Ep 118: Edgar Wright (Live at Royal Festival Hall)

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Speaker 8 Hello.

Speaker 1 Yummy, yummy, yummy. Yum, yum, yum.

Speaker 1 Lovely.

Speaker 1 Okay, I was going to say hello, but yummy, yummy, yummy, yum, yum, yum, it is. Welcome to a bonus episode of Off Menu, aka The Great Bonito Presents Off Menu Live.
With

Speaker 1 brackets, Ed Gabbal and James Acaster. And double brackets, special guest, Edgar Edgar Wright, double brackets, then closing off the other brackets, so sort of a triple bracket.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a lot of brackets involved, but really, even though the Great Benito has put himself at the head of all this, and so that his name is in big lights, very egotistical, Edgar Wright is the real draw here.

Speaker 1 Yes, Edgar Wright's the real draw. Amazing director, writer.
I mean, come on. Spaced, Short of the Dead, Hot Fuzz.
World's End, Scott Pilgrim, Baby Driver.

Speaker 1 He's just released, as we're recording this, the Sparks Brothers documentary about the band Sparks. And One Night in Soho is coming out soon, a wonderful horror film.
He's been a busy boy. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 He's been such a busy boy. I didn't get a chance to say to Edgar, which is very lucky because it's probably the sort of boring shit he is every day.

Speaker 1 One of my first dates with the lady I'm going to marry was to see Scott Pilgrim. That is a film that means a huge amount to me.
I love that film so much.

Speaker 1 But I'd imagine he hears that quite a lot.

Speaker 1 Do you think? Yeah. I mean, there's no reason for him to be invested in my relationship.
I guess not.

Speaker 1 But, you know, but I don't know, maybe he'll hear this and he'll get in touch with you and be like, please, invite me to the wedding. All I care about is your relationship now.

Speaker 1 I want to film the wedding. I want to be the videographer at the wedding.
Ah, that'd be great. I'd love.
I mean, that'd be a nice little wedding video, wouldn't it? Would be, yeah.

Speaker 1 Director by a professional director who makes films. Yeah.
Simon Pegg's in it for some reason. Yeah, Simon Pegg's in there.
Yeah. Nick Frost.
Working behind the bar. Nick Frost working behind the bar.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, great.
That'd be awesome. And this was a live episode, of course.
Royal Festival Hall, South Bank Centre. Oh, you've got a lot of people in that audience.
And they were all off-menu fans.

Speaker 1 They knew all the little details of off-menu, probably even better than the three of us do.

Speaker 1 They were menu heads, that's for sure. They were menu heads.
They also loved Edgar Wright. And who can blame them? Who can't blame them? Let's crack into it, James, because it's a really good episode.

Speaker 1 Let's get cracker lacking. Let's get cracker lacking.
It's the off-menu menu of Edgar Wright. Edgar Wright.
Live.

Speaker 1 We did it.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, they're too much. So, hello! Welcome to the second ever off-menu live!

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 The off-menu live showed. Sprinkling the...
Oh, there we go. It's not normal.

Speaker 1 But honestly, thank fuck you're doing it, because I genuinely haven't thought of one. As I was walking out and everyone was cheering, I thought, this is lovely, but I've not written the intro again.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 1 I've not written one. No, so we've got sprinkling.
What are we sprinkling on what?

Speaker 1 Sprinkling what? What did he say? He said kettering. He said more on.

Speaker 1 I see.

Speaker 1 I see.

Speaker 1 You can't sprinkle kettering. Doesn't understand what you can sprinkle.

Speaker 1 Also doesn't seem to understand the podcast. Never listened to it before.

Speaker 1 He's the reason I've stopped touring, if you're wondering.

Speaker 1 That and the pandemic.

Speaker 1 Probably actually blame the pandemic more than you, sir.

Speaker 1 Let's not kick off on that note, James.

Speaker 1 Let's not have one of your famous meltdowns this early on.

Speaker 1 What are we sprinkling? I'll quit.

Speaker 1 Take in the...

Speaker 1 Sprinkling the

Speaker 1 sprinkling. What sort of things do you sprinkle, food wise? Sprinkling the icing sugar of chat.
Okay, straight. I mean, it's amazing how on the nose you are as a persona, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Just straight to icing sugar, no beating around the bush.

Speaker 1 Sprinkling the you don't sprinkle icing sugar, you snorty. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I don't remember you criticising Ketterin this much when the guy shouted that out. Accepted that immediately, I had to point out how bad that was.

Speaker 1 Sprinkling the icing sugar of chat

Speaker 1 over

Speaker 1 the dough

Speaker 1 of humour. Yes.

Speaker 1 Baking in the oven of live entertainment. Oh.

Speaker 1 Isn't it like that? And producing the doughnut of friendship. Okay.

Speaker 1 That's very good. Pretty good.
No, it's really good.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 never made a doughnut?

Speaker 1 Huh? Ever made a doughnut?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How do you make a doughnut? Sprinkle ice and sugar on some dough and put it in the oven. Right, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I suppose so, mate. In a way.
Do you want to tell everyone what the podcast is? Or am I doing that tonight? We switch rolls. Oh, yeah, if we're switching rolls,

Speaker 1 you do that. Rolls, that's a pun, because a doughnut's a roll.

Speaker 1 Not a roll.

Speaker 9 You've been making rolls.

Speaker 1 The off-menu podcast is a podcast where we ask a special guest their favourite starter, main course, side,

Speaker 1 drink, and dessert in that fucking order. Got it right.
Did it in the order?

Speaker 1 It takes years of training to get it in the order.

Speaker 1 And our special guest tonight is

Speaker 1 Edgar Rice!

Speaker 1 Very exciting.

Speaker 1 Very exciting.

Speaker 1 He'll be coming on a little bit later.

Speaker 1 Before we bring Edgar out, I've made sure he's still in this dressing room.

Speaker 1 We should sort out the secret ingredients. Yeah, we should actually.

Speaker 1 Bit special. We've not decided on it yet, so we thought we'd get one of you guys to decide it.
And you could help us, I think. Whoa.

Speaker 1 A hand went up down here. Look, if there was a hand went up, that's fine.
Otherwise, if we let people scream out, the secret ingredient is going to be Kettering. So.

Speaker 1 Then I'll have to leave.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, if you don't know, the secret ingredient, just so you know, is an ingredient we don't like.

Speaker 1 And if someone says it, if the guest says it, if they get it, we kick them out of the dream restaurant. So

Speaker 1 it is fun, but also

Speaker 1 to bear in mind: if we do do one and kick them out, we all have to go home early.

Speaker 1 Now, this person on the front, you put your hand up, which I respect.

Speaker 1 What was your suggestion?

Speaker 1 Cornetto. Oh, no, we're not doing

Speaker 1 cool.

Speaker 1 Come on. Why are you trying to do that? We've got a hand up here.
Happy dessert, I guess, at least.

Speaker 1 What do you reckon?

Speaker 1 Raisins. Raisins? This is interesting.

Speaker 1 The other night, Sultana's was like earlier. What is people's problems? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you from the fresh grape board or something? You're trying to.

Speaker 1 Why don't you like raisins? Yeah. What's your problem with raisins?

Speaker 1 They're just not for you.

Speaker 1 Quite a mild reason to shout something out.

Speaker 1 Raisins! They're not personally for me.

Speaker 1 I understand that everyone has different tastes.

Speaker 1 Alright, raisins.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Person with a hand up there.
Salad cream. Salad cream.
Salad cream.

Speaker 1 Oh, some support there for the salad cream.

Speaker 1 I think that was him clapping his own choice there as well. Salad cream, standing ovation.

Speaker 1 That's a showbiz secret, and I respect it.

Speaker 1 Always start your own applause. We've all done it.
Salad cream's more solid than raisins. I think,

Speaker 1 because I like salad cream, but I do appreciate why people don't like it. I think it's quite a good one to choose.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Unless it gets topped, but I think,

Speaker 1 you know. Oh, hang on, we've got a hand up over here.

Speaker 1 Pretty confident you can beat salad cream, aren't you? Look at this.

Speaker 1 Palmer violets. Now, we've all

Speaker 1 absolutely disgusting palmer violets. We've already had those on the podcast.
We have already had palmer violets on the podcast. Have you already had salad cream?

Speaker 1 No. No.

Speaker 1 No. No, you have not.

Speaker 1 I sang along to Barefoot Baby Boy. I know everything about this podcast.

Speaker 1 Yes?

Speaker 1 Anchovies. Anchovies.
What would that person say? I don't know if I want to know.

Speaker 1 Salad, yeah.

Speaker 1 Salakuka. Oh, Jesus.
A bunch of absolute pig shits, huh?

Speaker 1 Yes, on the aisle. Cabbage.
Cabbage. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That always gets suggested. Coriander.
Coriander. We've had that one.
Coriander.

Speaker 1 Very passionate. We've had that one on, but that's a good one, mate.
I think we just have to go with Sally. I mean, there's a few hands up, but people are still very passionate about this, yes?

Speaker 1 Avocado. Avocado? What the fuck are you doing? What's the matter with you?

Speaker 1 Fucking avocado. Jesus Christ.
Right, can we kick him out?

Speaker 1 I know. Thank you, mate.
These are the people who buy the entire load of avocados.

Speaker 1 This is everyone.

Speaker 1 Avocado?

Speaker 1 What the problem?

Speaker 1 Right, confident hand up here. Coffee.
Coffee.

Speaker 1 Hang on, I got someone you gotta meet.

Speaker 1 He's squeezing

Speaker 1 He's an angry man. Do you really not like coffee?

Speaker 1 Fuck coffee.

Speaker 1 Okay, it's a Sunday, mate.

Speaker 1 I think we've got to go with salad cream. I think salad cream's a great choice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, good choice.

Speaker 1 Let's start, let's do it.

Speaker 1 Everyone of the Royal Festival Hall, this is the off-menu menu of Edward

Speaker 1 Wright.

Speaker 1 Good to see you.

Speaker 9 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Lovely. Hello.

Speaker 9 Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 Feeling hungry?

Speaker 9 I am feeling hungry.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, that's a shame because we don't have any food for you.

Speaker 1 It's going to make you talk about. Oh, I need to do my proper entrance.
Oh, yes, sorry.

Speaker 1 Obviously, James, James needs to

Speaker 1 transgress to the astral plane and become the genie. So you're now going to watch a fully grown man try and climb inside that lamp.

Speaker 1 Got my lamp here. He's going to climb inside it.

Speaker 1 Nice and easy.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 He's inside the lamp. Everyone, we need need to look at the lamp and imagine rubbing it.

Speaker 1 Imagine you were not allowed to touch it for COVID reasons. It's been a hard time for genies

Speaker 1 because of fomites. Okay, we're rubbing it.
It's good. Here we go.
There's a genie!

