107: Preheat the Oven with Daniel Sloss | Soder Podcast | EP 105

Speaker 1 November 13th,

Speaker 1 Iowa City, Iowa, the Engalert Theater. I hope I'm saying that right.
Engalert? You guys threw a tough one, but Iowa City, I'm bringing a fun show.

Speaker 1 Me and three other comics are going to come by and do a great show as part of the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. Minneapolis, I'm going to be at the Pantages Theater.
The Pantages.

Speaker 1 I don't know, dude. I am publicly educated and pretty stupid.

Speaker 1 I know people are so mad at me, and you're coming through with that Midwestern, like, just learn the damn theater if you're going to play it.

Speaker 1 i'm sorry minneapolis madison wisconsin november 15th the barrymore theater as part of the golden retriever of comedy tour i love coming to madison wisconsin i'm very excited to do the barrymore theater kansas city missouri the uptown theater we're going to be there november 21st november 21st coming to bring you a show at the uptown theater go to danceodo.com to get tickets right now and we'll see you then kce and yes i forgive you for beating the 49ers twice in the super bowl Bowl it still hurts but

Speaker 1 good job congratulations

Speaker 1 people

Speaker 1 glaze over DVR being so important for like a lot of forms of entertainment yeah because if you missed it and no one taped it you were just like fucked yeah I remember

Speaker 1 This girl that I knew used to tape. I worked Wednesday nights like graveyard shift overnight and she would tape South Park for me.
Great.

Speaker 1 And I would, she would leave it on her mailbox and I'd go pick up a tape after work and like put it in my thing and watch South Park and be like, all right, that's the new episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It was, it, it, you know what it did? It made you enjoy short shows more because you had to put in effort. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And if the cable was ever fucking out, like, I used to get, like, I mean, back in the fucking 90s, it was all about friends. Yeah.
So it was like every Thursday night at 9 p.m.

Speaker 1 If you've missed that fucking episode, going into school the next day, you're fucked. Sucked shit.
It was all social capital. Yes, 100%.

Speaker 1 Do you remember when kids, do you remember the first time you caught a kid lying about seeing a movie by just describing stuff that was in the trailer?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Did you ever have that moment? No.

Speaker 1 I remember that moment where like, you know, we're boys, we're like seventh graders. We're, you know, we're like around 12 years old.
You want to see the rated R movies.

Speaker 1 You want to see the bad horror movies. Yeah, but you might not have a cool parent.
Yeah. Or just a good parent.
You might have a good parent that's like, I'm not letting you watch that.

Speaker 1 You're 12 years old. I think.
No, I think taking you. I think it's true freedom to go.
Like, my dad used to sneak me into like 15s and 18s when I was 12.

Speaker 1 That's a good, that's a dad role. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The mom is the police, and the dad is the one that's like, my dad, no, my parents were divorced, but when I would go visit my dad, it was all my fault. Okay.
It was 100%. I was fucking my mom.

Speaker 1 It was edible.

Speaker 1 I tried to kill my father. Of course it's my fault.
It's in my blood.

Speaker 1 Freud was right. Yeah, dude.
I have to bring up a joke. I don't know if you ever put it out, but Colin Quinn had this joke about

Speaker 1 back in the day when they would watch plays, it would be about people. And he's like, Oedipus is walking up going, hey, what's that thing about me? You know, I go, dude, I don't want to fuck it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to fuck my mom and kill my father.

Speaker 1 But my dad, when I would visit him, it was like rate, it was like 17. It was the rated R's.
Yeah, yeah. Blast Boy Scout, like Alt Predator, like all the ones that I shouldn't be watching.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but if that was like

Speaker 1 it made you being allowed to watch shit that you weren't allowed to watch made you so fucking cool. My mom bought me the South Park game when I was like 12 years old or maybe even younger.

Speaker 1 And I was like, that's, you've given me so much cred in school. See, what's funny is, oh my God, yeah.
A South Park game when you're young.

Speaker 1 Oh, people come around to your house, play it on your fucking PlayStation. You're like, yeah, I got it.
Yeah. Oh, this is.
Yeah, did you, did you, did like your cousin rip that?

Speaker 1 Or like, no, my mom bought it because I lied to her what it was about. I'm old enough that South Park timed out, right? It came out when I was like old enough where I needed dirtier Simpsons.

Speaker 1 It's like when you're an alcoholic and you start drinking and you go, I need something harder.

Speaker 1 South Park was like, we got some single barrel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm from Colorado. So it was like, it was like on the nose.
Yeah, yeah. We were like, these are all references that are built.

Speaker 1 And you just love it. But yeah, I remember my friend Adam's mom, we were watching South Park in his basement.
Yeah. and they're Jewish, and she came downstairs.
Cartman's like, Shut up, you Jude!

Speaker 1 And she was like, What is this show? What is this show? And like, immediately, she was like, This isn't funny. What is this show?

Speaker 1 And then you're like, And then you're like, You are Kyle's mom, yeah, you know, keep like, Miss Proflofsky, please, Mrs. Proflofsky, just rain it in for a second.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I was in full butters mode back then, so I was just in my head, like, Lou, Lou, Lou.

Speaker 1 I was full on butters until I got older, but yeah, man, you're right. Like the showing of adult stuff.

Speaker 1 You know what that's important for? Curation.

Speaker 1 Like your parents, that's like one of the greatest things you get to do is you get to curate your kids' taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
By going like, hey, listen to this.

Speaker 1 Well, it's also like trying to like, you know, your kids come out the way they are. Their personality is like fully in there.
It's true, discovering.

Speaker 1 But it is like a test, I think, to be like, I love this thing. I'm going to share it with my kid.
And see how they react. Hopefully they love it.

Speaker 1 You know, that's a pro wrestling thing is like a lot of times dads that grew up loving wrestling will show their kids it. Then they're like young, so they're into it.

Speaker 1 Then it's a whole different experience where you go, now I'm enjoying it. I remember my parents not listening to cool music as far as in the 90s.

Speaker 1 My mom was listening to like Steve Winwood and like Bonnie Rait and like stuff that when I was like a teenager, I was like, this shit's corny.

Speaker 1 And now I'm in my 40s and I'm like, oh, my parents raised me on this.

Speaker 1 You know, like, oh, this Steve Winwood is just singing to me. And it feels, and I think that's also a thing where you don't appreciate as a kid sometimes what your parents are showing you.

Speaker 1 Well, also, like, anything that your parents like is just inherently like uncool.

Speaker 1 The thing that, like, gives me, the thing that gives me great fucking solace is like, there's a clip of Dave Grohl talking about like how lame his daughter finds him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, if Dave Grohl's kid thinks he's a fucking loser, I'm fucked. There was that.
Like, the guy played with fucking Kurt Covey and his daughter's like

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh well fuck all my dreams. I'll just never try to be cool.
He's like, I don't want to hear about Uncle Kurt again. Yeah, yeah.
I don't care. You know, I found his body.

Speaker 1 His brains were on the wall. Dad, that's not true.
I've seen interviews. You start thinking, you know what would be worse is like

Speaker 1 if one of his kids was like a conspiracy kid and they go, how do you pull the trigger of a shotgun? And you're outheaded. He goes, I don't, this is what I don't need.
What was the name of the?

