Ep 16: Jamie Demetriou

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Did someone order a podcast?

Well, here is one of the podcasts that you've ordered.

It's the off-menu podcast, the food podcast in which me, Ed Gamble, and that man over there, his name is James A.

Caster.

We have a special guest and we get them to pick their favourite dream starter.

Not their favourite dream, their favourite, their dream slash favourite starter.

Favourite dream best starter.

Main.

Dessert.

Side drink.

Thank you very much for saving me there, James.

No worries.

Our guest this week is the wonderful Jamie Dimitriou.

Brilliant.

What an amazing comic actor, writer, performer he is.

Everyone loves Jamie Dimitriu, and we've got him on the podcast.

He's in loads of stuff that you would have seen, but specifically he's got his own sitcom, Stathlets Flats.

Big hits.

Where he plays an estate agent on Channel 4.

It was a fantastic series that was on last year.

He didn't ask us to plug anything, but it is on all four.

You can go and watch all of those episodes on all four, and I would go and watch it because it is very, very funny indeed.

So we're going to be asking Jamie about all of his dream courses.

But also, James, there's a secret ingredient, isn't there?

Yes.

Now, this is the first secret ingredient that I actually like.

Right.

Fair enough.

So this is normally an ingredient that neither me or James like, and we tell you what it is in the intro.

And then if the guest mentions it during the podcast, they are kicked out and banned from the restaurant forever, james that is true now i might be kicked out the restaurant myself because i love marzipan and that's what it is this week marzipan as far as i'm concerned can rot in hell i'm a marzi fan

right i'm almost because that pun's so good i'm almost now on board with marzipan yeah yeah but not not fully because it tastes like piss oh come on mate well listen we'll see if jamie dimitri likes it or not he might say that he wants it he might say that he doesn't And if he says he doesn't, he's allowed to stay in.

Joey Whitehead, if he says that he does want it, I'll be kicked out with him.

I love it so much.

We can't have the genie leave the restaurant.

Well,

you shouldn't have been such a bully.

If the guest and the genie leave the restaurant, then it's just going to be me, a sad man with no powers, sat in an empty room.

Eating the scraps.

Yeah, with little Benito in the corner recording it all.

Well, let's see what happens.

So, let's start this episode.

Here we go.

Yes, hi.

Hello.

I'm shocked.

I thought I was just here having some dinner on my own.

No, you're in the dream restaurant, and that sound effect means that the genie waiter has appeared.

Hello, welcome.

Welcome to the restaurant, Jamie.

Thanks, Brad.

Good to see you.

I've been sitting in my lamp anticipating your arrival.

Oh, and I didn't know that you guys would be here so

you've just wandered in.

Well I'd like to I'd like to dine for one and well I mean usually a genie pops up just not necessarily one I already respect on the comedy circuit.

That's what happens sometimes.

You just found this place on timeout?

That is generally where I get my bits and pieces.

Zaggots?

Yeah.

I've actually discovered any music, not Zaggots.

I don't think I've ever heard that said out loud.

Yeah, I never see that written down.

Is it Zaggots or Zagat?

Zagats?

I thought thought it was an acronym.

Like,

like Zesty

and Great.

And

turn around because there's a genie behind you.

And Great Genie.

I could be with the great Zagat, yeah.

Zesty and Great Genie at

Tomorrow's Stew.

Yeah.

Well, welcome, welcome to the restaurant that you found on the Great Stew Genie website.

Yep.

Thank you again.

Did you have file to come?

No, just a wander from Hagerston.

Yeah, it was City Mapper measured it as a wander.

How far are you travelling for most meals?

Well, in that area, there's lots of nice things being fried and chopped.

So not that far often, but abroad is usually where the most exciting meals are going on.

No?

Sure, yeah.

And that's where I think it's the number one thing for a holiday reason for me.

I completely agree with you.

Yes.

Follow your belly.

That's what I do.

Yeah.

On holiday?

Let the belly pick it.

That's a good tip.

That's a very good tip.

What's your favourite country to go and eat in?

It's just all of the Americas.

Yes.

Yes.

Really?

I don't think it's objectively where the best food is, but I think I spent, well, one spends so much of their childhood watching food on telly and all tellies in America that you just want to find it.

Like pizza in friends.

And I i don't think where did i mean willy wonker was in london wasn't he uh where was willy wonker that's a good question yeah he was but then in the films he's not well in in the first film that we watched as kids right is isn't that in america oh no it was no it's in it's in england it feels american because it's gene wilder because the buckets yeah the buckets are english aren't they yes yeah you don't get an american bucket do you do no

yeah they call it the troughs they try to change the name for the american book um yeah that's in england i think but i know what you mean you see so much American food and delicious-looking food on the occasion.

But the candies and stuff, I mean, American chocolate is hell to me.

Yeah.

No,

I think it's unanimous.

But is it?

But how is it not unanimous among them?

Is it one of those things where, I mean, everybody will automatically assume that, oh, it's just what you're used to.

But I feel like if you were to slide a little Cadbury square towards someone who's enjoying a bomb hole Hershey's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It would be embarrassing to be like, oh, that Cadbury's is, it is disgusting, but can I have the rest of it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I agree.

I don't see how anyone could eat Hershey's and not decide that Cadbury's is way better.

I haven't even met an American person who would actually disagree with that.

I think a lot of them say, like, almost apologise for their chocolate a lot of the time.

Although, some places, you know, Ed knows that I love Trader Joe's because they'd told me about it in the first place.

But I like the chocolate in the field.

Yeah, Trader Joe's has got a lot of stuff.

They do

those little boxes of little chocolate balls that are nice.

I've not had those ones now.

chocolate balls are nice the my favourite are uh the almonds covered in sea salt and turbinado sugar and dark chocolate turbinado turbinado sugar fast sugar it's like a super fast sugar you've you've got to get there early to catch the nuts because they run very fast uh but yeah they're just like salty and really sweet and covered in dark chocolate and they're they're the best amazing but I think I spent a lot of my childhood not being able to enjoy chocolate because of the sort of stuff that was brought into my house.

Right.

My dad's Greek and they sort of tend to come up the left-hand side of nice stuff a lot of the time for the sake for this because of the sort of place.

Like if I wanted a chocolate cake for my birthday, my

chocolate cake and it would just be brown cake.

It's chocolate, it's brown, it's chocolate.

And then you're on top, you'd be like, and then, but just all the things that you want it to be, there'd be a sort of replacement.

So like...

like a sort of very, you know when you put honey in the fridge and it and it sort of crusts over and you don't get to enjoy the smoothness.

So it'd be a sort of brown coloured flavourless cake that is just the definitive, it's just cake.

That's the flavour is cake.

And in the middle, it'd be sort of some crunchy honey, but not honeycomb crunchy, like

cold crunchy.

And just sort of with a smack.

And then

the candles would have been in it too long, and the wax would have sort of been chipped, not melted onto it, but sort of chipped over time because he would have prepared it in the morning.

And you're like, I don't, this is only just food now.

This is like a prop.

It's like a prop of a cake.

Yeah, exactly, yeah.

I mean, I'd probably pass a prop cake and ask for a slice of that in comparison.

But yeah, so I have an odd relationship with chocolate.

Now, I really, I think, just generally with all food, I spent, I mean, my dad, oh, I should also add that my dad's a chef.

Absolutely no excuse for that awful cake.

Huge reveal.

But it's that classic thing of not wanting to do what you do at work when you get home.

Right.

But not acknowledging it.

You don't ever hear a chef going, I don't want to, I'm going to cook shit stuff tonight.

Yeah, yeah.

They go, I'm going to, they're like, no, it is as good, but they just don't put in as much.

Just something easier, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, because it's only for the people he loves, he's got no bummer,

his lit ears are.

He loves most in the world, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I've seen some hell.

And just, I mean, this, but also, but talking about the people he loves, that includes himself.

I mean, I've seen him push himself through some bad shit for the sake of not having to put in any effort.

I once saw him, he once, I remember, I've got this vivid memory.

I was like 14.

I remember being sat in the living room on a weekend weekend watching TV and I was eating an orange or something.

And he came in with a metal tray and on it was a pile of chicken bones with

nothing on them, no meat on them, like about six garlic cloves, a raw onion,

and like some very, very flaky chilies, just like an unpickled.

And he just sort of sat down and started, he went, what are you eating?

