Ep 11: Krishnan Guru-Murthy

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much.

And enjoy the episode.

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Get that cutlery ready.

It's time for the off-menu podcast.

I can tell you weren't happy with that when you said it.

Nah, well, no one ever says get that cutlery ready, do they?

No, no, no one ever said that.

Even people, I'd say, who like manufacture cutlery

or own a cutlery shop never say get that cutlery ready.

I'll try another one.

Polish those spoons.

It's time for the off-menu podcast.

I thought there was going to be a second part to that.

With Ed Gamble and James A.

Caster.

Yeah, that's fair enough.

What?

So that's, that's, look, what, I'm doing all of this, am I?

So I come up with a catchphrase, polish those spoons, get the cutlery ready.

I come up with a new one every week, too, this week.

Say our names, and then you just look at me.

Well, I'll try to think about like a second part to that.

I was like, polish those spoons, and

it should be another thing.

It feels like there should be another thing.

Polish those spoons and count those moons.

Okay, one.

One moon.

There's one moon.

Why would you count the moons?

Well, it depends when you're not.

And it's got nothing to do with food.

We're polishing the spoon so it's ready for the soup.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

James, explain what the podcast is, mate.

We're going to ask our guests what their favourite ever starter, main course, side, drink, and dessert are.

And

we're going to then make it for them in our magical restaurant.

And I am a genie.

This week.

Why do you always leave that until last?

Well, if you start with it, then people think it's all about me being a genie, but it's not.

No, that barely gets mentioned.

It's incidental, isn't it?

You know, it happens to be that I'm a genie.

Who's the guest this week?

Krishnan Guru Murphy.

Krishnan Guru Murphy, actual Krishnan Guru Murphy.

Yes.

I couldn't believe it that he said yes.

You have no idea the amount of people who have said yes.

But then we say no to them.

Yeah.

We're horrible like that.

We ask people if they want to do it, and then they say yes, and we go, no.

Yeah, no way.

Bad luck.

Goodbye.

Yeah, but Krishnan, absolutely not.

He's straight on here.

Yeah, very excited to have him on.

One of the main newsboys.

One of the main newsboys, probably big newsboys.

He knows everything.

Those who know about news.

I imagine there's not a subject he doesn't know about.

Yeah.

we'll see, you know, we'll see.

Maybe there might be some topics he's not fully versed on, but I doubt it.

I doubt it.

He probably knows everything about everything.

However, if he mentions a certain ingredient, then he will be out of our restaurant.

We will kick him out.

Every week we have an ingredient that we hate and we don't want in anyone's dream meal and we don't want in our dream restaurant.

And this week, the ingredient which I had to look up the name for is physilis.

Ficilis.

No, what do you

physilis?

What did you say?

Yes.

Fysilis.

Fiscalisi are the little fruits, the little orange, hard fruits with weird

wing.

They look like flies' wings for leaves.

And you put they put them on puddings sometimes, and they put them on cocktails.

I don't know if you're supposed to eat them, but they're hard, they're bitter, they're sour, they're weird.

I hate them.

I don't like the leaves.

Fiscalis can fissile off fuck off.

Hmm.

That's quite yeah.

Yeah, fissela fuck off.

Fistle of fuck off.

Fistle the fuck off.

Yeah, that's a Bond villain.

That's what he.

Hello, Mr.

Bond.

I am Fissile Fuckoff.

Immediately, you'd be suspicious if you were Bond.

Just shoot him straight away.

Yeah.

Fistle the fuck off.

Oh no.

I wasn't born yesterday.

So,

oh, I can hear him pulling up in his car now outside about outside the dream restaurant.

We better get these doors open and let Kushan go in Murphy in.

We're here with Krishnan Guru Murthy.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

How are you?

Good, thank you.

Thank you very much for coming on the podcast.

Not at all.

It's a pleasure.

Well, actually, it's not a pleasure.

It's a bit...

It's been a bit of a nightmare.

Has it?

Thinking about my favourite food.

I've been very bad at picking favourites.

Well, no, but this is exciting for us because we already know now you've thought about it in advance and done some preparation, which has not gone for every guest.

Yeah, we got it.

A lot of considerations got into it.

That's what we like.

At least half an hour.

But I mean,

yes, I mean, just generally, you've been bubbling around in my head thinking what are my favourites?

And I find it very, very difficult.

Are you quite worse than thinking about desert island discs all the time?

Yeah, sure.

Are you a bit of a foodie?

Is that what you're saying?

I love food, yes.

I mean, am I a foodie?

I mean, I'm not a foodie, as in I don't go off, you know, doing pop-ups and

cooking huge amounts of things and all the rest of it, but I love food, yes, and I love restaurants and I love trying new things.

Yeah.

So I imagine, even though I love doing this podcast, if I was in your position, I would be very stressed, actually, if I'm honest.

Yeah, being forced to pick all the favourites.

Yeah, yeah, because I love food and having to really narrow it down.

Because have you had to bench some absolute favourites?

Lots and lots, but actually,

things pop into your head.

I mean, I was walking down the road here past some shops thinking, ooh, that's nice.

I didn't think about that.

That's really good.

And alas, I've had to go, no, but it's too late.

Just stick with what you're thinking.

Just keep your eyes on where you're going.

Don't look at anything to distract you on the way.

So,

this is a dream restaurant.

We've welcomed you in here.

So, you can order anything you like.

And it can be from different genres.

It can be from different genres.

It can be from different times in your life.

It can be from different parts of the world.

It can be specific restaurants you ate in years and years ago.

Whatever you want, because James is a waiter

and he's also a genie.

So

just come out of the lamp.

genie.

Everything I've said so far, I've been inside a lamp.

That's why it was so echoey because I was inside a lamp still.

But now I'm out of the lamp.

Here I am.

And the wishes are only food related.

Yeah, yeah.

You can't be like, can I have a thousand wishes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you definitely can't do that.

No, no, it's not.

We will then make you eat it if you do that.

If you have

a thousand meals, we have to make you sit there and finish it all.

So, welcome Krishna to the restaurant.

Restaurant, please.

Genie waiter.

May I take your coat?

I usually just put it over the back of my chair, but it's good, isn't it?

Do you ever put it over the back of your chair and then you're having a nice meal and then you look and it's fallen on the floor?

Yeah, no, that does happen.

It does happen.

Well, I've got this sheepskin coat that makes me look a bit like a football manager.

And that always falls on the floor, so that's very annoying.

Yeah, natural place for the sheep.

Yes.

Can I just say you were

beyond tickled by the idea of someone's coat falling on the floor there, which is very unusual.

I admire Christian Gooey Murphy.

And I just think it's funny if like, you know, something.

My coat's on the floor being trampled on.

Something that comical happened to him.

It's such a slap-sticking thing to happen to such

a highly revered man.

Made me laugh for some reason.

I just love the idea that, you know, you're a very respected comedian, James.

You know, a lot of people think a lot of your comedy, but they'd be very surprised to hear that you really truckled at the idea of a coat falling on the floor.

Yeah, that's the funniest thing.

Somebody's coat falls on, and they're not because you're not aware of it, you're just eating your meal, and you don't know it's on the floor, you don't know how long it's been on the floor.

Yeah, you notice later on, oh no, it slipped off the back of the chair.

Sorry, there's a lot going on in the kitchen at the Dream Restaurant at the moment.

There's some pans being slung around.

Yeah, we're getting it.

It was because someone heard

the term 1,000 wishes in their bedroom.

They're panicking in there now.

They're absolutely panicking.

Oh no.

They've got a loophole merchant in.

Let me say, you're the waiter in this, and we've recorded quite a few episodes.

My role within the restaurant has never been fully discussed, has it?

Yeah, use close to the side.

Am I just having dinner with our guests?

Yeah.

So I'm the manager.

I'm one of those managers who walks around restaurants just checking stuff.

So you're the man on the drawing.

Yeah, yeah.

The matrix D.

