Ep 99: Domhnall Gleeson

Speaker 1 James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world. Yes.
Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall? I have. We've done live shows there.
And guess what?

Speaker 1 We're doing more live shows there next year. Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.
But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone. Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

Speaker 1 The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March. It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.
Those shows have been a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 We cannot wait to do them live. Who will we pull out of our little magic bag? You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

Speaker 1 If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September. Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.
And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

Speaker 1 So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later. The day in between is for reflecting.
Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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Speaker 1 Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, lighting the firelighter of chat to stoke the barbecue of fun.

Speaker 1 I'll take it. Okay, there was the pause was long, though, man.
Well, I thought you were going to say something else, and I thought, oh, that's it. I thought, well, fair enough.

Speaker 1 Like, creating the flames of humour. Is that what you were hoping for? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Because you barbecue so much, I thought he knows the whole process of barbecuing, so he's probably going to take it all the way through to completion here for when the food's ready to eat.

Speaker 1 But you were just like...

Speaker 1 That's a lot of analogy, though, isn't it? It's just supposed to be like one line. Sure.
But, you know. Well, you like the firelighters, James.

Speaker 1 I tend to leave it, you know, uncovered there burning for about 10 minutes and then I shut the lid.

Speaker 1 So, right now, this is probably the bit where the uh, you know, it's being left burning for 10 minutes, is the intro.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then we shut the lid when the podcast starts, and things really get hot. Open the vents, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh man, I love barbecuing so much.

Speaker 1 Ed Gamble loves barbecuing. I think James Acaster never owned a barbecue.

Speaker 1 Together, they host the off-menu podcast, where we have a guest every week into the dream restaurant, and they tell us their favourite ever, start a main course dessert, side dish, and drink.

Speaker 1 Might do one tonight. And this week, huh? I might do one tonight.
And this week, our special guest is Donald. Donald

Speaker 1 Khaliso.

Speaker 1 An absolute barbecue of an actor. What a guy.
He is such a great actor.

Speaker 1 You all love him. Yes, he's done loads of stuff, James.
Ex-Mackiner. He was in that great episode of Black Mirror when he kind of comes back from the dead.
He is in Star Wars, for Christ's sakes.

Speaker 1 The Revenant. The Revenant, baby.
Also, Ed, he's in Frank of Island. Did you know that? That's coming out tomorrow, a brand new sitcom on Channel 4.
I did. That's very exciting.

Speaker 1 He is in that with his brother, Brian Gleason. Brian Gleason.
And maybe there's even a little cameo from

Speaker 1 certain Brendan Gleason. No relation.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to say you were in it then. I would be good as another Gleason, wouldn't I? Yeah, you would be actually.
If you found out I was another Gleason, you wouldn't be surprised.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't be surprised. Maybe we'll bring that up with him at some point

Speaker 1 when we chat to him um but very excited to have him in the dream restaurant however however excited we are if he's a secret ingredient which we will agree on now he will be removed from the restaurant and this week's secret ingredient is manuka manuka honey honey i don't trust any food that is mainly pushed on people to help their voice Yeah, look, I'm not saying it doesn't taste nice.

Speaker 1 I've had Manuka honey in the past and my voice has been bad and I need to do a gig. And I'm like, come on, we've got to get this voice up and running quickly.

Speaker 1 I guess I'll resort to it I'll get some manuga honey James at no at no point

Speaker 1 have you ever thought I'll resort you must love it when your voice goes and you get to eat honey from the spoon and it's socially acceptable yes it is it's my first port of call before I've tried anything else yeah straight away I

Speaker 1 eat the manuga honey but I resent how much it costs yes it's very expensive I think it's it's pointless and it tastes just like any other honey man like I'm sorry to say of course I don't think it's for the taste though it's supposed to have other properties, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but like, who cares? Like, who cares? I'm a bit worried. Maybe Donald will bring it up because you know, he does a lot of theatre.
Sure. He has to look after his voice.
Maybe

Speaker 1 he's going to have Manuka Honey as a little extra course or something to help his voice. Well, then, you know, he's going to get what he deserves.
He's going to get chucked out at the restaurant.

Speaker 1 Yeah. With a heavy heart.
With a heavy heart. But for now, here is the off-menu menu of Donald Glisa.

Speaker 1 Welcome, Donald Gleason, to the Dream Restaurant.

Speaker 1 Welcome, Donald Gleason, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

Speaker 14 I've been listening to you guys for some time, so this is great. Thank you so much for having me.
Brilliant to be here, to be talking to you.

Speaker 1 You're most welcome. You can always tell when someone's heard the podcast before because they politely wait for the genie to explode out of the lamp.

Speaker 14 Yes, yeah, didn't want to preempt it. It's also interesting to see it actually happen in front of my eyes.
Yeah. You know, an experience I've been looking forward to and, you know, enjoyed very much.

Speaker 14 So thank you for that.

Speaker 1 Was it as dramatic as you thought it was going to be?

Speaker 1 Describe the theater of it to the audience.

Speaker 14 I was wondering if you would take some time to get into character. No.
Nope. Straight in there.
Just like, you know, it almost like it was second nature.

Speaker 14 Hands out wide and not full eye contact with the screen.

Speaker 1 Actually looked into the distance yes while you were saying it which surprised me but again i enjoyed it i didn't look at you in the screen where you're on the screen i actually looked at where you are geographically so where i was gazing off there was actually towards you and where you are in the actual world so you were looking at you were looking towards dublin well yes my genie powers i know exactly where donah was and i looked over there so i was staring into his soul and not into the screen that's not who he is really I really appreciate that.

Speaker 14 I mean, it makes me feel right at home. It's not, you know, because obviously we're doing it during a lockdown, so it's nice to feel that you did.
You looked straight at me. Thank you.

Speaker 14 That's why I felt so warm.

Speaker 1 I don't know about you, but that seemed like James was really coming up with some bullshit excuses for a terrible performance. What? I bought it.
Have you ever worked?

Speaker 1 You must have worked with occasionally in the early days of doing acting with some terrible actors who were bad and then came up with absolutely awful excuses to get around it because that's what it seemed like to me, putting that out there.

Speaker 14 I was, there's always the actor, and oftentimes I'm the actor, there's always the actor who will tell you in detail all of the research they've done, the thinking they've done behind the scene.

Speaker 14 This is what I think my character is feeling in this scene. And then they say action, and all of that falls away, and it's just a scared boy.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like that, but you know what I mean?

Speaker 14 Like, that's often how I feel on set. So, I mean, it's possible there was an element of that, but I didn't get fear.
I didn't get fear.

Speaker 1 Donald said that I didn't even have to get into character, that it was just instant like that. Not many actors are that good.
Well, it's just like.

Speaker 14 Maybe you did the character work before we started the call. Maybe you had taken an hour, done your vocal warm-up, and you were

Speaker 1 maybe, and this is not an option that either of you have considered, maybe there's just not really a character. What?

Speaker 14 Don't do this to me.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's just not that deep.

Speaker 1 Maybe I am merely a genie. That's what it is, actually.

Speaker 1 Or maybe it's sort of forgotten that you're a genie after this moment completely and you just become James Acaster again. No, I'm a genie and otherwise happen.

Speaker 14 And you do, you do, you know, you're a waiter. I mean, you do, you act impeccably as a waiter.

Speaker 1 You hang around a lot for a waiter.

Speaker 14 I will say that.

Speaker 14 It's a lot of talking. But I think that's part of the charm.
I will say my preparation for this has been horrific. So I thought about it a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Good.

Speaker 14 That's what we like. And my preparation was awful.
I went down the street. I went to a sandwich place called Farmer Brown's and I got the biggest sandwich.
Like I think I've ever eaten.

Speaker 14 And it was delicious. So I finished it.
And now I don't want to think about food even a little bit. The thought of anything.
I looked at my list and I was like, I want a phew.

Speaker 1 So this is terrible. Because of Farmer Brown's sandwich.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to hear more about Farmer Brown's because that, you know, obviously English people have a stereotypical vision of Ireland being all quite rural.

Speaker 14 I didn't know that, Ed, but that's good to know.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that, to be honest.

Speaker 14 Oh, do you? Do you have a stereotypical?

Speaker 14 Yeah, it's not a real Farmer. It's the place called Farmer Brown's.
I went down, got a sandwich. The power cut while I was there, and they were very nicely said, Don't worry about it.

Speaker 14 The grill is hot enough, we can make the sandwich. And it was amazing, right? But it was, I think, maybe, I think, because they knew they were shut for the rest of the day.

Speaker 14 I think they put everything that was left into my sandwich. And now I never want to eat again.

Speaker 1 Oh, the dream.

Speaker 1 Although, to be honest, in terms of being prepared for this podcast, you've not had the biggest nightmare out of all of us to date because the great Benito spilled an entire pint of water over his laptop like an idiot.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he absolutely slapsticks it before before you came on the cooldown or he turned he turned up to a podcast recording soaking wet still are sparkling which is ah yes good to have somebody who knows who knows what we're talking about on this pod i would imagine sparkling will be devastating to the internal workings of your machine so the fact that he was able to make the call i'm guessing i'm guessing still yeah do you like the big uh sandwich for farm grounds

Speaker 14 yeah i always forget when you're doing this sort of like i can see you so when i go

Speaker 14 i know it's my mouth yeah

Speaker 14 The people at home, they've just heard that I've eaten a sandwich and then they hear that noise and

Speaker 14 they don't know where it is.

Speaker 1 Feel free if you if you do if you do need to let some wind out, feel free. Yeah.
Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 It's the dream restaurant. You go for it.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I'm the only person here, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Do you eat alone in the dream restaurant? Are you eating alone? It's up to you.

Speaker 1 Your choice.

Speaker 14 You can bring. Holy shit.
So during a pandemic, I can imagine that I've got friends. Because a lot of this is based on.
Like I've been

Speaker 14 in my very small bubble for a year, like everybody. So I can imagine that I've got friends around now.
Oh lads, this is going to be amazing.

Speaker 1 Whoever you want. Oh brilliant.

Speaker 14 My family and my friends and everything.

Speaker 1 And they don't have to be your actual friends either. You can just make up new ones.
You can

Speaker 1 start again.

Speaker 14 Better friends. I love us.
Love us. Oh, this is nice now.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what you can have actually. We'll make it fun.
You can have one family member, one person that you've been in a film with or TV show with. Oh, yeah.
Or play with.

Speaker 1 And you can have one person that you've never met met before. They're the three.

Speaker 1 That's your three choices. Oh.

Speaker 14 Hang on. Right out of the gate,

Speaker 14 you've saddled me with picking one member of my own family. That's how you're starting this.
I've got to pick one member of my own family.

Speaker 1 Yes. Now, obviously, you're allowed to pick someone you're in a show with as well.
You know, coming up soon, you are in a show with your brother, so he could knock off. That's true.
Two categories.

Speaker 14 Yeah, but I've seen a lot of Brian over the last year. Do you know what I mean? Do I want to see him ever again? Big question.
No, do you know what? what I'm gonna go to because I can't pick.

Speaker 14 I'm picking two. My nana and my grandma, who are no longer with us, I'm having them.
I'm sorry, you can't.

Speaker 14 If you say we said only one and we're making you pick between your nana and your grandma, that makes you an absolute fucker. So I'm bending the rules.
Nana and grandma for here.

Speaker 1 How about you can pick your nana or your grandma and then one of them is an honorable mention?

Speaker 1 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Yeah, not doing that even as a guy. Don't care if he does.

Speaker 14 Absolutely no way. So, yeah, Nana and grandma.
And then, okay, who's going to get on well, my Nana and grandma? Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 14 Some people.

