Episode #360 (Originally aired 8/14/15)

A message from McAfee.

I'd say howdy, but I'm not a real cowboy.

And I'm not a real alien.

We're deep fakes, and because of fakes like us, it's hard to tell what's real.

Unless you have McAfee.

McAfee's scam detector automatically identifies text and email scams.

And even deep fake.

And it works everywhere, even out on the range.

Yeah!

But you're not even a real cowboy.

If they're faking it, they're not making it past us.

Get award-winning scam detection today.

McAfee.com/slash keep it real.

This episode is brought to you by Onit.

Ever feel like your brain just won't click?

Onit Alpha Brain is a daily supplement engineered to support memory, focus, and mental speed.

Made with science-backed ingredients, Onit Alpha Brain helps you lock in, tune out distractions, and stay sharp.

Unlock your flow state.

Visit Onit.com for 15% off, subscribe and save, and get in the zone.

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Starts o'clock.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon, time will be

real time.

Thank you very much.

How are you?

Thank you very much.

My people.

Thank you.

What a crowd.

Oh, my gosh.

What a crowd.

All right.

Listen to this.

Thank you.

Okay, okay, okay, all right, all right.

Thank you.

I appreciate that so much.

Wow.

You must be out of towners.

Is that what it is?

If you're out of state, please help yourself to some fire.

We got plenty.

You go to Vermont, you get maple syrup, you come here, take home a little fire.

No, we're always

weather conscious here in California.

They said today, this is the big news out here: El Niño is coming, and they say it might end our four-year drought.

Of course,

jaded Californians went, oh, great rain.

rain.

We are begging El Niño to hit us.

That is what it has come to.

We are praying for one weather disaster to save us from the other weather disaster.

And we need it, I mean, as if we don't have enough problems, you know, we get some of our water, that little that's left, from the Colorado River.

And the EPA, did you see this this week, spilled, the EPA, who's supposed to prevent this, spilled 3 million gallons of acid mine sludge

into the river, turned the river yellow and toxic.

It's a huge screw-up, but Donald Trump said it gave him a great idea how to keep Mexicans from crossing the Rio Grande.

Well, I'll get to him.

I mean, when are we going to start cherishing this planet a little bit?

Did you see the explosions in China yesterday?

Two massive explosions at a giant hazardous chemical warehouse.

And it's of course very sad because those hazardous chemicals were destined to come here and make your kids' toys shinier

and your Doritos taste great.

So that's...

But they said the explosion, it happened at night, was so big it made the night sky look like day.

And I tell you, in China, between the explosions making the night look like day and the pollution making the day look like night, it's a wonder these people get to sleep at all.

But

how about some good foreign news?

Today we raised the American flag in Cuba for the first time.

Oh, for like 60 years.

Yes, after our fabulous 55-year diplomatic strategy of we're not talking to you

John Kerry went there and opened an American embassy in Cuba because he said, look, for too long, Cuban people have been deprived of, first of all, American tourists.

Hey, Cubans.

Fat white people

trying to dance to salsa music.

You're going to love us, let me tell you.

But, you know.

Other than Marco Rubio and a few old Cubans in Miami, nobody gives a shit.

Worrying about Castro at this point, it's like worrying about Bobby Jindal's presidential campaign.

Yes, it's down there somewhere, but it doesn't matter.

Well, that brings me to the presidential campaign, and I'm certainly glad something did, because today was the big Iowa State Fair.

All the candidates...

Iowa?

Yeah.

You're glad you're here with the fire.

No, I love Iowa.

But all the candidates were there.

This is true.

Donald Trump flew in on his private helicopter and wanted, offered to give free helicopter rides to the kids.

That's true.

I mean, as another candidate, how do you compete with that?

Seriously.

Chris Christie tried.

He offered to be the bouncy house.

I mean,

yeah.

Trump said today he had a plan to defeat ISIS.

I would laugh, except his plan to defeat Fox News worked.

It's interesting.

Every week Donald Trump says something crazy, insane, outlandish, and everybody goes, oh, that's it.

That's his downfall.

And then he's fine.

He's like Godzilla.

Everything they throw at the monster makes him stronger.

People thought last week that after the debate performance, Trump would go away.

You're so silly.

You were watching the debate with your brain.

To understand the Republican mindset, you have to watch it with your balls.

When Donald Trump says, I will make China behave, the brain goes, what?

And the balls go damn straight.

And it's about time somebody said that.

You got to give Trump credit for this.

No teleprompter.

He just pulls it out of his whatever.

Oh, you saw that?

Yes.

This is the latest scandal, Period Gate.

He was mad at Megan Kelly for asking him rough questions at the debate, and he implied that she was being mean to him because

she was menstruated.

That was it.

I mean he said she had blood coming out of her eyes.

She had blood coming out of her whatever.

What could he have meant?

Stigmata?

Is that what he was talking about?

Yes, she's like our Lord and Savior.

And it's so funny, you know, Fox, who was trying to destroy Donald Trump, they said after they said it's very important that we defend Megan Kelly, take a principled stand, protect our beloved employee.

Then they looked at the ratings from the debate with Donald Trump, and they were like, maybe Megan was on the reg.

You know, I.

We shot.

And Trump said, trying to recover.

Trump said he is open to having a female vice president.

I mean, minus those few days when they're a little crazy.

All right, you're a great crowd.

We got a great show.

Jennifer Grant home this year.

