Ep 15: Sindhu Vee

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Hello and welcome to the Off Menu Podcast.

Oh, conventional.

Conventional, I thought I'd go straight up, keep people on their toes.

Oh, fair enough.

I feel like I need to make up for it now for the people who are like, look at your lips and shake at your hips.

Licking your lips and shaking your hips.

Licking your lips and shaking your hips.

Licking your lips and shaking your hips.

That's your intro, is it?

That's what you do when you eat food?

Oh, I'm not used to doing this part of it.

I know, it's trickier.

Trickier than you thought, wasn't it?

That's why sometimes you just got to do a straight down-the-line one.

But welcome to the off-menu podcast with Ed Gamble, me, and that's James A.

Caster, who you've already heard.

Yep, I'm a genie.

This is where we speak to a special guest and we get their dream meal, which constitutes what, James?

Their favourite ever.

Starter, main course, dessert, side, and drink.

And this week's guest is wonderful comedian Sindhu V.

Sindhu's absolutely fantastic.

She has a Radio 4 series called Sindhu Stand.

She's been on Live with the Apollo and QI and all sorts of stuff.

She's a fantastic comic and we're very excited to hear what her choices are.

I'm really excited about this episode.

Yeah,

should be good.

She's already been saying to us that she loves food and she could talk about it for a long time.

She seems very set on what she might say, I think.

Yeah, yeah.

I've had enough conversations with Cindy to know that she absolutely believes

in what she has to say.

Whatever she's saying, she believes in it 100% she backs herself.

I can't wait to hear it.

Well, hopefully, she won't mention the secret ingredient, James.

Every week we have a secret ingredient that we both hate.

And if the guest tries to put it in their dream meal, that will be ruining our dreams hence the whole illusion will fade and they will have to be kicked out of the restaurant by the dream bouncer yes and today's secret ingredient is sweet chili sauce sweet chili sauce get off my plate yuck horrible what is the point it's oh let's just have a lovely thin jam with all our savory food shall we absolutely hot this just ruins everything that it touches i don't i can't I genuinely can't think of a single thing that it improves.

Yeah, totally.

There's nothing that you put it on that that makes it taste nicer it's when you get it with thai food and stuff and you're supposed to dip like prawn crackers in it or something you're like no the prawn cracker is a lovely thing i don't want to be adding pudding to it yeah like i can kind of like yeah if people want to put like

deep fried like prawns or whatever and dip it in there i can kind of let that slide a little bit but like that's that's That's as far as I'm willing to go, Ed.

Anything else, it annoys me.

We're not letting it slide today.

If Cindu says sweet chili sauce, goodbye, Cindu.

Goodbye, Cindu, I'm afraid.

But hopefully she won't say it, so see.

Fingers crossed eh?

Fingers crossed well let's hear if she says it or not.

This is the dream meal of Sindhu V.

Welcome to the dream restaurant Sindhu.

Thank you for having me.

Welcome.

James, would you like to explain your entrance there to Sindhu, who has made a point of telling us before the podcast that she doesn't listen to podcasts before she goes on them so I'd imagine that sound effect was slightly confusing probably also confusing when I appeared out of a lamp just now wasn't it Sindhu I'm a genie that's why uh that's why I've appeared out of a lamp for you uh that's why I can make all your wishes come true for your uh perfect meal um also a waiter okay that's but is it only for perfect meals that you make my wishes come true only for food okay food-based wishes if you have any other food-based wishes

You know, I can take care of them.

If you've got any that you want to slot in now,

anything you'd like to change about food?

No, I like food.

Food is good as it is.

Great.

There you go.

No more food-based wishes.

That's fine.

Easy day for me.

It's good to have a foodie on the podcast, someone who's been thinking about it in advance and thinking about all of this stuff because we've had a couple of people on who are these people who just think of food as a fuel.

Yeah, I don't.

I mean, I think food is a fuel.

Also, yeah, it is also that.

But even, you know, I mean, yeah, no, I think about food.

I think about

I'm not fussy about food.

You know, I'll eat what I have to when I'm hungry.

But I like to think about it while I'm eating it and think this is the worst thing I've eaten.

Why am I eating this?

It's because I'm on a train.

There's no other food.

I wish I was not born a vegetarian.

My life is crap.

Or whatever.

Do you know what I mean?

But I'll be thinking about it.

I just won't eat something and not think about it while I'm eating it.

And I think about food like in advance.

I think I'm going to go, you know, to that city in India because my cousin's getting married and we'll go to that shop and eat that food.

You know what I mean?

I do that.

I base my whole day around food or like even like holidays and things.

I'll be like, you have to go to somewhere where you can have three nice meals a day.

It's not a holiday, otherwise, is it?

No.

No point.

Why are you going that far if you're not going to plan your food in advance?

Yeah, I will not go anywhere on holiday

that's not planned around food.

Yeah.

Or I don't go to Greece on holiday for that reason because I don't like Greek food.

It does nothing for me.

And I'm like, well, I'm not going there, which has created some issues in my life.

But I'm like, I'm not going there.

Really?

Do you know other people who are big into Greek food?

Well, I know people who've had a wedding there and said, in that fact, I'm not going.

You said

you're not going?

My husband said, I'm not going.

So we never went.

I said, I'm not going to go there.

Whose family was that?

That wasn't family.

It was very close friends.

Very close friends.

Yeah.

Well, not my very close friends, because my very close friends don't get married in Greece.

Not anymore.

He said, I don't want to go to your wedding because

I didn't say that.

And it was so long ago that they're never going to listen to this podcast, so it's fine.

But they're not your friends anymore.

Well, I mean,

you know, there's that group of friends you have, like from university, that I didn't have, that he had.

They're kind of friends.

I was your husband's friends.

Yeah.

So your husband didn't go to the wedding of his close friends.

We didn't go.

That's the bottom line.

Yeah.

You don't like Greek cookies.

Well, I just said this three days in some place.

You know, I'm not going to eat that food and I hate it.

And it helped that we had young kids.

So that's always like, let me tell you, if you're a mother of young children, you can back into that defense so easily and be like, but the children are so young.

They will miss us.

And really what you think is wine leaves with rice, forget it.

Why leaves with rice?

It's not going to happen.

Greek food, per se, fair enough, but not for me.

But like we were saying, I will not go there.

You just wouldn't.

No, I mean,

if one of my kids ends up wanting to marry someone in Greece, I'm going to have to make an exception.

These are my children.

You would go to that wedding?

Yes, I would go.

My ticket did not be aware of it.

It'd be very funny if you didn't.

No, I know that would be something.

But, you know, I'm not unreasonable.

Yeah,

I know.

No, I know.

It's very reasonable you approached the first one

To start, would you like still or sparkling water?

Still, but room temperature, please.

Oh.

Now, why is that a preference?

Because I think cold water before meals or during meals is,

it sort of dampens the taste of the food.

It's cold water going into your mouth.

I've never liked it.

You've never liked cold water?

No.

Well, that's not true.

In the boiling heat in India, I've liked cold water.

But when I'm sitting down to eat, even in India, if it's very hot, I don't have cold water.

It's too aggressive.

You know what I mean?

Cold water is too aggressive.

I suppose it can, yeah, it can dull, it can dull the senses, can't it, if you're having very cold water.

Yeah, and it sort of makes your mouth be like, oh, I'm cold, I'm cold.

Not, how does this taste?

How does this taste?

Right.

Do you know what I mean?

So the next thing that goes in your mouth, it's having to like.

Yeah, and also if you're eating warm food,

then what are you doing having cold water?

What message are you sending your face?

Do you know?

You don't want to confuse your face.

Yeah, you don't want to confuse your face.

The whole thing.

I think room temperature water is great.

And so I always would like still water that's room temperature.

That makes sense.

I mean, the thing is about Cindy is that everyone of a, you always have a way of saying something that goes, yeah, I can't really argue with that.

And then I'll probably end up halfway home and go, oh, it's bullshit.

Why don't I even go along with that?

The notion of why have cold water with hot food, that

I would have cold water with hot food.

Yeah, because if you stop and think about it, I guess yeah.

But

when you said why have cold water with hot food,

my first thought was, Cindy's probably right.

Yeah, but I think Cindy's right, it would be ludicrous to have that.

No, but I mean temperature hot,

not chilly hot.

No, totally.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It just doesn't make sense to me.

It just doesn't,

oh, something's too hot.

They might want some cold water to cool it down.

Maybe, or you could just wait or do

and cool your food, you know?

Blow on it.