Speaker 1 Who are you thinking in your head? Who's the shortlist at the minute who's popping up? Doesn't it have to be the person?

Speaker 14 Yeah, Bill Nye, I think, is like the best company. And he's great.
But both

Speaker 14 my Nana and my grandma might suddenly fall in love with him, which might be a bit of a problem. I'll make it for an awkward meal if they're all flourishing.
Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 14 stop it.

Speaker 1 You don't want a love triangle involving your nana nana and your grandma.

Speaker 14 Departed Nana and grandma and Bill Naey, who I know and respect. I don't want to think of him in that light.
So I'm going to go somewhere else.

Speaker 1 And Naey would love that, wouldn't he? Yeah. He'd be charming.

Speaker 14 Oh, he loves it. Oh, he loves it.
He loves being the centre of attention. Whenever he goes out, he says, I'm Bill Nye.
Look at me. He's awful like that.
He's one of those actors.

Speaker 1 I asked him for directions once. Did you? Yeah, I was on my way to a date, a first date.
I couldn't find the pub. I was looking around.
I looked down the street. Bill Nye was walking towards me.

Speaker 1 And so I just went, excuse me, mate, do you know where the Jon Snow is? And then he looked around and went, I don't think I do. And then that was it.

Speaker 1 And I didn't say to him at any point, you're Bill Naey. And I was really pleased with myself that I didn't at any point say that I knew who he was.

Speaker 1 And I went, and then I had a story when I arrived at the date.

Speaker 14 Great. It was lovely.
It's very hard. So, do you, so, you know, you're both reasonably, uh, reasonably, I don't know, I don't know where to pitch it.
You're both reasonably well known.

Speaker 1 I was about to say.

Speaker 14 You sound like you're diss than a complicated.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't worry about it. I was ready to take that as a full compliment.
I was like, what's going on this? Reasonably, I say.

Speaker 14 When people notice you, do you notice people notice you and you go, oh,

Speaker 14 don't look at me. Do you ever do that? Do you ever go like a little bit like feel weird?

Speaker 1 Annoyingly, no, which means they sneak up on me and catch me off guard. I would quite like to already.
But they're very good. Anyone who likes me,

Speaker 1 like you experienced me at the beginning, they're very bad at eye contact. So I actually don't notice until the very last minute.

Speaker 14 Ah, maybe I'm making too much eye contact, but maybe I'm staring at people. And when they look back, they're not recognising me.

Speaker 1 They're staring at them. They're scared.
My lot are

Speaker 1 a bit less subtle. So they will out loud say, oh, Ed Gamble.

Speaker 1 So I very much spot that.

Speaker 14 That's the one. So it's as they walk past, you go, I think that.
And then with me, they don't know my name. So they kind of go, that's, you know, I think, was it, was it? Was it Paddington?

Speaker 14 I'm like, no, it was Peter Rabbit. I turn around and say, no, it was Peter Rabbit.

Speaker 14 So I get that. But then the problem, and I always think, oh, it would be easy to be subtle, I think.
And then when I see people who I recognize, oh, I'm awful.

Speaker 1 I'm going,

Speaker 14 holding it in, trying not to say the thing. And then once, because I love the band, the strokes,

Speaker 14 I was walking by and I was seeing them that night in New York. And I walked past the guitarist and I made eye contact with him for a second.
And I was listening to him on my headphones. Oh, wow.

Speaker 14 And my mind said, don't do anything. And my body went double thumbs up

Speaker 1 while walking. While walking past them.
Oh, no.

Speaker 14 Just awful.

Speaker 1 Probably

Speaker 1 the least strokes thing to do as well. Like, they're so cool.

Speaker 1 They've never done a double thumbs up.

Speaker 14 Never in their lives.

Speaker 1 And then he got to the gig and he was like, fucking, Mr. McGregor gave me a double thumbs up on the way here.
Did you guys?

Speaker 1 Have you guys seen Peter Rabbit? Yes, we've all seen Peter Rabbit. Yeah, well, McGregor gave me a double thumbs up.

Speaker 14 It's a favourite on the tour of us. Yeah.
I imagine the most hidden thing.

Speaker 1 We all love it. Right.
You haven't said the co-star

Speaker 1 who you're going to have in the restaurant.

Speaker 14 No, I'm going to change it up. Actually, based on our Mr.
McGregor talk, I'm going to go Rose Byrne. She makes me laugh.
She's really good dinner company and just hilarious. Makes me laugh.

Speaker 14 And I don't quite know how she's making me laugh. She's just wonderful like that.
So I'll pick her and she'd be great with my nana and grandma.

Speaker 1 And then someone you've never met before. Someone you've maybe liked to meet.

Speaker 14 The guitarist from the strokes.

Speaker 1 No, bad idea.

Speaker 14 Bad idea.

Speaker 1 You could have another chance with the guitarist. I bet you'd do the exact same thing again.
You'd be psyched yourself up. Come on, Dino.
Don't do it this time. Bada!

Speaker 1 Double thumbs up as soon as he walks in. Your nana and your grandma would be like, I don't even know him.
I've never even met him before.

Speaker 14 And the whole meal, every time he looks over, just double thumbs up and big smile. Can't take my eyes off him.
Yeah, it seems awkward. Rose would love it.

Speaker 14 That's my choice.

Speaker 1 Which one of the guitarists was it? Was it Albert Hammond Jr.? Because that is. It was Albert Hammond Jr.
Oh dear. You just call this one.

Speaker 1 Oh dear me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Ruined it.
Ruined it.

Speaker 14 Any of the others, you might have got almost like an ironic response. But he seemed nice.
He smiled. I think he's met pathetic people like me before.

Speaker 14 And as soon as I walked past, I was like, I hope I'm not wearing Converse.

Speaker 1 And I looked down and I was wearing Converse.

Speaker 14 He saw me coming on my line.

Speaker 1 So someone you've never met before at the dining room table. Can it be him, though? I've never met him technically.
Yeah, absolutely. I think that's great.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 And I'll treat him like a

Speaker 14 normal person being. Already I've got nervous and fucked it.

Speaker 1 So nervous to me.

Speaker 1 But the key, the key, Donald, in that situation is you can't, don't bring up the story of the double thumbs up because that would make, that's going to make you seem even worse when you're like,

Speaker 1 do you remember when you were in New York and I give you a double thumbs up? So sorry about that, man. I would never, and then double thumbs down to try and equilibrium the whole thing.

Speaker 14 Your last album, double thumbs down.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Oh no, oh no.

Speaker 14 I like the last album, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's one of their better ones, Donald. You'd look like a real idiot if you

Speaker 1 saw that album. You'd want a Grammy the other day for that shit.

Speaker 14 See, and I know that, because every now and again I'll google them. This is bad.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. I don't want this

Speaker 1 world.

Speaker 1 Okay, so.

Speaker 1 Dono, let's break that down. At what point in your day do you find yourself idly googling the strokes?

Speaker 14 It's a pandemic, you bastard. There is nothing to do.

Speaker 14 I wonder what he's doing now, I think.

Speaker 1 Should he check in on the strokes?

Speaker 1 Yeah, better check in.

Speaker 14 I wonder if they've got another album. They don't.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Oh, the Grammys, they're coming up furiously refreshing all night.

Speaker 1 Hope my boys do well.

Speaker 1 Just double thumbs up on the screen the whole time watching them. I love those emojis, tweeting about them all night.

Speaker 14 Double thumbs up emoji.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Oh, dude. This is...
I don't, yeah, I don't want them to know this about me. So

Speaker 14 let's... This was all a bit.
This was all a bit that I was doing with you guys.

Speaker 1 It's all the funny bits. Talking about comedy, though, but before we get into the main menu, we should talk about Frank of Island.
Very excited for this to come out.

Speaker 1 What is the show about for people who haven't seen it yet?

Speaker 14 It is about a kind of 32-year-old narcissistic fantasist in arrested development who's living with his mother, who is kind of more well-adjusted than him, but they're kind of mates more than mother-son relationship.

Speaker 14 His ex-girlfriend, who he just can't get over. They broke up six years ago, but he just doesn't want her to move on because he can't move on himself.

Speaker 14 That doesn't sound funny, but it's funny in the show. And then his best friend, who's kind of more naïve than him and looks up to him and thinks he's a genius.

Speaker 14 And they're all kind of keeping each other in the same cycle of behavior, sort of thing.

Speaker 14 You know, they're all holding each other back, but centers around Frank, who's just this kind of disaster musician and nightmare of a person. He's like a 13-year-old, basically.

Speaker 14 And in the character I play, whose name is Doofus, yes, his name is Doofus. We know it's not funny, but we stuck with it.

Speaker 14 He's more like a nine-year-old. So it's like the relationship between you and your older, cooler cousin when you were nine and he was 13.
Lovely.

Speaker 1 Also, like, I mean, you, your brother, your dad is in it as well, which I saw the three of you in a play together once.

Speaker 1 Did you see that? I saw the Woolworth Fast in Dublin. It was fantastic.
I loved it. So I'm excited that you're all in a team.

Speaker 1 You go to plays, James.

Speaker 1 This is new information for me. You were tricked into the play.
I wasn't in the play, man.

Speaker 14 What are you saying?

Speaker 1 No, I wasn't really tricked. I loved it.
David O'Doherty

Speaker 1 was going to visit him. He's like, do you want to go and see this play? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Never before have I absolutely loved something and not understood a word of it i absolutely loved it so much

Speaker 1 um yeah and i mean that i love it was like jazz because like for those people who don't know it's like the three of you are from cork in in the uh in the play and you do the accents beautifully and so a lot of it um it was it was in dublin so there's a lot of laughs in places where i was like uh-oh i think i should have

Speaker 1 uh oh but like i knew what was going on at all times because it was, because of the way it was all performed. And I just, I loved that experience of like being swept up in the whole thing.

Speaker 1 And it was it was really great. What was it like for you? Because it was quite an important night for me.
I fucking loved it. And now I'm now I'm gushing at you.
Double thumbs up for that play.

Speaker 14 I will say that means a lot.

Speaker 14 A huge amount actually. I didn't know you had seen it.
You know, all my furious googling. I was like, has James Acaster seen the one with nothing back?

Speaker 14 And also I looked at him as artists. That's nice that you both saw it.

Speaker 14 It was a very intense experience. I actually shot that right in the middle of the Revenant.
So I did

Speaker 14 four months doing the Revenant, which was so

Speaker 14 intense and male and difficult. And like, what are we doing? Like, you know, a lot of minus 30 carrying

Speaker 14 bodies through the snow. It was like, oh my God.
And it was so long. And then I came back and did that for two months in the middle and then went back to finish the Revenant with shaved legs.

Speaker 14 And I just, you know, had to say, nobody tell Tom Hardy that I've got shaved legs. I'm worried he'll make fun of me.

Speaker 14 Yeah, it was amazing. I love that playwright.
I think that's one of the best playwrights in the world, Endo Walsh. I'm actually going to do a play with him.

Speaker 14 Although, whatever version of the play, whatever version of theater we're able to do, we're going to do it this year. I'm doing another play with him.

Speaker 14 My dad and my brother and another wonderful actress, the four of us just together going at it. And it's like...
a boulder going downhill at the very start of it.

Speaker 14 So we used to run our lines as fast as we could before we'd go out for half an hour, just so when it goes, you're just fucking going, you know.

Speaker 14 And one of the first things I do in the play is essentially show the audience my bum hole. That's like one of the first first things that happens.

