Ep 125: Ed Sheeran

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James A.

Caster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast.

Taking the pumpkin of the internet, scooping out the seeds of good chats, and carving in a face of humor.

Two faces, in fact, Ed Gamble and James A.

Caster, plus a special guest, another little face on the back.

I absolutely loved that.

Thank you.

Absolutely loved it.

A wonderful seasonal

intro.

Yes, a seasonal intro.

I did my spooky voice.

I loved that podcast.

Podcast.

Imagine such a thing.

So scary.

This is the off-menu podcast.

And we invite...

A guest into the dream restaurant and we ask them their favourite ever start a mancourse dessert side dish and drink, not in that order.

And this week our guest is

ed sheeran ed sheeran

a singer-songwriter hey he's a global superstar yes we don't need any introduction to ed sheeran he's got a new album coming out equals equals which is out next week go and get it check it out very exciting very excited to have ed on the podcast i've seen him on hot ones i know he likes food yes so that's uh if you want to impress james all you need to do is get on an episode of hot ones just get on an episode of hot ones and then you'll immediately go in his big book of respect yeah

i have have a big book of respect.

Yeah.

I'll keep it in my house and I write everyone I'll respect in there.

One day I hope I get on hot ones.

So James respects me.

Yep.

Good luck.

Because right now, you are definitely not in that big book of respect.

No.

At all.

However, even though Ed Sheeran is in the big book of respect, if he says the secret ingredient, we are kicking him out of the dream restaurant.

Yes, we are.

And the secret ingredient this week is candy corns.

Candy corns.

Candy corns.

Halloween special in America where Halloween is like huge.

Yeah, massive.

And it's not.

Candy corns.

And it's, I'd say in the UK, Halloween is about horror.

Yes.

And in the US,

there's this spoopy thing.

Huh?

Spoopy.

Go on.

Like fun, spooky.

Spoopy.

Like, not like kiddie sort of thing.

Why did you accidentally say spoopy, and now you're trying to pass it?

No, spoopy's a thing.

Benito back me up.

But it says he's never in the corner.

Check it out.

He's shaking his head.

Spoopy.

It's like cute.

It's like cute, spooky.

Yeah, but it's like he said spoopy.

My wife loves all the spoopy stuff.

Okay.

But it's spoopy, you motherfuckers.

Okay.

It's spoopy.

So

they do it all spoopy.

They do do it fun and it is jolly.

And over here, it is a lot more menacing and more about egging someone's house if they don't give you some sweets.

Much prefer that.

Yeah, yeah.

It's your kind of thing.

You like savory.

So you like some eggs on your house.

I love it.

Scramble them up and fling them at my window.

Yeah, yeah.

It really played into your hands on that one.

But candy corns, even a sweet-tooth motherfucker like me

really does not like candy corns.

They're too sweet.

I don't like the texture of them in the mouth.

Imagine loads of candy corns on a cob.

Yeah,

candy corns on the cob.

Candy corns on the cob.

I'm going to rotate it and it.

I'd rather eat the cob.

Yeah.

It's not often you say that.

Yeah.

Not often I'll say that, but I'd rather chop up a cob and eat it.

Yes.

He'd rather eat the cob.

Have all the disgusting candy corns on the candy cob.

But hopefully Ed Sheeran will not say candy corns.

Hopefully he won't say candy corns, but we'll see.

We'll see.

I'm quite excited, quite excited to go into this one and see what kind of food Ed Sheeran likes.

Well, let's go into it.

Before I quickly say that I'm on tour next year, edgamble.co.uk for tickets.

And I've released the vinyl, edgamblestore.com for that.

Pretty good, cool, pretty, pretty ghoul.

Pretty ghoul.

Yeah.

So now, let's hit the off-menu menu

of Dead Sheeran.

Dead Sheeran.

Welcome Ed to the dream restaurant.

Cool.

Welcome, Ed, Sheeran, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

The entrance of the genie there.

Did you enjoy the entrance of the genie?

I did, yeah, I did.

You did just say just before we started that you were going to be more strange than you were off my

yes.

I warned you.

I gave you fair warning, Ed Sheeran.

I said, because I just had a very nice, normal chat with you, and I thought,

this guy needs to have given a heads up that I'm about to do a genie noise and claim that, you know, I've burst out of a lunch.

It's the first time you've ever given anyone a heads up.

Yes.

That's nice, though.

Do people usually come in and then you go straight into the podcast?

Pretty much because we've been doing a lot on Zoom, so it's quite difficult to have a pre-chat.

Zoom podcasts are difficult, aren't they?

Yeah.

I mean, it's still lovely to be able to,

but

I find in-person is much more personable.

Yeah, yeah, we love that.

Actually, agreed.

Also, this is a very exciting episode because I think, correct me if I'm wrong, it's our first time having another Ed on the podcast.

It is.

I was thinking about this.

Double Ed.

Double Ed.

So you're going to make the two Eds are better than one.

Oh.

I hadn't even thought of that.

Not thought of that.

Oh.

Joe what?

I quit as a comedian.

I quit.

Again?

I quit.

If I can't come up with two heads are better than one.

Sheeran's now replacing me on the podcast.

That's it.

You're the new genius.

What makes you laugh, though?

What's your, what, what actually tickles you?

What makes me laugh?

Two heads are better than one.

Two heads are better than one.

That's going to make me laugh for quite a while.

Christmas cracker jokes.

I don't know.

I think it's funny when people get bullied.

He loves bullying.

Yeah, that's funny.

That's always pretty amusing.

I need to hook you up with my security guard, Kev.

He is like...

Kev.

Kev.

Mate, Kev.

I've never seen anyone take so much joy in the demise of the little bullying security guard.

No, no, no.

No, he's just...

Yeah,

he's Kev.

He's funny.

I love it that you just realise I can't say any of this on the podcast.

You just went through every single story about Kev in your head and went all of that all of that's going to end both of our careers.

So I'm going to keep all that.

Oh, not mine.

No.

Or his.

I mean, he's just, he's who he is.

You want a security guy who's a bit of a bully, though, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, but you know what's great about Kev is I've seen Kev punched in the face and instead of punching the dude back he got me in a car and out of there.

So on that day I was like, oh, you're like...

Yeah.

Like there's a difference between someone who is just an alpha male, I guess, and someone who's a professional security guy.

But you know he dropped you off at the hotel, drove back and punched the guy in the face, right?

Probably, yeah, probably.

Also, in answer to your previous question, definitely one of the things that makes me laugh would be seeing a guy get punched in the face and then just get in a car and drive away.

And that's definitely my sense of humour.

He just takes the punch and then gets in his car, doesn't even retaliate and drives off.

Love that.

Yeah, I like that.

Do you like meeting other Eds?

Is this the best Ed you've ever met?

Yeah, do you know my...

So in primary school, I was called Teddy.

Uh-huh.

And then another Teddy joined so then I was just called Ed and then another Ed joined and then I was just called Ed S.

So every time I meet another Ed it strips me of my identity a bit more

yeah yeah it's sad isn't it?

It does feel like yeah, maybe yeah, you're not the only Ed in the room anymore.

No, also with you.

Norman on the podcast is swinging it about is the only Ed.

I'm always saying I'm the only Ed in this room.

That's sort of my catchphrase on the podcast Ed.

I talk about how I'm the only Ed.

So really like that catchphrase is null and void now.

Yeah gone.

I've got to be Ed G for the rest of the pod.

Well, I'll be Ed S.

Okay, cool.

Or Teddy.

I mean, the other Teddy's not here anymore.

Yeah, I think I like Teddy.

Yeah.

So do I.

Mate, that was, yeah, that's why I'm Teddy's Photos on Instagram.

My manager's wife still calls me Teddy.

But, you know,

I'm imagining now, would Teddy Sheeran be doing as well as Ed Sheeran?

Yeah, good question.

Do you know?

I, that was quite a weird thing at the start of my career because everyone thought it was a stage name because they were like, oh, it sounds so much like a stage name.

And I remember being like, I always thought it was quite an odd thing to see on a poster.

Because it was your, it's just I wanted it.

I wanted, when I was like 16, 17, I was, or maybe it was 18.

I considered changing it to Redwood, and then Jedwood came on X Factor, and I was like, I'm so happy I didn't.

So you go call yourself Redwood.

Yeah.

Do you?

Because with the red hair, and

Jedwood have become friends of mine, and I love Jedwood.

And together, they're like, it's John, it's Edward, it's Ed Sheeran, and together we are Jed Sheeran.

They're so exciting.

I sent them a, I do, I paint, and I sent them a painting, and they sent me a painting back that they did, and it was actually really, really good.

Well, so hold on, what's this

musicians thing where you said each other paintings?

No, they just saw that I was doing it.

I painted my album cover and they saw that I did it, and they said, Would you do us one?

And I was like, Yeah, why not?

And yeah, sent them one, and then they sent me one back of uh, and it was painted for my daughter, and it was like a cat with a drum kit, and it was to hang in her bedroom.

It's really sweet, yeah, really sweet, really nice.

A cat with a drum kit.

Are they excitable all of the time?

For like 10-15 minutes, they are Jedwood!

jedwood and then when i'm like guys let's have like a conversation then they kind of and then yeah i've had really really deep chats with them but whenever people meet them with me they're like they are just jedwood but like they are when did i first meet them i think i was walking i was driving through canada no toronto and i just saw them and i just

They were just walking down the street and I've rolled down my window.

I was like, Jedwood!

And they were like, hey.

And then I picked them up and I took them to my hotel room.

And then instantly was like, oh, fuck, what have I let myself in?

Because they were going on Google and showing me like signed Justin Timberlake CDs that they are like, we're going to order this one.

And we're going to order this one too.

What do you think about this?

And I was kind of like, guys,

I need to sleep.

So

I just went to my room and fell asleep and then they left.

And I didn't see them again for a while.

And then I saw them.

I actually,

I actually, this is like, sounds name-droppy, but it's quite funny.

