Ep 18: Desiree Burch

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Oh!

Boy!

Is that some tummy's rumbling that I hear?

I think it is, Ed.

It must be time for the off-menu podcast.

Welcome, listener.

My name is James A.

Caster.

And my name is Ed Gamble.

We've got another guest coming in to do their dream meal.

Very exciting.

Very exciting.

They're going to build their lovely dream meal.

And we've had some food sent to us, haven't we, Ed?

That we're going to

fill me with joy that people have sent some stuff in for us to try.

So much stuff.

Firstly, the legendary Ribman.

Yes.

The Ribman, as he's known, he's sort of a bit of a legend amongst the street food.

Yeah.

The street food community.

He's been doing sort of rib stuff for quite a while.

He sent us some of his bacon holy fuck sauce.

Oh, yes.

It's absolutely tasty.

I'll be honest, this is your little bottle here.

He also sent another little bottle and a big bottle.

And

sorry to say that I've nearly finished the big bottle.

It's very spicy, but there's bacon flavor that hits you first and then the spice.

It's absolutely delicious, cracking that open.

I mean, it

smells great.

It smells amazing.

It tastes amazing.

And I've had it on eggs.

I'm going to put that out there, but it goes well with everything.

James, music to your ears, mate.

Yeah.

Are you alright?

You're going to have a little look at the bottom.

Well, I was looking at the thing.

I don't think there is tomato in there, so I think I've made myself sound like an idiot.

Oh, dried tomato.

Booyah!

But we've also been sent some Paulette Young chocolates.

Paulette Young is already, I don't think I've even mentioned Paula Young on the podcast.

Already one of my favourite chocolatiers.

I go in there quite a bit.

It's on Wardle Street in London.

I go in there and I get myself, if I'm feeling like treating myself, I might get a brownie bite from there.

Because I've got the recipe from there.

I think a friend of mine went on a course, a chocolate making course, or bacon course of Paula Young's, got the recipe for the brownie bites, bites sent it over to me i made it for my brother's birthday they're a big big big old hit so i'm very very excited that poly young got in contact with us because i'm already a fan well they've sent us some delicious chocolates i've just had one that had rhubarb and ginger in it is genuinely delicious uh and also a jar of sea-salted caramel yes please love sea-salted caramel i've put some on some porridge this morning already and it's delicious yes very very nice and you know that i like sea-salted caramel anyway especially uh we've been talking about it all day today i've dipped naked bars in them.

You want to eat a whole jar like it was a yoghurt?

Yep, I ate a whole jar of sea-salted caramel so that my ex-girlfriend couldn't have any

because I was moving out of the flat and I didn't want her to have it.

The most pathetic act of revenge I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah, she still hasn't had any, has she?

She hasn't had any of that jar.

In your face.

This day I went.

So that's what we sent to us this week, but we're always getting nice stuff and we'll talk about some more stuff.

Again, I've got some food news, James.

Yeah.

Went over to my dad's.

he was cooking something.

Uh, I didn't want any of it, but then I got very hungry when I was in the kitchen and grabbed a handful of pistachios and put them in my mouth.

They weren't pistachios, they were full cardamom pods.

So, that's my food news.

Horrible, right?

But then I couldn't tell him that I'd done that because it was an embarrassing thing to have done.

So, I spat them out into my hand, couldn't find the bin, put them in my pocket, found them three days later.

Man, just moments ago, you were saying how pathetic I was for eating some uh salted cabo sauce.

That is much less dignified.

That story you told.

So, thank you to the Ribman, thank you to Paula Young, and apologies to my father.

The guest this week is wonderful stand-up comedian Desiree Birch.

Secret ingredients, James.

Raw red onions.

If Desiree mentions raw red onions, I personally will kick her out of the dream restaurant.

So, here's hoping she won't mention it.

Welcome to Off Menu.

This is Desiree Birch.

Hello, Desiree.

Hi, how are you doing, guys?

Good, thank you.

In the dream restaurant.

Here he is.

This is the GB waiter.

Good to see you.

It's lovely to see you.

Now, I'm curious as to why, in a dream scenario, you would cast yourself as a waiter.

Has this been a dream for you?

I like making people happy.

That is true.

That's where I get my pleasure from, is seeing other people.

Comedians very much the waiters of humor, aren't they?

And the waiters of the waiting world.

Yeah.

Also waiters on the side, yeah.

Very much.

You could have ended with comedians are the waiters.

Comedians are the waiters.

Have you ever had a job in catered and stuff?

Yes.

I did wait tables for about four months at this place that I think no longer exists on the Lower East Side of New York called Nice Guyettes.

And

yeah, I just came home with chronic aching feet and legs.

And you make nothing on base pay in America.

You make it all on tips.

And I always got the crap shifts because I was the newest one there.

And the funniest thing, because I don't know if you've ever done the like waiting tables food service thing, it's like, you know, everything when you do any kind of service industry job goes better when it's busy, right?

Because the time just goes faster.

And then you're like, okay, great, I'm done.

But if you have a Sunday afternoon shift, like nobody's coming in for that.

And then at some point, you're just sitting there with the bartender watching South Park on the TV screen.

And then someone comes in, you're like, what the hell are you people doing here?

Like, I'm now having an afternoon off.

And now you've ruined that.

So, yes, I have done some of that stuff.

Was there any popular dishes at Nice Guy Eddie's?

I mean, it was one of those places with the sort of plastic picnic table, you know, type of covering.

So it was mostly, you know, wings and, you know, chicken fingers.

Drinking food.

Yeah.

It's, you know, like just drinking and maybe watching the game food, burgers, whatever.

So, you know, essentially it was just like, come and get with fries and was eddie was eddie a real person and if so was he nice i

i believe i think nice guy eddie does i feel like he comes from it's maybe not reservoir dogs i feel like it's a character from a film is it yeah

and i think somebody just like liked reservoir dogs or liked whichever one and just named it after and they were such a pain

um there was a dude who ran it he seemed nice but he was there like twice you know other than that some very nice people who were just hustling for cats yeah yeah i feel like it's he might be Reservoir Dogs, maybe.

I feel like it's a Tarantino film.

I feel like you don't see nice Gaeti, but you hear about it.

Yeah, I feel like it's...

Is it not Sean Penn, but the brother?

What's his name?

Is that Chris Penn?

Is it Chris?

Chris Penn?

Is it his care?

I feel like it's one.

It's like, you know, you're thinking of Mr.

Pink and whatever, because that's who you care about.

And then you're like, oh, yeah, by the way, he's in this movie.

Yeah.

I feel like it's Chris Penny.

Thank you.

Is it the guy in the tracksuit?

No, his son.

Oh, yeah.

Is he your son?

Who's in the tracksuit in it?

it but yeah we're gonna pause this for two hours and re-watch here we go uh our producer the great bonito has just uh searched thank you

on wikipedia nice guy eddie cabot

he's he's the only one who doesn't use an alias he's played by chris pen yes yes yes

already winner literally nothing about any film i've ever seen in my life and i saw that so long ago but i guess it's because

i will say this one thing about nice guy's i will never forget the actual restaurant is that they had a jukebox there.

And one of the songs that was popular on the jukebox was Bill Withers A Lovely Day, which is a beautiful song, except for when you're not having a lovely day and you're working there and someone keeps putting money in there and playing that song.

And you're like, why are you rubbing this in?

That kind of became my torment for like five months while I worked here.

Hearing that intro, that's still like a bit of a trigger for you now if you ever hear the intro to lovely day.

And then you're like, he's just going to hold the note forever.

And I'm going to keep working here until I die.

