Ep 19: Gemma Cairney

Speaker 1 Oh no, it's James A Caster from the Off Menu Podcast, the podcast that you are listening to, and I have some news. I am going on tour round America, North America,

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Speaker 11 Your order's ready.

Speaker 1 Your order's ready. It's another off-menu podcast.
Ha ha.

Speaker 1 Great stuff from Ed Gamble there. Oh, the Great Bonito didn't seem happy with that.
Our producer, The Great Bonito, looked really angry at my intro there, James.

Speaker 1 Yes, well, the Great Bonito should not be so angry, should he? Sometimes the Great Bonito just has to hear an introduction and love it.

Speaker 1 Yes, I think it was a lady saying, Your order's ready, and then you go up to the counter and you collect your podcast. This is the Off-Menu Podcast, the podcast where myself, Ed Gamble, and James A.

Speaker 1 Custer over there, ask a special guest what their dream meal is. Their favourite ever: starter, main course, dessert, side, and drink.
And today we've got the wonderful Jim McCearney. Jim McCearney.

Speaker 1 Six music, DJ, presenter,

Speaker 1 podcast extraordinaire. I think that's a wonderful way of describing her.
Yeah. Very much looking forward to hearing what her dream meal is.

Speaker 1 Does she have any ingredients that we don't want to hear about, James? Good point, Ed. I'll just check the list.
Yeah, if she says whole peppercorns, she is out of here.

Speaker 1 As per, there is an ingredient that if she mentions she's out of here. Oh.
It's whole peppercorns. I hate them, James.
What an awful surprise.

Speaker 1 You're having a lovely meal, yum, yum, yum, biting away, and then you're bite into a whole peppercorn and your life's ruined. Quite often, it's a little red one as well.
Yep, do not like it.

Speaker 1 For danger, red, a little danger ball. Yep, but you know,

Speaker 1 what's the point of painting it red when you can't even see it? It's always sneaking around. Sneaking around, horrible sneaky peppercorn.
So, if she has any sneaky peppercorns in her meal, she's gone.

Speaker 1 But for now, let's listen to the wonderful menu of Gemma Kearney.

Speaker 1 Gemma, welcome to the dream restaurant.

Speaker 11 I do feel like I'm in a dream. Yeah? Yeah, because I can't really see that many restauranty things.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No, this is very much a restaurant of the mind. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 You can add in all the restauranty stuff within your imagination.

Speaker 1 Ah.

Speaker 1 And like clockwork. Welcome.

Speaker 1 That's me appearing. I'm a genie.

Speaker 1 Jimmy would have seen that anyway. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm a genie waiter. Welcome to the restaurant.

Speaker 11 Oh, thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here.
Does it mean that you get to make some of my wishes come true?

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Well,

Speaker 1 exclusively food-based wishes. Food-based wishes.
Although no one has come in here and tried to make any other wishes so far. No.
But it might be worth a try. But as far as I know, he is a food genie.

Speaker 1 Only food. Okay.
Only do foods. So I can do, you know, all of your favourite foods for your dream meal.
Is there any other food-related wishes you have that aren't?

Speaker 11 Oh, I wish that we were allowed to eat naughty things all the time.

Speaker 1 Right, yeah. All the time.
Well, you are allowed to. It's just, I guess you've got to cope with the consequences of

Speaker 1 a sad thing.

Speaker 11 I wish we could get rid of those. And you know, now that we're in 2019, there are things that are just really not okay to eat.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 But we grew up in the 80s and 90s, I'm guessing. I did, and I'm guessing you too.

Speaker 11 So we have a penchant for certain disgusting things sure I feel in our generation I might be I might be just like stereotyping whatever but if you grew up in the 80s and 90s I would say in terms of probability wise you're likely to to sometimes crave a McDonald's for example uh-huh yeah but it's just like not the done things like it's

Speaker 11 unethical it's yeah it's it's probably going to be meat that's not the thing anymore like it's all processed it's it's just not good but

Speaker 11 that's what you'd like for nostalgia for nostalgia's sake yeah i gotta say one loves a big mac yeah

Speaker 1 one loves a big mac i i i it's weird isn't it because mcdonald's is sort of frowned upon now

Speaker 1 But it was one of the original fast food places. But still, there's like junk food places and fast food places that are as bad for you as McDonald's, but they're like trendier.

Speaker 1 So people are like, oh, yeah, we'll go to Patty and Bun or whatever. That's fine, but

Speaker 1 we don't go to McDonald's. It's like, come on.
It's basically the same thing. Did you see the film, The Founder, about the guy?

Speaker 1 I've not seen it. I liked it.
Well, no.

Speaker 1 What a great review, James. Actually, I didn't like it.
Oh, no. But, like,

Speaker 1 I liked a part of it. There was a bit that was great about the two people who properly founded it, brothers.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's an amazing story. And they do it really early on.
And they like meet Michael Keaton's character, who's this, like, you know, this hustling guy. And

Speaker 1 he thinks their burgers are great and he wants to go into business with him he asked them how they started and they they moved their business across the country and they actually decided to move the building that they were making hot dogs in at the time but then they changed it changed the burgers and

Speaker 1 so they got the building itself put it on the back of a truck and were driving along and they couldn't get it under tunnels

Speaker 1 yeah they couldn't get it under tunnels and so they cut the building in half that's why all mcdonald's like to begin with were just like one floor bungalows Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So like, because it could get through tunnels. They got it there.
They started it up.

Speaker 1 They invented the whole concept of fast food. They had to work it out themselves, how to like, you know, have a system that gets it out quick.

Speaker 1 They got all the staff and practiced on a tennis court, like an empty tennis court together. With like mime in it, mime in making burgers, time in it and stuff like that.
Really passionate. Did it.

Speaker 1 And then the rest of the film is watching those two brothers get their lives just stripped away from them

Speaker 1 and get erased from history. And that's the bit you like.
That's not the bit I like.

Speaker 1 I cried at the story, their story in the cinema. I cried, there was a bit when they were making, mimin making the burgers, and I started to weep because I found it so

Speaker 1 moving. I didn't know his brothers, so it's Ronald and

Speaker 1 his brother. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 That's what I was imagining when you were talking about that. I was imagining Ronald Macdonald driving a truck with a building on the back.

Speaker 11 Is Ronald MacDonald even allowed anymore?

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't know. Oh, why not?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Is he problematic?

