Ep 7: Lolly Adefope

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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Welcome to the off-menu

podcast.

I really wish you'd stop doing that.

Well, you got to get ready for it.

Yeah, but I'm ready for it.

I'm saying welcome to the off-menu podcast.

That's me, Ed Gamble, saying that.

And then you, James Acasta, insist on cutting in.

I'm joining in with you.

Okay, well, let's try it.

It's not cutting in, is it?

If you're ever in a choir and everyone's singing with you, you'd go, stop cutting in.

It's my son.

Even if it's not your line, yeah, if it's someone else's solo and they start doing it.

Did you think that was your solo then?

Where

is love?

I'm always surprised at how nice a voice you have.

Thank you.

But that would be weird if you cut in on Oliver Twist.

Is that who you think you are?

If someone's on this podcast, you think Oliver Twist.

Imagine if you went to see Oliver Twist and he was doing Where Where is Love, and then suddenly the person playing Fagin just bursts on and starts singing along.

Very unusual, that would be.

Yes, yes.

I think you need to remind yourself you're not Oliver Twist before you do this podcast.

And I'm not Fagin, thank you very much.

You're right, I'm more of a Bill Sykes-like character.

I'm more of an artful dodger.

Now that's agreed, we can crack on with the off-menu podcast.

Explain what it is, James.

We ask guests to name their favourite ever starter, menu, dessert,

side, and drink.

drink uh some of us roll with the punches uh when that happens to them well no mentioning it now is not rolling with the punches thank you for joining in with it bill i had a nice time um

today we've got lolliadafope yeah wonderful lolliadafope very funny uh and uh she knows she knows her food as well oh she knows her food all right uh she would describe herself as a foodie

But also, I think, no, I'm not going to give anything away.

It's a good episode.

Is there an ingredient that she must not mention?

Otherwise, she gets kicked out of the podcast.

Every week we have a secret ingredient.

If they mention it, they're out on their ear.

This week's secret ingredient is lemongrass.

I hate lemongrass.

I don't mind necessarily the flavour it imparts, but I think there's been ingredients we've had in the past that also have the same effect.

If you crunch down on a bit of lemongrass...

that happens to be in the dish still, it ruins the dish.

Today, ruiner.

And also, I just don't like the flavour of it.

I've had like lemongrass tea before when I thought I was getting a nice lemon tea.

Yeah.

And it is not the same taste.

No.

I do not like it.

It's too much.

I don't really see the point.

I haven't ever had it in a way that's nice.

If someone's never said, this has got lemongrass in it.

And the lemongrass flavor has improved the dish.

If Lolly says it, it's unforgivable.

She's out.

With a heavy heart, she's out.

Have you got a little burp on the way there?

A little burp just then.

Yeah, the little burp.

We've just been for lunch, spoiler warning.

Yeah, we've been for lunch.

Hey, who would know?

We eat food as well.

We talk about food and we eat food.

We love food.

If you're listening to the podcast and you haven't subscribed, what the bloody heck are you playing at?

Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you get your podcast from.

Review, rate, five stars, please.

Nice reviews.

Yeah, always give five stars.

That's what I give my Uber drivers.

That's what I should expect from you.

Tell your friends.

Here we are.

This is the Off-Menu Podcast with Lolly Adafopa.

Hello, Lolly.

Hi, yeah.

How are you doing, mate?

Good, thank you.

How are you?

All right, thanks.

Thanks for coming on the podcast.

May I take your coat?

Ah, okay.

Who are you?

The waiter.

I just appeared out of nowhere, didn't I?

Right.

Because I'm a genie.

I think I'll keep my coat.

Thank you.

Well, that is the most passive-aggressive entrance to the restaurant we've had.

I've never seen anyone keep their coat.

I've not even sat down yet.

No, I don't know.

I don't give my coat often.

I don't keep my coat on, but in a restaurant that's a bit fancier, where they're like, can we take your coat away?

I always say, no, okay.

It's a power play.

Yeah, it's an absolute power play.

On my behalf or on their restaurant.

On yours.

Yeah.

You're showing them, I know you've got this fancy restaurant, but I've got my coat.

I'll keep my coat because I've brought my own knife and fork in my pocket.

Yeah.

I mean, it's not a power play on their part, is it?

That's very paranoid if you thought it was.

Yeah, no, no.

I think it is a power play on their part.

Yeah.

They're like, just to show we own you now.

Because also, it's going to stop you running out and not paying your bill.

Is that what they do it?

Yeah, I reckon so.

But if you're not planning on doing that anyway, then unless you are.

Yeah, but it's always nice to have the option.

I think it's a little bit of a power play on them because then sometimes you have to fumble for your phone and be like, I can't live without my phone.

Yeah, I need to get my phone.

Sorry, I need to get my phone.

Sorry, my phone.

I need my card as well.

And my ID in case I get AD.

And my insulin, but I know I suppose that's not a universal observation, is it?

I carry insulin.

Used tissue tumbles out of your pocket because you're trying to get your phone, it goes on the floor and they see you have a little snot bag.

Yeah, little chewing gum wrappers, receipts, and you need those for your freelance.

Yeah, you don't actually.

Look at them during the meal.

Exactly.

Work out how much you can spend.

Self-assessment.

So you've never done a runner, James?

No, I'd love to.

Lolly?

I've never done a runner.

Once when I was younger, my mum pretended that we were going to do one.

Right.

And I cried because I was so scared of that.

Really?

You're a very well-behaved child.

Even your mother knew how to play you.

That's very sweet that you cried because you couldn't countenance breaking the law and being a runner.

And very funny that your mum pretended that you were going to do a runner.

Where was it?

I'm not sure.

I think it was a Chinese restaurant.

I think our local Chinese restaurant.

Maybe

eight.

Great.

Yeah.

Cried at eight to get a daughter.

Yeah.

I think I was just, in my head, I was like, I'm going to be the one who trips and falls.

Yeah.

That was what it was.

And in your head, your mum was going to just leave it.

Absolutely.

She's fallen.

Just keep going.

Go every man for himself.

Yeah.

You didn't run any drills or anything like that.

No, exactly.

It had good

Yeah.

I've never done a runner, but once, I think it must have been about 15 or 16, like a big group of us went to Pizza Express, like maybe 15 teenagers.

Wow.

And we all, we thought it would be really, really funny.

We all left one by one until there was only one person left.

And then that person paid.

Wow.

Who was that?

Daniel O'Prey, so sorry.

But what if they don't have the money in their account?

I wouldn't have that money in my account.

I think it was pretty rich.

Okay, fine.

Once at Pizza Express, me, Nish and Romesh went for some pizzas.

Yeah.

And Romesh's pizza just didn't arrive.

So they gave us our pizzas for free and Romesh still didn't get a pizza.

It was the best day ever.

Yeah.

