Episode #358 (Originally aired 6/26/15)

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Month series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Starts o'clock.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon.

Time will be

real time.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

How you doing?

Thank you.

Oh

my, thank you very much, please.

Thank you, thank you.

But I'm.

Thank you, but it's it's such a big I couldn't bask in that all night, but uh it's such a big news day.

And you know, we're live, live, live.

Not like a lot of other shows who stay live and they're not live.

We're live.

It's 7.02 or something on the West Coast.

I have breaking news.

Okay, the two escaped murderers from New York, the prison, right?

Okay, one's dead, the one they got, the other surrounded, which is terrible timing for them because now they can get married.

Yes, what a week, huh?

The Confederate flags are coming down and the rainbow flags are going up.

Which made it a very weird week for Lindsey Graham.

He is very...

But yes, the Supreme Court did it today.

They said marriage equality is the law of the land in all 50 states.

The definition of marriage has officially shifted now from strictly between a man and a woman to any two people who want to get fat together.

That's

the law.

And

of course, the Republican candidates for president are all against this, but they took the news with grace and goodwill.

I'm joking, of course.

They

all went completely apeshit and said crazy things.

We will not honor any decision, Rick Santorum said, which will force us to violate our clear biblical understanding.

Mike Huckabee said the Supreme Court can't overrule God.

Bobby Jindal said this ruling paves the way for an all-out assault on religious freedoms of Christians.

Fellas, you do realize this is not mandatory, don't you?

You don't have to have sex with another man, it's just an option now.

Okay, I just wanted to make that clear.

And the

They're such drama queens.

And the conservative bloc on the Supreme Court, all four of them, all four wrote dissenting opinions, all in caps.

But you know what?

The two women that Obama appointed on the Supreme Court proved the difference.

They calmly pointed out that not only marriage, the marriage ruling in this case, is keeping with the ideals of America, but it sets a very good example for Bristol Palin.

Well,

I mean, making this up, you heard about Bristol Palin.

I may not usually go after the children of candidates, but come on.

Bristol, who after she had the first baby out of wedlock,

got paid to be an abstinence spokesman

and is now pregnant with her second child out of wedlock.

I mean, this chick can see Russia from her bed.

Instead of shooting wolves, Sarah Palin, she'd have them raise her kids.

And Bristol is already the mother to Trip and the nephew to Sarah's kids, Trigg and Track.

That's true.

No word yet on the name of the new child, but the earlier favorites are thud, clank, and spank.

No, this was not an easy week to be a conservative in America.

Not just Bristol Palin and gay marriage.

Obamacare was confirmed by the Supreme Court.

Yeah.

Republicans were like: if people can marry and raise children and be well, what's to become of family values?

And the Confederate flag is coming down everywhere.

I mean, boy.

Rush Limbaugh's like, boy, I guess I picked the wrong week to stop taking OxyContin, huh?

Oh, it's amazing how fast that happened, right?

After decades of all these Southerners defending this as a symbol of the pride in our heritage.

No, it's racist, got to go.

Republican governors are taking it down from their state capitals everywhere.

And the governors of Virginia, North Carolina, and Tennessee called for banning this Confederate fag on license plates.

This is not sitting well with rednecks.

They say they should be able to put any type of license plate they want on their house.

I get the rednecks.

What love?

No, it's getting hard to have a Confederate flag anywhere.

Walmart, Amazon, Sears, eBay have all stopped selling all Confederate flag merchandise.

They say, look, it's just a matter of human decency.

And they told their factories in China to order their child slaves to stop sewing them.

All right, we got a great show.

Michael Eric Dyson is here.

Kristen Soltis Anderson and Mary Catherine Hamm, and a little later speaking with Judd Apatow is backstage.

But first up, she is the United States Administrator for the Environmental Protection Agency, Gina McCarthy.

Welcome back.

How are you doing?

Great to see you.

Oh, look, we almost missed.

There we go.

I could work in government, huh?

Well,

we're all excited about, and you must be too.

This is like an amazing day for President Obama, right?

Yeah.

Well, I have to tell you, to start off, this has been an incredible week, and I'm so proud of this president.

Yes.

I'm so proud of him.

We've got health care for millions of Americans that are insured.

We have marriage equality.

This day the union is more perfect than it was yesterday.

He won his big trade thing, too.

That's amazing.

He had an amazing week,

especially in the

Supreme Court.

But there's, yeah, we'll get to it, sir.

Thank you.

I love when they prompt you, like I don't know what the fuck to talk about.

But shh, quiet now.

But there is one big Supreme Court ruling to come.

There is.

That is Monday, and that is the one that affects you.

It does.

They are going to be ruling on whether your department, the EPA, can regulate coal.

What do you think is going to happen, and what if they rule the wrong way?

Well, we're in a roll.

So I think we'll do pretty well.

We did a great rule.

This is a rule that actually regulates toxic pollution emissions from primarily coal facilities.

And we think we're going to win because we think we did a great job on it.

But even if we don't, it was three years ago.

Most of them are already in compliance.

Investments have been made and we'll catch up.

And we're still going to get at the toxic pollution from these facilities.

Yeah, I mean, I know that we're not having a war on coal because we don't want to say those words.

We're not.

No, of course not.

And yet,

if we did have one, it would kind of look like this

because these rulings are going to make it harder for coal factories to exist.

I mean, coal plants, because they'll be more expensive, more will go out of business.

