108: Before the Confetti with Rob Riggle | Soder Podcast | EP 106

Speaker 1 Hey guys, this weekend, I am in Missouri. Friday the 21st, I'm going to be at the Uptown Theater in Kansas City, Missouri.
Saturday, I'm going to be in St. Louis at the factory.

Speaker 1 December 5th, that's a Friday. Vancouver, Canada.
I am going to be there. It's close to sold out, but we're at the Vogue Theater.
Saturday, December 6th, Eugene, Oregon.

Speaker 1 I know it's the Big Ten Championship. I hope your Oregon Ducks are doing great.
Off chance they're not, or the games are earlier in the day.

Speaker 1 Why don't you come to the McDonald Theater in Eugene, Oregon? December 13th, Royal Oak, Michigan, Royal Oak Theater. I'm coming back, baby.
I'm very excited. It's the last show of the year.

Speaker 1 We're going to have a hell of a time. December 13th, Royal Oak, Michigan, dansoder.com for tickets.

Speaker 1 Don't futz around with those other websites. Go to dansoder.com, get your tickets from there, and I'll see you in Royal Oak.

Speaker 1 You're going to turn around and be a senator. You're going to turn around around and be like,

Speaker 1 that was the buttons in my closet.

Speaker 1 Well, I guess it doesn't matter anymore. It really, honestly, I think now we need to start looking like, you know, how everyone tries to push Jon Stewart to run for president.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think there is like a thing where we go, well, we've been watching you for 20 years. Yeah.
So like we know you. Yeah.
I think that is the new value that

Speaker 1 Trump proves with politicians is if you know a guy a long time, it's less a politician and more your buddy running for office. Possibly.

Speaker 1 yeah you might be right on that and i think you're they always say like name recognition alone alone alone and we are america is built on brand name recognition it's the thing we do better you've been all over the world the thing we do better than anybody we do a lot of stuff great i think we do brand name come on branding marketing you can't even touch us

Speaker 1 in london you're catching up yeah you guys had the everybody's light years behind us maybe the Japanese are starting to get... I would say they do cooler branding, but they don't do it better than us.

Speaker 1 We went on volume and quality and quantity. You know what I think it was? Remember that old cartoon of like, let's all go to the lobby.

Speaker 1 I think that

Speaker 1 in a long form way made us think of like Coca-Cola as people and stuff. We're like, no, they sing and dance and they go to the lobby.
There is something,

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is, but there's something to what you're saying with regard to repetition and all this. Because like a sitcom, right? Yeah.
You watch friends for 10 years. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And like we work in the business, so we can obviously separate things. For a lot of people, they're like, no, those guys are my friends.
I got to get there.

Speaker 1 And they feel connected to them as if they're a family. But that's because you invite them into your house.

Speaker 1 Well, what I love about, you know, I've been a fan of yours for years and everything you've done from, you know, the daily show on to, you know, obviously stepbrothers and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 But what I love about you is that there is this goofiness that if you don't know you're playing a character, you probably seem like a wild human being. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like if they don't think of you as just Rob Wriggle, who's a man. Right.
Just playing a character. You're doing comedy.
Right. And I've heightened it for a reason, for comedic effect.

Speaker 1 People are like, well, I was going to, you know, I was going to ask you to say some comments, but I don't know if I can trust you. I'm like, well, why? I'm a professional.

Speaker 1 If anything, you think I'm going to screw up your event? If anything, I know how to navigate this.

Speaker 1 You know, Colbert was saying that now that his show is getting canceled and he said, I might go back to the character.

Speaker 1 And you're like, I bet there will be a group of people who do not realize he's gone from a character to himself back to a character. No, that's the thing.

Speaker 1 I think that's the character he did on the Colbert show. Yeah.
On Comedy Central. Yeah, the Colbert report.
I think people, I think there's a, I mean,

Speaker 1 this is going to sound very conceited. I don't mean it to sound that way, but certain people have levels of comedy knowledge and comedy expertise.

Speaker 1 You can see the subtleties and the sarcasm, and you can, like, we can see those things. Oh, my God.
And it's a dial for us. It's like, oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 For some people, they're like, I totally agree with everything you just said. They're very literal people.
Well, they're worried.

Speaker 1 And the more I meet these literal people, the more I'm just shocked because I'm always like.

Speaker 1 it's a bit that's the and then i get i get i have to remember people don't realize we're doing bits it's a bit It's a comedy bit It's an element of feeling like the Twilight Zone.

Speaker 1 It is where you go Well see I grew up and I still am a huge professional wrestling fan and so there's this comedic Kfabe that happens where you kind of go well there are people

Speaker 1 Even in 2025 that believe that wrestling is real. They want that to be real

Speaker 1 Some element of them wants it to be real. Just like those people that watch soap operas.
Yeah. And they want the, they're like, no, Dr.

