Menus To Be Buried With with Ed Gamble, James Acaster and Brett Goldstein

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

So first you sprinkle the sugar of chat and brulee it with the torch of fun.

Welcome to a very special episode of the Off Menu Podcast, In a Way, James.

Very lovely intro, Ed Gamble.

It is a very special episode off the off-menu podcast, but it's also a special episode of Films to Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein.

Another hit podcast, may I say?

It's a fantastic podcast.

It's one of my favorite podcasts out there.

I think I've probably listened to every episode, apart from a couple that I couldn't make it through.

You and me.

Me both, buddy.

I know you don't listen to any podcast, James.

But hopefully this is an episode that you're going to love all the way through.

It's a very fun mash-up episode.

We are doing this for the brilliant comic relief.

If anyone else came and asked us to do this mashup, we'd say absolutely not.

No way.

No way.

Too much effort.

Don't want to have to think about this.

But for comic relief, me and you, James, and the wonderful Brett Goldstein, we'll do anything, won't we?

Yep, Acaster bringing your favorite podcasters together for a series of special podcast mashups in support of Red Nose Day, baby.

Yeah, we all need a bit of a laugh right now.

Hopefully we can provide that.

And this Red Nose Day, your laugh can help create serious change across the country and around the world.

Funny as power.

Get involved this Red Nose Day and help people living incredibly tough lives.

So if you can, please give now at comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup.

I do it now before you listen to the episode because, look, we're all friends.

It's going to be a laugh.

Things might get messy.

Just give the money now and we'll apologise later.

Yeah, because afterwards, you're going to be so delirious from having laughed so much, you won't be able to donate any money to anything.

so do it now while you've still got your mind assembled so go to comicalrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup now donate the money then listen to the episode so i think the idea is going to be because uh brett has a series of questions in his podcast we have a series of questions in our podcast but we're going to do the questions that brett has in his he has things like first film you saw what's the funniest film you saw but we're going to twist it and we're going to talk about foods from our lives james yeah same questions but about food Will they translate?

This isn't our menu, we should also stress.

This is not our off-menu menu.

Yeah, don't think this is our off-menu menu.

It's not.

No way.

We're being asked earliest food memory and stuff like that.

That's not our off-menu menu.

So don't make this part of the off-menu canon.

So, without further ado, this is the very first and probably last episode of Menus to be buried with.

Menus to be buried with.

Comicrelief.com forward slash podcast, mash up to donate.

Hello and welcome to Menus to Be Buried With.

It is I, Brett Goldstein and I'm joined today by an Uber fan, the biggest fan of my podcast has ever been and I've sworn I'd give him a chance to be on it once.

He keeps telling me he has been on it.

I find it difficult to remember.

But please welcome to this very special comic relief special edition of films to be buried with where we won't be talking about films we'll be talking about food which is something I genuinely couldn't give a shit about please welcome to the show the amazing mr peddy pambles

oh thanks brett thank you peddy

oh no welcome peddy pambles to the graveyard we've been expecting you for some time oh man this guy always interrupts everything i do this now seems like a ventriloquist act doesn't it

Take your top off.

Take your top off, Bradley.

Oh, hang on.

This is my inner voice.

It's become a genie.

I'm the genie of the graveyard.

Brett Goldstein, take your top off.

Please also welcome to the show, The Genie.

I'm the genie of the graveyard.

And listen, Brett.

Yeah.

The people want you to take your top off.

That is what happens.

You're Roy Kent.

You're Roy Kent with your beautiful hairy chest.

And every single scene, you have your top off.

And that's what people know you for.

It's your brand.

And we need that in the episode.

I tell you what.

You really realise how high concept both our podcasts are when you try and mash them together, right?

And James has to pretend to be a genie of a graveyard and that we're both dead and we get buried with food.

Is that what's happening?

Oh, wait.

I'd forgotten to tell you that.

You're both dead.

What?

You're both dead.

Yeah, you're dead.

You're dead.

The genie's dead, finally, thank God.

And Petty Pambles, I'm sorry, before you had the chance to get on the podcast, you died.

Oh, no.

You're both dead.

Oh, man.

How did you die, though?

Genies can't die.

You think that, but once the three wishes have used up, dead.

That's the tragedy of the genie.

They never tell.

Do you not know that about genies?

The legends of genies, right?

You get three wishes.

Once you've done the three wishes, genie's dead.

Like a wasp that's used its stinger.

Dead.

That's true.

Do you not remember Aladdin when he does the three wishes at the end and then and then he dies, he explodes and he's dead?

Do you remember?

I don't remember that.

I must have buried that in my head because it must have been very traumatic for me watching that as a young genie.

Yeah, that's why the live-action one's particularly sort of shocking because Will Smith is so beloved.

And he goes, one more wish, please.

And they go,

you remember Will Smith keeps going, seriously, do you need a third?

And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just one more.

You said three.

And he goes, yeah, I know I said it, but do you need the third?

And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he says, oh, I wish for some peanut butter.

And Will Smith's like, are you kidding me?

That was what.

And then he died.

The perfect riff for this particular episode,

Brett managed to get films and end it with a food reference with the peanut butter there.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Very good.

Not many people could have done that.

Thank you very much.

The top stays on, though, I notice.

I notice he's keeping the top off.

The thing is, I'll take it off.

Obviously, it's quite threatening.

You keep saying, take it off, take it off, like this is the masked singer or something.

But this is an audio podcast.

So the only people I'd be taking it off for is you and ed which again i'm i'm not against doing man that would be such a rubbish version of the master singer if it you could see exactly who they were but at the end they had to take their tops off if they got voted out and and then and they do it just for joel domit no one else gets to see it but they just go in a room with joel and take their top off and joel comes out and goes it was a good good good stuff

Well, yeah, Joel would take his top off and the end, the winner of the final would be anyone who had a better body than Joel, as judged by Joel.

Yeah, so no one.

Joel would make that decision.

Yeah.

Joel would win every every single series of the Master Singer would be won by Joel.

And he wins it every time.

And it's just him in a room with a person going, take it off, take mine off.

So here we are.

We're here for our favorite TV show, Comic Relief.

It's my favorite, my favorite night of the year.

I like it more than Christmas, actually, Comic Relief.

Dee.

Because it combines...

comedy and relief and i like both of those things very very very much and it's nice to be able to contribute in some way to that.

You two, we're here to talk about food because you have a podcast called Off Menu.

Yes, yes.

And you know what?

I'm a huge fan of that podcast, and it really works despite the fact that I have almost no interest in food.

Yeah, this is crazy.

This is the crazy thing, Brett.

I've never met anyone with less interest in food than you.

You just don't care, do you?

Joel Domit?

Joel Domit, maybe, but at least he's, I think he's thinking about food like, I've got to consume this food so i can go and do my crossfit i think you just walk around you you do you you told me you do an exercise class with some mums every day and then that's all you do

and that's it i go back to bed here's a food i like coleslaw i love coleslaw i love it i love it oh my god and i'll tell you i'll tell you a little secret about ted lasso sometimes they say to me what do you want for lunch and i say A shit ton of coleslaw.