I was like, an orange.

And he was like, huh, and just started tucking into this stuff.

Popping the garlic in.

And like, he bit into an onion.

And I was like, all right,

what are you doing?

What are you doing?

And he was like,

he was like, what?

You think it's bad?

Because it's an onion?

This is not an onion.

It's an apple.

And Cypress onions burn your heart.

I'm like.

Okay.

Continue.

And then started crunching through the bones.

And the weirdest part was that when I...

peeled the orange, I'd left the peel on the side and I saw him iron it up.

And he was like, you're going to eat that?

And I was like, like what day is this for you I know you eat weird stuff but I'd never seen you why do you just suddenly decided to do this today so yeah whereabouts is he a chef insane he was like he was pretty good he's quite old now yeah he's he's nearly 80 so he

he was a very successful chef up until I was born right and then he was about 50 odd and decided he didn't want to do the long evening hours.

I mean he'd been doing it for years.

He started when he was like 19.

He had to have his knees replaced because he spent so long standing over a hob.

Did he eat his old knees?

Yeah.

It's like the placenta.

It's a traditional chef thing.

You get all your staff from over the years together.

You all eat the knees.

Ceremonial things.

Cheers at

his own knees with someone.

A little hollow clip-clop sound like two coconuts for a horse.

Good on him.

But yeah, so he,

that's insane.

By the time he was like, I was like 10, I think he'd bought a Greasy Spoon Cafe in Queen's Park, so he spent most of the time doing that.

Cafe 3-star, it was called.

Oh, that was a good word.

Because you've got to be honest about this thing.

Good on him.

But I mean, it was called that when he bought it.

And we were like, change it.

Anything else comes up?

This is very nice, actually.

Stars in the sky.

Orion's belt and stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

Picture the pattern for yourself in what order they're in.

But yeah, but before that, he was cooking.

He was doing, he was like, he was an assistant to the first ever celebrity chef, a guy called Robert Carrier.

He was like the first guy to do sort of zhuji, Ainsley-Harrier-esque cooking on TV.

And he was like the little Greek guy in the background shitting himself and wondering what a camera was.

With a plate full of chicken bones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I serve that up again?

The chicken bones again.

Let's start you off with some water.

Do you want some still or sparkling water?

It's a night out, isn't it?

Yeah.

Sparkling.

Sparkling.

Splashing out.

I get tap water whenever I want it at home.

Well, it's not tap.

It would be sparkling.

Oh, it can be.

Well, it could be.

Could it not be taped?

You could have tap.

You could have bottled still.

You could have sparkling.

I will generally go for a tap.

But

as we're dreaming,

sparkling, I can afford it tonight.

Yeah.

Oh, absolutely.

You can afford it tonight.

What is an amount that you wouldn't spend on sparkling water?

Good question.

That is a good question.

And

we're talking a tall bottle, not a handheld.

Yeah, yeah, not that you can't handhold a tall bottle, but

that's extravagant.

Yeah, we're talking a two-hander, not a one-hander.

I would probably...

How much would you expect to pay first off?

See, I'd never really get sparkling water, so I don't know.

Like, I'd always just go tap water because it feels like a waste of money getting any fancy water.

You would expect, like, for three quid or something.

It is mad, that, isn't it?

Yeah, it is mad.

But I would agree.

I was picturing I think

I've seen of late a sort of four quid.

That feels like

that feels like the general going rate for a bottle of water with bubbles in it.

Fiverr is probably a tipping point isn't it?

If you're like that's a fiver.

That's where you start yeah.

You can give me a note and you won't get anything back from that.

Right, yeah.

Yeah, that would be too much for bubbly water.

Because tap still and sparkling is basically, it's still the same stuff.

It's all the same stuff, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

They've got the same traits.

I would definitely not pay six pounds.

Five pounds, it depends what day you catch me on.

That's a weekend.

That's a weekend price.

If I'm

also who I'm with, if it's a date,

you know, you don't want to be, you don't want to turn down any, you know,

I'm not paying five pounds for the water because then that really sets you up as I'm going to be this guy.

But what if it is five pounds?

You say I'm not paying five pounds, I'm paying six pounds.

Yeah, I just show off.

Yeah.

Six pounds have.

You got any six pounds stuff?

Yeah, I got six pounds water.

Yeah.

Can I try it, please?

Yeah, Yeah,

exactly.

I'm big time going sparkling.

Yeah.

Pot roms off red.

Pot roms off bread, Jamie.

Now, this is where I'm starting to wish it was just me.

What I enjoyed about that is I know for a fact Jamie's heard the podcast before, so James did it as loud and as quickly as possible to try and catch you off guard, and it works.

It really did.

I deliberately did not ramp up to it in any way.

Made sure I jumped in there when we were mid-sentence.

And for the listener, he shat himself.

I'm going to hold my hands up.

Took me by surprise as well.

Evil got a bit scared of that one.

My finest one yet, actually.

The huge reveal as well is the back legs of my chair are tipping off the edge of a stage that we're sat on.

And behind that is a window that might be open.

I could have gone back.

We've been looking at you going, well, at least we've got that good story about his dad.

At least we got that off of him.

Would you put it out?

Would you put this out?

Absolutely.

If I'd fallen out a window.

That'd be the next episode.

Have to.

It would be sort of Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, Saxgate.

Yeah, it was

exactly like that.

It's neither of you working for the podcast again?

They just replaced

it.

For Acast, yeah.

There's no way you're not working for Acast.

I know, you'd think so.

Yeah.

I can't believe they didn't ask for permission before launching the

should have taken them to court when they signed it out.

Wait, so what was the question?

Do it.

Pop-doms are broken.

You could have shot me again.

You expected it that time, Jane.

I wanted to be in charge of it for a second.

I mean, don't get me wrong, a pop-adom is almost too exciting an experience to top a meal for my liking.

And also,

I can't do a curry anymore.

I've got stomachy stuff.

Right.

Not poo-y per se, more ulcery, acid-y.

And that's it.

That's worse because at least a poo is satisfying, right?

Right, yeah, exactly.

It's like, but that's, you know, that's the giggle you get.

It's like, oh, tomorrow it's going to be hard.

It's like, for me, it's like, oh, I'm going to die.

Yeah, it's going to be really painful.

Yeah.

I do take, I have a problem with curry culture as well, off the back of it, and that whole like going, turning up and being people like, oh, what do you reckon you're gonna have?

And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna, probably gonna have a coma.

And they're like, oh, you're an asshole.

Why don't you have a thing that I think is really fun, fun, nice, and fun?

Like, oh, because it would be agony for me.

And they're like, have a bindaloo, have one anyway.

Why don't you want the thing that I enjoy in your mouth?

Yeah.

I agree, I agree.

It's too, it's a bit laddy, isn't it?

And a bit.

Well, but Laddie's fine.

Oh, God, I'm a lad, mate.

I love it.

But I am, it is a sweet.

Wait around the corner, mate.

See,

I wanted to lure you into making me feel bad, actually.

I enjoy it as a lad.

But yeah,

pop it ons to me, when I have one, it makes me think, oh, I might be about to have a curry, which I'm just never really doing anymore.

So it's like a horrible sense memory

thing.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yep.

So it's like, oh, that's a long exhale.

Yeah, and also, it could have been any of us.

I've learned that recently with recording.

An exhale or a ts.

That people can, you can confuse people.

That could have been it.

Oh, yeah.

Probably think about that.

Future episodes can make whatever noise I want, like a random noise.

I'm just saying.

I'd just let everyone know that exhale was Jamie.

All right, yeah, yeah, fair enough.

Jamie,

but it's also

stealing curry from someone who works in comedy is,

I think if you were to say what, like, on the comedy, when I go to Edinburgh or any comedy festival, curry is the thing, right?

It's a sort of a slog of a meal where everyone sort of like takes the giggles they've had for today and shares them with everyone

over a chutney.

Yeah.

You know, it's not too expensive, but it is a treat.

There's a banquet going on.

They'll open late as well, crucially.

Yeah, there you go.

See,

I enjoy curry now and again, but I'm not as obsessed with curry as some people, I don't think.

I find that it's too much food, you end up too full.

Diabetically, it's a very difficult thing to handle.

Right.

Like,

I'll see the effects on my blood sugar levels for the next sort of 24 hours.

Really, is it a sugary number, occurry?