That I did a Beatles event, and Paul McCartney was at it.

And I was meant to hang with him afterwards, but I said no to go hang with Jed.

Oh, man, that was a weird.

They kind of like trashed a hotel room, but then put it back together.

It was kind of the most Jedwood rock and roll thing, but man, they're really sweet kids.

Well, they're not kids, they're my age.

Fucking hell.

I love the album and do that too.

But driving down the street and just seeing them.

Jedwood!

In my mind, it's in the middle of nowhere in Canada.

Like, there's a completely blank landscape, and just in the distance, you can see Jedwood on the horizon.

Probably could have told who they were from quite a long way off.

Yeah, well, they still had the big quiffs then.

They don't have the quiffs anymore.

That's Jedwood.

You've got a new album coming out.

Very exciting.

You're wearing the hoodie of it as well.

Are you wearing your own merch, Ed Sheeran?

Yeah, I am.

I am.

Do you know?

I

never have.

I've always worn clothes.

Yeah.

Congrats.

We're getting all the exclusives.

Interesting stuff.

Have you know, Ed?

A lot of the time the tabloids take stuff out of this podcast and they make big stories out of it.

And if they know you've always worn clothes, that's going to go huge.

But my record label made.

My record label have always made like all right merch.

It's just been like it's just like the the album name on on a hoodie.

And then recently they've been making, I don't know who is the new merch guy there, but they're making really, really good stuff.

And when

I just started wearing it and it's the first time my fan base have actually been like, oh wow, we like this merch.

Usually it's like, okay, we have to buy this t-shirt.

But they're, yeah, people really seem to like it.

So I've started wearing it a bit more.

Obviously, this podcast is not filmed, so slightly pointless, but you know it's coming out.

We're looking at it.

We think it's great.

equals you got the emblem on the chest while the maths um i just you know quite an aggressive question james well listen

i quite like explaining it though because people do find it odds but i had reached a point in my career when i was like 19 where i was like right no one's gonna sign me i've got all these songs i should just start releasing stuff and see how it goes so i i set out a plan of 15 projects and five of them were eps and i would do five different eps in five different genres I guess so there was one band EP one like acoustic produced up EP that ended up being like the sounder plus one sort of duet EP with one girl called um Amy but it was a girl called Ledra that sun sung on it then a live EP and then a collaborations EP with the grime scene and I was like I'm just going to get all this music out there and see how it goes.

And the first one came out and bombed.

Second one came out and it had 18 on it, so it started getting some traction.

Third one came out and it had a few of these love acoustic songs.

So that started getting some traction.

Then I did the live EP and people were turning up to gigs.

And then I did the collaborations EP and then it all came together and blew up so from that point I was like right the next set is five albums where plus is the addition onto all the EPs and it basically continues with the same sound multiply makes it bigger so takes it into stadiums divide is a double album of R and B and acoustic and then there were two more that were meant to go in a different order but equals was always the end of the equation with all the sounds in one which is what equals is but then there's an acoustic record after equals.

I always thought divide was a political thing because you bought it out in 2017 after the Brexit referendum and the country was divided.

We actually pushed it back because of that reason.

It was meant to come in 2016 and it was the Brexit referendum and Trump getting in and it was meant to come out the week of the election.

And I remember being like, we should push this back to March because people will think that.

And he still thought it.

I still thought it.

But that's because, you know, not everyone's as sharp as me.

Shape could you is hardly a political statement though, is it?

Sure.

I mean, look, I'm not saying it was a political.

When it first came out and I saw the title, I was like, whoa, here we go.

Here we go.

The country's divided and Sheeran's commenting on it.

Ed's got some stuff to say.

I like all the calculator.

Well, it's not really calculator stuff, it's maths stuff.

Maths stuff.

Maths came before the calculator stuff.

But I like the idea because all the albums have cut.

So equals is red, divide was blue, multiply was green, plus was orange.

And I like the idea of you see colours and then you see the symbol and then you know what the album is.

So we can do billboards all over London and it can just be red with an equal sign and people will be like oh it's got a new album coming out yeah rather than shoving it down people's throats do you think you'll ever bring out an album that's called fifty eight thousand and eight no these are i've got one more maths one and then that's that's the end of it and i quite like the tour's called the mathematics tour yeah and because americans don't say mathematics or maths they say math they're kind of like what's yeah

thank you for not changing it to the math tour to suck up to the americans well i actually love that the fact that it's all symbols so whoever in press has has to write it out, has to find where the divide is, and you have to go on a completely separate keyboard that you have to download.

And it's just a ball egg.

James made a very immature joke there, and huge respect to you for skimming over it.

Calling the next album 58008?

That's just a meme that goes round.

I wouldn't say that that's like an original joke.

It's not an original joke.

Sheeran's next album is the square root of blah, blah, blah.

So, not only was it immature, it was unoriginal.

Just saying,

what am I meant to do?

It's a podcast.

Can we come up with original material every week?

You know how many episodes we have to do per series?

How many series have you done?

Six.

Six, man.

With 20 episodes each.

Yeah, so I think it's like we've done like 130 or so.

You had repeat guests.

Or is it always...

No, never had repeat guests.

Or you turn it upside down.

It says boobs.

Yes.

We know.

Yep.

Oh.

That's some meta shit right there.

He's

not.

No one has done that joke.

Right.

Okay.

No one has done that joke before.

That's...

Man.

See?

You won't do that.

You're an Epowered?

Ed S?

I do, yeah.

I do.

I never finished school, though, so I don't apologize now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone owes me an apology at this table.

I mean, it's clever.

I wouldn't say it's funny.

It's clever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Although I am laughing, so it is funny.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm very, very sorry.

First of all, the jokes.

Yeah, you're not getting an apology off me.

You're not getting an apology off me.

Well, by the end of this podcast, you will apologise.

We always start with still a sparkling water, Teddy.

I would always go still, but sometimes when I'm not drinking, sparkling gives you the same...

You can go out for a night out, have a squeeze of lemon in sparkling water, and no one comes up to you and goes, why aren't you drinking?

They just assume you're having a gin and tonic.

So I would go sparkling if I'm trying to not get too fucked up.

If you were just drinking flat water and someone came up to you and went, why are you not drinking?

Would that be how quickly you would be convinced into drinking?

Would it be that quick?

Why are you not drinking?

I'm sorry.

No, it's more the peer pressure of seeing the i'm not saying you can't have i've had great nights out sober but i've just had more fun nights out lasted yeah yeah and also what you're saying is sometimes you'll go out you'll have a fizzy water with a lemon in it and you'll act like you're drunk around it but you'll pretend no no i'll just drink no it's less it's less people coming up to you and forcing you to take shots out of all your mates who's the one who is the most like that who's like why aren't you drinking man come on mate uh i mean he's my he's my best friend a guy called freds and he would be we had a party once and everyone fell asleep at about two and everyone's was like, we're fucked.

And he used to live in Dubai and he was over for like the day.

And he was like, no, it's not ending.

And I just remember being woken up with a Jaeger bomb.

He sort of poked me, woke me up, gave me a Jaeger bomb.

I downed it.

And I went, I'm still going back to sleep, Fred.

I went back to bed.

Felt rough in the morning.

Mate, he's the best.

But he can rally the troops as well.

If you're having, like, if everyone's dipping, he can rally the troops.

He's like pure uni rugby lad.

Yeah.

So he knows all the drinking games.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

Pure uni.

Yeah, yeah.

In my mind now, Fred's the one who punched your security gun in the face.

Like, probably.

He was the one who did it.

That would just never happen.

But Fred's the

start and end of a party.

He can just make a party happen.

Even if everyone's sort of flagging, he'll make it happen.

So if you walked in here now, we'd probably all be partying pretty soon.

Not partying, but we'd be playing drinking games

very quickly.

Favourite drinking game?

There's one called Sink the Bismarck, where you have a bucket and a pint glass and a bucket, and you all have your drink, and you all pour a little bit of water into the glass, and then there's another pint glass that you pour a bit of your drink into.

And the person who sinks the glass, so you pour tiny, tiny, tiny bits to keep it afloat, and it gets to a point where the glass is literally like on a knife's edge of falling.

And then when it goes in, someone has to dump down the pint with everything in it.

It works well if everyone's on gin and tonic,'cause you end up just drinking gin and tonic, but it's bad if like someone's on, like, red wine, someone's on beer, someone's on.

Someone's on Bailey's.

Yeah, yeah.

But that's his uh you need a bucket for that one as well.

That's his one where i if

We sometimes go like en masse as a friendship group to Ibiza and go to one of those day clubs.

And that's one that you play with loads of random people there.

And it's just fun.

Just fun.

Kevin and Perry?

Kevin and Perry.

That's all I know about Ibiza.

That's all you know about Ibiza.

Do you know what?

My wife had never seen it.

And I was like, how have you never seen Kevin and Perry?

So we started watching it.

And I think because she's now watching it as a 29-year-old woman and not a 13-year-old kid, she was like, yeah, I don't know if I like this.

yeah and i was like but it's cult you have to watch it

it's pure culture yeah it is weird showing someone as an adult something that you loved as a teenager so it's a part of your life yeah and like your formative years they're everything and you think it's a classic and then you show another adult and you're like well like alley galle g in the house i feel like every single one of my mates had that on vhs and that was just something that we all watched and now you meet people that haven't seen it and you can't explain how why that film was important if that makes sense yeah martin freeman was was in it.

Oh, mate, I met him when I did The Hobbit.

I did like a song for The Hobbit, and we did a press run.

And I remember getting pissed and being like, man, I loved Ali G.

He wasn't my biggest fan, I don't think.

I tried to get him to do the Fargo accent all the time, so you're probably okay.

Yeah, he probably came off better than I did.

No, but I remember telling him it was a seminal role.

Because he's Ricky C.

I remember being like, Ricky C, man, that's a seminal role.

Even when you said it then, and I know you meant it, it sounded sarcastic.

It wasn't, though.

I know it's a seminal role.

But saying Ricky C is a seminal role.