Speaker 1 Welcome, Edgar Light to the Dream Nash Tom. We've been expecting you for some time.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 9 I was not expecting Oscar winning visual effects. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I appreciate it tell your friends at the Academy

Speaker 1 There's too much CGI these days and I think it's the practical effects are the way to go and I think we've fun we've nailed that tonight.

Speaker 9 Oh, yeah, I'd like to see you in Guy Richie's remake of Aladdin.

Speaker 1 Oh man

Speaker 1 That you know, I wouldn't turn that down man when I was a kid really really yeah, I would I would say yes to it

Speaker 1 I would say yes. When I was a kid, Robin Williams was my hero because of Aladdin.
I was obsessed with it. And I was still a little Christian boy and went to church.

Speaker 1 And at one point, when I was a little kid, in Sunday school, we all had to write down like a little profile about ourselves to put on the wall of like all the kids at Sunday school.

Speaker 1 And one of the things you had to feel like was who your hero was. And I'll put Robin Williams.
And all the other kids put Jesus. And I realized that was

Speaker 1 the right answer.

Speaker 1 I was the only one. Robin Williams, the genie.
He's funny.

Speaker 1 Who was your hero growing up? Robin Williams or Jesus?

Speaker 1 Those are the two.

Speaker 1 It's the new Popadoms or Bread.

Speaker 1 Robin Williams or Jesus?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 9 you know what?

Speaker 9 I'd say flat out Mork.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'd say, like,

Speaker 9 I knew who Mork was before I knew who Robin Williams was.

Speaker 1 So let's say Mork.

Speaker 1 I would have drawn that and put that up on the Sunday school wall. Yeah, it'd just be you.
Mork. Yeah, well Mork was cool.
I didn't watch enough Mork.

Speaker 1 I just remember the episode where they were hatching an egg for ages. It was the size of a person.

Speaker 1 And then it was a person.

Speaker 1 When it hatched. I'll just so you know, by the way, there's someone in here who's gunning for you.

Speaker 1 Because we asked them what the secret ingredient should be, which is when we're going to kick them out if they say the secret ingredient.

Speaker 1 The person at the end there said Cornetto was trying to stitch you up. Yeah.

Speaker 9 But what specifically, what flavour of Cornetto?

Speaker 1 Good point, he's got you.

Speaker 9 Strawberry. Oh, that's the good one.
No, I would go.

Speaker 9 If I had to rank the three classic flavours, now there's like 400 of them.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 9 But it would be Classico first,

Speaker 9 then strawberry, then mint last.

Speaker 1 No?

Speaker 9 Is that contentious?

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm sorry, Eddie. Oh, well, you're going to have to leave.
Yes. Which is why we're here.

Speaker 9 Would you like me to go?

Speaker 9 I do think Class Eco is people hissing then. It's like Panto.

Speaker 1 Oh, Oh yeah, they get proper angry.

Speaker 9 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Yeah, proper angry about food stuff.

Speaker 9 So a lot of mint fans in tonight.

Speaker 1 Mint would be my favourite.

Speaker 1 I'm not just playing to the crowd here.

Speaker 1 But as a kid, I was always. I just used to go through.
I didn't use the taste of them. I just used to go through them.

Speaker 1 Ah, just straight in until you just get to the bottom bit. That was the key.
Just get to that fucking little pointy chocolate nipple. That's all I wanted.

Speaker 9 I saw somebody on Twitter the other day complaining about the chocolate at the bottom of the Cornetto carry. And it's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Speaker 1 What's the best bit?

Speaker 9 Also, as somebody pointed out, it's the load-bearing bit. It's there to stop the ice cream, right?

Speaker 1 That's why it's there. I never thought about it.
That's why it's there. In terms of structural engineering before.

Speaker 1 It's true, though, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Because other cones, you hold them and they just go immediately. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Any other cone you get. Oh no!

Speaker 1 I can't bear the load.

Speaker 9 You've got to be dead inside not to enjoy that last piece of chocolate, haven't you?

Speaker 1 What was even their justification for slagging off the bit of chocolate at the end? Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1 Is that someone who doesn't like the chocolate at the end?

Speaker 9 Is there anybody in the Royal Festival Hall who doesn't like the chocolate at the bottom of the Corneetto cone? Me? Why? Why? Why?

Speaker 1 Happier than anyone who doesn't appreciate joy, has any right to be.

Speaker 1 Next time...

Speaker 1 I hate the chocolate.

Speaker 9 Next time you have one, will you post it to me afterwards?

Speaker 1 Why can't you buy bags of them? You should be able to.

Speaker 1 We can.

Speaker 1 Right. Sorry, guys.
Goodbye.

Speaker 1 I need to go.

Speaker 1 The amount of cornettas they had to collapse just to get the nibs off them to put them in a bag.

Speaker 1 I feel pretty bad.

Speaker 1 Are you a foodie, Ed? Would you consider yourself a foodie?

Speaker 9 I am a foodie, but in thinking about this tonight, I realized that there's a lot of fancy restaurants.

Speaker 9 I've definitely been to a lot of fancy restaurants in my time, but most of those kind of go into the general experience.

Speaker 9 And I found myself racking my brains to think of any one dish that I had in some of the world's top restaurants,

Speaker 9 which was strange, because there are a couple of times I've been to, I usually, you know, usually judge

Speaker 9 by the expense of the bill, but I actually found it sort of tough to think of a specific dish. So I started going back to more

Speaker 9 things which I gravitate towards. So I definitely

Speaker 9 have a thing where I gravitate towards the same things and sort of try and expend less mental energy on picking and just kind of things that I like. And so that's what I've gone for tonight.

Speaker 9 For the most part.

Speaker 1 I want to dig into you saying that you judge it by the bill at the end. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Well, if you've gone to a really fancy restaurant and it's been an extortion of bill,

Speaker 9 you have to think, well I guess that was really good.

Speaker 1 I guess I'm wrong.

Speaker 9 I guess that must have been 700 quid good.

Speaker 1 I thought it was disgusting, but it was

Speaker 1 the nicest meal I'd ever had.

Speaker 9 That's just me fooling myself into thinking that I haven't just wasted 700 pounds. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 9 That was only the one time.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, this is a very specific amount of money you've repeated twice.

Speaker 1 Listen,

Speaker 9 you don't forget that bill easily, especially when you've done the really dumb thing of saying, hey, I'll get this. No, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Is there a choice from that meal on the menu tonight, or can we talk about that meal now?

Speaker 9 No, there wasn't a choice.

Speaker 1 Where was the 17th?

Speaker 9 It was

Speaker 9 that New York restaurant.

Speaker 1 I'm really hungry.

Speaker 9 That New York restaurant, Le Bernadine.

Speaker 1 I think that's what it's called. Right.

Speaker 9 Which is the kind of place that Patrick Bateman would go.

Speaker 1 Right, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, like, really small, classy plates,

Speaker 9 really fancy.

Speaker 1 Quite dark in there as well.

Speaker 9 Very dark in there.

Speaker 1 Do a murder. Until the bill comes out and they put a spotlight on it.

Speaker 9 I did, this is maybe too much information, but this is the time for it, isn't it?

Speaker 9 Maybe I shouldn't tell the story, but I did. Let me just say I had to,

Speaker 9 I was bordering on having,

Speaker 1 no, I don't know if I want to talk about this.

Speaker 1 Well, I guess we'll all go home and just imagine what it was forever.

Speaker 1 But at the minute, we're all thinking it was a wang. Let's be coy about it.

Speaker 1 You're like, well, I've paid 700 quid. I'll fucking do it in the middle of the restaurant.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And get my money's worth, excuse me.

Speaker 1 There's your tip.

Speaker 9 Let's just say frequent toilet trips were needed.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 9 And like, because I was in the States, emodium was needed.

Speaker 1 But here's the thing. Right.

Speaker 1 I'm so glad you said emodium because for a second it sounded like you were doing a lot of Coke.

Speaker 1 It would also have the same effect. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 9 And Patrick Bateman would be proud of me. Just going for the full American psycho effect.

Speaker 9 Take a lot of Coke before dinner.

Speaker 9 Kill a prostitute after dinner.

Speaker 9 No, the thing was, is that I knew going in I was ill, but it was Christmas Eve. I booked, you know, it was difficult to get a table there.

Speaker 1 This story is bleak. Meeting other friends.

Speaker 1 Christmas Eve, shit in your pants, and you go and spend 700 quid on a meal.

Speaker 9 but it was um I just had that kind of I felt like probably I just like looked kind of you know kind of grey and sweaty for the entire meal but it was that thing it was like Christmas Eve and we booked a table I couldn't like you know kind of pull a sickie so I suffered through it and it was nice but that's maybe why I don't remember it as one of the being the best meals

Speaker 1 sounds bleak yeah I mean was it family No, it was just friends.

Speaker 1 I so want to know who was there any celebs there because if it was Christmas Eve I really want to know know what celebs you're hanging out with on Christmas Eve.

Speaker 9 It was Ryan Johnson who was having dinner with and his wife Karina Longworth, another podcast extraordinaire. I think I tried to keep it secret that I was ill and then it was very clear I was not well

Speaker 9 and really struggling. Once you've done seven trips to the toilet during the meals, obviously something is that, or like you said, big cokehead.

Speaker 1 How many courses was

Speaker 1 taking going to the bathroom seven times to take coke would have been less embarrassing than essentially having diarrhea yeah yeah I just like the thought of you trying to style it out though seven trips to the bathroom still trying to come back tidings of comfort and joy have you want it

Speaker 1 god bless us everyone

Speaker 1 were you shitting as the time crossed from Christmas Eve to Christmas Day

Speaker 1 it'd be more of a

Speaker 1 question

Speaker 9 I don't think so or I would have liked to have done that on New Year's Eve. Oh, that's the first time.

Speaker 1 That would have been good.

Speaker 9 Than to kind of, you know, it would have then kind of crossed two calendar years.

Speaker 1 Do you want to know the worst calendar year crossing of my life? Do it. It was many, many years ago.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I'm saying this out loud.

Speaker 1 Everyone's having those moments tonight, apart from, I am coming out of the squeaky clean.

Speaker 1 As it crossed from one year to the other, and I didn't realise that this was the time, one of my friends had decided to show me two girls, one cup on his phone.

Speaker 1 It's actually quite similar to your Christmas Eve.

Speaker 9 You now have to share a story where you've been violently ill in a restaurant.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, but

Speaker 1 I've never shit myself in a restaurant, it's fine. I didn't actually

Speaker 1 do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I shit myself in a steakhouse in New York, in LA.

Speaker 1 Good times.

Speaker 1 Still sparkling water.