It's high carb and high fat, which is a brutal combination because it slows the absorption of the carbohydrates.

So it's just...

And that's podcasting.

Welcome to the podcast.

Hey, podcast.

Yeah.

But I do enjoy the flavours, but I just think it's too much.

I think the British twist we've added to Indian food is that we've just doubled the volume.

Right, right.

I just think it's a bit heavy.

I see you.

Yeah.

Well, we're together then in that.

Yeah.

But in that, so my answer to that is bread.

My very long answer to that is bread.

And it's bread.

My favourite restaurant in London is a restaurant called Pidgin.

And it is the bread there is on another planet.

Where's Pidgin?

It's Wilton Way.

Okay.

In I think it's closer to...

It's a hackney restaurant.

But

it's like a potato bread.

Okay.

And it comes with

a brown butter with some salt on top.

And

it's not the most expensive of the treat restaurants.

Yeah.

But

annoyingly, I mean, and it's all great.

They change the menu every week, but no matter who I take, they're always like the best part of that was the bread.

And it's no disrespect to the rest of the cooking.

The bread is just unbelievably memorable.

Great.

But what I'm also saying about the bread is I want an even number of pieces because having to cut one in half is hell on earth.

Yeah.

I don't want that moment where you're sort of cutting in half and both people are eyeing up sort of who's got the bigger half.

I don't want to have to go through that when I'm trying to enjoy it.

You can have your own plate of bread.

You can each get it.

Oh, fantasizing.

Yeah.

Shit.

Also, cutting bread, if you're going to share it, isn't it.

If you're the cutter, you've got to steady the bread roll with your hand, which means that's the bit you're...

It's a job it.

Right.

So whether you like it or not.

And you have to appear generous.

And you're talking about this from a hygienic point of view.

Yeah.

Right.

I guess you're taking people to this place that...

you have the fingerprints.

Yeah, turning away, like, it's fine.

Let's move on to your starter.

We'll get into the main bulk of it now.

I've found this work very stressful thinking of this list, actually.

Yes, good.

Have you two even have you two have you two got your list?

I wouldn't be able to do it.

You wouldn't be able to do it.

That'd be impossible.

It's a ridiculous thing to ask yourself when I think of something.

One day we will.

Yeah.

I think one day we'll.

Yeah, one day we'll have a lamp out there.

You got it, but you make other people do it.

Yeah.

But, like, I mean, you know, there's been a few episodes where, like,

something someone said has reminded me of something that I really like, and I've thought, oh, that might be on my list, actually.

I think I won't reveal what it is, but I think we might have the same dessert.

Yes.

You're not going to reveal what it is.

Not here and right now.

We'll make my episode a special episode.

We'll tell you after.

Give people a reason to listen to my episode.

I'm going to push you out the window later, mate.

So I think it'll be pretty special.

Don't worry about it.

I'm going to start by saying I think the starter is often the best course.

Well, I'm with you on that.

Yeah, Ed is a big old starter boy.

I'm the starter boy.

It gives people room to experiment and have a good time because it's not a huge amount of commitment.

It's a little

portions.

Yeah, exactly.

Lovely stuff.

But

I've sort of

had to think, I think, I thought so hard about it and felt so bad for all the stuff I'm leaving out that I just have gone very basic for just a food stuff that I love, and that is pickles or Gherkins.

I'm a fanatic.

And specifically a sort of American deli pickle that's like half like a dill pickle sort of.

Yeah.

Have you been to,

I mean, it's a...

I feel like it's like saying, have you been to Big Ben?

Yeah.

Have you been to Katz's in New York?

Yes.

Yeah.

The pickles there are.

Yeah, incredible.

Yeah.

They're another universe.

And they give, they just come with, I remember the first time I went, I saw that someone had this whole plate of pickles next to their sandwich.

And I was very very Britishly being like,

How do I?

I can't see the pickles on the menu, how do I wear those?

And they just didn't say anything in return, and then they just arrived with my sandwich.

I just almost couldn't eat them because my fists were so clenched with happiness.

Um, just bobbing for pickles on the plate, absolutely amazing.

I stayed on the same night someone in New York, I said, on the same street as Katz's.

So it's open late as well.

So, like, obviously, in the daytime, you can't move, it takes ages to get in there.

Going in there in the evening was a joy, although I didn't go in there, i just went in there and

i mean it won't surprise anyone who listens to the podcast regularly but i just went in there and just got some cherry pie that's what i went did you not yeah really

got some dessert who took you to cats's for the first time dreams ed gamble took me to cats for the first time really ruben uh yeah well i go i go ruben a little bit ruben with pastrami right is what i do you don't do a mix-up i don't do a mix-up just ruben with pastrami plate of pickles a pint of that the specific beer that brooklyn brewery do for them oh yeah lovely so good celery soda is what I get there.

Oh no.

Like a celery soda.

It doesn't taste like celery.

And in fact, you can get, have you been to Monty's?

I don't think I have.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, I'm so happy to introduce you to this.

Pat says it's basically in London in the form of Monty's.

Oh my god.

It's a place in Hoxton and the Reubens are unbelievable and they do all the same sort of drinks and stuff.

Oh great.

It's so good.

We're going.

Yeah, we're going there.

Absolutely.

We're not on the list.

There's actually, I think there's like a few now.

It's become a, I think they've just opened up a couple more around.

I'm not on board anymore then if

they've branched out and only go to

pop it.

You're right, you're right.

You're right.

You would like pickles from Katzu's deli.

I think that's what I'm having.

There were a few second options that I just want to bring up.

There's a brisket roll at Smokehouse in Canterbury, which is around the corner from here.

Yeah.

There's a starter.

And it has this, there's a mayo.

It's gotchujang mayo, which is like a spicy mayo.

It's like a Korea, that's like Korean chili.

Yeah, it's like

a chili bean paste, I don't know, fermented.

But it's, I mean, that is on another planet of deliciousness.

Sounds amazing.

I feel like it might be a

clash with one of my mains, so I'm just going to stick to the pickles and enjoy myself with those

and just allow the sparkling water to just dissolve any brine.

Although I'll go for the brine.

At uni, I used to, people used to, I'm a briner, yeah, yeah.

At uni, people used to be like, you know, if you give Jamie a tenner or down a jar of brine, and I'd be like, well, I mean, I'm, yeah, yeah, but oh, oh, God, don't make me do that in there.

Oh, you nasty sods.

Judging my lady.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they'll like, they leave, and I'm finishing it off.

Fairly, you spent the first five minutes of this podcast going, oh, my dad's a weirdo, he ate a whole onion.

And literally, five minutes later, you're going, yeah, I'll down a jar of Brian.

I don't give a shit.

I love it.

I'll pretend that I'm doing it for money reasons.

Yeah.

Actually.

You're right.

And actually, it was me with the bones and everything.

That was you, your dad.

Don't leave any food near Jamie.

Yes, my dad's a very safe foot eater.

Rubbaging through the bins like a fox.

You know, the pleasants in London and there's that pub that's at the bottom of the stairs and they do food there.

And for a while they did basically deep-fried pickles.

Great.

I love fried pickles.

Oh yeah, so good.

And I used to have them often when I went there even though

it would because problem with deep fried pickles is you bite into them and they're so full of juice and it's just the temperature of lava.

Yes.

And it really hurt me every single time and I kept on getting it because like I liked the taste of it so much, but it was a really unpleasant experience.

Yeah,

I know, yeah, yeah, and that you get the fat and the fat as well.

It's like it's like

the fat and the water from the pickle are encouraging each other to be hot.

Yes,

be hot, be hot, be hot, be hot.

No, you, but okay, we're both hot, great.

Blue cheese dip with that?

Uh, I can't remember what dip it was.

I wouldn't say no to that, though.

Yeah, that's what they do at meat liquor.

I know you're not a fan, James, but they.

You're not a fan of meat liquor.

No, I went to meat liquor once and just thought it was too dark.

And not like

that.

Mathematically, like light-wise.

I think no matter matter what your opinion on meatlika's food is, I think everyone would agree they don't need to make it feel like you've joined a satanic concert when you go in there.

Actually, once I was in there and a lady came up to me and literally was pointing at the dick on, she went, Do you approve of this?

I didn't know her.

She was like, Do you approve of all this?

I was like,

Well, no, no.

She's just like, What's that meant to be?