Speaker 1 the yeah yeah it'd be mental if your dog growing up being like a courtney love judge it staff yeah she goes i don't like when courtney comes around she costs you money yeah and you go why are you so focused on that yeah but you know what it is it's like everyone that

Speaker 1 if you have a kid they're gonna think you're lame yes and that's why i always think people that try to follow their father's profession Like when they try to follow him in, that's dangerous because you should think it's lame.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Like if my son, I will consider myself a massive failure of a parent if my son becomes a stand-up comedian.
Yeah. Because you become a stand-up for two reasons.
Emotional trauma. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or, like, attention. Like, you just, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oftentimes, it's a cocktail. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where you go, I need a little emotional damage and then toss in a little dash of insecurity.

Speaker 1 I'm incapable of loving yourself, so you need to get the validation from strangers. Top it with a little annoying.
Yes. And also a fair bit of, I think I'm better than people.

Speaker 1 Even though I hate myself.

Speaker 1 Which is such a weird combo. What a weird way to put me at the top when I despise that your enemy at the top of the list.
But

Speaker 1 I would think like I'm obviously one of the reasons I'm a comic is I'm insecure. And I think if my kid followed me into my profession, I'd go, you think you fucking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I fucking raised you with self-love. Also, like, if my son does stand up, it'll be like, I'm like, did you, is this the only way to get my attention?

Speaker 1 Do you feel like, did I, does it, did it feel like I prioritize stand up too much ahead of you? Yeah. And like the only, one of my friends is a comedian and his dad is a comedian.
And I'm like,

Speaker 1 what's that family dinner like when you have a good bit?

Speaker 1 When you come up with something, you go, who gets it? Oh, very different.

Speaker 1 Like, Mark Steele is a very, like, he's been fucking left-wing UK since like the 70s, 80s, alternate comic, very political, very smart, very, like, wordy and verbose.

Speaker 1 And his son, Elliot, is a great comedian, thick as shit. Like, one of the dumbest.
That's the way you got to go. That's the only way it works.
I love him dearly. He's one of my best friends.

Speaker 1 He's one of the dumbest that ever. Oh, that's the only.
Sorry, I realized thick over here means like

Speaker 1 fat.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's a big, fat.

Speaker 1 No, I know. He's

Speaker 1 dumb. He's

Speaker 1 thick. He's a beautiful boy who I love dearly.
Dumb, as dumb as the day is long. You know, it's funny, is a bit that I had.
I'm just remembering an apartment bit that I had with

Speaker 1 Sean Patton when I was doing fringe. Yeah, yeah.
Because they call everyone thick, We were doing

Speaker 1 wiggers in Scotland, and they and Scottish people don't understand what I'm saying. We're like, yo, I'll be fucking this girl.
She's thick as fuck.

Speaker 1 And they're like, you're fucking her, and she's thick. And you go, fucking the shit out of her.
Girl, like, thick as hell. And they're like, dude, that was like a thing we kept doing.

Speaker 1 We would walk home at night. We'd be like, yo, I'm telling you, that girl is thick as hell.
And then Scottish people would be like, she's dumb.

Speaker 1 Are you fucking a maintenance?

Speaker 1 I don't think that's legal.

Speaker 1 Yo, I'll be pounding out that thick bitch.

Speaker 1 But you're right. That's the only way to go when your dad is a smart political comic is go like,

Speaker 1 ribs are cool. And then he'll go, yeah.

Speaker 1 You got to become Broay. You got to be like alt-right.
But it makes sense. Because that's like the thing I'm obsessed about in America with that are mafia sons.

Speaker 1 I've talked about this before, but I'm obsessed with the idea of like, your dad is Tony Soprano. That's why AJ was the perfect character.

Speaker 1 Because he didn't try to become, Chris was his, you know, but you see like goddies or whatever, like his son tried to be like him.

Speaker 1 And you're like, that's just, it's too impossible because someone like a mobster. It's worse than a comic.
We fought through our emotional issues.

Speaker 1 Those guys like killed people and like did a lot of dirt. Also, do you really, you don't want your kid ending up in something where like if you've lost most of your friends to it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like you're not going to be like, this is the dream I have for my daughter. Yeah.
I want her to wake up next to her husband's head. Yeah.
That's why that's when she'll know she's made it as a monster.

Speaker 1 She'll be like, dad, I'm so excited. I got it.

Speaker 1 They whacked my husband. I woke the car.
I made it, baby.

Speaker 1 Daddy, the car blew up. And he goes, I told you.
I fucking knew it. It was those stupid Colombian cities.
Like immediately, you know. Yeah, you just like can't.

Speaker 1 If your kid comes to you, do you think that would be harder for your son to tell you he's a comedian or that he's gay? Oh, yeah, he would have no problem telling me he was gay. Yeah, like

Speaker 1 yeah, there's like people, there's like gay guys in the Midwest that were like, oh, I wish I followed my dad into business.

Speaker 1 Then they would just care that I'm now you wouldn't care that I'm gay. No, I'd be I'd be fine with a

Speaker 1 gay kid. I'd be I've got some weird lines I draw on this hand.
Yeah. Left-handed, I'm killing him.

Speaker 1 Like, as a left-handed guy,

Speaker 1 we need less of us. I just, you'll never convince me it's not for attention.
Pulling out, pulling, signing something with your left hand in front of people. Oh, you feel so dumb.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do you get free barking for that?

Speaker 1 They go, oh,

Speaker 1 and you go, I just want to. I just fucking smudge it.
Like, I need a big crayon when I'm signing my name. And they go, wow.
And I do everything with, like, athletically with my right hand. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I write with my left hand.

Speaker 1 And I don't know. Did you check off with? Both.
Oh, big God.

Speaker 1 It's one.

Speaker 1 It's more of a magic potato. It's like that mashed potato.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I need to climb a roll. And then I do the thing like with the bat at the end where my hands are on top, one finger.
Yeah, no, we're not working with a lot of real estate.

Speaker 1 But it was my mom is purely left-handed. My dad was purely left-handed.
And I'm like... Also,

Speaker 1 so we, in theory, we could breed your people out. Yes.
Whams of a lefty fucks a righty? I don't know. Do they get it? I don't know.
That's like a genuinely good medical question.

Speaker 1 That's my level of stupidity where I go, that's like, that should be in Scientific Weekly.

Speaker 1 This is, Sloss comes on and he's just kicking science at me in a way that I couldn't handle. Yeah, I don't know if it's bred out.
Like if it's like blonde hair. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or you're like a couple brunettes and you're fucked. Yeah, yeah.
Because it is, you know.

Speaker 1 With the hate that redheads get, I mean, not so much anymore. Yeah, but they try every couple of years.
Yeah, well, it's because red-headed women are gorgeous. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's the, and this isn't, I've said this before, and I got a lot of shit from a lot of very ugly ginger men. Yeah.
There are some handsome ginger men out there.

Speaker 1 It's harder. It's easier for a ginger woman to put it hold.
Let me put this in the nicest way. It's a harder outfit for a man to pull off.
Yes.

Speaker 1 It's a lot of

Speaker 1 it's it's too much vein work in the temples forearms. Also, like a woman with like pale skin, there's something like, oh, she's been locked away.
She's been kissed. A maiden look.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe even a siren. Yes, yeah, yeah.
The love.

Speaker 1 When I watch Florence and Florence in the Machine, I'm like, oh, this red-haired siren sings to me. And of course she has a beautiful voice.
That makes sense. Like a fair-skinned light.

Speaker 1 And I say this as the pastiest fucking white guy in the world.

Speaker 1 We look like basement dwellers. Yeah.
We look like basement dwellers. When gingers burn, it's cruel.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like...

Speaker 1 It's to get them used to hail.

