Ep 100: Ed Gamble and James Acaster (with special guest genie Claudia Winkleman)

Speaker 1 Oh no, it's James A Caster from the Off Menu Podcast, the podcast that you are listening to, and I have some news. I am going on tour round America, North America,

Speaker 1 from the 20th of January, starting in Toronto, and then finishing once again in Canada, in Vancouver, on the 15th of February. And in between, I'm going all over the place.

Speaker 1 I'm going to Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, D.C., Nashville, Austin, Texas, New Orleans, Atlanta, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles,

Speaker 1 San Francisco.

Speaker 1 You don't even need to edit that, like, to be smooth, Benito.

Speaker 1 They know I'm scrolling through my phone. That's what the cool kids do these days.
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Speaker 1 Uh-oh, 100, baby.

Speaker 1 100, baby.

Speaker 1 100 episodes, James. This is episode 100 of the Off-Menu podcast, and it's going to be a special one.
We never thought we'd do 100.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, I never thought we'd do that. A lot of we, a lot of we flying around there when I always knew, no, I didn't always know that we'd do 100, but I'd, you know, I hadn't planned to not do 100.

Speaker 1 But as is now in the public's knowledge, we've said it a lot. Uh, you assumed we'd do 10 and then stop.
Yeah, I thought that was the drill. Yeah,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 never been so happy to be wrong. I love it.
100 episodes, same age as the great Benito. 100.
People don't know that about the 100-year-old, great Benito, tiny little old man.

Speaker 1 Yes, well done, Great Bonito, for producing 100 spectacular episodes, going through the editing.

Speaker 1 He doesn't like to be thanked, and he doesn't like people to know that he edits it all with his gnarled 100-year-old fingers. Yes, just flaking skin on to his keyboard at home.

Speaker 1 Well, thank you, Flaky Bonito, Bonito Flex. Obviously, say Bonito Flex.

Speaker 1 Obviously. Why would I say Flaky Bonito first?

Speaker 1 It's a food-based pun about Bonito having flaky skin. Of course, Bonito Flex.
But anyway, let's not get waylaid. It's going to be a special episode, I think.
I hope.

Speaker 1 When it's 100 episodes, any podcast has to do something special. True.

Speaker 1 We knew what the obvious thing was to do, and we tried to get round it and think of other things to do because we thought we've got to put it off, do ours another time, but we couldn't resist.

Speaker 1 We think that anyone else, the listeners would be annoyed if we didn't do our menus for the 100th episode. And they'd be annoyed if only one of us did our menu as well.

Speaker 1 So they'd be like, well, what about the other? We're going to wait another 100 episodes. And that person gets 200 episodes to decide what they're going to have.
That's not fair to the first person.

Speaker 1 Exactly. So we're going dining together, aren't we, Ed?

Speaker 1 We're going for a little uh fantasy dream meal together James but it's in a dream restaurant where obviously we get our separate menus don't you worry about that uh it's probably gonna be a long episode because we've got a lot of food to talk about yeah this is two meals worth here two meals worth and I'm relinquishing my powers.

Speaker 1 I'm not a genie for this episode. He has no powers, but powers, of course, have to inhabit some vessel.
So we will be handing James's powers over to the waiter in the dream restaurant.

Speaker 1 We're having a night off. We've searched through the temp agencies and we found who we believe to be the perfect waiter and maitre d for the dream restaurant for one night only.
And that is Claudia

Speaker 1 Winkleman. Claudia Winkleman, a previous dining guest of the dream menu, of course, very popular episodes, Claudia Winkleman's.
So it's very exciting for us that she can come back in now as a worker.

Speaker 1 Yes, I think Claudia's going to be such a great host.

Speaker 1 In that episode, we talked to her she hated water, she did loads of sound effects, she was passionate about food, and I know she'll leave no stone unturned when we tell her what our wonderful menus are.

Speaker 1 And also, let's not forget, she's just a consummate broadcaster. Let's not forget that.
Strings to her bow. So many strings.

Speaker 1 So no secret ingredient because there's absolutely no way we're going to get booted out of our own restaurant. No, thank you.
I mean, we'd be idiots to set a secret ingredient for ourselves.

Speaker 1 I would like to request, though, that sometime during the night, Jade Addams walks in and gets kicked out instantly. Yes, of course, absolutely.
That's definitely going to happen.

Speaker 1 You may not be able to hear that happen in the episode, but trust me, it does. It does happen at some point.
Jade will come in and go, table, pa-wah!

Speaker 1 They get shut out immediately. We should just get on with it then, I reckon, James.
Obviously, we're very excited. We're very happy to have made it to 100 episodes.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 thank you to the listener. We'll do proper thanks after the episode, I'd imagine, but we're very excited to be here.

Speaker 1 Just know going into the episode that we're grateful for you listening to the podcast. Yes, we are grateful.

Speaker 1 Because then, if we say it now before the episode, they'll probably listen to us with a kinder ear when we say the menus.

Speaker 1 We love you. Please listen with kind ears.
Thank you. So, without further ado, this is the off-menu menus of Ed Gamble, Ed Gamble, and James A Caster, presented by Claudia Winkleman.

Speaker 19 Before I do anything, I just like to say out loud, this is quite major. This is not what normally happens because I am honoured.

Speaker 19 That's what I'm going to use that word, to welcome James and Ed to the Dream Restaurant.

Speaker 1 Thank you very much, Claudia. There we go.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 We're honored to have you. There we go.
Oh, it's the Dream Restaurant has a bird in it today.

Speaker 19 Well, we're in Tahiti.

Speaker 19 I am a facilitator today because what's happening, just to share with the group, it's your 100th episode of the best podcast of all time, let's be honest.

Speaker 1 Correct.

Speaker 19 And today,

Speaker 19 you two, this is huge, are going to share your menus.

Speaker 1 Yes. And I've given you temporarily the genie powers.
I've transferred them over to you. Thank you.
We did the

Speaker 1 ceremony beforehand.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 19 I mean, it was a lot. It was a long ceremony, three and a half hours of humming.

Speaker 1 Yes, a lot of humming. And you were very good throughout.
You were very respectful. Now, Claudia, obviously, the idea is you use those genie powers to create our dream menus when we ask for them.

Speaker 1 But obviously, while you've got them, it would seem a shame to not use them for some other stuff. Is there anything else you'll be using the genie powers for?

Speaker 19 No, this is what everyone needs to grasp: is

Speaker 19 this is not about me.

Speaker 19 This is what you two like doing. You like asking questions.
You have an opinion about a side dish. You're like, what spoon would you use with that?

Speaker 19 That's now this is on YouTube.

Speaker 1 You spotted my trick there, Claudia. I'm so, this is, I'm so nervous about doing my dream menu.

Speaker 1 It's, I've just, I've realised as I'm trying to do it that it's an awful thing to ask someone to put someone in this position. And we've done it 99 times.

Speaker 1 So I was trying to ask you what you do, the genie powers, to try and make this about you rather than us because I'm terrible.

Speaker 19 Nothing to do with me, mate.

Speaker 19 Let me ask you this. At what juncture did you start? Have you always, when you've talked to other people, thought that's madness, I'd never choose that.

Speaker 19 Have you always, in the back of your head, got your dream menu?

Speaker 1 No. No, absolutely not.
Because

Speaker 1 I've done it, but this is what my menu is now as of this second. But if you asked me tomorrow, it would be different.

Speaker 19 That's very fickle.

Speaker 19 It's very fickle and a bit weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's the lucky thing about being the hosts.
Fingers crossed, we do another 100 episodes after this. And on 200, we could do another one of these.
And we can show how we've grown as people.

Speaker 1 That's what this podcast is really about.

Speaker 19 Or what would be adorable is if you had exactly the same. Oh, that would be fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be sweet.

Speaker 19 She went, do you know what? I was right. Do you know what?

Speaker 1 There are some things on this menu.

Speaker 1 Actually, you said about have we always had it in the back of our heads. And if I'm honest, I've always had a notes in my phone where I've written down all the things that are contenders.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And anytime I have anything that's amazing, I've put it in my Google notes because I thought, well, I'm going to have to do this one day, clearly.

Speaker 1 Didn't know when it would be, but I knew the day would come.

Speaker 19 That's quite erotic. So you're at dinner with your girlfriend and you say, hold on a sec, darling.
I've just had had a buttered parsnip with a honey glaze. I'm going to stop you there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And wrote it in.
Sometimes I've got the parsnip in my mouth and my eyes are closed. I'm in ecstasy and my hands are still writing down in the notes.

Speaker 19 Manically.

Speaker 1 The parsnip.

Speaker 19 James, who have you shared this menu with? Did you want to check with anyone? Was it a parent? Was it a friend?

Speaker 1 I did check with my girlfriend.

Speaker 1 I did tell her. Well, I didn't check with her, actually.
She was nosy and wanted to know what it was beforehand.

Speaker 19 Because you're constantly in Google Notes. She thinks you're having an affair.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. She doesn't believe me.
She's like, well, let me see the notes then. She knows, James.
She knows he's definitely not having an affair.

Speaker 1 Her first thought was he's probably writing that down in a note to remind himself later on. Yeah, he's probably writing down what food he likes or he's remembered an album that he likes in 2016.

Speaker 1 He's absolutely losing this guy. But yeah, I did tell her.
And she didn't, you know, there wasn't a point where she went, what?

Speaker 1 So I think, yeah, that was reassuring.

Speaker 1 But there is some things on it which,

Speaker 1 I don't know, there's potential for crossover with Ed's menu here.

Speaker 1 And I would be excited if we get, I don't know if there's a special rule where if we say the same thing, something happens in the dream restaurant. I think we have to kiss.
We have to kiss, don't we?

Speaker 19 No, well, not everybody has to stop what they're doing, step away from Zoom and do a roly-poly.

Speaker 1 That's ideal.

Speaker 19 That's what happens in our house. Something major happens.
Just, all right, guys, mat out.

Speaker 1 Let's do it.

Speaker 19 And I'm 49, that's quite something. Ed, is there anything that has made you slightly nervous?

Speaker 1 What's giving you the wobbles, as it were? Well, I mean, all of it gives me the wobbles, but in a good way, as in I'll slap my tummy after I've eaten it.

Speaker 1 But I think

Speaker 1 I've maybe, have I messed with the format?

Speaker 1 As I went through it, I found our format too restrictive. Oh, goodness.

Speaker 1 So I've danced around the... That's bold.
I've danced around the outskirts of the format, but in a way that previous guests have done. So I'm hoping it'll be allowed.
Yes.

Speaker 19 are you nervous because the the people who listen to this show love this show they love the two of you they often listen to episodes more than once are you thinking about pleasing them are you thinking about your fans the off-menu people who make memes i've still got ones coming to me of mr burns you know if they go well james has let us down because he's chosen partridge i mean

Speaker 1 are you worried about that no i'm firstly i'm not worried about james choosing partridge i'm not I don't know if that's not.

Speaker 19 Nobody would choose partridge, not even a partridge. Well, especially a partridge.

Speaker 1 Continue.

Speaker 1 I think the people who listen to this will be happy with a lot of different outcomes.

Speaker 1 So if they're just straight up nice menus and they think they sound delicious, they'll be like, yes, we're on board with that. We like food.

Speaker 1 If the menus are awful, they'll enjoy making fun of us on the internet.

Speaker 1 If me and James really come to blows over something,

Speaker 1 I think that's the best outcome for them. You know, if the worst thing happens and I do what everyone wants me to do um which i'm not going to say out loud now uh james will absolutely lose his mind

Speaker 1 well i'm not sure i've been thinking about that i have i've been thinking about what if he does it and if he does it what am i going to do and in this instance i'll be so consoled by my own menu right that it won't affect me as much normally

Speaker 1 the menu that the guest brings to to the dream restaurant is the only menu I get to hear that day. And

Speaker 1 when they, you know, do something horrible it really annoys me because i'm like oh we had such a lovely chat and now on this but now i get to conjure up my own well claudia conjures up uh my dream meal for me so maybe but i don't know i still might i don't know how i'm going to feel if he does it before we enter right i mean we're here but before we let's say we're in the ante-room the lobby briefly what would your dream restaurant look like are you on a beach are you in a crowded pub is there open brickwork

Speaker 1 i think there is open brickwork, you know. Yeah.
I feel like there is open brickwork. I like a sort of large, spaced-out dining room, but buzzy.
I want buzzy.

Speaker 1 I want sort of like hard surfaces, wood floors,

Speaker 1 atmosphere, but everyone's spaced out still. You've got plenty of room, but you can hear the hubble and bubble, but you can't hear what the hubble and bubble is regarding.
Got you.

Speaker 1 And exposed brickwork.

Speaker 19 And exposed brickwork. Some sort of plant action.
Yeah, they often go together. Cool.

Speaker 1 Vines. Some vines.
Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 19 There you go. Ring-a-ding-ding.
Hence the macaw earlier.

Speaker 1 When you say exposed brickwork, it makes me think of a brick flashing someone. Yeah, that's what I want.
I want brick dicks everywhere.

Speaker 19 That's an option. James, what's your dream? You're walking in, you're holding hands.
I pull back the curtain.

Speaker 1 What does it look like?

Speaker 1 Well, see, this is where I think I'm actually very unimaginative because instead of imagining my own perfect restaurant that I've made in my head, I'm just imagining Noma in Copenhagen. Right.

Speaker 1 Because you said that we were in the little bit beforehand before going in. and that's my favorite experience I've ever I mean it's the best meal out I've ever had

Speaker 1 and this is no spoilers because weirdly none of it has made it onto my menu but it is the best meal out I've ever had and before you go in they put you in like a little greenhouse that's like got all the stuff they've been working on and growing and there's a bunch of jars that have fermented stuff in them and you get given a little a little drink some hibiscus drink and just looking around at all the the stuff getting excited about tasting these flavours.

Speaker 1 And then you have a little walk as well, and you go past a little burning fire, and you get to smell the brunkiness of the fire.

Speaker 1 And then you go into the main restaurant, and everyone comes out and says hello to you, like you've walked past a pond with some bread, and all the ducks come and they're excited.

Speaker 1 All the staff come up and said hello.

Speaker 1 And the Danish for hello is quack as well. They were quacking at us.
And then they sat us by the window as well.

Speaker 1 I think that's what I would like in the dream restaurant: to be sat by a massive window. so it's not even they have this as well at uh t-bay services um

Speaker 1 i think the the the the two best places i've ever been for a meet uh with noma and strong link yeah and uh i want a huge window that is more window than wall and there'd be a pond right by the window and uh i can just look out at like the water And I want to be able to see a sunset at some point during the meal.

Speaker 19 This is good. I'm there.

Speaker 1 See, weirdly, when I was thinking of my dream restaurant, I was thinking of Cadeau in Copenhagen, but I didn't want to say it because I was worried I'd sound wanky. But now James has done that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to hop on the back of that. Mine is Cadeau in Copenhagen.
Two tickets to Copenhagen, please. I mean, absolutely, please.