I went, I think that's like a goat's head and some blood coming out of the goat's head.

She's like, Well, who's putting that on there?

Why is that there?

I'm actually on board with all that.

Yeah, you like all that.

I always like

his tattoos look like.

The same person who does those tattoos is the person who does the interior designs.

They're all meat liquor tattoos.

Such a specific request.

I need to find that guy for my body.

The meat liquor guy.

I've got a big fried pickle up my right leg.

I bet if you were to turn the lights up, it would just sort of look very innocent, like a sort of swimming pool foyer or something.

Yeah, very sterile and sort of funny.

It's like a night, if you see a nightclub with the lights on, it's just it feels really blank.

And suddenly all your tattoos don't make sense to you.

Yeah, oh god.

I'll tell you what as well, nightclub, you turn the lights on,

the sweat smell increases.

I'm not sure that's true.

I'm going to stand by that.

You can smell the sweat more when the lights are on.

How hot are these lights that they're bringing out?

Yeah, well, exactly.

But, you know, in the dark, I don't notice it as much.

You turn the lights on, like, this place dicks of sweat.

I think I know what you mean, actually.

So

you're a brine, aren't you?

I'm hitting the hot.

I'm hitting the hot.

Pickleback.

Had a pickleback.

I wouldn't do a pickleback because I think it would, the combination of, I shouldn't shouldn't be having brine anyway for the acid probs so combining whiskey with that is it is like putting a gun in my mouth so

so what is that just to refresh me uh shot of brine and a shot of whiskey or bourbon specifically i think you would you can buy you can buy like brine as pickleback you can buy it in like the the the um spirit section of a supermarket now what like just the brine

and it's effectively just like uh like miss hamish uh pickle brine but they're selling it in a fancy bottle for like eight quid i would i would buy that Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I mean,

you're making two quid out of that, right?

Yeah.

So exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

The whole thing.

Well, I'm an investor in the

universe.

Yeah, so it's like a brine chaser.

Right, okay.

Yes.

I don't think I would do that.

It's actually delicious.

I know no one was asking me.

It's a salty shot.

It's a salty shot.

You liked it.

I like it, yeah.

Did one in Bodines once?

Oh, really?

Oh, a burnt end in Bodines is a thing to behold, isn't it?

Absolutely.

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We're going to his man course now and I get the feeling

that we're maybe going to get some beef at this man course because you

nodded to it earlier.

Yes, yeah.

I've been dropping clues everywhere.

The callbacks are going to alarm.

The amount of foreshadowing in this episode is amazing.

It's an Edgar Wright film.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

One of my courses is going to be

eaten while dangling out of a window.

I know an era of window.

It was just a reference to that at the beginning.

Are we doing Maine?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So this is another foreign delicacy from the States.

Again, I just love what they've got to offer over there.

I mean, oh, don't get me wrong, London's food scene is wonderful.

I want to just doff my hat to that.

But have you been to Pine and Crane in LA?

No, no.

Oh, man, alive.

There's this Taiwanese place.

And my friend went, Oh, you're going to quite like this place.

And as you do with things like that, you're like, No, I won't.

Anyway,

who knows more about food?

I think it's me.

Any recommendation is always met with an immediate no.

Yeah, sure.

Watch this film.

Why?

No way.

I'll watch the films that I choose, thank you.

But

so, yeah, it's a Taiwanese place and it just is everything I want that sort of food to be.

I kind of feel like there aren't that many Chinese or Taiwanese,

I love Chinese and Taiwanese food so much, but I feel like there aren't that many restaurants in London that really get me going on that side of things.

Yeah, I've certainly the best ones that have taken it to the next level have been in America.

So we went to an amazing place in New York called Kings County Imperial that's like a Sechuani, but like...

Where's that?

It's in Brooklyn.

Oh, nice.

Ed was very clever about it.

Ed booked it and did not tell us that Sechuan stuff is meant to make your mouth numb and stuff.

But he deliberately didn't tell us it was going to be fun for him.

And it was fun.

Like me and John Robbins immediately were going.

looking concerned and like um does anyone else

it's new year's eve and i'm i'm dying.

But like, it was delicious.

Make your mouth numb, and then there's these soup dumplings.

Putting a soup dumpling up when you've got a numb mouth and you just feel it burst over your numb tons.

It's so good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come now.

So, and also in New York,

Mission Chinese.

I've never said that before, by the way.

It felt right.

Wait, wait, Mission Chinese.

Mission Chinese.

I need to do that.

They do a dish there called thrice cooked bacon.

Oh, really?

It's just incredible

bacon-y pork.

It's just this amazing chicken bone

with like sliced like rice cake, like mochi stuff in like Seshwan pepper sauce.

It's incredible.

But I've not had any food like that in the UK.

Maybe there is.

Maybe we're overlooking it.

Silk Road is pretty good in Pekkin.

That's quite nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait.

Did you have a question?

I'm just going to say, if there's any listeners who know of any really great Taiwanese Chinese places in London in the UK, then tweet us up.

Let us know.

I think what I'm talking about is like, I'm sure there's some really nice, authentic places in the UK, but I think I'm talking about like Swish hipster places.

Oh, there's yeah, Swish hipster, I think there aren't that many there are loads of like upmark like Zhu XU in

that's in my top five in London

that's a Taiwanese place but it's it's incredible but it's a it's like a special night out it's not just like a well there's something about like I would say Tao Tao Zhu for me on in

Chinatown is like a really good Chinese place yeah and I love it I think I haven't experimented enough maybe I think I'm the same

the wasabi king prawns shout out to the wasabi king prawns they're so good they're clear your nostrils out i absolutely love them that's the main thing they love

he sticks them up his nose

they're in the sort of they're by vicin boots yeah i love that feeling of wasabi just going up your nose oh yeah a wasabi peanut is a lovely lovely lovely thing i used to uh i used to think it was quite funny in a pub if you got like a little half pint glass of wasabi peas right to down the whole thing like it was a pint of beer yeah and i did that and he's like crunched them all down and then i'd it used to be really bad i'd have to run to the toilet How many times did you do that?

A couple.

Always a couple of times.

Always with friends?

Always.

I don't know if I'm not friends with them anymore.

They probably won't hang out with me in public anymore.

Came back to the toilet, they were all gone.

Yeah.

Not another group of friends.

I'm beginning to see why now.

But also, oh, shout out also to the Vietnamese strip near my flat in Hoxton.

Really, really good.

Loads of good places there.

Bun bun bun and faux house, all really nice.

Boy, I haven't even said the thing.

Yeah, sorry.

So finding a lot of things.

My fault,

I'm sort of doing excuses on the end.

Look, we are kindred spirits.

That's what I'm picking up.

Three kindred spirits here.

If we talk about any food, we have to go on for ages.

Oh, gosh.

Pine and crane, really nice.

So I'm going there and I'm having they do a bowl of noodles called Dan Dan noodles, which is just noodles in a peanutty sauce with cucumbers finely sliced on top and some peanuts in just a nice soy-saucy, like very, very mildly spicy sauce, and it's just fresh heaven.

And it's and it's not expensive.

It's really like, that's like, you know, when you buy something these days for about nine quid from a restaurant that's really nice and you get a full meal out of it, it's unbelievable.

So I ordered that and a load of sides, one of which is a beef roll, which is like a

duck pancake, but the pancake's really thick.

And the beef is like long, long, thin slices with hoisin and cucumber.

And it is, is it just it's so fresh and good yeah i feel like you just you you're expecting there to be a sort of uh battered gherkin esque quantity of oil that's going to explode with something like that but it just goes in clean boy

and then uh and then some uh pot stickers with that as well they do really nice uh pork pot stickers with aubergine in them i'm a big

i'm a big bagine boy yeah yeah

and then uh and then a plate of these uh pea shoots just get that green flowing just the sort of food equivalent.

So hold on, is this one meal you can order?

Yeah, because that's the kind of that that's I wanted to pick something where I could have loads of shit.

I don't just want a meatloaf

at all, actually.

I don't think I've ever had a meatloaf.

Oh, what?

I haven't wanted to.

We've talked about this on the episode.

I've talked to Ed about it, but yeah, I've got a meatloaf in Cheesecake Factory.

Yeah.

He went to Cheesecake Factory and ordered meatloaf.

That made me scream with laughter.

It was the skippest thing anyone's ever done.

I regret it so so much.

