Episode #376 (Originally aired 2/5/16)

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Month series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Starts a clock.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon.

Time will be

real time.

Real time.

Thank you.

What a crowd.

What a crowd tonight.

Oh,

thank you.

Thank you very much.

Okay.

Wow.

This is

okay, please.

Easy.

Thank you.

You think I was Miles?

No, I know why you're excited because it's Super Bowl weekend.

Don't pretend it's about me.

That's right.

Yeah, finally we can put aside politics and just enjoy Peyton Manning versus Cam Newton.

Who are you going to root for?

The old white guy or the fresh young black.

Oh, it is like politics.

Damn it, white.

Well, I'm sorry, but excuse me, I think the politics blood sport is actually more interesting.

The voting finally started this week.

Iowa caucuses, the children of the corn, have spoken.

And

now they've all moved on to New Hampshire.

That's for people who find Iowa too black.

But very surprising in Iowa.

Ted Cruz beat Donald Trump, what the pundits are calling a lesser of two assholes.

Ted.

Yeah, Ted pulled it out at the last minute with his slogan, especially tailored for the Iowa voter.

Vote for me and I'll leave.

he is not a liked man but I must say Donald Trump right after made a speech very gracious for an hour

then he reverted to form and demanded a do-over and threatened this it was like you know you ever see like when a baby falls there's like a minute where you then he starts to cry

Now, to be fair, Donald Trump does have kind of a point.

Ted Cruz did cheat.

He put out a press release and had his precinct captains call all over saying Ben Carson, the other evangelical in the race, was dropping out to trick his voters, as Jesus would do.

And it worked.

And it worked because 64% of Republican voters in Iowa are born again, and 100% are born yesterday.

but

but this is what I am amazed at about politics the big winner the media said coming out of IA was Marco Rubio who also thanked his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for picking him third

he came in third he came in third I swear to God he made a speech right after he came in third where he said this is the moment they said would never happen

and they were right it did not

they said i had no chance right again you don't

they said this was in our state plainly it is not i mean

so but anyway

it's all so psychological now he's the guy with momentum now up in new hampshire he's the one rising in the poll so all the other guys are coming after marco rubio chris christie calling him

calls Marco Rubio the boy in the bubble.

That's got a sting coming from from the MOOC and the Moo Moo.

I don't know what MOOC is, by the way.

If you're writing it, I can't believe you used the word MOOC.

I don't know what that is.

But Hillary and Bernie now fought to

a dead-even tie.

Bernie was 30 points behind.

A dead-even tie, basically.

I just think Hillary, I love her, but just not good at this.

Just not good at camp.

I mean, in 2008, she lost to a black man with a Muslim name.

Now she's losing to a 74-year-old Jewish socialist.

I mean, Hillary,

we're making this as easy as we can for you, but

you're going to have to help a little.

Hillary's camp says that's unfair because Bernie has an advantage.

People actually like him.

But, you know, you've got to admit, Sanders having a big win there.

I mean, a tie there.

Now he's going to have a big win in New Hampshire.

A tie in a win in the first two go a long way to addressing the electability issue.

I mean, forever, Bernie's been like the guy who the girl dates but doesn't marry.

I love him, but he can't win is the political version of he gives me great orgasms, but he doesn't have a job.

But that's all in question now.

But I got to say, Hillary's strategy of hugging Obama on everything looked pretty good today because the unemployment rate has now dropped below 5%.

And it's all private sector jobs, exactly what conservatives are always calling for.

But do they give Obama credit?

Of course not.

They accused him today of succeeding from behind.

And this is the 72nd straight month of job creation.

Of course, conservatives say, well, those stats don't include people who have exhausted their unemployment benefits and have just given up and stopped looking for work.

To which I say, be careful how you talk about my studio audience.

And as a public service, let me tell you, the World Health Organization now has officially declared the Zika virus a public health emergency, and you know what that means.

White people are getting it now.

And

this is not good news.

It is transmitted now, not just by mosquitoes, but it can be transmitted sexually.

So if one prick doesn't get you, the other one will.

All right, we got a great show.

Alex Wagner, PJ O'Rourke, and Armstrong Williams are here.

And a little later, we'll be speaking with Erin Brockovich.

But first up, I'm going to call her a feminist activist because she hates the word icon.

Her new book is My Life on the Road, our friend Gloria Steinem.

Hey, you.

How are you?

Oh, a handshake won't do it.

Thank you very much.

Sit down.

Look at her, great.

Now, are you going to bust me on sexism if I say you look great?

At my age, I figure that what used to be conformist is now revolutionary.

You look great.

I mean,

I don't know what your age is.

I actually do.

But I'm not going to say it.

Well, I have to say it because why not?

81.

81.

And look, still rocking the.

I love this.

Yeah.

I think I'm.

Still rocking the hip huggers, yeah.

I think I may be a stand-up comic because I have my first line.

You want to hear it?

Go ahead.

Okay.

At my age, most people are dead.

Which is statistically true, right?

Okay.

Well,

most men are dead.

No, women too.

Women too.

Well, okay, but women do live longer.

Yes, right.

Even though there are now fewer women on the planet than men.

Right.

