Ep 84: Jayde Adams

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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Put a skewer into this podcast and it's coming out clean.

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast with me, Ed Gamble, and who's that over there?

Why?

It's James Acaster.

James Acaster here, just admiring the skewer coming out the podcast clean.

I mean, we're many, many episodes deep into doing off-menu now, and the fact that you still managed to come up with fresh takes on the intro, I've got nothing but respect for it, Ed.

Oh, thank you very much, man.

I'd say I'm at a hit rate of about one in eight being good at the moment, but that one I'm pretty proud of.

Yeah, great stuff with the skewer coming out clean.

Well, this is a food podcast, hence my food-based intro.

And what do we ask people, James?

We ask a different guest every single week, their favourite ever, starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink.

And this week, our guest is

Jade Adams.

Jade Addams, the wonderful Jade Addams, wonderful comedian.

She runs a musical as well.

She runs a musical where comedians go and perform songs from musicals.

I've done it many times.

James, you've not, have you?

I was a dancer in one of them.

So you know, you've not done it.

But no, I'm petrified of singing in public.

So

when a group of comics did sell block tango, I was a dancer who was essentially the boyfriend they were all singing about.

And so I got beaten up by five different comedians.

Still fun.

A lot of fun.

It's a really fun show.

And when gigs are back up and running, I'm sure they're going to run some of musicals.

And I would highly recommend you go to that.

And a musical is also a podcast where you discuss your favorite musicals.

I've done that as well.

So go and check that out.

But look, Jade's brilliant.

We're very excited to have her here in the Dream Restaurant.

She also does a food show with Heston Blumenthal, so that's very exciting as well.

We're sure we'll discuss that.

But if Jade mentions a secret ingredient, which we will say now, she will be kicked out of the restaurant.

And Jade's secret ingredient is hundreds and thousands.

Hundreds of thousands.

We don't need them.

I've never liked them.

Boring.

I mean, what are they?

What are they?

Why are they?

Multicolour little sugar.

I mean, I like sugar.

And hundreds of thousands are boring to me.

Yeah, like they're like the ends of a shoelace, yeah, they are, actually, yeah, absolutely spot on there, Ed.

They're like the little ends of a shoelace, and I don't want them on my dessert.

No, I want them on the top, and then it just makes me think of all the better things that could have been on top of that dessert.

So, if Jade says hundreds of thousands, we will have no recourse but to kick her out of the dream restaurant, and so help me, God, we'll do it.

And this is one of our uh Zoom episodes, or what do we call them?

Home cooking, oh, yeah, home-cooked episodes.

So, episode.

No, hold on.

Joe, what happened there, Ned?

What?

I went to introduce the episode.

I've never done that before, and it felt I didn't know what to do.

So, you just said the word episode?

Yeah, I went into episode episode.

So, episode?

Episode.

So, without this,

without further ado, let's hear the off-menu menu of Jade Adams.

Welcome, Jade Adams, to the Dream Restaurant.

Oh, she's waiting for the explosion.

I absolutely love it.

Normally, people come in and say, thanks for having me or something.

And Jade just knew what was coming.

Oh, there we go.

Welcome, Jade Adams, to the Dream Restaurant.

I've been expecting you for some time.

I'm here, finally.

I'm so pleased.

Good to see you.

Thank you very much.

Good to see you both as well.

It's lovely to be all hanging out here in the dream restaurant, Jade.

A comedian, a food programmer as well.

You're on a natural food program.

You've met Heston Blumenthal.

Hung out with him.

This is what we like.

These are the qualifications needed to pick an excellent dream menu.

Very, very excited to have you.

And also a huge foodie as well, like massive.

Like I go to all of the nicest, I try and go to lots of nice restaurants around the world.

That's how I spend my money.

Nice.

Excellent.

This is what we like to hear.

And we like to hear people saying they're a foodie without going, oh, I'm a foodie, but does that make me sound like a wanker or anything?

No, it doesn't.

You're a foodie.

no food

food's everything it's everything it's our it's our other brain our stomach that's what heston taught me is all our feelings are in our stomachs like it's important to eat and it's rubbish when people make you feel bad about it i love food heston told you that your brain was your stomach you've got another like

you've got another you have another stomach yeah another brain sorry and your stomach will your stomach reacts to it's very sensitive and um that's why when you're in a bad mood food tastes bad or like you know there's like a sort of emotional reaction to food that you know like it's a really sensitive instrument your stomach and if you don't feed it well or if you or if you if you don't actually feed your brain well either it it all it all just messes up and if you've got any sort of he I mean if you had heston on he'd explain it way better than I am right now

I much prefer your explanation that Heston Blumenthal thinks you have another brain in your stomach yeah that's what I picked up on it yeah he did a couple of tests on me actually he um he did this so we were drinking wine and he wanted to show me that negative influence

outside of your ingesting whatever it is you're eating can affect the taste.

So he got a glass of wine.

And he made me think of something negative in my head, of the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

And he made me drink the wine and it tasted not very nice.

And then he made me think about something I really loved.

And I drank the wine again and it tasted much better.

And he did a couple of other tests and sort of showed me like how much your emotions can trick your brain into feeling bad or shit or not enjoy the food that you're eating and all of that?

It was incredible.

I spent a month, I didn't just meet Heston Blumenthal, I spent a month with him.

Like every night, we, my, should I tell you my favorite thing about the whole experience?

Every night we were in a hotel up the road, we all stayed in the same hotel, watching the kitchen panic

every night was one of the most incredible things I've ever watched.

Were they trying to like impress him with everything they were doing?

Because I'd imagine if you if you're giving Hesson are like steak and chips you panic that it should you know you should be sort of putting a bird's beak on it or something

well you'd hope that they were triple cooked chips which I think that you know they I don't think I would have had the same service that we all got together I'll be honest they came out it was sort of everything was presented on a huge tray but you know over the month they sort of totally relaxed with it and he's really cool he goes in he speaks to them all like they love having him in the kitchen and and you know it's it's chefs really appreciate each other when they meet and stuff like you know you have these archetypes of these chefs on the tv programs that they're really rude and unapproachable but actually what i've seen is they all get they you know they all respect each other quite a lot if food tastes bad when you're feeling bad answer me this heston why when i'm feeling depressed does ice cream taste amazing

Stickle sparkling water, Jade Adams.

Sparkling.

Straight away.

Sparkling always.

I love it.

I'm also like, I'm absolutely addicted to Coca-Cola.

Like, I love it.

So, sparkling water is the way that I sort of get that, you know, that sort of buzzy hit of carb, the carbon, carbonation in it.

I just love that, like, sort of, uh, feeling that you get when you drink something fizzy when you're thirsty.

Love it.

But Babs and I had it the other day at a fancy restaurant in the Peak District, and both of us got heartburns.

So things are changing.

Right.

Now, heartburn off sparkling water.

Also, for the interview, you explained to us who Babs is.

Yeah.

The listener.

Listeners don't know who Babs is.

Babs is my best friend, and we travel the world together on adventures.

Yes.

And our introduction to Babs was just out of nowhere while you were setting up your Zoom.

Babs just walked in front of the camera, not aware it was on, completely panicked and ran away again.

In her sportswear, because we've just done a HIIT workout.

Yeah.