Yeah, I mean, putting boiling food in your mouth in the first place and then drinking cold water, the whole thing is absurd.

Just take a minute, sort yourself out and eat the food.

Just take a minute and sort yourself out.

That's very good advice.

Yeah, this crazy person just eating boiling hot food.

Yeah, they're cooling themselves down.

Freezing cold water.

Sure.

Yeah, just a cartoon character.

It doesn't really make sense.

Well, Goldilocks, that's Goldilocks, isn't it?

Yeah, there's Goldilocks all over.

Look what happened to her.

Yeah, but also, she never brought up cold water.

She just kept eating the things and then going through this family that had this, you know, sort of

gradation of temperature in the food.

But I suppose she could have just drunk cold water.

What I really like about your retelling of Goldilocks there is you at no point mentioned that they were bears.

Oh, yeah, you just said they're a family.

Well, they are family.

Just three people who

a couple who met each other, even though they both live lives of different extremes.

Yeah, but okay, see, if we're going to start taking Goldilocks apart, first of all, they're bears.

Second of all, they're eating porridge.

That's already...

So if you just say family, you don't have to deal with those little weirdnesses.

You're just focusing on the temperature of the porridge and how she never drank cold water.

Yeah, so it's like you never have to.

If you met someone, if you were friends with the bear family and then you met someone else who was like, you know, what, what are you

doing today?

And you were going to see the bear family, you would leave out the fact that they were bears because it overcomplicates

exactly.

I'm going to see a family that I know, that's all you need to know.

Yeah, and we're probably going to eat party.

They've got a chair each.

Yeah, and a bed each, and one is the right, you know, it's soft and this and that.

I might not even get into that.

No, because maybe that makes them sound too convenient, isn't it?

It's a bit weird.

Yeah.

But in a lot of fairy tales, really, there's a lot of details you should leave out just to get to to the point.

And every fairy tale is weird.

Yeah.

That's just, you know, you never think of it growing up.

Then you sit down one day to read a story to your kid and you're like, oh my God.

Okay, fine.

And then by the time you get to the end of like the first two fairy tales with your first child, you're like, we're skipping fairy tales because they're making me, you know, and then you just tell them Aesop's fables or something where animals are talking, but nice things are happening.

Sort of ish.

But do you pass them off as humans, even to your kid?

Maybe Aesop's fables just go, oh, there was a

you have to read a few.

The human went to drink from the water.

No, because the great thing is, with kids, you know, they have such an imagination for, they say things like, My teddy bear talked to me, this ant is looking at me.

So they have that imagination already.

So it's not always an ant is looking at you.

Have you never had that?

Well, they think an ant is looking at them.

Yeah, yeah, well, like, you know, because in India, when we used to go for holiday to India,

we're more open to the elements.

There's flies and

there's always an ant in the line going about their business as you do when you're an ant.

And then one will stop every once in a while.

And my son, when he was little, he's not used to having ants in the house.

So he would stop and it would stop and he'd say, Mama, this ant is looking at me.

And I would say, so it is.

So look at it.

And then the ant would be a little bit more.

That wastes five minutes.

Total.

The whole line of ants is walking along.

And then one of them just stops and just looks over and then carries on walking.

No, it doesn't look, it just stops.

And he thinks it's looking at him.

You stop to have a little look.

I guess ants need to take a break.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Have a look around.

Look at your son.

Fair enough.

Popadums or bread, Sydney.

Popadums or bread.

What's the first word?

Popadums.

Oh, poppard.

Right.

Huh?

Papard.

That's what it's called.

But that's fine.

I'm not going to start doing that.

I don't know.

No, don't.

You've got the episodes we're in now, and you've been pronouncing it all wrong.

No, no, but you've been breaking it.

I've probably been pronouncing it wrong, but I'm not going to.

I can't change it now.

People will not.

No, no, no.

That's fine, because that's what it's called here.

What kind of bread?

Whatever.

Any bread you want.

Sardo.

That's it.

I'd rather have sardo.

But also depends on the meal.

But if I just, if just we were in a vacuum and it was like, do you want papard or do you want sardo?

I'd go with sardo.

Right, every time.

Is that a place where you've had the best?

Sardo.

Yeah.

I have, I eat very good sardo here because I get it at this deli in our neighborhood, which is a Jewish deli.

And so they have like old world breads.

And they have really good sourdough.

What's the deli called?

Panzers.

Panzers.

Panzer's deli.

Panzers.

It's in northwest London.

Lovely.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

And because I stopped eating bread, which I missed, because bread is happiness.

Yes.

And then I stopped and I was not happy.

Why did you stop?

Oh, because I was on that whole thing about, you know...

Low carb.

I wanted to be skinny and this is how you do it and low carbs.

And then I was so unhappy.

And of course, like any well-married person, I was like, my marriage must be shit.

That's why I'm so unhappy.

So I spent a few years on that.

But turns out marriage is fine.

It's just the bread thing.

It wasn't the problem.

I was just unhappy.

And so then I went to the doctor.

Well, and I've had some digestive issues.

And so I went and talked to the doctors and this and that.

And they said, you know, fermented food is good.

Try sourdough bread.

And I, and sourdough, but good sourdough, where you need to grow your own yeast.

So I'm starting that.

So you've got a little...

It's going to start.

I've just started making beetroot class.

And now that I know how to do that, I'm going to start doing sourdough.

But sardo.

What's the first one?

Beetroot class.

What's that?

It's like a fermented beetroot drink,

which I love because it's got salt and beetroot, and then you just ferment it in a jar.

It's kind of alive.

Yeah.

And then you drink it.

And it's great.

It's very good for your stomach.

It's very good for your digestion.

Yeah.

Very, very good for your digestion.

That's great that you went to the doctor and they prescribed sourdough.

What a great doctor.

Well, it was like one of those alternative

doctors.

As in a baker

from Panzer.

Yeah.

A baker at Panama.

It's the man who

You need some sourdough, young lady, and some hot cost buns.

Exactly.

Which are also lovely, by the way.

But no,

it's like a digestion doctor.

Okay.

You know, which is important now.

I think everyone has something going on with digestion, and we're all wondering why.

Yeah.

And I think it's because, you know, what you eat is a huge part of how you behave.

And how you feel day to day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So sourdough is great.

So, but sourdough over papa, yes.

Would you have butter with that or just

butter very important?

Definitely butter.

The better quality, the better.

Salted?

Sure.

Sure?

Not bothered about the salted.

No.

No.

High-quality butter is so good.

Six bread.

Do you want some of your fermented beetroot on there?

What was that called?

Oh, no, the drink?

That's a drink.

It's a drink, so I don't want it on my breast.

Oh, thank you.

But it is alive.

It is alive.

You're a very, very creative waiter.

Yes.

Mr.

Acastro, but I would not like

a drink on my breast.

Do your children imagine that the drink that's alive is looking at them sometimes?

No, because they're old enough, but they think this kind of stuff is so gross.

They're like

talking to them.

Yeah, I think.

On it hurts.

It's me, the trick.

It's me, Mr.

Klass.

Yeah, yeah.

I think a beetroot fermented drink is the opposite of what all kids would like.

Yes.

I think that's an anti-child drink, really, isn't it?

And I'm not one of those people that thinks this is very healthy.

I've realized this as an adult.

Let me try and convert my kids.

No, because I've eaten so badly my whole life.

I'm such a junk food addict that I think let them have fun.

Let them have fun.

And then they'll get to a certain age and they'll go to the doctor and they'll say, Beetroot class.

And then they'll come to the bathroom.

Oh, you'll be ready.

You'll be ready there going, How is the doctor?

I've got some beetroot for you.

They'll be like, I have IBS.

I'll be like, I've got beetroot class.

We'll go.

They only enjoy it once they've like not, so I think you've got to just like not have it for ages, healthy stuff.

And then you enjoy healthy food when you're older.

Absolutely.

That's literally what's happened to me.

I've always,

I'm famous among our friends for having eaten so terribly for so long and gotten away with it.

Gotten away with it is a euphemism for didn't put on weight.

Right, yeah, yeah.

And

what was your diet like back in the day then?

What would you have day to day?

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

There was this boy I had a crush on in college when I was in Canada.

And I used to eat...

like the corner store used to sell a slice of pizza for a dollar.

So I used to eat that every day.

And I had a crush on him.

And he was a bit like Birkenstock wearing, but, you know, this kind of granola type.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Like a proper hippie type.

Well, he wasn't a proper hippie, but he wanted to be very new age.