Lawrence Wilkerson and Doug High.

and a little later will be speaking with hip hon veteran Talib Quali is here.

But first up, she is the author of Dead Man Walking and the Death of Innocence, an

eyewitness account of wrongful executions.

Please welcome Sister Helen Prajon.

Hey, sister.

How are you?

Love your energy.

Thank you very much.

And you're vocabulary.

Oh, I was.

You're very colorful.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, you're not.

Was that?

No, I'm not.

You sound just like the nuns I had was a child.

Oh, yeah?

Look,

I don't wrap you with a rule or anything.

Well, they did.

You know, I was going to ask you about that because

they helped you.

I went to catechism.

Yeah, did you?

You and Tim Robbins.

Y'all selling.

Well, obviously it didn't really take.

But I went to catechism every day, or not every day, but it was before church on Sunday where we had Catholic instruction.

And the nuns were pretty mean.

I must say.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

I try to show another side to nuns.

You know, we had Susan Saran and do me and Dead May Walking because we wanted to show the real nuns.

And another day.

Another day.

Another day.

What I was going to ask you is that we have a new pope, not just new chronologically, but a new kind of pope.

We do.

And, you know, they always say that organizations, no matter what they are, take their cue from the person at the top.

And since we have such a more tolerant pope, do you think it makes the nuns less mean?

Well, if you notice what Pope Francis says about nuns, he's there with us.

And it was the Vatican that came after us and said we were radical feminists or something.

And all we're trying to do is do social justice and live the gospel.

So Pope Francis has been nuns' redemption.

Yes, and

really.

Yes, I mean, he's talking about divorced people now being able to take confession again.

He of course said those nice things about we shouldn't judge gays.

He said atheists can get into heaven.

We don't care, but it was a nice gesture.

Do you think someday maybe he would say nuns could do what the priests do?

Would you like to hear confessions?

Well, let me tell you, the confessions that go on in the confessional, there are not too many of those going on now.

I mean, truly.

It's ordained priesthood, and you go into the confessional, but that's just part of life.

And what happens?

Where do people confess?

Well, I mean, it happens with people who are sorry for what they do.

We help each other acknowledge our wrong, you know.

I don't know what you're telling me.

When I was a kid, God forgives us.

God forgives us.

I know, but...

Oh, you're saying the confession is not happening.

Well, no, confession, but see, Vatican II defined the church as the people.

And with us, like, for example, when I'm with people on death row, I've heard a lot of confessions, but not just with people on death row.

So you do hear confessions.

And you do, too, probably.

I don't know.

Maybe you're on the other end.

I don't know.

Okay, okay.

So I admit, I've not been to church in a while since I made Religiolist.

But when I was going,

you walked into a little box with a man on the other side, and he was the only one who could absolve you of your sins.

Yes.

You're telling me that's changed?

Well, there's not as much emphasis on sin, and you're going to go to hell if you commit one mortal sin, like you learned in your catechism.

I did too.

Wow.

And now, when you have someone like Pope Francis, it's the gospel, it's joy.

Let's get out there and be a church that's with the wounded.

Wow.

Things have really changed.

I'm glad we can have this conversation.

I got to give it a try again.

But,

all right, let's talk about your issue, because you mentioned Susan Saran, and she did play you in the movie.

This has been your life work, really.

Since I was 40 and woke up to the gospel, the way Pope

wrote a man on death row was

working on a case now,

Richard Grossip.

It's too complicated to get into, but

we do want to,

because he kind of just, it mirrors exactly what's wrong with the death penalty.

It's supposed to be for the worst to the worst, right?

Right.

The Supreme Court turns it over to states because they know how to punish their criminals.

Richard Glossop is sitting on death row and facing death on September 16th solely on the word of a man.

who admitted he murdered the guy, but claimed Richard Glossop in his fourth version of his confession claimed that he paid him to do it.

It's pay for hire.

But let me ask you about the other case, somebody who we know really did it, like Sarnaev, the Boston bomber.

He says he did it.

We have the video.

There's no doubt.

Now, I've always said, let's kill the right people.

I know that's...

All right, all right.

All right, thank you.

Bill.

Now,

we would both agree that we do the death penalty horribly in this country.

I would agree with you unless we absolutely have it right, we are for sure like with Sarnea.

But what about a guy like that?

Is it better to keep him in solitary for 80 years?

Well, let's just say that what it's really about is somebody like him who does an unspeakable crime.

Let's just say in a book of justice, they deserve to die.

But the death penalty is about us.

Right.

And when the Supreme Court, that's been the theory, we're only going to reserve it for the worst, right?

Let's get the right people.

Let's reserve it for people like Timothy McVeigh.

Let's reserve it for people who, but not Terry Nichols.

So Tim McVeigh got the death penalty.

Terry Nichols had good defense.

And that brings us to Richard Glossop.

He had like no defense.

Sure.

And so it's the structure of it's wrong.

I brought it out in my book, Death of Innocence.

I have been with seven people.

Seven people on death row.

I'm with the seventh one now, Manuel Ortiz, who's innocent too.

Three of the seven have been innocent.

It's broken.

And you have a state like Louisiana, you have a state like Oklahoma where you had Bob Macy who cut notches in his belt.

He got 54 death penalties.

You have these pockets where people, they go for it and others who don't.

Let me ask you about somebody else we killed, Bin Laden.

Now, when we went, when we got bin Laden, when the president got bin Laden, I said, I'm totally down with that because I'm not a Christian.