Speaker 14 And put my foot behind my leg in a pair of very tight wide fronts. So yeah, like it was like, once that happens, you're like, fuck it, we may as well go the whole hog.
And it was

Speaker 14 not show the whole hog, but like, you know, work as hard as possible. It was the best work experience of my life.

Speaker 1 Yes. I was there for a head.
How do you like that shit? Oh,

Speaker 1 I'm very happy for you. I'm very happy for both of you.
I forgot that you're not competitive with me.

Speaker 1 As soon as Donald mentioned having to get his bum hole out every night, I just thought, could I do that?

Speaker 14 It wasn't full bum hole.

Speaker 1 I had pulled,

Speaker 14 just to be technical here, because I'm an actor and I think of these things as technical.

Speaker 1 I was wearing a pair of wire fronts.

Speaker 14 You pull the wire fronts kind of into your bum crack, so it's like a thong at the back, and then you sit on a chair in a slouched angle, and then you throw your foot up behind your head.

Speaker 14 So like you've got a real thin layer of fabric dividing, you know, separating you from.

Speaker 1 Okay, so there wasn't, there was no visible bumhole.

Speaker 14 Depending on the night,

Speaker 14 depending on the night and the angle and the speed with which I got my head back there.

Speaker 1 I was sat in the upper circle. I can't comment.
I was an upper circle, you know.

Speaker 14 Don't talk about the upper circle.

Speaker 1 And is this the first time the three of you have done something together since then, as well? All three of you? All three of us.

Speaker 14 No, my dad directed us in a short film that my brother Rory wrote and that my brother Fergus did the music for.

Speaker 14 So we had worked together on that.

Speaker 14 But myself and Brian wanted to do a

Speaker 14 sitcom. Brian suggested we write something funny.
I was scared about doing something longer for him.

Speaker 14 My friend Michael Maloney, I'd written lots of sketches with over the years, done a lot of comedy sketches with him,

Speaker 14 some of which were to raise money for charity, some of which were Friars TV. And so the three of us got together and just decided to do something in the...

Speaker 14 I don't know. I don't know.
A little bit Alan Partridge, a little bit

Speaker 14 fleabag maybe or something. I don't know.
A bit all over the place. But like I say, say, I've seen Brian plenty now.

Speaker 1 I think we can give each other a bit of a break.

Speaker 14 He doesn't need to come to dinner.

Speaker 1 We always start with still or sparkling. After a big old Farmer Brown sandwich, what are you feeling like?

Speaker 14 Nothing. Like I genuinely,

Speaker 14 I think I'm all right. No, I'm going to go sparkling.
I'm definitely sparkling person. I like...

Speaker 14 like an aggressive, aggressively cold, aggressively sparkling, the one where you drink and you go, oh, fuck, like, you know, like it kind of attacks your mouth and your eyes close and it's going to bit up your nose and you're angry.

Speaker 14 Yeah. That's the kind of sparkling water that I, that I like.

Speaker 1 Just to get you sort of like really excited and sort of pumped up before a meal, you want to be woken up by the sparkling water, just have a cup of bees. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 14 Yeah, yeah, that exact feeling. And I don't want to like blow out your mic, but yeah, you want to pump up before a meal, right? You want to be like, yeah! You know, that's the feeling you want

Speaker 14 before you eat a big meal. I also got really into it.

Speaker 14 Obviously, everyone hates sparkling water when they're kids and think that if you like sparkling water you're old and lame and then slowly you become everything you hate and that's what happened to me.

Speaker 14 I did a job where I had to lose a lot of weight very very quickly and I found sparkling water was like my crutch. You know what I mean? That was like I felt full.

Speaker 14 It felt like my if you're treated sparkling water you're in bad shape.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 14 yeah. And so I bought a soda stream.
And it's shaped like a penguin. It's like an old fashioned one.
It's kind of cool. And I do like three long pumps until it goes,

Speaker 14 like until it sounds like it's in pain. You know? Like, so that amount of bubbles into it, forcing more and more balls into it.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm into. So you want sparkling water until the penguin screams, right?

Speaker 14 Yeah, yeah. I want him deeply uncomfortable.
Yeah, yeah. I like inflicting pain on penguins.
Like I'm hurt. I want to feel like I'm hurting the penguin.

Speaker 1 Why is it? You only ever hear about acting roles that are losing weight. I've never spoken to any actor who's like, oh, I had a role where I had to put on loads of weight.

Speaker 1 It was the best time I ever had. Oh, there's loads of ones.

Speaker 14 Yeah, totally. There are.
Like, well, Christian Bale has done both, right? Like, everyone wants to bail it, right? Everyone's like, I want to lose so much weight, I'm sick forever.

Speaker 14 And then I want to put on so much weight, I'm sick forever.

Speaker 14 He's gone both ways. But I bumped into Tom Hollander.
Well, I was losing the weight, and he was putting on weight.

Speaker 14 And he looked at me in a way that said, don't even imagine that you're the person in the most pain here.

Speaker 14 Because

Speaker 14 he was waking up at nighttime. To like, I don't know if he was drinking ice cream or I don't know what he was doing.
He was waking up. He was like, he was doing the goose thing.

Speaker 14 He was doing the force feeding thing essentially with himself. And he just said he was full, like the way I feel now.

Speaker 14 He felt all the time.

Speaker 1 Is it more critically acclaimed to lose weight, though? Those are the ones that you hear about as like, oh, they put themselves through so much. They lost so much weight.

Speaker 1 No, no one's going, what an amazing thing they had to get up in the middle of the night to goose feed themselves ice cream. De Niro? Yeah.
Oh, of course. Raging Bull.
He did pretty well off that.

Speaker 1 People were pretty.

Speaker 1 People, a lot of respect for Raging Bull.

Speaker 14 Some people even talk about that movie now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 i've heard of it i've heard of it guys yeah i would find that so easy oh god i'd love to get a part where i have to put weight on i would do it in a week there's a story that ryan gosling was supposed to have a part in a peter jackson movie and his idea his character was that his character would put on a lot it would have would be very heavy and that was not peter jackson's idea for the character and i don't know if they discussed it or not but he turned up like whatever 30 pounds heavier he'd been melting ice cream in his microwave and drinking it like that's how intensely he was doing it it can't be healthy and he turned up and peter jackson was like, no.

Speaker 14 And that was it.

Speaker 14 He didn't play the pants.

Speaker 1 More like Ryan Guslin. Huh? Am I right? Oh, yes.
Yeah. Pretty good.

Speaker 1 Strong. Not bad.

Speaker 1 I've heard that a lot of them do it with the melted down ice cream. Rob McElhaney did that for Always Study in Philadelphia.
Rob McClellan.

Speaker 1 But the thing is, everyone who does that, I think I just have less sympathy for the weight, the people who put weight on because they're all people who, like, two weeks later, they're ripped again yeah exactly i want to see a natural fatty do it

Speaker 14 i don't speak as a natural fatty but yeah natural fatty well you know i i could do it in a couple of weeks quite easily i think just by taking my eye off the ball i did at the end of i mean and i do think actually i think weirdly i do think losing the weight like losing weight once for for a part really changed my relationship with food i think gen genuinely and the night that i finished that the amount of food they were like they explained to me in detail you got to you got to put weight back on carefully you can mess yourself up if you.

Speaker 14 And I was like, I understand.

Speaker 14 I understand. I respect my body.
There is no way I'll be that idiot. Oh my fucking God.
It was horrific. Should I say, I did end up getting sick.
And then I did end up eating more sweets afterwards.

Speaker 14 It was all sweets. It was when I was seven again.

Speaker 1 What part was this for?

Speaker 14 It's great that you don't know about it.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think.

Speaker 1 It was worth it.

Speaker 14 It was, yeah, I wanted to look super slim for Peter Rabbit. No, I did a film called Unbroken that Angelina Jolie directed.

Speaker 14 The part of the film that that I was in was three soldiers end up stranded at sea. And it happened in real life.
And they lost like half their body weight. They lost an insane amount of weight.

Speaker 14 We were losing a couple of stone, maybe at most. Like it wasn't.
And we're actors. There's real food around.
You're not actually starving. It's all absolutely fine.

Speaker 14 But man, I was an absolute dick while I was losing weight. I was an absolute dick.
And I, yeah, I just became a food pervert over that time.

Speaker 1 Not the phrase I thought, not the phrase I thought I'd use.

Speaker 1 No, but that's bang on. That is bang on.

Speaker 1 Whenever I'm like trying to eat healthy or lose a bit of weight or whatever, you do just, you look at the internet like you're searching out the most depraved possible stuff.

Speaker 1 Like going, more cheese, more cheese.

Speaker 14 I wish I'd been able to restrict it to internet time. I was like standing outside restaurants and looking in at people

Speaker 14 and wandering around supermarkets and like nodding at somebody as they took a dessert from a fridge. Like, yeah, you fucking, yeah, you enjoy that.

Speaker 1 Respect, respect. Tom Hollander taking a pint of ice cream off the shelf,

Speaker 1 weeping, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 How did Eddie Murphy put all the weight on for Nutty Professor?

Speaker 1 Pop and absorb red, pop and absorb red, Donald Glason, pop and absorb red.

Speaker 14 How long have you been thinking of saying that? Have you not been listening to me? Like, because that genuinely came from nowhere, always got it in the back, it's always ready to go.

Speaker 1 That's one of the best ones you've done recently, though, because quite often I will see James go glassy while he's like working.

Speaker 14 Yeah, also, full eye contact struggle.

Speaker 1 struggle yeah i've learned i'm getting better

Speaker 14 um okay so again man i'm so full i thought about this i definitely bread i'm a bread i've i poppadums are fine but i i i i'm a little bit am i fussy i was very fussy eater when i was a kid very very fussy eater when i was a kid so i'm like you know more normal now but like all the dips with the pop-a-dums the only one i really like is like the mango one and then it's it's too sweet for me so i don't really do that so definitely bread so can i get three types types of bread?

Speaker 1 Yeah, in a little basket?

Speaker 14 Yeah, exactly. And the amount should be the right amount so that I don't ruin everything.
You know what I mean? Yeah, that would be great.

Speaker 14 So, maybe if they can, if as the magical genie, you can understand how much is a healthy amount.

Speaker 1 How about we bring you loads, right?

Speaker 14 No, nope.

Speaker 1 You have what you like. We pick you out.
We say you think you should have that amount so you don't ruin it for yourself. And any leftovers, we give to Tom Hollander, who sat on a table over there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're feeding him like a goose for the whole thing. Properly, we've got a tube down his throat into his belly and everything you don't eat we just put straight into Hollander.

Speaker 14 I just feel like it's going to upset my grandmas. I don't think they're going to want to look over and see what they're going to do.

Speaker 1 Well they can have their backs to Hollander.

Speaker 14 So I can see him.

Speaker 1 Yeah you can. We've got like a hospital curtain pulled across so they can see.
Yeah like the Wizard of Oz. He's behind the little Wizard of Oz and they can hear him going

Speaker 1 all the time. Oh god.

Speaker 14 But you would also be aware that whatever you didn't finish is going to him. So then you would eat too much.
You would feel bad for Hollander. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I would. So maybe,

Speaker 14 can he be outside in the cold?

Speaker 1 Oh, perfect.

Speaker 14 So I can't hear him. Great.
Okay. So I'm going to go for a crispy French baguette, still warm, thin slice with way too much butter and kerry gold butter from Ireland.

Speaker 14 And not exactly room temperature, but not really fridge cold. Like it's somewhere in between.
So you can spread it, but there'll be a lump every now and then. You know what I mean?

Speaker 14 Like there'll be like a chip that you can't, and you go, oh no, I've got to leave that lump. I better, I'm just gonna have to eat that little lump of butter.