Right, okay.

And he was also doing a master's in geography, which really tells me everything.

I don't know why I didn't focus on it more.

But you know, you have the hearts for someone.

What are you going to do?

Sure, yeah.

You're just like, I want to sleep with this person.

What's the heart?

Well, or whatever part of you wants.

That's what I was saying.

I'm not sure what Sidney's heart was involved in this.

No.

So anyway.

You know, so anyway, so one of the things he said to me was, you eat too much of that pizza.

And I'm like, oh, I can eat it every day.

And he said, I bet you can't.

And I thought,

I said, I bet I can.

He said, I bet you can't eat that.

That's the only thing you'll eat.

I said, I will.

Four times a day for the next 42 days.

I ate a slice of pizza.

This guy finally was like, you need to stop.

And, you know, yeah.

So that's pretty incredible.

So pizza, I used to eat pizza.

Did you ever smooch him?

That, among other things.

Yes, yes, yes.

I think he was so impressed with my pizza experience.

Anyone listening to the podcast looking for a sweet hookup?

If you've got a crush on someone, all you need to do is eat four slices of pizza a day for 42 days a day.

42 days.

And I still remember I used to get the pizza and I would put, just to be clear, I would put a napkin, like a paper napkin down, because they only gave it to you on a slice of,

you know.

What did the people in the pizza shop think of this?

They didn't care.

They didn't care.

There were so many students.

it was on campus, they didn't care.

So, what I used to do, I'd put the paper napkin down and I would sit in front of this boy and I would squeeze the pizza and the grease would drop onto the thing.

And then I would eat it because I was like, I'm winning this.

Like, whether we sleep together or not, I'm winning this thing so hard.

He had to ask me to stop.

I'll sleep with you, whatever you want.

Just stop eating the pizza.

Just eat the pizza.

Please.

So I would eat pizza.

I ate a muffin in the morning from the muffin place.

The muffin place?

The muffin place on campus.

I drank only Coke.

I just didn't, I didn't drink alcohol in those days.

I just drank Coke.

I remember distinctly, a friend of mine came to stay with me.

She's still a very dear friend of mine.

She lives in New York.

And she opened my fridge and she was like, there's Coke and dill pickles.

And I was like, yeah, it's time we can get pizza.

She's like, no, no.

Is this the only food in your flat?

And I was like, pretty much.

So I'm like, job of grease.

Yeah, exactly.

Although I saw James's fridge yesterday.

I opened your fridge.

Looking pretty bare in there, buddy.

Yeah.

But it's your own place, so you don't give a shit.

Yeah, sure.

The only things in there are jars of things that we've been sent free because we do a food podcast.

Yep.

I had some salted caramel sauce,

some piranha paste that Selassie made us.

Yes, you've told me about that.

Was it yummy?

Yeah, very nice.

I kept putting it in ice cream with delicious.

Some sauce from the Ribman, some Nando sauce that I bought, some lemon curb that I got given free at a wedding.

And a stain that the builders left.

And a stain that the builders left for my drink.

I don't know what it was, but they left a stain in the fridge and I haven't cleaned it yet.

You know, if I didn't have children,

I would eat like that.

I mean, when I worked and was married and didn't have kids, I remember my nephew came to stay with us and he opened our fridge and there was two bottles of champagne in the fridge, some Coke and yogurt because my husband eats yogurt.

And he was like, What should I eat?

I'm like, I don't know.

Like, why are you phoning me at work?

You know, go find some food.

I was like, you can drink what's in the fridge.

And he's like, but it's 9 a.m.

I was like, you know, go ahead.

I don't mind.

But if I didn't have kids, I would never.

I was raised by a mother who is a fabulous cook.

And we ate dinner every day together.

And we ate three meals.

And she's such a great cook.

So I never,

I was just fed really well.

So you never had that time where you were like, I'm going to start doing this now.

No, and also I didn't like eating when I was little.

Right.

Because they never cooked what I liked.

Mommy would just cook food that was what everyone wanted to eat, by which it was basically her and my dad, like grown-up Indian food.

And we didn't live in India.

And I didn't want to take that food to school and be the one kid.

And I know it's such a cliche, but you open your lunchbox and everyone's like, oh my, and I was at an American school and they all had lunch, like they had white bread sandwiches.

Yeah.

And they had such beautiful things in plastic.

And I had, I don't know, like a samosa.

And you know, if you're the only Indian kid in the class and that's your food, you just don't eat.

And you hate that food.

I was always so jealous of the Indian kids at my school

when they opened their lunch boxes.

But you see, you had more than one.

I was the only Indian.

And it was terrible.

And my sister got lunch money because she was in middle school.

She's much older.

Yeah.

So she would eat canteen food.

So I think I had a terrible relationship with food.

And we'd sit down, it would be Indian food all the time,

except when my parents went out.

And then we had alphabet soup from Campbell's.

And it was literally like a gelatinous blob.

But it was like, this is so good.

this is American food.

We're getting the letters and spelling out.

I love the USA, but yeah, yeah, yeah, I love the USA.

Yeah, and so I think that was part of the problem: I didn't like eating when I was little, so I ate the food, and my mother always cooked it.

And I always associated cooking with Indian food, and which is, by the way, the only thing I cook now.

So, you know, all that stuff.

And then, when we came back to India, mommy started working, and then again, she cooked.

And it was, then I started eating out more because I was older.

and that was fun.

That was fun.

But anyway, sorry, total diversity.

And then eating for a while became a way of getting some

men.

This is became a challenge.

Yeah, exactly.

For your starter, Cindy, what would you like?

What could I get for you?

Oh, man.

Okay, so for my starter,

where are we?

Are we in London?

Oh, but you're a genie.

You'll get me whatever I want.

Yeah, so you're anywhere in the world.

Okay, so there's a fresh white fish ceviche in Uruguay.

Oh, yeah.

Oh my God.

It's on this little island in Uruguay that I should remember the name of.

That's a wedding I went to.

That's a wedding.

No, but

it was the best.

I mean, by the way, I have two food lives.

I have been a strict vegetarian up until 2010.

And then I was told I had to change my eating habits.

I got very unwell.

Yeah.

And protein

and red meat.

And I was like, that's never going to happen.

Because really, for a Hindu to eat a cow is like, you're really pushing it here.

Yeah.

And it was like, no, but you know, and I was very unwell.

And my dad was like, well, you need to practice dharma.

Dharma is your correct duty.

And your correct duties as a mother.

And if you're lying in bed and can't get out of bed, that's not a good mom.

So eat what they tell you.

Right, okay.

So we made a compromise, the doctors and I, that I would eat fish.

So I started eating fish in 2010.

It was a huge deal for me.

Yeah.

It was a huge deal for me just because I'd never done it.

And I, you know, I'm quite a, insofar as there's something called a practicing Hindu, I don't know.

I must, I I am one.

So,

and my husband eats meat, the children eat meat, but I just never did.

So, after 2010, I have a whole different food life

because I started eating seafood.

Yeah.

And so I went to Uruguay four years ago and had this ceviche, which exploded my brain.

Yeah.

And that's the one I want, please.

Oh, man.

The first time I had ceviche was like, it was in New Zealand.

And my girlfriend at the time, her grandmother made it, she'd just caught the fish that morning.

Oh, my God.

Right?

It was incredible.

And I couldn't get enough.

I've never had a thing.

I didn't even know it existed.

That sounds amazing.

But this is an Uruguay.

Like, they caught the fish and they made it.

And it was so fresh and it was so lemony and so hot, like chilly hot, and so beautiful that I, you see,

here's what was happening.

I'm trying to think if any of the people in that group would.

Yeah, they might listen, but it's too late now.

What are they going to do?

So it was a big table like this.

It was a big wedding.

And to go from London to Uruguay for a wedding, it's like you're flying forever.

You know, go to Argentina and Buenos Aires and this and that.

So big table.

And this ceviche was being made fresh and being brought.

So after, and we were passing it around, after a while, I realized this is some very good stuff.

And

soon these, either the fish is going to run out or whatever.

So I began,

I was on this side, the receiving side of the plates.

I stole some of the table ceviche.

I just

took one plate and said, yeah, we're all talking, and I was like, and I put it down, and then the next plate, and then I just kept putting stuff from this plate onto mine.

I never ran out of ceviche.

You

put some under the table where you were, so you had your own little supply of ceviche all the time.

And then just kept pretending to them, oh, here's a new plate, and then adding from this plate, because everyone really liked it, and it was going to run out because it was so fresh.