And for the listener, the context is it's about 27 degrees at the moment, and Jade and Babs have just done a HIIT workout, which is absolutely insane.

Yep.

Also, for the listener, because of how hot it is, Ed, do you want to reveal when you put a t-shirt on today?

When Jade arrived on the Zoom.

Until then, Ed was sitting there topless.

Leon Benito just waiting around with him.

I did angle the camera up so you couldn't see my titties.

So you could just see my face, and then I popped a t-shirt on when Jade arrived because it's too hot.

We should have all just done it without a t-shirt on.

We can angle the angle.

Imagine that podcast.

We could just tell your listeners that we are naked.

Yeah, to be fair.

Would it get more downloads if they think we're naked while we're recording it?

I think it would.

Sex sells.

You get to imagine.

In fact, if you ever listen to a podcast, you think this is boring, I don't like it, just tell yourself that they're all naked.

You and Babs had some sparkling water recently.

Was that what you were saying before we diverted?

Yeah, so

Babs is my best friend.

We go around the world having adventures together and doing crazy stuff.

And this wasn't exactly crazy.

We were having dinner on one of our adventures and we both both got heartburn and had to get the Renee out after

some sparkling water.

I don't know if Renee has featured a lot on this podcast, but it hasn't, Jade.

And I've never heard it pronounced Renee before because I'm fairly sure that's a character from LOLO.

Renee.

Renee, mate.

You can't gourmandize Renee's.

How long have you been hanging out with Heston that you're going, oh, Renee?

Renee, get the Renee, Heston.

Renee.

Of course, Heston has found a way of making Renee's into gas.

Yeah, yeah.

But please keep calling it Renee.

Yes, please do keep calling them that.

So we were on the Renee's after the sparkling water, and then we both looked at each other and went, ooh, we're in our 30s.

Are you big on the Renee's?

Like, do you always have a pack?

on your person?

I have always got a stash on my bag.

Because, you know, I really love like Prosecco and,

well, champagne as well.

I love bubbles.

You know, carbonated anything is, or fermented anything is my bag.

But

I, you know, sometimes the old, the old indigestion can't handle it so much.

So the renew have to come out.

Yeah.

And

I am, I'm never going to be able to say Renee again without you.

I rarely have a Renee, but my fiancé gets quite bad indigestion and heartburn.

So there's all, there's renees stashed around the whole house, like huge bags of them, wherever you go.

So, in whatever room you're in, if there's ever an attack of heartburn, you can grab a rene in our house.

Natural alternative, fresh mint tea does the same thing, just to let you know.

Oh, yeah, yeah, peppermint, peppermint takes ages though, right?

Well, if you like, get a nice concentrated amount of mint leaves and then pour a bit of hot water on it, and down that you'll be you'll be fine.

And I eat some mint leaves as well when I want to because you just need to resettle your um your bit where the food goes down.

Gull it.

I don't know what's supposed to do.

That bit.

I'm pointing at my chest on a podcast, but that your gala.

My galet.

Jay, just a quick question, completely unrelated.

What is the

smallest unit of British currency?

A penne.

That was all I wanted to know.

Pump absorb bread.

Bread.

No, with the sparkling water, you said it with an assuredness and a confidence.

And the bread, you said it with a sort of grim determination where you're like, It is bread.

No matter how much I kid myself, it's bread.

It's all was bread.

I mean, I'd like to say it was poppadums, but the only poppa dums that I believe the most moorish poppadum I've ever had are Walker Sensation Lime and Coriander Popadums, which are the most incredible thing I've ever put in my mouth and are the reason why I'm doing hit workouts and 32-degree beef.

But I love a poppadum.

I will have a poppadum, but when you get bread, you get butter.

And that butter, like the other day, I was in a restaurant and I had chicken butter with chicken skin on top of it like what restaurant's this this was in um the peak district and it was called um lovage by lee smith great it's just actually it was the opening night i've never been able to do i've never done that before but it was his opening night of the restaurant and the night we were there smashed it great it's the opening night so the chef's probably a bit nervous how do you think um he felt when he saw some of his first customers take a sip of sparkling water and then whip out a packet of red meat

oh great

i'm about to send them chicken butter

oh no i think if they're going to have reddies for sparkling water what's going to they're going to shit their pants if i give them chicken butter get the defibrillators out

i can't believe this oh no

um chicken butter sounds absolutely incredible oh it's amazing we um went to this other place in um denmark called amas

and um we had like so they're everything that they they try and be ethical and sustainable with everything they're cooking in at the back they have an allotment where all their stuff is grown and they tried to not waste us so we had this like potato skin dip that was incredible obviously they've done it from the chips that they cook in the restaurant but the potato skin dip was amazing and it had on top of it hops from the local beer factory that they'd used which it was

that was actually with a thin bread it wasn't a poppadon but it was thin and crispy

would you like the chicken butter with your with your bread in the dream restaurant that specific chicken butter, or are there any other butters that stick out in the memory?

I like a green butter, so like a salsa verde butter is great as well.

Love a chicken butter.

Anything with meat in it, I mean, we'll get on to that in the mains.

But

yeah,

a nice green.

There was also Babs is vegetarian and she had a sun-dried tomato butter.

That was lovely.

But it has to be salted.

I think the unsalted butter thing, I mean, don't at me, but

I think it's disgusting, frankly.

Well, I do agree with you.

Unsalted butter, the only time you should really be using it is if you're baking something sweet.

So quite often we'll have unsalted butter in the fridge if we've been baking something, and that's all the butter we've got.

So what I'll have to do is spread it on bread and then get the salt out.

Salt that bad boy up.

And then

grab a renovation.

Also, a salted butter really complements a sweet dish because you have a nice balance of a little, you always should put salt in your sweet food.

Like just a tiny bit to sort of, anything that's too sweet isn't good to eat, but like a little bit of salt with it, you know, like balancing those flavor combinations, lovely.

So, I just want to be clear on what the bread and butter combo is that we're going for, and that I'm bringing out to you.

So, the bread specifically, do you want that really thin bread that you mentioned, or do you want a different?

I want a hot, just out of the oven,

like the thing we had at Lee Smith's Love Age at Lee Smith's the other day, it tore open and then steam came out of it.

Yeah, and it was hot inside, but it was a dark brown colour, like a real wheaty, thick bread with tomotes on it.

Lovely.

So, you want the lovage bread with the lovage butter?

That lovage bread and lovage butter.

Yeah, I mean, he's going to be really glad that I'm saying this.

He didn't know this was going to happen, but yeah, I'll be honest with you, that's the best bread and butter I've ever had anywhere.

Also, and this isn't related, but another question.

What's the name of that comedian?

He started Comic Relief and he was married to Dawn French.

What was his name?

Lené Henri.

Yeah, thank you.

Now, James, I'm beginning to realise why you've gone quiet for like five minutes at a time while me and Jade are talking about the meal.

It's almost as if you're desperately trying to think of more things that rhyme with any.

Yeah.

Well, some people might interpret it as that.

I'm just being a gracious host, and I guess not.

The payoff was worth it for me.

That sounds incredible.

I had, shout out to some butter I had the other night.

A restaurant in Bethanyll Green called Daterra.

The bread course, it doesn't come before the meal, it's a tasting menu, and like three dishes in, the bread arrives.