Speaker 1 That is the first place I'm going to go when we can go places internationally. Me too.
Nice. See you there.
Yeah, done.

Speaker 19 My husband is Danish. He'll be very happy.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That wet-mouthed motherfucker.
Wet-mouthed.

Speaker 19 That dribbling dolphin.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to say quack, quack, and spraying everywhere.

Speaker 19 It's disgusting. Massive, wet tongue.

Speaker 1 Never mind.

Speaker 19 I've got to ask you a question, if that's all right. And there's going to be sound effects, and I'm excited.

Speaker 1 Still or sparkling water?

Speaker 1 Do you know what? It's so exciting having it asked to us and having Claudia asking us.

Speaker 19 James, what are you... Do you always go for the same thing?

Speaker 1 What are you going to have? Well, here's the thing, though. I'm worried.
Because I actually haven't checked with Benito as to whether there's a secret ingredient for this episode.

Speaker 1 And normally the secret ingredient is something that Ed and I as the host don't like. I know that you hate water.
I'm now worried that the joke is me and Ed get kicked out immediately

Speaker 1 during the water course.

Speaker 19 No, there is no secret ingredient. That's only for you two to do.

Speaker 1 No. I relax.

Speaker 19 So I'm holding two bottles. Oh, do you like your view of the window with the pond and the 24-hour sunset, sir?

Speaker 1 What can I pour you? Here's the thing. So if I had to choose between still and sparkling water, I'd choose still water.

Speaker 1 And I think I would be more excited if it had some cucumber in it

Speaker 1 and some. You appear to be eating in a spa.
Huh? You appear to be eating in a spa, James. Yes, well, well, I mean, A, you drink water.

Speaker 1 So I don't know if you're eating a glass of water, Ed, like a madman. Yeah, but why you put cucumber in it? It just makes everything taste like cucumber.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that's the point of adding stuff to it. Sorry, I didn't want, I actually said to myself before this,

Speaker 1 I didn't want this to be a fight, because I think James has excellent tastes. Let him live.

Speaker 19 He wants a big pool and and some cucumber water and a foot rub.

Speaker 1 It's a very profound point, Ed, to point out that when you add an ingredient to something, they then taste of that ingredient. And I agree that if you add cucumber, it'll taste of cucumber.

Speaker 1 I like the cucumber when it's sliced really long. Oh, yeah.
When they do the diagonal slice. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 19 Gotcha.

Speaker 1 Gotcha. Why do you prefer that? Tastes better.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. This is the only one where I was like...
Everything else on my menu, I'm excited about. The water course, I really wanted, because I wanted to nail every single part of this menu.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and the water course, I was like, nothing's inspiring me here. I haven't had a water somewhere that's really blown my mind.

Speaker 1 And I thought, I know who's hosting this. They might let me do an immediate loophole

Speaker 1 and just replace the water. I've said what I would have still sparkling.

Speaker 19 Yeah, and we know that. And also, it's your show.
Loophole away.

Speaker 1 But maybe if I crack open a can, Coston, Coston, Coston Press.

Speaker 1 It's the water corset. Costard is the baiest.

Speaker 1 He's written the song. You can't deny that.
He wants a Coston Press. It's got water in it.
To be fair, I've gone sparkling, really. It's a mildly sparkling, soft drink.
Rhubarb, Corsten Press,

Speaker 1 it's got apples in it. It's mainly apple-based, but then this is of the rhubarb flavour.
I love it. I drink it so much.
To me, it's like water. This is what my logic is.

Speaker 1 I love it so much that it's just become a normal flavour to me. I wouldn't really pick it as my dream drink and stuff like that because I just drink it all the time.

Speaker 1 It's my water. It's Courst and Press.

Speaker 1 And so therefore, if I want to be excited about every element of this meal, I would want to sit down in a restaurant by the big window, see the pond, and the waiter just comes over and pours me,

Speaker 1 pours everyone on the table a glass of Coursten Press from a jug and walks away. And everyone goes, well, this is a surprising start to our meal at Noma.
Bhubarb. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 19 I've come all the way to Denmark.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 19 I think, Ed, if there's no objection, I think that's okay.

Speaker 1 Well, Claudia, I can't object because you'll find that way when I give you my choice of spittle sparkling water.

Speaker 19 Oh, gosh, here we go.

Speaker 19 The only thing I want to ask you about the Corston Press rhubarb, is that in a short glass or a tall glass, and does it have ice? And would you be wanting a straw? Just to really

Speaker 1 got to drill down.

Speaker 19 I'd like those details, please.

Speaker 1 Ice is a con, so I'm not having ice.

Speaker 1 You're not going to get me that way. No one's again, that's a very James Acaster phrase.
You're not going to get me that way. No one's trying to get you, mate.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. No one's trying to get you.
Just a chat. Everyone's trying to get me on this.

Speaker 1 I'm not being tricked by the ice. Ice fills up the glass, takes up the space that could be used for Corst and Press.
Unless the ice cubes are frozen Corst and press. Oh.
Which I'll be open to.

Speaker 1 Actually, that's what I want. Yeah.
Yeah, that's what you want, mate. Yeah, but I don't want cubes.
I want the crushed ice.

Speaker 1 that's made of Corston press, fill the glass up with that, pour the Corston press on it. That's what I'd like.

Speaker 1 So there's a jug of Corst and Press in the middle of the table that I can keep on topping up my glass, but it's crushed dice that is made from Corst and Press.

Speaker 19 And that, but that's going to melt, that's going to bang into your teeth.

Speaker 1 Are you using a straw? No. No.
I've never seen you use a straw. Yeah, I'm not really a straw guy.

Speaker 1 He can't purse his lips, Claudia. He has an open mouth all the time.
Do you know what, though? I would use a straw if it was one of those, you know, novelty curly straws. Yeah, round the bend.

Speaker 19 That's fun. They said happy birthday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I like watching that.
That's really fun. Okay.
So yeah, maybe I'd have one of those straws.

Speaker 19 I'm very happy with your answer.

Speaker 19 Are you delighted with that? Is that made

Speaker 19 more palatable?

Speaker 1 Especially the crushed ice, because I hate ice cubes, but then I've remembered I actually love crushed ice. And I think it's really cool.
So like, actually, I'm really happy with that.

Speaker 1 Especially if it's the same flavour as the drink. I know what you mean.
I think crushed ice is really cool.

Speaker 1 And I think it comes from when you go over to a friend's house when you're younger and they have that fridge with the ice machine on the front.

Speaker 1 And I think I only had like one friend who had that and I would just spend all day at their house being like crushed ice or cubes crushed ice or cubes it's so exciting and crushed ice was the coolest because you see cubes every day right yeah see cubes all the time no one cares about also I don't like a cube of ice in my mouth it sometimes does that little screechy sound and that yeah

Speaker 1 do you know what I mean Benita looks confused because you can't purse your lips again so it just falls out doesn't it can't purse them just just falls out for everything in this meal is going to fall out my mouth that's why I'm next to the window

Speaker 19 next to the window with a bib yeah all right I'm delighted with that if you are I'm so happy with it I was worried that I was

Speaker 1 do you know what I was really worried that I was going to immediately get told no you can't have that not by you but by Edward Gamble and then I looked at him and realised he's done the same thing yeah of course yes Ed I've got to ask you then so I've just put a bit of jug of crushed rhubarb flavoured fizzy water would you like still or sparkly I'll have a pint of Guinness please please

Speaker 1 I can have water at home I'm not going to my dream restaurant and kicking off with the water. I can have that at the tap.
I'll have two liters of water before I go in to hydrate myself.

Speaker 1 I'll have easy access to a toilet.

Speaker 1 And for still a sparkling water, I would like a pint of Guinness, which they still recommend to drink after a marathon as the ultimate hydration tool with iron and other vitamins included.

Speaker 1 One pint of draft Guinness. I miss it so much.
Thank you very much. Bought up a marathon immediately.

Speaker 19 I mean, I feel bad about letting the rhubarb fizzy wall because the rhubarb causten world whatever it is seems to me water that has just sort of made eye contact with some rhubarb flavoring sure Guinness I'm going to ask you your drink later no problem that's coming up that's like asking for a side dish for water it's not it's still it's it's it's a very hydrating liquid it's uh it's delicious it's it's better water essentially Someone's made better water.

Speaker 1 Water is still the base of beers and stouts. So there's still water in there.
It's still mainly water.

Speaker 19 I have a question. Please.
Is it not going to fill you up too much? No. I mean, I don't know what your menu is.
It might just be frise lettuce and a tiny timbal of...

Speaker 19 But a whole pint of Guinness, you're going to need to have a lie down.

Speaker 1 No, I am extremely greedy. I do drink.

Speaker 1 I was actually, when I worked in a pub, I was accused by the landlord of drinking Guinness like water.

Speaker 1 So I don't know whether I'm going to add that to my portfolio of evidence.

Speaker 1 I can swig Guinness. I I can knock it back.
I could drink four pints of Guinness before I start to feel full.

Speaker 1 But I would like one pint of draft Guinness, please, for my still a sparkling water course.

Speaker 19 James, how are you feeling about this?

Speaker 1 Well, number of questions.

Speaker 1 I feel in a number of ways.

Speaker 1 You respect me massively, obviously. Well, look, I always respect you no matter what.
But that doesn't mean I like you.

Speaker 1 Here's what I've done, Ed. Here's my question to you.
Any loophole that I've applied to my menu, my rule for myself was I'm not doing any new loopholes that we haven't had on the podcast before.

Speaker 1 They're only loopholes that I've let people get away with on the podcast so that we're playing within the rules. Claudia, when she was on, changed her water to, I believe, a soft drink.

Speaker 1 So I was like, right, I'm going with Corst and Press. Sure.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 19 I swapped it for a mug of macaroni cheese. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was it.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, in many ways, the Guinness kind of has to stand up. Yeah, the Guinness has to stay.

Speaker 1 Especially if it's Claudia running this dream restaurant today and she's trying to tell me I'm not allowed Guinness, sat there with a steaming hot mug of pasta.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to flag it up.

Speaker 1 No, and you're right to flag it up. I knew it was going to cause a discussion, but I think we can all agree it's a great choice.
And let's move on. How about this?

Speaker 1 When they finish pouring your Guinness. Yeah.
When they're just finishing it on the tap, just getting to the end,

Speaker 1 their heads there. What if they wrote in the phone H2O? I mean, I'd be impressed.
Yeah. I'd be happy with that

Speaker 1 if we're all happy to agree with that.

Speaker 19 So this is a different day and it's you two talking to a guest. Yeah.
It's Dean Gaffney. He comes on and he says, because what happens with loopholes is they occur normally at the end.

Speaker 19 You know what I mean? You're 90 minutes in, everyone's jovial and you go, please, can my side dish be a tiramisu? And everyone's like, ah, get out of here. Bye.
Thanks for coming.

Speaker 19 To go in hard with I'm not having water is bold.

Speaker 1 And I'm just wondering if you two are there, gaffney whoever it is i'm obsessed by him and he asked for that where are you going with that as the creators as the hosts of the show well if gaffney asked for a pint of guinness so much respect to gaffney yeah of course because i'd be like oh damn it that's what i would have chosen we've not done my menu yet yeah fine i'd respect gaffney for choosing a pint of guinness if he could argue it like i have like there's the marathon evidence There's the, you know, the actual creation of Guinness.

Speaker 1 And there's also the, let's not forget what the landlord said to me, Claudia, at the Rains Park Tavern.

Speaker 19 Where you could drink four pints without even being full.

Speaker 1 Well, exactly. And I agree.
Look, I agree. It's cheap.
It's a cheeky choice, but I think we're going to have to let it fly. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 19 Guys,

Speaker 19 you have your beverages. You are in open brickwork.
You are by a pond. Let us continue.
I can't do it the way you do it because

Speaker 1 that would be ridiculous. Try and do it.
No. Try and do it.

Speaker 19 I'm too old.

Speaker 1 I can both of you, I can be your grandmothers.

Speaker 19 Like, sometimes you've just got to know your place.

Speaker 1 I was so kind of like, I thought a lot about just this episode. And I thought, oh, you know,

Speaker 1 this is obviously, because of the pandemic, we've had to do it over Zoom. But for ages, it's been this thing where, you know, we might have to record this episode in person.

Speaker 1 That's how it's always been in my head. Yeah.
And that someone will have to try and scare me by shouting pop-adoms or bread and make me jump.

Speaker 1 And I was like, well, we're doing it over Zoom, so that's not going to happen.

Speaker 1 And then paranoid as I am, I started being like, what if Benito sorts something out where he pays my girlfriend to jump in and just shout popadoms or bread when I'm not expecting it I mean James look behind you

Speaker 19 I'm gonna say it in a calm manner because I've got I've got two baskets as I come over that's just the situation they're attached to me they're attached to my hair I've created plaits and then they go into two large baskets one has bread in it lovely different assortment your choice the other one has got poppadoms so you're quite weighed down on one side would you say

Speaker 19 it's a good point, but the poppadoms are also, they have a selection of dips.

Speaker 1 Right, okay, in

Speaker 19 quite heavy base bottom ceramic urns. So I'm even down, no problem.

Speaker 1 Seesaw has sorted itself out.

Speaker 19 Ed, I'm asking you, what you gonna have?

Speaker 1 It's bread, Claudia, but I'm being very specific about this. Look, I like poppadoms, but I think I only get a hankering for a curry once every six months.
That's all.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is all. I'm not really like a big curry guy.
I did get the hankering about two nights ago. I had a lovely curry and very much enjoyed the poppadums that came with it.

Speaker 1 But I'm never buying poppadoms outside of a curry hankering. So, you know, I rarely have them.
I have them twice a year. So I couldn't, in good conscience, choose poppadoms.

Speaker 1 Bread I have on a regular basis. I love bread.
It's a lifelong love affair with bread. I absolutely love it.
We're getting specific with this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think it's mad when anyone comes on and they don't choose garlic bread because it's the best bread. I think it's a way of getting an extra side in for me choosing garlic bread at this stage.

Speaker 1 And this is another more specific thing. It's garlic bread with cheese and marmite from Yard Sale Pizza.
Wow.

Speaker 19 I mean I'm on board. Is it platted?

Speaker 1 It's not platted. No.

Speaker 1 It's a flatbread pizza situation. So it's basically the pizza dough, garlic butter, Marmite, and then cheese on top.
And the way the Marmite reacts.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's just yeasty and sharp and with the oh, with the mozzarella cheese and with the garlic butter. I order a pizza from yard sale, but I always order the garlic bread with Marmite and cheese.

Speaker 1 And I think that's my favourite bit.

Speaker 19 Is it cut into triangles or are you breaking off strips?