Speaker 1 Imagine a natural waiter doing that. A natural waiter, good luck.
I'm shooting myself in a steakhouse. Anyway, still a sparkling water.
Oh, must I shit myself once. What kind of water do you want?

Speaker 9 Still, still, still, still.

Speaker 1 With ice.

Speaker 1 This is what the Royal Festival Hall was built for. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Also, please, no lemon in the still water.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at this. You really win it a moment.

Speaker 9 You get a bit annoyed, and this happens a bit more in the States than it does in the UK, but it's that presumption that you wanted some lemon in it.

Speaker 9 So fish that out immediately. I don't really like that.
The lemon in the water just, you know, if you go to like a spa sometimes and they have that horrid

Speaker 9 water with like what seems like a ton of like

Speaker 9 limes and lemons and salads.

Speaker 1 And sometimes strawberries and stuff?

Speaker 9 No, no, no, no, no, no. And it just looks like mulch.
Yeah. So I can't get that out of my head.

Speaker 1 To be fair, that's load-bearing, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's load-bearing.

Speaker 1 It gives the water. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It has come out of the jug otherwise.

Speaker 9 Sparkling water, there's nothing worse than room temperature or warm sparkling water. It's horrific.
Room temperature, still water, fine. Room temperature, sparkling water, no.

Speaker 9 I've been excited to drink sparkling water is when I've had some periods of just not drinking for a long time. And then just the bubbles become a bit more fun.

Speaker 1 That's all you've got left.

Speaker 9 That's all you've got left is like, I guess I'll have some sparkling water. The bubbles are fun.
But other than that, no, sparkling water, no.

Speaker 9 Also, the worst thing as well is when you take a sip of sparkling water thinking it's still.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 9 that's really bad. That's a surprise.
Especially if it's warm. That's the worst.

Speaker 1 How often has that happened in your life?

Speaker 9 More often than I care for.

Speaker 1 So hold on. Is it that you're not even looking at it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that you're just going for it, or is it like, you know, sometimes sparkling water gets a little bit flat, you can't really tell, and then you have the swig and it's like, it's just got a dead fart in it.

Speaker 9 Just like brands with confusing labels. Like make it clear like sort of what the black is still and then the other one is silver, right?

Speaker 1 Or grey? Yeah, but that's... That's a good point.
We've never, I mean, look, the crisp debate rages on about what colour should be, what flavours.

Speaker 1 We've never really sorted out what colour sparkling should be and what colour still should be.

Speaker 1 So I think we should do it now.

Speaker 9 Green for sparkling, I go with that.

Speaker 1 Because it's like nature.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine a babbling brook? Because, of course, blue is up for grabs here because they're both water, right? So

Speaker 9 that just confuses the issue to have like blue.

Speaker 1 So we need to get rid of blue completely.

Speaker 9 Blue's out.

Speaker 1 No? Oh,

Speaker 1 people want to keep blue.

Speaker 1 Blue for still. Blue for still.
Well, yeah, I mean, that's the other option.

Speaker 9 Blue for still, green for sparkling, because it's the.

Speaker 9 It's the colour of a spring, right? It's like,

Speaker 1 I think. We've actually solved that a lot quicker than I thought we would.

Speaker 1 So you want, but you want, you're saying you don't like sparkling if it's like room temperature. This still water, does it matter

Speaker 1 how cold it is? Well,

Speaker 9 if you're in the dream restaurant, I'd love it with some ice in it. It would be lovely.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, you dreamer. If.

Speaker 1 If we're going wild here.

Speaker 9 But you know, room temperature still water is fine.

Speaker 1 And the ice cubes are made from still water or sparkling water.

Speaker 9 Maybe that would be the way of weaning me onto sparkling water, wouldn't it?

Speaker 1 Gradually. Releasing the bubbles one at a time.

Speaker 1 You can just have one bubble at a time each time.

Speaker 9 That's like you're trying to slowly poison me with sparkling water.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just gradually stripping you one bubble at a time until eventually you love it and you can't tell the difference anymore.

Speaker 9 Oh yeah, like the Pepsi challenge.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do the Pepsi ch well I mean

Speaker 9 You're probably too young to remember that.

Speaker 1 Does anybody remember the Pepsi challenge? I could, I mean right now I could tell the difference between Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke if anyone wanted me to. They're very different.

Speaker 1 Do you think Edgar's usually

Speaker 1 do you think Edgar if you didn't have any water for like a year

Speaker 1 oh Yeah, do you think then if you had sparkling water it would taste the same as still water?

Speaker 9 I thought you were gonna ask me if I was in the desert Yeah, and somebody came in and they gave me a bottle of sparkling water That's a better question than my desperate appeal to an in-joke on the podcast

Speaker 9 You'd have to be really fussy to turn down the sparkling water at that point after three days in the Gobi desert without any water.

Speaker 1 But do you think your mouth would be so sensitive that

Speaker 1 the bubbles would just like your face would melt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the point. James is disappointed because I interrupted his Diet Coke story, by the way.

Speaker 1 He's so angry, he's not going to get over this.

Speaker 9 What would be your preference Pepsi-wise?

Speaker 1 Diet Pepsi, I'd go for...

Speaker 1 I like Diet Coke as well, but I prefer Diet Pepsi. But like, for ages, I didn't really have.

Speaker 1 I kind of like gave up caffeine entirely, which like I have to be careful saying that in the building because I think Edwin Coffee's not left yet.

Speaker 1 But like I didn't have caffeine in my diet for ages, and then after like five years, I started drinking Diet Coke again, and I hadn't had like full-fat Coke in all that time.

Speaker 1 And after five years of not having any caffeine and not having regular Coke, Diet Coke just tasted like normal Coke.

Speaker 1 Can I just say,

Speaker 1 firstly, we did this the other night. James told that story maybe a hundred times on the podcast.
It's made the other one. We did it live the other night and we kept it.
It was brilliant.

Speaker 1 It was a lovely show, lovely audience. We came on stage and James looks a bit bummed out.
I was like, what's wrong with that? That was really funny.

Speaker 1 He went, I didn't get a chance to do my Diet Coke story.

Speaker 1 And it was great live then to hear people being bored by it live.

Speaker 1 Because you all cheered when he started doing it and then there was a noticeable drop off in energy just as you got.

Speaker 1 I think you need to be able to tell the difference between board and on tender hooks.

Speaker 1 Edward.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Poppin' obsorb bread.
Poppin' obsorp bread, Edgar, right? Pop it ups or bread.

Speaker 9 I'm gonna go

Speaker 1 bread.

Speaker 9 All right, there we go. Oh, some booze, some booze.
A

Speaker 1 I will say, though.

Speaker 9 I will say, though, if you'd asked me like 20 years ago, the answer would have been poppadoms.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 9 the joy of poppadoms has sort of permanently been curdled in my brain

Speaker 9 because pop-a-doms have too often been a part of what I would call the sad takeaway.

Speaker 1 And why me by this?

Speaker 1 Happy Christmas Eve.

Speaker 9 So, every, you know, like, I think sort of like, you know, I'm sure, I'm sure you guys have done this as well, just like there's a point in the night where

Speaker 9 after a certain hour, usually midnight, the ordering a takeaway is a bad idea. And usually it's because like at a certain point in the night, your takeaway options start disappearing.
And

Speaker 9 so then if you're really kind of on one and it's like, I've got, you know, like you want to get like a late-night Chinese or an Indian, it's always that really depressing thing that even before you've got to the main you've ordered, being lumbered with the really dry pop-a-doms coming from a plastic bag as well, is so just depressing.

Speaker 9 And even the little tub of mango chutney or the kind of like the takeaway version of what's it called, Rata, the yogurt?

Speaker 1 The yogurt one.

Speaker 9 It's just like, so I think I've had too many of those, and it's permanently ruined the joy of poppa doms, because

Speaker 9 I used to love that. So that's now gone out of my life.
I'd say the same for like bad 3 a.m. prawn crackers.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Also really depressing. And it's sort of permanently ruined both of them for me.
So it's got to be bread all the way.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 9 And if I'd be specific, I'd say like a couple of things that I really like is like,

Speaker 9 well, I just went to Spain actually and like they...

Speaker 9 The bread there, they always have like tons and tons of aioli. Really, really garlicky aioli.

Speaker 1 Yes. That's the best.

Speaker 9 So that's what I'm specifically going for.

Speaker 1 Great. And what type of bread is with that? Garlicky aioli?

Speaker 9 Spanish bread.

Speaker 1 Spanish bread. Spanish bread.

Speaker 1 Of course. The famous Spanish bread.

Speaker 9 I realised Ross Kemp went into more detail.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 You tend to remember exactly what you're eating when there's a gun to your head.

Speaker 1 You want to be polite to your hosts.

Speaker 9 None of my anecdotes involve MS-13.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yet.

Speaker 1 So you want Spanish bread with loaves of garlicky aioli there. Also, just out of interest,

Speaker 1 give me a cheer if you would say bread.

Speaker 1 Poppadoms?

Speaker 1 Same as the other night, the pop-a-doms sound happier. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, there were definitely a lot of people cheering both there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, some people just haven't had dinner today. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whatever you've got, please.

Speaker 9 The poppa dums contingent have ordered them earlier in the evening. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They've planned it

Speaker 1 a little bit better. I mean, carry a bag Poppa Doms.

Speaker 1 No one's putting them in their dream meal. Especially when they get...

Speaker 1 And prawn crackers, when you get that kind of...

Speaker 1 If you can fold them.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 9 It's just that thing, like, after 3 a.m. or something,

Speaker 9 when there's only like two takeaways open on Grubhub, you know it's not going to be good.

Speaker 1 And if you're on Grubhub at all, really. But

Speaker 9 Deliveroo at this point is closed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's it. When you're like, oh, you scroll down, even Deliveroo's abandoned you, and then you're like, oh, now I'm going to have to hit up Grubhub.

Speaker 1 Even the name Grubhub.

Speaker 1 I've never heard of this before.

Speaker 1 And yes, I can't wait to see it.

Speaker 9 Does it still exist? I think sort of, you know, once I switched to, you know, once delivery came along, Grubhub was a thing of the... Does Grubhub still exist?

Speaker 1 It's been taken over by Pornhub.

Speaker 9 But you can get anything anytime in the night, man.

Speaker 1 Exactly, yeah. It's never sad.

Speaker 9 It's always sad, but it is 24 hours a day.

Speaker 1 Have you never heard of Grubhub? No, I've never heard of Grubhub before. Oh, that sounded as good as I hoped it would when you said it.

Speaker 1 Grubhub. Grubhub.

Speaker 1 Get to your main meal now. Get to your starter, your dream.
Aioli, by the way, quickly, genius. I don't think anyone else has chosen Aioli with the bread.

Speaker 1 I fucking the garlic when it just rips your face off. It's so good.