No, Brett.

Are you kidding?

That's all he eats.

That's why in some of those shots, when Brett's walking around with his top off, you can see in his chest hair is just some mayonnaise.

A bit of carrot.

What was that?

In his chest throw there.

A bit of cabbage hanging off his nipple.

Yeah.

What's that in there for?

Was he savagely eating a bucket of coleslaw before filling with his seat?

Has he had an aggressive amount of coleslaw?

Anyway, look, you two have died.

How did you die?

Oh, I'm dead again.

Just to let everyone know, I have...

Me and James have both done Brett's podcast twice.

We've died and then been brought back from the dead and now we're going to die again.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

How did you die this time?

Well, I'm a genie this time.

So I guess, according to you, I've given someone three wishes and then got and then died.

Yeah.

What was the last wish you gave to someone and what was it?

The last wish that someone gave was they said, I'd like to win the master singer.

And that person was Joel Dommit.

And I sorted it out for him so that he would win every single series because the new rules are that they take their top off.

And if they haven't got as good a body as Joel, they lose and Joel wins so that was the last dream that I made come true that was worth dying for well yeah it was actually I got an email uh asking me to do an audition for Ted Lasso

and I was got so nervous that when I was in the audition room a vein in my brain exploded yeah and I died and that wasn't part of the script no and it was still the best audition I've ever done yeah

I remember we I remember Jason saying to me that was an amazing improv that he did with his forehead.

And I said, no,

he's actually died.

Did you not notice when the ambulance people came and took his body away?

Yeah, great improv.

He was like, that was a real commitment to the bit.

I auditioned for Ted Lasso and I had to audition.

It was one of the scenes that Brett had written.

And it was very confusing.

So many stuff, so many references to Nick Mohammed.

And

I was just basically me commentating on an orgy that was taking place

in the changing room and using everyone's offs off-camera names it was very weird yeah the scene i i had to do one of brett's scenes as well yes and it involved me um it involved me i think the the phrase was burrowing inside giles from buffy's pants yes oh yes he calls him giles from buffy all the time in the script i forgot that he always says and then giles from

buffy gets his tight buns out i know you keep you both keep texting me going it's weird i've watched the season and none of the scenes you made me audition for seem to have made the final yeah And just to let you know, that's just how it works.

I shot them all, obviously, but it was to do with time, running time and stuff like that.

Yeah.

Because you said Jason Sudekis was going to be there, but I knew it was you with a piece of paper that said Jason Sudekis on it.

Yes.

Yeah, but but it was me.

I was there for Jason was on a Zoom that you couldn't see.

And he was so grateful that you did it.

He said those guys were amazing and we should use them.

But the running time is how we couldn't couldn't use those scenes.

But I've kept them, obviously.

What do you think happens when you die and you're into food?

In Ratatouille, Gusto is a ghost and he helps a rat find his, you know, find his inspiration and become a chef.

So I think in the food world, you become a ghost and then you help an animal that isn't a human become a chef.

So that's, yes.

If we're going, if we're doing the film Food Crossover, I would say that I've become a ghost.

And now I'm trying to help probably, yeah, a gerbil or another kind of rodent,

chinchilla maybe,

become a chef in a high-end restaurant.

Similar to

the film Ratatouille, do you think the chinchilla is a secret thing?

Yes, yeah.

The chinchilla is he lives under the jumper of a young pot washer and

pulls his nipples to move all of his limbs.

And basically just becomes the best pot washer in the world.

But if I go to that restaurant, I don't know the chinchillas.

No.

If I see the chinchilla, I'm not impressed.

No, you'd be furious.

But everyone's like, you've got to go to this restaurant.

It's the cleanest dishes, cleanest plates I've ever eaten off of.

It's so hygienic, it's so great.

And then obviously there'd be a bit in the film where they discover the chinchillas doing it all.

And they're like, this is the opposite of good hygiene.

We're shutting this down.

And then the chinchilla would end up with its own kind of like company at the end, I imagine.

What's the name of the company?

Good question.

Good question.

I think that maybe

they would specialize in chilled foods and it'd be called like, you know.

Chin chilla.

Chin chilla.

Chinjilla.

Chilla.

Chin chilla.

Really good.

Edward,

what do you think happens after you die and you care about food?

They probably think I'll get some organs out of him to donate them to other people and then realise they're useless because I've spent my life eating fat.

Yes.

Because

you are a human foie gras.

Yeah, because I am like a force-fed goose of a human being, yes.

But he's done it to himself.

There's awful photos of Ed on the internet.

Yeah, blurry photos from inside my house where I've just hammered a funnel down my own neck and I'm just pouring fat and bacon fat into it and stuff.

Well, good news.

You're both right.

That's exactly what happens.

But so what we're doing, the three of us are having a meeting at Chinchilla's.

And it's quite cold because he only sells chilled food, but we're hanging out.

We put warm coats on.

And the people at Chinchilla, which is also a sort of heaven in a way,

they want to know about your life that you just left, but they want to know about it through the medium of meals you've eaten.

And

what they want to know first is,

Peddy Bambles and the Genie, what's the first meal you remember eating?

It's well, look, let's not beat around the bush.

I can't remember it, but likelihood is, first meal I ate was my mum's titty milk.

Nice.

But I can't remember that, which is a blessed relief for both me and my mum that we can look each other in the eye, and I don't remember that.

Yeah.

But I remember

it.

She remembers it.

Yeah, but it'd be weird if I did.

Sure, but like, you say it's a blessed relief for you both, but like...

Maybe for mums, it is always weird for them.

Yeah, maybe.

You can't remember.

It's fine for you.

But maybe for mums, they always look at us and go, oh god oh no yeah can't believe we did that i guess it would be weird if you said uh it was the first and best meal yeah

oh i should say that's my answer for all the questions okay

hey my my i i never had to i never had my mum never did it to me so really

oh that tasia suddenly everything is explained everything is pulled into place absolutely everything makes sense yeah yeah yeah.

But the thing is, you're such a healthy-looking man, Brett.

I feel like if you ever wanted to hop on board the anti-breastfeeding movement, you'd be the poster boy for that.

Yeah, you'd be like, I didn't have titty milk, and look at me.

She just used to pump protein shakes into my mouth.

The baby,

yeah, little baby Roy Kent.

Rah, rah, mama, mama, very hairy chest, little baby.

Yeah, give me some coleslaw.

Go on, Ed.

What's the first meal you you had?

I remember this.

We were on holiday in Grenada.

I was a small boy.

The table was delivered a bowl of green stuff.

It was Kalaloo, which I believe is spinach soup.

This is your first meal, you remember?

Yeah, this is one of them.

Yeah.

I was like maybe four or five.