Yeah, I'll be the Matra D, yeah.

So if you're the manager.

What is the origin of Matri D?

I have absolutely no idea.

What does the D stand for?

I wonder.

Maitre is like mate, like friend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And what's the D, James?

Like Macie D's.

Like Macie D's, right.

Okay, so it originates in McDonald's, Christian and Enzo, is where it comes from.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's your mate who takes you to McDonald's.

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

We'll go with that.

Yeah, okay.

If you're the manager of the restaurant, does that mean you're my boss?

I own the lamp.

Yeah.

So you're the one who gets to make a wish and set me free if that's what I want to do.

Yeah, if I wanted to do that, I could set you free.

I found the lamp in a brick-a-brac shop.

Oh.

Yeah.

In Kilkenny?

Sure.

Yeah.

Why not?

Where did the genie idea come from?

I don't know.

I prefer not to corner James about his idea.

One of those genies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We just plucked it out of there.

Yeah.

Ed was very reluctant about it to begin with.

Still am?

Yeah, yeah.

To be fair.

I thought, yeah, it all makes sense, doesn't it?

If we're getting you any meal from any time of your life, any place in the world, only a genie could do that.

I stand by it.

This one, probably other people besides Jeannie's could do, but would you like still or sparkling water?

Sparkling, always.

Always.

And I don't like the pressure that people come under now to have tap.

Right, yeah.

I find it really annoying.

You know, what I find really annoying is when the person opposite you says tap before they've even consulted you.

And then you're going to order sparkling yourself.

The right thing to do in my life has always been when they say, would you like water, sparkling, or still?

Look at the person.

Yeah.

Across the table as if to say, what would you like?

And then I usually say, well, I'd like sparkling, but what would you like?

But then, if the rule is you look at the person across the table, does that mean you're just going to spend like the whole meal just locked in this thing of looking at you?

Waiting for the other person to do something, it's possible, but um, but now it seems quite fashionable for people to just decide and say, No, oh, no, no, no, no, we'll have tap, yeah, which I find quite

fascist almost.

Yeah, well, the way you said I'd say in your one is much nicer, it's most fascist, isn't it?

Yeah,

people have chatboards are so fascist.

Also, if someone orders tap and then you order sparkling, you're going to look very fancy.

Yes.

Well, you can't.

That's the point.

Once they've ordered tap, you have to go, all right, tap.

I'll come to a restaurant and I'll drink the water that I could have had at home.

Yeah.

So the restaurant experience for you starts with the water.

So as soon as you're there, you want to feel like you're having a treat.

It's a little bit different.

There's no point in going to a restaurant and doing everything that you'd have at home.

I mean, it's got to be different.

That's a very good point.

Now,

I normally have tap water, but when you put it like that, it should be a treat.

It should be a restaurant restaurant experience, then why have the sort of thing you can have it?

Unless you really like tap water, unless you prefer tap water, in which case I'm not against people having tap water.

Yeah.

I'm just

calling them tap water.

You've caught some fascists.

Which of absolute fascists?

Yeah, no, it's only when they go.

Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're in a group, then it's easy because you can just say both.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

No, I mean, you referring to people who

order tap water as fascists, you put a lot of the news stories you report on into perspective.

I'm going to not take your headlines so seriously next time.

It's really bad.

Fascist dictators are like, well, hold on a second, everyone.

Let's hear this story.

It just means they have tap water.

It might not be what we think it is.

But that's fine.

And pop an arms or bread.

Pop an arms or bread, Christian.

What?

Pop an arms or bread!

And it's always shouted.

It's always shouted.

Bread, I think, actually.

Bread, what?

Bread.

Because bread embraces so many things, doesn't it?

Yeah.

I like a variety of bread.

Unless there's one restaurant near me, which is a French restaurant, which I don't go to very often, but they do brilliant French bread, which they make themselves.

And so when I go there, all I want is that.

And it's kind of warm and comforting and nice.

but generally I like a basket of bread what's this French place called it's called macuisine

which if I had to guess the name of a French restaurant I'd probably go with macuisine or le food yes and as I say I don't really go there very often but I go there for lunch sometimes with my wife when we have a quiet moment yeah and and she always has French onion soup yeah and I always have bread do you just have the bread

I'd love it if you were known in that restaurant for for just coming and eating the initial bread.

Yeah, and then he screams at his wife that she's a fascist.

A fascist, throws his bread in the soup, splashes up.

So that's you, you either like that bread or a selection.

I quite like a selection of bread.

I mean, I love,

what's that Argentinian steak chain?

Gaucho?

Gaucho.

Gaucho.

Gaucho do that brilliant sort of cheesy

warm

bread that is just gorgeous.

It's a lot of cheese in the middle of it, basically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You find lots of them.

But so, yeah,

I like that idea of sort of a basket of different things, and you get one of those things that's kind of all gooey and a breadstick.

I don't mind a breadstick.

Gauch, I do this whipped dessert.

It's like whipped ice cream.

I mean, this is typical of you, James, that we're still, we're talking about the bread, and your brain is going, we're going to talk about the desserts.

But that's why I had one of the best desserts.

Go on, what was the dessert?

They whipped the ice cream.

They whipped it, whipped it, whipped it.

So it's actually quite, you know, it's quite soft.

Mr.

Whippy.

Yeah, Mr.

Whippy again.

And there's bourbon in it as well.

So it was vanilla and bourbon and all whipped up.

It was so nice.

Not melted ice cream.

They just added bread into that.

Yeah,

you could just add a few breadcrumbs in there.

I'm not against bread and pudding, so I'll go for it.

I think that's a good choice because normally people have got one specific type of bread or they don't really know, but what you've gone with is a selection, which is not against the rules.

Not against the rules.

I'll let people have a selection from as many different breads as you like and that's that uh the basket the cheesy bread I had in Brazil quite a lot and I it blew my mind the first time I had it

because you think it's a bread roll and then you bite into it or tear it open and it's I'd say 80% cheese oh yeah it's fantastic that's very nice and is it all melted it's all melted but it's it's it's quite solid as well isn't it yeah it's all baked in and but yeah oh fantastic yeah also maybe maybe combine the two you have a selection of bread from uh my restaurant or whatever it was called.

Macuisine.

Macuisine.

Yeah.

A bit of macuisine French baguettes.

Yeah.

A bit of gaucho cheesy bread.

Cheesy bread.

Cheesy bread.

Yeah.

A breadstick.

A breadstick.

But in the top like a sparkler.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Actually, see, I mean, if you go, see, I mean, it's interesting the choice was poppa dums.

Yeah.

But actually, if you were going to go for an Indian bread, then

I would go for a parata, you know, a sort of

very buttery, flaky,

rich kind of thing in my bread basket.

You could have that in the basket as well, no problem.

Oh, that would be nice.

I like mopping up the sauce with that.

Thinking about that now.

See, my mum makes the most amazing Indian flatbreads, which are,

I mean, you know, you have chapatis, which everyone knows, which is just the stuff that's basically fried.

And then you have puris, which are the sort of the same sort of dough, but shoved in a pan full of boiling hot oil that puff up.

And they are absolutely amazing.

And

you just have them straight out of the pan.

And when I was a kid, me and my friends always used to sort of have competitions to see who could eat the most.

And

my best friend got up to 25.

Oh, wow.

That's incredible.

Me and my friend used to have a similar competition at school where at the end of the school dinner line, so you'd have the get all your food and then there was like a bit where there was like salads and bread and then a little tray of dairy dairy leaf triangles and we used to um just grab as many as we could and put them in our pockets and then go and see how many dairy lea triangles we could fit in our mouth all at once

11 11 11 yeah that's pretty good yeah i may contribute to this uh and uh you won't be surprised at what mine is uh me and my friends would go to the pizza hut buffet and uh do um uh the bottomless there was a just serve yourself bottomless ice cream yeah so the soft serve so we would do that against each other and you got extra points if because you could just put uh there's loads of donny mixtures You just put loads of that on.