I only saw The Office probably like four or five years ago, and I only watched it because I'd seen the David Brent on tour film.

I just had never seen it.

So I didn't know.

I now watch it.

I'm like, oh, that's like, that's the cultural market.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Did you just say?

That your way into the office was David Brent life on the road.

Yeah.

And I got shown it because someone said,

this is like your life, because I had a load of mates employed on tour.

And I watched it and I was like, oh man, this is quite depressing.

There were so many different

correlations.

Wow.

But that's a fine way to get into it.

I'm sure.

I'm sure you're...

This is the first person I've met.

who has got into the office by watching David Brent Life on the Road.

But I got into it.

This is the thing.

The route into something great doesn't matter how you get into it.

It's just...

Hey, I'm not having a go

but you are but is this blowing my mind but you can't complain you could see this the thing with great shows like that that people are like very very protective over you can't complain how people get into them it's like um i didn't hear a michael jackson song until well that i knew that was a michael jackson song until i was about 12 and i saw him on top of the pops do rock my world and i'm like who's this guy and then from there i but i just didn't grow up with it from that i was like i like his music but you can't rag on me for not knowing somebody i'm not ragging on you you know i'm not ragging

I knew that the offers existed.

I just had never seen it.

No ragging going on here.

You've got to stop ragging on Ed, man.

Listen, actually, I apologise for the ragging.

Poppadums or bread.

Pop-dums or bread, Ed Chairman.

Pop-adums or bread.

Christ, man, it's fucking nine.

Oh, no, it's 10.

It's 9.55.

This is my thing.

In a restaurant,

I would never eat...

bread on a table because I'd be like, why am I filling myself up for the meal?

But I would always have poppadums.

So I'd probably say poppa dums.

But in a day-to-day life, I'd have bread every single morning.

I just like, if I'm, if I've gone out for a nice meal, unless it's like a, you know, like a really, really fancy restaurant, you know the bread's going to be like warm and cooked and brought out, I'm probably not touching the bread beforehand.

That's good.

We don't get many people actually thinking about that.

Yeah.

And I appreciate it.

But you would always, if you go to an Indian restaurant and they put poppadums on the table, you would always go for them.

Yeah, you've always got to go for them.

Just to get the mouth fired up, get it started.

But I think sometimes, so I went to

like a three-michelin place the other day and the the bread came out and it was almost a course and it was almost the best thing of the meal because it was made into the warm bread and you got the buttery, salty stuff.

But I would say if I'm going like to the local Italian around the corner, I'm going to have some nice pasta or a pizza.

I wouldn't have bread before that.

Yeah, good shout.

Yeah.

So what are you thinking for this meal?

Because I was hoping you'd pick bread so we can call you bread shearing.

So just keep that in mind.

There's unofficial cards of me, which is just like a loaf of bread with my face on it.

And I'm like, someone's getting paid for that, but it ain't me.

Like, i get sending them as birthday cards there's one with that says egg sheerin as well yeah which is on on an egg that doesn't work as well but they're in like marks and spencer's and stuff and i see them i'm like who's sanctioning this because it's not us that's kev that's yeah

i'm i'm absolutely rolling in the bread sheerin money have you ever bought one for your for anyone or have i get sent them a lot i get sent them a lot i got sent them as cards for when my daughter was born being like congratulations on your daughter being born and we're opening one up being like yeah such a weird card to send something.

Congratulations on your daughter being born.

Here's some money that she'll never see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think she'll be fine.

Also, I'm hoping that you choose brioche so I can call you bread sharing.

Bread sharing.

No, brioche, I find

we got we got into those, you know, over lockdown, you get those like burger kits that

you could send and cook at cook at home.

And brioche was always a bit too sweet for me.

I think I just like a standard bun with sesame on the top.

I have said this on the podcast a lot, and people always disagree with me.

People, it's, but it's not having, like, I'm not saying like the shitty white breads that would be like 59 pick.

I'm saying like a nice bread roll with some sesame seeds on the top, I think, is better than a brioche bun for a burger.

The type of rolls that you'd buy from bakery for the barbecue.

100% on board.

Like the flu, like, you don't want them there where they're like fluffy.

Patty and bun do a demi brioche, which is slightly sweet, but it's still Patty and Bun Vangelista, as always.

It's good stuff, man.

It's a demi brioche.

It's half sweet.

It's perfect.

It's just what you need.

I'm up for trying that.

I'm up for trying.

There we go.

Try it.

He goes on about Patty and Bun all the live long days.

Ed.

If you get him started on it, he won't stop talking about it.

I will.

It's nice.

I think Patty and Bun was one of the places I got the burger kit from.

There you go.

Did you enjoy it?

I did enjoy it.

What I enjoyed about it is it was sort of like being, mate, you're just gonna.

I'm not even gonna go into this.

It was just interactive eating.

I liked it.

I was about to say it was sort of like being in a restaurant, but not.

And then I was like, of course, like, that's the whole point of it.

But that's a good point, though.

To be fair, though, that's what was nice about those home kits is that even though it sounds like an obvious thing to say,

when you are in that situation, we hadn't had that before.

Yeah, it was just a nice experience to do.

And it takes at least like half an hour.

And so that's half an hour out of the day that's used.

And you're basically, you're eating like stuff that you could order from Deliveroo, really, but you feel less guilty because you spent a bit of time making it.

So this is in Suffolk.

There's no,

well, actually, there might be an Ipswich, but in Framlingham, where I live, there is no Deliveroo or Uber.

So I have people come visit and they're like, yeah, I'll just Uber home.

And I'm like, no, you won't.

You'll book a taxi a week in advance and you'll be happy about it.

So there's nothing on Deliveroo?

No, but there's like two kebab shops nearby that I will drive into.

And because they're five minutes away, I'll ring them up just before I get, I'll like, can I have a chicken wrap?

And then I'll order it.

And by the time I get there, it's done, I'll pick it up and go home.

So it's kind of...

Do you feel like you made an effort for that as well, really?

Yeah.

Yeah, but then I'll like probably eat it before I go home.

Did you choose Poppadums or bread?

I can't remember.

I think I chose Poppadums yet.

We went with Poppadum?

Needs a good dip, though.

What dip are you?

I just think Mango Chutney.

The other one's even getting a look in?

Not really, no.

They're always brought out.

There's a really fantastic Indian restaurant I go to in London called Jim Khaner.

And there's always three different, or maybe even four different things.

And I just always smash the mango chutney and then get more of that.

We're big, big fans of Jim Khanna on this podcast.

So this is the life hack that I've found there, that the butter chicken and the rice is way too much for one person.

I always found myself being really full.

But if you split it between two people, it's the perfect amount.

Is that your order in most Indian restaurants?

You go for the butter chicken?

No, I'm actually a vindaloo man.

I really like vindaloo.

I know that's crazy, but I'll go veg.

I'll go veg usually.

I think in a place like Jim Carna, it's quite good chicken.

But if I'm anywhere around the country and I just want a curry, I'll usually go veg just to be on the safe side.

Muntjack Biryani, man.

Every time I'm at Jim Carner.

Yeah.

Well, I say every time as if I'm there all the time.

But like every time I've been.

And that was a cook cook at the that was the best cook at home.

That's the best cook at home.

Yeah, the Jim Carner one.

I've been doing that whenever w whenever friends of mine have um babies I will say because I've I find that when you have a kid you lose date night because you're suddenly looking looking after the kid like every second of the day.

But sometimes it will get to like Friday night and they'll be asleep and you can't go out, but it's quite nice to so I send these kits to f peop friends of mine have kids and then on a Friday night they'll it will like be going to Jim Carner, but not.

Wow, so when your friends have babies, you send them a Jim Carner cook at kit we the last few we've had uh a really close friend have babies in suffolk and i found the best thing that you can send someone because everyone sends stuff for the babies firstly but they always forget about the mother and it's a it's a it's a massive change and a massive shift and a huge like birth itself is pretty fucked up and the best thing to do is send like scented candles or like a nice bath salt or something and frozen lasagna that they can just put in put in the freezer and not think about and they go what's for dinner tonight That frozen lasagna.

So I usually would send like a stack of 10.

So yeah, I think it's thinking ahead.

I might have a kid now.

Well, this is if you go to the bathroom.

If a friend of yours has a kid, don't send them, like, obviously send them cute clothes or whatever, because that is lovely as well.

But just maybe send them a frozen meal or a cook-at-home meal or, yeah, something for the mum.

Man.

That's a good shout.

Probably the nicest person we've ever had on the podcast.

You've never had anyone this nice.

I feel like a piece of shit.

What the hell?

I never think about the mother.

My own sister's got kids.

I was exactly the same.

A friend would have a kid.

I'd send him a teddy bear and a onesie and then be done with lips.

But then just yesterday, gave a toy monkey to my friend who's just had a baby.

And that's totally fine.

But I'm saying from having a kid, I realised, fuck, like...

Sorry, I'm seeing him next week.

I'm taking a frozen lasagna with me.

And he will appreciate that so much.

I promise you.

Although he's got to get it home, so it'll probably be defrosted by the time.

Sure.

But then, even better.

Or just

send him a Patty and Bun cook kit.

I'm going to send him a patty.

He's a vegetarian, but I'm still going to do that.

What Patty and Bun don't do veggie?

Oh, yeah, they probably do, but I'm just gonna make one.

So I grew up veggie, right?

And the veggie options when you were a kid were shit.

And I just remember always, it's probably why I started eating meat.

I got to 13, I was at school, sausage rolls were there, there were burgers, and I was like, fuck this.

But now, the vegetarian option is now better than the fucking meat option.

Linda McCartney was like the top top, but I remember, although the corn, like fake chicken burgers, on tour, there was our tour chef would make like a fake KFZ Zinger burger with that.

Ah, and it was banging.

When I was doing my BTech in music practice course in Northampton College for two years, me and my friend Graham every Friday went and got Zinger Tower burgers from KFC and would watch the extreme sports on the TV.

Go on.