Okay.

And I said, I'm not having that.

Come on, I'm a kid.

You're not going to knit spinach soup.

Are you kidding me?

And my mum said, spinach is what Popeye eats to make him strong.

I ate that whole goddamn bowl of Kalaloo.

Yes.

Look at you now.

Riddled with diabetes.

So weak.

So weak.

That's lovely, that.

She went wrong.

That is what made Popeye strong.

He had a whole song about it.

He was quite, it was a real propaganda machine for the young spinach.

But here's what I think about that, though, is he must have been slightly strong beforehand because he often just squeezes the can of spinach and it pops open you need to be strong to do that to start with yes you're already strong he's got good genes from the off he's left that bit out hasn't he yeah yeah he's gone i i i'm quick to the finish because i eat my spinach and i've got a sort of good genes yeah yeah i'm popping out the sailor man plus hey yes i was already strong uh the genie what about you what's the first meal you remember eating i do this is going to sound like i'm just saying it because of the film and stuff but i genuinely think it was was a ratatouille type dish.

That it was courgettes and this like tomatoey sauce.

And I remember we had it quite a lot at home.

My mum would make it a lot and maybe there would be some pasta involved.

And I just remember having that loads as a kid growing up.

And I don't remember having it past a certain age.

I think like maybe it was just in my primary school and it stopped being cooked after a while, stopped being part of the repertoire.

But like I remember...

I don't think it stopped.

I i think um you know my mum's always been uh you know good chef but i think she's got better and better over the years and more adventurous and that started to be something like nah that's child's play i'm doing better stuff now and like that was one of the simple dishes early on when like you know she had three little kids running around who were maniacs and was like right doing this quick for them get that done I remember that and skin on chips that you know we had a little fryer.

And again, that was a brief time in my life when we had a fryer at home.

But yeah,

mum would do skin-on chips and we'd have them with the ratatouille.

And I'd eat that.

But we didn't call it ratatouille.

It wasn't really called anything.

Well, not to us.

We weren't asking.

As a kid, you don't really go, what do you call this dish, mother?

I would.

Yeah, Ed would.

Ed would have said that.

But your mum doesn't go, we're having stew tonight.

She doesn't say,

she must have given it a title.

We're having the thing I'm going to stop cooking soon.

Yes.

So make the the most of it because it's never coming back.

We're having the tomatoey thing with Corgetson.

Not ratatouille, but you know what I mean.

She wouldn't have said that, would she?

No, no, she wouldn't have said that.

She wasn't really declaring it to anyone.

All we cared about, and this won't surprise Ed, is all as Acasters were asking all the time was what's for dessert?

What's the pudding?

And,

you know, because we were highly motivated by pudding.

It would just be, it would always be told, it's a surprise and you have to eat your main course first.

And so we'd shovel that down.

What was the surprise that there wasn't dessert?

Well, sometimes it was something great.

Sometimes it was ice cream.

We were over the moon, but often it was natural yogurt with some raisins, and we absolutely went berserk.

We were like, Are you kidding me, mum?

We got really angry.

That's a cruel surprise.

That is very cruel.

Yeah.

Surprise.

I like that now.

I'd love to be offered natural yogurt with raisins now.

You dessert.

Good job, you're dead.

Be a waste of a living mouth.

Popped up.

It's a crossover episode.

Pop-a-doms or Brett?

Oh, I love it.

Oh, I had.

Oh, no, I had one ready for you.

Fuck.

This is a crossover episode, and I'm asking you both, Popadoms or Brett?

Oh, Brett, for me.

All the time.

If I went for a curry and they said,

Do you want us to bring out the normal pop-a-doms, or shall we bring your friend Brett Goldstein out here and you can have a chat with him?

I'd say, bring me Brett Goldstein, please.

Yes.

That's really sweet.

I'd take poppadoms over myself.

Yeah,

but.

Popcorn or Ed, popcorn or Ed.

You've gone to the cinema

and you're on your own and you get to the counter and the man says, popcorn or Ed, popcorn or Ed.

Do you want popcorn or do you want your

friend Ed Gamble to come and join you at the cinema?

That's so easy.

I would easily choose Ed Gamble,

not only because I like watching films of Ed, but also I'm not that much of a fan of popcorn anyway.

So it's not even...

Let me get this straight.

I would probably choose Ed Gamble over, you know, some Ben and Jerry's before going to the cinema.

You know,

that's big stuff.

Wow.

But popcorn is not a...

I don't care about the popcorn.

Me and James went to the cinema to see Mother

together.

Oh, here we go.

Instantly, you regret bigger him up now.

I know it's about to come.

I think we were good.

I'm a dumbass, apparently, Brett.

We're a good pair at the cinema.

Here we go.

Here we go, Brett.

Apparently, I'm a thick piece of shit.

No, I'd just say we came out of the film and I was, you know, throwing out some theories there as to what the film might be about and what might be some of the some of the subtext of the film.

And I was going, maybe it's about, you know, Mother Nature.

Maybe it's, maybe it's the, you know, the story of Christianity.

Maybe it's all of these things.

And it turns out James just...

hadn't thought about any of that and just thought it was a weird story.

I'd liked it, but I'd taken it all completely literally.

And we came out of the world.

I said, well, it was stressful.

I'll give it that that was a stressful film and then ed was like i think it's the story of genesis isn't it it's the book of genesis and it's uh it's mother nature and god and i was like you've blown my mind

i want to see that film again now under that lens i'm so glad i didn't choose popcorn yeah and he was like are you serious Are you serious?

You didn't even think about any of that stuff?

I was like, no, I just watched the film and there were two people in her house and people kept coming to the house.

And then since then, Brett, I've watched films and I've really thought about what they're about because my friend Ed Gamble taught me it's not just what's going on on screen.

Sometimes it all represents other stuff.

Do you know I've told this on the podcast, but you know Lolly Adefope,

we all love her.

Yes.

My favorite thing with her in films is I'd said to her, you should see mother.

She went to see mother.

She texted me.

She said, Bradley, that is the worst film I've ever seen.

I replied, is it?

She half an hour wrote back, just talked about it.

I think think it's the best film I've ever seen.

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What is the meal that made you cry the most?

Have you ever cried at a meal?

Man, you're obsessed with making people cry.

This guy, he loves it.

I have cried at a meal before.

Great.

Yeah, go on.

No, it's nice.

This is a nice story.

Okay, okay, good.

I was in Japan.

Oh, I know what this is going to be.

Here we go.

No, it's not.

It's important.

Tell a nice story, Gene.

Me and my new.

Me and my new fiancé, as in, she was newly my fiancée, as in I've not got a new fiancée.

Not the newest.

Not the newest.

No, current and new at the time.

Right.

Went to an amazing restaurant in Tokyo called Inoua, and I was just very happy.

So I had a little cry.

He had just got engaged, and he was in this amazing place abroad, and they were eating a lovely meal, and he cried because he was so happy.