Speaker 1 People don't choose it, I think, because people don't know when to stop saying the first bit.

Speaker 9 A-O-E?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're not confident enough on the podcast. They're like, I'd like some A-O-A-O-O-A-O-L, please.

Speaker 1 So, no matter how much they love it, they're like, Mah, fuck it, I've garlic Mayo.

Speaker 1 This is when we find out how easy it is for James to write James Acaster stand-up material.

Speaker 1 Ah, that's easy when you're a fucking man. No one ever knows when to stop saying it.

Speaker 1 It is pretty easy.

Speaker 9 Is that a bumblebee?

Speaker 1 I thought that was was a fucking bee.

Speaker 1 That's from one of my other shows.

Speaker 1 Where that bee's gone. Well, great.
Now I've got that in my head.

Speaker 1 Count me out for the rest of this. I'm only too scared.

Speaker 1 Your dream starter. Is it from a specific place?

Speaker 9 Yeah, I went around the houses thinking about this one because I had to think about what starters I always order. So I tend to order the same things in the same places.

Speaker 9 And there's also sometimes a thing where, like,

Speaker 9 if I'm at dinner with my girlfriend, she'll ask me to order something so she can have most of mine. And usually that's burrata, which I'm totally happy with.

Speaker 9 Burrata is a great starter. I never thought that, I never realized it rhymes before either.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you said tilata is a great starter. That's cool.

Speaker 9 There's a place in LA, a stereo mozza, that has a mozzarella bar that's just all burrata's. Oh my god.
And it's like, it's too decadent. It's like, it's too decadent before anything even starts.

Speaker 1 I'm going to die at that place. I've just decided.
That's where I'm going to die.

Speaker 9 die. It's a good place to die.

Speaker 1 That would be if I ever fell out of a plane and God forbid.

Speaker 1 But that's where I'd like to land.

Speaker 1 I think it'd cushion you enough.

Speaker 1 Play not on one of the baratas. On all of them.

Speaker 9 If you have the on the bar on the mozzarella bar itself, you could spring back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, then you might be like...

Speaker 9 All the way back up to the plane. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But with a mozzarella in your mouth. Mozzarella, and just this like stream of all the gooey stuff that comes off the...

Speaker 1 It's sort of look like a firework. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Quite nice, is what I'm saying. I'd like that.
Prefer that. Although the worst place I'd like to land if I fell out of a plane

Speaker 1 is...

Speaker 1 Are we all going to do best and worst? Yes? Yeah, okay. I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1 Is on the pavement right next to the barrage.

Speaker 1 It would be the worst. I would hate it.

Speaker 9 Not on some sea urchins or something.

Speaker 1 No, not even on some sea urchins, because at least then you're like, oh, what chance do I have?

Speaker 1 You just survive just for a second and just see the Barata. You're like, oh, God.
Yeah. See someone enjoying it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That'd be bad.

Speaker 9 So this is the cycles that I went through. The other thing is that I only had once.

Speaker 9 which like in the my birthday was at the start of lockdown last year so it was pretty there was like nothing open and uh my girlfriend, very nicely on my birthday, cooked me like what I can only describe as gourmet movie snacks, which was amazing.

Speaker 9 So, because we were gonna have like a movie marathon all weekend, and so she cooked me like hot dogs, she's Swedish, with Skargan on top, which was amazing.

Speaker 1 With like

Speaker 9 Skargan's like the fish kind of, um, any Swedes in the audience? Help me out.

Speaker 9 That that didn't help, just the spoiler.

Speaker 1 It's like fish woo.

Speaker 1 Fish woo,

Speaker 1 that's what it is. Yeah.
What's it's like. How's that helping me out?

Speaker 9 It's a fish sauce.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 9 It's great.

Speaker 9 I've only had that once, but what I want to, and I think you have mentioned this before, and so I think I'm correct in thinking this.

Speaker 9 But the one I eventually plump for is one that if I see on Deliveroo, I will go to that restaurant just to get the starter, and that's the squid at Bassaba.

Speaker 1 Eatar. Ah, yes!

Speaker 1 The calamari for bassaba.

Speaker 9 Yes! I've heard some people people on the internet call it crack squid.

Speaker 9 And I'd agree with that, because I had it the other night, and it's just one of those things that's like, I mean, almost the rest of the menu doesn't matter as much.

Speaker 9 But that kind of inky sort of like

Speaker 9 peppercorns and garlic on it.

Speaker 1 Very happy.

Speaker 9 So I'm going to say the bassava squid.

Speaker 1 Man, if you haven't been to bassaba and got the squid, then

Speaker 1 your life is kind of incomplete, I'm afraid.

Speaker 1 That is such a good choice. I don't think I'll bet.
Because really, you know, starters are notoriously the worst course, and everyone knows that. Go fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a bad thing. I've never been so happy at a guest starter choice before.
This is great.

Speaker 9 It sounds like you haven't been to the right Burata bar.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've not been.

Speaker 9 How do you feel about the squid at Basaba?

Speaker 1 I have never had this squid before.

Speaker 1 I need more description. Because I assumed when you said the squid from Basaba, which I nearly said burrata.

Speaker 1 I know what sounds you like.

Speaker 1 How it prepared? I assumed it was like deep, like deep fried, like taramari.

Speaker 9 Grilled and in some kind of inky sauce with like peppercorns and garlic.

Speaker 1 It's lovely. It's magic, but it still has a crunch to it as if it has been fried, like it's been air-fried or something.
But like, it's like, it's, I don't know how they do it, Ed. It's impossible.

Speaker 1 The flavour in it has this like indescribable flavor.

Speaker 1 I'll be honest with you, Edgar, I've not stopped thinking about you saying you nearly picked hot dogs with fish sauce. Yes.

Speaker 9 I could switch switch back to that one.

Speaker 1 I need to know more about this because, no offense, it sounds disgusting.

Speaker 9 Where's that Swede?

Speaker 1 Scargan on hot dogs is good, right?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 9 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 9 I guess you had to be there.

Speaker 9 It was delicious.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean...

Speaker 9 Maybe it was tastier because it was my birthday, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's your birthday, you're looking forward to your movie marathon. What films did you watch on your birthday movie marathon?

Speaker 9 I think it was a very, um, a very unusual double bill of 2001 A Space Odyssey and Jackie Chan's Police Story.

Speaker 9 Nice.

Speaker 1 Could almost be a sequel to 2001. That's what I've always thought.

Speaker 9 2001 Jackie Chan's Police Story.

Speaker 1 Well, the ending is so ambiguous of 2000, you might as well have any film after it and go, yeah, that's what happened at the end.

Speaker 9 The baby, the star bait, the star child goes down to earth and becomes a police officer in Hong Kong.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I'll be up for that.

Speaker 9 Queue up the second film.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you were eating your fishy hot dogs. What is the okay? We don't normally ask this question.
It's completely out of the blue here. What is the best food film? Oh, great.

Speaker 1 Ed, go say. Well, before we carry on,

Speaker 9 great question. A popular answer.

Speaker 1 That one's very good.

Speaker 9 Well, there's two that spring to mind, but one of which I haven't seen seen recently,

Speaker 9 Tampopo is a good one.

Speaker 9 And then another one that's really good, it will make you very hungry, is Stanley Tucci's Big Night.

Speaker 1 Yeah?

Speaker 9 That's a great food film. It's impossible not to watch that and not be absolutely starving at the end of it.

Speaker 1 I have not seen it. What are they eating in that?

Speaker 9 Italian food?

Speaker 1 I've heard of it.

Speaker 9 What's your favourite

Speaker 1 food movie, George? I think I've said this before on the podcast.

Speaker 1 Spirited Away is an amazing food film.

Speaker 1 And I've always watched that going, oh, look at that incredible food, that's incredible. And ignoring the fact that they're eating so much of it, they turn into pigs.
Which has always been my issue.

Speaker 1 It's always about the quality of the food and not the quantity being too much. But that's a phenomenal.
Those big dumplings, they're like all wobbly and you can see how much soup's in them.

Speaker 9 James, what's yours?

Speaker 1 There's two.

Speaker 1 I've probably mentioned both of them on the the podcast before.

Speaker 1 One is in Home Alone 2 Lost in New York when he gets served all the ice cream. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's on the bed and they say,

Speaker 1 another scoop, sir? It's like,

Speaker 1 one scoop or two. He's like, make it free.
I'm not driving.

Speaker 1 One of the best. Absolutely live my life by it still.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, for many reasons. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Never driving again.

Speaker 9 Was he ordering the rum raisin?

Speaker 9 There's not alcohol in the ice cream.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe it was. I don't think it was even rama.
It was just that Macaulay Colkin's a genius and he could sell that shit.

Speaker 1 Worked. Ice cream is the booze for kids.
You like the kids' version of booze. So he led that line.
And the other bit, obviously, is bangerang in hook.

Speaker 1 Is when they have the food fight in hook.

Speaker 1 But not. It's not nice food.

Speaker 1 Not the bit when you can see the food or when they're fighting. The bit when they are mime in it, when they're just doing.

Speaker 1 When that kid is like,

Speaker 1 do it all that, I was like, oh, I fucking want that food so much.

Speaker 1 Robin Williams, hero, is looking at the kids and being like,

Speaker 1 and I was like, I feel that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Absolutely get what you're feeling. Like the kid, I think he's called Fats.
That's not me being an asshole. That's the kid's name.

Speaker 1 Is doing this. Yeah.
And looking up at him. And Robin Williams is like, oh, God, I want that food so much.
And that I think is the best, better than any physical food I've ever seen in a film.

Speaker 1 The bangerang food is delicious. At Sunday school, did you mistakenly think that was the Last Supper? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then Jesus said, bangerang.

Speaker 1 I'd love it if Jesus did bangerang at the Last Supper.

Speaker 1 Listen, guys, I'm going to level with you. I'm not supposed to tell you, but I'm going to be fucking crucified soon.

Speaker 1 Who wants to do a bangerang?

Speaker 1 Because it would cheer me up. I would like to do a bangerang if you're all up for it.

Speaker 1 So the calamari from Basaba. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 Why don't they just call it crack squid?

Speaker 1 They should call it crack squid. It is so addictive.

Speaker 1 Like, my sister came to, visiting me in London once, and I had planned a, we did a food day where we basically did a food pub crawl, where we did a course in each place and just all day had like a tasting menu across London.

Speaker 1 And one of them was the Bassava squid. And I was so excited to go.
And

Speaker 1 I mean, it was weird going in there and just going, just the Bassava squid, please. It's like a little...
And they're like, anything else? No.

Speaker 1 After this, we're going to shampoo you.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I really am up for that choice, so it's a very exciting start. I can't wait to try it.
You've influenced me to try it. I believe you've not tried it.
Sorry, mate. I thought I knew you.
Yeah.