Perhaps see why he didn't continue in music because that's what he spent his time doing when he should have been learning about it.

Yes, wasn't practice.

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we get on to your proper dream meal now starting with your dream starter is this from a specific place or is it like a general dish so i fucking love nigiri i love i love i love nigiri and there is a place where me and my wife go for our anniversary which is the iraqi in london which is uh on my cat so this is what i love about restaurants is where it's taken out of your hands and there's no well there is a menu but you rarely wouldn't look at it.

And it's like a tasting thing.

And someone just goes, hey, here's something you'll like.

And you eat it and you go, yeah, I like that.

And here's something else you like.

And I find omakase sushi is so much of that because sushi is a minefield sometimes.

You go, I don't fucking know.

And having a chef go, hey, try that.

Hey, try that.

And it's such a quick thing.

You don't use any cutlery.

It's just with your hands.

And I love that.

So I would say Nigiri and I would say medium fatty tuna.

Nigiri.

Very nice.

I love it.

Tuna's the way to go.

Tuna.

Yeah.

Although we probably should should slow down a bit.

Yes.

Sure.

To be fair, absolutely, we should all slow down on tuna.

They're massive.

Have you seen a tuna?

They're huge.

That's the problem, though, right?

We should all get one big tuna at the beginning of the year.

Yes.

And we've got to portion ourselves.

This is what the top top sushi restaurants in Japan do.

You know, they'll sell tunas for like a million pounds.

Yeah.

One sushi restaurant will buy that tuna for a million pounds and then that'll just be them for a long time.

Wow, I didn't know that.

And it's good publicity because people will go, oh, they bought the million pound tuna.

They bought the million pound tuna.

If that had hurt, though, wouldn't it?

Spending a million pounds on a tuna.

I imagine so.

Yeah, imagine so.

Imagine not refrigerating it properly.

Yeah, you know.

It would be really gutting if people didn't say they bought the million pound tuna.

If I bought a million pound tuna and no one talked about it, I'd be like, what the fuck did I do that for?

Bought a million pounds.

I spent a million quid on that tuna.

Yeah.

You at least want people to say, I want to hear people saying when I walk past, he bought the million pound tuna.

I feel like they wouldn't be saying it in a nice way, though, about you.

They'd be like, oh man.

Why not in a restaurant?

If I just bought a million pounds tuna, you didn't have a restaurant or a fridge that could fit Phillips.

You just had this thing rotting in your house.

What have you done that for?

It's like, I sent it to a new mum.

I just

sent it over.

It can be hard.

It can be tricky being a new mum.

People are not going to think about the mum.

Very, very tricky.

Thank you.

Very, very good.

This is where I see the professional comedian coming.

Here he comes out.

I mean, we're about half an hour into the podcast.

I've been throwing him out there, fighting, centre, but finally.

You ain't got a fist bump over there.

No, no, no, no, I'm not looking for one.

I'm not looking for one.

No, well, you're not going to get it with that attitude.

Tuna Nagiri, fatty, tuna, nagiri, as well.

You want a proper...

Medium fatty specifically.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, do Iraqi do they do three tunas?

One's like normal, one's medium-fatty, and one's really fatty.

And they're all...

They're all great.

It's mate, it's a great spot.

It's one of these places where, because it's quite, it's a weight to get into.

So when you're there, you really, really appreciate it.

It feels like a special night out.

Yeah, well, there's only like 10 seats, I think.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, and it's just great.

It's just great.

That's probably my favourite restaurant in the world, I'd say.

My mum refuses to eat sushi.

She just doesn't like the thought of raw fish.

She eats fish, but she just thinks it's...

She's actually very open-minded with food, but with this, she's always like, no, I'll never touch it.

Doesn't want to eat it.

Do you have a message for her?

For her?

Do you know what?

I used to be a pizza and chipsman, and that was all I ate.

And then when I started traveling the world, my thing of it was if a whole culture goes, this is our thing and we love it, then I'm going to give it a go.

I'm going to give it a go.

Because when you go into any restaurant and there's a chef there and they specialize in something,

it has to be good.

It has to be.

It's probably a way of like easing into it.

If she went to more of a Californian Japanese restaurant, she could probably ease into it a bit more because it's more westernized, I guess.

And then she'll be like, oh, I quite like this.

And then she could start trying stuff.

I think if she goes straight into Nagiri, maybe she wouldn't like it.

But I think maybe try like a soft-shell crab tempura roll first, you know?

Yeah, I wonder if I could get that pasta.

My dad.

I've got a soft-shell crab.

Yeah, of course he does.

Yeah, yeah.

It's the thing he loves now.

He didn't used to love it.

And now he texted me the other day saying, just ate a soft-shelled crab.

And then he wrote, well,

I never really loved Nigiri.

It was always the part of the, I would go just...

pure Californian rolls with fried stuff in the middle with like mayonnaise on top.

But I think going to Japan and I think having a menu menu taken away from you is is the key where someone just goes you'll like this and you just try new things i went to my friend had a pop-up at quality wines and he runs like a actually a good food delivery thing called decateur that do like shrimp boils and stuff i went i went to that the other night and he went do you want do you want to order stuff or shall i just bring you stuff out i went just bring me stuff out that's brilliant take the decision out of my hands What I didn't realize was he brought us everything on the menu.

I mean, literally everything.

Just trying little bits.

Not trying little bits.

No.

Eating the whole thing of every dish that came out.

And we rolled out of that place.

It felt awful.

It was a really horrible end of the night.

Well, you've sent me photos of food from that place, and it's massive.

Yes.

Humongous.

Well, this is the key with trying stuff on the menu.

It has to be...

So I didn't, I always went to Gymkhana and I just ordered a butter chicken and rice.

And then the other night I was like, oh, there's a tasting menu.

And I've been going there for like seven or eight, eight years.

But the tasting menu is more bite-sized stuff.

So I think

if you're going to do that, it needs to be...

Like, if there's like a burger on the menu of this place that you go to, it should be a little bit of it.

And then you try that.

I can't do it, Ed.

I can't do it.

I've got to finish it.

I've got to clean the plate.

No, no, I mean, they should be offering you a little bit rather than...

I think he was doing it to test me.

I think he was doing it.

Did you have a strict dad when you were younger?

No, not really.

Actually, he's very...

My dad is very like...

Clean the plate.

I'm a child of the 50s.

You've got to eat everything.

You can't waste anything.

We never wasted anything.

And that's the most difficult thing about trying to eat in America: the portion sizes are huge.

And I always feel now, I used to always finish them, but then I turned into a fat cunt.

And then now when I go back, I have to just ask and just half or quarter it.

Yeah, Edge dad's crazy.

Yeah.

He's a madman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Elaborate him.

Well, just a weird guy.

He's not.

I mean, you're the weirdest guy I know.

I don't think you are.

I think you put this on.

We hung.

We hung before the podcast, and I was like, I wouldn't have guessed.

And then suddenly you switched it.

What's really interesting is you're having a lovely chat before the podcast.

And you never said this to a guest before.

I'm quite weird on the podcast.

And now you are being weirder than you have ever been on the podcast.

And I really respect you.

I love it.

I'm being weirder, but also it's because Ed Sheerbin is such a nice and normal man that I feel like in order to address the balance, I have to go even weirder because you're a very nice, normal.

I'm sure you've heard that before.

You can go weirder if you want.

Thank you.

You can do.

Do you you remember when Chris Ramsey got you to sing a song in the toilet?

That was my toilet.

It was your toilet?

Yeah, yeah.

I just bought that house and he came for like just before New Year or something.

And

yeah, I can't remember why.

Oh, it was Christmas.

And I was singing a Christmas song.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was like 2012.

I bought my house in February of that year.

And I was very proud of it.

But it was...

It didn't really turn into a house until my wife moved in because it was just mattresses on the floor and like one television with a PlayStation kind of thing.

But that was Chris's idea because I remember he did a.

It was a he filmed because he had his Nando's jumper on, his Nando's Christmas jumper.

He wanted to get a black card.

He wanted to get a black card.

And who knows?

I guess we can't legally say if he succeeded.

I think he did get one.

But Nando's, it's.

They don't exist.

The black card doesn't exist.

Mate, I can show you it.

I got it.

I got it.

Oh, well, fair enough.

There we go.

Ed, you're not supposed to say they exist.

Have you got one?

No, because they don't exist.

You've got one, haven't you?

No, because they don't exist.

I'll tell you this, Ed.

Example showed one on camera.

That's example.

Do you know why Example

got one originally?

He was the first ever person to get one.

And he got one originally because he put them on the front cover of his mixtape.

If you look at We Didn't Invent the Remix, there's a Nando's on the cover.

And they were just like, yeah, I guess

here's a black card.

Genuinely, I have Nando.

Because I'm not in London all the time, but I genuinely, genuinely have it every single lunch when I'm here.

Claire will tell you,

like, if I'm doing promo, it's always an extra hot chicken wrap and coleslaw every time.

And uh and and it's like every single day because it's I'm a I'm a creature of habit and I just want some sometimes you just want the same thing every every time.

Like I'll try I'll have like a different dinner, but I just like the same lunch.

Nando's is good for that as well because it's consistent across the country.

But not across the world.

Different tastes and flavors in South Africa where it's created different tastes and flavors in Canada, really different tastes and flavors in Australia.

And I sat with the I went to South Africa and I got invited to a shabbat at the owner's house.

And he had all his family around, big, big Jewish party.

It was amazing.

And I was talking to him, and I was like, why does it taste different here?

And why does it taste in Australia?

And he's like, because the taste buds around the world and the trends of what people like actually change.

So England quite like a zesty spice.

And

our extra hot here is like really, really spicy because that's what we dig.

If you go to any fast food restaurant now, there's always something on the menu that will blow your head off.

Whereas it was quite plain 20 years ago.

And he said it's just different in Canada and different in Australia and different in South Africa.

So they just shift it.

Just to let you know, I imagine that entire conversation being conducted with a giant cockkerel.

