Ep 27: Jordan Banjo

Speaker 1 Oh no, it's James A Caster from the Off Menu Podcast, the podcast that you are listening to, and I have some news. I am going on tour round America, North America,

Speaker 1 from the 20th of January, starting in Toronto, and then finishing once again in Canada, in Vancouver, on the 15th of February. And in between, I'm going all over the place.

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Speaker 30 Hi, folks. It's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

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Speaker 2 Oh, is that your tummy rumbling? I hear that it must be time for the off-menu podcast with James A. Caster and Ed Gamble.
Hello, Ed, how are you? Fine, thank you.

Speaker 2 Just knew we knew that brilliant intro? Yeah, it was a very good intro. I can't compliment you on it every time.

Speaker 2 You've got to learn just to be professional about it. Alright, cool.
Welcome to it then. Very good, very good, mate.
Very good introduction. Well done.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the podcast where we speak to a special guest about their dream meal in a dream restaurant. James is a genie.

Speaker 2 We're going to ask them their favourite ever, or the best ever, start a main course, dessert, side dish, and drink they've ever had. Not in that order, though.
Not in that order.

Speaker 2 No, we'll mix it up to the traditional order. Well,

Speaker 2 yeah, the traditional, or hopefully you know what the order of the order is.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 guys, one of the best things about doing a food podcast is people start sending you food. Thank you.

Speaker 2 It is a dream come true that we get sent so much free food. And it tends to be things that we mention now and again.

Speaker 2 And also, people just seem to read our minds and send us the sorts of things we like anyway. Yeah.
For instance, we are sat here looking at a massive, like, corner shop-sized box of naked bars.

Speaker 2 Which I love naked bars, and these are the new salted chamomile flavour. And I'm very excited to have a whole box of them.
And not only, James, are they a box of naked bars? What do they say on them?

Speaker 2 It says naked James Acaster. So James Acaster should say the flavour.
Yeah. I'm really happy about that.
So if you just want to get naked James Acaster in your mind.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if you want to all think about naked James Acaster. Naked James Acaster, then there it is.
It's very exciting indeed. And apparently there is a box waiting for me somewhere else.

Speaker 2 So help me God, if mine say naked James Acaster, I'm going to fucking kick off. Are you? No, I'm going to eat them.
Yeah, yeah, you would love it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to gobble them all up while imagining naked James Acaster. Kingdom of Sweet sent us some stuff as well.
Thank you, Kingdom of Sweet.

Speaker 2 I mean, you know, that's some crazy stuff. Yeah, that's some balmy stuff you can't get in the UK, normally.
Yeah, well, you can. The Kingdom of Sweet.
You can get my Kingdom of Sweet.

Speaker 2 Good on them as well.

Speaker 2 They sent us some Swedish fish, which I'm very happy about. They're my favourite.
And some, which I've not tried yet, but I'm very excited, some matcha ice cream-flavoured Oreos. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Your Highness. Yeah, that would be very interesting.

Speaker 2 Our guest today is the one and only Jordan Banjo from dance group Diversity. Yes, please.
You may have seen them on the TV.

Speaker 2 Dancing. And it's our second person from the jungle.
Yeah, so Jordan was in the jungle with our least popular ever guest, Joel Domez.

Speaker 2 Yes, I mean, we were very very worried, you know, Jordan coming in, but hopefully, hopefully he'll be okay and Jordan will not go down the same awful path as Joel, which is a path covered in vomit and

Speaker 2 regrets. And protein powder.
And protein powder. Lots of people still ragging on Joel.
The path we really hope he doesn't go down is by mentioning the secret ingredient that we absolutely hate.

Speaker 2 Every week we have an ingredient that if our guest mentions it, they will be removed from the restaurant forthwith. And this week, James, the ingredient is lavender.
Lavender.

Speaker 2 Hate lavender-flavoured stuff. No, thank you.

Speaker 2 I guess we're mainly looking at the dessert on this one. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If he does like a lavender cake or, I don't know, a big plate of palmer violets.

Speaker 2 I completely agree with you. Why put lavender in food? It's not a...

Speaker 2 Massage oil should have lavender in it. Yeah, I don't want to

Speaker 2 eat massage oil. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much. I'll have a massage.
Thank you. Yes.
If anyone's listening. If you want to send us a free massage.
speaking of naked James Acast,

Speaker 2 but we do not want lavender in the food. If Jordan mentions lavender, he can hot-foot it out of here.
Yeah, he can backflip out the door. But see you later.
Moonwalk straight into your car, Jordan.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do the running, man, for real.

Speaker 2 So, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Off-Menu podcast. This is Jordan Banjo.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the Dream Restaurant, Jordan. Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 Welcome. Matching socks, just for me, this time.
Yeah, matching socks. Jordan, Jordan's listened before.
He knows about the podcast. I'm a fan of the podcast, guys.
I'm a big fan.

Speaker 2 You're fully up to date on the podcast. The Geneva Law socks.

Speaker 2 Matching socks, but for the listener, they're on my hands.

Speaker 2 Matching socks on my old hands. Keep me warm.

Speaker 2 What have you got on your feet today? Odd flippers.

Speaker 2 That's actually more difficult to find odd flippers than actual flippers.

Speaker 2 You'd have to buy two pairs. Yeah, you have to buy two pairs.
Yeah, yeah, and then lose one of them.

Speaker 2 How do you lose a flipper, guys?

Speaker 2 Yeah, got a couple of odd flippers on today, some matching salts on my hands.

Speaker 2 Make an effort for Jordan coming in. You're looking rather fine than good.
Yeah, and you'll notice that I did a backflip out of the lamp.

Speaker 2 Especially for you, especially for you, Jordan.

Speaker 2 Guy full out. That's what I'm doing.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 consider me for the

Speaker 2 trip.

Speaker 2 We are called diversity, but there are no genies.

Speaker 2 It's more diverse.

Speaker 2 The genie community are actually

Speaker 2 very angry about you, knowing your name.

Speaker 2 What is this? Once again, genies get overlooked.

Speaker 2 Although, shout out to Will Smith. He's he's repping now.
Oh, he is. He is.
Well, he's repping something. Smurfs.

Speaker 2 He's terrible CGI. I mean, I'm a big Will Smith about that.
He's a terrible CGI in the advert.

Speaker 2 It's a shame. It's a shame.
It wasn't ideal.

Speaker 2 It's not how we all look. Actually, we're angry about Will Smith.
But yeah, just so you know. You're not repping anyone.
Furious.

Speaker 2 Does it say popped ups or bread once?

Speaker 2 Well, we don't. The film hasn't come out yet.
They've got time to add that in in ADR. Could do the song.
They might get you in in ADR. Yeah, yeah.
Pop dumbs or bread.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, never heard a friend like me. Popped on's on bread.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Mid-sentence. I think the song I would like to ambush is I Can Show You the World, that will a whole new world.
Yeah. Because that's a really slow.
Yeah. And the genie's not even in it.

Speaker 2 So just to suddenly appear out of nowhere, that'd be pretty good. Pop it ups on Bread, Jasmine.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And even, just this is quite promising. Jordan's listened to the podcast before, but even then, when I was doing an impression of you say popping up, Bread, Jordan still jumped.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Jordan still jumped. One of the funniest part is all of my friends take the nick up because I'm the jumpiest person.
Literally, if someone knocks at the door, I jump.

Speaker 2 I don't know what it is, but it's really. It's literally your job, Jordan.

Speaker 2 To be fair. Yeah.
You're not scared. You're just ready to dance at any opportunity.

Speaker 2 Every time you're practicing, Jordan's scared again.

Speaker 2 So scared, Jordan.

Speaker 2 Are you a foodie, Jordan?

Speaker 2 Do you know what?

Speaker 2 I'm not a foodie because I feel like my scope of food is very limited.

Speaker 2 If it's not bread, meat or cheese,

Speaker 2 it's very limited. I don't really like sauces that much.
I don't go to fancy places that much.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so but I like food. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I like what I eat. You like what you eat, but it's a small window of food.
Why of the sauces the paul the pull rudd approach yeah

Speaker 2 we've got a rudding

Speaker 2 it's not like i just feel like it overcomplicates stuff and let me i'll say this as well it's not that i don't like it i don't like trying new stuff so like if someone gives me like um like every time i like i've never tried i've never tried salsa before

Speaker 2 i've never tried salsa never ever in my life like so if if i get like a big like a big bowl of nachos or whatever i'm like like if i go tgis yeah i just i love their nachos and i say can i literally just have chicken and cheese no sour cream no guacamole nope literally just chicken extra chicken extra cheese and they bring over the little plate of sauces and like salsa and stuff and i'm like i just don't want to try it so if you're eating just chicken and cheese nachos is there enough moisture in the cheese because that to me sounds like once you get past the first layer of cheese you're just eating a plate of nachos

Speaker 2 shredded cheddar cheese so yeah essentially what i end up having is i order like i have to get the shareable because i don't eat any of the nachos underneath so i get the shareable just so i can have a bigger top layer so you have the top layer, and then you leave, just all the dry nachos, and the sauce is untouched.