Speaker 11 I don't know. Is he?

Speaker 11 Just his look is kind of

Speaker 1 a historic looking. Is it a problematic look, Ronald McDonald?

Speaker 11 We're talking about the clown, aren't we?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't see why Ronald MacDonald might not be allowed. He's scary.
Yeah, he's scary looking, unless there's some sort of historic allegations against Ronald MacDonald. I don't think there is.

Speaker 1 No. Sure, he does seem like an unsavoury character under the surface.
He hangs out with a burglar for a second.

Speaker 1 If he was someone who lived on your street, you wouldn't let anyone you knew hang out with him at all. Yeah, that's fair enough.

Speaker 11 Yeah. To be fair, I don't know what I'm talking about.
I kind of my address sense could be described quite similarly to Ronald MacDonald.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people can't see you, but your dress is Ronald McDonald's right now. So I thought it was that's why we were confused.

Speaker 1 That's a bit Rick. He looks crazy.

Speaker 1 So would you like still a sparkling water, Gemma?

Speaker 11 I'm going to go for sparkling, please.

Speaker 1 Sparkling, lovely. Always go for sparkling?

Speaker 11 I like to.

Speaker 1 I'm classy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Is there a reason why?

Speaker 1 Why do you prefer it?

Speaker 11 Because it's a little bit like having a fizzy drink. Yes.
Well, it is a fizzy drink, but you know, the sort of treat element of a fizzy drink. So it's.

Speaker 1 It's a treat of the bubbles. I actually like letting fizzy drinks go flat.
Have I said that on the podcast before? I'm not sure if you have. I have.
Ben's nodded. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cordy said it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It just clearly didn't get enough traction the first time.

Speaker 1 I'm bringing it up again.

Speaker 1 It's important to me. I don't like letting fizzy drinks go flat.
I think that's madness. Sometimes I deliberately do it.
I open them before I'm going to drink them. I just leave them out.

Speaker 11 That's weird. That is weird.

Speaker 1 Leave them to go flat. It's good for your tummy.
If you've got a bad tummy, do that with Coke. Oh, yeah.
Coke settles your stomach. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I do. But you don't do it for that reason.
You do it because you're bonkers. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I like it. I like it refreshing.

Speaker 11 I like fizzy drinks cold and fizzy. It's like a party in your mouth, isn't it?

Speaker 1 It's like a party in your mouth. Yeah.
Yeah. So sparkling water, you're basically getting the party started mouth-wise before you've had any food.

Speaker 1 But Well, that's the thing is that I don't really like parties. So

Speaker 1 that makes sense. Why I don't like busy drinks.
Oh, so I've got a party in my mouth. It's so hard.
I've got to stand in the corner and avoid everyone.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, it's like I've gone clubbing in my own head. Yeah.
Why is it so noisy? Can't we just sit down and have a chat?

Speaker 1 I hate this party. Right, so you've got the party started.
Pop a dumbs on, Greg. Pop-a-dums on, Greg, Jemma.

Speaker 11 Pop-a-dums or Greg. I'm going to go with pop-a-doms, please.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 1 People rarely go for pop-a-dums, and it warms my heart to hear it um you go for poppadums um any reason why uh they're like giant crisps aren't they i mean they are i'm like that yeah i was about to say that material yeah

Speaker 1 made of that same material that

Speaker 1 comes off the same material

Speaker 11 um tasty right you've got to love a giant crisp yeah you can dip into things and i love dips as well i love condiments so can i have some dips with that absolutely you can have some dips with it what dips do you want so the regular poppa dumb dips or just any dips in the world?

Speaker 1 Any dips in the world.

Speaker 1 This is good. This is left field.
So you'd like to go outside of the. What dips would you like to go? I don't really believe in food rules.

Speaker 11 I always say this to my flatmate, I'm like, don't abide by the rules of what's meant to go together. And it doesn't mean.

Speaker 1 As soon as she wakes up and you're standing

Speaker 1 over her bed saying dressed as Ronald McDonald, don't abide by the rules of what's meant to go together.

Speaker 1 So you're very much treating the poppadoms like a big crisp. Yeah.
Like a Dorito or something that you would dip into.

Speaker 11 How tasty is that?

Speaker 1 That sounds great.

Speaker 11 What dips? A guacamole.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Blaze. You really do not abide by the rules.

Speaker 1 Love it. So guacamole.

Speaker 11 I can't believe all of your faces.

Speaker 1 This is great.

Speaker 11 It's pure shock.

Speaker 1 This is amazing. This is great.
We're loving it.

Speaker 11 It's so funny, though.

Speaker 1 It's that controversial.

Speaker 1 Whoa. I don't think anyone's ever dipped a pop-dominance in some guacamole before.

Speaker 1 So the world know what will happen

Speaker 1 when they make contact.

Speaker 1 So you want some guacamole? Yeah, any other dips you'd like? Because this is already starting for me. I'm very excited.

Speaker 11 I quite like a yogurt-based dip. So, if we were to be more like rule-abiding, a pop-a-dom would come with a chutney and a yogurt dip.
So,

Speaker 11 um, I think it's called a rate or a writer. I'll have one of them as well, please, because it's that's gonna be a nice neutral thing for my palate as I continue to munch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and get the guacamole involved, yeah, baby.

Speaker 1 Can we come to your starter? What would you like as a starter? Gemma?

Speaker 11 Well, I'm stealing my best mate's favourite starter, but they love this starter so much that I've started, like, it's contagious. Yeah.
But they have deep love.

Speaker 11 Like, a married couple who are very good friends of mine. They kind of like my family.
They love a prawn cocktail.

Speaker 1 Okay, nice. Yeah.

Speaker 11 And wherever you go, there's one on the menu. It's going to make for a great day.

Speaker 1 A great evening.

Speaker 1 a very old school starter yeah one of the original starters i'd say yeah it's that's quite 70s i rarely have a i rarely have a prawn cocktail i think it fell out of favour so quickly but i think it's is it in again i think it's back in right guess how many i've had in my life how many one no way my whole life no what do you eat james

Speaker 1 somehow i find uh nourishment elsewhere i don't i don't i know everybody else want a mcdonald's you don't want a prawn cocktail

Speaker 11 you've never dipped a pop-a-dom in guacamole.

Speaker 1 Here is why. I'd had prawn cocktail crisps before I had a prawn cocktail.
And I loved them.

Speaker 1 Such great crisps.