Speaker 1 That's why they sunburn so easily.

Speaker 1 God's just helping them practice. We're just preheating the oven here, guys.
Just get fucking ready for it. You know what's funny about that that is my mom is

Speaker 1 Irish descent. So she has freckles, but she was blonde.
She was like strawberry blonde. So just to step away, she's a day walker.
Yeah, yeah. But the way it is.

Speaker 1 It seems like historically her ancestors got sexually pillaged by Vikings. Yes, any non-which leads me to my father's side, which were the pillaging Vikings coming from Sweden.

Speaker 1 And what's weird is they're Nordic. Like my dad's family was all Swedish.
And you would think that they would burn, but they get tan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 They go like the burn turns into a tan, and thank God that's the skin that I got. But they get like Scandinavia gets really beautiful actual summers and stuff.
It's great.

Speaker 1 Scotland and Ireland, it's you've if you've done the friend, you know what it's fucking like. It's just mist.
Yeah, it's just hot mist.

Speaker 1 You don't have the BTUs in your air conditioning to make it

Speaker 1 enjoyable. We don't have it.
We don't have air cod because we've never fucking needed air cod.

Speaker 1 Guess what, baby? Oh, boy. Planet's heating up.

Speaker 1 I was in London on the hottest day in the history of London and I was like muttering to myself walking around like a crazy person like this is what why you need air conditioning.

Speaker 1 Yeah yeah yeah yeah I think we'll have to because the one of the biggest things I fucking hate about Spain is like if you stay in any hotel or any Airbnb in fucking Spain, the cats don't have air con.

Speaker 1 It's like no wonder your culture is surrounded, it's centered around naps, right? Do you understand the season? It's just your body shutting down. Yeah.
Stop resting.

Speaker 1 Fucking you don't even you don't even have to invent aircar. It's been invented.
Steal it from Portugal, you lazy fucks.

Speaker 1 And I will say that. Why are you having dinner at 10 fucking p.m.? You should have nap at 12.

Speaker 1 You fucking idiot. I try to, as a day napper, I love their culture.
But that's more because of my pot use. But

Speaker 1 when I was doing fringe, I would say the only thing that... When did you do it? What year? 2019.

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I lived with Sean Patton, Caitlin Cook, and Jeffrey Baldinger, and I was at the medical school. Oh,

Speaker 1 fucking...

Speaker 1 It was haunted as hell. Yeah, all of Scotland was haunted.
It was crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I love the Scottish attitude towards ghosts, which are the New Yorkers' attitude towards public violence, which is like, eh.

Speaker 1 when you move to New York and you see public violence, people go, I don't know, I got I got to go somewhere

Speaker 1 I'm just gonna move around it so I I

Speaker 1 Scotland does that with ghosts where they go. Yeah, you probably got something thrown at you.
So I

Speaker 1 I don't believe in ghosts. I'm a big like as far as like

Speaker 1 you know souls

Speaker 1 after life and anything fucking like that. I do not believe in right, but I love the history of Edinburgh because it's so fucked up.
It's like thousands of years of just like

Speaker 1 crazy shit. Yeah, man, When the Black Plague started, the reason Edinburgh's on two levels is because all the people in the lower parts were getting sick because that's where shit and piss runs down.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh my god.
Shit runs downhill. Yeah, but they just thought it was like, oh, well, fucking poor people are gross, so of course they die.

Speaker 1 And when and when it started spreading, they started like just bricking people into their homes to just be like, this is the only way we can think of it.

Speaker 1 There's no way I could be bricking a guy into his house. And while I'm putting it down, I'm not like, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Putting the brick and then smoothing it and making sure it's like, because I like care about my work. So I go like, yeah, it's good.
And then doing another one and taking the spack on and you're like,

Speaker 1 sorry.

Speaker 1 Just hearing them cough. Just the saddest, slowest game of Tetris with no blocks.
He's like, ah.

Speaker 1 But you get excited when you find the shade. You go, oh, oh, that's going to break.
Tetris. Technically, I got a Tetris.

Speaker 1 The guy in there is just like, there's one little fidget.

Speaker 1 I obviously say this is the worst thing that could happen to me. There's an L-shaped one just back there.
That's all history is. It's just a bloody painting.

Speaker 1 And land is just a canvas with like, like America was just like the Puritans going, we got a brand new canvas. We can paint a bloody fucking beautiful painting.
Do you believe in ghosts?

Speaker 1 To an extent, I don't believe in them. I don't think they're...

Speaker 1 I think it's like the echo of a soul.

Speaker 1 I think we don't know what life is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I think. I think that we're too stupid to understand what this really is.

Speaker 1 And I think the important part is like stay in the moment. Yeah, yeah.
That's what the whole point of life is. That's like the Buddhist look.
Staying present in the moment. It makes the most sense.

Speaker 1 To all ghosts are people who didn't meditate.

Speaker 1 I'm saying, like, there's like they, if they were present in the 1300s, they wouldn't fucking be here now. I'm just saying, maybe fucking, maybe look at the bricks getting laid outside your door.

Speaker 1 So you're not going to be haunting my Hilton. There's no trying to jerk off in the shower.

Speaker 1 And you're there. There's no Buddhist ghosts then.
No.

Speaker 1 Monasteries have to be the least haunted places. Whatever form of weird religious racism this is,

Speaker 1 I don't think there's Asian ghosts. I just feel like the

Speaker 1 Asian ghosts. Asians can't be ghosts.
I said it here first. They're yellow, not white.
They'll never be white. Not even in the afterlife.

Speaker 1 I see you like two years ago. What happened? I go, well, I'm working at CVS.

Speaker 1 That clip went viral in probably the worst way. And honestly, you know, Mom Donnie did change things and it got me fired.
No,

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is, but I just have the feeling of

Speaker 1 it's something that we can't see that fucks with us. When I was in Scotland, I was doing that show and it was at the medical school and I would enter through the show room, but then Summer Hall.

Speaker 1 What's that? Was it Summer Hall? Maybe. I can look it up.
I have a horrible memory. But it was this like lecture hall.
And there was actually this plaque outside. This is what's crazy about Scotland.

Speaker 1 When you're not in America and you see how long shit's been around and then you look and you go, we're 250 years old

Speaker 1 We're like 12 year olds drinking wine on vacation in Spain and we're like we're adults. Yeah, I was smoking Scarlet's just your 75 year old guy drinking whiskey but like it's all gonna be shit.

Speaker 1 You don't know what's gonna fucking but I was just like smoking a joint in this like it was raining and it was like I was in this like coat where there's this plaque and I just start reading this plaque and the plaque is like, here is the school where the first two American doctors were trained.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the first two doctors in Philadelphia that came over from Edinburgh and were trained at this school. And I'm sitting there reading it, and I'm like, What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, they were doctors in phrenology. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's always the jam of them.

Speaker 1 That's why they went to America. If you read their papers, it was on the Mandingo.
It wasn't good, it was pretty racist what they were studying.

Speaker 1 That's why we send them to America. Well, like, hey, go see what really is going on.
But

Speaker 1 But I would walk up, it was like, I'd walk up this staircase and I would, the door was always open. And the door was always open in this back, like, green room office.

Speaker 1 And you'd walk down the stairs to get out of it. And every time I would get to a certain level, the door would fucking slam, not shut, like slam, and no one was in the room.

Speaker 1 And you're like, all right, there's no explanation for that that I can think of. There's no gust.
All the windows are closed. It's like that door was like, someone was like, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 Stop performing in my bed. That's what I thought.
I'm not going to lie. I think that was my harshest criticism of just a ghost every night.
Never come over views. Enough.