Speaker 1 No, I think it is actually cut into sort of across ways. It's cut into thick strips and then one across.
So it's sort of in half and then strips within the halves.

Speaker 1 And it's never done accurately because it's proper, you know, handmade stuff. They're not getting a machine to do that.
So they're knocking it out. So obviously I'm straight in for the biggest bit.

Speaker 1 Biggest bit but also middle bit extra cheese or do you like the slightly charred round the outside i like both of those bits but i normally go for the middle bit with the extra cheese in in the middle first because i'm a big cheesy boy what what kind of bread is it it's it's uh it's like dough it's just like flatbread basically like pizza bread well yeah i mean you know it's dough i am very surprised at this well what you're doing here is garlic bread is often in i'm going to use a word the C word chibata isn't it yes that's what you have or like a French or a baguette yeah Thank you.

Speaker 1 A baguette.

Speaker 19 And then it's sliced and in it goes. And then suddenly we're in dough ball world.

Speaker 19 Yeah. You don't need to comment on them where it's that's a different kind of dough.
And that's what you're talking about, but it's laid out flat and is more artisanal.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like a garlic pizza bread, but it's very thin, very crispy. Apart from the middle, which is a little bit soggier because there's the extra cheese and extra butter, like you say.

Speaker 1 So there's a range of textures within that. You're going all around the world there.
And it is, it's just phenomenal.

Speaker 19 Talk to me about the ratio.

Speaker 1 what how marmitey is it or are you just using it for the yeast you know the marmite's there you can taste that marmite but it's not of course it's not thick it's uh it's a thin it's a thin spreading of marmite just for the just for the flavor but you you know it's there the garlic's still punching through though good

Speaker 19 james are you immediately like i am sitting there thinking i can't believe i didn't choose that because it sounds outstanding oh it sounds outstanding oh but i've never eaten it before it'd be mad if i changed my order to that now

Speaker 1 are you surprised, James? Why are you surprised? We talked about garlic bread on the podcast in the past, and you said your favourite garlic bread is the baguette, sweaty garlic bread. It's the best.

Speaker 1 It is, but. And so when you said garlic bread, I immediately imagined that.
And then you said with cheese and marmite on it. I was like, that sounds absolutely brilliant.

Speaker 1 And then you said it was pizza bread. And I was like, oh, you know, having a little marmite and cheese pizza.
Well, I've always, I think this is my favourite garlic bread.

Speaker 1 Generally, my favourite form of garlic bread would be the baguette, the sweaty baguette. But this specifically, I don't think anywhere else does this.
So this is only yard sale pizza.

Speaker 1 And I've always had in the back of my mind that I'm choosing this.

Speaker 1 So it's, I think maybe when garlic bread has come up recently on the podcast, I've sort of maybe not talked about this deliberately because I knew I was going to bring it up. Saving it.

Speaker 1 Saving it in the Rolodex. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, you know, an actor in the MCU, just doing an interview and thinking, don't mention it. Don't give him any spoilers.
Can't do it. Don't give it to the fighty old man on the back.

Speaker 19 James,

Speaker 19 I've got my two laden baskets.

Speaker 1 What's this going to be?

Speaker 1 I don't know what he's going to say. I would like to know what Ed thinks.
The thing is, I think you probably talk about poppadoms more than you talk about bread. I know you like bread, sure.

Speaker 1 We've shared some wonderful sandwiches, but I think you're possibly going to go poppadoms here. Interesting.

Speaker 1 So the whole reason why poppadoms or bread even exists in the podcast, because people sometimes have a go at us for it and they're like why those two options and blah blah blah and we have let people choose other things but like you know it's basically anything that you would be offered at this point in the meal um but the reason it exists is because you know every time i've been out for a curry and they've brought poppadoms out i've been so excited and so delighted that the poppadoms are here and i've never really felt like that when they bring the bread out before normally when they bring the bread out pre-meal i thought oh god no i've got to resist eating this now otherwise i'm going to spoil my meal and this is and then if it's nice you're like oh no's going to eat this, and I know I'm going to be too full later.

Speaker 1 But with the poppadoms, I'm like, I can't wait to smash them. I can't wait to use all the dips.
In general, I like poppadoms more than I like bread.

Speaker 1 And so, I wanted to ask guests this because I wanted to know

Speaker 1 who agrees with me. And every time they say poppadoms, you can hear that I'm a bit more happy.
I always do a little bit of a celebration because I'm really happy they've chosen the poppadoms.

Speaker 1 And I like getting to ask the same questions over and over again about the pop-a-doms. I love it.

Speaker 1 And the best place I've ever had poppadoms is a place in Edinburgh where me and my friends, we stayed on this, in the same house for three or four years, and just a few doors down was Kathmandu Namaste, a great curry house.

Speaker 1 And we would go there, and the popadoms they do there, while they're in the fryer, they fold them up somehow as they're frying them so that you get like a little triangle, like a cone, and it's just even crispier than a normal poppadom.

Speaker 1 And those are my favourite pop-adoms in the the world.

Speaker 19 They sound amazing.

Speaker 1 However,

Speaker 1 I'm going bread.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 19 That was like a... You were describing a love affair.
And I was in.

Speaker 1 Were you in, Ed? I mean, I was like... I was in the cone.
I was in the middle of the cone. I was naked.
And I was covering myself in mango jutney. Or listen.
Yeah. But this is the thing.

Speaker 1 I'm doing loopholes that other people have done. And I don't know if you're- Are you doing a loophole for every course, mate? No.
I don't know. Okay.
I might be.

Speaker 1 I don't know if anyone's done the loophole, pop-a-doms and bread before. I don't know if we've let that slide.
And

Speaker 1 I don't mind if I'm not allowed it. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Especially after your big chat at the beginning about you're only doing loopholes that other people have done and you're trying poppadoms and bread, which you're not sure anyone's done before.

Speaker 1 I don't think they have.

Speaker 19 No, and also the key thing when you shout it is, if you don't mind me saying the word or.

Speaker 1 Yes. So I don't mind not being allowed it.
If I have to choose poppadums or bread, I'm going bread and it's a very specific bread because there's this one bread that has won me over.

Speaker 1 And weirdly as well, the guy who made it he's yo i had the meal delicious and he said to me big fan of the podcast and i went well i'll tell you this mate i've always thought in my head that i'd always choose popadoms and do poppadoms of bread that bread you gave me at the start that's just knocked off popadoms for me and then he did he did a little a little happy dance that guy did

Speaker 1 he was very happy about it so jovial it was at a pop-up restaurant next to the dairy ed in was that clapham in clapham yeah but it's next door to that the dairy is now shut by the way yes rest in peace but uh i believe they're they're now they've now opened in bermondsey and they're called the bermondsey larder definitely go there then because delicious food uh it was open at this point when i went to the pop-up next door and the pop-up didn't have a toilet so you had to go in the dairy to use the toilet lovely to be in there lovely to pop in it was called alter a lt e r that's how you spell alter tiny little place and straight away you sit down and he gave us it was basically it's quite similar to ed's in a way pizza bread

Speaker 1 so there was his fingers of bread which were basically like pizza crust that he'd made, but like the fluffiest, airiest pizza crust. And he had dusted it in this

Speaker 1 homemade rub or spice, you know, just a mixture of herbs and spices that made it taste exactly like the most delicious pizza. Wow.

Speaker 19 But it's dry.

Speaker 1 It's dry. So the dust in is just completely dry and it's his pizza crust finger covered in this dust that tastes exactly like a pizza with this dip.
I'm looking now.

Speaker 1 I think that they've now got an actual restaurant as well. Shout out.
Is it still called Alta? Yes, so yeah, it's still called Alta and now yeah on Lehman Street in Whitechapel. There you go.

Speaker 19 When you had a bite of it, I'm just saying this for me, I just need to know a bit more. If I was tasting something that tasted like pizza, I'd be so depressed that there wasn't melted cheese.

Speaker 1 Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 19 Do you know what I mean? I'd be looking for the sog.

Speaker 1 Yes. Well, I felt like I was in, if Willy Wonka's got a savoury cousin, he does, yeah.
I felt like I was in in his savoury factory and he had gone, this bread tastes just like a full pizza.

Speaker 1 And you taste it and you go, it does taste like it's like eating a pizza. And because you're not tasting all the cheese and the sauce and stuff like that, it's even more of a magical experience.

Speaker 1 You're like, how am I tasting this when it doesn't feel like it in my mouth? You know, I was disappointed that I had to share the bowl of pizza bread with my girlfriend.

Speaker 1 I thought I could just sit here and eat all this to myself. Making the dip that was with it was very nice.
I think it it might have been an ioli dip. Aioali.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Whatever it's called. I mean, you were definitely closer the first time.
Yeah, yeah. Rather than ayo-ali.
I think there was some sage, some, you know, crispy sage leaves in the.

Speaker 19 Can I just say this has got to be some extraordinary bread to beat pop-adoms? Yeah. That's why I'm taking this deadly seriously.
Are you, Ed?

Speaker 1 Oh, I am, absolutely. I mean, I'm also completely wrapped as well because I want to try it so bad.
I think James has described it wonderfully.

Speaker 1 I love that he's transported us to a savory Willy Wonka's factory, presumably Billy Wonka.

Speaker 1 And I want to go there and I want to eat those little sticks. If I was to like do my top 100 Popadoms or breads, it would be this number one and then the other 99 would all be Popadoms.
Got you.

Speaker 1 Also, what's so adorable?

Speaker 19 I hope he hears this, that you ate one of these, did a star jump and said, just so you know, if anyone ever asked me,

Speaker 1 this wins. This wins.
And it has. And I was so happy with it.
And you know, it was really difficult in the notes.

Speaker 1 I was looking at it and going, like, this doesn't represent me because it makes me sound like a breadboy and I'm a Poppadon pal. But I'm going for it.

Speaker 19 So be it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would love to have that bread again.

Speaker 19 Also, in 99,

Speaker 19 after 99, you can change it if you want. I mean, it's now set in stone for the next hundred, but yeah, you're a bread boy for a hundred episodes now, yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, may I ask? Me and Ed are sitting at the same table, right?

Speaker 19 Of course, we are, but you but you just have different views.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's fair. That's fair enough.

Speaker 19 I've created Edside Brickwork Loud Space Out Atmosphere. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You, pond, sunset.

Speaker 19 Huge window.

Speaker 1 Lovely. Well, I would like to try Ed's as well.

Speaker 19 Oh, that's lovely. Oh, yeah.
Of course, you can't.

Speaker 1 We can dip into each other's right, Gloria.

Speaker 19 You're great friends. This is the way of the world.
You're in your dream restaurant. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 Can I say quickly, my honourable munchon was I was going to try and forego bread altogether and have deep-fried olives from Spontino. Oh, he loves that.

Speaker 19 I've never heard of that deep-fried olive.

Speaker 1 So, Spontino is no longer. I miss Spontino a lot.
It's no longer open. It's a Russell Norman restaurant who runs Pol Po and all of those restaurants.

Speaker 1 And I think they do them at Polpo as well, but they're green olives, stuffed with an anchovy, breadcrumbed, and then deep fried.

Speaker 1 And they are the saltiest thing you will ever eat and absolutely phenomenal.

Speaker 19 Delicious. Also good with your pint of Guinness, right?

Speaker 1 Exactly. Perfect for my pint of

Speaker 1 water. I've never forgotten with

Speaker 19 your still water.

Speaker 19 Here's a big question. Yeah.
Because I often think this is the most exciting part, right?

Speaker 19 You're in, you're flirting, you've got your Guinness, you got your rhubarb drink, you've had, both of you have had some pizza, you look across at each other and you go,

Speaker 19 here comes our first course. Yeah.
So, James, what would you have?

Speaker 1 Pass. No, don't you dare do that.
No, I'm just joking at you. Don't you dare.
I wouldn't even take you up.

Speaker 1 I'm not even having that as a joke. I would have gone.
I would have left.

Speaker 1 The whole podcast. The whole podcast will be over.
I could not do a food podcast with someone who passes on the starter.

Speaker 1 It's not funny because it's not funny.

Speaker 1 Didn't even laugh for a joke.

Speaker 1 He carried on looking at that. He didn't even look at the camera.
He looked down at his desk and he was like, nope. Yeah, no, not having it.
And if you'd passed, I would have got double starters.

Speaker 1 And then I would have left the podcast. Yep.
Wow. Now, there are some honourable mentions here.
Shout out to Prawns and Watermelon on the Rich Man's Yacht in Sydney. Of course.
Wow.

Speaker 1 May Martin chose it as her starter because she was on the yacht as well.

Speaker 1 And the rich man made us, well, his wife in the, she was down down in the galley, made us the prawns with the watermelon and the lime juice squeezed all over it. It was absolutely delicious.

Speaker 1 I loved it. If this was a banquet and not a meal, they'd be on the table.
Because it's the honourable muncher, maybe you could see the rich man sail past on the yacht on the pod

Speaker 1 and you could just throw himself out. His wife could gently open.

Speaker 1 You sure you're not tempted?

Speaker 19 You lean forward, you're holding on to the brickwork and opening the door. And using one of my bread baskets now emptied to catch the prawns and watermelon.

Speaker 1 Still attached to your hair, weirdly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So yeah, he can be under his boat. Another shout out is the Keralan Fried Chicken from Cricket.
Of course.

Speaker 1 Now I absolutely love it, but the only reason it didn't make it in the list is because I've never had actual Keralan fried chicken from Kerala before.

Speaker 1 And I have to assume that that is the best Keralan fried chicken in the world. And so what stops me shouting out the...

Speaker 1 fried chicken from cricket is that I kind of know there must be a better version of that dish out there somewhere and I really want to try it and I nearly chose as my starter, Colonel Fied Chicken from Cowler, which I've never eaten before.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 but that's a true dream, right? But I ended up going with something that I have had before and that is the tomato and basil 3.0 for Mattelia Cren in San Francisco.

Speaker 19 Can you just tell us a lot more? Because as far as I'm concerned, you've just gone, you've chosen, this is it for another hundred episodes, some tomato.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's very much what I feel like as well, Claudia. I'll be honest.

Speaker 19 I'd have been open to you just having some tomatoes on the table. You know what I mean? With the flowers, just tomatoes, lemons, like sunny as they have in France, big knife, some lemons.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, I'll be honest, I'm also going to cut in and say I was worried with my menu that I was being too specific and it wasn't necessarily accessible to everyone who was listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 And now all of my worries about that have been washed away.

Speaker 19 James has beaten you

Speaker 1 on every level.

Speaker 19 A folded pop-a-dom that we'll never try.

Speaker 19 Some chicken from an insect.

Speaker 1 Continue.

Speaker 1 So we're kind of in savory wonka town again. Well, I'm revisiting Billy Bonker.
Thank you. So Attila Cren is,

Speaker 1 I saw it on Chef's Table, the Netflix documentary series.

