Ep 10: Lou Sanders

Speaker 1 Oh no, it's James A Caster from the Off Menu Podcast, the podcast that you are listening to, and I have some news. I am going on tour round America, North America,

Speaker 1 from the 20th of January, starting in Toronto, and then finishing once again in Canada, in Vancouver, on the 15th of February. And in between, I'm going all over the place.

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Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. The podcast that is food.
Talking about food, talking to people about their favourite food. My name is James A.
Caster. With me is Ed Gamble.
Hello.

Speaker 1 I was trying to come up with a sort of tagline for the podcast and all I came out with was the podcast that is food. That's good.
The podcast that's so delicious you could eat it.

Speaker 1 The podcast that is food is good. Right, okay.
Yum, yum. Yum, yum, yum.
Welcome to the podcast. No? Not happy with that? No.
I don't like that one.

Speaker 1 Yum, yum, yum. Welcome to the podcast.
Well, I like it, so I'm going to say it. Yum, yum, yum, welcome to the podcast.
And we're recording in a new location today, James.

Speaker 1 Yeah, at my flat, and I don't have any furniture yet, so it is a little bit echoey. So

Speaker 1 apologies. Apologise for that.
Apologise. I don't think I.
Okay, well, I'm sorry, James hasn't bought any furniture yet. Thank you.
It's a nice flat, though. You've done well for yourself.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much. I'm so happy here.

Speaker 1 The way you said that didn't make it sound like you were happy. I am happy.
You're my first guest, so it feels real special to be able to show people around the flat.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I really need some furniture. You do need some furniture, because otherwise it's...
I've got it ordered, but it just takes a while to arrive. Yeah.
How long's the sofas taken?

Speaker 1 I ordered them a month ago. Another two weeks it's going to be until I get the sofas.
That seems a long time for a sofa. Do they have to build it, I guess? Apparently.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know what it is that means it takes so long, but be warned. If you are ever ordering a sofa, it takes a lot longer than you think.
And people don't tell you that.

Speaker 1 And they don't think ahead. They don't think, well, he might be recording a podcast, so it's going to sound a bit echoey.
Well, it sounds a bit echoey in there. They don't think about that.

Speaker 1 And then you're left with an echoey podcast, especially when your guest is comedian extraordinaire Lou Sanders.

Speaker 1 A little gap there, wasn't there? I was thinking if I could add any other caveats in any other things. She's a wonderful comedian.
She's been on TV. She does brilliant shows.

Speaker 1 Her show this year at the Edinburgh Festival is one of the funniest shows that I saw, I think. Such a funny show.
Yeah. So funny.
She's just so funny.

Speaker 1 And we had her on to tell us what her best starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink.

Speaker 1 We did. And I would say she lived up to all my expectations in terms of what she picked.
Yeah. It's probably the most, I mean, I don't want to...

Speaker 1 don't want to spoil anything, but it's probably altogether the most odd meal we've had. It's the most chaotic thing since Brexit.

Speaker 1 Well, Well, hopefully, this podcast comes out while Brexit is still chaotic. Yes.
Because they might have sorted it out. Oh, yeah.
Sorry, that was also some satire because I'll never saw that.

Speaker 1 Bloody mess out. Very good.
Save it for Mop the Week, lads.

Speaker 1 There's a secret ingredient, and if Lou picks it, she is off the podcast. She's going to kick her at the restaurant.
And what is it this week? Poppy seeds. Poppy seeds.
I hate poppy seeds in a cake.

Speaker 1 They get stuck in your teeth. I hate it.
They're not a flavor. They don't add anything to a cake.
I hate lemon and poppy seed cake. And they go, oh, would you like this lemon and poppy seed cake?

Speaker 1 No, I'd like a lemon cake. Why are you putting poppy seed cake? I completely agree.
All it does i is is makes it weirdly crunchy for some bites. Yeah.
And then it just gets in your teeth.

Speaker 1 You look like a madman. Yeah.
It's not like it looks any nicer.

Speaker 1 Here's Lou.

Speaker 1 Oh, here we are with Lou Saunders. You sound very elated about it.
I am I'm not. Welcome to the restaurant, Lou.
Thank you. Hello.
Hello. Welcome to me.

Speaker 1 Now, before we started recording, James very rudely asked you if you knew what this was or whether you prepared anything.

Speaker 1 It's an audio recording for entertainment purposes based around the food medium.

Speaker 1 Medium. Is food a medium? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, it's based around the food medium. I think so.
I like food. Okay, so shoot me dead.
I do. I do.
How long have you liked food for?

Speaker 1 Since I came out of my mum's poop-pole. Since you've come out of your mum's poophole.
Okay, you've liked food since you've come out of your mum's poophole. Yeah.
No, I like...

Speaker 1 It feels like we should be told about that.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 the other week I went back from football and I had this vegan snack in that shop in Crystal Palace shop. Uh-huh.
In Crystal Palace Station. Crystal Palace shop.
Crystal Palace shop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we all know Crystal Palace shop.

Speaker 1 It's inside the palace, isn't it? I'm thinking trains. I'm thinking shops.
I'm thinking put them together. Train station shop.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 And I ate this thing that was supposed to be vegan And then I was like, oh, I can taste meat. I can definitely taste meat.
And I could taste the flesh in my, like the flesh of meat.

Speaker 1 And then I said, I think they've got confused and mixed up. And she said, oh, maybe they got switched around.
The most evil trick in the world. And then I was sick in the bin.

Speaker 1 But when I'm sick in that way, that I really like...

Speaker 1 like think about that something gross and then I'm sick. Like once my friend was telling me a rimming story.
I was sick in the street. Anyway.

Speaker 1 Hang on. You were sick in the street? Yeah I was sick in the street and this lovely Japanese man just kept offering tissues And I was, but the thing is, it's so unnatural.

Speaker 1 Did you heard a story about rimming? Yeah, no, but it was really gross. The details were gone.

Speaker 1 I was onto your starter. No.

Speaker 1 That's my starter. That's my name at starter.