Speaker 14 So it's an excuse to have more, like an unhealthy, like enough butter that, you know, my grandma would tell me that's too much. That's too much butter.
But let me get straight.

Speaker 1 You want the kerry gold? Do you want a full thing of kerry gold that you lot are all using? Yeah. So everything, all the kerry gold that doesn't get used is going straight into Hollander.

Speaker 1 It's going into his pure. It's going into Hollander's tube.

Speaker 14 It's going to go through him like a duck. A whole tube of butter is going to be disgusting.

Speaker 1 But the thing is, he needs that lubrication, to be honest, because there's a lot coming his way now.

Speaker 1 Is he preparing for a role? Yes. Oh, he is.
Oh, thank God.

Speaker 14 Oh, as long as he's cool with us, then yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes. Okay, I'm going for that.

Speaker 14 I'm going for the heel of a batch loaf from Super Quinn. Do you know Super Quinn? No, no.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what you're talking about. Is it Farmer Brown's Alter Ego?

Speaker 14 Super Quinn is like, it's like just a, it's like a... you know, super value or spa or whatever.
It's like one of those sort of things, but they make their own bread and it's really, really good. And

Speaker 14 the heel of the batch loaf, I really remember vividly from when i was a kid it's not like a hard piece you know what i mean like it's kind of almost like strands of bread flying off it sort of a thing jesus christ how do you anyway i can't i can't describe it it's unbelievable it's kind of that amazing between chew like where you take it out of your mouth and bits of it pull away on the thing it's like you're thinking of cheese you're thinking of you're thinking of melted cheese a cheese string that's you're right that's cheese yeah yeah

Speaker 14 cheese shit i'm gonna have to rethink my bread thing yeah bash loaf it's so delicious and the heel was always amazing and then this may be stretching the rules a little bit, but I'm gonna go for it.

Speaker 14 Just a little crisp sandwich.

Speaker 1 Oh, hello.

Speaker 14 Just a little one. As part.
Irish bread and spread. I'm going big on the Irish thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then proper crisps.

Speaker 14 I heard Rosie Jones going ape shit on crisps. I'm not going that far.
I'm not going to lose my mind with that. King or Tato.
My grandparents, my grandmas are there, so I don't want to be too stinky.

Speaker 14 So I'll go tato. I think it'll probably be less stinky than king.
So out of respect for them.

Speaker 1 Ready salted potatoes?

Speaker 14 No, cheese and onions. They're still a bit stinky.
Yeah, still cheese and onions. Still quite stinky, yeah, but like, you know.

Speaker 1 I love the level of respect for your grandparents that you don't want to go too stinky.

Speaker 14 I haven't seen them in ages. I don't want to upset them.
Do you know what I mean? Like, when I give them a kiss at the end, I don't want them to recoil.

Speaker 1 When they were with us, was that something they didn't enjoy? Smells?

Speaker 14 My smells. I did stay there.
I did stay in my grandma Gleason's a lot, you know, when I was a kid? Into my teens.

Speaker 14 So I'm sure she walked into many a bedroom and thought, he's got to get his shit together. This is horrific.
You know, that teenage boy smell. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Oh, God. You got to get it out of the blankets.
You know what I mean? Like, it's like a double wash scenario. Yeah.
When I say it out of the blankets, I'm talking about the smell.

Speaker 1 The smell. Yeah.
No, don't worry. The smell is good.
Good, good. Just to be clear, with your nan and your grandma, you don't want them brought back you in black mirror.
You don't want that. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 14 No.

Speaker 14 Yeah, well, because they were so weird on Twitter as well. You know what I mean? It wouldn't reflect their real personalities.

Speaker 14 They were really aggressive on Twitter.

Speaker 1 I forgot that.

Speaker 1 The whole personality is built off of your social media, isn't it? And what you put out into the world. So, yeah, grandparents, it really wouldn't work.
No.

Speaker 1 So, this is the most we've had a few Irish guests on before, and we've had Kerry Gold chosen.

Speaker 1 We've had specific types of Irish bread chosen, but you have really out-Irished all the Irish guests we've had in the past.

Speaker 1 How does that feel to have been the most Irish bread course so far on off menu?

Speaker 14 I'm going to be honest, it feels really, really good. Fuck those guys.
You know, like we're all in it for ourselves. Yeah.

Speaker 14 At the end of the day, this is a competition to be the most Irish, and I feel like I'm winning.

Speaker 14 are we are we staying in ireland for the starter staying in ireland for pretty for pretty much all of it pretty much all of it so i've gone for prawns pill pillow prawns pill pill no that sounds like it's a it's a guy it's the jazz musician you guys know prawns pill pill

Speaker 14 you don't know prawns pill pill so it's in a little the way they do it in this place called the old spot which is in uh balls bridge which is the funniest name for a place i think brilliant yeah it's like when i go to london obviously cop foster's is hilarious but like balls bridge is two funny things back to back.

Speaker 1 Balls Bridge? That's great. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do people call it in America?

Speaker 14 The taint or something?

Speaker 1 The gooch. The gooch, yeah, yeah.
The gooch.

Speaker 1 If you've watched jackass, you'd call it the gooch. Yeah.
I'm obsessed with the cast of jackass. What?

Speaker 1 I'm absolutely obsessed with them. I know you don't even know that about me, Ed, but like my YouTube history is just full of what are they up to now cast of jackass videos.

Speaker 14 Can I just say welcome to the club? This is great. This is great.
Now we're talking by language. The best experience I ever had in a cinema.

Speaker 14 I think genuinely, like I've had some incredible moving experience.

Speaker 14 Like I'm thinking, thinking about moonlight and things, you know, the things that actually meant something. But the jackass, the jackass movie was the most, like, is it communal? Is that the word?

Speaker 14 Everybody was talking to each other, holding each other, saying to somebody, he won't do that, will he? He won't do that with that sandpaper. Please don't.

Speaker 14 And then asking people you don't know to to tell you if it's happened or not. And at the end, full round of applause and the Dublins in them are very unusual.
And best atmosphere ever.

Speaker 14 Yeah, absolutely love it.

Speaker 1 Don't put sandpaper on your Ball's Bridge. Yeah.
I think what they put on their Ball's Bridge was one of those

Speaker 14 things with electricity in it that people do to stimulate their muscles.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they did do that.

Speaker 1 And now I just sit around and I just catch up on what they're all up to, how they're all doing.

Speaker 1 It's brilliant. We-man lived in a van for a while, for about a year.

Speaker 1 Bam's not doing great. He's just been kicked off at the latest film that they're doing.

Speaker 14 I saw that. I know.
That seems sad.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of stuff going on. Steve-O, though, strength to strength, completely sober, really making a go of his life.
It's really good to see. He looks very healthy, very well.

Speaker 1 James, you've got to get your priorities right, man. Come on.
Yes. Yes.
Do what I do and spend all day googling what the dirty Sanchez lads are up to.

Speaker 1 I know what they're up to. One of them heckled me at a comedy gig once.

Speaker 14 So.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so prawns peel pill, right?

Speaker 14 The way they do it is like in a little, a shallow, like clay bowl. It's like almost bright red looking oil and it's like chili oil, garlic, very garlicky sort of oil.

Speaker 1 And then all the prawns.

Speaker 14 And the way they do it there is like the prawns are like whole prawns. So legs and everything, little eyes looking up at you.

Speaker 14 But what they've done is to make it easy to eat, they've chopped the heads off and then placed them back on the prawn. Oh.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which

Speaker 14 it's so grisly. Well, I just had to think about it.
I thought that's absolutely horrific. But it makes it easier to eat.
And then little bits of chorizo. And I can't remember.

Speaker 14 It's so long since I was in that restaurant. I don't know if there's chorizo in it.

Speaker 14 But if there isn't, then I'd like some chorizo from the porthouse down the road to the inn there along with really plump, fresh prawns and garlicky and chili-y and hot and delicious.

Speaker 14 They give it with a little bit of bread at the side, but I think at that point I might be breaded out.

Speaker 14 to soak up all the amazing and you're like i shouldn't dunk in this oil this oil is not for eating uh but sometimes you do it anyway.

Speaker 1 You need the bread to get some of that oil up. Yeah, you're not just going to send the oil back because we know we all know where that's going.

Speaker 1 Oh no!

Speaker 1 Did they eat the oil?

Speaker 1 I'm afraid not, Tom.

Speaker 1 Yes, that is a prawn head. Sorry, Tom.

Speaker 1 The prawn heads, one after the other.

Speaker 1 When I imagine, when you said it sounds like a jazz musician, prawn's pill pill, obviously you do just imagine a prawn. Yes.
Playing a saxophone, I guess.

Speaker 1 That's the... Because of the prawn's posture, of the way it is.

Speaker 14 Of course.

Speaker 1 You imagine it playing the sax. I couldn't imagine it playing any of it.
It's got to be the saxophone. Yeah, because the saxophone is the closest instrument to looking like a prawn, right? Yes.

Speaker 1 So you've got a full jazz band. Everyone in the jazz band is a different thing that you can have in the seafood restaurant.
Who's on drums? Who's on the double bass? Who's on trumpet?

Speaker 1 And who's on piano? I've got a razor clam on drums. Okay, interesting.
And an octopus on drums. Ah, but I was thinking more just like tall, straight, like a drumstick.

Speaker 1 And he's almost using two of his friends' shells.

Speaker 14 He's head-butting. Oh, no, he's using his friend.
He's using the sticks. He's using the carcasses of his friends.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, yeah.
Cool. Or live ones.
I don't know.

Speaker 14 Have you ever seen... Have you ever seen on the beach? So I think it's razor clams.
Have you ever seen people get them up out of the... It is absolutely horrific.
On the beach.

Speaker 14 Let me say, it's a beach. It's lovely.
It's twilight.

Speaker 14 The sea has just sort of gone out, but there are almost, you know, when you stand on wet sand and it's just wet enough that you stand on it and it almost looks more solid and around it turns kind of more watery.

Speaker 14 You know that sort of feeling? That kind of

Speaker 14 just damp, like wet sand. And then when you sometimes get those holes in the sand where you can kind of, it looks like there's a hole and you wonder what's down there.

Speaker 14 I think it might be razor clams, but I saw a fella on YouTube pouring table salt into one of those and this fucking

Speaker 14 weird penis tongue comes out going

Speaker 14 like spits up out of the thing and it's the inside of the razor clam

Speaker 14 this white fleshy thing

Speaker 14 and I think it burrows in by spitting sand out it starts and that's why you get that little pucker on top of the sand sorry this isn't putting everyone off their food and then the salt it makes them come up yeah and they spit themselves it's absolutely disgusting and I really want to do it.

Speaker 1 How did you end up there on YouTube? What brought you there?

Speaker 14 Jackass. I mean, of course, there's a straight line from jackass to that.

Speaker 1 That's fair enough. So I'm building a picture of your day, Donald.
So it goes, strokes, jackass, razor clams. Yeah, google the strokes.
See how jackass are doing. End up in a razor clam wormhole.

Speaker 14 Yeah, drinking whiskey. Drinking whiskey really glum and looking at this.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's horrible. 11 hours.
Oh, that's horrible. Yeah.
Anyway, that on drums. The razor clam on drums for Ed.
I'd put an octopus on drums personally.

Speaker 14 I think octopus will go well anywhere. He's got the dexterity.
Yeah. And they're meant to be smart as well, aren't they?

Speaker 1 But I think like an octopus would make a real mess of playing the double bass and stuff, whereas the drums, they're all all around it

Speaker 1 and it could like really make the use of its tentacles there.

