do them live. Who will we pull out of our little magic bag? You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

Speaker 1 If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September. Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.
And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

Speaker 1 So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later. The day in between is for reflecting.
Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Speaker 1 Talk about refreshing.

Speaker 3 You know what else is refreshing this summer?

Speaker 1 A brand new phone with Verizon.

Speaker 4 Yep, get a new phone on any plan with Select Phone Trade In MyPlan.

Speaker 6 And lock down a low price for three years on any plan with MyPlan.

Speaker 8 This is a deal for everyone, whether you're a new or existing customer.

Speaker 9 Swing by Verizon today for our best phone deals.

Speaker 7 Three-year price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate only.

Speaker 10 Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

Speaker 10 It's third down.

Speaker 11 Did you see the game last night? Of course you did, because you used Instacart to do your grocery restock. Plus you got snacks for the game, all without missing a single play.

Speaker 11 And that's on multitasking. So we're not saying that Instacart is a hack for game day, but it might be the ultimate play this football season.
Enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Speaker 11 Service fees apply. For three orders in 14 days.
Excludes restaurants. Instacart.

Speaker 1 We're here.

Speaker 12 There's nothing like sinking into luxury. At washable sofas.com, you'll find the Anibay sofa, which combines ultimate comfort and design at an affordable price.

Speaker 12 And get this, it's the only sofa that's fully machine washable from top to bottom, starting at only $699.

Speaker 12 The stain-resistant performance fabric slip covers and cloud-like frame duvet can go straight into your wash. Perfect for anyone with kids, pets, or anyone who loves an easy-to-clean, spotless sofa.

Speaker 12 With a modular design and changeable slip covers, you can customize your sofa to fit any space and style.

Speaker 12 Whether you need a single chair, love seat, or a luxuriously large sectional, Anibay has you covered. Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your home.

Speaker 12 Right now, you can shop up to 60% off store-wide with a 30-day money-back guarantee. Shop now at washablesofas.com.
Add a little

Speaker 12 to your life. Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, boiling the egg of conversation.

Speaker 1 cutting off the little tip of that's all the bad times and we get rid of that and then we get the spoon of the internet dig that into the egg of the podcast and eat all the nice and boiled eggs is a boiled egg James I think that that's that's a good one actually I think you probably have I mean you definitely done egg ones before at the time yeah but what type of egg have I done yeah exactly so like I mean

Speaker 1 Even if you have done a boiled egg one, you haven't said that the bit you cut off at the tip is the bad times. Yes.
And that then you eat all the good times on the inside.

Speaker 1 So that's definitely, even if you have done a boiled egg before, it's a different take on a classic. I'll be honest,

Speaker 1 this has really snuck up on me yeah

Speaker 1 always does i know but this has really snuck up on me today i'm very tired this is episode one of four that we're recording today yep so i'm really worried about the next three the little competition for the listeners see if you can spot what the other three episodes are yeah and what order if anyone gets the four episodes we recorded in one day in the right order then you will get a signed chopping board by the great bonito we'll sign this for you yeah and bonito will buy it too and send it out we'll buy it and sign it and we'll send it out to you yeah that's a good that's a good price a sign shopping board this is the off-menu podcast that is Ed Gamble my name is James A.

Speaker 1 Caster we own a dream restaurant and we invite a guest in every single week and we ask them their favorite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is

Speaker 1 Ryland Clark Ryland Clark wonderful national treasure territory of course national treasure territory definitely in my heart Ryland Clark was in the bake off tent with me he was my guardian angel he was my saving grace he watched over me and i still appreciate it to this day you know i'm gonna feel quite emotional today on this episode maybe we'll see the first uh tears shed on the off menu podcast

Speaker 1 from you from me yeah yeah we've had people shed some tears before yeah after after we stop recording yeah after we stop a lot of people like please do not

Speaker 1 air a lot of people are gutted after they finish recording this please do not upload that

Speaker 1 but bad luck we're gonna do it bad luck we upload it yeah no matter what happens i'll tell you what else i'm very excited about ed Go on. Reinhard's got a new book coming out called 10.

Speaker 1 The decade that changed my future. It's coming out hardback, 29th of September, 2022.
2022. I'm looking forward to it a lot.
All about Ryan's life, but like we've never seen him before.

Speaker 1 You think you know Rylan? Nope, not until you read 10. Well, looking forward to chatting to Rylan about that book and about his dream meal, because you think you know Rylan?

Speaker 1 Not until you've heard his dream meal. Not until you've heard his dream meal.

Speaker 1 But if Ryan says the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be disgusting usually or that we just can link to the guest somehow then we will kick him out and this week the secret ingredient is dolly mixture dolly mixtures dolly mixture now look not mixtures you wouldn't say that oh really what is it

Speaker 1 you call them dolly mixture yeah because you wouldn't have mixtures would you i call them dolly mixtures benito because you would just have one mixture you can't pluralize mixt mixture can you oh i agree with that like yeah wholeheartedly yeah but is that is that a collective collective?

Speaker 1 It's like saying cereals. It's called Dolly Mixture.
Yeah. I've been calling Dolly Mixtures my whole life.
Yeah. Well, you're a crazy guy.
Yeah, I guess everyone just lets it slide.

Speaker 1 They think I'm being deliberately quirky. Yeah, you've got other problems, man.
Sometimes.

Speaker 1 Let Ag has to say mixtures because there's other issues we've got to work on here. Yeah, yeah.
Wow, I wonder how much other stuff I get away with in life because people just think it's not worth it.

Speaker 1 Leave them alone.

Speaker 1 It's Dolly's mixture. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dolly Alderton. Yeah, it's Dolly Alderton's mixture.
Yeah, she wouldn't like Dolly Mixtures because she doesn't like desserts. No.

Speaker 1 Listen, obviously I don't hate Dolly Mixture. Or Dolly Mixtures.
No. I'm not a fan either.
I probably wouldn't go for them first in the sweet aisle.

Speaker 1 But the reason why we've chosen it is that when Violin and I were in the tent, when we covered this in the Paul Hollywood episode, in Bake Off, in the Bake Off tent. In the Bake Off tent.

Speaker 1 We didn't do Outsiders together. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We tried to catch Paul Hollywood in a box. We wanted to trap him in a box.
And we used Dolly Mixture as bait.

Speaker 1 Although on the day I was saying Dolly Mixtures, but yeah, obviously when I was in that bake-off tent, definitely everyone was letting me say whatever I wanted.

Speaker 1 Just steer well clear of him. But let it slide.

Speaker 1 The guy's on the break.

Speaker 1 We're getting enough good footage as it is. We don't need to wind him up without a say dolly mixture.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that's the food I felt like Rylan and I bonded over. And it would be a shame to then kick him out of the dream restaurant

Speaker 1 because of that food again. But, you know, it's what I associate with Rylan.
And sometimes we've got to go with what we associate with a guest.

Speaker 1 It's going to be interesting, James, to see if he remembers the same things that you remember from your time together in the tent.

Speaker 1 Well, I can tell you that Rylan once interviewed me for his radio show because I was promoting something. And I learned pretty quickly that I hold a lot of fond memories of that.

Speaker 1 And I don't think Rylan remembers all of it.

Speaker 1 But he did tell me, well, loads of people have told me you've said very nice things about me at our time in the tent together, James, but in a way that was like, you know, I'm just nice to everyone.

Speaker 1 so uh you're just another person I was nice to you're just another person weren't you gonna didn't you want to use Rylan at the end of your special once yeah yeah there was a there was a point where because I'd mentioned Rylan and I was considering oh maybe at the end of the special you know I could just be at my wit's end and I don't know what to do and then Rylan could walk on stage and and help me and uh

Speaker 1 you know it'd be good to like get him to record something that I can play every night but then when I actually film it I'll get Rylan to turn up in the flesh and help me out and very quickly I'll

Speaker 1 We'll tell Rylan all about that. I can't wait.
Well, no, don't stop telling. So without further ado, this is the off-menu menu of Ryan.
Rylan Clark!

Speaker 1 Welcome, Rylan, to the Dream Restaurant. I mean, this is a dream of a restaurant.
Oh,

Speaker 1 look at that. Welcome, Rylan Clark, to the Dream Restaurant.
We've really been expecting you for some time. I mean, why is the reservation list so long? I've been waiting to come here for ages.

Speaker 1 I know. You've been at the, I think, the top of our reservation list for a long time.
Well, no one called me, but

Speaker 1 I've been sitting there starving, waiting for this. Yeah, we're the only restaurant where the reservation list is like, it was the other way around.
We make the reservations.

Speaker 1 We put down who we want to come.

Speaker 1 It's properly like one of those places where it's like, oh, if you, it's like the Berghirn. You can't like ask to go.
You've just got to turn up and hope for the best.

Speaker 1 I've been waiting outside for three weeks. Yeah.
Yeah, no, we've seen you. Thanks for letting me in.

Speaker 1 You were very resourceful out there. Oh, I've pulled three times.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who else is in the queue out there? Who else is waiting to get into the dream restaurant? Husband number three, four, five, probably.

Speaker 1 That'd be good. We just get loads of husbands on.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I mean, there's a fucking show.

Speaker 1 You like food, Violin? I love food, yeah. You love food, you're a food food.
I'm a weird one with food, though. Uh-huh.
Like, I'm like a moody food eater.

Speaker 1 I'm a moody foodie. Moody food eater.
This is the first moody foodie eater.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm glad to own that title. I'm a moody foodie.
So like, one day I'll be like, this is what I want. And this is all I'm going to do.
And that will last for a week. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I'll be like, don't like that. No, I won't eat that.
Oh, really? Yeah. I'm like a weird, weird person.
Is there something that like puts you in that direction?

Speaker 1 Like you see an advert for something, that's what I want. Or does it just you wake up and suddenly...
It just happens. Yeah.
It just happens.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, quick jar and tell her, quick, get me a spoon.

Speaker 1 And then that's it. Fuck the toast.
Just give me a spoon. What was the last food mood that you had?

Speaker 1 Last food mood that I had was, should should I tell you that one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me in my life, and this is going to sound very sad,

Speaker 1 when Deliveroo started delivering to my area last year. Last year? Yeah, I mean, I live in the middle of nowhere.
So

Speaker 1 it was Chinese or Indian. That was it.
That's all you were getting. Yeah.
No thing. I cried.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I cried. Because obviously I had the Deliveroo app for like other things.
Obviously, other takeaway apps are available. But I just got this notification come up saying, we're now in your area.

