Ep 6: Joel Dommett

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

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I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast, the podcast that sounds so tasty you could eat it.

Do we like that?

Yeah, that's very good.

Still trying to come up with the catchphrases of the podcast.

We did work for hours on that one.

Yeah, that was good.

Yeah, well, I'm Ed Gamble.

I'm James A.

Caster.

Yes, and I think we should explain what the podcast is at the top for any new listeners who might be joining us.

Good idea.

We speak to a different guest every week and get them to build their dream meal in our dream restaurant.

Best starter they've ever had.

Best main, best side, best dessert, best drink.

That's the basics of it, isn't it?

Yep.

We'll also be asking them what kind of water they want at the beginning and if they want popped ons or bread.

Popped on some bread, we're just warning you, is noticeably louder than the rest of the podcast.

Very important.

Take you by surprise.

You've got to shake them at the start.

Our guest this week is Star of Skins, Joel Domet.

Yes, he's no stranger to food.

I just think you could possibly say that about all our guests, James.

Yep, that's true.

But, you know, I've seen Joel eat before.

I can vouch for him.

Yeah, he does.

I'll vouch for everybody on this.

But Joel likes food.

He's also...

Saying people are no stranger to food suggests that food sees Joel.

and goes, all right, Joel.

Yeah, hello, Joel.

How are you?

Yeah.

Most people would, though.

Joel's a friendly person.

Yeah.

Anyone who sees Joel, I think I'd believe that food would do that.

Yeah.

Nice to see you, Joel.

And he'd say, hello, food.

Yeah, yeah.

Food, this is literally brilliant.

Then he'd eat the food.

And then he'd eat all the food, yeah.

Especially if it was potato skins, because he's a star of skins.

I'll tell you what, you better not be eating, though.

Goji berries.

Ah, yes.

Also, to let you know, we have a secret ingredient every week that me and James establish now in the intro.

And if Joel mentions Goji Berries, he will be removed from the podcast.

Bad luck, Joel.

Bad luck, Joel.

You better not bring up Goji Berries, you punk.

So we're going to chat to Joel Domet.

He's a lovely man.

I'm sure it's going to be a great chat.

Let's do it.

Bon appetite.

Bon appetite.

Oh, it's Joel Domit.

Hello, Joel.

I like that.

I'm starting it like you've just walked in.

I've just walked in a poof of smoke.

Well, no, you walk in a poof of smoke.

I come in in a poof of smoke.

I'm a genie.

Yeah, that's true.

Okay,

I love the way Joel's immediately bought into it.

Yeah.

He wasn't aware you were a genie.

James is the waiter and a genie in the restaurant.

Oh, okay.

Yes.

You're the only one who's accepted it straight away.

I just, I'm glad.

You've just got a way about you where I feel like you know more than me in a situation.

So you say, Joel, this is happening.

I go, oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

You've got like a lot of people.

And that's got you into many sticky situations before

following my lead, assuming that.

It's true, it's true.

But I think you can still walk in a poof in a poof of smoke.

Especially if the genie's just appeared, you're sort of walking, you can walk through his poof.

Yeah, I'd love it.

Just walk hand in hand in your poof, if that's okay.

Stars in your eyes hit through my poof.

Yeah.

Can I sidecar in your poof?

Yeah.

Sidecar in my poof.

That's the name of my new pop single.

Sidecar in my poof.

Well, welcome, welcome to the restaurant.

If you just emerge from the poof and pop pop yourself down, that would be great.

I feel I feel very much at ease.

Oh, good.

I'm glad to hear that.

Which I think most people say when they don't feel at ease that I do.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

A lot of people, you don't trust them when they say stuff like that.

Yeah.

They go, I'm just a really relaxed person.

Just really relaxed.

I feel really great right now.

No one's ever said, I'll tell you what, I feel really at ease right now.

I'm so chilled.

It's like no one's ever relaxed by putting both their hands behind their head.

It's true.

They recline.

Finally, I can

That's how I thought as a teenager, how everyone had sex.

What?

Had sex?

Did you not think that as well?

No, because...

Because I imagine all adults had put their hands behind their heads and then they thrust their hips.

Like, that's how...

Just if

you're sort of vaguely aware of Joel's work or you've not seen much of him,

what you do need to know is that he's the weirdest man in the world.

Yes.

Okay.

Looks can be deceiving.

Yeah.

He's a very weird fellow.

So how would that even work, Joel?

Because, like, that's the thing, because I've tried it so many times.

You've tried it.

You've tried.

When you've been having sex, you've put your hands behind your head.

Yeah, you've seen it.

Is that how you lost your virginity by doing that?

Because you assume people have sex.

That's you assume people do it that way.

No, no, no, no, no, no, that's not what I said.

You can't, don't tar me with this, bro.

When Ed said, you assume people do it that way, he meant you specifically.

I didn't mean everyone to turn that into the general, like, all of us.

Yeah, oh, yeah, you know how you do this.

And it's like, you told me to do it.

No, because you put your hands there.

And then, because that's.

I don't know where I got it from.

I think maybe I I got it from Andy Morrissey.

He was like the kid who had sex first in school.

Not if he had it like that.

He's lying.

But that's what I think.

I think he's that kid who was like, oh, yeah, I had sex last night.

And he was just like, yeah, I did it like this.

Oh, and then he mined it like that.

And then I was like, oh, that's how people do it.

Yeah.

I'd imagine there's people who think you have to have sex by like.

slapping the butt at the same time as well.

It gets the mind, people sick mind, isn't it?

They just all get all of their sexual information from like American comedy.

Yeah.

And like, they're like, oh, right.

Oh, so it's a person instead of a stool.

Okay.

I think that's like a dance move where people have their put their hands behind their head and thrust their hips.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not a real sex thing.

So you thought the macarena was an instructional video?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm like, what?

So at what point do you turn around?

Do you like change ladies when you turn around or is it the same lady?

Sorry, Joel, did you just say,

yeah.

All right.

Did you?

I've tried it, yeah.

When was the last time you tried it?

Actually, not that long ago.

Just, I mean,

me and my fiancé are in that place in our relationship where

we can find sex funny.