Me and Nish were really happy and we wanted to go and do a gig together and me and Nish kept saying how great it was that we got our pizzas for free.

And Romesh, obviously the perfect person for that to happen,

really, really angry about it.

Yeah, what were they thinking?

Like, oh, okay, we've got to make it up to them.

Well, the only way to make that up is to get Romesh a pizza, sure.

But by that point, it was too, too, because we had to go.

Right.

So eventually it was like, we've got to go now.

And they were like, well, okay, well, your pizza's around us.

This is brilliant.

He was not happy.

Lolly, are you a food person?

Do you like food?

I love food.

Yes.

And I think I would...

I would say that I have quite good taste in food.

I was swaying at the top.

But then when I was thinking of my favourite meals, they were very basic.

Right, right.

But that's understandable because you look for something that comforts you and reminds you of nice, safe times.

Exactly.

That's not necessarily fancy Dan food, is it?

Well, exactly, yeah.

I go to lots of nice restaurants,

but that's more for the event of it, I think.

For the event?

Yeah, getting dressed out.

Just to be seen.

Just to be seen, you know, yeah.

Sit in the front window.

Exactly.

There's Lolly at another fancy restaurant.

Yeah, sort of alone.

Yeah.

She's so dressed up.

Always wearing a suit.

Clutching her coat.

All the belongings in her arms.

Looking at her receipts in the front window of that fancy restaurant

can i start you off with some water what would you like would you like still or sparkling um i would like still please justify yourself

um i ran here yes because i was i was running late yeah and i'm parched and i need a refresher not a fancy drink which is sparkling water that was feels fancy fancy down again we got back to fancy down fancy downs So sparkling isn't refreshing for you.

It's not refreshing, no.

It's delicious, and I've come to that quite recently, maybe in the last five years.

When would you have some sparkling?

If I hadn't run there, I would start off with some sparkling.

It depends if you've run or not.

Yeah, if I'm relaxed and I've sat down in an ice restaurant, I'll have some sparkling.

But when I need to quench my thirst,

it's always still.

Yeah.

If I feel like I've got a scummy mouth,

I'll have some sparkling water.

It feels like it.

Like a dentist's.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fizzes it right out.

Yeah.

I don't think

Fizz does that.

If anything, I feel like that's the opposite when I have something fizzy.

No.

It feels like it's abrasive against the teeth.

Depends on whether you swig it around, I suppose.

If it's all clangy and scummy mouth,

it's the

fizz.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's the fizz, is it?

Yeah, it's like a dishwasher advert where you see like a dishwasher advert.

That's exactly how it feels.

That's perfect.

It's like jet spraying your mouth.

Jet spraying your mouth, yeah, getting through a lasagna dish.

Exactly.

That's what it feels like.

How often do you have a scummy mouth, James?

Oh, probably every day.

Yeah?

I had a scummy mouth this morning.

Did you?

Because I fell asleep with my mouth open.

Yeah.

Join the club.

Yeah.

Because I think I'm getting a cold, so I sort of fell asleep, like sleeping like that.

And then when you wake up, you've got a very scummy mouth.

I always do anything.

I have my mouth open quite a lot.

And And actually, I don't know if

your Twitter profile still says mouth breather.

It says phony now, but it used to say mouth breathing.

You used to say mouth breather.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I've realised that I breathe a lot through my mouth.

And every time I realise I'm doing it, I think of Lolly Edophobe and her profile, because it's the first place I saw the term.

Yeah, that's at least once a day, surely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I think about Lolly quite a lot.

Yeah.

I think, oh, I'm a little mouth breather, just like Lolly said.

Yeah, I didn't say little, but yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You are a little mouth-breather there, James.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I think we've, and I don't, I hope you don't mind me saying this.

I think we've both got quite nasal voices.

Yep.

Yeah.

Oh, you're not the first to say that one.

Do I have my do I have a nasal voice?

It's not nasal value.

It's not nasal.

Yeah, yeah.

What an awful listening experience this must be.

Yes.

You should change the subject of this talk.

So everybody listening to this.

And I think I found out from a doctor that

there's a tube that links to your ears and throat and nose and mouth.

Or maybe not one tube, but there's a tube, and mine is damaged, or like you're born with it, and it's a bit wrong.

Oh.

And that's why I get like nose issues.

Your tubes are all wrong.

Yeah.

Your tubes.

And maybe you've got that as well.

I might have some tubing issues.

Yeah.

I'm not going to rule it out, but that's okay.

I had a lot of ear issues as a child when I was connected.

Yeah.

Have you ever had your ears, um, the wax taken out by the

Chinese?

Believe me.

Bad one's like I did.

Oh, yeah.

I had a bad year for Chinese.

Oh, what happened to you?

No, I shit myself the day before.

Right.

Okay.

And so I was still feeling bad.

Yeah.

Food poisoning.

Went to the hospital because my ears were absolutely killing me.

This is in America.

Oh, wow.

My ears were killing me so much.

It really, really hurt.

What separately from the person?

Yeah, it's separate.

Oh, wow.

But like, I was like, why is this all happening to me at once?

Went to the hospital, they looked at my ears, they said there was a hella waxy, which I don't think is

a medical term.

No.

And then everyone in the LA hospital was like super attractive.

It was like it was proper ER, like it was actual TV show.

And I was the little scummy ear infection boy with all his wax in his ears who had shat himself.

Tell you what, next time, James, a bit of fizzy water down there, that'll sort you.

Oh, I should have just done that.

And rather than save myself the embarrassment, because I went in and this really beautiful woman syringe in my ears while she was talking.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, it's a la.

She was an actor.

I did not check her credentials.

She's just syringe in my ears and flushing them out while chatting to really attractive hunky male doctors about a party at Brad's in the weekend.

Wow.

Literally talking about that.

And I didn't take my trousers off.

I took my top off and let them put the gown on me.

But I didn't take my trousers off.

And all the water cascaded out of my ears, down my back, and just soaked my butt.

So it was wet.

And then when I was leaving, I just looked, I had a really wet butt.

And everyone could see...

Also, if you shat yourself, the shame doesn't leave your eyes for about 48 hours.

So I still looked at my eyes like I had shattered myself.

And then it looked like I had physically as well on my trousers.

It was the worst.

And I went home and watched Orange is the New Black for many days.

I didn't leave the flat.

And then when I did leave the flat, some teenagers shouted Ron Weasley at me.

Wow.

And you don't even look like Ron, you look like one of the brothers.

Thank you very much.

Worse.

That's worse.

You look like a Weasley, just not the main one.

It's so much worse that I look like one of the.

Oh,

oh, it's so much worse.

Now, Lolly.

Yes.

Pop it onto a bread, Lolly.

Oh, my God.

You made Benito jump and you knew it was coming.

Pop it onto bread.

And when you say pop it onto a bread,

you mean which would I like to start with?