Would you like sparkling or still water?

I would like still water to start.

Sparkling water is a treat and a joy, but often kind of kicks up refluxy type things.

And I don't want to start my meal off that way because I got a lot.

I got sleeves rolled up.

I got a lot of food to get through at this meal.

That might be at the end, but for right now, still.

Yeah, you don't want to get too burpee.

Yeah, no.

Oh, it's the worst.

And I can't even burp well.

Like, you know how some people can be like, and and they're like,

like, do the album.

I just have this weird frog bubble-like thing that never stops.

It's so gross and depressing.

So it sounds like you're about to be sick.

Yes, constantly.

It's like a half-sick thing.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a half-sick noise that emanates from me.

And it makes me lose friends.

So let's still.

Definitely.

Some people were like, you know, really just like naturally talented at school, like burping on command.

And we're doing it.

That person's a coolest.

Waste.

Keslo's face was so serious.

He just said that.

That person's the cost.

The coolest.

I mean, he's like the king of the school for like third or fourth grade or something, but like that's the

guy, yeah.

No, still, I mean, puberty, and then his burp sounds weird because his voice has now changed, maybe.

I don't know.

You will remember the day your burp breaks.

Going hard-headed as her.

Oh, no.

He's taken out of burp choir at church now.

Scooby for the rest of the school.

Amazing.

Yeah, I mean, some of those people must go on to be quite successful in life.

And then they're the kid who used to just burp on demand at school.

I mean, that's not, that's, that's not all right.

Well, I feel like there's, there's like a break in the people who know you as that, and then there's like a wilderness time.

And then there's the new people who know you as an adult who never knew that you were the burp king of Schenectady or whatever the heck.

And it always takes some person at your reunion or like a cousin to be like, oh, we didn't tell you about how we can like burp out the Gettysburg address or something.

And you're like, Don't bring this up.

I think that's like a kids burp in the alphabet.

Yeah.

Yeah, those

kids.

Like, how much have they practiced that, and what happens to their stomachs after like a decade of doing it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That can't be good for you, right?

Like, you know, it's like, was it worth esophageal cancer for that?

Someone should do a study as to the percentage of

diseases and illnesses that are connected connected to kids who used to.

They literally, they could do a graph and go, hang on, we've just finally discovered the link.

All of these kids used to burp the alphabet.

They're all just like having their throats removed.

I mean, someone, one of your listeners, is going to immediately do that and be like, there's no direct correlation.

I burp the alphabet my whole childhood, and I'm absolutely fine.

All right?

Goddamn snowflake culture saying we can't burp the alphabet anymore.

Burp the alphabet anytime I'm done.

Well, please.

pop a dumbs on bread.

Pop-doms on bread.

That's right.

Pop-a dumbs on bread.

Um, okay, my goodness.

It's got to be one or the other.

Um,

I mean, look, a pop-a-dom's great, but bread, there's so many different kinds.

Bread wins.

Bread wins.

Yeah, although depends.

If I'm pacing myself for this meal, bread is a delicious but terrible choice because it will fill up, that bread will expand, and then you'll be like, I can't even get the soup down or whatever.

Sure.

But then I'm like, I think that I'm one of those people who, if I then choose something that, oh, this won't fill me up as much, I'll just end up eating more of it and filling myself up.

Yeah.

So if I, you know, if I chose popadoms, I think I would just

a loaf's worth of pop-adoms.

They do have that snap and that crispy thing.

And I don't even mind a day-old pop-adom, although I know that's sacrilege.

No, you're allowed to say you're like a day-old pop-dom.

This is your world.

We can do that for you.

Yeah, if you want me to go and get you a a day-old pop-up.

I mean, I'd prefer them fresh, but you know, you want it to snap and whatever.

And the next day it starts to get a little staler.

And you're like, I don't care.

It's still great and so satisfying.

But yeah, I just feel like if this is my dream meal, then,

I mean, you know, because by the time I'm having a pop-a-dom, I'm like, why aren't these tortilla chips and salsa?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I've got that sort of, I'm from LA.

I've got that Mexican food thing.

We'll come back to that.

I mean, we should offer stuff like that.

I mean, we have had it that, like, a bit of a secret item for this first bit is prawn crackers.

If people want prawn crackers, we will allow it.

And I feel like we should allow tortilla chips in the salsa.

Maybe I think it's a good thing.

Yeah, I feel like I mean, just the smallest little bit.

You can just pretend that it's a really aggressive pop-adop.

Yeah, I'm sure.

I think this is, you know, it's a big, it's a big left turn for us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think we can offer Desiree

tortilla chips in the salsa.

Yeah, I think you can have that.

If you want that

as this course, it's the poppadobs orbit, you can have tortilla chips.

Oh my god.

Okay, so you guys have just made my life.

Thank you so much.

Salsa-wise, what we're talking?

I mean, you know, mostly just sort of just a spicier step up from the pico de gallo.

You know, it's just going to have tomatoes, onions, maybe cilantro, a little bit of spicy because not too, too, like, rich or whatever.

When we think salsa in this country, I think we've always been brought up with the really wet tomato.

It's essentially like bolognese sauce.

Yeah, that's all it is.

I know what you're talking about.

I mean, honestly, I don't mind that version either, but like there's a little bit more of a vegetable and less sort of pureed version.

So it's more like just

like chopped stuff and like really good stuff.

But it's like sat there with the lime and it's gotten a little bit like

that.

That's good.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not too.

But I know what you're talking about.

I mean, I don't mind opening up a can of Tostitos salsa and just doing that thing either.

Not fancy.

But You don't have to here, you can have fresh.

I mean, it is a drink

restaurant, so yeah, that would be it.

And tortilla chips, is there a specific place you've had them before?

Because I would like to give a shout out to Casamarita in Brixton Village who do their own tortilla chips, and they're delicious.

I have not been there yet, and I remember after a gig, you were telling me about that place, and I was like, I need to go there, but I still haven't gone, which is foolish of me because all I do in this country is crave Mexican food.

It's almost impossible to find good Mexican food.

Yes, I think.

And Casa Maria is one of the things.

Casamaria is so good.

I love the tortas there.

Absolutely delicious.

The super tortoise is one of my favorite things to eat anywhere.

And the tortilla chips, yeah, they'll come with tortilla chips anyway.

And I order some extra guacamole.

Yep.

Dip them in that.

They don't actually come with salsa, but you could probably order it.

I'm sure.

You could order some salsa there.

Yeah,

but yeah, that's my kind of like...

That's a good thing.

I'm sad.

I forgot about that.

I was in Chinatown at a Chinese restaurant and ran into three american mexicans from southern california who were literally like where's the good mexican food i was like and they were like is it just that place in borough market and i hadn't even known about the place in borough market yet uh this is called al pastor apparently and it's yeah it's good there's breados tacos as well it's quite good okay all right so good so i i felt horrible yeah as i felt because i was just like i just go home Just go home.

I don't know what to do.

There's not much Mexican food here because there's three Mexicans in London.

I'm talking to them right now.

Yes.

And I feel like something that the UK should offer once Brexit's sorted out is to be like, if Trump's still banging on about the wall, be like, seriously, Mexicans, come here.

Like, we'll pay the one-way fare.

Like, we just want spices and flavors.

There's going to be a lot of spaces where those French restaurants used to be.

So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So your starter.

Let's go on to your starter now.

Okay.

So I've been struggling struggling with this because I'm trying to rearrange the puzzle pieces of the meal.

And

as I was walking over, I think that one thing that I want, one bit of seafood got supplanted by another one because seafood is just, it's just sex food in your mouth.

