Ep 77: Ovie Soko

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Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast with Ed Gamble and James Acaster.

I'm the Ed Gamble part of that.

My name is James Acaster, not Ed Gamble.

Yes, good.

Good to cover all bases there.

I'm not James Acaster either.

We're going to be asking a special guest, their favourite ever starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink.

Yes, you'll be straight to it today, James.

Sometimes you're a bit more chilled, you want to have a little catch-up, a little chat, and today it's just like, here's the admin, let's get on with the episode.

Yeah, well, I think it's an important episode because our guest this week is...

Oh, you're not having it, are you?

Okay.

Our guest this week is

Ovy Soko.

Ovi Soko, British basketball superstar, and he was on Love Island Series 5, James.

Yes, he wasn't the only one, was he?

No, well, come on.

I know you're trying to get that joke going again about me looking like Curtis Pritchard.

You better not mention that to Ovie and embarrass me in front of him.

I would never.

Listen, I know that you don't want to be reminded of the time you were on Love Island and you're hoping that Ovie doesn't recognise you, so I will not bring it up, Curtis.

Your secret is safe with me.

I would never go on Love Island, James, for a number of reasons.

One, you don't believe in love.

I don't believe in love.

Two, I never want to be seen in my trunks on television.

And three, I'm already in a relationship.

And that's in order of importance.

Yes, I know.

I'm fully aware.

You've always said to me how important your relationship is to you.

It's number three on that list.

Basically, I wouldn't mind if she broke up with me as long as I get to wear a t-shirt while it happens.

Yeah.

Oh, that would be the worst.

Imagine if she broke up with you at the swimming pool.

Oh, no, I'd hate it.

And someone was filming it.

Oh,

it would be the worst.

We go, look at that loser.

His fiancé's breaking up with him and he's got little titties.

Got little tiddies?

That be my name.

I'd trend.

I'd be hashtag little titties.

Hashtag little titties heartbreak.

Hashtag man boobs no wife.

Get that going.

Get that trend going.

Get that hashtag going.

Just any photo of Ed.

Just tweet a photo of Ed.

I use either one of those two hashtags.

Either Lil Titties Heartbreak

spell L I L T I double D I E S

Heartbreak

or Man Boobs No Wife.

So, Ovi Soko is

on the podcast this week.

Very excited to speak to him.

Also, there is a secret ingredient, which, if he says we will be, slam dunking him out of the restaurant.

That's possible.

Absolutely.

And this week, the secret ingredient is

ly cheek.

Lychee?

Ly cheek.

What the hell is it?

I mean, I think we've already had this as a secret ingredient.

Benito insists that we haven't.

Apparently not.

But crazy, we haven't had it before.

I mean, Lychee.

I tell you why I don't like it it's like a it's a combination of something i love and something i hate i love cheese and i hate lies yes

i don't want anything to besmirch my beloved cheese is lychee the one sometimes if you get it like a drink that's got a lychee flavor they literally have it floating around in there like yeah i think they do that they do that with pattern fritz as well right but yeah they might have like a bob like a little lychee bobbing around in there yeah i'm not i don't i'm not keen on it i don't like it at all so i really hope that ovi doesn't say it because otherwise we we will have to chuck him out.

We'll have no choice.

It'll be goodbye to Ovi.

Well, hopefully, that doesn't happen.

Uh, so fingers crossed.

And this is one of our lockdown episodes, James.

So, we recorded this on the internet:

me in my house, you in your house, Ovi Soko in his house, and the great Benito on the top of the big one, Pepsi Max Big One in Blackpool.

So, let's proceed.

This is the off-menu menu of Ovi Soco.

Welcome, Ovi Soko, to the dream restaurant.

Hi guys.

Welcome, Obi Soko, to the dream restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time.

I feel like that intro, I don't know if I'm going to live up to that.

You lot of guessed it up a bit, haven't you?

Look, we always go hard off the top, Ovi.

And then if you want to change the atmosphere or the energy in the restaurant, that's fine.

It's your dream restaurant.

the ambiance can be as you choose no i like the sound of that customer's always right in your in your dream restaurant so let's get straight into it what sort of atmosphere do you like when you go out for a meal do you like a loud restaurant a quiet restaurant it has to be a balance you know what i'm saying you want a nice bit of background noise you don't want to be sitting in silence so that you know if the company's a bit dead or if it's a bad date you're not stuck in in a cell with another person do you know what i mean so you know i like a little bit of background noise, maybe a little bit of piano off in the distance, or you know, something playing.

What song's the piano playing?

Imagine it in your head.

You can just hear it in the distance, the piano.

What song?

I don't know.

I don't have a specific song, but I just know how it kind of sounds.

I know what I hear it.

Just the

ringtone.

So you'd like a pianist in the distance playing popular ringtones.

Popular ringtones works.

If it's something smooth,

I feel like I'll enjoy it.

That'd be fun if you were a pianist, actually, in a restaurant, just to wind everyone up.

Just play a ringtone every now and again and see how many people check their phones.

To be honest, if a pianist could play a ringtone and your ringtone sounds like that, you've probably got a pretty old phone.

I don't feel like the newer phones still sound like that.

Yeah.

Fair point what what's your ringtone oh my ringtone is silent silence is golden i don't i don't my phone is literally never on loud yeah i don't think anyone's is anymore really are they you don't you don't i rarely hear a ringtone yeah no if if if i hear a ringtone i don't know a bit weirded out feel like you're disturbing everyone well in london i feel like london is a place like that if you're on the train you don't want to get on the train anymore and then hear ringtones sort of disturbing you when you're laser focused on getting into work.

Would you consider yourself laser focused when you're on the way to work?

I suppose you work as a basketball player, right?

So you've got to have some sort of focus.

Yeah.

You're thinking like

I am pretty focused when I'm going into train, to be honest.

I am pretty locked in.

But I think it's a different kind of focus.

Sometimes I listen to a bit of jazz.

I do listen to quite a bit of jazz.

I love listening to instrumentals,

especially when I want to focus, because I feel like it allows me brain space to think without words kind of ducking in and out of my thoughts.

I like the thought of that.

I'd like to go to a basketball game and just have like jazz playing the whole time in the

what is it, a court?