Speaker 2 And the waiter comes along and looks at it and goes, What has happened here? Free lunch.

Speaker 2 So, chances are, if you've been to TGIs and you order the nachos, some of your nachos might have originally been on your plate. Yeah, they've been recycling.
Here comes old top layer. Top layer.

Speaker 2 Top layer again. Break out his bowl.
Same bowl.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's so. I mean, also, you're shouting out to nachos early, which is a bit concerning because we've had your jungle mate, Joel Domit on

Speaker 2 he chose nachos as his starter and then the rest of that episode took some frightful turns

Speaker 2 and he's still getting heaped for it yeah

Speaker 2 I already have a feeling that eating just the top layer of nachos is going to cause some cause some online controversy but it's luckily it's not one of my

Speaker 2 well technically it kind of isn't but it might be kind of an option it all makes sense for natural starters

Speaker 2 it's going to be a top in that's it

Speaker 2 just Just toppins.

Speaker 2 Well, first of all, would you like still a sparkling water, Jordan?

Speaker 2 Always still.

Speaker 2 Always still. Always still.
No, you don't. Always still.
And I've only just started, like, it's good you mentioned Joel. I only started drinking water after the jungle.

Speaker 2 So within the last three years. What a what? Two and a half years.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You've never had water before? I have, only with like Robinson's, like, like juice. This is the message.
No, no.

Speaker 2 I promise you now. What you promised me now you've never had a glass of water.
You genuinely promised somebody. How old were you when you came out of the chart? 24.
And lost it? 24? 24?

Speaker 2 I'll be serious. 24, you've never had a glass of water in your life.
I mean, someone

Speaker 2 tried water, but it just made me gag. Made you gag.

Speaker 2 Water made you gag. I felt like I was like drinking spit or something.

Speaker 2 I can't wear gum shields. I've always played rubber.
I'll take my gum shield out because you get to build a spit and just makes me. That's more understandable.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 water. That's what it.
Yeah. You thought water was spits.
Well, Well,

Speaker 2 I was aware it wasn't people just spitting in bottles and putting it in. But

Speaker 2 you've got a very active job. I know, and that's what I used to, whenever we went on tour and stuff, I used to always get really bad cramp because I wasn't drinking enough.
You ain't drinking water.

Speaker 2 What would you have if you're tired out? Yeah. You've been dancing.

Speaker 2 What do you have to refresh yourself? A little bit of Summer Fruits Robinson.

Speaker 2 A little bit of Summer Fruits Robinson. And the ratio was completely off.
It wasn't until I was about 16 I realised I was doing way more Robinson's than Water.

Speaker 2 You know, I was literally flipping it on his head. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You were having a tiny little shot of water and then topping it over with a Robinson.

Speaker 2 I did that by accident once.

Speaker 2 I did that by accident once at a roller disco when I was 10.

Speaker 2 My friend had a roller disco party and they had a little station set up for drinks and you will skate around and then just grab whatever drink you want.

Speaker 2 And I thought they'd pre-diluted it, so I had it. I downed a whole cup of straight Robinson's cordials.
How was that for you? Absolutely awful.

Speaker 2 Did you then go around the logistical like a rocket?

Speaker 2 Dillon's a rap slap.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it did help. It help with my movements so i can see why you would uh go back to straight robins guys better than red ball

Speaker 2 straight robinson you came out the jungle and that's when you had water for the first time so it was in the jungle right so i'd never drank water before and that was one of my main concerns about gobby newton and i said to joel when i was in there i was like dude i just really don't like water and when they're taking you to different trolls and stuff obviously all the crew you can see they put like drinks in the front of the car they've got stuff around so i admit this now and i've never admitted it to anyone one guy but one of the camera guys got out the back to go and check because you you're not allowed to see the trial before it's ready so they check everything's covered and then they take you through and he got out and he left a half drunk bottle of i'm assuming it's not robinson's in australia but whatever it is and i finished his bottle yeah

Speaker 2 robinson's i'm assuming it was something like of cordial yeah i i finished it off and you know i had no shame that was on the first trial but then that was like that was after about two days and i was already clucking for some robinson's

Speaker 2 back of the van so two and a half weeks in obviously you have i had to drink water because there's nothing else in there.

Speaker 2 But the problem with the water was it was always pretty much hot because you have to boil it first.

Speaker 2 And every time someone was checking if it was boiling or not, they were basically just wafting ash from the fire into it. Right.
So it just tasted like smoky water.

Speaker 2 So when I finally came out and drank a normal bottle of water, I was like, nah, this isn't that bad. So if you don't like water, drink something disgusting for a while and then go back to it.

Speaker 2 You had a really bad introduction to water, actually. Yeah, yeah.
Also, like, I love how you're really worried about water being like spit, and then you drink a guy's half-drunk finger vlogging.

Speaker 2 Because I'll be backwashed into it all sorts of. Desperate times, desperate times.
But you know, never sparkling, no. Never sparkling.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 If you've only just got

Speaker 2 to still, we're not expecting you to take sports.

Speaker 2 I'll catch up with you when you're 50, George.

Speaker 2 We'll see if you've had something. I feel like sparkling is the reason why I was put off water in the first place.
Because when I was younger, I thought that there was a big...

Speaker 2 My dad loves sparkling water, right? And I thought it was lemonade. So I've gone up to take a big swig of it.
Oh, yeah. And you've got a nice taste of farts.
And I was like, no, that's not for me.

Speaker 2 It's just, that's the taste of disappointment, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've spoken about this for the podcast before, and I had licorice torpedoes for the first time. It was the first time I ever had licorice, and I thought it was jelly beans.

Speaker 2 So then I hate licorice. That was because I was expecting jelly beans and then got them.
So I understand that with the sparkling water. I can relate.

Speaker 2 Popping up's on bed, Jonathan. Pop it up top bread.
I knew it was coming as well.

Speaker 2 In my head, I listened on the way in. I listened to what I needed, and I went, straight off the water, well, it's Popadom's or bread.

Speaker 2 Imagine that's like straight off the water, it's an advert or a sound effect, and then Poppadom's or bread. I wasn't waiting for it.

Speaker 2 Were you expecting us to do the advert? That won't be both surprised. I ain't yanking your chain, buddy.
That's what I was waiting for that. That's what I was waiting for.
Something along them lines.

Speaker 2 That is one of the best reactions we've had. That was Papa.
You were like,

Speaker 2 it was a gunshot.

Speaker 2 You reacted.

Speaker 2 Popped on's or bread. I'm going to go bread purely because it's a little bit of a cheek, right?

Speaker 2 Because if I understand the rules of the podcast I can have any bread I want yes yeah and I love love love garlic bread but that sort of becomes a starter but if I can have any bread I want that's right I'm gonna go for garlic bread with mozzarella and caramelized onions from Prezo

Speaker 2 Wow yeah you've hacked you've hacked the podcast

Speaker 2 I'll allow us to be hacked that's absolutely so good I love it so what's great about because I've never had it before

Speaker 2 it's the onions to be honest because i like i said i'm not really and i only tried that last year for me it's always been plain garlic bread uh and cheese with with some ketchup and then my girl was like i'll try a bit try a bit that's not really for me and it's i was like give me give me a slice and the onions

Speaker 2 Apparently they immediately made me drown.

Speaker 2 No, but they are so good, man. Yeah.
So if you're a prezzo, get yourself down there, boys. Caramelized onions are absolutely brilliant.
Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who's the first person to discover that onions could do, You could turn onions into a sweet bag.

Speaker 2 But you got to be in a really weird place to try that, I think. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just make it sweet. Try to caramelize other stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.
A few other things. Some parsnips.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can do that. You can.
Oh, at Christmas, you never put like hunched invented a dish. No.

Speaker 2 Don't think you do. No, I don't think you do.
I just came up with that. No.

Speaker 2 I think that's what onions and parsnips and you can do the carrots. Yeah.
I just invented one? No.

Speaker 2 we just keep going yeah broccoli no you can't do it with broccoli i think you've ruined it sorry sorry

Speaker 2 well maybe jordan jordan might have genuinely invented one just then caramelized broccoli

Speaker 2 keep an eye out because for stuff like that sometimes my friend graham used to go on about um an idea that he had for ages about like wearing um because i go to a disco but instead of like everything playing really loud you have headphones on so you can always listen to your own different songs and stuff and then silent disco' came out and he was like i wish i had uh i wish i would done that.

Speaker 2 I wish I'd done it. Your friend Graeme invented the silent disco.
He did, yeah, yeah. But then, you know, I invented the term backsplash.
What?

Speaker 2 When I was in school,

Speaker 2 I remember referring to, well, yeah, where you do a poo, yeah, and then the water splashes up on your butt, yeah, called it backsplash. Yeah, no, that was that's always been a thing.
No,

Speaker 2 I did it before anyone else started doing it, even a caveman taking a shit into a lake

Speaker 2 splash.

Speaker 2 I I invented it. I made it myself.

Speaker 2 It was a few years before I heard other people using it. You know,

Speaker 2 it circulated a bit in my school first and then went outside of there. Pretty cool.
Right, well, you heard it here first. James has invented caribouised parsnips and the turnbugs.

