Ep 13: Phil Wang

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

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It's the off-menu podcast.

Yes, it is.

It's me, Ed Gamble.

And who's that?

James A.

Castor.

Yeah, this James A.

Castor, yes.

Exciting episode this week.

So exciting.

Phil Wang is here.

Everyone's favourite Wang.

He is my favourite Wang, actually.

By a country mile.

Yeah, by a whole country mile.

How long is a country mile?

Oh!

I don't know, actually.

Surely that originates somewhere.

And I don't want to be...

You don't want to take it.

You don't get all the QI elves ganging up on us when we get it wrong.

Do you think the QI elves are listening to this?

Yeah, they'll come down our chimney at night and

poke us with sticks because we're getting facts wrong.

They do do that.

Yes.

They don't even have sticks.

They can poke us with their wit.

Yeah,

Yes, they have got their wit.

It's a good episode with Phil.

We've already recorded it.

Yeah.

A little bit different.

Was it?

Different type of cuisine we explore.

Oh, yes.

Very insightful.

He took us to a lot of different places.

He did.

He took us all over the globe with his words.

So we're going to have a chat with Phil.

Any food updates in your life, James?

I've currently...

I ate a flapjack a minute ago and I've still got it in my teeth.

Right, okay, good.

Okay, that's the sort of food update we needed.

We'll give you the secret ingredient now.

Oh yeah, cardamom.

I hate cardamom.

Yeah.

I'm sure it does a lot flavor-wise, but I hate when they leave the pod in.

Oh, that cardamom pod can sling its hook.

Flavour-wise, I'm kind of okay, but maybe we should just say the pod, cardamom pod.

Cardamom pod, yeah.

Okay, the secret ingredient is cardamom pod.

So if Phil says cardamom, then we'll say,

Okay, was that just the flavour?

Are you keeping the pods in?

Keeping the pod in.

And if he says keep the pod in, you can get out the restaurant.

I don't want any type of pod in my food.

No.

Yeah, I'm strongly thinking of a pod that I'd like.

I tell you what, if I found a pod in my food,

I would cast it out.

Welcome to the pod cast.

Oh, very good.

That was.

I didn't even see that coming.

So, Phil, this is our dream restaurant.

Yeah.

Welcome.

beautiful.

Just before James gets in there and lets you know this, James is a waiter.

He plays a waiter in this.

Okay.

Yes.

Strange for the waiter to be sitting down with us.

Yeah.

Well, it's not strange.

It happens now and again.

You can't see my legs on flight.

Does this actually happen?

I've heard people talk about waiters who sit down with

a waiter sit down with us in New York, didn't we?

Yeah.

He sat down with us, pulled up a chair, then told us about how he really doesn't like fireworks, but then told us loads of stories about times he's loved fireworks.

Yeah.

Every single story he had involved him going to see some fireworks, while also just saying how much he hates fireworks.

But he loved every firework display he saw.

And at the end of it, it was like a 15-minute monologue.

I can't remember who said it, but just went, you really are doing nothing to avoid fireworks for someone who hates fireworks.

He sounds like he's as conflicted about fireworks as he is conflicted about whether or not he works at the restaurant or is visiting it.

I felt a bit sorry for him because we were the only people in the restaurant.

But he was

a big fleece.

He was wearing a big fleece with like a woodland scene on it.

We literally got there when it opened.

As soon as it opened, we were there.

So I didn't feel that sorry for him.

Yeah.

I think he would have got busy as the day went on.

And he was clearly looking to party.

He wanted to know where we were going later that night, what we were up to.

Didn't he recommend us a strip club as well?

Recommended a strip club as well.

We hadn't asked for a recommendation for a strip club.

We did not want to go to the strip club.

But he did recommend a good place to play Paul.

And we played Paul.

And me and Ed beat Lloyd Langford and John Robbins, who were proper Paul players and are really good.

Me and Ed cannot play.

And we fluked to win.

Yeah.

It was like a doubles.

Yeah.

Doubles, yeah.

They were so angry.

Oh, that must have been brilliant to see those guys angry.

Oh, it was so good.

Seeing John Robbins angry because he didn't win something.

He doesn't get angry, does he?

Oh,

imagine beyond.

Beyond the normal.

So, so furious that

we're beaten.

I got offered a strip club in New York as well.

But this was...

No, this is when I was there with the university group in 2012.

This is a while back.

We're at Times Square, just walking around.

And this guy.

Because you know the places to go when you go to New York.

Yeah, Times Square.

We just follow lights.

And

this guy came up to us

and he was an I think he was a Nigerian guy.

And he was like, you want tickets to the comedy?

Is that what it sounded like?

No, I'm saving my attempt at the accent for what he says later.

I wonder why you teed up his race.

Let's come in later on.

And

we wanted to go to comedy clubs.

And so we were like, yeah, we'll get tickets to the comedy club.

And he was like, great.

And then afterwards, you can go to the strip club.

Carl come pick you up and take you to a strip club.

And we're like, no, that's okay.

We don't want to.

And he said, no, no, you want to, you want to go.

You want to go to the strip club.

And we said, we really don't.

And in his final play, he singled out Jason.

Yeah,

who is the gay man in the gay one of us,

picked, grabbed him on the shoulder, looked him straight in the eye, and said, You, my friend, you look like a pussy eater.

Phenomenous.

That is funny.

Imagine if Jason was the guest, that's what he'd probably have us his starting.

Yeah.

First course, pussy.

Oh, damn.

Do you eat out a lot, Phil?

That's not a deliberate pun.

No.

I'm genuinely trying to segue into the main body of the podcast.

I think that would be my main extravagant cost is eating out.

Like,

I don't spend much on

clothes or I don't buy that many expensive things, but food and wine.

I'm getting into wine in a bad way now.

And I went to, I went to one of New York places, James, you recommended after you guys went there.

I went to the Dutch,

which was great.

Because I love the Dutch.

Great.

That wasn't where the guy sat down with you?

No, that was a different place.

No, the Dutch would never sit down with you.

And the Dutch,

we went there and apparently in the very, very, very far corner, there was a leak.

Not that we would ever know about it.

And someone went in at one point and had to mop it up really far away from us.

And then at the end of our meal, when we'd had dessert and everything, the waiter said to us, we'd like the dessert to be on the house.

We'd like to apologise for the hullabaloo.

Earlier.

And we were like, we didn't notice there was a hullabaloo.

Oh, there was a hullabaloo in the corner.

The desserts are on us.

He did say hullabaloo twice, as if that is the technical name for a leak in a restaurant.

He does the English word for it.

Like, you guys won't understand mess.

Yeah, yeah.

I had to speak English to these guys.

So, Phil, we're in the dream restaurant.