I went in there because I wanted a cheesecake, but then I felt like, oh no, I've got to be good and I've got to

have a main, because otherwise I can't have just put a bag.

A famously healthy intro to cheesecake, a meatloaf and mash.

A meatloaf, yeah.

And

it was so huge, and I got so full on it, and then like

barely forced this cheesecake.

The last time I had anything meatloaf-based was I had a meatloaf sandwich at the diner in Camden, and then I went down to the toilet and someone had done a shit on the floor.

Did they preempt your shit on the floor?

I was about to do that.

From the meatloaf.

At the cheesecake factory, do they have a waggamama approach to bringing stuff out?

So it's like, do you mind if the cheesecake and the meatloaf comes at the same time?

Oh, yeah.

Everything just comes out when it's ready, if that's all right.

Right.

And the cheesecake is definitely already ready, so that's coming out.

Yeah.

There should be some cheesecake on the table when you arrive, actually.

Like that.

Like a restaurant where there's already like each table has like a little

mystery dish in the middle.

And you choose your table.

And then like,

you don't know.

There's a mystery cheesecake in the the middle yeah and when it comes to ordering your cheesecake you can have you can you can order like deal or no deal or you have it for free the one in the middle or you can have that one for free in the middle nice that's quite fun innit like a sort of uh bertie botts every flavor cheesecake oh yeah yeah

a bogey

oh no i've got the bogey cheesecake

birdie bots beans either like i i i bought them for my nephews and stuff it's fun isn't it funny finding some of that but it is mad that they actually have stuck with the premise of

one of them tastes like sick.

Yeah.

It's like, oh, wow, what have they done to make it actually taste like sick?

Oh, that tastes horrible.

It's horrible for me.

JK Malin's sick.

Unlucky.

That's what she does, actually.

Every year, JK Malin is just sick in a big bucket and then they use it for the Bertie Botts beans.

Imagine the meeting that would come before that.

Just sort of talking about it.

She's like, yeah, sure.

So do you want me to do it now?

Happy Friday to be my sick.

Absolutely happy for Friday to be my sick.

Mine's my idea, so

tweeting tweeting about it.

It's very exciting.

There's a photo of me doing a sick.

Pouring them into the bean molds here.

Pouring the sick into the bean molds.

Is that how it would work?

Sicking into a bean mold.

We've actually got the bean mould here, JK.

Don't worry, all I ate on the lead-up to it was nice Bertie Bots beans.

So that's all you're getting.

It's middle of the side of the side.

So it's quite a high acid.

Yeah, I'd have flavor.

If I was her, I'd do that.

I'd just eat Bertie Bots beans and stick them up.

And then they're the sick beans.

So I've made the mistake having been to la a couple of times often alone i've made the mistake of going to these sorts of restaurants and then overordering massively right would you say your main is overordering or is that just the right amount of food it's a sh you'd you'd that's probably enough

do you know what i would eat all that yeah when i because i'm in law rarely it's like overorder and eat all of it right yeah oh it's definitely an overorder i'd feel like terrible afterwards but not as bad as i'd feel if it was all bad stuff yeah i kind of feel like i doing this list it was difficult because i didn't know whether to go for nostalgia or what i like now because there's so many things that i have such fond memories of when i go back to eat it i'm like

that's not that wasn't nice was it actually ever i was just i like i don't want no look i think waggamamas is a great establishment but the other day i had a katsu curry there and i and i haven't been there for ages

and i was like

oh this it's not as nice as like a really good like my mate someone did me like a homemade katsu curry which which I didn't think was possible a few weeks ago.

Like, surely it's just like Wagamamas and Secretary Food.

And it was unbelievable.

And I think it's because it's like, is Wagga Mamas is it like, is it fresh?

What is it?

Is it good quality stuff?

I don't know.

I think it's flight.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a chain restaurant and they're, you know, they're knocking out a lot of meals a day, so they have to.

Right.

Yeah.

It's in that world of like Pizza Express and stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah.

But it's also.

It's a decent chain.

But isn't Pizza Express like a...

Is it a frozen dough?

I mean, I don't care.

I like it all.

But I was like, there's something about this that isn't amazing.

Anyway, the point I'm making is the Binding Crane thing is so fresh and like good quality stuff that you don't feel like shit.

You just feel stupid for ordering so much.

Yeah, yeah.

Also, katsu curry is one of those things that's never the first time you have a katsu curry, it blows your mind because it's so salty and delicious.

And you really love it.

You can't find why is it sweet?

In what way is it sweet?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then finding one that's as good ever again,

you have to do stuff like have a homemade one or something like that, or one in a really fancy one because otherwise you just it's just it's never as good as that first time when you were like oh wow what's this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like your first gig yeah when you go and see Katsukari at a gig for the first time

they'd only open a show

they

so we've got beam we got green shoots right yeah so pea shoots oh you're gonna have to recap this at the end aren't you like a bowl of noodles sandan noodles pea shoots uh pot stickers and

do you know what what a pot a good pot sticker is for me?

There's nothing more disappointing to me about a dumpling than when it doesn't have that nice browned side.

Yeah, you need the brown side.

Do you know what I mean?

Absolutely.

And I feel like you very rarely get that.

People usually aren't, but I think that is just me being ignorant, and that's just because that's the difference between a fried dumpling and a boiled dumpling.

Yeah, I think, but I would never order a boiled dumpling.

I don't know why.

I don't mind a bit of sliminess, but you have

the fried bit as well.

Oh, for sure.

But often they don't specify.

Like, if you're getting it as a takeaway, it'll just say dumplings, and you've just got to cross your fingers for three hours

to the way I've specified the amount of time.

That's a long time as well.

They've got a brown side.

The dark side of the dumplings.

Me and my girlfriend were in Japan recently and we just wanted gyoza.

So we just wanted dumplings.

And we just found the nearest place.

And you just go up and sit at the bar and there's an iPad to order on.

Right.

And you just, all they do is dumplings and it's just by amount.

So we like hit six dumplings and they brought these dumplings along.

Come on.

They're absolutely incredible.

So we hit 20.

Oh, yeah.

And they brought 20 along.

And then we had another 20.

20 of the same order.

All the same.

Pork and...

Really?

Yeah, just pork and like spring onion.

If it ain't broke.

Fried dumplings, just constantly hitting reorder.

It was phenomenal.

Constantly on 20.

Constantly on 20.

It's amazing.

Never draw 20.

Constant implies six at the very least.

So you ate like 120 dumplings.

I don't know how many we ate, but all I know is

there were two girls sat next to us who ate more than us.

Wow.

Whoa.

They were really going for it.

i'm surprised more places don't do that thing with the button because like oh it's brilliant because one thing internet shopping has shown us is that we are kind of fine with that like it feels like you're not even doing it you're not even spending money you just press a little button yeah and you've got the thing

you're like dealing with people

exactly there's a sushi place we went to like twice as well two days in a row yeah like a proper conveyor belt place but you just hit what you want on an ipad and then it zooms along to where you're sat right on the conveyor belt and it's so much fun yeah and and did you did you eat more than you needed there Yeah, of course.

Well, I do anyway, but even more than that.

Yeah, because you're going to hear it because you've got to see it zoom along.

Yeah, it's lovely to see food move.

That's all I want.

I just wanted to see it.

I just want to see it move.

It's like

it's so fresh, it's like it's salmon leaping through the river.

Imagine catching it.

Yeah,

you catch it in your teeth like a bear when it comes to the end of the thing.

Yeah, and then you go down to the rivers of Japan, and they are actually just sort of sushi-esque conveyor belts.

Yeah, yeah, that's what it is.

They're just sort of like flapping along on there.

I'm so sad.

I can't.

I don't.

I think

my most shameful food quality, everyone has one, apparently, is

I don't eat fish,

any of it,

seafood or any of it.

And I don't respect myself for it.

I've tried it all.

My catchphrase that I tried to get going as a kid was: if it swims in the sea, it doesn't swim in Jamie D.

I tried to sort of make it

a kid.

I'd always spin my cap as I did it and pop on some shades.

But all I was doing was sort of disappointing a friend's parent when I came over.

I just tried to sort of make the whole situation cool.

I turned on some music as I said it.

I don't think we should invite your odd friend Jamie over anyway.

He did that rap about not wanting what I'd cooked.

The fish fingers, we were gonna eat.