And then Obama's going to take that fact to the world and say, okay, you follow suit.

Which I think is great.

Because coal, I mean, come on.

Coal?

I think when future generations look back, they're going to go, really?

That's the best way in the 21st century we could get energy by cutting off the top of the mountain and sending guys in there to dig out a rock and then burn it?

I think what you're talking about, Bill, is our clean power plan, which is our effort that's going to reduce carbon pollution, that's fueling climate change and get it down to levels that we can deal with.

It's about following the transition in the energy world now.

It's not a war on coal, but frankly, coal right now is not the cost-effective choice.

What we are seeing jobs growing in and where we are seeing the economy moving is to renewables, is to energy efficiency.

It's the future, not the past.

Right.

It's also not the breathing effective choice.

Well, that's one of the points we made

to the Supreme Court, and let's hope they listen to that.

But I mean, EPA's job is all about reducing pollution.

I'm not making choices about how people fuel anything, but I am making choices on how we protect the public health, how we protect our kids' future.

That's my job, and we're doing it.

It's just amazing to me that breathing has to be like third in the list of things that we list.

Well, it's going to cost us money.

That's, of course, number one.

And then people are going to have to switch jobs.

That's another really stupid argument, isn't it?

We have to save...

Why do we have to save the worst job in the world?

Well, it's really hard to have a job if you can't breathe.

Right.

Right?

I mean, if we spent the kind of money we spent on so many other things to retrain the people who go into a mine to do a job maybe up on the ground,

wouldn't they be happier too?

You know, I think, you know, I always sort of have a difficult time when I have to make this discussion about you have to either protect public health or you have to give up jobs.

It's just never been the case in this country.

Right.

We've been doing this for 43 years.

It doesn't happen.

The economy in this country is part of the foundation.

part of the foundation of our economy.

That's how we live.

We don't make those changes.

Now, I'm guessing by your Boston accent that you're Catholic.

I am.

Gina, Maria, speak up.

Yeah, I know.

I'm not just Catholic.

I'm Irish Catholic.

Okay.

So, and I'm a Red Sox fan.

Can we say that?

So, the Pope.

Thank you.

The Pope.

Yes.

Last week.

Yes, he did.

Yes, he did.

I know.

He did that.

You must have loved that the Pope.

I mean, it's very rare that science and religion line up, especially against the Republicans.

And

so

please tell me the government has a big plan to capitalize on using this bully pulpit that the Pope has handed you.

Well, I actually spent a little time with the Pope's advisors a few months back.

I went to Rome, we talked about it because the president is so committed to this issue.

And I think his encyclical was great because he reaches so many people

in the billions.

I don't get it how, and we've already heard Republican Catholic senators and governors and officials say, well, that's his opinion.

I don't get, I mean, if you're a Catholic, he's not just another guy with an opinion, right?

That's why we have him in a dress, and he's got a big

pointy hat, and he lives in a castle, and we say he...

But seriously, it's not like, well, you know, it's his opinion.

He's just a guy.

He's not just a guy.

You can't have it both ways, right?

Especially when he stands up and says acting on climate is a moral responsibility.

I mean, that is a big deal.

That cuts through all the political rhetoric for people.

It makes it personal.

And frankly, this stuff is personal.

It's about your kids' future, my kids' future.

And I think he's standing up and speaking for people who can't stand up for themselves, making it clear.

And of course we're going to align with that.

It's a tremendous opportunity for us to reach people that the government can't reach.

We have to speak the truth, and he's doing that.

All right.

Thank you so much.

You have my full support.

You're doing a great job.

Thank you.

Jimmy McCarthy, everybody.

Let's be off battle.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, here they are.

He's a professor at Georgetown University, MSNBC political analyst, and of course author of the forthcoming book, The Black Presidency, Barack Obama and the politics of race in america michael eric dyson our old friend is back with us

her new book is the selfie vote where millennials are leading america and how republicans can keep up kristen soltis anderson hey kristen welcome back thanks for having me

And, oh, you're our first timer.

Well, welcome aboard.

She's the co-author of End of Discussion, How the Left's Outrage Industry Shuts Down Debate, manipulates voters, and makes America less free and fun.

Mary Catherine Hamm.

Wow, that's a long title.

It's just for you.

I know.

They all have long titles today.

All right, remember to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show on YouTube.

Okay, so so much news.

I must say, for an atheist, God must like me because,

like,

we're taking a break now for a month.

We'll be back August 7th, but it's like all the news happened this week, last couple of days.

It's like, nope, you don't have to worry about Bill.

Have a nice July off

because nothing's going to happen.

And today,

it was like an episode of the West Wing.

For Obama.

I mean, has a president ever had a better week than the week this president had?

I got to ask.

He had a hell of a week.

I mean,

when you talk about the fair housing stuff, people forget about that, that you don't have to prove that discrimination was intended.

It's just disparate effect.

Then he had Obamacare.

then you got the gay marriage, and then of course.

Trade, he got his trade deal.

The trade deal, and then that extraordinary eulogy that he delivered today, where he took us to church, where he felt the epic tide of black grief wash over this country, drowning us in hopelessness.

And then he pulled up that yacht of his sermon and dropped anchor and pulled us all out with him.

It was an extraordinary experience.

I think.

Amen is what you want to say.

I think on the eulogy, you're exactly right.

He's exactly where he is most comfortable and most effective delivering that message.