Speaker 1 No, but it was really gross. And then I go,

Speaker 1 like that. So that's what I was doing in the bin of this cafe.
It's only a small cafe. And everyone's looking at me.
And I thought, was their fault for mixing up the produce?

Speaker 1 Anyway, it turns out I was vegan in the end. Happy story.

Speaker 1 Why could you feel flesh on your... You were biting your own cheek.
It tasted

Speaker 1 no, it tasted real meaty. And it was like, I was like, it tastes and smelled meaty.
Was it jackfruit? Oh, no, but that, I mean, that's very a la mode, isn't it? That means fashionable in French.

Speaker 1 It doesn't.

Speaker 1 Doesn't it? A la mode off the fashion. Oh, yeah, you know, it does.

Speaker 1 How do you say fashionable? In the fashion. How do you say fashionable in French

Speaker 1 when you've got it? Ooh la la. Ooh la.

Speaker 1 Ooh la la.

Speaker 1 In America, it means with ice cream, a la mode.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's true.
Is it true? Yeah. But hang on.
America, you say?

Speaker 1 I would say with ice cream. Little Miss Sunshine is what I'm thinking of.
Seen in Little Miss Sunshine where she orders the ice cream alamode.

Speaker 1 So look, you love food. Yeah.
You love food. You were once sick when you thought you were eating something that wasn't vegan.
Yes. And you hate rimming.
These are all things. I don't hate rimming.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I just. Make that very clear to the listeners.

Speaker 1 I just think.

Speaker 1 She's not signing off on it.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying yes or no, but I'm just saying there's a way about it. And this story was the way about it.
Who told you the story? Amy Hogger. Big shout out.
Yeah, big shout out to Amy.

Speaker 1 Bash out to Amy Hogger. She lives in New York now.
Yeah. Woo-woo, bigger.
Rimming away.

Speaker 1 Rimming the statue.

Speaker 1 Oh, she wasn't.

Speaker 1 She wasn't the perpetrator. Okay.
Or the victim. Or the Rimmy.
That's who the bounce. The victim you were about to say, wasn't it? Yeah, but I don't mean that.

Speaker 1 Hey, everyone's free to do what they want. I mean, you dine out wherever you choose.

Speaker 1 But it was just the details, okay? Sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1 After a shower, yes, anything goes. Yeah, sure.
But then probably has to have another shower, right? Well, when?

Speaker 1 Otherwise, it's just a constant cycle of.

Speaker 1 I mean, at some point, you always need another shower, and that's my rules for life.

Speaker 1 But you have not chosen to dine out at the butthole this evening, you have chosen to dine out at our dream restaurant.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Oh, James.

Speaker 1 James is a genie as well. Oh.
You need to know that. That's cute.
James is the waiter and he is a genie, so he'll be taking your order. You can get any meal you want.

Speaker 1 Any dish you want, because I'm a genie and a waiter. And I tell you what, Lou,

Speaker 1 normally we have to do a lot more explanation, but I knew that this episode you would just take that on board immediately and be like, yeah, of course he's a genie and a waiter, which I appreciate.

Speaker 1 And also, this is really good for me because when I go to a restaurant, usually everyone makes fun of me for trying to make it,

Speaker 1 trying to make the menu my own, trying to make it better in a way. I do trying to upgrade it.
And then, like, I went for breakfast with my nephews the other day. I've got so much stick.

Speaker 1 They were like, just because I was asking about vegan options, which in 2018, I don't think is unreasonable.

Speaker 1 I don't have a problem with asking about vegan options, Lou, but I've been for many meals with you, and you definitely, you are a menu alterer. Yeah.
You will say, Can I have

Speaker 1 this, but with all of the elements changed? I'm not fucking original, any problem.

Speaker 1 You're a pain in the ass at the rest.

Speaker 1 How old are your nephews?

Speaker 1 11 and 12. Yeah, they're not putting up with that, are they? No.
But also, they're little pigs. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they don't know nothing.

Speaker 1 So you did a tweet once complaining that they snitch on you when you swear.

Speaker 1 But also,

Speaker 1 they don't know nothing. If they were left to their own devices, they'd have a litre of Coke a day.
What do they know about fine cuisine? Headlines we need to cover. You're vegan.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm damn sexy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That comes across in your voice. Don't have to tell a listener that.
Here's something we haven't ironed out. Jeannie Waiter/slash James O'Caster.
Hello.

Speaker 1 Can Lou order non-vegan things in the fancy restaurant and they don't harm any animals? Please say yes.

Speaker 1 So for the taste, yeah, I could say yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm having prawns. I'm having clams.

Speaker 1 But no meat, because meat does make me feel gross.

Speaker 1 But I would have prawns and clams, because clams haven't even got a face when you think about it, and I just have. Sure.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Get into them.
That's the issue, is it?

Speaker 1 Face or not face? Like prawns I love but I don't want the remnants of I don't want their little legs

Speaker 1 actually I've gone off them now. The more I'm vegan the more I go off the legs.
Their little legs and eyes and that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think some people love the sort of love being like you know they love the blood on stuff because it makes them feel powerful.

Speaker 1 No no no no no. No.
Just tastes good.

Speaker 1 No, you love it.

Speaker 1 I've seen you get prawns and bite the legs off and throw the rest away. That's true.
That's what I do. Prawn legs, please.

Speaker 1 Still spark some water.

Speaker 1 I'll have still water, please. Why?

Speaker 1 Why is that your choice? I don't like the bubblies. I don't like the bubblies.

Speaker 1 You've got a song about that, haven't you?

Speaker 1 I don't know why.

Speaker 1 No one's asked me that before, and I don't think I've got an answer. You've never thought about why you don't like bubbles in your water? Why fill up on bubbles when you can fill up on food?

Speaker 1 Ah, interesting. I do agree.
I do agree with that. Is that how bubbles work?

Speaker 1 You fill up on bubbles? Yes. I'm not a doctor, but yes.