Always trying to take the edge off.

And then I just skate around the table.

Ironically a fish though, skate.

Ah, there you go.

You shouldn't be a.

And when you eat skate, it is called skating around.

Yeah, yeah.

It was skating Jamie D.

Oh, it's a shame.

That's a shame.

Oh, it's a huge shame.

Especially, I mean, the crushing blow to my Greek family.

I've got two uncles who are fishermen.

I feel like you can probably, if you were to go into Cyprus, if you saw three men sort of walking around really sadly, it's because they know their nephew doesn't eat fish.

Yeah.

They sort of get up early in the morning to go for that walk to just shake it off every day, the shame of it.

Imagine your uncles are only like catching the skeletons of the fish that are perfect skeletons.

Take them back to your dad.

There we go, we caught your favourite.

Famously, my uncles feed my dad.

We all feed our brothers, right?

Sure, yeah, that's how we do it.

Yeah, even though they're in different countries.

It's a very expensive habit, and they don't know why they got into it.

Got another parcel of bones from Cyprus.

Yeah, but yeah, they're red snapper guys, but they just cannot get it.

And all the stereotypes are pretty true.

The whole thing of being like, oh, I'm vegetarian.

It's like, all right, we'll have some oxtail then.

Have a very obscure part of the meat.

Yeah.

But so, yeah, I've never experienced sushi, sadly.

I've got a

question for you about something that I know you've eaten and that I've seen you eat.

And I wanted to know what it was like.

James has been watching you for many weeks.

Yes.

What was the marmalade sandwich like in Paddington 2?

Oh, right.

Okay.

Well...

Because you made it look really nice.

Do you know what?

It was...

You've eaten a Paddington sandwich.

It was surprisingly phenomenal.

I mean, they were...

Did it actually have marmalade in it?

Yeah.

So they made a proper marmalade sandwich for you.

Yeah.

I tell you what, it was such a relief as well because,

I mean, by the way, for any listeners, you won't know I'm in Paddington because I'm in it for one second.

But I played a prisoner in that and there's a scene where, so the prisoners are livid because they have to eat gruel all the time.

And I mean, as authentic as they wanted to make the marmalade delicious, they made the gruel disgusting.

Right.

It was like a quinoa, a cold, sludgy quinoa porridge with like bits that you couldn't identify.

identify but we had to eat it because there were like loads of close-ups where they all they wanted to get was like you eating the food

and and like there's a few scenes where I'm sat next to Paddington I got a two-shot with Paddington

But yeah, so the gruel was like disgusting and then the scene comes where Paddington makes everyone sandwiches and they're fucking nice.

Yeah, can we swear on this?

Yeah, yeah, I mean,

especially

marmalade sandwiches actually really happy to hear this.

A certain like

that the Paddington sandwiches are as nice as I'm just just

calling bullshit.

I know I'm in trouble.

This is such a massive turnaround for you.

For years, James refused to watch the Paddington films.

Oh, really?

Well, the first one.

And then because he thought the bear was weird and creepy.

Shifty and creepy.

Shifty and shifty eyes and creepy eyes.

And I was like, mate, you've got to watch Paddington.

It's a fucking brilliant film.

I was like, no, absolutely not.

The bear's shifty and creepy.

I hate that bear.

Yeah, that's what I said.

And

I'll stand by it.

You don't stand by it?

Because then you went and watched.

Have you seen the first one?

I watched both of them in one day over Christmas and I loved them.

They were so magical and

funny and

perfect film.

Skip was amazing.

Yeah, the second one, especially.

Yeah.

Oh, I love it so much.

Every single bit in it was amazing.

I got over the fact that the bear is the creepiest thing in the world.

Where's the shift?

Where's the shiftiness?

The shifty eyes.

His eyes are all shifty.

His eyes are all shifty.

He is a very magical bear.

He looks about all shifty, and he's a very creepy.

So I'm just going to call bullshit on this.

You can't come out repping for Paddington suddenly.

Well, I can.

Hey, this is a good

thing to do in this day and age.

So many people now refusing to change their opinions,

arguing with each other.

I'm just showing people you can do a turnaround short.

People will criticise you for changing your opinions, but you know, I think I'm right now.

I think that those Paddington films are magical and wonderful.

And I also think I was right to initially think the bear was shifty and creepy.

But it.

So you've done what everyone does, is you've come out and apologised for your behaviour, and then you put a caveat right on the end of it.

Yes, that's what I've done.

Yes, absolutely.

But I'm very happy to hear that the sandwiches tasted.

Yeah, they were lovely.

And as a a gift, we all got given a jar of the marmalade to take home.

It was very tangy.

Yeah.

And I think that's what I've been looking for in a marmalade without realising it for so long.

It was a very tangy malade.

Really?

Yeah.

That's a nice, thoughtful gift, though, for everybody, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, lovely.

And it had a little sort of false label by Paddington printed.

So I didn't believe it was him.

Sure, sure.

Big Tom Davis.

It really makes me laugh.

Imagine Tom Davis walking home with a jar of marmalade for some reason.

That's a funny image.

Tom Davis, just googling.

He'd be tough with it as well, wouldn't he?

Yeah,

he'd be really happy with it.

He'd be really happy with it.

Oh, thank you very much.

A credit to the microscope.

That sort of stuff.

Oh, he's that man knows his way around catering.

My God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He always puts a nice, I mean, the shout out to Tom Davis, loveliest man in the world, always gets a big fat bit of bread to put everything on top of.

So it takes in the whole meal.

Clever.

At the end, all the flavours are just sitting there.

There should be a name for that, like a moist maker, but not.

It is a moist maker to an extent.

In a way, but it should have Tom Davis's name in it somewhere.

Any suggestions?

I'm doing loads of tweeting us in.

I never do this.

I'm coming across.

Tweet us in, guys.

Any suggestions?

This is a very specific request as well.

If Tom Davis was to make a piece of bread that soaked up catering food, what would it be called?

What should it be called?

A juicy tom.

All right, yeah, we got it.

Don't tweet.

Please don't tweet.

It's a juicy tom.

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What is your side dish?

We'll come to the side now.

Oh, right, yeah.

Hang on.

Let's have a recap.

You've done something clever in that.

I think your main dish is almost made up.

I think I can't really have extra.

But if I was to dream big,

I've been eating, I've been trying to find a place to slip this in, so I guess it is the side.

Since I was about, I've been having to, my parents started working evenings when I was about 11, so I had to start cooking for myself around then, and it would just be pot noodle every night, and I got sick of it after about two months.

So I started trying to cook, and my dad's a chef, so I'd sort of ask him for advice every now and again.

And the first thing he taught me how to make was a basic salad, and I think that was on my mum's request, just like if he's going to make it something good.

And it was just get a head of lettuce, chop it up and put olive oil, lemon and salt on it.

Yeah.

And I've been, I've probably had that or a variant of that every day for about 20 years.

Wow.

It is that because it's like, it's like a free

meal.

Do you know what I mean?

You can have it.

You can have it and you can have your whole, it's like, that's just eating water, essentially.

Flavoured water.

So you can have that and you can have a whole thing.

And it's a big, you can have a massive bowl of it.

And it is so nice.

Refreshing.

Yeah, if you, and if you, once, it took me about a year to get the levels right and over the years i'll sort of chuck in a little things of spice up in every now and again i've really got into uh a yuzu do you have a yuzu yeah it's like a ja it's like a cross between a lemon and a an orange and it's really fucking nice yeah get a bit a little bottle of that a little bit of that on it and maybe a bit of soy sauce in there as well instead of replacing the salt yeah that's taking you home

And some sesame oil instead of oil.

Sorry, I'm just celebrating that.

That's good.

You've thought about the balance of the meal as well.

That's very nice.

Does that salad have a name?

Did your dad?

No, but feel free to put a flag in it.

Tweet is in with the...

I'd like you two to tweet at me.

Yeah, we'll tweet you after you.

We'll tweet you afterwards.

Absolutely.

Drink.

Drink.

Oh, actually, that's a very neat seg.

There's a place called Jaidori near me, which actually does a very good katsu curry.

uh and they do a yuzu ginger beer which is where i it's where i discovered yuzu and i was like oh pop this in a salad please

can i take that home and pour it on my salad it's it's like i really like ginger beer generally and this just gives it a citrusy situation about it um which i can't deny and that was lovely so i think i went too hard on there was one edinburgh festival yeah um

uh where uh what what's the main is this gonna be the most

okay alcoholic ginger beer i thought this was about to be the most whimsical James A.