And you kind of go, you know, when you just kind of,

you just, you try and spice it up by just

putting your hands behind your head and you think, oh, this is this a bit hilarious.

It's hard to do it.

hands-free apart like that.

Wow.

Yeah, that's why people don't, that's why it's not as technically anyone as if I could just move us away from Smutty, I'm so

excited straight into the gutter with Joel.

This is a food podcast, not a sex podcast.

Right, welcome to the restaurant.

Thank you so much.

Can I get you some water, Joel?

Would you like

no?

I'm going to ask you if you want still tap or sparkling.

And I mean, we've already been speaking about sparkling water and still water when you got here because you've arrived with a

sparkling bottle of water that you've put whey protein in.

Yeah, it's um, it was sort of a concoction that I

wouldn't do again, really.

It's because the problem is you put the whey protein in and you need to shake it up, and sparkling water doesn't like that.

No, no, well, it does, it likes it too much.

I'd say, I didn't sparkling water, it's waiting for it to explain into its hands, actually.

Yeah, he's shaking me.

I like to do it with my hands by my head at all times,

and it's uh, so yeah, so it was kind of left for a while and um had lots of whey protein in it and it wasn't able to be shook.

But now it's drinkable.

It's absolutely drinkable.

And you know what?

It's absolutely addition.

I love sparkling water.

I really like it.

It makes me feel fancy.

Okay.

That's good.

I'm going to get you some sparkling water.

Oh, I'd love some sparkling water.

Yes, would you like some whey protein in it?

No, can I have it clean, please?

Pure.

Yeah, because clean sparkling water that you would like.

Yes, I'd love that, please.

It's always a hard decision, isn't it?

Because you, I always want to say sparkling.

I prefer sparkling water to still, but

we all want tap.

I think most people go tap, don't you?

You know,

in America, they just give you tap water at every meal.

They just hand it to you, right?

And which they're obviously the sparkling water market is missing out there.

But

I just that's what I love sparkling.

And then when you're in a date situation, you're in a sticky situation when you're like, I really want tap, but I don't want to seem like I'm a tap guy.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.

Is that what you worry about that?

You'd bring sparkling to show off.

Yeah, I think I'd, I'd probably, what I'd do, and this is wrong, I'd bring my own sparkling.

What?

And then they'd be like, Joe, have you brought your own sparkling?

I'm like, yeah.

So you think that makes you seem less cheap than asking for tap water?

Genuinely, when I

went on a couple of dates

and I was at the point in my life where I was doing meal prep, and I just brought along like a little lunchbox.

And I think looking at you kidding me.

It's

one of the most unattractive unattractive things I've ever done in my life.

So, this is why you're an interesting choice for this podcast, Joel.

You're obviously a great friend of ours, a wonderful comedian, but also your relationship with food.

You're a very in-shape man, and I've been with you when you're doing meal prep and you're eating little foods out of boxes.

You've turned up here with a fizzy protein shake.

Yeah.

Do you like food?

I actually do like food.

Contrary to what I said on Saturday Kitchen when I said food is just fuel for me, and I got so much hate.

You know, you were quite right.

It's a terrible idea on Saturday Kitchen to just say food is fuel.

Yeah,

and um, when you went on top, gear to say fuel is food,

that's it.

And uh, he's a wise cracker genie as well.

Oh, we should just set our out of a poof and then went back

goodbye.

Um, yeah, and I just uh

it's it just amazing though, food prep stuff.

It just makes you it's I

ate in 2007,

I think it was 2015, I ate a steak every day.

Every day?

Every single day.

What kind of a steak?

I didn't really mind.

I don't, genuinely, I don't really know the difference between them.

That is gonna, I mean, I feel like I'm really like.

Steak every day doesn't even know the difference.

How would you have it cooked?

Kind of whatever, really.

We'll do whatever.

Pop it in the pan, sizzle, sizzle.

You'd fry it.

Yeah.

You fried a steak.

That's what frying is.

Was there any

blood in it?

A little bit of blood.

i um i uh yeah i just sort of cook it enough you basically did it medium yeah medium rare medium rare i that's what i try to do well that's what i try for but that's what i order in a restaurant but i don't really know how i cook it and then i um you do well to fry a steak medium rare every day i'd say really

i'd be surprised if you were doing that do you not get heartburn is it i'm actually everyone asked me that and actually i'd like My bowels were great.

It was fine.

I think my bowels just got used to it.

Okay, you know that heartburn and your bowels are completely used to it, but no, that's not what Ed's asking you.

I know, I just had a different page.

Did you get heartburn?

My bowels were fine.

I thought you knew what question I was going to ask.

Yeah, the answer all lined up.

I didn't know.

Yeah.

I have no idea.

Does heart does steak give you a heartburn?

Well, it's just if you know, if you're eating that amount of red meat, I can't imagine it's good for anything, really, but apparently your bowels were fine.

Is it?

Yeah, it was.

Are you allowed to eat steak with your needles?

Am I allowed to eat steak?

With your needles and stuff.

With my needles.

I ate it with a knife and fork, Joel.

I'll trying to avoid it.

I'm trying to eat a lot less meat.

Okay.

Almost none, I'd say.

Almost none.

I just feel I watch Netflix documentaries and I'm like, well, I think that was about me.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Making a murderer.

Yes.

I killed that woman.

I hope no one asked me about it.

Oh, no, that was me.

That was totally me.

I'm so sorry to raise a hell back.

This is actually a very interesting podcast for me because

I, on the last day in the jungle, was asked what my perfect meal would be.

Oh, yes.

And

they make you whatever you want.

So I've kind of

done it.

I've like been asked this.

But is that still your perfect meal?

No.

And this is why it's wonderful because I feel like I'd make some edits.

Yeah.

Because also our dream restaurant, you can have any dish from any specific place in the world as well.