Yeah, yeah.

Quick heads up to you, I mean, neither me or James know much about basketball.

Oh, well, here's your basketball 101.

So it is called a court.

Yeah.

And in a basketball stadium, I don't know how well jazz would fly.

Like, I don't know if that would work.

It'd be pretty great.

A lot of basketball players love jazz.

Well, actually, no.

I only know you're a bad player.

You've only met Ovie.

What one basketball player loves jazz?

I only know you and Dennis Rodman.

Dennis Rodman likes Pearl Jam.

Hey, no,

Dennis Rodman likes a lot of different things.

I think everyone's...

Pearl Jam's his favorite band, though.

I watched Dennis Rodman do a Pearl Jam quiz on YouTube.

And he smashed it.

He did pretty well, actually.

He was pretty pleased with himself.

He loved it so much that he said he'd love to come back and do another Pole Jam quiz.

Oh, well, there you go.

So there you go.

Well, there you go.

But I guess if you're the only two basketball players I know and one of you's retired.

I feel like that's a small sample size.

Yeah.

I feel like we've already got quite off track from the dream restaurant concept that we're now on, which basketball players James knows and whether they like jazz or not.

So, welcome.

We've not even taken your coat yet, Ovie.

Oh, yeah, no, you.

Do you know what?

I've got hands and

I'll get my own coat.

Do you know what what i mean like i'll put my own coat pop it on the back of the chair i wouldn't say my dream restaurant necessarily would have to be something super super fancy like that's not what i would have in mind well we'll let you put your own coat on the back of your chair but you have to do it like you're shooting a hoop so we're gonna have the chair by the table and you've got to go as far back as you can with your coat and you've got to throw it now is this is this is this just gonna be me or is this the comp is this the rule in the restaurant this is everyone has everyone do this every episode you can listen back oh gosh i'm i'm telling you this sounds like absolutely mayhem

everyone will be a couple feet back throwing jackets at the chair well you know it'll be different it'll be different what's the furthest back do you think you could stand and still make that shot with the coat on the chair and then what would your technique be Would you ball it up like a basketball and throw it?

Or would you hold it by open and then try and make it soar through the air?

Oh, tricky one.

I feel like to get distance, you would have to boil it up.

Yeah, do you know what I mean?

Because if you left it open, there's gonna parachute, you know, an old parachute build.

Oh, that's a tricky one, man.

But if I'm going for distance, I would have to boil it up.

Gotta sacrifice the fashion, don't you?

Yeah, just you know, wrinkle up your jacket on your date.

Forget about the jacket, that's not important.

Yeah,

we've got to get distance.

Yeah, and I feel like that's that would say a lot about a guy, you know.

The firm that you can launch your jacket, hey, I feel like the date would be impressed.

Would you explain to your date that this is the rules of the restaurant, or as you walked in, would you just immediately screw your jacket up and throw it towards your chair?

I guess the balance is if you manage it, if you don't say anything, screw your jacket up, throw it towards the chair, and it lands perfectly on it, that's the move, isn't it?

But if it just, if it flops down halfway, then you're going to have, there's a lot of explaining to do.

If it goes horribly wrong, then there's definitely a lot of explaining to do.

It's the restaurant's fault.

It's not mine this is what everyone has to do you have to do it too yeah

easy you'd have to hope that your competitive streak doesn't kick in and that when your date tries to do it you don't immediately jump in the way and block it

smash it out the air

i am pretty competitive do you know what i mean and ovi thank you we're inviting you to the dream restaurant but you've you've brought us a gift here uh which is your your new book indeed You are dope.

Well, thank you very much, but what's your book called?

There we go.

It is You Are Dope.

That's the cat.

Yes.

I've been waiting to do that dad joke since I heard we were interviewing it over.

Yeah, I've been planning that, and I'm so blurting his eyes the whole time.

So the book is called You Are Dope.

Yeah, you know, it's a self-help book.

I think we're living in a time now where, you know, especially with the social media juggernaut,

it's very easily, easy to get carried away with things that

might not agree with who we are, we truly are internally.

Do you know what I mean?

And ultimately, I think that that leads to a lot of uh mental problems for a lot of people so you know just a little guide that hopefully i can help a couple of people if i can man mission done well i feel like i feel like self-help is a good road for you because it just speaking to you for five minutes so far i feel more relaxed you're a very calming presence ovi yes and i've been actively trying to wind you up

we always start off with still or sparkling water Do you have a preference?

I do.

Sparkling.

I feel like sparkling water is refreshing.

It's something that's grown on me, to be honest.

When I was younger, I used to hate sparkling water.

Like I used to hate avocados, like coffee.

This is just weird.

It's one of those things that's grown on me.

But yeah, definitely sparkling.

How much do you love avocados now?

I wouldn't say I'm one of the sort of Instagrammers that would pop avocado and toast and post a million pictures of it.

But I like avocado.

I like it.

I'm so into them, man.

It's been one of my main lockdown foods i'm eating it all the time i i cut just simple cut them in half destone them put some uh chili and lime salt on them it's easy it's easy yeah yeah yeah

i like eggs always go great with eggs you know what i mean would you like it if you cut the avocado open and you twisted it and you opened it up and instead of a stone there was an egg there an egg i feel like that's job done that's job done i do like eggs a A raw egg.

But what kind of egg, though?

You don't want a raw egg in the avocado.

Boiled egg, de-shelled.

A boiled egg.

No.

Let's do it.

I know we're getting into it very early, but list your favourite eggs in order, Ovi.

In order.

Okay.

First, poached.

Second, boiled.

Third, scrambled.

Not looking good for fried.

Fourth,

yeah, it would have to be fried, in it.

And then fifth, wouldn't omelette count as fried, I guess.

Like, no, omelette is separate.

It's its own thing.

Oh, gosh, I've messed up.

I've messed up.

I've got to backtrack.

He's absolutely horrified.

Look at realisation both his face when he realised that he'd left out omelette.

No, because I feel like omelette is like, fried eggs is the same thing, really.

Not at all over.

When I fail at an omelette, I just call it a fried egg.

If I fry an egg really well, I just just call it an omelette.

Yeah, but

they look different, they taste different.