Speaker 1 And I didn't know whether to cry have a wank like

Speaker 1 it was just such a moment both you've got a crank a crank yeah you gotta have a crank

Speaker 1 it's always nice to have a crank given you yeah yeah but yeah it was honestly and i i would just order things that i weren't even going to touch but i was like i could get burger king to buy that

Speaker 1 is that what the options are the what i mean this week we have been really pounding prezzo yeah mozzarella and corosa spicy tomato calibaris apen

Speaker 1 great yeah but i'm literally rinsing it then i have it so much i'm like, nah, I can't eat that ever again. So Prezo is the current.
Prezo, I'm in a Prezo mood at the moment. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm a normal guy. Yep.
Normal guy. Keep your caviar.
I'm going Prezo. Straight to Prez.
Difficult to find caviar on Deliveroo anyway, I feel.

Speaker 1 I mean, hang about Ran Kensington and I'm sure someone will deliver it.

Speaker 1 When caviar comes up on Deliveroo, that's the day that Ed has a crank. That's it.

Speaker 1 It's already got sentenced at the moment, just thinking about

Speaker 1 caviar deliveroo. I'm cranking it.
That's what he's been waiting for his whole life. Caviar deliveroo.
I don't know. I'm not that guy.
You are that guy. You are that guy.

Speaker 1 You've been cranking it.

Speaker 1 I'll watch it.

Speaker 1 Wow, that's good. I love it.
Also, I understand the emotional thing about getting, because, like, especially the pandemic,

Speaker 1 all my delivery options were bad. Really? And I've like moved recently and they're good delivery options.
I felt like having a crank.

Speaker 1 So like, I understand that emotion of like finally getting deliveroo in your area and actually, especially after the last two years, feeling quite emotional that you've got Deliveroo now.

Speaker 1 I understand. The most exciting bit is when you log into one of them apps.
And like I said, obviously, I was, I went without for a long time.

Speaker 1 And the two options were Chinese, Indian. And then when you start seeing new boxes come up, like Thai, dessert, breakfast, breakfast, well, that's the one for me.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, a hash brown delivered.

Speaker 1 Put it down my throat.

Speaker 1 Is that an option on the app?

Speaker 1 Well, depends what driver it is.

Speaker 1 Put it on the throat. Getting breakfast on Deliveroo is really, that's really, when you cross that line, there's no going back.

Speaker 1 Like, knock the kitchen down. Yeah.
There's no need for it no more. Yeah.
Literally, put the sweaters in the oven. Like, we are done.
We are done. I will use it as wardrobe space now.

Speaker 1 It's really not an issue.

Speaker 1 When you can get a breakfast, when you can get a dirty sausage delivered to your house in one of those styrofoam boxes that's greasy and a little bit wet from the steam and condensation, you know you're doing all right.

Speaker 1 That is what you know you're doing all right. Ed got me my birthday present one year by delivery.
What was it? Load of ice cream. Yeah, just load of ice cream.
Just texted me. Happy birthday.

Speaker 1 Your president is seven minutes away.

Speaker 1 I thank you, Ed.

Speaker 1 That's your dream president. Yeah, yeah.
That's literally going to be my new thing to do now. Doorbell, wave.
Never thought of that. Two tubs of ice cream.
Actually, no, it was quite a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 It was some tubs of ice cream,

Speaker 1 Ben and Jerry's peace pop. I love the peace pops.

Speaker 1 So good.

Speaker 1 That's a gift. I was in a.
I mean, I feel like you can't even buy that for yourself because it's so special. Like, you need someone to order that for you.

Speaker 1 He would buy it for himself to be sure.

Speaker 1 I would. But recently,

Speaker 1 I was in Scandinavia last week and I was trying to be good while I was doing a tour. I was doing a tour.
Oh, yeah, to be fair to me.

Speaker 1 I was in a queue at a petrol station there. I was going to buy myself a Diet Coke and see how it tasted abroad.
Yeah, a couple times. This is your first crazy tour story that I've had.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is a crazy tour from Sony Barbara. Get ready for this.
Get ready for this. And this is like the first one I'm rolling out.
So imagine this is like the best one. This is a whole new pocket.

Speaker 1 This is the best one I've got. I'm in the queue.
I look at the freezer. Which is doing that with your hands.
Yeah, I was doing this at T-Rex. I've had a T-Rex hand.
I'm just checking.

Speaker 1 I'm a vision handler, you know? I'm waiting in the queue to get my Diet Coke. And I look down and I see in the freezer, the chest freezer.
Oh, I love a chest.

Speaker 1 They've got Ben and Joey's Peace Pop, but it's salted caramel flavour, which you can't get here. My God.
And I went into

Speaker 1 a daze looking at it like I was drawing like a tractor beam. And I didn't realise that the queue had completely...
I was at the front of the queue at this point, but I didn't know that. My God.

Speaker 1 And everyone else, and I was like a... What did you do? What'd you do? I was a couple of feet away from the counter.
And they started shouting at me in Swedish. In Swedish.

Speaker 1 Being like, sir, or whatever. And I had to look up.
And where was that, sorry? Where was that? Shut up!

Speaker 1 Please!

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I know they were shouting at me.
I know him. Please!

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I had to, And I decided not to buy the peacepot. I was like, I can't do it.
That's the end of this story.

Speaker 1 Well, actually, no. Later on in the week, I bought it.
Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it later on in the week, and it was good.

Speaker 1 Can I just say you could have really built up the end a bit more there? Yeah,

Speaker 1 I went back and bought it. Sometimes you've got to sneak it in.
No, that's the point. I was in a different city.
I've got in trouble with that one.

Speaker 1 Hey, listen, I saw it in Lund, bought it in Stockholm.

Speaker 1 That's the full story. Oh, what a story.
What a journey. And it's not for the cookie dough like

Speaker 1 the peace pot we have.

Speaker 1 The cookie dough one. Yeah, like the cookie dough one.

Speaker 1 It's that the outside is like salted caramel. And then there's like the Ben and Jerry's like vanilla ice cream.
And then the actual peace sign is made of chocolate, solid chocolate.

Speaker 1 And it's smaller as well. Nice little...
Well, it's nice. I've got that checked out in the queue.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm here for it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I would watch this travel log. Yeah, well, this is most of my stories.

Speaker 1 James, why don't you do like a series where you just go around petrol stations abroad and see what exotic things you can find? I'll tell you what it's gonna be. No one tries to produce it.

Speaker 1 They just let it just happen. No, just let this happen.
We don't even need to film it.

Speaker 1 We don't need to film it or record it. You just go do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just tell us about it on here.
Or not. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't need to record it. Just do it.
I'll tell you what is exciting. Petrol stations abroad, chewing gum.

Speaker 1 You get some exciting things in there. Like second you look down, it says like orbit watermelon.
You're like, my god.

Speaker 1 My God, I'm definitely abroad. I'll take that to the beach.
My God.

Speaker 1 It's just exciting. I mean, airwaves is having it off in Europe.
Absolutely. Do you find American gum loses its flavour quicker than any gum anywhere else? Just had this conversation in the car.

Speaker 1 Junior just had this conversation in the car. It does.
Yeah. I don't know why.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can't go wrong with like a mint. Yep.
Mint type gum.

Speaker 1 But all the flavours and that, like...

Speaker 1 bubble gum bubble gum ain't what it used to be no no that's really not what it used to be i'm sorry and i will say it and i'll stand by it yeah i will stand by it i remember as a kid you used to get some bubble gum bit of hubba bubba yeah used to put three in your mouth like bubbles yeah i tasted that three days later

Speaker 1 how did you ed keep a straight face then when violin looked dead at you and went hubba bubba like that and he deliberately oh you should you shouldn't talk about hubba bubba in any other way

Speaker 1 Hubba Bubba's a serious thing. Dead at you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, contact. Hubba Bubba.

Speaker 1 Because honestly, when I was locked into the eye contact, it honestly feels like the most serious thing in the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it was. As a kid, I mean, you had all the hits.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Hubba Bubba. Yeah, yeah.
You had your apples, you had your

Speaker 1 blueberry, your raspberry, you had your cola at one point. That was a moment.
That was good. I loved bubblegum as a kid, but I didn't really get it a lot because it used to make me fart.

Speaker 1 Oh, you had to bring the tone down. Bubblegum really makes me fart.
You can't talk about things like that when I'm World Bubba, too. This is the thing.

Speaker 1 I have nice little whimsical stories about seeing stuff abroad in Petrol Station's Ed, straightening with the Guff story. But it's the longest fight I've ever done.
You know why though? Joe Walt.

Speaker 1 Do you know what's sad about this? I've heard this story before. Oh my God.
I've read this before. We got to that point in the podcast.
He's reusing it. I think he's turning this off.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 If it was in a petrol station, it'd be a better story, would it? Yeah, it'd be pretty cool. I'm going to call it out, though.
Shittiest bubblegum ever. Bottom of a screwball ice cream.
Bullshit.

Speaker 1 Take it back. I don't even want it.

Speaker 1 I don't even want it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't want it. That's not a bubble gum.
Apart from the first time I had it, because the first time I had it, I didn't know that's what...

Speaker 1 I thought the ice cream looked nice. I didn't know there was bubblegum at the bottom.
So like, that was very exciting for me. Yeah, but then you eat into it and they taste like chalk.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not good bubblegum. It's bad.
Take it back. There's a reason it's hiding.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Rylan, you have a book out called 10 and we're very excited about it.

Speaker 1 At least someone is. Oh, come on.
No, no, Rylan, come on, do we're going to do some PR now? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Can't we just have a nice time? Yeah, we can do. After we've done that, we can do.
Yeah, is this a contract?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is a memoir.

Speaker 1 Yes and no, really like i did i did my first book about i don't remember it was like 2016 that was very like autobiography yeah and i found it not easy but easier than this one because it was like oh i was born then and then this happened and then all of a sudden this all happened and that was it number one somehow don't know yeah but then this one it's 10 years literally this week that i went on x factor

Speaker 1 um and we decided to do the book and this one it's more about lessons i've learned along the way And the book started out as one thing and is merging into another because obviously I had a bit of a shit year last year.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it's more like looking back at what fame was then, what it meant to me then, what it means now.

Speaker 1 And I think people would be quite shocked because I'm a little bit like, can't I just like sit indoors? And it's very, it's all about lessons. And do you know what? I've got people in there as well.

Speaker 1 Everyone says, what's your favorite part about it?

Speaker 1 The bit I didn't write, which is the bits about, I got like my friends in the industry and my family to write letters themselves for the book, like a lesson we've learned together.

Speaker 1 And yeah, so it's exciting for me because I've never read them bits of the book. That's nice.
So it was really, really nice. You've got Claire from Steps in there.
So what more do you want to read?

Speaker 1 Sold. Thank you.
So there's very few people actually.