Oh, yeah.

Fireworks everywhere.

No, James is also a genie.

We should have brought that up.

All right.

Just appeared out of my lamp.

Hello, sir.

Can I get you some water?

What would you like?

Tap, sparkling, or still?

Sparkling.

Explain.

I know I used to be bang against sparkling.

It tastes salty for some reason.

But

I used to be stillboy through and through.

But there's just an inescapable sense of occasion with sparkling.

Right?

You can't get away from it.

You feel like you're at a real posh place, what you're drinking.

It's fireworks and water.

water.

You know?

And so.

It's champagne everyone can enjoy.

Yeah.

Champagne for kids.

Yeah.

It's sky champagne.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I think I'd go sparkling.

Does it not fill you up?

If I have sparkling, it feels like

I'm just...

the gas is, you know, building up.

It's unnecessary gas.

Yeah, it's unnecessary gas and your stomach's not as empty as it was to start with.

Well, I need that kind of slowing down.

I eat like a dog.

So I need to be slowed down by this gas that I can slowly release throughout the day.

That's what people recommend for dogs as well.

Just about the water in the toppy bowl,

big question now, James.

Oh, yeah, let me ask you this, Phil.

Poetums or bread, Phil.

Poetums or bread.

Okay.

I don't like bread.

I don't like it.

You don't like bread?

Mobile?

I'm not.

Holy hell, Philip Wang.

This is a white privilege bread.

Oh, yes.

I don't know.

It's boring.

I find bread very bad.

It's a waste of time.

Commit to the white privilege argument.

White privilege is actually my favorite type of bread.

I think Mulberton's still on the thing, right?

This presumption that everyone loves bread and you've got to love bread

is

cultural imperialism.

Right.

That sounds about right.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't really mean that.

I just find bread boring and is a waste of calories.

There are more enjoyable ways to take a starch than bread.

Some examples?

Noodles, rice.

There might be a theme here.

Oh, yeah, you do love noodles.

Yeah, yeah.

You regularly, when you go abroad, you do reviews of noodle bars.

Yeah.

A lot of the time.

You review it five...

Out of five.

Five bowls.

Five bowls a noodle.

So a wang five bowler is a place that's got a perfect score.

Yeah.

And each comedy festival, there's about two or three that will get a five bowler.

Oh, two or three with a five bowler everywhere.

Yeah, yeah.

On every two or three.

I mean, I've done this for two festivals.

So I don't have that much, that large a sample to gather my statistics.

It's still quite impressive that you're finding like five bowlers everywhere.

I sometimes feel like, you know, in that episode of The Simpsons when Homer becomes a food reviewer, just loves everything and becomes a beast

and leaves the entire restaurant industry in Springfield?

I feel like that sometimes.

And then I have to, I will actually actively go out my way to have something bad.

Right.

But then I feel like this is what reviewers have to do anyway, right?

Is it?

I don't know.

They get jaded.

Also, their palate, I guess, over time, gets more and more honed.

and finely tuned.

And they search for

subtle flavours.

Because what the every man wants is something they can really taste, you know, like a luxury or something

bold, big and bold, yeah, big and bold, big and bold.

But then, if you get jaded by that, you want to find things where

you have to be skilled enough to taste the taste, right?

Like bread, like bread shit.

You know what?

I have to give you that.

But you would like to be like,

is there nothing

these days without being called privileged?

I just want a lovely sandwich, and I won't be able to bite into one without thinking, oh, I'm sorry, everyone.

I will take the poppadum over the bread but not if it's not an Indian dinner coming up that'd be weird I'm expecting I guess you know the meal coming up not us are we picking these choices in isolation or as part of this is part of the thing so this is one okay in that case I'll have to go back I'll have to

yeah I'll go poppies yeah it doesn't matter what's coming up you can have poppadums it's not an Indian meal coming up Okay, I wish that was the case in more restaurants.

That's why this is the perfect restaurant.

You get the choice no matter what.

Fascinating.

Okay, I'll take popular dumbs.

And the chutneys I want.

I want the chopped weird onion salad.

Yeah.

I want

mango chutney.

Oh, yeah, of course.

And.

Sticking his tongue out just

for the listener.

Trying to taste the air for what he wants.

Literally licking the air.

Chocolati conchura sauce.

What?

Chocolati conchura sauce.

You know, when you have chocolati conchuras?

No.

Chocolati conchuras.

What are you on?

Churros.

Churros.

I said the doughnuts.

Yeah, the dutule sauce.

You want chocolate sauce?

You want your chocolate.

Chocolate sauce that you would normally get with churros.

Yeah, with your poppa dums.

To finish off.

Okay.

Because you.

I guess you got the sweet from the mango already.

I'll let them do that.

Yeah, no, you can do what you want.

It's just.

If I'm completely honest, I'd forgotten what the other poppadum dips were.

Bringeral pickle, like an aubergine pickle.

But mint yogurt.

Or the yogurts you want.

Min yogurt, yeah.

Okay, so we'll go there.

So the salad, the mint yogurt, and mango chutney.

That's what it is.

All right, no chocolate sauce.

In retrospect, I was.

You were panicking.

I panicked.

Yeah, yeah.

I panicked and you forgot what dish you were ordering.

Yeah.

Fair enough.

Alko, take your starter, please.

My starter is...

Sorry, Phil, I just want everyone to know, listening at home, that James does mime having a notepad and pen.

Every time he does it.

Does a genie need a notepad?

I feel like one of his powers is probably memory.

Or is it for our sake?

It's for your sake.

So you feel it's more normal.

Otherwise, you know, I may as well just be an invisible entity who's just a voice in your head and making everything happen.

And that would be scary for you.

It'd be really scary.

Yeah, so I have to.

The physical form is just for humans.

But the pen and notepad really ground the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah, it makes you feel okay.

Okay.

Sorry, Phil, please.

My starter is something.

My favorite restaurant in the world, I think, is a place in Georgetown in Penang, in Malaysia.

And it's called Kabaya.

And what the starter they have there is these fat salmon rose,

salmon roll eggs, in placed on a leaf.

I think it's a betel leaf.

I can never remember the name of this leaf.

I think it's illegal here.

Right.

Because it is

wheat marijuana.

It is slightly narcotic.

So you roll up these salmon eggs and you eat the whole thing and you are high for the rest of the dinner.

And the whole thing.

Not like Phil Starter is drugs.

You're not.

You're not off your nut.

You're just a bit, You're just floating a little.

Everything is good.

Everything is fun.

Everything is fine.

Yeah.

So you're just a little bit hot.

What do you say?

Everything is fine.

So what would you compare it to?

What other highs would you compare it to for a listener?

Drinking.