Sure.

And my

and I think my husband, who was on the other side, he figured out, he knows me very well.

Yeah, he looked at me and

my absolutely scandalous wife.

She's probably storing up ceviche for herself.

Well, he kind of looked at me and he sort of looked at me and went, you know, and I was like, and he thought, okay, this is happening.

And it's very funny because last night I said to him, oh, I've got to think about, you know, food for this podcast.

What's a starter?

He said, the fucking ceviche.

I'm like, you're right.

That's ceviche.

He's like, you stole from the rest of the table, including the bride and bridegroom.

Fuck it.

Too bad.

You stole food at a wedding.

So good.

You stole food at a wedding.

But, Genie, that's ceviche, please.

Oh, absolutely.

That's ceviche.

I'll go to try that.

So that's like loads of so fish, but

marinated fish and citrus.

So the citrus is curing the fish as it goes, basically.

Yes, and a lot of thinly sliced onions.

Yeah.

Chilies.

Yeah, there was in this one.

Sometimes there's coconut milk or something, but not always.

Not always.

Yeah, this was like just soup.

And the thing is, I don't know what they've done.

And the fish is raw.

But it's the citrus that starts to almost cook it, right?

Well, to sort of tenderize it almost.

And it's really flaky white fish that's just been, sadly, for the fish, two minutes before, in, you know, doo-doo-doo.

Yes.

Finding Nemo.

And then now looking at the next thing.

Exactly.

It's always good to remember finding Nemo when you eat the fish.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, that was.

And, you know, I think also with all food, it's the where and the how and the why.

It was sunny.

But I tell you what, I could be sitting in a dungeon.

I would enjoy that ceviche.

Also, like, I kind of get like

the steel-in it stuff because

ceviche is always small.

It is.

And, like, the first time I had it,

so it was, you know, it's a huge bowl of it because I caught all the fish that morning.

Yeah.

And we were just putting it into big, like, cereal bowls.

It's because it's not filling either, is it?

No, it's like light.

It's quite light.

Yeah.

It's fresh.

To me, I just want to be putting it away and eating loads of it.

And you never get that opportunity.

No.

And I was like, I flew to Uruguay.

I deserve.

I mean, it was a long flight.

Yeah.

And it was a beautiful wedding, but I was like, you know what?

No one cares.

No one minds.

No one minds.

And it doesn't matter if the bride or groom aren't getting as much ceviche.

It's not about the day's not about them.

No, no, and they're getting married.

They're getting that.

They've got this and they're getting that.

They're getting that.

They've got those memories.

You're not getting any memories.

So you better make some with the goddamn ceviche.

Ceviche.

And you know what?

I can see the ceviche still.

Yeah.

But you can't remember who the bride was.

No, I know.

I know.

You can still see it.

Some people never saw it.

They were like, oh, here's the sliver of onion and some lemon juice.

I guess this is the start.

At least you can describe the ceviche to people who missed out on the day.

I thought we just had lemonade onions.

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Your main course

is I imagine somebody else you stole.

No.

Well, is it just one main course, though?

You guys can't do that to me.

Well, I think what you got to do honourable muncheons.

We can do honourable muncheons.

Okay, honorable muncheons.

Yes, I do.

Because again, apart from the fact that I have two lives,

fish and no fish, I also have several lives.

Like I grew up in India and there's that food, but then I'm married to a Dane and then I live in England.

And so there's all kinds of, you know, there's just a lot of crowding crowding of the food space, yeah, you know, um, because when you're married into a different culture, you eat that food, it's not like I mean, it's a choice, but it's not really because part of the celebrations and this and that.

Not that any of this is Danish, but I'm just saying,

I'm just adding to okay.

So, here's the thing: so there's oh man.

Um, so if you go, yeah, if you've got a couple of honorable munchins, and then we'll go with the one that you're definitely picking.

We're gonna go with this because there's one that I know that only the genie can get me, so I'm going to mention that.

And then the other one, which is the honorable munchin, I could probably get again, even though the genie can get it for me, I could get it on my own.

So that'll just be honorable.

Okay, that's fine.

So

in

Italy, in near Florence, but I think more near,

oh, yeah, it was near Florence.

There was this place we went to live when we had very young children, two very young children.

And it was like you went there all summer, it was hot, and it was sort of, it was like Airbnb before there was Airbnb.

Right.

Right.

And we went there.

And the person who ran ran the whole thing, there was a very fancy hotel.

And then they had these little houses.

And the fancy hotel was run by an older

Italian gentleman called Mr.

Mancini.

Now, Mr.

Mancini, he was a great man.

And he once showed us, we wanted to drive into the city and he said, oh, yeah, I'll show you where that is.

And then he drove in his fiat with his one hand out and a cigarette.

Mr.

Mancini was like in his late 70s, cigarette driving, like you would be driving a video car if you were playing Mario.

Maniacal driving, which, as an Indian, I was like, yeah, my Danish husband was like, we're going to die.

The kids were screaming because they thought they were having fun.

But anyway, so Mr.

Mancini was great.

He was very, very

nice.

And then one day I said to him, I like hot food.

And he said, ah, arabiata.

And I said, yes.

And he said, oh, I have my mother's recipe.

And what I said to him was, yeah, but I mean really hot.

Not realizing that Sicilians

know really hot.

Chilis.

Yeah, but I'm like, oh, I'm Indian.

I had all that arrogance.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm Indian.

Mr.

Manchini went into his kitchen, into the kitchen of the hotel, and made and invited my husband and I for dinner.

Yes.

And made his mother's recipe of arabiata pasta with angel hair pasta.

And

I have never eaten anything that delicious.

But oh my God, it was so hot.

It was, but, and I had to keep face.

Sure, yeah, of course.

After you'd gone, oh, I went raid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, I mean, I had to keep face.

And so, my husband and I, and of course, my husband was like, you know, I mean, I'll be honest with you, I remember distinctly that the pasta tasted very, very, very, very good.

And the reason I'm saying this is the story is not about how hot the food was.

The story was about the perfection that can be achieved in food when it's so hot that as an Indian, you think, you can't think.

Your Danish husband has gone blind.

That's it.

He's

not cognizant of the world around him anymore.

But it tasted amazing.

Those tomatoes, the way he had done them, so you're fighting, you have a fight and flight response.

Yes.

You're like, I'm going to fight through to the taste.

I want to run away from this taste.

And then,

that was the best main course I can ever remember in the Western world that I've eaten.

Wow.

Because I know chili.

And to be able to maintain taste at that level of chili is a beautiful thing.

Yes.

Beautiful thing.

And those tomatoes were not sweet, but they weren't sour.

They were just perfect.

The pasta was, and it was angel hair pasta, and it was been made by Mr.

Mancini.

Amazing!

I can't even begin to tell you.

I can't even begin to tell you how great it was.

Also,

a little bit crude, but I will tell you that when we were growing up,

my parents had like Western friends who would come to visit, and my father would always, and my mother and father would talk about the menu that my mother would make.

And they would always say, You can't make the food too hot because these people get bad stomachs if they eat hot food.

Bad stomach in India is a polite way of saying diarrhea.

And so it's not from the unpure food, It's so hot that apparently white people would just

straight through.

Literally, after Mr.

Manchini's meal, I was like, that is what they were talking about.

Aha.

So it was the only time, the only time I was like, oh, that's what mom and dad used to talk about with, you know, with Westerners.

But during that meal, the taste was outstanding.

I've never forgotten it.

When you said mains, I was like, Mr.

Manchini's Manchini's arrabiata.

Cheese.

That sounds delicious.

I mean, how was your husband after?

No, he was, like I said, he was blind, not cognizant, unconscious, delirious.

He didn't know what was happening.

And he stopped within two minutes.

He was like, I can't, I can't, I can't.

But, you know,

and

it was, it was, it was.

It's easy to steal it off of him when he's blind, of course.

I ate his, I ate mine.

But you have to remember, my husband and I, he's, you know, we have this thing where we go to restaurants and we order.

And then they bring like the fruit.

Like we'll go out for breakfast in New York and then they'll bring the fruit with the yogurt and they'll put put it next to me and then they'll bring the pancakes and the French toast and the sunny side up eggs and they'll bring it to him and he's like, no, he's ordered the yogurt and the fruit and I've just got

and they always,

they think maybe I'm, I don't know what they think, but it's always that moment where they look at me with different eyes.

They're like, wow.

But you know, if I'm going to eat something, I'm going to eat it properly.