And I won, but I did have to.

I remember lying down on the back of my friend's car, just really, really sick all the way home.

How many ice creams did you have?

I think I had something like it was like seven or eight bowls of this soft server ice cream with the with all the Donny mixtures on it.

Oh my goodness.

Like getting beat my friend Sean.

Still talk about it to this day.

Every time I see him,

still brings it up.

Do you remember when you won that piece of episode?

Yeah.

But you really lost.

Yeah, yeah.

and to start sir your starter yeah well um

this is my initial nightmare because basically my favorite starter i think is anything that's kind of uh fresh seafoody

um

light

um

with the exception of the occasional bit of beef but um which doesn't really fit into that so i think um maybe

you know which

might mean sort of oysters but i think i'm going for a sort of a Japanese tatake

thing, you know, like sort of a tuna or a beef, or maybe both, to be honest.

A tuna beef.

A bit of both.

A tataki selection place.

Yes, yeah.

A tuna's known as the beef of the sea.

As you can see on the sea.

That's right.

Have I made that up?

If you have made it up, it should be a thing.

What was that?

I missed that.

Is tuna known as the beef of the sea?

Is that wrong?

I don't worry it is now.

It feels like it should be.

It feels like it is.

I've never heard that, but maybe it is.

Oh,

urban dictionary says that sea beef is

lobster.

Well, that doesn't make sense to me.

Tuna.

Yeah.

Do you just have to?

Tuna's meaty, so you certainly think that.

Yeah, it's like a red meat, right?

Give yourself a tuna steak at home.

It feels like a proper

tuna's the beef.

Yes, well, we'll call it that.

Do you want to explain what tatake is for the people who don't know at home?

Yeah, well, the tatake, I mean, it can be a couple of different things, but basically, it's sort of it's a

seared piece of either tuna or beef.

Yeah.

Just really cooked, just on the outside for like 10 seconds.

But it's served with soy sauce and chopped onion and

a sort of just a nice sort of tangy.

Okay, yeah, like a citrusy sauce sometimes.

Citrusy thing with ginger often.

Citrus and ginger, that kind of sort of thing.

And it just kind of is that sort of melt in the mouth, pop it in your mouth

thing

that is brilliant.

But yeah, I think you're probably spotting

in my sort of basket of different breads, I'm going for sort of a basket of different tatatis.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know if I'm allowed to do this all the time.

You definitely are.

Yeah, a bit of buruchina and a bit of beef.

A tatake basket sounds fine.

A tatas.

No, that doesn't work.

But also, I think that's a good choice for a starter because it is light, like you say.

I think a lot of people have come in and gone just all in, all guns blazing from the starter.

Although you've had quite a lot of bread already.

Sure.

You said a whole bakery, so you probably want to have a.

I think that's a good, fresh, light start to the meal is there anywhere where you've had tatakis like the best stuff you've had that like you would you would want me to uh source this from uh sound like a tosser now but um no no not at all go for it no because you know what too many people on this podcast are afraid of sound like a tosser and they just they just choose a like i just i'll just go get it from mcdonald's who cares yeah i want to hear yeah this is

why we said

no boo in miami no boo in south beach um many years ago i remember just going there and just going oh wow i loved i love, and I loved how swanky that was because when you said no, but I was like, this is swanky.

And not the London braun.

No, I was like, oh, like the Miami one, please.

We go to Miami.

Welcome to Miami.

Welcome to Miami.

It may also have just been, because, you know, food is always about the moment, you know, the time that you're in and how you feel.

And I arrived in Miami with my wife before we got married, actually.

And

it was sort of one of those swanky trips

that you do before you have children.

And we arrived and it was very late and we went straight to our hotel and thought, right, let's go and get some food.

And we saw Nobu and thought, oh, let's give it a try.

And they had a table.

And so we went there.

And so we had it there.

And that's why I remember it because actually it was just that moment.

It was just that kind of, wow, we're in South Beach and it's amazing.

We're in Nobu and we got a table and it's just like connected with all those moments.

It's connected with all of that.

But as a result, I do often have it and it's great.

That first, like, getting someone on holiday and like, yeah, you kind of have a place in mind to go and you actually get in there without a reservation is an amazing feeling.

It's the best feeling in the world.

Yeah.

It's not the best feeling in the world.

Best feeling in the world.

What's really good is when your friends are all talking about, oh, we went to such and such.

Yeah.

And you know they booked and they booked ages ago or it's because they met the guy or whatever it is.

And then you just give it a try.

Just walk it.

Always my advice to people who say you can't get into a place, always just turn up, give it a try.

And never book restaurants.

Always just go.

And there's always a chance they've got to do.

There's always people who've cancelled.

I did that.

It was my birthday birthday recently, and I was out with some friends, and there's a place on the corner that I really like.

I thought, I'll just go and see if we can get a table for later.

And there was two people working at the counter, and one of them was very keen to help me out and make sure that we did get a table.

And the other one, kind of early doors, went in with, well,

you left it a bit last minute, haven't you?

So she was really annoyed

when it was going well.

And I was clearly going to get in.

So she kept me going, oh, yeah, but maybe we can't get you in.

And the other one was like, no, no, if we move these people here, it should be fine.

She's like, yeah, but you know, it's a bit late, hasn't he?

So he probably can't get in.

In the end, you managed, it was a table for about 14 people.

14 of us were there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

you can find loads of space.

Yeah.

But it was, she wasn't happy all night.

All night, I'd look over every now and again.

She's just looking at me like, I can't believe you've loaded on your feet.

But it's like how you felt when I ordered my sofa and I didn't measure for it.

And then it just fitted perfectly.

Right.

Would this annoy you, Krishnan?

James did not measure for his sofa in his new flat.

He ordered a sofa, but did not measure the space.

And I was like, You've not measured.

It's a nightmare.

It's going to be too big.

And then it arrived and it was perfect.

Like, it looks like it's made to measure.

I'd think good on you.

Congratulations.

Thank you very much.

I have to admit, yeah.

I mean, I've never measured for a sofa either.

Oh, that's why.

Neither of you are measurers.

Ha ha, you assumed that Christian would be on your side because he's a sensible man, but bad luck, he's just like me.

You kind of look at something and go, I like that.

That'll probably fits i hate it when underprepared people land on their feet oh it was so funny when i sent ed the photo of the sofa because it's in this like little it because it's not just like oh it just fits it it's like there's this space for it

and it's just like it's like a it's like a tetris block it's right in there and he's so annoyed and what what were you gonna do if it didn't Don't know, didn't have a plan.

It was a genuine

point.

I was going to be really upset with myself.

I was going to walk around, you know, chastising myself and be like, oh, you should have measured it.

You're an idiot, James.

I would have been like that.

but instead, I laughed so much.

I said, in the pitch, it's like once I was going, I was getting a plane to a gig with another comic, and I was on my way to the airport, and I got a call from him saying, I've gone to the wrong airport.

So, I'd planned it all.

I was going to Heathrow.

He's like, I've gone to Gatwick by accident.

I'm going to have to come from Gatwick to Heathrow.

I was like, well, that's what happens when you don't prepare.

You've not prepared, unfortunately.

And then I arrived at the airport and I checked in, and he was, he'd made it before me.

Well, I was just, I think I was just about to leave, and then he like got a bus or something or raced across London

and just got there really quickly.

Like a cartoon character.

That would make me quite annoyed.

Yeah, well, the fact that my friend had gone to the wrong airport would make me really angry.

Yeah, I mean, that was annoying in itself, but then he, then he got there before me, so it worked out better for him.

And that friend was James Aiker.

No way, I've never gone on a plane with Ed.

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your main course Christian that's a very strong start by the way I um I think of all the starters we've had that's the one I would like to try

so far so that's got a very nice solid start

my mum makes so so in in this strange genie-like restaurant my mum is suddenly now the chef

yeah My mum makes the most amazing prawn curry, usually with tiger prawns, big tiger prawns

that are butterflied.