So

it's really amazing.

And I'm going to try to have to figure out where I fit the scallops in later because I was going to start with scallops because you only ever get three of them anyway because they're like the ravioli of the ocean or something where they're like, I don't know why they're so precious.

They're delicious.

And they're like, here are your scallops that are 30 pounds.

And you're like, what?

And they're amazing, right?

And I love them so much.

But as a starter, I really love an oyster.

I don't want to be a fancy lady right now, but I really would love like

a six plate of oysters.

It just makes me feel like I am the queen of the world when I have oysters.

Yeah.

Like on crushed ice, like balance and some crushed ice.

Yes.

Oh, my goodness.

And I'm squeezing.

And I'm just like,

bring me more.

Like, there's just something that about that feeling where I'm just kind of like, I am being waited upon and worshipped somehow by this food.

It really is.

And so, if I'm in a dream, that's where it's starting.

Now, this is exciting.

So, I don't think we've talked about oysters yet, and there's a lot to talk about with oysters.

I love oysters.

I love oysters.

Oh, I love the both of you.

I kind of judge people a little bit slightly who are like,

and I'm like, you either haven't tried or you're broken.

Yeah,

I'm not that with people who say they don't like sushi.

Yeah, and they're like, I don't like the idea idea of raw fish.

And yes, mum, I'm talking to you.

She's going to be listening to this.

Apparently,

that's my phone out of my pocket.

Apparently.

That was your mother being like, I heard that.

Apparently, I dissed my mum on the Selassie episode, and I can't remember what I said.

You backtracked.

You did backtrack, yeah.

She texted me about it, and she

said, oh, diss dissing me again.

And I was like, what did I say?

And she went, I'll let you figure out what you said.

Oh, no.

So I don't know what it was.

You were talking about growing up in Kettering and not having nice meat in Kettering, and you just have a non-seasoned chicken breast.

But then later on, you did say, Oh, it's fine in my house, it's delicious food in my house.

Just in Kettering in general.

Did you, you had to catch up?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you can cut this out, but like, was it actually delicious?

It's actually great.

Okay, good.

Because, like, at least my mom knew that she used to burn the hell out of everything.

She's just like, look, I'm busy.

Just, do you want it or what?

I gotta go.

You know, and you're like, okay, I get it.

You know, know, like, you're not, that's not the thing you need to take pride in because you're exhausted.

Yeah, mom, these oysters are not up to par

We're all on board, we're all on board the Oyster Express, right?

Yeah, we love oysters.

Well, you said that, you know, with the sushi, people are like, I don't like the idea of it.

And I think there is a vast difference between the idea of food and the experience of food.

Like, sometimes they are sort of simpatico, and you get exactly what you're fantasizing about.

You're like, yes.

But other times, you're like, this seems like it would be terrible and it is amazing.

And until you try that, then I just feel like, I don't know, I'm probably boring in bed.

How are you eating them?

Swallow one bite and down or two bites and down.

Oh, I'm now embarrassed to say I swallow.

Don't be embarrassed.

I used to because I think I was like, the first time I had an oyster, I was scared.

Yeah, of course, of course.

So you just want you get it over with yeah but it's like that was delicious and then after a while getting used to it now I'm a chewer okay maybe I'm I'm trying to think about the like I'm in fantasizing about the like do I ever chew them now or not or do maybe I I don't know maybe they just sit there and I go yes and then I go like some kind of weird pelican

all sex in

a little I'm a little too excited about them

shells and all yeah

no and then I'll like keep the shells because because I'm like, they're so pretty.

I'm like a creep.

Oh, you keep oyster shells?

Not all of them, but every so often you get a cool one, and I'm just like, I'm going to put that on the windowsill.

How do you take it away from the restaurant?

I'm a lady.

I got a purse.

Yeah, but it probably stinks, doesn't it?

A purse that smells like an oyster.

You wrap them up in a napkin, you throw them in there.

I mean, I've swallowed the stinky bit hole.

Yeah.

So you might as well put anyone tuning in in the middle of this.

are you putting on it?

Yes.

I mean, the cocktail sauce, the lemon, and the,

wait, not horseradish.

It's the other one, right?

Tabasco?

No.

It is horseradish, but it's...

Am I wrong?

It starts with the tea.

It's white.

Maybe it's just horseradish.

Tartay.

Is it that?

Is it tartar?

Maybe that's horseradish on your head.

Or is it horseradish?

Horseradish, I think, on this one.

Whatever.

I put some white stuff on there, some red stuff on there, and I squeeze the yellow thing on there.

There's like the vinegar.

Yeah.

I love the shallots, yeah.

The shallots and the vinegar.

Oh, yeah, those are good, yeah.

I think that there are slight differences in what uh offerings you get up for your oysters here versus in the States.

Because I don't know that I'd seen the shallot uh situation until I came over here.

Yeah, it's pleased.

It's a sharper, a sharper option.

I go squeeze a lemon, couple of drops of Tabasco.

That'll do me.

Thank you very much.

I'll sometimes do that.

No,

thank you.

I don't want cooked oysters.

No, I don't want cooked oysters.

I don't want them baked or cooked or not.

I'm sorry to speak over what you do, James, but I need to get this out of my system.

Okay, I can get on board with that.

Although, a lot of this conversation for me is going to reference experiences I had with food in New Orleans.

And they will fry them and put them in a sandwich and make you go, yeah, I don't like them this way, but this is amazing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fried it in a sandwich is not.

I am, yeah, I went to New Orleans once for a few days and

I need to go back there because it was during a trip around America.

I had great food everywhere.

Yes, literally everywhere.

But in New Orleans, we made that, so we were using this app to kind of like

recommend stuff to us.

The flaw in the app is that it's mainly based on other people recommending or people who have gone there.

Yes.

And in New Orleans, it was all the places that tourists have gone that weren't good.

And so we ended up, we couldn't find anywhere good.

It was so frustrating because we knew there was good food there.

We knew there was amazing food.

Yeah.

And we didn't find.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

This is so bad.

It's, oh,

my God.

Yeah, I know.

It's upsetting, right?

I've also been to New Orleans, but I was filming there.

So we didn't, like, we were just eating what we were doing.

Woodcraft services or whatever they had to do.

Yeah, whatever there was, whatever the runner could go and get.

So we only had one day off and we went and had fried chicken.

And I cannot.

for the life of me remember the name of the place but it's very famous

but we had i had to walk a

little bit it's not outside New Orleans, but it was like half an hour walk from the center of New Orleans.

Okay.

Well, all the good stuff, not all the good stuff, but a lot of it's there.

Because if you're in the sort of French quarter and then you go sort of to the side, you get to the mariner and the bywater, and that's where it gets like super fun and delicious and amazing.

So, yeah, you might have had to.

I mean, I got fried chicken at like a gas station there that was amazing.

And I was like, why is there fried chicken here at this gas station?

I was like, sure, she's got a cut too.

Just rotating it and just feeling it.

Now you only eat fried chicken from gas stations.

That's like the type that you like.

That was so ridiculous.

But yes.

So anyway, just go back and eat things and just ask locals.

I mean,

I was fed crocodile there and it was amazing.

It was like quack crocodile sausage and it was real, real good.

Oh, yeah.

What does it taste like?

I mean, pork.

Like, I mean, they mixed it with pork, so it tastes like a chicken pork sausage, but it's a little bit tougher because of the crocodile.

And it's got like that slightly gamier thing where you're like, I'm not used to eating this kind of meat.

Sure, sure.

But it was, it was exquisite.

Yeah.