And I just had

a little cry, Brett.

But just a few tears, you know, you can't do it.

You can't do it.

He looks like he's crying right now.

Yeah.

Are you crying or laughing?

I'm crying.

I just can't handle that.

Can't handle that level of sincere emotion.

Also, I was shit-faced.

Oh,

God.

Wine pairings, am I right?

What did your newest fiancé say when she saw you crying at this restaurant?

She was also overtaken by emotion, but in a way, facially, she suggested that she was also disgusted with me.

And then I went right back to being incredibly boring about the food, Brett.

And then everything was back to normal.

Listen, well done.

You're very, I forget that you occasionally have glimmers of being very emotionally open, and I really should get you on the podcast one day.

What about you?

What about you, the genie?

Have you ever...

What's the meal that made you cry the most?

I don't think I've ever cried at a meal, if I'm honest.

No, I don't think you've ever cried.

I cry.

Come on.

I've cried.

Give me some credit.

You've had a go.

I've seen it.

Like a robot tried.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Stabbing it with water.

You cry like you're having a difficult shit.

Yeah.

Some guys have cried during a difficult shit.

So no food.

No food has made you cry.

I don't think so.

I've eaten food that I've loved.

I don't think I've ever eaten food that's made me so happy that I want to cry.

I've cried so much I want to eat some food.

Sure.

Now we're talking.

That's different.

Have a good cry, and then I'm going to eat some food.

You know, I've told the story many a times of when I stayed up one night during a particularly bad year in my life, got absolutely smashed on my own, started crying, and then ate some cold lasagna out of the fridge, and it was delicious.

That's probably my, you know, the closest we're going to get to crying and eating food is that night in my life.

Been a very lucrative meal, that cold lasagna.

Yeah, I really did well out of that.

No one told me at the time, this is going to go better for you than you think it it is, James.

What's a meal that's meant to be bad?

People are like, I don't like that meal.

I really look down on that meal, but you too love that meal.

No matter what.

It's mad, isn't it?

When you take questions that are meant for films, yeah, to be about films, and you try and apply them to the world of food, you'd like, well, food and films really aren't very similar.

But this works better than if we did it the other way around and asked Brett, what's your favourite dessert meal, right?

The dessert film.

Yeah, what's your favourite film?

Sorry, dessert film.

I can't even say it properly.

A food that everyone says they hate, but I really like.

Oh, I know that for Ed.

Go on then.

You like brains.

Wow.

He loves brains.

When he goes to an Indian restaurant, he loves to eat the brains.

No, if anything's on a menu at a nice restaurant that seems a bit odd or I've not had it before, of course I'm going to order it.

Brains.

Brains.

Whose brains is it you're eating?

I don't know whose brain it is, actually.

You should check.

I do feel like you should ask before you eat and consume their intelligence.

Whose brain am I taking on?

Oh, you're worried it'd be like a film where you eat their brain and then you take on their

memories.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you had to eat someone's brain who's like an actor or a director or in the film industry, whose brain would you eat?

Instead of being, say, Michelle Pfeiffer in Greece too, instead of eating Michelle Pfeiffer's brains, I'd eat Maxwell Caulfield's brains so I could experience being with Michelle Pfeiffer rather than being Michelle Pfeiffer.

I see.

But also,

I'm getting to be in Greece too and, you know, ride a motorbike and sing songs.

I think we can ask a million people that question and no one would say that answer.

No, definitely not.

I actually wrote down steamed broccoli for that answer, but I prefer the brains chat.

What about you, Julia?

Whose brains would you like to eat?

I would like to eat a really clever person's brains in case you then get really clever off the back of it.

Obviously, in a film,

head spray.

If I was to think about characters in films, I would like to eat Bradley Cooper's character in the film Limitless when he's taken the pill.

I would like to then eat his brains and see how clever I would feel.

That's one of the few things in films that I like.

If someone was like, you can make something from a film reel and try it

I would like to have the limitless pill I get that but he doesn't use it properly you wouldn't want his brain because the first thing he does when he takes a limitless pill is fuck his landlord

you've got to be brainy for stuff like that

you've got to be real clever not many people you've met have fucked their landlord because they're not smart enough to do it only very smart people have done it which real life person's brain would you like to eat, the genie?

I guess I would like to eat Brian Cox's brain.

I would like, I'll tell you what I'd do.

I'd order Brian Cox's brain, and then I wouldn't know if I was going to get the science guy or the actor.

Yeah, that's.

And then I'd eat it, and then I'd see how I turned out at the end.

And if I was like, oh, space is dead good.

I love space.

Space is so cool.

Then I was like, oh, I'm the science guy.

And if I was like, now fuck off.

That was pretty good.

I mean, your Brian Cox.

Your Brian Cox, the first one, was so bad that I wasn't holding up much hope for the fuck off.

But

great.

Really good.

Really good.

Watched all of that recently as well.

So I know.

Me too.

I've watched all of it recently.

Watched all of it.

He ends every single sentence with now fuck off.

I love it.

What's the meal

you loved it years ago?

Could be your mother's meal.

Could be anything for years ago.

Ashley,

just going to cross something out

uh the meal you loved years ago but does not hold up for you anymore ed gambles uh as james knows i was a very a very precocious child when it came to food anyway so i think very quickly my parents realized that to not give me any of the stuff that you're supposed to give kids that kids genuinely like um because i wasn't into it like so I think the food I'd started eating from quite a young age is still the sort of food I like now.

So once I went to a wedding when I was a kid

and there was a separate table for the kids' food

and I didn't want any of it.

And they were all eating like nuggets and stuff, carrot sticks, that sort of thing.

And I was like, nuggets and carrots.

Dad, I'm not having that.

No way.

I'm not touching the kids' table stuff.

Who do you think I am?

It's bland.

It's flavorless.

I'm not going to sit with those chumps and eat that.

I want to sit with you and I want to eat what the adults are having.

And he he was like okay i'll go and check and they were like well we sort of budgeted for a certain amount of adults and a certain amount of kids so is it okay for you my dad was like it's so much easier if you just give them some of the adults food and there was a bit of an argument over it and nearly ruined the day uh but um

that's what i like to call the first time i tasted poached salmon

But Eddie, you say you don't like poached salmon anymore?

No, I do like poached salmon a lot.

I would rarely, I'll rarely have a poached salmon, but I think what I was saying was that most

I actually, it's probably the other way around for me.

I probably enjoy like kids' food more now, like chicken nuggets.

I quite like now, but probably as a child, I saw it as a sign of immaturity to have that sort of thing.

The GD, what is

a meal that you used to love?

You don't love it anymore?

Two answers for this.

I don't know which one to go with.

It's not a meal, but when I was a, yeah, when I was a kid, all my pocket money went on penny sweets from the shop.

And I loved, you know, just hard-boiled sweets, chewy sweets.