Yes, which would you like on the table while you're waiting for the food?

What if I'm not in an Indian restaurant?

This is a magical restaurant.

Oh.

This is my restaurant.

I'm a genie.

i see a waiter and what what kind of bread is it it's whatever bread you want it to be wow it's whatever pop-doms you want it to be it can be specific popadoms you've had from certain places that were the best i'm going to pick bread yeah

um because i i think pop a doms will um trick my mouth into thinking that curry is coming yes that is a good answer yeah we haven't had that answer yet

and that lets us know curry's not coming yeah curry's not coming lolly's not ordering curry to no no no um so i'm gonna go with bread and i'd like um

the butter to be slightly melted.

Yeah, soft butter.

Yeah, really soft butter.

Maybe a bit of salt as well.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Great.

Any type of bread in particular?

Just nice bread.

Oh, I'll tell the chef.

Not sourdough.

Oh, not sourdough.

Not sourdough.

No, that's that's controversial.

Sourdough's too ubiquitous now, I think.

Right, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I don't think you want to start with sourdough.

What do you think the next big bread's going to be?

Good question.

Very good question.

It's hard though isn't it because gingerbread

gingerbread gingerbread you think they're gonna restaurants are gonna start giving out gingerbread yeah it's it's underrated yeah it is gingerbread's the only place you can get it yeah

have i said about the way they say gingerbread if you're watching bake off with your friends no the way they say it or the way two say it the way two say it if you're watching it if you're watching it and they're making gingerbread on bake off it's just fun to go gingerbread while you're watching it this feels really fun so you're watching it with your friends yeah i was watching it with...

It was in Edinburgh.

It was Stuart Laws, David Trent.

I think Nish was there.

Rose Matofeo.

We were all going, Jinja Bud.

Why were you doing that?

Because I did it, and I found it, I said, it feels really good when you do it.

It doesn't feel really good when you hear it.

Right, yeah.

I think we're sort of experiencing that now.

Yeah, yeah.

I might

give it a go.

Jinja Bud.

You feel good?

How was it?

I think I messed up the juice.

No, it sounded pretty good to me.

It was fun, actually.

It is fun to do it.

I don't want to do it.

Oh, okay, Okay, fair enough.

I mean, you already discovered that you love it.

Yeah.

But everyone, whenever, when everyone did it, they loved it.

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So, we've got nice bread coming up with some song on the butter, soft butter.

So, now we can come to the starter.

Yes, and I would like to order

anything from a Chinese starter menu.

Anything.

Anything.

Anything from a Chinese starter menu?

Yeah, because my one of my most indecisive moments is when I'm trying to pick a Chinese starter because I want all of it interesting so what I'm sure what we could do is is a selection platter of starter yeah yeah but then sometimes the selection platter doesn't have the stuff that you want well but what is the stuff that you want then

well because then we can narrow it down I want spring rolls yep yeah prawn toast

chicken satay skewers

Chicken satay skewers I would not bother with them myself pardon

Just say it.

Well, you just have the chicken satay meal.

Or you just wouldn't have it at all.

The chicken satay, I probably wouldn't have...

No, I would...

I do like chicken satay, but with noodles and stuff, yeah.

With like...

Right, as a meal.

I get that from Redbox Noodle.

I don't like Redbox.

Here we go.

It was a real...

Everyone was obsessed with it.

So for listeners who aren't au fait with the specific takeaway culture of Edinburgh, Scotland,

there's a noodle place called Redbox Noodles, which people are very obsessed with because...

Because it's cheap.

It's cheap and it's quick.

Yeah.

And you can eat it quickly and then go and do a show.

Yeah.

If you decide to eat it.

And you decide your noodles first, and then you decide what meat you're having, what sauce, what veg.

Yeah.

You build as you go.

But I think that the fact that you can build as you go means that you're often going to get something not good.

I want a chef to say, this is what goes with this.

Okay.

And then you pick it.

I think it all goes with each other.

I think that's.

Well, I spoke to noodle connoisseur Phil Wang

about Redbox, and he doesn't think it's great.

Well we can't really argue with that.

So you've got prawn toast, spring rolls, spring rolls, chicken tattoo skewers.

Yeah, if you go to my favourite restaurant, Park Chinois, where's that?

That's in Mayfair.

Posh Chinese.

Posh, very posh.

Grace Dent actually gave it a very bad review.

Did she?

Yeah.

Yeah, but it's my favourite restaurant.

And they have a band

and they play like jazz and it feels very Chinese jazz?

Just jazz.

Just jazz?

It may be a Chinese jazz.

But they have

been sung in English, so I'm not quite sure.

And yeah, they have venison puffs.

Oh, which are

this sounds like the real starter?

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

But then I also want all of the rest.

Now, now, this is going to get far too sort of London posh Chinese specific, but I'll tell you where else there's a lovely venison puff.

Hakassan.

Oh, no.

Yaucha.

Oh, love it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yaocha.

Yaocha.

Yaocha.

Where's Yaocha?

Sort of, it's Berry.

It's like corner of Berry Street.

Chinese restaurant in London.

Yeah.

Because my family always go to Chinese restaurants when it's birthday.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There was a period of time when we were like, I think we've done them all.

We couldn't think we couldn't find them anymore.

Chinese London.

Yeah, we had to start going to like Fulham and stuff and we were like, no, we don't do this anymore.

Where in London?

Where in London did you start?

Sutton.

Sutton.

So you branched out from there.

Yeah, we used to go to Heen's Sutton, which was our local.

We used to go there all the time.

Is that the one where your mum threatened to do a run?

And then you cried.

So you couldn't go there anymore because you embarrassed yourself.

And then my mum and the rest of my family got sick of Heenes.

And I was like, I'm happy to stick with Heenes for the rest of my life.

But they were like, no, we have to branch out.

So then we started branching out.

Then we went to Hackersand quite a lot.

Yeah.

And HKK, which is the sister restaurant of Hakasan.

That's a real jump in terms of, I mean, I've not been to Heen's in Sutton.

Well, exactly.

And I know what you're going to say.

But it feels like a real sort of swank jump.

It's not that much of a jump.

It's Heens pretty pop.

In my opinion.

Yeah.

I just think it's delicious.

Yeah.

I think maybe there was something in between Heens and Hakassan, probably.

Yeah, because you can't go straight from Heanz to Hakassan.

You can't go from Heans to Hagasan.

That's the tagline.

Heens to Hagatan with Loyada My little book you've released

or the Chinese restaurants you've been to.

Good idea for a book.

Yeah,

I didn't know that you were such a Chinese restaurant nut.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just for some reason it's just become the birthday thing to do, is to go to a nice fancy Chinese restaurant.

It's a good birthday.

Good birthday meal, I'd say.

Yeah.

I've never had a venison puff.

Oh, you must.

Describe it.

Venison encased in puff pastry.