Speaker 1 Man, I had somebody who doesn't believe in ghosts at all. I had a really fucked up one in Edinburgh.
So I was dating an American girl. She was over.
And I was like, the ghost tours are great.

Speaker 1 Because even if you don't believe in ghosts, they're just showing you really historical parts. I grew up in Edinburgh, right? No, I grew up in Fife.
In Fife. Okay.
So it's like, you know, 45 minutes.

Speaker 1 Okay, so outside, but the biggest city

Speaker 1 is Edinburgh. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 So I take this girl on to like the fucking the tour just to get like the history lessons. And we go to like this underground bit where it's like the vaults and stuff and it's deep underneath the city.

Speaker 1 And the gothy like tour guide, he's like, he's very good and he knows what he's doing. So he walks us all in and he starts talking to the ghost.

Speaker 1 He's like, I talk to the spirit that's in here because it just means like she fucks with us less. And the girl I'm with is like, oh my God.
And I'm like, you're all fucking idiots. All these.

Speaker 1 This is just like an American tourist trap. You gullible fucking idiots.
He's playing you like a fiddle. And he walks us down all these walls.
And man, look, it's damp. It's dark.

Speaker 1 It's, it's like, it is spooky.

Speaker 1 He gets to one room and he's like, this is the most haunted room. This is where we think that she died.
And like in the center of the thing, there's like a pentagram.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, what the fuck is that? He's like, because this is the most haunted room in Scotland.

Speaker 1 In fact, probably in Europe, we get like a lot of cults will occasionally come here to like do little ceremonies and we rent out to make the fucking money. And I'm like, all right, cool.

Speaker 1 and he goes also if you want you can if you stand in the middle of that this pentagram really weird shit normally happens i don't recommend you do it but you're free to do what you like holy

Speaker 1 can i just tell you how big of a pussy i am that i'd go now don't the group i was with i'll go hey if anyone steps in that pentagram we're fighting when we get out of this bunch like full on i will go to your scottish prison i'm gonna beat the fuck out of whoever stands in the middle of that pentagram man woman or child.

Speaker 1 Your child accidentally runs into the middle of the pentagram, it's on site. He just steps in his head, fully intently.

Speaker 1 And he's like, It's my dad's voice. And he goes, Damn,

Speaker 1 none of your jokes about me make sense. And I go, Ah, I'll fucking kill you.

Speaker 1 So, my the girl I'm with, she's got the same reaction to you. Because the second he says, It's terrifying.
The second he says, If you step in there, I'm like, I'll do it. Like, you're all, you're all

Speaker 1 you cause every horror film. So, I step towards it.
The girl sort of pulls me back and he's like, look, a lot of people don't want to be in the room when this happens.

Speaker 1 So if you want to do it, all I ask is that you allow everyone who doesn't want to be in the room when you do this to do this. And I'm like, cool.
People want to leave.

Speaker 1 And like, everyone leaves the room. So it's just me in the room by yourself with the pentagram, right? So I'm like, okay, this is like, you're all idiots.
Can I tell you right now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 There are a lot of people who talk that shit about not believing in ghosts. I've met them.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dear friends with a lot.

Speaker 1 I'm just telling you right now, where you're at in this story,

Speaker 1 I know you don't believe in ghosts. You're alone in a dungeon with a pentagram.

Speaker 1 And you're still going.

Speaker 1 This is wild. I would have been outside going, lock him in there.
Lock him the fuck in there. He's going to come out.
He's going to sound the same, but that's how they get you.

Speaker 1 That's how they fucking get you. He's a host.
It's called a host. It's how he brings me without.
You need to fucking kill him.

Speaker 1 I take,

Speaker 1 everyone's out in the room, and I'm like, just give me, like, I'll do it in 30 fucking seconds. I take one step towards the pedagogy.
I don't believe in ghosts. Yeah.
I nearly faint.

Speaker 1 The second I take a step, my knee collapses in my left. I feel this fucking horrific chill all the way down my fucking spine.

Speaker 1 Like, I managed to sort of catch myself and I step back and I put my feet together. And I'm like, okay, there's, there's got to be like a logical explanation for it.
Oh, science brain.

Speaker 1 Science, heal me now. Regular, obviously, what the mandullah oblongata is sending us.

Speaker 1 It was a perceived thing.

Speaker 1 It was.

Speaker 1 This is my brain. This is all mental.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, I'm behind you just piss

Speaker 1 all over my jeans. I'm going like, it's like Abbott and Costello.
I'm like, oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 I walk out of the room, right? And all of them are there. And they're just like, how was it? And I'm like, yeah, it was fine.
Idiots. And then we just continued.
But you never.

Speaker 1 I never told the girl I was with. I absolutely did.
You never told her. No, I'd made too much of a strong stance.
that ghost delays.

Speaker 1 What was it? Was it an immediate was it like the second I the second your foot hit that? No, I didn't even touch it. I didn't even get to the thing.

Speaker 1 It's like I like my left foot goes forward and my right knee just fucking like buckles under me. Your body was like we're not doing this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it just felt like and there was a chill down my fucking spine and and then after that I was like I'm probably not gonna fucking stay with that

Speaker 1 Did that does that a situation like that does it move the needle at all of you believing in ghosts?

Speaker 1 This is going to frustrate everyone, but no. Like, you know,

Speaker 1 my dumb science brain is just like, you, if you, if you're scared of something, you will see it everywhere.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I'll agree with that. I'll agree with that.
That your brain can psych you out in a way. But I think there's sometimes, like, Liz at the comedy seller, one of my favorite human beings on the planet.

Speaker 1 She's there all hours of the day. She's a no bullshit she's the most no bullshit person i know

Speaker 1 she's like that fat black is haunted and she's like it just is

Speaker 1 the fat black pussycat oh right

Speaker 1 sorry that's crazy that i just said that can i just tell you i did not realize

Speaker 1 can i just tell you right now i did not realize shorthand

Speaker 1 the way conics talk i was just at the cellar last night and i'm like i'm over at the fat black that out of context is a wild

Speaker 1 that fat black's haunted i'm like what the what kind of racism is that? Damn, America's America's really feeling themselves.

Speaker 1 Trump got in, and these boys are just dropping the mask. What a cow is what I'm saying.
I'm gonna tell you right now, these fat blacks, they're haunted.

Speaker 1 No, which is why I have to put on this very similar ghost suit. Yeah, because

Speaker 1 this is how

Speaker 1 it works. It's how you scare them out of town.
I,

Speaker 1 oh boy,

Speaker 1 two-camera, fat black pussycat. Look it up on Google Maps.
It's a real thing. It's a lounge where they do shows.
But they, she is like matter of factly like, oh, the fat black pussycat is haunted.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's haunted.
And I'm like, no, it's not. Now they have cameras.
Yeah. And she showed me a clip of it.
He's seen it. Where

Speaker 1 they're, you know, they have like the lanterns. You've done shows there.
It's like the side room. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's like with the lanterns up thing. I haven't done it.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? No, no. What? I've only done the cellar.
Yeah. Oh, and got I've done like Gotham and but the cellar have you done all the rooms at the cellar?