Speaker 1 One of my favourite crisps growing up. So then I remember being in a place and seeing prawn cocktail on the menu.
I was like, yes. This is like my favourite flavour.
And they brought it along.

Speaker 1 I was not ready for there to be lettuce in there.

Speaker 1 Do you think it was used to be the dust from the crisps? I thought it would taste like a prawn cocktail crisp, and it absolutely did not taste like a prawn cocktail.

Speaker 1 No, but that's not the way around that it's gone wrong.

Speaker 1 They've got that wrong with the crisp flavour. They've not built a prawn cocktail off the back of the crisp and gone, well, we've not really nailed the flavour there.

Speaker 1 It's the crisp that's messed it up. Yeah, absolutely.
But I wasn't going to eat the prawn cocktail, then get angry at the crisp, was I?

Speaker 1 You should have done. And not eat it.

Speaker 1 I had to just admit that porn cocktail crisps are basically tomato sauce flavoured crisps. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's why I love them.

Speaker 1 And prawn cocktail is not really really not that.

Speaker 1 Where do you stand on cheese and onion? Because cheese and onion together doesn't taste anything like a cheese and onion crisp. Here's the thing.
Opposite.

Speaker 1 So I used to really not like cheese and onion crisps at all. Yeah.
And so then I would avoid cheese and onion sandwiches. Right.

Speaker 1 And then once, probably I was in my 20s by now, probably late 20s, I was forced to have a cheese and onion sandwich because there was a... I was working on something and all the sandwiches were out.

Speaker 1 And the only ones that were left were cheese and onion. I was so hungry, I was like, oh, I guess I've got to eat this disgusting sandwich.
And it was delicious. I absolutely love it.

Speaker 1 What world are you living in where you eat crisps before you eat the actual foods? Did you only eat crisps from the ages of zero to each other? I never tried salt and vinegar on its own until

Speaker 1 after I had the salt and vinegar crisps, you know?

Speaker 1 Having that as a little taster and going, well, I really should try roast beef and mustard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Really,

Speaker 1 when all those fancy ones came out, when they were doing the salt and lineker and whatever.

Speaker 1 That's not one of the fancy ones

Speaker 1 that's that's just salt and vinegar they just changed the name i was talking about the ones where they did that

Speaker 1 i've never eaten gary lineker yeah disappointingly you then met gary lineker and he was nothing like vinegar put a bit of salt on him gave him a lick

Speaker 1 nothing like the crisps oh dear gary gary

Speaker 11 oh we were talking about this in the pub last night because we were talking about the behaviour of dogs and how they lick each other yeah

Speaker 11 and then we were saying how sort of well we were debating whether it would be nice to to lick humans in the same way

Speaker 11 he just made he just reminded me because you were talking about licking games

Speaker 11 what did you conclude we concluded that even though

Speaker 11 i like to i like to sort of say anything goes i don't think it is all right to just like greet your mates by licking their face there are some rules you have to abide by gemma yeah yeah food or otherwise yeah i think it's probably not quite the one, is it?

Speaker 11 And also it just might not be a very nice experience.

Speaker 1 No, no, because you don't know. If you've just met someone, you don't want to lick them.
You don't know where they've been, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, they're probably going to make you smell disgusting, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Humans licking humans. No, thank you.
It's not all right. I've just got one friend who like, you know, gets really drunk and then licks your face.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Out of nowhere, gets really over carried away with himself and just licks people's faces. He's like, you motherfucker.
I think we've all got that. I think we've all got that friend.

Speaker 1 And And it is Tim King.

Speaker 11 We're such animals, really, aren't we? Like, when drunk, resort back to either being a toddler or a dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah, or a little dog. Although,

Speaker 1 if that was the situation that socially everyone would lick each other to greet each other,

Speaker 1 everyone's personal hygiene would be excellent. You would hope.

Speaker 11 But some people would have to hurt.

Speaker 1 Everyone would use that original sauce mint shower gel. In their mouth.
Yeah. In their mouth.
Oh, no, I'm thinking of the liquor.

Speaker 1 I'm not thinking about what's going to be left on the liqueur. Your dental hygiene.

Speaker 1 Dental hygiene would also have to be excellent. Everyone would tongue scrape.

Speaker 11 Yeah, tongue scrape. I've been getting into that recently.

Speaker 1 Have you? I don't think I've ever tongue scraped.

Speaker 1 Every now and again.

Speaker 1 Every now and again. I've got a tongue scrape.
Yeah, yeah, everybody.

Speaker 11 What do you scrape with? Do you have a tongue scrape?

Speaker 1 Are you a tongue scrape?

Speaker 11 I don't know why I'm finding them get soap.

Speaker 1 Actually, I probably don't scrape.

Speaker 1 I use whatever shutter proof of rules. Basically, my toothbrush.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 1 Just give it a scrub. I bought some

Speaker 11 copper iodervic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sounds like I'll be doing it wrong. Yeah, probably.

Speaker 11 I mean, it's quite a weird thing to do.

Speaker 1 So, you pop a scrape

Speaker 11 making me feel a bit funny

Speaker 1 without even admitting it.

Speaker 11 But it's supposedly good for us. Right.
Like just our dental hygiene in general.

Speaker 1 I can see why it would be.

Speaker 11 But it's like a sort of, yeah, it's just like made from metal and you just scrape your tongue. What does it look like?

Speaker 1 Is it like

Speaker 1 what you used to scrape ice off of a kind of windscreen?

Speaker 1 One of those things.

Speaker 11 A sort of

Speaker 11 bit of bended copper.

Speaker 11 I can't really explain it in a horseshoe.

Speaker 1 And then you put it over the tongue and then drag it down. Yeah.

Speaker 11 But it makes you feel a bit funny.

Speaker 1 It makes you feel a bit like, ooh.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But at least you now know you can lick strangers with confidence.

Speaker 11 Yes. Which is what I'm very much in the market of.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what this podcast is here to launch. This episode.
Jemmy's soon start licking people.

Speaker 1 The prawn cocktail, Gemma. Yeah.
What sort of prawns are we we talking? So I think of an old school prawn cocktail.

Speaker 1 I think of like tiny little prawns that have come out of the freezer or whatever and are mixed in with like a cocktail sauce or whatever.

Speaker 1 But then more modern prawn cocktails, you'd expect to see like huge, big ass prawns. Is that the sort of prawn you're going for?