Speaker 9 If we don't get free basaba from now on, something's gone terribly wrong.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it has actually. Ed doesn't deserve it.

Speaker 1 I'll be the only one putting it on Instagram, though. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I'll definitely get free one. I don't know if they'll want you in if you're going to and from the bathroom constantly.

Speaker 1 You can have it to take away, Ed.

Speaker 9 Just the six trips tonight.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'll come in there.

Speaker 1 Main course for Dream Main.

Speaker 9 Well, this is another one I went around the houses on because

Speaker 9 I tend to sort order the same things around the world and stuff, like traveling and things. Well, no, no, what I mean is I w you know, like I'm just between

Speaker 9 like the UK and the States. So, you know, like special, you know, like things like steak and amazing fish, that's great.

Speaker 9 And I find out myself I tend to kind of gravitate towards if you're in like a posh restaurant and they have some kind of like comfort food on the menu and you would think that's gonna be good.

Speaker 9 And so I'm a sucker for that. Whenever I see comfort food on like a fancy in a fancy restaurant, if it's like Shepherd's Pie somewhere or

Speaker 9 another, this is the one I was almost gonna pick. I'm a real sucker for spaghetti and meatballs.

Speaker 9 Like, just because like, I don't know, it just makes me sort of like, I feel like I always feel, I only order spaghetti and meatballs when I feel like I've really earned it.

Speaker 9 And then it feels like that thing, if it's been a good day and it's like sort of, you know, like sort of, or like, usually it's like a celebration meal and it's that thing, because it seems like the most unambitious thing on the menu, spaghetti and meatballs, but it's like, you know what?

Speaker 9 Spaghetti and meatballs with a lot of cheese on top and a glass of sand, that sounds amazing. But I didn't go for that.
I want to like...

Speaker 1 I think most of the spaghetti and meatballs that I've seen, and I've seen plenty,

Speaker 1 if you had to put a number on it, huh? If If you had to put a number on it. Good point.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I want the number of the individual plates and then I want the number of the meatballs. Yes.

Speaker 1 And then the strands of spaghetti.

Speaker 1 Fair enough.

Speaker 1 I think in my thirty-six years on this planet, I have probably seen

Speaker 1 now

Speaker 1 I've probably seen 102

Speaker 1 plates of spaghetti and meatballs.

Speaker 1 I'd say I've seen probably

Speaker 1 510 meatballs

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 5,000 strands of spaghetti.

Speaker 1 I think. Thank you.
On the nose, 5,000. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1 But I would say a lot of this plates of spaghetti and meatballs I saw for the first

Speaker 1 maybe 10 years of my life were cartoons. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 9 Lady in the tramp. It looks fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just really big in the world of cartoons, spaghetti and meatballs. Like everyone's eating them all the time.
Way more than they do in like day-to-day life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Spaghetti and meatballs is on the menu a lot. I mean cartoons.

Speaker 1 That's why I've always feel slightly let down by spaghetti and meatballs when I have them because no one in real life can twizzle spaghetti like you can in a cartoon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know when they go like and they've got the whole lump and it's like and they suck it the last bit of spaghetti goes

Speaker 1 straight in. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Do that again? You just have to practice.

Speaker 1 Yep. Very good.

Speaker 9 I know there's some terrible plates of spaghetti and meatballs out there. There's some particular ones.

Speaker 9 There's two places in the state, in LA actually, that I just, I can't not have it when I'm there. Right.
It's like, have you ever been to that restaurant, Little Dom's? Have you been there?

Speaker 1 I've not been to Little Dom's, no.

Speaker 9 I don't know why you asked James and not Ed.

Speaker 1 No, I've never been to Little Doms. Little Dom's, James? I mean, obviously, if I saw Little Dom's, I'd go there because it sounds hilarious.
But no, I've not been to Little Dom's.

Speaker 1 Where's Little Dom, please?

Speaker 9 I've never met Little Dom himself.

Speaker 1 No, no, never met him.

Speaker 1 Love to know what Little Dom's like. Let's get Little Dom on the podcast in the future.

Speaker 1 You can come back to the podcast.

Speaker 9 That also isn't my pick. That was my B choice.
And it was like the spaghetti meatballs at the Chateau Marmont Hotel or like Little Dom's, both of which I can't not have it.

Speaker 9 And it's like, it always feels like sort of

Speaker 9 such a beautiful achievement to have nice spaghetti and meatballs.

Speaker 9 But something happened to me like a couple of months ago where, to go back to the comfort food thing, I was in Cornwall for like a week trying to sort of write on my own. Yes.

Speaker 1 She saw you there?

Speaker 9 I think what I hadn't accounted for, because I've probably been in London too much and probably spoiled during the pandemic by Deliveroo and other like takeaway apps.

Speaker 9 I didn't realize in Cornwall when I got there that the options would go down to two, both of which were like 75 minutes away. And so

Speaker 9 I didn't eat like a lot of, and most of the, because it was just coming out of the pandemic, I was staying in a place called St. Agnes.
Anybody know St. Agnes at Cornwall?

Speaker 9 So my eating that week had sort of gone down to very basic because I'm not an amazing cook and I sort of I and most of the places kind of closed early, and they were like, you know, and the takeaway options were not great.

Speaker 9 And I'd sort of already burned through the Chinese and the Indian ones that were on offer. And so it was my last night in St.
Agnes and Cornwall in this little house.

Speaker 9 And then I noticed that the local fish and chip shop was open. And I thought, I'll just get fish and chips.
And maybe it was because I'd sort of suffered through a week of like not great food.

Speaker 9 The fish and chips were orgasmic.

Speaker 9 And I just

Speaker 9 kind of had like my little ratatouille moment of just going back to sort of like, and it was also a thing, it kind of cracked the sad takeaway thing because it was so amazing.

Speaker 9 Even the fact that I was sitting there in a house in Cornwall eating it on my own with the little hind sachets, it was just beautiful.

Speaker 9 So I give a shout out to, I remember the name of the fish chop, because it was called Fish and Chips, like nuclear fission in St.

Speaker 1 Agnes.

Speaker 1 Fish and chips.

Speaker 9 Fish and chips.

Speaker 1 Why was it called that?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know this power plant.

Speaker 1 I guess it could be. I'd have asked why before I ate it, personally.

Speaker 1 I'd have said why have you named it fish and chips like nuclear fission? I wouldn't have gone, thank you.

Speaker 1 Straight in the mouth, see what happens.

Speaker 9 Could have hulked out. I think they really were great.
I don't think it was just the kind of the week of like my bad cooking that I'd suffered through, but it was just a beautiful moment.

Speaker 9 And it was a bit of solo,

Speaker 9 non-sad takeaway dining that I really enjoyed. So I'd like to give a shout out to that.

Speaker 1 So is that a shout-out or your actual choice?

Speaker 9 That's going to be my choice.

Speaker 1 The choice? Fish and chips. Yes.
Yeah, I like that. Fish and fish and chips.

Speaker 1 Great choice. Nice choice.

Speaker 9 The 700 pound meal that's the Bernardine is permanently cursed. So fish and chips from fish and chips in St.
Agnes Cornwall it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and this is like, so far, this is a very seafoodie menu. Yes, it's true.
You know, we've got the squid and now we're on to fish and chips. Let's dig down into

Speaker 1 this fish and chips. Yes.
What sort of fish?

Speaker 9 It was fried haddock.

Speaker 1 Lovely.

Speaker 9 And there was a lot of salt and vinegar.

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 9 he gave me a sachet of ketchup and a sachet of mayonnaise.

Speaker 9 And I asked if I could have two more and he said that's 40 pence and I was happy to pay it.

Speaker 1 Imagine if you haven't.

Speaker 1 I spent 700 quid on nothing.

Speaker 1 How much salt and how much vinegar? So let's mime it out now. So I'm the man.

Speaker 9 Oh you be the chippy and I'll say stop.

Speaker 1 I'm the man, right? Okay, you're the man.

Speaker 1 Right, someone film this and make a gif of it.

Speaker 1 So that was, I'd say maybe eight shakes. Okay.
Eight shakes. Feels like a good amount of shit.
Eight shakes. The vinegar's like a free pouring of vinegar, right? Okay, go vinegar.

Speaker 1 Holy Christ.

Speaker 1 Rest in peace.

Speaker 1 I forgot to say stop.

Speaker 1 It wasn't that much. I just want to go.

Speaker 1 That is how much vinegar my girlfriend has on stuff.

Speaker 1 We'll go to like, we used to live near an amazing kebab shop called Kebab Kid in southwest London and when she'd go in they'd have they'd be like oh here comes the vinegar lady

Speaker 1 They'd be doing that to get the vinegar in and she'd be like bit more bit more bit more like with a cue forming around the block

Speaker 1 Just mad. You can't do this soaking wet by the end

Speaker 1 big potato soup

Speaker 1 I'll back that up. I like it.
I mean

Speaker 1 like a soup but like I definitely like loads of vinegar and when I was a kid we'd all go at lunchtime to the fish and chip shop, loads of salt and vinegar, and we wanted so much vinegar, and then we would put our heads directly in the bag and huff it.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I got into poppers when I was about 13, so it's a similar sort of story. That guy shouted, Ketmin knows what I'm on about

Speaker 1 in a bag of fish and chips.

Speaker 1 You always had a kebab cod?

Speaker 9 I think it was because

Speaker 1 COD!

Speaker 9 I think I was like a sucker for the most expensive item on the menu, because when you see COD and then it's like Haddock is 20p more, you go, ooh.

Speaker 1 I want to try the Haddock. That seems like the fancy option.

Speaker 1 It's a good choice, Haddock. I mean, you know, I speak to you as a battered sausage boy for life.

Speaker 1 Always battered sausage. And in some of my darker years, a battered sausage and a savaloy.

Speaker 1 just to see it naked you know yeah

Speaker 1 it's interesting yeah

Speaker 1 take the close must it weird for them in the back together

Speaker 1 come on you know we're going to someone's house you don't want to put anything on

Speaker 1 how uncivilized

Speaker 1 it is easy to write my material

Speaker 1 That is how I do it.

Speaker 1 Workshop that.

Speaker 1 Haddock, I've got traumatic memories of because I worked in a pub where we had haddocks and they were in this like water that would kind of like even though the haddocks were like no, the haddocks were just yeah floating around in there, so the water stank and it was a prank to put people's belongings in the haddock water

Speaker 1 when they didn't know and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 But the way to do it, when it was if it was like their clothing or something, it would get wrapped in cling film first, so it doesn't get get wet, but you put it in there and

Speaker 1 the stink of the haddock will get in there.

Speaker 1 And so people started doing that, but one day,

Speaker 1 someone was like, I'm going to get Acaster.

