Ep 14: Jack McBrayer

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

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There's the part of me that everyone sees.

I'm Howie Mandel the comedian.

Apparently I know what funny is.

Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny, OCD.

I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal.

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Two spoons with the podcast, please.

We'll be splitting this one.

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast with Ed Gamble.

This is his voice.

James Acaster's voice here speaking out of his mouth.

Yes, thank you.

Do you want to describe what the podcast is, James?

Yeah, we've got a guest in our dream restaurant.

We're going to ask them what their favorite ever starter, main course, dessert, drink, side dish are.

Yeah, it's a good format.

No one can argue it.

Because we do a food podcast, and we're very grateful for this, occasionally people send us some free stuff.

Best part of the job.

Now, James, I like booze.

I don't know about you.

I tell you, a world of booze that I've not fully embraced yet is the world of rosé wine.

Right, well, you're not my auntie Val then, but carry on.

I'm not your auntie Val, and I can't believe that's the first time you've mentioned that.

We've been sent some lovely rose-looking wine from a company called Mirabeau.

They've sent us pure Mirabeau, they've sent us Mirabeau en Provence and a sort of sparkling-looking one.

And I've got to say, I'm rather looking forward to tucking into it.

Let's look very nice.

Also, the people at Naughty, that's N-O-R-T-Y, it's a dessert company, I believe.

Oh, okay, good.

They've sent us some salted chocolate indulgent cheesecake.

Hey.

Also, some cashew butter, salted caramel, cut cashew butter, chocolate

hazelnut nut butter as well.

I believe this is all

Vegue.

I think it's on the Veg.

It's all Vegs.

I think it's all on the Vegue.

It's dairy and gluten-free.

Crack on with that, mate.

Looks nice, quite frankly.

So thanks.

And as always, the shameless offer to send us stuff is open.

But our guest this week, so excited about this one, James.

Oh, I'm very excited too.

Because you're not going to believe it, people.

Our guest this week is Jack McBray.

And when Benito, the great Benito, our producer, told us that he got Jack McBray, I didn't believe that it was going to happen.

No, as always, on our text group, we bullied him and we called him a little twerp.

We called him a little liar and a little twerp.

Jack McBray, for those of you who don't know, I'm sure you'd recognize him anyway if you don't know him by straight name.

He played Kenneth Parcell in 30 Rock, who I'd say is in my top five sitcom characters.

of all time.

Incredible character.

He's also been Wreck-It Ralph.

He's been in Wreck-It Ralph.

He's in Wreck-It Ralph.

Ralph forgetting Sarah Marshall and he's currently appearing in Waitress on the West End.

He's in a musical called Waitress on the West End.

He also started by doing characters on Conan O'Brien's show.

He would like heckle from the audience and stuff.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I don't know that.

That's a cool little.

So we're super excited to have Jack on the podcast.

It feels like a real coup for this podcast, James.

Yeah, he's coming in.

I hope that

he's ready for what we've got in store.

Obviously, you know, even though Jack Mabrea will chuck him out, we'll kick him out onto the streets if he mentions a secret ingredient, which is flaked almonds.

Flaked almonds, hate them.

What are you doing?

I like almonds in general.

Of course.

But when they're flaked and put in a salad or a curry or on the top of a cake.

No, texturally, it's all wrong.

Yeah, I don't like it.

It ruins all the other ingredients I have to eat around them.

I'm protesting it.

I don't like it.

Even on the top of flapjacks and stuff, I don't like it.

You never need that texture.

And also, if you're shaving something that thin

with a subtle flavour in the first place, it's going to going to lose all its flavor.

Yeah, what you're playing at is that visually, yeah, it might look okay, but like, come on, you may as well.

It's not worth it, you're paying a price.

You may as well eat a box of confetti, as far as I'm concerned.

Have done.

This is the off-menu menu of Jack McBray.

Jack, welcome to the dream restaurant.

Oh, thank you.

It's lovely to be here.

Sorry.

Uh-oh.

Welcome

Jack.

Hi.

Hi, what's going on?

Not a lot.

Good to see you.

Yes, sir.

Welcome to the restaurant.

I'm a genie.

And

that's a lovely reaction to finding out and seeing a genie.

It's just, oh, okay.

Well, yeah, I didn't want to cause a scene.

I'm very nice to meet you, sir.

Do you have any genies back in the US?

If we do, I have not been made aware.

But I'm not opposed to the the possibility that they are there walking amongst us.

I'm also a waiter, of course.

Which is good, because you've come to London to work as a waitress.

Well,

I'm in a show called Waitress, yes.

Yes.

Yes, I am.

But you're not the waitress within the show Waitress.

No, spoiler alert, I am not.

Up to you.

Who do you play at it?

I play a customer at the restaurant.

who falls in love with one of the waitresses.

Oh, well, this is perfect then because you're a customer at the restaurant, at the dream restaurant here, and I could already feel there's a little bit of tension between you and the genie.

There's tension, but

not good tension.

Is that the Adelphi Theater, correct?

Yes, sir.

The Adelphi Theater on the strand and we're in previews right now and we open March 7th.

And yeah, it's been a lot of fun.

Have you done anything like this before?

No, sir.

I have never done anything on Broadway.

When I was living in Chicago, there was a a comedy theater there called The Second City, and we would do live shows there.

But it was a bit different.

We didn't have microphones.

We didn't wear makeup.

I guess that's it.

We've got great microphones here.

Yeah, these are beautiful.

Yeah, they're nice.

Do you enjoy these ones?

Yeah, I've never seen microphones at a restaurant.

It's very elegant.

It's about time.

It's high time, right?

I agree.

I agree.

You got your own songs in the musical and stuff.

Are you belting out some tunes?

I do.

I have to sing.

And that is not what I'm known for.

Right.

Yeah.

Do you have a background in the world?

The world will be underwhelmed.

Have you done any singing before on stage?

No, sir.

I mean, no, sir.

And if so, for comedic effect.

But this has been, it was challenging because so many of my castmates are like, you know, trained in this kind of stuff.

So it was intimidating at first, but everyone has been very welcoming.

And also, we just kind of decided, well, it fits for the character.

So there we go.

Fall in love with a waitress.

I've had no guests fall in love with me yet.

Well, maybe if you stuck around longer, you seem to pop in and out quite a bit.

That is true.

If you've got to go back to the lamp, there's no point starting a relationship, isn't it?

I'm not always in a lamp, Jack.

I want you to know that.

I'm not always in a lamp.

Don't you think I'm a boring guy?

Always in a lamp, popping in a bottle and a gravy boat in another episode.

A gravy boat.

Yeah, yeah.

Just makes more sense for the surroundings.

It does.

Now it all makes sense.

Yeah.

I know it was confusing for a second.

It's perfect now.

Yeah.

Now I get it.

Thank you.

Are you a big fan of food?

Are you a foodie?

Of course.

I have food every day.

Every day?

Every day.

How many times?

Sometimes three.

Whoa,

and how are you finding London's food so far?

I like it quite a bit.

I am a person who enjoys a routine, and so because work has been keeping us so busy, I do find myself going back to some old standbys.

So now that my days will be more free, I'm excited to explore more.