Speaker 1 You're quite a rarity who managed to go on a show like X Factor and have a career that sustains this long and you get to do so many things and people wouldn't even like, when you said X Factor, they was like, oh yeah, if I was on X because they don't appreciate you with that anymore.

Speaker 1 It's actually like the biggest compliment people say that. What advice would you give people going on those shows who want to have a sustainable career afterwards?

Speaker 1 Because, like, you know, you were one of the first to make that properly happen, a long-standing career. And I don't think a lot of people know when they go on those shows

Speaker 1 what it takes to make it last a bit longer than that. Sleep about.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Simple as.

Speaker 1 That's it, no, Joseph.

Speaker 1 Am I?

Speaker 1 No, literally, I think everyone always asks me that question, and I'm like, I don't know the answer because if I did, I'd open up some like type of agency and just pump them out.

Speaker 1 But genuinely, the one thing I put it down to is I never changed. I know my face did, but

Speaker 1 just be nice to people on the way up. Like I remember for the first couple of months after X Factor, I don't even remember what I said when I left X Factor.
Like when it's like, give it up for Ryland.

Speaker 1 What do you want to say? I don't know what I said. But apparently I thanked the runners.

Speaker 1 And if no one knows what a runner is, the runners are like people that run about, get the teas, coffees, basically the dogs' bodies that get treated like shit a lot of the time in TV and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 And apparently I said, you know, I want to thank everyone for everything. I want to thank all the runners.
And I didn't realise that.

Speaker 1 I tell you what, every show I did for the first few months after that, I'd be getting my coffee first.

Speaker 1 People were like, no one thanks the runners.

Speaker 1 But now all the runners back then are the producers of today.

Speaker 1 So it's like the people that I treated well in the beginning are now the people making bigger decisions. And I think,

Speaker 1 listen, we work in this industry. We know what's real and what's fake.
We know who's real and who's fake. We know who's a TV personality and then off air they're an arsehole.

Speaker 1 And I'd like to think I'm not one of them. And I think that's what it is.
I've just, I don't care if you're my runner or my exe producer. I'll treat you both exactly the same.

Speaker 1 My manager now was my runner at Big Brother. Oh, really? So when Big Brother finished over the years, we got on so well.

Speaker 1 like in my early years at Big Brother, because he loved the show as much as I did.

Speaker 1 And on my show at Big Brother, Big Brother's Britain Aside, in our office, there was about 48 of us and we were just left to do what we wanted to do. But there was no hierarchy.

Speaker 1 So like my exe producer, my runner, it didn't matter. We all had ideas.
We'd all throw them in and we'd all make the show.

Speaker 1 And as the years went on, he sort of moved up from like my runner to like an associate producer or a researcher, things like that.

Speaker 1 And then when Big Brother finished, I was like, come and join my management team. And that's what he did.
So now he is basically my runner is in charge of my career. Oh, that's so cool.

Speaker 1 That's what I think the secret is. Just be nice to people.
Beautiful. Don't be an arsehole.
Love it. And then fuck around

Speaker 5 Popsicles sprinklers a cool breeze talk about refreshing you know what else is refreshing this summer a brand new phone with Verizon Yep, get a new phone on any plan with select phone trade-in and my plan and lock down a low price for three years on any plan with my plan This is a deal for everyone whether you're a new or existing customer swing by Verizon today for our best phone deals

Speaker 7 Three-year price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate only.

Speaker 10 Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

Speaker 10 It's third down.

Speaker 11 Did you see the game last night? Of course you did, because you used Instacart to do your grocery restock. Plus, you got snacks for the game, all without missing a single play.

Speaker 11 And that's on multitasking. So we're not saying that Instacart is a hack for game day, but it might be the ultimate play this football season.
Enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Speaker 11 Service fees apply. For three orders in 14 days.
Excludes restaurants.

Speaker 1 Instacart, we're here.

Speaker 12 Time for a sofa upgrade? Visit washable sofas.com and discover Anibay, where designer style meets budget-friendly prices, with sofas starting at $699.

Speaker 12 Anibay brings you the ultimate in furniture innovation with a modular design that allows you to rearrange your space effortlessly.

Speaker 12 Perfect for both small and large spaces, Anibay is the only machine-washable sofa inside and out. Say goodbye to stains and messes with liquid and stain-resistant fabrics that make cleaning easy.

Speaker 12 Liquid simply slides right off. Designed for custom comfort, our high-resilience foam lets you choose between a sink-in feel or a supportive memory foam blend.

Speaker 12 Plus, our pet-friendly stain-resistant fabrics ensure your sofa stays beautiful for years. Don't compromise quality for price.

Speaker 12 Visit washable sofas.com to upgrade your living space today with no-risk returns and a 30-day money-back guarantee. Get up to 60% off plus free shipping and free returns.

Speaker 12 Shop now at washable sofas.com. Authors are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

Speaker 1 We always start with still or sparkling water. Moody foodie.
Yeah. Right at this moment, I'd go for the spark.
Oh, yeah. Sometimes I like a still.

Speaker 1 What would dictate that? What I'm doing afterwards. Right.
So like, if it's a date,

Speaker 1 sparkling. Because it's just a bit more exotic.
Okay. Oh, yeah, we'll have the sparkling.
Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 When really you're like, oh, what am I like?

Speaker 1 You know, it's a big excitement.

Speaker 1 Don't get me wrong. Yeah, Stillwater,

Speaker 1 we're all alive. But I don't know.
It's like, if you're like with people or like a work meeting, it's like, oh, you're sparkling.

Speaker 1 And you say it like that as well. If you're on a date and they ordered Stillwater, would you be like, oh.
I'd be like, great.

Speaker 1 So you'd be happy with it. I'd be fine with it.

Speaker 1 To be fair, I don't really get to date, so I'd just be happy to have the date.

Speaker 1 You offer it then? Yeah, sure. Let's go out.
I mean, we've had dinner before.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we've had dinner on TV. On telling.
Oh, yeah. Do you have to split the bill? Is that that show? Well, you but ended up paying.
I had to pay. It was, I'll get that.
I felt bad for him.

Speaker 1 After the show, I was like, do you want some money?

Speaker 1 Because you do actually have to pay. Because when we were on this show, and long story short, there's like five of us, six of us, we all put our credit cards in the middle.
It's not swinging, sadly.

Speaker 1 And you play these games, and if you win a game, you get to take your credit card back so you're not paying. Well, I won like the third game, I think.

Speaker 1 And so the second I took my credit card back, I stopped ordering anything because i felt bad anton dubeck and vauders they were ordering the champagne they didn't care that's a nightmare lineup yeah

Speaker 1 dubeck and valders you're out of here with tony beek and vauders

Speaker 1 absolutely tony beek loves the old vino rosso i'll tell you what and he goes for he goes for the deer bottle he was a cheeky boy too he was a cheeky beakers was on one as well

Speaker 1 weren't she yeah

Speaker 1 honestly we've not

Speaker 1 since that night me and her always talking

Speaker 1 I mean, you were talking a lot that night as well.

Speaker 1 I was pissed. I think I had to pay like 600 quid or something.
No, it was more than that.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, if you're paying for Tony Biggs Fino.
That was just Tony. Tony Biggs Fino.
That's a lot of money.

Speaker 1 I mean, and look at him now, strictly judge, living his best life. Yeah.
He's never offered to pay me back. Pop a dumb saw bread.
Pop a dumps or bread, Vylan Clark. Pop a dumb sawbread.
Pop a dumbs.

Speaker 1 Pop a dumbs. Now, is this a moody foodie thing? Or is it always poppa dumbs? I mean, I think you can always enjoy a pop-a-dom, whether you're a little bit full.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you look at bread and think, oh, I can't, I can't, I just can't do it to myself. I mean, the problem is with the bread, I think a lot of people are scarred by bread.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because it's normally the first thing that comes out. And sometimes you're quite hungry.
Yeah. Next thing you know, you've got a fucking loaf.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you can say goodbye to your pastorala, blah, blah, blah, don't you like that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 My favourite dish, don't want to give it away.

Speaker 1 But do you know what I mean? Yeah. And there's certain restaurants you go to, the bread is handsome.
Yeah. Like handsome bread.
Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I know exactly what you mean, but I've never heard it described like that. Handsome bread.
Oh, handsome. I know I have a friend in Kettering used to call all food handsome.
Really? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, that is handsome. I've got an ex from Kettering.
Yeah? Yeah, it's probably him. What?

Speaker 1 His name's.

Speaker 1 I don't know anyone called from Kettering. I do.
I played rugby with someone called.

Speaker 1 He used to play rugby years ago. Did he? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was like my Ib ether boyfriend, yeah. yeah.
I really had the same that I knew. There can't be that many in catering.
If you're still in touch, ask him if he used to play rugby.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm sure I've still got his number. Yeah.
Did you used to play rugby with James A. Castor? Until James quit when he was 13.
I mean, what a life he's had if it is him.

Speaker 1 He used to play rugby with you, was sleeping with me in Ibiza. Yeah.
What a lovely time. That is a lovely time.
He's not neglected. Maybe you should write a book.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is all going to get cut out.

Speaker 1 He'll put this all in public. Yeah, cut the name out.

Speaker 1 There we go. Oh, not the same memory as anything.
Yeah, it's not the same memory. Oh, shame.

Speaker 1 Rugby.

Speaker 1 Rugby.

Speaker 1 That's what mimas called. Literally.
It's always saved to the phone, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. F rugby.

Speaker 1 Holly this morning.

Speaker 1 Everyone does that, don't they? Yeah. With their phones.
Yeah, Holly this morning.

Speaker 1 What would that be? I won't put your real name down.

Speaker 1 If it goes on your destiny with the phone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, literally I'm always like don't save me as Ryland they're like all right what should I save you as I'm like I don't fucking know just don't save me as Ryland

Speaker 1 in case your phone gets nicked I don't even have a picture on WhatsApp really yeah because I'm frightened you know sometimes everyone always ends up getting a number somehow yeah and you know when you I would always check a number by saving it as don't know if I go through my phone there's don't know don't answer not sure question mark there's like a list of them yeah and then I save that number go on whatsapp and look at the picture and I'm like oh it's it's ruthless ruthlangsted like do you know what i mean yeah she's got a new phone yeah but that's what i normally do and sometimes you like don't know who they are but you like the photo you're like

Speaker 1 who could it be

Speaker 1 is it a stalker fan

Speaker 1 is he tall

Speaker 1 that's the immediate question following is he a stalker yeah is he tall but in a roundabout way yeah poppa dumb pop a dumbs you want all the dips Oh, yeah. Oh, do you know what I like?