You can't call an omelet and a fried egg the same thing.

I mean, you're a madman.

Oh, I beg to differ.

Ivy.

Ivy, are you telling me that if you did a blindfolded taste test between an omelette and a fried egg, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference?

Well, the texture, of course.

Like, you know what I mean?

It just means you fried the egg very, very well, then you folded it neatly.

And, you know.

But if you put the same ingredients in there, really,

if it wasn't for the texture, yeah, well, then you may as well say a boiled egg is an omelette.

Oh, come on, no, no, no, no, no,

we are not going to do that.

But

the yolk and the white in a fried egg are distinct from each other.

You want a runny yolk and a set

white with an omelette, it's all mixed in together.

If someone said, I'll bring you an omelette and they brought me a fried egg, I wouldn't be like, oh, yeah, that's basically the same thing.

Yeah.

Oh, well.

I stand corrected.

but i i fry my eggs differently sometimes sometimes i leave it intact but sometimes i whip it up and yeah it's an omelette but that's an okay well that makes it an omelette then there you go i've learned something new today

sometimes i fry my eggs different sometimes i put them in a bowl with some milk and some flour and some sugar and i'll mix it all together and then i put it in a pan

so hold on then so where you put an omelette on your rankings that will take a high number two That will come in second strong.

That's good.

It's not going to beat out poached eggs.

I loved poached eggs.

Like, I just do.

Can you make poached eggs?

I'm rubbish at making poached eggs.

I can.

Do you

boil water in the kettle?

Like, it's almost a cheap code.

You just boil water in the kettle.

You whack it in

the bowl or pot.

Give it a whisk around.

You should use vinegar, really, shouldn't you?

Yeah.

Bind it together.

And then, yeah, you pop the egg in the middle, keep it whisking.

you're easy it always comes out flat when i do it flat and wet like a horrible like wet nipple oh no man that means your wrist action isn't you've got to work on your wrist action man not the first time i've been told that

don't let him get away with that kind of stuff obi don't let him get away with it

it's an absolute dad today

Absolute dad doing it.

It's all these dad jokes.

You said sparkling water is your choice.

Would you boil an egg in sparkling water?

Would I boil an egg in sparkling water or poach an egg would you poach an egg in sparkling water well that's the first time i've ever heard had that suggestion i don't think i would be experimenting with that and i don't know how that would work to be fair i might try it on an experimental basis i don't know if yeah i think if you get water that's sparkling enough there'd be so much movement in there that you wouldn't even need to put any heat on it you could just pour the sparkling water and it would bubble so much that it would poach the egg with no heat.

Yeah.

You wouldn't even need to whisk it.

It's not.

No comment, guys.

No comment on that one.

There was a moment.

There was that's a brilliant moment where basically Ovie went with us on all this whimsical egg shit.

And then just at that point, he was like, absolutely not egg conversation over.

This is where I'm at.

This is where I'm at.

I'm fine with the egg inside avocado.

I'm happy to rank my eggs.

But if you suggest poaching an egg in sparkling water, I am out.

Also, Ovie, I'm a bit disappointed that so far you have not been pleased to see your ex-Love Island

castmate, Curtis, hosting the show here.

Now, Ovie, just to let you in on a bit of history, as soon as the lineup for your series of Love Island was announced, I started getting tweets saying that I was going to be on Love Island because apparently I bear a resemblance to Curtis Pritchard.

Now that you've said this.

Yes.

I can't unsee that.

It was the worst summer of my life because Love Island's on every night.

So I was getting approximately 150 to 200 tweets a night saying look at what you're doing on love island now and then he did well in love island so he was there for ages and i still get it i still get pictures of curtis pritchard tweeting to me curtis was a cool chap he's a cool oh look

he's i'm glad he was a goodie don't get me wrong i'm glad people liked him and stuff

i was about to say it could have gone worse yeah after i came out and saw sort of what happened to some of the guys yeah so but it was just it was it was pretty constant well hey welcome to the island welcome to the villain welcome to the family i mean there was was no development of the joke.

It was just, you look like Curtis from Love Island, and then that was it.

Well, you know what?

Do you know what that's like?

I've come across so many people, when I tell them my name's Ovie, they'll look at me for a second, they'll pause, they'll be like, ha ha, like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

And they generally laugh every single time.

And I'm like, oh,

I've heard this one before.

Like, it's not.

not that funny.

No, I'm a bit annoyed because I was planning on doing that joke later.

I've been trying to work out a way of getting that.

Oh, you were.

Mark my words.

Mark my words, Ovie.

At At some point during this record, I'll get that in and we'll edit out you mentioning the joke so it seems like I'm really clever.

He's in full dad mode, Ovie.

You're not going to be able to dissuade him.

He's going to do it later on.

Hey, I'm enjoying it.

I'm enjoying it.

Pop and absorb bread.

Poppin' absorb bread, Ovie.

Poppin' absorb bread.

Poppin' ups or bread.

Excellent,

excellent reaction shot from there, Ovie.

Yeah,

you look horrible.

I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happening?

What have I done?

absolutely

just terrified popadoms man nice those uh yeah what gives them the edge I'll say it just doesn't taste plain you you eat bread every day don't you yeah well I eat bread every day anyway

I thought it's I thought like professional sports people avoided bread like the plague oh oh hey man I'm well I don't really

I guess I don't do what professional sports people do.

I like toast in the morning with my breakfast.

What dips you going for with the pop of dumbs?

I'll say like a sweet chili.

Like a sweet, you know, sweet chili sort of dip

because I like spices.

So you're not going with the traditional Indian restaurant thing, you know, when it comes on a little carousel.

You're just going for your own sweet chili dip that you bought.

Sweet chili sauce.

Yeah.

Well, not sweet chili sauce.

You make it sound like the McDonald's dip.

No.

You know, I would, you know.

A bit higher than that.

And would you like a poached egg on top?

Oh.

No, I want to do that.

Jeez, what are you trying to do to me

it sounds too exciting it's too much too much too much too much scale it back i would love to scoop up a poached egg with some sweet chili sauce with some chili sauce on it with a poppadum and put it all in the crunch of the poppadom round the egg the chili the hot sauce that's got me excited now i love the sound of that so so pretty much like toast and egg with chili sauce that's what you're that's really what you've just expected is that a dish does that exist

like you you you could really in theory.