And if you get the wine pairing, it comes with a drink, and it's like this amazing little baked loaf, and then some grilled bone marrow, and then three different types of butter.

So, there's like a pink peppercorn one, there's a sea salt one, uh, and there was what was the other one?

It was a green one, I think.

Ed sent me a photo of them, yeah, and it's it's paired with uh a glass of stout.

What it's so good, so good.

Oh my god, that sounds incredible.

That restaurant is fantastic.

We've been back there twice in the same menu cycle.

So some of the dishes we recognized and they were like, welcome back.

You probably recognise this from the last time you've been here.

Like, yeah, fine.

That's what my local Chinese takeaway says for me.

Embarrassing.

Welcome back.

You're at my door.

You should be saying, welcome back.

I've definitely told this story before.

Gone into Casa Merita at Brixton and the lady knew my order before I'd said it.

And I just thought, oh, man.

I like that, though.

That's what I want.

I've been here a lot, and I always order the same thing.

This is embarrassing.

Super Torto?

Yes.

Please give me the Super Torto.

I love it.

The thing is, is that they actually are doing it because they like the idea that they kind of know you a bit, but actually, what they don't do is remind us of our loneliness and that we actually remind us of our inability to be creative.

And whilst we're feeling lonely, it's a scene in Sex in the City where Miranda orders chicken and broccoli, and the woman on the phone goes, Yes, I know, chicken and broccoli, you always have it.

And then she goes down into the restaurant to see her to face her demon.

And the woman does it to everyone else in the queue.

And then it makes Miranda feel fine that she's just a bit, the woman's just a bit annoying.

Anyway, episode of Sex in the City.

Sorry if I said that.

I would like many more synopsis throughout this whole episode.

I'll try.

Are these Sex in the City episodes me and haven't seen?

All of them?

Yeah, a lot of them, actually.

I've only seen the movie Sex in the City 2.

That's all I've seen.

Why did you start there?

Yeah,

it was for another podcast.

It was for a podcast called The Worst Idea of All Time, where for a year, every single Monday, these two guys watched Sex in the City 2 and then reviewed it on their podcast.

Every week for a year, they kept on watching it.

It's sort of annoying if you're a guy watching that, but there's uh like it's an annoying, I wouldn't ever recommend a straight guy to watch that show because it's quite damning often.

But there's the w uh, the reason I really liked it was the character of Samantha.

I've never seen a woman on television like that before.

Which one was she?

She's the one they call sex crazy, but she was just super confident and she knew who she was.

And out of all of the other characters, she's the one who doesn't fuck up throughout the whole series.

Like, she's always just who she is.

And there's a couple of times Carrie's judgmental with her and she brings her up on it and stuff.

And she always loves and is there for her friends.

I loved it for her.

Oh, yeah.

Now, we don't have to leave this in if you don't want, Jade, but

we've just talked about how you've done your hit workout and now you've just lit up a cigarette.

Yeah, of course I have.

Fucking the most badass thing I've ever seen.

And I think Babs even lit it for

you and then handed it to you off camera and lit it for you while you were talking to him.

Let me just start, Babs.

They saw that whole exchange and now they're talking about it.

And in between these courses, by the way, I'm going out for a cigarette as well.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Well, you know, it's the dream restaurant, so we don't actually have to abide by any British laws.

So if you want to smoke inside, you can.

No, but we're going outside to an amazing Zen garden.

We're not smoking in the restaurant.

I don't like smoking, you know, I'm smoking indoors here, but normally I don't really smoke indoors.

Rich Wilson's going to hear this, and I'm going to be in so much trouble.

And for the listener, Rich Wilson is your landlord.

My boyfriend.

My landlord.

He's my landlord.

It's third down.

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We should get onto your starter, really.

Oh, is there nothing in between the starter and the bread course?

Oh,

I'm so sad.

If you want to throw something in, go for it.

Just a little canopé would be nice there, you know?

Something that they've just whizzed up in the kitchen.

Something like, you know, maybe with a little fish egg in there or something like that.

I don't know.

All right, you can have a fish egg in between.

Little caviar, a little caviar nibble in between, yeah.

You're lovely.

The starter.

So this is where it gets controversial because I've spoken about some fancy restaurants that I've eaten in.

I've spoken about canopés and posh chicken butter.

But when it comes to my starter, for me, it has to be

a deluxe prawn cocktail.

Yes,

with the LEG finger slap at the end.

I can be specific about it because there is a specification about it.

It's not your standard local pub prawn cocktail.

I'm talking about for Christmas one year, I did the biggest prawn cocktail ever.

It was so big that we couldn't eat the roast dinner afterwards.

We couldn't have turkey until the evening because it was so big.

I live in Essex, in Leonsea, it's a little fishing

town and you can get fresh off of the out-of-the-water shellfish down here.

And I had and I ordered basically eight different varieties of prawns and then that's how I made it.

There was tempura in there as well and yeah, it was just like it was a huge prawn medley but I like love prawns so much.

And that's where I would have them in the choruses at the beginning with some great cos lettuce and a lovely Marie-Rose sauce.

Great.

Loads of lemon.

So, does deluxe just mean massive?

Huge.

Yeah.

Just checking.

I find the idea of prawn tempura in prawn cocktail is a great idea.

Is that something that you came up with, or did you get the idea from somewhere else?

No, I think, I mean, I haven't had it anywhere else, but I've done it here at the house.

I love, I just, it needs that crunch that isn't just the lettuce at the bottom.

It needs something on top.

And I think like a couple of really big, juicy king prawns with the tails.

Oh, and another controversial thing is: I love eating the tails.

If it's not too hard, if it's not like a cravete or something like that, I'll eat the skin of the prawns.

I love it.

It's like eating crisps.

Yeah, I'm going to say that when you originally said deluxe prawn cocktail, I was like, yeah, fair enough.

Not really in the mood for that personally.

Great.

It's Jade's menu.

When you said there were tempura prawns, I was like, I want to eat that now, actually.

There's also on top of it, there's an avocado sort of mix with chili in it and coriander in it on on top.

So there's not just prawns.

There's like, you know, you normally have a little topping, don't you?

Maybe, maybe have some tomatoes in there, something sweet with the tempura on top and then some like huge, massive prawns hanging off the side of the of the ornate glass.

Here's why I'm laughing.

It's because as Jade was describing the prawns hanging off of the glass, what you originally went to do in order to paint that image on our heads was an impression of a prawn hanging off the side of a glass.

What it looked like you were doing.

You dipped your head forwards.

It was like, oh, Jade's beating the prawn.

And I know exactly what you were doing before you said what you were doing.

That's exactly what happened.

I was like, hang on, you're in a podcast.

Don't act things out.

Where does that tradition come from with prawn cocktail that all the little prawns have to be dangling over the edge like they're clinging on for dear life?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Possibly.

No, no, no, that's too niche.

There's a great scene in Mrs.

Doubtfire, the movie, where Mrs.

Doubtfire makes makes a meal

for his ex-wife.

So, Mrs.

Dightfire makes a meal for the family, and there is prawns hanging off of the little plate that they have.

And I remember seeing that and thinking how delicious that was.

And I was thinking it was that, but then I was like, no, they're not hanging off enough.

And then I was like, oh my god, that's a really niche reference to a bit of food in a movie that no one will probably remember.

Also, you thought that maybe that started it all, was the scene in Mrs.