So you don't need to worry it doesn't need to be a general preparation of that dish yeah because then the jungle you say oh i'd like some strawberry cheesecake yeah but with us it could be like there's a strawberry cheesecake i had in this one place and that's the one i want yeah you know that's not the jungle can't do that they can't do that it's um

and look good news just in case because i know you're probably you're used to this now you don't have to eat a kangaroo dick first yeah

we're not gonna make you do a load of stuff and eat a load of balls and stuff and that and then you get your favourite meal you just get your favorite meal unless your favourite meal meal is kangaroo is kangaroo dick which case no judgment what i mean that's if you've got if you've got a taste for it in the jungle because this is a dream restaurant we can get you the biggest kangaroo dick oh so big it'd be this yeah like the biggest one you can and because it's dream restaurant specific kangaroo if you wanted skippy's dick oh yeah

we could do it skippy's name yeah so oh that'd be great it's just

it's amazing how hungry you have to be to be like oh yeah i'll have a bit of kangaroo dick yeah it's actually fine the shaft tastes better than the ball i'll tell you that much for free.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would not pay you for that information.

No one.

No one asked for that.

Nobody would ever change hands with her.

Got your sparkling water.

But also, I have to ask you.

Poppin' arms or bread, Joel.

Popping on some bread.

Such an angry genie.

So angry.

Makes me laugh every time.

Poppadons or bread.

I'm going to go Papadons.

Yeah.

Is it Papadon?

This is exactly the sort of thing I wanted from you, Joel.

Papa Dons is a pleasant picture.

Is it Papa Don?

Is it Papadon's?

Who else would have been saying Papa Dom's?

Is it Papa Dom's?

Yeah, it's women M.

Poppadon's.

It's not Papa Doms.

It's not Poppa Doms.

It's not Papadon's, like it's your Papa Don.

Papa Dons

was a short-lived rival to Papa Papa John's.

They're from the same family, they're brothers.

I used to call my dad Papa Doms.

Papa Doms?

Yeah, Papa Doms.

Hey, Papa Doms, Papa Dom.

Papa Doms.

You're going Papa Dom.

You even, out of everyone we've met, have an easy way to remember how to say Papa Doms if you wanted to.

It's that my dad is

my Papa Dom.

You could have even remembered it.

You haven't.

You've been calling Papa Dons your whole life.

Papa Dons, but nobody's, you know, nobody's there to tell you the difference.

They are.

You're always there your whole life.

Papa Dons.

We just, straight away, as soon as you say Papa Dons, just picked you up on it.

I can't believe no one else has ever said to you, Popadons.

Surely

an Indian waiter would have gone, so that's completely wrong.

No, that is too polite.

Waiters are too polite.

They'll pick you up on pronunciation.

Yeah, like surely

you're rusting in the corner with your hands behind you.

Yeah, yeah.

If I'm ordering from an Indian restaurant, there's so much other things going wrong.

Like, Papadons is going to be the least of their worries.

Sure.

I'm terrible in Indian restaurants because I just, I'm so bad.

I don't, I just don't.

I've been to an Indian India restaurant I think with you next to yeah next to where we lived in Edinburgh and it's just I'm so I'm just it's one of those things I just don't know what to order I have no idea so I'm just like give me anything poppadons poppadons and

cursy

chicken carmar

please

but have you been in enough Indian restaurants to know what you like now like haven't you had a curry that's really nice and then you're like oh that's what I'll get every time I had um oh

I was gonna, I just realised um, naan is different to popadon's.

Yeah, poppadons,

is it poppad's poppage?

The poppadoms, are the poppadons, the crisps, yeah, the big crisps, the big crisps, yeah, naan.

I don't like those, you don't like them.

No, I prefer.

Can I have bread, please?

Yeah, if you change your order, yeah, yeah, yeah, do you want naan bread?

Is that what you want?

I want naan bread, pechoiri naan.

Oh, good,

pronounced that right.

Yeah, kind of.

We did say poppadoms or bread, so naan bread, I'll allow.

Yeah, definitely.

And pefuari naan specific.

Delicious.

It's too sweet.

Too sweet for a start, I'd say.

Yeah, we don't straighten it with this.

It's a starkey, but it's like little pockets of just sugar.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cheetah.

I've had enough.

If you want it.

If you want it, you got it, mate.

I don't think I've ever had a different naan.

I've always ordered that.

Yeah, that's the one I that's the one I love.

Okay.

We'll come in right up.

Yeah, that's what you do.

Thank you so much.

And to start, sir?

Start.

And to start, please,

I think I'm going to go for nachos, please.

I like nachos because you never know what size it's going to be when it arrives.

Yeah, like I feel like when you order nachos,

they always arrive, and everyone's like, of course, bigger.

I thought it was bigger.

I feel like there's always this awkward situation where like you're sharing it, but there's always one crisp with loads of cheese on it and everyone is being polite and eating around that one.

I just take it.

And then that one

is just one little drink.

What are you having on the nachos?

Is there a choice or is you just...

Just a dream restaurant.

Well, the thing is, I mean, you can just like, is there anywhere where you got nachos that is the best nachos you've ever had?

Best nachos I've ever had in the world.

Yeah.

I was in Mexico.

Yeah.

And me and Ishikuma, it was the day after I'd run the Ultra Marathon, which is how

past the Ultra Marathon.

32 miles.

And I was so knackered.

It was just absolutely dead.

And there was this little place that we were eating every day.

And it was prop.

There's something about the guacamole there that was, it was just another level.

I don't know what they put in it.

It was just insane.

Avocados?

Avocados.

Avocados, definitely.

Almost certainly.

It was just amazing.

And the nachos were just incredible.

And

we went in the last day and we were like, oh, can we have some nachos, please?

And

she was like, oh, we've run out of guacamole.

And we're like, oh, no.

And then Nish kicked off.

And then

we managed to get this massive bowl of guacamole.

We made fresh guacamole for me and Nish.

And we were supposed to wait for the rest of the crew to come and eat with us.

And we just polished off this entire bowl of guacamole.

Like, it was huge.

And we both just sat there.

like

i love i love that you'd run an ultra marathon and nish just polished off a bowl yeah he polished off the entire guacamole

that's his marathon yeah a whole bowl of guacamole ultra guac it was the worst i i ran this ultra marathon and the worst part about it wasn't the fact that i ran it it was the day before they had this energy drink it's called pinola where when nish found it for me and it's like this sort of made of like oil and grain and stuff yeah

And

the day before we were di doing it, he was like, Joel, I'm finding this pnole.

I was like, great.

He's like, I'm going to give you energy.