Speaker 1 I always say Ali Ollie and I know it's not Alioli, it's Aioli, isn't it? Yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that a poppa dum? Oh sorry yeah sorry I'm talking about bread

Speaker 1 but if you want classic meat

Speaker 1 if you want aioli with the poppadom yeah why not see your dream recipe you might go I like a mint mari uh

Speaker 1 I like I love a mango chutney but I don't like a chunky mango chutney no I don't like a chunky chutney oh we've got a lot of sand bites

Speaker 1 like a chunky huba bubber movie foodie chunky chutney um

Speaker 1 here foodie foodie chunky chutney hubba bubba i just hubba bubba which is a bread just hubba bubba the way you say it is funny. So I don't fucking get some, sense some after this.

Speaker 1 I've been getting far too much hubba bubba.

Speaker 1 But I don't like chunky chutney. I don't like mango, but I like mango chutney.

Speaker 1 You don't want to be reminded that there's

Speaker 1 a natural mango in there. No, I don't want this to be fruit.
I want it to be dirty. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I want mango chutney to be smooth. I like a smooth mango chutney.
Yeah, yeah. It's like with more chutney than poppadom.
Do you know what I mean? Like dip it. Dip it.

Speaker 1 Fucking dip it. Yep.
I'm in that moody today. Yeah.
Fucking dip it. Fucking dip it moody.
So you would like on a standard shard of poppadoma, you put in just mango chutney on there?

Speaker 1 I don't actually need to do that. That's the lower.
I pour. You pour it.
You pour. So you pull it in.
I pour it in that little tub and I just pour it over the top. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 get a bit of the onion salad on top. Oh, and then Raita on top as well.
No, don't mix. Don't mix it.
No, what's wrong with you? Sorry. We've had mixers in before.
We've had mixers in before.

Speaker 1 They can all go to hell. Go to hell.

Speaker 1 Forever.

Speaker 1 And a creamy, minty thing yeah with a thick sort of mangoy sauce what's wrong with you you crazy people imagine if when you die you just go hell's reel that would be amazing yeah fine with it be mad it'd be hilarious if i

Speaker 1 if i die yeah i wake up and i'm in hell oh

Speaker 1 oh

Speaker 1 this is can't believe this is real it won't be like everyone says it is though will it i don't know Who can we ask? Well, we can't. That's the problem.
Surely there's someone like Psychic Sally.

Speaker 1 yeah she'd know do you know what i mean yeah no she will know what she will find

Speaker 1 yeah she saw this coming yeah yeah if i was a psychic that'd be the first question i'd ask one of the spirit are you in hell and what's it like are you in hell and what's it like

Speaker 1 i i remember i went to see a psychic at the end of south mpier years ago

Speaker 1 and then it burned down oh but her wagon went with it

Speaker 1 so she didn't see that one come in did she you would have moved the wagon

Speaker 1 Poor woman. I don't think she was in it, but I've never seen her since.
Yeah, so who knows? Makes you rest if she was. Makes you rest.
I think hell will be personal for all of us. So you'll get there.

Speaker 1 There'll be a big bowl of chutney and you'd be like, I must be in heaven. And then you tunk in.
And then you pick it up. It's just

Speaker 1 chunk after chunk.

Speaker 1 Actual full manga, whole manga. You dip it in and it just turns into full unpeeled mango.
Listen, I'm not going to lie, I could think of worse place to end up.

Speaker 1 Than hell? No, than like like... Than Chunky Chattanooga.

Speaker 1 It's a big massive fat of

Speaker 1 Mango Chanty with mangoes in. I mean, I'll take it for my wrongdoing.
Yes, sure. Yeah, yeah.
But, yeah, I mean, it's... That's when you know, you go, oh, I'm glad I was nice to all those runners.

Speaker 1 This is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I think I'll be somewhere in the middle. Hey, diddle-diddle at the moment.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's hell, heaven. Hey, diddle-diddle.

Speaker 1 Everyone knows that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's lovely in there. Got some lovely mood lighting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's the middle.

Speaker 1 hey diddle diddle does no one else say that or is it am i that i've not ever heard anyone uh refer to the middle as hey diddle straight down the middle

Speaker 1 certainly not within a sort of like uh like religious context yeah purgatory instead of calling it purgatory both right and say purgatory i don't know what you're talking about

Speaker 1 no i was trying not to because i just enjoy saying heydled diddle diddle diddle i think that's where you go first i think you go to hey dididdle diddle and that's the twist at the end of lost if anyone's ever seen lost we were in hey diddle diddle all along oh no we were in Hey Diddle Diddle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you go there and it's like, right, this is what you've done.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And they go, what do you think? I think, well, I've been all right. What do you think? And then they go, well, we've had a chat.
It's basically like judges' houses. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So they sit there and go, they really like string you along.

Speaker 1 And it's like, you know, you know, I just think it's such a big risk.

Speaker 1 You're like, yeah, oh, oh. And then the music comes in.
It's like, no, hell. Yeah.
Fuck off. Bam.
And then on the trapdoor. Like Joel Thomas Dayton show.
Literally.

Speaker 1 heaven and hell which judge's house is heaven and which judge's house is hell oh, that's a good question.

Speaker 1 I mean love Louis, but you always end up in Ireland and I love Ireland, but you know and you think fucking hell, they're all in the Dominican. What's going on?

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? And I always feel for the people that didn't get through on X Factor. Yeah, because I was that person.
We went to Dubai.

Speaker 1 I was with Nicole and we were in this beautiful, it was like a six-star hotel. We were in royal residences.
It was beautiful. Got Neo there having life on his boat.

Speaker 1 And we were like, oh, you're right, Neo.

Speaker 1 And it was just lovely. And that year as well, the Overs ended up in Dublin

Speaker 1 with Gary. Barlow.
Barlow took them to Dublin. And we're sitting there going, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Like Cheryl flies in on helicopter. It's like, yeah, we got the boat.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? I thought, oh, sad if you didn't get through.

Speaker 1 I think Barlow taking him to Dublin.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Especially like initially.
Actually, no, I don't think Gary was in Dublin. I think he was in Oxford.
Oxford? Oxford? Yeah, I'm sure he was that year.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I always feel sorry for the people that like Louis used to always be Dublin. And weirdly enough, Louis, my year, was Vegas.
Wow. Louis Vegas.
Yeah, Louis Vegas.

Speaker 1 Your dream starter. I'd say this is moody foodie.
But I love anything, deep-fried cheese in breadcrumb

Speaker 1 with a dirty...

Speaker 1 spicy tomato sauce that surely can't be a moody foodie thing though you must love that all the time right i normally go for like a cheesy thing yeah do you know what throw me your camembert i'll have it yeah throw me your deep fried mozzarella i will put it in my mouth yeah do you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah you want like anything that's cheesy and melty and bread crumb stick it in me yeah so good are we heading to prezzo here i mean yeah like mozzarella and corrosa yeah which i believe is italian for mozzarella and breadcrumb yeah yeah yeah i could be lying it's like magic though only no dirty italian it's especially when it's like mozzarella or even like jalapeno poppers that sort of stuff

Speaker 1 where you bite in and it's liquid inside however

Speaker 1 i do find your your jalapeno poppers not the fan of cream cheese deep fried sure i if the jalapeno was in like a applewood smoked cheese

Speaker 1 do you know what i mean

Speaker 1 i know this is a podcast but i just made a uh wanking yes yeah yeah yeah yeah hand yeah i mean i do like a a jalapeno popper I'll eat it don't put it listen there's not a lot I want and put in my mouth but yeah cream cheese deep fried

Speaker 1 I think we can do better I think that's a good point I've never really thought about that but I like I like the poppers yeah

Speaker 1 I think they could be improved

Speaker 1 I think we've rested on our laurels with that one and we thought oh that's done we don't need to upgrade

Speaker 1 I think we can I think we can I'll tell you what's nice chili cheese bites yeah you get a nice little chili cheese bite now that's a nice little cheese in

Speaker 1 Burger King Burger King

Speaker 1 They're just dirty. They're dirty.
They're a bit soggy.

Speaker 1 It's a thick batter, and I like a batter. Yeah.
Give me a bit of batter. What, with cheese inside? You're right.
I'll take it.

Speaker 1 So are we like pinning down a certain cheese that you want deep fried here? I'm going to pump for mozzarella.

Speaker 1 I think it's the best one because it's chewy. It holds together, but then also you get the stringiness.
Oh, my God. You get the meltiness.

Speaker 1 Do you know what? I'd take the little burn on the lip for it as well. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? And there's not a lot I'd take a burn on the lip for. Yeah, yeah.
That and fillers. But

Speaker 1 dirty, hot, breaded

Speaker 1 cheese.

Speaker 1 Cream cheese is actually the worst when it comes to heat.

Speaker 1 It's a bastard. You bite into that, it's spraying it.
Because you think it's not, because it's cream cheese. Yeah, yeah.
You're like, it's alright. Yeah.
That ain't going to be hot.

Speaker 1 Because you just think cold. Or you just think normal.
Yeah. No.
Room temp. That's a little sly bastard.
Pipe pick hot. And it goes hard.
Philadelphia goes bastard. It goes large.

Speaker 1 It's a little bastard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Real sly bastard. Proper sly.
Yeah. Like lava.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll have a bit of Lanzarote over that. I mean, man.

Speaker 1 So you want beep-fight mozzarella with some dirty tomato dips. Yeah, but like a spicy

Speaker 1 potato dirt. No, but like, not like tomato sauce colour.
Not red. It's got to be like a maroon.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? Yeah. A Christa burgundy.
That's what I'm going to say.

Speaker 1 It's got to be really like dark red because you know it's like. It's got to be lady in in red, there's a lot in there, yeah.
There's a lot in there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You even singing Lady in Red every time you dip, do you not?

Speaker 1 Yeah, James, yeah, yeah, crazy questioning on this show,

Speaker 1 obviously. You dip, you sing Lady in Red, yeah, yeah, every time you dip, you sing like Lady in Red.
Yeah, not like that, though. Everyone did, no, no, if you don't, you're a weird.
I don't.

Speaker 1 Well, I was hard in on FX Factor singing like that, yeah. Judges House,

Speaker 1 Lady in Red. Listen, I made a career out of it.

Speaker 1 Your dream main course now.

Speaker 1 You've caught me in a mood, didn't you?

Speaker 1 You've caught me in a mood today. Poor deep fried cheese.
Yeah, it's going to be deep fire cheese. No,

Speaker 1 none of this goes. And I'm under the guys, I don't have to have this all in one go.

Speaker 1 Pie mash. Pie and mash.
No proper pie mash, though. Don't fuck your gravy off and all that shit.
Like, look, I'm a big fan of Up North. Love it.
East Empire Mash.