And it's quite a coconuty curry.

And it's just, it's the best prawn curry you can get anywhere.

And, you know, it's one of those things, it's very difficult having a good cook.

for a mum, particularly with Indian food, because a lot of Indian food in this country is sort of concocted.

It's not, you know, it's not really home cooking.

It's kind of that version of Indian food that is Indian restaurant food.

And so you spend a lot of time in Indian restaurants and go, but it doesn't sound like mine.

It doesn't taste like

the cooking at home or at your friend's house or whatever it is.

And that is the case with this curry.

It's just, I don't, I mean, it's quite a simple curry.

I've tried making it myself.

Can't quite get it absolutely right.

But it's all about that.

It's that instinct thing of how much you put in.

Trying to get a recipe off my mum is impossible.

It's just all in her head.

Well, yeah, and she'll say then you put in some whatever so put you know put in a bit of chili pad and you go well how much and she'll go well i mean

i don't know you know just let me know just yeah um and so she then tries to sort of measure it out and says well put half a teaspoon in or put a teaspoon in of this or whatever it is and obviously she's just spent her life doing it by feel because she kind of taught herself when she came to this country that she didn't know how to cook um

and so learned it all herself and and so she does it brilliantly and uh it's just a really really sort of simple thing and you know i wouldn't sort of want a huge amount of other stuff with it.

It's basically just a prawn curry with white

smarty rice and a bit of yogurt.

How hot is this curry?

Well, I mean, if it was on a menu and there was chilies next to it.

It would not be very hot.

It would be a three out of five.

Okay.

And because I can't really deal with very hot stuff.

anymore because

I have Crohn's disease,

for which chili is really bad.

But in any case, I'm a bit rubbish with very hot food.

So it doesn't have to be really hot.

It's just got to have enough chili, and it's about fresh chili as well, I think.

It's the flavour of chili.

So it's got to have enough to give it the flavour, but not so much that it becomes unpleasant.

And

is this your whole life, this curry?

Can you remember a time when this curry wasn't in your life?

Yes.

I mean, it's not something we used to have when we were really kids.

It was something that kind of

I remember starting to have when I was sort of a teenager about sort of 14 15

and also because the availability of fresh big Asian tiger prawns wasn't that good yeah of course a long time ago in the you know 70s and 80s I don't think it was that easy to to get all that stuff whereas now you can obviously get anything from anywhere all the time and it was sort of killed yesterday and so

the availability of all this stuff has kind of transformed it so yeah it's much more a thing of the last 20 years um

or 25 years maybe um and

it is i think it's probably well it's me and my brother's favorite dish actually as well have you asked for your birthday before your birthday for your birthday meal have you said mum i'd like the not my not my birthday but for special meals yes yeah we we say can you make prawn curry how how often would you say you you ask for the prawn curry

how often are you going over and saying oh it's a special occasion

yeah no when we're younger a lot and my brother used to do it an awful lot but um but yeah i mean not not that much now.

Because

it seems unfair.

It's a bit of a piss to get every video.

Yeah, yeah.

But yeah, no, quite a lot.

I'm a big fan of coconut and codes and stuff.

My mum makes this

Thai fish kind of like soup, but it's a lot of code.

I think that's my favourite thing that my mum makes.

Is it?

Yeah, when I go around,

I ask for his birthday or something like that.

I'll have the Thai fish soup.

And again, I tried to make that myself, got the recipe off of her, and just didn't.

What was really annoying is I was close.

First of all, I've done it, I've nailed it.

And then there was this aftertaste that was not.

I tell you, you're missing an ingredient, James.

A mother's love.

Oh, yeah.

You know what?

In my head, that sounded really lovely and homely.

And then when I said a mother's love, it sounded really creepy, and I didn't mean it to.

Yeah, suddenly it was good.

Mother's love.

Because you shifted your voice.

You did the

microphone.

Yeah, you said a mother's love.

It's the subtleties of flavor, though.

Yeah.

That your mother can deliver.

Yeah.

That you can't.

And I don't know what, well, not you, I mean, but I can't.

One can't.

Because you do just trying to follow the recipe, and the recipe's always wrong because it's practice, it's all instincts.

And it's when it goes in and how long it's going to be.

Even the pan that they're using.

Yes.

You know, if it's a pan that you use over and over again for the same recipe, every time you're cooking it, you're seasoning the pan.

It's got flavour in it.

Yeah.

That pan.

Pan's got some flavour in it anyway.

Well, they say that about paella, don't they?

Yes.

The paella dish has got...

Because they don't wash them.

You can't wash them.

Really?

They never wash them.

They must wash them a bit.

No, you don't.

You oil them.

Oh.

You oil the paella pan.

You don't wash it with soap.

What are they doing?

So hold on.

Everyone's eating the paella, and then they put some oil in and scrub the oil around it.

Basically, yeah.

Ah, and then it adds flavour every time.

So you taste the last paella?

Well, I don't know, but

I'm not a big paiella maker, but I have made it a a couple of times.

And I do know that you're not supposed to.

Because I furiously scour my pans, and so does my mum.

So it's not the pan with my mum.

It's just her knowing what she's doing.

Your mum's got clean pants.

We're all

slightly obsessive about that.

But I know

with a paella dish, you're not supposed to sort of scrub it with soap and all the rest of it.

You're supposed to clean it out and all the rest of it.

But then oil it and leave it so it's still got a little bit of something in it.

It sounds like that was started by one lazy Spanish chef.

Possibly.

Yeah.

Who was like, are you going to clean your pan?

No.

No, you've got to leave the flavour in it.

Do you think he also washes himself a little bit?

It's cool.

I don't think it's a dirty pan.

I think you do clean it, but you don't kind of, you know, you don't scour it with detergents.

You have to scrape everything off and make sure it shines.

Oil it up.

Yeah.

Tesco used to do this paella.

No one was expecting Tesco to be the next word there.

I know.

But they did this like, just like, you know, microwavable paella that that I absolutely loved.

Yeah.

I used to buy it all the time.

I used to oil the plastic dish.

Yeah, I wanted to oil the plastic dish.

Go back in a Tesco and go, could you please just refill this with some paella, please?

Yeah.

I will pay for a new one, but just want to eat this dish again.

So I'm putting in the microwave.

It keeps the flavour.

You just oiled that plastic dish again, you disgusting boy.

But I don't know if they do it anymore.

So because I don't live near Motesco anymore.

So like, if anyone does live near the Tesco and they want to tweet or say, let me know if they've got the paella.

It's in the round one.

It's not the rectangular one don't be mistaken or was it Sainsbury's

no it was Tesco I'm pretty sure there's occasionally on this podcast there is like a few minutes where James tries to remember something yeah one of the highlights of one of the episodes was me trying to remember what I dipped some uh what I dipped in some sour cream once

um and it was it was some uh sensations uh popped on sensations me popping on sensations yeah lime and colander that was the perfect combination yeah it was delicious it was so good and uh I because if there's any old ground that needs recovering, it's that.

We definitely need a recap.

The listeners love it.

I tweet about it all the time.

Mainly because they were frustrated because it took so long at the podcast we didn't remember it.

But it's fine.

But yeah, if anyone lives near a Tesco, let me know if they've got the big round piler still that you can microwave.

I'll happily travel and get another one of them.

Travel.

Yeah.

Like it's going to be anything over than 20 minutes.

To be honest, though, actually, it's a bit weird that I'm even because I've actually got a Tesco walking distance.

I might just go there.

He's lost his mind.

I might do it.

So, yeah, your bump.

Yeah, your mum's strong curry.

Yes.

That's where we are.

And they're the big prawns.

They're like the prawns that they come on the shell and they're going to be like five or six inches.

And then by the time you've got all the gobbins out, which is not pleasant.

Have you ever done that?

Well,

deveining the prawn and all that kind of stuff.