And so I downed the entire bottle,

the entire massive bottle, and I threw it on the floor and I ran around.

I was like, look, I've got so much energy.

It's all really funny.

I can't help but listen to this and imagine it being acted out on drunk history.

And I don't know why.

I don't know why.

Because of the characters.

Joel, I've got this clue.

Can you give me loads of energy?

Oh, I've got loads of energy now.

Run round.

Yep, carry on.

And

then the next day, I woke up and my

bowels wouldn't shut.

Like, it was...

Opposite of steak.

Yeah.

Opposed to the steak is.

Could have done with some steak to stick up.

Honestly, I've never been like that.

I was on the toilet.

Like, it just was.

I would get off the toilet in 30 seconds later, back on, and it was just,

everything was gone from my body.

Well, you know, first tip there, as soon as you said Nish found the drink for me, I was like, you're going to get diarrhea.

Yeah,

because Nish is never off the toilets.

Nish actually enjoys having diarrhea.

So anything, any food that you're given, Nish has gone out and found you is not a good idea to eat.

It's such an amazing thing watching how long it takes like a crew member to be influenced by Nish's like toilet talk.

Because like at the start of the thing, there would be like a camera operator or something and Nish would be like, Oh, I just, I just did the biggest shit, and like, and that person would be like, Oh, no, Nish, stop it!

Oh, that's disgusting, Nish.

And then, like, four days in, like, this camera operator would sit down and be like, I just did the massivest shit I've ever done, and they're like, Oh, God,

just everyone by the end.

And so, um,

I just, there was no, I was felt so ill.

Yeah, and then the medic gave me loads of these pills to like bung me up,

and then they put me in this costume to run the marathon in, and it was like a red, tiny top, and then a white skirt.

Right.

And all I could think of.

Traditional is like traditional.

Traditional dress.

Yeah, so not costume, but.

Yeah, that's probably.

It was this fancy dress.

Yeah, it's a stupid, funny costume for idiots.

It's really respectable, lovely outfit.

And I was just scared that I was going to shit all over.

White skirt.

So white skirts.

White skirt is the absolute.

I mean.

I'm petrified.

There's a reason Nish really knew what he was doing.

Yeah.

If I'm honest.

There's a reason why Nish doesn't wear a white skirt.

Yeah.

Yes, there is.

Yeah.

And I was just like, I'm going to shit myself before the first corner.

Like, I'm going to shit down this white skirt.

Everyone in the village was watching.

And then I was like, oh, no.

And then I just, so I went for it and I didn't shit myself in the first corner.

And then I carried on running around.

And

I just, I ran the entire 32-mile marathon on one banana.

And that was it.

Yeah.

And got to the end and I just cried so much.

And

I just, I can't remember when I started telling the story, but basically,

I ate the nachos.

And it was the best.

That's why it was the best meal ever because it was like the first thing that I ate

after doing that massive run on nothing and nothing in my body.

And it was the first, most delicious nachos.

And was it just nachos and guac?

Yeah, just nachos and guac.

I don't like spicy vibes.

I don't like,

I don't trust jalapenos.

What don't you trust about them?

Because I feel like they're the poor person of peppers.

The poor person of peppers.

Do you know?

Peter Piper.

Peter Piper.

The poor person of peppers.

He picked poor peppers.

Because I think, you know, because they put them, they're like the bigger ones, and I feel like they're probably easily attainable compared to different peps.

Well, the sort of peps, the peps they put on nachos are like pickled jalapenos.

Oh, really?

How did you say that?

Jalapenos.

Oh, yeah.

It's like the crazy.

That's what I would say.

Jalapenos.

But a fresh one.

I'll say jalapenos.

A fresh jalapeno or jalapeno.

I'm not going to argue it either way.

Fair enough.

A fresh one is delightful.

Papadoms.

Jalapenos on the papadoms.

Because I'm not a big fan of the pickled ones.

No.

I've got a lot of pickled ones.

I like them.

I wouldn't have a pickled one on the natro out of choice.

You wouldn't?

No.

I would.

I would have it on there.

I'd have chili, beef chili, cheese, pickled jalapenos, and guacamole.

Yeah, I'd do a sour cream.

Yeah, I'll probably get sour cream cream cream cream.

Sour cream to cool it down.

Oh, I've, yeah, I've recently.

Salsa.

I always used to invite the sour cream off.

Wasn't interested.

Oh, I take it all back.

Yeah, back.

Was there a turning point?

I think there was.

I can't remember what it was, though.

There was something recently where I started having sour cream with it, and

it was just so good.

But what was it?

It was because it was.

I had a party around my house.

Yeah.

I don't know why I find that funny.

I know why, because it sounded like it was sex.

Carry on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Loads of people came over.

Party bags.

There was definitely a sour cream dip that was left behind.

But what was I dipping in it?

So I kept dipping something in it.

And it was delicious.

Were your hands behind your head?

No, no, no, no, no.

Hands, hands, welcome see them.

And I was dipping, but

what's I dipping in there?

What did I dip in?

And then you had to fold back the bit.

And he went, a carrot.

I dipped something real nice in there and it was, I kept on exclaiming about it and telling people how delicious it was.

That sounds like you.

I can't remember what it was.

Was it something unusual?

I don't think it was.

Well, maybe it was a bit unusual.

Breadstick?

No, I didn't.

There were breadsticks at the party, but I didn't.

Oh,

I nearly had it then.

This is so great to watch.

Joel, were you at the party?

I wasn't at the party.

I think James was the only one at the party.

I wasn't at the party either.

Yeah, no, you guys weren't there.

I love breadsticks.

You feel like a sort of a rabbit when you eat them.

Well, you, of course, did a show called Pretending to Smoke with a Breadstick.

Yes.

Yeah, and I had so many breadsticks that month.

So many breadsticks.

Did you get free breadsticks?

I didn't, actually.

I should have actually got some sort of sponsor.

I find them impossible to eat slowly.

You can't just put them in.

Yeah, exactly.

You feel like a cartoon rabbit.

Oh, yeah.

You feel like one of those

wood chopping machines that you see outside Bosch people's houses.

Then it comes out the back.

Now, we've done a good job filling for time there.