Speaker 14 Like you're saying he'd make a show of himself. Like his parents would be there and they'd be embarrassed.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Double bass.

Speaker 14 He'd keep slapping it and getting stuck to it and having that.

Speaker 1 He just keeps flinging double basses against the wall and they're all smashing and stuff. Awful.
Another double bass.

Speaker 14 Glad we got to the bottom of this. Was there anything? Was there any other...
No, double bass drums and...

Speaker 1 To be honest, I think I put out too many instruments

Speaker 1 at the top of it. Yeah, it's a no big base.
It's a really big band.

Speaker 14 On the side, though, right, real quick, again, I wrote this when I was very hungry. I'm very full now.
This would make me vomit. Can I get a chicken wing from the Canal Bank Cafe just on the side?

Speaker 14 Just on the side. Just because it's crispy and delicious and amazing and hot and it makes your lips go, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Oh, ah, like that.

Speaker 14 Sparkling water, you're fine.

Speaker 14 Yeah, the Frank's hot sauce

Speaker 14 type one. You know that where it's just enough, where you're like, oh, fucking no more of those.
And then the only way to solve it is to eat loads more of those.

Speaker 1 But just one.

Speaker 14 Just one. So I can get like a taste.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 But yeah, so that's my, that's my, that's my starter tone. I think that would be delicious.
That does sound good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Pause pill pill of a hot chicken wing on the side.
We've never had a side to a starter before, have we?

Speaker 14 Yeah. Like, no, you can, listen, if, if it means I get it, you can, it can come in the bowl with the thing.
Like, whatever means I get it. We don't have to call it a sider.

Speaker 14 It doesn't have to be on the side. However, as long as I get to eat the chicken wing.

Speaker 1 I love the absolute, like, you just release all dignity. You're like, just put it wherever you want it as long as I get it.
I don't care. Just stick it in there, mess up the other dish for it.

Speaker 1 I don't mind.

Speaker 14 Oh, rolling back. No cucumber.
If anybody puts cucumber near any of my food or in my drink.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 14 Yeah. Despite the fact that it's my only meal with my grandparents, I'm saying I'm leaving.
And you know what I mean? Like, I'm just, I'm out of there. Hate it.

Speaker 14 And I was in a restaurant in Australia once and got sparkling water. And I said, can I not get cucumber? And she said, sorry, I have to put cucumber in there.

Speaker 14 And I said, it's the closest I've ever come to actually having an argument with like a waiter because I was like, I'm sorry,

Speaker 14 I'm paying for the sparkling water and

Speaker 14 I don't want cucumber in it if that's okay. And she was like, it's the only way we know which one to refill.
Still water, no cucumber, sparkling water, cucumber. That's the system.

Speaker 14 And yeah, I had cucumber-y water.

Speaker 1 So you actually ended up having the cucumber. You couldn't just like...
you know, put the cucumber on a little side dish and have that on the table so that they knew refill you.

Speaker 14 This is, yeah, so this is where the problem becomes mine.

Speaker 14 I think I can taste cucumber like a shark with blood. You know what I mean? Like one part of blood in a thousand whatever parts of water.
I think I'm like that with cucumber.

Speaker 14 I just really, really don't like it. I think I would taste it still.

Speaker 1 You're going to hate this. I had the most, one of the most horrible things I've ever tasted.
I bought a hot coffee.

Speaker 1 I got brought a hot coffee. I was in a studio and it was too hot.

Speaker 1 And I needed to put some cold water in it to cool it down a bit so I could drink it quickly.

Speaker 1 And I went to the water machine and put a bit of cold water in in it, but it was one of those spa water things with cucumber in it. So I ended up having a coffee that tasted like cucumber.

Speaker 1 Oh man, look at Donald's face.

Speaker 14 That's absolutely awful and my heart goes out to you. Yeah.
I'm sorry that had to happen to you. And when sparkling water goes still, it still tastes like flat sparkling water.

Speaker 14 It doesn't taste like normal still water, which I don't fully understand.

Speaker 1 Gassy.

Speaker 14 Yeah, pumping it full of stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah, yeah. Not good.
Anyway, sorry, we're back at still and sparkling, and I understand we need to move forward.

Speaker 1 No, we need to know.

Speaker 14 It just suddenly became important.

Speaker 1 Just so you know, all the cucumber in the restaurant, we're putting it outside.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we know where it's going.

Speaker 14 We know where it's going.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 One-way trend.

Speaker 14 And he wouldn't even get the benefit. You don't put on any weight.
I think you burn calories if you eat cucumber. Isn't it like cedary? It is.
Poor Tom.

Speaker 1 It's a backward step. All that hard work.

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Speaker 1 What's your main course, Donald?

Speaker 14 What would you recommend?

Speaker 1 Oh, hello. Right.
So, that works in normal restaurants. Does that work in our one, James? Well, I guess it kind of does because you and I would then recommend just our favorite meals of all time.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Which is the thing that you don't talk about, right? Yeah. So I think I've found a way.

Speaker 14 If you're actually a genie waiter and you're good at your job, yes, you're going to tell me what you're, in your opinion, is the best meal, James. So, what would you

Speaker 1 recommend? I will happily tell you you can have what i recommend which is my favorite main course of all time or here's here's the choice donor or you can have my dream main course

Speaker 14 i'm gonna have tacos

Speaker 14 gonna have tacos yeah i'm i'm gonna do tacos and i'm gonna do from like i'm gonna say that we've got some good tacos in dullland so i'm gonna go from taco taco places in dull 777 in particular yeah seven seven seven yeah but i don't know there's a there's one

Speaker 14 there's one on the corner near the the pub that's called Hairy Lemon. I like that one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 It might be called Masa.

Speaker 14 But I think what I would like, see, in 777, and in certain taco places I've been in America and stuff, they do this thing where it's like, it's like fancy tacos, but it's not so fancy that they've left behind what makes tacos delicious.

Speaker 14 You know what I mean? Like they still slow cook everything and everything's just full of punch and... flavor and makes you smack your lips and go, holy shit, that's amazing.

Speaker 14 But then in terms of the other like elements that they add in terms of textures and stuff like that and crunch crunch and weirdly pickled pineapple bit.

Speaker 14 I shouldn't say pineapple because no one likes pineapple, but you know, that sort of stuff where you're like, what the hell is that and why is it so delicious?

Speaker 14 I'm just going to ask for like an imaginary version of that made up from all the amazing taco places in the world, if that's okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's okay. When We-Man lived in a van,

Speaker 1 he didn't have bread. He just had loads of taco shells instead of bread, and his fridge was just full of taco fillings.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 I don't think I like this. He was very happy.
That's the thing.

Speaker 14 He wanted to live in the van, right? It wasn't like he... Yes.
Yeah. It wasn't, you know what I mean? Like, it was a choice.

Speaker 1 He chose to do it. Lived in a van for a year.
I feel like, I mean, does he call himself Wee-Man? I feel, I find the whole notion very uncomfortable. Jason Akuna.
But yeah, he does put it up.

Speaker 1 That's his real name.

Speaker 1 Of course. I mean,

Speaker 1 if he'd started like a handyman business called Wee Man in a Van, I'd be happier for it. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 14 But if, you see, you wouldn't feel...

Speaker 1 I think this is like you deciding to feel sad for somebody who doesn't want you to feel because like if the guy what's the name of that guy from the rock climbing documentary oh yeah the free solo guy he lives he lives in in a van and he eats very kind of uh meagre but you know food from the stuff if he had like a lot of taco shells and taco feelings i'd be like smart yeah i scrolled down to read the comments because there was a youtube video wee man in a van uh and that he'd lived there for a year I scrolled down to see the comments going here we go it's gonna be everyone feeling sorry for him everyone was like this is amazing I bet oh I wish I had just taco shells in my van i eat tacos every day

Speaker 1 everyone was loving it yeah i think i'm i'm putting my own standards onto it i wouldn't like to live in a van with only taco shells but i'm happy for wee man if he's happy yeah good on you jason so do you want a um wee man van taco as part of your main course as well i'm all right i'm all right guys

Speaker 14 you don't want one of wee-man's van tacos yeah i'd like it in there mixed in there and i don't know which one it is and if i can spot it then maybe i get to give him the double thumbs up and thank him for giving me so much joy over these i reckon any of us could spot one of Weiman's van tacos in a pile of tacos.

Speaker 1 Like a sore thumb.

Speaker 14 You don't know. You don't know.
You haven't seen the thing.

Speaker 1 That's a challenge.

Speaker 1 I'm willing to accept that challenge, knowing that no one will ever be able to set that up. It's unlikely.

Speaker 14 It's unlikely, especially with the pandemic. It's unlikely.

Speaker 1 What's in your tacos, though, Donald? Let's get back to your tacos. What fillings are we talking?

Speaker 14 This is the thing. This is where the like...

Speaker 14 what would you recommend stuff also slightly comes in like you just want a load of different stuff there's too many you know what i mean You want like a type of all the different meat and seafood and veggies.

Speaker 14 You just want like a load of, and again, this is where I need help with portion control. This one, I'm feeling bad for Tom.
I want him to come over and be able to say hello.

Speaker 14 I would love to be able to say hello to him at some point. Let's not bring out a thousand tacos and then at the end of it they all go down.
All right.

Speaker 14 A small, a small, the perfect amount for me to eat.

Speaker 14 I think what I need is someone else to make those decisions for me. Self-control is

Speaker 1 limited. And you don't want spicy either, because I'm thinking, because me and James went to a taco place in LA together called Guisados.
It was really good.

Speaker 1 It was all like, all the stuff was like stewed stuff to go in tacos.

Speaker 1 And there was one that you can, I think there were like seven levels of spice.

Speaker 1 And I went up and they would only let me have level two because I'm such a weedy looking boy. They let me have the main one.
Yeah, because you asked for it. You were like, please.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And it was too much for me.

Speaker 14 My brother once, we were in a restaurant and he, when we were kids, and my brother, in my head, he's like nine, but maybe he was older. He asked for like the spiciest thing and the

Speaker 14 waiter said,

Speaker 14 I don't think it's a good idea, sort of looking at my parents. And he was like, nope, that's what I'm having.
My parents were like, if he wants it, that's something I'm afraid.

Speaker 14 And then the chef came out to ask him not to eat it. And

Speaker 14 he ate it.

Speaker 14 He went for it. And it was like, it's not nice seeing your brother in pain, but like when he's putting himself through it, it was kind kind of amazing.

Speaker 1 I love the chef came out.

Speaker 14 Yeah, chef came out just like, listen. And especially speaking to a child,

Speaker 14 we would really impress upon you this is not a good idea.

Speaker 1 Every time someone orders that, the chef goes, how old is the person who's ordered this? Do I need to either have a word with them?

Speaker 14 No, but see, I think a little bit. I'll have like a little bit every now and again of like the, yeah, I'll go a bit spicy.

Speaker 14 Just for the shock of it, but not like on the fucking Hot Wings thing where they're like, finish it, put a dab on.

Speaker 1 I'm like, no, no, like, leave me alone. How are Nana and grandma dealing with the tacos, by the way?

Speaker 1 Because having seen my own grandparents eat anything vaguely messy, it sounds like it's going to be an absolute write-off.

Speaker 14 In my head,

Speaker 14 they don't have to eat, because I don't think, they would have been into the crisp sandwich. I'm thinking the prawns pill pill, I'm not sure, would have been their cup of tea sort of thing.

Speaker 14 In my head, they're able to, you know, order for themselves. And you know what I mean?