And Obamacare, although I am not excited about the decision, I will concede is a great political victory for him.

But here's the question:

are we giving him the political victory and credit on the gay marriage ruling?

I, for one, as somebody who's pro-same-sex marriage, was excited to see him in 2012 follow in the steps of such activists as Dick Cheney and the Koch brothers.

That's right.

That's right.

He was late to the game.

But can we not

pretend that there was no cynicism in his decision-making process on that?

And Hillary as well, who I think changed his opinion.

And he spoke in a black church today, and who's more against gay marriage than black churches?

Well, and actually, he was able to change some opinions on that.

Okay.

Well, can we see a little video of the president?

Because he was at this church, as you said.

He was giving the eulogy for the Reverend Pinckney, who was killed in the assault last week.

And this takes a minute, but I think it's worth watching.

Amazing grace.

Amazing grace.

Amazing.

great

How sweet

the sound

that

says

a

red

me.

It is hard to imagine Mitt Romney doing that.

He sang America the Beautiful, and they put it in a negative ad against it.

Yeah, but

that was a beautiful moment, right?

I'm glad you think so.

Because,

I mean, a lot of America looked at it and go, well, see, blacks are taking over.

Like I said.

The president is singing in the church.

And

I've said this before.

It's a song by a white guy, though.

It is a single.

It's a song by a white guy.

Amazing grace.

Amazing grace.

Well, the Bible's about a white guy.

No, black folk have made him black, too.

Okay, but the Bible's also pro-slavery.

We won't get into that.

Right, right, right.

Although we should and could.

But I've said for years that, you know, the reason why, excuse me, the conservative part of our country has changed a lot, I was going to say go crazy, but I won't, is I don't think it's rational.

I think it's because of that, because of America is finally growing up.

It has a black president.

It has gay marriage.

Pot is legal in four states and medical is legal in many, many more.

This is the America we always thought, the liberal half, we would become.

This is the one they did not want to see.

And it drives them crazy.

It just drives them crazy.

And

I.

It drives me a little crazy too because soon there's going to be nothing left for me to make fun of.

You won't need me anymore.

No, but look, look, Bill, I think that what Obama offered today was an extraordinary example of what happens.

when a community comes together, when we affirm our common American identity and the religious underpinnings of that, but to look beyond the sectarian, narrow basis of it and to say that we are all part of this.

And then when he did that, when he took it to church in a black tradition, I I think that elevated the nature of what he was talking about because he made some tremendous statements.

And he says, God is using this person, this alleged killer.

That's a hell of a theological idea to talk about God's use of evil for ultimate good and gain.

But what he did was give us some serious theology.

And he talked about, he had a Bush doctrine in there too.

Forgiveness as a preemptive move.

People say, oh, that forgiveness is horrible.

What he showed is that Martin Luther King Jr.

is a genius.

When you forgive people, you disarm them.

We don't have a race war.

We have people coming together.

This was an extraordinary example of what happens when forgiveness is put forth with political utility.

One of the reasons that Charleston was able to give a clinic in how a city heals after an incredible tragedy like that, I think is because

they issued, if you'll forgive me, a bit of the caricature of conservatives that you put forth, although in a more measured fashion than you originally wanted to.

The people of South Carolina, both white and black, watched the victims' families say, We forgive this guy.

It was such an incredible, powerful moment that they were able to come together in a way that did not align on.

Should we forgive them so quickly?

Really?

Is that clearly?

Well,

if they can do that,

that's what their religion is telling them.

They should do it.

They are truer to the religion.

On a personal level, I admire it.

I don't know if it's the greatest thing for society to be right away.

Like, yeah, I could see this as a future talking point on Fox.

Why couldn't these black folks forgive like the good people of Charleston did?

Right.

But forgiveness doesn't mean

wiping away history.

It simply means that I take away the alternative you have to define who I am.

If I am caught up in hatred, then you're defining my agenda.

When I forgive you, I say what your point was will not be realized.

The race war that you predicted won't come.

And, by the way, Jesus said it heaps coals of fire on your head.

Look at that young white kid's expression when he was being forgiven it was like oh my god I killed these people and now their family forgives me focus on the head is what he what focus on the what

focus on the coals on the head who did that some ancient Christian

scripture says so I do think that the forgiveness doesn't mean however you don't seek justice Obama in his eulogy today said charity is one thing justice is another he was echoing Martin Luther King Jr.

who said it's different another concept he brought up in the eulogy today was one of blindness and I think if we think about the rapidly shifting plate tectonics of the issue around the Confederate flag, I think the idea that Americans, a lot of white Americans who really thought that racism was basically a thing of the past, that the people they know in their orbit who might be a little racist, you could always kind of like brush it off.

Well, they grew up in a different time.

I mean, this young man did not grow up in a different time.

He was born in the 1990s, and it was taking pictures.

next to Confederate flags.

And so even for folks who maybe two weeks ago thought, you know, maybe racism's not really as much of a thing in America.

And this flag is.

You've seen a lot of folks wake up and go, you know what?

I didn't think this was a big deal two weeks ago, and that someone who is barely old enough to buy a beer can see, feel something in our society that says it's okay to shoot somebody from the race.

I agree.

That's why you see politics.

It's astounding to watch Republicans in seven business days evolve on the Confederate flag.

I mean,

yeah,

two weeks ago, it was a great part of our heritage, and then it's yesterday's hooker.