Speaker 2 Jordan invented the carolised broccoli just now. Love it.
The garlic bread, does it come in slices or is it like one sort of pizza? It's a pizza, yeah. Yeah, so it's a pretty big

Speaker 2 bread.

Speaker 2 It's a big pre-starter, to be honest.

Speaker 2 but oh sorry guys i don't want to keep hacking you but one of the rules here is that you don't get full you're only satisfied right you know two full to a yeah yeah yeah sure yeah there you go

Speaker 2 don't worry about getting full don't you worry about getting full the um that's one of the great discoveries i think is when you work out you can have a pizza before a pizza exactly the family and also like they're not tricking anyone with that at any point The first time that gets delivered, go,

Speaker 2 we all know that's a pizza.

Speaker 2 Why are are you calling it garlic bread on the menu?

Speaker 2 But the guilt's not the same, is it? It's not like you don't feel like you're eating too pizza. No, because there's no tomato on it.
There's no tomato.

Speaker 2 If there was tomato on it, you'd feel really guilty. Well, now I'm eating two pizzas.
Now it's a mess.

Speaker 2 I like the garlic bread when it's like the full stick

Speaker 2 and it's been like cut but not completely cut. Yep.
It's one my mum makes this. And it's nice and sweaty.
Yeah. She makes it like frogs.
She makes it with

Speaker 2 a French stick, just slices it like three quarters of the way through, garlic butter in between every crevice. I didn't even know that

Speaker 2 you could make it. I just thought it came frozen from Tesco.
It's easy.

Speaker 2 It's easy as well, man. You just get just a French stick and then make the slices.
You could just mix up crushed garlic and butter and then put it in between every bit. It's very good.

Speaker 2 Wrap it in foil, oven for half an hour. Look at that.
Or a crunchy outside as well. Yes.
You want the crust to be nice and crunchy. Soft on the.
Oh.

Speaker 2 And you can put cheese and onions in it if you wanted to. Nice.
Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can put those on it.
No one's going to stop you from doing it.

Speaker 2 But you've got to caramelise your own onions. Okay, deal.

Speaker 2 Deal. I'll do it for that bread, guys.
I'll put the work in.

Speaker 2 You move on to your starter, Jordan. Which is like, I mean, you've...
It's going to be poppadobs. Yeah, just.

Speaker 2 A single poppadob, please.

Speaker 2 Just what? Dry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, just chutney. Yeah, just the top one.
Just the top poppadom. Yeah.
It's been under the heat lamp for too long. If you had a poppadom,

Speaker 2 would you not have all the sauces on it?

Speaker 2 That's one actually. I do have a bit of chutney with it, but just because it reminds me of jam.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 That's normal. Yeah, yeah.
Mango chutney is basically. I mean, it's not.
Yeah. It's basically a jam sort of thing, isn't it? Yeah, it's even sweeter than a jam, I'd say.

Speaker 2 That's fair enough. Starter-wise, I've gone for barbecue chicken wantons.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay, so I know this sounds random.
Did you ever, I'm not sure where it was, whether it was Covent Garden. It might have been Leicester Square.
There was a Planet Hollywood.

Speaker 2 It was a really big one in London. Did you guys ever see it? Yeah, I think it was Covent Garden.

Speaker 2 I think it was in Covent Garden, yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's moved and it's it's still there's still one in London, but it's it's a little bit smaller and it's more like a it looks more like an Ed's diner now as opposed to like Planet Hollywood.

Speaker 2 Like beforehand, it was like a restaurant slash Ripley's had like all statues. There was like a red carpet outside.
It was like a proper event if you went to Planet Hollywood.

Speaker 2 And I went for my 11th birthday. So I was in year six.
It was 10 or 11.

Speaker 2 And I got a big, I got a limo and all my friends, we all got in this limo, we went up to Planet Hollywood. And I love that you got a limo.

Speaker 2 My friends got a limo, we went up there.

Speaker 2 I just didn't even register that.

Speaker 2 Until I said it, I was like, yeah, because I was like, yeah, go to Planet Hollywood. I guess you got to go in a limo.
I was like, oh, 10 years old. You won't get in.

Speaker 2 You won't get in unless you sign up in a limo. Yeah, get out of your limousine.
You've got some wontons to eat.

Speaker 2 And that was the birthday present because it was like, I really wanted to go Planet Hollywood.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I just always had this idea of a guy in a limo.

Speaker 2 Oh, so it was your idea to go to the limo. It was my idea to go.

Speaker 2 They did it for me as my big birthday present. Destined to be a celebrity.
Thank you, guys. Thank you.
How many mates did you have with you? Do you know what?

Speaker 2 It's funny because in my year at school, in the entire year, there was only 30 people.

Speaker 2 So it was just my class.

Speaker 2 Your whole class? My whole class, there was like 13 of us. So there was like seven boys, six girls, hoping that's all right there.
So we all went up.

Speaker 2 And do you know what? Now you've just said that, that reminded me, I didn't invite my own girlfriend girlfriend at the time.

Speaker 2 And I was only 10, but because she was in the other class, I was like, no, because if I invite you, you have to invite the whole other class. And there's no room in the limo.
Sorry, guys.

Speaker 2 It's a very exclusive list. What year group was she in? She was in the same year.
Yeah, yeah, but she was just in the other class. Oh, just in a different class.
Different class. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Bless her. She could not come.

Speaker 2 Did she take that? Was she okay with that? Well, actually, I broke up with her at the restaurant as well.

Speaker 2 I rang her home phone. And I was like, can I speak to Abby, please? And I broke up with her because on your birthday.
On my birthday. You were starting.
You euphoric from from the one time.

Speaker 2 You felt indestructible.

Speaker 2 You had one taste of the Hollywood lifestyle.

Speaker 2 Sorry, we're just not on the same level anymore. I've been boning about the smoking a cigar.
Abby, it's over.

Speaker 2 I've got to be a star.

Speaker 2 I don't need you anymore. Sat next to a wax work of Naomi Campbell, going, I've met someone else.
I've met someone else. Watch Taylor Wayne, shed this party, you know me.
Let my wedding outside.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 this is why that star is so important. It's very nostalgic it makes me it makes me feel like i'm very important with an american accent of the cigar

Speaker 2 pointed out but the weird thing is but when i think wontons all right i think like um they're like little dumplings right aren't they like are they deep deep fried dumplings as well they're like yeah crispy yeah yeah yeah but at planet hollywood they look more like nachos

Speaker 2 What? Look, do you know what?

Speaker 2 I brought evidence to explain what I meant. I'm trying to imagine, as Jordan's opening this on his phone, I'm trying to imagine now what they look like.

Speaker 2 They've got to have some dimensions to them. Okay, they can't be flat lines.
So, this is what you think of a wonton. Yes, definitely.
That's how you imagine a wonton. Yeah, that's okay.

Speaker 2 So, just for the

Speaker 2 listener who can't see,

Speaker 2 Jordan already has a picture of some normal wontons on his phone, ready to go, so he can show us that because he's already planned this.

Speaker 2 It's weirdly, it's his lock screen. Yeah,

Speaker 2 like it's his day in court. There we go.
So, okay, so

Speaker 2 here on a Planet Hollywood ones. Planet Hollywood ones.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, they're like what? Dick! They look weird. I'd say they look more like that.

Speaker 2 What's the filled pasta called? Ravioli. Ravioli.
This is more like ravioli. It's probably the same bit, like the same sort of skins, the wanton paper, the ones on the skins, but flat.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Would stuff in and maybe another one on top and then deep fry that whole thing.

Speaker 2 They look more like little pancake things.

Speaker 2 But the barbecue, the barbecue chicken wontons up to the hole. So basically what I was trying to say is since that one closed, they're now not on the menu.
So in the new one, they don't exist anymore.

Speaker 2 And that's why I was like, I can't get them anymore. It's impossible.
But I can still have them here. Yes, absolutely.
They were so good.

Speaker 2 I'm not sure what the cheeses were, but it was different cheeses all kind of melted on top. And the barbecue chicken.
It was like, you know, you get that barbecue sauce where it's it's kind of sweet.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like it's sharp, but it's sweet.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, gosh.

Speaker 2 So there's sauce. There's sauce incorporated.
So you don't mind if they've pre-incorporated the sauce? Exactly. I just don't like complicating it myself.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you okay, I'll get that. And the chicken was like moist as well.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 such a chicken. It's a must.

Speaker 2 I really, I really miss the the big theme restaurants.

Speaker 2 Like, the food was never amazed, like, the barbecue chicken wonton sounded good. It was connected with a memory, but it was never like the best food.
But it was such an exciting day out as a kid. Yep.

Speaker 2 I remember going to Planet Hollywood. We waited for an hour and a half to get into Planet Hollywood, and Danny Baker was there.

Speaker 2 Danny Baker was there eating a meal. So we're like, oh my God, Danny Baker's here.
So that was the true Hollywood experience.

Speaker 2 There was also another, there was another restaurant called Football Football in London. I don't know if you remember football football.