But if you are a Christian, and I read all these quotes from Jesus, I mean, famous ones that everybody knows, like Turn the Other Cheek, but other ones like don't repay evil with evil, don't take revenge on your enemies.

I mean, it's on every other page.

Jesus says basic, everything but specifically, don't kill bin Laden.

There was a footnote on that if you notice.

What would you say about bin Laden?

You can't make any exceptions to anybody because it's about us.

We kill people.

You're either a Christian or you're not, right?

You're either a follower of.

It's human rights.

It's people, whether or not you ever step in a church, whether or not you believe in religion, we believe in human rights.

Right.

And that's the trail we're following now that's bringing us to a new day.

And it is happening across the world.

And we are going to get there too.

In fact, we really are on our way.

Because you can see that the death penalty first in practice is going away.

And then you can see that now a a majority of people say you believe in killing bin Laden yeah yeah kill the right people yeah but then when you ask people here you have the choice with life over death most people now in America are choosing life they see all the things wrong with it and they also see the great cost

you know that made me sad at first when I said don't tell me we're gonna do it on the money

but Martin Luther King said, a budget is a moral document.

That's part of morality.

Just put all our money into killing a few people.

Or let's get more policemen on the street.

Let's, you know, the arrest record of people that commit crimes.

We have a lot of work to do in this country.

Well, I'm glad you're helping us do it.

Thank you, sister.

You're terrific.

Thank you for not bringing your ruler.

Because Lord knows I deserve it.

All right, Sister Helen Fraser, let's meet our panel.

Thank you, sister.

Thank you.

Okay.

All right, here they are.

He is the former chief of staff to Colin Powell, and is now a distinguished adjunct professor at the College of William and Mary Lawrence Wilkerson.

Hello, Colonel.

She is the ex-governor of Michigan, who is now the director of the American Jobs Project at UC Berkeley.

Jennifer Granholm.

Hi.

And he's the former chief of staff to House Majority Leader Eric Ketter and former RNC Communications Director, our friend Doug High's over here.

Hey, Doug, how you are.

How are you?

All right, remember to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show.

On YouTube, I want to start off with Iran, the Iran deal.

We've never really talked about it in detail on this show, but it's going to be coming up for a vote in about a month.

For those people who have kind of tuned out because it seems very technical, let me break it down.

It's a no-brainer.

It's technical.

The only argument not not to do the deal is pretty much the argument Mitch McConnell put forward the week before Obama took office.

Say no to everything he does, no matter what it is.

I'll give you a few of the facts.

It calls for Iran to get rid of 98% of their enriched uranium.

They now have 20,000 centrifuges.

After this, they have to get rid of all but 6,000, and those are the oldest ones that are useless to making a bomb.

They have two big reactors.

Those will be constantly monitored.

One of them is in a mountain, so an airstrike probably wouldn't wipe it out anyway.

24 days.

That's what you hear from the other side.

Iran is being given 24 days.

Yeah, but not on the sites where the nuclear stuff is.

That's the entire country.

Yes, we can't look into everybody's broom closet, but no expert thinks you can start up a nuclear program in somebody's house in 24 days.

So that's bullshit.

And the kicker is that if we don't do this, the sanctions go away anyway, because the other countries aren't going to keep them up.

So either do the deal and get all this or we get nothing.

So that's what I mean by no-brainer.

And it lasts for 15 years.

And it doesn't mean that any of the other tools that we have in our diplomatic arsenal to prevent Iran from funding Hezbollah or messing in the Middle East aren't available.

We can still do those other things.

So to me, what is the alternative if they say no to this?

Bill, I've been involved with Iran since 1984.

I've seen some really bizarre things.

On our side.

I saw Ronald Reagan try to trade weapons to Iran for hostages.

I remember.

I saw us take Iran's side in the Iran-Iraq war, one of the most brutal wars in the world at that time.

I saw us take Iraq's side ultimately in Operation El Dorado Canyon.

I saw a shootdown in Iranian Airbus with 270 innocent Iranian civilians on it.

You're saying we can't be trusted.

I'm telling you,

I've seen some bizarre things, but the opposition to this deal, unless I walk into the political world, as you just did, I can't explain it.

The opposition to this deal is bizarre.

It eliminates none of the other alternatives.

There are four.

Do nothing,

the deal, bomb, or invade.

If you do the deal, the other three are still available.

So what could possibly be the opposition?

I don't know.

Look, I think the opposition is bipartisan.

You know, a lot of the attacks have come on Republicans.

Obviously, they've been very vocal on this, but it's not just Republicans.

And when we've seen the president.

The president tell us what the opposition is.

But

the president's castigated this in two ways.

One,

if you're against this deal, you're for war.

And if you're against this deal, then you're standing in common cause with those who chant Death for America.

And I don't think that

Chuck Schumer is standing

the issue itself.

What is the argument for not doing the deal?

The argument that we're hearing from so many people from Capitol Hill, Republicans and Democrats, bipartisan majorities,

is that no deal is better than this deal.

And that's what's happening.

You're still not saying

that the actual argument is

exactly

there isn't one.

And that's why you have to filibuster, because there just isn't one.

And by the way, the arrogance that we could just knock down any door in their house.

And can Iran be trusted?

As you just pointed out, can we be trusted?

No, no.

Can we be trusted?

Says the country that fomented a coup in Iran in 1953.