Speaker 1 You have three pies.

Speaker 1 I don't really love the mash. I'm just there for the pie.
Well,

Speaker 1 but this is your dream meal. So if you fuck the mash off, I've got four pies

Speaker 1 upside down. Yeah.
So I can cut into them liquor

Speaker 1 over the top.

Speaker 1 Vinegar. I like cutting the bottoms off upside down, eating the inside and then saving the tops for the ends.
Oh, wow. This is it.
This is what we like. A proper technique.
A proper technique.

Speaker 1 There's a lovely one round deer as well. Is that? Yeah.
Four pies. Yeah.
And what's in? Are they all the same sort of pie? What's in them? What's in them? Just like mints. But

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 But is that the standard pie?

Speaker 1 There's loads of different

Speaker 1 variation.

Speaker 1 It's pie match. There's one pie.
Right. That's why it does well.
Like, let me talk in your rechalons. It's like Entrecotte.
You go there and it's just steak and chips. It's the same with my mash.

Speaker 1 It's just one pie

Speaker 1 and mash. You can get an eel, but we don't talk about that.
No, no. Oh, they're handsome.
Ever cut the bottom off an eel and eat from the and then save the top to last? I don't touch eels.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, fair enough. Eels

Speaker 1 up inside you.

Speaker 1 I like this technique of cutting the bottom off. Turn them upside down.
Flipping them. Right? Flip them over.
Well, you don't have to turn them upside down.

Speaker 1 You could do it the right way up, but it's a lot more difficult to cut the top off. Yeah.
So just turn them upside down. I open up the bottom as like a flap.
Yeah. And I flap that open.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll eat the inside. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I do that with all of them. Are you eating any pastry at this point? Only the bottom.
Yeah. Which is a lot more soggy.
Yeah. But there's just something about it.
I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 I mean, every time you have pie and mash as well, you think, oh, it's people, sweeney Todd. But

Speaker 1 so that puts you off for like two seconds and then you're fine.

Speaker 1 Every time you have pie and mash,

Speaker 1 you see, yeah. Every chunk.

Speaker 1 I think that's not. You phrased it there like it's a universal observation.
You know, every time,

Speaker 1 well, you said you, you said, like, every time you have pie and mash, you think it's people,

Speaker 1 but I think that's you think that every time you have pie and mash, you think, oh, slit neck, barber shop, back down, the thing, boom, straight in the pie shop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's the lady called who puts them in the pie shop? I don't know her, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 Helena Bonn Carter's character in the film. Yeah, I don't know her, you don't know her, I don't know her.

Speaker 1 That's the pit, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 this is love it.

Speaker 1 He'll let himself out. No, come in, babe.

Speaker 1 Have you a moment? Martine McCutcheon, this is?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 Martine on. No, not her Martin.
She's a ryan. I'm intrigued.
You've got these four pies, and they're all the same filling. We all know that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Surely chip shop pie. Yeah.
No, no, no. I'll do a puck of pies.
Yeah, it's not a pucker. I know.

Speaker 1 Surely after pie two, you're bored of the filling.

Speaker 1 Lyland, what do you say to that? I'm going to leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We've never had a warm up time of anything, but.

Speaker 1 No, you you can't. There's a special thing about pie mash chop pies that just leave you wanting that little bit more.

Speaker 1 Now, my mum, God bless her, she's not dead. I'm just saying.
Yeah. She normally goes for two.
Right.

Speaker 1 The other day, she rung me and she went, I've been cemetery.

Speaker 1 She's always eating when she rings me, so I have to do that.

Speaker 1 I've been cemetery, put flowers on their knees.

Speaker 1 I've got pie mash. I've let myself in your ass, it's in the microwave.

Speaker 1 And now I know, I know, she got herself free pies. Yeah.
Because she ate it at my house. Yeah.
Because I found the little trays in the bin when I went to empty the bin. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, Linda don't eat loads. Yeah.
She does good. She's always eaten.
She's always eating it. Even she had free pies that day.
Wow. Good job, Linda.
But now,

Speaker 1 little trick, you can buy them. from the pie mash shop frozen before they've cooked them.
So they're pre-cooked and frozen. Just keep them in the freezer.
Lovely.

Speaker 1 Do you think that it was going to the cemetery that made her hungry for an extra pie mash? Every time she goes cemetery, she always gets pie mash. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And every time she goes in there, she gets recognised because people know her from things that I've done with her. She's like, how do you know I am? She don't get it.

Speaker 1 Does she not know in those goggle boxes that they're filming? She doesn't understand.

Speaker 1 She don't understand.

Speaker 1 She's very much a creature of habit, though. So yeah, every time she goes to cemetery, she'll get...
Pie Mash. And every time she goes to Mark's, she gets a family-sized trifle and eats that.

Speaker 1 The cow in the Taskmaster house is named after your mum? She is. Yeah, yeah.
Linda's the cow. Still referred to as Linda.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Linda. Yeah, she still lives there.
I did say it was that episode that I did, I did the New Year's special. I was like, has the cow got a name? And Alex is like, no.

Speaker 1 I was like, we'll call it Linda. He was like, isn't your mum's name Linda? I was like, yep.

Speaker 1 I didn't realise it would stick. She fucking hates me.
But, oh, well. Listen, Linda, you're doing well for yourself.
They don't forget stuff on Taskmaster. No, they really don't.

Speaker 1 They don't keep it in forever. They don't.

Speaker 1 They don't.

Speaker 1 I think this sounds great the four the four pies I'd imagine there's quite a lot of precision the way you oh yeah no because once you're finished

Speaker 1 yeah because you don't eat you don't eat the tops yet you save the tops at the end so it is it's like a game of operation so you have to move one there it's almost like um

Speaker 1 do you remember you used to get them little toys as a kid where you move the blocks to make the picture yeah it's a bit like that Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 I liked those. Just at the end, the picture isn't a picture, it's pastry and you eat it.
It's a lot of pastry.

Speaker 1 But it's similar. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's similar, yeah. But you've got to have liquor.
What is what is liquor? Well, again, like the meat is people sometimes thought.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 I don't like thinking about liquor because it's like parsley

Speaker 1 in like a sauce. So it's like green.
Yeah. But people say it's eel juice.
Eel juice. Juice with eels.
Now I don't eat fish

Speaker 1 because I'm frightened of it. Okay.
I don't trust them. You don't trust fish? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I once fell on the fish counter at Sainsbury's as a kid and it was... What? Yeah.
You fell on it. Well, I was pushed.

Speaker 1 It's not a police matter, so I can talk about it.

Speaker 1 My brother pushed me

Speaker 1 on the fresh fish counter at Sainsbury's Whitechapel as a kid. You fell on the fish? I fell on a hake.
Have you seen a hake?

Speaker 1 Have you seen a hake? It's got worse fucking teeth than me.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, it's the most ugly bastard you will ever see yeah and i was face to face with ake yeah and since then i was like bullshit to that don't trust anyone yeah that's scarjea for life eyes open looking at me judging homophobic yeah

Speaker 1 you fell on a homophobic homophobic hate yeah hate crime hate crime oh great babe that's why you're doing this job

Speaker 1 is it honest to god like 2022 but yeah fell on a hate no ain't got time for it But apparently, there's ill juice in it. But I don't think they're all like that.
I think

Speaker 1 it might just be something else, but I don't want to know. No, no.

Speaker 1 We won't find out. A load of vinegar as well.
Yeah. You've got to have a load of vinegar on it, or it's not worth it.
And you can't have black pepper. You've got to have white pepper.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Don't know why. Yeah.
But it's like, oh no. Like you're frowned upon.
Right, okay. If it's black pepper.

Speaker 1 So the liquor is what's making sure when you leave the tops, because I was thinking you're leaving the tops, there's

Speaker 1 moisture, so the liquor is. Oh, no, it's moist.
It's moist, and it's just, especially the edges. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just like layer after layer of dirty, burnt pastry. They're always a bit burnt.
Yeah. That's what makes it.

Speaker 1 You know, like a pashel de nutta. Yeah.
You want them a little bit burnt on top. Yeah.
Love them. Same with a pie from Pa Marsh.
Man, I went to Lisbon earlier this year. Good for you.

Speaker 1 And found the best place that did those. I've been there.
Yeah. I've been to that place.
When they ring the bell? Yeah. When they've just done the bell.
And it's all made there.

Speaker 1 Like it's like the one to go to with all the tiles. Beautiful.
Loved it. Fucking stunning.
They're about a penny. Yeah.
And when they've got a new batch, they ring the bell. Oh, and everything.

Speaker 1 You can look out, then the whole square is just completely empty. They ring the bell.

Speaker 1 Everywhere. Everyone's mouths are bleeding because they're boiling up.
See, Ryland sat there with four lined up. He's cut the bottoms off.
Yeah, just thinking inside out.

Speaker 1 Saves the base for laying it out over the custody tops. Cover them in the elders.

Speaker 1 No. Oh, fucking hard.
Yeah. Yeah.
My joy, I shouldn't talk to you about bacon.

Speaker 1 I'm glad it's come up. George, you know what?

Speaker 1 We've lasted a while.

Speaker 1 We've got this far at least.

Speaker 1 I honestly just wanted to hold you that whole time. You did? You were on Celebrity Bake Off.

Speaker 1 It's no secret, I've said on stage. I've said that.
I've heard

Speaker 1 the spreading word about me.

Speaker 1 You're the one who carried me through it. I literally just wanted to.

Speaker 1 At one point, I was like, I'm sure I even said to you, do you want to come home with me tonight? And just

Speaker 1 make you bit dinner. Just go bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He needed it.
He really hit

Speaker 1 the end

Speaker 1 of giving any fuck whatsoever. Yeah, it was, it was, yeah.
But you were brilliant. We had a laugh on the last day.
That was the thing. We had a laugh the last day.

Speaker 1 See, we had a laugh every day, but you had a laugh.

Speaker 1 Everyone else had such a laugh.

Speaker 1 It was such a fun show to film.

Speaker 1 But yeah, no, that's how we met. Yeah, that's how we met on that show.

Speaker 1 I've often wondered this, because obviously Michelle Keegan won.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Where do you think, because they don't say where else everyone else comes.

Speaker 1 Well, I've got a gripe about it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And for anyone that can't see me, which is everyone, my hands are now in the air. Yeah.
And that's when you know I've got a gripe. You've got to get it.
It's a grip.

Speaker 1 It's gripey. Gripey McGrip.

Speaker 1 Do you remember we had to make the cream horns? Yeah. Yeah, I do remember the cream horns.
Yeah, yeah. Right.
We had like hour and a half or something to make some cream horns.