Yes.

He's

a company.

He does amazing things as a company.

I mean, what they do in the

community over there and all the stuff in the restaurants here, all the art is all local artists from there.

All the music is local artists.

And they give back, really give back to the community.

And it was, I went to go and do some stuff for them there.

I went to do a chat and see the studio and and stuff like that.

But yeah, I liked it, and I liked him.

But you did not give a straight yes or no answer to is he a giant cockerel?

Yeah, so that makes me think he is a giant guy.

He's a giant cockerel when you were avoiding the question.

Well, there's two people that created it, so he is not, but the other guy might be.

Were you joining me in saying that New Zealand Nando's can suck it forever because it's the worst Nandos they've ever been to?

There was a lot wrong with my visit to New Zealand.

Oh, they had it in New Zealand.

I'd never been to New Zealand.

I've only been there.

Yeah, New Zealand Nando's went very badly.

No one greeted me at the door and asked me if I'd been to Nando's before.

I had to take a seat myself.

You had to just get a bottle of drink.

They didn't have the bottomless soft ice.

Oh, mate.

But that's half the thing with the crushed ice.

Is that crushed?

And listen to this, Ed.

I went the other night, and I think they've got new drinks machines, and they've got...

Cherry Pepsi Max available.

There you go, man.

So

when I was on the circuit, and I know we said I did like Cannon Head and stuff, when I was on that circuit, they didn't didn't sell Nando's sauce in the supermarket.

So the only way you could get it is steal it.

And I remember going into a Nando's and I remember bumping into my cousin straight afterwards.

And I was really, it was the only thing I've ever stolen in my life.

And I was really shaky afterwards.

He's like, why are you so shaky?

And I was like, I've just stolen a bottle of Nando's sauce.

A whole bottle.

And this is how the universe got me back.

I went on a tube to a gig.

I arrived at a gig and the bottle had smashed in my bag.

Yeah.

All over my loot pedal, my equipment, everything.

How spicy was it?

It was, I think it was a medium.

I think it was a medium, yeah.

It could have been worse.

So Nando's, I'm sorry, I took a sauce from Dolston, Nando's in 2008.

Yeah, you deserved that.

You got instant karma.

Instant karma.

And for like a year, my loop station smelled of Nando's.

Just like a constant reminder.

So is your dream main course Nando's or are we going somewhere else?

I'd probably go curry.

I'd probably go curry with some naan.

That'd be interesting.

I have sushi as a starter for that, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

Or it would be a vodka rigatoni pasta.

One of those, but really.

Let's hear about that.

I've not heard of a vodka rigatone before.

So it's the first time I had it was in this restaurant in America called Carbone.

And they don't really, I've never really found it in Italy.

I think it's like an Italian-American creation, but it's like spicy, creamy tomato pasta.

And it's really great.

I actually put it on the menu at my bar in Nottinghill just to have it somewhere where you could eat it in London.

So if if you ever want to try it, it's a not gonna plug my phone.

No, do absolutely plug your master.

I'd love to hear about it.

Okay, it's on Portobello Road, it's called Bertie Blossoms.

They, uh, do you know what I hate about lots of you go to a pub and there's like a huge menu, and you go, you can't do all of these things amazingly.

So, we we tried to do there's three mains that are spot on, and that and there's lots and lots of little starters that you can go to.

But the mains are you have a steak and chips, fish and chips, and uh, this vodka rigatone, but the rigatone is just banging.

See, I mean, you say you don't want to plug it, but as soon as you said that, I'm like, I'm gonna go to Bertie Blossoms and get a vodka rigatoni.

I'd say if like it's the it's my favourite pasta in London and I'm not just saying that because it's it's my place but I go there if I've got like a free afternoon like I would go there later today just to get that pasta and then I'd go elsewhere.

Who is Bertie Blossoms?

So it's owned by me and my manager and Bertie is his wife Lib Bertie and Blossoms is my wife Cherry Blossom.

So Bertie Blossoms.

We were trying to think of a name and like that, that just fit.

Because Lib runs the bar as well.

Right, okay.

Yeah, it just fit.

It sort of sounds like a really wanky posh boy place.

We should go to Bertie's, you know?

Like, but it's it's actually a really nice, like, home cook bar with great, there's good beers on tap.

There's like a great wine selection.

My mate's a sort of wine merchant cemilier guy, so he's picked a great wine selection.

And then Lib's a fiend for champagne.

So, if you like champagne, she's got you covered.

I like the thought of a man called Bertie Blossoms who goes, I don't really think of like a posh boy.

I think of like a

eccentric man.

I'm saying the bar.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Shall we go to Bertie's?

Yes.

Bertie.

No, I think Bertie Blossoms would be posh.

I think no, I think.

I think he'd be on the team, on the rugby team with your friend Fred.

I'd have a big mad hat, a top hat.

I'd be walking around and it would like open and close at the top, the top hat, what it would be all over the place.

And Pastor would come out the top of the hat.

The big bow tie, yeah.

Bertie Blossom.

Mate, if you guys want to go, let me know.

I'll make sure they take care.

We will.

We'll take you up on that.

I'm ordering the vodka rigatoni.

What are you ordering, Ed?

Well, I did want the vodka rigatoni, but as you know, I can't order the same as anyone else.

What do you think about that?

See, I would actually always order the same as someone because I would never want to feel like their meal was...

I never want to look across the plate and get meal and visit.

Well,

if we went out for a meal, we'd be stuck in an infinite ordering loop.

Yeah.

Because every time I chose what I wanted, you'd order the same as me.

No,

we'd just go, you bring out what you want, and they just...

Yeah.

Because then...

Yeah, then we're sorted, actually.

Choice is taken out of our hands.

Yeah, and as we know, this guy will finish every single morsel.

Every single morsel, even if I feel like I'm about to explode.

I won an ice cream eating competition in America because of that.

Tell us every single detail.

Yes, I tell us this.

How old were you?

When was it?

Where was it?

I was 22.

How many other people were in the competition?

22, and I was on tour with Taylor Swift, and she had invited my family to go and stay with her.

How did she do in the ice cream eating competition?

She played Eye of the Tiger over and over and over and was going, you can do it, you can do it.

Okay,

let me tell you the story.

So we get, so, my brother, Taylor Swift, put all the ice cream in a blender and have it as a drink.

A shake.

My brother, uh, so she can shake it off, right?

Yeah,

um, my brother, no fist pump.

No, both of them are here.

No, that's just taking them out there if you want to bump them.

If you want to bump them, they're like, a bit of pop culture and a thing that you believe in.

If you want to bump them,

yeah.

So, she had invited us to her place in Rhode Island.

So, we got there, and she said there's this great little ice cream place in the town We went there and they had this ice cream eating competition called the big kahuna challenge and at this point I'm as you said like you finish everything on your plate and I was like I can do this like I know I can do this and it's something it was something crazy like two liters of ice cream Yeah, and I was like I can do that So I said we'll do it.

I'm there with Taylor and my brother and they bring this ice cream out but you have to add toppings and I stupidly said gummy bears which are

You know, they're gonna they're gonna fill they're gonna fill you up.

So I start I start eating this thing and I get maybe a halfway through and i go man i'm killing this and then because it's taylor lots of fans started turning up so in the end there's like 20 or 30 young girls going you can do it ed you can do it so i'm eating this thing i get to sort of three quarters and i start shivering and i'm like oh man this is actually really really fucked up and i'm there and i'm i'm shipping i'm shivering i've got like one and a half liters of ice cream in me with these with these gummy bears and I'm shivering but then I've got this the pressure of all these kids watching me and Taylor's playing I of the Tiger and my brother like my brother still says to this to this to this day like and I've had a lot of achievements in my life my brother still says the proudest he's ever been of me is when I finished the big kahuna challenge so so I finish it everyone's like yay and I go I have to go to the toilet and I go to the toilet and I was when I say I projectile vomiting out of my nose

ice cream and it's chocolate ice cream it goes all over the floor of the toilet and I'm like man there's 20 kids in here they're gonna come in here and think that I've shattered all over the floor.

So then I had to clean it up.

So I'm there wiping all this like melted ice cream.

But like, I was in there for probably like half an hour.

Anyway, cleaned it all up.

Went outside.

Everyone's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And yeah, I got a t-shirt.

They took my picture and they put it on the wall.

Oh, my God.

And I felt very proud to be on the wall.

I think lots of people have done the challenge now, but at the time, my stomach could take a lot.

And now it's.

Imagine being one of those gummy bears.

What a wild ride those guys went on.

Oh, man.

If you ever, but if you're ever going to do it, Ed Sheeran, where am I going?

10 minutes later, whoa!

Coming out of a bloke's nose.

Would one of the people who finished the challenge before you named Mitch?

No.

What have you checked?

There's a bloke on YouTube called Matt Stoney that

he eats like 25 Big Macs in 25 minutes.

Yeah, it's incredible.

It's crazy.

And he's tiny as well.

It's insane.

He ate a 20,000 calorie burger that I watched him do.

It was something like eight kilograms.

Sorry, is that his YouTube channel?

There's just Matt Stoney eating all the big food.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've got to watch that.

Yeah.

It's, mate, it's insane what he does.

His shits must be insane.

Do you know what I wonder?

Why should it be a separate YouTube channel?

When I did the hot ones, what I said afterwards, I was like, the hot one should not be a half an hour interview.

It should be a daily documentary.

Because

I had to fly home after that with like, I had a six or seven month old baby.

And just...

My piss stung, my face stung, I was still crying.

Don't know what was going on

the other end.

But the documentary should be that.

But that bloke does it five days away.

Yeah, it's crazy.

He must have some issues down there.

I don't think he leaves that chair.

No.

Your dream side dish.

Do you know, it's always good to have a side salad just so it makes you feel a little bit better.

Sure.

A little bit better.

So I would say a green salad with cucumber.

Just to cut through.

Just to cut through.

I'm saying this, but I don't actually want that.

I'm just that.

That's

just a mental thing.