Speaker 1 No, I've done two of them I think like the big one and then the original room. Yeah yeah so the big one the upstairs rooms this is what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 Oh understood so upstairs it's the one on the left and it's got all it's where they do new joke night and stuff and it's got these like

Speaker 1 these like lanterns that are basically hanging down that are low light yeah and she was showing me this just fucking one night in the lobby like next to the room and she's like oh yeah look at this and she goes to a part of it and one of the lights just goes wham and just slant like like nothing move it just moves and she's like yeah this room that shit happens all the time wow like this place is definitely haunted so that's the always the part that moves the needle for me because i go well there is no other there is no science explanation for this

Speaker 1 Does the molecules explode and fucking throw the thing? Like your leg buckling as you step towards a fucking pentagram in a dungeon should be heavily front-loaded.

Speaker 1 You should be aware that I'm saying that every time that you took a step towards a fucking pentagram. There's no way.
I've watched too many horror movies.

Speaker 1 I knew that would unlock and like I would start bleeding black goo or something, but it's like I, fat black goo.

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Speaker 1 but i like i think maybe

Speaker 1 it's i think it's mixed i think it's like maybe your brain is freaking you out yeah yeah but maybe

Speaker 1 it's a portal to hell and you're like and your body's like i'm not it's like when you get awkward's razor no they're really is it's like could be or wouldn't be is there anything that would change your mind with an experience like that If you, what would it take?

Speaker 1 I would go, I would, well, not if next time you're just going, I'll go back to this place and I'll stay for the Pentagon. I've not learned my lesson.
Like, I would absolutely

Speaker 1 be with you. In the name of science, I would absolutely, I'll be like, right, now that I know what to expect, right? I don't, I do leg day beforehand.
Hey, yeah, you go.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you right now.

Speaker 1 You go, I'm in there repping 225 on squats. I'm ready to get in there and fucking stand in there.
I just, I also think this is because of horror movies. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to affect everyone around you. It's not just going to be, you hear about Daniel Sloss.
He got haunted by a 3,000-year-old.

Speaker 1 I don't watch horror movies though, because they scare me too much. I'm a real, I'm an absolute loser when it comes to ghosts.
Ghost movies terrify me. Absolutely terrifying.

Speaker 1 How are we going to get to this? This feels like we just opened a whole fucking bag of handkerchiefs that we're pulling out.

Speaker 1 Last horror movie I watched was Paranormal Activity. Which is like looks, it may look like ghosts.
But here's my question. Just logic alone.
If you don't believe in

Speaker 1 natural phenomenon, if you don't believe in ghosts,

Speaker 1 why do those movies scare you? Because it's, I mean, look, because I have an active imagination. Like, you know, that's what, that's what they're saying.
But doesn't that active imagination lead?

Speaker 1 I'm getting, I got to take my sweatshirt off.

Speaker 1 Talking about ghosts.

Speaker 1 I'm saying, like,

Speaker 1 because you believe in ghosts,

Speaker 1 doesn't that, like, go, when you're seeing that, where you go, well, there's no way that could. It's like the way I'm watching superhero movies.
Yeah. I don't believe in superheroes.

Speaker 1 I just watch a superhero movie and I go, well, that one, you know. Yeah.
I know I'm not going to walk outside and see a guy.

Speaker 1 But you sort of take away the values of the superhero movie. Sure.
Defend the way. That's a good point.

Speaker 1 Like, there's still in there. And also, you know, you picture yourself, you're like, I would probably, if I was Batman, I could probably fuck Wonder Woman.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I go,

Speaker 1 you have a shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, with his muscles and my, my Res. Yeah.
Like, we're... Because Batman's, this is one thing about the comics I don't get.

Speaker 1 There's no way that cunts getting pussy. He's too.
Batman? Yeah. Yeah, he's...
Well, that's why I like what they did with the Robert Pattinson one. When they made him like an incel a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Batman would be a little fucking weirdo. A rich kid that just is good at beating people up.
But been raised by a fucking butler? Yeah. This cunt's got riz.
Shut up.

Speaker 1 Let's make the storyline real. Alfred.

Speaker 1 Violent pet.

Speaker 1 Just one of the most active and well-defended peds in the entire. And he's got, I mean, he's backed by the Wayne Corporation.
Absolutely. God knows the new gadgets they have for diddling kids.

Speaker 1 He's like, Musta Bruce, this will tie their legs together and keep their penises erect. It's like that bit in like the dark night where it's all the screens.
It's just child.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he goes,

Speaker 1 why, Mr. Wayne, you found my pet

Speaker 1 cave.

Speaker 1 Also, it makes Batman so much scarier if he's like, I was f ⁇ ed when I was a kid. And you go, oh no, there's nothing you won't do except kill people.

Speaker 1 He goes, and that's my only rule is I won't kill people. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
So you'll

Speaker 1 f ⁇ kids.

Speaker 1 Oh, your kid. Oh, yeah.
Because people are, you know, not all. Like, a lot of people are abused as kids.
I'll tell you what would really affect me if Bruce Wayne was on the Epstein list.

Speaker 1 That would really. Yeah, yeah.
And he would be. We need to send Batman after.

Speaker 1 Batman, for some reason, just giving him a miss. Yeah.
Just giving him a miss this time.

Speaker 1 The Bat Wayne got stuck on Epstein Island.

Speaker 1 And you go, oh, no. That was what I loved about the comic book, The Boys, that I don't think they really leaned into in the TV show was making these superheroes real buses.
This is shit.

Speaker 1 Like, genuinely what happens when people get too much power. Yeah.
Which Garth Ennis is a,

Speaker 1 he's from Scotland, right?

Speaker 1 And he's done some fucking Bells because Preacher was his as well. Yeah, Preacher.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's done Punisher. I have the Garth Ennis Punisher.
I've got a bunch of people. Yeah, the Steve Dylan Garth Ennis run to Punisher is like the best.

Speaker 1 Also, he's doing Sam Talent's screenplay of of running the light oh fuck yeah

Speaker 1 i don't know if i'm allowed i think sam said that on a bunch of shit that's sick sam i will pull this down immediately if you get mad and you see this but that's like uh yeah because in in preacher he talks about bill hicks a lot because he's been a big fan of stand-up yeah because uh cassidy goes and sees him yeah at the comedy club and he does the the outline of it yeah i read i reread preacher last year oh my god it's unbelievable it's so good it's right yeah and they did they did a good show what they could with the show i thought it was i i i i it was one of the the very few times where they were like, where they weren't fully loyal to the content, but they were like open about it.

Speaker 1 The vibe of it. Yeah, they were like, look, we're going to modernize it because also we can't do fucking nine seasons of this.
It would just be too mental.

Speaker 1 Also, like, in the comic, it's not until like book two that shit starts really popping off. Yeah.
So you're like, you can't do a full season of just explanations. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, the edition of Hitler was objectively funny. It was the love.
I love that. It was great.
It was so funny. I was reading that when I was doing R S Face Big in Hell with him.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I'm like, all of this is like so. Any addition you've made that wasn't in the comic books feels like Garth Anders was there, been like, yeah, that's funny, that's dope, do that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they really,

Speaker 1 he just does stuff, especially like with the boys, that you're like, this is what I've wanted to see someone do with the superhero for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Which is, if you've watched the TV show, I say you could go in and read the comic still because it's a completely.

Speaker 1 The fucking comic, the main character is Simon Pegg. Yeah.
It's literally based on Simon Pegg. That's why when Simon Pegg played his dad in the pilot, I I was like fucking punching at air.

Speaker 1 And it's also why the movie fucking wanted so much. Oh, yeah, because the comic book wanted, first of all, an entirely different fucking storyline, but Eminem, the character was based on Eminem.