Okay.

Well, we'll get to that.

But the book, first of all, let's plug the book, My Life on the Road.

That is a title I could use

in any comic.

No, I think.

I know why I'm on the road.

Why are you?

Well, organizers and comics, I mean, I don't know.

Yeah.

And also, I realized I was writing least about what I was doing most, so I should write about the road.

And the road used to be a male province for no good reason.

It should be everybody's.

Everything did, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

But also the road was thought to be more dangerous.

I'm sure it was, right.

But statistically speaking, home is the most dangerous place for a woman.

Right.

How weird is that?

Because they live with the guys you see on cops.

But

interesting, you dedicate this book to the doctor who performed an abortion for you when you were 22.

Why is that?

Because,

well, first of all, when,

at that time in London, when it was very illegal and he was risking his livelihood, and he said to me, you must promise me two things.

You must never tell anyone my name, and you must do what you want to do with your life.

So I realized that all these years now, obviously he's no longer living.

And I think that he, who knew the law was unjust and inhumane, would not mind if

I thanked him and said, I've done the best I could with my life.

This book is for you.

That's great.

There are people, among them, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who have said that the younger generation of women are very complacent about Roe versus Wade, that they weren't around before, and they don't have an appreciation.

Do you think that's right?

You know, I don't think so.

I mean, I find the young women very, very activist, and they're way, way more feminist than we.

I mean, we were like 12 crazy ladies in the beginning.

You know, now it's the majority.

But I do think that gratitude never radicalized anybody.

You know, I mean, I did not say thank you for the vote.

I got mad on the basis of what was happening to me.

And I think that that's true of young women, too.

So they're mad as hell because they're graduating in debt and they're going to earn a million dollars less over their lifetime to pay it back.

You know, they're mad about what's happening to them.

They really don't like Hillary, though.

What do you think that's about?

Mom likes her, so I have to, you know.

First of all, I mean, she does have a huge gender gap and race gap.

Huge.

Yet women are more for her than men are, and she has

more for Bernie.

it depends where you ask but I do think that Bernie no

really

in America I mean

I mean first of all women get more radical as we get older because we experience women get more radical yeah it's the opposite it's the opposite of

I I don't mean to overgeneralize I'm sure that you're more radical

but men tend to get more conservative because they gain power as they age and women get more radical because they lose power as they age

So

it's kind of not fair to measure most women by the standard of most men because they're going to get more activist as they grow older.

And when you're young you're thinking, you know, where are the boys, the boys are with Bernie or, you know.

Ooh.

Now if I said that.

No, no, no.

Yeah, they're for Bernie because that's where the boys are.

No, you'd

walk me, come on.

No, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't because the boys are saying whether, whether no, I mean hello.

What do you how well do you know me?

Okay, right

Not that well

I'd love to know you better, but

but also also

That one went right by me I didn't know

Okay, so the woman of the year I think from Glamour magazine was Caitlin Jenner

the woman of the year has a dick when When this

I gotta say,

when this happened, I said I did not get a committee.

I know, I know.

The highest earning female in the corporate world, too, was a male previously, right?

So, I mean.

Right.

There's no rules anymore.

You know, we used to hear this about feminism, a woman can have it all.

I just think that's a terrible thing to tell anybody,

woman, child.

No, no, it's stupid.

It's so stupid.

Oh, I'm so glad you agree.

Right.

I mean, first of all, you can't have it all if you have to do it all, and that's usually what it means to a lot of women because they have to, you know, do the whole thing, children, everything.

But, you know, we just have to be able to use our talents and do what we want.

I mean, the whole, nobody's, do they say that to men?

Has anybody ever said to you to say that?

Men just assume it.

Well, but do they say that?

I say that as a febit.

Okay, so Hillary Hillary famously, when she was First Lady, went to China and said,

I think women's rights are human rights.

And one of her greatest moments as First Lady, she points to it often.

Is feminism something that goes beyond our borders?

Oh, yes, absolutely.

It is totally beyond borders.

And that Hillary went was a great triumph because no one wanted her to go, if you'll remember.

I mean, she went against the will of

practically everybody.

And the fact that she stood there and said, women's rights are human rights, coalesced what was already a global movement, but it was that kind of moment in time when I was...

Why aren't the way women are treated in the Muslim world considered more of a feminist cause?

But it is.

Are you kidding me?

Of course it is.

And the women in those countries consider it a feminist cause.

There are women there risking their lives every day.

I mean, you know, all monotheism is a problem.

Yes, but not quite as much.

It depends.

Islam being attached to the government is the problem.

I mean, if you have the theocracy, it's a problem.

But that's right.

Where we have Christian theocracies, it's a problem.

40 countries have Sharia law.

And under Sharia law, I mean, women's testimony in court is worth half as much.

Women, a man can get divorced by just saying, I divorced thee in front of a judge.

A woman can't.

A woman's property is not really her property.

It goes to the man.

I mean, not to mention female genital mutilation and honor can be.

And people are trying, then, I mean,

I can't handle any monotheism, okay, so I'm not here to.

I can't either.

No, okay.

