Bonus Bill (Originally aired 09/30/16)

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Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Good afternoon. That's good.

Real time.

Thank you, everybody. How you doing?

Thank you. You're mankind.
Oh, please, sit down.

Thank you. What a welcome.
Are you excited because of the debate? Is that what's all about you? I know. Did you see Hillary Manchi? He came out there in that bright red pantsuit.

Because that's the color Latinos used to taunt bulls.

I'm kidding. I shouldn't compare Trump to a bull.
Bulls don't snort that much.

And they excrete less bullshit. That's what I'm saying.

I don't know what to say about Trump's demeanor. How do you even describe this? It's like picture an asshole all-white fraternity that let in toddlers.
That's what.

I mean,

he didn't just deny the facts. He seemed confused by the concept of facts.

So look,

still doesn't mean she's going to win the election. Don't be complacent.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

But it does look like she won the debate because, you know, people who watch politics, they've been watching this a long time. A lot of people tuned in.

Almost 100 million people watched this and went, oh, you mean that Donald Trump?

That asshole. Yeah, no, I don't think he should be president.

One way you might be able to tell that you're a sexist is when you call a beauty queen, Miss Piggy, and Chris Christie is standing right behind you.

Oh, yeah, he's in trouble. Chris Christie, governor, my home state of New Jersey.
Oh, absolutely. That bridgegate trial is going on.

We clogged the traffic on the bridge, and they say he knew about it and was laughing about it when they told him.

He probably got the idea for squeezing tons of traffic into a couple lanes by putting on his pants.

All right, thank you very much, folks.

Let's go over here.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.