For example, I have yet to have a proper Sunday roast, which is a big deal here in London.

I don't think I've ever had a Yorkshire pudding.

I just like Yorkshire pudding.

It's a big point.

It's a big point of issue.

It's a big thing on the podcast.

I'm not a fan of Yorkshire pudding.

I don't know if I like it or not.

Because it's savoury, yes?

It was a savoury,

like, battery.

It's just very nice and plump.

To me, it's just

curled up.

So it was a bit crispy and soft at the same time.

It's a big curled up old pancake.

How does a big curled up pancake sound to you?

It sounds good though, doesn't it?

Well it's confusing because I mean if it's savoury but y'all call desserts puddings.

So it's not a dessert.

No it's not a dessert but it's battery.

It's like a savoury pancake.

I think it's like an old pancake, but I will get tweets about this.

Again, people go mad at me for this.

People from Yorkshire?

People from Yorkshire are not happy with me.

And you're right, it shouldn't be called a pudding.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm not.

I've yet to pick up on all the the nuances of your language.

Yeah, no, I understand.

You don't want to be a little bit more.

Which is also our language.

Yeah, for sure.

You should.

For the record.

Black pudding, as well, is not a pudding, and it's very English.

What is that?

Is it TV?

Yeah, don't.

If you don't know what black pudding is, I would, I would hear what it is and then decide if you like it.

It's sort of congealed pig's blood.

Damn me at congeal.

Asked me at congealed.

Yeah, you would have it with a cooked breakfast, like it's like a spiced, congealed pig's blood with like fat in it and stuff.

It's a bit like haggis, but haggis?

Never had it.

That's sheep's stomach.

There's goodie inside it, right?

There's like

meat and potatoes inside it.

Is there?

There's so much.

Oh, I don't know.

It's all soup.

Oh, maybe I'm thinking about shepherd's pie.

Oh, yeah, shepherd's pie.

There's meat and there's like potatoes on the top.

Okay.

And like some beef in it.

This is.

It's just the soup.

Haggis is like all the isn't it all the the awful and all the...

No, well then, no.

Respectfully.

Respectfully.

Thank you.

I like that you're trying to keep everyone from all across the UK on side, though.

So respectfully, no, just in case waitress tours.

You would have been

greater leads.

So can we start you off with some still or sparkling water?

Oh, still.

Always still?

You a still man?

All the time.

Well, it's easiest.

I'm not particular when it comes to water.

And so, if it comes out of a tap, I'm okay with that.

Oh, so when you say easiest, you're more thinking of like tap water rather than bottled still water.

Uh-oh.

Oh.

We have all the waters here, Jack.

You underestimate our great nation.

Oh, I forgot.

There's a genie here.

Weird.

It is weird because actually, you're the first person who, when I've told you I was a genie,

you now can't look at me without seeing an actual genie.

And so it is quite weird for you.

It is.

I mean, is this a first?

So many firsts since came here.

So, like, you're the first person who I felt like I am.

I feel like I am.

I mean, not that I don't believe it anyway.

Well, Jax, you've got a bit of a drink.

You don't really believe I'm a genie.

I'm a Jim Prov in the past, right?

Yeah, so you've very much just bought into the full scene here.

You're in it.

I was told he was a genie.

Yeah.

Here it goes.

So you know that I am a genie.

You know that I am.

Yeah.

Poppadoms or bread, Jack.

Poppadums or bread.

What is he saying?

Poppa doms or bread.

Poppet.

Poppers off the bread?

What are you saying?

Poppers off the bread.

Poppadums or bread.

Poppin' episode of bread.

Sorry, Jack.

Let me translate it for you.

Pop-a-doms or bread.

Pop-a-doms or bread.

Yes.

Are you aware of what a pop-a-dom is?

No.

Is it on the table?

No, no, it's not.

This is not a quiz.

It's not going to be on the table unless it's within the mind table of the podcast oh yes so pop

poppa doms if you go to an indian restaurant okay uh before you sort of order your main meal or whatever they'll often bring out pop popadoms which are like giant very thin crisps oh okay i've never had to explain what a pop-a-dom is before and i think i've done quite a good good job of it okay explaining a lot of food so far yeah that's what i like about this episode yeah we explained five dishes

nothing.

Just blanks like that.

Okay, then what is N-A-N?

No, N-A-A-N, no.

That's bread.

Okay.

So that's like a

more of a flat bread type situation.

Which is different than a poppadom.

Different to a poppadom because that's a crispy, really crispy thing.

It's like a big chip.

Okay.

Yeah.

So you get that and you get sauces and mango chutney and things like that to put on it.

Okay.

Okay.

So the choice is,

do you want that that you've just learnt about and never tasted?

That you've never had a poor in your whole life and you've only just had it described to you and you've got a vague concept of what it is.

Or would you like some bread?

I mean,

I get to choose what my meal is, right?

Yes.

Okay.

We would like some bread.

Any particular type of bread?

I can get you any bread you like if you have a favourite type of bread.

Maybe a certain bread you've had at some point in your life from a specific place.

I can get you that.

Oh, wow.

You know what?

Let's get some Hawaiian rolls.

Hawaiian King rolls.

Hawaiian rolls.

I've never had a Hawaiian roll.

Because now you have to explain to us.

I mean, they're just like little buns, but they're quite sweet.

But they're bread.

Yes.

It's not like a dessert bread.

Right.

So you can put like little sliders in there, and they just taste real good.

Oh, that's quite nice.

They're quite shiny on top.

They are.

Right.

Okay.

I think I can visualize it now.

Sweet little shiny.

It's like a brioche kind of thing.

Is it a brioche type thing?

Affair?

I don't know what that means.

Brioche.

Brioche.

They're like, a brioche is like a big Hawaiian rock.

So this is an episode of just explaining what food is.

Do you know what?

It's good.

We've recorded a lot of episodes.

It was a high time we had one where we're just, in detail, explain every single

concept of each figure.

It's embarrassing for all of us.

This is how we're going to break America.

Yeah.

Because

now we can go, look, don't worry, Americans, we explain all of the food stuff.

We're here to help.

This is funny.

our american listeners have clearly been listening to this podcast so far and being like i don't know what they're talking about what are they talking about what is a pop-a-dom why is he shouting at them every time why is this guy a genie what do you shout it just to get a tinton yeah

it worked oh dear you looked at me as soon as i shouted

i love the way you looked at me as soon as i shouted it um you can say you can make a little slider out of it are you a you a slider fact because i sliders are for me quite a recent thing i haven't like i haven't known about sliders my whole life

like I'd say it's quite and I'm not sure completely where how much I love them interesting like I think they're nice yeah but that the idea I think is always better for me I think oh I can't wait I see the idea of a slider I kind of pop it in my mouth and then I have it and I think maybe I would have just liked a big sandwich actually all right that's the that's the thing here's what I have to say about this

depending on where you go sometimes they offer sliders and they're different kinds and you can mix and match so you can have a little little chicken slider with a beef slider with a whatever else slider.

So then it's like you're having a sandwich, but each bite is of a different sandwich, like a Willy Wonka sandwich.

It's a Willy Wonka sandwich.