I don't get it.

Well, let me say also, there was an important thing that Obama said on Mark Maron's show, which was: look, let's not say that there has been no progress.

And I think that's what bothers me in these debates.

One of the reasons this guy was so isolated and probably became more disturbed as a result is because he couldn't find enough of these truly violent racists to do the awful things he wanted to do in South Carolina.

That is a problem.

I'm sorry.

I know we're at church, and

it's all good race.

But there's there's another big story.

I'm sorry.

There's so much news today.

And that's the gay marriage one.

And we haven't gotten to that yet.

And John Roberts

had a hissy fit, who's more rational than Scalia.

Oh, yeah.

Not a high compliment, but.

He said the court

orders the transformation of a social institution that has formed the basis of human society for millennia.

For the Kalahari Bushmen and the Han Chinese, the Carthaginians and the Aztecs.

Just who do we think we are?

People who can improve on the Aztecs?

That's what I think we are.

The Aztecs practice human sacrifice.

There, look at that.

They used to take the heart out of people.

What sort of reasoning is this?

From the Supreme Court?

From the head dude on it?

Yeah.

Well, you know, to me, there's a relationship between the previous subject and this one, and that is that people do evolve, people do get enlightened, and the things we used to worship yesterday, we now despise.

Why?

Because we have come to grips with the fact that that was immoral, it was unethical.

And now we are more enlightened.

And I think to deny people the right to come together as husband and husband or wife and wife, I mean, why should straight people, heterosexual people, be the only happy people in the world to be married?

Quite a Freudian slip.

Freudian slip there, Professor.

You meant to say happy.

It's inexorable.

It could happen to anyone.

So I was on this show two years ago, right after the Supreme Court's last decision, where they overturned Proposition 8.

And back then, you had a slim majority of Americans who generally thought that same-sex marriage was an okay, good idea.

In just two years, it's now up to two-thirds of Americans who support same-sex marriage.

I mean,

this is another issue, maybe not quite as fast as the Confederate flag, but over the course of even just the last two years, the politics of this issue have changed so much.

And I actually will dispute something that you said in your monologue, Reese, that all the Republicans were apoplectic.

I think you actually saw a really big diversity of opinions.

You saw some that said, look, we need to get rid of the Supreme Court.

Well, I said the candidates.

Well, but there were some of the candidates who said, you know what, I agree with traditional marriage, but let's move on past it.

Who I frankly think were in some ways kind of glad that the ruling came down because it takes the issue a little bit off the table.

All right, one last thing: Obamacare.

This was big, you know, because this is twice now the Supreme Court.

And, you know, all the Republican candidates, on this one it was all,

said, no, we should repeal it.

If I'm president, I'll repeal it.

Okay, it was passed in 2010.

You know, it's five years old.

When it's five years old, you got to stop thinking about an abortion.

I'm sure there are policies that George W.

Bush put in place that have been been around longer than five years that you'd like to change.

So I've always thought that was kind of a silly argument.

I think the challenge facing Republicans now is they've sort of run out of options.

They've got both houses of Congress, but that's not enough.

What about the option of cooperating on it?

Well, here's the thing.

Well, that's my opinion.

And then if you think it's bad, then how do we improve it?

The same thing happened to Social Security.

22 times they tried to deny it, and then they said, let's work with it.

So my point is,

if it's a policy that affects older people and younger people and those in between, then it affects all Americans.

Why not then work with Obama to come up with a plan?

I'll tell you why.

Because they are again it, but they don't know what they're for.

They can't give us an alternative and they can't articulate what they're busy.

They have an ally,

those who are again it have an ally to some extent in the American people with whom it is still unpopular.

And there's a reason it's unpopular.

Here's why.

Even in the beautiful state of California.

It's very unpopular

with the people who have it.

There are unfavorable ratings among the American people on the slide.

But here's the thing.

Let me make a point.

When it comes to California, beautiful state of California, we are finding that the Affordable Care Act neither means affordable nor actual care because when you throw a bunch of people on Medicaid that was already struggling, you throw 9 million more people or whatever the millions of people on it, they can't find enough doctors.

This is a state audit.

They can't find the care they need.

No one is saying that there are not problems.

And I'm saying that when you build the world's worst legislative Jenga tower, that perhaps fixing it little by little becomes problematic.

But what existed before was this.

Poor people went to the emergency room as a form of health health intervention.

Well, but look,

but you don't have to wait until you go to the emergency ward to find out that you have some disease that could have been stopped earlier on.

The pre-existing condition was big pharma getting big paid out of

the whole.

You're fooling yourself if you don't think big pharma and all the other big things.

I'm not saying it isn't now, but I'm saying that more so.

All the problems with it are still because the profit motive is written into it.

Because it's still not

what other countries have.

Absolutely.

Which is the idea that to get a bone set, people are sick.

It shouldn't be

a battle between the bottom-line profit gouging.

Which is why I was for the public option.

And the Republicans weren't even for the acknowledgement that the public option could have provided some alternative information.

You'll never have an unlimited supply of health care.

You never have an unlimited supply of doctors, as we're finding.

Say people with doctors.

Say people with doctors.

Say people with doctors.

That's who says that.

People who have access to health care say that.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't all the people in Congress?

Why don't you have a limited supply of doctors?

No, no, this is what I'm saying.

You force them them to get away from the city.

Absolutely.