Speaker 1 The fucking female character was

Speaker 1 Halli Berry. Halle Berry, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. And they wanted to make...
He tried to get Eminem to play that role. Yeah, but then they changed the movie.

Speaker 1 The comic book is about how all the villains from the superhero world got together and were like, if every superhero has 20 villains, if we all just team up, we can kill all the villains and then they do and then like they run the criminal underworld and like one of the characters is called shithead Yeah, and he's like the manifestation of like the shit of the 666 most evil people that ever existed right it's such and i'm like why did you call the wanted movie wanted when it had nothing to do with the ip nothing to do with that's what they got the ip and then they went and and When you're a fan of this is why the Marvel trap worked was because they did did their basis with nerds.

Speaker 1 When you have a nerd foundation and you appease them, you can build up to the sky. And that's what Marvel did.
When they nailed Iron Man, when they were like, we're going to do Robert Downey Jr.

Speaker 1 as Tony Stark, every nerd was like, that's it. Smashed it.
Absolutely. Smashed it.
Give him the goatee.

Speaker 1 And then you saw the first thing when the bombs drop and he's like, the weapons. And you're like, oh, this is like, they nailed it.
They nailed Captain America.

Speaker 1 And then they just built off in a way that you're like, well, of course it's like a weird thing now that kind of sucks Because this has just been squeezed. It's over fucking sideshake.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Unless the only way to bring it back is if they, and I don't know, I don't, I don't know the answer to this, but like, I don't know. I love Tu Jackman as Wolverine.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's not Wolverine. Wolverine is.
It's like a five-foot. He's five foot four, brick shithouse, pair of pure fucking muscle and doesn't talk much.
I would rather see Peter Dinklage play Wolverine.

Speaker 1 I think, honestly, fans of the comic would tell you that's more true to. Yeah.
If you saw a new X-Men lineup and they had a Wolverine that was at Colossus's shins,

Speaker 1 you would go that and he's just fucking those huge, the tricep hair, which Hollywood hates. I also, but let me tell you, it's a very real thing.
We've also,

Speaker 1 and the internet can prove it all good, I've never seen a jacked little person. Oh, they are.
They are, you are. Are you kidding me? They're strong.
Of course they are.

Speaker 1 But maybe that's why they don't.

Speaker 1 Did you ever shake hands with a little person? Very strong hand shape. I must have.
Yeah, of course I have. Yeah.
You feel it. You go, oh, you've got a six foot seven straight right there.

Speaker 1 Oh, here we go. Holy fucking shit, dude.
Well, I will shop myself. Welcome to the world of little people bodybuilding, Daniel Sloss.
Fucking dwarf juggernaut. Look at that.
Gee, here's my question.

Speaker 1 110? No, that must be in. Let me see.
Thimbles, right?

Speaker 1 That's so funny. Those are dreams.

Speaker 1 110 child's dreams. Here's my question.
110. Dude, he's literally doing

Speaker 1 flies with 110 dumbbells. Me and you, two out-of-shape dickhead comedians

Speaker 1 versus

Speaker 1 four muscular little people.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Here's the thing.
We both have reach. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We both have limbs. You don't fear ghosts.
You don't fear the dead.

Speaker 1 That's a strength. I have a giant head capable of just smashing them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's on your end.

Speaker 1 But you don't want a headbutt. A little person.

Speaker 1 I think I do. Do you? They go thicker skulls.
Yeah, we're like rams, though.

Speaker 1 You know what beats a ram? A bigger ram.

Speaker 1 I'll just fucking charge into them. I'll blow them back.
I can fucking spread out. They don't want me, dude.

Speaker 1 Little people don't want to headbutt me. It's a bad day for a little person.
I mean, I will take the hit. I will get immediate CTE.
But, man, I reckon like little person there, one...

Speaker 1 One

Speaker 1 kidney punch on me and I'm fucked. That's what I mean.
So I'm doing it. So the compact.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 They get yeah yeah yeah but i feel like absolutely four is our limit five is a problem five is a problem six we're getting overwhelmed it's good goaliver's travel

Speaker 1 they're fucking stringing us down

Speaker 1 i'm gonna kill you i'm gonna kill you but i do think me and you could comfortably take four strong

Speaker 1 four strong like ones that work out

Speaker 1 we're gonna be tired

Speaker 1 we're gonna be be tired. There's gonna be a lot of me signed getting up for the next week.

Speaker 1 One of them got to my kidneys. And what happens when they come in? Are we like dipsing our ones? Yeah, we'll break it up.
I'll take two checks. I go, I got two.

Speaker 1 I go,

Speaker 1 that one. Eenie, meeny, miney.
That's probably the worst way to count them. Probably with the most of it.
Probably brother Moe. I'm not Eenie.
I'm Meanie. And you go, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 You go, oh, shit, my bad.

Speaker 1 You hear me?

Speaker 1 I'll take Mo.

Speaker 1 That's like elite level shit talking. and they walk in you go you take eeny meeny i'll take my movie

Speaker 1 and they walk in we might lose that one big time yeah you don't want to roil them up no no they're strong they're doing fucking flies with 110 wild that's yeah i can't even do flies with 40s

Speaker 1 yeah yeah them

Speaker 1 them coming in pissed off would definitely fuck shit up but yeah i think we could I believe in you and I. I think, you know.
I've not been enough.

Speaker 1 It's over.

Speaker 1 I'm in my 40s. You're a dad.
You know what I mean? We're done. Physical action now would only be,

Speaker 1 I would fight off a coyote if it went after that fat ass. Yeah, yeah.
If my dog got attacked by a coyote,

Speaker 1 I would try to fight that. If someone, I've done this.
I would fight. Yeah.
If someone kicked my dog. Oh, 100%.

Speaker 1 I think it's, I'm throwing hands. If I saw somebody kick our dog, like, even if it wasn't

Speaker 1 probably, my mate, have you met Kai before?

Speaker 1 I think so. I might have in at fringe.
Yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a good hang. Yeah.
Yeah, I've seen him

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 stop his car because he saw somebody like hit a dog hit their dog and he like stopped the car and went out. He was like, if I ever see you hit your dog again, I'm going to kick your

Speaker 1 that's. I love that.
That's the energy we need. Do you think the lack of guns in the UK

Speaker 1 makes you guys better at

Speaker 1 fist fights?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like on average.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but

Speaker 1 also because we're more like used to say it like, and again, this is from somebody who's only ever been fucking head-butted. Like, I've never, I don't think I've ever seen it.
What's that?

Speaker 1 A Glasgow Kiss? Glasgow Kiss. I think that's the coolest name on it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. As a guy with a giant head.
Yeah, what a great name.

Speaker 1 What a great name for. And by the way, don't get close to me.
Yeah, because I got taught by a Scott had a headbutt. They say you push down and in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You go with the crown. You could have been there into their nose.
Now, granted, the man that was teaching me this, I had to ask what six times. I was like, and then what? What? And he's like, hey,

Speaker 1 and you're like, I'm not picking any of this up. But yeah.
So you've been headbutted. I've been headbutted.
Yeah. Did it break your nose? No, which is hard the size of this fucking thing.
You think

Speaker 1 it's like that? See, like little people are going to try to grab that. That's how they're grabbing to work their way up.

Speaker 1 Cool, grab it. That's what I do.
Cool game throw. No, no, no, no.
They're not in the inside.

Speaker 1 They're in my brain.

Speaker 1 You're like, what are the judio there?

Speaker 1 You're walking back into the pentagram.