Speaker 1 Ramore.

Speaker 1 There are people,

Speaker 1 you know, when I was on billions, people thought I was just like a finance bro. They have no idea how stupid I am.
They have no idea that mathematics is easily my biggest. You're not stupid at all.

Speaker 1 You're actually very savvy. You're talking about finance.
But I'm just talking about they were like finance, right? And you're like, oh, brother, I don't know how taxes work.

Speaker 1 I understand the idea of it, but I still don't know. But that's what I mean.
I don't know how to win at it. Yeah.
People, I don't know. By far, I understand the concept.

Speaker 1 I understand why we do it, but I don't know. I understand where it goes.
Sometimes

Speaker 1 I don't. Yeah.
But there are, there are, that is like a very weird thing where, like, you're, you're going to be, you know, you're shaking hands and going to these balls.

Speaker 1 Next thing you know, they're like, you just got sworn in. And you're like, how the hell did I end up here?

Speaker 1 I wish, I wish, not to run, but I'm saying I wish public service wasn't so

Speaker 1 bad right now. I mean, it's, we need good leaders, and our best leaders are not taking the job.
Why would you? You've become an instant pariah. Can I tell you what we need to do is we need

Speaker 1 to bring nerds back to politics. Okay.
Because do you remember?

Speaker 1 I was a poor student.

Speaker 1 I liked drugs. And I remember the kids that always ran for student government, I trusted.
Even when I was young, there was this feeling of like, well, if you want to do that shit, go ahead.

Speaker 1 There wasn't anything cool about it. There was nothing cool about it.
And then you go, that's what you need to do. You need to dorkify it again so that it's like paperwork.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think I want to, when I look at anybody, if I look at my doctor, my dentist, my representative, I want to believe that that's all they do and all they care about. They're not doing it as a side gig.

Speaker 1 They're not doing it to climb a ladder or to position. They're doing this because that's what they want to do and they love it.

Speaker 1 I don't want to have my my teeth being worked on and hear her go, what's up, chat?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what we got going on in the chat.

Speaker 1 And then Shakira comes in to sing a new songs during a stream while I'm getting a root canal. The best dentist I ever had was here in New York City.
Best dentist ever.

Speaker 1 Paul Scheer recommended him to me. Okay.
I went to him,

Speaker 1 pain-free dentist,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 he redid everything, but he loved, he loved talking about what he was going to do to my mouth. Oh, my God.
And I was like, I was like, I'm down. I'm so down for this.
Wait, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 He'd be like,

Speaker 1 well, he didn't have the look on his fuck. Yeah, that's what I was wondering.
Because I'll tell you, tone really shifts that entire situation. You go from being like, that would be

Speaker 1 intimidating. You go, don't touch my fucking teeth.
And he goes, why don't you just step back? He goes, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get in there. I'm like,

Speaker 1 I saw your mouth on closed-circuit TV out in the front of the waiting room. I was watching you, and I was like, I'm going to put something on those teeth.
You're never going to forget.

Speaker 1 Mr. Wriggle.
And you all go. You go, yeah, you are.
Yeah, you are. And he goes, no, don't do that to me

Speaker 1 i was told you're pain free sir oh you don't even know

Speaker 1 the pain i can't yeah i gotta charge for that as he's injecting novocaine so is he just did it well a good dentist is he did it well he my lower jaw doesn't take the novocaine that quickly or that well yeah like you can give me a couple shots up here it work all day yeah down here it it didn't it never took and so they would give me a shot They'd start working.

Speaker 1 I go, ah, you know, I'd say, stop. And the dentist, I could see him roll their eyes and they go, okay, fine.
And then they give me another one and they go, that's two. You should be dead.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I would still feel. So I keep complaining.
And they'd be like, this is crazy. You know,

Speaker 1 you're being a baby, basically. So I was like, maybe I am being a baby.
This guy, he was like, how about now? I was like, I still feel it. How about now? I still feel it.

Speaker 1 He just kept, you know, poking until I was like, I got nothing. He's like, let's go to work.
That's great. Yeah.
So he goes, you don't even, I took your bottom jaw off.

Speaker 1 That's the thing you don't even know. I'm stopping over here.
Hello. Hello, idiot.
I'm holding your jaw. Or, oh,

Speaker 1 that is, that's what you do. But no judgment either.
Like, he was like, we're going to go. I will keep doing this until you don't, until you're comfortable, until you don't feel it.

Speaker 1 Good bedside manner is feeling like you got a teammate. Yeah.
Like where they're like, I'm just here to help you. The worst dentist I ever had was in New York City.
Oh.

Speaker 1 And it was in Queens in Astoria. And the guy in Astoria, you know, past a certain part, it's like row homes, but they're also businesses.
So you go to just this house, right?