My son is an anesthesiologist.

What I'm telling you is this.

And then you end up without cash.

I'm saying, why doesn't Congress,

why doesn't Congress let everybody else have what they have and then we'll call it a date?

Let's have the same health care that you have.

Crowd policer.

Got to give it up to the crowd pleaser.

All right.

I got a moment.

I'd like to help you, Willie.

All right.

So we are, as I mentioned, taking July off.

We'll be back August 7th.

Now, whenever we take more than a couple of weeks off, what we like to do as a service to the fans who depend on us for the news is give you the headlines that will be happening while we were off.

I am able to divine them.

So, these are the headlines you will see, the future headlines.

Bristol Palin gets pregnant while pregnant.

Doctors in Guatemala remove something gross from Old Lady.

Oh, that's completely predictable.

Taylor Swift convinces ISIS to change beheading policy.

Justice Galia to get own show on Fox News.

That is

predictable.

Indiana Bakery refuses to sell interracial couple black and white cookie.

Bristol Palin admits she believed condom went on finger.

Oh, see,

there's the

top half of Caitlin Jenner makes sex tape with bottom half of Caitlin Jenner.

Really?

Car bombs safer than cars with airbags.

Wow.

Easy sir.

Dog left in hot car saves baby left in same hot car.

Police arrive and shoot both.

He's not gay, Lindsey Graham's male roommate of 25 years speaks out

And Jesus Christ returns to Earth, declares man-made climate change real.

GOP responds, he's no scientist.

All right, he is a producer and director, a producer, the, whose new film Train Wreck opens on July 17th.

He's also the author of Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy, my old friend Judd Appetow.

Judd Appetow.

Yes,

it's spitting that we hugged you.

I know.

You, the godfather of the romance.

I thought we were going to do like a bag in Sadat kind of thing.

It's so funny because I knew you, of course, when you were a child.

Yes, I was the young Bill Maher.

You were the young Bill Maher.

That's right.

Yeah, we kind of still look like, you still look younger.

Okay.

So,

but it's so funny when I read about you now.

They'd use terms like the godfather of comedy and film.

I mean, how old old do you know?

I'm 47.

47.

I'm old enough to be a godfather.

Yes, I guess you are.

So, godfather, what's next in comedy?

Comedy fans want to know what is the, because you are the godfather, you're going to tell us where comedy goes next.

That's a terrible question to ask a person.

Well, I guess.

Well, I mean, you've evolved.

I mean, you're

like Woody Allen.

Well, women are doing amazing things in comedy.

Comedy is funny.

Right, like I'm the first person to make that observation.

Well, I think women are doing amazing things in comedy, always have, but it is an especially fantastic time.

There you go.

And, you know, Lena Dunham, I've worked with for a long time.

That's your show.

You shepherded that.

And yeah, in Trainwreck, Amy Schumer is really having a moment and saying important things.

She's riotously funny.

I mean, I think she's doing something that very few people can do, which is she's very aggressive on certain topics.

Yes.

Is funny first.

Right.

And I think that's why people are responding.

Okay, so you're back to doing stand-up?

I started about

14 months ago.

Amazing.

How's that going?

It's going pretty good.

I just did a tour.

You were always funny.

I remember when you were a young whippersnapper.

Yes.

I wasn't that good back then because I stopped when I was 24, and I didn't have any anger or stories or a point of view about anything.

So I stopped, but now that I'm older.

Are you necessary?

I think they are.

Yeah.

So now that I'm older, I started.

So what's your stand-up about now?

What are you talking about?

What am I talking about?

I think a lot of it is about just how, as a parent, I really don't know if I'm doing a good job.

Because it's very hard to know.

I'm so glad you brought that up.

Your kids were in this is 40.

That's right.

Were they playing themselves just the way they talk at home?

Because if they are, you were not doing a good job.

Well, you know, it's very hard to radio

because they were just screaming at their parents.

Well, there is some of that in the house, I won't lie.

But, you know, when I was a kid, I did well because, you know, my parents got divorced.

Everybody was broke.

And I thought, I got to get a job.

I got to figure this out.

My kids have a pretty good life.

They're not like sitting around the house going, I got to get the fuck out of Brentwood.

So, you know, it's a different thing.

And I don't know if that's, you know, maybe it's great.

I have a lot of friends who grew up with solid families and they did great.

But I was always driven by the terror of not being able to feed myself.

Well that's ridiculous because you're such a go-getter.

I mean you were hiring me to do jobs

and I remember you driving me to them.

That's right.

That paid more than anybody else's.

Exactly.

But I was paying to hang out with you.

That's the thing is I would get you a job and then you would have to sit in the car and drive with me for two hours.

Well, and this is what your book is about.

I mean, your interviews, some of these interviews you did with, these are all comedians, it's all great.

I mean, especially if you're a comedy nerd, it's so insightful.

But some of them you did when you were in high school.

I was 15 years old.

I interviewed Seinfeld and Leno and Steve Allen.

And

I used to always laugh because you always were so mean about not liking Steve Allen.

I love Steve Allen.

No, I said to you once, I said, Steve Allen does so many things.

And you said, well, that's easy when it's all shit.

Oh, wow.

Not all shit.

Oh, yeah.

The one thing he does awesome was, and he invented the, let's, wait a second.

I love Steve Allen.

I'm not going to let you get away with it.

You didn't like his book about China.

Yes,

he's right.