Speaker 1 I suddenly turn around and you're like, no, they're in his brain.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's. It wasn't the pentagram.
It was your knee buckling because that guy was in your fucking nose.

Speaker 1 But when you... It's very funny to consider a bunch of little people just treat us like the Power Rangers do.

Speaker 1 Like Voltron?

Speaker 1 It's just funny that they assemble into me. They're like, mediocre assemble.

Speaker 1 Enie.

Speaker 1 Enik. Minus.

Speaker 1 And then my giant head, boo.

Speaker 1 Like Voltron. So

Speaker 1 when you get head-butted, it just rings your bell. And I've been head-butted.
It sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They didn't get me in my nose. They got me in the forehead like an idiot.

Speaker 1 I was like, I was there. My vision went for a bit.

Speaker 1 And then, like, by the time I fucking, I didn't fall down. And then by the time I'd opened my eyes, Kai was beating the guy up.
Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, that's cool.

Speaker 1 It's always good to have a friend that's good at fighting. Oh, it's the best.
No, but also, if you do have a friend that's good at fighting, you become the worst type of woman in the world.

Speaker 1 You know, like women who like, because they got a big boyfriend, they get a bit more mouthy. You should look at my algorithm.
That is me. Watch my algorithm.

Speaker 1 My Instagram is like women getting their boyfriends beat up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's one on the Fortrain that everyone should find. This dude is in an MTA vest, and he's just like sitting there.

Speaker 1 And this guy's girl is just motherfucking him. She's like, fuck you, motherfucker.
And he's just standing there.

Speaker 1 And he looks at the boyfriend and he goes, if you don't stop her, I'm going to beat the fuck out of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then she gets like too close.

Speaker 1 And then he just goes, he moves her and just starts beating the shit out of the guy. And you're like, that's got to be the worst day.
Please find me that video. Yeah, he's on it.

Speaker 1 It's pretty unbelievable. I saw it on a deep wormhole.
I don't know how I got there.

Speaker 1 I love going down like a Reddit

Speaker 1 wormhole of fucking. Instagram has gotten really good at knowing me what I want when I flick up.
yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 you have to you have to like the occasional really brutal knockout yeah and then you go so they just get in here come on that you you know what I like

Speaker 1 come on there was it at the airport I need something I need to feel something there was a great one of a guy in Chicago I think it was it was like a wintery fucking night and like clearly this guy is huge He's beats up three guys successfully, right?

Speaker 1 Now it's slippy so and the guys he's fighting are like fucking drunk But he like punches one and then he chases the other two and one of of the hardest I've ever laughed at on fucking fight to he runs back to the guy that he like punched normal, was knocked out before.

Speaker 1 And the guy's like, getting up, he's like, and he takes his hand, and then he's like, oh, I'm your buddy. And then she's

Speaker 1 by the way, you get a two for her. Yeah, yeah, that's just such good shit, Hyserie.
That's that's you know, I couldn't catch your two buddies, they're fast.

Speaker 1 If I was late for work, I would hate this bitch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd be like,

Speaker 1 a few choice words were exchanged between the woman and the man in the green fest.

Speaker 1 Oh, you gotta watch the uncut. We gotta find the uncut.
Swing from the fucking ankles. Sandum.
Damn, do you think they broke up? Yeah, man. Yeah, you gotta.

Speaker 1 I mean, you gotta break up with her. Well, she, yeah, you gotta break it.
You gotta go. I know.
The pussy's good, but this is insane.

Speaker 1 Also, you have, yeah, you have to break up with her because you cannot allow there to be any amount of time where, like, she's like,

Speaker 1 oh, well you ain't a man yeah yeah

Speaker 1 you got the shit kick out of me we were going to a nice dinner yeah and then you just i love because there is a part that's not in the news clip where the guy that beats him up looks at the boyfriend and goes i'm gonna you up which if a guy says that to me you go okay well now i'm on guard at least yeah i wasn't even on guard yeah that guy was just like yeah it's crazy she spit at you

Speaker 1 she always does this it's like well i i can't detour listen like did you do one though well turns out, if I aim it at you, I can get all this aggression out.

Speaker 1 I just found out that you're a receptacle for my aggression.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. Fuck that.
Getting beat up in public and because of your girlfriend is nightmare situation. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I've been trained in like, because I've always been. a puny little man.
I've always changed. I was trained in like de-escalation from a young age.

Speaker 1 But then when you're hanging out with me.

Speaker 1 When I'm with Kai. When you're with Kai, you're like, fuck you, bitch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ain't going to touch touch my man.

Speaker 1 One of the little people points to Kai, and he's like, if you don't get him to stop calling us. Meany, meany, money.
I'm taking it out on you.

Speaker 1 If you don't silence him, you're the one that's going to have the problem.

Speaker 1 Did Kai ever get mad at you for getting him into a fight? No, well, maybe. That's a yeah.
Like,

Speaker 1 it was, I mean, I was never, I was, I was never, like, starting fights or whatever, but there was just, and obviously he loves knocking f ⁇ s out. There's one time.
That's a pretty cool thing.

Speaker 1 I'd i'd put that on a business card yeah he loves i love knocking

Speaker 1 and it's only only ever bad he's like a scummy batman it's like you don't ever beat up people who deserve to be yeah that's great there was one time i was driving we were on tour and i was driving and i flipped off um somebody because they were a bad driver and then like they stopped the car in front and were getting out the car and by the time i was like to suddenly we were like oh god i've fucked this kai was out of the car and just yelled at the guy get back in your car before i fucking steal it that's great the guy just went you know what that's a good idea yeah that's a fair that's a fair response my friend whereas if i if he hadn't been there i would have just plowed through the back of him killed both of his children you go i don't know i just gonna know i'm gonna know what a body feels like under a weight of a car

Speaker 1 and you go you hear the crunch you don't think you do but you do if you listen for it yeah yeah yeah you can hear the vertebrae yeah yeah yeah and if you hear that if you hear

Speaker 1 that's the skull we get the at least you got

Speaker 1 air around the brain that you don't realize is being released. But my friend David, shout out David.
I don't know if you watch the podcast.

Speaker 1 He might, but I grew up with, I'm not going to give his legal name. He was so good at beating people up that his mom sent him to military school.
And he beat more people up.

Speaker 1 And she was like, you need to do this to Florida nurses. No, it was in Kansas.
It was like a work school.

Speaker 1 So they send people like the middle of nowhere and then they dig holes and like fucking break rocks and shit. But all it did was it turned him into an overweight kid into a jacked kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he just came back pure muscle. Yeah, and the amount of people he could beat up tripled.
Quadrupled.

Speaker 1 He came back when he was 13, and I watched him in an apartment complex beat up two 16-year-olds at the same time. Oh, my God.
That's a lot of difference. Three years is a big difference.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he has puberty as well, like depending on when his fucking hits are.

Speaker 1 And he dude, David was just caulking him and just like big hits where they're just like, boom, and you're like watching him move the whole body.

Speaker 1 And then a 21-year-old that was friends with our, we had a shitty group of kids when we were like 13. This like 21-year-old beat him up, and then afterwards, everyone was like, Well, he's 13

Speaker 1 finished, and the 21-year-old was like, All right, is that enough? And all the like the kids were like, Yeah, he's a kid. Like the first kid that said that, and then you watch the guy, Vic, go like,

Speaker 1 all right, like, but you're like, that wasn't a fair fight. Yeah.
But David was a bad motherfucker. He would just beat people up.
Have you ever been in a fight? You ever throw a punch?