Sure.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

By the way, nothing to do with this, but if you ever go to LA,

you guys are going to go to LA.

So go to Griddle Cafe.

You've already been, right?

Griddle Cafe.

Maybe I have.

No, maybe I have.

The pancakes?

Oh, the massive pancakes that are humongous.

And no, but tasty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like that was...

So I think this is, if it's the one I'm thinking of, so.

And there's always a lion outside.

Yeah, I used to know someone who

lived around the corner from there.

Yeah.

So I went there one morning and ordered the pancakes and it was like, yeah.

Outrageously.

On the occasions I go to LA, I go and have breakfast at a place called Millie's in Silver Lake that do a dish.

They do a dish called Devil's Mass,

which is like eggs and it's got, I think it's turkey actually as well, avocado, and then so like spicy, like super spicy with some sour cream on top as well.

And it's huge, huge pork.

What is it about sour cream that makes everything taste better?

Yeah, but if you're in the mood for pancakes, griddle caffeine, griddle caffeine, and also you'll be jet lagged, so you'll never meet the mind.

Sour cream on waffles as well.

Oh my god, sour cream on the side.

Sour cream on some waffles that have got like scrambled eggs and bacon baked into them.

Oh my god.

And sour cream on top.

What I'd like to eat right now.

Yeah.

I know, me too.

Myself.

So I knew there was a magical genie around to get it for.

It's the curse of being the genie.

You can't feed yourself.

So Mr.

Mancini's Arabiyata, is that an honorable mention?

It has to be.

That has to be.

Is it an honorable mention?

Yes, yes.

So the honorable mention is

if you're in Delhi

and you want to go to Chandigarh for whatever reason, it's up in the north, let's sort of northwest Punjab, and you can go there to do a gig, or you can go, there's a very famous temple up there.

You might want to go to that temple.

It's a Shiva temple.

But anyway, if you're going and you go by road because it's the best way to travel and you're with your friends, you will always pass a place called Murthal.

It's just a little town, but the big, it's not even a town, it's smaller than a town.

But Murthal is a place where there's a tradition in India of roadside restaurants because a lot of trucks, a lot of truckers, and so on.

It's the equivalent of the American diner, and they're called dhaba.

Murthal dhaba makes parathas, you know, but you know what paratha is?

It's like

I mean, I mean, I have grown up in India.

I have eaten a lot of panathas in my life, but let me tell you, they make them filled with paneer, gobhi, which is cauliflower potato.

But they make them fresh and they serve them.

They're about, they're about,

I would say eight inches across.

Yeah.

And like, I would say maybe one and a half to two inches thick.

Fresh, fresh vegetables.

They're made in clarified butter.

But when they serve them hot, steaming, and it's quite cold as you're getting up there, they put a dollop of homemade salted butter on it.

Oh, wow.

And you have, I mean, I

cannot express to you the sort of joy that that brings.

And I mean, calorically, it's like, you know, your six months' worth of how many calories you have.

Yeah, but when you're having that, there's no point going into that worrying about the calories, right?

No, no, no, because also it is the most soul-nourishing food.

So, parathas from Murtal, in particular, the cauliflower one.

Yes.

You know, I have some very close friends now in comedy, and sometimes they say, Oh, I want to go to India.

And I say, I will take you and we will go to Murthal first.

They're like, What's that?

I'm like, Shut up.

And then they say, I want to see Taj Mahal.

I'm like, waste of time.

We'll go to Murthal first.

It's the one gift I want to give.

Anyone who goes to North India, go to Murthal and eat the parathas.

Because really, that is India in a way that you can't see on a postcard.

Right, yeah.

So that's an honorable thing.

That's what I want.

Whatever I'm going to do.

I would buy a postcard with one of those on, though.

And then eat the postcard.

And then eat the postcard.

Yeah.

But I'd let a dollar put it on the postcard.

Oh, my God.

I'm sure if I look in my phone, I have the pictures from when I went.

That sounds delicious.

Oh, my God.

That sounds amazing.

So that's an honorable mention.

Yeah, I mean, just imagine.

Just imagine.

You've got flaky

flour,

flaky, buttery, and then inside, you've got slightly spicy potato or cauliflower, and it's just the right amount of salt and just the right amount of spice, and it's all steaming hot.

And that's you're just eating that.

Just imagine.

I'll tell you what,

this is the hungriest I've been on the podcast.

You're very good at describing food.

I think the listeners are going to appreciate this episode.

Oh, God.

Because you're very good at describing this.

Literally, if I didn't have kids, I'd just leave here, go to Heathrow, take a flight, go do it now.

Just go straight to Delhi and then say, I don't have kids, I'm going to do it.

Exactly, just go.

Off the back of that five-minute speech about those parathas, I would commission you for a full travel show show series.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll send you out.

Just about food.

Yeah, just talk about food.

You and your blind husband.

Ten-part series, all about taking your husband around, trying to make him blind.

Yeah, each episode, you just see if you can make him blind.

Oh, my God.

Poor guy.

Poor guy.

If I'm not allowed to do this, you can just say no.

Okay.

But there's one more honourable munchon for main course, but you can say no.

You can do an honorable munchon if you want.

It's an honorable munchon.

So, again, fish life.

I started eating fish when we were in the south of France.

Because we were in the south of France and my husband's like, the fish is really good.

You're never going to eat it because you have such a huge issue.

But if you ever felt like eating it, then I remember I reached over and I put it in my mouth and I was like, what does this taste?

But anyway, there is a place in the south of France, in Saint-Tropez, called Club Tahiti.

And they do a salt-baked sea bass.

It's a whole fish.

But, but, but, but.

When you have lunch in Tahiti, there's also women walking around the tables modeling very skimpy beachwear, and the music is loud, and everyone's drinking, and it's kind of one of those Saint-Tropez kind of scenes.

And so, these women are walking by, and they're sort of in their bikinis, or what should be bikini, but is, I don't know, what anyway, and they're doing that.

The salt-baked sea bass is so good that when it's served, I know men who are like, I need to eat this.

I can't be looking at this.

It's that good, right?

I've seen it.

And the thing is with this, it's literally fresh, fresh.

Yeah, And they've done nothing but bake it in salt.

And to make a fish like sea bass melt in your mouth taste amazing just because it was covered in salt with that kind of whatever, that butter thing that they put in with it, that's very good.

Also, I mean, it has the power to magnetize you away from stuff that you might otherwise really have a hard time not paying attention to.

Yeah.

That's a really good way of making a chef up their game, isn't it?

Yeah.

And say, look, we're going to make some

bikini clad women parade around.

We're going to put really loud music on.

So you're going to have to make a dish that will distract people from.

Yeah.

And when we say bikini clad, I mean, this is central pay.

We're talking about Victoria's Secret Angel level.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And we're not just talking about like me strutting on a bikini.

People are like, I'd rather eat.

No, I mean, I'm talking about that.

And it's just amazing because I've always watched as the fish has arrived and everyone else has, you know, up until then, they can't get their eyes off this.

They just, and then they're like, oh, let me eat this instead.

I've never been to a strip club, but from what Syndia just said, I might start eating a strip club.

It chucks out the food there is amazing.

I've seen things where apparently there's amazing steak in strip clubs.

Like people will go to strip clubs in America for

once for steak.

Is there an amazing steak or is that?

I read it for the articles.

You've got to go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got to go there for the steak.

That's really good.

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Your side dish.

Moving right to the side dishes.

Side dishes really, you know, I'm not much of a side dish person.

It's not a huge part of Indian eating, but it's not a huge part of my eating.

Like, if I like a side dish a lot, I'll get four and have a main dish of it.

So I'm not, but I thought about it because it's your podcast, and I kind of

am fond of you too.

So I thought, let me do my homework.

Thank you very much.

And I thought, any kind of Daffod Noir potatoes.

Oh, yes.

And then I thought, well, yeah, but that's like when you say any kind, what do you mean?

I thought, well, where have I eaten them?

That they're good.

And then I thought, well, there's a place in London.

It's kind of fancy schmancy.

They make very good ones.

It's called Le Petit Maison.

It's fine.

It's fine.

I mean,

they're not the best I've eaten in the world, but I can't remember where the best were because it's something I eat often if I can get my hands on it.

And if I somehow feel compelled to have a side dish.

They're Ed's favourite kind of potatoes.

Are they?

They are.

They're my favorite kind of potatoes.

I know that.

Yeah.

Because

we went for a phase of asking

each other

a group of friends that we've got who are all comics, and one day we were all bored and just did our favourite type of potatoes.