Worth every pence?

That is...

We say worth every penny.

Oh, so

I'm going to change it to worth every pence now.

And obviously in America, worth every pence is a very different kind of

bringing in the old VP there.

sorry for being penciled early doors

but uh oh no I like if you like because they're quite small I could bring you a slide a Hawaiian roll slider oh let's do it as your bread to start off with let's do it

would you what's your dream slider filling well because i know what i want for my entree let me go with uh just a small beef slider please small beef slider small beef slider again you've you've hacked the podcast there that's great because normally people are like plain bread or pop a doms but now you've got you've got some filling there it's good oh yeah yeah put it small off it that's fine i'm going to allow it and if anyone if anyone wants to have a go at me online fair enough

so to start what your like is your starter

or appetizer yes right oh we can say both oh all right okay i thought i was doing i thought i was bridging the gap between the two nations there i know that on we go it turns out you know exactly what i was talking about well i mean just in the context it makes sense

Okay, let's see.

For starter,

I should probably get something green in there.

You know what?

Let me just do a nice little...

Can I do a salad for my starter?

Yeah, you can do a little salad for your starter for me.

Can we do a salad for my starter, please?

What's the best salad you've ever had?

I can take you to any restaurant you've ever been to, any cafe.

Even a home-cooked.

A home-cooked salad?

A home-cooked salad.

You know what?

Just because I'm going to stick to my theme, because I know what I want from my entree,

I'm going to go with a little spinach salad, please.

A little spinach salad.

Yeah.

So

what's in there?

I'm looking down at the bowl.

Gotcha.

Let's put some spinach in there.

I like a balsamic vinaigrette.

Let's put some pecans in there.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

No one saw that coming.

Oh.

I didn't see it coming.

Yeah.

No?

I'm glad you said that because I was worried for a second that you were going to absolutely hang me out to dry.

No, I agree.

I just saw it.

and claim that you saw it coming.

But I saw you didn't see a pecans coming.

A raw, a raw pecan, yeah.

Yeah, I love a raw pecan, yeah.

But my favorite nut in the whole world to snack on is a roast-salted pecan.

Oh, which you can't really get here, but all over the states.

Where do you get them?

Uh, Waitrose.

Oh, over here.

You got a waitrose bags.

Are you familiar with Waitrose Jack?

Is it a very posh supermarket?

I have yet to go in one.

It's very

high-end posh supermarket.

Oh, I'm a Sainsbury superstore, man.

Yes, please.

Right down the line.

You know what you want.

I've got my nectar card.

Yeah.

I'm good to go.

I am now going to start calling it Sainsbury's Superstore because I like that a lot more.

Well, so you've got some pecans in there.

That's your chosen nut for this salad.

Yes, sir.

In life,

Ed's talking about his favourite nut to snack in it.

That's my favourite snack in nut.

Have you got a favourite snack in nut?

An almond.

A raw almond.

A raw almond.

Are you a healthy man, Jack?

That's a very healthy sort of snack.

Well, yeah, because you start getting older and like I can't drink Coca-Cola with every meal.

Like I used to could.

But also like I like almonds.

I like salmon.

I like almonds.

So I think I'm lucky in that I like some of the stuff that is kind of healthy for you.

Yeah, that is lucky.

Yeah, right?

Yeah.

Because otherwise, yeah.

That is very lucky, right?

All I think about, because all my favorite stuff is unhealthy.

I love it so much.

I love chocolate and ice cream.

It's all I I would eat if it was.

If that was okay and allowed, James eats like a bin.

Like, as soon as you hit 40, it's going to be a nightmare.

Yeah.

Except that you're a genie.

Yeah.

So wish it away.

None of it has any effect on me.

Sorry, guys, I stepped outside the scene.

Yeah.

Thank you, Jack.

You know what?

It's nice to have a guest who knows me better than my co-host does.

So,

whole almond is your favourite

nut to snack on.

Interesting.

Very close to.

We always have a...

Shall I reveal it now?

How about?

We always have a secret ingredient that if a guest mentions it, we kick him out of the restaurant.

Oh.

Was it?

It was flaked almonds this week.

You are so lucky, Jeff.

That's not true.

You are so flaked almonds.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was flaked almonds this week.

You are such a lucky man.

Oh, but you don't threaten me.

You don't want to flak it.

You like a whole almond?

As a snack, I like just a whole raw almond.

Then you can stay in the restaurant.

And we like

we like whole raw almonds as well.

We just don't like flaked almonds when they pop up in salads or like on, even on a cake.

You know,

it really gets to us.

I get it.

Man, I get it.

We really get angry.

Yeah.

They've had their day.

They have had their day, right?

You may as well put a bit of paper on top of the cake, as far as I'm concerned.

Shoo.

Let's really stick it too.

You seem like you maybe don't get as angry about some foods as we do.

Is there ever any food that if you got served it, you'd be like, oh no, I can't believe I've got to eat this.

It's the worst day of my life.

You know what?

I'm not a fan of a raw onion.

Yeah.

A raw onion can ruin a meal for me.

I absolutely agree.

Red or it's always raw red onion, isn't it?

Sad's double sweet.

Well, on the subject of salads, yeah, they pop it up and eat a rice.

Absolutely not.

It will ruin a salad.

It will ruins a whole day.

It ruins a whole life.

Yeah, sure, sure.

But strangely, I can eat grilled onions.

I can eat French onion soup.

I can eat onion rings.

I can eat onion in just about any other form except raw.

Yeah.

I hate them raw.

I'm absolutely with you there.

I do not like it.

Sometimes in films,

for example, one of the Lethal Weapon films, I think it's Lethal Weapon 2, and he's eating a raw onion all the time, isn't he to try and give up smoking, Mel Gibson?

I don't think I've seen it.

I don't think I've seen it.

Oh, well, here's another explanation for everyone.

The Lethal Weapon franchise

the life of Tukops.

God, I'm wasting my life.

But yeah, well, you know, just don't watch that film, Jack, because he's eating a raw onion for a lot of it.

That would anger me, truly.

Yeah, you would hate it.

The flaked almonds of.

Yeah.

Luckily, flaked almonds don't pop up too much in films.

Seriously.

It would be awful.

The worst.

Who would green like that?

Yeah.

There's like the next Born film.

He's kind of snacking on flaked almonds all the time.

And raw onions.

Yeah.

Who's this animal?

He doesn't even remember what food he likes anymore.

Raw onion cake with flaked onions.

Oh.

What's the

born?

I'm trying to think of a title for that film.

Yeah, you got halfway through.

I was going to say The Born Indigestion.

I thought that's not good enough.

No, I've tried to think of something else.

It's a good placeholder.

Yeah, yeah.

We can come back to that.

We'll work short.

We can come back to it.

Hangs down, our most polite guests.

You're a very.

You also seem like quite a a chilled man, Jackie.

You're quite...

Because we tried to get you angry there by talking about raw onion.

And you didn't flip.

You were there.

Perspective.

Yeah.

Keep perspective.

Perspective.

There's more pressing concerns in life.

Yeah, there's a lot out there, you guys.

Just skim past the onions.

They're going to be all right.

Have you witnessed much anger in London?