And how's the venison done?

Is it just like a little chunk of venison?

A little cube?

I think it's like sort of

like when it like it's been sort of cut into strips and then put it in a sauce.

Yeah, it's saucy, isn't it?

Yeah, it's saucy, yeah.

It's quite saucy.

It's like um it's almost like a little um steak bake.

Exactly, exactly.

Yeah,

with venison.

Yeah, yeah.

And the pastry, I'm not speaking for the one Yaucha here, is a little sweet, a little bit sweet.

Yeah.

It's really good.

The Yaucha one is a little bit of a sweet.

The Yauch one is a little sweet.

The Pochinois is sweet, yeah.

The Poxin was sweet as well.

It's a gorgeous little pot.

So that's on the starter plate.

That's on the starter, yeah.

But the prawn crackers, the prawn toasts, sorry, the prawn crackers need to be on there.

The prawn toasts and the pressure.

Maybe the red prawn crackers is one of the options with the

at the beginning would certainly be.

Red pop-dumps or prawn crackers.

Yeah, you should, yeah.

That's a lot more to shout, isn't it?

Shout that every time.

For your main.

Yes.

Madam.

I struggled to narrow it down.

You're going to have anything off the main on an interview.

What were some contenders?

What were some ones that you threw away?

So

one of them was

a quarter pounder

with chips.

Amazing.

Because

from McDonald's restaurant.

Yeah.

Which Kanye West tweeted something that I'd said maybe two days before, which is McDonald's is the greatest restaurant in the world.

Right.

Because it is.

Wow.

Yeah, but I think you and Kanye fought that for different reasons.

The owner of Heens just killed him.

I think so.

I think you would think that maybe as a genuine, you were eating it and thought this is the best food in the world.

And you thought taste-wise is the best.

And Kanye would have thought it's the best because he admires how they've just crushed everybody.

Right, right, right, true.

The corporate side of it.

Yeah, he'd be like, this is genius.

I also think he likes to eat it as well.

Do you reckon?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, but I reckon what he respects the artist.

Yeah, he respects the artistry.

He probably watched that film that Michael Keaton did.

The founder.

Yeah.

And watched that and thought that is inspiring.

Right.

That's worth the branding.

But I do think it's the best.

How often do you eat at McDonald's?

It used to be a lot more often.

Now, maybe

once a month.

Once a month.

And do you eat in?

Never.

Never eat in.

Never.

But I, because I used to live in a lot of flats where I didn't have a living room.

And so I...

became like like my brain became obsessed with the idea of eating food in bed right and getting home from a night out going straight to my room yeah and eating my food in bed

and so now that's what I do yeah well not anymore because I've got a living room now but for a while that's what I did McDonald's was the go-to bed food I just don't really like eating in in fast food places I think it's a little bit depressing McDonald's is a very depressing restaurant to eat in restaurants if you go in in the day it's probably quite fun it's been done up a bit now yeah it feels a bit more like uh

just the way the tables are all laid out everything looks quite clean and nice yeah it is nicer yeah.

And because they've got the uh, the order your own screens.

I don't like those.

Yeah, they're stressful.

Because everyone can see what I'm ordering.

It's a huge.

Everyone can see how long you're taking to decide as well.

Yeah, and they can all see your options, what you're what you're order.

I don't like that.

It's quite a private thing for you, is it?

The McDonald's order.

Feel judged, yeah.

I feel that everyone's looking over.

And what are you picking?

Oh, you're not.

Well, if it's anything like your Nando's order, you deserve to be judged.

Yeah,

everyone would absolutely hate me for what I ordered and left on here, actually.

Phillip Fish?

No, so here's the thing: here's the qualifier.

Do I say it?

No.

But I was brought up to think that McDonald's was the devil.

So my dad was like, really hated McDonald's.

And

so, like,

I see it as the most unhealthy thing in the world, and I shouldn't be going in there.

I'm being very naughty if I do.

Right, right.

So, do you like it?

No, because he's ruined it for me.

Okay, sure.

So,

I'll go in.

And so, what I get is the, I'll get one of the wraps.

Wow.

But I get one of the, I'll get whatever the like lowest calorie wrap is.

Wow.

This tends to be a chicken one.

Grilled chicken.

Yeah, grilled chicken wrap with a Diet Coke and a bag of carrots.

How dare you?

No, I go to McDonald's.

Just kidding.

Because it's a last resort.

It's not appropriating McDonald's culture.

I only go in there when it's a certain time of night and nowhere's open.

And they go.

Yeah, we all know what we're like when we're a bit pissed and we want a bag of carrots.

I'm not pissed when I'm doing this.

This is when I'm like coming home from a gig, sober, haven't eaten, really hungry.

I'm at Brixton normally, just my way home, and I'll be like,

My doors are open, I can go and get a bag of carrots and not feel guilty about myself.

Wow.

I know, it's bad.

And I think I've got to fill the screens, and then everyone can see on the screens what I'm ordering.

I'm ordering everyone's little rabbit.

A little alarm goes off when someone orders a bag of carrots post 10 p.m.

Yeah.

There's a Christian in.

um but you just you've you've rejected that i've rejected that yeah and then another option was uh something that me and my boyfriend made once and we thought this is the best meal i've ever made which is a jacket sweet potato with i'm with you fried plantain

chorizo and halloumi Wow, I mean, that does sound good.

Yeah, I wouldn't think to put plantain in

the sweet potato.

Exactly.

Starch on starch.

Starch and starch, yeah.

But I sort of think of plantain as a fruit.

Yes.

But it's a starch, it's a starchy fruit, isn't it?

And

I think it has a similar taste profile to a sweet potato in that it's a sweeter, savoury thing.

Yeah, I think it depends on how you cook it as well.

Some people cook it so that it's still quite hard

when you eat it.

But I make it really, wait till it's really ripe and then it soaks up the oil a lot more.

So it's a lot more unhealthy, but it's like

slightly wetter and juicier.

That does sound really good, yeah.

Like banana, when you have like banana with pancakes, like kind of texture in it, that is like the ultimate uh hipster brunch

when you've got plantain in there, exactly that is like chihuitzo, halloo me, sweet potato.

Yeah, the big players, avocado, top it off and I'll be like, he had avocado, I didn't have avocado, there you go, so he went full, yeah.

Did he eat it off a chopping board?

He did, yeah, he ate off a little pipe.

A little side of pumice.

Yeah.

Dip it in.

That does sound delicious.

I'm going to try that.

But that's gone as well.

That's gone.

That's gone.

And what I've decided to pick is a meal that I used to have when I graduated from university and then moved back in with my parents.

But at that point, we were sort of going out more because I'd obviously had a taste for going out, uni.

So I'd go out, come home, be really hungover, and the next day would eat a big bowl of Nigerian food that my mum had made.