Speaker 1 And there was a, I don't know if you remember the episode, and it's a French lady and her dad died. And

Speaker 1 she writes poems for every single course. And you go in, and it's the most pretentious.

Speaker 1 maybe the most pretentious episode of the chef's table and it's all like poetry is on the wall and the menu is written in poetry and it was a very pretentious place however what she can do with a tomato what she can do with a tomato i mean it came out and they just said it's tomato and basil 3.0 and i thought i don't really like tomatoes that much like tomatoes are okay i've had them my whole life i've never gone crazy for a tomato i don't i'm not really that bothered oh my god it was like every single it was small but When I tell you what was on it, it would sound like it was a massive plate, like a platter, but it was actually a classic small tasting menu plate so there's raw tomato on there sure but like the best raw tomato you've ever had but before i'd say what's everything on the dish it was like i'd forgotten what tomatoes like all my life i'd take i've been eating bad tomatoes that were just watered down and kind of all right and then this was like this is what a tomato tastes like eight caster check this out and it was like the most rich just satisfying exciting vibrant tomato flavors it was like i was seeing colors and shapes when i was eating it it was amazing so one of the things was on was like uh tomato raisins were on there they weren't actual raisins they were tomatoes but made so it's like had the texture the chewiness of raisins they were like dehydrated tomatoes i guess very delicious there was uh melon gel so there was a bit of melon on there as well this melon gel and this tomato gel this tomato con fee uh the raw tomato i think there was some foam on there as well some tomato water which was again

Speaker 1 sound delicious. It all tasted different as well.
So it was all like, here's every single

Speaker 1 element of a tomato. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Here's every like the smart a puree on there.

Speaker 1 But it was like,

Speaker 1 it showed you the full range. Every brilliant flavor you could get out of this one thing.
And it was mind-blowing. And the textures were amazing.
And I just wanted to keep eating it and eating it.

Speaker 1 And I didn't expect it at all at the beginning. I was like, oh, God, they've given us a tomato.
And And I knew she was big into tomatoes anyway, the chef, Chef Cren.

Speaker 1 She loves tomatoes. And I knew that from the Chef's table episode, but

Speaker 19 I just, I get it. You were in San Francisco.
You're having a lovely time.

Speaker 1 Tomato Sorbet was on there.

Speaker 19 But just to be clear, your dream menu, I just want to say this back to you, just so you can hear it.

Speaker 1 I can hear it. And I get it.
You were on a plane. You were holding hands.

Speaker 19 You were having a good time. We have to go to this place.
There's poetry on the walls, but you are cheating. your dream restaurant.
This is your best ever.

Speaker 19 And I was nervous about the fizzy rhubarb beverage, but then you brought me back with pizza sticks. But what you're saying, it's a plate, tomato and melon gel, tomato sorbet, tomato water.
Yeah.

Speaker 19 I mean, have you had other things?

Speaker 1 I'm going to jump in and defend James here because I not had that dish, but I know exactly what he's talking about, that when you taste something and the chef has has worked magic and reduced something to its true components and made it taste the best it's ever tasted.

Speaker 1 I've had

Speaker 1 probably slightly similar.

Speaker 1 There's a dish at Datera in Bethany Green where they do like a trickle or salad, but it's with like tomato water and tomato oil and mozzarella and some like basil oil as well.

Speaker 1 And it is, it's phenomenal. I've never tasted any tomato like this, and I can imagine it was absolutely fantastic.
But yes, Claudia, you're right.

Speaker 1 When you do boil it down, James has picked tomato as his starter yeah yes but here's the thing your reaction claudia is perfectly valid and it's part of why it's so amazing because i was like you i was like oh come on i want a plate of tomatoes and then you're like oh that's the best thing i've ever had as a starter and so if you ate it you would say guys can i redo my off-menu episode because i've got a new favorite starter now because it it it blew my mind and obviously there's basil in there as well because it's called tomato and and Basil 3.0.

Speaker 1 So there's that amazing. I mean, you can't go wrong with that combination.
No. That's a dream team.
I would choose tomato and basil over tomato and cheese. I think it's absolutely amazing.

Speaker 1 Well, I was defending you, mate. So what are you playing at? Yeah, apologies.
Thank you.

Speaker 19 No, I like the fact that it was this magical moment in time and it blew you away. And I'm happy for you to have that.
as your starter. Yes.
You're going to be hungry, though.

Speaker 19 Because so far, you've had

Speaker 19 a bit of rhubarb water.

Speaker 1 There it is. There it is.

Speaker 1 Then a tiny little stick. Taking a long time to get it.

Speaker 19 A tiny little stick of non-cheese pizza bread with a tiny bit of garlic dish.

Speaker 1 No, it's a bowl. It's a bowl of loads of sticks.

Speaker 19 And then a cherry tomato.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm just.

Speaker 1 And then a bunch of tomatoes. Like a whole

Speaker 1 load of tomatoes on a little pot.

Speaker 19 Some more. Tomato raisins.

Speaker 1 You've got to admit, James, you're hungrier than me at this point. Bearing in mind, I've had a pint of Guinness and a pizza.
Sure, but I'm always. I'm always hungry.

Speaker 1 I was always hungrier than that. I mean, yeah, that's true.
That's true. I don't like to be hungry.

Speaker 1 Also, in previous episodes before, and this has mainly happened when we've got chefs on, we've let people have a drink for every single course.

Speaker 19 I don't want to argue with you. It's your podcast.

Speaker 1 I would like, with my starter.

Speaker 19 Tomato soup? Tomato. What is it?

Speaker 1 You'll notice how I'm not objecting at all. Yeah, because someone's done the same thing.

Speaker 1 But we haven't even talked about this. We've not conferred.
But of course, we've both got a drink. Although Ed might, this is where Ed might get annoyed at me throughout the meal.
I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 My drink with my starter, I would like the South American smoothie from Tropicano in Melbourne. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 James, you're talking about going to like a high-end tasting menu restaurant and eating this delicate tomato flavour and then you're having a tropical smoothie with it.

Speaker 1 Have you tried this smoothie yet? I've not, but it doesn't go with that starter.

Speaker 19 It doesn't go with the delicate.

Speaker 1 I'm having it afterwards. I'm going to eat the starter and then...
No, you need to have it with it. If you want to order

Speaker 1 drinks with every course, you have to pair them with the course. I'm fine with that.
That's got to be the...

Speaker 19 He's happy. He wants it.

Speaker 1 what is in this smoothie why is it so magical no one knows what's in it because they won't tell anyone tomatoes

Speaker 1 tomato basel it's a secret but it tastes like a giant raspber petty falou and it's delicious i love raspberry petti falou it's the best smoothie i have ever had but it's also got some flavor that's absolutely incredible that I can't put my finger on what it is.

Speaker 1 Sugar? I mean, there's definitely sugar in it, sure. I mean,

Speaker 1 I would hope the chef has put sugar in every single one of my foods

Speaker 1 on this list. If any of these dishes don't have sugar on, I'm walking out.
Well, it's one of the best drinks I've ever had. I could drink it every day, but as it is, I've only had it twice

Speaker 1 when I've been in Melbourne. And if you do go to Tropicana in Melbourne, you've got to go to the South American smoothie, not the South American juice.
Right. I made that mistake once.

Speaker 19 How thick is this smoothie? Pretty thick. Okay, but you're going to need a straw for that, just going back on.

Speaker 1 I will need a straw for that one, and that's fine. I love slurping it up in the straw.
It does have a kind of from our tray-y kind of element to it.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be surprised if they're chucking petty for loos in there. And there's loads of fresh fruit in there as well.
They're definitely inducing fresh fruit into it.

Speaker 19 Have you thought about these as individual dishes or the whole meal? Because you are in rhubarb, tomato, pizza, and now petty for loo world. And I'm just checking everything's fine.

Speaker 1 Everything's great.

Speaker 1 This is amazing. I'm having the best night in my life.
This is him at his absolute best, Claudia.

Speaker 19 I just wanted to confirm that you're happy.

Speaker 1 I'm looking out at the pond. I'm waving at the rich man.
Yeah.

Speaker 19 Chucking a watermelon. Okay, that's your first course.
The most beautiful tomato dish you've ever had in your life. And I think we're all convinced.
It's amazing.

Speaker 19 Followed by quite a thick raspberry yogurt smoothie that somebody's gone to get you from Melbourne.

Speaker 1 Fine. Yes.

Speaker 19 Ed, what is your first course?

Speaker 1 I am having something that I only discovered fairly recently, but have had it a few times since then. So, obviously, meal kits, big at the moment.
What with lockdown?

Speaker 1 A lot of restaurants, a lot of people do meal kits. I am absolutely obsessed with oysters, always have been.
I love oysters, but I was always very militant about always raw oysters.

Speaker 1 I don't like cooked oysters until I had this. This is from a food delivery thing called Decatur.
They are a sort of New Orleans style.

Speaker 1 thing where they send you crawfish boils or shrimp boils because you can't get crawfish here but the other thing they do is they send you oysters with a pecorino butter which you put the pecorino garlic butter onto the oysters and then you char grill the oysters and i do them on the barbecue and they are phenomenal they send you so much butter and you put all this pecorino butter onto the top you put the oysters on the half shell onto a very hot barbecue the butter goes into the fire it bubbles up it char grills the sides you just cook the oysters and then you get a spoon and you slurp it out wipe it around with a little bit of bread and it is phenomenal Okay.

Speaker 1 He sent me a photo of these.

Speaker 19 When you were putting your money together, if you love oysters that much, you just knew you had to have them. And this is in the best formation.

Speaker 1 This is the best way to have oysters. I mean, yes, I have some honourable munchions.

Speaker 1 Quick shout out to the Tamworth Belly Ribs from Hawksmoor, the Korean fried chicken from Bone Daddies, and just a general meat and cheese platter. Those are all things I considered.

Speaker 1 But I'm going with the Decatur char-grilled oysters with garlic pecorino butter. Okay.

Speaker 19 I mean, both, if you don't mind me saying not in a bad way, quite fancy, quite chic, a tomato ensemble.

Speaker 1 I do need to add in that I will be having that with a gin martini made with Harris gin with four olives in it. Thank you.

Speaker 19 Oh my god.

Speaker 19 So you're hammered right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm hammered.

Speaker 19 You've had a pint of Guinness.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 19 Suddenly you're covered in pizza because you've just rubbed it on your torso. Yeah.
Then you're playing around with some oysters. Yeah.
But that makes sense. And you want a martini?

Speaker 1 Oh, and I want a Harris gin martini.

Speaker 19 Thank you very much. With four olives.
Done. I'm very...
I'm happy with you both. What I love is there's absolutely no crossover on any level.
No, there is a tiny bit of pizza bread.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I would also say I'd like, obviously, it's a dream because someone else will be shucking the oysters.
You do have to shuck them yourself.

Speaker 1 And I bought an oyster knife. I think I always knew I was destined to buy an oyster knife.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I have, every time I've done this, I have.

Speaker 1 spilt blood so I would like someone else to shuck for me please. Okay.

Speaker 19 Well, yeah, this is being brought to you in an exposed wall area next to the pond. Don't you worry, it's all being brought to you.
How many would you like?

Speaker 1 12, 6?

Speaker 1 Last time we did it, we

Speaker 1 me and my fiancé bought 24 oysters, so we had 12 each. So

Speaker 1 I will have 12.

Speaker 19 Okay, and did she love them as well?

Speaker 1 Oh yeah, she loves them as well. Otherwise I wouldn't have bought 24.
I would have well actually I would have done and I would have had 24.

Speaker 1 Oh yeah, I mean come on let's not what does she think of your whole menu?

Speaker 19 Is she happy with it?

Speaker 1 I showed it to her yesterday and she said it sounds nice, but it's completely different to what she would pick.

Speaker 1 Good news news though all the more for you when ed made those oysters he sent me a photo of them and the photo did look incredible like that photo was so good i'm surprised it didn't end up on my honorable mentions for my starter that was it looked it looked delicious that those the oysters

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Speaker 19 This is the, like, if I had a trumpet or if I could play the trumpet, I would right now be blowing it.

Speaker 19 Because, and if I was there, I'd put the baskets down, but I would come out and make some sort of proclamation because this is the big one.

Speaker 19 We're farting around, we're having a nice time. You've had a bit of bread.
You've had a couple of drinks. You've had a smoothie.
You've, you know, everything's fine.

Speaker 19 But this is it. When you say to your girlfriends or your parents or your siblings or your best friends, we're going out for dinner, poof, big plate, bam,

Speaker 19 main course. Ed, what are you having?

Speaker 1 That's what we say.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 this was, for me, I think the hardest one. Although I don't have any honourable munchants because I think I needed for my own sake when I picked this.
to reject all other ideas.

Speaker 1 I had to go with one thing, otherwise I would have spent too long picking it.

Speaker 19 Also, can I just say one thing before we

Speaker 19 get that honourable munchions, et cetera, slightly dilutes the passion

Speaker 19 one might have for their choice. Sure.

Speaker 1 I gave my honourable munchions with the starter because one of those things makes it on to the main because

Speaker 1 is it a loophole? I don't know.

Speaker 1 You know, if you go to an American barbecue restaurant, you can get a platter. You can select all the meats you want.

Speaker 1 all the sides you want they put it on a cool tray you feel like you're in prison but it's nice uh and you can just you can dig in that's what i'm gonna do and because it's a dream restaurant i'm grabbing my tray and i'm selecting my favorite barbecue meat dishes and vegetable dishes from different places that i've been that i love global to pass wait a minute you're playing pick and mix that's not a main course it is a main course it's a barbecue meat tray

Speaker 19 it's a yeah but suddenly you're throwing in sides let me yeah of course because sides are included

Speaker 1 you're right claudia you're right however again loopholes within the podcast. Ed's gone global to pass.

Speaker 1 And we've let someone do global to pass before.

Speaker 1 But this is more coherent than global to pass because it's still a barbecued meat tray. It's still everything's of the same type.
So let me talk you through it.

Speaker 1 You can tell me afterwards if you have any issues with it. May I say, before you say it, I'm so happy you've done this because

Speaker 1 this is basically an honourable muncheon for me. Ah, great.
I'm very happy that I could make some of your dreams come true with this, James. Thank you, Ed.

Speaker 1 I would also say, I I don't think I've had the best barbecue in the world because I've not been to Texas.

Speaker 1 If any TV commissioners out there would like to commission me for a travel show where I go and try barbecue in Texas, I'd be very on board with that.

Speaker 1 So those

Speaker 1 are presenting that on your own? No, you can come. Okay, so I'm having beef brisket and I'm having that from Smokestack in London.

Speaker 1 That is the best barbecue restaurant in London ever since Shotgun BBQ shut, which was on Carnaby Street. Smokestack is phenomenal.
I'm having brisket from there.