Speaker 1 And they went up, they got my shoes, cling filmed my shoes, put them in there, but literally they put them in there, they walked out the fridge, I walked in the fridge thinking I'm suspecting something, opened it, there were my shoes, got them out before they stank, then put his shoes in there,

Speaker 1 And then all shift, he was going, Oh,

Speaker 1 anyone fancy some Haddock after this?

Speaker 1 Little this. And I was like, No, not really.
Oh, you will, mate.

Speaker 1 Little this. I'm loving it.
And at the end, we went up to the change room, so I put my shoes on, and he was like, Oh, James, have you?

Speaker 1 I'm pretty good.

Speaker 1 He was like,

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, yeah, they're my shoes. Where are your shoes?

Speaker 1 There's just the horror on his face. You prick.
I'm not not a prick, am I?

Speaker 1 Clearly not a prick. I'm you.

Speaker 1 But yeah, but on my last day at the thing, they dumped a bucket of the haddock water over my car. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it got into the air vents.

Speaker 1 Is that why you crashed so much? Yeah, I had to crash it. Had to crash it to get a new one.

Speaker 9 Have you ever been able to enjoy haddocks since?

Speaker 1 Not really.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I haven't really, I wouldn't, I'd always order cod in a fish and chip shop still.

Speaker 1 But maybe that's just because I think it's the OG. It's the OG

Speaker 1 fish.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 It's the OG fish. Cod is the OG fish.
It was famously the first fish. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
The original fish. I think cod's the original fish.
Is that the original fish in your? That's why it's so close to the word God.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Because when God was like, I'm going to make these things, pop them in that, and then they started to slither away, it was like, oh, I've got to name them Cod.

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Speaker 1 Dream side.

Speaker 9 There's a lot of ones that

Speaker 9 are on constant rotation, including Brussels Sprouts, which I'm, you know, which I find amazing that Brussels Sprouts has gone from being...

Speaker 9 everybody's least favorite side, although one of the most on pops to the hipster side, which is an amazing transformation in time.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's hit here properly yet.

Speaker 9 In the States, especially, yeah, it's like Brussels Sprouts everywhere. There's that amazing Portlandia sketch about

Speaker 9 how

Speaker 9 Brussels Sprouts got hipstified.

Speaker 1 If you've ever seen that, it's an entire episode, in fact. Oh, you know, I've seen that.
It's great. I fucking love it.
It's just not hit here yet. Love Brussels Sprouts.
Yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they're still farting.

Speaker 1 I liked them before. Even when they were like boiled and really tasteless, I still liked them.

Speaker 9 But then they got all cool in the States.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you liked Brussels Sprouts when they weren't cool I like yeah I like their first album yeah yeah yeah yeah you've got all their old stuff on vinyl right yeah aren't you um but now like you're making aren't you making a documentary about brussels about yeah the sprout brothers

Speaker 1 I would love that.

Speaker 1 That pause there was the three of us trying to think of other riffs off of that subject.

Speaker 1 All of us coming to a dead end and going, oh, man, that's that. These are the minutes we normally click.

Speaker 1 Our podcast records are normally four and a half hours long, and three hours is absolute silence. It's us going, I've got something.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, I've got something.

Speaker 1 Sprout Brothers.

Speaker 1 Sprout Brothers. I mean, there's not many parallels we can draw between the band Sparks and Brussels Sprouts, to be fair to us.
We did quite well to get it as far as we did.

Speaker 9 One of the brothers is called Russell. That's that's rhymes with Brussels.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 We're getting somewhere.

Speaker 1 We should should quit.

Speaker 1 We should quit if we couldn't come up with that. Oh, that is genuinely depressing that we didn't.

Speaker 1 Jesus. Well, so are you picking Brussels sprouts?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 9 And this is another one where I kind of go back to comfort food thing. And I'm sorry, I'm going to have to mention Little Doms again, which you have definitely not been to.

Speaker 1 Not been to Little Doms, but I love it. I'm glad we're back there.
To be honest... I felt like we moved away from it a bit too quickly last night.

Speaker 1 We mentioned Little Doms. We were all excited and intrigued as to what Little Doms was.
and then we moved on from it, and we were all like, want to hear more about Little Doms.

Speaker 9 Well, they have a side there on the menu, it's called Grilled Summer Corn, which, you know, sounds like it's going to be, like, corn on the cobble, like, nice and charred and everything.

Speaker 9 But it is literally like a big plate of sweet corn with like

Speaker 9 garlic and butter and cheese. And I will, like, shovel that down my gob without anybody else touching it, an entire plate of sweet corn.

Speaker 9 And I think that's something like, just as a kid, and apologies I think some people in the room might be with me on this but did anybody eat sweet corn straight from the tin when they were young okay

Speaker 1 what I'm with you guys whoa I'm gonna say way more people than I anticipated

Speaker 1 I thought you get five people or something going oh yeah I did that all of them guzzling sweet corns and from the tin

Speaker 1 Still too, proud. He's there doing it now.
Yeah!

Speaker 1 Filling his mask with it and eating it with it.

Speaker 9 I have to reverse engineer something back to my main actually. When I bought the haddock and chips from Fish and Chips in St.

Speaker 9 Agnes Cornwall, I became very confident of what I had was like, this is going to be good. I have a good feeling about these fish and chips.

Speaker 9 And I went over the road to the spa that was still open and I bought a can of green giant.

Speaker 9 Oh, wow. And I went home and I put some butter on it, I stirred it up and it was delightful.

Speaker 1 So you did it straight for the chin. Warmed it up?

Speaker 1 I did warm it up, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you call it Little Edgar's sweet corn when you did it? A little what? Little Edgar's. That's your name, Edgar.
Little Edgar.

Speaker 9 I think that was just one of the words that got lost in the fold back here. I was like, what are you saying?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is this? Italian name? I famously cannot hear my own name. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's an idea for a film. Write that down.

Speaker 1 Somebody can't hear their own name. Imagine the hijumps they'd get up to.
Not hearing your own name. Walking around, people are trying to warn them of stuff.
Yeah. They can't hear it.

Speaker 9 It's a quiet place part three. The only way to defeat the aliens is that the only word they can't hear is Edgar.
So

Speaker 9 if you say Edgar over and over and over again, you can survive.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to say the only word they can't hear is their own name.

Speaker 1 So you have to learn their individual names.

Speaker 1 Stephen.

Speaker 9 To go back to the sweet corn though, I think as I just heard lights off,

Speaker 9 sweet corn has always been.

Speaker 1 This is a wonderful character trait from you, Edgar, that I was not expecting.

Speaker 1 Everything's going to be like, but if we could get back to the sweet corn.

Speaker 1 Never mind that I just did an absolutely spot-on impression. of the monsters from a choir place.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I like sweet corn from...

Speaker 1 I've just noticed the time, but we really need to get back to this sweet corn.

Speaker 1 Like little doms.

Speaker 9 I just guess I've never been to a restaurant where the side is just a pile of sweet corn. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How big is this plate? You said you could have the whole plate to yourself.

Speaker 9 And the sad thing is I can eat all of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's not sad. That sounds lovely.

Speaker 9 I mean, I'm presuming at this the dream restaurant that calorie intake is not an issue.

Speaker 1 If you want it to be not an issue,

Speaker 1 some people might like it. Some people say, double the calories, please.
I love being buzzed on all the calories.

Speaker 1 But if you want no calorie intake but the same great taste and experience we can do that for you.

Speaker 9 I listened to Joe Wicks one and

Speaker 9 I was impressed by the amount of like calorific intake but then I thought he works out for 23 hours a day and he can do that.

Speaker 9 Unlike me he can eat whatever he wants.

Speaker 1 Yeah he's he's running from restaurant to restaurant on his menu. It's okay he's doing the lap of London eating it all.
He's alright.

Speaker 1 You're kind of little doms in a taxi, wolf in the sweet corn,

Speaker 1 and getting Grubhub to send you some fish and chips from Cornwall.

Speaker 1 Little Dom chasing you out of the restaurant, telling you you can't take the plate, but you can't hear him because he's shouting your name. Yeah,

Speaker 9 Jay Wicks would eat individual pieces of corn in between burpees.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, he did.

Speaker 1 Edgar, have you ever had, because this is a recent discovery for me and James, corn ribs?

Speaker 1 Oh yeah, I have.

Speaker 1 We've had some from a place called Fallow, where you like chop them,

Speaker 1 and then you're basically deep frying bits of sweet corn, and then they've got this amazing kombu seasoning. You just eat them like a rib.
I had them in Oaxaca the other night as well.

Speaker 1 It's the new big thing, corn ribs.

Speaker 9 Speaking of cartoons with corn on the cob, do you eat them left to right like it's a typewriter or something? Do you make the noise?

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm trying to work it out. Do you do them left to right? What is my style? Is it? Because that's one style, right? But then I think I'm...
I do it in sections. I do that

Speaker 1 fully rounds like that, yeah. Yeah, I do sections.

Speaker 9 I mean, like spaghetti and meatballs, I think any food you want to pretend you're in a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Yeah.
I would go left to right and finish a line like it's Tetris.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Roll it around and start again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Cartoons are always like that.
I guess it would be weird.

Speaker 1 I mean, imagine being an animator and they said, yeah, you know, hand in the, you've got to animate the camera to eat in the corner on the cob today.

Speaker 1 And you turned it in and you did it, then motated it, and they were like,

Speaker 1 right, Michael, I'm going to have to see you in my office.

Speaker 1 You've changed the game.

Speaker 1 What does that look like to you?

Speaker 1 That's going to have the mouse eating the corn on the cob.

Speaker 1 Think any kids want to watch that?

Speaker 1 That's going to make anyone happy?

Speaker 1 Photo corner of the cop on the table. Michael, eat that.
Now.

Speaker 1 Eat that for me. I want to film you on my phone and you tell me how nice it looks.

Speaker 1 Michael, desperately trying to get them to delete the email he's just sent of the spaghetti and meatballs scene. Yeah.
Where the spaghetti doesn't do this at the end. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did this swing any bells?

Speaker 1 Because the permanently you don't know what the fuck that is.

Speaker 9 You know though with the old Disney cartoons and stuff, and I presume other cartoons, with Disney cartoons like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, they filmed like actors or models or dancers doing the actions, and then they would animate from that.

Speaker 9 Do you think that when they were getting some people to act out Lady in the Tramp, that they just happened to get on 35mm film the spaghetti twirling into somebody's mouth one time and the cameraman says, did you fucking see that?

Speaker 9 We have that footage forever.

Speaker 1 That's now the standard.

Speaker 1 Especially if it was two dogs. That's impressive.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 People don't know this, but Lady in the Tramp was meant to be about two people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they had all the scene ready with the meatballs, and then two dogs just fucking legged it in, did that, and they're like,

Speaker 1 I guess we're changing the whole script.