And I felt quite guilty about doing it because I was just sort of like this

layabout who didn't do anything.

I was just like, I'm hungry now.

So I would have

either joll-off rice with fried plantain

or pounded yam with a stew that my mum would make.

What was the stew?

Yeah.

Sort of a tamatui-based stew with pieces of lamb and things,

or something else which is called a goosey, which is like a

soupy thing, which I should know how to make.

But with Nigerian parents, parents, they don't write down recipes ever.

It's just all in their head.

Yeah.

And so when I'm like, how do I make this?

She's like, well, you know how to make it.

You just

make it.

So you get the pan and you go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, well, how much of this do I put in?

She's like, you'll know how much do I put it in it.

You will know.

Just cut to you.

Nearly covered in rice.

So I don't think I've had Nigerian food before.

Oh, I'll cook you Nigerian food.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Take us through.

Do you know how to make it?

Because I know how to make it.

Yeah, you know how to make it.

Yeah.

Just make it.

Just make it from scratch.

scratch.

What sort of spice level are we talking?

What sort of taste are we talking?

Well, in general, very spicy.

But

I don't really like things to be extremely spicy.

Right.

But whenever I'm eating things with people who are white people, I feel like I have to eat things that are a lot spicier than what I want to eat.

See, that's interesting.

So I think that's the other way around to like someone like...

Nish who, or you go to an Indian restaurant and they see white people and they're like, we're going to really take the spice out of this.

Yeah.

But, because I like things that are, I think, really spicy.

But

you would think that you'd be like, okay, we'll have to take some spice out of this for these

absolute soft-mouthed notes.

Ed orders the brains, and then they know they've got a good popper guy on their hands.

Ed always orders the brains.

I do order the brains.

Ed orders brains all the time in an Indian restaurant, and me and Nisha stare at him.

Without looking at the menu.

Well, it's because brains is the.

Yeah,

take the menu away.

I'm going to be wanting the brains.

So we don't have brains.

I shall take my coat and leave.

You love the brains.

I love the brains.

I think that white, not to generalise, but white people in general want to prove themselves more.

I think that's it, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Sure, sure, sure.

And I'm sort of like, well, I can't now say that I don't want spice because then I look like I'm not a real Nigerian.

So I have to eat spicy spirits.

It's a matter of pride.

Yeah, yeah.

And when I was younger, I would always find things too spicy.

And so I'm trying to sort of get over that now.

So like, what's your, what's the spiciest thing you would actually enjoy?

It's

hard to say.

Something that my mum would make, which I think would probably be,

for the average person, would be like a 7 out of 10.

If you're going to put some chilies next to it on a menu?

Out of how many chilies?

You know, on a menu, sometimes they put some chilies next to the...

It's normally out of three chilies.

Out of three chilies.

It'd be two chilies.

Two chilies, nice.

two chilies

I think I'd go to I'd go two chilies I'd never go three chilies well I have done in the past it's ruined my life but like yeah

two

yeah yeah how big is this bowl by the way

it's a very good question because I think it's actually a bowl that's not meant for eating out of perfect I think because the bowls that are made for eating are too small they're sort of cereal bowls this is a big

shallow bowl right okay because I like a fruit bowl yeah like a fruit bowl.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Because I, whenever I'm trying to think of what to eat, I try to think like, okay, do I want a knife and fork in my hand and I want to be, you know, cutting up and eating?

Or do I want my hands around something

to be putting in my mouth?

Or do I want effectively a spoon that I'm just shoveling?

Yeah.

And when I'm hung over it, I want a spoon.

You want to shovel?

Yeah.

And mix things up.

Yeah, I want to mash it all around and then I want to just shovel it in.

Yeah.

Like a spoon?

ladle.

Yeah,

ladle it in.

So your main course is a fruit bowl full of Nigerian food and a ladle.

Thank you.

Does anyone else still think about see your ladle when people mention a ladle?

You can

see your ladle.

Just a phrase.

Oh, friends.

So there's certain friends' jokes that I think just people have different people have different ones, I think, that stick with them.

I don't have any.

You don't have any friends jokes with Phoebe?

No.

See your ladle is mine.

Yeah.

Phoebe says about another character.

It's another character who's funny.

Can't remember who it is.

She's like, oh, you know what he would say?

If he asked for a ladle, he would say, see your ladle.

She's saying it's a good thing to do that.

She was just saying about how great that guy was, and then it's just a funny...

Really, I think the joke is more of a character-based joke.

Sure.

It's kind of like, you know,

like Friends Basic Series 3 onwards.

Yeah, both Phoebe's character and the character of the guy who is not, you know, who they all like because he's so funny.

And the fact that they all think that's a really funny joke, which is not a funny joke yes it's uh i like that when writers do that when they figure out a way of making a joke that isn't funny funny by just assigning it to the right character yeah but you don't actually have to write that hard you can just go it's lazy that's a shit joke and we're yeah it's we're signposting it james a castle will never forget it

i just think about um going commando sticks in my mind as a friend's thing yeah you know when they talk about going commando because at the time i'd never heard that phrase i didn't know what they meant so for quite a while i thought you know they do the lunging motion yeah i thought that's what they meant by going commando was just sort of lunging forward.

And I didn't understand why.

That makes more sense.

Yeah.

And why is it called going commando?

Because you're wearing no pants, and commandos don't wear pants.

Do they not?

I guess if you're out in the, I guess it comes from being like out in the field and like fighting and like you're in a bit of a rush running out of pants.

You're in a bit of a rush to go to war.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Makes you think.

What do you remember from Friends, Loli?

I didn't really used to watch Friends much.

Okay.

I think the first episode I watched was the last ever episode of Friends.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, that kind of spoils it.

Yeah.

Did you?

It wasn't really on my radar at all.

I worked out everything that had happened from that one episode.

You know, I watched it from time to time, but I think it's been ruined now because we're all quite woke.

Sure.

And I can't really enjoy it.

I think when it was on, it wasn't really on my radar because I was kind of like, this doesn't feel like it's my kind of show.

It's quite loud.

I haven't watched it.

Yeah, Yeah, we went back

on Netflix and everyone was saying, God, you watch Friends Now and all this.

And so I just didn't.

I'm not watching it again.

I enjoyed it when I was a kid and I'm just going to leave it at that.

Yeah, I used to like when I was a, yeah, when I was a kid, teenager, I used to get, every Friday, I used to go and get an, you know, they had videotapes with like four episodes on.

Used to go and rent one for them.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know why that's funny.

Really made me laugh.

Me and my friend Jack.

I rent a new friends video every week.

Very sweet.

Is this bowl of Nigerian food?

Has it got a name?

Would you always refer to it as something, or was it just waiting there for you?

And was it always the same things in it, or was it different stuff?

Different things.

Pounded yam and stew would be one thing, or pounded yam with a goosey is one thing.

Yeah.