The more sugar on them, the better, the fizzy ones, all that kind of stuff.

Now, I still have a very big sweet tooth, but I prefer chocolate and cake and stuff.

And sweets, too much for me.

I can't handle sweets.

And it makes me feel...

It makes me feel like my teeth are dissolving just thinking about them.

I mean, that's probably the biggest one because it used to be my whole life revolved around sweets.

And that's all I ever wanted.

And now it's like, no, thank you.

I think it's going to erode my entire jaw.

Also, another answer is that when I was 17, maybe

18, I went through a stage of every single day having a peanut butter and bacon sandwich.

And I would eat that.

Me and my friend Graham both got into peanut butter and bacon sandwiches because we'd seen the TV.

Mate, we've done 100 episodes of a food podcast.

Never heard that before.

Haven't you?

Peanut butter and bacon.

I want to try it.

We watched a TV series called Ed, which is about a lawyer who also owns a bowl in Alley called the Stucky Bowl.

And in one of the episodes...

I don't think he owns it.

Huh?

I don't think he owns it.

I think that's just where his office is.

Yes.

I think it's actually owned by Michael Ian Black.

Yes.

And

in one of the episodes,

you don't see him eat it, but he mentions that he's recently had a peanut butter and bacon sandwich and that the bacon fat mixes with the peanut butter and it's really delicious.

And me and my friend Graham were like, let's have that today because we've got the ingredients.

So we made it and it was great and we ate it all the time until we told one of our friends about it and she said, do you have any idea how unhealthy that is for you?

And we were like, no.

And she was like, you shouldn't be eating that every single day.

And then we stopped eating it.

Well, that's what killed Elvis.

Peanut butter and bacon sandwiches.

I think he had peanut butter, bacon, and banana sandwiches.

Yeah, sometimes put some ice cream in there as well, like an absolute king.

God, that sounds fucking great.

I say I don't like meat food but that's that's got me interested in it and now i'm like tell me more about this food

sounds great also we make you get the bacon just right i like it crispy i don't i don't like all flabby fatty bacon get it nice and crispy

we had crunchy peanut butter but you can do it with uh smooth but actually really good with crunchy peanut butter brett's writing down the recipe brown bread i'm literally writing it down i'm so excited what i will say is i've what i have discovered again i'm lying about not caring about food because i do absolutely love peanut, marmite, peanut butter, peanut butter, marmite.

Yeah, I love it.

And then the other day, I went to the shop and they've got Marmite hummus.

I thought, I'll try it.

I fucking love it.

Turns out Marmite goes with everything.

Yeah.

Amazing.

Mate, have you had the Marmite caches?

Oh, yeah.

Marmite caches are great.

Marmite cheese.

Yeah.

Marmite chocolate brownies.

Oh, I can't see anything it won't work with.

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Now for both of you, I think you can

have a sincere answer for this.

You might not.

It's up to you, of course.

but uh the question is what's the meal that means the most to you not necessarily the food but because of what happened at that meal that will always be a very special meal to you the genie why don't you go first this time well so Milton Jones was like one of the first comics that I supported on tour supported Joseph Long and Milton Jones on tours I was starting out in comedy and it was you know comedy finally becoming my job and everything was very exciting and at the end of that milton jones tour i'd done josie's tour then milton's tour back to back at the end of it we got taken for a meal at

one of Heston's restaurants, but it's Heston's like pub one.

It's like he's got some pub, you know, more pub gastro pub kind of thing.

It was outside of London.

I can't remember what it's called now.

The Heinz Head, the Great Benito says.

And we went there and the meal was fine, but it was more that while having the meal at the end of the tour, I remember thinking, oh, I'm a...

I'm a comedian now.

This tour's over.

And I'm gonna, after this, I'm gonna,

I don't have to go back and work at the school.

I can carry on doing gigs.

It was very nice, but very small, you know, the kind of small fancy foods and stuff.

But you know, I think

we can all relate the three of us to that moment where you go, oh,

I don't have to, this is my job.

And I remember, yeah, having that meal and realizing at that meal that this was my job.

That's lovely.

I feel like, did Milton Jones do something like, you know, night you or something?

Like, was there a ceremony that was like, now you are a comedian?

Did he put like a red nose on you or like what happened?

Yeah, he gave me a Hawaiian shirt and some wax summer hair and he said, this is what go out into the world and do one liners.

Supporting Milton, the main thing you'd get from people all the time was people coming up to you after

the show, you go out and fans want his autograph.

And as the support actor standing to one side, and they kind of, while they're waiting for him, they want to chat to you about him.

And they'd always go, is he like that off stage as well?

Is he always like it?

Go, are you kidding me be absolutely insufferable they'd say that and one of one of them this is before I really knew I did know Ed quite a little bit then but we weren't hanging out all the time but Ed was supporting Greg Davis at the same around the same time and came out of a gig in Oxford and this guy came up to me and went I'll tell you who the best support actors that I've ever seen after I've just done a gig Ed Gamble You seen Ed Gamble?

And I was like, yeah, yeah.

He's like, oh, right, get a load of this.

And then he performed Ed's full full routine about

having a circumcision to me.

And I had to stand there and listen to this guy.

This guy half remembering the whole routine and going, and then he gets his foreskin cut off, right?

Like cut off his foreskin.

He hasn't got a foreskin anymore.

And then he wakes up.

And he wakes up and he looks at the nurse and he's like, he goes, oh,

I came in for an eye operation.

And he's like, and then I pissed myself laughing.

And my missus were next to me and she would piss herself laughing.

And Greg Davis were good.

But like we keep talking about that foreskin routine that guy he doesn't have a foreskin anymore I went I've got to do a podcast with that guy but I'm gonna yeah that's that's essential to the future doesn't have a foreskin that's a lovely answer there genie thank you what about you petty pambles what's the uh meal that means the most to you i ate my own foreskin

like it was the

routine from somewhere

i just want to quickly say that when i used to tour with greg davis and i never stood to one side when he was having photos, people would always ask me to take the photos for them and I'd always cut his head off in the photo.

You couldn't do one date on that tour and I've stood in for you.

Yeah.

My God,

Greg is such a nice man.

He has photos with the whole audience and you're there for hours afterwards.

I don't blame you for entertaining yourself and doing stuff like that.

But the problem is they'd they'd check the photo and then realise the head had been cut off and then I'd have to take it again so we were there for double the time

a meal i remember the time me and james and lloyd langford and john robbins went to new york featured some of the great meals yeah yeah some of the great meals uh and if you'll remember brett it was all over the splashed all over the news we got stranded there because of a blizzard

um i did a hitch show about it

um we got stranded there and we were in a restaurant called the dutch it was really snowing outside And that's when we got the text saying our flight had been cancelled, not just postponed to a different date, cancelled.

And we were sat there having this amazing meal.

And we realized that we'd have a minute of panic of what we're going to do, how we're going to get home.

And then we looked around and we're like, we're in a fantastic restaurant.