You know, I saw we were at, I mentioned opening the embassy in Cuba, and I noticed the Republicans are very upset that Cuban dissidents were not allowed.

Well, it is an embassy opening.

Kerry's meeting with them right after.

But one of the Cubans said, well, you know, the people who are torturing on the island of Cuba are us at Guantanamo Bay.

And we don't have racial prejudice here in Cuba.

So, you know, America is not blameless.

We cannot always operate from the beginning of, we're the good people.

Everybody else just do what we say.

I was in Havana on December the 17th when Raoul gave his speech and when Obama gave his speech.

There were 400 people in the room with me, roughly 50, 50 Cuban and American.

There was not a dry eye in that room, diplomats and others, people who have been working for years for better relations between Havana and Washington, knowing that the Cold War was over, knowing that Cuba was spreading doctors around the world, not revolution, knowing that Cuba had one of the most incredible public diplomacy operations in the world with those medical technicians and doctors, and knowing that we needed better relations.

When they made that speech in Havana on the 17th of December, those two speeches, there were people in that room who were crying.

It was overdue, way overdue.

As Colin Powell said to me many times, all you got to do is open up and the dictatorship will be gone in two years.

That's all you got to do.

Well, you're an expert on this stuff.

I've been wanting to have an expert to answer me this question because Iran is fighting ISIS.

I don't think a lot of the Republican candidates know that this is happening, but don't we have to kind of

kind of pick who's the enemy?

Because you can't help them both.

When you help one, you don't help the other.

You are an ally of the other.

Okay?

So whose side are we on?

Who's worse?

Iran or ISIS?

Because if it's ISIS, if they are the really bad people, we shouldn't perhaps be making enemies of Iran.

And every time I say that the locals should handle this themselves, the locals being the other Sunni Arab countries, I won't even bring Iran into this.

The experts say to me, oh, Bill, it would be great if that could happen, but I'm afraid they just can't do it.

So let me ask the deeper question of an expert.

Why are Muslim armies in the Middle East so useless?

So,

except

for ISIS, Boko Haram, the Taliban, except for the ones that believe in Islamic fundamentalism.

Those are really good armies.

In fact, we can't defeat them.

But the other armies, show that chart.

I showed this a few months ago on the show.

These are the forces under arms.

Egypt, 1.4 million people under arms.

Iraq has 800,000.

Turkey has almost a million.

The Saudis and the Kurds have 250,000.

Jordan has 180,000.

Syria, 600,000.

There's over 4 million soldiers.

ISIS has about 20 to 30,000.

We don't know exactly.

They're like Scientology.

You can't get.

Yeah, look.

Look at this.

ISIS and the rest of the Sunnis in the Middle East.

And they can't take them?

So tell me, expert, why are they so useless?

Well, let me give you a little history on this and say that you're absolutely right.

U.S.

policy

U.S.

policy for almost half a century in that region of the world, notwithstanding our overthrow of Mossadegh in 1953 and the Shah's collapse in 1979 and so forth, which were perturbations, U.S.

policy was to be offshore in carrier battle groups, marine amphibious groups, and to move ashore only as it was necessary to protect our interests and keep the peace.

That was it.

Boots on the ground was out of the question because everyone understood the admonition from the Princess Bride, you don't want to start a lamb war in Asia.

People forget.

Iran is in Asia.

It's not something we should be doing.

I agree with you 100%.

It's not something we should be doing.

It's something.

And to the question of why they're so useless?

Why they're so useless?

Why 4 million people can't defeat 20,000?

A bigger question.

A bigger question.

Why does the United States always side with the weak government, the lack of courage, the lack of faith, the lack of anything you want to talk about in terms of stamina, Vietnam, look at that government.

That government didn't have a country, it had a relationship with the United States.

And when a real government came along from Hanoi, it beat them.

Look at Iraq.

Look at Afghanistan.

Why do we always pick the places where there's no one to defend?

Where are the lunatics on our side?

You know, I mean, it's funny, you know,

these Middle Eastern countries, they don't want to get involved in the Middle East.

It's too tough.

You know, why are we doing it?

It's like when a dad says he's going to babysit.

You're not babysitting.

They're your kids.

Let them do their...

All right.

I get it.

Let me bring up another subject.

I'm going to get to Donald Trump in the second half of the show, but

they're so mad at him for what he said about Megan Kelly.

But I was looking at some of the comments from other Republican candidates in response to Donald Trump's Megan Kelly comment.

Carly Fiorina, there is no excuse.

I stand with Megan Kelly.

But she doesn't stand with equal pay for women,

maternity leave, abortion rights, contraception as part of health care.

Jeb Bush, what Donald Trump said is wrong.

He ought to apologize.

But Jeb Bush bragged at the debate about Florida being the first state to defund Planned Parenthood.

And he's not the only one.

I mean, there's one thing, what they say and what they've actually done.

I mean, Jeb Bush just as the example, when he was governor, not only did he defund Planned Parenthood, but he actually, as governor, intervened in two cases to prevent a 13-year-old girl and a mentally challenged woman who was raped

from being able to have, no, from being able to get an abortion.

So these are two abortion cases.

He intervened as governor.

And he allowed this bill to become law, which was called the Scarlet Letter Bill, which required women who want who are single moms who wanted to put their children up for adoption to publish their sexual histories in the newspaper so that the father would know even if they were raped and and then he writes in his book that he published called profiles in character that he thinks that he thinks that I'm not kidding that

public Public shaming of single mothers or promiscuous teenagers is a good thing to prevent them from misbehaving.