But

people are trying to take, are trying to

take, I mean, a lot of feminists in the Islamic world are taking

Muhammad's words and pointing out that, you know, his first wife was a real estate agent who was smarter than him and richer than him, and he reformed law for

on inheritance, yes.

Really?

For what, century seven?

No.

But he, in his

In his day, in his day, he was a reformer on a lot of issues for women, and now it's a whole other story.

But I'll look at it.

No, no, really.

Yeah, right.

Listen, only you could get me to defend any monotheism.

I can't believe I'm not.

I'm not asking you to defend anyone.

I'm just saying for the people who were like so, for the civil rights movement in the 60s and against apartheid in the 80s, it would seem Sharia law in 40 countries

should be the cause of

concluding for the women in those countries.

Absolutely, it's all for those women.

That's who we're sticking up for.

All right.

Thank you, Glorious Don and Great.

Good luck with the book.

Great to see you, as always.

Let's be our town.

Hey, look who it is.

All right, he's our friend whose new anthology, Thrown Under the Omnibus, is also the heaviest book published this year.

PJ O'Rourke, my favorite writer, maybe of all time.

He's not only the largest minority owner of television stations in America, but also Ben Carson's business manager and confidant, Armstrong Williams.

Hey, Armstrong.

It's been too long since I've seen you.

And chief analyst for MSNBC.

You all know Alex Wagner over here.

All right, remember to send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show on YouTube.

Let me pick up with where I was starting there about the generation gap in the Democratic Party.

Iowa has spoken and the returns are in.

And yeah, what is going on there?

Why don't young people like Hillary Clinton?

Yes, sir.

Basically,

Sanders is Trump for people who are still living in their parents' basement.

It's a big, you know.

They do have a lot in common, actually.

Yes.

In fact, you never see them together.

No authenticity.

Oh, I see.

Authenticity.

And that's what the millennials love more than anything else.

Well, an absolute idealism.

I mean, Hillary offers a very pragmatic resume, and Bernie Sanders offers this kind of inspirational, big vision of how he can transform Washington.

And you know, after that.

Which may or may not be rooted in reality.

Global.

Yeah, but I think

I do think that when Bernie Sanders talks about the monopoly of Wall Street, When he talks about young people, when you talk about the American dream and prosperity, young people ask, prosperity for whom?

I think he speaks to the anxiety.

And a lot of these young people are reasons why President Barack Obama was elected.

And they also felt as though what they gave him was not what was returned.

And so they just, Hillary Clinton to them is just another outsider.

And so it's just, it's not.

Or an insider.

Yeah.

Well, she's just another outsider inside Wall Street and inside the Capitol.

Okay?

Yeah, I get you though.

Yeah, you get it.

But look, look, young people are very intelligent.

They're not interested in left or right.

They're interested in what works for them now.

Right.

And I think it's great that the youngest people want the oldest guy ever to run.

They don't care about anything else.

He's authentic.

Authentic?

He doesn't even own a comb.

That's me.

You have a problem with age?

No,

I'm the one who speaks against age now that I'm 60.

I mean, ageism.

Yeah.

But doesn't Bernie deserve this?

I mean, he has proved.

I mean, he was, what, 30 points behind in Iowa?

He has proved, I think, at this point, that this is a year when anything can happen.

I heard a lot about Donald Trump will never, Donald Trump will never, and then Donald Trump did everything they said he would never do.

I think the rules are out the window until proven otherwise.

Now, we may revert back to politics as usual, but until we do, doesn't Bernie deserve the people who have been saying, oh, I like Bernie, but he can't be elected, to shut up.

The Bernie Butters.

Haven't we earned that much?

I mean,

like,

I would set aside who deserves it, because I think there are a lot of people who would say,

doesn't Hillary Clinton deserve it at this point?

So you're for, well, no, I mean, listen, I think what's going on.

Who are you for?

Honestly, like, I think the race on the Democratic side, I watched the debate on MSNBC last night, and it was so substantive and so fascinating.

And, you know, there were points at which I'd say the first, the first half of the debate, when you're talking about economic policy, Bernie Sanders has a really compelling message.

The second half, when Hillary Clinton is talking about foreign policy and when Bernie Sanders is talking about foreign policy, it really makes the case for Hillary Clinton's candidacy.

But who are you for?

I don't, I really, at this, as I'm a journalist, Bill, and as you know, I mean,

never criticizing this and I'll take that as a Hillary.

I'd take it.

But do you want Bill?

Do you want Bernie Sanders getting off Air Force

to deal with,

seriously, on foreign policy?

Do you think that he's at the level that we need more?

Fuck yeah.

The guy who voted right on the Iraq war.

Yeah, I do.

You can surround yourself with people with those kind of credentials, those experts.

Well, it didn't work for your guy.

Well, we'll talk about that.

We'll get to that later.

No, really.

Lister.

I mean, he said we have to put a coalition to confront ISIS, and then they asked him which countries he couldn't name one.

Well, that's what I was saying.

Well, he was right about that.

That's true.

He was right on that issue.

There wasn't one.

When you think about this guy's background and the narrative of his story and what he represents, that this guy who's a world-renowned pediatric neural surgeon would be a strong force, ahead of the bushes, ahead of the Christianity.