Speaker 1 Have you ever done a Lady in the Tramp spaghetti in real life? Like a same bit of spaghetti towards someone? No, but

Speaker 1 I'm absolutely hoping that you have. It's weird.
You've done it.

Speaker 1 It blows my mind time and time again how I'm painted to be the weird one all the time.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're so weird.

Speaker 1 Sitting lady and the tramp. Oh, there'll be questions.
Do you mean to tell me

Speaker 1 you sat down

Speaker 1 with a plate of spaghetti and meatballs

Speaker 1 and you put one end of the spaghetti in your mouth and the other end in the dog's mouth?

Speaker 1 Guess the question is, Ed, were you the lady or the tramp in this situation?

Speaker 1 I'm a little bit of both, you know me.

Speaker 9 When did you do this?

Speaker 1 It's the eye contact that's the hardest thing.

Speaker 9 Lady in the streets, tramping the sheets.

Speaker 1 How far into your relationship was it, Ed?

Speaker 1 Early. Early.

Speaker 9 Was it during a speed date?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I take spaghetti with me to speed dating nights To each table.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Hit the clock. We've got to try something right now.

Speaker 1 No, next one.

Speaker 1 Spaghetti's cooling down. We've got to be quick.

Speaker 9 I think it would be a good speed dating night to only try and recreate that scene from Lady in the Track.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Or, good idea for a dating night.
Everyone, some people are on one side, other people are on the other side. There's long pieces of spaghetti that all cross over.

Speaker 1 You all put them in your mouth and you just start sucking and and

Speaker 1 see who you end up with. See who you end up with? Yeah, it's nice.

Speaker 9 It's like a key ring party.

Speaker 1 It's like a key party, yeah, except with spaghetti.

Speaker 1 Although I would like to, like, you know,

Speaker 1 the meatballs are all just rolling around on the floor. It's horrible.

Speaker 1 Did you roll a meatball towards her with your nose when you did it?

Speaker 1 Should have done that.

Speaker 1 If you're familiar with Lady in the Trump, I think you know what's coming coming next.

Speaker 1 Here is this fat chef that I've hired with an accordion.

Speaker 1 So it's a lovely side. There's all the sweet corn.
Your dream drink.

Speaker 9 I think I gravitate towards a lot of things. I mean, usually red wine is usually the option, but I'm not like a wine cornoiser.
I usually go for something that's fun to say.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 9 Pinot Noir is fun to say. Merlot, not so fun to say.

Speaker 9 Chateau Neuf de Pap, very fun to say.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 It's even in a Beastie Boys lyric. Yeah.
With a bottle of Chateau Neuf de Pac, I'm fine like wine when I go to rap.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 There's not many other wines you could have used there to be fair.

Speaker 1 Is that why you go to Little Dom's? Fun to say?

Speaker 9 What for some Chateau Neuf de Pap?

Speaker 1 Just go to Little Dom's because it's fun to say.

Speaker 9 That's what I would do. Little Dom's is fun to say.

Speaker 1 I'd say I'm going to Little Dom's. I wouldn't care what they're ordering.

Speaker 1 What they're ordering? They don't order, do they? No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Call me if you've not got your head around this yet.

Speaker 9 That's my theory.

Speaker 9 That's my theory with wine, though. Order something fun to say.
That's it.

Speaker 1 I'm beginning to see why you ended up with a £700 bill.

Speaker 1 So fun to say. And the funniest one to say is always at the bottom of the list.

Speaker 9 What I'm going to go for my drink, though, and I have

Speaker 9 to do an A and B thing, which is going to be the main drink and then maybe the end of night drink. Okay.
Main drink would be a gin martini with a twist of lemon.

Speaker 9 Which I think is like a really highly concentrated, sophisticated way to get really drunk real quick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 9 And, you know, I just,

Speaker 9 yeah, I've come to enjoy a gin martini.

Speaker 1 It's the perfect drink. They're great.
Let's, yeah, let's not fuck around with that. Just straight down the hatch.
Two and you're done. Yes.
But I love it. We went for,

Speaker 1 where is it that's meant to be the best gin martini? That guy said.

Speaker 1 Dukes in London. Dukes.
The hotel bar is Duke's. Yeah, apparently it's amazing.
We didn't go. I I wanted to go and Ed wouldn't let me.

Speaker 1 Well, we'd been drinking wine all afternoon. We were invited somewhere to drink wine, and the man said, who invited us, he said,

Speaker 1 well, you should go to Duke's for martini one day. And James said, we should go after this.
And the man went, no, you should not.

Speaker 1 And then we went to a pub round the corner and we drank Guinness for the afternoon. Yes.
And then I still wanted to go to the gym place.

Speaker 1 I was told we couldn't go.

Speaker 1 So, you're going for gym martini with a twist of lemon, but then there's another drink later on. Do you want to do that drink after your dessert, or

Speaker 1 do you want to shout it out now?

Speaker 9 Well, I'll shout it out now because it's a, I don't, I don't really know anybody that likes this drink, but I'm sure somebody in here will.

Speaker 9 Because I kind of think it seems like it's probably a granny drink, but like, my favorite late-night drink is an amaretto on ice.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay,

Speaker 9 more than I would have thought. It's basically like liquid marzipan.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 It's, I mean, I always like, I've never seen anybody else drink it, so I feel very at home now that there was a cheer for Amarato on ice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think I never order it. Would you ever order it in a bar? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 9 At the end of the night, though, it feels like a sort of a good kind of closer.

Speaker 1 When you're off home for your 3am curry.

Speaker 9 Just before finishing my meal and going home to fire up Grubhub and find the saddest Chinese meal I possibly can

Speaker 1 with the driest prawn crackers in a plastic bag.

Speaker 1 I like an amaretto sour. Oh, yeah.
Very nice cocktail.

Speaker 1 First of all was a whiskey sour guy and then got into the amaretto sours big time. So but I've never gone like just pure amaretto, which now I kind of think I will.
Oh.

Speaker 9 I was reading up about it before, I thought I'd do some amaretto research and uh it comes there's almond is in it, but also the two things you can extract from almonds is like the I guess the ameretta liqueur, but also cyanide.

Speaker 1 I didn't know about that. Oh, wow!

Speaker 9 So, I didn't know that cyanide came from almonds. That would be a good way to you know poison someone.

Speaker 1 I think, yeah, I mean, it would take a fucking long time, I reckon

Speaker 1 it would be slower than doing it with one bubble of sparkling water at a time.

Speaker 1 Because I once went through a real Brazil nut phase

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 I ate vouch for this. It was a big

Speaker 1 I ate half a kilo of Brazil nuts on a bus buck from Oxford.

Speaker 1 And then I googled Brazil nuts after I'd finished the bag, and it said they had a lot of selenium in them, and selenium can kill you.

Speaker 1 So I did a lot of panicked research, and I think you'd have to eat about maybe a thousand kilos.

Speaker 9 And how many kilos had you done on the bus trip?

Speaker 1 Well, then I cracked into my second half kilo bag.

Speaker 1 Because you were getting the bus, Ed, before you got on the bus when someone offered you the almonds,

Speaker 1 did you say, make it a whole bag I'm not driving you say that

Speaker 1 sorry it was Brazil nuts yeah it was

Speaker 1 oh man oh man are you right oh it's been lockdown's really taking its toll I'm rusty I'm rusty

Speaker 1 your dessert

Speaker 1 now this is now Edgar I what I would say to you is that obviously the amaretto quite a sweet drink yes so oh you piece of shit You don't

Speaker 1 feel, Edgar, like you obviously then, ooh, a bit sweet. You might need something to take the edge off the sweetness.
Maybe something a little bit more savoury for the final course of the meal.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 maybe something nice and savoury, like, hmm, maybe

Speaker 1 the pavement in Trafalgar Square, where I would throw you.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. You better not land next to the Burrata bar.

Speaker 1 Also, can we... Sorry, Edgar, before you give your cheeseboard choice.
What the fuck? No one's listening. No, no one's going to say that.

Speaker 1 We got a text saying that

Speaker 1 from someone went, a bit of intel about the queue. There's a lady with a cheese board on her head.

Speaker 1 Is there a lady here with a cheese board on her head? What's she gonna look like? Where's the word?

Speaker 1 Where is she? I don't know what I'm expecting from the end of this. There is genuinely...
Can we put the house lights up so I can see the lady's cheese board? She's under there.

Speaker 1 I can't describe how she looks to you. She has come with a cheese board hat.
She has made a cheese board.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, everyone up there.

Speaker 1 I love you.

Speaker 1 Get me a plate of spaghetti. There's something I want to try with you.

Speaker 1 Right. And then we can grate your head all over.
I don't want to say that.

Speaker 1 I think acceptable.

Speaker 1 Disgusting thing to say to a fan.

Speaker 1 Which bit?

Speaker 1 Get some spaghetti. There's something I want to try with you.

Speaker 1 And then saying you're going to grate her head or something.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be hosting this podcast solo because you've been cancelled after this. God, that would be the way I get cancelled, isn't it? Be a cheese creep.
Yeah, being a little cheese perv.

Speaker 1 Also, obviously before we move on,

Speaker 1 I don't know, there she is. Fuck you.

Speaker 9 Sorry, Adam.

Speaker 9 I have a controversial suggestion to settle this, because I would say, and also if this is the dream meal and also, like, calories are not a problem and money is no option, I would say that dessert and cheese are two different courses, am I right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 9 Because we haven't even got into petty forwards and all of that shit,

Speaker 1 no, but I think you know, sometimes you don't want anything sweet. You just say,

Speaker 1 the more sophisticated way to round up, go fuck yourselves. You can all go fuck yourselves.

Speaker 1 It's lovely for a type 1 diabetic to meet so many future type 2s. Okay.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. Sorry.

Speaker 1 See you in the Thames, you fucking pricks.

Speaker 1 He gets a bit testy when he's near the scene of the crime.

Speaker 9 I like to be a people pleaser.

Speaker 9 And I'm going to break the format and I'm going to say both.

Speaker 9 So wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 9 So

Speaker 9 but the cheese board comes second. The dessert comes first.
And I was going to say

Speaker 1 close the meal, Edgar. Thank you very much.
Close on cheese. The headliner.

Speaker 1 I appreciate it. I'll accept that.
Dessert is dessert. And the cheese board is a little after thing.
Fine.

Speaker 1 I've never said

Speaker 1 that I'm not okay with that. I've always stated

Speaker 1 There are multiple episodes, but I've said that's fine.

Speaker 9 The dessert I was going to go for, I'm kind of a sucker for anything chocolatey, but let's say a chocolate nemesis cake, which is pretty amazing. If you've ever had the one at the,

Speaker 9 there's a few at the

Speaker 9 River Cafe, there's a chocolate nemesis cake, which is.