Had this leaf.

Some Coke.

A little bit of Coke.

Like a bit.

It's like you've just gone on a good workout, but you're not sweating and you're not tired.

Because you've got some endorphins going around in your brain, so exercise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it is just the big fat row eggs.

How big are these?

Row eggs?

Yeah.

Like small marbles.

Small little marbles.

Yeah.

A leaf.

One per leaf?

No, no, a whole bunch.

A whole bunch.

A clutch?

A clutch of leaf?

A clutch.

A clutch of.

A clutch of eggs is a clutch of row a leaf.

Yeah.

Row.

Yeah, not row eggs, right?

Salmon row, like you said.

I'll keep saying row eggs.

That's saying eggs, eggs, isn't it?

Yeah, eggs box.

What's a single row then?

What would you call that?

A row.

Also, a row.

I guess it's a fishing boy.

Yeah, Yeah.

Fish and fish.

This is how much we value fish.

We don't even think of them as individuals or their eggs.

I think it's how humble fish are.

But

it's literally the only ingredients are just the row and the leaf, and that's it.

And the main thing is that you're getting high as a kite.

I think there was another sort of bolstering ingredient that kind of held everything together, maybe sort of a paste or something, but to be honest, I was so off my fucking face.

I don't know what's the best.

What's the flavour?

So the eggs, do they

pop in?

They're popping up.

I love it, mate.

I absolutely love it.

It's fantastic, I think about it, but it's so nice.

I didn't know you liked popping eggs.

Do you love popping eggs?

I like salmon roe a lot.

I have like a sushi.

I have like a there's a couple of places to do really nice salmon roe gunken.

And then you just you can get them all individually and pop them on the roof of your mouth.

What's gunken?

It means battleship in Japanese, I believe.

It's just a certain type of sort of type of sushi.

It's just like a little bed, and then they put everything on top.

And a bit of rice?

Yeah, a bit of rice.

And then some

battleship, and then they pile things on top.

In the shape of a battleship.

Yeah.

And then some row on the top.

And then some row on the top.

I like that.

And it all pops in your mouth.

Pops in your mouth.

I like that.

Yeah.

You've never said that to me before.

Didn't know you liked the gunken.

Is that part of the appeal, the popping?

Yeah, yeah.

It's a sensory

roller coaster.

Roller coaster's had a bit wet lost.

Roll is a roller coaster.

Yes, thank you.

There you go.

That's what I intended at the beginning.

I'd say roller coasters are pretty sensory anyway.

I think that sounds like that's a really interesting choice, Phil.

Thank you.

And is that the only place you've ever had it?

Yes.

It's our first drug-based choice.

Yeah.

Is it?

Yes, which I like.

I like the fact that we never...

It's not all food altering, right?

All food is technically a drug.

Yeah, but now you're talking like you're in a 70s rock band of being asked about doing drugs and going, well, everything's a drug, man.

Life's a drug.

Yeah, I'll not let you get away with it.

We're all on the same journey.

We all feel stuff and we do stuff, so it's all drugs.

Some of us choose different methods of transport.

Yeah.

Okay, well, my method is a big leaf

with poppin' rose on it.

And have you eaten this with your family?

No.

So you have not got high with the wands?

No, they would never get high.

It would feel wrong to do that.

Yeah, I don't, I don't, like, I feel uncomfortable getting drunk around my family the way that British people seem completely fine with

drugs.

Like, no, but it's like a normal thing.

Oh, I've done it, sure, but I don't think I ever feel comfortable once I've done it.

When I'm drunk about my parents, I'm like, oh, do without this actually.

I think Ed would be fine getting drunk around his parents.

No, I do, I do get it.

It's like Christmas and stuff.

You end up getting drunk around your family, but I don't.

I never point at any point think, oh, yeah, it's gonna have a proper laugh now, nor get pissed and have a fun time.

Yeah, it's more like I get pissed and then I'll say, I'll drop a C bomb, and my mum will go, Edward.

Yeah, yeah, that's all that happens, yeah, yeah.

Or someone will reveal some awful family secret that was meant to be kept tight, yeah.

Fuck, that's happened.

Some people have like parents who probably get stoned with them and stuff like that.

Yeah, I had loads of friends who had that.

No, thank you.

No, no, thanks.

Although, it was funny, my

um,

I had these friends who grew up

their father smoked a lot of weed and as a result they think weed is really lame.

So they would won't touch it.

They think that's lame dad shit to be smoking weed all the time.

That's what all the little wangs are going to think about your leaves with fish eggs on them.

Yeah, they're going to be such squares.

Yeah, they're so lame.

Dad's had another leaf in the corner.

We could eat his packet of leaves.

Listening to the EDM.

Doesn't even have the row on him anymore.

His main line of them.

And the main course, sir?

The main course is

a Malaysian dish called Watan Ho.

Cantonese dish called Watan Ho.

It looks vile.

It's it's Ho Fun noodles, like the flat rice noodles.

That's their stuff, right?

And then they're covered in a gloopy, savory,

egg-based

sauce.

Yeah.

Ah, I had this because you recommended this to me.

Yeah.

And on English menu, the English translation can only ever call it egg gravy, which sounds disgusting.

Yes.

Yeah, that sounds egg should never be gravy.

But it is genuinely delicious.

And the seafood all over it and it warms the cockles of my belly.

It's delicious and filling.

It's great.

It's my favourite.

I remember, where was it I had?

I went to a place that you had recommended.

Probably CNR Cafe

in Chinatown.

I went there,

texted you saying what dish should I get.

You said that was your favourite, but you would understand if I would not like that.

You were like, the gravy might put you off, man.

And I was like, no, I'm going to do it.

And

it was really delicious.

Great.

I definitely had, so the consistency of it was something else.

Yeah, it's like a quieter.

Like loose scrambled egg.

Imagine the loosest scrambled egg you ever had.

Right?

Three times as loose.

Raw egg.

It's pretty much.

It's basically like a raw egg, but it somehow isn't raw.

But it has a consistency.

It hurdled a bit.

Yeah.

I mean,

it's kind of putting me off it talking about it, but...

Somehow cooked a raw egg and kept it the same consistency somehow.

It's bind, as I say, it binds to slightly more than a raw egg would.

But yeah, it's pretty.

I don't really know how they do it.

I don't know how they do it.

I've not asked.

What are your seafood ingredients in there?

I love fish balls and fish cakes.

Yes.

Asian-style fish balls and fish cakes and stuff.

I'm starting to go off prawns.

I had some prawns earlier.

I usually love them in a...

I don't know.

I'm starting to find them a bit creepy.

Like the Shirley Shelled prawns.

And even if they're cooked perfectly right, I just...

it creeps me under the shit.