Are you now saying, this is becoming a pattern, isn't it, Ovie?

Are you now saying there's no difference between toast and a poppadum?

No, no, no.

But

the dynamics that you just explained.

The dynamics, yeah.

The crunch and the egg.

Yeah.

I mean,

you could get that with toast, couldn't you?

Yeah, sure.

In Ovie's world, there's no difference between a poached egg on a poppa dum and an omelette on toast.

Oh, oh, oh.

This is the power of media guys

that that's the clickbait sorted yeah yeah we're done we're just trying to get a story into the daily mirror ovie and i think they're going to go with ovie doesn't know the difference between a fried egg and an omelette oh trust me that you you wouldn't even have to do that much to be fair i i i cut my hair myself during the whole lockdown deal and yeah i went back to my phone after a couple of hours and i had almost a hundred messages saying oh have you seen what's going on?

I'm like, No, I haven't seen what's going on.

Oh, what happened to your hair?

What's wrong with you?

Are you okay?

I mean, I was like, Man, I cut my hair.

I just wanted to cut my hair.

It was a really big deal.

Who picked it up?

A tabloid?

It would have been like, Ovie's cutting.

Oh, no, it was in the papers.

I don't know which papers, but you know, I got sent a

like a screenshot of it.

Yeah, it was in the papers the next day.

Ovie reveals his hitting new hairstyle.

i've just got a haircut man like it wasn't that big of a deal they are gonna have a field day on this friday goblet thing oh no that's what they did it's gonna be front page news they're gonna love it

well we come to your starter crispy calamari oh oh straight in no messing around crispy calamari

i love calamari when i i lived in greece for a little bit and it was after i lived out there that i kind of started to appreciate uh seafood a bit more.

They got really really fresh seafood out there.

So yeah man, crispy calamari for a starter.

Now did you start playing basketball because you liked the hoop looking calamari or did you get into calamari because it reminded you of a basketball hoop?

Yes.

Oh

I got into calamari because the people, the culture was something I tried.

It was a piece of their culture I felt like almost when I was out in Greece.

They loved seafood as a whole.

It was great.

I'd had it before, but you know, I never really

didn't think much of it.

But it was when I went out to Greece and, you know, the way they prepared it.

Yeah, it was awesome.

It was awesome.

If you were to pretend that a hoop of calamari is a basketball hoop, what food stuff would you use as the ball?

Oh, it's got to be regulation standard and like be like, yeah, yeah.

You'd probably have to use like a tater tot or something.

Like it, yeah, it would have to be something like that.

You know, relative relatively shaped like a ball not exactly but

or cheese bites or something like that sticking with greece though you could use an olive could use an olive and then you've got the full sort of the greek experience great you could call it greek basketball and dunk an olive through the calamari hoop yeah hey there you go there you go that's actually a good that's pretty good

now you've said tater tots though i really want some tater tots can you get them in this country yeah i'm sure you can get them somewhere come on, yeah.

Can you get tater tots in this country?

Well, you never see them available, do you?

You don't see them advertised.

You might have to buy them.

Like,

have you went on Google and literally typed it?

Just type in tater tots in the UK.

I'm sure that's something to pop up.

Tater tots in the UK.

I don't know what the tater tots situation is.

Tater tots in the UK.

That's a song waiting to happen.

Yeah.

Well, you know what?

I'm going to do it right now because Ovie seems very confident that, of course, you can find something.

I'll do it too.

I'll do it right along with you.

I'm Googling Tater Tots in the UK.

See, I'm the adjudicator here.

You're both Googling Tater Tots in the UK.

Someone at Google HQ is going to be very confused to see.

Not seeing homemade tater tots.

There appears to be a UK equivalent called Tasty Taters.

There you go.

But that's not Tater Tots.

But do they look like Tater Tots, Tasty Taters?

Not quite.

I'm looking in McCain croquettes.

No.

Look, I'm struggling to find tater tots in the UK, Ovie.

What have you found?

found?

Oh, man.

Tasty taters.

We've covered tasty taters.

We're on the same page here.

Yeah, we've both googled the same recipe.

There's a whole bunch of home recipes.

It doesn't, I don't think it's

this is the hardest food to prepare.

It doesn't seem like it's that hard to prepare.

I've got some taters.

I can maybe make some tater tots if it's that easy.

Yeah, I'm sure you could.

I mean, I don't know what level of

chef you are, but you know, if you've got the egg thing sorted out, I'm sure, you know, you guys seem to have got the egg thing down to a T.

Yeah, we know all the differences between the eggs and stuff.

Whacking in a bowl of mineral water, let it do its thing.

That's how I make an egg.

Maybe that's how I make a tater tot.

Whacking a tato with a bottle.

That's the next level.

I thought that's a natural progression.

I feel like Ovie, we could give you a raw potato and you'd be like, ah, it's basically a tater tot.

It's the same ingredients.

Yeah.

I mean,

nah, not

quite.

I like that you considered it, though.

I mean, for a gentleman my size, to be fair, if you deep-fried a potato, it's probably the same for me as a tater top would be for.

How much food, if you're like training, how much food are you putting away on a daily basis?

I guess are you training so much you can just eat whatever you want?

No, because you know, different foods make you, you know, either feel sluggish or energized.

You know, that's your fuel.

So I, you know, I would never say I can eat what I want.

Well, I could, but workouts would just be a lot more painful, and the recovery would be horrible.

So, um, I eat a lot, but try and eat the right things.

What's the worst dish you could eat for training?

A lot of deep-fried foods.

Um, in general, you want to make sure that you're mixing it up on your plate, have a bunch of different colored vegetables.

Generally, try and lean towards baked.

They do have an air fryer, the whole air fryer machine now, which is pretty cool.

Is air fryer sticking with the basketball theme?

Is that similar to Air Jordan?

Not exactly.

I don't think

if you look at the revenue of both companies, I think you could tell that they're both a little bit different, a tad.

Right.

The whole deep-fried food is going to be a real blow to one of our previous guests.

Are you familiar with the comedian Ramesh Ranger Nathan?