So I'm just saying, that's just one example.

I mean, all these other guys, you know, the folks on the federal side, anti-Violence Against Women Act.

They voted against it.

They voted against equal pay.

They all want to shut down the government to defund Planned Parenthood.

I mean, really, 60% of all women, Republicans too, favor Planned Parenthood.

This is not a good strategy.

Governor,

I spent a a lot of time, a lot of time working on the Violence Against Women Act.

It moved because Republicans said, you know what, we can't reach common ground with Senator Patty Murray, who kept moving the ball farther and farther away from us whenever we tried to get an agreement.

But we moved the Violence of Women Act forward.

But I find it insulting, absolutely insulting.

Not that you are being insulting, of course, but that when we talk about women and women's issues, we have to talk about contraceptive and abortion and Lily Libb better.

You know what women care about?

Who is talking about it?

Women care about it.

They're talking about it.

They're talking about it.

Women care about jobs.

Totally.

They care about schools.

They care about their health care costs.

It's as insulting as saying, you know what, Hispanic voters care about immigration and only immigration.

It's just not true.

Wait, wait, wait.

How many times in the Republican debate,

how many times did the abortion, Planned Parenthood come up, and how many times did the words middle class come up?

You know, they overwhelmingly, it was all about defunding Planned Parenthood and anti-choice.

Do you you know what?

Even Republicans,

61% of Republicans favor an exception to the ban on abortion for rape and incest.

Even 61% of Republicans...

But they're still pro-life.

No, fine.

But 61% say there should be an exception.

But you've got candidates out there who don't favor any exceptions, like Scott Walker, who doesn't even favor an exception for the life of the mother.

I mean, come on.

But again, to my point, why is is it when we talk about women's issues?

It always has to be about abortions.

You're the ones who talk about it, man.

And I would say, women care about jobs.

They care about getting their wages increased.

They care about

care against the minimum wage, and most

minimum wage workers are.

That's not true.

But

where we've got

I'll be the first to admit that we had a lot of bad Senate candidates who said a lot of stupid things.

Thank you, Todd Aiken.

Thank you, Richard Burdock.

Republicans, you should be grateful for those two because that's why we didn't win the cinematic.

Let me read one more stupid thing.

Because Mike Huckabee, candidate, also condemned Donald Trump.

He said, I would never say anything like that.

I hope he apologizes, blah, blah, blah.

But Mike Huckabee also said this.

He said about Beyoncé.

He said, she is a terrific dancer without the explicit moves that would best be left for the privacy of the bedroom.

But

here's getting to my point that they just don't get women.

He said Jay-Z is a very shrewd businessman, but I wonder, does it occur to him that he is arguably crossing the line from husband to pimp

by exploiting his wife as a sex object, as if Beyoncé does not run her career on her own?

He thinks that Beyonce and Jay-Z

are Ike and Tina Turner.

So I bring this.

Defend that.

This is the man.

Let me just...

I bring this up because they do have a problem with women, and they just seem to not be aware of...

They have a problem with single women.

We do very well with married women.

Mitt Romney.

Obama beat.

And I'm not talking about binders, by the way.

No, Obama beat one women 55 to 45, all women.

He won single women 67 to 31.

And there's our problem.

But the RNC has come out with a picture book

to help

explain to Republican politicians.

Did this come out when I was working for Michael Steele?

I just need to know that.

It's called

The Mysterious People Who Aren't Men.

Would you like to hear it?

Because, okay, all right.

It's explaining to Republican politicians.

Okay, you're down in the polls and you don't know why.

It seems like you're popular with all of the guys, but the reason the Republican Party's in trouble is all you all white men live in a bubble.

You've got Jeb and Trump, Santorum, and Walker, all of them somewhere between creepy and stalker.

But I'll tell you a secret if you keep it between us, there are voters out there who don't have a penis.

Women they're called and they think and they feel, why it's almost as if they're actually real.

Your mom, your sister, your niece, and your wife, there are lots of nice women all over your life.

We're mostly alike, although they're often much kinder.

They live in our houses, not Mitt Romney's binder.

The first step, of course, is admitting we're clueless, and our vision for women is pregnant and shoeless.

Of course they're so mad that they're trying to unseat us.

Wouldn't you if someone made you carry a fetus?

But give them respect and we'll stop looking corny.

Admit they exist even when we're not horny.

Support equal pay and they'll come to adore us.

Take it from me, that's the political clitoris.

Okay.

He is an activist and hip-hop musician whose album fuck the money.

Hey.

Drop today for free online at quillee.com.

Tlib Quille is over here.

Hey,

how are you, sir?

I'm a big fan.

It's great to see you here.

Hello, everybody.

Okay, now before we get to

that.

I was just saying that.

Now you smell like weed.

Okay, I

where did that come from?

It's just off the top.

Where did it come from?

It came from your shirt.

Man, I bought this shirt today.

That's nonsense.

I bought this shirt today.

I have a very good nose for

That's somebody in the audience.

We're in California.

That's the audience.

I'll see him.

Congratulations.

They revealed today, you know, the president is on vacation, and he said he brought two playlists with him on his vacation, and they published them, one for daytime and one for nighttime.

Let's get it on.

But one of yours made the daytime playlist.

That's right.

Right.

And what is it?

It's Memories Live.

Memories Live.