You're taking the shells off, right?

These were already shelled, right?

Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Normally we're taking the shells off.

I'll eat the legs.

Do you eat the legs?

I don't.

I'll eat a leg.

I'll suck a head.

I'll suck a head.

You ever suck the head?

Oh, no, my dad does that.

That's some hard shit.

Nice.

Not me.

What did the brains like?

Just

all head-like brains.

You've ordered brains before.

Have I?

Yeah, we went to

the channel.

Head cheese.

What is that?

Head cheese is like all the goop from like a cow's head.

Come on in.

Why would you do that?

Pressed into like a.

Because I think if you're in the middle of the

heavy metal concerts you go to,

you turn up and they're handing out goop from cow heads and everyone eats them.

I just think if you're going to eat meat,

if you're going to eat animal products, you've got to go all in.

I think it's so insulting.

You know, when they're like, oh,

I'm a celebrity or stuff like that.

They're like, oh, you're going to eat an eye now.

Yeah.

And everyone goes, oh, the eye, that's horrible.

Poor animal.

What do you mean, mean, poor animal?

It's dead, right?

And then you're going, oh,

I'll eat its leg, but I won't eat its eye.

Just get stuck in.

Well, because then the animal's going to be like, you could have just chopped my leg off and let me carry on living.

That wasn't where I was going with it, but yeah, fine.

I think it's more that it's sort of an insult to injury, isn't it?

You veto me, and then will you also have the temerity to call one of my bits gross?

Yeah, you can't just go, oh, that bit's gross, but I'll eat that bit.

And so the head cheese, is it made into like a paste or a cake?

Into like a sort of when I had it, it was like pressed into a sort of almost pate, like a thick pate like a terrine

and you dip things in a terrine you put it on bread oh sorry phil

that's disgusting

literally tastes like cheese no that's just the the name for it well they've given it a more gross name than they need to as well

cheese um where was this this is in america In like Texas or something.

No, it was in LA actually.

Oh.

Yeah.

So it's like a cool thing.

It was a cool thing.

Yeah,

you had it in the house in Texas Chainsaw Mask

They gave it to you there.

I'm trying to remember the name of the place, but I can't now.

So what did it taste like?

It's just meaty.

It's like strongy stuff.

It's like it just tastes still tastes like meat, don't it?

Still tastes the same.

I'll have in

we eat a lot of guts and stuff, you know, in Malaysian Chinese, you know.

You'll have like porridge with just pig intestines cut up and thrown in.

I went to Myanmar and you just sit around this cauldron of like a black gloopy broth with sticks sticking in it and along the sticks is just bits of gut.

You pull it out and you just teeth off the bits of gut and

lovely how to make that sound.

Did you like it?

Yeah, I really like

Drutsam is what it's called.

It's just pig entrails.

Well my problem with things normally is not where they come from or what they are, it's consistency.

If like the guts were really chewy,

that would put me off.

Yeah, well, the test signs, like the outer side is rubbery, and the inside is like mush.

Yeah, I see.

I don't know if I could deal with that.

Yeah, it's a bit, it's a bit much, yeah.

Rubbery and mush, rubbery and mush, not the two.

So, the sensation is like you're biting into a bit of intestine that's got a bit of poo in it.

Oh, great,

absolutely, and and yet, and yet, prawns creep you out, do they?

Yeah, this is a bit wriggly.

You don't like the thought of prawns, you're going off of them.

I think what gets me, what freaks me about about prawn is that they're all meat.

Like, what are the odds that they're all meat?

Like, you pull off...

Like, every other animal.

What are the odds?

What are the odds?

You know, like,

this animal was made into a perfectly

eatable.

But then there's you marveling at evolution.

That's not like a C-shaped piece of meat.

Like, what are the odds?

You know, because everything else has bones in it and intestines they have to take out.

Like, yeah, this, we can't have this, kind of that.

And around that is a meat because this was a living thing that had other, um, uh, had a more poor purpose in life than being eaten.

But the prawn, it's like, I come ready-made to eat.

No, it's got the poop line, yeah.

I knew, I knew this would come up the poop line, but I bet you eat the poop line.

Yeah, I bet you'd love that.

I bet you put it on a stick, like say just the poop line, please.

Or wrap that around a stick, put it in a cauldron.

No, that would be ridiculous.

But even the poop line is placed so conveniently to be just peeled off in one go.

It's just along the back, it's open up.

You don't have to dig in.

It just freaks me out.

I feel like there's there's more going on.

So you're basically like this paranoid guy who's like, this is too good to be true.

This deal,

if a deal is too good to be true, it probably is.

What's the catch?

That's what I say.

Every time I've served prawns, I wrestle and I say, hey, what's the catch?

What's the catch of the day?

That's what they think I'm saying in the group.

And then I'm like, no,

they're always just answering, oh, some tiger prawns are the catch.

And then I get

what is the catch?

It's the tiger prawn, sir.

Yeah, so as you might understand, I've never got a straight iron serve.

Yeah, very difficult.

I had some lovely prawns the other day.

Ed saw me eating them.

Absolutely delicious.

There were some hors d'oeuvres.

We went to a do and they brought round these hors d'oeuvres and there was these prawns.

They were covered in breadcrumbs and chili.

And I couldn't stop eating them, could I, Ed?

No, he had the whole plate.

And then he went to the toilet and the waitress came over and she took away the last two.

And I was about to stop and then I thought it's probably for the best.

I was upset when I came back.

These are little balls, like bread and prawns.

There's prawns.

They still have the tails sticking out.

They were like breadcrumbed, but like, you know, it's quite soft breadcrumbs.

It wasn't

breadcrumbs straight out of the sea.

So I'm beginning to suspect something as well.

Oh, yeah, something's up.

See?

See what we're talking about.

Yeah, exactly.

They breadcrumbed themselves, those prawns.

And then got themselves caught deliberately.

They got a plan.

So you feel like they're like the Joker in Batman

when he gets caught.

And it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, who's part of his plan, isn't it?

Yeah, so prawns are getting into your tummy and put a bomb in there.

Yeah, they're going to put a bomb in there and break out all the other foods.

Yeah.

That's a good Pixan movie, I think.

Yeah, yeah.

That's right, yeah.

Get rid of

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You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

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And your side dish, please, with that.

This

just

to go with this meal, just a bit of clear Chinese broth, which is really hard to find outside of Malaysia.

Everywhere you go there, if you have a dry meal, you'll come with a free little bowl of hot broth, hot salty broth, to wash it down.

You can't get it here.

Even I go to Malaysian places, I say, can you just give me a small bottle of broth, a small bowl of broth?

They spit in my eye.

Why do they say no?

I don't know.

Surely that's easy, right?