Doubtfire.

Was that

the whole craze of prawns hanging off from things?

You thought people saw that and thought, hang on, that's a good, that's not a bad idea.

And they start hanging the prawns off the edge, like Robin Williams dressing up as a Scottish nanny.

A nanny, I think you're fine.

The bit of food I remember in Mrs.

Doubtfire is when he throws a lime at Piers Brosnan's head.

Yeah, he does, doesn't he?

I was thinking, is it an orange that he throws?

I think it's...

I think it's a lime.

They ran by the swimming pool and

yeah, the lime hits his wet head.

Can I bring up a little bit of stick, a little bit of actually prawn-based beef for about the end of that movie?

Basically, at the end of that movie, there's a scene.

They find out that Piers Brosnan's character is allergic to pepper, so they say, don't put pepper on.

So then Robin Williams, on the other meal that he's having, gets really pissed with all the whiskies they're having, goes into the kitchen and like puts pepper on prawns.

Then the prawns go over to Piers Brosnan and he eats them and he starts choking on them like they went down his windpipe.

Like he doesn't have an allergic reaction to them, which is what happens when you have pepper.

He just chokes and then Mrs.

Dankfire runs over and gives him the Heimlick maneuver and saves his life.

But that's not an allergy to pepper.

It's choking.

Yes, I'm going to say there is no defense.

I'm trying to think of an excuse.

Because also, when he does the Heimlick, doesn't he his face comes off, right?

Yeah, peel off.

So then I'm just trying to think of a way that Robin Williams' face could peel off and he could be busted.

Yeah, they were like, oh, that'll do.

And then Pierce Brosnan seems to be fine at the end.

They like shake hands and do like a real sort of awkward bloke thing where they can't express their emotions at that moment.

It's fine.

Like, it's not fine.

You have an allergy to Pepper.

You've just technically been poisoned, Piers Brosnan.

I'd say there's a Mrs.

Doubtfire 2 that we're not seeing where she's in prison.

But then she Heimlicked all the pepper out of him.

Is that what they're trying to make us believe?

Came out.

He was was fine after that.

I hadn't got into his bloodstream at all.

It's too soon.

Like a five-second rule.

Is there pepper on your prawn cocktail, or are you hoping Pierce Brosnan might come over?

No, I'd like a little bit of spice, maybe a little bit of cayenne pepper.

Not too much, though.

Just a little, like a little buzz.

Like, I wasn't massively into chili growing up.

We didn't really have it on any food when I was, and so I've had to really train myself to like a bit of heat.

And now I'm really into it, but not too much because I think it ruins it.

But yeah, like a little hint, something you want to, you want to balance lots of flavours.

You want a bit of citrus in there.

You want your salt.

You want a bit of sweet.

You want a bit of, you know, and you want pepper in there as well.

I think that's the, there's like a rule about food where you have to have salt, salt, sugar, fat, heat or something.

So there's a program on Netflix about it.

Well, it's called, and the only reason I'm correcting you on this is because you've made me wish there was another episode called Sugar.

Because it's Chris.

It's called Salt, Fat, Acid Heat.

But I wish there was a sugar episode.

Now you've said sugar, I'm like, oh, I'd love to see.

Think of all the other shows you've got available on Netflix, James.

You've got Sugar Rush, you've got Zumbo's Just Desserts.

I've watched all those, Ed.

I've watched them all, and now I need more.

You've got Crazy Delicious.

Crazy Delicious available on Netflix.

I'd love to see her do a series called Sugar, Sugar, Sugar, Sugar.

The main course.

Main course is difficult because

it's not difficult because

there's too much option.

The reason is because it's always meat for me.

I will, I happily eat vegetarian food.

I've eaten some great vegan restaurants and my best mates,

well, sometimes vegan, mostly vegetarian, has prawns in Mexico.

Don't tell anyone.

Oh, perhaps.

Oh, perhaps.

Yeah, so I love meat and I have like a sort of top, my top meat and bottom meat.

and I was the reason I've gone for prawns at the beginning is because what I would normally do if there wasn't a sort of if I had steak tartare to start with which is another favorite dish of mine I would have gone for a lobster thermidor for my main course so that would have been that way around but because I've already done prawns I'm gonna go to my

I'd say that I've actually cried at this meat before.

I used to live with a chef in Clapton and she was testing out her menu for her brand new restaurant and she tested it out on me and it was the most incredible time of my life.

I'd come home and she'd make me

my favourite dish.

And I'd so she brought home,

I came home, and there was slow-cooked pork in front of me, and I and a little jug of gravy.

And that was and the bone just pulled out of it.

And there was a little jug of gravy, and I cried.

I was so emotional about it.

I love pork so much.

I think it's just the most incredible meat.

You barely have to do anything to it.

It's all about what temperature you cook it.

It's so it has all of its own juices and salt, and the gravy that comes off of it is amazing.

So, for my main course, I'm going to say a pork roast dinner with

cauliflower and broccoli cheese, incredible roast potatoes, which I'm really master in at the moment,

barely cooked carrots, so they're like hot, but they're still really crispy and they've got like a honey on them.

Paxo, definitely Paxo.

I love Paxo.

Little balls of Paxo, and then the most incredible pork shoe juice that you've ever made turned into a gravy.

And

a dauphinoir, a Gretan dauphinoir as well.

And like, and then heartburn.

And then

Yorkshire puddings on top of that.

Like a huge, crispy Yorkshire pudding.

Oh, I ruined it, Indian.

I know, I'm sorry.

And then pulls away and it looks like it's like almost like a croissant.

It's so good.

Yes.

Why don't you just put a croissant on there then?

Sorry, there's a long-running thing, Jade.

I don't like Yorkshire puddings.

I think they're boring.

I think you described a lovely roast dinner there, and then you may as well have just plonked an actual hat on the top of it.

Lovely description of a Yorkshire pudding there.

That's like a croissant.

It's delicious.

You know what else?

It's like a croissant.

Croissant.

Two types of potato on there.

Neither of them the type I thought you'd go for.

Well, I've got Gratan's Open Wire and a roast potato.

There's nothing like that.

I mean, I don't know.

I thought they're both delicious.

I just thought that maybe Jade Adams might want a different type of potato on there.

I like restaurant-worthy mash.

I'm not into mash made at home.

I've got a right.

No.

Do you have the equipment to make a mash at home?

Oh, fuck off.

Huh?

This took me ages.

I walked into this.

I'm just asking you if you were able to make mash at home.

And

how good is the utensil?

Are you satisfied with the utensil that you have that you can make mash with?

Are you happy with it?

Is it good enough?

I had to get another one.

Someone should explain, right?

You two are an absolute pair of fucks.

Listen.

Jade, do you want to explain to the listener what's being referenced?

So last year, was it last year?

Who knows?

Two years ago.

Aye.

Two years ago.

I can tell you exactly what it was.

It was January 2018.

Wow.

Yeah.

Why, why so specific the date?

I know where I was.

I was in Amsterdam at my friend's house and I spent the whole day on my phone laughing and it was the happiest I'd ever been on social media.

To the point, Jade, where recently, and this episode, I don't know if if this other podcast that i did will be out by now or whatever but i recently did a podcast that was all about social media they asked me what was the best experience you've ever had on social media and i just told the whole jade banger mash story

we need to explain it go So basically,

I ordered a mashed potato, a mash, a masher off of Amazon.