So now we're going to go back to James and we're going to find out if you remember why he was doing it.

I'm trying to think about it, but like.

Was it vegetables?

Wasn't vegetables.

No, it was

little sausages.

It's going to really annoy me, isn't it?

I'm not going to be able to move on until I thought about what it was that I love dipping in the sour cream and I absolutely loved it.

And I remember being

I bought all of the bowls of the nibbles myself and there was some lentil chips but it wasn't those.

Pringles?

It wasn't Pringles.

There was

pitter chips as well.

It wasn't those.

That'd be good though.

That would be good in sour cream.

Oh my Christ, what was it?

It was so nice and I was so

excited that I'd gone and got them.

I got some

little poppa doms as well.

It wasn't mini poppa doms.

It wasn't those.

People call me mini poppadom.

Oh, yeah.

Because we're going to go to your dad's poppa dom.

Yeah, that's a dad.

And your mini poppa dum.

Yeah, mini dump.

Yeah.

I like that.

So, movie.

I don't trust white saucers.

I'll say that.

I'll throw that in the mix.

You happy.

You have been hanging around with me.

I just

did the same joke about dishes.

I just don't trust it.

I don't.

I don't.

Okay.

Obviously,

subconsciously, it's something to do do with certain basic sperm-based vibes.

Right.

But I just

not obvious.

No.

No, not obvious to anyone that that would be why you wouldn't trust it.

Do you think someone's jizzed on your food?

Yeah, maybe it's not.

I just, maybe, I think I just don't like mayonnaise.

I don't like sour cream.

I don't like bread sauce.

Is that coming into it?

What is bread sauce?

Well, hopefully no one's coming into it.

That's the problem.

What is bread sauce?

Well, what do you think might be in the business?

I mean, I think obviously it's bread, but it doesn't taste as good as bread.

It's got to be a sauce.

It's got to be better than the the thing.

I like bread sauce.

A bread sauce.

What?

But none of this has to go on the natros.

This is your dream restaurant.

So you've got guac on there.

Yeah.

And that's it.

So you're just going naturals and guac.

Guac.

Guac.

That's your starter.

Guac.

Nachos and guac.

Personally, I would go.

God.

I'll tell you what I got.

What?

And it was poppadoms.

But it was the sensations

poppadoms that are like the lime and coriander flavour.

Now, what did you have to look at on your phone to work out what that was?

Photo of the snack table.

Have you got pictures?

I can you he's got pictures of the snack table.

But that's what I found that eating those uh those poppadoms, those mini popular sensations poppadoms in that sour cream was the most delicious thing.

It was so nice.

I'm really glad we got there

for the main course, sir.

Main course, please, James A.

Custer and Edward Gambel.

Um,

I think I'm gonna have um

chips and beans and sausages with cheese on top.

Okay.

Right.

Okay.

I am.

This is the first time I've been angry on the podcast.

Absolutely awful.

Well, Joel, happy seventh birthday.

Have you just been swimming?

I got my best badge.

Now, Ed had a guess of what you might say.

And I think when you hear it, I'm going to be like, you're going to be like, I should have said this.

What did you think I was going to say?

Your mum's lasagna.

Yeah, it's a good shout.

And I thought about putting that on the list.

It's so good.

And you guys both know my mum.

And she is a great culinary artist.

I've had your mum's lasagna.

Yeah, yeah.

So to speak.

It does sound bad.

It sounds bad.

It does sound bad.

But I'll tell you the problem, it's got bechamel on it, which is...

A white sauce.

White sauce.

Yeah, yeah.

But I guess you've never been scared that your mum's jizzed into your lasagna, right?

I trust her implicitly.

She wouldn't get a guy over to jizzy lasagna.

She drank my piss once.

Have I told you the story?

Oh, God.

No, but obviously don't pause.

Just tell the story.

I went on a football tour when I was 16 years old.

So when you were 16, she drank your piss.

Yeah.

Yes.

I don't know if it makes it better or worse.

Is it thicker at that age?

No, it's just like, you know, it's just

small.

You know,

I feel I just feel weirder about it.

The younger you are, the weirder I feel about it.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, it does does feel loud.

It does feel a lot.

It's thicker.

No, you see it.

Thick piss when you're 16.

And I went on a football tour.

And

I wasn't very good at football.

I was the substitute.

And we went on a bus all the way to Lorette de Mar.

And

I played two minutes of football.

I played two minutes of the last match.

They didn't bring me on for the first one.

I can't help but feel this is extraneous details.

It's extra.

I'm just painting it for you so we can put it on drunk histories.

And

then

it was the first time I had a holiday with lads, you know, then so we were drinking for the first time.

It was the first time I ever like vomited.

And

we bought loads of San Miguel beers.

Yes.

And there was this guy called Phil Williams.

And I thought it would be funny to piss it because my piss was the same colour as Sam Miguel and everyone talked about how my piss was the same colour as Sam Miguel.

How did they know that?

It's just common knowledge, isn't it on the bus?

Everyone knows what everyone's piss is.

And so I pissed, I pissed into a bowl, same colour as Sam Miguel.

I screwed the top back on

as thick as honey.

It was real,

real broth

and

miso soup and then put it back in Phil Williams' room because everyone was, I thought, he's going to drink this.

this is gonna be hilarious didn't think anything I don't know and then I didn't hear anything for the rest of the holiday and I assumed that he just either drank it was embarrassed put it away whatever I ended up taking loads of bottles of beer home with me in my suitcase because I thought you know I was a thrifty guy yeah put them back in the fridge when I got home and um

and I mean I think you can put the rest of the together

I was in my room playing PlayStation and I just remember my mum just shrieking from the kitchen to be like, Joel,

Joel,

what is in this bottle?

And I was like, oh, I don't really know.

And she was like, oh, I taste.

At that moment, I was like, she's drinking my kiss.

This is just a weird thing.

Did you tell her in that moment?

No, but I think she knew.

I think you just get to the certain age and you just know that.

My mother knows.

My mother knows.

My mother knows the tasteless.

That's Joel's.

You know?

And it was weird.

I think it's the closest we've ever been.

She probably is getting people who jitter you lasagna, lasagna, if that's what you're doing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

To get me back.