Yeah, they will literally make like fricasy roadkill, and you're like, that's great.

You put that in a cream sauce.

Amazing.

I want some fricasy roadkill.

When I was there, we went down this big.

Is it the Mississippi?

Is it the Mississippi River?

Yeah, I guess so, because that's the biggest one, right?

A big steamboat down there, huge steamboat.

And every now and again, a smaller steamboat, which would look very tiny, would come alongside us called the Creole Queen.

And the guy doing our guided tour on the fame would always be like, who's that over there?

Is that the Creole Queen?

And then everyone would like, look over and see it.

And then we would always just go really hard and go like, good fuck yourself, Creole Queen.

And we would like be merely horrible to it.

And we'd really looked forward to it each time because it came out with its little pathetic

little move.

And then after being like,

you're fucking sucked, Creole Queen, we hope you sick.

And then, like,

really fun.

I really looked forward to it every time it came out.

It always breaks off mid-sentence, whatever he was saying, unless it's weather.

Oh, who said I'm there?

We come to your main course.

Okay, so yes, I

this is so hard.

Okay, because my sort of go-to in my mind about the epic meal is a seafood-based meal for whatever reason.

Sex food in your mouth.

Sex food in your mouth.

And especially because it was one of those tastes that I had to evolve into to grow up into, you know, where it's like people,

you know, when you're younger, you don't, maybe you want fish fingers, but that's like literally it.

Like, you really don't want any kind of fish.

you know you don't want olives or anything that's like super picky and then suddenly you just taste one when you're 20 something like why didn't I know I love this and I don't exactly know what evolves in you that makes you crave taste that you used to revile right but like since I've become I've grown into see I just I'm just like the scallops the lobster just that like just any kind of so that's what I want to say but

when I was in New Orleans I'm sorry I'm going to reference this forever I did have a meal that I thought thought I could be executed after.

It was so good.

And it was sort of a fusion restaurant.

So

they had a sort of starter that was a

kimchi in andewilli hot pot where you're like,

what?

Right?

You're like, you're giving me gumbo and kimchi at the same time or whatever.

And it was amazing.

It was amazing, right?

It does sound amazing.

And what I wound up having for the dinner, and I'm probably going to reference the drink, but I had goat tacos.

Wow.

Right.

Which is like, you don't, you know, you're thinking about about chicken, beef, pork, right?

Every so often, a fish taco, which is great.

Yeah, goat tacos, and they they had a slaw that was like a pickled thing.

And oh my god, do I love a pickle?

Like just

that tart that just like

punch you in the mouth kind of feeling.

I love from a pickle.

So it was, it was the sort of goat meat, which you don't think about, but you're like, that's just damn good.

And you actually have it, right?

With, and it was like sort of light, lightly sort of um glazed with whatever the heck they cooked it in.

And it was this sort of pickled stuff on top that just had the perfect like flavor mashup, you know, like this versus that.

And it was amazing.

And I've, uh, that place like closed down.

I sent two friends there who were on a trip like a year later.

And then right after that, it closed down.

It's no more.

And I'm just like, I can't believe, because I want to send everyone I've ever loved to that one place.

And I hate telling people, like, go do this thing that's impossible for you to do now.

Unless those people, because it was like very inexpensive, but they had opened up, you know, they were a Michelin starred restaurant, at least the chefs were, but they, we ordered everything on the menu between seven, seven, seven of us.

Everything.

Everything every dessert.

Every starter, everything.

And like by the time we were done, the bill was like 500 bucks for everything that they made.

Like one of everything.

And I was like, this is ridiculous.

And we had all the drinks.

It was stupid.

So I'm torn because in any other scenario, I'd just be like, put them three scallops on there and make them the size of my face.

And And it'll be fine.

But I don't know.

I might have to have these weird goat tacos with the pickles on them because there are pickles there.

So, and then I'm still going to have room for other things because, you know, it's tacos.

It does sound good.

Goat tacos with some pickles on them.

I've not had a lot of goat.

It doesn't pop up.

Yeah.

No.

Curry goat.

I've had curried goat a couple of times, maybe.

It's really good.

But, you know, on a daily basis, you wouldn't.

It's not a go-to.

Ironically, a goat is not a go-to.

It's not a go-to meat.

It's not a go-to meat.

Sometimes it's a shame that this is a podcast because you can't see Ed's face as he comes up with stuff

as he says it.

That was a pretty damn clever podcast.

As soon as I'm proud of myself,

a goat.

You're like halfway through it.

Yeah.

I had to nod at Benito.

He could woo any woman with the look on his face as he said, ironically.

It's not a goat.

It's two meats.

Madam.

So, yeah,

I think it's weird goat tacos.

I mean, I imagine it is, but just to check, it's a soft shell.

Was it?

Oh, wow.

I don't remember a lot about that night then.

I thought it was...

It feels like it begins.

I feel like a softer shell, but it wasn't like the raw soft.

Like, it was just fried enough that it had some resistance to it.

It wasn't like, you know, when you buy the like, you know, El Paso taco shells and they just like disintegrate in your hand, but it did, like, they had like lightly fried it enough so that it had some grip to it, you know.

So, um, yeah, like they put them on the plate and they kind of stood up, but they might have been in a holder, you know,

like, I'm never gonna buy one of those for my house, but I wish I cooked in a way that required a taco.

I tried to make uh, so once, so when I was in New York and had these tacos that were like uh hard shell tacos, but with like

raw tuna in them, all chopped up, and it was delicious.

And when I came home, I really wanted some, but couldn't find anywhere that didn't.

So one day I went and I got some old El Paso hard-shelled

tacos from the shop.

And then I went to a sushi place

and bought loads of sashimi.

I mean, that's not a bad start to my own.

Yeah,

if you're going to recreate it,

yeah.

And they just went home and

put also

I think I thought I got this bit wrong.

So I thought they told me in the thing that it had sriracha on it.

Right.

And I was like, so I was, I did that at home, but it didn't taste quite right.

I wasn't sure if I got that bit right, but it was very good.

Well, you know where it does them.

I do know where it does them now.

I was delighted when it happened.

Shack for you.

Shack for you does it.

There's a restaurant called Shack Fu on Old Compton Street, which is already one of or both of our favourite

places.

So it was a very good day.

It was like a dream.

It was like like what people experience here when they come on this show.

Because I was already in one of my favorite places to eat, and then they added one of my favorite dishes from somewhere else onto their menu.

And I was like,

and I was like, I cannot believe.

And they've just done that with me as well.

Oh, yeah.

So I went to Japan on holiday and discovered the joy of a katsu sando, which is basically a fried pork cutlet sandwich.

And they sell them in 7-Elevens and stuff.

And they're absolutely amazing.

And Shafu Yu have just put a katsu

on there.

I think they've hacked all of mine and stuff.

They're using it for the power of good.

Like somehow they've used that completely spying on the inside of your brain and soul and given you what you want and not in a creepy way.

For hacking my skull.

All of their regular customers, they've hacked our devices and they know what we're saying.

Oh, I wish we had that here.

I'm going to give Shakfuyu a shout out every week until we can go and eat there for free.

I've never been and now I must go.

Best dessert in London.

Really?

Should we save that for the dessert conversation for me to find out what that is?

Sure, sure.

Okay, because I now I'm desperate to know.

This is great.

How did you guys decide you were going to make this?

I mean, obviously, anyone can talk about food forever, but were you guys just broing down about food?

And you were just like, you know what, let's do this for work.

I'm not sure we've ever broed down.

I think we bro down.

I think we bro down.

Right, Bonito?

Bonito thinks we bro down.