And then it was the most freeing feeling in the world.

We were like, I guess we're just ordering another bottle of wine.

We're getting dessert.

And who knows what we're going to do?

We just have to enjoy this meal as much as possible.

And that was, that's such a great feeling.

We did have so many memorable meals on that holiday because every single because also up until that point, we basically had our holiday double by it was like five days and then another four days or something.

Yes.

And until then, because we were like, we've only got five days here, we had three special meals a day.

I had to make each one of them count as well.

And the whole day was just, you know, planned around.

We're eating there and then we'll walk to this part of New York and have lunch there.

And then that, we'll walk over to that part and have dinner.

So like pretty much three memorable meals a day.

But I remember that one.

Also, for me, that was quite a one of those pressure meals because, like, I had been to the Dutch before,

but you guys hadn't, I don't think.

And so, it was my kind of suggestion that we do it.

Or it was like, I definitely put my name to it.

Yeah.

I've been like, this is my recommendation, guys.

And it has to be good.

And we had a great meal.

And then, when that moment happened, and we got the wine, but we also decided to get all the desserts on the dessert menu.

And they came over.

And one of them was so good that I grabbed Ed's arm and said, fuck you, because

it tasted so good.

Did it have Marmite in it?

It was like a mint chocolate-layered ice cream cake thing.

Yeah, it was good.

We went there again at the end of the trip.

We did.

We went there again because it was my birthday then, so it's like my birthday meal.

Yeah.

And me, you, and John went.

I can't remember what Loffey Lloyd feels.

Lloyd had a cold sore and he wasn't feeling well.

You love cold sores, don't you, Brett?

Speaking of which, what is the meal that you thought was the sexiest?

Petty Bamboos, let's go with you, since the genius.

It's a hard question, isn't it?

It's a difficult question.

What food is sexy?

To be honest, anytime I eat a meal with my significant other, you are aroused.

Yeah, to start with.

And then any sense of arousal is immediately dampened after I eat as much food as possible and drink a bottle of wine.

At which point...

Yeah.

At which point, I feel like a big beach ball with a tiny little hook penis.

There's nothing arousing or sexy about me.

I feel horrible.

Yeah,

I'd say for the same reasons, I've never really got to the end of a meal or even and thought, man, I would really love to have sex and just try not to fart the whole time.

That'll be great.

Yeah.

Holding in a fart.

Like my life depends on it.

So I mean, the sexy stuff really has to come pre-meal, I'd say.

But if you're talking about the food itself, I don't know, pasta?

Yeah, that would do.

The thing is, you know, your mind works differently to us, Brett.

And

we could say to you, why is this thing sexy?

And you would be able to tell us, here's why this is sexy.

I don't know if I've ever, I mean, obviously desserts are up there with just eating a good dessert is up there with some of the best feelings.

And I guess...

Sex is also up there with some of the best feelings.

So I'd say some of the best desserts I've had.

What about the one where you grabbed Ed's arm and said fuck you?

Yeah well that's pretty sexual actually.

Yeah.

That is pretty sexual maybe that's you.

I'm eating a mint chocolate

whatever happened.

Yeah mint chocolate ice cream stack cake.

Yeah.

I mean that felt pretty pretty sexual if it made me grab my friend's arm and say fuck you.

Now there's a subcategory, traveling bonus, worrying wide-ons.

Which meal did you find arousing and you weren't sure you should?

Now my answer is the meal that Ed just talked about where he felt like a blighted beach bull with a hook penis.

That's my traveling bona.

What about you two?

Hold on a second.

Is this a regular you haven't when I've been on your podcast, you've not asked this question.

Is this a regular bit of your podcast?

When did you have a boner and you were worried about what it said about it?

Yeah, yeah, you did the first episode.

It didn't this question didn't arrive until Nathaniel Metcalf brought it to my attention.

And then it's been ever since.

And then you did a resurrection.

So you've never answered that question.

Why don't we do do one crossover back and you answer the film you found arousing but you weren't sure you should because you are actually the only person who hasn't answered that and we don't yet know if you're a pedo or not

my genuine sexual awakening was watching a Hanna-Barbera cartoon where an egg becomes sexy and I found the egg the cartoon egg uh who falls into a pot of boiling water and turn and comes out of it uh all sexy.

I found that really arousing.

James, this is your answer to both both both versions, meal and film.

That's a sexy meal.

You fancy it in the sexy meal, yeah.

Yeah, uh, the egg, the egg in the cartoon that came out of the pot all sexy.

How did it come out sexy?

What what changed?

Before it went,

it was quite a coy lady egg with a little like pink bow in her hair and stuff, and then she went in the water and came out like Sandy D uh at the end of gre yeah, so it's like a proper Sandy D thing and came out like, you know, said like a leather jacket and shit.

Leather jacket, big stella, those big eyelashes and and just being really mean to the boy egg.

It was like something went from, they were kind of, you know, fancying each other a little bit, the two eggs, and then she fell in the pot, and then it was like, whoa, this isn't fancy anymore.

This is like,

something's going to happen.

Right.

And I didn't know what it was at the time.

I didn't understand any of that stuff, but I was like, this feels different.

And then the boy egg fell in the water and came out all mean.

And I didn't like that.

I was like, oh, no.

And so I knew I want to be the nice little boy egg.

And you want the mean girl?

With the mean girl.

At the end of the egg film with the sexy eggs.

She comes out Sandra D, he comes out mean.

Do they fly off in a car at the end?

No, they don't fly off in a car.

I think they...

I mean, I've kind of blocked the ending from my head, so maybe they just bang until they become a big plate of scrambled eggs.

Also,

why did you decide you wanted to be the nice egg?

Because it sounds like the nice egg didn't get the fit egg.

I didn't decide it.

My body just didn't respond the same way.

There was the point in the cartoon where they're both nice.

My body was doing nothing.

The point in the cartoon where she's mean and he's nice.

My body was like, I want to fuck that egg.

And then the ending when they're both mean, I was like,

no, no.

No, don't like this.

You don't like to be equals with the egg that you're after.

He likes to be subservient.

You're submissive.

Yeah.

Yes.

That's what it is.

And that's why now he still he pays women to whip him with omelets.

Yes.

I go in and I give them a whisk and I go, let's do this.

Beat me.

All right.

What's the meal that is objectively the greatest meal of all time?

Ped.

Fried chicken.

Yep.

Agreed.

Every nation has a version of fried chicken, every food culture.

I like shit fried chicken.

I like amazing fried chicken.

Fried chicken is always there for you.

Fried chicken's delicious.

What an ad.

I wish that was an ad because you were really good at them.

The genie.

Ice cream.

Ice cream was always there for you.