Speaker 1 I'm having the Tamworth Belly Ribs from Hawksmoor. They're going on there as well.
Pork belly, incredible. I'm having the beef ribs from Pitque in London.
It's now in the city, I think.

Speaker 1 It used to be where Ugly Dumplings was, Carnaby Street. Again, am I having? No, I'm not going to have, I'm not going to have the sausage.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to have the brisket, the pork belly, and the beef ribs.

Speaker 1 And then I'm having a range of sauces, including the rib man bacon, holy fuck sauce. Few vegetables.
I'm having the cauliflower schwama from Bourber and Q. Absolutely incredible.

Speaker 1 It's a char-grilled cauliflower, and they put this tahini sauce on it. It's amazing.
That's going on the the tray.

Speaker 1 And then I'm not going to go wild with the sides because that does feel like cheating, but I'm going to have some cornbread and I am going to have some pickles, including the Pitky pickled shiitake's from their recipe book, which I made the other day, and they're phenomenal.

Speaker 1 And on that tray, I'm also having a bourbon, a Papi Van Winkle bourbon. Thank you very much.

Speaker 19 I mean, I've got to allow it because it feels cohesive.

Speaker 1 He wants to eat it. Thanks,

Speaker 19 and he wants it on a tray. And he wants, and that's what he wants.
And he's probably going to eat it with his hands. I'm not an expert.
But, you know, he wants to, he's tucking in.

Speaker 19 He's got open brickwork. There's some ivy trailing down.
He's sitting opposite one of his best friends. There's a pond.
And he wants a big old tray of meat.

Speaker 1 I want the restaurant as well to stink of meat, Claudia. I want it to be smoky and stink of meat.
I want my clothes. I want to have to throw away my clothes in the bin afterwards.

Speaker 19 Yeah, tuck them in the skip.

Speaker 1 I'm more than all right with this.

Speaker 1 However, actually, I'm not completely all right with it. Oh.
Oh, dear. I would like to add something to Ed's plate.
Oh, please, sir. Best beef brisket I've ever had was at Pecan Lodge in Dallas.

Speaker 1 I'd love to go there. I'm very jealous that you've been there.

Speaker 1 If I may say to the waiter, excuse me, could you send that over to the man at the table and tell him it's for me?

Speaker 1 If we can, yeah, because I've not been there, I didn't feel like I could add it to my dream meal, Claudia. But because my dining companion has been that same,

Speaker 1 can we? Yes. Oh, yes, I've got double brisket right there.

Speaker 1 The beef brisket from Pecan Lodge was one of my honourable munchions.

Speaker 1 I was in Dallas for two days and I ate there twice.

Speaker 1 Indicative. Because the first time I went there and had the beef brisket, at that point, it was the best food I'd ever tasted.
And I was going absolutely gah.

Speaker 1 And then I went there the next day and I had it again.

Speaker 19 Ed, all I'm saying is the cauliflower. I'm interested in your side dish.
We'll come on to that later, but that is a side dish. I mean, just as one of your guests,

Speaker 1 I took it all very seriously.

Speaker 19 Like,

Speaker 19 I know we ended up with the mug situation, but that feels not the cornbread. I'm just saying it.

Speaker 1 Look, I kind of agree with you. If we're looking at the tray and we're looking at what's cohesive and what fits, my argument would be that Bourber and Q

Speaker 1 is a fantastic grill barbecue Middle Eastern restaurant where they cook everything over an open flame. So that's where I thought it fitted.
But

Speaker 1 if you would like me to lose that.

Speaker 19 No, I can't. I can't do it to you because of your little face.
You suddenly looked about four. I can't.
Have it. Have more cauliflower.

Speaker 1 Grill him. Somebody get an open flame.
Also, we've let people in the past do full, we've let people do a full breakfast, a full roast dinner for their main course.

Speaker 1 I'm just happy to have given it a shout out. You know, it's the tahini sauce is just incredible.

Speaker 1 And also, I've picked Pappy Van Winkle bourbon because it's the dream restaurant and it's so expensive, Papi Van Winkle. I've only tried it once in a bar in New Zealand because they had it.

Speaker 1 And I thought, I'm away. Let's splash out.
But if you wanted to buy a bottle of Papi Van Winkle, they only make so much of it every year and it's thousands of pounds.

Speaker 1 They sell them on, they auction them off. I mean, I'd be just as happy with a bullet, a bullet bourbon, but the Pappy Van Winkle for the dream meal, please.
A question, Ed. Please, James.

Speaker 1 Are you happy if on this occasion we change the name to Claudia Van Winkleman?

Speaker 1 I would be more than happy. That bottle would be worth even more because there's an old man on the front normally, Pappy Van Winkle, and I want to see Claudia on the bottle as well.

Speaker 19 I want an old man who doesn't touch water on the front.

Speaker 19 I think that sounds like a very thrilling main course. I think you'd be excited about that.
Yes, you've had your pizza and your Guinness, but it's all about just you wait what's coming.

Speaker 1 Boof, boom.

Speaker 19 Seven people have to carry it in. Brisk it away.
Here's a bib. Let's go.

Speaker 1 I've not considered quite how bad I'm going to feel at this point. I think in my dream restaurant, I can't feel full or ill.
Yes. Because by this point, I'd be on the floor.
I think that's important.

Speaker 19 Of course. I started with toast and marmite mac and chicken.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 19 you've just got to have your very favourite things.

Speaker 1 So I think that's fine.

Speaker 1 exactly james hello was it you nodded when ed said this was the hardest one to come up with was this the hardest for you really difficult and i was surprised i thought dessert was going to be the hardest i bet ed thought starter was going to be the hardest yeah i did but actually that was fine again it's like you know i've had more i've enjoyed poppa doms more than i've enjoyed bread and yet bread is what i went for i've enjoyed desserts more than i've enjoyed main course and yet i've probably had no it's the other way around i say dessert's my favorite out of the two but i've probably had better main course like i've had so many good main courses and it was really hard

Speaker 1 to narrow it down. Brisket from Pecan Lodge is in my notes as a shout-out, as are the skate wing tacos from Cole, which me and Ed had together.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Where they just bring the skate out and it is so perfectly cooked that you just get a fork and you're just combing the fish off the bone.

Speaker 1 It just comes off, just combing it off and then making the tacos yourself. But what I've gone for, and I think it's a combination of things.
If this is ever on the menu anywhere, I'm ordering it.

Speaker 1 So, just as a dish, it's one of my favorite dishes. But also,

Speaker 1 when I had it in this particular place, it's just a lovely memory and one of the nicest dining experiences I've ever had. I would like Beef Wellington von Ron Gastrobar in Amsterdam.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think that's a brilliant choice. Yeah, it really is.
Beef Wellington crossed my mind as well. But the one

Speaker 1 I had a really fun one at Bob Bob Ricard. But generally, you're right.
Beef Wellington, if it's on a menu, you've got to go for it. I love it so much.

Speaker 19 Why was this one so particularly good?

Speaker 1 Because he was having a breakdown.

Speaker 19 Because you were having a breakdown. He was very stoned.

Speaker 1 Yes. Beef Wellington.
I love you. Edward is right.
Your one is fictional for a laugh. Edward's actually

Speaker 1 completely on the nose. But like,

Speaker 1 it was a nice moment during a bad patch in my life. So like, I'd had a bad.

Speaker 1 a bad year, an entire bad personal year, and then I'd gone to Amsterdam at the very, very in january the following year to uh to hang out with my friend who lived there and also work on some music with him for some fun but i was staying with him and his girlfriend i was very aware that they were not having any time alone because i was around all the time so one night i was like hey i'm gonna go and for a meal tonight and you you know you guys can help me out of your hair for a bit and i just basically just googled you know best places to eat in amsterdam and this ron gastro bar place looked good also i wanted it to be roughly an hour an hour and a half walk because I wanted to have a proper walk.

Speaker 1 I hadn't explored enough. Actually, I had.
I've been cycling around and I'd fallen off my bike, but I wanted a walk.

Speaker 1 It was awful.

Speaker 1 I went around a corner and it was just ice, and the bike just wasn't there anymore. And I was like, this is really going to hurt.

Speaker 1 But I had my iPod in my pocket, and I really didn't want to fall on my iPod because I didn't want my iPod to break. So I chose to land on my knees.

Speaker 1 Just directly on my knees.

Speaker 1 And then continued to cycle around and then i was thinking about how much my knees hurt so much i got lost they don't make ipod classics anymore but you can get knees yeah yeah i can get new knees yeah it doesn't matter walked an hour and a half to this place in january in january got there i mean one of my favorite meals i've ever had as well alongside noma for this memorable meals the whole meal you know the bread there nearly made it in well actually the butter was the best butter i've ever had for for the for the bread that they brought out uh whipped butter with tiny bits of like puffed pork scratchings in the butter oh my god

Speaker 1 and it was so good. Like, you know, I'd probably have that butter on the table for my bread course as well if I was allowed that.

Speaker 19 That's fine.

Speaker 1 And I ordered beef wellington. I was really hungry.
Ordered the beef wellington and the waiter warned me and said, this is for two. This beef wellington is for two.
I was like, yeah, I'm ordering it.

Speaker 1 I've had quite a year, mate. Bring it.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 believe you me, sir. I'm having that beef wellington and I did not regret it.
It was just the most delicious.

Speaker 1 And like Beef Wellington's like, you know, I think there's something about a beef wellington and I think I've told this story on the podcast before, but when I was first in New Zealand, I was on a tour with a bunch of other comics, and we stopped at this one place to have a meal, and we ordered a beef wellington between us all, and it was so good.

Speaker 1 And afterwards, one of us said, oh, I'd really like another one of them.

Speaker 1 And most of us, we were all English, apart from one guy who was Australian, and the rest of us were like, almost fantasizing about what if we ordered another one? Oh, wouldn't that be a nice world?

Speaker 1 And the Australian guy went, well, let's order another one. And we were like, we can do that?

Speaker 1 It's like, didn't even cross our mind to do it and he just was like yeah we're ordering another one and the second one was even better than the first because we were like we're living life we're doing it we ordered two beef wellingtons i think that might be an australian thing you know because i don't know if i've told this story in the podcast before the australian comedian damien clark has completely changed my life when we flew we were flying to dubai to do gigs And it was 10 in the morning and the air hostess came around and went, would you like a drink?

Speaker 1 And I went, oh, no, thank you. And Damo went, whiskey and coke, please.

Speaker 1 And I went, Damo, what are you doing? It's 10 a.m. He went, never say no on a travel day.

Speaker 1 It completely changed my life. Now,

Speaker 1 whenever I'm flying anywhere, whenever I'm doing international travel, I never say no. And do you always think of Damo every time you always think of Damo saying, never say no on a travel day?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like that kind of stuff. When someone else does it and you go, of course,

Speaker 1 we should be doing that.

Speaker 1 So when the person said this Beef Wellington is for two, I was like, you don't know me, mate. What's your point? Tom Gleason taught me always have two beef wellingtons so

Speaker 1 send me two please and it was the best beef wellington I've ever had the one that I had with the comics in New Zealand is a very close second it was incredible this one described rare beef crisp pastry Perfectly cooked but so if you basically with a beef wellington I want it that if you took the beef out of the wellington on its own it would be an incredible steak yeah you don't want it to just be like where the beef secondary for it is about the whole dish and people will just like they'll like it.

Speaker 1 Who cares? The steak on its own would have been one of the best steaks I've ever had. There's this amazing beef, rare, delicious.

Speaker 1 The sauce, and it's always like the surprise kind of like star of the beef Wellington is the sauce. But then, I guess that's where you get a lot of the flavor from.

Speaker 1 But just the mushroom, I think it's like a mushroom-y kind of sauce around the outside of the cell, I believe the word is. Oh, that was exquisite, so flavorful.

Speaker 1 That was what I was mainly thinking about on the walk home. And the pastry, perfectly flaky, golden pastry on the outside.

Speaker 1 and I took a photo of it it was my phone wallpaper for months on end I just look at it all the time and figure out how much how delicious it was how much I loved it can you believe that the year that James had beef wellington as his phone wallpaper wasn't the bad year yeah that's exactly right but it was a magical night it was the beginning it was something new was happening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I felt something new was happening. I didn't order dessert because I was full.

Speaker 1 That's like, you know, amazing that one of the best meals I've had, well, I didn't order dessert, but as I left, they just handed me a mini ice cream. Oh, that I wasn't expecting.

Speaker 1 Just on the way out the door, they're like, there you go. I was like, oh, oh my God, my life is really turning round here.
James remembers things like that. Like, that would have affected James a lot.

Speaker 1 Being handed a mini ice cream, he would have gone back to his friends and gone, and they handed me a mini ice cream.

Speaker 1 And his friend would have been quite rightly like, oh yeah, that's that sounds nice. And then the next morning, James would have got up and gone, did I tell you?

Speaker 1 Can I just really

Speaker 1 mini ice cream? we went to New York

Speaker 1 we went to New York beginning of last year and we'd been previously and the previous trip James spent all day going I'd really like hot mulled cider just all day kept saying that and then we were in a shop

Speaker 1 looking at some coats or something and a woman who worked there came over and went hi would you we're doing some hot mulled cider today would you would you like a mug for free and James was like what

Speaker 1 like but didn't stop talking about it for the rest of the holiday like just kept going

Speaker 1 do you remember? Do you remember? I said I wanted cider. And then the woman gave me cider.
It was in a clove shop. You got to understand.
You know,

Speaker 1 we've been in loads of pubs where I've said, I hope they do hot mold cider here. And they never did.
I was like, oh, they're never going to have it.

Speaker 1 And then we went into a clothing store in the daytime. And a lady came up and went, Would you like a hot mold cider? Like, this must be a weird dream I'm having while I'm getting my locations wrong.

Speaker 1 But it wasn't.

Speaker 1 I didn't even buy anything from the shop. I just had a free hot mold cider.
Didn't even have to pay for it. and i walked out and i was so happy i think about that all the time

Speaker 1 i think about the three the three mini ice cream i had on the way on the walk home yeah i really needed a

Speaker 1 because i'd had i'd eaten so much food and it was like i'm not going to make it home i knew i wasn't an hour and a half yeah yeah i was like there's no way i'm making it to my friend's house and also if i do i don't want to do drop this in his house because it's i know it's going to be bad yeah that sort of takes away from the nice gesture doesn't it of going like i'll leave you to have some time with your girlfriend and then you get back and drop a massive no one wants to go in there massive beefy shit for him so like i was like this is going to be yeah yeah

Speaker 1 it's in the chamber but you can feel it's it's letting you know yeah it's going i'm going to be a bad one and so i went into this pub release me i was like i'm still doing shit in this pub i don't care i walked in and no one was in there empty so the owner but the owner was on the phone and he just watched me walk in go to the toilet be in there for longer than it took to have a piss and then come out.