So let's not be around the bush, Joel.

You've picked sausage, chips, and beans with cheese on top.

Yes.

So I picked this.

I'm sorry for picking that, James.

I apologise.

But that is the meal.

That is a meal that I had every single day in school.

Every day.

So it's from the school canteen, is it?

From the school canteen.

And I had sausage, chips, and beans with cheese on the top to the point where they knew it was my usual.

I didn't even have to ask for it.

I was like, usual, please.

And they'd do that.

despite what was on offer they'd go in the back and they'd whip me up sorts of chips and beans with cheese on top that was basically i mean there wasn't really much on offer it was um it was my own sort of personal recipe

and um

it was just i just remember it being the most delicious thing in the world and then i'd have a uh chocolate doughnut and then the drink that you turn upside down and you just bite the top off did you know the ones that you'd have the cup you know it's a cup with a film over the top and you'd turn it up the cool guys would turn it upside down and bite the bottom off the cup and then squeeze it into your mouth.

Right.

Instead of using a strawberry.

You're supposed to punch it with a straw on you, but the cool guys wouldn't.

Cool guys.

Because

straws are for weeds.

Sure.

I think they are now.

They're very bad for the environmental.

Yeah, people are getting rid of them.

But then certain people are rallying against the straws getting rid of them as well.

You know, some certain people who need straws to be able to drink, you know, might have disabilities.

They think the straw ban is actually quite a bad thing.

So, you know, I don't want to get in the middle of a straw war here.

So, either way,

I personally am doing my best to cut down on straws because I don't need them.

Yeah.

Joel,

chips, any particular type?

Are we talking standard chips, curly fries, sweet pears?

Standard chips.

It was like a standard school meal before this bloody Jamie Oliver got involved.

So shit sausages,

like shit sausages, the ones that kind of you can really like when you cut through it, you can see this, it's like thin skin that you're like, that's not a thing.

And it's just paste inside, yeah, paste inside.

Like, uh, the cheese was like clearly like pre-grated, frozen still, took a while to melt.

Yeah, like, but I had every, and in my, and clearly, if I had that meal now, I would be like, oh my god, that's disgusting.

I'd feel sweaty and horrible.

Yeah,

which is why you've ordered it.

Which is why you've ordered it in a restaurant where you can literally order anything you want from anywhere in the world.

And I've picked up that.

You've ordered a meal that you know you would think is disgusting and the cheese is still frozen.

Yet, imagine nostalgia.

You would taste it and you'd be like, ah, take me, hark, take me back.

So that's all trickle off.

Was schools happy?

Was school happy days for you?

You liked school?

Pretty happy days, actually.

Yeah.

It was,

yeah, it was great.

I've heard you talk about school on stage

in a negative light.

Yeah, it was like, I mean, it was genuinely fine.

Like, it was like, you know, everyone got bullied a little bit, didn't they?

No, at lunchtime, if you're eating your sausages.

I used to genuinely get lunch and just sit down because if you're eating lunch, then you don't really get bullied.

Like, that was my thing.

If I'm not in the playground, then I wouldn't get, you know, so I'd, I'd, but then I always felt like the queue for lunch was always just like a treacherous place.

Yeah.

Like, or when you've got a full tray of food, yeah.

Come and knock the tray out of your hand.

Me and Steve Dunn, who you guys both know,

we

absolutely loves our favorite thing to like have a full school meal and then just like pretend to trip up and throw it everywhere.

That was our favorite thing that you used to do.

That were your sausage chips and beef.

Yeah, we would usually eat it first, and then so you just have an empty tray, but like with like loads of cutlery and stuff on it, and then pretend to trip up and you throw it everywhere, and then you'd be like,

and everyone would look at you, and that was your way of getting attention.

That's basically what I don't think I've ever said this before, but I think you deserve to to be bullied.

Thank you.

Thank you, Ed.

Thank you.

I think you're drawing attention to yourself, to be fair, in a negative way.

This clumsy

thing is.

You and Steve Dunn have a funny old thing as well.

I went to a supermarket with you and Steve Dunn once because you'd planned your perfect meal that you wanted to eat.

And they were going, we're going to have palominos.

Oh, yeah.

And Steve and Joel were going, palominos?

And they're going, palominos?

A palominos.

And I was like, what is this?

This crazy thing, palominos?

It sounds Mexican.

Are they going going to buy some spices?

Yeah.

And I was like, what is it?

They're like, oh, we get some bread, right?

And it's some ham and some cheese.

And we toast the sandwich.

Ham and cheese toasty.

Hammond.

Ham cheese toasty.

And you're calling it a palomino.

We think that a ham and cheese toasty, it's just like it deserves a name.

Yeah, and it's got one.

It's a ham and cheese toastie.

People don't call it a palomino.

But like it's a fancy dish.

Don't call it a chicken coma.

Chicken and cream and

other things are in it.

Because there's loads of.

I should should have picked something up.

Because there's loads of ingredients in a chicken corner.

Yeah, but like

sausage, what is it?

Ham and cheese toasty.

Ham and cheese toasty, I just feel like it's such a staple of the English diet.

And it's so delicious.

It's so good.

Some of English desserts we call a palomino.

Yes.

And so we brainstormed some names of an afternoon.

And we thought palomino was a great name for a ham and cheese toasty.

Do you know what a palomino is?

No, what is a palomino?

It's already a thing.

It's already a thing.

It's a type of horse.

Oh, shit.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, we should have googled it.

What's a palomino?

Palomino pony.

A palomino pony, babe.

You're all saying it to me as if that's a thing that people should know.

I hadn't heard of it before.

Palomino.

It's been pretty funny that

what's the difference between a palomino pony and a half to cheese toaster?

There's many different.

There's no differences.

Beans on toast.

Baker's taddle.

A what?

A baker's taddle.

Taddle?

Yes.

Oh, this is what you and Steve.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Beans on toast.

Baker's Taddle.

I feel like that's a good one.

Baker's Taddle.

Yeah, because everyone's.

It feels north.

Baker's toast.

Because they're like, oh, tell you what.

Tell you what, Law.

Fancy a Baker's Taddle.

Couldn't rustle me up a Baker's Taddle.

And you do it.