Very important.

You just slit it down the back.

Yeah.

And then try and take out peel out the poop shoot.

Which is not nice, but I kind of do it by a sink

and uh and then and then and then they kind of then because they've been slit down the back they they then kind of curl up and butterfly and open up no really nice oh so they naturally do it like that so they don't look anything like a prawn when you get them in the dish they look round right round and chunky little hoops yeah well no not hoops they're just circles hmm oh like no hole in the not not not like a doughnut not like a doughnut James no oh but like a doughnut without a hole in it the hole is generally closed up because they're quite tight.

There could be a donut.

There's probably a hole there.

I mean, there is a hole there.

It's just kind of...

The prawn is shriveled up.

The prawn is...

Yeah.

But probably I shouldn't go around referring to prawns as donuts.

Is that what we're saying?

No.

No.

They're not a lot like donuts.

That's fair enough.

What yogurt were you put?

You said some yogurt.

What yogurt are you putting on there?

Well,

see, this is the problem because

now we're getting into my side dish.

Oh, are we?

Okay.

We can segue into your side dishes if you want.

Well, because I think yoghurt has to be my side dish because I have a lot of yogurt.

And the best yogurt, again, is a homemade yogurt.

Yes.

Which is cultured.

I wouldn't know where to start making a yogurt at home.

No, I wouldn't, actually.

No, neither would I.

Neither would I.

But it's the kind of thing that mums and grandparents did.

And they would have a bit of yogurt and they would make yogurt from the yogurt.

And don't ask me how.

So where does the first yogurt come from?

Well, somebody made yoghurt somewhere.

And then it's just been passed.

It's a bit like the earth and existence.

You know, it's just like somewhere, something, it's like the big, there was a big bang.

Yeah.

Some yogurt was made.

Yeah.

And

from the first yogurt,

all other yogurts.

And that bacteria or whatever it is is very important in the making of the yogurt.

So all yogurts have come from the same yogurt?

I don't think so.

I made that up.

All of them.

Clunch corners.

But no, like you can have...

makes it well actually my wife's mother did this as well for years and years in australia she's australian and she used to say she used to make yogurt and for years it would essentially be the same yogurt yeah like sourdough like when people do sourdough bread it's the same start they have like a starter yeah really yeah

you keep like a little jar of like the sourdough and you should use a little bit to start the next loaf yeah so it all comes from so when i when i was growing up my mum would always have this sort of bowl of yogurt in the fridge that was being made or cultured or whatever it is so that yogurt probably is the the best yogurt.

And you can also, well, god, we're still getting complicating myself now.

I've just contradicted my own dessert, but we'll come to that right now.

But yeah, no, that yogurt or these days, just Greek yogurt.

Okay, Greek yogurt.

But do you put anything in the yogurt or explain yogurt?

I think we've got to get your family yogurt.

I mean, that's like, you know, that sounds more special.

Yeah, I think family yogurt.

Family yogurt.

Yeah.

yeah not not some

pop down I could put anti-going against some good I really like spiced yogurt as well I don't know whether you've had spiced yogurt no what what's what's spice in the yoghurt particularly in India like if you have a lussie yogurt drink yeah that might be spiced

you can you know you can spot you can spice a thicker yogurt as well yeah and like have a well you know what a writer is which is a you know chopped cucumber and onion and tomato or whatever it is in yogurt then you can you can also put a bit of spice in there as well and just have a sort of a

big taste sensation of a yogurt yeah but to be honest I just like playing yoghurt because I kind of use it to kind of bring down the bring down the heat and just

you know spread it out a bit first time I had a mango lassie

holy moly

you can imagine do you remember where you were yeah I can actually where were you I was in Cardiff with Henry and Josh Whitticomb the home of mango lassie yeah so it's quite late in my life quite late in my life when I had a mango lass I was in my 20s yeah and

there's this vegetarian place that they really liked.

And we went there to get

the cheese dosers there, the Woodycombe Boys.

Cheese dosers.

Yeah, that's what they did there at the time.

Okay.

And that's what,

I suppose.

I guess so.

That's what they really, really liked.

And

I was like, and they were like, we're getting mango lassies.

I was like, what's that?

Followed suit.

Obviously.

Changed your life.

Oh, so sweet.

I loved it.

This is all I want to drink from now.

So good, a mango lassie.

It's nice to say.

I like saying it.

It rolls off the tongue.

It's yeah, but you're saying it wrong.

Yeah.

Yeah, it rolls off the tongue.

It shouldn't.

It's not lassie.

It's not the dog.

What?

It's

mangoes.

Yes, I know it's spelt like the dog, but

it's a sound.

It's lussy.

Lussie.

Lussy.

Like a U.

Mango lussie.

Yeah.

See, the A sound in a lot of Indian words and languages is not A or A, it's A.

Right.

Like Krishnan.

N-A-N, Krishnan.

That's how you say it.

Oh, right, yeah.

I hope I said that right early wrong.

So my brother's name is Ravi, R-A-V-I, as in Ravi Shankar, the guitar player, but everyone calls him Ravi.

Oh, good.

I've definitely been saying that.

So Ravi like Lassie.

Yeah.

It's actually Ravi and Lussie.

Oh, man.

I'm very anxious now because I know, I know.

It's so funny that you spent so long going, and it's so nice to say.

I love saying.

So

it's a mango lussie.

No, mango is fine.

That's actually, that's fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Actually, I've gone and screwed up my own rules.

It's not mango.

It's

mango.

Lussie.

Mango lussie.

I don't think I've ever had a lussie.

What?

I don't think I've ever had one.

You've got to do it.

They're delicious.

Do I have to go to Cardiff?

Yeah.

Have you?

That's the home of the lussie.

You've been to Indian restaurants.

I've been to Indian restaurants, but I've never...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've just not touched a lussie before.

Oh, getting from Kurdish.

Definitely, definitely have one.

But when I'm, when, when in the meal would I have it?

Would I have it with the meal?

Am I having it before the meal?

Have it straight away before the meal.

That might be wrong.

I have it before, and I'm trying to tell you where to go to have it.

Do absolutely.

Because there's a brilliant

Indian street food restaurant.

There was a place in Soho.

Chinasto.

Chinasto.

Chinasto.

Or Nasto.

Shouldn't it be?

Is it

Chinasto?

It's Chinasto and Hammersmith Grove.

It's absolutely.

Oh, I live quite near there.

Yeah.

Governor who's not gone, yeah.

Go there, and they do brilliant lussies.

And great

martinis as well, actually.

Oh, that doesn't sound like a good mix.

They do lychee martinis, I think, as I remember.

So to order a lussie and a martini.

That is going to be quite the night out for me.

That sounds delicious.

I'm going to do it.

There was a very, briefly, this is very short-lived, there was a place in Soho Soho that was just called Mango, and everything it served was mango stuff.

That is, oh,

it did not last long.

No.

It didn't match mango lusties.

But like, it was like, yeah, everything was with mango eat.

You would struggle.

Because the best mangoes are only available for a few weeks a year.

Right, right, yeah.

Yeah, it was.

It was open a few weeks, but a few weeks ago.

And then they had a comedy gig there.

That's how I know about it.

What?

There was a gig in the back.

So

I played Mango Stars.

If it wasn't called Mangoes Into a Bar.

No, it wasn't that

Gamuth Mominen's fault.

Gamut, if you're listening.

Was that his gig?

Yeah, he used to put that gig.

Mominen did.

So if you're listening, Moran, why did you not call it Mangoes Into a Bar?

Right.

So yogurt was your side dish?

Yes.

Yogurt was my side dish on the basis that if you're going to have something that isn't your prawn curry, then

that has to be a side dish.

But that's good.

so your meal is fit is fitting together some people don't necessar just oh so you could just stuff around you could yeah you could do because no one's judging you you could have a completely different side dish you could have chips if you wanted it's quite hard not to have chips yeah it's quite hard

it is difficult generally to not have chips yeah i completely agree with that good photo trick yeah sod soda yoga i think i think i think

maybe chips you can have the yoga as part of the main because it also depends when you say your dream you know your

what is the context of the meal is it like my last meal?