It's easy.

It doesn't cost them anything.

I'll pay like a pound.

I don't care.

They won't do it.

It's very strange.

So that would be my side.

And what flavour?

so it's just it's just like a stock is like vegetable you made out of like vegetables or old bones and stuff yeah it's just like just a clear broth nice clear broth i want to get to the bottom of why malaysian restaurants and yeah aren't doing this this is the easiest thing and it's pretty common to have have it with with main dishes in malaysia yeah yeah yeah so they must yeah it's not they're not

doing it because people wouldn't buy it here because they would right yeah i think if you're not used to it you might find it strange but if you but if yeah but they're doing egg gravy.

Yeah.

If they're selling egg gravy.

I think what it is, is the.

There isn't really like a starter culture in Malaysia.

You have side dishes instead.

And I think here when

restaurants here try to acclimatise to the British way of doing things, but serving Malaysian food, they follow the starter main course kind of model.

And so that doesn't leave any room then to have the soup with

the dish.

Yeah.

But

think is that people here actually don't would find it strange to have soup next to their dish because you wouldn't have soup next to your maybe but then you know if it was a clear broth i would would you yeah like you know you go to a sushi place and they offer you some miso soup with your yeah

it's an asian thing

i think i think they come around to it yeah but uh but how um

so your but your main how how uh how brothy is that well it's not as you you know you know you've had it

it's all it's like it's still thick enough that it's not technically a a soup, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, with the water on ho, I could not, I could not have a soup, something dry like a chamien or fried rice.

You want you want that soup to break it all up and wash it down, sure.

Um, but still, it's nice, it's nice, it's a nice little break from the nudes to swigger soup.

And what order, how many bites of the main to a swigger broth?

I'd say that is the most James Ake has the question he's asked on this problem so far.

Three, I reckon on average, three chopsticks of food to a slab soup.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, that's relative.

That's all relative, though, isn't it?

I guess.

Relative to how big your chopsticks are.

How big your chopsticks are, how good you are with chopsticks.

Do you own your own pair of chopsticks that you'd have to do?

Three chopsticks for me would be one noodle.

It's short.

Yeah.

Yeah, I have my own chopsticks.

I'm bringing them around.

You know how people who are really into pool have their own

bring a queue around.

So I have a little bag.

Do you put it together like a ball?

Yeah, yeah.

I have to screw them

You chalk the end.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good.

And then to eat, I place my eyes on table level.

You get down real close.

I'm so bad at chopsticks, I'd need one of those spider things for mine.

Like a claw, like in an arcade machine?

No, like when you're playing pool or

bumpers like a bowling arm.

If I see an attractive lady struggling with a chopsticks, I'll go around behind her and

You got in an 80s, Phil.

Oh, great riff.

Lovely riff.

Classic riff, that.

Good podcasting, guys.

We congratulate ourselves on riffs.

That's fine, isn't it?

That's fine.

Oh, I tell you what, though.

Tell you what, I'm compliments to the chef.

I'll tell you what, I've been really worried about since you got on here, Phil.

And I think everyone's been feeling it, been worried about it.

I'm worried Mike Roast Ed again destroy Ed on the roast because

Phil roasted Ed on comedy roasted Ed lost.

Yeah.

yeah

I lost both oh I'm surprised you haven't ordered a roast dinner Phil

and Ed's the babe it's the meat Phil roasted me real hard um Ed's got a new tattoo for every

every roast that I made of him yeah to represent every roast so he'll never forget

These all represent sad times in my life when Phil roasted me.

A lot of my roasts were about his skeleton.

Yeah, there was a lot of skullbase roasts.

Ed's mother so fat.

I don't think you said that, did you, Phil?

There's a line, isn't there?

Yeah, there's a line, isn't it?

I was most of you.

You have to maintain some level of respect.

No, that's my

class of the

most of Ed.

You've since been roasted by Daniel Sloss.

Yeah, he won.

He was.

Here I am back down here with the

if Sloss beats you and you beat Ed, that means Sloss also beat Ed.

Ed Ed has been ghosted twice.

It's never so fast.

Right, why?

Why, James?

Why did you keep doing this?

Twice.

At least me and Phil went on the roast.

You're too much of a pussy.

Oh!

Outside of roast roast!

Oh, there is a rule on the roast.

No genies.

It would be unfair to everyone else.

You're only allowed to give three roasts.

Yeah, yeah.

And the format requires five.

Yeah, and they're not allowed to ask for infinite roasts.

Can you remember some of your choice cuts when you roasted it?

Can you remember some of the things that you said when you roasted it?

I can.

I bet you think of them every day, Ed.

I'll never forget them.

Every time I fall asleep, I remember.

You cry like a little baby boy.

Also, did someone else, you were in the latest series of Rose Patton as well, weren't you?

You're in another one.

Christmas special.

You were in like a day tournament.

I did a tournament.

You were in a Royal Rumble.

I roasted Bobby Mayer first.

Yes.

One.

Oh.

Then you had come in.

Ed normally loses.

Then I was in the final against Susie Ruffle.

Yes.

And I won.

What?

That's two roasts to Phil's one to James's zero.

Oh, he turned it around.

He's the best.

He's the roast.

He's the best.

I got a trophy.

Did you?

They didn't give us a trophy.

Yeah, it was a trophy because it was a Christmas tournament.

I wasn't allowed to keep the trophy because apparently it cost £2,000 to make.

You're joking.

It was a skull.

What?

You would love that.

That would go all of your decor and your house.

Exactly.

I love skulls.

Oh, so Ed is actually good at roasts.

Yeah, I'm the best at roasts.

Ed makes mum are so thin.

Imagine if the better you got at roasting people, your mother lost weight

with every weight she dropped and just lose.

Your mum was so thin.

Well, well done, Ed.

Still, Phil beat you.

So if Phil beat you and you were the king of the roasts, that means Phil is actually king of the roasts.

Phil's king of the roasts and I'm just

Phil.

So Sloss is actually king of the roasts.

Oh, that's confusing.

I don't think I'm even in the roast royal family anymore.

Oh, no.

Phil.

You're going to have to have a drink with all of this, aren't you?

Yeah.

Because sparkling water does not a meal make.

So what are you having with all of that, mate?

Well,

I'm gradually becoming

a wine wanker.

It's a lot of fun to be a wine.

A winker?

Just a winker, yeah.

A wine winker.

A winker.

A winker.

A winker.

A winker.

But it doesn't really, it's hard to pair

wine with Asian food.

Riesling?

Really?

Yes.

You were telling me you was asking what you're reasoning in, but

Riesling.

I would recommend.

With Chinese food.

Yes.

With any spice.

It's the only thing that'll punch through spice.