It's one of the angriest.

Although...

In the States, where do you live back home?

In California, Los Angeles, which is in the southwest.

Are they angry there?

Not really.

Not like New York, is it?

No.

No, in terms of just general vibes, I believe that Los Angeles is a little more laid-back.

New York, I think just by the nature of how New York is set up, it's a very, you know, it's not a huge landmass.

I mean, everybody's literally just piled on top of each other.

So it's quite congested and it can be kind of claustrophobic.

Yeah.

And I think that affects the human psyche.

Yeah, feeling in a big pile.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

where did you feel when because you you've lived there right in new york yes are several years um where in the pile of people where did you feel like you were most of the time uh i tried to be on the fringe i tried to

there's just a lot of people there there's a lot of people and it it it affects you it really does to the point where

sometimes i just wouldn't like leave the apartment on a flat

flat oh yeah here we go

bilingual um Just because it was

a true ordeal just to go about your day.

So

more space, a lot more space in LA.

That is what I have found.

And also, I prefer the weather in Los Angeles.

I mean, not to make this a whole thing about New York versus LA, because wonderful, you know, there's wonderful qualities to each.

But at this point in my life, I think I prefer having a little space, a little breathing room,

some sunshine.

I have a swimming pool.

I know.

It's really nice.

London now.

That's the opposite of all of those things.

It is not sunny.

There's no space.

No.

It's like an older version of New York.

Yeah.

And

if you want to have a swim in a swimming pool, every pool in London has like plasters in it.

Yep.

Band-aids.

Band-aids.

Oh.

Yeah.

There you go.

Well, there's always the Thames.

Yeah.

I wouldn't advise it, Jack.

We'll see.

Are you swimming there?

Yeah, but they're still young.

I used to row on the Thames.

Oh, yeah.

And on one occasion, the people I was in a boat with, we accidentally capsized the boat and all went into the Thames.

And we were all very ill for a while.

Like with what?

Ear infection?

Like horrible.

Like, yeah, just

really nasty.

Is that how you got diabetes?

No, that's not how I got diabetes, no, Jack.

Oh, okay.

It's nothing to do with the Thames.

If you do end up in the Thames and you are diagnosed diabetic, those things are not connected.

Okay.

I'm learning.

I'm learning as a I'm learning as I go along with Ed.

This is great.

I'm glad I'm here to witness all of it.

Ed has diabetes.

I'm just trying to learn about it.

I haven't been told the kind of

origin story.

Yeah, the origin story.

It's not like that.

I don't know if it was you falling into the Thames and you all came out with different powers.

You came out with diabetes.

We'll get to the bottom of it one day.

One of them can fly, one of them's got x-ray vision, and I got diabetes.

You lost a bit.

It's the baddie.

For your main, sir, your main course.

Oh, yes, I didn't finish my salad.

Oh!

I just wanted some cheese in there.

Good point.

Oh, this is the worst genie I've ever done.

This is the worst genie in slash waiter and I've ever done it.

And this is a man who's a professional customer at the moment.

And I'm really showing myself up.

I used to wait tables myself.

Really?

I did.

At several restaurants.

I was employee of the month.

Whereabouts were you employee of the month?

Uh, it was called Applebee's.

I don't know if you're heard here.

I've heard of it.

I've heard of it.

Yeah.

Oh, it's a change.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard of Applebee's.

Yeah, I've spent a lot of time.

You were employee of the month?

I've been in a car in America for a while, and we drove past a lot of Applebee's

in Chilis

as well.

That's a sort of similar sort of thing.

For anyone who's a fan of your work, you being Employee of the Month at Applebee's is no surprise, right?

That is like

you've played many great characters in your career who would be Employee of the Month at Applebee's.

Sure, yeah.

I see the pattern.

I get it.

You get it.

Wow, that's amazing.

What's the secret for anyone listening who works in an Applebee's who wants to be employee of the month?

What's your tips to them?

And there's a lot of them listening, Jack.

So are there?

There are a lot of

employees.

We've got to try and climb that greasy Applebee's ladder.

We've got a breakdown of the stats, and 80% of our listeners work at Applebee's.

Wow.

That's quite a demographic.

Very specific.

Wouldn't it make the rules?

Any tips for them?

Just be a good listener and be pleasant and write stuff down.

Write stuff down.

That's a tip to any waiters listeners.

I agree.

There's no shame.

It's not a thing.

Just write it down.

People, I think there's some waiters out there too proud.

They think I can remember it all this and not know because I'm going to make the order extra long.

Just despite you.

We went for a meal once and the guy didn't write stuff down and also sat down with us.

Nope.

No.

Nope.

No.

Nope.

Straight away.

Not employee of the month.

Absolutely not.

No.

What title would you give that person if not employee?

Fired.

Fired of the month.

Fired of the day.

So, sorry, yeah, eagle salads.

We've got the almond.

No, no, almonds.

Peak and

genius.

Peaca.

Spinach.

Yes.

Balsamic vinaigrette.

And I like a cheese, so I don't know if feta or goat cheese would be best in that one.

And then maybe like a blueberry, strawberry kind of thing.

I'm thinking more summery theme.

Oh, lovely!

That sounds like a very nice salad, actually.

I quite like Tweety.

He's throwing in some blueberries and strawberries, fresh blueberries and strawberries into the salad.

Yeah, oh, nice, I like it.

It's a curveball.

I absolutely did not see

cheese sounds nice with that.

I think that's a good suggestion.

Yeah, yeah,

very nice.

You open the fridge, there's nothing there.

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There's the part of me that everyone sees.

I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian.

Apparently, I know what funny is.

Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny, OCD.

I've lived with OCD my entire life, and people throw the term around like it's no big deal.

But OCD is severe, often debilitating.

It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety.

General therapy can help with some things, but for OCD, it can actually make things worse.

That's why I want to tell you about No C D.

No C D is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans.

Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD.

If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to nocd.com to book a free 15-minute call.

They are here to help.

Well, your main course, we covered to it now.

And that's a very strong start.

You're very excited about this.

I am on the main course.

What would you like your main course to be?

Main course, I'm going to do barbecue chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and I probably need a green with that too.

So let's go with like colored greens.

Now, it sounds like I feel like we're in

what setting would you usually have this meal in?

What kind of place would you go to to get this meal?

Like a summer barbecue sort of thing.

I love.

So, a few years ago, I went on holiday to America and I started in Dallas and went to Pecan Lodge.

Have you been to Pecan Lodge in Dallas?

Barbecue place.

It's probably still the best meat I've ever had.

I think about it all the time.

This holiday was like you talk about it all the time.

I talk about it all the time.

Egg's heard of this many times.

I always think about the brisket that I had in Pecan Lodge.

It was so good.

And like American barbecue is something that like, I mean, we just haven't really nailed it there yet.

No way's nailed it.

No.

Well, I'm sure you have some version of it that's quite good.

No, it's not good.

It's really.

Well, do we have a version of it?

Well, there's some in there's places that say they're in London.

There are places popping up.

There's like there's the best I think we've got in London is Texas Joe's.

It's the best.

He is from Texas, to be fair to him.

Sure.