And as we remember that Ed because no one had thought of that one yet, and

Ed had held back a bit, and then when he said that, a lot of us were like, oh, actually, yeah, that's a great kind of potato,

especially if you make them with proper cream and butter.

Yeah, of course, you've got to go for it.

Right, and you've got to slice the potato so it's not too thin.

Yeah, yeah, you don't want too thin, but you don't want too thick either because then it's just like a steamed potato in the middle.

You just need

layers, lots of layers.

You need the layers so that, because the thing is with Daffana potatoes, is that if they're just the right thickness, then the cream and the butter are sort of, they're integrated with the potato, with each potato when you eat it, right?

It's not like, and that's really important.

Very important.

That's really important.

I mean, I suppose my favorite kind of potato is Danish Christmas potatoes.

They're caramelized, but that's not a side dish, as in you only have it at Christmas.

But you just said.

They kind of caramelized them.

Yeah.

They have little new potatoes, yeah, and they caramelize them with butter and sugar.

And they're a side dish, and they are beyond the beyond.

And my father-in-law makes the best, I'll say that.

You can have a music side dish if you want.

You can't really have Christmas food outside Christmas.

Okay, I mean, that's the rule you're imposing on yourself.

There's no rules at the restaurant, so if you can have that side dish if you want it, no, no, I can't because if I eat it now, I'll be like, This is some cognitive dissonance I don't need.

You'll feel like it's Christmas, yeah.

No, I'll feel like it's not Christmas, and somehow I'm eating these potatoes.

It's very wrong, you'd You'd be confusing your face again.

You don't want to confuse your face, yeah.

You don't want to confuse your face.

My face would be like, what?

There's no tree, no presents, bitch, what are you doing?

You know what I mean?

Like, it would be too much for me.

I also shout out potato-wise to potatoes boulanger.

Uh-huh.

Oh, what's that?

They're sort of like dauphinois, but instead of the cream and butter, it's just stock.

So, what my mum, my mum does this a lot, is she'll do a roast lamb, but she'll roast the lamb on top of boulanger.

So it's just thinly sliced potatoes and stock, and then you put the lamb on top, and all of the lamb just pisses juice all over the potatoes, and it really

until you use the word pisses, it sounded delicious.

Yeah, I was gonna say that's made of a little weird.

Thinly sliced onion as well.

So it's onion and potatoes.

Dribbles juice.

I've got used to hearing Siddhu describe food in a very

intense and delicious manner.

And then you wade in and say pisses juice all over.

I'll change it.

The lamb

jizzes juice

all over the there you go, this flavor.

It spunks up juice all over.

Nice.

It vomits juice.

No, not vomits.

I mean, jizzes was better than pisses.

I heard a great jizz joke, by the way.

Go for it.

But I can't really tell you.

While we're in the neighbourhood, why not?

Because it's a visual joke.

Okay.

So I can tell you.

You do the joke.

And then we'll describe the visual driver.

It's a joke that everyone knows because it's,

but I have only...

You're saying that you like visual jokes with your blind husband.

I can't appreciate any of these jokes.

It was a temporary blindness.

Yes, it was.

It wasn't permanently made by the pasta.

Otherwise, that would be very dark if you came on and you chose the main dish.

Oh, that pasta, though, that broke my husband's life permanently.

Unfortunately, once the blindness subsided, that's when the diarrhea really kicked in.

Exactly.

Just in time to see what he'd done.

Exactly.

Poor guy.

So anyway, so I just kind of share the joke.

So that was such a great joke, but I feel like everyone knows it.

Anyway, so there's a guy goes, well, there's two people in a kind of a medical clinic, and they're waiting for the lift and the lift comes and they both go in and there's a man, it's a man and a woman and the man says to the woman, what floor?

And she says, fourth floor.

I'm going to donate blood.

And he says, okay, and he presses 10th.

And she says, oh, are you going to donate blood up there?

He said, no, I'm going to donate sperm.

And she said, oh, how much do you get for that?

And he said, well, I get

$100 of squirt.

And what do you get for blood?

And she's like, I get $2 for a liter or whatever.

So he says, okay.

Anyway, then the next day, a couple of days later, he's back and she's there again.

And they go in and he says, fourth floor.

And she says, and he says, where are you going?

She goes.

Get it?

Yeah.

That would be so weird if you didn't get it.

I would have told it very badly.

So for the listener,

he says, what floor?

Cindy Sugarhead.

He says, where then?

And then she points upwards while bulging her cheeks up.

She's got a mouthful of her cheeks.

Mouthful of sperm.

Come on.

Yeah, I did.

Spell it out.

She's gone and sucked someone off, and and she's got a mouthful of sperm and she's going to donate.

He's always like this.

It's really, I mean, okay.

You're playing into his hands.

Okay.

Do we turn that into a disgusting pun as well?

Right.

Which leads us quite neatly onto your favourite drink.

I love it when there's a joke that's so open-wide that not even it's it's so blue but even James has to go for it.

Like, come on, someone's gonna do it.

So, drinks-wise, again,

I came to alcohol very late in life.

And so, I've got two lives.

Um, and my alcohol life deserves a mention.

Okay.

So, my favorite drink ever was in when I first started, when I first

should hang out with my husband and we got married, which was all very quick.

Like, between the hanging out and the marriage was not even a month.

So,

very quick.

Gotta watch the show if you wanna hear about it, it because I really can't go over it again.

Okay, yeah.

Watch the new show, everyone.

Got a punch for the show.

So, he took me one day to have a drink at the London Savoy, and it was the London Savoy White Russian.

Oh, yeah.

And I was like, I wanted to drink tequila.

I was a classy girl.

I was like, that's some tequila.

And he said, no, no, you got to have this drink.

He's a more cultured person.

Let's be honest.

Let's just be honest.

He's more cultured.

So he said, try this.

I don't like cream.

But that drink, the way they made it there, it's a white Russian from the London Savoy.

Every time, I don't know if this is all imbued with that first romance thing, that nostalgia, but all food.

I mean, as my mother says,

you know, which means I should translate that to the hungry person, even the doorway looks like crisps

because you're so hungry.

Sounded wiser, sounded wiser beforehand.

Before you translated it, it sounded a lot wiser.

sound,

what is this wise old parable that we're about to be told?

And it's legitimate.

Even the doorway looks like crisps.

Well, you're so hungry, you'll eat anything.

Sure, sure.

Even the doorway.

To the hungry person.

But

when you said it initially,

we both nodded and we were like very respectfully.

We both respectfully nodded.

That sounds so wise.

It sounds so wise.

the function of a real person.

If the tiger has not eaten a kill.

No.

It's literally the equivalent of in a cartoon where someone's hungry and they see their friend as a big roast chicken.

There you go.

It's exactly.

Because when you're so hungry, the point was your mind and how you feel about food are very interconnected.

So I think, to come back to my white Russian, it might have seemed, that might seem the favorite drink I've ever had because of that time, but also they make it very well.

I don't know if they make it anymore like that because they had a refurb.

Right.

And then I never went back.

So I'm like, I don't want to be disappointed.

Sure, yeah.

And I tried having a white Russian elsewhere.

Man.

Well, I mean, I have white Russians once a year.

So I don't have them.

On a specific day?

Yep.

I don't have them any other time.

When do you have them?

Once a year.

And I drink them all evening at Nish Kumar's birthday.

So that's the only time I die.

Oh, the one in

normally it's in Edinburgh.

It falls in August.

So normally we're all in Edinburgh.

And I can't remember how the tradition started.

Well, Nish loves it.

So So Nish likes them anyway, so we'd drink one on his birthday, and a bunch of us then would like.

He's been on this podcast and said it was his favourite drink.

No, no.

He can't.

And he was on the Christmas episode, so I had to stay quite Christmassy.

Okay.

So he's completely off your turn.

I mean, he could have had those potatoes.

He could have had Danish Christmas potatoes.

If only he knew they existed.

Exactly.

One year, because it's a brass monkey in Edinburgh.

I went there this August, but I didn't know about the White Russians.

Yeah, so normally

one year we had so many white Russians that Stuart Goldsmith had to go out and buy some more milk because the bar had run out of milk.

And creamy.

This one wasn't cream.

That's the thing, then I would be sad.

I don't drink all because I don't want to drink milk all night.

I think that's a recipe for disaster with booze.

I know.

I think it's a recipe for disaster.

Although

this year, at Nish's birthday, I had six Bloody Marys, which was also a mistake.

Jesus.

I was full.