I think we bro down.

Yeah, all right.

We bro, we were broing down about it.

Well, I've at least been trying to bro down.

It doesn't always.

I don't really know what it means, but just having a chat with your top off, right?

That's basically

it down.

And doing that thing where you smash each other's chests together.

Yeah, yeah.

While we're shouting different foods we like.

But then talking about how they're going to get you so cut and waiting for you.

Yeah, yeah.

Tuna.

Tuna's got so much protein.

How many tacos are you having?

I think it's three tacos.

Yeah.

I mean,

that's the same thing.

I'll put some of the serving if you want.

I would want more than that person.

Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know.

I think that's a good thing.

Your choice is scallops or tacos, both of which come in threes.

Oh, yeah.

What's going on here?

I don't know.

Maybe I only think I deserve a three.

Maybe it's all some literary sort of religious symbology or something.

Thinking about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

I do eat the tacos.

This one's the Father.

Instead of like the Jesus and the fish, just like round in a scallop did you say holy goat i said holy no i said holy ghost pepper unfortunately holy goat would have been it would have been great

i really would have made my face when i did that

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There's the part of me that everyone sees.

I'm Howie Mandel the comedian.

Apparently I know what funny is.

Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny.

OCD.

I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal.

But OCD is severe, often debilitating.

It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety.

General therapy can help with some things, but for OCD, it can actually make things worse.

That's why I want to tell you about no CD.

No CD is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans.

Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD.

If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to nocd.com to book a free 15-minute call.

They are here to help.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

I don't know, maybe this is the time to bring in scallops as a side.

That's weird because I was just thinking I would probably just have like a nice sort of broccoli rub, you know, like steamed with some like olive oil and a little bit of whatever, just because, you know, you're going to want to feel like you've had something healthy in the middle of all of that.

Not that the goat tacos and everything were that they were healthy, but you know, it just feels like, oh, I've had a fancy evening because they brought like weird model broccoli over here instead of them.

It is sort of like the hot, like the tin of broccoli.

It's like broccoli's like, look, I'm going to cure cancer and scrape your colon.

And it's like, but will you look like this with like purple tips and stuff like this, all slender on your plate and whatnot?

Is it quite bitter?

Bobby Bob?

A little bit more so, but I don't, I

crave sort of bitter and tangy and sour tastes.

You feel like a grown-up if you're on a fancy night out and order some vegetables as well, I think.

Yeah.

You feel like, yeah, I'm looking after myself.

I can have some vegetables.

Yeah, and then that means you can eat a whole half of a cheesecake afterwards because you have that model brock.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's all fine.

Yeah.

I had this sandwich in Philadelphia that I'd wanted for 10 years and it's got brocky robot.

It's got like this bitter brock.

Oh, the the one from Man vs.

Food.

Yeah, I saw it at Man vs.

Food.

Oh, and then for 10 years, you wanted it.

I wanted it that.

Yeah, I saw him eating it and I was like, that looks so delicious because they dip it in the juice.

I know that.

It squeeze it and it's so good.

It's like got really thinly sliced pork.

I saw him eating it.

I was like, that's what I want.

Is it from Denix?

Yeah, from Denix.

I've got.

Do you remember that?

Yeah.

I've got a t-shirt, a Denix t-shirt now.

Because I was there for three days.

I went, I got that sandwich twice in three days, and the second time I was like, there's cheese in it as well, right?

There's cheese, it's really bitter.

Also, the cheese is quite bitter.

So they really go all in on that,

but it's really good.

And it'd been a decade of thinking about that sandwich.

I know they say never meet your heroes, but you did.

Never eat your heroes.

Always, always eat them.

But yeah, I was in an Airbnb, and I remembered the sandwich.

I was like, I'm going to see how far away it is.

Like, did you pop up bolt upright out of Peter Green?

Yeah, I'm so sandwiched.

I was sweating.

And I was like, I'm going to Google where it is.

Two minutes walk.

No way.

Two minutes walk.

That was destiny.

It was such a great moment.

I was so happy.

Redding Terminal Market.

If you're ever in Philadelphia.

Redding Terminal Market.

Amazing.

I got free banana pudding there from a lady.

I waited so long for a banana pudding.

The lady in front of me was chatting to her for a very long time.

And when she went away, and

I forgot what her name was now.

It was like Sweet Debbie.

That was her name.

That wasn't her name, James.

She went by Sweet Debbie.

Her story was called Sweet Debbie.

She was like, I'm Sweet Debbie.

She introduced herself as Sweet Debbie.

It was on, there were loads of bits of literature, like flyers and stuff.

Tell me the truth, James.

Like, Sweet Debbie.

Did she say, hello, I'm Sweet Debbie?

Didn't say, hello, I'm Sweet Debbie.

But on all the flyers and stuff, it said, Sweet Debbie has been making pudding.

It was all her on the flyers and pictures of hers.

Sweet Debbie's been making pudding.

She got in on branding early.

She was like, everybody's going to remember Sweet Debbie and be like, that's kind of dirty.

Let me get her banana pudding.

Yeah, exactly.

It was good.

Was it the kind with the, was it the nilla pudding, like the nilla wafers with the bananas?

It was like the Sex of the City banana pudding.

The berry bakery watches.

The famous bakery in the budget.

Oh, the Magnolia bakery?

Yeah.

Okay.

It was like their banana pudding.

But it doesn't have like the way the sort of cookie wafers in it with the bananas.

It was more like bready kind of like free orchie kind of bread.

And then this one had chocolate chips chucked in there as well.

Well, that's sweet Debbie's trademark.

That's sweet Debbie.

Yeah.

That's what she does.

She can.

She's like, it wouldn't be sweet.

Yeah.

Debbie's chocolate chips.

Oh, and you should have seen one in your pudding.

Yeah, that was, it was very nice.

And

the best stuff is, the best tasting food is free food, right?

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Absolutely great.

I mean, how much does cost factor into our enjoyment of a majority of things?

Because like, I mean, that meal I had that I talked about a billion times in New Orleans was amazing.

But part of the extra amazing was like, and it was so cheap.

And like, I feel like it does affect your enjoyment.

Like when you see a show on the West End or in Broadway that costs like 300 quid for a ticket, if you don't like it, you can never admit to that.

You paid so much.

You can't like it.

Whereas like if you paid 10 quid for a show, you was like, it sucked.

Yeah.

You can like live your life, you know?

So I feel like it's similar for me.

Yeah, we could all blast films a lot more easier now i was always streaming them for free yeah yeah

bullshit just two hours of my life gone

um we keep on delaying your dessert

oh my side no no no i'm i'm i'm happy i'm gonna have sexy broccoli robot yeah yeah of course yeah the first time i ever heard broccoli rob was um uh in the

american office When Andy Bernard, one of his friends, was called Broccoli Rob.

Yeah.

So I just thought it was

just like, hey, I'm Brockley Robb.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So every time people would mention it after that, I was just like, that's a guy.

That's a dude on that show.

How was that a meal?

Yeah.

I mean, that's probably the healthiest side we've had so far.

I mean, it just seems like it's going to balance out the entire, but like, I'm going to get home and be like, you should have said the damn three scallops, bitch.

That's what you really want.

Just own up to it.

But I just feel like

thinking about a whole, like, I've already had so many pickled things, so many, I've had, I just slurped the oysters down, no chewing.

Like, they're coming out whole.

Like, I should have some roughage in there.

It just seems appropriate.

And also, scallops.

I mean, you know, in your stomach, you know, when the scallops slide in, the oysters will be there going, you can't be hit.