Speaker 2 I didn't even like football, but it was a a football-themed restaurant called Football Football. What? You can look it up.
Everyone's looking around. What was it? It was a football-themed restaurant.

Speaker 2 But what did it look like? You went in and what it looked like. You went in, they were playing football on the screen, and there was like some shirts.
Something like a normal stub there.

Speaker 2 There was some shirt.

Speaker 2 There's football on the telly, was there?

Speaker 2 I think I've just found out that my dad wanted an excuse to take me to the park. Oh, let's go to football, football there.
Don't look at the sign when we're walking in. It says football, football.

Speaker 2 It doesn't say a flapper and furkins. Some of our listeners will remember football, football in London.

Speaker 2 It was probably only open for a year or two years, but they had like, you know, signed shirts tug on the wall. All the things were like, I don't know, football burger or something.

Speaker 2 What sort of food was it? Like Planet Hollywood style food, just like really sort of generic American-y stuff, but they had it themed on like, they call it like Pele's chips or something.

Speaker 2 That's not a Pele Chip chip chip. Pele's chips.

Speaker 2 Carol Poborsky's chips. He was famous for his chip.

Speaker 2 Carol Poborsky did a really good chip in Euro 96. I can't believe we're in a situation where you're you're the one who knows about the girls.
Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 that's when we know it's got bad. But I'm the one doing football references.

Speaker 2 I can't believe you dumped your girlfriend in Planet Hollywood.

Speaker 2 And it was the night of my first kiss. That's why I dumped her.
What? Hold on. There was another girl in my class called Lauren.

Speaker 2 And everyone was like, she said she'll kiss you because it's your birthday. And I was like, well,

Speaker 2 I can't kiss her while I've got a girlfriend. So I rang Abby to break up with her.

Speaker 2 And then in the limbo on the way back, like a real A-lister and first kiss that's actually very honourable of you yeah you felt that was going to happen so you're like i can't i can't do this to abby i did want to do it to abby guys yeah i wanted to be a good guy yeah well that's how did you tell her did you say i've got to break up with you because i'm going to kiss lauren in a in a limo yeah i think

Speaker 2 i think i said i've got to break up with you because you didn't come to my birthday party

Speaker 2 exactly

Speaker 2 but that wasn't her first response she just went okay i was like bye so you've been in school i was not invited to this party i don't think that's fair but luckily luckily, my birthday is New Year's Eve.

Speaker 2 We were on school holiday, so I had like another week of not having to see her. So this sort of disappeared by the time I saw her.
Did all this happen on New Year's Eve as well?

Speaker 2 It was just, it was like the 30th, I think. It was like the day before.

Speaker 2 This is such a momentous day in your life. I know, which is what

Speaker 2 wontons tasted so good, guys. That would be terrible, but they...
Did Lauren have the barbecue chicken wontons as well? Because I'm just thinking it's not pre-kiss food, really, is it? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You're tasting a sweet barbecue chicken.

Speaker 2 I don't know what she had, actually. I don't know, but now I'm just remembering loads of random facts.

Speaker 2 I remember someone put a piece of chewing gum in a kid's hair and his mum called my mum really angry because that to cut it out. Classic.
That's Hollywood. That's Hollywood, right?

Speaker 2 People just do whatever they like in different times, you know?

Speaker 2 Also, I know what you mean about those kind of places, and you get a dish and you don't expect it. You said about TGI Fridays earlier.

Speaker 2 I've been there, I think, once, before a stag do, and I didn't have high hopes. But

Speaker 2 I think the nicest fries I've ever had

Speaker 2 were TGI Fridays. I was really surprised they had some sort of like, you know, like smoky kind of nice,

Speaker 2 what's it? On it? Seasoning, like. Seasoning, that's the word I'm giving.

Speaker 2 Seasoning. And they're very good.

Speaker 2 I ordered so, I mean, you've just reminded me of them. I'd forgotten about that.
And then we said like the wontons, it made me think about how much I want those fries now.

Speaker 2 TGIs do loads of crazy fries now. They've got loaded fries, so they've got like obviously like the standard cheese and bacon ones, and they've got what's called like scorpion fries.

Speaker 2 It's like really, really spicy chili on them. Yeah, you try the top layer of all of those, I imagine.

Speaker 2 That's it. Just try them with toppings and the chips.
Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 I always end up ordering like the loaded fries, the stuff with the most on. And then when I get halfway through them, it's like, I wish I just had some normal fries.

Speaker 2 Because it's always on the side of something. You're like,

Speaker 2 well, now they're the main thing. Or you just had some dry fries.
Yeah, quite like the hippie fries. fries at...

Speaker 2 Well... You can't say that now.
I can. What fries? Meat liquor.
Yeah, but that... You can't do this now.
He spent a whole episode sliding off meat liquor. I hate meat liquor.

Speaker 2 And then they invited us to go and eat there. I'm not going.

Speaker 2 You can go. No, you and Benito want to go.
You can go. Be my guests.
I'm not going.

Speaker 2 I've slipped them off for a whole episode. All right, well, no, go ahead and say how much you like the hippie fries now.
Yeah, I do love the hippie fries.

Speaker 2 But I thought the hippie fries started in in

Speaker 2 the chicken one, didn't they? No. Do they not? Don't think so.
Okay, well, that's the one thing they've got right. Yeah.

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Speaker 32 Your main course?

Speaker 2 So, my main, it was, I really struggled with the main course. Ah.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 when growing up, so my mum owned a dance studio. This feels like step up or something where we're in a dance studio and my dad sells cars.
Is it where the crew met? The dance studio?

Speaker 2 It is, yeah, it is. It would be funny if it was actually the car show.

Speaker 2 Just all call incidentally buying cars when we're six.

Speaker 2 But yeah, so

Speaker 2 were next door to each other yeah um and we went to school quite far away from when they worked so they used to pick us up and every day after school we'd go straight to the studio

Speaker 2 and that was the same monday to saturday every day apart from sundays we were staying at home so

Speaker 2 because we were there so often and we never got home till about half nine tenish we literally never had home cooked food like ever like we just never had so and like for a lot of people when they were kids it was like a treat to get a takeaway for us it was a treat to have a home cooked meal.

Speaker 2 So, whoever got home-cooked meals, oh yeah, this is sick.

Speaker 2 And my mum used to make um like this tuna pasta sort of dish, and she put all these different uh, like because it sounds bad, people always ask me if my mum can cook, and I say no because she never used to cook that much.

Speaker 2 But when I think about when she did cook, she really can, right? Yeah, um,

Speaker 2 so yeah, it was like this really like kind of spicy,

Speaker 2 but kind of at the same time, kind of sweet. I'm not sure what she put in it, but it was really good.
Um, and I used to smother it in cheese, then just eat the top layer. No, okay,

Speaker 2 I used to eat the whole thing, um, and I loved it. So, that was kind of, I was thinking, do I go with that? And the first time I ever had that tuna pasta, I watched the film.

Speaker 2 You guys ever seen the green mole?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Such a weird.

Speaker 2 I love the film.

Speaker 2 It's just funny.

Speaker 2 It's just funny that it's the green mile.

Speaker 2 I love it. It's a great film.
But like, it is really funny that you're like, first time at this tune of pasta, I was watching the green mile. No one ever expected that sentence.

Speaker 2 I literally remember it clear as day because we were either, me, my brother, and my sister watched it at my little sister's room.

Speaker 2 And it's when we just moved the house, I could have only been about eight. I was about eight or nine.
And my mum made this tuna pasta. I was like, oh, God, this is so good.
And this film's so good.

Speaker 2 And at the end, I remember me and my brother both crying while we were eating tuna pasta. I bet it was a really good meal.
And she still makes it now when I ask her. That's nice.

Speaker 2 So I was thinking, is it tuna pasta? Then I landed on what it was for a stag do.

Speaker 2 Have you guys ever been to Man versus Food in Heathrow?

Speaker 2 No, no. Hold on.
What? There's a Man versus Food? So like the program. Like, is it official? Is it official?

Speaker 2 Is it official? But I'm probably going to get them closed down now and sued for using the name. But there's a restaurant.
It's literally called man versus food.

Speaker 2 And they have like all these different dishes in there. No, no, it's like about 10, 15 minutes from the airport.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 You know that when you say Heathrow, we think of the airports.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you. You know where? Have you guys ever been to Sky? You know, like the huge...

Speaker 2 It's like a little city in there where they record all their programmes and stuff. Yes, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know that it's opposite that Tesco. It's literally right there.
Right, okay. Okay.
so in there, we went for a stag doing it. Everyone had to try a different challenge.

Speaker 2 So a couple of the boys tried this thing. I think it's called Fire in the Hole.
So

Speaker 2 it's like all, there's loads of challenges.

Speaker 2 All food challenges. All food challenges.

Speaker 2 So there's like a three-foot hot dog. There's like all this crazy stuff.
You have time limits. And their biggest challenge is called the Gutbuster.

Speaker 2 And it's a burger that weighs, I think it's just over half a stone. So people normally, people order it as a birthday cake.
So it comes out. I don't mean like a normal, like a little birthday cake.