Speaker 1 That was the technical, right? It was the

Speaker 1 blind technical as well. If hell is personal, that's what's happening when I'm in hell.
Yeah. I'm arriving there and there's some vague instructions on the table on how to make cream horns.

Speaker 1 You've got to do them. With all that looks like medical anal devices to wrap this pastry around.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so I'm sitting there and I'm like, right, I know what a cream horn is.

Speaker 1 Do I really know how to make it? Right. Okay, well, these are obviously that you must put the pastry around the outside and then will that stick.
So it is like fucking 10 for yourself.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I remember I put my cream horns in the oven. Yeah.
And the one thing everyone was worrying about was do we do it standing up or laying down? Because obviously, will it slide off? All right.

Speaker 1 So I put mine in the oven and I'm like, right, 20 minutes to bake there's half hour left on this challenge 10 minutes to call and I'll just shove the cream in right at the end okay fine I'm taking mine out of the oven with five minutes to go everyone else has not even got their pastry in the oven yet yeah yeah and I'm like what's going on I'm thinking well I fucking want this one yeah yeah someone walks in to the tent Says guys guys we can see you're all having a bit of trouble here so we're gonna give you another hour what I don't even remember this I fucking do

Speaker 1 so i'm sat there now listen this is no shade on bacoff i understand and this don't happen in the the civilian version i say civilian because it's built into a big brother this don't happen in that version obviously the celebrity one's a bit different it's not about who wins it

Speaker 1 but bullshit because i'm sitting there four cream they look nice my cream on yeah yeah yeah mar cremons look lovely right

Speaker 1 because i thought i only had five minutes left i thought i'm going to leave the orange out of the cream i'm just going to do a uh just a normal like I believe it's chantaly, yeah, um, cream, yeah, filled them all up.

Speaker 1 I'm done. Yeah, people only got the fucking things in the oven.
Then they go, we're gonna give you all another hour because otherwise, no point, is there with this challenge?

Speaker 1 Then Michelle fucking Keegan wins the gets first.

Speaker 1 And we'll, do you know what? I like the girl, I like Michelle, I like Michelle and Mark. They live up the road, like lovely.
I get on with them.

Speaker 1 But in that moment, I'm sitting there going, You bastards, I've sat here,

Speaker 1 I've made you cream holes in the hour and a half you asked for. They look nice.
Granted, there's no fucking orange in it.

Speaker 1 And no other bastards even got their pastry in the oven with 10 minutes to go. And you come in and give us all an extra hour.
Do you know what? I might go down Marks's. Go and get a fucking meal deal.

Speaker 1 What do you want me to do about it? And then, Paul and Prue come in. Oh, and this lovely.
Oh, this is nice. Oh, there's no orange in this chanteli cream.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I know, because I only had five fucking minutes.

Speaker 1 Did anything happen? No. And where do I get? Second.

Speaker 1 Second joke. Fuck off.

Speaker 1 Fuck off. And then, to make matters worse, an hour before that, I'm looking for Prue's fucking wedding ring that she'd lost on the floor.
So I'm outside.

Speaker 1 Lovely woman, Prue, saw her at the Chaplatinum Jubilee, Damesy Jake.

Speaker 1 But I'm sitting there outside on gravel in the middle of where were we, Pinewood. Yeah, yeah, we were outside Pinewood.

Speaker 1 On the gravel trying to find this engagement ring, our wedding ring for about five years. Yeah, yeah.
Doing cream on sorrow. Trying to put out fires all over the shop.

Speaker 1 Everyone else gets a fucking extra hour on there. I'm getting second.

Speaker 1 Second,

Speaker 1 second,

Speaker 1 plus I'm helping him with some fucking wiggly worms and stuff like this and some

Speaker 1 childhood thing park dream or something.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you're right, Janice, do you want a drink? Do you want a tea? Like, let me help you.

Speaker 1 Just try and, you know, being a nice person gets you nowhere. Yeah, yeah.
All right. So going back to your early days, you changed what you said earlier.

Speaker 1 Do what you want. All right.
Do you know what? It's 10 years now. I'll show you the real me.
Fuck them all.

Speaker 1 Fuck them all. Buy the book.

Speaker 1 And there's your out.

Speaker 2 Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Speaker 1 Talk about refreshing.

Speaker 3 You know what else is refreshing this summer?

Speaker 1 A brand new phone with Verizon.

Speaker 4 Yep, get a new phone on any plan with Select Phone Trade In and MyPlan.

Speaker 6 And lock down a low price for three years on any plan with MyPlan.

Speaker 8 This is a deal for everyone, whether you're a new or existing customer.

Speaker 9 Swing by Verizon today for our best phone deals.

Speaker 7 Three-year price guarantee applies to then-current base monthly rate only.

Speaker 10 Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

Speaker 12 There's nothing like sinking into luxury. At washable sofas.com, you'll find the Anibay sofa, which combines ultimate comfort and design at an affordable price.

Speaker 12 And get this, it's the only sofa that's fully machine washable from top to bottom, starting at only $699.

Speaker 12 The stain-resistant performance fabric slip covers and cloud-like frame duvet can go straight into your wash. Perfect for anyone with kids, pets, or anyone who loves an easy-to-clean, spotless sofa.

Speaker 12 With a modular design and changeable slip covers, you can customize your sofa to fit any space and style.

Speaker 12 Whether you need a single chair, love seat, or a luxuriously large sectional, Anibay has you covered. Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your home.

Speaker 12 Right now, you can shop up to 60% off store-wide with a 30-day money-back guarantee. Shop now at washablesofas.com.
Add a little

Speaker 12 to your life. Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

Speaker 1 Your dream side dish.

Speaker 1 Do you know what? Probably like macaroni cheese. Yeah.
And you do get it on sides now. It was never a side when I was growing up, macaroni cheese.
Oh, yeah. Was it? No, it's a May 19th.

Speaker 1 It was a pasta base, there you go.

Speaker 1 but now you get on the side with like there's this one place that i order it from again exciting yeah and it's like covered in breadcrumbs but i'm talking like half a loaf it is nice macaroni cheese as a side because it's just

Speaker 1 do you know what i mean yeah do you want breadcrumbs on it do you know what not always got be in the moody food yeah bread crumb but Yeah, love a macaroni cheese on the side because I feel like I'm having two dinner.

Speaker 1 But this is great because

Speaker 1 I'm a cheese boy as well. Yeah.
Love cheese. Love it.
And you've got cheese in the starter. Right.
Cheese in the side.

Speaker 1 What's coming? You know? Who knows?

Speaker 1 Shut up.

Speaker 1 Don't even. I'm still getting over all the stuff that I can't remember happened on Bake Off.
I can't remember. Oh, I'm scarred.
Through losing her wedding ring?

Speaker 1 I mean, clearly, I was like, I mean, I was in a daze. I'm looking for a ring.

Speaker 1 It was found. I even wrung my psychic.
I never told you that.

Speaker 1 She was on the end of a pill. She's on herself.
On fire. I remember I've got, she was really stressing out.
And I was like, let me ring Psychic Alex. And she was like, I can see it.
It's in a pocket.

Speaker 1 It's in a pocket. And like, we're going, pro, check your pocket.
Like, oh, it's all good. I'm in my pocket, probably.
How's Psychic Alex saved in your phone? Psychic Alex.

Speaker 1 Psychic.

Speaker 1 Of course. I can't remember.
They gave us an hour and a half extra on the technical.

Speaker 1 And I still did as badly as I did. Yeah.
I remember. Still did a deconstructed cream horn.
Yours was so bad. A lot of the team as well from the show was obviously teams I work with, like on my shows.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, you. And I just remember one of the floor managers just looked at me like, and I looked at her as if to say, you're fucking taking the piss.

Speaker 1 I mean, listen,

Speaker 1 it's all for a good call. I'm all for it, hearing that Michelle Keegan shouldn't have won.
No, I did not say that. I've always thought my words.
I've always thought that was you shouldn't have won.

Speaker 1 It's not my words. No, Michelle did really, really well.
Actually, everyone did. Russell did well, Tovey.
Yeah, it was really good. Not everyone did well.

Speaker 1 James did amazing. Yeah.
Genuinely, if it weren't for James,

Speaker 1 I genuinely think James was the best one in that tent. Yeah, yeah.
You had to help with his wiggly worms.

Speaker 1 Are we allowed to talk about that? Oh, you're on about bacon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, literally, I loved you being there. It was amazing.
Even in your why the fuck am I here? I can't see out of one high state. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was. I just go over plane.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah. Let me hold you.
Let me hold you.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's happening. And then we're all in like Winnebago's that rocks.
I'm like, where am I? Yeah, yeah, in our little Winnebagos. And I was like, it's going around in the days.

Speaker 1 Because Ryan was right next to me. Yeah.
So that was

Speaker 1 you default had to help me. Did you have my show on?

Speaker 1 She didn't bring up the extra time, did she? No.

Speaker 1 She didn't bring it up. She also didn't bring up that she lives down the road from you.

Speaker 1 Which prompts the question, does she ever hop over your garden fence and ask for some dinner? We haven't done that yet.

Speaker 1 That's what she used to do.

Speaker 1 No, but

Speaker 1 when I bought where I built my house, I know Mark was looking at the plot of land I got, but then he's got another one now, and obviously they've built their house.

Speaker 1 So we're literally about five minutes from each other now. When the delivery came up as being available in the area, did you shout over the fence first? I think it's available where you can live.

Speaker 1 Oh really? No. Because five minutes where I live is about four miles, four or five miles.
So I, yeah, because my mum, I built her a house five minutes from mine.

Speaker 1 She can't get it. Oh, no.
She can't get it. But actually, my mum is.

Speaker 1 I'm always eating on the phone. Oh, yeah.
Trifle, MS. M ⁇ S trifle.
AR.

Speaker 1 She rung me twice last night. If I showed you my phone, you'll see my real name's Ross.
She'll be like, Ross, why haven't you answered the phone? If she's just rung me, then she'll ring me again.

Speaker 1 I've got like three missed calls. So last night, I then see my phone and think, fuck, she's had a fall.

Speaker 1 She's been attacked. She's been robbed.

Speaker 1 Did I leave them Erwick air fresheners on your kitchen island?

Speaker 1 I swear to fucking God. Look.
Also, this is what I got last night. If you got missed calls from her, you know that she's been in all night.

Speaker 1 I've just got a text from her.

Speaker 1 So this is last night. Ross, did I leave your air fresheners? Just now, 10:31.
Ross, where are you? I'm in your house.