He wrote 4,000 songs.

Yes.

One good one.

Poet, yes, he was a Renaissance man in an age when you were supposed to consider one thing.

But Steve Allen is great, and he was great to me, and I love him.

Fuck you.

Okay, so.

The funny thing you said to me about it.

It's so funny because I have a...

Well, comedians.

Talk shit.

I know.

I know.

We all love that.

It's funny because I have a clip

of you with Steve Allen and me and Adam Sandler from 1990.

You know, before this show, there was a show I did called politically incorrect.

But before that show,

thank you.

But there was an even forerunner show to that, which was a show I did for one week

in the middle of the night on CBS, probably right in this studio.

Show that little clip of me and Judd back.

I got my share tonight.

I got my share.

This is embarrassing.

This is Judd Appetown, the good.

And this is Adam Saylor.

Boys, if you don't Steve Allen, he's an icon.

But aren't some of these clubs didn't they used to be, discos?

Well, that is, you know, basically comedy clubs is just an excuse to sell liquor.

So there's folk clubs, and then discos, and then they had, you know, Country West and bars and comedy clubs.

I mean, there's a lot of comedy clubs that still have the disco ball hanging just in case it comes back in stock.

It was worth it just to see us, right?

Yes, of course.

All right.

At some point, I thought that's what you're supposed to wear.

Like in my head, I'm like, that's the comedy shirt.

I must have seen a Paul Province.

It certainly is today.

Yes.

All right, so Bill Cosby.

Let's talk about Bill Cosby because I've talked about him before.

I think I was one of the first one to make jokes.

I never felt bad about it because I was not divided like many comics were who always were fans.

I never thought he was funny.

I've said that before.

So it wasn't like, oh, gosh, he's such a great artist, but he turns out to be this rapist.

First of all, what is your answer to people who say, well, he deserves his day in court?

Well, I think he's very lucky that the statute of limitations is like six years in most states.

In California, it is.

So I think he's...

Or that they're just allegations.

Well, yes, you can say that.

But, you know, he's free.

I mean, the country hasn't thrown him in jail.

But if he's free, we're allowed to say when 40 people accuse you of something, there's a pretty good chance that it happens.

That's the difference.

People have to understand size matters.

No, seriously.

It does.

I mean, you hear, yes, I'm very, very wary.

I never used to do Michael Jackson has sex with little boy jokes.

Because I don't know if that's true.

I mean, over the years, it became a little more apparent.

It might be.

But, you know, you hear, oh, Tom Cruise is gay.

I've seen people make that joke on shows.

I don't think Tom, I don't know.

Nobody knows.

But I don't think he is.

Who cares?

But that's a real, just out-of-my-ass allegation.

But 40 women, many with no reason to be doing this, there's no money that's coming to them.

They're not looking for fame because some of them already have it.

Well, it's not fun to go on CNN at 65 or 70 years old and say that Bill Cosby raped you in the 70s.

I mean, there's no reason to do it.

And people have to remember that 80% of rape victims never report it to the police.

And 80% of rape victims are raped by somebody they know.

So you got into this just because you're outraged.

Well, I'm outraged by it.

I actually know one of the victims who's not coming forward, and she said, This is exactly what happened.

And I think there's probably a lot of people who are like, I don't want to go on TV, I don't make this what I'm about as a person.

I met a girl, met a girl, I did a movie with someone in 1983 who had just come off a movie with Bill Cosby and had a horrific story.

It's like I never meet anybody of the female persuasion who doesn't have a story about Bill Cosby.

This guy has put more people to sleep than warm milk.

Well, Well, I think the question is, you know,

I think there's a larger issue, which is why is there so little outrage?

And I think it's the same as all the issues.

Why you wrote a book about them?

You give us that answer.

Well, 10 years ago, I did.

And what was equally opprobrious to me was the kind of assaults upon poor black people, poor black women, especially.

All the stuff he said, you're going to have to have a DNA card in the ghetto pretty soon to determine if you're making love to your grandmother because you have a baby at 16, the baby has a baby when it's 16.

He says, You do the math, you could be making love to your grandma.

That's that's pretty nefarious, that's pretty problematic, but nobody cared about it, nobody paid attention to it.

And I knew I had heard some of those stories, I talked about them to a degree.

So, my point is that if we're going to find a fence with what he said, there's so much arena there, so much area, so much real estate to talk about a bunch of stuff, including that.

But Woody Allen have to be thrown in there and Roman Polanski as well.

No, no, you don't think so?

See, this is just

Ted.

It's not 40 people, it's one.

Oh, well.

Well, I can.

What do you mean?

It's one accuser who had every reason to hate him.

You mean?

Right?

Well, but, you know, Ronan Polanyi.

Roman Polanski, definitely.

That's right.

I agree.

I have no quarter for Roman Polanski or Ted Kennedy.

You know, there are certain things you can't do.

You can't drive into a river and not report it for 10 hours when someone drowns.

And you can't have sex with a girl in the naughty place after you drugged her.

I mean, amen.

Amen.

But come on, I mean, that's the difference we're talking about.

You're exactly right.

That when these allegations come forward, it is tough to do this balancing act with due process and in the media and talking about the allegation.

I think you're exactly right, and we have to do that.

The 40 women at this point gets to the

point that we think this is true, right?

I do think the outrage, the question about why there's not much outrage, there was for a short time, as I write in my book into discussion, the outrage cycle is very, that's right.