I am.

Well, the last name for the.

No, no, no.

It was very gracious of you to pretend for a bit that you were.

Yeah.

Let's be real.

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Is your main course deep-fried?

Nah, nah, it's not.

It's actually, well, can we go into the main course?

Yes, yes, please.

Hey,

look at that.

Lunison.

I love it.

That's a, hey, can I ask again?

Can we go on to the main course?

Yes, please.

Main course.

So I love rotisserie chicken yeah and then i'm gonna be a bit naughty and and go for a side of mac and cheese whoa now mac and cheese that's not something you obviously want to be eating on a regular basis no not great for you whatsoever but i i do enjoy it on on a cheat day um yeah and i love it i feel like that's part of the the american culture from living out there really fell in love with mac and cheese it's it's great you can cook it in so many different ways you can add little bits and pieces just depending on how bad you want to eat on a day what's an average cheat day for you because I've never exercised enough or seriously enough that I've had cheat days so I don't really I don't know the ins and outs of cheat days but am I right in thinking that you just cheat across the board so with food and relationships and everything

well you know I'm a single I'm a single man at the moment so you just kiss other people's pan on cheat days.

No, I wouldn't do that.

You know, I don't think that that doesn't lead to good costs.

And on a cheat day in training, you take like a ladder with you and stuff.

Yeah.

You can't cheat.

Pop it in the hoop.

Cheat day, dog.

Oh, but you can't do that.

You can't climb on a ladder to put it through the hoop.

You go, I'm on a cheat day.

Just a mouthful of mac and cheese.

Yeah.

Slap Doug.

Come here, someone else's wife.

My mama.

Do you rig an election on cheat days?

No, man.

Go to Florida, shuffle the ballots around a bit do you do do you do cheat days though do you would you like wake up donut for breakfast straight away all the donut but you know like pancakes um waffle you know things of that nature i really love pancakes to be fair maple syrup i'll just go completely against what i said earlier and i'll eat generally a lot of fried foods i like you know i'll eat kfc i do like kfc on a cheat day to be honest but that's great because you're working so hard the rest of the time right so you sort of feel guilt-free and there's sometimes quite a lot of guilt attached to food, I think.

You think so?

Yeah, for some people.

And I think if you can like work so hard most of the time, that then like you have one day where you're like, give it here.

I won't.

This is one of my

secret shames is I watch quite a lot of YouTube videos of like fitness vloggers who will just film their day when they have a cheat day.

And I don't know why I like it.

It's just people eating.

But I watch it.

I don't know what it's called when they eat next to a microphone or something.

Well, there's mukbang, which is watching people eat.

It's called mukbang.

And then also there's like ASMR, which James really likes.

James really likes ASMR, don't you, James?

And you claim that it's not a sexual enjoyment.

It's not sexual.

And I don't watch the food ones.

But yes, ASMR is when you hear the nice little relaxing sounds.

It's not sexual.

I watch the food ones and like, you know, I've seen, you know, people do it with their pets and, you know, some people do it.

Eat their pets?

Yeah, I don't know.

Sorry?

They eat their pets?

No, no.

They have their pets eat food in front of a microphone.

Oh,

yeah.

Joe, what?

I think that's weird.

I don't watch people eating their pets.

I think the pets eating the food in front of a microphone is weirder than watching someone eat their own pet.

You think so?

Yeah, well,

maybe eating their own pet edges it, but like they're pretty close.

Look, I'm not going to make fun of a fellow ASMR,

but you watch like a dog eating some dog food in front of a microphone.

Would you watch that?

No, but they'll feed the dogs like watermelon or fruits and stuff like that.

Do you know what I mean?

And I just find it so...

I don't know.

It's just, it's a bit funny.

It's funny.

It's funny.

So is that the dream combo, OV?

Is dog eating a watermelon the dream combo?

Or is there a different combo that you'd like to see?

Like maybe a hamster eating a hot dog, something like that?

A giraffe eating the corner of the cod?

Nah, I find that the dog.

Good gosh.

You guys are savage.

No, it's just funny.

I feel like, especially the dogs are funny.

Like, pets, that's hilarious.

Especially dogs, man.

So, the dogs are the best ones, and they just get mad at it, they get proper excited when the food comes around.

Yeah, it's

just like, yeah, do you get excited?

I can literally just scroll, especially on like TikTok.

I feel like TikTok is one of the weirdest apps people can just get carried away, just scrolling and scrolling for hours.

And yeah, because I've watched one of those videos of dogs eating food, that tends to be what just comes up on

just comes up on my uh feed so you watch one video of a dog eating a watermelon and then

and then

slippery slope man that's all they send you constantly it's a slippery slope yeah I'm trying to think of like what the best combination of animal and food would be that I'd want to I'd want to watch online dog eating a watermelon is pretty up there for me I think it's a pretty funny yeah dog eating a watermelon it's hard to top that yeah although cord on the cob i can't get over picturing different animals eating a cord on the cob like a squirrel, I reckon we eat a cord on the cob proper, like holding it properly and rotating it.

I'd like to see that.

See, you know, I've seen dogs eat corn on the cob too.

Corn on the cob too.

They do.

They'll eat that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But do they just like chub through the cob or do they know to eat the corn off the cob?

No, they eat.

Well, it's these French bulldogs.

I'm clearly a fan.

I'm clearly a fan of this.

I'm thinking of a very specific specific page.

It's these two French bulldogs.

And like, they're so well trained.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're just really intelligent.

And when it's dinner time, I think it's funny.

It's cool to watch.

So these same French bulldogs, they're the ones who ate the watermelon and they ate a corner of the cup.

Oh, no, man.

I'm going to forward you the page.

You'll see exactly what I'm talking about.

Like, they eat,

yeah, just various different stuff.

Let me see right now.

Let me see what's the last thing they ate.

Yeah.

Let me see what the last thing.

What the last thing these French bulldogs ate.

Okay, there we go.

What was the last?

Oh my god, it was watermelon.

Oh, there they are eating it.

Oh god.

They're really eating watermelon.

Everyone's holding it up to their mouths and they're eating a triangle of watermelon.

I told you!

They eat watermelon,

they're so well behaved with it as well.

And there's the sound of it.