But do you want to mash the spice with the Shiraz?

Ah, but the spice, I think if you're eating a super spicy food, it'll knock any flavour out of your mouth.

I feel like I'm watching the roast battle again.

Imagine if this was the rose battle.

Back and forth.

Look, I'd recommend a Riesling, but...

A Riesling for...

Okay, I'll give that a go.

I mean, I get something light.

I think like a rose or an orange wine might be nice with the Chinese food.

Have we had much orange wine?

Huh?

Oh, it's nice.

Yeah.

We tried some in New York, actually, James, and we didn't didn't like it.

No, we didn't like it, but like,

what's, but then we were drinking it with John Robbins and he's grumpy.

Yeah.

So I think he had a bit of it and then criticised it and then we were all like, well, that's ruined.

What is the difference

orange wine?

Why is it orange?

What's that about?

I think it's made in the same way as Rosé, but the skins are left as steep for less long.

Okay.

I think that's it.

Okay.

And there might be different grapes being used probably.

So you are proper getting into it, aren't you?

you.

I just find it very interesting.

Because it's kind of thing you can get into straight away, but there's always more stuff to find out about it.

And have you seen the film Somme?

Yes, I love it.

It's a great film.

Ben, apologies if I've talked about this already, but this is my, this is why I don't think I'll ever become a wine wanker because of this comment that a guy training to be a sommelier smelt a white wine and said it smelt like a freshly opened can of tennis balls.

Just the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Well, that's fun.

Like coming up with all these weird descriptions.

Like we were in Malta, I was was in Malta with my family, and we had, um, they make a lot, they make their own wine there in Malta, but they don't, they only make enough for Maltese to drink, so it's actually quite hard to find outside of Malta.

And all the wine there tastes of burnt rubber.

So you swig around, you go,

oh yes, very good.

It smells like my tires are burning.

And it's the only

situation in which you can describe an unpleasant smell in a positive way.

I don't know.

And was that a positive way?

You actually like it, the wine?

Yeah.

Yeah, I wouldn't have it very much.

So I guess no.

Sure.

But it was interesting.

Burnt flavours, you know, stuff.

But I just haven't had a burnt wine, but I'd like, you know, I like burnt caramel.

Burnt toast?

Actually, I do.

Do you like a bit of burnt toast?

Carcinogenic, apparently.

Yes.

Oh, that's what you like.

Yeah, I like carcinogenic.

James lives on the edge.

Yeah.

Of a car park.

Burnt bridges?

Do you like a burn bridge?

Yeah, I like to burn bridges.

Yeah.

Burn rubber?

Oh,

that's what I said.

Back to the wine.

Back to the wine, sorry.

I was thinking more liquor.

So are you thinking like a shirt?

Maybe a Shiraz or something as well, did you say?

Not with Chinese, but Shiraz.

I think Shiraz is like an Indian meal supposed to work.

With Chinese, I've never really been able.

I've never really had a wine.

Maybe like...

What is...

I think a Reasing is probably a right call because it's light, but it's still...

I think Reasing, I'll try a Reasing this time.

so while i will get you that fair enough what is the best wine you've ever had if a meal is irrelevant if a meal is irrelevant

best wine in recent memory it was actually at the dutch i'm getting getting into american wines now which are fantastic and especially oregon which made great pinot noirs and great syrats yeah and there was a pinot noir in the dutch called from a producer called Big Table Farm.

Yes.

And I've tried to get it here, but I can't get it.

So many of those wines that we had in New York, I've tried to get it here and you just can't.

We had some incredible wine.

Remember that wine I bought from the shop?

James just went into a shop and went, I'm going to go and buy a nice bottle of wine and came out with some absolute hefty beast.

It was the most I've ever spent on a drink.

What was it?

It was, I can't even remember what the, what was it called, Ed?

I think I've got a photo of it.

It was a red wine and it was so

expensive.

Because basically,

it was New Year's and

it was all together in New York.

I thought, I'm just going to buy a really special bottle of wine and we can all sit down,

lovely, lovely old drink.

And

I thought I was going to, yeah, I'm just going to...

And also, because I don't know anything about wine, I just went for not the most expensive one in the shop, but

just way more than, yeah, way more than I would normally pay.

So I could come out and be like, I did it, guys, we got.

But like, yeah, what was it?

Because

the name is on the tip of my tongue.

But it was like,

Edge described it as drinking liquid jam.

So it was very sweet.

That is quite sweet.

And, I mean, it was delicious.

Was it the Staggs Leap districts come in Sauvignon?

Yeah.

Staggs Leap.

I was about to say something like Cap Sav.

I should have done it, it would have sounded so good.

I would have sounded so good.

Amazing.

Was it California?

Yes.

Yeah, I had a Californian capsule, which was really good.

And yeah, it's very fruity, very sweet.

And like you you say, yeah, quite jammy.

Yeah, that sounds fantastic.

This podcast is going to make us sound like such cunts.

No, but

make us sound like absolute legends.

I'm leaning into it.

That's some great.

And the one we had at the Dutch was

another

cab salve,

Robert Sinski, Napa Valley, again.

But where are you finding out all this information?

I take pictures of all the wines I like and put them on an app.

Oh, great.

That is.

It's on Vivino.

It's called Delectable.

It's called Delectable.

And And you take a picture of the label and then it'll search.

Vivino does this as well.

Yeah, it's very good.

It's very helpful.

Very useful.

Phil, I didn't know you liked wine.

We should have a wine night.

Do you like wine a lot?

Yeah, but I don't know much about it, but I love the taste of it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I like the taste of it.

And also, I'm willing to spend too much on something I do.

I'm going to go to Vagabond Wise around the corner after this.

Grab a bottle, see what I got.

I'm kind of.

You want to come?

I've got a meeting, but

yeah, I think I'll take it.

You'll only code a minute.

Yeah, let's do that.

That sounds great.

I sent back my first ever bottle of wine in New York.

Oh, at a restaurant.

Yeah.

It was.

I don't think I've ever met anyone who sent a bottle back, apart from my dad, and I assume that was just him being difficult.

I think I was being difficult because it was an expensive bottle of wine.

Yeah, although, because it was at a restaurant, it might have retailed for like $30 and they went over to $150 or whatever.

And

it was a cirrhy, it was

a hermitage.

And

And I tasted it and I thought,

it'll probably mellow out.

And I thought, yeah, that's fine.

So you didn't do it at that stage.

You didn't do it at the taste stage.

Yeah, I know.

With that full powder back.

You got a full glass.

Walk away.

But with each sip, it didn't get better.

It just kept being really sour

around the mouth.

Yeah.

Where I guess it would.

And

eventually I said to the others, are you enjoying this?