Custer story ever, where you're like, one festival, I went too hard on ginger beer.

Well, actually,

that is what I was doing.

Yeah, but it's alcoholic ginger beer.

I genuinely think I had the same fringe as you.

I went mad on it and it burnt.

It burnt my gingerbread.

Because there were buses that were.

So you could walk into a bus and it was just like selling loads of crabby.

I was giving away crabbies.

And so, like, I just, and I loved it, drank it all month.

And it's the sweetest alcoholic drink available.

It's unbelievable.

And right at the end end of the month rob deering said to me don't you just think it tastes like washing up liquid

and it and it was like you've hypnotized me

because all i could taste when i drank it was washing up i was like i'd drink washing up liquid

and i hated it and i can't drink it anymore so i i don't really drink much ginger beer now because of like that oh it's put you off ginger beer it really it really what well kind of fancy ginger beers i think i think i'll go kind of safe and do a ginger ale or something but i don't really yeah what's the difference ginger ale seems a bit flatter to me ginger ale's like Is that because I feel like whenever I say, can I get a ginger beer?

And they go, ginger ale or ginger beer, I'm like, yep.

Ginger ale is like lighter, isn't it?

And it's sort of less, almost less gingery.

It's not, it doesn't, it doesn't feel spicy with it.

Right, ginger.

Just a sort of sugar.

Shorter.

Yeah, fiery ginger ale.

Right, right, right.

Okay, I love a fire.

I've learned a beer here.

Yeah, I can fire ginger.

But yeah, that Krabby's fringe was a very.

I kind of feel like it ruined that fringe.

Yeah.

A lot of us went all in on Krabby's, and

it was a bit of a whirlwind.

Well,

paint a picture of him where he told you.

I'm picturing that scene in Astarius Born where her manager tells him that he's ruined her life.

We were at a gig.

It was Eva.

It was in the Gilded Balloon.

I know that.

But it wasn't late in life.

It was like a gig where we all just go on and do a little spot for our shows.

And we were sitting on the side.

The audience could see us all.

We were sitting on the side of the bottom.

You were just surrounded by empty Krabbies bottles.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm I'm like, damn it, have you tried Krabbies?

I drink it all the time now.

It's absolutely brilliant.

It tastes like washing up liquid.

I was like, oh no.

Ruined yourself.

Do you think that's because it does taste like washing up liquid, or do you think you just really trust Rob Deering's opinion?

I do trust Rob Deering's opinion, that's for sure.

Especially when it comes to food and stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah, because he's really had to, he loves food,

but he's also a very

healthy guy.

He's very, very good at picking what he eats, eats, where he eats it from.

And then so that stuff is like, I'm not bothering with it unless it's worth it.

With Krabby's just like, that is not worth it.

That is not worth it for Rob Deering.

And as soon as he told me that, because I think that's why he's good at pinpointing the reason why he doesn't like it.

Yeah.

Sure.

Washing up liquid.

Washing up liquid.

Right.

I had that moment with coriander, but it didn't, it didn't affect me.

As in someone told me that it to take because it's like one in ten people it tastes like soap.

Soap, yes.

To them.

I'm I've heard you two rag on coriander and I was worried that it would have a return as the word you can't, the food you can't say, because

I'm ready to talk about it all the time.

I mean, I used to, I mean,

I will buy a bag of coriander and eat it as a snack on the way home.

Wow.

From a supermarket.

It's really weird.

Yeah, that's why I'm a little bit more like a little garden elf.

Yeah, I buy it in those little soil punnets as well.

Yeah,

just slinging soil all over the bus.

Trust me not.

But yeah, I'm really into it.

But then I've got a friend called Joe Hampson who was like, I mean, that stuff is.

And I was like, oh no, and I tasted it and I was like, I sort of see what you mean, but I still am absolutely going to be able to do it.

It's the same with cucumber.

I think cucumber, like, one in ten people can, like, smell something in it.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's some, like, chemical in cucumber that they can smell.

It's like the asparagus thing with your wee.

Yeah.

No, that's a fat.

That's a.

That's full.

Well, it's not one in ten people.

Yeah, not everyone can smell asparagus in their wee.

That's not true.

That's true.

Bonito's not it.

But is it that they can't smell it or that...

Oh, there's this.

It's like a three-part theory, isn't it?

It's like there are some people who do it and it stinks and they can't smell it.

There are some people who don't do it at all and there are some people who do it and can smell it.

It's not an interesting theory, isn't it?

It's a good theory.

I got to two and I was like, I can't believe there's a third.

I felt like I was in a pitch meeting.

I felt like I was getting a whole sitcom.

A new movie being pitched.

There's three main characters.

Acts one.

Three guys.

One of them, he smells.

Well, he smells well.

He eats asparagus and he can smell it oh well i can i'm i'm the third character oh really oh i yeah i can smell it it ruins it ruins a wiver movie you can smell it yeah someone pitching it in dragons den and then they're like i don't i don't understand what you're pitching me and they're like to be fair i don't either

i think what's a good idea statistically one of you dragons

right put your hand up yeah but yeah that can i don't i think i don't eat asparagus that much as a result but i would say cucumber is probably my most frequently bought food.

Okay.

I love a cucumber.

Would you eat one of those on the bus on the way home as well?

No, just because the japes of having a big cucumber

waggling around.

Yeah.

Whereas if you're eating coriander on the bus, people leave it in the bag.

Well, people make coriander.

Leave that guy.

No junks to be had there.

But they're just little clovers.

He's hoping for some good luck today.

Maybe.

Yeah, that's like

perfectly fine.

That's what people audibly say all the time to do.

Yeah, hoping for some good luck.

luck.

Just wink at me all the time.

I hope you get it, mate.

I know what they mean by this.

We've come to the dessert.

Well,

my favourite course, you two are starter boys, but everyone knows I'm a dessert boy.

The beauty of a dessert is that you just can't believe there's more room.

And then it comes along and you're just, there's something in you, isn't there?

It's like, you can.

You honestly make it.

It's a learner.

Reach inside of yourself.

It's a hard one as well.

I think that

my sort of staple thing that I can access frequently is a bonoffi pie.

Love a bonoffi pie.

But I think

the best pudding I've ever eaten, I've had once.

And

it's not reflective of how much I loved the whole dinner there.

But have you ever been to Heston's dinner?

No, I've still never been.

Right.

It's his restaurant in London.

And my main I actually didn't like at at all.

My starter was incredible.

Yeah.

It's the thing called meat fruit.

Have you heard of that?

Yeah.

It's a pate in the shape.

It looks like a clementine.

Right.

You could, it is like,

you believe it was a clementine and it's the nicest pâté you've ever eaten.

Okay.

But the pudding is a thing called a tipsy cake and it's it's a brioche that's been baked.

And on the side there's spit roasted pineapple.

And the brioche has, I don't know what it has at the bottom of it.

It's like a creme on glaise or like all just the bottom of the brioche has been caramelized.

Yeah.

And it, I, it,

I went to, I said to the guy, what's, what's the best pudding?

Uh, and I think I got as far as the.

And he was like, go the tipsy cake.

It's objectively the nicest pudding you're ever going to eat.

And he was completely right.

Does it have booze in it?

If it does, I don't know.

And I wouldn't think it does because I'm not a boozy pudding guy.

And just the words boozy pudding fill me with dread.

It just reminds me of TV chefs judging someone's food and loving that.

Oh, there's booze in there.

I mean, like, there are two things you can do on MasterChef that will guarantee you love, and that's just fill it with alcohol or fill it with chilies.

But it's like, I can do anyone can do that.

It's not hard.

Oh, you've got some real hilly cheating, you've got some real chili heat in there.

How have you done that?

It's like, put chili in it.

Put loads of chili in it.

And it's like, oh, that is very boozy.

Very nice.

Very.

It's like, yeah, because I put loads of booze in it.

You're sitting around all day, ready, bored, ready to to eat our food i mean

you'd love it yeah yeah but yeah a boozy pud to me doesn't fill me with joy but this tipsy cake is it really it's i can't i'm not really painting but the spit roasted pineapple just lovely

yeah i can't really paint the picture of it it just was weirdly i was just surprised by how nice it was and there's no nothing else with it you gotta buy with it no uh no custard um i would actually do you know what i'd get a sort of flecked vanilla custard i'd pop along with that with the uh with the real vanilla pods as i've heard you two,

take those very seriously.