Or jollof rice would be a different thing.

So you wouldn't have them together?

No.

Well, I actually probably would because I love to shovel.

Yeah, but that's not the norm to have rice and yam.

And was this stuff already made and left over?

In general, yeah.

Or was it made for you?

Sometimes it was made for me, and I felt bad.

But my mum would be like, Are you hungry?

And then I'd say, Yes.

I think it sort of reminds me of when I graduated and then moved back home again.

It was just see, like going out, and then mum would cook some dinner and eat her dinner at a normal time.

Yeah, and then I'd get back and there'd be like a cold thing waiting to warm up in the microwave at like half past midnight or something.

Yeah, when I was pissed.

And sometimes I would say, Okay, no, don't make it for me.

I want pounded jam.

And then I would start to make it, and I would be doing such a bad job that she would come in and be like, Okay, I'll sort it out.

Really want Nigerian food now, yeah.

You've made me want pounded yam.

Yeah.

Oh, you'll love it.

You'll love something.

Pounded yam in Soho.

And what side dish would you like, Molly?

Fries.

Fries.

Fries.

Always.

Fries from McDonald's.

McDonald's fries.

Why not?

They've always been.

Oh,

here.

Do you like the fries?

Really?

Well, I just think if you're going fast food fries.

I'm glad this is happening.

This is good.

They're the best fries.

Burger King.

No.

Burger King are way better for fries.

But they give you such a small, tiny little packet.

Yeah, but they're better.

Or

you can get bigger portions.

I always feel like Burger King and KFC fries are not what they're about.

KFC fries are rubbish.

Burger King fries.

There's something on them that I love them.

They're really crispy as well.

Five guys fries are nice as well.

Five guys fries.

I love Five Guys fries, yeah.

So crispy.

Yeah.

And I get them with the seasoning on them.

What do they even phrase them as at the counter?

But they give you an option.

I love Five Guys.

Honest Burger fries are great.

The rosemaries are so good.

They're fantastic.

Really?

I don't really like Honest Burger.

Why not?

I feel like Honest Burger.

I don't really like it.

I find it all too.

Let's not kill anybody.

What burgers do you like?

Potential sponsors.

I like Five Guys.

I like Shake Shack.

Have you ever had Patty and Bun?

Yes, guys.

That's the best burger, I think I've ever done that.

That was overhyped to me by the man across the table.

And

I went there.

I've been there once.

And he just told me, oh, I love Patty and Bun so much.

Oh, Patty and Bun's so good.

And I went there and I ordered one and I was like, well, this is disappointing.

Wow.

I never went back again.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I was really excited for it.

I remember waiting for my Patty and Bun burger.

I was sitting there like, I can't wait.

Ed said these were so delicious.

Well, they are.

Do you remember expectations?

I'd screw with you there, mate.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, but who faults that?

You for hyping it up.

All right, well, look, singing little patty and bun songs at me.

Don't remember singing any patty and bun songs.

Oh, maybe that's me and my head off.

Excited about that.

Well, I think

you've got to realise that quite often what's happening in your head is different to what's happening in the actual world, James.

You do tend to add songs to most things.

And that's lovely.

Yes.

And thank you for singing that too.

So McDonald's fries.

I think so.

They are the original best.

Yeah, I think if I was in a restaurant and I didn't know that the fries are McDonald's fries, I'd be like, wow, these are amazing.

Right, okay.

Interesting.

And I'd much prefer them to the standard chip.

which you would get in a fancy restaurant.

Yeah, I don't like it.

I don't necessarily like a thick chip.

No, me neither.

I think I'd always put a fry over a chip.

You know when people are like, a really good chip is crispy on the outside and fluffy in the potatoes.

No.

No.

That's a roast potato.

I want them crispy all the way through.

Yeah.

You're right, Lolly.

That is a roast potato.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, even if I don't like it when it's even with a roast potato, I prefer the smaller ones that are mainly crispy.

Yeah, yeah, agreed.

Yeah,

I like a chip shop chip.

Oh, yeah, yeah, not made of stones.

Yeah, I have that covered in salt and vinegar.

Lots of vinegar.

I mean, I've probably already said this on the podcast, but we used to do that in school.

We used to go to the fish and chip shop at lunch and get the chips, soak it in so much vinegar, and then we would put our heads over it and huff it really big

until we like spluttered.

I think you have said that on the podcast before, but it bears repeating.

Yeah, keep it in beneath it.

Which sauce are you going to have with chips?

I'm the waiter,

and I'd like to get to know you better.

I can't believe I'm

placed.

Well,

I mean, if you do have an answer for this as well?

Because that's the most important thing.

I've been through phases.

I think now I would still just go for ketchup again.

But, like, in school,

we went for a phase where we all had mayonnaise for a while.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, I'm mayonnaise.

That's the one, yeah.

I'm mayonnaise, absolutely.

Or garlic mayo if you can get it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And we can in this restaurant.

Yeah, yeah, garlic mayo.

Garlic mayo.

Yeah.

Perfect.

I think we all overdid it

in Ketmin.

I came to Mayo quite late.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I was like, I remember at the end of of every night out, we'd go to the shop, get some chips and loads of garlic mayo.

Yeah, yeah.

But like, we overdid it.

Sure.

There were heady days in Ketchup growing up, and we all overdid the garlic mayo.

Just back to ketchup.

No, I'm back to carrots, really.

Do you have a sauce with the carrots?

No.

No.

Oh, God.

Just eat them up.

I'm allergic to carrots.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Can't have lots of different raw vegetables.

If they're raw or unpeeled, I can't have them.

So,

let's play a roulette.

Let's just play a cut of pajamas.

And

some fruit as well.

Would you like a courgette, Lolly?

If it's peeled and cooked, yes, please.

But not if it's raw?

No.

Yeah, I've ever seen a peeled cooked courgette.

You normally have it with a peel on, right?

I would normally have it in some sort of stew, and then I would peel it, cut it up.

Yeah, fair enough.

But you live in a colour.

Parsnip.

Parsnip.

Unless it's peeled and cooked, no.

Well, who's eating a raw parsnip?

Some people might.

No, absolutely not.

Hmm.

Okay.

Don't say hmm, like that's up for debate.

No one's eating a raw parsnip.

I'm choosing to let you have your beliefs.

It's not a belief.

It's a fact.

That's science, mate.

I've not done a

lot of listeners now.

It's not easy.

I'm a freak because I eat it.

Yeah, and you are.

If you're out there and you eat a raw parsnip, you've got something wrong with you, mate.

Oh,

that's lost some listeners.

God.

Would you like some celeriac?

I don't know what that is.

Celery.

I've never really known what it is.

No, it's not celery.

Celeriac's like a...

Isn't it like a...

It's a really weird thing.

You have it with mash, don't you?

You could mash it.

You puree it quite a lot of the time.