I felt like I was just drinking soup all night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gazpacho.

But the thing is, with drinks, that you have to have when you have the thing.

So that's very important.

That's super important.

Like, there's certain friends of mine where it's like, if we meet, it's like, okay, it's tequila, it's tequila slammers because there's no other really, and there's no other way to lubricate this.

This is how we roll.

Yeah, yeah.

Um, and for me, like, if I've had a serious day, not serious, bad, but serious, serious, then I have to drink bourbon.

Right.

And I tend to drink bourbon.

I drink whiskey and bourbon.

I don't drink, well, I mean, I drink gin and whiskey and bourbon, but whiskey.

What's your favorite bourbon?

Um, I would say my favourite bourbon is Bullet.

Yes, that's a good one.

It's a good, solid, go-to everyday bourbon.

It's a good, solid bourbon.

I like Eagle Reserve.

Yeah, Eagle Reserve.

But you know, Eagle Reserve can be harsher.

Yeah.

And you've had a serious day.

I don't know if you need a harsher bourbon, but if you've got a bullet, you're great.

I'll tell you, one I had recently, which I really enjoyed, was Blanton's.

Blanton's is a really cool bottle as well.

It's got a little horse on the

little statue of a horse on the thing.

And Ivor Graham bought me a bottle actually to say thank you for giving him a gig uh um and it's one of the best bourbons i've had it's delicious i thought ivo thanks people yeah i know i was gonna say classy checks i've given i've given people gigs before it was when we were stuck in new york and i couldn't do a gig in weymouth all right so i said ivo can you go and do this

much cooler if you were in weymouth and gave him a bottle in new york ivo helped you out by taking but it was a good gig it was good money right and he was very grateful

and he bought me he bought me a bottle of bluntons thank you very much ivo graham i remember that Next time I need someone to fill in for me.

Yeah.

A gig.

Like, here's a gig Iron.

I will expect the Blanton tomorrow.

And then, of course, I drink single malt, but you know,

that's when you're just relaxing.

There's no agenda.

I don't know anything about single malt.

Scotch is a confusing world for me.

Oh, but I only drink Japanese, so I don't have to.

Okay, so I've just started getting into that.

Oh, I'm big into that.

Yeah?

Yeah.

What have you had?

I bought, I went to Japan and brought back a bottle of hibiki.

What kind of hibiki?

It was the master's choice.

Yeah, yeah, that's the mix.

Yeah, that's a good one.

That's an easy one to get to.

Very good.

Super easy to get to.

I've been through it.

I've gone through it already.

I've been very impressed at that.

No, but it is.

No, because it's a really,

when I say it's a blend, I don't mean that in any pejorative way.

I just mean it's a really easy whiskey to get to.

You don't feel like you've had a big whiskey and you need to go into Glasgow and fight with people.

It just looks like a really relaxing drink.

But there's also

Yamazaki, which is a bit more,

I would say it's a bit rougher, fiery, fiery, fiery, but Nikkei from the barrel.

Yeah, that's a beautiful one because it's Nikki from the barrel, Nikkei from the barrel.

It's similar to Jenny from the block.

Sounds, sounds, could be, could be.

No, but Nikkei from the barrel is good.

It's sort of in between.

Yeah.

But hibiki, good choice.

It was, yeah, it was lovely.

I've been through it, gone through that very quickly.

Yeah, and I

as of 20, at the end of 2018, I had to decide to drink less.

Okay.

By which I mean specifically drink less whiskey.

Yeah.

Because that's the only thing I was drinking.

And I just had to drink less whiskey because it was getting to the point where I was drinking whiskey every day.

And if you drink whiskey every day, it becomes a serious drink.

Sure.

And I was imagining drinking it all day.

So I thought, this is not going well for me.

This is not going well for me.

And so, and the one thing I will say is that I missed hibiki.

Now I'm fine.

I haven't had, you know, I don't drink that much.

And I had bourbon over the weekend.

But

a great choice.

I'm drinking some lovely snow.

I've got some Japanese whiskey at home.

Don't know what it's called.

I have no idea.

It'll be great.

I'm going to have it today.

Good.

Tell me what it's called.

I will.

I'll text you.

I'll let you call it this.

And you know what I'm going to do straight after we finish recording this is I'm going to go to a whiskey shop in Soho and buy some Japanese whiskey.

Oh, good, because I thought you were going to say you're going to piss over some lamb or something.

Your dessert.

My dessert.

Your dessert.

We come to your dessert.

This is the one that I get most excited about every week.

Okay, so dessert.

So, you know, I have, you know, my dessert theory, which is,

oh, you guys are going to love this because it's, anyway.

Dessert theory is, so when I

first started eating, when my husband and I would go out to eat, before we were husband and wife even, he's a very healthy person.

And so he would be like, oh, I don't, oh, I can't, if I have this main course, I can't have dessert.

And the first time he said that, that, I was like, what?

That's not how it works.

And he was like, what do you mean?

I'm like, don't you know how the stomach is?

There's a room, there's main course room and a beverage room and this room.

And then there's a dessert room.

So it's like whatever you have in the main course room doesn't affect the dessert room.

And he said, that doesn't make sense.

And I'm like, let me ask you this.

Would you go into a kitchen and take a shit?

And he said, no.

I'm like, there you go.

So that what's great about it is like, I know that's before

you said it was before you were married and and you've already said that there wasn't much time between you and

already.

It was, let me ask you this.

Within a month of knowing it, you went, Let me ask you this, would you go to the kitchen to take a shit?

And he said, Will you marry me?

No, but it's a question.

I said there are certain things you don't do in other rooms.

So what do you mean doesn't make sense?

He said you've converted me completely and after that has never stopped to wonder about main courses and desserts.

Nobody said you've converted me completely, because the amazing thing about so I yeah, I suppose I've got dessert stomach and all that stuff, but obviously that's not how the stomach works.

Of course it is.

If the stomach is divided into little rooms for different things, you would have a point to say to him, look, there's your shit in your kitchen.

But as it is, there's I thought what he was objecting to originally

was him being like, oh, but there's not, those are different, separate rooms in your stomach.

But you thought

he was just saying, you thought, no, he's bought into that.

I've just got to.

Yeah, he said, you've converted me.

I said, great, then let's start eating and stop this kind of you know

fear.

So he said okay and here we are.

And also that was the day he stopped shitting in the kitchen as well.

But then he said, oh, I mustn't do that.

Now Sindhu's explained all the people.

But I think the thing is, I think it's about removing fear from eating well.

A lot of people worry.

And I think the moment you worry, your mind, body, and soul...

releases certain things in your body and then that food doesn't benefit you.

So once you have the room theory, then you hog out what you want

and then you work it out over time.

Do you see?

It doesn't mean you're turning irresponsible person.

Yeah, I've had a one-week dessert-a-thon.

Of course, I have.

I only ate desserts

every day for one week

because I could.

And it turns out, after a week, you're like, oh, that's a lot of dessert.

I don't feel like dessert.

You know what I mean?

Like, you don't just keep doing it

and then die of sugar one day.

You know what I mean?

It stops.

So, yeah.

Okay.

So, that was my dessert.

I thought you should know about my theory.

So, So this dessert, I always liked sweets

and always liked dessert.

Mommy didn't let me eat a lot of dessert because she said you're 5'10, which is so abnormal.

And

you'll, if you don't, agazada khagi tu pahar ho jaogi.

If you eat too much, you'll become a mountain, then who will marry you?

So it was a huge thing for me.

That was less of a left turn than the crispy.

Yeah, I was wondering what that was going to be.

At least if you eat a dessert, your head will become a cherry.

No, it's all about chini, chini, sugar, sugar, sugar.

And then she used to say, you know, that you're anyway so weird and pacha sal kid dhonda, you'll be a 50-year-old

freaky giant, no one will marry you.

This, that.

Anyway, so eating dessert was like a big thing.

Eating dessert and not being allowed to go out and come back when I wanted.

Two big things.

I came to university here and I was allowed to come because it was a big deal.

And the two things that my mind, first of all, I came to the student accommodation.

I had my own key.

I was like, I can come and go.

I used to do my laundry at three in the morning because I could.

I just was like, oh my God, I can do it.

Have a little party.

And the second thing I discovered was there was a restaurant in the town where my university was, and it was called Bella Pasta.

And they had a dessert called The Godfather.

I think I know this dessert.

Okay, first of all,

it's about, I would say, it's about six, seven inches round.

It's got brownies and ice cream and cream and chocolate fudge sauce and more brownies and cream.