Speaker 11 If it's the dream, then I'm going to go for a big, fat, juicy prawn.

Speaker 1 Yes, please.

Speaker 11 With a really tangy Mary Rose sauce. Yeah.
So it will have a bit more of the crisp.

Speaker 11 Will be a bit like crisp. You know, like, because the crisps are quite like tangy, aren't they?

Speaker 11 So I want the tang.

Speaker 1 You want the tang. Yeah.

Speaker 11 And I, yeah, and I want. And also, the lovely thing about prawn cocktail is that it looks great.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 It's just so lovely to look at.

Speaker 1 Especially if you get the big prawns and you like dangle them over the edge of the cup or whatever. Yeah.
They've got their little tails.

Speaker 11 Yeah. A nice sort of you use like a goblet almost or a glass.
And then you can see the Merry Rose sauce and it's lovely in 70s pink. And then the big prawns, oh, it's just, yeah.

Speaker 1 They're all fanned and they look like synchronized swimmers. Yeah.
All fanned out. Like they've got their heads under the water.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 He's satisfied with himself for that. It's lovely.
A lovely description from me.

Speaker 1 And your main, your main course,

Speaker 1 Jebo, do you go on 70s? I have a feeling

Speaker 1 what I would love now is if you went 80s for your main, 90s for your side.

Speaker 1 Through the decades.

Speaker 11 I

Speaker 11 love

Speaker 11 a good takeaway curry.

Speaker 1 Yes. I always have.

Speaker 11 It's quite ritualistic to just get a big curry

Speaker 1 and get your guacamole. Yes.

Speaker 11 I mean, I am darting about, but we're talking about the dream, aren't we?

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely. You can get whatever you want from wherever you want.

Speaker 11 And I've always loved a madrasse because it's like the perfect spice for me.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've ever had a madras.

Speaker 1 I think I've always been victim of that uh over masculinity sort of 90s lab thing of having a really hot curry and i don't think i've ever shaken that whereas i think i'd like a is it quite spicy it's quite spicy it's just not going to blow your mouth off like how a vindaloo will i wouldn't go vindaloo i go jail frazy most of the time i like it if you like a jail frazy you'll like a madrasse i'll go madrasse i've not had a madrasse because they've not made the crisps yet

Speaker 1 so i've not not tried it yet

Speaker 1 fair enough um are you going chicken madras i'm going lamb Lovely. Yeah, I completely agree with you.

Speaker 11 It's just so delicious. And again, you know, I am questioning my meat intake at the moment.

Speaker 11 So I feel guilty saying that lamb madrasse is one of my faves,

Speaker 11 but it just is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. That's totally fair enough.
Is there somewhere where you've had the best lamb madrasse? Like, is there like a curry house growing up or what was your favourite?

Speaker 11 It's a good point. Not particularly.
It's just a local place. Like, there's not a particular one from one growing up.
I've just always stuck to that.

Speaker 11 And also, I do travel a lot and I've lived in loads of different places. So, it is good to have your comfort that is quite easily got.

Speaker 11 And you can usually find a lamb address, a decent lamb address, anywhere in the UK.

Speaker 1 Sure. And are you having rice with that?

Speaker 11 Yeah, mushroom rice, please.

Speaker 1 Mushroom rice every time.

Speaker 1 I think I normally, if I'm having rice, I go mushroom pillow.

Speaker 11 Yes, please. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's really, really solid choice. Absolutely.
But special.

Speaker 1 You go, what? I've got special rice every time. Special rice.
Special rice. Yeah, yeah.
Is that they say this is your special rice for you? Yeah, so say that.

Speaker 1 Tell me how I'm going to be in the middle of the day. You know what that is? It's all the leftovers of all the other rice, all mixed up.
It's nice, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, peas. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, come on. Peas in there.

Speaker 11 It is quite clever though, isn't it?

Speaker 1 With mushrooms in there. The dish special.
Because you don't.

Speaker 11 Look how happy. Like, I just say that people listening know that James' face is lit up with joy.
The idea that it's special.

Speaker 1 Yeah, special rice for a special.

Speaker 11 Rather than anything that's in it, it's more the fact that it's just special.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Are there always peas in special rice? Always peas.

Speaker 1 I think sometimes there's mushrooms. Sometimes, I had one special rice once.
It even had little prawns in it. Oh, that's quite nice.
That's so special. That was very special.

Speaker 1 That's what's fun about the special rice. I never know what it's going to be.
I find that too distracting, having all those things in it. You'd be distracted,

Speaker 1 dancing around and doing something.

Speaker 1 No, when it comes straight on the curry, the rice should be there as very much as a side dish to soak up some extra sauce, maybe.

Speaker 1 And, you know, you don't want to be bunging in

Speaker 1 all those things.

Speaker 1 Like a box of Lucky Charms.

Speaker 1 You have looking at everything coming out all the time.

Speaker 1 I mean, you know that if they offered Lucky Charms on a curry, I have it.

Speaker 1 You absolutely would. And what side would you like with your curry, sir? Cookie crisp, please.
Cookie crisp.

Speaker 1 Oh, delicious. Are you getting to choose the heat of this madrasa or is it just like?

Speaker 11 I would like it spicy, please. I mean, a madrasse is, you know, when you get the chilies to indicate how spicy a dish is my voice they're weird

Speaker 11 if four is like the the spiciest i reckon a madrasse is like a three

Speaker 1 which i'm happy with yeah that's that's a good

Speaker 11 that's pretty that's not you you're not showboating no but also you're having a you're having a good time i do like a spicy curry i really i used to love it when i was little as well because i think i was being a bit of a show-off right

Speaker 11 But

Speaker 11 I also know that it's annoying if you're just eating something that's too spicy and you can't actually taste it.

Speaker 1 You want to taste the lamb, right? Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to drown it in spice.

Speaker 11 And it's also really embarrassing. Like there's, I've got a few distinct memories of going too spicy in various situations.
And that sounds really weird.

Speaker 1 There's a Twitter account that someone set up for this podcast called No Context Off Menu, where they just take quotes from it and tweet it.

Speaker 1 And I think your quote of, I have a memory of going spicy in some situations. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you're in big trouble there, Jenna. No.

Speaker 1 We can't do anything about it now.

Speaker 11 And also,

Speaker 11 when I was on Radio 1, I played Innuendo Bingo quite a lot. Have you ever seen that?