We're not.

That's good.

We're not just, you know.

It's a false advertisement.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But

that's in London Bridge.

And this is a guy who went on Dragon's Den, which is the UK version of Shark Tank.

Oh, very good.

Yes, sir.

And he went on there with some beef jerky.

He was trying to start a beef jerky business.

Sure.

As one does.

That's popping up now in supermarkets.

I saw him.

I saw Texas Joe in a supermarket himself checking on his own.

Really?

Just going,

let's see if they've got it stocked up.

Really, it wasn't like

an official appearance.

He just walked in there.

And what I liked about Texas Joe is that he walked in there trying to look casual.

So

if your product was like on sale in a supermarket and you've lived nearby and you're a bit insecure as to whether it's selling or not, you might like pop in there, just keep your head down and just go and look at it and then try and get out of there.

The thing about Texas Joe is that he's on the packaging and he's on the packaging he's wearing like a big cowboy hat and he's wearing like a bootstring tie and stuff like that.

And he came in just dressed like that.

Really?

So he was still dressed like that.

Is he a Brit?

Oh, he's a Texas person.

He's from Texas.

He lives here now.

Yes, he does.

He still wears all the gear.

He still wears all the gear all the time.

That's just who he is.

He's not faking.

Which I don't.

I mean, you've been in London for a bit.

You probably noticed there's no one dressed like that in London.

I have never seen a cowboy hat here in London.

It's not a look that's taken off it.

It has not.

It is just.

Come on, Texas, Joe.

Work harder.

But it's just him.

But like, yeah, he went on that.

And now he's got his own restaurant, his own barbecue place in London Bush.

And that is good.

They do stuff.

You like it?

Yeah, I like it, yeah.

Very good.

Yeah, and they do good stuffed jalapenos there as well, and wrapped in bacon.

Right.

I know, I'm not saying this is the healthiest option for me.

Oh, but I can see why you went

light starter, thank you, and then you're all ready for this nice, nice big plus.

I mean, like, I'm not going to eat this every single meal.

No, this is a special, I'm at a special restaurant.

And why is this special to you?

Has it been your favorite your whole life?

Why is this meal?

Yeah, it's

growing up for your birthday.

You get to choose whatever meal you want, and that's what I would always choose.

Was there a particular barbecue place near you that you would always go to?

Nope, my dad would barbecue.

Oh, so would you like this to be your dad's recipe, this meal?

Is that possible?

I can get it.

Oh, genie.

Let's do that.

Let's do that, Genie.

Dad's recipe.

That's no problem.

What's special about that recipe?

Is there stuff that your dad does that you can't really find anywhere else?

Well, I think you can just tell a difference between

home-grilled barbecue versus going to a store.

I mean, going to a restaurant and doing it.

And also, I think just the memory associated with it.

Yeah.

it's fun.

It's great.

Who would come around for

your birthday?

Well, we never had like big parties or anything.

It was usually just a small family affair.

We had some family friends who would come by.

My grandmother would come by.

Here's the thing.

So when we were younger, the one treat we got to do for our birthday, it's not like we had a lot of money or anything.

So we got to choose our meal.

which for several years in a row was a barbecue chicken for me.

And we got to turn on the air conditioner.

So for your birthday, you got to turn on the air conditioner, which is great.

My birthday's at the end of May, so it's quite warm in Georgia.

My sister's birthday is in December, so we would have to turn it on.

Because

she would have just saved the drink.

So yeah, that was just my birthday meal, and it was so good.

And it was just, it's always fun.

My birthday is around a national holiday in America called Memorial Day, which would be, you know, like a bank holiday here here where everybody's got a four-day weekend and it's always wonderful weather.

We're kicking off summer.

It's just perfect.

It's perfect.

I love it so much.

Do you want us to turn on the air conditioner in the restaurant while you have your meal?

I'm good.

What if I told you you can turn it on?

Okay, what about this?

Is it very hot outside this restaurant right now?

I can make it hot outside.

Let's do this.

Make it very hot outside the restaurant so I can turn on the air conditioner here while I eat my birthday meal.

This is like a microcosm of what humans have done to the environment.

This is true.

I did a gig once when there was an air conditioner on in the room.

And then halfway through my set, they turned it off.

And then I made the observation on stage that you only realize how loud an air conditioner is when it gets turned off.

Now, at the time in the room, because it had just happened, real big laugh.

Yeah.

You try it again.

I was like, great, that's an observation.

I can use that in stand-up.

So I did another gig when there was no air conditioner in me.

I just tried to work it into a thing.

I just said, you never realise how loud an air conditioner is until you turn it off.

Absolutely nothing.

Gutted.

Not the routine I thought I had.

They did another gig.

There was an air conditioner on.

It turned off again.

Said the same thing again.

Bought the house down.

It is a real bittersweet.

It's a bit of pill to swallow.

Well, because it's such a true observation

that people don't realize it until it's happened just before yeah it's hard to imagine it now like if you try and imagine how loud an air conditioner is

yes

that's that's very much the reaction that james got at the second gig yeah well

you're only backing the story up jack

Jack went with very straight improv rules there.

You forgot the and yeah

yes

and that that is all.

And we're done here.

Yes, I know.

I hope that's the end of your story.

I have something you want to say.

We got caught on the cop.

What else you got on there again?

What did he say?

Caught on the cop.

Caught on the cop.

Oh, corn on the cop.

I thought you said we're calling the cops.

Why?

Jack, we're calling the cops.

Bad luck.

Bad luck.

What am I done?

Thought about the almonds?

Yeah, actually, do you know what?

Holmes is a bad us flaked almonds.

We're calling the cops.

That's the new thing on the podcast now.

We're going to call the cops on people.

That is going to be a new thing, actually.

We should be able to cross the cops on whoever we like during the meal.

Also, we've got...

Have we got...

If we've got the audio of Jack saying we're calling the cops isolated,

we can pull that out every time a guest stepped out of line.

We can just play Jack saying we're calling the cops.

And it's in such a...

I'm going to make a mint off of this,

we're calling the cops.

Butter on the corn on the cob?

Oh, yes, yes, a lot,

yeah, for your birthday, yeah, it's your birthday, butter up that cob, that's right,

just for the listener, Jack made a face there that he was really like, he was really disappointed in me, yeah, he didn't like that, like I was making quite a disgusting innuendo, and that was not my initial plan.

But by the time we got there, we all knew what butter up the cob sounded like.

Well, don't say it anymore.

Are you holding the cob, calling the cob, your hands?

Yeah.

Or have you got those?

Because

those spiky things.

Right.

We didn't have those.

We couldn't afford those.

We couldn't afford spikes.

It was either cob spikes or air conditioning.

We sacrificed.

Your sister there freezing in the dead of winter, just singing a corn cob with her hand.

A frozen cop.

Just your hands.

Hands are fine.

Yeah, not real particular.

Also, it's a barbecue.

You're going to get messy.

Also, it's barbecued chicken.

You're going to get it all over your face.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, by the end of this, you're plastered, right?

Is this all over you?

You're a mess, yeah.

And what were the other things on there?

Corn and cob, barbecue chicken.

Mashed potatoes.