And then it has sparklers.

Yes, I know the colours of that.

And they're cooking sparklers.

And they bring you this dessert.

And it's a sharing dessert.

Every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, when I was at university, I ate one by myself.

That's three days?

That's three days a week?

Is the godfather?

Who are you trying to get off with this time?

No one, no one, not yet.

I haven't yet.

Don't call Leone.

No, No, I hadn't yet even.

Oh, it's the day of your daughter's wedding.

I could eat three of these a week.

I hadn't yet progressed to all about boys yet.

I was still stuck on keys and dessert.

I was like, what is happening?

Although, to be honest, I had a year and a half.

I'd been allowed to leave for a year and a half before I had to go back and have an arranged marriage, which would have been fine.

It really would have.

I always give that caveat because people always think, oh, arranged marriage, that's terrible.

Poor her.

Not forced marriage, arranged marriage.

So I knew in that year and a half, I had lots of things to do.

Primary among which was to have a boyfriend

and to get laid.

Because afterwards, I wouldn't really have any choice.

As in, I would get laid, but with this one person,

what if it was bad?

And so that was a huge mission.

But only after

the key and the godfather thing, then it became a huge mission.

But oh my God, that dessert.

You know what I'm talking about, Ed.

Yeah, I know.

Do you know what it is?

I don't think I've had this I've never had a dessert with Spark doesn't it

yeah I mean I was a I was a little fat boy so I do remember going to Belopastra and being like I'm getting the godfather yes and then I'd be like with my mum I'd be like we should share the godfather and we both knew I was eating most of that I didn't even used to go with anyone I used to go by selling that's a baller move and and because I for the third time that week

same branch every time there was only there was only one yeah yeah so there was a small just making sure that they always

recognize you when you came

would would you have a main meal as well, or just the godfather?

Depending on what time I had between tutorials,

yeah, because I used to play basketball, so there's like a limited amount of time during, you know, that you could do shit and write your essays and go and read them out of all that stuff.

But my friend, who's still my friend, the New York one, she said to me recently, she said, You and that godfather thing.

And I was like, I know.

But the reason it's the best dessert I've ever had is because sometimes the best food you have is the one that

opens your mind to the notion that that stuff exists.

It just, I'd never experienced such a thing.

I had the same thing when I went to uni where you suddenly realize I can eat what whatever I want whenever I want and it just everything tastes like freedom.

Exactly, everything tastes like freedom.

And all that chocolate, I love chocolate.

And then the sparklers, it was such a celebration every time.

It was a celebration that I was at the university, that I was hopefully going to get laid,

that I was eating this.

It was just the whole experience to me was so great.

The first time you went in in the kitchen,

they must have been like, oh, we've got Godfather, make one Godfather.

And I'm like, this is for this lady's come in alone.

There must have been a decision where they're like, do we put the sparklers in this time?

Yeah.

You know what?

Yeah, silly gets the sparklers.

She's celebrating one day getting laid.

Yeah, exactly.

Someday getting laid.

Exactly right.

But also, I didn't always go alone, but if I had to go and there was no one.

Absolutely, yeah.

And it was such a great dessert.

But that was funny, though, because the first time I went there with my boyfriend,

he was Swiss and older, and he was doing a PhD, and he was very erudite.

I will never forget.

He said, oh, you know, he wanted to go to an Italian place.

And I was like, oh, we have to go to Bellapasta, which I think for a lot of Europeans was kind of like, ugh.

And we went there and he spoke three languages and all that.

And we sat down and I said, oh, I'm going to have the godfather.

He

was.

You know, he was a little troubled.

I'll be honest with you.

He didn't have the open-mindedness of my husband, who would have been like, you go for it.

he was like, Oh, that's so

sort of that's so amusing.

And I thought, You're missing out on this, but that's really your problem.

You go ahead and eat that creme brulee shit.

I'll have this.

You know what I mean?

It was a, I do remember, but

image of you like looking across the table at him, just eating the godfather and saying to him, Let me ask you a question: Would you share your own?

Would you share your cake?

That never came up.

That never came up.

That never came up.

So that was my favourite dessert, really, and it was a big deal.

That was such a good choice, I think.

Let me read your menu back to you.

You would like some still room temperature water.

Yes.

You would like some sourdough from Panzers.

Panzer.

Panzers.

Your starter, you would like white fish ceviche from Uruguay.

The main, you would like Mr.

Mancini's amabietta.

The side, Dolphin Wise Potatoes.

Drink, you'd like the white mushroom from the Savoy.

Yes.

And for the dessert, you'd like the Godfather from Bella Pasta.

Exactly right.

What a menu.

Excellent menu, Cindy.

Oh, so good.

Beautifully described.

Thank you so much.

This was so fun.

I've never talked about food with people, and then they've sort of incorporated jizz and fizz,

and yet the conversation has continued

in a jubilant way.

That's never happened to me.

It's because it had to, I guess.

I mean,

if this is not a podcast and it said that, you might have gone, okay, I'm still later.

Because you're really ruining this champ having me about potatoes.

I was trying to talk to you about potatoes.

You said about jizzing lambs.

Lamb, jizzing on some potatoes.

No, good.

Goodbye.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Exactly.

So thank you for having me, guys.

Thank you so much, Cindu.

It's been great.

Wonderful, wonderful stuff from Cindu there.

Delicious.

I saw your mouth watering a couple of times, Ed.

It did.

I was spraying all over the place.

Yeah, absolutely.

Love that menu.

I think that's one of my favourite menus, I think.

Yeah.

No sweet chili sauce.

Thank you very much, Cindu.

Thank you.

You get to stay in the restaurant and eat your full meal.

We're on the same page.

Thank you very much, Sindhu.

Cindy's on tour later in the year.

Yeah, make sure you catch her.

You can find her dates online.

As of the time of recording, they've not been announced yet, but you should be able to find them.

Just Google Google Cindu V Tour.

Google Sindhu vTour.

Follow her on Twitter.

There's all sorts of ways to follow up on this kind of stuff.

It has to tell you that kind of thing.

You know how to navigate the internet.

I'm on tour as well.

You can find that on the internet, I'd imagine.

And James is on tour.

Yeah, that's probably somewhere on the internet.

Look on the same thing.

Oh, we forgot to say at the top about all the food we've been sent this far.

Shout out to all the people sending us food.

Thank you very much.

Especially to my two friends, Ben and Jerry.

I mean, this was a big moment for James when we got a little message through from Ben and Jerry saying we'd like to send you some stuff.

This is like James's life finally clicked.

Yep.

He was like, this is it.

This is all I've ever wanted from stuff.

Yep.

I started doing stand-up comedy in 2008.

on the open mic circuit and it's all been building towards this.

Two years, slogging it out on the open mics, then doing tour supports of people for another year and a half going to Edinburgh year after year doing solo shows then doing the panel show circuit just working my way up getting a podcast with my friends mentioning Ben and Jerry is enough on it that I get Ben and Jerry themselves contact me and say what's your address for sending us some ice cream and my parents were like well they won't be able to send you some proper ice cream it will melt in the car no it won't so you've got a special way of delivering it and I couldn't be happier.

Thank you Ben and Jerry.

You made a boy very happy.

Thank you Ben and Jerry.

But not just Ben and Jerry.

Thank you to Seed and Bean for sending us some lovely chocolate.

And thank you to Hut Peas.

Hut peas.

Sending us some of your wonderful pea crispy snack things.

I'm waiting to dip them in some ice cream.

Yeah, everything's getting dipped in that ice cream now.

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much.

And obviously keep sending us stuff if you want a little shout out because, quite frankly...

I'm supposed to be eating healthily at the moment, I told myself.

But it turns out, if it's free, it doesn't count.

No, if it's free, it does not count.

And I also found out that I have absolutely no no shame when it comes to getting free stuff.

I do not care.

No.

Quite happily on this podcast.

Encourage anyone to send us food.

Also, oh, we've got some Laurent Perrier champagne as well.

Oh, to celebrate getting the Ben and Jerry's.

What the gentleman from Laurent Perrier said is he said, I'll send you some bottles to share with your next guest.

I thought, yeah, you can fucking.

As if.

Yeah.

I think we'll be releasing a podcast where it's just me talking to myself.

Oh, what a wonderful guest you are, Ed.

Got a long on here.

That's my guess.

Well, thank you, Sid Du V.

Thank you, everyone who gives us food.

Subscribe to the podcast, review the podcast.

We love you all.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Ad.

Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September, the time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.