Speaker 1 So I thought, oh, I feel bad now. So I went and ordered a drink and I asked for something local and he poured me a sour beer.
I've talked about this on the podcast before, I think.

Speaker 1 I'd never had sour beer before. And drinking that sour be, it was the most refreshing, delicious drink I'd ever had at that point.
And it was after this most amazing meal. And then I had this.

Speaker 1 I suddenly was like, oh, I love sour beer. Let's not beat around the bush.
An amazing shit. An amazing shit, an amazing walk.
And then sour beer after it was so,

Speaker 1 so good.

Speaker 19 I've never even heard of sour beer.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've not had one that's been as good since. I've had a lot of sour beers since, and actually, they're too much for me.

Speaker 1 The first mouthful is brilliant, and then it's like, oh, no, I can't drink this whole thing. I feel sick.

Speaker 1 That one, whatever it was, and I don't even know the name of it, but that one from the pub I had a shit in.

Speaker 1 Do you want that with the mouth?

Speaker 19 I was going to ask that because you were allowed bourbon. What are you having with a beef Wellington? If you say a tropical smoothie, I'll burst into tears.

Speaker 1 So think about this.

Speaker 1 I think I do want that sour beer from the pub. I had other ones written down.
Yeah, I'm going to go for that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go for the sour beer because I think that whole experience of the beef Wellington and then that sour beer on the way home, those two things were life-changing.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I've got to go for it.

Speaker 1 That's the dream team.

Speaker 19 If you don't mind me saying, two brilliant, brilliant main courses.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I think it's a testament as well to James that I would happily sub out my main course to try his as well.
Oh, well, and Ed's chosen an honourable muncheon of mine. There you go.

Speaker 1 And I've added my honourable muncheon to his dish. Yeah.

Speaker 19 There you go. You just threw something in.

Speaker 19 You've got your beef Wellington, your sour beer, you're by your pond. There's still the rich man tossing up watermelon and prawns.
You've had some tomato, you've had a tropical smoothie.

Speaker 19 What do you want on the side, James? What do you want on the side?

Speaker 1 This was also quite difficult, actually. Honourable muncheons.
The vegetarian version of the rice cakes from Mission Chinese in New York.

Speaker 1 I think Ed would probably prefer the meaty ones, the more smoky ones. The triple cooked bacon one.
Yeah, but I prefer the vegetarian one. I think that's one of the best side dishes I've ever had.

Speaker 1 This is something else that we mentioned on the podcast many times, this next honourable munchon. Wasabi king prawns from Tow Tows You, circa 2016 to 2018, before they changed the sauce.
Love it.

Speaker 19 It's quite specific and I'm into it.

Speaker 1 When they changed the sauce, you know, I mentioned it on the podcast, and then the next time i went in the guy came over to me and was like how was the source i still ordered the king prawns because i still live in hope they're going to be as good as they they were back in the day and he asked me how the prawns were and i said to him they were nice have you changed the source and he went aha gamble said we changed the source and then he showed me on his phone the podcast and i realized that he thought that ed was me on the podcast

Speaker 1 so at least we can finally iron this out if the man from tautai ju is listening that's james saying you've changed the source i do not believe you've changed the source well he confirmed they'd changed it to me all right okay i believe you changed the source but i don't care yeah you're still happy it gets an honourable mention but it'd have to be 2016 to 2018 but my side dish is the birkswell pudding for malice in soho oh yes wait what is it

Speaker 1 talk me through it ed's so happy he's just falling off his chair i was sitting next to ed when i first ate a perk during the podcast simon rogan came on this podcast and then uh invited us to his uh soho restaurant for um it was an evening where they were trying out some new dishes right ed and stuff like that i think so yeah and uh you know me and Ed have been lucky enough to be invited to a couple of those by chefs who have been on the podcast.

Speaker 1 And often

Speaker 1 it's like the guests are a top chef, a top food critic, and then two idiot comedians

Speaker 1 who are finishing all of their wine every single course and picking kids.

Speaker 1 And the chef will occasionally sneak us some extra stuff because we're going absolutely crazy for it. We're basically on the kids' table.
Yeah, going, whoa, and making those noises and going,

Speaker 1 that's what everyone else is like, you know, chin strokey and stuff. And we're like, heads are spinning.
It was a mouthful, just a single mouthful, if you're greedy boys like us.

Speaker 1 And it was, I guess, a bread and butter pudding, but savoury with like this cheese. Berkswell cheese, is it? I think it's Berkswell cheese, yeah.
It's amazing cheese through it.

Speaker 1 And the bread is like croissants, right? Wow. Yeah, it's like croissant dough type stuff.
I mean, it is phenomenal. And it's one little cube and it's very rich.

Speaker 1 So, I think they do one little cube because that's all you need, really, if it's part of a big meal. But, like, like James says, we're very greedy.

Speaker 1 So, the chef Tom Barnes, shout out to Tom Barnes, had to sneak us an extra portion each across the table, which was difficult because it's very much an open kitchen scenario.

Speaker 1 So, everyone saw him doing it. Yeah, people weren't happy at the end of the meal when they discovered we'd had two of those.
They were like, what? But it sounds delicious. It melts in the mouth.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it is one of those food experiences where, yeah, like nothing was happening inside my head. It was just me going, Holy moan!

Speaker 1 It made me close my eyes and out loud vocalize how amazing it was. And I was glad that there weren't many people in there, and it was just a few of us at a table.

Speaker 1 Because if it was a big, full restaurant, everyone would have gone, like,

Speaker 1 when Harry met Sally over there on that table, what's going on? I would have happily, if they said, and that's all you're having tonight, is constantly one after the other.

Speaker 1 We're just going to bring these out, you'd have gone fine. I'd have been like, yeah, sign me up for that.
It's got some really weird stuff in it as well.

Speaker 1 That, you know, I'm sure it all contributes to the taste, but I would never go, oh, that's what i liked about it so it's got birch sap on it i'm just looking it up now it's like truffle-y and it's soaked in like birch sap and then they grate the the barkswell cheese over the top sounds amazing you had me a croissant dough yeah so good again i'd eat that every day yeah if it was available i'd eat it every day uh once a day i wouldn't want to like you know go two nuts but it was just so good and i've only had it that once you know which makes it even more special so yeah a lot of these are things that i've had once and i haven't you know i haven't been able to go back and have them again.

Speaker 1 And I really, I just think about it so much, I don't really want to eat them again. Okay.
I was very lucky that one of the chefs at Aulis, Ollie Marlow, sent me the Aulis home meal kit.

Speaker 1 And I noticed on the website that an optional extra is to add that Boxwell pudding to have a home. And he brought the meal round.
It was delicious. It was so good.

Speaker 1 And I opened the bag and there was no Boxwell pudding in it. And I thought for a second about getting him back and complaining, but then I realised it was a lovely gift and you can't really do that.

Speaker 19 This is all well and good, mate.

Speaker 1 But yeah, where's the best gift?

Speaker 19 So, that's a very successful side dish, James.

Speaker 1 And Ed you'd be happy.

Speaker 19 Maybe I'll bring over enough for both of you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, please. I've just realized two things: one is that I said I'd never had any of these things more than once, but the beef wellington, I went back a few days later and got it again.

Speaker 1 And I bought my friend with me, that was the excuse. And the waiter came over, and it was a different waiter than the one I'd had before.

Speaker 1 And the waiter came over and he immediately said, So, you're the person who had the beef wellington to themselves the other day.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that had got around the kitchen.

Speaker 1 Also, with my side dish, I would like a rose smash from Hoppers to drink. A delicious cocktail from Hoppers.
It's got rose vermouth in it. And again, one of those inexplicable flavours.

Speaker 1 I'd really struggle to, I mean, I guess it's just the rose vermouth is the main flavor in it and what it tastes like. But I haven't tasted anything like it anywhere else.

Speaker 1 It's a real, can't put my finger on it, flavor. It comes in a lovely cold metal cup and it's probably the best cocktail I've ever had anywhere.
Wow. I really love it because it's delicious.

Speaker 1 I want that in my main course.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, I'm thinking that maybe the Rose Smash, because you brought up, you know, what would go better with stuff, maybe would have gone better with my starter and then maybe the fruit smoothie.

Speaker 1 I would have with my side. I tell you, what I like about this is I didn't know we were going to do a drink with the side dish as well, because then obviously after the side dish, we're coming on to

Speaker 1 the drink, which I guess we're having individual drinks with all of the courses and another main drink that's being brought to us throughout the meal. Is Is that right, James? Yeah.

Speaker 19 It's going to fall into the pond, Ed.

Speaker 1 Okay, side dish. Again, a fairly recent thing for me.
There is a Chinese restaurant in Clapton called Lucky and Joy. It is an absolute delight.

Speaker 1 I've got delivery from there multiple occasions in the last year or so. And one of their side dishes that they're known for, one of their dishes, are simply called sesame noodles.

Speaker 1 I've picked this because it packs such a sesame punch.

Speaker 1 It's cold as well. And I thought a a cold side dish might go nicely.
They're egg noodles, but with a sort of creamy sesame sauce. It looks very simple.

Speaker 1 It is very simple, but it tastes absolutely delicious. I love sesame flavor.
And this is just the perfect side dish for me. But I am going to have it with a little bowl on the side of Krispy Chili Oil

Speaker 1 that I can use if I feel like it. And it's specifically Laugen Ma Krispy Chili Oil.
It's the jar with the lady on the front. Okay.

Speaker 19 Do you know what? I've had cold sesame noodles before. I'd forgotten they they were the best thing I've ever eaten.
They only had it once and I had it in New York and they have it a lot

Speaker 19 and they're just freezing, they're sort of not freezing cold, they're almost peanut buttery and sesame and just

Speaker 1 yeah, exactly, exactly. They're so good and I always feel like ordering just that from them.

Speaker 1 But they have some amazing other dishes, but I do just want to call them up and go send me the biggest vat of sesame noodles you can. A bathful.
Well maybe add a little bit of chili oil to it.

Speaker 1 Just a bath full of those sesame noodles. Incredible.

Speaker 1 I don't have a great story surrounding it about how i had a hard year i had a great year because i was eating sesame noodles he's had a lot of great years ed has

Speaker 1 i i again i'm very happy that ed has chosen because like i love sesame as a flavor i think it's so good and underrated people forget it a lot people forget how good sesame stuff is and uh i'm just glad it's made an appearance on ed's menu i haven't been able to put it into my yesterday when i was doing my cook along with my mum adorable with his sesame oil and i told my mum a story that i was like i told her the story about sesame oil and was like, If the grape bonito was here, that would get edited out of tonight.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 because she was like, I haven't got any sesame oil myself, but the recipe says sesame oil. So I said, I've got sesame oil, mum.

Speaker 1 Um, actually, it's funny, you know, when I first moved to London, like over 10 years ago, I had that Jamie Oliver cookbook.

Speaker 1 And the first thing I learned to cook from it, it had sesame oil in the recipe, and I had to go out and buy all the ingredients.

Speaker 1 I bought sesame oil, and it was the only oil I had in the house for a while. Wow, that was the story was me going,

Speaker 1 me saying to her, because

Speaker 1 i said it was the first time i'd ever bought oil mum so like i actually thought that sesame oil was like that must be the main oil and would be in loads of my meals and i didn't know that olive oil and sunflower oil were you know people liked more than vegetable oil you know sesame oil is actually quite rare isn't it the brilliant thing about mums is she loves you so much she would have been fascinated by that story and might have told one of her friends today i did a cook along with james i'm very proud of him he's wonderful after that year he had when he ended up with the beef went and turned him around you're not going to believe the only oil he had in his house.

Speaker 1 James used to think that sesame oil was the main oil. Did everyone know that? He used to think sesame oil was the main oil.

Speaker 19 Success you wouldn't know.

Speaker 1 We're doing a cook-along next week. Oh, God.
Mums. Look, shout out to Rice Brussels Sprouts.
Yeah. Just general shout out to Rice Brussels Sprouts.
And shout out to the Xianbing.

Speaker 1 dumpling from Zhu in Soho, which is

Speaker 1 a wonderful Taiwanese restaurant, but they do a little pork dumpling, which is almost in like pastry. It's like a pastry dumpling.
It's like a little pie with minced pork in it, which is phenomenal.

Speaker 1 And that is one thing I will always double order because my fiancé will always be like, we've ordered too much food again. I'll be like, well, I'm going to prove you wrong.

Speaker 1 I'm going to eat all of this and then I'm going to order more of those.

Speaker 19 Till it comes out of my ears.

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 And to drink with that, please, I would like a little bastard wine.

Speaker 1 What's that?

Speaker 1 It is a wine. It's by a producer called Staffelterhof,

Speaker 1 a German producer. It's a Riesling and Muscat blend, I believe.
Maybe Sauvignon Blanc in there as well.

Speaker 1 Me and James first had it at the other fancy chef thing we were invited to by a wonderful chef called Santiago Lastro, who runs Cole, who make those skate tacos.

Speaker 1 And he had a house in Acton, which he turned into an industrial kitchen to test dishes in and would host dinner parties there. And we got invited there.

Speaker 1 And he said, This is, it's the first time I'd had natural wine, I think. And he said, this is little bustard wine.
And I've never tasted anything like it. It is, it's kind of sweet.

Speaker 1 It's got a lot of stone fruit flavor to it, but it's a riesling so it's very good with spicy uh asian foods that's why i'm putting it with these noodles and now i'm obsessed with it most wines i will have and be like that was delicious i'll move on and try some other wines this is a wine i buy on a regular basis i got nishkumar into it nishkumar now buys magnums of it and drinks them by himself

Speaker 19 everything's fine guys everything's fine

Speaker 1 everything's fine it's fairly low alcohol it's like 11 like some natural wines are lower alcohol which is why i like them because you can properly guzzle them uh so i would like uh a chilled little bastard bastard with my sesame noodles, please.

Speaker 1 Done. Again, we were sat on the kids' table on that as well.
Me, Ed, and Professor Green.

Speaker 19 I don't mean to be down on anything, but I feel like you've drunk a lot.

Speaker 19 So, now I'm going to ask you, but this is the restaurant where you can't get too hammered, you can't get too full, you're in your dream restaurant.

Speaker 19 There's the pond, there's the brickwork, everything's fine, good atmosphere, spaced out, happiness, sharing sides. What is your drink, Ed?

Speaker 1 I'm asking you well I love red wine I think red wine is uh is probably my favorite drink uh so we're going with red wine I am not too specific about grapes that I like I like a heavier red wine normally I I would probably say a Californian Cabernet Sauvignon is the way to go because I also think I've had a lot of nice Californian cap salves if I may I will because they remind me of good times especially holidays with James actually like even like we went to America at the beginning of 2020.