Oh, the sound of it.

Yeah.

No, they're awesome, man.

These dogs are so intelligent.

They do yoga and all kinds of.

Ovi, I've just followed them.

For anyone listening, the account on Instagram is called Griffin Frenchie.

But it's proper ASMR stuff, isn't it?

The sound is so loud.

Now, now you see what the fuck is that?

Yeah, I'm on board now.

I'll be honest, Ivy, when you first mentioned you'd like to watch dogs eating watermelon, my first thought wasn't, I'd like that as well.

Tofu, there's one of them eating tofu.

Tofu, oranges,

you know.

Great, so let's get, hang on, let's get back to it.

So, you've got rotisserie chicken.

Why is rotisserie chicken better than just a normal roast chicken?

What is it about the fact it's been spinning?

I feel like the

juices, like, because it's been spinning, it sort of flows through the chicken, I guess, a bit more, because it's on the turn.

Evenly cooked.

Would you like to see a French bulldog eating a rotisserie chicken whilst it's still spinning around on the spit?

Yes.

Oh, no.

Well, wouldn't that mean that the French Bulldog was overly close to the fire?

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, that's not a good thing.

I've not thought that through.

Yeah, unfortunately, the French Bulldog would get, like, quite sunburnt.

Or, I mean, it would die, wouldn't it?

It would melt.

Yeah.

Oh, gosh.

What kind of person?

No,

that was my fault.

Oh.

Oh.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Fruits is okay.

Yeah.

Feel fruits, but don't feed it anything while the food is still on a fire.

That's the rule.

And is your side dish, your dream side dish, the mac and cheese?

Oh, yeah.

Absolutely.

Oh, yeah.

Mac and cheese.

Different kind of cheeses.

You can put some shrimp in there.

Like you could really mix up with mac and cheese.

I've had so many different kinds that have all been amazing like have you been to Samac in New York?

I know I haven't I think it's S Apostrophe Mac in mac and cheese and they do loads of different kinds of mac and cheese and one of the things they do is a sampler where it's like a big hot plate, but it's divided up into triangles like a pizza and each has a different triangle of mac and cheese.

It's different flavours in each one.

And I went and got that in the new year.

It was very nice.

What flavours, James?

Take us through the flavours.

My favourite one, I think, was a hotter one.

Maybe it had jalapenos in it or something.

One was just like, it just had so much cheese that it was like extra cheesy mac and cheese.

That's what I like.

There was one with some meat in it, with some ham in there, and bacon and stuff.

I can't remember what the best one was, really, but it was good.

It was a cold day.

It's nice to go in there, share that.

There's three of us, work our way through it, decide what one you like the best.

Order that to yourself.

That's a lot.

That's a lot.

A lot to yourself, but what was good?

Share it with some people decide what one you like the best order that one for yourself a whole portion of it

did you say you used to live you used to live in america ov yeah i did whereabouts in america did you live a little bit i lived in virginia lived in alabama i lived in pittsburgh pennsylvania and you were playing basketball out there indeed indeedy indeed is there any food you miss from america that you you wish you had more

I would say sort of just the southern cooking, you know, the southern culture and the southern cooking, sort of candy yams um you know the mac and cheese uh breakfast they had grits you know the grits with sugar you could have a maple syrup um just the little little things like that you know i mean the cultural foods that that they had over there i i do miss those um thanksgiving was always huge you'd see every single food under the sun like you know the spread would be so amazing what foods do you get on love island because you never really see people eating and then everyone's in their trunks the whole time so i miss no one ever looks like they've just had lunch on Love Island.

Listen to him acting like he doesn't know, Curtis.

You know what kind of food you had, Curtis.

You know exactly what we had.

No, um, you know, they generally just have they have catering, isn't it?

Um, so they'll bring in different food every day because I don't think anyone just wants to watch people eating dinner.

You do?

Uh,

that's exactly what you like.

That's different, eating fruit, eating fruit.

I mean, if you're eating a fruit, a piece of fruit for dinner, you're great imagine on the next series the first episode when everyone comes out one by one and all of the islanders are out and then there's one more surprise islander and it's one of the french bulldogs from griffin frenchie win that's the winner

that's your winner immediately yeah that's your winner if when you were on the island that was like you know someone that they added to the island halfway through it's the french bulldog would you just turn to the person who you're coupled up with and say i'm sorry it is over and then go in the water and pick up the french

I mean, I wasn't, I wasn't, um, I wasn't covered up with anyone for pretty much the majority of the time.

That's pretty cool because you were waiting for the French bulldog.

So, we come to your dream drink, dream

drink, yeah,

yeah.

Um,

you know, I had a think about this one, and this one might be a bit on the boring side, but I honestly, I only drink water, guys like i i genuinely genuinely only drink like i drink water sometimes you know i'd have a i'd have a beer on a night out or something like that but yeah i love water man like it's your dream drink is water

that's my dream drink man that's my dream that's my dream

you've had sparkling water and now you're somehow

we can double it up with still you're doubling

up with steel i'll take one of those um

uh those little satchets that you can get a touch of fruit in there just a touch of flavor in there and we'll

your dream drink cleanse the palate let me get this straight your dream drink is still water

after still water after choosing spring spring water fresh fresh spring don't try and make it sound more exciting by saying it's fresh spring water that's that is way more exciting you can't taste the difference yeah there you go can you taste the difference between spring water and and normal tea yeah i think i can taste the difference probably Probably, yes.

It's fresh.

The best quencher.

This is what your body's made.

Like, your body's what, 60, 70% warm or whatever it is.

Yeah, you need it, man.

Yeah.

I bet you've never heard that one before.

No, there you go.

It's the first.

Oh, this might be a bit on the boring side.

And I was like, oh, no, it's definitely not going to be.

He's just a bit worried that his drink.

Oh, no, it is, but it is.

It's water.

He's picked water as his drink.

It's drinking.

There was a long pause that you left after saying it was going to be boring.

And I literally, in that pause, thought to myself, what's boring water it's not in a pit water maybe it's i i know you meant water

definitely water but but i did genuinely think about it and i wanted to think about something that i i'd had a lot but yeah for a while now just how much water do you drink a day couple bottles at least like two two liters bottles at least um but because i'm working out a lot i'm I'm sweating a lot, I'm losing a lot of water.