Speaker 2 It's literally like this. And it's like really tall as well.

Speaker 2 And it's got, it's stupid. It's got like three packs of cheese in it.
They have to use two bottles of ketchup. It is insane.
And we all try. So the burger costs, I think it's like 60 quid.

Speaker 2 And if you finish it, they give you 250 pounds and your whole table eats for free.

Speaker 2 But obviously, I think five of us bought a burger and none of us. One each.
One each. One each.
Not one of us, not one of us got close to finishing it. Of course you didn't.

Speaker 2 There's three packs of cheese in it. Actually, not one of us got close.
I had like,

Speaker 2 I think I got about a third.

Speaker 2 The closest person was one of our friends called Mitch. And he's, I think he's five, he's five foot four.
And he ate, the burger's as big as him. And he pretty much ate the entire thing.

Speaker 2 It was insane. Hold on, so how close did Mitch get? Mitch get.
I'm talking about like, there was probably a normal size burger left. What's he playing?

Speaker 2 You get 250 quid of the whole meal.

Speaker 2 Everyone has spent 60 quid on a burger.

Speaker 2 Mitch Cart just forced out

Speaker 2 burgers i know he could he couldn't he couldn't finish it but that's what that's what i want because the burger itself you know if you think if you think you've got to cook a patty that big it's going to be like not very cooked nicely on the inside

Speaker 2 on the outside i don't know how they do it but it is cooked so good imagine a giant five guys burger yeah i love does anyone here like i like five guys me and this is a constant debate between me and ed okay who are you repping well i it's sort of shake shack i enjoyed more when i had it shake shack's good but but I've never had it in England.

Speaker 2 I only had it in the English.

Speaker 2 Me too. So

Speaker 2 I'm thinking of eating it in the States and eating five guys in the States. And I've had five guys here, and I think it's fine.
And I think the chips are nice. Okay, but...
All about the toppings.

Speaker 2 I've said this to you a million times. Five guys is about choosing the right toppings.
Once you've got the right combination of toppings, it's an amazing thing.

Speaker 2 A burger shouldn't be about the toppings. It should be about the burger.
Ah, here we go. The eternal debate.
Yeah, it should be about the quality of the patty, James. The patty's great.

Speaker 2 If you're going, oh, stick six different toppings on there, all you're doing is masking a bad patty. No, no, no, no, not at all.
Isn't that what I'm talking about? It's complimenting the patty.

Speaker 2 It all complements each other. And then, like, look, I've been in Shape Shack and got their burgers and they're all right.
I think their patties are too thin, personally.

Speaker 2 He has got a point in it out. I don't mind lots of thin patties.
There's places that do like smashed patties that you can.

Speaker 2 Lots of thin patties. In-n out's the best.
I told you that. Oh, see, I wasn't a a huge i was so disappointed with in and out

Speaker 2 because it was good but i was like this is just a burger like everyone spoke about like if you go la and you don't get an in-n-out yeah something wrong with you

Speaker 2 it's got cult status but i prefer a thicker patty anyway i'd prefer to go to something like honest burger or patty and bun no something like that absolutely no

Speaker 2 honest burger five and all that stuff i was like that's fine i don't know and i'm not into them as much i thought i think for a while i was like okay but i think think they're too filling.

Speaker 2 And they're not as like when Jordan described that flavour of that burger, then, yeah, like you say, I imagine like five guys and stuff like that. What, that one's not too filling?

Speaker 2 Jordan's burger. The 60 quid birthday cake size burgers are not too filling, is it? Mech did all right.

Speaker 2 Mech did it too. Mesh did fine.
Reason good. Beastly good.
But what I don't like about In-N-Out is the whole animal style thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, animal, animal style. You gotta go in and you've gotta ask for animal style.
And it's not on the menu. What's animal style? So animal style is like the only way that makes it taste good.

Speaker 2 So you probably...

Speaker 2 So basically, you had just a normal burger when you went. Yeah.
And it wasn't that great because they're not that great. And everyone's like, no, well, you've got to ask for animal style.

Speaker 2 It's not on the menu. You've got to go and just ask for animal style.
And then they put this sauce on it and then it tastes good. You're like, why don't you put that on the actual menu?

Speaker 2 Normally you love secret menu stuff.

Speaker 2 It's because someone else has told you about it. That's why you don't like it.
I love secret menu stuff if like the other stuff is good on the menu anyway.

Speaker 2 like all the menus good and there's a secret stuff not if it's just like oh the actual only good dish we do is a secret and then you got to go in in the secret little club anyway sorry jordan yeah so that's like the burger the burger's it's really good it's got

Speaker 2 it's got the right level of grease to it does that make sense you know when you get a burger like and it's either really dry or it's just too greasy like you feel like you're you're slowly dying while you're eating it yeah but like this one it's got the right level of grease and it would just be nice to feel fulfilled you know actually finish it because i was so upset upset that I never finished it.

Speaker 2 And as we were all ordering the burgers, the waiter, you know, normally sometimes you get nice waiters, and they're like, You sure you want all that?

Speaker 2 It's a little bit condescending, but they're kind of looking out for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know what they're talking about. This guy was going, No, no, do it, do it, do it.

Speaker 2 Are you earning commission per gut buster? Yeah, what's happening here? Because he sold five to one table. I mean, the rest of the boys done, it's called a fire in the hole challenge.

Speaker 2 And these wings are meant to be the spiciest wings in the world. And before you eat them, you have to sign a waiver.

Speaker 2 You have to sign a waiver for them. And, like, they, if when you order them, when the dish is ready, they play like a siren in the thing, and all the lights start flashing.

Speaker 2 And someone comes out from the back of the so they obviously gone around the whole front of the building, they come through the front door, they've got a gas mask on, and they've got like a little word, they're like they're in breaking bad, and they come in, it's going

Speaker 2 and they've got like a little case, and they open it, it's got these chicken wings on it, and then you have to eat the wings.

Speaker 2 And no one, what one of the boys managed half a wing and then threw up and ran outside and started crying.

Speaker 2 Another one of the boys managed, I think it was, I think he, I think he'd done all five wings. No, they said

Speaker 2 if you post on social media, we'll say that you won the challenge, even if you only do three. So he only did three wings.

Speaker 2 And then he went to the hospital that night because he threw up and he said it burnt his throat, so he went to the hospital.

Speaker 2 But yeah, it's pretty savage in there. Did Mitch just go around finishing them all off? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 At what point, Germany, in the gutbuster,

Speaker 2 did you dump your girlfriend?

Speaker 2 Mitch said he kissed me on the way home.

Speaker 2 This is a real challenge.

Speaker 2 I can't pass up this opportunity. I don't want to be unfaithful to you.
You're done?

Speaker 2 I'm kissing Mitch.

Speaker 2 At this point, I was actually single, so I was...

Speaker 2 She was safe. She was safe.
Yeah, you could smooch away.

Speaker 2 Absolutely fine. How much is a limo to Heathrow?

Speaker 2 That's a great main. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We haven't had an eating challenge before. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And again, you've used the fact that you can't get full so you can finish the gut buster i mean it's sort of a loophole but i like the fact that i like someone finding loophole you should have come here in a suit today

Speaker 2 a side dish side dish this one was pretty easy um it's it's it's pretty rubbish it's pretty simple but i just love it I love McDonald's hash browns in the syrup. Oh, you ever had that?

Speaker 2 I've never had the syrup. So, like, so you order the pancakes and sausage, and they're like, Do you want it as a meal? And you're like, Yep.
So, they give you a drink and a hash brown.

Speaker 2 And obviously, they give you a little pot of syrup.

Speaker 2 And obviously, you meant to use it for the pancakes. But one day I was like, hmm, I'm going to try it in here.
And I dipped it in, and it was, it's like salty, but like sweet and crunchy.

Speaker 2 And then you get the little potatoey aftertaste, which is like a cuddle. It's just uh, this is very interesting, Jordan.
Look who's just invented caramelized hash browns.

Speaker 2 We've got another inventor

Speaker 2 join the club i'll introduce you to the other inventors i'm i've invented backsplash

Speaker 2 this is very interesting because

Speaker 2 so you started this podcast saying you don't need to do sauces because you don't want to overcomplicate things you've never even had salsa in your life with with nachos which is like it's a regular thing however

Speaker 2 you have Overcomplicated I mean you've you've gone completely outside the box and did hash browns with pancake syrup.

Speaker 2 Is syrup a sauce? It feels syrup. Yeah, I mean, that's a good question.
That's the eternal question, isn't it? Is syrup a sauce? You wouldn't have any extra sauce if you used syrup, right?

Speaker 2 So it provides moisture.

Speaker 2 It's the same function, right? Yeah. As a condiment.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right?

Speaker 2 I think so.

Speaker 2 I'd say

Speaker 2 syrup's a sauce, or is in place of sauce. In place? Yeah.
Because it's very interesting. Yeah.
You've never even tried salsa. No, I genuinely.

Speaker 2 It's almost more of a sauce than salsa. Yeah, salsa's quite thick, really, isn't it?