Speaker 1 why

Speaker 1 are you in my house i'm at work do you want to give her a call should we ring give a call

Speaker 1 yeah probably is interesting if linda's eating

Speaker 1 hello all right where are you

Speaker 1 oh fucking hell where you've been i thought you'd just been murdered you know what because i've not answered the phone no I went in, couldn't see you, went upstairs to put the turbines in, you know, the things.

Speaker 1 It made him look like it'd been fucking made sex.

Speaker 1 I'm sorting out the beauty drawers. What? Where? I'm sorting out where all them face masks and everything.
That's what's on the floor.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've been all over. I've been in the office to put the thing up to shut the door.
But, you know, I've got a phone in you. I thought, where where the fuck is he? Mum, you phoned me once.

Speaker 1 I thought no, and then I messaged you. Yeah, saying, Where are you? And I've just seen it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, gosh. So, where are you anyway? I'm at work.
I'm doing a podcast for the book. Oh, right.
Well, sorry, I didn't know you were going X.

Speaker 13 I thought, you know, you tell me you're out tomorrow. The telly was on.
I've left it on because I didn't know where you were.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I left the telly on. It's on.

Speaker 1 Alright. Alright, go on then, I'll ring you later.

Speaker 1 Oh, all right.

Speaker 13 Oh, gold, squat art tap, looked in every every cupboard I am.

Speaker 1 Why do you think I'll be in a fucking cupboard?

Speaker 13 In case someone's cut your app or something.

Speaker 1 In case someone's cut me up.

Speaker 13 Well I thought where is he? He ain't told me he's out today.

Speaker 1 Sorry I didn't realise I needed to ring you to tell you I was going to work.

Speaker 13 I'm on my way to James but I thought I'd pop in on the way.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Did you find the air fresheners by the way? Yeah I've got them. Oh good.

Speaker 1 So I put it up in the spare room.

Speaker 13 You know the room next to to yours, one of them.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 13 In that bedroom, plugged it in, and the other one had run out behind the puffy at the top drawer. See the spider, I ain't touched it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I put the spider under the glass.
Yeah, I didn't like it. Yeah, under the glass.
See that.

Speaker 1 Alright, then, go on, I'll talk to you later. What time are you on? I don't know yet.
I'll let you know. Alright.

Speaker 13 Well, do you know your street door?

Speaker 13 When I went in, it sort of double-locks itself, right?

Speaker 1 It's automatic, mum.

Speaker 13 Oh, alright, as long as you can get in when you get home, I ain't got to come out.

Speaker 1 Mum, I live there, of course I can get in.

Speaker 13 Yeah, I know, but you say to me, don't double lock it, I don't, but I had to turn it a few times to unlock it.

Speaker 1 Mum, it's fingerprint, it's fine, don't worry. Alright, alright, go on in.

Speaker 13 I'm going to Joan, you're just to freshen it up, and then I'll be home.

Speaker 1 Alright, mum.

Speaker 13 Do you need anything picked up?

Speaker 1 No, I'm all right. What are you laughing at? No, just you.
You just make me laugh. Right, I'm going.
Oh, go on, love you. Love you, bud.

Speaker 1 when in the gym when in the gym and all right i've only done wearing that ass only that property well i'm not going to be dead in the gym am i

Speaker 13 oh i don't know perhaps you worked out something's fell on you or something right all right i'm going bye

Speaker 1 bye

Speaker 1 Now do you see what I've got to put up with?

Speaker 1 Everyone thinks she's hilarious. Throw her up.
She is. Well, she is.
Yeah, yeah. She called me.
She didn't even know she was being. No, she called me, right? Really funny.
At

Speaker 1 10.50, she called me, right

Speaker 1 at 10 30 she text me saying where are you i'm in your house now this happened not long ago yeah right i'm single now yeah and the worst thing i ever did was give my mum a fob for my gate

Speaker 1 genuinely because now i've had to put location on my phone to see where she is right

Speaker 1 she will just turn up yeah yeah let herself in which is fine she's my mum you do what you want you do you but i said to her very specifically one night, do not come round in the morning.

Speaker 1 I will not be there. Yeah.
I'm going training with my trainer at his house. I will not be there.
All right. Yeah.
No, right. Bye.
Bye, Jamie. That's my brother.
All right.

Speaker 1 I had someone at my house that stayed.

Speaker 1 At 8:30 the following morning, I'm in bed and I can hear,

Speaker 1 I have never jumped out of bed so quickly, run down the stairs to scream, what the fuck are you doing here?

Speaker 1 I thought you were out.

Speaker 1 Whose car's that? I went, get the fuck out of my house and go home. She's like, all right.
And she was gone. This is my life now.
This is my life. She thought somebody followed on you at the gym.

Speaker 1 I've checked every cupboard.

Speaker 1 You were cut up. Checked all the cupboards.

Speaker 1 If you don't answer her, within five minutes,

Speaker 1 you're dead.

Speaker 1 That's it. It's all like...
You cut up a dead in the cupboards or somebody's followed on you at the gym. The spiders are still under the glass, so that's it.

Speaker 1 So that's the other thing I wanted to check about. So there was a spider.
I got bit on my face the other week. Yeah, it's still there.
I've got a little lump.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it was, and I saw this spider the other day. Yeah.
And I just threw a glass over it. Yeah, and just left it there.
For now. Yeah, but it's still there.
For now, yeah.

Speaker 1 But she's not it. She doesn't touch it.
She won't touch it. Yeah, she won't.

Speaker 1 Saw the spider. My room doesn't look like bombs hit it.
I've got like a dressing room and I was sorting out all my beautiful stuff.

Speaker 1 I believe the phrase was, your room looks like it's been fucking ransacked. Yeah, that's it.
Which is why she thought I was dead. Yeah.
Which is why she thought I was dead.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking out every bit of that. I loved it.
Every bit. Oh, you can't.
Like, where are you?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm clearly not there. I checked the poll in case you'd done yourself in.
Surprise you didn't check under the glass. Oh, no, with the spider.
I'm an adult man and it's daytime on a Wednesday.

Speaker 1 I'm 33 and it's Wednesday daytime.

Speaker 1 And my mum is calling me thinking I'm dead in a cupboard because I've not spoken to her since last night at about 10 o'clock o'clock when she was looking for some air fresheners that she's now plugged in behind the puffy.

Speaker 1 And from what I gather, she's going to someone else's house now. She's now going to my brother's.

Speaker 1 She's now going to my brother's, who I wouldn't normally say this, but by the time this comes out, he won't be, is on holiday. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she will let herself in there and freshen it up.

Speaker 1 But what she does, we just let her do it now because it's easier to not have the argument to say, stop fucking doing it.

Speaker 1 I have a window cleaner, right? The whole back of my house is glass.

Speaker 1 I pay pay them quite a lot of money yeah to clean the inside and outside them windows so they look nice she will come in with a cloth and wipe the inside of my windows so when it's sunny all it is is smears

Speaker 1 and the reason why she does it is because she used to may god rest his soul she used to drive up back to london where we used to live every week to my uncle burst before he died and used to clean his windows because he lived in a block of flats and she used to hang out fucking hell she's 70 like and clean his windows but but never would tell her that the windows were fucking smeary so she thinks she's handy handy she thinks oh no she cleans her windows are the best windows in essex now

Speaker 1 but she don't realize when she's using the cloth you then need to use a different cloth to buff it off yeah so i've got specialist glass cleaner i've got this i've got windows up i've got this no don't work with linda so i pay more in that

Speaker 1 for her to fuck the windows up that have just been cleaned. Absolutely brilliant.
But that's my mum. So for anyone who thinks that she's not a real person, there you go.
There you go.

Speaker 1 That is pretender she stops at Marx's as well. Trifle.
Should I just ring her and just say, you go Mark's.

Speaker 1 Your dream drink, right, then. The dream drink.
Pironi. Yeah.
Peroni.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm quite easy, like a Peroni boy. Yeah.
Love a bottle of Peroni. Whenever, with whatever, with whoever.
What's your perfect setting, though, for a Pironi, if you think about it?

Speaker 1 Perfect setting for a Peroni.

Speaker 1 Oh, on a beach on a beach somewhere trunks or shorts uh shorts yeah I went to Barcelona on my own I've never been away on my own quite recently and I like got all brave and took my top off on the beach and then I just realized people weren't even wearing anything I was on a nudist beach so it wasn't brave at all no in fact I was a pussy up

Speaker 1 Let's get on to your dream dessert now. Your dream dessert

Speaker 1 Obviously, you know, we met in the bake off tent we did loads of sugar around those are desserts ed was you know hinting earlier that he's excited you might choose a cheese board for dessert because you've you've picked cheese for other things i'm not adverse to a cheese board okay definitely

Speaker 1 ryan is the only person that i won't flip out at because rylan saved my life yeah so i can't get angry if rylan chooses a cheese board no i'm i'm not adverse to a cheese board but it would never be my first choice thank you i would definitely eat a bit of cheese keep your fucking grapes and all that.

Speaker 1 No, just give me the cheese. I don't want, oh,

Speaker 1 you know, a grape.

Speaker 1 Fuck off. Put it somewhere else.
Not here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anything to do with white chocolate, I'm sold. Lovely.
Again, moody-foodie. I've got to be in the mood for a dessert.

Speaker 1 Let alone what dessert. I've got to be in the mood for a dessert.
Right. Sometimes dessert will be a latte.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Sometimes dessert will be a white chocolate cheesecake with melting white chocolate sauce or something.

Speaker 1 Anything like that, I will eat. Save the fruit.
Don't want your fruit. You know, we're not in an orchard.

Speaker 1 Okay. Just give me dough.
Give me chocolate. I tell you what's lovely.

Speaker 1 Them cookies at Domino's.

Speaker 1 They're handsome. Yeah.
Because they're not really cooked. Yeah.
They're still cooking. That's what you want.
You want

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 raw cookie dough. Raw but hot.
Raw but hot enough to melt the white chocolate. I'm there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're nice.
One of the best mistakes I ever made was in Leeds shopping centre.

Speaker 1 There was a really long queue for something that me and my tour manager thought was a kind of like a fro-yo stand. So we're like, let's go and get the fro-yo.

Speaker 1 Ordered what we thought was fro-yo, and then got given two very hot slabs of cookie dough

Speaker 1 with some like soft serve on the side. And we did, we were not gutted about that.
That was delicious. I've just come.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're welcome. Welcome.

Speaker 1 But yeah, anything like that.

Speaker 1 I absolutely love. Don't get me wrong, you're a literature for a fit of role.
Yeah. But it's a bit of a waste of a dessert, I think.
I don't mind a selection as well.

Speaker 1 You know, like when you get like, oh, just like a mini cheesecake, a milfoy.

Speaker 1 Something like that. You like that? Milfoy.