Ice cream is delicious.

ice cream is though sure is it and i love it because you can get like icy like when it's too icy or it's been frozen wrong or crystallized or the flavor's not good enough whereas i think bad fried chicken has its own merits nah bad fried chicken office feel like oh this is gonna kill me yeah and it doesn't even taste nice whereas bad ice cream i'm like well this will do until the good ice cream comes along what's the one meal you could eat over and over again same as what i just said ice cream.

And you?

Lasagna.

Lasagna.

Lasagna, is it?

Yeah, love lasagna.

Genuinely, lasagna, I could eat it all day, every day, but it's not socially acceptable.

I could get up, eat lasagna all day, go to bed, get up, eat lasagna again.

My answer isn't really ice cream, because I couldn't do that, and I don't do that, because like if I've had ice cream one day, I don't want it the next day, because I don't want to overdo it.

My grandma once made lasagna, and I ate so many portions of it that night that I was sick off the top of a bunk bed.

Onto what?

Floor?

Not on the person.

Not onto the person below, sadly.

Jeannie, what's the meal you could eat over and over again?

Well, the one I've been eating the most, we're recording this during

lockdown at the minute, and the one that I've been eating the most over the past year at home, and I never get sick of it.

And I've got to the point now where every time I eat it, I literally say out loud to my girlfriend how much I never get sick of it.

And I was like, I just look forward to it every time, I think it's great.

Um, so she's got to put up with that same speech every time we eat it.

Is the

chorizo and broccoli pasta that we do?

So we chuck it, chop up the broccoli stems, uh, chop up the chorizo, garlic, and chili, have them in the pan, uh, get you, get some nice pasta, put that in with it once it's boiled, and then chuck in uh capers and uh some palm uh grated parmesan.

And every single time it just tastes amazing.

And I could eat that every day.

Every time I have it, I'm just like, really, the main thing this last year has been making sure that we space out our

chuto and properly pasta meals because otherwise we know that we're just going to have it every day.

That sounds really good.

I'm going to make that.

And I'll tell you why I like that, James.

It's because you've got chorizo, capers.

And parmesan in there.

Three huge strong flavours.

That is getting, that's what I like in a meal.

I want to feel like I'm being kicked in the face.

They're great.

And great way of dealing with

using up your broccoli stems in a way that, you know, in a tasty dish, you use your broccoli for something else.

All the broccoli heads, delicious.

But get those stems, chop them up,

gives the dish some crunch.

It's so good.

I normally don't like being negative, but you know, it's about food, so I don't really care.

What's the worst meal you ever ate?

The genie?

On Josie Long's tour that I mentioned earlier we stopped at a BNB at one point and when we got there the lady said to us I know why you're here and we were like yeah well why to stay over but she was like you've heard about my award-winning breakfasts my award-winning fried breakfast and she showed us when we were signing in at the desk the certificate that she had framed on the wall for best fried breakfast and showed us to our rooms and said so you'll all be wanting the fried breakfast tomorrow i assume and we hadn't thought about doing that we went yeah okay yep fine and then we got up in the morning she was like oh well I was worried you were I was thinking where are you well they can't be missing breakfast it's the fried breakfast time I've got the fried breakfast ready and then we all sat down and she brought out the fried breakfast and it was the worst meal I've ever had it was absolutely disgusting

for the rest of the day my stomach was like a lava lamp because she'd used way too much oil and I could just feel all the oil just swimming around in my stomach like a big old lava lamp we all kept on commenting on how we we felt sick for the rest of the day.

It was not nice while we were eating it, it was even worse afterwards, and the effects of it just stayed with us for a full 24 hours of just feeling like we'd just downed a bottle of olive oil and then went about our day.

Uh, it was just so bad, especially because I've never had a meal hyped up to me so much by the chef before, but but like a whole day leading up to it.

So, easily that I'd love to see the certificate on the wall, like to have seen sort of who had made it, it

who had who it was accredited to this award like where'd the award come who'd awarded it i'd love to know so many questions it's a real i reckon there's a podcast in that mystery um petty pambles what's the worst meal you ever had i did a television show called almost royal uh where me and amy hoggett travelled around america thank you um pretending to be members of the royal family and they were very long days on that on that show so meals very important as i'm sure you understand brett up very early in the morning gotta have your cold store at some point, yeah.

Gotta have it, gotta have it sometimes.

When are you gonna get it in?

Up very early in the morning, traveling around, exhausting pretending to be in the royal family to real people.

Concealing secrets is quite, quite draining.

So, lunch, incredibly important.

It was always up to the fixer who was different every city.

So, they'd be taking us around the city and showing us the best places to eat and stuff and driving us around.

And I think we were in San Antonio, and she'd heard, the fixer, that there were some veggies and vegans on the crew so she decided to take us to the only vegan restaurant she knew in the area.

You know, I'm not against that.

I wasn't as on board with it then as I was now.

And it was a cafe attached to a spiritual bookshop.

It was the sort of bookshop that sells like books about which crystals to get if you want to cure cancer.

That like proper bullshit bookshop.

Yeah.

How dare you.

Sorry, I forgot you love that stuff.

And I was so hungry.

I was like blinded by hunger.

I was quite angry as well.

And the lady said, Do you eat meat?

I said, Yes.

She said, Well, we obviously don't do meat here, but I recommend a bacon cheeseburger.

It's like a riff on a bacon cheeseburger.

I said, Well, that sounds very nice.

I love those words.

It was, I'll take you through it.

The butt, instead of a bun, which you would have thought you could have a bun in a vegan meal, they replaced the bun with two raw portobello mushrooms.

The burger was a cooked portobello mushroom,

the cheese was bean spread and the bacon was dried coconut.

Wow.

I've never been angrier.

And it fucked the, I don't think any of the scenes that we filmed after that lunch are in the edit.

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What's the meal that made you laugh the most?

You're both in comedy.

What's the funniest meal you ever had?

The genie.

My family and I went to Banbury and we went to a little tea shop.

And we were sat round a table and a little old lady, really old,

daughtery old lady, run the tea shop.

It's her tea shop.

And we all asked for tea and Banberry cakes.

And she went and she brought them over, and it was a round table, and she gave us all our tea, and she put out all the Banberry cakes.

My brother was on the opposite side of the table to her, and she looked at him and she went, Here's your Banberry cake.

And she lent over and did a massive fart as she was handing it to him.

And

we couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the day, mainly because she said, here's your Banberry cake, and then farted.

It was because she had said, here's your Bambri.

If she'd just farted, it would have been funny.

But she said, here's your Banbury cake.

And while looking at him and handing him a Banbury cake, she farted.

So that was the best.

It was the best, most funniest.

My mum crying laughing.

Did she laugh, the woman?

No, she just said, pardon me.

And then she went back into the kitchen.

Even worse.

Did you all laugh in her face?

Yeah.

Right.

We couldn't help it.

We were like, yo,

us kids

weren't old enough to not be able to.

And my dad wasn't laughing, but he was telling my mum to stop laughing.

My mum had tears streaming down her face before the lady even left the table.

Like, she just couldn't hold it together because the timing of it all was just too perfect.