And they said, I don't love it.

So I thought,

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to say this is corked.

At this point,

at this point, how are you feeling physically when

you decided you were gonna do it?

I couldn't feel my fingers.

Yeah, I was terrified because it's quite a fancy restaurant.

Yeah.

And

so the waitress came back and I said, sorry, I think this might be corked.

My heart is like,

and she goes, oh, really?

Okay, I'll just go get our sommelier.

And the big boy, the headmaster of wines,

slides down his fireman's pole into the room.

That was scary.

And I was like, oh, yeah, cool.

You bring that piece of shit.

And so she goes off with the bottle.

And I see in the corner, she gives it to him.

And he takes it.

So you can see all this playing out.

I can see all this.

He can't see me.

He's twiddling his mustache, the smelly, eh?

He gives the bottle a whiff.

And he makes a sort of wince face.

Now, the wince, I can't tell if it's, ooh, that is bad, or this guy doesn't know what he's talking about.

Because that's the same went, it's the same thing.

Classically, that is exactly the same went, it is disgust, it's the same emotion.

And so then he comes around, and I see, and just behind our table, he gets himself a glass and he pauses a little bit on his break

and he takes a sip and he comes over and he leans to me.

I'm just losing my mind.

And he says, Um, this isn't corked.

And

now I'm in flight of fight of flights.

Oh, gosh.

Either I go, oh my god, I'm so sorry.

I'll give you a kiss on the head.

Please don't kill me.

Or

double down.

And so I double down.

Wow.

And I go, really?

It tastes very acrid.

I thought, I'll pick a different word.

I'll pick a different word for sour.

Yes,

everyone knows sour.

Beep the dictionary, you sommelier twack.

And he goes, that's quite, it's got a brown, that's a Syrah taste.

And then he said, it's actually rather lovely, which I think was gonna work

and I said oh I don't know and he said well if I get you another bottle it'll probably taste the same so I said we'll get something else then and so I got a bottle of

Chateau Neuf de Pap because you can't go wrong really and he said okay lovely great and he got this chateau neuro de pap and he tried it and he was like that okay

and it was actually still a bit sour, but I said, yeah, that'll be fine.

Were you like also eating sour Skittles?

I was brushing my teeth.

I was brushing my teeth out at the time.

I don't know if that changes anything.

I did tang fastics on the go.

This is very sour.

All these wines you're giving us.

You're eating tang fastics, sir.

With the wine.

It's all very sour, and I'd like to see that.

That's why we picked it up.

Period,

please.

You have a mouthful of sour dinosaurs, sir.

we saw you take a

mouthful of toxic waste on the way in.

You and your friends were doing the warhead challenge.

I don't think we can keep

your word on this wine.

The food tastes a little sour now, I think of it.

Phil, that really gave me a rush, that story.

Yeah, it's maybe as the most lovely story we've had on the podcast.

I'm not sure it's the sort of everyman vibe you can

take onto the stage, but

I'm giving up on that, man.

I can't even.

There's no point.

Who's to say who the every man even is anymore?

Because in the Sommelier world, every man is a sommelier.

Sure.

And now every man hates you.

Yeah.

In the sommelier world.

Any sommelier who's listening to this are going to be like, oh, oh, that guy.

But every subwino that I've taught,

but you mean like a wine?

Yeah, wine.

Wine is not the word for you.

A drunk.

Okay.

But every wine enthusiast I've told about this since has been on my side.

Sure.

Like,

no, no, I was right.

He was being a

That's what the other people are saying.

And apparently, restaurants don't lose any money.

They will get, if any bottle does send back, they will get a refund from their producer.

Really?

From the prisoners.

I'm going to do it every time.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Well, now I know that.

Yeah.

Let me send you back Diet Coax.

Too bubbly.

It's just too sour.

Send it back.

I was like, shadow nerf to pap, please.

So you

do

every time.

Shadow nerfed the pap, please.

Every time, that's what I replace with.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

For desserts, sir.

Banoffi pie.

It's my favourite food, I think.

I saw you eating.

Your favourite food?

Yes,

for desserts.

Sorry.

For dessert.

If you're asking him what food.

I'd accept that.

If that was his favourite food in the world, I'd accept that.

I know you would.

I'd accepted dessert as your favourite food.

I mean, I had that for the first time when I came to England when I was like 10, maybe.

Where was it?

Take us there?

To the airport, as soon as you got off the plane.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a guy.

Welcome to England.

There's a beef eater.

Welcome to England, sir.

Started putting your chopsticks together.

No, you won't be doing those.

This is a Bonoffee pie, young man.

Don't chalk up those chopsticks.

I really hope Ben takes out the previous mention of the channel.

The great bonito getting his revenge.

Bonoffee pie.

Yes.

I think my uncle made it by like,

he just heated up a tin of condensed milk and that becomes bonoffee sauce.

Toffee, I think.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's just amazing because you've got the salty and the sweet and

yeah, it's great.

James and I had.

Yes.

For what would you call it here, a craft?

No, that's American is in the craft.

Oh, the K-Min on Taskmaster.

So it was the people who did the

food catering on that.

And they're famous there for the Bonoffee Pie.

Yeah.

Everyone is a studio who talks about the Bonoffe Pie.

And for good reason, it was out of this world.

We were really looking forward to it all day.

They told us it was the Bonoffe Pie Day.

And obviously, me and Phil.

Oh, yeah, I love desserts anyway.

And Phil loves Bonoffe Pie.

So we were both just all day going, oh, I don't want that Bonoffe Pie.

Do you want it?

And then we'll be able to do it.

And it was

like Gravy Day, wasn't it?

Gravy Bonoffi Pie Day.

But I couldn't eat too much because we had a recording to do straight after.

So it was like this ultimate torture where I had my favourite dessert and I could only have like.

Well, I mean, James Acaster is a man who has never worried about that.

I've seen you eat full three course meals before Mark a week.

Yeah.

Really?

And you go on and you feel...

Oh, I don't feel great.

No, no, no.

I've not said I feel good, but like,

it's worth the trade.

I'll have that.

If it's a delicious dessert and it means I'll be like 20% less funny, fair enough.

I'll be sitting there with Nuffie Pie thinking that I'll take care of me in the edit.

I'll be all right.

I shut down.

I might as well not be there too much.

Because my style of panel shows is not,

I don't scattergun really.

I don't say that much.

I just try to make what I do say count.

But if I'm out of it,

those moments will just pass me by.

You just do a big burp rather than say what you're going to say.

Yeah.

I just go, um,

and then they will.

Round of applause next topic.

Yeah, it goes on really well, really.