Again, no one's having that rule.

I used to have to cut them up when I lived in a kitchen.

Live in a kitchen?

Yeah.

So, I mean, but you're the only person that that makes sense for.

Yeah, yeah, I bet he did live in a kitchen once.

Well, Well, he did use to live in the kitchen.

He really threw himself into cooking and he started to live in the kitchen.

I'm a genie waiter.

Makes sense to live in the kitchen.

Eating raw parsnips, curled up in a little ball like a dog.

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A drink.

Oh, yes, I would like a glass of red wine.

Yes, please.

Always.

Always very happy with it.

And I really want to go wine tasting because I don't really know what I like.

Me too.

But I know I like Primitivo.

That's one that I like.

And I used to really like Rioja, but I don't think I like it anymore.

Okay.

I think I just, maybe it's quite easy to drink, so I thought I liked it.

Right.

And I don't like Malbeck.

Okay.

This is all I know.

Why do you not like Malbeck?

Tastes not nice.

Oh.

Yeah.

Why is the palate?

Why is the palate you have, Lolly?

No, actually, waiter, this tastes not nice.

Please.

Every Primitivo I've had, I've been like, that's nice.

Yeah.

But I don't know what it is about it.

So I want to go on a course and find out.

I also want to go on a course because I think I don't mind Malbeck.

But I think it's because probably when I was like 14 or 15 and thinking it might be quite cool to know about wines, that's the first name I learned.

When you were hold up, how old?

Sure.

14 or 15.

When you were 14 or 15, you thought it'd be quite cool to know about wines.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm the weirdo for living in the kitchen, am I?

Yeah.

That is maybe six.

14, 15.

six.

Oh, it'd be quite nice to know about wines.

You know, I'll be winning.

I think you've got to be older than you.

Are you the little kid?

Are you Manny

of a modern family?

No, you are.

We know I'm posh.

Yeah, I think Malbeck was probably just one that I heard and thought, oh, that's.

So you can go.

When you have a restaurant, winner you're 14.

Yeah, it does sound like it would be nice.

Yeah.

You can go, oh, I'll have a Malbeck.

Do you have a Malbeck?

i think it is a posh it is a posh drink as well it's very popular as well now i think it became yeah became quite popular

i think 14 may be slightly too young but no i'm not like maddie from modern fabric you feel like maddie from modern fabric for me

i also want to go maybe we should go wine tasting together love that yeah

I would say, so far, this is the meal that Ed would most like to eat that we've had in the house.

Oh, Delicious.

You've agreed with a lot of these.

Yeah.

And

you've hated it.

I would rather throw up and eat the sick.

But

Ed absolutely loves it.

Yeah, I'm on board.

Right.

So let's not screw this up, Lolly.

I'm enjoying the meal so far.

It's quite tense getting to the dessert.

Dessert, mate.

The dessert is...

one of those novelty big bars of Cadbury's chocolate you get

Because you don't see them anymore.

Yeah.

And I miss them.

They were the happiest I was.

Yeah, I haven't even thought about that.

I haven't seen one of those in a very long time.

Massive, bloody nose.

You know, you used to play that game where you have to try and cut it up with a knife and fork.

Yep.

No.

Oh.

But it's either a part of your childhood.

Yeah.

I think we did it at school.

Or it's not, yeah.

Like, some people are just like, no idea about it.

Yeah.

And then people like us,

it's a very distinct menu of having that game where

you roll a dice.

You roll a dice, and depending on the number,

you have to put on certain things to try and eat this massive bowl of chocolate.

So I think the lower the number is better.

And then it's like, because it's like knife and fork is the first one.

Right.

And you have to cut pieces, and then you can eat the pieces that you cut off.

But then if you're higher, then you have to have knife and fork, and you have to have gloves on while you're cutting.

So you have to put the gloves on.

And other people are like, oh, maybe it's like you have to try and get a six.

Mine was just the six.

Oh, roll a double.

So the one we played was one die, you rolled it.

If you got a six, you had to put the gloves on, put the scarf on.

Oh, yes, but put the hat on,

get the knife and fork, and eat the chocolate.

And you keep doing it until someone else is rolling a six, because it's going, yeah, the die is going around the group.

So until someone else is doing it, you get to keep going for as long as you can.

But it's really hard.

Yeah.

And you'll, and it's.

And you've got to put all the stuff on.

So if someone gets the six straight away and you haven't even put your gloves on, you don't get any chocolate.

Oh.

Yeah.

That sounds stressful.

And it is really just the teacher or whoever's in charge, just just their way of being like, look at how much kids love chocolate.

Look at how desperate they are to eat this.

They're not even enjoying it.

They're not savouring.

They're just like, they're just feverishly packing away at it, like dressed for winter with a knife and fork.

And then, if another kid rolls, like, no!

And then they have to take it all off.

I think at our school, we were too busy doing blind taste tests with Malbeck and Baroli.

Rolling it down.

Oh, God.

Sample the wine.

Oh, I'm gonna put a blindfold on and try and pick up blackberry notes.

Teacher, this is corked.

I would love this.

Disgraceful.

Any particular chocolate bar or is it the size that's the most important thing?

It's the specific Cadbury's one.

Yeah.

Dairy milk.

Dairy milk specifically.

Okay, great.

Dairy milk.

I love dairy milk.

Just a massive purple chocolate.

It's like Woody Wonka.

Yeah.

It just felt like

the coolest thing in the world.

I've only come mount to it as an adult.

It was a half-dairy milk.

Yeah, it's an absolutely tinkle.

I thought people were mugging me off.

Every time I got a dairy milk, I was like, you know the amount of stuff we could be putting in this?

Really?

It could be biscuit in this and caramel.

I don't know.

What's your favourite chocolate bar?

Hmm, a good question.

Well, what's your least favourite chocolate bar as well?

Mine is fruit and nut.

Yeah, fuck fruit and nut.

Yeah, hey, you're a bit fruit and nut.

People love it.

I quite like it.

Bounty and fruit and nut.

Boom.

Oh, I like it, bounty.

Oh, wow.

Especially a dark chocolate nut.

We don't get on, I don't know.

We do not.

No, but no, it's perfect because in the selection box.

Yeah, yeah, lovely.

Yeah, if you hang out with Ed,

have fun fighting over stuff.

Yeah.

There'll be loads of fruit and nut and bounty left.

Yeah, me and you, I'm eating the carrots.

I'm eating the fruit and nut.

You create your own.

And then you get to eat all the fries and the dairy milk.

It's pretty good.

I don't know.

Least favourite's quite a tricky one.

I'll probably put some.

No, maybe I wouldn't put a dairy milk as Lee's favourite, but like.

You can't.

No, oh, you can't.

You can't.

It's not allowed.

I don't know.

Well, actually, no, my favourite chocolate in the world

is the peanut butter Whitaker's from New Zealand.