Speaker 2 If you had a jug of each, yeah, and we're on top of a hill

Speaker 2 and you pour them at the same time,

Speaker 2 what's getting to the bottom first? Oh, good question. Yes, I think it's probably the syrup, yeah.
Syrup's going in.

Speaker 2 Depends if it's raining. If it's raining, the salsa.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Syrup won't be washed down by rain.

Speaker 2 Maybe that's true.

Speaker 2 Is it raining or not, Benito?

Speaker 2 He's not getting involved. Yeah, he's not.
He's out. He's out.
The salsa is going to just flop out that jug. Yeah.
Just splat. The splat on there.

Speaker 2 All that syrup's trickling down. All the ants are going crazy.

Speaker 2 So I'd say, yeah, it's more of a sauce.

Speaker 2 It's more of a sauce. True.
Okay, but... And with that, you're an innovator.
Caramelized hash browns.

Speaker 2 But when you do it, what you need to do is get a couple of hash browns, pour the syrup on it, and let it soak.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you really let it soak you let it like because i only this again was accidental we ordered like a we got uber eats we've got a huge bunch of mcdonald's breakfast and when no one everyone orders meals but no one really wants their hash browns so i literally like made a few and i did make a few hold on i poured the sauce over them and left them while i was eating my sausage and egg and when you let it soak it literally becomes like a weird little potatoey cake it's just so good you got you gotta try it until you had a bunch of hash browns together and poured all the syrup on it soaked them in soaked it up you just got sweet sweet hash browns.

Speaker 2 I feel like I'm going to actually have this. Yeah.
It's good, man. Which is like.
It's real good. You know,

Speaker 2 I've got a lot of heat for Mike McDonald's order in the past via this podcast. People don't like Mike McDonald's order.
James, it's terrible. Sorry about it.
It's a terrible order.

Speaker 2 I heard it on this podcast. He's got to be joking.
It's got to be part of his show.

Speaker 2 It's not a good order, man. It's not a good order.
It's a bag of carrots. That's what I've said to everybody.
It's a dry carrot.

Speaker 2 Now I'm going to chuck in. Yeah.
So I'm going to order the same McDonald's order. You're going to

Speaker 2 dip the carrots in syrup. Yeah, but

Speaker 2 have some syrup for the whole thing.

Speaker 2 That's an inspired side. It's a good side.
It's a very good side. So, again, I was always, bro, you think you've got to have chips, right?

Speaker 2 And then the thing that led me on to, I was like, what are the best chips I've ever had? And really salty McDonald's chips and a milkshake. You ever had that? Yeah,

Speaker 2 that's kind of what made me go, oh, and I was thinking, what other concoctors have I had mainly at McDonald's? Hash browns and syrup. Hash browns and syrup.
Checked game changer.

Speaker 2 I do love hash browns. At

Speaker 2 a hotel breakfast, if it's going around and helping yourself,

Speaker 2 I really load up on the hash buns.

Speaker 2 What else is on the... Sorry to take you back to the gutbuster.

Speaker 2 So what other toppings are on the gut buster? So I thought it was about the toppings, Ed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but

Speaker 2 we are doing an interview here, James. You know, I want to hear about the gut buster.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Well, you can swap, you can kind of customize it a little bit because the challenge has to, obviously, to make it fair, there has to be a certain amount for everyone.

Speaker 2 So if you just get the standard one, there's like the three packs of cheese, two bottles of ketchup um i think i'm pretty much pretty sure there's like a whole lettuce in there you know dark stuff

Speaker 2 it's ridiculous it's just a lump in the middle you get you have all the good burgers you've got to deal with a whole lettuce um that's the challenge there's like obviously onions but again if i order a cheeseburger i'm not sure someone's probably going to fly at me about this i only get cheese and sometimes ketchup depending on where

Speaker 2 like i'm very if a cheeseburger is literally just cheese meat and bread that's it for me. Yeah, yeah.
So I asked for that then. I was like, you've got to have at least one sauce.

Speaker 2 I was sorry, yeah, because it's the two bottles of ketchup, and there's a bottle of mayo at the bottom as well. Of course.

Speaker 2 So when I asked, when I said I don't want any mayo, I thought it probably ended up being three bottles of ketchup.

Speaker 2 And they put loads of extra, even more cheese on it because I didn't want any of the other toppings.

Speaker 2 And that's probably why I couldn't get through it, you know, because the issue is you've got 40 minutes to do it. Can you? Yeah, that's why.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine after like 35 minutes, this burger's now cold? The cheese is congealed, and it's still the the size of two average men's heads.

Speaker 2 I just don't know how you have the willpower to keep going when it doesn't even taste good anymore at this point.

Speaker 2 I love that you asked it for it without the mayo, and they were like, oh, then it's not going to bust his gut.

Speaker 2 We're going to have to top out with cheese. No mayo.
Put it down in two dunks.

Speaker 2 I look like idiots.

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Speaker 5 November is all about gathering, friends giving feasts, Thanksgiving dinners, and football weekends.

Speaker 8 Total Wine and More has everything you need for your table and your toasts, with thousands of wines, spirits, and beers at the lowest prices.

Speaker 9 From bold reds to sparklers, you'll find the perfect wines to raise a glass this season.

Speaker 4 And when it comes to spirits, Total Wine has you covered from smooth bourbons and tequilas to all the essentials for your holiday cocktails.

Speaker 4 Hosting Thanksgiving, Total Wine's guides make it easy by taking out the guesswork.

Speaker 11 With the lowest prices for over 30 years, you'll always find what you love and love what you find only at Total Wine and more.

Speaker 12 Curbside pickup and delivery available in most areas.

Speaker 9 See TotalWine.com for details.

Speaker 13 Spirits not sold in Virginia and North Carolina. Drink responsibly.

Speaker 12 Be 21.

Speaker 1 Your drink, sir.

Speaker 2 Drink.

Speaker 2 You're a boozer?

Speaker 2 See, that's it. I don't drink at all.

Speaker 2 I don't drink. Have you ever drunk?

Speaker 2 I have.

Speaker 2 But it was sort of when I first turned 18. And when I turned 80, we was on tour at the time.
And it was kind of like, because now I can go out and have a drink. I'm like, I'm going to go out.

Speaker 2 And I went out. And I think I've probably been out in my entire life five or six times.
Wow.

Speaker 2 And every time I've ever drunk, you know, like some people, like, they can get to a place where they're like, they're just happy and everything's cool.

Speaker 2 And then sometimes you could be like quite drunk, but you wake up and you still know what's happened.

Speaker 2 I've either been sat there stone cold, sober, had a drink, and just felt nothing, or I've woke up wondering if I've still got all my organs. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's that sort of I have no idea what's happened. Yeah, I'm a bit like.

Speaker 2 So, again, for me, when I did like having a couple of drinks, the only reason I ever did was to try and get that drunk feeling. Like, I don't enjoy the taste of alcohol.

Speaker 2 Okay, so because of that, I was like, what's the point in drinking it? Yeah, sure. So, yeah, I'm not a big boozer.

Speaker 2 But, drink-wise, I had when I was listening listening to the podcast a couple of times, I thought, oh, what would I have? And my nan, when I was younger, used to make me a cup of tea.

Speaker 2 And it was such, it's the best cup of tea ever.

Speaker 2 She was so good at making teas. And now I realize that.
I always say to her, yeah, I have milk and two sugars, please. And I was complaining, like, God, their tea is just not as good.

Speaker 2 And I realized that my nan was probably just poisoning me with sugar because it was way more than two sugars.

Speaker 2 But that is obviously, it's only seen him with you guys now that I've realised the issue is it's just so much more than two sugars that she used to put in. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 So that tea is a good option, but I feel like you'd be the first person to pick a cup of tea. Yeah, we're just

Speaker 2 a good cup of tea. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm just not sure it goes with my gut buster.

Speaker 2 Let's be honest, Jordan, nothing goes with the gut buster. You have a swimming pool full of milkshakes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, no, I know it.
I've got it. Sorry.
Light bulb moment. Best, best drink I've had.
And I think it's because it was when

Speaker 2 one of my best friends got married. We was in Mexico a couple of years ago.
And everyone was drinking and stuff. I was like, I don't really drink.
I was like, it's not alcoholic. Try this.

Speaker 2 I was like, you sure? I was like, yep, so I tried it. And it was a virgin strawberry daiquiri.
Right. Oh, my gosh.
That was

Speaker 2 so good. I think it's because it was in Mexico.
Everyone was on the beach. I was like, if you're going to have a daiquiri, this is hell.
And it was brilliant. I don't think I've ever had a daiquiri.

Speaker 2 I don't know what it is. I was going to say, what is it?

Speaker 2 I have had a daiquiri, but it was in Tenerife after I'd done a gig. Yeah.
And I'd gone out and got really blasted.

Speaker 2 And I just remember right at the end of the night, and they had just those massive sugar crystals on the rim of the glass, which I do not like.

Speaker 2 You try to get to the drink, and there's just crystals in the way, and you just end up with big lumps of old. It's like when they put glass on a wall to stop a burglar getting in.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, it's like that on the top, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then it was just very, that one was just very sickly. And then

Speaker 2 I was sick in a, I remember being sick in a bush

Speaker 2 and then immediately undoing all the buttons on my shirt. Of course, why wouldn't you? And then just walking back to my hotel room.
Also, that's like a classic image of a piss tourist.