Yeah, that's just a mental thing to make me feel.

I think make a bowl of chips.

Yeah, just a bowl of chips.

Now we're talking.

Just a bowl of chips.

And then if it's the vodka rigatone, you soak it up with the chia.

What kind of chips?

Are we talking chunky?

Chip-chop chips.

Are we talking the triple-fried cut potatoes?

No, no, I don't like the triple.

I don't really like French fries.

I love chip-chop chips, but they wouldn't fit in if we were doing it.

But it's the...

Do you know, like, the kind of fat rectangular ones like McCain oven chips, but not McCain oven?

Like, actually, like, cut potato ones that are fried.

Those ones.

So not like too chunky and not I find the triple fried ones are just a bit too messed up.

Did you find that the pandemic ruined chips for you?

No, because they always arrived soggy.

Right.

Yeah.

I just found I just stopped eating chips.

Yes, I definitely did stop eating chips during the past.

I wasn't even ordering them for that reason.

Because they would just arrive soggy.

I mean, you're not having them in a restaurant.

I wouldn't really order chips on delivery anyway, I don't think.

No.

You sort of learn your lesson.

Yeah, and I wouldn't do like oven chips ever.

Oven chips in an air fryer.

That's where where it's you want an air fryer?

My mum got me an air fryer for Christmas.

Yeah, banging.

I only do oven.

I do oven chips and bird's eye chicken dippers in it.

I get a wrap, and I put loads of salad in it.

I put some bird's eye chicken dippers in it, and I put Nando's sauce on it.

So you basically do a Nando's wrap.

A crispy Nando's.

Yeah.

I was going to say earlier when you said that you favour the Nando's wrap extra hot.

That is also my order.

My man.

But thank you.

Fist bump again.

Yeah.

Ed, you got no fist bumps in there.

I'm fine.

That is sad.

I do fist bump if you want one there.

Yeah, exactly.

Thank you.

But also, I don't want a fist bump from a couple of rap boys.

Thank you.

Oh, no.

So if I'm trying to be healthy, I go butterfly, chicken, corn, and the cob matching peas.

But when sometimes you're on the move and you're like, I've got like two minutes to eat lunch, get a wrap, smash a coleslaw.

I have received a lot of grief on this podcast for not only getting the wrap.

Well, strap in for this, Ed.

Because in the wrap, I also always put cheese and pineapple.

What do you think about that, Ed Sheeran?

I wouldn't personally do it, but I...

So I love a just normal margarita pizza, but if I ever go Domino's or Pizza Hut or Papa John's, a Hawaiian is great.

Oh my gosh.

Yes, it is great.

I'm not saying traditional pizza restaurant.

I'm not going to go to.

Take your fist bump back.

I'm not going to go to Napoli and ask for a fucking.

But if you're going Pizza Hut,

I feel like that is acceptable.

It's technically cake anyway.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true.

It is a big old cake.

I had my 29th birthday at Pizza Hut in

Bella Horizonte.

Wow.

In Brazil.

They were like, what do you want to do for your birthday

and i was like

yeah i was just like i i used to go to pizza hut parties as a kid and i was like fuck it let's rent a pizza hut bring in some we had some fucking nice wine as well so we got these like we got these like jeroboams of really really good wine with pizza and everyone had a great time yeah we ate we ate pizza we had the garlic bread we drank some

ice cream factory for an hour and a half with taylor swift so you know they didn't take care of that so so that was one thing they didn't have they didn't have an ice cream factory or a drinks it was sort of like a takeaway pizza hut, but they had tables in it.

But they just they sort of blacked off all the windows so no one could see in.

And we just, it was really fun.

It was really fun.

We, we had, we had little birthday hats, amazing.

Yeah, it was great.

Who was there?

Who was there at the 29th?

Uh, there's an artist called Passenger, who's a singer-songwriter that was touring with me.

There was my, I had a few of my school friends there.

Um, my friend Fred, actually, the guy that, um, yes, we sort of his birthday is the day before mine, so it's kind of like a joint thing.

Uh, and then some of my tour crew, and then there was a guy who had a house that threw us a party afterwards.

So we went there, but I left.

And my friends carried on till like midday the next day.

I remember getting up, I woke up at like 8 a.m., I went to the gym, watched half a movie, blah blah blah.

And I went in my friend's room in the hotel.

I was like, fucking hell, you're still going, Jesus Christ.

And they're just there in silence, staring at a compute screen, listening to Bonnevaire.

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Your dream drink, then we find that that segues segues quite nicely into your dream drink

now we talk a bit about drinks yeah even before the podcast you go an alcoholic drink or you yeah I'd say so I'd

one of the fancy pizza hot wines yeah probably I gave up spirits I will have spirits like every now and then but I find spirits they just don't suit me and I love beer and I love wine and I never want to get I would never want to give up alcohol but I feel like if I went down the spirits route anymore it would I would probably have to at some point and I do feel that the key to beer is one and a half beers i don't think it ever gets better nothing gets better than the first pint and once you finish the first pint you go but i want another one but if you get to the end of the second it's so i i'm always like one and a half pints and then i'll move on to wine and wine really i'm sort of open to what whatever i'll usually go like regional if i'm in a country i really like some of the the new world wines i really like australian wine i really like um californian but i do go french a lot french and italian are you are you leaning more towards towards a red French wine then for your dream drink?

Yes, and I think if I'm having a vodka rigatoni, I would go burgundy.

Or maybe something heavier, actually.

Yeah, I'd start off with a bottle of burgundy and move to a bottle of Bordeaux, I think.

He's a big wine guy.

I'm not a big wine.

I mean,

I like wine, but I think to claim to be a big wine guy is really wading into deeper waters than I can handle.

My wife got me a Samilier course for my birthday.

Amazing, actually.

I really, really like it.

I never really liked wine until I was like 24.

I think because I had just always drunk box wine as a kid.

You just have the goon bag and you have...

And I still don't like white wine.

I still can't do white wine.

All white wine just tastes like medicine to me.

But reds I have really delved into.

And

I really like a good red.

The white wine, red wine thing is so hard because I was like that for a long time.

I just wouldn't drink white wine because...

The bad white wines you have when you start drinking will put you off.

I think Philly makes it.

And I think I'll probably, from this Amelia course, learn how to appreciate white.

But it just all...

I just, I just don't, don't like it.

And I like basing a meal around a bottle of red.

So my, if I've had an achievement of something, my way to mark it is I will like, so for the end of the tour, I'll be saying, okay, well, this is the end of the tour.

And for that day, I'm going to get this bottle of wine and I'm going to have this meal around it.

And then at the end of the meal, I have a shelf in my house that is just full of wine bottles that are all signed and dated.

And this restaurant and this

date, and then all the people that they sign it.

And then you're you're left with all these memories basically.

Every achievement that I have had for the last maybe four or five years is marked with a bottle of wine that is on a shelf now that I remember the date and the memory.

And that I don't spunk money on wine and just go, I'm just going to drink this because it's a Tuesday night, but I'll buy a really, really nice bottle of wine and then have it in my cellar and look forward to drinking it on a specific day, if that makes sense.

It does make sense.

And also, like, I'm sitting here quite regretful now that I've not marked any of the achievements of my life with anything.

What's that?

I don't think I've got anything in my flat that kind of represents anything I've done.

Start doing it.

Start doing it with wine bottles.

Because you look back at these amazing nights.

I had a friend who passed away in March, and I actually got the idea from him.

Because every time we go over to his house, we'd sign a bottle, and his house is just full of these things.

And he was a music promoter, so he's got like...

Bruce Springsteen, Frank Sinarcher, he did like all these amazing people and these amazing meals on bottles.

So I just started, I adopted it from him.

I guess a nice thing as well is when he had passed away, I had all these memories on my wall as well of nights that we'd had together.

I bought like a half bottle of Chateau Margot and that was the first meal that we'd had back in the house with our daughter, but it was a tiny bottle, so my wife could like have a sip of it.

And so we've got Lyra's first meal and that's on the shelf.

I've got my 30th birthday.

I've got my dad's 6rd, fourth, my mum's 60th.

It's just nice memories.

I'd recommend doing it.

I'm going to copy that idea.

Yeah, I think.

There's also, have you got all the wine bottles of all your achievements?

And amongst that is a nice cream bowl coupling six.

No, actually.

Biggest achievement?

No.

Well, my brother thinks that's my biggest achievement.

Yeah, yeah.

Very, very proud of it.

Did you go out afterwards and go, gotta buy the wine because we've got to mark this achievement, even though I feel like I'm not a woman?

No, I only started my first wine marking was 2016, I think.

That was 2013.

It was a good year.

My favourite year of wine to get is 2011, because that's the first year I actually had success.

So I've,

oh mate, so there's this one, the wine that I proposed to my wife with, I was like, I want to drink that wine every year,

once a year for the rest of my life.

And I ordered what I thought was 60 bottles, but it was 60 cases of six.

So I've just

got 60 cases.

Bro.

And it wasn't like.

Man, I hope that manage lasts.

So do I.

Yeah, yeah.

So do I.

And if it doesn't, I've got enough to drown myself in.

We all just go straight to the cellar.

Well, here we go.

Another day, another case.

We arrive at your dream dessert, my favorite course.

And I'm quite optimistic here that it's going to be a good one because you've won an ice cream eating competition.

I can tell that you know you like sweet things.

We're not going to go down the awful cheese board route or anything like that.

Ed, if you do feel like you want to get a cheeseboard, you should get a cheeseboard.

I would never.

I see, I think cheeseboard at the end is a mistake.

I think cheeseboard would be for starters.

I think that's what you need for

starters.

Yeah.

Just to excite the palate with a bit of fucking mold.

mold yeah yeah

don't end on mold start on mold yeah um well it depends it depends where where where you are if it's a fancy restaurant those they're like apple i want to just say apple tart but it's apple tart tart tartan yeah tart tatan they're always done really well in a great restaurant but i think if you're in like a

my security guard kevin and my manager stuart fucking love hard rock cafe so we'll be

we were in japan and we shot we shot the i don't care video and my mate Emil had flown over for the day, like literally a day.