Speaker 1 Like middle school.

Speaker 1 Middle school, and then occasionally, like in a drunk, like push in college, where you like throw one punch, and then someone would throw one punch and then everyone would break it apart.

Speaker 1 But I've never, I was, I was like, I reckon it's fucking satisfying as fuck to like knock somebody out. I mean, I've been mustering.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But I also, I would think now in our older age, it's scary because you go, like, oh, no, get up. I need you to get up.
When you're young, you're like,

Speaker 1 you're invincible. Yeah, you're 40.
All it takes is a bad fall, land on a fucking curb, break your neck. Nope, nope.

Speaker 1 No, that's what it is now. Is like, I always say, instead of being friends with like a Kai or a David be friends with a guy that's a lawyer so they can just take words and beat the shit out of you.

Speaker 1 You know, you get his house because I beat the shit out of him and you go, then stealing your car, he goes, and I'll see you in court and I'll take your car. And you're like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't feel like the Scottish are litigious like Americans. Is there a lot of suing in the UK? Is there a lot of like, I'll see you in court?

Speaker 1 A little bit. Certainly not as much.
I mean, America is a country

Speaker 1 on the foundation of suing. Like they'd that's say.

Speaker 1 yeah yeah I wouldn't say we don't do it like so I just not as much as it hasn't rubbed off on you the way the Americans sue no and also like with regards to the fucking fight things even though I've never been in one there's a real sort of from a lot of the fights I've seen like once the energy is sort of like out and expended sure there's like I've seen two men beat the shit out of each other and then the winner be like all right I'll buy you a pipe that's great like we sorted that out we need more of that that's why that's why not we need a lot more of that like that's why not having guns is like a good thing.

Speaker 1 The reason I could never live in this country is because I would be in jail in two months. Because you can't give me the option to shoot someone.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I'll shoot so many people. Do you know how many people I fucking hate? I am a solution-based man.
This is why I can't own a gun.

Speaker 1 It's a quick solution to shoot someone right in the middle of the game. The amount of ones I got into because Kai could back me up.
Can you imagine the amount of fucking shit I dog if I was strapped?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I'll tell you what, that also ends your shit talking career pretty pretty quickly yeah you do it wrong and then you go that's why the you know it was good for population control was dueling yes because you go we're gonna free up some resources here in a second

Speaker 1 and guns are permanent that's why fist fighting is better yeah fist fighting you expend the energy because you know it's like um there's this documentary about people that jump off the golden gate bridge they regret it the millisecond they jump yeah every single person goes the second i jump you regret it and i feel like

Speaker 1 a lot i don't know if people i i've never killed someone with a gun but I'm sure in the heat of the moment where you shoot someone with a gun the second it happens you go it's like that yeah there's there's no taking that back whereas a fight yeah you can fight

Speaker 1 all is safe in real life

Speaker 1 right before that

Speaker 1 I can't get back right before that whereas like there's a lot of checkpoints with fist fights where you can go I can go back to a checkpoint and go yeah like and look regardless of like people who watch fucking UFC real fights last about 45 seconds before most people are like gassed and tired And then there's like that bit where people pull back and it's like, you're good, bro.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, go, yeah, good, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, bro.
I'll buy your plane.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the best, the toughest thing that you can do is go get wind. Yeah, yeah.
It's like, go get like, if you're cardiovascular in shape, you don't have to be that strong. You'll just gas out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get like the Homer Simpson kids.
Yeah, you just keep punched and coming.

Speaker 1 Because that's like,

Speaker 1 do you remember

Speaker 1 Kimbo Slice? Yeah, he fought Dada.

Speaker 1 when he fought Dada 5000. These are both, like, these are like two guys that were like street fight legends.
Yeah. And they put them in the octagon.

Speaker 1 And they lasted 45 seconds before they were just so tired. I think they did like two rounds and one of them died because of it.
I think Dada 5000 died. You can look that up.
One of them

Speaker 1 was really injured because it gassed him.

Speaker 1 Again, I might be remembering this wrong, but I remember watching that fight and being like, they're really gassed. Like beyond anything I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 And then reading about one of them having like medical problems because of it

Speaker 1 Because you're like you don't realize it's like you're expending everything Yeah, you're right me and you by the way We're not thinking about any meany mighty mo having good tanks little tanks, but bigger tanks than we have.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, they yeah, because if we're running away if we're dodging four of them We're gassing quick.
You mean you're gonna be like and then our hands are on our knees.

Speaker 1 You reckon you could hurdle one though? You reckon that's how you do them?

Speaker 1 Easy. Easy.
I'm telling you, while I have gas in the tank, I'm a problem from them. I'm long.
I'm more nimble than you think I am. You can grab my arm and I'll slither out of it.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 They're going to clamp on me, but no. Also, if I can bonk two of them together.

Speaker 1 If you bonk two them together hard enough, they would actually go to, they're like warming up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then you go, oh,

Speaker 1 you watch it grow. You go, I think our problem just got a little bit bigger.

Speaker 1 Says here, no one died from Kimbo Slice versus Data 5000, but Data 5000 nearly died and Kimbo Slice passed away a few months later from unrelated okay thanks AI man AI really is just like a drunk friend yeah

Speaker 1 and it gets things wrong all of yeah all of it's like data 5000 still alive and you're like what he's performing this weekend behind you that's my dog Myrtle you fucking liar so you got shows left yes I'm doing until uh

Speaker 1 it's probably gonna come out after that's absolutely fine man I'm I'm here to fucking I'm trying to think what should we promote what do you need to promote oh just fucking you know I just want to watch his specials.

Speaker 1 You can find X is on

Speaker 1 HBO

Speaker 1 or my website for free. Just go to Daniel's website.
Daniel Sloss is one of the funniest comedians.

Speaker 1 I've always thought you were hilarious from afar. Getting to know you, it's like lives up to the expectations.

Speaker 1 You're a fucking hilarious dude that doesn't believe in ghosts, and I believe that you don't believe.

Speaker 1 Next time you come to Scotland, we'll go. And you can stand outside, but I'll fucking do it again, man.
All right. I'm in.
You weren't doing it.

Speaker 1 I got a salad. Oh, I'm gonna be so scared.
I can't smoke weed. I'll shit myself if I'm high and I do this.
But I'll absolutely take an edible board. That'll give me the confidence.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't think you should do that.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Go watch Daniel Sloss's comedy and just know that he's not scared of ghosts.

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Speaker 4 I chose to become a nurse because I've always had a passion for helping people. My name is Francesca.
I studied nursing at Carrington College. The instructors at Carrington were great.

Speaker 4 Most of them are working as nurses still, so it's great to learn from somebody that's actually doing it.

Speaker 1 To start or advance your nursing career, visit Carrington.edu to learn more.

Speaker 4 Carrington is going to set you up for a career that you can have for a lifetime.

Speaker 1 For information about student outcomes, visit Carrington.edu forward slash SCI.

Speaker 5 At Carrington College, we're ready to help you begin your next chapter. We've been helping students launch healthcare careers for over 55 years.

Speaker 5 Our hands-on programs in nursing, medical assisting, pharmacy technology, and more are taught by experienced real-world professionals.

Speaker 5 With programs completed in as little as nine to twelve months and convenient learning options, we make sure your education works with your life.

Speaker 5 Classes start soon in Pleasant Hill, San Leandro, and San Jose. Visit Carrington.edu to find out more.
Programs vary by location.

Speaker 5 For information about student outcomes, visit Carrington.edu/slash SCI.