And it's to a point where when I drink something else, like the sugar in it it tastes so sweet or you know it's almost extreme because i drink so much water generally yeah yeah and it end up ends up just being either too sweet and it doesn't even taste nice to me anyway

um well obvie i i'm gonna i'm gonna list some alternative drinks to you and you could tell me why water is better than them on each one okay okay cup of tea Cup of tea's got caffeine in it.

Probably not great for you, is it?

In the long term, to be fair, health-wise.

Milkshake.

Milkshake.

And again.

That's definitely not better for your health.

You've just gone down there.

You haven't gone for something that's better for you.

He's not going to back down on this, James.

He's picked water as his dream drink.

That's my choice.

I'm trying to understand the decision a bit more.

Tequila.

Well, that speaks for itself.

Tequila.

Who's ever made a good choice on tequila?

That's right.

No one.

Very rarely people go, I'd like a tequila as their first drink it's never a good choice yeah tequila is that you definitely went

you went all you're getting worse and worse go on what's the next one causten press what is that that is a lightly fizzy but not very fizzy uh apple drink with rhubarb in it if you're me i like the rhubarb and apple causten press yeah i mean it'll probably just taste like uh like a sugar drink to me to be fair so well everything just tastes like like sugar to you damn there yeah honestly on it genuinely does man it does like i have a coffee in the morning do you know what i mean i i do have a coffee in the morning to wake myself up but um then throughout the day unless i drink another coffee you were having a coffee when we just before we started recording this okay because uh what the listener doesn't know is i think it's our favorite uh ever introduction to a guest we were sat on the on the uh on the recording software waiting for you and then you appeared with a cup of coffee you took a big sip you you saw us you laughed and then you disappeared yeah and honestly

what it what it felt for about 10 minutes and what it felt like was that you logged in saw us and thought well fuck this and then just left oh no see the thing is i logged in and i was laughing and i was drinking a coffee and then you guys started laughing i thought we were all laughing together only to

only to find out that it was just yeah i wasn't actually in the joke it was a perfect entrance also i've never been more jealous of a guest who says that everything tastes like sugar to them.

I wish everything tasted like sugar.

I love it.

James has got a real sweet tooth and basically anything sugary tastes like normal to him so he will just eat piles and piles of sugary stuff and it doesn't even register as sweet.

It's just...

Sugar to you is like water to Ovi, isn't it?

Yes, absolutely.

That would be my dream drink.

Sugar.

No, but the thing is, it's different.

I'm not saying that I don't eat things that have sugar in them or whatnot, but it's just like when I'm drinking a drink for me i want it to quench my thirst you know what i mean and i feel like nothing can quench my thirst like water can look we've we've we've we've come after you so hard for the water and you've stuck by it and i've got a lot of respect for that over here oh of course hey you're not gonna make me feel bad

you check your feed and your account you check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are in this economy.

Next time, check Lyft.

Did I talk too much?

Did I just let it go?

Did I talk too much?

Take a breath.

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Let's talk about what's going on.

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We come to the dessert.

Oh, yeah.

See, this is why I drank water so I can go ham on

the dessert.

An apple crumble with custards.

It's a classic.

And to be fair, I remember apple crumble and custard custard from from school dinners man and I always used to love the the dessert and school dinners funny enough Maybe I might be alone in that one, but I don't think you're alone in that at all I think it's stuff like apple crumble like big tray baked stuff that they can do in like a big tray bake

yeah and that's just one of those things it takes you back to when I was you know childhood good memories good times do you have any particular memories associated with apple crumble well funny enough I remember once hanging around If you finished your school dinners, obviously you could go out to the playground to play or whatnot.

Or, you know, you could hang around.

I was one of the hungry kids.

So, you know, I hung around for seconds of dessert or whatnot.

And I got my dessert, finished that.

And then I remember just being happy.

I ran.

I was running inside and I ran into a teacher.

And being a big kid, I almost knocked him, like, flat on his back.

So, and I don't think I've ever been yelled at the way that teacher yelled at me.

Um, bearing in mind, this was when I was probably in like year

four, I think, yeah, three or four.

So, yeah, a year four kid almost uh knocking you down as a fully grown man.

I get it now.

So, in the dream restaurant, would you like two bowls of apple crumble for your dessert?

Yeah, oh, I feel like in the dream restaurant, you can have as much apple crumble as you want.

You can have a whole tray.

Would you like James to dress as a dinner lady as he serves it?

I don't mind it.

Uh, I don't know about that one

if you want to, I'm not a gay hate.

I don't mind.

If that's what you want to do,

I would like to do that.

It won't scare me away from the restaurant at all, but.

And you would like it to be the same apple crumble you had for school dinners as well.

You want that apple crumble?

Yeah, yeah, it was always tasty.

Yeah.

It was always great.

Why go away from things that are already, you know, why overcomplicate things?

You know what I mean?

It was tasty, man.

We get older and we think things need to be overcomplicated.

Nah, not necessarily.

Can you remember the names of any of your dinner ladies to do any like shopping?

No, no, I don't remember it.

I remembered they were, well, they seemed like they were old at the time, but maybe that was just me being a kid and thinking that everyone probably over 35 was extremely old.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

I just remembered they were all quite old.

Ovie, would if there was an Instagram account which was dinner ladies eating apple crumble really close to the microphone, would you follow it?

I don't know.

Well, it's not French Griffey, is it?

No, it's a dinner lady, a 36-year-old dinner lady.

I don't know if I would follow that, to be fair.

I don't know if

that's not my cup of tea.

Cup of water.

That's not my cup of water.

What if the dinner lady was just being a dinner lady and not eating, but like just plain as a dinner lady and just saying, hello, would you like a second bowl of apple crumble?

You're a growing boy.

I think it was the apple crumble that made me like the apple crumble, not the dinner lady.

It's all part of the process, isn't it?

So if there was a dinner lady going, hello, would you like another bowl of apple crumble?

You're a big growing boy.

You're only in year four.

Would you like that?

You're growing.

You're a growing lad.

I don't know.

I feel like

if a lady spoke to me at almost 30 in that manner, yeah,

not sure about that.