And

it said it was one of those ones that folds up so it goes flat in your drawer.

So I ordered this mashed potato masher.

And the minute it came to the house, I was being bombarded for reviews for it and i hadn't used it yet and i and then the next day i was they kept on asking me every day will i review this potato masher and i hadn't bloody used it at that point and i was just irritated that it you know like i was being hanged in my in my internet so i just put it up on the internet about amazon's like stop asking me about my potato masher i've not used it yet and then you two

and several other people all started trying to make me to review this bloody mashed potato thing and then everyone else got involved.

And then a hashtag happens, which is linked to something you did to Phil Wang that was really similar.

And then I have a gig with Ed Gamble, and I turn up to this gig.

It's one of the Go 8-bit gig.

I turn up to this gig, and you've had a bloody t-shirt made

with Jade Bangamash on it.

Hashtag Jade Bangamash,

which comes from hashtag wang banger car.

Yeah,

obviously, comes from hashtag wang banger car when Phil Wang once made a joke about fancying a car.

And so a load of us said that he wanted to bang a car.

And we did a hashtag wang banger car.

And then when we were winding you up about the masher,

you said to us,

Christ, how long does this kind of stuff go on for?

Someone said, quite a long time.

Just ask out Phil Wang.

And then I said, hashtag Jade Banger Mash.

That didn't go away for a while.

Oh, I love it.

Absolutely love it.

So, not mash, not mash on the roast dinner, then because you don't have a good enough masher.

Well, I do now.

I've gone through three different things to mash my potatoes.

That first thing, it broke the minute I used it because it wasn't strong enough for the force that has to go behind it to get your potatoes mashed.

So, the whole thing just kept breaking, and I was furious because not only had I been asked to review this piece of shit equipment, you two had done this whole campaign on Twitter.

So, I was absolutely furious.

And then I ordered something which is where it blends it with like a plastic rotation thing.

It's called masha and it's all right.

It's fine.

Jay banger masha.

I mean

and then I got a ricer.

Jay Banger Reiser.

Jay Banger Ricer.

And you're happier with the ricer now?

Yeah, it's much better.

And I also strain it through a sieve as well.

Great.

Don't.

No.

Wouldn't even wouldn't dream of it.

What I like is that I assumed Jay's going to have her guard up going into this episode.

She knows we're going to bring up Jay banger mash.

I'd forgotten about it as well.

I think you had.

When I brought it up, I was looking at both of your faces and like, they've both forgotten.

And then I was like, have I imagined it?

Did it ever happen?

Maybe Jade never banged a mash.

I thought these guys won't bring that up on their professional podcast.

I really thought it.

They're not going to do that.

That is that's absolute gold for us.

Yeah.

You know, i thought to myself look you know if it gets to like the side dishes she doesn't mention potatoes i'll bring it up as soon as you went i'm gonna have a roast and you started breaking it down i was like this couldn't have gone better here we go

here we go the doafing wild potatoes and the roast potatoes is how i like my potatoes i'm not massively into mash

so extra fury on the amount of times i've been i've been at it on this on the internet they're still doing it like it happened i've got it i can see it and i i every now and again, it pops up again.

Yeah.

And now you've, now you've put it on here.

Jade, I mean, honestly, bad luck because hashtag jade bagger mash is going to it's going to trend globally now.

Sorry.

Thanks.

Give me when witch got involved.

Witch.com.

Oh my god, witch got it.

What I liked about witch.com getting involved was that you were extra harsh on them every time.

You were like...

absolutely furious at them for being involved in it.

You're like, bloody witch is here.

Fuck off.

I hated them.

If you're worried that this will last for a long time, uh, by the way, Jade, you should be because uh, we interviewed Krishnan Guru Murthy uh two years ago and told people to send him pictures of curly fries because he'd never had one and people are still doing it.

Never even seen one, he'd never seen one.

So now I'd say at least once a week, still, he gets.

I see a picture of the curly fries sent to Krishnan Guru Murthy.

Say,

what about this one?

Send a picture of

Christian guru Murphy.

Perfect.

I think my favourite bit of Jade Bang and Mash, what would make me laugh the most was every time, because sometimes you'd reply to people really long rants about it, but it was every time you replied just saying, fuck off.

Really made me laugh.

It's how I really feel and it's how I actually want to.

Do you know what?

As much as I

really enjoyed it as well, because it's the only time I've ever been able to really be myself on social media because normally, like, I want to say fuck off to so much stuff on there, even from people I'm friends with.

I'm like, I'll fucking shut up, I want to say it, but I can't.

And I just had this entire day where I was just able to legitimately tell people to fuck off.

I loved it now, Jade, to move you away from the mash, earlier before you listed the things on the roast dinner, you said you have top, you have a top meat and you have a bottom meat.

Yeah, um, I'm going to need you to explain what you mean by that.

I'm going to imagine you're saying

you've got a chart of meat.

Yeah.

So like you're like roast dinner meats, like the type of meats you can have on a roast dinner.

I've got like a list of take us through it.

So my least favorite meat on a roast dinner,

well, up until recently,

it used to be roast chicken.

Like I find it really boring on a roast dinner.

I'm also not a huge fan of chicken breast.

I think it's like dry.

It's really hard to like put moisture into it when you're cooking.

However, I did a Heston chicken the other day.

Granted, it took me 72 hours to make it.

Yep, too long.

Way too long, but it actually was the first time I'd had really great chicken.

And you couldn't even because he has this thing which is like smell is lost flavor.

So he likes to try and keep all the smell in.

And it did.

I didn't, the flap didn't smell like chicken when we were cooking it.

It just kept all of the flavours in.

There's a YouTube video.

I'll send, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll send it to you so you can tell people where it is.

Takes 72, you've got you have to to put the chicken in a brine solution to begin with for 24 hours.

And then when you cook it, you cook it for an hour and a half at 90 degrees, which is quite low, but an hour and a half.

And then at the last minute, you whack the oven up, take it out, let it rest for a minute, whack the oven up for about 20 minutes on its highest setting, crisp up the outside, and it is utterly perfect.

Wow.

But it's not my favourite.

The next up from the bottom is lamb.

I find lamb a little bit, just a bit bloody and a bit like,

I'm not, I'm not massively into that.

and then you would uh then you beef is a is a really great one but i also if i'm gonna have beef i like it as a steak with chips and like you know mushrooms and stuff i don't really want to have it in a roast dinner first is um is pork yeah yes and then all the way at the bottom are all the fancy ones like when people have bloody pheasant and goose and stuff like that like now yeah they're trying to make a point those people No, it's way too middle class.

That's what people recognise as a roast dinner.

And normally I'm looking forward to this Christmas, actually, because when I do my turkey, I'm going to do the chicken thing that he did, you know, with that, with that, what I did the other day and see if it makes my turkey at Christmas better.

Or just do what you did last time and make a prawn cocktail that's so big, you don't even need to cook it.

Exactly.

It's a good technique.

Ultimate cheat code.

I think all the meats, I think I grew up having all the roast meats

not great.

So when I think of all, like...

anyone could tell me any list of like could do their top to bottom roast meats and i would think that makes sense because now I've had all of them badly.