He was running testimony to America, man.

Come on.

If he was running for chief surgeon, I would vote for him.

He's running for president of the United States.

Which he has no qualification for.

According to you.

Well, and you're entitled to your opinion.

Well,

a lot of people have come to that opinion, including people in your camp.

We're not in the qualification room.

You yourself.

Let the American people decide.

That's what election is about.

Let them decide.

And they are.

Let them make the choice.

Although they are not.

Yeah, and you respect the process.

I would like Ben Carson to get back to work, though, because there are a bunch of people in this race who need their head examined.

That's like the only thing I can really say against Ben Carson.

Okay, let me ask this question once more about Bernie Sanders.

It seems to me he has put something on the table that I would call a new deal.

FDR had the New Deal, and it was like, look, the old way of work,

because we had a giant depression, of doing things just doesn't work.

It seems like Bernie is putting on the table something we've never seen before.

America could be more like a Western European democracy.

Yes, you'll pay some more taxes, but we're going to cut defense and look what you get for paying a little more.

That's what European

is.

You get free college.

I'm just saying, wait, let me just finish.

Let me just finish and then you can talk agnauseum.

We have never had someone do this.

So we don't know how many leftists are out there who have sat out election after election because they thought the two parties were too alike.

So,

is Bernie probably going to get his hand handed to him in Indiana and the South?

Yes, but maybe not because this is the year when there are no rules.

I think it's fun.

I really like this a lot.

I don't know about the Europe stuff, though.

Europe has not had a great track record over the past hundred years.

Ever since the Archdukes

got a flat tire there in Sarajevo about 1914, where'd he even go to get all the commies and Nazis and 90 million dead people to make America more like Europe?

I wouldn't go down that line if I were Bernie Sanders.

Who knows?

But no, I take his point.

What we're going to find out, we're going to find out on Tuesday is how many leftists there are in America who know it's Tuesday.

Listen.

Yeah, well, I mean, there's the reality that we live in a time of divided government.

And until Democrats start voting in off-year elections, which would be a good way to change the makeup of the Congress, and

we resolve our redistricting process, like we're, the reality is Bernie Sanders isn't going to walk in there with a super majority in both houses of Congress.

So, I don't know where any of this stuff is going to get passed.

He deserves to be heard.

He deserves it.

Everyone wants Mrs.

Clinton just to waltz in without being tested.

As far as the socialism,

without being tested, she's 110.

But she was very developed.

This is a new election cycle, new ideas, new issues that surround the world like terrorism.

She needs to be tested again.

She just cannot waltz into the White House like a coordination.

She's hardly waltzing.

She's like literally hobbling.

She's waltzing.

Let me tell you, if the right wing gives anybody a free pass, it's Hillary Clinton.

Really?

All right, let me ask about Rand Paul.

He dropped out.

My guy.

Your guy.

Okay.

Look, he was on our show.

I had

drinks with him.

He was afraid to do it, so we met.

I found him smart and charming.

I noticed he let the invisible hand pick up the check.

But

he's not a libertarian for nothing.

That's cold.

That's cold.

That's cold.

But he said that he dropped out.

He said, we ran a principled campaign.

And actually, no, that's why you lost, because he made his announcement in front of an aircraft carrier.

I mean, I liked that part of the Paul family until he did that.

That would be like Bernie Sanders making his announcement

on the stock exchange floor.

Well, he abandoned who and what he was.

Right.

He became something different.

And he also dropped out because the Republicans are fearful of losing another Republican Senate seat in Kentucky, and they wanted to do all they could to protect that turf going forward.

So that's another thing that they were lean on in Labat.

So there's a lot of things that goes on in politics.

Well, and if you were kind of a rabble-rousing anti-institutionalist,

Trump's an interesting character, I think, for that section of the electorate.

And maybe those folks would have been another year gone for Rand Paul this year.

But there was a moment when people were saying libertarianism is ascendant.

And then I think ISIS, you know, the shit your pants wing of the party,

took over.

And now I don't, do you think that's rarely helpful

in my experience?

It's really not helpful for libertarians.

Do you think there's a place in the Republican Party for libertarians?

Yeah, but it's more at a legislative level.

It's more at a regulatory level.

Probably Rand Paul is doing better work where he is than he would be.

in the White House.

You know, he also had that Hillary problem of giving nuanced answers in a non-nuanced non-nuanced year.

You know, you'd ask Rand Paul a question, and he'd really tell you the answer, and it would take a while.

Well, and some issues, but then it's also a Republican Party that's favoring getting rid of a woman's right to choose, building a border wall that Mexico's going to pay for.

I mean, no, but Rand Paul signed on to those things, which are not necessarily the libertarian plan.

I'm not making it up.

He had that Hillary problem of sounding like the grown-ups in the peanut specials.

But again,

he tried to split the difference between his base of libertarianism and evangelicals in Iowa.

And in the year of living, frankly,

with Trump and Bernie Sanders.

This is a pants-down campaign.

I mean, that's why Hillary is not catching on with a lot of people.

I just don't like the image of pants-down campaign in this guild.

Pants soup down.