Speaker 14 I wouldn't decide for them what they are are having so they can have their own stuff I was gonna pick sushi because I was in Japan when I was younger and I didn't eat sushi when I was in Japan it was the best like best trip probably one of the best trips of my life I was there for two weeks I absolutely adored it and I ate a little bit of sushi just so I could say that I had but up until that point I didn't eat sushi and then when I came home I realized I liked sushi especially when I was doing that stupid diet And now I'm like, fuck, man.

Speaker 14 I mean, I really, really miss taste. So having actual sushi from Japan would be a good one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 but that's something that you haven't had right so maybe we'll serve albert hammond jr someone you haven't met this dish that you haven't had and if you want you can ask him for a bit of a taste don't want to ask him or ask him how the sushi is when he's got his mouth full to trick him into doing a double thumbs up

Speaker 1 excellent yes okay let's do that that's it's great so it's a a platter of tacos for your main goal.

Speaker 14 Yeah, like just random loads of different ones and I don't know what each one is and then I have to ask and say, what's, you know what I mean?

Speaker 14 And then the person explains to you and you still are none the wiser. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So do you like to learn and like, do you, do you like eating to be like a

Speaker 1 journey of discovery and stuff like that? Do you like to have that involved in your meals?

Speaker 14 I do, but the problem is because I'm fussy a little bit. What's going on here? Oh,

Speaker 14 I missed.

Speaker 1 Sometimes I'm impressed by a question that James asked.

Speaker 1 It happens so rarely that either of us ask what I would consider to be a good interview question that when James asked, I could tell how proud of himself he was while he was asking it.

Speaker 1 He was doing stuff with his hands he doesn't normally do.

Speaker 1 It was just a lovely moment and I should have let it pass rather than nodding at him like a proud dad.

Speaker 1 Major his eyebrows looking at me like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 Every now and again, it happens.

Speaker 14 It is a good question, though.

Speaker 1 But that's what a lot of the stuff you've been saying so far, you've asked, like, you know, what we would recommend, and you want these tacos, you want it to be from different places.

Speaker 1 You want to ask questions while you're having them you've considered having sushi from japan which you haven't had before like uh i get the impression that maybe for you the best time you have a dish is the first time

Speaker 1 real good stuff

Speaker 14 not bad yeah that is a lot of nodding over on the side of the screen holy shit yeah no i think like the problem is The problem is because there are some things I don't like.

Speaker 14 When you go, like a tasting menu at a restaurant is an amazing thing, but then the worry is there'll be be something where they bring it out and you know immediately okay that's got mackerel and cucumber in it and you know what i mean like that feeling and then especially the people who are who who kind of work in those places sometimes i've only been to three of like a tasting menu thing and two times the waiters were like amazing and just like generous and made it all experience and you could say listen i actually don't like that and it would almost be kind of funny and they would say that it would be fine but then one time i was in copenhagen and this waiter came over and he was, you know, but he was like a kind of a snob.

Speaker 14 And he was explaining to us, like, listen, on this, this is an edible soil. So you eat the soil.
And he would say it to me, like, you're, you know what I mean?

Speaker 14 Like, I have to say this to people like you because you don't know. You know what I mean? And I was like, oh, okay, we, okay, we eat the soil.
And then the next one.

Speaker 1 The absolute nerve of him telling McGregor to eat soil.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bullshit. Unbelievable.
Blue bullshit. Yeah.
McGregor knows his face down in that soil every day when Peter Rabbit pays a trip.

Speaker 14 Just grazing all day long. And yeah, but then what he said afterwards, so I said, okay, and then the next dish came and I had all these pebbles in it.

Speaker 14 And I was like, ah, like kind of rocks, like white rocks with like some fish on top of it. And I was like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 14 And so I pretended it was a joke. And I was like, so I assume we don't eat, don't eat the stones.
Have you ever? And he was like, no, of course.

Speaker 14 And I was like, oh, have you ever had anyone eat the stones? And he said, yes, we had an idiot in last week.

Speaker 14 And in my head, that's just a woman like bleeding from the mouth and crying because this asshole didn't tell her. And then he thinks she's an idiot.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? They're following up from the soy, the edible soil. So they're going to go, I don't want to look like an idiot.
Not the pullback. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Before he tells me, of course you eat this, I'll eat it. And then, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Where was that, Noma?

Speaker 14 It wasn't Noma. I forget the name.
I think it was like two men's names was the name of the place, maybe.

Speaker 1 I'm glad to hear it wasn't Noma because Noma's very nice and I wouldn't want there to be a rude way to Noma.

Speaker 14 I've never been to like a place like Noma or to one of those places like what's your man Heston Blumenthal.

Speaker 14 I've never been to like one of those things where you cut into a shoe and actually it's an olive or something you know I've never been to one of those mad places but I would like that a lot.

Speaker 14 I would love to all the kind of wonder about it. That can be amazing.

Speaker 1 And is that the thing that would impress you the most?

Speaker 1 If someone brought you a shoe and you cut into it and it was an olive? Because

Speaker 1 that was so close to the front of your brain there. That wasn't a reach.
We didn't add out any gaps there.

Speaker 1 Donald just straight away went with, I'd love to go to one of those places where where you cut into a shoe and it turns out it's an olive. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah. Maybe secretly that's what I'm hoping for every time.
I think, I think that like,

Speaker 1 no,

Speaker 14 no, but also the smell of olives is quite, I think you wouldn't want that. Like in a way that brings me back to like staying in my grandma's room.
You know what I mean? When I was a teenager.

Speaker 14 It's that kind of like, I wouldn't touch his shoes. They're a bit olivey.

Speaker 1 So I think that would be a bad match. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Be a bad match in retrospect.

Speaker 1 Good tacos in Copenhagen. Yeah.

Speaker 14 And this is the thing. I think maybe I shouldn't restrict my tacos to just being from Dublin.
But I I just wanted to mention that there are good tacos in Dublin.

Speaker 14 Because like obviously having tacos from other places, like for example, where tacos are from, Copenhagen.

Speaker 1 Side dish.

Speaker 14 And again, it came down to two.

Speaker 14 But one of them was

Speaker 14 it was like this deep-fried broccoli from dirt candy in New York. Yes.
I don't know if you've ever had that, but it's like Korean and it's just like a Korean like sauce sort of thing on it.

Speaker 14 And it was just like insane, absolutely blew my mind. Like, holy shit! To the extent that I was like, I'm gonna make that.
And I looked up online how to make it, and it involved buying a smoker.

Speaker 14 And I was like, Okay, well, I'm not, that's not

Speaker 14 happening this week or any other week. So, I didn't make that.
So, I was like, either that, or, and maybe you can help me with this.

Speaker 14 There's a restaurant, and I went on to look for it, and it's not there anymore. It was on Wardor Street, and I think there's a couple of them, and I think this was a smaller version.

Speaker 14 It began with pee, it might have been Italian or Spanish. And you go in, it's quite dark.
And it was like wooden tables and nice wine and stuff and little portions. Do you know what that place is?

Speaker 14 But they have these long, thin... And I don't like courgettes.
I think courgettes are too much cucumbery for me. Like, you know what I mean? Like that texture, I'm not into it.

Speaker 14 But like, you know, you get those like long, crispy onions where they're not onion rings, but they're like...

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? Like really strong. Onion strings, like onion strings.

Speaker 14 Yeah, onion strings. But it's like courgette strings deep fried

Speaker 14 with kind of stuff.

Speaker 14 So they're kind of incredible and really long and crispy and just in a big nest and the saltiest maddest like but apps like if you go like my friend said listen we're gonna go here and i'm gonna order that and you have to order your own you're not having any of mine that's just the way it is and i was like he's he's a generous guy i was like this is uh you know unusually assholy um for tig but um but uh uh he was right man you absolutely mow through them and i forget the name of it poccatino keeps coming, but

Speaker 14 he's like a football manager. So it's not him.

Speaker 1 It's not Spontino. It's not Polpo.
Oh, Polpetto.

Speaker 14 It used to be called Pulpo. That was called Polpetto.
And then Polpo was the other one. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was one of the. Yeah, it's the same guy.
It's a Russell Norman restaurant.

Speaker 14 So they had them there, and I don't know if they have them in Polpo as well, but fucking hell. And I found myself going back there just to eat it a lot.
And oh, it was amazing.

Speaker 1 The word Polpo is, of course, Italian for drama.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is.

Speaker 1 Very good, Ed. It was more, that's more of a nodder, but you you know, I'm pretty happy with that.
I don't mind it.

Speaker 14 Yeah, a nodder isn't good for a podcast.

Speaker 14 Three people nodding doesn't work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I suppose if I make the two steps to get there, that does work. Yeah, very nice.
Can they hear this? Can they hear this? Not our usual fare.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 that sounds amazing, because I guess they would do that now at Pol Po, right? So we could probably find that on the on the Pol Po menu.

Speaker 14 Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it's really the only thing that's like not definitely from Ireland.
You know what I mean? Like, but it's worth it for that.

Speaker 14 Like that and the dirt candy thing I was like fucking hell and also I'm aware this is all like heart attack food this is all you know dead at you know 42 and

Speaker 14 people just understand immediately what's happened you know that kind of thing like it's it's um that's where I'm at but like it's just too delicious.

Speaker 1 I'm quite excited about the dirt candy choice though. I've been to Dirt Candy.
I've got the Dirt Candy cookbook in my kitchen which I can't follow. It's really it's really complicated.

Speaker 1 It's actually way too difficult.

Speaker 1 I think it's the one, I think they've done it like a comic book. So it's like an illustrated cookbook, which you almost have to follow a storyline a lot of the time to be able to make the dishes.

Speaker 1 And it's already too difficult for me as it is to make the food that they make there. But I went there, well, for New Year's

Speaker 1 2019. And we went to Killing Mockingbird

Speaker 1 on Broadway.

Speaker 1 I sound like an absolute. Yeah.
This is the series. It's like I go and watch plays all the time.

Speaker 1 This is crazy. I had no idea you were Tony Theatre.
Yeah. Watched that.

Speaker 1 And then went to dirt candy straight afterwards. Lovely memories.

Speaker 1 So someone choosing something from there excites me quite a lot, even though the way you described the Pulpetto side was I could hear the passion there.

Speaker 14 You know. Yeah.
I've got it. No, I've got it.
One of the tacos has the dirt candy broccoli in it. That's totally a thing that you'd be fine.
That's totally a thing that would be alright.

Speaker 14 And then on the side, I'm having those long, thin, salty, courgette strippy things

Speaker 1 from Pol Po.

Speaker 14 Yes.

Speaker 1 You look very happy happy with yourself. Yeah, yeah, really happy with.

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Speaker 1 So, your favorite drink, your dream drink. Before we hear your favorite drink, though, Donald, we do need to ask, what's your dad's favorite soft drink? Oh, yeah, that's important.

Speaker 1 And the reason why we're asking you that is because, and the episode hasn't gone out yet. It won't even make sense to the listener.

Speaker 1 We have had another actor on recently whose father is also a well-known actor, and we found out what his father's favourite soft drink was.

Speaker 1 And now that we have another actor with an actor for a father, we want to continue this tradition, even though it hasn't even started yet for the listener, because that episode hasn't gone out yet.

Speaker 1 So, we would like to know what soft drink your dad drinks the most of.