Speaker 1 Okay. I am a doctor.
Oh, I didn't know that about you. Yeah, I am.
I'm a doctor. I'm a Tomaginie.
You're a doctor. Loose a doctor of love.
I put my hand up for that one.

Speaker 1 You did put your hand up, didn't you? I'm a doctor of bubbles. Yeah.
Let's move on. Okay.

Speaker 1 So you can find me here with still water. We'll get that for you.

Speaker 1 Oh, no ice. No ice, loads of lemons.
Oh, I'll write that down. No ice, loads of lemons.

Speaker 1 Next. Poppin' arms on bread, Lee!

Speaker 1 Poppin' umzo bread!

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What kind of bread is it? You can't say popped up's all bread just like that. You've got to.
Any bud you want?

Speaker 1 Then I want warm bread and I want it

Speaker 1 doughy.

Speaker 1 No one's ever specified doughy bread before. No one's ever said, can I choose the type of bread? And then gone, I'd like it warm and doughy.
As if that's a type.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to say tiger bread. I love tiger bread.
I love tiger bread so much. I'm going to excited thinking about it.

Speaker 1 I want tiger bread or some rolls that, or some rolls that like have got little bits in them, but they're savoury. It's amazing.
Tomatoey bits in.

Speaker 1 It's that you demanded to know the type of bread and then you don't really seem to know the difference. Well, I thought he was surprised.

Speaker 1 No, but he could come with a menu of bread and then I'd be like, like, yes, I never thought about that. Olive bread with us.
Another one. Oh, delicious.

Speaker 1 You know, if I saw that on the menu, I'd say, yes, get me the olive bread. What would you want? You want warm

Speaker 1 tiger bread or you want warm olive bread with olive olive bread?

Speaker 1 But it's light tiger bread at the same time. Oh,

Speaker 1 you can wipe that out. And I want butter, but no cows have been harmed.
Yeah, I can do that for you. No tigers have been harmed either when we were making the tiger bread.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 And we can bring in the cow and tiger and they can tell you, they'll be able to tell you that everything's fine with the cows. And can I have a ride around on them? Yeah, of course you can.

Speaker 1 In between courses.

Speaker 1 What you'd not like to ride on a cow or tiger. I think that sounds cool.

Speaker 1 Oh, sounds a bit cool. Well, not in the fancy restaurant because they're happy with it and we're friends.
Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 They're loving it.

Speaker 1 Okay. Especially the tiger.
Last time he got ridden around was you can't remember.

Speaker 1 He's been in the zoo the whole time. People are scared of him.
He just wants to connect. No, this is the tiger from the tiger who came to tea.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Well, no,

Speaker 1 that's such a shit book. I was really disappointed with it.

Speaker 1 It's a bit of a scary book, actually.

Speaker 1 Sorry, Zero, you've got your hopes up with that. Yeah, you're really looking forward to that, weren't you? Queued outside like it was Harry Potter.

Speaker 1 What starter would you like? If I can have anything, I'm having Mooles Marinette. No, I'm having.

Speaker 1 What's Mool's marinette? No, I want the one in the white wine cream sauce.

Speaker 1 Mool's marinette, I think. Mool's marinette.
So, hold on. Did you have this in a specific place?

Speaker 1 Did I? Because I can get it for you from anywhere. The best place you've had.
Oh, Valdaza!

Speaker 1 Now, did you pluck that just from the... I've been to Valdazaire, babe, a few times.

Speaker 1 Have you had moles in Valdaza? Yes, yes, of course. Does that know what moles is? Mooles marinade.
Yeah, what's moles marinade? Mussels.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. You want some mussels? Mussels in white wine and

Speaker 1 he doesn't know who's French, does he?

Speaker 1 He's very much turned into a league of gentlemen characters.

Speaker 1 You want mussels in.

Speaker 1 You'd know them as muscles, oola la.

Speaker 1 Same addition. Oola la mussels.
But you know, mussels. When they come in the like the tiny pop before they've got like the creamy white wine sauce or shallots.

Speaker 1 And they're all just like bobbing around in there, soaking all the sauce.

Speaker 1 If they're closed, because that's when you poop. Yeah.
Don't eat them when they're closed. Really? Is that the rule? You shouldn't, if you're cooking mussels.

Speaker 1 If one's closed when they've not been cooked, you should throw it away

Speaker 1 because they should open.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 when they're alive they should be open and then you knock them on the side and then they close up right and then if you cook them and they don't open then throw them in the bin because they're gonna make you poop i guess we should all be open in a way and that's a lovely message and if you're not the other person will poop yeah that's true do you mean you get food points in that's where you poop or just as well i don't mean you just generally poop otherwise that would be quite helpful yeah i quite like it i love pooping yeah who doesn't like a poop what where did you say valdazare

Speaker 1 have you been there yes i've I've been snowboarding, of course. Are you a cool snowboarder? Yeah, I'm really cool.
I didn't know that. Oh, that was the subtext, right?

Speaker 1 I'm so glad someone's picked up on it. No, I've been...
I've had moles. I've had moles mariné in a few places, I imagine.

Speaker 1 How long have you been vegan? Hang on. If I had a bigger vegan one, though, I would go with, and this might be a dish I'm making up, but broccoli souffle,

Speaker 1 vegan broccoli souffle. Something like this.
It's cheeky, but it's good for you. You put them together.
Lovely.

Speaker 1 You're making this up. This isn't something you've had before.

Speaker 1 But for your dream meal, you just think, I'd like a broccoli souffle. That's a dream meal, yeah.
Where else am I going to get one? Do you think it's possible to make a vegan souffle? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bear in your mind, it's mainly egg white, right?

Speaker 1 Ah, no, I've not made a fluffy. That's how you make it fluffy.
Yeah, but you can have egg substitutes because I

Speaker 1 saw it on Instagram the other day. So make a souffle with those so it rises and stuff.

Speaker 1 You're really making me mad now.

Speaker 1 You said I could have anything I wanted. Yeah, absolutely.
Suddenly all the laws are coming out.