But she looks, you know, like a Gatling gun in the age of drones when she speaks, because she's still from that era where we don't say anything that offends anybody, we always parse every word to make sure that it.

In part, I think that's born of trauma, too, right?

Of what?

Trauma.

I mean, just they've been on the national.

You are in the foxhole for that long, and you learn not to stick your head up.

Okay.

So I noticed that it was the IOR caucus for the first time on the day that Groundhog Day fell,

which we've never seen before.

And

it's been a year of first.

always mocking my premises.

So the Groundhog, Puxitoni Phil, said it's going to be an early spring, which means warmer weather.

So naturally, the conservatives now think that Puxatoni Phil is in the tank with the liberals on global warming.

They're crazy about this issue.

I mean, is it possible that they actually made an attack ad against Puxetoni Phil?

Are they that crazy?

Oh, you're saying they have?

I'm getting this.

I'm going to admit that groundhog weather predictions is unproven science.

Don't fuck up my bit.

Anyway,

they did.

They made an attack ad against Puxatoni Phil.

Take a look.

Scientists think they're so smart.

They claim the Earth is getting warmer, and last year was the hottest in recorded history.

But then how come it snowed?

If scientists can really predict the future, why don't more scientists win the lottery?

And you know who's just another scientist?

Punxatani Phil.

Punxatani Phil says spring is coming early this year.

Just another climate alarmist, like Al Gore.

Punxatani Phil doesn't just hug trees, he lives under one.

In fact, Phil digs a hole.

And you know where you can dig a hole to?

China.

A groundhog isn't even a real hog.

It's more of a squirrel.

A herbivorous squirrel with no experience creating jobs in the private sector.

But the mainstream media prints the worthless opinions of this rodent as fact, while ridiculing climate skeptics like Ted Cruz.

Who do you trust your future to?

A slimy, burrowing, repulsive animal?

Or a groundhog?

Sounds hard.

All right, she's an environmentalist activist and the water company's biggest headache.

She's our friend Aaron Brockovich.

Hey, oh.

I changed the hair.

Hi.

Look at you.

Hi.

Oh, you look great.

Thank you.

It's nice to be here.

Hi, everybody.

Hello.

Hi.

Nice to be here.

You know why you're here?

Because there are toxic disasters in the news.

What do you think about the fact that when there are toxic disasters, we think of you first?

You know what?

I know.

My brain is ready to explode.

There's just so much information coming in.

I'm sure.

And you were on to this Flint, Michigan thing before anybody.

You were there a year ago.

We've heard a lot about it.

We should hear a lot more.

But I want to expand it out because I think you're on to something here that it's just the tip of the iceberg Flynn it is I mean this is going to be going on all over America it absolutely is you know I've said before I feel like Bill Paxton from that scene in Twister where they say the tornado's coming and he goes it's already here that's exactly what's happening with the water crisis and we are having a national water crisis in this country it by way of a little bit of education what happens is 70% of our municipal systems come from surface water.

So that's rivers and that's creeks and that's reservoir.

No two bodies of water are the same.

So if you willy-nilly change the water system from one river to another, you can cause a chemical reaction in the water.

So we add chlorine because when we bring in the surface water, it has organic matter.

And it creates a byproduct, which is called total trihalomethane.

Very regulated by the EPA and part of the Safe Drinking Water Act because it's an environmental pollutant and it's carcinogenic.

You have a thousand cities in violation today of total trihalomethanes in their water system.

New studies have shown that women in the first trimester of pregnancy exposed to over 80 parts per billion of total trihalomethane have a 15.7% increased risk of miscarriage.

Now, here's where things begin to change.

Yeah,

well I don't want that.

No I'm just saying no one's gonna get laid.

God.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

When we have no water because it's all polluted, we're not gonna get laid then either because it's game over for everybody.

But what's happening here, Bill, is really actually very concerning because they are not following regulations and they found a way to cheat the system.

And here's where we're having a national crisis.

They've decided when they exceed total trihalomethanes not to do what's regulated and that's to put on a carbon activated filtration system.

It's expensive.

They don't want to pay for it.

So they've gone the cheap route and they now throw ammonia in the water system.

And the ammonia has a chemical reaction.

It Xs out the chlorine, which is very scary, and here's why.

Are you watching all the Legionella outbreaks across this country?

No.

This is why.

They're everywhere.

Brain-eating amoebas in Louisiana.

Brain-eating amoebas.

Yes.

I'm so totally never drinking this stuff again.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

Well,

way too late for that.

But no, we want you to be the bad news.

I mean, brain-eating amoebas, and you don't want to be the bearer of bad news.

Come on.

I think that bus has sailed.

But we are dealing with, I hate to interrupt you.

No, no.

Because I'm very passionate about

that's why we like you.

And I can't keep up with where the Flints are happening.

They're from Indiana, Ohio, Texas, Florida, Pennsylvania, 16 cities reporting.

California, Alaska, Louisiana, Virginia, New York, Navajo Nation.

It's all over the world.

Why?

Because nobody wants to pony up and put in new pipes for stories.

We need to lay pipe.

I don't need getting layed, but I liked getting lane.

Look at that.

Yeah, battery.

I'm funny and dirty, but I don't even know it.

Which happens.