Well, if you're here, then what are we?

What are you doing?

What is this?

That's, thank you.

Thank you for explaining what was going on.

Why you whole?

What's going on?

Like, what?

Woman chewing?

Oh, she chewed you?

Oh.

The whole tacos were confusing enough.

How much of a rush is Desiree in?

Amazing.

So yes, I'm going to, I'm going to leave this.

I can't believe I'm saying it.

I will leave the scallops off for now.

Wow.

Well, we don't know your dessert yet.

Honorable munchon, though.

Yes, I mean, super honorable.

They should should come and do a dance, like a, they should come like a mariachi band right before dessert, but it's just three scallops playing in corny.

Yeah, yeah.

And look at you like, you didn't want to.

Like, yeah.

But like, no, I'll always love you, you know?

It's not personal right now.

But before we get to your dessert, what would you like to drink?

Oh, okay.

So, as far as, I mean, I'm thinking cocktail, because who wants a fruit punch right now?

no okay

I

as in keeping with all of my other tastes I tend to be a tart sour drink kind of person

so you know I think like things like a Moscow mule or a vodka gimlet or a margarita you know like something that's like pam pam pam

I will say that At said same restaurant, I did have a drink that they called the Jesus H Christ,

which is something that I then repeated and uttered after I had a sip of it.

It was a gin base, which I tend to stay away from these days.

It was my drink for a while, but then I would just wake up crying the next day.

And so I was just like, oh, that's, I was like, I need to stop drinking.

My friend was like, you need to stop drinking gin.

And I was like, thanks for prolonging my alcoholism.

Great.

So, but it was gin.

It had lime, pear, and

was infused with habanero.

Whoa.

So it was that weird thing of like, it didn't do the things that peppers often do to you, where you're like, this is delicious.

And now I will be in pain sideways full of gas or whatever because it was just in the gin was infused with it so it just had sort of a hot like a heat when you first drank it but then it didn't sort of burn you the rest of the time I don't know it was some kind of magic that they figured out just to have that like

but like also like we're not gonna sleep together I just showed you this to make you feel excited about the night

Something like that.

I don't know.

I feel like there are women who do that, like shot girls who are like, you're gonna have fun.

Bye.

You know, like they get out before things get dark.

Cabinero women, yes, exactly.

So, yeah, it was

so.

I feel like it would be some kind of infused spicy thing that didn't hurt me.

Basically, I kind of, with all my food, want to come to the extreme of taste without it doing what it invariably does to the rest of my body, which is just at this point, like all kinds of gastrointestinal pain.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, literally, my body's like, you broke it, bitch.

Sorry, hope you had fun.

So, anything that can sort of simulate that.

Yeah,

I like a bit of spice and I like a little bit of heat and I love anything that's like a lime, just like anything that's super sour.

Love it.

Yeah.

So you got something like that.

I think, yeah, so far, I think this is the episode where I'd say we have the, it's the guest that I've got the most in common with palette-wise.

Yeah.

I love, I also have become like a huge seafood fan as I got older and really love sour stuff as well.

We are going eating and drinking together, James.

This is is definitely

a mexican restaurant totally yeah until we have to crawl out yes yeah yeah yeah yeah

scratches on

toes out if you drink loads of habanero drinks they do have that effect either crawl out or run screaming like i gotta go by you have a bit of a badby good to see you me and james me and james are big fans of uh of eating a lot of a menu and then when you find something you really like on the menu going one more of these please yes yes that is really sad

the uh shout out to tom gleason

who is the person who so he's an australian comic yeah and he introduced me to that way of living uh we were it was the first time i went to new zealand for the comedy festival and me and him uh and also it was uh i think uh andrew bird marcus bergman and stuart goldsmith we went on this comedy tour together around new zealand it ended in tauronga and we had a meal at the at the bottom of Mount Manganui and there was a restaurant and we basically ordered one kind of your approach

one of each main course.

But at the time, the rest of us were just quite light, little polite English boys.

I think I definitely, this is me getting into food this meal.

So it was that meal.

And we all had the stuff, and then at the end, all of us were like, oh, that beef Wellington was the best.

That was really amazing.

And then Tom Gleason's just there with a wine and goes, well, let's order another one.

Yeah.

And all the English comments go, what?

We can do that?

What?

Tom?

Tom?

We can experience joy and then actually seek it out and have it again.

Yeah.

Should this experience be robbed from me immediately, never to be seen again?

But won't that bother the chefs?

We'd be creating more work for them.

We hate to be any trouble.

It's like this.

They love making you smile.

Like, seriously.

You're paying them for it.

Yeah.

I don't want to request anything in this service industry.

No.

Absolute game changer.

And it was like, yeah, I remember that second Wellington.

Oh,

one of the best.

And it wasn't like the second, it was even, was it better than the first time you tasted it?

I had, for the first time in my life, I had this feeling of, I can do this.

It's true.

I can do whatever.

We can just order the, do you know what?

Maybe we'll order a third one after this one.

It was like a proper like, we can order as many Wellingtons as we like.

It was great.

Like a pair of Wellingtons.

Yeah, you can have a pair of Wellingtons.

Oh, that's beautiful.

I'm with you on all of that.

That's very good.

That's really wonderful.

Oh, I love this podcast.

This is so much fun because you never really get to talk about all the feelings that food inspires because you're mostly shamed out of them.

Yeah.

You know, like,

eat your survive and just get the gruel in your hole.

You know, and so it's so delightful to be like, I mean, it's the only, well, it's one of the few only drugs that we all do because we have to to live.

Yeah.

Right.

And it gives us feelings and experiences.

And it's just, this is beautiful.

Thank you so much.

Get the gruel in your hole was the original name of this podcast.

Get the gruel in your hole.

Also, there's a

a Twitter account has started recently called

Menu.

No Context Off Menu who are tweeting quotes from the show without any context.

And I have a feeling that Get the Grawl in Your Hole.

Get the Gruel's definitely going to be on these.

It's going to be

quickly.

You said quite a few things that could end up.

Well, I think also fuck you, Creole Queen, Michael.

Fuck you, yeah.

And unfortunately, I think I'm ashamed to admit that iSwallow is going to be in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

There's the part of me that everyone sees.

I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian.

Apparently, I know what funny is.

Funny bought me a house but i also know what isn't funny ocd i've lived with ocd my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal but ocd is severe often debilitating it's a mental health condition that involves unrelented unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character your beliefs even your safety general therapy can help with some things but for ocd it can actually make things worse that's why i want to tell you about no cd no cd is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans.

Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD.

If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to nocd.com to book a free 15-minute call.

They are here to help.

And here we are at the dessert.

We've talked about dessert a lot in the run-up to it already, which is a great treat for me, of course.

So, okay.

There are honorable mentions to every cheesecake that's ever existed.

However, I will say that I have to take a lactose enzyme to enjoy any of them because I'm lactose intolerant.

It sucks.

It makes, I mean, you know, cake is fine, butter's okay, you know, if it's baked in, whatever, but it makes every sort of dessert that comes with a side of ice cream just like a slap in the face.

And especially in this country, because it's full of people who historically can process dairy.

Well,

and so everything is ice cream at the interval and like, you know, scoop of whatever, or like in a you know, a custard, and it's beautiful, but like, I have to take one to two of those things.

And if I time it poorly, I'm just like, I gotta go.

Yeah,

I gotta go have a horrible crap somewhere.

So,

like, it was so tasty.

And then it's like, whoop, there goes all of dinner that I was hoping to enjoy.

I've never seen Ed this happy.

That's so funny.

Any episode so far.

Oh, this is so funny.