The outrage cycle is super short.

And a lot of times something that we truly should be outraged about is foisted off of the news cycle because of something that we really shouldn't be.

But I think a lot of it...

I think a lot about it is like how funny they are.

You know, people don't want to believe it about Woody Allen because then you can't enjoy Woody Allen movies.

So they instantly don't believe his daughter.

You know, people think Bill Cosby is so funny that it takes 40 accusations before we begin to think it's possible.

I mean, if this was me, I'd be screwed at two allegations.

You're like in a 17 to 19 allegations.

That's pretty true.

That's true.

Jad,

your last appearance on the show has been such a good one.

But before we...

Before we go on further with this topic, we never really got to the presidential campaign last week, and Donald Trump entered.

And I just want to, we never really discussed it.

And I have to say, I want to ask you two especially because I hear all over the media, he's just a joke,

it's just a publicity stunt.

Don't worry about it, it'll go away.

It's not going away.

Let me tell you something.

This is the Frankenstein monster that was created with the Tea Party.

This is your worst nightmare because he's catapulted to second in the polls.

And by the way, he's pissed about that.

He thinks he shouldn't.

What?

I don't think that Donald Trump's going to

stay at the top of the polls for very long.

I really don't think so.

He makes everybody else look like a midget.

Not in a good way.

But you know what?

Like,

here's the thing about Donald Trump.

He never apologizes.

He's never wrong.

No matter what crazy thing he says, he's totally, he's the white Kanye.

And

they are going to love.

I'm telling you.

If Half Buchanan was a reality, for a party

whose base adores belligerence, this is the guy.

I mean, last

year.

I don't think it'll last, but I think the belligerence point is true and that people are responding to this thing that they find refreshing about him where he just says, this guy sucks and this guy sucks and he doesn't apologize for it.

I think people are looking for politicians that will say, you know, they clearly are saying something that it looks like they believe.

I think the problem that Donald Trump is, well, among the many problems that Donald Trump is going to have, is that I think

he is viewed unfavorably by almost three quarters of people who are Republicans.

Now that one quarter that thinks favorably of him, they may be that 11% that says the vote for him in his poll.

Yeah, but

his ideas are not as

fixed as people believe.

I mean, Donald, the scary thing about Donald Trump is his views reflect what millions upon millions of people in the Republican Party.

Oddly enough, so Donald Trump in recent weeks has started to kind of become this voice of white working class angst around things like trade and billionaire guy.

But that's not just for Republicans.

I mean, think think about this trade victory that we were talking about, how Obama's had this great week around trade.

The biggest opposition to what he wanted to do on trade was coming from the left, from kind of like the populist left.

So, hey, this is not just Donald Trump pushing Republican buttons.

It's bizarre to me that Donald Trump could be the voice of white working-class Americans.

That's what he's tapping on.

What folks on this stage are forgetting, and conservatives are forgetting, is that he's a Hillary Clinton donor.

He's been anti-gun, pro-choice, and pro-universal health care.

So, no, but

if you set him up as the voice of conservative America, well, conservatives should note that these are also

right.

It's beyond liberal or conservative.

It's the id.

It's the lizard brain.

This guy told, he said, I'm going to make the Mexicans behave, and he called them motherfuckers.

Play that little.

Yeah.

Play it again.

They didn't hear it.

Listen to me, you motherfuckers.

But isn't this just a promotion for celebrity apprentice?

I I mean, really?

No.

That's what I'm telling you, boy.

No, I've got your question.

You're wrong.

Who's giving him money?

Like, do you think people donate money to him like he's a real candidate?

Judd, he's worth nine million.

He says he's worth nine.

He's a struggling actor from Queen.

He's actually worth negative $300,000.

Wasn't that Spoot Tape, but is that

too stronger?

The greatest trick the devil put off is to make people disbelieve that he was real.

So the point is that Donald Trump, I'm not saying he's the devil, but you said id, I-D-I-O-T.

And the reality is that Donald Trump, but Donald Trump is no idiot in this sense.

He understands how to work his audience.

He understands how to be not wrong but right.

And his failure to apologize is

the kind of John Wayne persona that George W.

Bush had.

And that kind of swagger is what so much of those people are looking for.

I'm telling you, when he's going to stage with those other nine people, they're just going to cower that he doesn't pick on them next.

Well, hold on.

I just don't think they're afraid of Donald Wayne.

Oh, I think they're very afraid of him.

If you were at a state fair

and you were watching the corn dog show or something,

and somebody ran in and said, any of the other Republican candidates showed up.

Hey, Rand Paul's here.

Okay.

Hey, Carly Frey Arena just showed up.

Would you go?

Donald Trump just showed up.

Well, it's because

this is one where I just indict the media on this one because every time he does anything loony, he gets so, so, so much press.

He holds a press release to be the birther in chief, and everybody goes and watches him, and then they point and say.

But how did he get come in second to Jeb Bush, both in New Hampshire and in a new national po?

I mean, the point is he's second among all of that gaggle loaf people you have running.

But we also watched, we also watched...

We also watched every member of the gaggle last time rise and fall, and I think we'll see that.

Yeah, and I don't think he's going to be president.

But if he dreams he's as talented as Kanye, he better wake up and apologize.

He also has

the most important quality for running for president, which is thinking you're awesome enough to run.

Right.

Well, that's true.