Speaker 1 A thousand days.

Speaker 1 Yeah, something like that. Or a pastel donato.
I want a big pashtel donatta. Yeah.
Why have we got big ones? Yes, the little ones are nice.

Speaker 1 Make me a big one. No, like a cake.

Speaker 1 Like a serving pastel donato. Yeah, like a big piece.

Speaker 1 You can cut slices out of it. Are you turning it upside down? No.
Not a pastel.

Speaker 1 Not a pastel.

Speaker 1 It is good to have a cleaner. I don't like upside-down food unless it's only the pie.
I should clarify that. That's the only upside-down food you like.
What about a pineapple upside-down cake? Vial.

Speaker 1 Made one on MasterChef for like these people that was really fucking crazy. You did very well on MasterChef.
I did do well. Thank you.
But... Oh, it was bizarre.

Speaker 1 We went to this place where people think they're Victorians and they're all dressed up.

Speaker 1 what the past literally the past I went to the past in Birmingham and made a pineapple upside down cake right let me just explain so we get given this challenge where it's like you're going to this place and we're like right what is it next thing you know we're on some like rickety open top bus and there's people going who hell deal

Speaker 1 and they're all like dressed as victorians but we're like oh right it's like a place fine yeah

Speaker 1 but then like they're really playing along like they believed it yeah a bit too much for my liking. So it was like you had to make dinner for these people in teams from the past.

Speaker 1 So like I think Kimberly was on my team or someone else, Cherie Murphy, someone like that. And she was, they made like a pineapple upside down cake, not for me.

Speaker 1 So what is your typical Victorian thing that I could make for a main that was vegetarian? Cause I was on that bit. I made large ravioli.

Speaker 1 I mean, you mimed how large they were. I mean, we're talking talking 15 15 20 centimeters by 20 centimeters.

Speaker 1 It's like one ravioli with like a I think I did like a like a spinach and ricotta filling or something like that.

Speaker 1 Well I got told as I'd made it because obviously John and Greg don't say anything then they watch you and then they decide to do things. He was like pasta wasn't invented then.

Speaker 1 I'm like well it fucking is now.

Speaker 1 Sorry I weren't about.

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 I take over my big tray of ravioli and people are like, I have the vegetarian ravioli.

Speaker 1 What is it? And I'm like,

Speaker 1 spinach and bracotta. And they're like, no, what is this creation?

Speaker 1 You know, when you're like, you know, when you're like, babe, you literally had a McDonald's breakfast on the way here.

Speaker 1 Stop playing the fucking game and eat the ravioli.

Speaker 1 So, yeah. They did it.
They did you.

Speaker 1 My god, it just worried me about it. Did they like the pineapple upside down cake? They were all over it, like fucking flies around shit.
Yeah. It's mad that they had pineapples before pasta.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 So you wouldn't take a a pineapple upside down cake and eat that upside down because is an upside down pineapple upside down cake a right way up upside down is the cake the right way up anyway because of its origins yeah so is a pineapple upside down cake is it upside down default or when you turn it if you turn a pineapple upside down cake the other way around you bake it so it's the wrong way around yeah so then when you flip it out yeah the reason it's called an upside down cake is because it's baked upside down right so when it's actually out it's the right way up it's the right way up so actually it's just a pineapple cake is it is a tart tartan like that as well do you put the apples in then the pastry on top not necessarily can be but not necessarily you can make a tart tattoo without it being because you don't normally flip a tart tatan well it depends what type of one you're doing if you're doing like a pastry case or something what is your dream dessert though we haven't landed on this uh a big pastel donata yeah do you know what it is look a big pastel donata and i'll ring a bell you ring the bell i'll run yeah like knock some elderly Portuguese lady out of the way.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'll come and buy it for two Euro. As soon as that bell gets rung, you know your mum's coming up as well.

Speaker 1 Are you in a cupboard? I thought you was cut up in a cupboard. You would like, I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.
Okay. Sparkling water.
Fancy.

Speaker 1 Poppadoms are bread. You wanted poppadoms with smooth chutney, onion salad, and aioli.
Starter, deep-fried mozzarella with spicy tomato dip. Yeah.
Main course.

Speaker 1 Four East End pies, flipped upside down with liquor and vinegar.

Speaker 1 side dish mac and cheese loads of breadcrumbs drink a peeroni a dessert a big pasta donata ring the bell my bell's ringing yeah left right and center fantastic that's a good menu yeah tasty yeah for me anyway yeah i like it a lot there's a nice amount of pastry good amount of cheese good amount of cheese i'll say it i think it's the beigest menu we've ever had

Speaker 1 visually nothing no and nothing but just uh just i mean if you add everyone on here like oh i love like languorstein

Speaker 1 Fuck off

Speaker 1 Fuck off

Speaker 1 I'll tell you who we're gonna have next is one of the people from the Victorian town.

Speaker 1 I want them on and to see what they would put don't fucking bring up pasta that's a sore subject they won't know what you're going on about well actually I know who we want to have on next and uh it's your mum yeah your mum's coming on yeah for sure

Speaker 1 just do it just do it at least it'll stop her going to your house and playing fucking cleaner

Speaker 1 the fact that I know she'd be here I'd be happy about it yeah yeah yeah literally I just have to, this is what I do most days when I'm out of the house. I just, because she walks in and robs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Sure.
So about three weeks ago, I watched her on the camera. She didn't tell me she'd gone around.
She stole a lamp

Speaker 1 from my lounge.

Speaker 1 I watched her walk out on the security camera with a lamp, put it in her boot and drive off. So I thought, I'm not going to say anything.
I'm going to wait for her to say it. And she didn't.

Speaker 1 Two days later, she rang me. She went, have you got an E27 light bulb?

Speaker 1 I said, for what? She went, I've got a new lamp.

Speaker 1 Piss taker.

Speaker 1 Rylan, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Race. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 Well there we are. A wonderful chat with the wonderful Rylan and Linda.
And Linda, God bless. Come into a future episode soon, I hope.
Oh, God, I hope so. Amazing.

Speaker 1 I mean, always good to talk to Rylan. Lovely to hear some memories from the bake-off tent that I myself had erased and forgotten.

Speaker 1 Because you were stood there like a dazed boxer for most of the day. Yeah, I was on a different planet, didn't know that we got given an extra hour.
Yeah. And still I didn't manage to finish.

Speaker 1 I had such a memory of your cream horns. The shot of them in the oven as they slowly fell off the the metal thing.
The custard looking like scrambled egg. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It went pretty badly and then apparently Prue lost her wedding ring. Don't remember any of that.
No, no. Don't remember any of it.

Speaker 1 Well, they're not going to ask you to search for a wedding ring, are they? No, no, I was probably the one who ate it or something.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 Ryland didn't say the secret ingredient, which was from that day in the tent, Dolly Mixture. No, Dolly Mixture.

Speaker 1 And we skirted, you skirted close around it when you were talking about having fun on the last day. Yeah, maybe was I trying to plant it in his head? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Subconsciously, was I trying to sabotage my behaviour?

Speaker 1 But also, very funny when you said,

Speaker 1 We had a lot of fun on that last day. And his response was we had fun every day.
Yeah, we had fun every day. The rest of us had fun every day.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 To be fair, we're only there two days. I think Ryland's rant about

Speaker 1 Bakoff

Speaker 1 will, I mean, it'll definitely make the best of this year. It will definitely make the best of.

Speaker 1 And one day, when everyone who was in that tent has been on the podcast and we can make one big mega cut of everyone who was in the tent talking about Bakoff, that's definitely going to be leading.

Speaker 1 I mean, that to me was a revelation.

Speaker 1 It changed the way I saw the whole week. You know what?

Speaker 1 Other people were having problems too. It wasn't all about you.
Yeah, I was having this big meltdown, and that overshadows the fact that it wasn't just easy street for the rest of them. No.
You know?

Speaker 1 That's how Ryland was feeling. He was furious in there.
But no one hears that song. Michelle seemed pretty chilled out.
Yeah, she's pretty chilled out. Yeah, she loves you.

Speaker 1 By the sound of things, she was cheated her way to a win, which is what I knew.

Speaker 1 I knew that all along, and Ryland's confirmed it. Who else do we need? Tovey.
Prue.

Speaker 1 Leaf. Top.

Speaker 1 Was it Sandy and Prue? Sandy was hosting. Yeah.
Prue was judging with Paul. Noel.
Noel. So, I mean, we're basically looking at three from

Speaker 1 the official side. Yeah.
One from the competitors, then one from the bakers. And then we start working our way through the cameraman.
Get salmon. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Rylan's book, 10, The Decade That Changed My Future, is published in Hardback on 29th of September 2022 by Seven Dials. And remember, if Ryland ever goes missing, you know where to search.

Speaker 1 The cupboards, the gym.

Speaker 1 And the swimming pool in the darkest bit of that phone. Yeah, the darkest darkest bit in the swimming pool.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Crikey. Oh, I'm on tour, James.
Should probably say that still. Yeah.
The tour that never ends. It will never end, and I hope it never does.
Edgamble.co.uk for tickets. Come and see me live.

Speaker 1 Loads of tour dates left. I'm having a lovely time.
What can I say? I can't wait to see it. I'm going to see the show soon.

Speaker 1 Let's not reveal which one I'm going to go to, just in case people want to play potluck. No, but...
Never mind where I live. Let's just say the people of Halifax are going to be very excited.

Speaker 1 Well, Ed, it's been fun. Yes, a pleasure as always, James.
Bye-bye. Goodbye.

Speaker 2 Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze. Talk about refreshing.

Speaker 3 You know what else is refreshing this summer?

Speaker 1 A brand new phone with Verizon.

Speaker 4 Yep, get a new phone on any plan with Select Phone Trade In MyPlan.

Speaker 6 And lock down a low price for three years on any plan with MyPlan.

Speaker 8 This is a deal for everyone, whether you're a new or existing customer.

Speaker 9 Swing by Verizon today for our best phone deals.

Speaker 7 Three-year price guarantee applies to then-current base monthly rate only.

Speaker 10 Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

Speaker 14 Oh, hello, it's Amy Gladhill here. Hello, I'm Harriet Kemsley.
Single ladies, it's coming to London. Well, we're already in London, I suppose, in a way, but we're doing a live show, aren't we?

Speaker 14 It's true on Saturday, the 13th of September at 7pm at King's Place. So we've got your Saturday night sorted.
We've done all the organising for you.

Speaker 1 Come along, have some drinks, alcoholic or non-alcoholic, both are available.

Speaker 14 And you can get your tickets from plursive.co.uk. Or just head to the link in our Instagram bio and just clickety click click.
London, we're coming.