Wave that flung again.

But

I also am not a big Hestonman.

I think that the good thing about it was that there was nothing cheeky about it.

I don't want a cheeky dinner.

I mean,

I suppose the meat fruit is a cheeky thing.

Yeah, that's a cheeky thing.

Yeah, it's fun.

Yeah, but I can't get it.

He'd filled his cheeky quota for the dinner with that.

And I was like, I don't know, I just want straight, I just want everything else to be a straight one.

Yeah, you don't want to get to the end of the meal and then they're like, and you can eat your napkin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd be like, I'm full.

Yeah, I'm full.

But like, do you remember that?

I think one of the last, they really sort of like pulled everything out of them they could for all his programs and stuff.

Yeah.

The last one made no sense.

It was like, it was sort of like, I'm going to create food that creates nostalgia.

And then you've got like a guy, and it's like in next week's episode, and there's a guy like playing pool and like biting the pool table and being like, it tastes exactly like bacon.

It's like, what is that?

What is it evoking for you?

The time you ate a pool table.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, wow, this God, this house tastes exactly like my mum's lasagna.

There was an episode, and I've definitely spoken about this on other things before, maybe even on this show, but I'll happily tell this over and over again because it's my happiest memory.

And it's just on a TV show.

And it was Hessen Blumenthal making a big Christmas meal for a load of celebs.

And the dessert, he'd made a ski, a ski resort kind of like scene, but it filled the whole table so the whole table was like uh these snowy hills and it was all all edible

and um the

the mountains were made of it was baked alaska essentially yeah and it was this like black currant uh like meringue full of black currant ice cream and there was a shot of uh the rugby player matt dawson biting into the side of one of these mountains and the ice cream poured out and I think about it at least once a week.

It looked so delicious when he bit into it and it all just came apart beautifully and I was like, oh my god, I want to eat that so much.

I think I saw that and I think it did look unbelievable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it is, it doesn't, it doesn't make sense though.

No.

It's like I'm going to do something for people they've always wanted.

Finally, a table of winter.

Yeah.

Like an eaten and you're going to see it eaten by a rugby player.

A rugby player eats.

It's a perfect storm.

He then tried to reframe himself.

I love Hesson Blumenthal and I'd really like to go to dinner.

But he tried to reframe himself.

I've got one of his cookbooks, which is like Heston at Home, which is supposed to be stuff you can do at home.

It is impossible to do any of it at home.

It requires ingredients that no one has.

And also, I remember he did things like making the perfect steak.

And you would watch that and go, oh, this will show me how to do the perfect steak at home.

And then it cut to a clip of him in the car park of his restaurant with a massive flamethrower doing the side of it.

You're like, no, that is not the perfect steak.

The perfect steak is being able to do it in your own kitchen, surely.

That's like cooking with Coolio.

Oh, where he did the turkey.

There's a turkey on the roof.

Oh, I understand.

So there's a YouTube series called Cooking with Coolio, which is exactly what you think it is.

And Coolio really likes cooking now.

He's released cookbooks himself and stuff like that.

There's a chapter in one of his cookbooks called Salad Eating Bitches.

And when he's making the Thanksgiving dinner, him and his friend just go up on the roof of their building and they're deep-fry the turkey while jumping around.

making excited noises because they're really looking forward to eating it but like he's going we can't do that yeah like i've got enough space to do do it because he goes, We've got to go on the leaf because it just spits everywhere when you deep-fried turkey.

You've got to get fries that are big enough.

And it's like, well,

that's it.

Thank you.

That's a Muppet's Christmas Carol image, isn't it?

They cook a goose on the roof.

Do they?

On the chimney.

Is that right?

It's over the fire.

And then.

Oh, it's in the fire.

No, it's not on the roof.

Yeah, yeah.

And then he literally

falls down the chimney and is dancing on top of it.

Yeah, mixed my image.

I've just sort of raised the goose.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah.

which I often do when I'm trying to remember goosebumps.

That should be a phrase, isn't it?

Yeah, I've raised the goose.

He's raised the goose there.

It always has to be used literally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Only when you've actually raised a goose could you actually say that.

So, Jamie, now, oh, here we go.

You would like some sparkling water.

Thank you.

First of all.

And then the bread you would like is that potato bread from...

Pigeon.

Pigeon.

You would like some pickles from Cats' Deli.

Yes, please.

And then from

the place in LA.

Pine and Crane.

Pine and crane.

You would like danjo noodles, pea shoots, pot stickers, aubergine.

Your side, you would like, made by your own hand, lettuce oil, lemon, and salt.

You would like a...

That doesn't sound nice, though.

No, but I see what you're doing.

Well, I made Jimichiu salad.

That's fine.

Yuzo ginger beer.

Where's that from?

Yuzu.

Oh, gidori.

Yuzu?

Ginger beer?

Saying all these restaurants so clearly.

And tipsy cake from the dinner.

A dinner by Heston, I think it's called.

I think that's a great.

I mean, that's definitely a meal that I would eat.

Yes, that is.

That's a cracking meal.

I'm a huge fan of the cast, so that feels great.

Thank you.

And it's all completely taken away from the heart attack I had at the beginning from poppa dums and bread.

Yeah.

Or bread.

There's no poppa dumbs and bread.

Oh, I mean, maybe one day someone will.

Someone might do that.

Oh,

would I have been allowed?

You'll never know, now.

Bandersnatch, baby.

Super sorry.

Wildest approach to bandersnatch.

Bandersnatch.

I love that now, just making choices in general.

You can just.

Oh, Bandersnatch.

You've got Bandersnatch, David.

But like Bandersnatch, you can go back.

So I'll have pop it on some bread, please.

Whoa!

Wow.

Did it?

He bandersnatched us.

We got Bandersnatched our own Bandersnatch.

Yum, yum, yum, please may I get down from the table?

What a delicious podcast.

That was a delicious meal.

I haven't tried any of the stuff that he said, but I want to.

That's what's exciting.

Yeah, I want to go to all those places and eat that.

That's something very, very nice.

We should go to dinner.

Apart from the pickles, I've had the pickles.

We should go to dinner by Heston.

Yeah, we should go there.

We should go to that other place he mentioned that was like the cats, but in London.

Yeah, we should definitely do that.

I'm going to go to all the places.

That was a great episode.

Jamie was great.

Delicious food.

Did not mention Marzipan.

Did not.

The key point being is he did not mention Marzipan.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

As we said earlier, Stafflets Flats is on.

Is it more four?

What's it called?

All four.

It's called now.

It was 4 OD.

Now it's called All Four.

All Fours.

No, it's not called All Fours.

Stafflets Flats is not on all fours.

Right, okay.

It's doing very well.

It's on all four.

So you can watch it on all four.

Okay.

But more importantly than that, you're listening to this podcast.

If you're not subscribed to it, what the hell are you playing at?

Yeah, do us a favor.

Just subscribe to it.

Come on.

It really helps our numbers.

Give it a little five-star review.

You don't even have to write anything.

Just hit five stars.

And if you do want to write something, please do it.

Give it a rosette.

Give it a rosette.

Can they do that, Benito?

No, we don't know how to give it a rosette, but if you work out a way, don't forget to tweet James with suggestions of great Chinese restaurants in London.

Yep.

I want to know all the best Chinese and Taiwanese restaurants in London, please.

Tweet that and me.

And also, any other names for the Tom Davis Moist Maker?

The Juicy Tom.

The Juicy Tom.

Come see me on tour.

I'm all over the place.

Check out edgamble.co.uk for dates.

Go and see James on tour.

Yep.

If you want to.

I mean, James doesn't seem on board with that, so you don't have to come.

If you, if you only buy one ticket this year, make it for me.

Go and see Ed.

Thank you very much for listening.

Keep on listening.

We'll see you next week with another off-menu podcast.

Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Goodbye.

Yummy, yummy, yummy.

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Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys because the off-menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of off menu on YouTube and full episodes, but it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, battering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episode so they can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Oh, Benito has bent to their whims.

And he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok.

At Off Menu Podcast.

On YouTube, you can watch clips from the podcast.

And on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it.

And you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.