I love that.

Right, right.

I would love to see a Trump Christie ticket.

And all East Coast all fuck you.

Forget about it.

Forget about it.

You know what he is?

He's the guy on the bachelorette that you don't want kicked off the show.

Yeah.

He's the healer guy, you know?

He's the jackass.

And you're like, oh, why'd they kick him off?

It would have been great if he was there the whole time.

Thank you, panel, but I have to move on to New Rules now.

It's time for new rules.

New Roll, now that the Confederate flag is on its way out, someone has to reassure Southern men wondering what they're going to run up and down their poll that they still have their sister's hand.

New Roll, the developers of the sex doll, capable of blinking, opening its mouth, and having a conversation with you, must realize that the whole point of having sex with a doll is that afterward no one's asking you, what are you thinking?

You know you're a loser when you drop 10 grand on one of these dolls and after sex it says, we need to talk.

New Roll, now that Pizza Hut has introduced its hot dog pizza with 28 hot dogs baked into its crust, Americans have to.

You know what?

Fuck it, I don't care anymore.

Eat it.

Eat the whole thing by yourself.

Drop dead at an early age for all I care.

It's one fewer person out here who needs water.

Oh, bro.

Neural, the inventor of cowboy boot sandals,

has to ask himself, why didn't anyone think of this before?

And then answer his own question, because it's ugly and stupid.

Newer all, since a million readers have bought gray, 50 shades of gray, as told by Christian, Other writers have to rip off their own books by selling them again from a different character's point of view.

Jaws from the shark's point of view.

Snacks.

Heaven is for real from God's point of view.

Go home, you little bastard.

Jurassic Park from the point of view of a dinosaur.

The omnivore's dilemma.

And finally, new rule, call me crazy, but before I put your meat in my mouth, I'd like to know where it's been.

Now the 4th of July is coming up, and I don't eat meat often, but who can resist a little pink slime when you're toasting the red, white, and blue?

So it's really bad timing that the Republican-led House just voted this week to

get this, and the requirement that meat labels have to tell us, the consumers, where the shit is from.

How do you write that law in a way that explains it's good for people?

What do you name it, the Freedom From Information Act?

The Don't Worry Your Pretty Little Head About It Act?

I think I found the perfect slogan for the Republican Party, combining their two great goals, erasing meat labels and repealing the estate tax.

And that slogan is: eat shit and die.

Now, since 2005, we've had a law that says when a supermarket sells beef, the label has to say where it came from.

Look, here's a, here's, look, here's a package of underpants.

There's a label on it, tells you where it's from, Honduras.

They are the underwear makers par excellent.

Here's a pound of ground beef, or whatever.

Where did it come from?

Fuck you, is where it came from.

If the beef lobby had its way, there'd be nothing on the label but a picture of a cow with huge tits killing itself.

Now, since the anti-labeling bill hasn't quite become law yet, this one still tells you where it comes from.

It says, product of Australia, USA, Nicaragua, and New New Zealand.

Come on, no cow is that well traveled.

But a single hamburger today can contain meat from a hundred cows.

So it's more than just delicious.

It's a beef-based gangbang in your mouth.

Come on, shouldn't you be able to know that?

Next time you hear Republicans say they want to protect you from burdensome regulations, this is what they mean.

But this isn't really deregulation.

This is reverse regulation.

Regulations are supposed to protect people from corporations, not corporations from people.

Remember this asshole?

Senator Jim Inhoff, the guy who brought a snowball into Congress to prove global warming is a hoax?

Well, he's pretty tired of NASA studying climate and using data

to badmouth carbon.

So he's threatening to hold hearings on NASA bias and says people are going to hear the other side of the story.

Yes, we need to balance the facts with the anti-facts.

Because we're the United States of you don't want to know.

Here in California, we had a GMO labeling, not banning, just labeling proposition once, and people gave it a resounding, hell no, we don't want want to know.

64 countries label GMOs.

Saudi Arabia does it.

They cover women from head to toe but everybody wants to know what's in their food.

Not here.

Seven states have laws making it a crime to film inside a slaughterhouse.

Because when someone did that and people saw cows too sick to stand being pushed into the food supply with a forklift, it resulted in the largest meat recall in history.

So naturally, the answer to that problem was ban the filming.

It's weird.

In America, everyone, everyone is under constant surveillance, except livestock.

They apparently need total privacy.

Never see a chicken on TMZ.

Remember a few years ago when this chart made the rounds on the internet showing how big the chickens we eat have gotten?

And some people wanted to know why.

Well, it's the same reason the baseball players got big for a while, isn't it?

Maybe you should stop being so nosy and just relax.

Because when consumers know things, they tend to make informed choices, and that could affect corporate profits.

So I'm sorry, but your right to know something is always going to be outweighed by their right to hide it from you.

Because in America, you can be armed, just not with the facts.

All right, that's our show.

We'll be off till August 7th.

I'll be at the Bergland in Roanoke, Virginia, August 22nd, the Playhouse in Wilmington, Delaware, August 23rd, and the Century in Wichita, Kansas on September 12th.

Hey, I want to thank Michael Eric Dyson, Kristen Soltis-Anderson, Mary Catherine Hamm, Judd Appetow, and Gina McCarthy.

Join us now for overtime on YouTube.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Phil Maher every Friday night at 11, or watch him anytime on HBO on Demand.

For more info, log on to HBO.com.