That's my favourite chocolate.

So it's just,

yeah, milk chocolate filled with peanut butter.

Okay, lovely.

But it's like not too sweet.

It's actually quite a subtle peanut butter, a bit of salt to it.

Yeah, it's really, really nice.

Do you like a peanut butter Kit Kat Chunky?

No.

I love them.

I love them.

But again, it's the thing that I overdid probably in the same year that I was eating all the garlic mayonnaise on the chill.

At the same time, as well.

Just did it.

Yeah.

Just did it too much.

So you would like a big old bar of dairy milk.

But is that your favourite chocolate bar?

Probably not, but I think just the size

sort of overtakes any other.

Are you a big Toblerone person?

I'm a white Toblerone person.

Ooh.

Love a white Toblerone.

Some people get very angry about white chocolate because it's just milk and sugar.

There's no chocolate in it.

Oh, really?

Yeah, they get really annoyed.

And now you're talking about you.

Not me.

Some people.

I'm making white chocolate.

Okay, good.

Some people smash up their room when they think about it.

My favourite chocolate, though, is dark chocolate.

We are not friends anymore.

But you are.

Again, I come back to the selection box.

Yes.

You two have been perfect.

Yeah.

I would actually, if I was to put a league table of dark white milk,

I would go dark top, then white, then milk.

But

how dark are you talking?

Percentage-wise.

You're talking 90%.

No, I'm not talking 90.

I've had 100% before.

Have you?

Horrible.

That is bitter.

That's a real undertaking.

Yeah, you weren't just drinking some coffee yeah if you like really drink coffee and it's so bitter that it's like almost sweet again uh yeah you can if you you take one square and really leave it in your mouth for a bit to melt and it takes on it takes on sweet notes where were we used to do that we used to do that at school

where where were you when you had the 100 dark chocolate probably at home Just at home?

It wasn't a special occasion, just at home.

Well, because we're not...

Type 1 diabetes, boring shit um but it's lower sugar the higher the percentage the lower sugar so i was sort of experimenting with you just had the cocoa nibs in your cupboard and you you were very excited about them weren't you yeah cocoa nibs are very nice they go and porridge nicely and they're 100 and they're you know they're bitter but now i you know now i'll just have them i'll have a bit of dairy meal now and again lovely stuff lovely yeah cut loose

gonna run for your order with you yes just to make sure so lola fope

you would like some still water to start yes please some nice bread with some uh soft butter and salt on it.

Thank you.

You would like a Chinese platter for your starter, but the venison puff is non-negotiable.

Absolutely.

Your main, you'd like pounded yam and stew.

Yes.

Or whatever.

Whatever my mom.

Side, McDonald's fries with some garlic mayonnaise.

Thank you.

Drink, you would like some red wine, primitivo, preferably.

Yes.

Because it

tastes good.

Tastes nice, yeah.

And the dessert, you would like a novelty cabby's chocolate dairy milk bar, like you would get at Christmas.

Because it tastes nice, yeah.

Also, because it tastes like

we didn't establish that,

but uh, if it

tastes nice, it's very important.

Well, so I was like, I'll get the chef to whip you that straight up.

Thank you so much, thank you very much.

I'm going to go home now to my kitchen where I live

and stay tonight.

Thank you very much, Lolly.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you, Lolly.

Take your coat, which you already have,

which you never gave me yet.

Oh, that was Lolly Adafope.

What a delicious meal.

What a genuinely delicious meal.

I really want to eat Nigerian food now.

It's one of your favourites.

I'd say that episode that is one of your favourites.

Yes, I would have to try Nigerian food first.

Yeah.

And I'm not sure it necessarily goes with McDonald's fries and mayonnaise.

The mayonnaise would be the thing that I would think, maybe.

Yeah.

But I'd like to check out all of the stuff on Lolly's menu.

I think that sounds absolutely delicious.

And I'll tell you what wasn't on the menu.

Go on.

Lemongrass.

No.

Well done, Lolly.

Congratulations.

Congratulations on no lemongrass.

Now, if you like Lolly, if you like the sound of her, she's doing rather well in America.

She goes to America to film television shows.

She's got a couple coming up in 2019.

I know that I've said she's got a couple of television shows coming up, but that's quite an impressive achievement.

Yeah.

She's in a show called Miracle Workers on TBS.

Oh, I can't wait.

Keep an eye out for that.

And a show called Shrill on Hulu.

So if you're a US-based listener and you'd like to check out more of Lolly's work, look out for those shows.

And I'm sure at some point they'll come over to the UK as well.

They look great, those shows.

But enough with all these defectors, people who go over to the Atlantic.

There's plenty of good comedy here, thank you.

And a lot of it's been done by me and you, James.

Yes.

Slash all of it.

Slash all of it.

My tour has started, I believe, end of January, it started.

So check it out.

It's called Blizzard.

Go on edgamble.co.uk forward slash gigs and you can see where I might be coming near to you.

It's not January at the moment, it's a bit before January.

There's a couple of places you really need to pick up the old ticket sales, actually.

Oh, dear.

I'm not saying, I'm just saying that Stafford needs have a long, hard look at themselves.

In more ways than mine, I've given there before.

Yeah, I don't know.

I should probably come up on my tour a bit, not slug it off.

When's your tour, James?

I'm touring throughout,

well, yeah, more or less throughout 2019.

Tour officially starts in

the end of May, early June.

It goes right through to the end of the year.

It's a UK tour.

But

there is.

Oh, dear.

Hello.

Oh, James is just answering the phone there to our next guest.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm going to be on tour.

Also,

I will be at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and the New Zealand International Comedy Festival.

Bear in mind what I've just said about people going overseas to do comedy.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

So do you want to take that back?

I can't.

They've put the flights now.

We'll have a nicer time.

I'll be over there doing comedy, so please come and see my show there.

Colders Anya, Hate Myself, 1999.

That's what the show's called.

Man, I'm going to miss you.

I'll miss you too, man.

Please subscribe to this podcast, review it, give it nice reviews, give it nice ratings, check it out on on whatever app you've got.

And if you, if you're into social media, which

I am, God knows I am.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You love it, don't you?

I don't love it.

Okay.

I'm into it.

So the Twitter account for this podcast is at OffMenuOfficial.

We're also on Instagram under the same name at OffMenuOfficial.

So follow, like some tweets, retweet some stuff, spread the word about the podcast.

We're very happy with how it's going so far.

But, you know, there's always more people out there who'll enjoy a little bit of food.

Yeah.

we're greedy, we're greedy for food, and we're greedy for listeners.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Give us some more listeners.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Give us some more listeners.

That's what I said.

Yeah,

I was just doubling it down, making sure everyone knew that's the new catchphrase.

Okay, goodbye.

Hello, I'm Carrie Ad.

I'm Sarah, and we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm.

And our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.