Me and my my man High Tech from Cincinnati, Ohio.

We did a record called Riften.

It's a great record.

Michelle Obama, when they were running, she said that Get Bye was on her playlist.

So I'm just all up on the speakers.

It's a great record.

It's so sweet.

You're recalling your youth and how you got in the game.

I relate to it because at one point you said writing rhymes on napkins.

Yes.

And that's what comedians do.

All our young life was writing jokes on napkins.

Before self-sufficiency

now's in the notes, but yes, on napkins.

Oh.

Note to self, do it in my phone.

Still using the napkins.

But now you're all grown up.

You're an activist.

You were in Ferguson for the anniversary of the murder of Michael Brown.

Rest in peace.

And

what was it like there last week?

I know there was some trouble.

Yeah, there was some trouble out on Canfield in West Florida.

Actually, a young man got shot while I was on stage.

The official story, and you know, you can never believe the official story, but the official story is, you know, that he had nothing to do with the protests.

I don't know, I can't speak on what happened.

I know what happened at my show.

I organized two free concerts to raise money.

The first night was to raise money for protesters and actions on the ground.

We had Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine, Boots Riley, Jessica Caremore.

The next night was myself, Common,

Immortal Technique, Tef Poe, Jauciri X.

We came together, we did a show in St.

Louis for the people.

We gave the proceeds, free show, but donations go to the family of Mike Brown.

So,

you know since since then it's been a year but 40 laws on the positive side have been passed in 24 states

about cameras cops have to have cameras racial bias training

limits on the militarization of the police.

So there has been some positive that has come out of it.

Yes, I mean you know it's our it's our duty to stand up and not obey unjust laws.

It's our duty to stand up for our rights.

And

you know what's interesting about Ferguson is that these are young people, these are women, these are black people, white people, queer people, a community that came together, working class students who weren't activists, saw Mike Brown's body laying in the streets for six hours.

They saw the systemic racism.

The Department of Justice came down because of what happened to Ferguson and

let mainstream America know, look, these people ain't bugging out.

This is a real problem.

The people been seeing it.

They stood up.

And the thing about the people in Ferguson is they did not go home.

When the tanks came out, they stayed in the streets.

Matter of fact, they still in the streets now.

I got friends of mine who got arrested, you know what I'm saying?

Cornell West, Jaziri X, got arrested on Monday.

So

they changed the conversation along with the young women who started Black Lives Matter after Trayvon Martin was murdered by Neighborhood Watch.

Let me ask you about that because there was some controversy this week.

Bernie Sanders, Democratic candidate for president,

very popular.

Two activists interrupted his speech and grabbed the mic.

Didn't even do a Kanye gonna let you finish.

I'm gonna let you finish, but Hillary Clinton is right.

And a lot of people said, you know, why Bernie Sanders?

I mean, if you're gonna interrupt something, this guy has a hundred percent approval rating from the NAACP.

NAACP liked Donald Sterling too, though.

So

what?

Yeah, you missed that part?

No, I did miss that part.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, I mean, you know, Bernie Sanders.

You mean a place called the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is out of date?

I mean, you know, we love the NAACP.

You know, we love the NAACP and the history of the U.S.

But Bernie Sanders plainly is not a racist.

Bernie Sanders is not the problem.

Well, you know, Bernie Sanders is somebody who, you know,

he's somebody who, just because someone has a record of civil rights doesn't mean they are automatically entitled to the black vote.

But is he the first guy we should be attacking?

Well, you know, he might be the easiest.

Why shouldn't we work up our way from people who he might be the easiest because he's somebody who's dealing with the people more directly than a Jeb Bush or a Hillary Clinton.

He might be the easiest to get to.

But I mean I think the thing is that you got to look what happened after these activists.

Me personally, I'm friends with some of the people who started Black Lives Matter.

My sensibilities, when I first saw what happened to Bernie in Seattle, I was like, well, maybe, you know, that's not right, but I was corrected.

I had to stand corrected because the job of activism is not to be liked or not to be polite.

It's about making sure these issues, black women vote more than anybody in this country, and you have young black women who started Black Lives Matter and they are forcing this discussion.

They say, you're not going to be a progressive and say that just because you're a progressive, that you

have a good view of racial, you have a grasp of racial issues.

It's very possible to be progressive and still have no understanding of racial issues.

You know what I'm saying?

And I think, and what's happened since then is that since they've used protests, which

Martin Luther King did and Nelson Mandela did and Gandhi and all these political figures did, historical figures did.

They've changed the dialogue.

They forced O'Malley is his name to come up with a platform.

They forced

Bernie Sanders to deal with it.

And that's positive and beautiful.

And I love the fact that.

All of these Democratic candidates now have a platform on ending mass incarceration, making security body camps.

And Black Lives Matter did confront Jeb Bush this week.

And I hope they continue to confront the Republicans as well.

Everyone gets a potato.

No politics get passed on this week.

Let me show you a little video.

This is some people in Ferguson showed up.

They were the militia called the Oath Kepers.

And this is something that we've seen elsewhere in America.

A bunch of white guys with automatic machine guns and body armor showing up.

I see my poe out there and telling them to go home.

I just want to ask the question.

What do you think would happen if a bunch of black people showed up

with

automatic weapons exercising their constitutional rights.

That is kind of white privilege, isn't it?

That you could show up.

They should stay home.

They should stay home.

And it's not constructive for anything.

But you would admit there's two Americas on that.