I would say that if anyone's had the bad versions of any of those, I would wouldn't blame them for never wanting to go near them again.

But then

I feel like I've now had all of them good, and so even though I've had like brilliant roast chicken, I'll accept that as the bottom one

from most people.

But then after that, lamb broke my heart how low down it was.

Yeah, I haven't had it good though.

It would probably change if I had good lamb, but I haven't ever.

i'd say now this is going to upset you jade here's my chart incoming go on bottom is pork

then

oh my god

what are you doing you weren't ready for that i just think the traditional roast pork is done it's done too quickly i think i like i love look i love pulled pork like really low and slow proper pork shoulder just like really fall apart the fats all melted absolutely delicious low and slow and ready to go low slow and ready ready to go.

Lovely.

Roasted pork, often done too quickly, dries it out.

Bottoms, pork, then beef.

Feel the same about beef.

Very rarely get a nice bit of roast beef that's cooked to a proper temperature.

Then

chicken, because I've had some fantastic chickens.

And then lamb is easy, king of the roast meats.

Wow.

I really haven't explored lamb as much as I should do.

Because

you guys have eaten great food, you know.

Do you like the lamb?

Do you like leg of lamb?

I'm guessing.

Shoulder's my favourite cut.

Oh, really?

Fatty.

Yeah.

All right.

I'll make a lamb one day.

I'll let you know.

I do like.

The thing is with pork is pork belly is the roast one.

That's the one you have.

You have a square of

pork belly.

Oh, look, okay.

I wasn't even, you know, I wasn't even considering pork belly in that situation.

It's almost like I think of that like a different meat.

It was pork belly I was referring to.

Oh, it is good, actually.

All right.

I'll let you have that.

The layers of meat and fat and meat and fat and meat and fat and crisp.

I mean, oh, it's incredible.

Okay, here's a little one for you.

We're making like a Frankenstein type animal that would be the best roast dinner.

So let's say it's got the belly of a pig and the shoulders of a lamb.

Yeah.

What else are we chucking in there from the cow?

It's got to have a pig's head.

Pig's head's great for like stock and stuff.

So like pork is the best for stock.

Or the hooves or its feet are pig.

It's got a pig's head and a pig's belly.

It's got to have pig's trotters.

So far it's a pig with lamb shoulders.

A pig with woody shoulders.

No, I'm going.

I'm

chicken thighs.

I was going to say chicken thighs, yeah?

Chicken thighs, yeah, chicken thighs.

It's got to have, coming out of its shoulders, like lobster claws.

Yeah, definitely.

It's got to have lobster claws.

Yeah, big lobster claws at the front.

What of a cow are we doing, though?

Well, what bit of the cow?

Fill it or no, like a...

Where's like the ribeye from?

I want the ribeye.

Wherever that bit's from, I want that.

Like a section, like it's a hearse sculpture, like a like a cross-section of a ribeye in the animal.

It's like cut in between and then

in between the pig's belly, you've got like the perfect ribeye.

Just in there.

I mean, it sounds like an absolute monster, doesn't it?

Someone draw it.

Go on.

Someone draw it.

Don't worry.

Someone will draw it.

Someone will do a Photoshop of it.

We'll be getting sent that for a long time.

What noise would it make?

The first time it made a noise, someone would shoot it to put it out of of its misery.

Oh, I've got.

Can I try it?

Can I try and make the noise for you?

Yes.

All right, wait there.

Wait there.

I've got a, I have to get an instrument.

Wait there.

Okay.

In my head, it's going to make the noise of the bear in Annihilation.

Not seen it.

Oh, Ed.

I can't believe you've not seen Annihilation.

Wow.

That's exactly your type of film.

You would love it.

I'm too busy watching Sugar Right.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

Yes.

This is what noise I think it would make, all right?

Okay.

Ready.

Okay.

Jade had a horn there and she also screamed, but I couldn't really hear the horn, so it was just Jade thinks the noise that Adamal would make is her screaming.

There you go.

We could in post, Benito could edit those together so that the horn we want we got the horn in isolation there.

Yeah.

So make sure, Benito, after all this, you play what it would sound like in what it sounded like in Jade's mind.

Play the scream and the horn together.

The horn louder.

Ben saying no, all going in like this.

Now, Jade, you've done the very tricksy thing there of describing your main course with loads of sides, knowing that we're going to ask you what side you want.

Are you happy with those to be included as your sides, or do you want to add an extra side?

I'll add more.

for sure.

Go on.

What's your dream side dish then?

So we've got cauliflower cheese and broccoli cheese, but that's got like five different cheeses in it, you know?

It's got loads of cheese, different cheese.

Love cheese.

Oh, and truffle.

And truffle as well.

Truffle and cheese is incredible.

Yeah.

Always exciting to hear someone loves cheese and see how annoyed James gets at that.

Slightly worried.

People are allowed to like cheese, especially on cauliflower and broccoli.

That's fine.

Yeah, okay.

We're in an appropriate course.

But people liking cheese is like people liking Shulshank Redemption as a favourite movie, you know, like we know that movie's great.

Yeah, yeah, but it'd be mad if someone said, you know, what's your favourite,

you know, song and someone said the Shawshank Redemption.

That's what it's like when people say cheese for dessert.

Oh, God.

I mean, there are,

I mean, we're getting to that.

It's not for me, so don't worry, I'm not going to anger you coming up.

Thank you.

Although,

some cheese is truffle honey.

Cheese and truffle honey.

That's the thing.

You can say what you like about you're not going to anger him, but then you think, but cheese.

I don't know where it's come from.

It's a tiny little jar, very, very small jar of truffle honey is in my cupboard.

I think someone gave it to me as part of a present.

There must have been other stuff, but I've just found it the other day and I'm trying to think of what I'm going to have it on.

Cheese.

Cheese, I guess.

If you're not a massive fan of cheese, then what I'm about to say is not going to work really, but you want, you can get like a rock for it, something strong with that truffle honey is incredible.

A really fungally taste.

You want it to like sort of dance on your tongue with the truffle honey.

Okay, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to get it today.

And have it on, like, some like if you're going to have

it on like a car's water biscuit or something like that, something thin and crispy.

But that's the only way I really like cheese.

That figs and walnuts on it as well.

Like, I love a cheese board with lots of things on it, but like, they never do that in restaurants.

It's always just like, oh, loads of cheese, but like, what goes with it?

Come on.

Sure.

So, you've got all those sides as part of the main.

What are you going to be adding to the side board?

The only thing I wanted to add from the other ones that I've already said is like a buttery cabbage.

Like some really salty, buttery cabbage as well with it.

That would be lovely.

Which, if you have leftovers, the next day you can have Bubble and Squeak with an egg on top, which is my...

Yes.

Is that the first shout out for Bubble and Squeak on the podcast, potentially?

Might be.

Love Bubble and Squeak.

Bubble and Squeak's amazing.

It's the best thing about roast dinner is it's the next day when you turn it into a

into like what it's like a

potato cake don't you that's what it is yeah it's just a mash-up right and then like a lush duck egg on top or a top you know i first heard about bubble and squeak because there was a story that uh got read to us in school a book called bubble and squeak about a family who had two gerbils who were called bubble and squeak then later on in the day the mum makes the dish bubble and squeak and the kids think she's cooked the gerbils and get upset.