We do.

We have a failing infrastructure.

We need to.

The distribution system in Pukibsky, New York, cost them hundreds of millions.

Flint's going to be a billion.

But you know what pisses me off?

All of this is happening because of corrupt politics and fucking greed, and it has to stop.

It has to stop.

It's got to stop.

But you know, I mean,

but when you put something on the ballot, I mean, we have plebiscites here in LA, up here in California, rather.

And if you ask people if they want to raise their taxes, they very often say no.

So everybody has to look in the mirror on this one.

Okay.

I want to ask you about one other thing, which is, of course, what's going on here in the Los Angeles area.

Porter Ranch is the town where there's the methane leak.

Absolutely.

Now we see the infrared images on TV.

Yeah.

And this would be a much bigger story, am I right, if you could actually see this?

If instead of this that's invisible, you saw black smoke coming out of it every day, wouldn't people care more?

Well, absolutely, because see, they can't see pollution always.

You can't see lead and water.

So it's this silent, invisible issue that we have.

And I've seen pictures coming from Porter Ranch.

It is billowing black when you do infrared.

Absolutely.

It looks like a volcano.

You felt it immediately?

Yes, my entire crew.

I mean, you feel dizzy, your gait goes off, your throat is dry.

But you know what drives me mad out there?

I'm a neighbor to Porta Ranch.

Who knew?

Who knew?

And how it got permitted to build a community on top of an oil and gas field that's the second largest natural gas reserve with 60 billion cubic feet of gas under pressure is stupidity.

I cannot believe

that got permitted.

I wanted to mention, before I forget, that actually Flint's native Michael Moore,

who has done yeoman's work over there, was supposed to be on, he got pneumonia basically because he was trying to promote a movie at the same time as fight, as he always does, for his hometown of Flint.

He's been there every day.

So Michael, get well.

Yes, of all.

And second of all, what a tribute.

And I just wanted to mention this movie he was going to promote.

I've seen it.

Where to invade next.

It's awesome.

If you love Michael Moore movies, you'll love this one.

I know Michael really well.

He didn't do a movie for a long time.

He waited till he was inspired, and then he did it like in three months.

And it just shows that he wasn't inspired.

So, okay.

Speaking of Where to Invade Next,

it was...

announced this week and this is one of the things they didn't cover because the stupid media who I hate especially the TV media only covers the horse race now it's just all the reality show all the time.

But important shit happens, and that's why I'm here.

Okay, so

Obama.

President Obama originally said we were getting out of Afghanistan in 2014.

Then he moved that up to 2017.

This week, what came out is never.

Never.

Endless war it is.

And what they said was Afghanistan, we pretty much have to leave troops there on the South Korean model.

In other words, when America invades, we love you long time.

We just never leave.

And I find this very depressing.

Especially given, I mean, South Korea has great food, has a very attractive people, very polite, nice.

I've spent some time in South Korea.

I've spent some time in Afghanistan.

Somewhat otherwise.

So, I mean, if you're going to be stuck someplace in the world.

Although dinner should probably not be the litmus test of whether it's a lot of people.

That's not how I make my fortune.

I've never been near Afghanistan, but I know people have been in.

They say the people are actually

outside of the Taliban.

The people are very fat.

There's that, yes.

And then there's the goat.

Right.

Yeah.

The goat.

For dinner.

Oh.

I thought you meant for dating.

Okay.

Well,

so.

Bill that too.

Who wins New Hampshire?

As long as I got a panel near the bottom.

On the Republican side or the Democratic side?

Well, the Democrat, we know it's going to be Bernie Sanders.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why do you want to take him on Transit?

Because the college kids tell the pollsters the truth.

College kids tell the pollsters the truth.

The rest of us, the Republicans, it's shot up by meeting dinner, you know?

Or as we say it, Trump.

You know, the Republican polling is like much less reliable in New Hampshire than Democrats.

He's Trumping in New Hampshire, and he has to win in New Hampshire.

Trump will win it.

And Bush could do well not that he dragged his mother out of Texas and campaigned for him.

There's his brother making ads for him.

Yeah, he should do pretty well.

Okay.

So Trump will win.

You say he's in.

He'll win.

Because he went down nine points nationally after Iowa.

Because, I mean, his big thing was, I win, I'm always winning.

I'm winning.

I'm the big winner.

You're going to have so much winning, you're going to be bored of it.

And then he forgot in Iowa.

And he made a colossal mistake by not participating in the presenter debate.

It was just a colossal mistake.

But who gets to see?

And he never had a ground game.

It was never real.

He was a lot of people.

He spent more on hats and t-shirts than campaigns.

That is a fact.

That's the key.

Well, Alex, his hat says make America.

That's all you need.

You can't trust a hat.

That's all you need.

That's right.

Lincoln had the Gettysburg Address on his hat.

That's why it was so hard.

And that's why he was.

That's how you win office.

It's all about the hat.

I mean, yes, being a winner is like a huge part of his message, but let's not underestimate Trump gives voice to a sector of the Republican Party.

And the Democratic Party.

Come on now.

Yeah.

Okay, let's just underestimate that.

And independents love him independently.

There is a nativist, angry strain of conservatives.