No, absolutely.

Republicans have been talking about this as well.

And I think Republicans, if we have a, let's say, robust skepticism of government, well, that includes our justice system, too.

It speaks to what Sister Helen was saying as well.

Right.

All right.

Let me ask before we run out of time

about Donald Trump in Iowa, because I think this is a giant story.

I didn't see anybody anybody talking about it today, that Donald Trump is ahead in Iowa, because this is the one place that people said Donald Trump was not going to do well, because he's a New Yorker.

Remember Giuliani?

Wouldn't even participate in Iowa.

I've had so many people sitting on this show telling me Chris Christie, even when he was riding high, is not going to play in Iowa.

They're too evangelical.

He's too New York.

Are you sure?

This says so much about the electorate.

Even the evangelicals want to be called on their shit.

They are desperate to have somebody lead them, somebody say, you know what, I just don't bend to your bullshit.

And Donald Trump, I gotta say, I don't agree with him on a lot, but I kind of get him.

We've kind of been doing the same thing.

The same politically incorrect stuff, right?

He's got an exquisite ear for what a lot of disgruntled Americans want to hear too.

For example, today in New Hampshire, his remarks about the Iraq War, his almost total condemnation of the Iraq War and George W.

Bush's policy, my administration's policy.

What other Republican has said that other than Rand Paul?

Yeah.

Well, let me just say, I do not think he's saying what people want to hear when he calls Mexicans rapists and murderers, as he's called them.

No, but there are some.

There are some.

They do want to get at that.

And they're in my program.

Yes, a lot of that.

I think that

these people, the oath keepers, and Donald Trump and all of them, they're racist, they're sexist, they're white men who feel like the country is being taken away from them.

It's no coincidence that when Obama got into office, all this stuff changed over.

And as I say, he's saying what Fox News has been saying, but he's not playing a political game.

And he's giving them cover to be able to do that.

Definitely, what do we talk about in politics over the past three months?

All day, every day, is Donald Trump.

Marco Rubio gives a policy speech, nobody pays attention to it.

Rick Perry gives a speech on race.

Nobody pays attention to it.

All we do is talk about Trump.

So it shouldn't be surprising that six months out, the person that has 100% name ID, not only in Iowa, but everybody else is a very good person.

But it's a coincidence

leading.

Okay, but it's not just coincidence.

24 million people watched the debate.

I looked it up.

Do you know what the first GOP debate in 2012 got?

How much?

3.2.

Wow.

No one was watching to hear Mike Huckabee's tax policy.

Absolutely.

We were going to watch the Donald Trump show, and what we saw actually in front of me.

And again, to my point.

And Fox is when you ask him specific questions on specific issues and don't let him just change the conversation whoever he wants, he starts to wilt away.

This is a guy with three wives, latest one is a model, who

has said that he doesn't look to God for forgiveness, that he doesn't really even bother God.

He said that.

Okay.

Tell me why he's not finished in the steak that everybody always said was run by evangelicals and you couldn't find it.

Because we didn't actually.

Because Americans

know they're full of shit.

And that's why.

And when politics...

They are so full of shit.

Americans barely heard it because what we did hear was we heard about Lindsey Graham's cell phone, we heard about him name-calling John McKinney.

We heard name calling him name-calling, name-calling, name-calling.

We're so tired of politicians saying to them, if we only had a government as good as the people, they know they're not good.

They know they're not bright, and they know they don't know anything.

No, I think what they want is they appreciate the pizzazz, right?

They appreciate the show, but I think they're tired of the same old, same old policies: anti-immigrant, anti-woman, anti-climate science, anti-climate.

Those are his policies.

That's what I'm saying.

I think they're all the same.

I think they're all the same.

Don't let the pizzazz fool you, but at least it gives them something to look at.

If you look at, he's a reality show guy, right?

In a reality show in Survivor, they keep the villain on as long as possible because he's so interesting.

But wait.

But in the end,

in the end, wait, in the end, though, the villain doesn't win.

In the end.

We'll see.

What he's exposing glaringly so is the paucity of ideas and real issue discussion in my political party.

I would say that we've got plenty of ideas that we're talking about that our candidates are talking about, but all the oxygen has been taken by Donald Trump.

Again, Marco Rubio gave a, I thought, a very good education speech.

No one in this audience saw it.

Rick Perry gave a speech where

he talked about race

in more blunt terms than Republicans have ever really done.

No one in this audience saw it.

Why?

Because we were talking about Lindsey Graham's cell phone number that Donald Trump gave out.

If it's up to the press to pin him on specific issues,

not let him up, and then he'll start to wither.

He's all over the place on immigration.

Dream.

He's not on the press.

Answer me one question.

Donald Trump was the original birther guy, right?

Ted Cruz.

What happened to the birther issue?

Ted Cruz came out and said, my mother was born in America.

Nobody ever contested that Obama's mother was born in America.

Why was it an issue with Obama, but not Ted Cruz?

I agree.

I agree.

Those people need their burgers.

Look, Bill, to be clear, anytime a Republican starts talking about Obama in Kenya, they're hurting the Republican Party.

Anytime a Republican Senate candidate is talking about legitimate rape, whatever that is, they're hurting the Republican Party.

Yeah, we need people.

You know, sometimes we need less dialogue.

We need some people to just stop talking.

Great segue to go to New Rule.

Thank you.

Stop talking.

All right, New Rule.