And he was like, right, going out for sushi.

And I'm like, no, sorry, we're going out to hard rock.

This is amazing.

Pizza Hut in Brazil.

Yeah.

Hard rock cafe.

I went to hard rock cafe in, me and my wife went to Antarctica

with my manager Stuart and my security guard and in Ashwaya, which is the last place in Argentina that you're at before you go to Antarctica, there's a hard rock.

And they're sort of like,

it's not like Michael Jackson's glove but it's like kylie malone's sock

really it's really bottom-of-the-barrel stuff and i think they were quite freaked out that i was there because i don't think anyone well-known has ever because well-known people aren't really gonna go into a hard rock because you are you are gonna get trouble but we love it so much that we just end up there so i'm saying if we're in a hard rock something like a propheterol or one of those massive like changes is there anything of yours in a hard rock cafe displayed somewhere yeah i get i get asked to i just don't

there all the time well i get asked to donate stuff to loads of things so there's i don't don't know if it's in hard rock or if it's in a museum or if there's loads of my stuff's out there, and I just don't know where it is.

But

I'm sure there's probably something in Hard Rock Hyde Park.

But I'm not really hard rock, am I?

Sort of like medium.

A lot of the stuff in the hard rock cafe isn't though, really, is it?

They just mean like music.

That and TGI Fridays.

TGI Fridays.

I used to live in Guildford and there was a TGI Fridays there.

Actually, the weather spoons in Guildford, that was real.

That was real.

A burger in a pint for three pounds.

I mean, firstly, how would you do that?

Yeah, yeah.

So you're immediately suspicious when you're eating it.

I know, but mate, I was like 18.

You're not suspicious when you're 18 and you can get a burger and a pint for £8.

I find

the worst people are with me are when they're like blitzed, like really, really drunk, because I just kind of get picked up and handed around like a ragdoll.

Oh, my God.

And yeah, spoons.

I'd love to go to a Spoons again, though.

I was saying on Halloween, I should just dress up as one of the guards from a squid game and go to like a tiger-tiger.

Because I haven't been.

Imagine that twist in Squid Game.

Sheeran's been doing this to us.

You shot my friend.

Are you nice guys?

You sent lasagnas to mums and stuff.

You're a nice fella.

What's bonkers about?

We made it fair for all of you.

You had the choice and you could have left.

That's the only clue is you're the only guard with an equal sign on your helmet.

Giving himself away.

Even, yeah, even in Squid Game, I'm promoting my album.

Yeah, yeah.

He's on break.

She's got a new album.

But he's at the move.

Red cover, green cover.

There you go.

Yeah, like that.

I just, I feel like I should fist bump you, but I'm not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not quite deserving, really.

The good thing about Paul Hollywood on bake-off is he really holds his handshakes back, and you've gone in too hard with the fist bumping.

Yeah, yeah.

He holds it.

Oh, what?

Is he a weak handshake?

No, no, no.

He's like,

if you get the handshake of Paul Hollywood, it's the best thing.

It's the best thing.

Really?

That would be so funny if Paul Hollywood had a weak handshake.

And the Hollywood handshake is this big thing.

Mate, I'll tell you off.

Here we go.

go I'll tell you off I'll tell you off mic but there was a there was a Hollywood actor I met who is the most

you would think that he had a hard handshake and I met him and it it just it was the most flimsy flimsy action and I just remember being like

how how is this possible and it really like made me start questioning yeah so I'll tell you off off mic but it is quite yeah it's Dwayne the Rock Johnson

we all know it's not we all know it's not there's no way he's got a weak

I'm actually in a movie with him and I said, yeah,

I got a thing being like, do you want to do this cameo?

It's in this movie with The Rock.

And I said, yes.

And I arrived and I was a pickup shot.

And they'd shot his bits.

He'd shot his bits interacting with me elsewhere.

And so I was kind of like, oh, I thought I was going to meet the rocks today.

That's it now, isn't it?

Yeah, it's like no one's in the same room for these things.

People don't know, but like, you know, we're not even in the same room with you now.

No.

We've recorded all our bits beforehand.

Yeah.

We've got you to do your choices first, and then we've put our bits in post.

Yeah.

Which is you'd think we'd give ourselves more fist bumps

if we're doing that.

So sorry, for dessert, have we gone for profit of rolls at hard rock cafe or apple tart de tatan or whatever it's called?

Yeah, I'll go for the apple.

Can I just say strudel?

Apple strudel.

Would you like it at the hard rock cafe?

They probably do it well.

Yeah, they probably do it well.

So unpopular opinion,

I sometimes would love a cheese board as a meal.

I don't like

at Christmas when I go to a cheese and wine night and then a meal comes out.

I'm like, but I'm already full.

I've already eaten my body weight in cheese.

I do love a good cheese board.

Me and my friends, it's kind of gone by the wayside now because we have a night called Sendy Wine Club.

Well, we have a night called Sendy Wine Club, and once a month we'll all meet up.

There's like six of us.

We'll bring one bottle of wine each.

And the first one, we all brought a cheese, but then that's kind of like fallen by the wayside.

We'll bring one bottle of wine, we'll order a curry in or a Chinese, and everyone will have one glass of everyone's wine.

And then we'll just, because we never really see each other anymore because everyone's got jobs and I'm off here and here and there so we get back and it's essentially a grown-up lads night.

Although we did have one of mine once where I have a friend called Doug that has this game called well he has two games.

He's got gin till you sleep which basically

he just drinks gin until he falls asleep.

And there's another one

there's another game called pisco till you're naked so you just drink pisco until until you get naked and he is always the first one to take his shirt off and then you whenever I see Doug with a a shirt off, I'm like, oh, it's that kind of night.

Yeah.

Would you ever play Pisco till you're naked and gin till you sleep back to back?

Yeah, we've definitely done that.

Yeah.

Have you ever drunk chartreuse?

No.

No.

I have a friend in Sweden that I write songs with.

And every Wednesday, he drinks one shot of chartreuse.

And

the first time you have it, you go, oh my God, that's the worst thing I've ever tasted in my life.

And then suddenly you're like, oh, but I'm there.

And it really gets you there.

And it's come to be, because all my schoolmates have sort of met him along the way.

He's come to stay in England and stuff like that.

And now Chatreuse is like, instead of starting the night with a Jaguar or a shot of tequila, it's a shot of Chatrouse.

Try it.

The first time you taste it, you're like, Ed's wrong.

And then five minutes later, you'll be like, Ed's wrong.

One last question before I read your menu back to you.

And I'm not ragging on you here.

Is that a Harry Potter book?

It's Hong Kong, Disneyland.

This is the Great Benito's book.

Amazing.

He loves Disneyland.

He loves roller coasters.

He's obsessed with it.

And this is clearly a book that he's got from Hong Kong, Disneyland.

Do you know 40 million people visit Disneyland or Orlando every year?

Most of those are the Great Bonito, though.

Yeah, most of those are him going on his own like he did when we went to America.

What's your favourite Disneyland?

Great Bonito.

Ah.

Tokyo Japanese.

So

the Japanese do...

My security guard would always joke.

with us when we were on in in Japan because I'd always say everything is in the is the best in Japan.

I think a saahi beer is the best beer.

I think sushi is obviously best in Japan.

The McDonald's at Tokyo Airport was so perfectly made, it looked like a picture.

Everything was spot on in Japan.

So I'm not surprised that they're Disneylanders.

It's the McDonald's in the Tokyo Airport where you had your 30th birthday.

Do you know, we actually...

When I was playing my Ipswich, my final shows of my tour, we were trying to rent out a McDonald's and do a tasting menu there.

Oh, wow.

And

get them to chop up a Big Mac into little bite-sized bikes.

We never ended up doing it, but we wanted to get a McDonald's on the side of a road and like, you know, a service station, rent it out, black out all the windows and do a tasting window.

Because I've never done working in that McDonald's being like

a weird day.

But I've never done the whole menu at McDonald's.

And you don't want to go in and have a whole burger.

So it would be quite cool to go in and have...

Also,

any fast food restaurant, like anyone who's

running a KFC or whatever, listening to this.

Now knows if they ever want to completely fill their restaurant one day, all they need to do is black out the windows.

And everyone will go, Ed Sheeran's in there.

Ed Sheeran's having his birthday.

Let's see if we can get in there.

So, my vibe with food, I'm not a food snob.

Like, I will eat and like,

I love a fancy restaurant.

I love a nice bottle of wine.

But I love it.

I just made it very clear in this interview that you're not a food snob.

Hard Rock Cafe, McDonald's, we've been at KFC.

But I also love, like, there's a restaurant in West called Corps that I go to a lot that has three stars.

That is, I would say, is that where you were the other night?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And if I want a really nice evening with someone, I'll take them.

But it's so fantastic.

But

have Nando's for lunch and go to core for dinner so I tried to keep it but balanced I guess but yeah I like it okay it's good the the full gamut the full range gotta do it I was gonna ask why it's called sendy wine club and not bring you wine club so they my friends are all they all ski so I never skied and then I married a girl who loves skiing and so I was 26 when I first learned to ski which I wouldn't recommend it's not it's not a fun experience I'm still at the point where I don't enjoy it, but I have to pretend that I do.

But I'm getting there.

I can now ski without feeling like my legs are broken.

But there's a Instagram, I think, or a Twitter called Jerry of the Day, which is people skiing and then crashing into a

snowpile.

And they'll say sending.

So sendy has turned into a word that my friends use for like things that are really nice or expensive.

So if you have like a pair of shoes that cost you a bit, you'll say they're a sendy pair of shoes.

Or I've got full send on that pair of shoes.

So they, because my friend, basically, the person that runs Sendy Wine Club is my mate Jack, who is the he he's a wine merchant and he's got his similier badges and all that stuff.

And we'll say, Jack, can you choose the wine for us?