Am I about to be executed?

It doesn't have to.

I mean, you know, people take it how they want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just your best stuff.

Just, yeah, the best stuff you've ever had, the best food you've ever had.

It's hard, hard.

Because you can have the yogurt as part of them as part of the main meal because the yogurt goes with the curry.

And then you can have a completely disconnected side dish, so you could bung some chips in there if you wanted.

I think I'd do that.

You could do that, yeah.

No, I'd like to do that.

Yogurt with the main.

Yeah, and I think you'd have to have

those, you know, double or triple cooked.

So

the thick, triple cooked ones from like

from nice restaurants where you might only get six, but what are six?

But they'll come in a little pile, they're crisscrossed pile of

six.

Oh, Ashley, no, no, no, no, no, I don't like that.

I saw the regret in your face.

No, I'm not happy with that small little sort of, you know, yeah, you can have two that way and two that way and then two on the top.

I hate that.

I want a pile of chips.

A pile of chips, yeah.

But they should also be

super crispy and well-cooked.

First person who did that, first person who just stacked up six chips together, what were they thinking?

In their head, they must have been doing that evil villain laugh from films.

Yeah, looking at the overheads on it.

Oh, yeah.

But it's just, I hate that, actually, when that comes.

Yeah.

It's very annoying.

It's very annoying.

Really, really hate it.

They put a lot of, that's putting a lot on how the chips taste, isn't it?

Like, you better make sure they're good chips.

And it is just a chip at the end of the day.

Yeah, I mean, chips are great, but there's not a lot of subtlety to the flavour.

It's just a chip.

Yeah, you've got to do it.

I mean, although I remember when curly fries came out

and uh

yeah, yeah,

were you at the launch?

I don't remember when they came out, but I remember when like they started becoming a bit more of a thing.

You remember when they cut the big curly ribbon and

we all went in, yeah, it was great, but they were, oh, I couldn't get enough of them.

I'm still pro-Curly Fries.

Yeah, I love them.

You don't see them in a lot of places.

They're starting to complete now.

They're starting to kind of like, yeah.

I can't recall having curly fries.

Wow.

You've never had them.

There's a place in Hammersmith Grove.

I'm trying to think.

I'm trying to think where I may have had curly fries.

I can't think.

I don't know why they're not on every menu that has chips.

The sweet potato fries are big now.

I don't know why curly fries aren't available.

Curly fries are better.

I would choose curly fries over sweet potato fries in a heartbeat.

In a heartbeat.

They've always got like occasion seasoning on them.

Seasoning's great.

So great.

Oh, mama mia.

Are they curly as in just curly, as in a chip that's curved?

It's like a spring.

No, they're spirals.

They're coiled like a spring.

Yeah, they're coiled like a spring.

Yeah.

So you get different textures.

I've never seen that.

It's crispy on the end.

You've never seen it.

Hold on.

Where do you eat?

Are we telling you about it?

We've never seen a curly fry.

I've never seen a curly fry.

Yeah, where do you go?

You even go that was a figure till we bought a cry.

Whoa, we are getting exclusives on this podcast.

Krishna Guru Berthy has never seen a curly fry before.

We've just heard about a curly fry for the first time, listeners.

We're telling Krishna the news.

Oh, well, you must have not been in the newsroom that day, Christian.

When they got curly fries, you must have been out.

Hugh Edwards was in that day.

He knows all about curly fries.

He's all over curly fries.

No, seriously, where did you get a curly fry?

Well, this is a good question.

You can buy them and take them home.

So they're then in supermarkets in banks.

You can do that.

Oh, I see.

You can do that.

But you can also get them in.

There's some like...

I would say there's a lot of

places that are like, you know, like family pub places that have like maybe soft play areas and stuff would have that have it as an item on the menu.

Like, what an upgrade to curly friends.

750p extra or whatever, have

some curly fries.

Okay.

Do they have like peri-peri salt on them or something like that?

Kind of a spicy cadence.

Here is a sentence I never thought I'd say.

I'm about to show Krishnan Grueworthy a picture of a curly fry.

Oh, okay, here we go.

That's what we're talking about.

Oh, that doesn't look nice.

The first time we've seen a

curly fry.

That is a particularly long curly fry.

That's not a long time.

Yeah, that is is a big one.

That's a really long one.

That's the size of a jumbo sausage, yeah.

That's like a little Victorian girl's ringlet.

That's a little bit daunting for your first view of the curly.

I'm so sorry, I shouldn't.

I shouldn't eat you in, Christian.

Sorry, Christian.

No one goes in that

size curly.

A jumbo sausage.

Happy with that?

It looks like an onion ring.

Right, okay.

Yeah, God, those ones do.

This didn't go as well as I'd hope.

I think what we're learning here is that there's not many good photographers of curly fries.

Not many good curly fry photographers to show Christian his first episode.

There must be something on Instagram.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's probably a Curly Fry photography.

There's probably an account

dedicated to Curly Fry's here.

If there's not, there will be after this.

Yeah.

If one of our listeners would like to set up an Instagram account entirely dedicated to Curly Fry.

Curly Fry's hashtag.

There is a Curly High Fry's hashtag.

Oh.

Okay, now I can see Curly Fry's.

Yeah.

They still look hideous.

You don't like the look of them.

I'm so privileged to be here the first time Christian's heard of or seen curly fries.

Obviously, you know, anyone who follows Christian on Twitter

please feel free to tweet some pictures of some curly fries at him in the future.

Educate him as much as possible.

Thanks.

One day we are going to find a picture of curly fries that you like.

So if you want to tweet Krishna the picture of Curly Fries saying, what about these ones?

What about these ones?

That's what you've got to write.

You're not allowed to write anything else.

All it has to say say is what about these ones?

We'll apply to them all.

Right, great.

So

triple cooked chips as a side.

And you want a big bowl of them, a nice big amount of them.

A big amount of chips.

Salt and vinegar?

Oh, yeah, lots of vinegar, yeah.

Ketchup mayo?

Ketchup, not mayo.

I mean, I'm not...

I mean, my opinion on mayonnaise has shifted over the years.

Yeah.

And this is not a European thing.

But

there's a pub down the road from the newsroom, Channel Full News, called the Calthorpe Arms, where we often go.

And they are brilliant people and they often bring us a bowl of chips

just to be nice.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

And they will often bring a little tub of ketchup and a little tub of mayonnaise that goes with it.

And over the years, because I've been at Channel Full News for 20 years, 20 years of a little

tub of mayonnaise with the chips has slowly sort of converted me.

Because obviously the ketchup always goes first.

Yeah.

So when the ketchup goes and there's nothing else to dip dip into you do go for mayonnaise find yourself straying to the mayo pot i'm not against mayonnaise in the same way that i would have been had you asked me ten years ago okay it's good to know it's good i'm probably the opposite i think in school and stuff i was big into mayonnaise on chips and now

ketchup every time i probably

just

really surprising you had mayonnaise on chips at school yeah yeah it was a big thing at my school

uh it was uh montagu school in ketchup and it's now an academy it's completely changed now um no mayo anymore no it was school I went in it's not there anymore

it's under a tennis court that's true

and

but yeah we all just went through a phase of all having um

mayo on chips maybe it's because like in pulp fiction they say at the start I think maybe one kid has seen pulp fiction and then it caught on I love mayo on chips don't even like I don't really like ketchup I find it too sweet then it even goes well on chips

or anywhere okay mayo on chips

Puris and ketchup going back to the little flatbreads that my mum makes

poor's and ketchup is a thing I'm going to try that.

It's a proper thing.

Yeah.

I'll try that.

Ed agreed to have that one.

I'll have that one.

Good.

I'll have a mango lussie.

If you eat a curly fry.