Also, because you made it, I clunked up your bed, but you said horrible crap.

Oh, I better have it all.

Also, my favorite sort of humor is when you've suggested what we all knew what you were heading for and then just went, nope, horrible crowd.

Just to make sure that we're all clear, it is vomiting out of the other end.

That is what I'm talking about.

All the oysters and the scallops going, well, we're all in this together.

It's a good thing she didn't chew us because now we got to go out into the world and think for ourselves.

We went out as we came in.

Hole.

And alone.

Maybe I'll say my shell again.

She kept it.

It's in her purse.

There you go.

Good luck.

Just tried desperately ruining plumbing.

I put my land on the sill.

Desmond, before you flush, can you mind chucking a guy's shell?

I know you got it.

Yeah.

I ate all that broccoli raw for nothing.

It did nothing.

It made matters worse.

Oh my god.

So

I've accepted that I'm probably going to have to chew a couple of these lactate pills or whatever version of them to enjoy dessert, regardless.

Well, look, I'm fine with that.

This dream restaurant,

I have no digestive issues.

Lactose and toilet tells that.

Wow.

Okay.

So this is shaping everything up.

Okay.

So before I came in, I had a very clear notion of what I wanted for dessert because I've had it.

It is a place the next time you are both in New York, which I know you go to often.

I don't know how often you go up to Harlem.

Definitely do it.

Food's great.

People are great.

It's all history.

Lovely.

There's a place I want to say it's 116 in St.

Nicholas.

So it's like West Harlem.

It could be higher up than that.

But anyway, it's called Seasoned Vegan.

And I know what you're thinking.

you're like vegan okay stop but they did have a an almond-based ice cream that tasted like real fucking ice cream that i didn't have to take 10 million pills and have horrible after and it was the best it was an ice cream sandwich you know the chip witch yes who doesn't love a chip witch the just the toque and the and it was just the best thing I'd ever had for a dessert.

And I was like, I can just keep eating these and I don't, and I can go take a walk afterward without fear you know it was so i don't know if that made it taste even better than it was i can't be held accountable for what my mind's delusions sort of but it was really good like everything i had there i had a fish there that had the texture of fish yeah and i was certain was fish to the point at which i was cutting the skin off of it my friend was like asshole it's vegan they just made it look that way that that's probably it's seaweed you know

yeah that's amazing

the oldest trick in the book yeah i'm I'm sitting there like, and I was like, oh shit.

Yeah.

You're right.

I'm eating this like it's a real fish.

I'm looking for a bone.

It's actually like seitan or tofu or something, right?

But yes, this ice cream sandwich, I just, there's nothing,

it's just a things that come in like different, like an ice cream sandwich.

Like, who doesn't love a sandwich?

Who doesn't love ice cream?

You put them together.

I don't need other foods.

I don't need people.

I need this one chip witch in my hand that's telling me that I did something right in my life.

Like I just, you know, and I would love

to say tear misu or some other fancy or tart or whatever, but like that ice cream sandwich is really, I'm about to cry.

Like I just,

I loved it so much.

And apparently, apparently you can get them here, but Ben and Jerry's do non-dairy ice creams that taste like Ben and Jerry's

ice cream, i.e.

like the bomb, just amazing ice cream.

But I can never find them in any shops.

I don't know if you have to shop at Waitrose to get that.

There's literally just a shop on the corner near me that sells them.

Just like normal news agents, yeah.

Yeah,

there's a peanut butter cookie non-dairy.

Yeah, it's really cool.

There's a bunch of brownie on dairy.

Otherwise, you're just getting, you're getting like, you know, the stuff that that sort of non-dairy brands like, you know, like Owl Pro or other people put out.

And you're like, that's cool.

That's fine.

And if you've got the coconut thing, you're like, okay, I can do that, whatever.

But it's not the same.

It's getting friggin' Ben and Jerry's.

It's just like they just took ice cream.

You're like, we're gonna put some sauce in it, you know?

They just went, they just fucked ice cream up so good.

Yeah, so good.

You were talking about meeting your heroes earlier.

If I met

Ben or Jerry, right?

I would be quite overwhelmed.

Right?

I think that's just two like older Jewish guys in lab coats making ice cream, and you're like, you don't understand what you've done for my life.

I can't tell you how many hard nights I got through with a tiny mite.

You're angry.

So, like, I love them so much.

I think that's it.

Although

you said banana pudding earlier.

And it just, I had a moment.

I'm just going to say this, even though I think I'm sticking with a chipwitch, but I grew up with vanilla wafer pudding, which I don't think is a thing here because it's like a vanilla brand.

They're like these little vanilla-based wafer cookies that you get in a cereal box-size thing and you just go

all day long.

But there is a, put and I don't know if it feels like a sort of soul food black thing, but other people make it.

But it's nila pudding and it's basically,

you know, American pudding.

So like thicker than custard, but not as thick as jello, you know, gelatin kind of thing, but the in-between that sort of flavor with, so it's like a layer thing.

It's like you've got the nila wafer layer, then you've got like the banana and the pudding layer, and you just keep layering those over and over again.

And you put it in the fridge and then you just scoop it until the end of time.

And there's something that's like very, you know, it's the kind of thing that your mom would make that's like so, so inexpensive and easy, but it's just, it's just pure happiness in a banana form.

Like, I don't, are there people who don't like bananas?

Oh, there are some people who don't like bananas and they want me out.

Well, these, yeah.

Because I feel like we're primates.

Like, that's our thing.

Yeah.

You know, even if it's not your favorite fruit, like, you can all have and just be like, yeah, that, that hit the spot.

right there.

I can live my life.

And the process, just the peel of it, like, it's not like an orange where you're like, this is frustrating.

It's equally delicious when it's slightly older as to when it's a young banana, but it changes flavor.

Yeah,

that's the thing that you got to teach kids who don't.

They're like, it's brown now.

And you're like, just open up inside.

It's so much sweeter inside rather than through all that trauma.

You know?

What we haven't covered with this ice cream sandwich is what flavor the ice cream was and also what the

sandwichy bits were made of.

My bad.

Yes, you're right.

So I know because I say ice cream sandwich and you think of that chocolate bit thing of the normal fly ice cream sandwich.

This is the chip wish, so it's the chocolate chip cookies are the breaded part, right?

Soft, quite soft.

Soft.

Yes, please.

Yes.

And I want to say when I had this ice cream, it was kind of,

you know, it was Ben and Jerry's base.

So it had like some kind of swirl.

Like it was like, it was like a, you know, was basically a vanilla base with some kind of chocolate and or hazelnut thing and a caramel situation swirled in there.

So it's just the ice cream that you're like, they threw a bunch of great shit in here and my night's done.

Yeah.

Like that's, it was, I can't exactly remember which, but to me, I love a, I love

a salted caramel and anything or a caramel, but if you added salt, thanks.

That upgraded it.

Do you know what I mean?

You didn't have to do that, but

thank you.

It's like when they give you a hot towel on a plane, you're like, I didn't think I needed it, but it just made things a lot better.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Yeah, and I think there was some kind of chocolatey thing.

And I don't, I don't mind a nut, but I think you've already got the chocolate chips and whatever.

So you might not want to have a surprise almond attack in there.

Like

that.

I've got to say that even before you got to the dessert, I could see in James's eyes that this was his favorite menu so far.

This is so.

and then you said ice cream sandwich.

You know, we were talking earlier about people hacking into our brains

and pulling out our perfect thing.

You said ice cream sandwich.

That is James.

Yep, I love it so much.

The ice cream sandwich, after that menu, anyway, you've just made his life.

