Bonus Bill (Originally aired 09/30/16)

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Speaker 4 Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Speaker 4 Thank you, everybody. How you doing?

Speaker 4 Thank you. You're very kind.

Speaker 4 Oh, please, sit down.

Speaker 4 Thank you. What a welcome.

Speaker 5 Are you excited because of the debate? Is that what's all about you? I know. Did you see Hillary Manshe? He came out there in that bright red pantsuit.

Speaker 5 Because that's the color Latinos use to taunt bulls.

Speaker 5 I'm kidding. I shouldn't compare Trump to a bull.
Bulls don't snort that much.

Speaker 5 And they excrete less bullshit. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 I don't know what to say about Trump's demeanor. How do you even describe this? It's like picture an asshole all-white fraternity that let in toddlers.
That's what.

Speaker 5 I mean,

Speaker 5 he didn't just deny the facts. He seemed confused by the concept of facts.

Speaker 5 Now, look,

Speaker 5 still doesn't mean mean she's going to win the election. Don't be complacent.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Speaker 5 But it does look like she won the debate because, you know, people who watch politics, they've been watching this a long time. A lot of people tuned in.

Speaker 5 Almost 100 million people watched this and went, oh, you mean that Donald Trump?

Speaker 5 That asshole. Yeah, no, I don't think he should be president.

Speaker 5 One way you might be able to tell that you're a sexist is when you call a beauty queen Miss Piggy and Chris Christie is standing right behind you.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, he's in trouble. Chris Christie, governor, my home state of New Jersey.
Oh, absolutely. That bridgegate trial is going on.

Speaker 5 We clogged the traffic on the bridge, and they say he knew about it and was laughing about it when they told him.

Speaker 5 He probably got the idea for squeezing tons of traffic into a couple lanes by putting on his pants.

Speaker 5 All right, thank you very much, folks.

Speaker 5 Let's go over here.

Speaker 4 Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.