That's true.

That is true.

They're angry.

They're angry nativists in the Republican Party.

And that represents

the Republican Party has no monopoly on anger.

Is it undecided voter

trying to decide between Sanders and Trump?

Who is?

Yes, I know.

This is a story in the middle of the year.

Because, again, they're both authentic.

Yeah.

And they're both gone.

I think

people,

you know, people like the New Yorker in Trump.

I remember Billy Joel used to end every concert by going, don't let anybody give you any shit.

Or don't take any shit from anybody.

And I feel like that's, if you could fit it on a hat.

Yeah.

And Bert is a New Yorker who would maybe echo the same thing.

Same thing going.

Right.

So who's coming in second?

Let me tell you, well, Christy and Bush is trying to take out Rubio, which means Rubio is surgeon out to Iowa.

So look out for Rubio Bush.

I just saw both these these guys, and I think, Christy, if you can get the speed up, if you can catch Rubio, he can take him down.

He's got to lose weight in order to do that.

Just sit on him.

Oh, that's

talk about harsh.

I mean, the painful reality is that Jeb Bush is eventually going to have to cede ground to his protege, and that's just the way things are going to have to be.

And the rest of the establishment is also going to have to fall in line if they have any options.

Yes.

But do you think any Republican needs to sort of buddy up to reality?

Because like new economic figures.

It never worked for us before.

That's true.

New economic figures came out today.

I mentioned it in the monologue.

Unemployment now below 5%, 4.9%.

And by the way, this is all in the private sector, what they always scream for.

7,000 government jobs were eliminated.

But every Republican somehow echoes the idea of we have to restore.

Here's Jeb Bush a couple of weeks ago.

There may be no turning back for America.

Anybody who thinks we're better off now

than before Obama is living in an alternative universe.

Someone is living in an alternative universe.

I mean, you know, in the universe I live in, you can actually measure shit with numbers and facts.

But that's such a wait a second.

It's such an unhappy universe.

Okay, but in 09, when Bush was president and Obama first took over, we were losing 800,000 jobs a month.

14 million have been created.

Unemployment was like 10 or 11 percent after a couple of months he was in office.

Now it's below what Romney predicted when he was going to first be out of office.

GDP, minus 5.4 to plus 2, gas prices.

Should we restore $5 gas prices?

Should we restore all those people who didn't have to do that?

Why do you keep looking at me when you say that?

Because I just want an answer to this question.

When they talk about restoring, aren't they asking us to restore to something far worse?

Well, you know what?

look.

Yes!

The

real question that comes out of that Bush quote for me is, why do you keep, why in this day and age, do you keep talking this bullshit political crap?

I mean, that's just like, you know, that's just like crap by the 55-gallon drum that comes out of politicians, you know?

You got your Republican version, you got your Democratic version.

Thing is, you know,

Trump's full of shit himself, you know, but it's like new novel shit, you know, and you never know what will be next.

And Sanders is telling the truth as he sees it.

You know, I mean,

that's not an endorsement of the guy because I was a left-wing hippie in the 1960s.

I smoked a tag cap.

I smoked, but he wasn't.

He wasn't.

He was the guy that would come in about four or five years older than us, and he would come in and try to organize us into the Young Trotskyite Party, you know.

And I mean, Mr.

Bring, Captain Bringdown, you know, then he'd hit on Sunshine.

It was all spaced out.

Oh, man.

You're just going in the.

I couldn't stand it.

I can't stand him now.

Maybe that's why.

Never mind.

But he is telling the truth.

Maybe that's why young people like Bernie Sanders, because he's cool because he spoke that pot.

He didn't know.

He didn't.

He was like the only guy in the 60s.

Well, you guys talk about doofies.

Your question about restore.

Restore means something that has nothing to do with economics.

Maybe it's better.

It is about rewinding the clock on social progress.

It is rewinding the clock on

whatever debate we're having and potential progress on the environment, on gay marriage, on the conversation about criminal justice, about racial progress or lack thereof.

I mean, that is, I think, what

certain people in the Republican Party mean.

It's not actually, let's go back to

$7, $5 a gallon gas.

It's let's go back to a time when gay marriage wasn't legal.

Let's go back to a time when

there wasn't the ACA.

I mean, this is what...

I think it's more about over-regulation and the great society programs have not exactly worked.

It's not been a perfect experiment.

We need to uplift the tides out of these inner cities because all these programs have certainly not been better for them.

And also,

you can't flee the rich and those that create wealth.

Again, there are numbers.

I hate to tell you.

No, I'm not disagreeing with you on that one.

For example, I'm not disagreeing with you.

For example, I think you should give the president credit.

No, no.

But you said the social programs.

They're not working for the...

Well, before Social Security, the poverty level among older people was somewhere near 30%.

It's a program that worked.

Now it's 90%.

So to say there's programs.

But

you should be able to tweak them to make them better.

Yes, and we should.

Absolutely.

That's all I'm saying.

But that's

what we're doing

every year to lift everybody up poverty.

So why are some people still poor?

Yeah, some's wrong.

I can't put a conclusion to this, but it was very entertaining.

Thank you.

It's time for New Rule, everybody.