Speaker 1 There you go. And it's like.

Speaker 1 He works there.

Speaker 1 He's clapping himself.

Speaker 1 Do you.

Speaker 1 like he's coming off at his own testimonial match

Speaker 9 do you do you make the chocolate nemesis cake? I don't but I am a chef but I'm not a PT chef.

Speaker 9 Listen, if you don't make the chocolate cake,

Speaker 1 take my applause back, you fucking asshole. Thought you made the chocolate nemesis cake.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 It's pretty exciting. Did you hook egg go up with some nemesis cake? The nemesis cake is insane.

Speaker 1 No, that was not the answer to the question I asked.

Speaker 9 Did you say that the nemesis cake has turned you insane?

Speaker 1 Maybe.

Speaker 1 We went to, for my dad's 60th birthday, we went to the River Cafe.

Speaker 1 And a man who was at my dad's 60th birthday is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 He went back to the kitchen to speak to one of the chefs and he came back and he was holding an artichoke.

Speaker 1 And he went, guys,

Speaker 1 the first artichoke of the season.

Speaker 1 And it was the first time my sister's boyfriend had ever been to like a gamble family event.

Speaker 1 And he was like, what the fuck is up with your family?

Speaker 1 And I think he was holding it up expecting applause, just like the first artichoke of the season. We're like, sit down, Chris.

Speaker 1 You and your fiancé are there slurping spaghetti between the two of you.

Speaker 1 Not sure about your family. They're a bit weird.

Speaker 9 I will say the other thing, because

Speaker 9 I was checking it with my girlfriend about the chocolate nemesis cake, and I said, I mean, it comes with ice cream, right? She goes, no, it comes with creme frache.

Speaker 9 She said, you ordered the ice cream as well.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 What if I never had chocolate nemesis cake?

Speaker 9 It's good. It's just like a gooey, like, you know, like a fondant cake.
It's really good it's a chocolate lava cake sort of yeah it's a fancy yeah i don't know i don't know who the nemesis is it's a

Speaker 1 mindset it's like a big baddie edger when you said chocolate nemesis cake i saw james going i know exactly what was happening in his head he thought it was a cake you could only get at alton towels

Speaker 1 that is what i thought i'm not even gonna pretend it wasn't You thought it was a cake you could only... I thought it was associated with the ride at Alton Towns.

Speaker 9 You thought it was a cake that you could only eat on the Nemesis ride.

Speaker 1 I didn't necessarily only eat there, but like I thought it would be based on there. Like I immediately thought the design would be quite complex of the cake.

Speaker 9 You have to queue for eight hours to eat some.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, for ages.

Speaker 1 My dad's here tonight. I probably shouldn't have said that, but

Speaker 1 when I was a kid, my parents surprised us by taking us to Alton Towers. They didn't tell us it was going to happen.
And I was nine years old.

Speaker 1 And they woke us up and they were like, hey, we're going to go somewhere for the day. And they were telling us, like, we're going to go to a deer park.
It was a little trick.

Speaker 1 And then we got to Alton Towers, and it was the best day. It was so much fun.
And I was in the queue for Nemesis with my dad, and I was really excited.

Speaker 1 And I looked up him and went, Dad, this has been the best day of my whole life.

Speaker 1 And he went, You're nine.

Speaker 1 Absolutely cornless.

Speaker 9 Did it get any better?

Speaker 1 No, that's still the best time on all, I don't know. So it's valid now.

Speaker 1 Honestly, there was a genuinely heartwarming moment backstage where I looked up in the green room and James and his dad were sat next to each other, both eating pastries in exactly the same way.

Speaker 1 Rotating them like that.

Speaker 1 I love you, Dad.

Speaker 9 Can I ask Mr. River Cafe something? Yeah.
Do you know why it's called the chocolate nemesis? Why is it called the nemesis?

Speaker 1 Now he's going to answer the question that I asked, that he's going to answer that one. Why is it called the chocolate nemesis, mate? I don't know.
It's been around for about 20, 30 years.

Speaker 1 That's more information than we expected. No.

Speaker 1 Outdides 30 years.

Speaker 1 I guess we'll never know it's been around so long. Yeah.
There's no one alive.

Speaker 9 And then...

Speaker 9 After I've woofed the chocolate nemesis cake and some ice cream, then the cheese board.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 And you have have it in the animal F. 15 minutes, take us through cheese by cheese, bite by bite.
You don't have to do that.

Speaker 1 After the chocolate nemesis cake, is it chocolate nemesis cake, then amaretto, then the cheese board?

Speaker 9 Amaretto at the end end.

Speaker 1 At the very end end. Okay, fair enough.
And the cheese board, I guess you're just getting that for a joke?

Speaker 1 What sort of cheeses do you want, Edgar? I would like more hard cheeses than soft cheeses.

Speaker 1 Lovely. But that's okay.

Speaker 9 And it's got to have the little quince tubes, uh, cubes or whatever they're called.

Speaker 1 Quince, right? Quince cubes, yeah. Quince jelly cubes.
Oh, you've got to have those. Absolutely.
Oh, man. So, what sort of hard cheeses would you like?

Speaker 9 I'm whatever's nice to say.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck you. I'll tell you what's nice to say: more ice cream.

Speaker 1 I'm not driving.

Speaker 1 I'll let you have the cheese board.

Speaker 1 Maybe, like, you know, you can have that by the hearth.

Speaker 1 Is that alright?

Speaker 1 I like to move people to the fireplace.

Speaker 9 Get off the table. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you say hearth? Hearth. Is that not the thing?

Speaker 1 Is that not the... A lot of people in here were like, oh, I think we're going to leave that alone, are we? No.

Speaker 1 I've said hearth all my life. Yeah.
And no one's corrected me on it, so this is a very bad moment to discover that's wrong.

Speaker 1 It's hearth. Yeah, it's hearth.
That's okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've just got to accept this like a champ.

Speaker 1 Everyone saw in my eyes when I said hearth that it wasn't me just getting it wrong.

Speaker 1 You know, as a one-off, they were like, yeah, he's believed that his whole life. So

Speaker 1 there's no point in me trying to sell it any different now. But how often does it come up, really? Not very often.
Only when I tell people, take that cheese board over to the hearth where it belongs.

Speaker 1 Still sounds right to me.

Speaker 9 But when they say, Do you want to retire to the hearth?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's the thing, I think.

Speaker 9 They're essentially saying, like, get, we want this table back.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 9 If they don't have a hearth, you're going to end up eating the cheese board on the side.

Speaker 1 It sounds like they're saying, Do you want to go over to the hearth? And they've got a lisp.

Speaker 1 Well, that's where someone should go if they ordered a cheese board, quite frankly.

Speaker 1 Straight into the hearth.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry for your loss.

Speaker 1 I'll be in the hearth. Please follow on.

Speaker 9 Sir, you've eaten the chocolate nemesis cake and a bowl of ice cream and the whole cheeseburger. Would you like to go to the hospital?

Speaker 1 Well, I think this is fun. I think that's quite a good menu.

Speaker 1 I'm going to read the menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Now, normally, Benito would write this down,

Speaker 1 and I would read it out.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 he will 100% not come out, by the way. He's not going to come out.
Listen, yeah, yeah. I want to see Benito.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fair enough. That will have put him off even more.

Speaker 1 There's no way.

Speaker 1 No way you will.

Speaker 1 But so I'll try and remember it by memory. Tricky.

Speaker 1 Remember it by memory. It's one of the classic ways.
Huh?

Speaker 1 Here we go. Here we go.
Edgar.

Speaker 1 You would like still water to start, nothing in it, as part of my ice cubes.

Speaker 9 No sparkling water ice cubes.

Speaker 1 No sparkling water ice cubes, this is the normal ice cubes in it. You want bread, and you want that bread with plenty of aioli.

Speaker 1 Spanish bread.

Speaker 1 Spanish bread.

Speaker 1 You would like, for your starter, you want the Canamari from Basaba. Your main, you would like fish and chips from fish and chips in Cornwall.

Speaker 1 With a side of the sweet corn from L Little Dom's.

Speaker 1 Your drink, you would like a

Speaker 1 Don't help me out. I'm going to get this.
You would like a martini, gin martini with a lemon twist. Later on, at the end of the meal, you would like an amaretto with ice.

Speaker 1 For your dessert, you would like a chocolate nemesis cake with ice cream, and then retire to the hearth for

Speaker 1 a cheese board,

Speaker 1 which I will allow.

Speaker 1 Great menu.

Speaker 1 Really good menu. And then it's home for a curry.

Speaker 1 Edgar Wright, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Board. Thank you, Edgar Wright, everyone.
Thank you, thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Edgar.

Speaker 1 And thank you so much to all of you for coming.

Speaker 1 It's been fucking brilliant. You've been amazing.

Speaker 1 We're going to... We'll probably go now, will we? Yeah, let's go.
Thanks, everyone. Cheers, everyone.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 9 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Well, there we are, James. The second in a run of two of Off Menu Live.
That is how it's done. What a great show that was.
Thank you so much to Edgar for coming down and doing that.

Speaker 1 Edgar's new film, The Sparks Brothers, about the band Sparks, it's absolutely fantastic.

Speaker 1 I loved it to bits. You can go and watch that at the cinema, James.
You can go and watch it at the the cinema. It'd be a wonderful experience.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we both love that film. And visually, it's a treat as well.
So go and see it on the big screen. Yes, do.

Speaker 1 And he has another film coming out soon called One Night in Soho. I'm not quite sure when that one's out, but do keep an eye out for it.
I'm very excited from the trailers. I'm buzzing for that one.

Speaker 1 Looks like that. It's right up my street.
He obviously did not say salad cream or

Speaker 1 salad cream. He did say Grubhub, which is an American thing.
Yeah, he wanted us to point that out.

Speaker 1 He he wanted to point that out that he made a mistake grub hub is an american thing and we've never had grub hub here i don't think that i don't think people thought badly of him for that james no one would think badly of you for that edgar come on don't worry about that man um so i'm sure we'll do live ones again at some point in the future james Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 1 We had a wonderful time at both those gigs. Thank you to everyone who turned up.
The Great Benito will present another live show forthwith.

Speaker 1 Come and see my tour. I'm doing a solo tour.
If you enjoyed Off Menu Live, imagine that. But with just me,

Speaker 1 and also it's not really about food. Actually, there is quite a long bit about food.

Speaker 1 But come and see The Great Bonito presents Ed Gamble Electric on tour in 2022. Edgamble.co.uk for tickets.
Thank you. Yes.
Also, The Great Bonito presents me at home. Wishing Ed all the best of luck.

Speaker 1 Thank you very much to The Great Bonito and also to James. Goodbye.

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