Yeah, I'll try ketchup.

All right, good.

We'll have a day where we will do this.

You open the fridge.

There's nothing there.

So what's it gonna be?

Greasy pizza?

Sad drive-through burgers?

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You check your feed and your account.

You check the score and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check lift.

Your drink.

We started your drink ages ago.

Went back to the side.

Talked about a few drinks.

Well, I mean, start off sounding like a toss of carry-on, I guess.

So I would, I really like a nice glass of champagne.

Absolutely.

When I go out to a restaurant.

Lovely.

I like to begin with a glass of champagne.

And

not any old champagne, you know, sort of a nice glass of champagne, I think.

So if I can have any drink I want, you know, a really nice glass.

Is there a

specific champagne?

A really nice glass of Bolly, you know, it's quite hard.

Yeah.

Quite hard to beat in that in that in that

I hate myself listening to myself on this.

But yeah,

this is what people tune in for.

This is what people tune in.

But yeah, no, I think, you know, starting off a meal like that, it's good.

I feel champagne goes straight to my head.

I can't really handle champagne.

Maybe one glass.

And the same with ended like Prosecco, any sparkling wine.

One glass I can have, but otherwise it really

knocks me for six.

Interesting news.

And too fizzy.

I end up a burpee giggling mess.

I mean, going back to my birthday again, Ed.

Yeah.

So my birthday started, it was like midday, and we just had the whole day eating and drinking.

And Ed immediately was like, we're getting champagne.

Really pushy, weren't you?

Yeah, because I thought it was funny.

I kept on saying no.

Eventually, you get some champagne.

Like, right at the end, you got some champagne.

It's because I said, I'll buy you a bottle of champagne.

You said, I don't want any champagne.

I don't like champagne.

So it immediately became funny to buy you a bottle of champagne.

Yeah, he was really looking forward to it all day.

And now I've learned that Ed doesn't even like it that much.

It goes to his head and he becomes a burpee-giggling mess.

But that was right at the end of the night, anyway.

So I was already a burpee-giggly mess.

Yeah,

it was not a good end to the night.

We were.

No, it was.

They bought me a flaming shot.

What do you think about that, Christian?

As in a sand looker.

No,

maybe it was.

It was absolutely disgusting.

A drink that was on fire.

I burnt my lips.

Yeah, you're supposed to blow it out first.

I blowed it out first, but I did blow it out, but then, like, the glass was really hot.

I burnt my lips on the remote of the glass.

Happy birthday.

You would.

You would.

Actually, the only variation to that, I suppose, if we're starting with tataki,

would be sake.

Sake, yes.

Sake tataki.

Sake tati.

Sake and tatake is really, really nice.

But I'm a bit uncouth when it comes to sake.

So I really like hot sake, which is terrible.

You know, I mean, everybody thinks that's really naff.

Is it?

Yeah, you've got to have cold sake, apparently.

But I like hot sake.

Why is hot sake naff?

I think, I don't know.

I think it's like drinking

baby sham, you know.

Right, okay.

I'd never really had sake, and then I went to like a Japanese expo thing in London, and I did a sake tasting thing where you just went round about sort of 12 different people who were selling different types of sake.

And by the end, I was pissed and bought

a bottle of all of the sake's and I've still got them because it just I just I can't do it.

I had too much sake that day, including, I've had these actually, jellied sake, which came in little cans.

I've never had that.

It was like citrus citrus flavor i mean i'd imagine this is now yeah now how'd you get it out well you just have to really tip it and it sort of comes out like it's like sort of liquidy but also jellyy it's an odd texture i absolutely loved it but right it was yeah what flavor was it lemon lemon jelly sake and you're up from this from this japanese expo but i'm sure you can find it it was in little mini cans it was absolutely delicious I don't think cushions sold on that.

Yeah, it seems a really.

I mean,

I wouldn't be against it, but I mean,

it's it's sounding a bit like a lemon vodka yeah it's a bit like a jelly shot exactly yeah jelly shot yeah yeah but you would want champagne I think I think champagne yeah that was your first instinct I think yeah I mean I like I like I really like I like sour drinks

so I like margaritas and I like

you know dry champagne and

anything with lime and lemon in I like sour beer I've got into sour beer like within the last year what kind of thing absolutely love it well actually i don't i don't know their names so that's me being useless but like i was in i was in amsterdam and i went for a meal on my own to this place so i could have walked quite a long way found this place uh i ate uh beef wellington for two just myself

i got some roasted cauliflower on the side uh didn't order dessert and yet they just gave me a mini mini little ice cream anyway it was great and then on the way home i really needed a shit so i went into this i went into this pub and uh i went to the pub and it was empty so that meant the guy behind the counter saw me come in, just go to the toilet, be in there for long enough that I'm clearly not having a wee and then come out.

And so I was like, I've got to order a drink.

Yeah.

And I said, can I have something that's like a local, locally brewed thing?

And he poured me this sour beer.

And I think

that's probably

the best drink I've ever had.

Like top, it's in the top tiers.

It's weird.

It's one of the nicest drinks I've ever had.

You don't know what it was.

I don't know what it was called.

That's tragic.

That's like meeting the love of your life and then

getting a number.

Yeah, it is kind of like that.

But you know what Krishnan was saying about his starter being connected with nice memories?

Yeah.

I think you were on a post-shit euphoria.

That was what it was.

I was so happy that I had of the shit.

So I knew I wasn't going to make it back to the apartment.

So that was what it was such a relief to go in there and just find a toilet.

And then whatever you'd had to drink would have been a bit of a drink.

Whatever I drank would have been.

Best drink ever.

Dancing home.

I've been in love with my life.

well we come to the dessert this is uh obviously my favorite uh course are you a you a dessert man big dessert person yes excellent uh a big pudding but i mean i grew up in the north so pudding is a big thing yeah for me um and so any kind of you know steamed pudding with custard um is fine stick to your rich puddings um but i think

I think a chocolate steamed pudding has to be the thing.

Yeah.

You know, a gooey chocolate sponge pudding.

Nice.

So with the sponge and then an extra chocolate sauce on top?

Yeah, or you know, where it's a sort of a melted in the middle kind of chocolate pudding.

Oh, okay.

Where you,

where you, where you spoon into it.

Yeah.

And there are, there are, there are two, I suppose, that I would cite.

One is the one you can buy and stick in the microwave from Marks and Spencer's.

Excellent.

And the other is

from EO in Notting Hill,

which is a sort of a

slightly posher version of it, but it's basically the same thing.

But it's the restaurant version, so it's a bit more bitter and

a bit posher.

But they are, that is the best way to end a meal, I think.

A homely, nice gooey.

Comforting, gooey chocolate pudding.

What's E ⁇ O like?

I've only never even heard.

I've lived in Ladbrock Grove for about four years.

I've never heard of this place.

Really?

Well, I suppose, I mean,

was

incredibly fashionable years ago.

And

it's a great place.

It's sort of it's Asian-y,

fusion-y, so you can go in and you can have sort of sushi type stuff, Japanese-y type stuff, other Asian-y type dishes,

but it's not, it doesn't stick to any particular

thing.

It's not a Japanese restaurant.

And

but it but it's got a sort of an Asian feel to it.

I missed out.

You missed out.

You could have had chocolate pudding.

Missed out.

I went to Itsu in Notting Hill quite a lot.

Yep.

I mean, and I had this place on my doorstep.

What are you having?

So are you having a cold component with it as well?

Or is it just the hot pudding or would you have some

ice cream with it?

Generally not, to be honest.

I mean, no,

I'm quite purist about the chocolate pudding.

I'd say.

Savasi.

Just the chocolate pudding and the chocolate sauce.

The Marks and Spencer's one, they've done an advert for that pudding, haven't they?

They've done their classic trademark advert for it.

Was it in the This Is Not Just a Chocolate Pudding?

Yeah, the Sexy Voice.

Maybe, I don't know.

And this looking.