Speaker 2 You could have been on a show on Bravo. Yeah,

Speaker 2 when in Rome,

Speaker 2 I'm here in Tenerife. You know, the British have ruined this island.
I may as well just walk around proud like the rest of them. Go get a red devil's tattoo.

Speaker 2 So I can't even remember what's in a daiquiri.

Speaker 2 Me neither, to be honest. I don't know what's in it.
I just knew after that, I just kept ordering them.

Speaker 2 And then i was realizing i was like the cot the sugar content in this must be insane but it just tasted like so good it was like uh

Speaker 2 fizzy slush with a rye bean up bin if that makes sense imagine that imagine that it was just really

Speaker 2 fresh strawberries like whizzed up do you think and that's that's where it wasn't right because i've had the daiquiri since and it was made with fresh with like fresh fruit and when i tried i was like this doesn't taste like it doesn't taste like mexico that's how that tastes, guys.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you want the artificial one? I want the artificial one specifically from Mexico. Specifically from Mexico.
Virgin from one.

Speaker 2 From Mexico. And

Speaker 2 it was really nice, really refreshing. And weirdly enough, I didn't get a brain freeze.
I knocked it back really quick. No brain freeze.
And just over and over again. Over and over again.

Speaker 2 Zero brain freeze there. We've got to look up.
Benito, can you look up what's in a daiquiri?

Speaker 2 I wonder what alcohol is in a daiquiri as well because everyone else really loved them and they were

Speaker 2 worse for wear.

Speaker 2 Maybe tequila or something i ordered a virgin mojito at uh at a hacker i like the virgin mojitos yeah and um once made the mistake of ordering it in front of nish kumar who then just called me virgin mojito for

Speaker 2 the rest of my life

Speaker 2 almost called me virgin mojito all the time

Speaker 2 so ingredients in a daiquiri uh well 500 grams of strawberries hold but um that's not i didn't know that that was what it was called Hulled, hulled, hold. Is that when you dig all the middle bit out?

Speaker 2 Mostly, I guess, but yeah, you hull it. Um, 200 grams of ice, rum, 100 millimeters of rum, uh, half a juice lime, and that's it.

Speaker 2 And then it says when strawberry halves, slice of limes, cocktail sticks, but that's that's a little garnish there.

Speaker 2 So that's uh you, so you probably had strawberry, so fake strawberry syrup, yeah, uh, ice, and lime juice. Jordan, I'm starting to realize what you had there was a a cold Robinson's.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Robinson's slushy. Yeah, it was.

Speaker 2 Robinson's. They really fancily named it.

Speaker 2 When you said it was like an artificial slush puppy, I think you were correct. There we go.
Back on the money.

Speaker 2 So the daiquiri from the wedding is like the virgin daiquiri from the wedding is what you were like.

Speaker 2 I think that calling them, like calling mocktails virgin stuff, doesn't do anyone any favours. No, no, it doesn't.
Does it it make you want to

Speaker 2 order it? No.

Speaker 2 It makes you say, I have a virgin something, please. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's not going to be.

Speaker 2 I always say, I have a virgin mojito, and please tell the chef I've had sex. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Please make sure all the bar staff know

Speaker 2 I've had sexual intercourse.

Speaker 2 What I do.

Speaker 2 They don't let you in a lot of bars anymore, do they? No, but you know, they all know. I never order it because I'm a legend.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's always ordered. I've never had one because I'm not a little loser.

Speaker 2 Fair enough.

Speaker 2 I order cocktails, but I changed the first bit to fucking.

Speaker 2 Get out of a fucking duckery, please, because I'm always fucking.

Speaker 2 Then you join me on the curb.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, hello, Andy.

Speaker 2 You're so inappropriate.

Speaker 2 We come to the dessert. Dessert.

Speaker 2 So you've gone quite, apart from your drink, quite chaney so far. Yeah.
That's in chain restaurant, not Dick Chaney.

Speaker 2 Although he did have many of them. Yeah, to be fair.
You might imagine he was partial to a gut buster. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He finished it every single time.

Speaker 2 So your dessert, Jordan. The dessert is made by my own hands.

Speaker 2 Oh boys.

Speaker 2 It's an accidental dessert, but

Speaker 2 it's a good dessert. This dessert is the best dessert in the world because it's filled with adrenaline,

Speaker 2 some guilt, and a little bit of shame. And it makes a beautiful little cocktail of a lovely dessert.
Okay. I'm letting you decorate.

Speaker 2 I'm honestly scared of what this is. Guilt, shame, and adrenaline.
Here we go. Here we go.
So,

Speaker 2 you know, you used to do like food tech in school. Yeah.
So we all got

Speaker 2 the recipe we got. I'm, I can't i'm pretty sure 90 was for rock cakes right

Speaker 2 so as far as i'm concerned i've never had a rock cake since but as far as i'm concerned they're like little hard cakes you know they're not very big but they're not flat are they they're like little no not flat right yeah

Speaker 2 so i completely messed up all the ingredients that i bought yeah i bought like my self-raising flour uh an alder everything else that i put into it was just wrong like in the quantities that i did it so she'd give us something about follow the recipe and i'd be like yeah or it'd be much better to pour the whole bag of sugar in because then it tastes sweeter.

Speaker 2 Like, that's in my head, it wouldn't make any other difference. I'd probably make it sweeter.

Speaker 2 So, um, we were making these just before lunch, and I've poured literally a whole bag of sugar in, obviously, the wrong type of flour, probably too much milk, whatever I did, I put all the wrong stuff in.

Speaker 2 Um, and then so I've basically got like this big bowl of like dough, and I made it I made little things on the uh little dollops on the tray, put it in the oven, and it basically just melted.

Speaker 2 So, it just just became like this one long flat giant pancake in the oven yeah it just filled the tray and everyone else has got these little rock cakes and i was thinking i'm going to eat this at lunch so

Speaker 2 i said

Speaker 2 i said to my teacher i was like miss is it okay if i come back at lunch my dad's drop i forgot to bring a tupperware box my dad's dropping a tupperware box in i want to go get it and then come back she said yep i'll leave it till i've i'll leave the room unlocked because obviously you have to lock it so i've got knives and stuff in it right now jordan this is before you go on Was that true about your dad bringing the Tupperware box in, or did you make it up because you wanted to eat the mixture so much?

Speaker 2 I made it up because

Speaker 2 you made up a whole thing about your dad bringing it up. Yeah, you bring it up.
I had the Tupperware box, which is the best part.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 she said, yeah, everyone left, Belle went, we all left. I then came back to the room.
And now, this is the reason why I lied. Because obviously, everyone else just took their rock cakes out with them.

Speaker 2 I went, I picked up my crispy pancake. And now, because I put it in late as well, imagine the top layer is crispy.
Underneath is basically raw, sugary, hot dogs.

Speaker 2 so basically there's no rock cake to it i didn't put any raisins or anything in it just hot sugary dough and then i was like god this is the worst part and this is why this is where the guilt of the adrenaline comes in i went i went to her freezer because you know they they keep spare ingredients and in there it's the first time i've ever had it she had is it cart door cartadillo ice cream

Speaker 2 ice cream vanilla soft scoop and i stole her ice cream and i sat in that room and i ate my my raw dough and her ice cream and it was like hot, sugary dough and no ice cream together.

Speaker 2 Was just so I didn't eat the whole tub, but you know, it was. I was kind of hoping, oh, hopefully, it's been half eaten, but I hope it still had that plastic like sleeve on the top.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I'm gonna have to break the seal. So,

Speaker 2 I ate about half a tub of her ice cream and some of my rock cakes.

Speaker 2 I literally remember sitting there and I was looking at literally looking at the door, like, please, no one come in while I'm eating, eating the teacher's ice cream.

Speaker 2 But the cakes, the dough, and that ice cream together was just

Speaker 2 oh, god, I'm sorry,

Speaker 2 have you made that since never never I don't know what I poured in it I lost her recipe sheet which doesn't matter it's irrelevant because I didn't follow it anyway

Speaker 2 it was good to see the things that I did ignore it probably would have helped never made it since I literally I can't cook or bake or anything to save my life at all I'm so terrible but yeah that that's the dessert there homemade raw rock cake dough and stolen ice cream

Speaker 2 rock cake there you go I was in Leeds once on tour and me and my tour manager were like we really want a fro yo uh I think we just had a Nando's and Afters are like, got to get a Froyo.

Speaker 2 And we were walking around, just walking around Lisa trying to find a place. And eventually, we found this stand, and it looked like a Fro-Yo stand.
Right.

Speaker 2 And we looked at the menu, and it read like a Froyo menu,

Speaker 2 but like, there's only like two flavors, and one was like chocolate chip, and what was something else. But I was like, I'll have a chocke chip one.