Speaker 1 I played it the other day.

Speaker 1 I played it the other day. Yeah.
Did not enjoy it.

Speaker 11 It's kind of horrible, really, isn't it?

Speaker 1 You just get Chris Stark spitting on you.

Speaker 11 Yeah, it's gross.

Speaker 11 Just to put it into context if people don't know, it's where you sit opposite Chris Dark, who is the co-host of Scott Mills, and yeah, he had you fill your mouths with water like a chipmunk, so it's like you are absolutely filled.

Speaker 11 And then they play a series of innuendos in terms of audio, but it can be from the telly or whatever, and try not to laugh. And some of them are incredible, and you sort of spit all over each other.

Speaker 1 Well, the thing is, yeah, you sit opposite Chris Dark, you both got water in your mouth, and then they play a clip of like, you know, Mary Berry saying she likes plums in her mouth or something.

Speaker 1 And then,

Speaker 1 yeah, sure, it's funny, But the thing is, like, I'm

Speaker 1 not going to laugh at all. So, the first one, whatever it was, I thought, kind of funny, but I'm not going to just, I'm not going to fake it.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Stark knows that,

Speaker 1 yo, it's got to be a fun episode. Yeah.
So he knows it. So he just immediately, just, whatever happens, just spits a gob full of water on you.
And you go, that's your actual spit, Stark.

Speaker 1 And what do we do?

Speaker 1 His tongue?

Speaker 1 We need to ask him. Yeah,

Speaker 1 Stark, not a tongue scraper, there's no way.

Speaker 1 So then, I'm just like, basically, no matter what the innuendo was, just spraying water on him. I was angry at him.

Speaker 1 So, you weren't listening to the innuendo, though. Someone just spat water on me, for God's sake.

Speaker 11 He played it really aggressively.

Speaker 1 You sput it at him every single time. There you go.
Halfway through, just yeah, not even listening to what it was. It is quite a weird game.

Speaker 11 It is quite weird, but I played it a lot, and I'm just hoping that that innuendo doesn't get in there.

Speaker 1 It's gone too spicy in some situations.

Speaker 11 But I have a very distinct memory of eating a

Speaker 11 burrito with sauce that was too spicy and just literally sitting with my mates and just like weeping.

Speaker 11 It was so embarrassing. I don't know what it is.
It's because you just feel a bit like an idiot because you keep going. You're like, it's going to be fine.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 But it's just taking over every sense and then you're just crying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it just shuts you down. There's that moment with each mouthful where for a while it's not that bad.

Speaker 1 So you just keep eating because it's like, if I have another bite, it'll go back to being like fine again. and it's only when I let it settle that I'm on fire and my life's awake in hell.

Speaker 1 I do kind of see why people get addicted to that though, because there are some like chili heads who are really into it.

Speaker 1 And when you start, when you get that little sweat on, like a little cold sweat, and you're properly like you're in the thrall of the spice, I can see why that might be quite like going to a sauna, like sweating it out, purging.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it's yeah, it's like endorphins, it's like a rush, it's like being on a roller coaster, but you're just in a restaurant. Should we just all go out and eat some chilies? Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 If the fizzy water is like a party in your mouth,

Speaker 1 what is

Speaker 1 a free chili madrasse in your mouth?

Speaker 11 A livener. A livener.
It just sharpens the senses. So you're at the party anyway because

Speaker 1 you've got the water. So the mouth's at a party and you're like, let's take this up to the next notch.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who's arrived at the party? Oh.

Speaker 1 When the madrasse walks through the door, what human form is it taking all right it's taking the form of

Speaker 11 snoop dog

Speaker 1 snoop dog is the madras

Speaker 1 the madras

Speaker 1 here comes snoop dog

Speaker 1 that would be a livener yeah that would be a livener

Speaker 1 yeah i feel like suddenly i've got a lot more energy but what i would say about snoop dog is i'm sure he's great at a party but i would never describe him as a livener i feel like a lot of his public persona is actually quite relaxed

Speaker 1 for various reasons.

Speaker 11 Yeah, but he's Snoop Dogg.

Speaker 1 Yeah, everyone would definitely be like, Oh my god, Snoop Dogg. It's Snoop Dogg, and then when suddenly the party's now buzzing,

Speaker 1 yeah, is enough. I'm imagining him because he's a lamb madrasse walking in with a little lamb under his arm.

Speaker 1 Snoop Dogg with a lamb. Yeah.

Speaker 11 I wouldn't even be that surprised. I don't know why.

Speaker 1 He'd be like, oh, he's got a lamb. He's got a pet lamb.
He's called Snoop Lamb now.

Speaker 1 Change his name yet again.

Speaker 11 Yeah, because it wasn't any Snoop. Wasn't he?

Speaker 1 Snoop Lion. Lion.
Snoop Lion.

Speaker 1 Sleep Lamb. Yeah, Snoop Lamb.

Speaker 1 I just say that. Sloop Lamb.

Speaker 1 Sloop Lamb's at the pun. Sloop Lamb.
Good to see you all.

Speaker 1 A bit of a live nephoria to release this lamb into the room.

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Speaker 1 what is your side dish gemma

Speaker 1 And you don't what you don't have to do because it's a dream restaurant and we know you don't play by the rules anyway You don't necessarily have to have an Indian side dish for this. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Because Because you've got the rice. The rice is all in.
If you already have popped it onto a guacamole, I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 11 This is hard. I have to think about this.
Okay. Because it needs to be right.

Speaker 11 I'm having a really great dinner.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 Snoop's in the room.

Speaker 11 Snoop's hanging out.

Speaker 1 Snoop's there.

Speaker 11 I've got sparkling water.

Speaker 1 70s party.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I've had a really decadent 70s party.

Speaker 11 So in a place down the road to me called Olby's, it's called a soul cafe, and there's like lots of delicious food that you can buy. And

Speaker 1 one of the things that they do called jalapeno poppers oh yeah yes so yeah that's what I'm having stuffed jalapenos so cream cheese in them yeah breaded deep fried you're not you're not cooling this party down no this party this party is only getting more lively snoop dog better phone the fire brigade

Speaker 1 because uh

Speaker 1 I'm the fire remote yeah someone just said the other fire

Speaker 1 yeah yeah this is very

Speaker 1 the loudest wool has just gone up I hope you ordered a big old bowl of guacamole for the...