Speaker 1 I can have ethical morse mariné and a cow to ride on, but suddenly the broccoli souffle, there's a limit on it. You could make it.
I could probably make it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So what do you want for starter? Do you want morse marinet or do you want the broccoli souffle that you've made up? Both, both, both. You can't have both.
I don't think you can have both.

Speaker 1 Oh, right, then I'll have the broccoli souffle. So you've changed your mind from something that you've had in the past and you like to something that you think would be nice but you've never had.

Speaker 1 Out with the old, in with the new. I just find it amazing that you've created a dish from your imagination, which is great.

Speaker 1 You've completely invented this broccoli souffle, but if you're using your imagination, why are you putting broccoli in it?

Speaker 1 Because I like healthy food mixed with, so my favourite thing is like loads of veg, but mixed with like cheese and cream, vegan cheese and cream, you could do that. And like olives.

Speaker 1 So you think, oh, I'm getting my five a day, but I'm having fun in the meantime. Okay.

Speaker 1 That's my dream. You cooked me a vegan pizza.
I thought this might

Speaker 1 be. It was a deconstructed vegan pizza, wasn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I I made up my own rule. I did think this will come up.
But can I just say that I then went on, I didn't stop there. A lot of people.

Speaker 1 A lot of people, they would have stopped. For the listener, Lou is laughing because the vegan pizza was shit.
It was bad. But it was really bad.

Speaker 1 I quite liked the taste of it like separately. All the bits separately.
The topping was nice. Yeah, the topping was nice.
The topping was nice, but the topping was just stuff, wasn't it?

Speaker 1 Excuse me. The base was like corner shop sponge cake.

Speaker 1 look i'm a victim of my own ambition because i tried to make the base as well okay yeah sure sure but anyway then i made pizza again for jen jenny bead she's not called jen

Speaker 1 big shout out to jenny bead of course very good friends with amy hotcomb yeah anyway i made her she said it was the best vegan pizza she's ever had and she's famously never had a vegan pizza right now

Speaker 1 isn't going around eating vegan pizza all the time i've got a picture of her enjoying it i was going to send it to you and i forgot you asked jenny bead off the record she'll tell you she had a wonderful time with that pizza what was on it

Speaker 1 similar similar stuff but i just made it better okay okay well i believe you so we're going broccoli broccoli souffle broccoli souffle you it's got broccoli some vegan stuff that makes a souffle

Speaker 1 yeah and i imagine some seasoning so some cheese kind of i think yeah i hate to be the boring food food one on this i think you could almost replace egg white with aquafaba, couldn't you, in vegan cooking?

Speaker 1 That's true. The chickpea so the chickpea water oh i thought it was um

Speaker 1 why are you slapping your cheeks uh i thought it was i've forgotten the word aftershave aftershave no i wasn't suggesting uh switching egg white for aftershave and then broccoli soufflo that's why i paid a pizza

Speaker 1 i i had a cake made with aqua faba did you oh yeah i did it was nice i really enjoyed it i got to go on the Vegan episode of Extra Slice, no big deal. Oh, and I tried a lot of vegan cakes.

Speaker 1 They were delicious. Big deal.
Yeah, they're really nice. There's loads of vegan ice creams, I'm so excited about them.
And I made a shop, I made a shop the other day, and I got it. Well done.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 In a train station, wasn't it?

Speaker 1 Telling yourself the long story doesn't matter. I've got all the different types, and I'm happy to report that Vegan Cornetto's best ice cream, the chocolate mint chocolate one.
Right.

Speaker 1 And that's the truth. I like the Ben and Jerry's peanut butter cookie one.
That's also good.

Speaker 1 Sounds good. And the Bouger Bouger one, Bougie Bouger.
Bougie, Steve Bouger, Steve Bouger or ice cream is very good as well. Steve Bouger, yeah.
Yeah.

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Speaker 17 Hannah Berner, are those the cozy Tommy John pajamas you're buying?

Speaker 18 Paige DeSorbo, they are Tommy John. And yes, I'm stocking up because they make the best holiday gifts.

Speaker 17 So generous.

Speaker 18 Well, I'm a generous girly, especially when it comes to me. So I'm grabbing the softest sleepwear, comfiest underwear, and best-fitting loungewear.

Speaker 17 So nothing for your bestie.

Speaker 18 Of course I'm getting my dad, Tommy John. Oh, and you, of course.

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Speaker 1 Main course.

Speaker 1 Main course loop. Now.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 have you heard of Thai food?

Speaker 1 You know what? I think I have. Where does it come from? Thailand.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thailand. Yeah.
You say Thailand. I didn't say Thailand, no, Thailand.
Yeah. Thailand.
It's Thailand. Yeah, I said Thailand.
Thailand doesn't sound right. It doesn't sound right, is it? Thailand.

Speaker 1 Thailand. Oh, I don't know.
Thailand is.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've just thought of it. I've just had my kitchen, Thailand.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Thailand sounds sounds like a Thai shop. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, forget that.

Speaker 1 The introduction was, have you heard of Thai food? Where does it come from? Thailand. And then forget that.
Forget that.

Speaker 1 So pretend Thailand never existed. Okay, it's a toss-up between...
Thailand, Thai food, and that will be red, green curry, obviously. Brown rice, obviously, because white rice is a devil's work.

Speaker 1 And the sooner one realises that, the better.

Speaker 1 Why is white rice a devil's work? Oh I heard these

Speaker 1 lush like they were real

Speaker 1 so they spoke like oh yeah like geezers. Geez is the rice you're talking about or

Speaker 1 men two men a young men talking about but they were talking like yeah fucking you know you think oh then maybe they were a bit edgy or dangerous and they were talking about nutrition and how about white rice is really bad for you and I absolutely loved it.

Speaker 1 I sat behind them on the train and I thought you good boys.