But I like I

put down my terrible would i lie into you appearance to a bowl of fried rice from icamamas yeah i had just before that i wolfed yeah i just i told myself i'll have one spoon and i and then the my my animal took over and i just dogged it down yeah and i chased it up with a bunch of narcotic leaves yeah

i couldn't talk let alone lie to celebrities

i here's what i think about Bonoffi Pie.

I think the quality of a Banoffi pie is so variable.

The worst Bonoffi pie is so far away from the best Banoffi pie.

Do you know what I mean?

Because yeah, people use squirty cream.

Well, what do you mean, like whipped cream out of a can?

Yeah, that's all right, innit?

No.

What's wrong with that?

It's all cream.

Why do you have whipped cream?

It's just like thick air.

Well, where else does whipped cream come from?

Whipping actual cream?

You're joking.

I thought he did the spray bit.

No, it doesn't need the spray.

I don't need the air at all.

But that's a good thing.

You You are.

But you are pulling my dick off right now.

What are you talking about?

Whipped cream is in a bowl.

They do it in a bowl.

Whip it by hand, beat it.

That's just like...

Or they do it with

the mixer.

Yeah.

That's not, but they don't.

You've whipped some cream.

It's not whipped cream.

Yeah.

That's literally what it is.

Do you say when you whip some cream, it's not whipped cream?

You've whipped some cream, sure.

Yes.

It's cream that has been whipped, but a whipped cream comes out of a aerosol.

No, no, no, no.

Squirty cream.

They call it whipped cream.

It's not been whipped.

They're chancing their luck there.

Okay, okay.

Okay, so yeah, okay, sure.

Okay,

where's the best Bonoffee pie?

Is there a

are you getting it from the caterer at Taskmaster?

That is the best I've ever had, probably.

Okay, it wasn't allowed.

You can have it.

This is the dream restaurant.

I can get you the catering from Taskmaster Banoffi Pie.

I've always thought that's what that'd be like the ultimate hipster food place is like a place of work that you have to somehow get into.

I thought like a school, an actual school type cafeteria has a chef, but you have to somehow get a visitor's pass.

Yeah, or qualify as a dinner lady.

Or a teacher or somehow a student.

And you have to get in and it's like, and like Vice gives it six stars.

And

there's a cafe called the Pit Stock Cafe at my college

and it did a hot chocolate deluxe.

And yeah, people wanted to get into our college to try those hot chocolate deluxes.

Yeah, really?

Yeah, they were so delicious.

That had squirty cream on it.

Squirty cream.

But it was

everything.

Marshmallows, chocolate powder, the squirty cream, a really quite thick, luxurious hot chocolate that did taste like a liquid dairy milk, very rich.

Oh, it was so good.

We'd get them all the time.

Me and my friend Graham.

Go and get hot chocolate done.

And so people were like climbing over the fences to.

Yeah, yeah.

People really wanted to go in and get like people who'd left the college.

It was people who'd been to the college before, left the college and was like

jonesing from the music.

They'd be like,

because it was a music course we were doing, so we still knew a lot of bands outside of college who would go, oh, you're doing that BTEC course?

They're still doing the whole chocolate deluxe is in the pit stop.

Yeah, oh man.

But then

real bad because it had chocolate sauce on it as well and all this stuff.

And then one day, they just kind of like, all they did was the squirrel cream and the chocolate powder and that was it.

And everything else went.

The marshmallows went.

The chocolate sauce went.

But they still called it a deluxe.

They still called it hot chocolate deluxe.

And we were like, what is going on here we're very very obsessed with 2008 no

it was the the marshmallow crash

the sugar the sugar crash yeah the great sugar crash

yeah it was

phil wang

what a meal what a meal what a man what a meal what a meal what a meal what a manified meal Should we uh shall we run through what Phil's ordered?

Yes, Phil, let me just get your order straight.

Yeah, can you read that back?

You would like some sparkling water, some poppa doms, some salmon row on a drug leaf, some mat tan ho, lovely,

some clear Chinese broth to go with that.

You would like some wine you went for the Riesling in the end.

Yeah, on my friend's recommendation.

And you would like some bonoffi pie from the Taskmaster catering team.

Please!

Thank you, Jeannie.

Your wish is my command.

When do you get freed when like someone compliments the chef?

Oh, that's at the minute none of the guests have chosen to free me.

That could have been just

You have to not have a meal, you have to literally have no food or you don't drink anything.

You can choose to free me instead.

That's when the podcast ends.

Yeah,

we're looking to get maybe 20 apps under the belt before GD gets free.

Phil, thank you very much for joining us.

Thanks for dinner.

No worries, man.

Delicious.

Come back soon.

Bye.

Ah, Phil's been run over.

Oh no, another one dead.

At least he had his perfect meal.

Oh, he spread egg gravy all over the most away.

I'm alright, guys.

Just missed me.

Phil's okay.

Bye, Phil.

Thanks again, Delina.

See you, Phil.

See you later.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Thank God Phil was all right.

Oh, I was touching go for a second there.

Didn't know if he was going to survive.

Very, very good of him to come back and let us know he survived when the tram hit him.

I don't know what that tram did hit, but whatever it was,

it didn't survive.

I hope it didn't hit our guest for next week.

Fingers crossed.

That would be awful, wouldn't it?

No cardamom pods.

Well done, Phil.

You dodged it, you swerved it.

I mean,

if we had said egg gravy, we would have had him.

Yeah.

Maybe the ingredient next week should be egg gravy.

It is.

Right.

Definitely.

Okay.

Yeah.

The secret ingredient in next week's episode is egg gravy.

Hey, thanks for listening, guys.

Do tune in again next week.

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast.

Yeah, people should do it.

Subscribe to the podcast.

Review on iTunes.

Review it if it's good.

Give it five stars.

It helps people listen to it.

Review it.

Give it five stars.

Subscribe subscribe to it on itunes or whatever um app that you use yeah listen to it on um the train uh and um if you laugh out loud on the train make sure you say the name of the podcast afterwards when you laugh exactly off menu podcast afterwards off menu podcast with Ed Gamble and James Acaster yeah and then carry on this perfect but do all of that keep listening to it and we'll keep doing it anyway but just crack along with it spread spread the word and spread the buffer on the on the bread.

I'm on tour, so feel free to come and see me on tour, edgamble.co.uk forward slash gigs.

Feel free to bring me any foods that you think we should discuss here on the off-menu podcast.

Great idea.

But as long as it's not cardamom pods, egg gravy,

pomegranate seeds, coriander, or fennel.

That would be the worst, the worst feast.

Unless you somehow combine all of those into a muffin, bring it in, and then I'll make James Aircaster eat it.

Okay, I'll do that.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Hello, I'm Carrie Ad.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true.

Saturday, the 13th of September, at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.