What sort of fucked up story is that?

That was like the story we were reading.

But like none of us in our you know year four class or whatever knew what bubble and squeak was at that point.

And so we're like we don't understand what the

the gerbils are named bubble and squeak which is pretty reasonable names for gerbils.

Yeah.

And then suddenly the mum for no reason is saying that she's cooked them by winding the kids up and the kids are upset.

So you're very much seeing it through the eyes of the kids at this point.

Yeah.

Because it's like the mum has made a dish and decided to name it after the gerbils rather than the gerbils being named after the dish.

Yeah, so she's like, oh, this will wind them up.

This will be funny.

And then when she describes what the dish is, you're like, what?

We come on to your dream drink.

Oh, someone's at the door.

Someone's at the door.

Is Babs getting that?

Babs will get that.

Babs is getting it.

Babs will get that.

I wonder what it is.

I haven't ordered anything recently.

Jade, when we asked you your favourite drink there, you smiled in a way that suggested you were thinking about every single drink on the planet.

Yes,

it was so hot.

I love drink.

Have you narrowed it down?

Yeah, I've got one.

I've got one we'd go for.

So I would, I, you know, I'm imagining with all these meals.

I've already got a wine pairing with each of these dishes, these courses, anyway.

That's just standard at my restaurant.

You know, you just have something that's paired with it.

When it comes to this specific drink, oh, it's a parcel for me.

When it comes to

open it, life on the pod.

Do you want me to?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, Babs.

Great, thanks, Babs.

I said thanks, Babs.

Special delivery, it's got like one of those little labels on it.

It says special delivery.

Oh, please be a masher.

Absolutely.

Imagine if we had done that.

If we'd sent you a masher

to be delivered during the podcast, what is it?

Pants.

No pants, please.

For the listener, it's a pair of pants.

Or no, two pairs of pants with crazy designs on them.

Yeah, a whole bunch of them.

Oh, no, three pairs of pants.

That one's the planets.

That's got planets on it.

Another pair.

A big octopus.

This is

killer whales on those pants.

This is the first time anyone's ever had pants delivered live on the podcast.

Oh, dragon scales, it looks like.

All dragon scales are like peacock sort of style.

Yeah, multicoloured.

Jade, how many pairs of pants?

Oh, the monsters.

12 pairs of pants.

You ordered 12 pairs of pants.

Yeah.

I mean, they're the best pants I've ever seen, to be sure.

Yeah.

They're from my friend, Curious Moon.

She sent me a free pair and then I just ordered a load off her.

I love them.

Thanks.

I love that.

I've just opened that

on here.

Just as I was getting to my drink of it as well.

Great.

I'm just really glad I've got new pants.

It feels

a great moment.

Honestly, I've done it recently as well.

Bought some new pants, job lot of new pants, threw out all my old ones.

I feel like a new man.

Do you wear them right down to, because like mine have bits, like there's holes and stuff.

I wear them to that point.

And there's the holes always in the same place, and I don't know why.

But where is it?

If my assertions are correct, I'm farting out pure acid.

Acid farts, great.

Yeah.

Imagine Ed farting like Thomas the Tank engine now.

And the screen noise, actually.

Yeah, but that's more what I imagine Ed's farts on.

Yeah, my wind sounds like a woman screaming.

Apologies, everyone.

No, no, no, offers, nothing happens.

No, no, I've just

eaten too much pork.

You've got to get onto this drink because we've now opened a whole packet of pants.

It's my dream restaurant.

You said anything can happen.

Absolutely.

Right.

The drink, please.

Jungle Bird cocktail.

I've been making it all of lockdown and it it is an absolutely delicious cocktail.

It's stunning.

My friend Hannah Lanphir, who well, she is

widely known in cocktail circles in London as being one of the best.

I messaged her just before lockdown and said, what's your favourite cocktail?

I'm going to make it.

And it's a jungle bird.

It's like a tiki cocktail.

It's got rum.

It's got pineapple

campari for a bit of bitterness.

It's got pineapple juice, which froths up when you whisk it.

So pineapple juice reacts like an egg white does.

So if you're vegan and you want to have that foamy stuff, you can, if you have a cocktail that's shaken with pineapple in it, it'll foam up.

And it's got lime juice and it's served.

So, a cute little thing you can do is buy a pineapple and you can make the juice out of that as well.

It's nice when it's fresh.

And if you pull out one of the leaves and then cut it down the middle and just hang it on the glass, that like that presentation and that drink is incredible.

That does sound very nice.

You've been making them at home.

Yeah, we all the way through lockdown.

I had a chap called Paul Sweeney staying with me,

who is a comedian, but also cuts our hair, all of us, I think.

All of us, yes.

I'm seeing him later today.

Are you?

Excellent.

Four o'clock haircut booked in.

I've had my haircut all of lockdown because Paul's been staying with us.

Moving your hairdresser in, which is pretty locked out.

I don't think many people have...

had the foresight to do that.

That was clever.

Yeah,

those cocktails, they're really delicious.

And they're really easy to make.

I have a cocktail shaker that I just got online.

It's called a Boston Shaker.

Just get a little kit.

And

like there's certain measurements that you can put.

You can just Google Jungle Bird and try and find like a sort of nice looking cocktail.

They'll give you all the measurements for it, but I sort of just pour it in.

I know what I like, really, but there are measurements online.

But it's such a great cocktail.

It's fruity.

It's bitter.

It's sweet.

It's sour.

It's full of ice.

You have it in a nice glass.

It looks amazing.

And then it tastes amazing.

And it's a great palate cleanser as well at this juncture.

How many are you drinking in one sitting?

Because it sounds quite sweet.

It sounds like a lot going on in that.

Yeah, I wouldn't have, I mean, we've we've had lots of them, but I wouldn't have, say, any more than about two or three of them.

Easy to put, I made a jug of them over at my friend Babs's house, funnily enough, when I went to see her, and we made a jug of it, and it still tasted good.

But yeah, just you want two or three, two or three of those.

That's quite cool.

I wouldn't stick with the same drink, though, more than maybe twice.

I like to sort of change.

I love that's why I love tasting menus because I love getting full up, but like having loads of different things.

Like, it's just so interesting to me to like, rather than just have a big plate of something, I'd like, you know, little portions of.

That's why I was like i want something in between the bread and the starter like a little canopy or you know like i love that but this is three quarters how i feel every time i'm eating or drinking something i worry that i'm never going to eat or drink that thing again and feel the same way about all food so i just have to eat as much of it as possible and as many different things in one sitting because what what if what if you never get it again exactly what is this is the last time i have a lobster thermidor or a pork belly or maybe this you know like there was the last time we were picked up as children what if that happens with your favourite food?

Sorry.

You know, like when you're younger, there's the last time that your parents ever picked you up.

Oh, man, I've never thought about this.

I haven't either.

That's really bummed me out.

Also, James is confused because his parents still pick him up.

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We come to your dessert.

So

here's the question about dessert.

The issue I have here is I could go with like fancy restaurant dessert here because I I have a favourite of a fancy, like, you know, like fancy, just like a nice dessert you'd get at a restaurant that I always enjoy having.

However, I'm lying when I say that.

I'm just trying to keep this, keep this facade that I actually

have a refined palate.