Speaker 1 Well I prefer brown rice anyway and the taste of it is nicer

Speaker 1 i've just um been in japan and ate a lot of white rice and i didn't have a proper shit for two and a half weeks ah

Speaker 1 it's like

Speaker 1 cement it's tummy cement it's not good for you and why why i would think that the japanese would be leading on this uh they're very but they're very uh

Speaker 1 but japanese food is um there's a lot of sushi and there's a lot of rice i don't think that's unfair to say that i don't think that's unfair but we're to forget that you're not talking about thai food.

Speaker 1 Forget it, because I've changed my mind.

Speaker 1 So you were going to have...

Speaker 1 Red Thai curry is what you're going to have with vegetation. Oh, I thought, but like, you decided no.

Speaker 1 It doesn't scream special occasion, does it? No, it doesn't. It very much does.
But it doesn't need to scream. You just...
No, it just needs to be whatever you want.

Speaker 1 Other ideas are a roast, vegan roast, with all the trimmings. Yeah.
Well, a vegan roast is just trimmings, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I love... That's the thing I love.
You just want all the trimmings.

Speaker 1 Every single trimming. You're lots and trimmings.

Speaker 1 I think the trimmings is what I like the most.

Speaker 1 Oh, I should realise that. Wow, what a day for me.

Speaker 1 What a big day for me. There wouldn't be a central, like,

Speaker 1 a nut roast or some sort of... I think the Yorkshire puddings are the central event, and I don't know why no one's talking about it.
I think everyone's talking about Yorkshire puddings.

Speaker 1 People like Yorkshire puddings, but no one would say they're the main thing. And that's where they're wrong.

Speaker 1 Why are they wrong? Because that's the yummiest bit. You've got to make your case for this.
That's the yummiest bit. What are you eating first when you eat your roast Yorkshire puds every damn day?

Speaker 1 No, I've got to save them. So you don't want to just like, because they are delicious.
I don't want to use them because they're the best bits. I don't like Yorkshire pudding.
Oh,

Speaker 1 here we go. Oh, dear.
Sorry, everyone.

Speaker 1 Are you mad? No, I'm perfectly sane. I just don't enjoy Yorkshire Pud.
Also, can I just say, if you are mad or have got mental health issues, then.

Speaker 1 Lewis is coming out.

Speaker 1 It's not that sort of podcast, though.

Speaker 1 Everything is these days.

Speaker 1 Or I like bits of stuff. So

Speaker 1 I don't want to be weighed down by one meal. So I want a tapas, but I want the tapas to be of my choosing.

Speaker 1 Global tapas, baby. Global.
Okay. So your main course is foods from all over the world.
Global tapas.

Speaker 1 So you're like, tapas, but like from everywhere. Yeah.
You've got to stop saying global tapas. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think I can. No,

Speaker 1 especially knowing told it not to. So hang on, on, we've gone through

Speaker 1 Thai food to vegan roast to global tapas.

Speaker 1 What have the first two you got in common? They can sit in the global tapas.

Speaker 1 So two of the little dishes in your global tapas are the red Thai curry and the vegan roast. Yeah.
Yes. You could put the red Thai curry in a Yorkshire pudding.
How about that? No, thank you.

Speaker 1 No, why not? Mix. That sounds nice.
I won't mix the tapas. There's a pub in my dad's that does the pub meals are all you just get a giant Yorkshire pudding and they fill it.

Speaker 1 See if you know your dad. Shut up.

Speaker 1 You could get curry in that. You could get chicken tea.
In the nice place. In the New Forest.
That's lovely, actually.

Speaker 1 You get a giant Yorkshire pudding and they do one with Chili Concarni and they do one with

Speaker 1 Hampshire. I wouldn't like to go to this place.
What's it called? It's called The Trusty Servant. The Trusty Servant, yeah.

Speaker 1 That is a very, I mean. Road trip to the Trusty Servant? Sure, absolutely.
It's a good public. It's a big insight into Ed's family there.

Speaker 1 I eat at the Trusty Servant.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, I get the subtext there.

Speaker 1 Give us an example. If we give you five little dishes that you can have from across the globe for your main course, that will allow that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, go. No, you need to.

Speaker 1 We're not going to read out a load of different things from all over the world and you choose five of them.

Speaker 1 This is your choice. We'll read out every dish.
Okay,

Speaker 1 go.

Speaker 1 We'll start with Ed. Oh, your face was so serious when you said, okay, go.

Speaker 1 You're really composing yourself. And you're like, okay, I'm ready.
I'm ready to do this. I didn't want to.
I'm going to hear the menu. I just didn't want to fuck it up.
I was really ready. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you've got your Thai dish. Yeah? Oh, so that's on the

Speaker 1 top of the red Thai coat. With the brown rice.
It's all in one ticket. With the brown rice, it's all in one little dish.
Okay, we'll let you have that. I might start with that.

Speaker 1 Then you've got your roast with the trimmings. But hold on.
So what's that? It's a little dish. It's a little dish.
It's got... So what's your roast with the trimmings in the little dish?

Speaker 1 It's just your Yorkshire pudding.

Speaker 1 But it's as big as one Yorkshire pudding, this dish. Vegan Yorkshire pudding.
Okay, and it's got stuff inside it. So, what's inside the Yorkshire pudding? How do you make vegan Yorkshire pudding?

Speaker 1 Oh, they've done it before, they'll do it again. Okay.

Speaker 1 Stuffing.

Speaker 1 Stuffing? Yeah. Inside the pork.
Stuffing inside. Inside the Yorkshire pudding.
Don't check your phone while I'm going into a dreamy dinner. My sister texts me about a flat check.

Speaker 1 Carry on.

Speaker 1 You're always on, James. Yeah.
Broccoli. It's made an appearance again, and I can't help that.
Okay. But is the cookie?

Speaker 1 Or maybe spinach.

Speaker 1 Spinach in a roast? Well, throw out some other ideas then.

Speaker 1 Parsnips.

Speaker 1 Roast parsnips. Roast potatoes.
Carrots. Potatoes.
Roast potato little ones and some mash and then some gravy and then we're done. Okay, so two ties of potato and a Yorkshire pudding.