Mash potatoes.

But also, y'all have mashed potatoes here.

Oh,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some of us are very good at making it.

Yeah.

Who is?

Oh, of course.

You are.

I used to work in a kitchen jack.

Oh.

And I was known as as the mash king is that true yeah that's true that's come up a lot actually he was the mash king yeah but any any chance to bring it up i don't mind i was called the mash king so i'm so good at making mashed potato oh do you make mash do you make mashed potato now do you make your own mash i don't cook anything you don't get nothing i'm not good never was

i tried and i i follow the recipe to the letter yeah and it comes out looking weird and tasting weird and i i feel betrayed

who betrayed you in that situation is it the the recipe recipe?

The recipe.

Yeah, the recipe.

I did everything that they said.

Yeah.

Every single thing.

And it's awful.

And then you have all that mess to clean up.

I'm like, nope.

Yeah.

I'm done.

Oh, having the mess to clean up after a defeat.

A defeat.

It seemed quite rude, so I just eat cereal for dinner.

You got a favorite cereal?

I mean, I have several because you want to be healthy, but sometimes you got to.

Also, I don't know if we'd have the same cereal.

Do y'all have lucky charms here?

We absolutely know what lucky charms are.

We had them briefly, and then I think we realized they were insane.

Garbage.

I actually think the government got involved with Lucky Charms.

I think they are banned.

You can buy them for like £20 a box in some like US import stores here.

Oh, yeah.

That's not worth it.

No.

Yeah, but like, so sometimes I'll just keep one in my pantry stuff.

I'm like, you know what?

I've earned this.

Sure.

But then otherwise, you're a grown-up, so you've got to eat like raisin bran and special K and all that kind of stuff.

we would get as kids we could choose one special cereal right a month.

Oh, that was good.

Yeah, so like that was our kind of thing so like whoever went shopping with mum at the start of the month for the big shop Could choose the special cereals.

What would you go with?

I as time went so I imagine like early on when I was younger it was like you know cocoa pops and stuff like that.

But when I was a teenager

you know special cereals have got even more hardcore.

And I was choosing like cookie crisp or something like that, which is just a bowl of sugar.

Who allowed that to be a cereal?

Yeah, it's just little cookies.

And there's a wolf on the front, right?

There's a crazy wolf.

So that should be a clue to any parent.

Don't give your child the wolf cereal.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Hounding like a wolf.

It is just little sugar cookies.

Yeah.

A bowl of sugar cookies, and then you pour some milk on them.

It's a cereal for the time.

I know.

I know.

But then there's that always a period of time, maybe when you move out in your late teens or early 20s or whatever, where you think I should try and eat, you know, more responsibly, when you think granola is good for you.

Right.

And you have that as the cereal.

And it's one of the real harsh, harsh lessons of growing up when people have to explain to you that is also a bowl of cookies.

You're correct.

You're correct.

I mean, yeah, it's a more grown-up cookie, but it's still, it's still just as bad.

Yeah.

It's a cookie that might cut your mouth if you crunch down on it too hard.

Geez, what about those cereals that like just they do the damage up there when they're too dry and stuff?

Yeah, oh, yeah.

I can't remember which one it is.

It's not a shredded wheat, but something you put it up there and it feels like you have chewed on gravel and you need immediate medical attention.

Straight to the leaves of the mouth.

It's not worth it.

I'd rather have a raw onion.

Just kidding.

I would not.

Never.

Not a raw onion for breakfast.

No.

Or ever.

What are collared grains?

It's a,

I guess it would be a root vegetable, but you eat the leaves of it.

Right, okay.

We eat turnip greens as well.

You have a turnip root that you can make into a mash, I'm sure.

But we would boil the leafy part of that and have turnip greens.

Surely I'll have that as well.

You have turnip root.

Yeah, we did turnip root, but we wouldn't, the collared greens thing, I don't think, wouldn't it?

Never really come over here.

No, like, yeah, I think green side dishes that in places here would have like spinach or broccoli and stuff like that.

But like Colour Greens hasn't, which is a shame because whenever I am in America, I love them.

I love having Colour Greens.

And I believe they might be a bit more regional.

I'm a southern person, so

these are more...

This dish, in fact, might be a more southern dish than if you went up to Boston or New York or anything like that.

This is a more southern dream menu.

You got a tip for anyone going to America, going to the south, where they could get some great barbecue?

Is there somewhere where you've been that you've had like the best like

Texas has good barbecue, Kansas has good barbecue.

Now here's the thing.

You start getting different variations.

For example, North Carolina barbecue gets angry if you're talking about versus Georgia barbecue

because like Georgia uses a more tomato-based sauce versus North Carolina's, I believe it's a more vinegar-based sauce.

So people are very particular about their barbecue.

I'm not as particular, but I do enjoy a tomato-based barbecue sauce.

Georgia.

Georgia, but I think that's also in Texas and Kansas as well.

You're going to have to double-check my facts on who does their barbecue different ways.

But I mean, like, Texas, Kansas, that's like cattle country.

So that's, they're known for this kind of thing.

Fair play.

Also, actually, before we move on, I've got another barbecue question.

Go on.

I think you want to know the answer to this as well.

We've spoke about it in the past.

So we've watched Pit Masters.

Yeah.

Show called Pit Masters, which is a competitive barbecue TV.

It's a competitive barbecue TV show.

It's very good show.

It's set in the South of America.

And

a lot of the time they present their barbecue, like their brisket and stuff,

on fake,

a little box full of fake grass.

Is this true?

Yeah,

I think there's specific barbecue competition rules that means you have to present it in a certain way.

And one of the ways that you are allowed to present it is on a little patch of fake grass.

Well, that doesn't make sense.

Well, this is what we're saying.

Well, maybe you would know, but this is news to you.

This is news to me.

But also,

I don't follow shows like that.

So perhaps there are patterns that I'm like, oh, now it makes sense.

I think you would enjoy the show.

Oh, I'm sure I would.

It's on Netflix here, I think.

Watch that.

if you ever feel homesick if you've got a day off waitress maybe uh pop on pitmasters this sounds great

rather than explore london yeah you should just maybe see a museum yeah stand up watching it in your hotel room with your hand on your heart yeah watch some old men from the south put a rib on into a bit of fake grass that sounds perfect yeah thank you thank you for the suggestion no worries and you know anyone listening if you know why they put it on the fake grass please tweet us they're not gonna know someone will know why they put it on the fake grass.

They're gonna make it up.

Yeah, they might make it up.

Oh, well, one of the if one of the Applebees employees listening knows why.

Please, Applebee's help us.

Future employees of the month.

So, yeah, your side dish for you.

We don't spend too long on the side dish if you want to just choose a nice side you've had once.

Oh, okay.

Particularly.

Oh, well, they're not going to misunderstood because I was choosing those as my side.

But let me see what else I can do.

We can have those as your side.

If you'd rather have those as your side, but.

Well, I just don't want to get too far.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, those are your side dishes because you don't want to overload.

Lord, no.

I live in Hollywood, you guys.

Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

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There's the part of me that everyone sees.

I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian.

Apparently, I know what funny is.

Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny, OCD.

I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal.