So I just back away from that

interaction.

Stranger danger.

What if this podcast episode goes out and one of your old school dinner ladies gets in touch and offers to make you a big apple crumble now just the way she used to and invites you over to her house to eat the apple crumble would you say yes i don't think i would i don't think i would you know um if they remember me from year four

now that that that that's a bit scary i don't know how many year fours teachers do remember we know one of them one of the teachers remembers you because you nearly knocked them over you killed him

he may he might he might not might he might not i feel like you know

how many kids were looking him over every day.

Yeah, well, that he definitely didn't.

Yeah, I was probably one of the bigger year four kids.

I don't know if I would go to one of my old dinner ladies house.

That sounds, it just sounds so creepy.

Yeah.

Yeah, especially if you arrived and she was still dressed as a dinner lady, right?

Hello.

Yeah, like come in.

Because if I felt if I felt like she was old back then, then she's definitely oh, she's she's super old.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's up there.

Yeah, she's up there.

But you've got to wear your school uniform as well.

Yeah, that's one of the rules.

All right.

Well, there we go.

That's where everything took a sharp turn.

Guys, I'm out.

I'm out.

That's where everything took.

He's left the restaurant.

He's not even paying the bill.

He's done.

Dream restaurant.

You have to pay in the dream restaurant.

No, not at all, actually.

I thought it was your dream.

No, you don't have to pay.

You had to pay at all.

Oh, there you go.

Hey, I feel like I made the jacket shot.

Yeah.

I made the jacket shot.

I feel like if you make the jacket shot, then you get your meal from fresh.

Yeah.

If you miss it, then, and let's just assume I made it.

I think that's totally fair.

I'm going to read you your order back to you now, Ovie.

See how you feel about it.

You had sparkling water at the start, but not the last we'll see of that dish.

You chose poppadoms with a sweet chili dip.

The starter was Krispy Calamari from Greece.

Little hoops.

Main course.

Yep, main course with tissue chicken.

Side dish mac and cheese.

Drink, fresh spring water.

dessert, two bowls of your school apple crumble with custard.

Bingo, that's a hell of a dingy.

And all the time that you're sat across the table from Griffin Frenchie, who is eating all of those things at the same time.

Eating watermelon.

No, no, no.

Fucking that.

It'll be bad for dogs.

Come on, man.

I feel like that would be bad for a dog's health.

I don't think watermelon is particularly good for a dog's health, is it?

Oh, well, I think it's better than apple crumble and custard.

Fair enough.

I think it's a bit better than Apple Crumble and Custard.

But, you know, hey, they can drink what I drink.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, you've left that open.

They can drink it.

Absolutely.

Drink the two types of water you've got on your menu.

Well, thank you so much, Ovi-Wan Kenobi, for coming

to the.

You've got it in there.

You've got it in there.

Ovi Soco there.

I hesitate to say a wonderful menu.

There were things I enjoyed about it and there were some things that to me were crazy.

To pick water, James.

I know.

I mean,

I think a lot of people are going to have an issue with that, but I tell you what, there's no doubt in it that it's his dream menu.

Some people,

I'm like, I don't believe you.

He absolutely, the conviction in his voice, I can tell that's his favorite.

I guess you just got to let, even though he's already had water early on in the course, you got to just top it up.

I mean, that guy's going to be going for so many peas

during the meal.

He's going to be up and down from the table.

it's going to be crazy i love that we let him have water and we're like hey that's his dream meal but then someone like joel dommit has a protein shake absolutely not unacceptable yep destroy him absolutely destroy joel he's still getting destroyed to this day keep it going people keep it going look ovie's a professional sports person he knows what he can and can't have he doesn't like anything apart from water fair enough mate and he may have had water as his drink james but thank the lord there wasn't a lychee bobbing around in that water praise be praise be because if he'd said that he would have been kicked out but no there was no ly chi forthcoming from ovi mac and lye cheese that could have been a combination that he wanted but love imagine we were so oh so close we were so close there may have been a risk of cheese but never was there a risk of lies apart from on cheek day where you were allowed to lie as much

you're allowed to lie and take a ladder yes so uh if you enjoyed the sound of ovi and you liked his vibe then check out his book uh you are dope thanks ed but what's the book called oh james uh that's what the book is called, You Are Dope.

And it's out now.

If you enjoyed us,

keep listening.

Tell your friends about it.

Leave a review on iTunes.

Five stars, please.

Check out the website, offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Check out the rest of our socials at OffmenuOfficial on Twitter and Instagram.

James, what are you up to that people need to know about?

I have another podcast.

It is about the music of 2016 and how it's the best year for music of all time.

It's called James A.

Casser's Perfect Sounds on BBC Sounds and elsewhere.

I do a music podcast.

There's a little series of it on Spotify.

It's called Lifers.

It's about heavy metal, living your life in heavy metal, even when lots of obstacles are put up in your way.

I also do a Radio X show with Matthew Crosby every Sunday morning at 8 a.m.

to 11 a.m.

and there's a podcast of that as well in case you don't want to get up then, which I completely understand.

Quite often, I don't either.

But there'll be more off menu next week, I should imagine.

So come back and have a listen to that.

Yes, please.

We'll see you next time.

And don't forget to tweet those photos of Ed and use the appropriate hashtags.

Thank you very much for listening.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Hi, I'm Gina Martin, a campaigner and writer.

And I'm Stevie Martin.

I'm a comedian and writer.

And also, we're sisters.

We are sisters.

sisters and we're doing our new podcast might delete later it's a podcast about social media about going back looking at your embarrassing ones things you like things you don't like and we're talking to all different types of people so many different types of people we've got writers we've got comedians maybe we'll get a politician maybe a dog maybe i'll talk to a plant deal with it who knows just like a little snapshot into people's social media lives yeah and hopefully it'll make you think more about how you use social media and how you feel about it So do subscribe on all of the platforms that you usually get your podcasts on and visit at Might Delete LaterPod on Instagram because we're going to be putting up really fun videos and the things that you didn't see in the podcast episode.

Ooh, exciting.

Thanks, dudes.

We get it.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah, and we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true, Saturday, the 13th of September.

At King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.