Speaker 1 Stuffing and gravy. Okay, yeah.
So stuffing, mashed potato, roast potato, in a Yorkshire pudding covered in gravy. Yeah.
And that's on your global tapas menu. No, this is true.
I've got three more.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's on your global tapas menu. I'm just checking that one of them is just a little dish of carbs.
Yeah. A really weird dish of carbs.

Speaker 1 What a good representative of Britain on the global tapas scene. That sounds fucking lovely, actually.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When I was younger, I mean, I did not have much taste, but I used to have smash, you know, smash the instant

Speaker 1 with gravy. But I mean, you know, I was very poor and I was also mad.

Speaker 1 Hello, it's James and Ed here. We're just briefly interrupting ourselves and Lou to let you know about Lou's fantastic show that she's doing.
Very bad at promoting herself.

Speaker 1 She really should have done it on the podcast, but it's up to us to interrupt ourselves to come and tell you about her show, Shame Pig. Shame Pig at the Soho Theatre, February 25th to the 28th.

Speaker 1 And you're on a tour, right? She's doing a tour, starts on Feb 24th. London dates 25th to the 28th, Soho Theatre.
Nationwide tour starts on Feb 24th. It's a brilliant show.
I have seen it three times.

Speaker 1 Whoa! And it it was fantastic each time. Back to the podcast.

Speaker 1 Number three.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't want to mess this up.
I'm really thinking hard here. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Once I had cauliflower, which doesn't, which I hate, by the way. I think

Speaker 1 this isn't true.

Speaker 1 I don't think cauliflower has got any nutritional value because it's white and I don't trust really foods that are white. Anyway.
But it was...

Speaker 1 Nothing about.

Speaker 1 You know, in that place in Edinburgh that I saw you in once, it's vegan.

Speaker 1 What's it called? Paradise. Paradise Palms.
Yeah. Lucky pig is the name of the pop-up, yeah.
Because the pig gets away, of course. Very clever.

Speaker 1 So they had this cauliflower that was in a batter with a sauce.

Speaker 1 It was Buffalo cauliflower.

Speaker 1 Now that could be one of my dishes. Could be.

Speaker 1 Oh, for the sake of all of us, just make it a dish. That's it.

Speaker 1 I was just thinking in the interest of time that will be. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then another couple of things that I decided on the day.

Speaker 1 This is the day. This is the day while we're here.
Cheese, spinach, and mushrooms all put together with cream.

Speaker 1 Where's that from in the globe? Just from my kitchen. That's from your globe.

Speaker 1 Isn't it good that that gets a shot? That's the same Republic now, isn't it?

Speaker 1 The global landmark of Lou's Kitchen. We've got still got the principality.
We've still got Mexico to go. That's the only country left, isn't it? Yeah, oh, you've missed out Mexico of all the.

Speaker 1 But that

Speaker 1 whirlwind tour of the globe somehow missed Mexico.

Speaker 1 Thailand to Britain where you live to your own kitchen.

Speaker 1 Hang on.

Speaker 1 So we've missed Mexico. Scotland.
We've got Scott. There's that chicken

Speaker 1 there with that cauliflower that you had in Scotland. And then fake fish tacos.

Speaker 1 And then it's good night.

Speaker 1 It was good night for me. Where are the fake fish tacos from? They sound nice.

Speaker 6 Mexico.

Speaker 1 Mexican.

Speaker 1 But not, have you had them? Have you eaten them anywhere?

Speaker 1 Yeah, in LA. In LA.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Do you remember the name of the restaurant? Do you remember what you were feeling like when you ate them? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So confrontational.

Speaker 1 No, it wasn't actually. It was a festival in England, I remember.

Speaker 1 Via English America. But via Mexico, okay.
The man was probably holidayed in Mexico a little bit. Yeah, he picked you went to Mexico a couple of times.

Speaker 1 So let's just, James, can you remember the global tapas? The global tapas. Yeah.
We've got red curry.

Speaker 1 The red Thai curry with the ground rice.

Speaker 1 Then you have a

Speaker 1 A Yorkshire pudding with mashed potato, roast potatoes, some stuffing and some gravy on it. Then you've got, I believe it was

Speaker 1 broccoli, carrots and cheese in a dish. No, no, no, no, it was.
Spinach, mushrooms, cheese, and cream. But that will be cold.
Spinach, mushroom, cheese, and cream all mixed together in a dish.

Speaker 1 From your kitchen.

Speaker 1 NW5. The buffalo cauliflower from

Speaker 1 the Lucky Pig. Yep.

Speaker 1 And the fake fish tacos that you had at a festival once. Yeah.

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Speaker 1 Now you've really made a bit of a

Speaker 1 bit of a

Speaker 1 choose a side dish to go with all those tapas. Yeah, spinach.

Speaker 1 Spinach and garlic. Spinach

Speaker 1 to go on the side of the spinach, mushrooms and cheese.

Speaker 1 So two spinach dishes now.

Speaker 1 Truffle chips with parmesan shavings on. To go with the roast potatoes and mashed potatoes.
Oh, no, two minutes, too many, two minutes. Three types of

Speaker 1 okay. Then.

Speaker 1 The only one not in a Yorkshire pudding, to be fair. And then

Speaker 1 what other vegetables are there? I do need some veg. Oh, do you need some veg? Or that orca? The orca.
Is that good for you? A whale? A whale? That's not vegan. Aqua, aqua.
Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 You've got to be very careful when you're ordering from a chicken.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, aqua.
Oh, that's good.

Speaker 1 Okra's good. That would do, that'll do good.
Ladies' fingers, they call that. Yeah, but how do you you want them? Well,

Speaker 1 however they come, the most nicest, please. Delicious.
I'll look and crispy. Yep.
Crispy, John and Crispy.

Speaker 1 Luda stuck her entire tongue out and I went, eh!

Speaker 1 I was going to say yes, she does crispy.

Speaker 1 What drink are you having before this? Ah, no, once I got really high on Japanese tea and you and it was really good quality because my friend's like a tea dealer and it was amazing.