But OCD is severe, often debilitating.

It's a mental health condition condition that involves unrelented unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character your beliefs even your safety general therapy can help with some things but for ocd it can actually make things worse that's why i want to tell you about no cd no cd is the world's largest treatment provider for ocd and is covered by insurance for over 155 million americans their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD.

If you think you might be struggling struggling with OCD, go to nocd.com to book a free 15-minute call.

They are here to help.

What would you like to drink?

What is your favorite drink ever?

Well, for this meal, I'm going to go with sweet tea.

Sweet tea.

Which is a southern thing.

That's a proper southern thing.

Yeah.

Now, I mean, we don't know what that is.

I'm not too familiar with sweet tea.

So for us and the listeners who don't work in Applebee's, there are some.

What is sweet tea?

It is pretty unique to the South.

It's essentially just tea, but instead of just adding dry sugar to it, you have boiled sugar into simple syrup, and you add it while you're brewing the tea.

Oh, wow.

So, we're talking about like sugar cereals and stuff.

It's really sweet.

It's essentially hummingbird nectar.

Whilst hummingbird nectar.

Well, and then you serve it iced.

Okay, right, right.

And then

it's so good.

But it is like syrup.

It's like syrup, but it's so good.

And it's got so much caffeine.

Yeah.

It's the best.

How old were you when you started drinking sweet tea?

Oh, from when you're born.

So immediately.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fat and cookie crisp comes out of the edgy person sweet tea.

So you're just running around.

No wonder you need the air conditioner on in the winter.

You're boiling hot still for all the energy you've got.

Yeah, it's just a staple.

Like you would have it with your with your lunch and your dinner and and it's served in uh the sweet tea i've seen is just served in huge cups as well yeah a lot of ice just really sweet i mean i can't touch it since i went in the thames yeah but it's it's seriously sweet superhero diabetes kryptonite

is sweet tea for that no i've given away my one weakness to all the other heroes

is it flat is it flavoured with anything is it like could you get like is it like peach or lemon or anything if you buy it commercially, you can.

I think, like, you know, Snapple has those kind of things.

But if you're just making it at home, it's just regular tea with the simple syrup in there.

And then you serve it over ice, and it is so good.

It's so good.

I once had a Snapple on a

very awkward.

Jack's really enjoying how the beginning of the anecdotes we're telling are so ridiculous because when you take them out of context, listening to a podcast where someone starts an anecdote by saying, I had a snapple.

I had a snapple once.

So

it was the morning after a one-night stand.

And we went to a cafe.

Congratulations.

Thank you very much.

Cheers, Jack.

And

there's no easy way to tell it.

What happened?

Went to the cafe.

I ordered a snapple.

I can't help but feel that this is the least exciting bit of the story.

Sure.

I think you're buried in the middle of the street.

We've previously been chased by a dog.

Is that true?

Yes.

Yes.

We came out of her flat and there was a little dog, a Highland Terrier, so quite a small little white dog, and it was wearing a t-shirt that said, I heart bones on it.

That is true.

And it was just barking at us and wouldn't leave us alone.

But that's not the main headline of the story, Jeff.

The main headline of the story is.

She was also wearing a t-shirt that said, I love bones.

Sir.

Oh, sir.

Unbelievable.

You invite me into your home.

I am treated with disrespect.

I'm so sorry, I get it.

Bad enough what you said about butter in the car.

Corrupt that cover.

Oh, sir.

Sir, be a gentleman.

I'm sorry.

I know it's been very crash.

Sorry, what happened?

Snapple.

I got a snapple.

Opened it, looked at the lid.

You know what's on the inside of the snapple lid.

It's like a fun fact or something.

A little fun fact.

Yeah.

Mine said, we spend three weeks of our life kissing or something like that.

And she said, what does your snapple fact say?

And weirdly,

I thought, oh, I don't really want to.

I don't want to seem like I'm doing a line on her or something.

I go like, well, it says about this one kid.

So I got in my own head, Jack.

I got too much in my own head about it all.

So I went, oh, it doesn't matter.

Which is very weird.

That's weird.

You didn't even try and make it right.

And she was like, why won't you tell me?

I was like, no, it's irrelevant.

Like it was between me and the snapple.

I didn't want to tell her.

She was like, just tell me what's on the, what it says.

And then eventually, like, she wouldn't stop talking about it.

So eventually I cracked, but I didn't want to tell her, still didn't want to tell her the fact.

So I made one.

Well, I told her a fact that I knew.

I'd learned it in a pub quiz recently.

So I said, it says that armadillos are the only other animals besides humans that can catch leprosy.

So to her.

Why would you withhold that fact from her?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Her brain's racing now.

So he's got leprosy.

Is he trying to not tell me that he has leprosy?

Which, fair enough, you wouldn't want to tell us.

Yeah, I mean, after the night we'd had before.

It's time for dessert, or as we call it.

Pudding.

Pudding.

Is that right?

Yeah, we would call it bifury, but yeah.

I guess we say dessert on this podcast, but we also call it pudding.

Also, I think different parts of the UK would just stick with.

Yeah, we'd all know it as dessert or pudding, but like certain places might just be like, we call it pudding, and that's what we call it.

So

pudding or dessert.

What did he say to me?

Oh, yeah, that would be.

We should go into America.

Yeah.

Do a version of the podcast where I just shout pudding or desserts at this point.

Definitely.

Pudding or dessert.

I know, but pudding is a specific thing for us.

Yes.

So if you.

A custard or something.

Yeah.

That's what you would think of.

Yeah.

So I could put chocolate chocolate pudding, banana pudding, oh, banana pudding, yeah, pistachio pudding.

Oh, I never had pistachio pudding, green, green pudding, green, green pudding, is that your favourite with the puddings?

I think so.

Oh, wow, I like it.

I never heard of it before.

It's it's like an unnatural shade of green, but it's beautiful and it's tasty.

Is there like whole pistachios in it as well?

Is it like the flaked?

I'll call the cops.

We're calling the cops, Jack.

But potentially put it, it's not your dessert of choice in the restaurant.

Not for this one.

I'm going to go with strawberry shortcake.

Oh, now, again, that sounds quite southern to me.

Am I wrong?

It might be southern.

I mean, definitely people all over America eat it, but I think it might be more traditionally a southern dessert.

But also, it's kind of like if you do it homemade, there's a couple different ways.

This is going to be more confusing than helpful.

I worked at a restaurant called Po Folks.

Po Folks?

Po Folks?

It was a restaurant themed on poverty.

I'm not themed on poverty.

I think it was a celebration of like, hey, everybody can eat here.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

But it was P.O.

Apostrophe Folks.

Po Folks.

Yeah.

Po folks.

And it was

homestyle cooking.

So a great deal was like just deep fried and like fried catfish and fried okra and fried green tomatoes and just everything was fried.

But one of our desserts was a strawberry shortcake.

It was made from, how am I going to describe this?

Because this is what we call a biscuit.

It's a big fluffy,

bready kind of thing that's quite buttery and salty.

And you open that up and then you add your ice cream and your whipped cream and your strawberries.

And that's one version of a strawberry shortcake.

Right.