Now that Kim Jong-un has executed some 70 officials, he has to explain why his barber is still alive.

Is it possible he's surrounded by sycophants?

So many sycophants that nobody has the nerve to tell him his his hair looks ridiculous.

Yes, I suppose that is possible.

New rule, Columbia House, the 13 albums for a dollar people,

must not be allowed to file for bankruptcy as they did this week.

They must be charged with crimes against humanity.

Who will speak for the millions who were forced to buy Spandau Ballet,

Men at Work, and Laura Branigan albums they did not want?

Or that Bruce Willis Bruno album?

And who will hold to account the company that invented the long-term contract you can never get out of before Verizon and Comcast perfected it?

New rule, Gwyneth Paltrow, has to answer this question.

Are you trying to make us hate you?

This week, Gwyneth spoke about GMO labeling on Capitol Hill, but when it was Senator Leahy's turn to speak, she started texting.

You know, if this keeps up, you're going to ruin the end of the movie seven because when the audience finds out it's your head in the box,

they're just gonna go, Good.

Oh,

sorry, spoiler Spoiler alert.

New rule, now that the thing we used to use to phone each other is being used for everything but phoning each other, we must stop calling it a phone.

It's time to call these things what they really are, food cameras and douchebag locators.

And the related new rule, just so we're clear, if you look directly at at me and speak, and then when I reply, you point to your headset to indicate you're actually talking to someone else on the phone, you're the asshole.

And finally, new rule, since it was my million-dollar check to Obama in 2012 that turned around his lagging campaign and put America back on the path to awesome exceptionalism.

Tonight, I would like to announce that the time has come for me to step forward and save Hillary Clinton's lagging campaign by digging down deep and forking over $1 million.

Words of advice.

Sorry, I'm

welcome back to the I live in California.

I need that money to pay my water bill.

Now, I know many liberal Democrats these days are expecting Bernie Sanders to be their standard-bearer, now that he's a...

Now that he's ahead in New Hampshire, but I wouldn't have the couches in the Oval Office fitted for plastic slipcovers just yet.

I mean, I love Bernie, but we must assume Hillary is going to be the nominee.

And after witnessing,

after witnessing the gruesome hundred-car pileup that is the Republican field,

I, for one, am not going to stand idly by and let Hillary blow this thing.

And yes, the situation is dire.

Her positives are in free fall, with only 37% of Americans now viewing Hillary favorably.

And 57% say she's not trustworthy.

If an election were held today, she'd lose key battleground states to Scott Walker,

a man who looks like a drunk in a silent movie who's

who's just been punched by mistake.

Perhaps worst of all, one poll says she's now viewed negatively by white women with college degrees.

That's like Obama losing John Legend.

Hillary, I don't want to sound like Trump, but your campaign stinks and your numbers are terrible.

And speaking of Trump, Hillary, you should be the one candidate who hits that blowhard as hard as he hits.

Say something like, Mr.

Trump, you accuse Megan Kelly of being on the rag, but what's going on with your hormones when you start whining every time a woman asks you a tough question, you little bitch.

And that's my first bit of advice.

You gotta make the campaign more fun.

This week you introduced a detailed plan to make college more affordable, as you've released detailed plans on immigration, climate change, taxes, whatever.

Honey, that's stuff that's actually relevant to the job of being President of the United States.

But this is American.

Campaigns aren't for policy.

Just say, I will be the best at college affordability.

And enjoy it more.

A prominent supporter recently called your campaign joyless.

And it kind of is.

Now, I know this presents a conundrum.

How do you appear more joyful, but without that laugh?

Yes.

I love that laugh.

The laugh.

The one that makes people think you're the wicked witch of the West Wing.

You got to get rid of that, and you've got to find a way to look like you're a spontaneous fun lover.

See if Taylor Swift has room in her girl gang for you.

ride an inflatable penis with Miley Cyrus.

Lick a doughnut with Ariana Grande.

Pee in a bucket with Justin Beaver.

Geez, girl, you invented bad blood.

Start a Twitter war with Katy Perry and then delete your tweets.

Okay.

Next

Next thing you have to do.

I want you to announce your VP pick, and I want it to be Baltimore Slap Mom.

That's right.

Remember the woman during the Baltimore riots this year who slapped her son because he was throwing bricks at the cops?

She is your ticket to the White House.

Liberals love her because she's a strong single mom, and conservatives love her because she beats the crap out of unarmed black teenagers.

And

finally, Hillary, your ace in the hole to get America back on your side is your husband, Bill Clinton.

He has to have an affair.

Or at least you have to find a way to publicize one of the ones he's probably already having.

I say this because the years when you owned most admired woman in America were the years when he was doing with anything that had shoulder-length hair and moved slower than he did.

You can get the magic back,

but Bill has to humiliate you, if at all possible, with Rebel Wilson

on the Jumbotron at a Cubs game while you're throwing out the first pitch.

We could also make this work with Jonah Hill,

but now.

All right, that's our show.

I'll be at the Century in Wichita, Kansas, September 12th, the Washington Pavilion in Sioux Falls, September 13th, and at the Embassy in Fort Wayne, Indiana, September 9th.

I want to thank my guests, Lawrence Wilkerson,

Jennifer Granholm, Doug High, Khaleb Quelley, and sister Helen Prayjan.

Join us now on Overtime on YouTube.

And thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 11 or watch him anytime on HBO on Demand.

For more info, log on to hbo.com.