Because otherwise, it's just beans on toast.

But and yet there's no name for sausage, chips, beans with cheese on top.

No, actually, that's just the usual.

Oh, yeah.

Of course.

That's the usual.

Fair enough.

Yeah, that's the usual.

And a side dish, sir?

Side dish.

I think I'm gonna go with sweet potato fries, because I feel like that's an absolute classic side.

I'm gonna burn this restaurant to the ground.

I'm sorry, why was but this is on the side of your chips and sausage and beans?

Yeah, so I'm gonna go extra chic because I chips and sweet potato fries?

Well,

it's more for educational purposes because people think the sweet potato fries are healthy, but they're the same as normal chips.

They're actually the same because people are like, whoever's doing a PR for sweet potato fries is absolutely smashing it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, there's more fibre.

There's different things in it.

You know, but it's like different things.

Here it comes to the science.

Go for it.

Different things in it.

This is about to be like a toothpaste out for different things in it.

Yeah, there's different stuff in them, both, but

they're not necessarily.

They're not the same thing, is what you're saying.

They're not the same thing.

If you're deep-frying something, it's still, you know,

exactly.

It's true.

It's still bad.

Yeah.

So you're trying to educate people on nutrition by having both chips and sweet potato fries at the same meal.

Okay, good.

Put them both together.

I'll take an Instagram snap of it and I'll say something beneath it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Like I'd say, did you realize these actually have the same bad properties?

Yeah.

They're They're tastier.

They are tasty.

I'll give them that.

Yeah.

I really do not like sweet potato because I don't think sweet potato is my favourite vegetable.

I'm going to

say it's good.

That or

parsnips.

Parsnips are good.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Parsnips and sweet potato fries for me.

Just sweet potatoes.

Sweet potato mash is the best thing in the world.

It's just amazing.

So that's not your side?

I should have picked sweet potato mash.

Sweet potato mash is not your side.

Damn it.

It's not your side.

Sweet potato fries are.

Is that what you're saying?

Sweet potatoes.

No, because

remember, the educational element.

Yeah, the education.

Because you want to teach people

on Instagram.

I'm a man of the people.

Yeah.

So you come in and you've ordered a meal that you are aware that now as an adult will taste disgusting to you, and you've accompanied it with a completely redundant side dish just to educate people on Instagram.

Yes.

Yeah, and I'm sticking to

that.

Right.

There's your side.

Sweet potato fries.

It's very hipster, isn't it sweet potato fries they're very old there's a time when i feel like salted caramel sweet potato fries and pulled pork all at the same time suddenly rose up yeah and halloumi yeah it was still the apology halloumi i should have picked halloumi oh

halloumi is just like the best It's the best thing in the world.

It is.

Sweet potato mash just got a very, very short time at the top there for sweet potato mash.

Not toppled by halloumi.

It's just,

tell you what, there's never been a time that I've put halloumi in my mouth where I've not made my own white sauce.

That was too much, wasn't it?

I loved it.

Wasn't too much, definitely going to keep it in.

If the audience don't have to, you know, experience the look you gave both of us afterwards, as you just said it and then looked at Ed, looked at me.

It was a real appeal for a laugh.

You knew that if it didn't get a laugh, you would have to confront yourself with quite how disgusting.

Yeah, that you'd made your own white sauce in advance.

Unless you're not talking about, unless you literally mean you make a specific source for it in the kitchen because you want to, it's a good side.

Absolutely.

Yeah, I was talking about sour cream.

Yeah, sure.

For the little problems and sour your own cream.

Hallomi is the best.

And also, I think.

I absolutely cannot believe that.

For most of your courses so far, we have named other things.

You've gone, I love that so much more.

It's infinitely more than the thing that I named earlier.

I should have, I should have sort of...

like

I could say you are completely ambivalent about sweet potato fries.

I don't think you care about them whatsoever

at all.

And with sweet potato mash, which is just one step removed from it, you love.

And then halloumi is like the

it's a perfectly acceptable side dish.

Hallumi fries you can have.

You can have halloumi just as its, you know,

the podcast.

Yeah.

To

remind you what foods you like.

The podcast you've come on is Joel names the first foods he's thought of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here we are.

That's what's happening.

Joel, what drink are you having to accompany this?

Well, I think genuinely, I'd have a protein shake.

I do like protein shakes.

I really love them.

I have them all the time.

This new one, which is absolutely delicious, has little bits of strawberry in it.

It's just really tangy, lovely.

What's the colour?

It's an optimum nutrition one.

I'm being paid by them.

And before I go to bed, I have a casein protein, which is like...

You have a protein shape before you go to bed?

Yes.

As soon as you've got to work out in your drinks.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And

then

I also have that.

I spread that over my porridge in the mornings.

I love porridge.

I really love porridge.

Sometimes, sometimes.

Another thing that you like more than anything you've listed today?

Could have been your starter.

Yeah, could have been.

Sometimes I go to bed early, so porridge time comes quicker.

Sometimes you're just like, I love that.

You're like, you're like, sat there and you're like, oh, I could watch something else on Netflix, or I could just go to bed early and then porridge time comes.

Do you ever struggle getting to sleep because you're so excited about the porridge the next day?

Like, actually, yes.

So we've got a protein shake to drink, and then what are you having for pudding?

Pudding time.

I think you know what you're going to have for pudding, right?

Oh, you think that I know what you're going to have for pudding?

Do you know?

Oh, so I should know this then.

But

it was a thing that I actually really love.

I've gone through an interesting sort of curve with it because I loved it and I said that I loved it a couple of times.

Oh, I'm sorry we get me out of here.

And

then everyone started buying them for me and every TV show I was on, they kept on giving them to me to the point where I hated it.

And then I was like, ugh.

and then for a whole year didn't have any and now I'm back I'm I'm fully back in back on absolutely love it again and

you know it's like new metal I feel like it's really back it's coming back yeah it's really coming back and it's cool again in my mind it's uh

strawberry cheesecake strawberry cheesecake strawberry and white chocolate to be specific actually very nice and is it from a specific place um actually so there's there's one that i've never and i never actually got to eat there was one no actually you know what yes i did eat it I'm going to have this one instead.