The biscuit, whenever I've had a biscuit in America, it's a bit like a big scon.

Maybe.

Yeah, it's got that sort of consistency to it.

It's quite crumbly, a little bit cakey as well.

Yeah, yeah.

See, I thought scones were harder.

No, but they might be a little bit harder, but that's the closest I can imagine it to be.

A bit like a scone, yeah.

I think you might be right.

But the way my daddy would make it is, do y'all have angel food cake over here?

It's like a sponge cake.

It's

real, real sweet, and it's just like bright white.

And so he'd open that up and just tubs of cool whip and then

fresh strawberries, as well as like frozen strawberries, and get that juice in there and stuff.

And it all just like absorbs and mushes together.

And it just tastes like summer.

It just tastes like a dream.

It's the best.

And that goes with your main course so well.

It's the

summer day in Georgia.

There you go.

Strawberries from the salad.

Yeah.

Come on.

It all ties together.

Yeah.

Your dad's in the kitchen.

You cook your sweet tea.

I imagine someone's drinking a sweet tea on a rocking chair with like a

dab in there.

I'm about to say with an eye patch.

An eye patch on

and like a gun for an arm.

This is what I like.

That's like home.

A big wig with a boat in it.

Okay, so you've eaten in America, but where have you been?

You've been to Texas?

Yeah, so I went to, when I was in Texas, I went to Dallas, Houston, and Austin.

Oh.

I've been New Orleans.

Oh, there's good food there.

Good food there, but I did it wrong.

Why?

So, when I was in America, we use an app called

Thrillist.

Thrillist.

What did he say?

He said he's calling the cops.

Thrillist?

Thrillist.

Catcher, catcher, catcher.

Catch a catcher.

We use that.

It was very good to us in Texas.

When we got to New Orleans, it mainly directed us to places that were kind of tourist traps.

And so we didn't find, and we were only there for a few days.

And so like we, I think on the last day, we kind of went out of our own way and found some good places, but like it was a bit disappointing until then.

Got good beignets, but like they're pretty easy to find.

But we wanted good seafood really and stuff like that.

And

the worst was that we got home from the trip to America and we turned the TV on.

And it was an episode of Man versus Food.

And there was a shop.

Yeah, we didn't know where it was set yet.

So we just turned on, and there was this big shop of this bubbling pot of like crawfish and shrimp and all garlicky butter.

And my girlfriend at the time, she went,

That is my ideal meal.

That's like the meal I'd like to eat before I die.

I wonder where this episode is set.

And as soon as we learned it was New Orleans, we both felt like crying.

We were like, we were just there.

We could have got that exact thing.

It was quite...

Yeah, I've been to New Orleans, but didn't have a chance to have any food.

Really?

Any food?

Just waste.

Because we were working, so we were up really early, but it was during Mardi Gras, and we were in a hotel in central New Orleans on the top floor.

And I was trying to get to sleep at 8 p.m.

with parades going on below.

Hard pass.

And walking through the streets in the morning after stuff during Mardi Gras.

It's horrible.

It's like there's been a nuclear apocalypse.

Yeah.

It's bad.

Yeah.

Again, a lot of people in one place is not my idea.

Have a good time.

I think there's too, too many people in this room.

We're going to leave you to eat your.

Well, you're a genie, so you know he's not talking about you.

Okay, well, then the one thing I will leave, y'all, if you happen to make it over to America again sometime,

if you happen to make it to Charleston, South Carolina, which is right next door to Georgia, that has some of the best food I've ever had.

It is real good.

It's called Low Country Cooking and Wonderful Seafood.

Some things would be similar to New Orleans, but also just very specific to Charleston, which is like Old South.

General Sherman did not burn down Charleston during the Civil War.

Good on him, is it?

But yeah, I would, if you ever, ever, ever make it down there, just make sure you give yourself a couple of days just for the food tour.

Oh, sure.

For real.

Well, thank you.

You've been a wonderful guest.

I was going to read

your order back to you.

Yes.

You would like some still water.

Yes.

You would like Hawaiian rolls beef slider as

your bread.

Your starter, you would like a salad, spinach salad with goat cheese, pecans, balsamic, and some blue bees and strawberries.

Your main you would like barbecued chicken with mashed potatoes, corn and the cob, collard greens, like your father makes.

Yes.

Those are also your sides.

Your drink you would like a sweet tea.

And for dessert, chormby shortcake, also made by your father's hands.

That sounds perfect.

Fantastic.

Thanks so much for coming into the Dream Restaurant.

It's wonderful.

It was all delicious.

May I get the check?

Well, yeah.

Do you try to turn the air conditioner off first?

I didn't even notice it was on.

And also, do you know what, Jack?

It's on us.

Genie.

But some bad news, the cops are outside.

Oh, no.

Enjoy your time in prison.

Goodbye.

This is the worst.

Lovely meal.

Such a lovely meal.

And may I say, what a lovely man as well.

Very polite.

No offense to the rest of our our guests.

That is not only the politest guest we've had on the podcast, possibly the politest man I've ever met in my life.

Yeah, I've never met anyone who's so polite.

And yeah, bearing in mind, you know, I was definitely doing things that

would annoy him.

You sure?

Pretending to be a genie for one.

So polite to me.

So polite.

Called you, sir.

Can we serve along?

No one has ever called a genie sir before.

No, because they get too used to the fact that the genie's serving them.

Yeah, exactly.

It was very, very polite, very nice.

A delicious menu.

And also, did not mention flaked almonds but came perilously close oh he it he was one flake away from being kicked out the restaurant oh whole almonds although to be fair to him it wasn't in his dish either no it wasn't we did we led him down that path by saying what's your favorite snacking nuts what's your favorite snacking nut considering you just bought up nuts you just bought up pecans yeah we could we could kick you out the restaurant here

i'm longing to do it to somebody god knows

whole almonds but not flaked almonds yeah you're welcome back anytime jack ma brea of course you are, Jack.

What a lovely, lovely episode.

If you want to go and see Jack in Waitress the Musical, it is on in London right now.

At the Adelphi Theatre, I believe, Ed?

Is that correct?

At the Adelphi.

Waitress the musical.co.uk.

Great website.

Very good.

Well we're cited, Ed.

Thank you very much.

Why do I want to find out more about you though, Ed?

Oh, well, you go on to edgamble.co.uk

or go on to my Instagram or Twitter, which is both Ed Gamble Comedy.

Check it out.

I'm on tour.

I'm doing shows.

I'm doing all that sort of stuff.

Check it out.

Totally fair enough.

What about you, baby?

Just Google James Acaster.

Is that it?

Is that what you're going to give people?

Yeah.

Are there any other James Acasters that would get in the way of that search?

There was a rapper once, but he's not going anywhere.

Are you serious?

There's a rapper from Nottingham or something.

This is your way of telling me that you were a rapper in Nottingham, right?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

All right.

I'm Ed Gamble, the comedian, by the way, not the political cartoonist from Chicago.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Hey, if you like the podcast, guys, why not subscribe and sling us five five stars?

Yeah.

Give it a little review.

Thank you very much.

Absolutely.

And make sure you pop along to the restaurant next week and see who's knocking on the door.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September, the time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.