Speaker 1 Unless you've got the guacamole with the chili flakes in it, in which case you're... Which I think you would, Gemma, let's face it.

Speaker 1 Let's face it.

Speaker 1 Jalapeno Poppers. Now, what...

Speaker 1 So where was the place you mentioned?

Speaker 11 Alby's, it's called.

Speaker 1 Alby's. What is special about there?

Speaker 11 I love Olby's.

Speaker 11 I just like the space. So I live in Kent on the southeast coast and in Margate, and it's quite a sort of ramshackle, weird, brilliantly weird place.

Speaker 11 And it's a good spot to know when you get to Olby's on King Street in the old town that you're just going to be able to relax and that they're going to play good music and that there's going to be friendly people behind the bar and that you can just order a bowl of jalapeno poppers, drink Prosecco and be relaxed.

Speaker 11 So yeah, it's just like about an atmosphere.

Speaker 11 Music being quite key. It's quite sort of smooth in there.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 11 You've got a lot of 90s R ⁇ B.

Speaker 1 And is that what you want at the...

Speaker 1 Is that what I was playing at the party? I think it might have to be, yeah. Do you Think Snoop would like the 90s RB?

Speaker 11 I reckon he would. I reckon, again, he's not going to be particularly lively, but his vibe is going to be exciting.
He's going to be on a special VIP table in the corner.

Speaker 1 Him and the lamb? Yeah, him and the lamb.

Speaker 11 And he's got a couple of magnums of shamps around him.

Speaker 11 And he's like just riding it out, like grooving.

Speaker 11 So like, just like nodding his head.

Speaker 1 Is the lamb nodding his head as well? The lamb is nodding his his head.

Speaker 11 And they're playing the entire Destiny's Child Writings on the Wall album.

Speaker 1 Right, great.

Speaker 11 Which is epic and worth an entire listen rather than just picking one track. So we're just grooving to Destiny's Child.
Great. Eating jalapeno poppers.

Speaker 1 I was at a wedding once, and me and my friends just realised it was just really funny to nod your head to every song.

Speaker 1 I couldn't stop laughing.

Speaker 1 That's the point when it on, every time it came, I just started nodding your head. It's really over-exaggerated.
it. Whatever it was.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 nod your head to it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the longer that you do it for, the funnier. Yeah.
That is really funny, actually. It's really funny.
It's just really

Speaker 11 like yours.

Speaker 1 It's like... Just really going for it.
It's really fun.

Speaker 1 Like a puppet, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like a thunderbird puppy.

Speaker 1 What I've worked out as well is it's more fun if your face looks really worried. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just through a little worried eyebrows. Nodding and panics about your own head.
Try it yourself at home? Yeah. Nod along.

Speaker 1 Nod along to a podcast is even better. Yeah, yeah.
People always have nodded along to our podcast. Nod to the world.

Speaker 1 You said Snoop's going to have a big load of champagne. You like having the champers with the jalapeno poppers.
Is that going to be your drink of choice?

Speaker 11 I'm going to choose champagne, yeah. I said Prosecco is what I drink in Old B's, but if as this is the dream and Snoop's there,

Speaker 11 and I've had a the prawn cocktail, which has set the tone,

Speaker 11 I'm going for a champagne.

Speaker 1 You can't, Snoop can't see you

Speaker 1 drinking Posecco. It's true.
And he's there with the Magnums. I mean,

Speaker 1 the party's in your mouth. Right.
Let's not forget this is not a natural party. The party is in your mouth.
It's in your mouth, anyway. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you could, yeah, you have the champagne because Snoop has the champagne. The only way you know that they're nodding their heads is because you're looking in the mirror with an open mouth.

Speaker 1 You're seeing what's going on in there. Also,

Speaker 1 I hope that no psychologists listen to this and sort of break down what it says about you.

Speaker 1 My entire career, I hope that no psychologist happened upon my work.

Speaker 1 I do enjoy that there's a VIP area in your mouth as well. Snoop's in there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whereabouts in your mouth

Speaker 1 would you put the VIP section of the party? Whereabouts do you think the

Speaker 1 I've got a space where my wisdom tooth was taken out? Right. So I could

Speaker 1 section that guy.

Speaker 1 I had a crown put in, and so that feels feels like a pretty bougie bit of my mouth. Oh yeah, yeah.
So I think it'd be around

Speaker 1 Snoop would want to sit on the crowd, wouldn't he? Yeah, yeah, because you wouldn't.

Speaker 1 Jemma?

Speaker 11 Where would I like to sit in your mouth?

Speaker 11 In your own mouth, where would the VIP

Speaker 1 section be?

Speaker 1 Very important person.

Speaker 1 People you don't know at home.

Speaker 11 This is so weird.

Speaker 11 Seeing as I'm a tongue scraper.

Speaker 1 Yeah, of course. Probably somewhere away down.
Yeah, because you look after your tongue, it's like the red carpet of your mouth. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It is. That's where the VIP section is.
Perfect. Freshly scraped tongue.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 11 Snoop and little Larry Larry.

Speaker 1 Snoop and Larry. We've scraped it specially for you.
Have a seat.

Speaker 1 Perfect. VIP section.
So you've got champagne in the VIP section and for yourself for this meal. Yeah, for sure.
Is there a particular brand?

Speaker 11 Let's just go tatty, tattinger. Oh, yeah.
Because it just it sounds a bit abfab, doesn't it? Sure. A bottle of tatty, please.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's quite nice. I enjoy Laurent Perrier champagne, and that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they've sent us some bottles, which I'll bring another, another time.

Speaker 1 I get headaches every time I have champagne. No, what a shame.

Speaker 1 I don't even need to get drunk on it. Like, this next day I've got a headache.
Oh, that's not good. Awful, yeah.
Not fun.

Speaker 1 I always, yeah, I'm always like, I can't wait for a glass of champagne. And then after a glass of champagne, I'm like, I am far more pissed than one drink should make me.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 It's the excitement, though, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's the bubbles.

Speaker 11 There's something about champagne. There just is.
And it's a shame that you don't get to benefit from that because it's a really lovely ceremonial thing of like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Pop.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 First time I had champagne was Millennium Eve, 1999. Wow, what a night.
I was 14.

Speaker 1 And I thought, great. Everyone's having champagne, can't wait.
And really disappointed. Didn't taste like champagne crisps did.

Speaker 1 Really bad. Marks and Spencer's do Prosecco Crisps now.
Do they? Yeah. Get out of town, Marks.
Mark and Spencer, actually.