There was

when I, when you come out of the jungle, they tell you the doctors always like, don't have dairy straight away.

Like, chill out with the dairy.

Everything else, they're like, just eat slowly, but because you're so, you're so skinny.

And you haven't had dairy, coffee, sugar for a month, essentially.

And

I completely ignored that.

information and I ate two whole cheesecakes.

Literally the opposite of what they told you to do.

Couldn't more be the opposite.

And because what someone left one in my room.

I love the idea of you eating it as the doctor's leaving.

Yeah, they're like, yeah.

They got me one in my room.

So I go back to my hotel room and it was honestly the most amazing cheesecake.

Like it was had like the melted white chocolate on the top and it was oh, it was so good.

Yeah.

I don't know whether it was actually that good or whether it was good because I hadn't eaten anything.

Sure.

But it was so good.

I ate the whole thing and it was thick.

Like it was like this big.

I'm saying like that tall.

Okay.

I ate the whole thing before I went to the after party.

That's like a, just for the people at home, that's like what Joel mimes there, I'd say, is like a quarter of an entire cheesecake.

I know, are you doing it?

You're miming a whole cheesecake?

Oh, so hold on.

I'd say like

a small steering.

There was not a slice of cheesecake in there.

You had a whole

wheel of cheesecake.

I'm not talking about slices.

Okay.

I'm talking.

And you ate the whole thing.

Entire pie chart.

You ate the whole thing.

Whole thing.

I'm not even joking.

Whole thing.

I just couldn't stop.

I just couldn't stop putting it in my mouth.

Yeah.

And then,

in fact, I think I ate like three quarters of it, then went to the after party, came back, left there pretty quick because it was really weirding me out.

And then I...

ate the other quarter, went to bed for probably about half an hour.

Right.

And then I woke up and I have never vomited like that in all of my life.

Right.

Yeah.

Like it was like.

It's almost as if they should get a doctor to tell you to I know they should have warned me about it.

But it was like from the soul vomiting.

You know, it wasn't like,

I don't think I've ever really vomited when I've not been drunk.

Yeah.

And I've, it was just like pain, like, but it was painful, but it also, because it was so soon after eating the cheesecake, it still tasted of cheesecake.

And you thought you liked it.

And so you were like, oh, this is painful, but it's so delicious.

Yeah.

It's kind of like, it was kind of delicious.

So that's what you want for dessert, is it?

The thing that made you vomit from your soul.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay.

So

that you pooped up so much.

Yeah.

Shall we run through, Mr.

Genie?

Should we take Joel through his order and see if he

know he regrets it?

Yes.

Oh, God.

Mini Papa Domit.

This is what you ordered.

You would like some sparkling water that you've bought from home,

some naan bread, some nachos from Mexico after you've done the marathon, you have the homemade guacamole.

You'd like some chips, beans, sausages and cheese from your school canteen, a side of sweet potato fries with those.

Regret that.

A protein shake that has a little bit of strawberry in it.

And a strawberry and white chocolate cheesecake that once made you sick.

Yes.

Yes.

Well, I regret about half of those.

It's been, look, I've had a lovely time doing this.

You've been a wonderful guest, Joel.

Yes.

But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that is the worst meal we've had on the board.

Oh, what?

Well, Joel,

the base level criteria for it is that the guest enjoys the food.

And the fact that you have chosen a meal that you thought of about five different meals during that that you would infinitely prefer

to what you've ordered.

Hey guys, the journey, not the destination.

Sometimes we just say a phrase to the kind of dynamic.

The journey not the destination, even though you've even told a story during this where you had a horrible journey running around trying not to shit yourself and then the destination was sitting there having guacamole and it was great.

Yeah, so

and it's the journey, not the destination, but there's not many journeys where you go on that halfway through, you go, I've come the wrong way.

Yeah, that's what this journey was.

That's true.

It's we've lost the battle, but we've won the war.

There we go.

And what better way to end?

Thank you so much for coming, Joel.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me in your lovely restaurant.

It's really delicious.

Well, the toilet's just over there if you want to go and be horribly sick.

That was Joel Dommit.

Oh, and his dream meal.

Well done.

I'm assuming that went well.

I'm assuming he turned up because we're recording this before he's even arrived.

Yeah, you've got to rush off after we've finished talking to Joel.

I've got a meeting about a hot new project.

No, I'm not going to give you any details about it, but safe to say someone's doing strictly.

I think I'm getting picked up off this.

You're going to do Strictly?

Oh.

Well, you'd do it, wouldn't you?

Oh.

Yeah, because I'd love to be cursed.

So, Joel Dommit there built his perfect meal.

I don't know what it's going to be.

No, but you know,

he'll definitely.

I would wager at some point he said something deliberately to wind us up.

What?

One of the courses will be something that he knows we'll hate, and he'll be really excited to say it.

Right, okay.

Well, I'm looking forward to meeting him and chatting about that.

Yes, but he was a wonderful guest.

I'm sure we can all agree.

The timelines are a bit messed up now.

I continue to be on tour in January through till May.

Congrats.

Thank you very much.

I'm on tour next year as well.

I haven't

done that last time.

Yes.

But yeah, jamesacaster.com for tickets.

Yeah.

Where are you going on tour?

All around Britain.

Wow.

And the Edinburgh Comedy Festival next year.

Doing Edinburgh?

Two weeks.

Not the whole thing.

And I plan to do a venue that's not in the centre.

The castle.

Not in the hub.

Yeah, maybe in one of the turrets of the castle.

So go and watch James at the Tattoo next year.

And I'll be on tour all around the UK and then probably on holiday in Greece.

So lovely to hear from you, Bonapete.

Bonaparte!

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Oh, hello, it's Amy Gladhill here.

Hello, I'm Harriet Kemsley.

Single ladies, it's coming to London.

Well, we're already in London, I suppose, in a way, but we're doing a live show, aren't we?

It's true on Saturday, the 13th of September at 7 p.m.

at King's Place.

So we've got your Saturday night sorted.

We've done all the organising for you.

Come along, have some drinks, alcoholic or non-alcoholic, both are available.

And you can get your tickets from plursive.co.uk.

Or just head to the link in our Instagram bio and just clickity click click.

London, we're coming.