Is that more?

It's water.

Yeah.

All right, new rule, Ted Cruz has to tell us, are you trying to kiss your wife or snap her neck

or eat her face or feed her regurgitated food like a bird

or seed her host body with your reptilian space eggs?

Whatever it is, stop doing it.

New Roll Mattel has to rename its new curvy Barbie.

Nice ass for a white girl Barbie.

wouldn't it?

New rule, someone must advise Vermin Supreme,

the candidate who's filed for the presidential primary in New Hampshire, promising every American a pony

and saying he'll defeat ISIS by going back in time,

that wearing a boot on his head could undermine his credibility.

New rule, if two female flight attendants could get into a mid-flight all-out brawl that requires an unscheduled landing, as happened on Delta this week, my carry-on doesn't have to fit all the way on the suit.

True.

So true.

New Roll, somebody needs to inform me whether this sign means that this parking spot is reserved for the handicapped or reserved for the Kardashians.

They have big asses, don't they?

And finally, new rule, football is a body-crushing, brain-wrecking game.

But we all know that now, so either ban it or shut the hell up about it.

And I say that as someone who is not callous to the suffering.

When I see a receiver go over the middle and get hammered, I always think, one, I hope that didn't cause permanent damage, and two,

did he get enough for the first down?

Because we needed that play.

Oh, he didn't even hold on.

Fuck, what are we paying you for?

Now, about a month ago, Hollywood released a movie about the evils of violence in football, concussion, it was called, starring Will Smith, and it tanked.

Possibly because Americans retain a strong libertarian streak, and when it comes to the game we're all going to watch this Sunday, their view is, let's make it a day to enjoy one national pastime, football, and set aside our other national pastime, which is telling strangers how to live their lives.

You know,

I'd feel bad about the violence if the reason I watched the game was to see injuries, you know, like NASCAR.

But that's not the reason.

I watch it because it's a great game and an unfortunate side effect is young men smashing into each other like demolition derby cars full of meat And loving it.

Yes, they do seem to be loving it.

Alpha males have been fighting alpha males ever since the first Greek teenager told his friend, let's take our clothes off and wrestle.

It won't be gay at all.

Paul Walker died joyriding.

Now, I don't get car love.

I don't think driving is like sex.

I think it's like commuting.

But that's me.

He was doing what he loved.

Some people smoke cigarettes.

Some ski too fast.

Some date Chris Brown.

Oh, yes.

Yes, Americans spend a lot of their time working on relationships.

Unfortunately, they're other people's.

If Rihanna wants to get back with Chris Brown or Hillary wants to stay with Bill, that's their call, not yours.

You don't get to stop strangers from doing what or who they love,

even if it's not what or who you would do.

Just days after David Bowie's recent death, someone dug up an old interview with a retired groupie named Lori Maddox where she said she lost her virginity to Bowie when she was 15 in a hotel suite on hash and champagne, which in 1972 was considered part of a complete breakfast.

Now, to hear Laurie tell it, she was a more than willing partner, and he was gentle and knowing and wearing a kimono.

Which is not a bad way to lose your virginity, considering most deflowerings involve Micheloba van and crying.

If there's a victim here, it's the poor guy who had to fuck Lori Maddox next.

How do you follow David Bowie in a kimono?

Talk about pressure pushing me down.

But according to the internet, social justice warriors, this was horrible and Lori would be better off today if she'd lost her virginity to a loser named Dan from Algebra 2 class.

Sure, Lori says she loved it and still loves it and has never regretted it for a second, but but she's wrong because she's only asking herself.

She should be asking a blogger or a woman's collective in Winnipeg because they know better than Laurie how Laurie should feel.

You know, I thought we'd all come to accept this mantra, live in the moment.

But sometimes when you're young and in the moment, the moment includes recklessness.

Who can say that when they were young and felt invincible, they didn't do stuff that compromised their health later on.

I certainly did, and I pitied a fool

in 1983 when we used to say that, who would have tried to take the Jack Daniels out of my hand?

And can I say with certainty that there will be no consequences from a lifetime of pot smoking?

No, I can't.

But fortunately, I can treat them with medical marijuana.

This guy is the same age as this guy.

And yes, Newt will probably live a little longer.

But there's a downside to that.

He has to live longer as Newt Gingrich.

Sammy Davis Jr.

died at 64 because he lived a fast, fun, rat-packing life.

And when he died, I remember saying, I would rather have 64 Sammy years than 100 Ken Star years.

Well, now I'm 60 and I strongly disagree.

But you can only live at the age and time you're living.

Just try telling a 20-year-old not to do something because how they'll feel about it at 50.

Since forever, 20-year-olds have been saying, 50, the planet might not be here when I'm 50.

And now they kind of have a point.

And by the way, I also lost my virginity at 15.

And also to David Bowen.

All right, that's our show.

I'll be at the Cobb in Atlanta February 19th, the Brady in Tulsa, April 23rd, and the Peabody in St.

Louis, April 24th.

I want to thank P.J.

Aruk, Armstrong Williams, Alex Wagner, Aaron Brockovich, and Gloria Steinem.

Joining us now for overtime on YouTube.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.