Speaker 1 We went to New York in 2017

Speaker 1 and we ate in some nice restaurants and we had some, just some lovely tasting Californian wines. And I don't have a specific one that I want.
I just want that. I mean, I like Pinot Noir.

Speaker 1 I like Beaujolais. I like all that sort of thing.
But just a fruity, jammy, oaky, tobaccoy Californian Cabernet Sauvignon. And I will have the whole bottle to myself.
Thank you. Dung.

Speaker 19 It's been brought to the table.

Speaker 1 James. i'd have been disappointed if edge didn't choose that to be frank if he didn't choose a whole bottle of wine to himself i would have been like right who are you trying a kid come on gum

Speaker 1 i am going to choose the first alcoholic drink i ever liked oh this is excellent because i didn't like alcohol at all for a long time i didn't like getting drunk for even longer it was it wasn't until my late 20s when i thought actually getting drunk is fun but like i just didn't like the taste of any alcohol then when I was, I think late teens, early 20s, I could drive.

Speaker 1 So the very small window of time in my life when I was driving, a bunch of my friends went to New Key for like a holiday and I was going down just for a couple of days just to see them all.

Speaker 1 And I went on the day that they went to a cider farm. And I don't like cider now.
I don't drink cider at all because it was the first,

Speaker 1 first alcoholic drink that I was like sick from. you know, I got so drunk I was sick and now I kind of never go near it.

Speaker 1 Should say the mulled cider in the clothes shop was how the Americans refer refer to mold cider as it's not alcoholic, it's just apple juice. It was a warm apple juice and I loved it.

Speaker 1 I can't believe the lady came up to me in the clothes shop. What have I been asking about?

Speaker 1 I mean, obviously, I'm expecting that at my dream meal, at some point, the lady from the clothes shop does come out and surprises me with a mold. She's right here, she's ready.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so at any point during the meal, I would like the lady from the clothes shop to come out and just say, Would you like a mold cider? And then I can be amazed and tell Ed, she's here as well, Ed.

Speaker 1 Go get the mold cider for free. But we went on this tour of a cider farm, and this drink, even though I don't want any cider again for the rest of my life, I would want this one.

Speaker 1 Throughout the whole tour, they would give us little samples of different ciders they did there and things like that. And none of it grabbed me.
I didn't really care about any of it.

Speaker 1 And I was quite gutted that I had visited my friends on the day that they decided to go on a boring tour of a cider farm.

Speaker 1 And then, on the very last, the very last bit of the tour, they said this is our vintage cider.

Speaker 1 And it was cider that was kept in whiskey barrels so that the flavor of the whiskey gets into the cider and i had the sample and again just another well this is the best thing i've ever had it's sweet but it's also got this like the flavor of the whiskey was really there like you could it was it's not like some stuff that goes kept in whiskey barrels and you drink it and go well so what i can't taste whiskey in it why have you even told me that the whiskey had properly infiltrated the cider and i love it so much that i then bought a load of bottles of it more than i could have drank myself because i was like oh i'll this drink is so good i'll bring it back for my family i was still living with my parents at the time went home said i've bought you all bottles of this vintage cider everyone went we don't like cider so then i had like 10 bottles or whatever and because at the time i wasn't a drinker i didn't you know like going out and getting drunk and getting on it so i just saw the cider like i did any other drink

Speaker 1 and I just had it. I had it for breakfast.

Speaker 1 Like most mornings with my Weetabix and stuff, I'd pour myself a glass of this vintage cider, which was the most delicious drink I'd ever had.

Speaker 1 And it was so good, like, you know, really wakes the tongue up in the morning. And I've never been able to have it since.
I don't even know what the name of the cider farm was.

Speaker 1 I don't know what the name of the, but that specific vintage cider from that cider farm in Newquay, I'm really gutted that I don't know.

Speaker 1 And I've tried to Google it. I've tried to find, you know,

Speaker 1 I don't know if maybe there's some, maybe you are better luck than me, but it was the first time I ever liked alcohol. And I never got drunk on it either.
I never drunk so much that I got drunk.

Speaker 1 I would literally just have it like I'd have a glass of apple juice in the morning and then go about my day.

Speaker 1 I'm annoyed that I didn't keep the bottle, you know. Like nowadays, I'd probably keep the bottle with a label on it and be like, Well, take a picture at least.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, back then, it was I didn't have a camera phone.

Speaker 1 I would have been mad if I'd got my actual camera and took a photo of that ball. People would have been like,

Speaker 1 What are you doing?

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Speaker 19 Guys, is it all right with you at this juncture? I know you don't often do it at this juncture. I'm going to read your menu back before you reveal the finale.
Sure.

Speaker 1 Should we do it? Yeah, let's do it.

Speaker 19 Okay, James, your menu first. Corsten press, rhubarb flavour, in a jug, centre of the table, crushed ice, no straws.

Speaker 1 Yes, please. And the crushed ice is made of Corsten Press.

Speaker 19 Big.

Speaker 19 Then you went to a pop-up restaurant which didn't have a bathroom, but you went next door to something called dairy. Never mind that.

Speaker 19 You had pizza bread sticks that didn't have cheese on, but they blew your mind.

Speaker 19 On the table, late edition, you would like some whipped butter that you'd had at a different restaurant that made you cry in Amsterdam.

Speaker 19 You're going to have the whipped butter there with bits of pork scratchings.

Speaker 19 Then you are going to follow this with what can only be described as a celebration of tomato plate that you had in San Francisco.

Speaker 19 I don't know what else happened to you that day, what your nighttime shenanigans were like, but it is, it's lodged in your head as the best thing you've ever eaten.

Speaker 19 And we have to take your word for it.

Speaker 19 There was tomato sorbet, there was gels, there was tomato in every different shape or form it suddenly introduced you to the world of tomatoes yes with that you would like a tropical smoothie not juice that's important that reminds you of a raspberry peti faloo which can only be found in melbourne yes steal south american smoothie there you go then you're gonna have a beef wellington where it was delicious the sauce was delicious you could have it for two if you want bring it to the table the pastry crisp outstanding you like that with the sour beer you don't remember the the name, but you did have it in a pub you had to stop at because you were going to soil yourself.

Speaker 19 Then on the side, you'd like a, what can only be described as a savoury croissant bread and butter pudding that's covered in sap, but was delicious. It's very rich.
Let's call it a Berkswell pudding.

Speaker 19 You like that on the side. And with that, if anyone's still with me, you would like, as a beverage, a rosé vermouth cocktail that, as you say, is like nothing you've ever eaten before.

Speaker 19 Then, followed by this, so you've got tomato in there, you've got a smoothie, you've got some crushed ice, you've got some pizza bread sticks, hold the cheese, you've got the Wellington, you've got the sour beer, you've got the bread and butter pudding, and then two portions, please.

Speaker 19 And then you'd like a rose vermouth cocktail from somewhere called Hopper's or Holly's, or never mind, let's not focus on that.

Speaker 19 You would then like some vintage cider, which you used to drink with your wheater bix.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 And also, at some point during that, I'd like to be surprised by a mold cider by the lady from the clothes shop.

Speaker 19 Yeah, she's coming out regularly, basically, just to take your temperature. Before you reveal your pudding, Ed, are you ready?

Speaker 1 I'm so ready.

Speaker 19 I've led you to the table. You're meeting your friend.
He wants to be next to the water. You want to be in somewhere with full atmosphere, butt spread out, atmospheric.
There's open brick.

Speaker 19 You are going to start with a pint of Guinness just drawn

Speaker 19 then you are going to have a big thing of pizza bread laced with marmite and cheese and you're going to tuck into that and i'm happy with that are you happy with that so happy good then you move into oysters they've got a special pecorino butter you are not going to chuck them yourself somebody's going to come introduce yourself they are going to be your personal chucker for the night this is your dream restaurant yes you can have 12 you can have 24 you can share them with your friend go nuts.

Speaker 19 With your oysters, your plethora of oysters, you are having a Harris Gin martini with specifically four olives, but you're not hammered. You're absolutely fine.
You've had the Guinness.

Speaker 1 You've had some oysters.

Speaker 19 They've soaked something up. as if.
Then you're moving on to what can only be described as a meat feast. It's a barbecue tray that seven people have to hold.

Speaker 19 On there, you've got brisket, you've got ribs, you've got pork belly, you've also got some cornbread in case you're not full.

Speaker 19 And then you've also got some cauliflower that's been barbecued open flame with tahini, which doesn't totally fit, but we'll let you have it because it is yours.

Speaker 19 With that, you would like the bourbon that costs thousands and thousands of pounds, but just a small glass of it, that's absolutely fine.

Speaker 19 Yeah, I want to use the word periwinkle, the Claudie Van Winkleman.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 19 On the side, you're going to have some cold sesame noodles because that makes sense, it goes well with it. No, it does

Speaker 19 with some crispy chili oil in a little dish, and with that, you would like some little bastard wine, which is like a wine you've never drunk before. It's blown your mind.
You've drunk it.

Speaker 19 You've introduced it to somebody called Nish, who's now drinking Magnums alone. I think you should both call him after this.

Speaker 19 And then you would like a heavy, yet fruity, but a delicious red wine, preferably a Californian Cabernet Sauvignon. You've shared it together.
You went to New York. You went to LA.

Speaker 19 This is the situation. Those are your menus.
Is everyone happy?

Speaker 1 Very happy. So happy.
Great.

Speaker 1 I feel like I've made a really good account of myself for myself.

Speaker 19 Good. Yes.
That's the most important thing.

Speaker 19 You've got everything covered. Meat, oysters, Guinness, Marmite bread, cold noodles, two different kinds of wine, bourbon, and why not? Throw in a martini.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 1 I've got a problem.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have to look after my friend tonight after this meal.

Speaker 19 Lockdown has been hard on us all.

Speaker 1 So what are you, Ed Gamble, gamble having for pudding okay so obviously the worry here is that if i do say cheese board there's going to be some serious ruptions i'm delighted with the cheese board how are you seriously even considering it look i can't believe you'd be even torn of course look i considered having a cheese board for my starter to get it out the way but then i thought no there's so many other things i wanted the oysters and also i didn't i didn't want to pick a cheese board straight away because then james would be relaxed you know then he's not hanging on tent and you want to end with cheese you don't want to start with gorgonzola exactly you want to end with cheese but then when i was putting together my barbecue meat tray that has to be carried by seven people

Speaker 1 i thought realistically what's the worst thing to have after that and it's probably a plate of cheese worst thing to have after anything

Speaker 1 james you're about to get your way here mate because so help me god i will pick i will pick a cheese board if you annoy me yep even in this dream restaurant where i can't get full i can't feel sick.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't fancy a big hunk of cheddar. A big hunk of cheddar after a big hunk of brisket.

Speaker 1 I just don't think I could do it. It's too much fat.
It's too much savoury fat. Obviously, it's a dessert.
I'm going to have loads of sweet fat instead.

Speaker 1 This was harder for me than I thought it was going to be. I have a lot of honourable muncheons,

Speaker 1 including one that Claudia hates the honourable muncheons. I don't.

Speaker 19 But it takes away the thrill. It's like saying, I will have sex with you, but do you mind if I just lick the neck of your four friends?

Speaker 1 Like, you've got to choose who you're having sex with right hey some people are down with that

Speaker 1 but you go ahead it's 2021 come on

Speaker 1 um including there's one in my honorable honorable munchions which i think james would have thought i might have picked as my dessert but i'm not going to pick it because i was worried that he was going to pick it and as everyone who listens to this podcast knows I hate ordering the same thing as other people on the table.

Speaker 1 I will often change my order if people pick the same as me because I don't think that's the point of going to a restaurant. Well, Ed, let me tell you, it's also in my honourable mentions and it's not.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, it didn't make it. So, I mean, that is a disaster.
Because what should I, no, I'm not going to switch it. Honourable Munchions.
The French toast from Shack Fu Yu.

Speaker 1 My mum's rhubarb crumble with cheap vanilla ice cream. Peanut butter pie from Flavor Town.
A plate of Colin the Caterpillar, but only the faces and asses.

Speaker 1 Yes. Love that.
Pizza Express chocolate fudge cake or carrot cake. All in my honourable munchions.
But the winner. It's the second visit to Hawksmoor in my menu.

Speaker 1 It's the peanut butter shortbread with salted caramel ice cream. It is the first time I started going to restaurants properly and really discovered a love for restaurants.

Speaker 1 I went to Hawksmoor with some friends and I picked that. I don't think I'd really had peanut butter in a dessert very often.
The shortbread's incredible.

Speaker 1 It's got just enough peanut butter, but not super sweet peanut butter like in American desserts. And then the salted caramel ice cream is just an amazing way to top it off.

Speaker 1 I'm having that for my dessert. And with it, I would like an espresso martini, please.

Speaker 19 Why not? I mean, Ed, I'm so happy with your menu.

Speaker 1 I would like an espresso martini because it's the perfect way to end a meal, especially if you're, if you're going on somewhere else or walking home.

Speaker 1 Just to give you, I think I'm going to need that boost to get out from under the table at this point.

Speaker 19 Good. I think that you've chosen excellent pudding.
Excellent. I've never had it, but I'm going to.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's fantastic. That's always been on the menu at Hawksmoor.
It's so, so good. And

Speaker 1 I couldn't get through this menu without a shout out to peanut butter. I eat peanut butter every day.
I love it. Yeah.
Also, I've never, Ed always talks about Hawksmoor, always recommends it.

Speaker 1 I've still never been. I've never been.
Oh, mate.

Speaker 19 And I hear it's amazing.

Speaker 1 I kind of wouldn't want to go without Ed at this point. I'd want to go and be Ed's guest.
Yeah, you're welcome. You're very welcome.

Speaker 19 When lockdown ends, you two should go and post photographs.

Speaker 1 We will. Thank you.

Speaker 19 James, you've had tomatoes, just bevy. You've had whipped butter.
You've had rhubarb drinks. You've had beef Wellington.
You've had rose vermouth. You've had vintage cider.

Speaker 19 You've had a pudding made of croissant dough.

Speaker 1 How is this ending if we both have an honorable muncheon that's the same can we get it for the table

Speaker 1 i feel like we've broken so many rules you at this point have both had about 10 drinks each to do it if you both if you really need it so i'd like to order the shat for you french toast for the table please thank you james so that we we can both share that A lot of honourable munchions here for me.

Speaker 1 The headline of the honourable munchions would be something I had at NOMA. And I'm hesitant to say it because I think Claudia's gonna go nuts and be a bit angry about this because

Speaker 1 I won't it doesn't sound like it would taste nice tomatoes

Speaker 1 crispy cod skin in white chocolate oh stop it James can I just say and no one expected this I'm supposed I'm like the slightly snobby food guy right who talks about high-end stuff a lot and memories of going to Michelin star restaurants uh you know and i worry about that sometimes especially on a podcast that's supposed to be everyone to be able to listen to and be able to try the things we talk about.