Speaker 1 Are you sure that was tea? No, I answered some mushrooms.

Speaker 1 So you also did some mushrooms as well. But it wasn't.
You didn't really get high on Japanese tea. It wasn't the tea that Lou.

Speaker 1 I got high on the tea before the mushrooms and then we topped it off with the mushrooms. Does that sound right, does it? I did, I did.
Because you can on really good tea get a bit of a buzz from it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, especially if you have it just before you have magic mushrooms. It's very high in caffeine, I think.
Is it? Japanese food. Is it like the thick stuff in a bowl?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but but they do all the ceremony, the rituals, yeah,

Speaker 1 super high in caffeine. I think, oh, it was great.
I had a lovely time. Did you want that? Yeah, your drink.
What flavour is it? Mushrooms.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 mushroom tea with

Speaker 1 a hallucinogen.

Speaker 1 No, it's, I don't do that stuff anymore. Um, but so just normal Japanese tea, the nicest one they've got.
Maybe just the nicest one. Like a green tea, like a mushroom.
No specific flavour?

Speaker 1 It could be lavender and mose.

Speaker 1 Could be centure. I don't know.
Could be anything you want. Something exotic, for the love of God.
Okay. Lilts.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know how, Lou, in a restaurant where you can order anything you want, you're still a nightmare orderer. Yeah.
How are you still letting the chef choose? Maybe that's your projections, yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's your judgments, yeah? Because I think I've been absolutely lovely. Because you're very specific when you're ordering stuff in actual restaurants.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And as soon as you arrive where you can have anything you want, you're going to have anything. I don't know what flavour the tea is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you can have anything you want, so I'll expect this stupid little genie to be saying to me, how about orange blossom or something, you know?

Speaker 1 Something I hadn't thought about before in my limited brain. I'm just letting you choose.
Well, whatever you like.

Speaker 1 Lavender and rose, then, please. Lavender and rose.
Lavender and rose. What a lovely choice.

Speaker 1 Actually, orange blossom. Was that an impression of a little monkey? Yeah, what was that? What was that? Oh, ah! Yeah,

Speaker 1 disturbed. Actually, oh, and the lead thing was disturbed.

Speaker 1 I'll have a orange blossom, please. Orange blossom.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're getting to the dessert now.

Speaker 1 But, you know. Now this is very clear.
I'd imagine this will be straightforward. No, it's very straightforward, very clear-cut.
Yes.

Speaker 1 It's a vegan gornetto. I knew it was going to be that.
Before you said it, I was like, because you mentioned it earlier.

Speaker 1 You say it's straightforward and stuff, but you just revealed it earlier on in the show.

Speaker 1 I teased it. You've all teased it.

Speaker 1 You talked about the whole thing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love that. Or chocolate brownie with ice cream.
Because

Speaker 1 multiple options every course.

Speaker 1 Well, you didn't seem happy with my first answer. I'm very happy with vegan cornetto.
I think that's a lovely

Speaker 1 thing. Sometimes you don't want a fancy pudding, do you? You just want to be able to go to the freezer and grab a lovely ice cream.

Speaker 1 Pop me on the sofa. How do you feel? Let me watch you feel.

Speaker 1 Have you got one?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I eat the top first and then I just work my way. I'm quite sort of regular with that.
Bite into it? Do you lick it?

Speaker 1 It depends how much I want the ice cream. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I'll do a few licks and then chomping bits off when I'm like.

Speaker 1 I'd always bite a cornetto, I think. Yeah.
Because it's kind of square at the top. It doesn't feel like you can sort of lick it.
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 And it's got the lovely chocolate chunky bits, so you can bite them off. My favourite.
That is really cool. We used to do soft-serve cornettos at Wikiteed Park.
I worked there when I was 15, I guess.

Speaker 1 And yeah, we just got the soft serve cornettos in, which are very short-lived.

Speaker 1 And we'd have to load up a capsule into the machine.

Speaker 1 and do the soft serve and there's loads of different flavours and because it wasn't very busy because it was the autumn I was just eating them all all the time. Yeah.
Of course I was.

Speaker 1 Of course you was. I was putting them into a bowl.
Did you have like the cones with a bit of chocolate at the bottom of them? No, it was just normal cones. Right.

Speaker 1 Bit of a shame. But mix it with anything we wanted.
Like what? Well, we had carte d'Or ice cream as well. So you were cutting, you were cutting cart d'Arr into cornetto? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Having them both together. I'll get the strachiacella.
What is it? I don't know. Strachia Ciccella.
Strachiacelle? Yeah. Yeah, the one that's like, it's like...
Trying to say Thailand again?

Speaker 1 It's a white ice cream, so Lou wouldn't like it. White, but with like...
Chocolate in, yeah, yeah. So white chocolate ice cream with dark chocolate cut into it.

Speaker 1 I'd get a scoop of that and then smother it with some sauce-served cornetto. He's always been an innovator, this guy.
Yeah, and they'll be eating them together.

Speaker 1 And then Sandra Chetin would keep a lookout for them if the bosses were coming.

Speaker 1 Lou.

Speaker 1 Can you remember what you ordered? This is always a good test. Yeah.
Take us through what you've ordered. We'll just double-check the order.
Broccoli souffle, still water with lots of lemons, no ice.

Speaker 1 Well, a bit of ice, but not too much. Broccoli souffle, then you're on to the global tapas.
You've got your Yorkshire puddle with stuff in, you got your Thai, you got your

Speaker 1 cauliflower thing, you got your

Speaker 1 dear dear. Well, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to transport you to where in the world the tapas comes from. Fish taco, thank you.
Your flat, did we do that one? The one in... No, I actually have done the one in a flat.

Speaker 1 Finished mushroom cheese. I remember cream all mixed.
And cream all mixed together. I remember them all because I'm so goddamn hungry for that.
I've done it. Gorgeous.
What are you having on the side?

Speaker 1 Aqua. Yeah.
And what are you drinking? Uh, Japanese tea, orange blossom. And pudding is cornetto.
Vegan cornetto.