Yeah, yeah.

I love ice cream sandwiches.

And I like

them so much.

Where am I going?

So, a lot of experiences in my life have to do with ice cream sandwich.

Good.

When I was one day, so at Trader Joe's, I like the mini bite-size ice cream sandwiches that are the mint ice cream ones with the curve, like all the colours.

I've never had those.

Yeah, so that's

just like almost an Oreo cookie thing, and then in the middle is like mint ice cream.

Whoa.

So, like,

I just didn't even know this existed.

I'm so stoked to find a Trader Joe's.

They don't have them here, right?

No, I don't have to.

I gotta go back home and get one of them.

Well, in America, I'll buy a box of those and then just walk around, especially if it's in LA and it's really sunny.

just walk around eating those but one day everyone in LA looking at you like you're insane well mostly because you're walking around

walking and eating why you walk in your car smashing them into your face like that makes sense

one day I did that I really wanted them so I and I had a meeting somewhere but I got there really early and I'd said to myself on the car and the way that I realized I was gonna get there early I thought if there's a trader joe's nearby I'm gonna get those ice cream sandwiches and just walk around until my meeting there was a trader joe's opposite the place I was was meeting.

So I went there, got the box, walked around eating them, had about eight ice cream sandwiches.

Many, many of them.

Mini ones, yeah.

Got to the meeting.

The guy sits down.

He was like, do you want to eat some food?

I was like, no, not really.

I just had eight ice cream sandwiches.

I'm all right.

And he's like, okay, fine.

And then he was like, you really made me want an ice cream sandwich now, though.

And then he opened the menu.

He's like, there do ice cream sandwiches here.

And I was like, oh, okay.

It's like, I'm going to get these.

And they were...

carrot cake ice cream sandwiches.

So it was like vanilla ice cream and then either side was like basically a carrot cake.

Gotcha.

And he got them, and they were also bite-sized, and there was loads of them.

He went, just help yourselves to these if you want them.

And I was like, I'm never going to have these anywhere else.

So I ate a bunch of those.

And I just had like two courses of ice cream sandwiches, one after the other.

Did you go home from your very important Hollywood meeting with a tummy ache?

Yeah, yeah.

I was like, I was like, I'll tell you what, I definitely haven't got that job, but it was absolutely worth it.

I had two helpings of ice cream sandwiches.

Now there is a new show coming out on HBO about a man addicted to ice cream sandwiches.

Just walking around your house old boxes and just memories of ice cream.

No credit in it.

Nice guy James.

It's Eddie Redmain is the lead.

He can play.

Any red man can play.

Nice guy Jimmy.

He's addicted to the ice cream sandwiches.

Although I've got to say best ice cream sandwich I've had, I did a shout out to it, was in Sydney.

Okay.

And it was two bits of banana bread and coconut ice cream in the middle with dark chocolate over it, dark chocolate sauce.

And it was really good.

It was really good.

I've not really had many ice cream sandwiches.

Oh, my God.

My only really great experience in

it's going to revolutionize.

I was on holiday in Portugal, and I don't think they sell them here.

I think they sell them just in Europe, is the M ⁇ M cookie ice creams.

Well, they're like really soft cookies, slab of vanilla ice cream, but with M ⁇ Ms on top.

Nice.

Nice.

No, that is a good thing.

I feel like

I was like, we totally have like a travel eating show going up, but it would just be, I mean, once this gets developed for, you know, the small screen for TV, but it's just going to be people going going to places and being really satisfied by food like there's really no i could watch that fast drama or like conflict or anything in that no the only conflict is being slightly disappointed by something

also a bit of drum and clock what you know what if we give you something dairy that's a bit of drama

you know

Get ready.

And then just start the clock.

I'm like, you know, 30 minutes or less.

I'm like, it's a delivery.

I'm just like, this is so great.

And I got to get somewhere else soon.

We're going to learn a lot more about me.

Well, let me read your order back to you, Desway.

Check out what I've got it like.

Totally.

You would like some still water to start

getting burpee.

Yes,

with lemon, please.

That helps with the dark.

Oh, with a little bit of lemon in there.

Always have your lemon with your water.

No problem.

Some tortilla chips and salsa for the poppa dumps of bread.

It's a new one for us.

Very happy about that.

Oysters to start.

You would like a bit of white stuff, bit of red stuff.

Yeah.

Swallow them whole.

Main, you would like the goat tacos with the pickle sauce that you got from.

It was called maure pas in the marony.

Lest in peace.

Yes, okay.

Aside of sexy broccoli rob and uh

model model broccoli.

Yeah, model broccoli.

The Jesus H Christ cocktail.

Thank you.

It sounds delicious.

And for dessert, the non-dairy ice cream sandwich, the chipwitch.

And that, what was the place for you?

It was called Seasoned Vegan.

Seasoned Vegan.

It's like better than lots of normal restaurants.

So if you like food, you should go.

I'm going to go.

Fantastic.

Well, thank you so much.

Thank you so so much.

Thanks for having me at the dream restaurant.

I'm gonna fantasize about food all afternoon.

Yeah, and if you just go through that door there, that is the dream toilet for you to take your horrible friend.

You have my dream diarrhea.

Yeah,

our dream restaurant toilet is soundproof because it's a dream.

Yeah, soundproof.

No one even will ever know you're in there.

I'll just be in there singing random songs trying to distract.

It's one of those Japanese toilets that plays music.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And once it's done, once you leave, the door closes and and it gets like bombed with perfume.

Delicious.

Great meal.

That was such a great meal.

It made me want to

eat it immediately.

I would eat that entire meal right now.

Right now.

I know you would, James.

I know you would.

That is a great meal.

Didn't mention red onion.

Skirting perilously close to it with the shallots on the oysters.

Flew close to the sun, but she didn't get burnt.

A shallot is better than a red onion, I'd say.

Yeah, absolutely.

And raw red onions were specifically, you know, what I was thinking about is when, you know, you got a salad or something and they just chopped up some raw red onions in there.

Yeah.

I am not a fan of that person.

I don't mind it.

You know, sometimes it can

cut through a spicy flavour or a fatty beast.

Yeah,

for the rest of the day.

Yeah, that's true.

For the rest of the day, it cuts through all the flavours.

It's just there forever.

It cuts through your dreams.

Yeah, and look, you know me, I'm a pudding man.

I don't want anything in my savoury dish to stay in on my palate all day long so that later on when I'm enjoying the best of all the courses, all I can taste is red onion.

Okay, well, luckily she didn't mention it.

Thank you, Desiree, for that as well.

So like and subscribe, do all of that sort of thing.

And if you wanted to see more of Desiree, of course, she's got a series called Flinch coming to Netflix, which is her Sean Morris logofist torturing people as far as I can make out.

That sounds horrific.

So if you want to watch that sort of thing, and also, it says a stand-up special coming to Comedy Central.

So, we're also comedians.

I'm on tour.

Go on my website, edgamble.co.uk.

I'd imagine I'm still on tour by the time this comes out.

I'm on tour until the end of time.

Yeah, supply and demand, Bebby.

A lot of people want to see Ed, so he's going to be on tour.

And all right, yeah, you've left a gap there.

A lot of people want to see James as well.

He's also on tour.

Thank you very much, Ed.

Do you know, scratch each other's backs every once in a while?

Yes, please.

We'll be back, won't we?

We'll be back next week.

We'll be back next week with another fantastic guest in the dream restaurant.

I'm going to go and eat an ice cream sandwich.

Like and subscribe.

Goodbye.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club Podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

the time is 7 pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.