And then he'll choose us each a sendy bottle that we'll buy and then we'll turn up and do that.

See, starters, I'm glad I asked that question.

Yeah.

Because that's an interesting answer.

But also, if I hadn't asked that, everyone would have just thought that you guys called it Sendy Wine Club as in you're saying like send a bottle of wine and yet you bring it together and that you're saying send it so sometimes

if you have a pint and you you'll say to your mate so we my friend Fred obviously went to university and has all these drinking games he has do you have you ever played how's that where someone hands you a pint and if you don't say not out and they say how's that you have to down it we had similar things yeah so yeah so so this actually happens that we went to a sendy wine club last week and uh i actually got fred for the first time which i've i've never done but then you would say send it so he would have to send the pint as in down it.

So the send sort of, there's lots of words that me and my friends use that actually mean everything.

So when we were on tour, we had a Glaswegian chef who just called everyone Jimmy.

Because so if he didn't know anyone's name, he would just call them Jimmy.

So now my security guard calls people that he doesn't know or like, by the way.

So he'll just be like, who's this fucking Jimmy over here?

So it's just.

Actually, we were in Hong Kong Disneyland and he met a waiter.

He was called Jimmy.

And he was like, Jimmy?

He gets very, very excited about anyone called Jimmy.

But yeah, when you're in the middle of the day, in Hong Kong, Disneyland, didn't Mickey punch you, a security guard in the face, and then you just all left?

No,

Hong Kong, Disneyland, all of my touring crew stayed there.

And I think for the first time, we were there for like a week.

And I think for the first day, my touring crew were like, oh, this is fun.

Goofy's serving us breakfast.

And then by the end of it, when they've all been out on like long nights out, of course, sort of going in, and you've got,

it's very.

Fucking all leave me alone, Goofy.

absolutely don't want goofy anywhere near me if i'm hug over

um

i'm gonna read your menu back to you see how you feel about it um water you would like still water pop norms or bread you want pop norms and mango chutney starter a medium fatty tuna nagiri from iraqi main course vodka rigatone from birty blossoms side dish fat chips drink bottle of burgundy a bordeaux as well lined up burgundy then then bordeaux i'm not going to drink two bottles to myself but if i'm with someone, I could polish two bottles.

Can I have a pint before then, though?

One solitary pint of...

Before the whole meal?

Yes, one solitary pint of lager.

A sahi from Japan?

Sahi from Japan.

But it has to be...

It has to be on

tap.

It has to be on tap.

Yeah, it has to be.

Delicious.

With a frosted glass.

Okay, I can get you a frosted glass.

I built a pub in my garden, and I have a freezer in there that's just full of frosted glasses, and I just think it's important.

I feel like we could quite easily do a two-parter and have you back on because now you've just mentioned at the very last minute, frosted glasses, which we haven't talked about in the podcast much before, and I'm interested in that.

But also, you've built a pub in your garden, and we've only just found that out as we've got to wrap it up.

So we're going to have to have you back on.

It has a tunnel from the house as well.

Oh, my God.

Which actually is completely

completely pointless because it just, you could just walk to it across the grass.

But I went to someone's house and they had a tunnel, and I was like,

the pub needs a tunnel.

Like, it needs a tunnel.

That's great.

That means you can always escape your house if anyone ever

can.

Only bid.

Only bid.

Yeah,

perfect.

There's like a dark room downstairs with a really, really comfy sofa.

And sometimes if, like, I just want to escape an argument, I'll just go down there and just lie and have a nap.

And dessert, you would like apple strudel.

Would you rather have me or goofy service?

Good question.

If you were hungover?

I think you.

I think you.

I think you would keep me more on my toes because you'd say something sarcastic and I'd have to think of something to reply to it.

I think it's always good having a friend like you because you would never be agreeable about anything.

You would say, bang on, bang on.

You would say something and you'd actually get me to think.

It would never just be like, yeah, this is this.

Yes.

Yeah, I make that.

But you don't complain in restaurants, right?

I don't complain.

No, no, no.

I'm too scared to complain.

I don't want, mate.

Sometimes.

And it usually happens with like...

Not so much industry people as like artists, but usually like managers of artists.

And they'll like send stuff back.

And I'm like, I know someone's putting that on their balls now.

You fucked up.

Yeah, yeah.

The only time I've ever, and it wasn't even complaining, so I was, I phrased it as like, sorry, I'm just gonna, I'm just letting you know, it's fine, I'm just letting you know that there was glass in my meal.

Also, good luck putting your balls in.

A friend of mine's a comedian, and on the first date with his wife, this is 100% sure.

I'll tell you who the comedian is afterwards.

So he's on the first date with his wife, and he's being a bit smarmy with the waiter, and he's kind of joking and joking, joking.

And the waiter's obviously not finding it funny.

And his wife goes when he leaves, she's like, He's going to do something to your food.

And he's like, Don't be stupid.

Anyway, the meal comes, he eats it, and he catches a disease.

The next date they had was in the hospital, and he caught a disease that you can only catch from human feces.

So be careful.

Be careful.

Always be nice to people.

The next date was in the hospital, did you?

Yeah, no, it was.

It was.

Didn't want to get a second date.

Hello.

Remember, you told me he was going to do that.

I think I've eaten his shit.

I trust a third date is on the cards, and you're going to marry me one day.

Do you think we'll kiss at the end of this date?

They are married now, though.

Yeah, yeah.

That is great.

Oh, dear.

Anyway.

Ed, thank you very much for coming to the Dream Breast.

Thank you.

And then the mic goes off and you turn back to normal, right?

Yeah, normal.

Well, there we are, James.

Teddy Sheeran.

Teddy Sheeran.

I tell you what, Ed.

I might have to go to the doctors and have my fist looked at because it got bumped quite a lot there.

It did get bumped quite a lot, yeah.

I mean, a lot of them I would call pity bumps.

That is my nickname.

Yeah.

Here he comes.

Old pity bumps.

Pity bumps in the house.

You used to sing that in your Black Eyed Peace Tribute Band, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah.

I love the pity bumps.

Check them out.

Thank you very much to Ed slash Teddy for coming into the dream restaurant.

Thank you so much.

A lovely menu and lovely to hear about some of his birthday events.

What a nice man.

Also, he didn't say candy corns.

So thank you.

We didn't have to kick him out because I would have felt bad.

He was a very nice boy.

Yes, very nice boy indeed.

And his album Equals is coming out 29th of October on asylum/slash Atlantic.

So go and check it out.

Go and buy that.

My plugs.

Yes.

My lovely lady plugs.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

I am on tour with a show called Electric.

Edgamble.co.uk for tickets to that.

I am going.

I say all over the UK, but then people get angry with me.

I'm going to some places in the UK.

Yes.

So do come and see that show.

And also I've released a live vinyl, none of which will appear in the show Electric.

It's mainly crowd work.

A lot of fun.

Recorded at the Blackheart in Camden.

It's called You May Struggle to Hear Me Above the Crunch of My Enemy's Skulls.

And that's available from edgamblestore.com.

Love it.

I've got nothing to plug.

No?

JamesA.catta.com.

You're plugging your website.

Yeah.

And Coldazania Hate Myself 1999 is on there.

You can buy my.

Yeah, why aren't you plugging that every week?

Yeah, I should be plugging it every week, really.

That's on there.

It's such a good show.

Yeah, yeah.

Best show ever.

That's on there.

And

what else?

I do a

music podcast called Perfect Sounds.

During that interview, when Ed was talking about the concepts for his albums, I was thinking...

It's like a musical version of James Acaster.

Yeah, with

repertoire.

Yeah, different colours.

Yeah, always different colours.

Yeah, I could have said that, couldn't I?

But instead, I had to go and be all weird.

Yeah, very weird.

Constantly.

I think you need to stop now telling guests that you're going to be weird because then you worry about the expectation that you've put on them that you're going to be weird and then you go like full full James.

Yeah, yeah, I really dialed it up a lot for Shirley.

I mean, basically, I only tell the guests who I think I need to tell them.

Like, there are some people

most of the time.

I don't tell people, but I'd had such a nice, normal chat with him before we started that I just felt like this is going to be really jarring.

And he'll think I'm being rude.

It'll feel like I've tricked him.

You know, like I've gone, oh, I've softened him up with a normal chat, and now I'm going to absolutely punk his ass.

Because you went so weird, at times it felt, and I've, this is a compliment.

Yes.

It felt like...

Two friends having a chat, but one of them had to look after the little brother at the same time.

Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

You know, when

it was like our mum had said to me,

James is going to come and sit with you.

I've gone, mum, God's sake, I'm having teddy over i want to hang out with teddy and talk about wine yes and then you've come along like what

yeah absolutely

there were times during that interview where i just felt like i'd gone mad i just felt like i don't really know what i'm doing uh i'm just i'm just firing out anything left fight and centre still some very good questions though still some good questions in there but yeah that was that that was out of all the episodes we've done it's it's the one where uh i've i've come away from it thinking what the what did i do what was i doing what was that?

Really all over the place.

Yeah.

So I'm looking forward to hearing that back.

I'm looking forward to hearing what you said, because quite often I'd just be suddenly aware that you've been talking for 10 minutes.

Into my microphone.

Regardless of myself.

Regardless of whatever conversation was happening.

Yep.

I started doing that quite a few times.

I was just talking to the mic really quiet, talking to myself about stuff, looking over at Benito, because he's got headphones on.

I knew he could hear it all directly into his ears.

So there's that.

I don't know why I was doing any of it.

Really gone bonkers.

I mean, you know, for the listener, it's like half half nine in the morning.

We started doing this.

Yeah.

It's not that early, but apparently, for me, I haven't eaten today.

Yeah, maybe that's it.

Yeah, just went mad.

Well, thanks for listening.

Yes.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Ever wondered about the world's greatest mysteries?

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Seafoam!

Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys, because the Off Menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes.

But it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, badgering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episodes.

They can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Or Benito.

has bent to their whims and he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok, at Off Menu Podcast on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast, and on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.