Speaker 1 Now, normally, so our producer, the Great Benito, will write down what everyone's having as you go along so we can remember it and read it out at the end. I've never seen a more complicated

Speaker 1 bit to scribbled out because you said stuff and then changed your mind. It looks like a plan to rob a bank.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's, I'd say, it's the most interesting menu menu we've had yeah oh people think

Speaker 1 people think they have to put up with what's there people think oh this is what oh i'm only as good as you know a cheese toastie sure you're not after a global tapas baby yeah i mean what you've got to remember is lou is that uh in this restaurant on this show it's not like there's anything there that you get to choose whatever you like anyway so i mean if you can't dream pick here where are you going to dream big here but i just find it really interesting that the only time you can pick whatever you like you offered us quite a lot of choices yeah you didn't know what to pick it's arrogant to think that i know the everything from the global buffet you know yes i've travelled yeah of course look at me but i don't know everything

Speaker 1 you know yes i've been to valda's air

Speaker 1 how many times three

Speaker 1 so i thought you might know more than me but it turns out you didn't so about what you like to eat yeah no no no

Speaker 1 we don't know as much as you but you know

Speaker 1 that was uh that was fun i'm very happy with that i'd quite like to try um the spinach mushrooms and cheese and cream all mixed things next time you come in sure you've got it great yeah i'd try that i'd um you made me want some buffalo cauliflower now i'm really hungry actually i thought there might be snacks i don't know that's what this podcast does yeah yeah there should be snacks here shouldn't they because we're talking about food but we've not provided anything

Speaker 1 last time i was here you did provide loads of chocolate it was absolutely lovely oh yeah yeah you you were eating that chocolate. What's sort of chocolate here? Got a Tokyo banana cake?

Speaker 1 No, I think I'll do it. Ed went to Japan and he bought back some Tokyo bananas for me.
I've been really enjoying them. Just normal bananas, but from Tokyo.
No,

Speaker 1 they're like little spongy cakes

Speaker 1 full of like a nice banana cream. Do you like bananas? Yeah, I love bananas.
Favourite fruit. Is it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I did have a banana in Tokyo from a department store that was individually wrapped in a cellophane wrapping. Because, you know, they love a bit of fruit there as gifts.
Wow.

Speaker 1 nice about three quid that was lovely it was really nice i ate it in a park yeah

Speaker 1 did you show it up

Speaker 1 okay thanks very much lou

Speaker 1 thanks for coming loud a pleasure to serve you your food none of which was from a specific place and all of which

Speaker 1 you uh made up on the spot thank you very much for having me i've had a a wonderful time first time anyone's actually just got up she's actually leaving

Speaker 1 a shooter she's genuinely leaving normally we stop recording and then we say thank you very much and then they go

Speaker 1 are you still recording yeah it's fun

Speaker 1 well that was lou with her interesting meal james what a mess

Speaker 1 i think that is the only way to describe it i think a lot of a lot of potato in there too much potato i would say most amount of potato that's ever been inside one yorkshire pudding and uh quite quite a sloppy meal I didn't notice at the time, but now I'm thinking about it.

Speaker 1 Quite a sloppy meal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We've got gravy slop,

Speaker 1 creamy spinach slop.

Speaker 1 Various other slops. Gravy, spinach.

Speaker 1 It was all. And also, like,

Speaker 1 there weren't for many specific places. It was just stuff off the top of her head that she'd like to eat.
Yeah. Claims she had any meals that have been her best meal she'd ever had.

Speaker 1 Claimed she was prepared for the podcast. Yeah.
But wasn't, obviously.

Speaker 1 Which is a shock because she's got her own very funny podcast, which a lot of work goes into. Why is your bottom so dirty? It's called Why Is Your Bottom So Dirty? We've both guested on it, I believe.

Speaker 1 Well, have we? Ah, well, okay, you play at Garrick's Ronnick. So

Speaker 1 it's a podcast with Luke McQueen, where Luke plays a doctor. Listen to it.
It's very difficult to describe, but it's very funny. If you like Lou's vibe on this, listen to the podcast.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys, thanks for listening to the podcast. If you could subscribe to it on iTunes or wherever you listen to your podcasts, if you give it a good review, five stars, please.
Five stars, obviously.

Speaker 1 Come on, don't be horrible. Tell your friends.
Tell all you that sort of thing. And then we'll be able to keep doing it, get more people on, talk about their meals that they like.

Speaker 1 Why not follow us on social media? At Off Menu Official is the name of the Twitter account. Follow us on there.

Speaker 1 You'll find out loads of great stuff about upcoming guests, secret treats, extra courses. Yeah, we're just going to keep doing our thing and you just keep listening.

Speaker 1 That's how I want to end every week.

Speaker 1 Bye-bye. Goodbye.

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Speaker 15 See Totalwine.com for details. Spirits not sold in Virginia and North Carolina.
Drink responsibly.

Speaker 16 Be 21.

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Speaker 8 Your sleep number setting.

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Speaker 16 You know Hannah and I love a good bed rotting session, reality TV, snacks nearby.

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Speaker 23 hello i'm lucy beaumont and i'm sam campbell as a matter of fact perfect brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts the effect it has on people is astounding that that is what we've heard is it isn't it yeah this changes people's lives if you had to sum it up how would you sum it up An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals.

Speaker 23 Because it used to be considered so honourable, like sumos and they all live together, sumos.

Speaker 1 No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just messaged loads of Derek's? I don't think people know that.
I emailed a hundred Derek's. I don't think it was Derek's.

Speaker 1 I thought it was Brian.

Speaker 23 Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook.

Speaker 1 Our podcast is out every Friday. It's really easy to remember.
It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first day you feel alive again.

Speaker 23 Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, one of the hottest podcasts. People are going crazy for this podcast.

Speaker 1 Yeah, please give it a listen.

Speaker 23 We're loaded up on BuzzBalls. We've got a laboo boo in both hands, and we are ready to screech.