Speaker 14 He's pretty good. He doesn't drink a lot of soft drinks, but I would say there's three that come to mind immediately.
I mean, there's only so many soft drinks, but the three

Speaker 14 would be Coke, Coca-Cola, not Pepsi,

Speaker 14 club orange and cidona do you have cidona over there no what's cidona it's a muse song it's like it's like cider

Speaker 1 it just gets like a muse song yeah knights of cidona oh that's okay

Speaker 14 that's what i was thinking i bet you do have it over there it's under a different brand name or something like that but it's like it's like it's like cider but no alcohol sort of thing but really sweet like a kid's like a kid's drink appetizer that kind of thing maybe a little bit tart but also like crazily sweet oh no red lemonade sorry red red lemonade that's what it will be because yeah on on new year's eve we have like um

Speaker 14 what are they called are they called snowballs they're like tea cakes but like coconutty things yeah uh that's a tradition and red lemonade red lemonade would be it it's like a once a year thing you have it once a year and then you then you don't push it but yeah that would i my guess would be a red lemonade if i had to if i had to uh order for him so you wouldn't choose a fizzy soft drink as your as your dream drink no although red lemonade did make me kind of it does bring bring me back to like you know uh uh being younger and everything which is like a recurring theme with a lot of it no i'm gonna go but now i have to rethink my grandparents are here so now i'm worried i think i was planning on getting absolutely shit-faced on guinness

Speaker 14 oh you can come on and i just don't think it would be polite with them but maybe they maybe they'd have one too you never know maybe they'd have one too and what i would like is for because i haven't had like a pint of guinness from a pub for a year i didn't go to any restaurants over uh christmas it'd be opened up in the summer so i would have had one then maybe

Speaker 14 But the pubs haven't been open for a year and a half or whatever, and I've just, I love Guinness in Ireland, so I would go for Guinness and I'd have each one from a different pub.

Speaker 14 Now, I had too many pubs, that would just be getting

Speaker 14 that would be like screaming at my grandma and then, you know, punching Tom. So I won't do that.
But I would definitely have one from Neary's, which is amazing.

Speaker 14 One from Mulligan's, and one from Nocton's in Galway, which is where I had my first ever pint of Guinness that I enjoyed. Up until then, I'd just been trying.

Speaker 14 And somebody once told me, Your first, a guy in college, this guy Colin Quinn told me, your first pint of Guinness is like drinking dirty blankets. And that really stuck in my head.
It really is.

Speaker 14 It's absolutely that feeling of like filthy blankets being dragged down your kind of into your gullet, like just awful.

Speaker 14 But I had a pint in Noctons and it was just amazing. There was Irish music playing and it was like the best ever.
So I'm going to go for it. I'm going to go for Guinness.

Speaker 14 Even though it doesn't go with any of the stuff. Fuck that.
I haven't been in a pub for a long time.

Speaker 1 But it does. It sort of goes with everything, right?

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 And you can also get like old-style Guinness, which is more kind of fizzy and like poppy almost sort of stuff uh like a glass maybe one of them would be a glass bottle of that but no i can get that now if i want so no i'll stick with the i'll stick with the like pulled by a proper bar man in ireland yeah it does taste different doesn't it like i had that same night actually that i went to see the wool with fast dod took us to a pub went let's get a proper guinness in a dublin pub And when I was drinking it, I was like, am I imagining that it tastes different?

Speaker 1 Am I just so excited that I'm here and doing this that I'm paying more attention to

Speaker 1 the pint because I'm just I'm just zoned in on this experience am I imagining it but it does taste different it tasted better but I think it must do because everyone says that right in so it makes sense that you're coming over from England and having that and going is it the experience and I'm washed away with the whole experience of being in Ireland but then Irish people will go to London and say the Guinness is shit.

Speaker 1 So if it works both ways, there must be a qualitative difference.

Speaker 14 Yeah, but ideas you have ahead of time, like they really affect how you taste something, right? Like this is why I'm happy my grandma and Anna are there.

Speaker 14 I think I'm probably loving these tacos tucking in, having a chat. You know what I mean? Like even if they weren't the best.
So I'm sure the kind of idea in your head. But

Speaker 14 I do think it does. And there's also, you can get bad Guinness in Ireland too, and you notice when that happens, you know what I mean? It's just much rarer to get it over in London, I think.

Speaker 1 Shout out to one of my favorite Instagram accounts at the moment, shit London Guinness.

Speaker 1 Just pictures of terrible pints.

Speaker 14 But I swear to God, like a pint in Eeries or Noctons or Mulligans or one of those places or the grave diggers or whatever, it's like, it is amazing. You should do it sometime.
It's like, it's great.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I've been holding this in for a long time.
I reckon if anyone's gonna play James in a film, I think, I think it's Donald, right? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm in.

Speaker 1 There was a point in time where there's a lot of photos of you and Oscar Isaac together. Right.
Because you've been in a couple of films back to back and stuff.

Speaker 1 And there's a few photos of the two of you together. And on my Twitter, it would often get...
Photos of the two of you would get tweeted at me and Nish Kumar as

Speaker 1 the two of you in an alternate reality. Basically,

Speaker 1 if the two of you were better looking, this is what you'd look like. And

Speaker 1 it was a nice little brief period in my life.

Speaker 14 I used to get told

Speaker 14 a lot when I was younger

Speaker 14 that I looked like Kate Blanchette. Like a lot.

Speaker 14 I used to get that for a full year of my life. I was 19 years old trying to make it as a man in the world and people would stop me on the street to say that I looked like Kate Blanchett.

Speaker 1 You don't not look like her. Yeah, actually.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 14 I mean, I've got a bit of a beard. She's a very, very good-looking person.
I met her once and

Speaker 14 was so sort of bowled over by her. She's an incredible presence.
Like, she's just like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Met her.

Speaker 14 I don't handle that stuff well. Don't handle.
I'm not good on first meeting people. It takes me a long week.

Speaker 1 We've covered this.

Speaker 14 I said.

Speaker 1 So I said, hello.

Speaker 14 And then I walked straight into the lady's bathroom. And she saw me do it.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh,

Speaker 14 she seen me do that. How long do I wait here before I come out?

Speaker 1 God, oh,

Speaker 14 I went to the ladies' bathroom.

Speaker 1 I guess if anyone else was in there, you could pretend to be Kate Blanchette, right? Yeah, exactly. Legally.

Speaker 14 Yeah, but then take a piss against the wall because I don't understand that they don't have uraniums in it.

Speaker 1 They're thinking Blanchette's preparing for a roll.

Speaker 1 Fair enough.

Speaker 1 And now, and you've got me excited because you said you've got a sweet tooth. Yeah.
So we're coming to the dessert. I know it's not cheese and biscuits.
I know it's going to be something good.

Speaker 14 It is good. It is good.
I'm going ice cream three ways.

Speaker 1 Okay. Love it.

Speaker 14 I'm going 99.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 That we used to like get on holidays when I was a kid.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Like that 99, that feeling of the excitement and eating it in a hot car. And no, I don't need to be in a hot car, but just like the amazement of it and sucking it down through the cone.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh man. Yeah.

Speaker 14 I'm going 99.

Speaker 1 Before we move on to your your next ice cream of the ice cream three ways, let's dig into the 99 a bit. You got a flake in it, obviously.
Wouldn't it be a 99 without it?

Speaker 1 When are you eating the flake? Because with me, over the years,

Speaker 1 I've just, I used to try and make the flake last as long as possible, have a bite every now and again while eating the ice cream.

Speaker 1 Now it is much more satisfying to just immediately eat the flake whole.

Speaker 14 I've got to disagree with you here, James. I'm not interested in playing you in the movie.

Speaker 14 No, no.

Speaker 14 Well, I think a lot of it depends, if we're really digging down into this, on the temperature of the flake.

Speaker 14 You know, because if the flake is cold, there's a lot you can do. If the flake is warm, I don't like that.

Speaker 14 I think that then you get it on your fingers, it's not good, it doesn't really crumble in the same way.

Speaker 14 So if you've got a cold flake, I'm going, lick the ice cream, dig the flake into the bit where the flake's been in, dig that out and eat a bit of the flake with the ice cream on it.

Speaker 14 Then maybe have another little bit of the flake and then break the flake up and crumble it onto the ice creams. Then when you lick it, you get surprised little bits of chocolate appearing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Where do you stand? And I used to do this.
On burying the flake. Pushing it right down into the cone.
So you've got, every time you bite through, you've got a little bit of flake.

Speaker 1 And bear in mind, Ed used the phrase, and I used to do this.

Speaker 14 So I directed my dad and brother in a short film once. And in it, my dad, they're playing guards.
They're playing like cops.

Speaker 14 My dad's like eating a 99 to console his younger workmate he buys him a magnum and he has a 99 and we were sat in the car in front looking back at them you know what I mean like looking at them in the car and dad so we were looking I said leave it roll let dad eat the 99 let's let's enjoy ourselves here and he bit the bottom off the cone this is relevant I promise sucked like sucked too much of the ice cream down the cone you know what I mean like like you should have eaten some of the cone before you start sucking it down the cone And then, it blew my mind.

Speaker 14 I saw the

Speaker 14 flake emerge from the bottom of the cone and kind of

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 14 sucking it out the bottom of the cone. It was absolutely bizarre looking.

Speaker 1 He sucked the flake all the way through the cone. That is power, man.

Speaker 14 Yeah, no, he'd sucked the ice cream down with the flake, and the flake had come with the ice cream, and so it came out covered in ice cream. It was amazing.

Speaker 14 In retrospect, it was a little bit like the cone was doing a poo.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 14 And that was the first time I'd ever ever considered Burying the Flake.

Speaker 1 Burying the Flake and the Flake. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 14 I'm glad I had a story that absolutely matches up

Speaker 14 directly with your experience.

Speaker 1 Sometimes we just know.

Speaker 14 While you were asking that question, James was nodding.

Speaker 1 Did that stay in the edit of the film?

Speaker 14 Yeah, I think the very last bit is called Noreen. I believe it's on YouTube.
It's him going, I think it's him. I think it might be him getting the flake out.
I think it might be in there. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Amazing. You can't leave out magic like that.

Speaker 1 So that's part one. That's part one.

Speaker 14 99. Second part, ice cream sundae from the movies.

Speaker 14 You know, like the ice cream sundae from the movies.

Speaker 14 The one that's like big and it's got like melted chocolate on and it's mostly, mostly vanilla ice cream, probably, but maybe there's different sorts of ice cream in there and like hot footage and caramel sauce.

Speaker 14 And I thought of a topping that I don't think people do really, but I think will be amazing. You know the bits from the end of a pan of chocolate?

Speaker 14 The chocolatey bits that stick out the end of a pan of chocolate.

Speaker 1 Chocolate lips. They're amazing.

Speaker 14 They're the best bit by far.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's great, of course.

Speaker 14 Break those off and sprinkle them on top. And then in your head as well, you know, they've thrown away a full pan of chocolate for every four of these little nibs.

Speaker 1 Well, they're not throwing it away, are they?

Speaker 14 But yeah, I think those little bits from the end would be amazing

Speaker 14 as a topping. So I want those on those.
So like from the movies, like the home alone type

Speaker 14 madness of like a big chocolate Sunday, or like, you know, ice cream Sunday. And then, so the last one specific.
I loved ice cream.

Speaker 14 Hagendas place in Leicester Square when I did a play play there when I was like 19 years old. I used to go to that.
I was like, what's that thing that is it Garth says in Waynesworld or whatever?

Speaker 14 Like I can stay up on a weeknight like that. It was like that for the first time in my life.
I was like, you know, living at large, started eating pizza, went crazy.

Speaker 14 Used to go to the Hagendas Cafe all the time. And my friend Michael, who I wrote, co-wrote the series with him and my brother, my friend Michael came over.

Speaker 14 And we used to go there all the time and get Hagendas. And he did this thing one day, which I thought was genius.
We got a tub when we were leaving, so we'd have more.