You can imagine a slow motion cook cutting in there.

There were two, though.

I don't know whether you've ever noticed.

There is the melting middle chocolate pudding, and there is the other chocolate pudding, which has kind of got sauced around the slide.

Right.

And you're up for the melting middle.

No, absolutely.

In a restaurant, generally, yes.

But in that particular genre,

I think the standard, the bog standard one is.

Sponge and sauce, right?

Spider-Man sauce

I don't know.

You don't trust the one on the end.

It's not that I don't trust it.

It's just too hot in the microwave.

It's just something about the overall experience.

Yeah.

I think you just don't trust it because the source is hiding.

Are you eating them cold, if you're honest?

You're not even putting them in the microwave.

You're just popping them in on the way home.

It hasn't taken long, has it?

Little car snack.

Yes, you could.

No, they're not my car snack.

That's another podcast altogether.

Do you have a car snack?

I have all sorts of car snacks.

It's really, really bad and very, very unhealthy.

You went somewhere there.

You really glazed over.

You stared into the distance.

I thought I was going to look over and see like.

Yeah, no, I was thinking, no, I can't possibly admit to that.

Oh, you can admit to it?

Well,

I do have this slightly secret thing that I i do sometimes when i go to when i go to ms and do a food shop yeah um that i have i have this slight um weakness for the ms custard tart yeah right yeah and um

my wife gets really annoyed if i come home with a packet of custard tart

because she says you're just buying this stuff and it's really bad for you and you're just trying to lose weight and you get fat and then you're just like you know why do you buy it and so sometimes what i do is i buy the two packet of custard tarts

and i wait for it right at the end

and I put it on the top of the bag

so that it's there on the top of my bag when I go to my car and I eat it between

I eat both of them

between leaving Marks and Spencer's and getting home.

Then I dispose of the evidence so that my wife never knows.

And now she knows I've blown it.

She'll hear this and go, this explains why he refuses to kiss me when he gets back from Marks and Spencer's.

After Marks and Spencer's shop, he never wants to give me a kiss.

Yeah.

Went upstairs and brushes his teeth ethically straight away.

And that's why he bought him a bunch of stuff.

That's why he's bought a little dustbuster for the car.

Yeah, yeah.

Everything makes sense now.

Oh, dear.

Well, it's not just that.

No, you see, the thing about them is they crumble.

So they do collapse.

In fact, the truth is, I did this last night.

And I did it.

And as I did it, I stopped in the Martin Spencer's at Chiswick and I thought, well, I'm just going to have one.

And I I had it and I bit into it and it collapsed and so it fell

fell down my

front of my shirt you know and so then I had custard down my shirt you have to get custard

wiping custard

in a new suit

my lord

hello my dear oh dear

oh that is right

we're getting convention custards we're getting so many exclusives so many exclusives yeah you've never seen a curly fryer you eat custard

secretly in the car.

How did you get out?

So you went down your top, but then what did you do?

How did you get out of this?

I just kind of wiped it, went inside really quickly and changed.

Yeah.

You didn't wonder why you came downstairs in a new top.

I just going to change.

Change?

Get out of this work stuff.

Yeah.

It's like big day today.

All my work, guys.

We're

interviewing the national custard throwers of Great Britain.

A very messy.

I kept my mouth closed, dear.

Don't worry.

Let's run for your order.

You would like some sparkling water.

Brackets, no fascists at the table.

You would like a bread selection.

Those are different types of bread, especially the one from Macuzine,

which is your favourite.

Tataki beef and tataki tuna.

Tunia?

Tunia.

Together.

Yeah, I could say tuna.

The beef of the sea.

The beef of the sea.

Mum's tiger prawn curry for Maine with some homemade yoghurt on it as well and some chips on the side, triple cooked, plenty of them.

Champagne, what make was it again?

Bollinger.

Yes, please.

And for dessert, some chocolate steamed pudding.

I think we have to say from MNS now, no, not from M ⁇ S, actually.

No.

Because not the favourite.

It's

the meat, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so it's ENO.

ENO.

ENO.

What a delicious meal.

Fantastic.

Thank you very much.

We'll send you home in the car with a couple of custom tarts.

Don't worry about it.

Secret's safe with us.

You'll never know.

Thank you so much for coming on, Christian.

Live for having me on pleasure.

Thank you, mate.

Christian.

Oh, what an episode.

What a cheeky man.

I loved that episode.

That's probably one of my favourites, I'd say.

Great stuff.

I mean,

so many moments in there.

Christian saw Curly Fry for the first time.

I learnt how to say mango lussy

and we got a little insight into his sneaky little habits in the car.

It's rare that a moment in history is recorded like that.

Yeah.

That Christian Guru Murthy learning about curly fries for the first time is now recorded for posterity and is available forevermore.

To begin with, I thought he was just saying, I don't know where to get curly fries.

Which is a fair enough question.

Yeah, and I was like, yeah, yeah, come to think of it.

You don't really see him around as much nowadays.

And then when he was literally going, I don't know what you're talking about.

I couldn't believe it.

Also, and don't forget to tweet Christian Guru Murthy with a picture of curly fries and say, what about these ones?

Yeah, yeah, that's very important.

What about this one?

What about these ones?

Depending on how many are in the photo.

We will find a curly fry that he likes the look of.

That would be perfect.

Thank you very much.

His Twitter handle is at Krish GM.

At Krish GM.

Do tweet him pictures of curly fries and say, what about these ones?

And at Off Menu Official as well, if you want to just tweet us just in general, please follow us, keep up to date on all our news.

Tag us in on Twitter and Instagram at OffMenuOfficial.

Subscribe to the podcast.

Review the podcast.

Five stars.

Thank you very much.

Tell your friends about the podcast.

All that jazz.

Christian did not say the secret ingredient, Ed.

Did you notice that?

I did notice that.

And what was the secret ingredient called, James?

Syphilis.

Yep, he didn't say that.

He didn't say physilis either.

So well done, Krishnan.

On having an excellent menu, I thought.

Yes, sounded very delicious.

And

a pudding that we've already had on the podcast as well

was the chocolate pudding

filled with chocolate.

That was Selassie's option as well.

So that's the second time that's been in.

So, you know,

if there's anyone who listens to the podcast who's keeping a note of stuff,

maybe now's a good time to start.

That's straight to the top of the charts.

Yeah, just

see what the most popular dishes are.

And if you like the cuts of Krishnan's jib.

I do.

And you enjoy podcasts, he's got his own podcast called Ways to Change the World.

And we've just had a look at the quality of guests he gets on, and it really is quite exceptional.

Yeah.

He's done one with Salman Rushdie, someone with Johnny Ma.

These are great guests.

I was in a room once with Salmon Rushdie and Yen Top.

It was together.

Yeah.

They were hanging out.

Everyone was looking at them.

End of story.

So keep listening, do all the subscribing and all that jazz.

Come back next week for another off-menu podcast.

Goodbye, James.

Goodbye, Ed.

Bonapetes.

Bonapetique.

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Dialed in on the thermostat.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

Clutch move by the home team.

What's the game plan from here on out?

Laundry?

Not today.

Dishwasher?

Sidelined.

What a performance by Team California.

The power truly is ours.

During a flex alert, pre-cool, power down, and let's beat the heat together.

You check your feed and your account.

You check the score.

and the restaurant reviews.

You check your hair and reflective surfaces and the world around you for recession indicators.

So you check all that, but you don't check to see what your ride options are.

In this economy, next time, check Lyft.

Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys because the Off Menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes.

But it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok.

This is embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing, man.

We're cool.

We're like Olivia Rodrigo.

And Ed.

People have been asking us, battering us, bothering us, actually.

They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episodes.

They can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did.

Or Benito has bent to their whims.

And he's going to put it on YouTube.

He's going to do it.

Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok, at Off Menu Podcast.

On YouTube, you can watch clips from the podcast.

And on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it.

And you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes.

So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.