He was the last one to get his bamboo cake.

Here's your bamboo cake.

Looked at him and departed.

It was so disrespectful.

And as for you, here's your bamboo cake.

Loved it.

That's great.

Pedipambles?

Some of the meals where I've laughed the the most, I don't really remember why I was laughing.

And they normally happened when we were writing the Greg Davis sitcom Man Down.

Big fan.

Me, Mike Wozniak, Steve Morrison, and Greg Davis.

It was a great fun time.

I helped them write series three and four.

And obviously you're.

It's a T-series.

Thank you.

widely considered to be by me.

You know that feeling where you're locked in a room with people writing for hours and hours every day.

And you basically establish your own bizarre language between each other uh and in jokes and catchphrases and then you go out into the real world and none of that changes so you're just normal people sat in like a in a real situation but you just go

talking absolute at each other like catchphrases like we called each other buddy builder for six months straight Mike Wozniak still refers to me as buddy builder and we had so many meals we were just crying with laughter uh and it all escalated to the Christmas meal we had, um, where we bullied Mike Wozniak for an hour and a half, and then we all got in a cab to go back to Greg's flat, and we threw Mike's glove out of the gloves out of the window

in the car, out of the car, out of the taxi window.

We threw one, one of his gloves out the window, um, and then he was like, please don't throw my other glove out of the window.

We threw his other glove out the window, and then we called him double glove for the rest of the night and started singing, double glove, it's easy because you're beautiful.

Just witless, yeah, witless bullying.

He was probably walking around going, huh?

That was our other, our other joke about Mike.

One day he turned up to a writing session.

He felt weird and he didn't know why.

He wasn't hungover, but he felt hungover and he kept just going, I feel weird.

And then just out of nowhere, we'll go, huh?

And like thrust his hips to try and get rid of the weird feeling.

Just madness, just when you just

cook in the same room as people.

what a horrible answer

you probably don't get that though now do you brett because you're like writing over zoom and it's like you're writing with people you have to seem semi-professional in front of right there's an element of of zoom no but then it's still all it still all happens you know that semi-professionalism

i can't really see you

you know

ganging up on one of the other writers with everybody else and bullying them

we don't.

There's no bullying, and it's sort of one of the kind of, I don't know if you've seen this show, but we're quite a big on not bullying Ted Lasso.

It would be great if the secret behind Ted Lasso is they're fucking horrible.

They are fucking horrible.

That's the twist on Ted Lasso, that they're not

without sorry, cut that, or bleep that.

We've had a, I've had a wonderful time, actually.

I've really enjoyed finally getting to do a podcast with Penny Pembles and the surprise guest, the genie.

But when the genie, when you granted Joel Dommit's wish to be the winner of the master singer, when the rules were changed, the winner of the master singer is the person that is told, take it off, take it off.

They take off their top.

They have to stand next to Joel Dommit with his top off.

And then Joel Dommit decides if they've got a better body than him and they never win.

When you granted that wish, and then you immediately died.

And when you, Peddy Pambles, auditioned for Ted Lasso in front of me, Jason wasn't there, but I was wearing a sticker that said Jason C.

Deckers.

And you got so excited and nervous that

the vein in your forehead.

It did, to be fair, say in the script,

this character gets well angry.

And you really got into it, but then your brain exploded.

And so I immediately started eating it, obviously.

You died in front of me.

I thought, I'll eat your brains.

I had to

coffin on me.

I stuffed you in the coffin.

I see the genie dead over in Joel Dommit's dressing room.

And I said to Joe Dobbit, you're not even gonna,

you're just gonna ignore it.

And he said, Well, it served his purpose.

You know what Joe Dobbit's like.

He says, So it served his purpose.

Don't care that he's dead.

And he kicked, he bloody kicked the lamp.

And I said, Joe, come on, man.

Your TV's a nice guy.

And he said, Oh, nice guy's really nice guy off-camera.

And I said, I haven't seen you guys.

You used to be so nice.

And he started kicking the lamp, kicking the lamp, kicking it with his perfectly toned calves.

And I said, Stop it, Joe.

And I grabbed the lamp and I stuffed it in the coffin with Ped Pamble's

corpse, brainless corpse, and I put them in the coffin.

And the thing is, there's only enough room to slip two meals into the coffin with you both for you to take to the other side.

And on the other side, in this weird heaven that

you're in, there's dinner every night.

And one night it's your special dinner, and one night it's your special dinner.

What dinner are you taking to share with people when it's your turn for dinner club in food heaven, petty bamboos.

Ribeye steak, cooked medium rare, crispy chips, roasted Brussels sprouts, halloumi, and a big bar of chocolate.

Oh, that is a fucking good meal.

Yeah, I'm going to that one.

Yeah, what about you, the genie?

I'm taking the chorizo and broccoli pasta and a massive bowl of ice cream.

Okay, I'm going to Ed's one, but that does sound lovely.

Thank you so much for doing this very special episode of Menus to be buried with.

What

are films to be menued with?

With Pedipambles and the Genie.

I've been Bradley P, I've been Greg Osteen, and this has been Comic Relief.

Please give all your money to it.

You know what?

If you've listened to this and you don't give money to Comic Relief, you're also a

leader.

Well, there we are.

That was a lot of fun, wasn't it, James?

I loved it.

Always love to speak to Brett and to speak to him about food was an absolute pleasure.

Yeah, sure.

His eyes didn't spark to life as much as it does when we talk to him about films.

You can tell for the whole thing, he was just pretending that we were talking about films in his head.

Yeah.

I would like to get Brett on off menu at some point, really, because he's making such a big play about not liking food and not understanding it and not being into it.

I feel like we should dig down into his dream meal.

Yes, for too long now, we haven't had Brett on the podcast because the listeners have protested it and said that they don't want him as a guest.

And I say we stop listening to the listeners and we do what we want and we get Brett Goldstein on this podcast.

And I know it's going to anger a lot of them.

Yeah, it is.

But you know, just calm down.

Calm down.

We're getting Brad Goldstein on this podcast.

Yeah.

Brad Goldstein.

But remember, this wasn't just for S's and G's.

This was for the brilliant Comic Relief.

And remember that your donation is powerful.

And all the money that's raised on Red Nose Day from hopefully your donations and all the other brilliant stuff that happens on Red Nose Day, it can help people living incredibly tough lives.

Take action against domestic abuse, tackle mental health stigma, provide safety to families who need support, and help to give children the best start in life.

Your donation will help people live incredibly tough lives, both here in the UK and around the world.

Even the smallest gift can help.

Please, if you're able, give now at comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup.

Thank you very much for listening to Menus to be buried with.

We have been Ed Gamble and James Acaster.

Thank you very much to Brett for interviewing us so professionally.

We will see you again sometime soon in the Dream Restaurant.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club Podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, the 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours rumours are true.

Saturday, the 13th of September.

At King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.