Speaker 1 Both of them. They don't taste like Prosecco, surprisingly.
Really? Because it's a drink. So, well, yeah.

Speaker 11 I just think that's a bit desperate, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's...

Speaker 11 I just think it is. Prosecco Crisps are sort of taking the Mickey out of us all.

Speaker 1 Like, I.

Speaker 11 champagne Chris, on the other hand, you'd be on the quirk that I'm sort of like, okay, yeah, okay, that's kind of funny. Prosecco crisps.
Yeah. That don't even taste the Prosecco.

Speaker 1 Because everyone buys them once. Yeah.
You're like, I wonder what this will taste like. And what does it take? Did you have them? I've had them.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 What did they taste like?

Speaker 11 I was calling Mark and Spencer desperate, not the people that buy them.

Speaker 1 No, I wasn't desperate.

Speaker 1 I was just trying them out.

Speaker 1 They didn't taste like Prosecco at all.

Speaker 1 Exactly. They just tasted too sweet.
Yeah. Sweet Chris.
No, thank you. I don't know what I was expecting.

Speaker 1 I thought you ate some biscuits, Ed. Oh, yeah.
Sorry, biscuits. That's what they were.

Speaker 1 Chocolate biscuits. That's what I had.

Speaker 11 You know what? I have seen them.

Speaker 1 I have seen them.

Speaker 11 But I feel like it's because Prosecco has become so popular. Yeah.
They just take...

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a cash-in, of course it is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you would have champagne, Chris. Yes, please.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah, because that's like the proper deal. Like, people only drink Prosecco right because it's cheaper than champagne.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Right, that's true.

Speaker 11 I don't love Prosecco. No.

Speaker 1 Do you love Prosecco? No, I don't really like champagne that much either. I wouldn't, I wouldn't choose it.
I'd only take it if it was on offer.

Speaker 1 Do you say um champagne for my real friends, real pain for my cham friends? Do you ever say that? What's this?

Speaker 11 Champagne for my real friends.

Speaker 1 Real pain for my sham friends. Yeah, it's a very it's

Speaker 1 have you ever ever said that, Jebber?

Speaker 1 Have you ever said that, James? Yeah. Do you say it every time that you have some champagne? Say it all the time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Champagne for my real friends. Real pain for my sham friends.
Yeah, it's a good catchphrase.

Speaker 11 It's a good one.

Speaker 1 Who's it? Is it Drake?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think. Yeah, it's Drake.
Is it? I know, but like, I don't really know who it is. I don't know who coined it originally.
It's kids. It's a good thing.

Speaker 1 Imagine being there the first time someone said that. Oh, they'd have lost their minds, wouldn't they? They raise their toes.
They go, champagne for my.

Speaker 1 They planned it in advance, or it occurred to them as they were saying it.

Speaker 1 Champagne for my real friends. And real.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, guys.

Speaker 1 Listen to this.

Speaker 1 Right, okay, I'm going to go back to the beginning again. Real pain for my sham friends.
You know Dudley in the office? He's a sham friend, isn't he?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Oh, good point.
Dudley is a sham friend.

Speaker 1 It didn't work as well as the day before he was at a party. They had Prosecco.

Speaker 1 Yeah, real Prosecco for my friends.

Speaker 1 Pro.

Speaker 1 Prosecc for my

Speaker 1 friends. My bad pro friends.
Oh, please still hang out with me. Oh, guys.

Speaker 1 I just

Speaker 1 real labina from us.

Speaker 1 It's every drink they've ever had. Eventually one day it worked out.

Speaker 11 I do think it is nice to toast random things though.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 So not just drinking champagne all the time, but if you are with your mate and you've got a cup of tea

Speaker 11 and you feel like you want to celebrate something,

Speaker 11 have a cheers of your tea or

Speaker 1 are you a strict eye contact when cheers and beaters? I'm going to try. Yeah.

Speaker 11 It's not worth worth the risk, is it?

Speaker 1 Yesterday, when we were cheersing, Beliefs were the people who then goes, off, we've got to do it. So you make your eyes really wide.
Don't give them any cheers. So to be like, I'm doing it, everyone.

Speaker 1 Don't have a go at me.

Speaker 1 It's quite threatening, actually.

Speaker 1 I'd say. We did it.

Speaker 1 We went out for a meal yesterday and they brought us some little bite things just to start. They were like cauliflower, cheese, little tart things.

Speaker 1 And we cheersed all of those, didn't we? Cheers and the tartlets. That was great.
Do we cheers some tartlets? Yeah, that was very nice. Very nice.
And you cheers with a cup of tea? A cup of tea.

Speaker 11 I would cheers with a tartlet.

Speaker 1 Invite me next time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cup of tea for your real friends.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Real tea.
Real Seth. Real tea for your cup of friends.

Speaker 1 We come to your desserts.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Final course.

Speaker 11 Because I've eaten quite a lot.

Speaker 11 I'm going to have a sorbet.

Speaker 1 What flavour?

Speaker 11 Mango, please.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, Ed's happy.
It's surely the only flavour to go for, really.

Speaker 11 Those sorbets have been getting quite jazzy recently.

Speaker 1 Too jazzy?

Speaker 1 Are you here to put a stop to the.

Speaker 11 No, I don't want to put a stop to it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to speak. Is the party over?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Speaking everyone out. Neighbours are knocking on the door.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Spitting Snoop Dogg out. Yeah.
Get out of there, Snoop. Oh, my God.

Speaker 11 Yeah, so I think I've tried peach sorbet,

Speaker 11 blackcurrant sorbet. So these are all nice.

Speaker 1 I wanted that list to go on for longer, if I'm honest, Jeff. I know, I know.
I'll see how long Gemma can list sorbets for.

Speaker 1 But she's tried.

Speaker 11 Riveting stuff.

Speaker 1 The sorbets that I've tried.

Speaker 11 Really is showing my 10-year broadcast.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the Sorbets that I've tried.

Speaker 1 Did you ever find yourself in a situation on like Radio 1, say, where you just had to fill some time and you ended up listing something.

Speaker 11 I'm sure there would have been many times that.

Speaker 1 That's the sorbets, I'm sure. That's why the sorbet was at the forefront of your mind.

Speaker 1 Black currant sorbet, mango sorbet.

Speaker 1 Anyway, here's the Arctic Monkeys.