Speaker 14 And when we got back, you can't share a tub with like a platonic friend. It doesn't feel right.

Speaker 14 So he chopped it in half with a bread knife down the middle. And then it made its own little bowl.

Speaker 1 Like a little trough. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah, like a little trough. Exactly.
And then I want to scoop out of that cookies and cream, I think,

Speaker 14 into a little bowl and an affogato made from that. So I've got the leftover, you know what I mean? I've got the leftover stuff there for afterwards as well.

Speaker 14 And then maybe a Krispy Kreme donut on the side. Now I'm throwing that in just as like if you have it back there, great.
If you don't, that's fine. But yeah, that's my dessert.

Speaker 1 What kind of Krispy Kreme?

Speaker 14 Glazed. When I finished that crazy diet, I went to a shop.
I'd already eaten a pizza and a half a bottle of wine.

Speaker 14 Then I'd ate loads of sweets. And I walked to this shop and I'd been perving on these Krispy Kreme doughnuts all the time I'd been there.
And I bought one and I left.

Speaker 14 And as I ate it, I just turned into like ecstasy and butterflies. And as I finished it, I looked up and I was back outside the shop again.
And I just walked in a circle.

Speaker 14 So I ate another one as I walked away. And I looked at when I was outside the shop again, I ate another doughnut.
Like, it's no wonder I was ill.

Speaker 1 You did three laps. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Three laps and three doughnuts. So yeah, if we can throw one of those in on the side as well, I'll definitely take that.
Now, that's complicated, I know, but I just know. Look, we can do that.

Speaker 1 That dessert is the exact dessert you would use to research for the role of James Aicaster in a film. Yeah, to be fair.

Speaker 1 The passion with which you were talking about the ice cream and everything you've got to do with it, like chop the thing in half, one scoop out, put it in an avocado.

Speaker 1 That's the passion with which James speaks about ice cream.

Speaker 14 Yeah. I call it research.
Joe what?

Speaker 1 I wouldn't even make you read the lines in the audition. If you came in and you told me you'd done that, I'd be like, this guy's got it.
Yeah, that's a straight offer. I'll see you on set.

Speaker 1 See you in Kevin.

Speaker 14 Yeah, ice cream just makes me happy. Always has done.
I'm guessing always will until it makes me ill.

Speaker 14 Yeah. So yeah, I'm going heavy on the ice cream.

Speaker 1 The avogato. Yeah.
I take it you don't want cucumber coffee on this avogato.

Speaker 14 Fuck right off.

Speaker 14 Like we'll have a full argument a full stand-up argument if there's anything i try i've been trying to do them myself like i've got a nest what's it called like a i've got a nest an espresso machine an espresso machine thank you i've got one of those and i was doing like a cookies and cream thing with the thing as like my treat during the week to get through lockdown and i did enjoy it a lot but it's not the same as when i don't know i don't know what's different it's not proper

Speaker 14 it is i don't know it's just not the same though hagandah's cookies and cream is your go-to supermarket ice cream yeah i would say so when i was younger i think they had a thing myself and my girlfriend at the time were mad about this.

Speaker 14 It was like, it was an Agonath flavor called vanilla fudge, maybe caramel or something like that. But it had these big pools of dark chocolate, sticky, like a pool in it.

Speaker 1 All these pools in it.

Speaker 14 And you put, and you're like, how the fuck have they done that? Like, I didn't understand how it was not solid. And I was like, oh, my God.
And I loved it so much. And they don't make it anymore.

Speaker 14 I don't think. I haven't found it anywhere.

Speaker 14 So maybe I would go for that just to mix things. Maybe I'll go for that in the Sunday.
I'll go for that in the Sunday and I'll keep maybe just plain vanilla or cookies cream for the avocado thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So you would like aggressively cold, angry, sparkling water until the penguin screams.
Probably dumbs or bread.

Speaker 1 You want a crispy French baguette with Kerry Gold butter, the heel of a batch loaf from Super Quinn, and a little crisp sandwich with cheese and onion tatoes.

Speaker 1 Starter, prawns pill pill from Old Spot in Bullsbridge, with chorizo from the Porthouse. Plus one chicken wing from the Canal Bank Cafe on the side.

Speaker 1 Main course, a platter of tacos from all the world's best taco places, including 7-7, Masa, and Wee Man's Van. Worm taco has a deep-fried broccoli from dirt candy in it.

Speaker 1 Side dish, courgette strings, nest from Pol Peto, listed as zucchini fries on the Pol Po menu, according to Great Benito. Real.

Speaker 1 Drink, three pints of Guinness from Neary's in Dublin, Mulligan's in Dublin, and what have you written here, Benito?

Speaker 1 He's in Norway.

Speaker 14 Noctons. Noctons.

Speaker 1 What's Bonito written? Well, I presume he spelt it the right way,

Speaker 1 but not in a way that you would expect.

Speaker 14 Yeah, the way Donald is spelt, imagine the madness of that and just put it onto something that sounds like Noctons.

Speaker 1 Dessert. Ice cream three ways.
A 99 with a flake in it. Ice cream Sunday from the movies with nibs from a pan of shocala.
Afogato made with leftover Hagendas plus the

Speaker 1 half a tub Hagendas with a cup of a bread knife. And then, why not? A glazed Krispy Krem for for however many laps of the block you can do.
You look really pleased with yourself.

Speaker 14 Yeah, and I know loads of people will say that's not a good, you know what I mean? Like that's, you know, it's a lot of weird stuff and it's all, you know, but fuck that, man. That sounds amazing.

Speaker 14 Sounds pretty good. I'm good to go.
I've digested that sandwich and I'm good to go. Great.

Speaker 1 I think at the end of it, though, we are going to send out a Farmer Brown sandwich for you. Yeah.
Just to top it up. Just on the house.
Thank you for coming. Farmer Brown's sandwich on the house.

Speaker 1 But don't worry. If you can't eat it, feel free to send it away to you-know-who.
Yeah, we'll put it in a blender,

Speaker 1 make a nice smoothie out of it.

Speaker 14 I'm worried about him. He's a great actor and a very nice man.
I don't want to do this to him.

Speaker 1 He'll thank you in his Oscar speech. I want to say a special thank you to Donald Gleason,

Speaker 1 who sent me all of his leftovers when he went to the dream restaurant. It was such a great experience playing the fat controller in Thomas Atangenj in the movie.

Speaker 14 Yeah, unfortunately, Peter Jackson and I didn't see eye to eye.

Speaker 1 He asked me to leave.

Speaker 14 And it was a giant waste of time. It was all worthless.

Speaker 1 Donald, thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. You've been a dream guest.
Thank you so much, Donald.

Speaker 14 Thank you so much, Lads, and thank you for keeping me happy during lockdown with the podcast and the stuff you do. It's been great.
Really appreciate it.

Speaker 1 Well, there we are, James. The off-menu menu of Donald Gleason there.
Delicious.

Speaker 1 Nutritious. Suspicious.
Suspicious?

Speaker 1 And.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Auspicious.
One of us had more spent on their education than the other.

Speaker 1 The one who can rhyme words better.

Speaker 1 Look, that was a great episode.

Speaker 1 Loved having Donald on.

Speaker 1 And I'm very much looking forward to watching Frank of Ireland, which is airing weekly from Thursday, the 15th of April at 10pm on Channel 4.

Speaker 1 And all episodes will be available as a box set on all four James. Also, thank you, Donal, for not saying Manooka Honey.
We would have had to kick you out the restaurant. Yes.

Speaker 1 And also, big thank you to Bleasdale for for suggesting the Manooka honey for this episode. That was actually my suggestion, but

Speaker 1 I'm happy to punt it over to Bleasedale. Yeah.
Well done, Bleasedle. That's another point for you.
Come on, do it. You want to do it? Bleasedle.

Speaker 1 There we go. Bleasdale's caught wind of this, of course.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't know. I've told you, Bleasedle's caught wind.
I sent you screen grabs. Screen grabs, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's caught wind of it, mate, Bleasdale. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know that it's, you know, maybe it's ill-advised for me to continue it when I know Bleasdale's caught wind of it. He's going to get a big head.
He's going to get a big head, mate.

Speaker 1 He's going to start doing conventions. He's going to start doing his own podcast called Bleasedale.
I would welcome it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If Bleasdale wants to do his own podcast, which is just called Bleasedale, spelt with multiple E's and A's and stuff all the way through it,

Speaker 1 and it's just Bleasdale talking about the secret ingredients on the off-menu podcast. Yeah.
So each episode is just about a different secret ingredient we've chosen and that's it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Then he can absolutely do it. I will not be a guest.
I'll refuse to come on the podcast at any point. I'm not going on that either.
Sorry, Blasdale.

Speaker 1 Pretty sure that's in modern times, in the internet age, that's the harshest burn you can ever do on someone is turning them down for a podcast they haven't even started yet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that I've just come up with. Yeah, bad luck, Blaisdell.
We've got some thanks to give, James.

Speaker 1 First is to Rainbow.

Speaker 1 That's the word Rainbow, but without the W.

Speaker 1 Who sent us some amazing gyoza. So good.

Speaker 1 And there were some really nice dipping sauces in there and some chickens. Pickles, man.
Oh, the pickles were cookies. Delicious pickles.
Ah. They sent us loads of gyoza.

Speaker 1 I've had a couple of bags already.

Speaker 1 How many have you had? I've had the pork, the chicken, and the duck. Oh, bay bear.
The mushroom is very good as well. You're in the middle of the bag.

Speaker 1 Looking forward to the mushroom, looking forward to the prawn. Very good.
So thank you very much, Rainbow. They also sent a very cool t-shirt, which I put on straight away.
You did.

Speaker 1 I had a Zoom thing with you later on that day, and you were wearing it immediately. Was it? Before I alienated the Gyoza.
That's fresh out the the bag, I thought to myself. Fresh out the bag.

Speaker 1 Also, thank you to Rockfish who sent us an amazing sort of feast box. It's

Speaker 1 Dover Soul, I believe. I don't know if.
I'll put lemon on it. All right, yeah, good point.

Speaker 1 Lemon sole with seaweed butter, a really nice crab. Oh, man, the crab.
Crab Thermidor. It was crab thermidor on like sourdough toast.
Oh boy. So delicious.
Heavenly.

Speaker 1 But, you know, restaurants are coming back soon. Restaurants are coming back soon.
Looking forward to that. You know, I'll miss the cook at home boxes.
I hope they keep them up.

Speaker 1 You know, people say some things we might keep from this pandemic. I hope they keep them.
Benito rolled his eyes.

Speaker 1 It just makes me think I've already said it on the podcast before, and it's boring, and he doesn't want me to say it again.

Speaker 1 There's loads of restaurants I'm looking forward to going to. I was contacted by someone from the Faria in Camden, which looks like an amazing gastro pub, James.

Speaker 1 And they said, oh, would you mind mentioning it on the podcast? Because we're really new and we'd like people to come when things reopen. I thought, hey, yeah, sure.
Let me check out the menu.

Speaker 1 And then I went on the menu and I was on the menu for probably 20 minutes just reading about all of it and imagining it. Great.
The Farrier in Camden. I might go.

Speaker 1 Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast and give it a review. We never asked for that, really, but do do that.

Speaker 1 And just keep yourself safe. Keep yourself safe.
Keep yourself clean. Bye.
Bye.

Speaker 14 Ever wondered about the world's greatest mysteries?

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Speaker 1 Where is it available? I'll tell you, iGym, Spotify, ACAST, and all the other places you get podcasts from.

Speaker 14 It's Microscope.

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