Speaker 2 And then it was not a Froyo stand, it was just a cookie dough stand. Whoa.
So, what they gave us was just a tray of cookie dough,

Speaker 2 like warm chocolate chip cookie dough, and they put some soft serve ice cream on it. Oh, man.
So we were kind of looking for like a guilt-free pudding. Yeah.
And what we got was the guiltiest pudding.

Speaker 2 And walking around eating it. But imagine that if you'd lied to your teacher and you'd snuck my hand

Speaker 2 and then stole the ice cream.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And the liar.

Speaker 2 The guilt that I had anyway eating that cookie level. On top of that, my feet and a liar.

Speaker 2 That's a really,

Speaker 2 what a heady. you can't believe when I thought about that dessert.
The best part is that I've literally never ever told anyone that story. Yeah, never told anyone.

Speaker 2 And I've decided to unleash it on a podcast. I'm only going to get a bill through my letterbox and that's £4.79 for some of that ice cream.
Someone saw you.

Speaker 2 In Food Tech, we had to make pizzas one week

Speaker 2 and we could do any topping we wanted. Guess what I made? Right.
Any topping you wanted. You were allowed to do any topping you wanted.
Can we do a sweet one? Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 Chocolate

Speaker 2 So chocolate spread first. Marshmallows? Marshmallows, yep.
Oh, this is good. I mean, this is pretty much it.
Chocolate spread, marshmallows, and then one more little thing on the top.

Speaker 2 Create any cream? No cream. No.

Speaker 2 Strawberry sauce afterwards?

Speaker 2 Maltesers? No.

Speaker 2 Imagine it, yeah. Imagine the first bites with the eye.
He's got a look knife.

Speaker 2 Like jelly tots, like red jelly tots. No.
Dead melt in the oven. Actually, it all did.

Speaker 2 To be fair. I wasn't imagining you putting it in the oven.
I thought you'd like bake the dough. Yeah, I think I did.
I thought I did it on top.

Speaker 2 I did the dough and I took chocolate spread, marshmallows, and sprinkles. Yes.
Took it home, ate it while my mum, I remember mum sitting there just saying, that is disgraceful.

Speaker 2 They said I could make whatever I wanted, mum.

Speaker 2 That's not a pizza. Like, you're not, you're meant to be learning how to cook so that in adult life you can cook for yourself.
You're never going to make yourself that again.

Speaker 2 It's like, no, but I'm never going to to be. That's backfired.
You make it every week. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I live on that. But, like, yeah, so I made that

Speaker 31 in plain sight.

Speaker 2 I mean, you did yours, you know, in secret.

Speaker 2 I made it in front of everyone in the class. I should have just been braver, is what you're saying, because that sounds like a really good memory you've got there.

Speaker 2 You should have just been braver and just

Speaker 2 a good memory.

Speaker 2 I think you're one sneaking around. It must feel better.
What a rush. It was a rush.
A sugar rush and a guilt rush.

Speaker 2 How did you think about it for afterwards? Not that long, actually, because when I was younger as well, I was a very chubby little boy. Like, I was very, very, very chubby when I was younger.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm beginning to see work.

Speaker 2 There you go, guys. I was trying to get to the bottom of this mystery for a starter when I was younger.

Speaker 2 So, I used to, I think that day I went home. I think my mum literally asked me, Where's the rock cakes? Because she helped me file the ingredients.
And I was like, Well,

Speaker 2 this is awkward. Just an empty Tupperware box that my dad didn't drop in at lunch with me.

Speaker 2 But yeah, no, she said to me, she's like, Oh, you know, where are the rock cakes? And I was like, Oh, what, eight minutes?

Speaker 2 because you didn't save any i was like no and i was like i think i might have lied and said i dropped some or something like that and then i had dessert with dinner as well so it's just a very very sneaky chubby child very clever very smart yeah i'll read your uh uh order back to you jordan appreciate it so you you would like some still water which you've recently got into um

Speaker 2 some

Speaker 2 you like some garlic bread with mozzarella caramelized onions from prezo yes please uh your starter you would like barbecue chicken wontons from planet hollywood yep uh your main, you would like the gutbuster burger from Man vs.

Speaker 2 Food in Heathrow, not the airport.

Speaker 2 Your side, McDonald's hash grounds with syrup. Yep.
Your drink, you would like a virgin strawberry daiquiri from the Mexican wedding. Yes, please.

Speaker 2 And your dessert, you would like hot sugary rock cake dough with cart door ice cream.

Speaker 2 Sneakily eaten. And stolen.

Speaker 2 Don't forget a stolen eye. The stolen cart door ice cream, apologies.
Eaten in a school. Eaten in a school.
But you are a child when you're eating it. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
You don't know.

Speaker 2 And then lie to your mum afterwards.

Speaker 2 And also. Can you do that as a genie? Can you make all those things? Yeah, I can make all this stuff happen.
And I assume you still want to involve your dad in the lie. Yes, please.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Welcome into the story.

Speaker 2 Great. Well, thank you so much for coming, Jordan.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 That was the 28,000 calorie menu of Jordan Banjo. Whoa! He wasn't messing around.
He wasn't. He really took that piece of information to heart that he couldn't get full.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And he obviously thought it's not going to put on any weight. It's not going to be unhealthy.
Yeah. He just proper gone for it there.
Yeah, I respect that.

Speaker 2 This is my chance. This is my chance.
You know what you reminded me of? You know when you're watching one of those shows where they show an unhealthy person all the food they eat in a week on a table?

Speaker 2 That's what that reminded me of. Yeah, exactly like that.
It's like so many strawberry jackaries that are just sugar. Yeah.
But he didn't mention lavender, James. He didn't mention lavender.

Speaker 2 So congratulations, Jordan. You get to eat that whole meal and not be full.
I also liked his honourable muncheons there. Yeah.
Yes. With his mum's

Speaker 2 tuna pasta bake. And his nan sweet tea.
His nan sweet tea.

Speaker 2 I think I knew he wasn't going to mention lavender as soon as his starter was chicken wontons from Planet Hollywood. Yeah.
I thought lavender's probably not going to get a look in.

Speaker 2 He'd be a real swerve. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 In food tech. He made some lavender rock cakes.
But Kraken Menu, thank you very much for coming on, Jordan. James, what are you up to? Anything you want to plug, my friend?

Speaker 2 I'm touring.

Speaker 2 Hypothetical is on TV, I think, still on Dave. It'll always be on Dave forever when it's on Dave.
Yeah. So that'll be there.

Speaker 2 I feel like there is other stuff that I'm doing, but I can't really remember it now. Okay.
Good plug, man.

Speaker 2 I'm on tour, I guess, depending on when this goes out. But if you go on my website, edgamble.co.uk forward slash gigs, you can check that out.
Check out my Twitter at GambleComedy.

Speaker 2 James is on Twitter as well. The podcast is on Twitter.
Oh, it's all on Twitter at at OffMenuOfficial. Yes, and that's on Instagram as well.
Please subscribe to the podcast.

Speaker 2 Review the podcast with the lovely five stars. Check out the soch meads.
That's what the kids say, James. Meatsy bass? The soch meatsy base.
Keep listening. Tell your friends.
But for now,

Speaker 2 mop up the stains around your mat. I was trying to do like a culinary thing of like

Speaker 2 oh, you may you may get down from the table. That's nice.
That's good, isn't it? Yeah. See you later.

Speaker 5 November is all about gathering, friends giving feasts, Thanksgiving dinners, and football weekends.

Speaker 8 Total Wine and More has everything you need for your table and your toasts, with thousands of wines, spirits, and beers at the lowest prices.

Speaker 9 From bold reds to sparklers, you'll find the perfect wines to raise a glass this season.

Speaker 4 And when it comes to spirits, Total Wine has you covered from smooth bourbons and tequilas to all the essentials for your holiday cocktails.

Speaker 4 Hosting Thanksgiving, Total Wine's guides make it easy by taking out the guesswork.

Speaker 11 With the lowest prices for over 30 years, you'll always find what you love and love what you find, only at Total Wine and More.

Speaker 12 Curbside pickup and delivery available in most areas.

Speaker 9 See TotalWine.com for details.

Speaker 12 Spirits not sold in Virginia and North Carolina.

Speaker 13 Drink responsibly.

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Speaker 30 Hi, folks. It's Mark Bittman from the podcast, Food with Mark Bittman.

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Speaker 11 Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont.

Speaker 2 And I'm Tim Campbell, as a matter of fact.

Speaker 33 Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding.

Speaker 34 That is what we've heard, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 33 This changes people's lives.

Speaker 11 If you had to sum it up, how would you sum it up?

Speaker 33 An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals because it used to be considered so honourable, like sumos and they all live together, sumos.

Speaker 34 No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just messaged loads of Derek's? I don't think people know that.
I emailed a hundred Dereks.

Speaker 2 I don't think it was Derek's. I thought it was Brian's.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook.

Speaker 34 Our podcast is out every Friday. It's really easy to remember.
It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first day you feel alive again.

Speaker 33 Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, one of the hottest podcasts. People are going crazy for this podcast.

Speaker 34 Yeah, please give it a listen.

Speaker 33 We're loaded up on Buzzballs. We've got a laboo boo in both hands and we are ready to screech.