Speaker 11 It's just a bit of, you know, beat poetry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's subtext to it, if people would only listen. Exactly.

Speaker 11 Why can't I have the space for my art?

Speaker 1 I wouldn't say black currant sorbet is that jazzy. Is that what you're talking about with the...

Speaker 11 That's not that jazzy, but just like I think you'd think of lemon sorbet and mango sorbet, right? As the two

Speaker 1 leading flavours.

Speaker 11 But I do think that I've been to establishments that have a plethora of flavours that you can choose from. But I'm going to stick to a mango for this particular meal because...

Speaker 1 Mango's so good.

Speaker 11 Do you remember the first time you discovered mango sorbet?

Speaker 1 I don't remember where I was the first time I had mango sorbet, or indeed mango. I mean, I think the first time you taste mango is a bit of a revelation, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Mango mango is amazing this is a fruit but it's basically a chocolate bar yeah yeah and a sensory experience yeah it really blows you delicious yeah absolutely delicious actually I'm gonna have a mango now just gonna have a mango mango yeah

Speaker 1 I love it as long as it's ripe yeah oh it's right oh it'd be the ripest mango you've ever had

Speaker 1 a lot of tissue because you get messy of a mango do you want do you want us in the dream restaurant to prepare the mango for you or just literally give you a whole mango

Speaker 1 and a knife? Do you want a knife? I'll have a knife. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How would you do the mango? So obviously there's different ways of doing the mango. If it's ripe, you could cut round and then get it off the stone and then do that weird hedgehog thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where you cut it into squares and then push it out like an inside-out hedgehog. I think I'm going to be more

Speaker 11 rock and roll about it.

Speaker 1 Just bite into it.

Speaker 11 I'm just going to peel off a bit of the skin. Yeah.
And I'm just going to eat it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just

Speaker 1 drown snooping that lamb. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bad luck, guys. Poor Larry drowning in mango juice.

Speaker 11 I mean, that is not a bad way to go.

Speaker 1 That's not a bad way to go. I love that you've set up this wonderful party in your mouth, and now you're fucking Noah's arcing them out with mango juice.
Can't believe it.

Speaker 11 Again, please, no psychologist breakdown, because God knows.

Speaker 1 My favourite sorbet, I want to do a little shout-out because

Speaker 1 we... On one episode, Nish Kumar was on and we tried to bring back Kumar's cobbler because Nish, at Jackson and I, Nish wanted them to bring back the peach cobbler.
Okay. They'd taken it off the menu.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I would like Pitter Pit.

Speaker 1 It's a chain mainly in New Zealand or Australia, but we've got like one, I think, in London, maybe. Pitter Pit.
Yeah. Used to sell, used to have lime sorbet that was my favourite sorbet I've ever had.

Speaker 11 That's a bit jazzy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is jazzy, baby. I was jazzing it, but I loved it so much.

Speaker 1 I believe that. Every time we did the festival, the comedy festival in Auckland, I'd go to Pitter Pit and get the lime sorbet, walk around, happy as Larry eating it.
Happy as Larry.

Speaker 1 Which Larry? Larry the Lamb. Larry the Lamb.

Speaker 1 And it's not in there anymore. So bring back Acaster's sorbet.
Bring back Acaster's Sorbet. Okay.
Hashtag and send it to Pitter Pit. Tweet that at Pitter Pit.
Bring back Acasters Lime Sorbet.

Speaker 1 Please. Right.
Gemma, your order is. Yes.
You would like some sparkling water, some poppadongs with guacamole as the dip and some traditional dips as well. Starter, a prawn cocktail, nice in the 70s.

Speaker 1 Main, the lamb madrasse with mushroom rice, free chilies. Side, jalapeno poppers from Obes and Mars.
Obes. Drink champagne.

Speaker 1 And for dessert, you would like mango sorbet slash ripe mango.

Speaker 1 I think we can let Gemma have both if she wants. Oh, yeah, would you, yeah, you can have that.
That doesn't feel like two desserts. That feels like one nice dessert.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's something I like. But I just don't like mango bits.
Just being brought a mango and a knife.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just the visual. Yeah.
A mango. The perfect mango.
A mango is kidding in it. The perfect mango.
Great. Love it.

Speaker 11 Thank you so much, Jemmy. Tasty.
Thanks. What a lovely, lovely meal.
Enjoy.

Speaker 1 Party's over.

Speaker 1 Get out, Snoop.

Speaker 1 That was the menu of Gemma Kearney. Delicious.
Really delicious. Well done, Gemma.
Yeah, some real comforting food there, I felt. And you know, the way she described it.
And she's very, very

Speaker 1 descriptive of the comforting feeling of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I liked it a lot. Also, no whole peppercorns in it.
Not even any half peppercorns, as far as I'm concerned. So thank you very much, Gemma, for that.

Speaker 1 Also, Gemma's doing her podcast, her six music podcasts, The Leisure Society, is available. Check that out.
Yeah, you can go download that, listen to that.

Speaker 1 Not if you're going going to stop listening to this one to listen to that one. No, no.
If you do listen to other podcasts, please keep us playing in the background. Absolutely important.
At all times.

Speaker 1 I assume you all know you should be listening to this 24-7 on the loop. Yeah.
They know that, right? I hope they know that. It'd be a bit

Speaker 1 disloyal of them if they didn't. Also, you should be reviewing this five stars.
Uh-huh. And subscribing.
Subscribe. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Follow me on Twitter and Instagram. Yeah, at OffmenuOfficial.
And also, come and see me and James live on tour. Yeah.
Also, here's something that doesn't get enough of a shout-out. So

Speaker 1 go onto YouTube. Sweet Home Ketoringa is a series that I did with the brilliant people at Turtle Canyon.
It's very good. Sweet Home Ketoringa.

Speaker 1 Oh, and also go on to Bandcamp and write in Luna Dot Raids the Bee Pigeon. Yes, you heard that right.
Luna Dot Raids the B Pigeon. No R at the end of Luna and two T's on dots.

Speaker 1 And dot is the word, not the thing. Yep.

Speaker 1 And that is an album that I made with Rob Deering and some friends. It's bonkers.
Yep. So that's my plugs.
An album and a YouTube series. Yeah, I just do stand-up comedy.
So come watch me do that.

Speaker 1 Thank you very much for listening. Come back next time for another wonderful off-menu.

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Speaker 1 And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact.

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