When in actual fact, if I wasn't massively overfull, say like I had an ever-expanding stomach and I didn't get full up, the thing I would actually have

the thing I would actually have is school dessert with mint custard oh just school dessert you know like the sponge the sponge with icing and the hundreds and thousands on top with mint mint custard

this is incredible jade

jade this is a first in the dream restaurant now

first of all what i would like to say is

that sounds like the school pudding sounds nice

the mint custard is a bit of a

We didn't see that coming.

Fine, but we don't see it.

I don't know if you're aware of this, Jade.

Every episode we do, we have a secret ingredient that if the guest mentions it, they get kicked out of the restaurant and don't get any dinner.

It has never happened before.

No one has ever said it.

On the first episode we did, Scroovious Pip said it, but then agreed to not have it on the thing.

But that was only because it was the first episode.

We wanted people to know what the format was.

It would have been confusing if we put it out and just we kick a guy out.

And that's got the whole podcast.

And so we said we'd never allow that again.

This week, the secret ingredient is hundreds and thousands.

Jade Adams, please leave the dream restaurant.

You are not getting any dinner, no dinner.

You are out on your ass.

And leave the pants behind.

Leave the pants.

They stay here now.

All the post that was delivered to the restaurant stays in the dream restaurant.

Pants are ours.

Put the pork in the bin.

Pour that jungle bird in the sink.

Yeah.

No dinner for Jade.

Oh, I I can't believe it's happened.

I hope you would be hundreds and thousands that did it.

Wait there.

Wait there.

Oh, she's going away again.

Oh man, we've done it.

We've actually kicked someone out.

We've actually done it.

And it was right at the end as well.

It was a perfect time for it to happen.

She got to say all the things she wanted and now we're going to put it all in the bin.

Oh my god.

I feel so alive.

So excited about her mentioning.

I've always wondered how we would feel when someone says it and i always thought that we would feel awful and i that i thought i thought one day when someone says a secret ingredient i'm gonna feel really bad about chucking them out and i felt so excited oh what's she got here she's she's genuinely got a bag of hundreds and thousands in her house that's a whole bag that's a massive bag as well no one has hundreds of thousands in their house what the hell

she's currently eating them out in the bag yep she's eating them out the bag you can eat them on the bus on the way home from the dream dream restaurant because you are out of here, Jade.

Yeah.

Fuck you both.

Hashtag Jade Bagger hundreds and thousands.

Jade Bagger hundreds and thousands.

New hashtag.

I can't believe I've been kicked out.

What are the chances?

What are the chances?

I'd say hundreds of thousands.

I'm so happy it's just when you've talked about everything you want and you're so excited about the whole menu and now we get to say you don't get any of it.

Well, I get hundreds of thousands because I got them here.

Eating them.

That's Jade Adams' post-workout routine.

A cigarette and a bag of hundreds and thousands.

Well, Jade, normally at this point, we say thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant, but we don't need to be polite to you because you picked hundreds of thousands.

Oh, how does it feel, Jade?

Do you know what?

I feel fucking great because I'm the one person who got kicked out.

So, yeah,

that makes me punk.

I'm like Liam Gallagher right now.

I love it.

Yes, bitches.

Come outside with me, guys.

Fuck this podcast.

Fuck them.

I'm going to do a podcast about hundreds and thousands of you go spill on your fucking dicks.

Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant, Jane.

It's a shame that you couldn't get any dinner today.

Oh, I feel so alive.

Do you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to take my James A.

Castor Best Show Chortal Comedy Awards 2019 award that I have in my house because you haven't picked it up yet.

I'd drop you've got that.

No, don't put it in hundreds and thousands.

Don't come in hundreds and thousands.

No!

Don't cover my award in hundreds and thousands, Jane.

I've put hundreds and thousands all over your award.

There it is.

I'm going to take a picture.

You're losing it like a plate.

I'm going to take a picture.

Yeah, I'll take a picture of it.

Probably not.

Absolutely love it.

Come in my award with the secret ingredient.

Well, I'm going to put that out there.

That's the the weirdest thing that's ever happened on this podcast.

Also, not many guests have in their house an award that was meant for me.

I've got to do that.

And a bag of hundreds of dollars.

You've got

two awards that I wasn't there for.

Yeah.

You and Mitch picked them up.

I won there.

Rich was.

Mitch picked it up.

Well, Jade, normally we read the order back to you, but not going to do that today.

Oh, no.

I am going to read the order back to her, actually.

Oh, okay.

Water.

Nothing.

Pop a doms or bread.

Fuck all.

Starter.

In your dreams.

Main course.

Zilch.

Side dish.

As if.

Dessert.

You can crap it forever.

None of this.

You're getting none of it.

In the bin.

In the bin.

In, in, in.

You're not getting any or you're not getting any.

thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant jade i'm sorry it didn't work out for you this time buck you both

oh i can't believe it

i can't believe it happened finally happened and it felt better than i ever could have anticipated It really felt good.

I thought it would be awkward when we had to actually do it, but I loved it.

I hope it happens every time from now on.

Yeah.

I hope it happens every time.

I hope it happens during the water course.

Yes.

We've got to start just making still water the secret ingredient.

Yeah, straight away.

It was great.

And it was a great person for it to happen to as well.

Jade is a good sport and also gets really angry.

Yep.

Very fun to bully.

So

thank you, podcast gods, for allowing us to bully Jade and kick her out with nothing to eat.

Don't forget the hashtag Jade Banger Hundreds and Thousands.

Get in contact with her on Twitter about that.

Also, you should watch her Amazon Prime special, Sirius Black Jumper.

That's available wherever you are.

If you have Amazon Prime, it is a very, very funny show.

So check that out.

Also, the food show that we were talking about with Hester Blumenthal is available on Netflix.

It's called Crazy Delicious and the Amusical Podcast.

She's got a lot going on, that lady, apart from dinner, because she's on the bus with no dinner.

No dinner, but plenty of pants.

Actually, no, because we conversed with the constantly.

The pants were in the best front as well.

No dinner, no pants.

We're on social media at OffMenuOfficial on Twitter and Instagram.

And our website is offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Go and check it out.

Why not pop onto Apple Podcasts?

Give us a review.

Leave a five-star rating.

That sort of thing.

Tell your friends about the podcast.

Thank you very much for listening.

We will see you again soon for hopefully another guest who has a secret ingredient and we get to kick them out on their asses.

Thank you very much.

We've got a taste for it.

Goodbye.

Hi, I'm Gina Martin, a campaigner and writer.

And I'm Stevie Martin.

I'm a comedian and writer, and also we're sisters.

We are sisters, and we're doing our new podcast, Might Delete Later.

It's a podcast about social media, about going back, looking at your embarrassing ones, things you like, things you don't like, and we're talking to all different types of people.

So many different types of people, we've got writers, we've got comedians.

Maybe we'll get a politician.

Maybe a dog.

Maybe I'll talk to a plant, deal with it.

Who knows?

It's like a little snapshot into people's social media lives.

Yeah, and hopefully it'll make you think more about how you use social media and how you feel about it.

So do subscribe on all of the platforms that you usually get your podcasts on and visit at Might Delete Later Pod on Instagram because we're going to be putting up really fun videos and the things that you didn't see in the podcast episode.

Ooh, exciting.

Thanks, dudes.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Hello, I'm Carrie Ad.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club Podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.