Speaker 1 You have basically there's Michelin stars absolutely coming out your ass on this menu. I'm really taken aback.
I've got to be honest about what has tasted the nicest. No, I think you do.

Speaker 1 Look, and absolutely, you should be. It's just surprised me that you're the guy doing it.

Speaker 1 Sometimes we get people on this podcast, food critics, and there's only been two of them, but at some point, they'll always make a point of like saying the best food they ever had was something from like, you know, a greasy spoon cafe.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I'm sitting there going, horse shit, mate.

Speaker 1 Absolute bollocks. You've eaten at the best, most high-end restaurants in the world.
There's no way that I mean, I'm going to call out Grace Dent on this.

Speaker 1 I think she said chips from a chip shop with curry sauce on it as one of her.

Speaker 19 She's not wrong.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's nice. But of the best things that Grace Dent's ever eaten, I was like, yeah, okay, pull the other one, Dent.
The rest of my honourable munchions for this are not as...

Speaker 1 So that cod skin cooked with white chocolate is amazing.

Speaker 1 I'd also shout out Smash from Norway, Marks and Spencer's pineapple tarts that Simon Rogan told us to have, banana jam pie from Chinchin, banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery in New York, Chubby Hubby Ben and Jerry's ice cream, Trader Joe's frozen banana slices, and any giant toasted marshmallow.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 1 They're my other honorable muncheons, but none of these are my dessert.

Speaker 1 And I nearly tried to do it that I was having all of them. I nearly tried to do it that I would have the global to passive desserts and just have all of them together.

Speaker 1 So I thought desserts are my thing. And again, maybe I was thinking about the listeners too much, Claudia.

Speaker 1 I was thinking, they really expect me to go big on desserts and maybe I should just choose all of them. It's a cheat.
It is a cheat and it's also dishonest.

Speaker 19 It's fun.

Speaker 1 It's dishonest. Because I wouldn't want all of them.
No, correct. And I would like a cake that my flatmates made me in 2018.
In 2018, I was lucky enough to have a stand-up show of mine put on Netflix.

Speaker 1 You'd had a bad year, Claudia. A bad year the year before.
Back from Amsterdam.

Speaker 1 It was the first day that the specials had gone on Netflix, and so we had a little viewing party at the flat, and my flat mates made a cake. Oh my God.
This cake, I think about it all the time.

Speaker 1 I couldn't stop eating it all week. Every time I got home, I would have some of this cake, and it was so delicious that I didn't care about it.

Speaker 1 My barometer for desserts is that the enjoyment of it has to completely get rid of the guilt. of eating it so that I don't care about the repercussions.

Speaker 1 I don't care if it's shaving however much time off my life. it's so delicious.
And I would eat it all the time because it was that good.

Speaker 1 It was a triple layer cake, although each layer was the same, but it was like, it was chocolate cake with freeze-dried raspberries in the batter.

Speaker 1 In between each layer was a salted caramel cream. On the outside of the cake was a white chocolate ganache.
And then that was covered with,

Speaker 1 on top of that was fondant icing. And then on the top of it, they had very professionally done a microphone in Fondant and the Netflix logo in Fond, which it was very impressive.

Speaker 1 It tasted so good, and I would like that with a side of my mother's homemade peanut butter slice cream that she makes, which is her homemade versions of Vita's peanut butter cups in a really like double, triple, quadruple cream ice cream.

Speaker 1 Very rich.

Speaker 1 When my friend Graham tried it for the first time, he had a mouthful and he looked at me and went, I'm going to die.

Speaker 1 So that's, you can feel it clog up your arteries as soon as you eat it. That's what I would like.
I would like the whole cake, not just a slice of it.

Speaker 19 No, again, you like big things brought to the table. You like the big jug.
Yeah. You know, you like, you want the whole cake with a server.
You can share with your friend, Ed.

Speaker 19 You can look out across the pond. Yes.
What are you drinking?

Speaker 1 The salted caramel thick shake from Sweet Mother's Kitchen in Wellington. Oh my God.
Circa 2014, because I think they changed the recipe to that thick shake later on.

Speaker 1 But the first time I went to Sweet Mother's Kitchen in Wellington and had the salted caramel thick shake, again, it was a massive drum of it.

Speaker 1 And I just drank the whole thing because I didn't care if I was going to die as soon as I drank it. It was so good that it just made all of life worth living.
Loved it. Oh, we are so greedy.

Speaker 1 Like this meal is going to end with me absolutely shit-faced and you just buzzing off your tits on sugar. As it should.
It's perfect, really. We're going to have to go for a swim in the pond.

Speaker 19 But you're in the dream restaurant, so you're not going to get too full. You're not going to get too drunk.
and you might just have a little, a tiny bit of brisket.

Speaker 19 Thank you so much, or just a little sip of Guinness. Oh, thank you, huh? More than enough.
I've got lots of things coming.

Speaker 1 That's never happened. Here's something, though, Claudia, that I would like to propose before we move on.

Speaker 1 Please, before we wrap up, ideally, if I'm sitting down with my friend Ed and we're both eating our dream meals, at the end of dessert, I don't just want to go home.

Speaker 1 I would like us to be able to get up from our table, go over, sit by the fire, maybe.

Speaker 1 And this is, I'm not saying this just to extend an olive branch to him. I would like to have, not necessarily a cheese board.

Speaker 19 This is very romantic.

Speaker 1 Continue. But I would like to have something that's like, you know, a charcuterie, maybe, maybe a bunch of stuff, cheese biscuits, meats, stuff like that.

Speaker 1 And I would like to have to drink, again, from Noma, this is actually my first thing that's making it on the menu from Noma, is the coffee kombucha that I had at the end of the meal at Noma.

Speaker 1 Again, I hadn't really had caffeine in ages. I don't know if you know that.
But like, I, let me tell you, I had a 7 a.m.

Speaker 1 flight the next morning and I stayed up all night with Nish drinking these black coffee kombuchas all night. And I didn't sleep a wink because I hadn't had caffeine in that long.

Speaker 1 I have to round off the meal with that drink. It was the most delicious, you know, cold brew

Speaker 1 coffee, but like with this fruity kombucha, kind of fermented kind of taste there. It was so nice, so delicious.
I would like that coffee from Noma.

Speaker 1 And I like to sit and watch Ed have a cheese board to himself at the end of the night. Well, if we're going over to the fire, then I'd like to maybe get a little tray of putty four,

Speaker 1 some little sweet treats, some little chocolate truffles, some little crispy sweet things.

Speaker 1 I mean, I've had some nice putty four, I can't put my finger on where at the moment, but James knows the sort of thing I'm talking about. I'd like to bring some of those over for him.

Speaker 19 Miniature eclairs. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'd like to have a whiskey.

Speaker 1 Specifically, I went on a wonderful holiday to Japan in 2018 where I proposed to my girlfriend. We had a wonderful time.

Speaker 1 And we went to a couple of, well, the night of, actually, we went to the robot show in Tokyo, which is the craziest, tackiest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 And we drank miniature bottles of champagne. And that is the best tasting drink I've ever had because I don't remember being happier.
But we then went to an incredible restaurant called Inua in Tokyo.

Speaker 1 And it's very Scandinavian, actually, the way they do things. I think the guys who run it Easter work at Noma.
We had a mutual friend who's one of the chefs. So he showed us around the kitchen.

Speaker 1 And then he said, I'd like to buy you a drink to congratulate you on your engagement. And I said, I'd like a whiskey, please.

Speaker 1 He said, well, we do our own whiskey here, our own label, Whiskey at Inoma. And he gave me one of those whiskeys.
And that is just the most comfortable and happy and warm I think I've ever felt.

Speaker 1 So I'd like to have one of those, even though I am aware that I am now having that with James rather than my fiancé. So the memory is somewhat altered.

Speaker 1 Better, better, I think. Yeah, better in a way.
So I'll have one of those whiskeys, please, and I'll give James some sweet treats. Yes.

Speaker 19 Done.

Speaker 19 I mean, are you both, do you feel sated and satisfied with your choices?

Speaker 1 More than. I do, actually.
You know, it was quite a torturous process coming up with it because

Speaker 1 you feel like that's it then. But like James says, we can, you know, we can change our minds.
It's not like, and it's not like we have to eat this every day. This is our, this is our special

Speaker 1 meal. It's not, I was starting to feel like, you know, when Ross laminates his five celebrities that he's allowed to sleep with, I was a bit worried about that.
I was laminating this, but I'm not.

Speaker 1 This is not a lamination.

Speaker 19 It's your show.

Speaker 1 It's a frame of time.

Speaker 19 It's your show and you get another go. For your guests,

Speaker 19 it's deadly serious because you only get one shot.

Speaker 19 Next week, you could go, do you know what? I'm taking that plate of tomato essence out and I'm just going to throw in a tuna milk like a normal person.

Speaker 1 But that might happen.

Speaker 1 Who knows?

Speaker 19 You've got all the good stuff.

Speaker 1 I feel great.

Speaker 19 Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 Well, thank you for having us.

Speaker 1 Oh, hold on a minute.

Speaker 19 Sorry. I can just see somebody.

Speaker 1 What's that?

Speaker 19 Would you like a glass of warm mulled cider?

Speaker 1 Whoa, Ed! I'm not blaming this!

Speaker 1 Well, there we go. A couple of absolutely disgusting menus.
What are you talking about, man? They're the best menus we've ever had on this podcast. That is true, actually.
They are delicious.

Speaker 1 Yeah, really delicious. I mean, and everything you said, I thought I would have that on my menu.

Speaker 1 I would eat all of your menu. I would eat it.

Speaker 1 I bet I'd love it. It's a shame we had to do this over Zoom.

Speaker 1 Obviously, in my mind, I know you said in your mind that you thought it would be in person.

Speaker 1 But in my mind, we would do it live

Speaker 1 in a theater or something. But, you know, there's time.
There's time for all of that sort of stuff. And obviously, that was episode 100 at Mine and James's Menus.

Speaker 1 We'll do it again at episode 200. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 That's what's going to happen, guys.

Speaker 1 You keep this podcast going you keep on supporting us every single hundred mark episode we're going to do our menu me and ed are going to go out to dinner with a different genie each time exactly obviously we will have to do episode 200 over zoom as well because of covid 42.

Speaker 1 yes obviously that'll have happened and uh who knows we might have a new producer by then

Speaker 1 hey you know what i hope not because i'm going to put this out there 100 episodes Oh, the great Benito really has done a smashing job, hasn't he? Oh, we don't.

Speaker 1 I mean, hopefully it's no secret to anyone, but if this was just down to me and Ed, we really,

Speaker 1 I would have been impressed if we'd made it to 10 episodes. So

Speaker 1 it wouldn't have made it to 10 episodes. Or we might have recorded one, but no one would have heard it because I don't know how to put them on the internet.
I don't know how to edit them.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to tell people about it.

Speaker 1 We turn up, we chat all the shit you hear, plus more, because a lot of it's cut out.

Speaker 1 And then that's all we do and then the and then a podcast just happens to give the listener an idea of how many episodes of this podcast they would have heard if the great bonito wasn't involved and it was just down to me and ed i once went round to ed's house and we got a video camera and we filmed a bunch of uh short comedy sketches um that were that were based on us being vloggers uh uh

Speaker 1 talking about our fan theories of various tv shows we we filmed three episodes in one night one about westworld one about Stranger Things, and

Speaker 1 I can't remember what the third one was even about.

Speaker 1 We were called

Speaker 1 Jamie and Ed Gamble.

Speaker 1 And I had an outfit on and everything, and we filmed it all. Our fan theory about Westworld was that at the end of series one, when what's his name? Ben Barnes is on the horse.

Speaker 1 And he's naked on the horse, and the horse's butt gets slapped, and the horse gums away with him. Our fan theory about that was that Ben Barnes goes off in in the desert and fucks the horse.

Speaker 1 Fucks the horse, they give birth to Mr. Tumnus, and that's how Narnia began.

Speaker 1 And we filmed all of that in one night, and still, and that was like probably three years ago, four years ago, whenever the first series of Westworld was out, four years ago, I'd say.

Speaker 1 And it has still never seen the light of day. It's not even been edited.
It's still on the camera that we used. Nothing has ever been done with it.

Speaker 1 So that is what this podcast would be, were it not for the great Benito.

Speaker 1 It would just be a recording of Scroobious Pip on one of our phones and that no one's ever listened to so what we're trying to say is thank you the great bonito thank you so much the great bonito and thank you to all of uh you guys as well who listen to it and uh tweet about it and talk about it and people seem to really be into it so thanks for being into it thank you for jumping on all the little silly things we say making sure they don't get forgotten and building a three-dimensional world because that's what every podcast needs and thank you of course to no context off menu who really brings that to life.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I love him.
I get sometimes Ed sends me the screenshots of it and I'm like, that guy's done really amazing work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because James isn't on social media, so I have to screenshot all of my favorite ones and I send them to James and then he has a little chuckle.

Speaker 1 So he's got his own form of social media where people just cherry-pick all the best bits and send them to him. It's great.

Speaker 1 Hey guys, if you ever think about leaving social media, it's brilliant because you just get it curated for you by all your friends. They send you all the best bits.

Speaker 1 You just get to see the creme de la la creme i'm starting to think i should balance it a little bit and start sending you uh like troll stuff as well yeah so i said look at what this person said about you today not generous

Speaker 1 oh dear

Speaker 1 but we feel very grateful we're very happy to have made it to 100 episodes a lot of podcasts don't make it past one and uh look long may it continue no plans on stopping i love doing this podcast and thank you ed for being such a great guy and making me feel nice and comfortable every episode.

Speaker 1 Even in that one when we were supposedly head to head i was like no way we're friends bad luck yeah exactly

Speaker 1 thank you james for being a good friend and a wonderful dining companion and hopefully at some point in the future we can all get together and have a meal and i'm saying that to james and benito not to you the listener i like you thank you for listening you make me feel successful but please keep your distance yeah you can't all come to dinner although if we do the live show thing maybe yeah oh well that's a possibility for the future once everyone's been vaccinated, etc.

Speaker 1 Still a sparkling vaccine. And then we can all get together and have a lovely old time at a live show and all

Speaker 1 eat the same meal. Do you think you can do that at a live show? Can you? Yeah.
We'll order all just the same meal for everybody. And they've all got to just eat that.

Speaker 1 Benito's already shaking his head. See, this is the problem.
Benito spots logistical issues sometimes. So we can't really live our dreams because he's like, no, that won't work.

Speaker 1 You can't have a delivery for 2,000 people. That's how many people we're playing to.
Yeah, that's how many it would be. 2,000.
2,000, exactly. I think so.
So, thank you very much. 100 done.

Speaker 1 We will see you next week for 101.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, our guest will be a Dalmatian. Uh-oh.
Pangle.

Speaker 1 Pongo.

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