Speaker 1 That's always interesting. And then I walked in.
And I'll tell you what, it wasn't the house that bothered me. It was very nice.

Speaker 1 Once you got inside, you realized that it was an office, an actual dental office. The guy came around the corner way too spray-tanned in like scrubs.
And just...

Speaker 1 Did he have jewelry? He had a necklace. Okay.
He had a necklace. I didn't look at the hands because there was gloves on it.
But he was way too like

Speaker 1 New York. He was too queens.
He was like, how you doing?

Speaker 1 He's like talking in my mouth. And he's like, so who are you a fan of? I'm like, the porn honor.
And he's like, nah, you guys run games not that good.

Speaker 1 And then he didn't, it felt like he just went like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Oh, yeah, you're good to go.
And I went, I don't know. I don't know dentistry, but that didn't feel like it.

Speaker 1 That didn't feel right. That felt like.
I went to him twice and then I was like, I'll just wait.

Speaker 1 My Prince charming is out there it's like when you go to jiffy lube yeah yeah and you leave the car and they come back and they go yeah it's all done yeah like i i i've been looking at it i feel like you guys he goes it's we're underneath working we're underneath they definitely jiffy

Speaker 1 he did a jiffy lube clean where he just was like

Speaker 1 i don't know it's good this guy doesn't even know what's going on there he doesn't know what a bicuspid is i could do this all day i could do this all day i don't even actually look at their teeth i've been wanted by the gambino family since 87.

Speaker 1 he goes if the truth be told it's my brother the dentist he goes i'm not even a dentist.

Speaker 1 I just take his smocks. I come down here, I poke around a little bit.
I go back upstairs, whatever. I got a sauce going.
I got to go start it. You're good to go.
Don't eat sweets.

Speaker 1 What are you, a child? And then you leave and you go, it is good, dental.

Speaker 1 That's how. Just a New Yorker breaking your diet down.
What are you? Fucking six?

Speaker 1 Stop eating candy. He goes,

Speaker 1 just stay. I got a sauce.

Speaker 1 Everybody's stirring it. You asked me, how many times you brush your day?

Speaker 1 You're like, oh.

Speaker 1 Now I have a great one. I have a great one in Midtown, and she's nice, but also it's like I was raised by a single mom, and it reminds me of the same energy.
Where she goes, what, what, what?

Speaker 1 And you're like, my tooth hurts. And she goes, okay, okay, come here.

Speaker 1 And then she goes, there's something comforting for you. It is.

Speaker 1 It's the energy. Yeah, yeah.
It's the way that you liked that. The guy was like, yeah, I want to get in that fucking job.

Speaker 1 Well, fucking God. I don't know what your problem is.
We're going to lock that down. I'm going to wait to touch your teeth.
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Speaker 1 Grit, Spit,

Speaker 1 and Never Quit, the book,

Speaker 1 the Marines Guide to Comedy and Life Out Now. Yes.
Go buy Rob Rigo's book today on Veterans Day. On Veterans Day.
When you joined the Marines, was it right out of high school?

Speaker 1 No, I was a sophomore in college. Really? Yeah.
My friend Tom did that at the University of Arizona. Can I tell you something? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a way that I always thought was like super patriotic. Because I've known Tom since sixth grade, pop horn or football.
And he was just like at the University of Arizona.

Speaker 1 And then he's like, yeah, I'm joining the Marines. And I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 It's a bold choice. You go like.
It's a bold choice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you can't, the first thing, this is, is I'm talking about when Tom did this this was 03 okay oh I'm telling you that's right when things were I go yeah yeah like people

Speaker 1 he signed up at game time yes people don't realize I was I was 18 I graduated high school in 2001 so when September 11th happened that was like a lot of my friends that joined out of high school right were like okay because a lot of them were like yeah what am I going to go to a parking garage in Germany for six years and then they're like okay yeah okay

Speaker 1 things

Speaker 1 things change

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's game time. So when Tom signed up, it was, I believe, right before

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 Iraqi invasion. I want to say it might have even been after.

Speaker 1 I think we invaded in April of 03. Yeah.
Iraq. Yes.
So that's what it was.

Speaker 1 It was after that. And then he spent time over there and he led a team.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it was Marines or Army. I don't want to fuck it up.
Tom, I'm sorry. I'll see you when I come to Chicago.
But

Speaker 1 it was one of those things where you're like, when you're in college and someone joins, you go, fuck. All right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There's, there's a, there's a lot of things, stories that I always hear.
And I'm like, wow, okay. Like the Pat Tillman.
Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Oh, I mean, I mean, I went to the University of Arizona, and I think Pat Tillman is an American hero. I hope the Sun Devils lose every game they ever play.

Speaker 1 But I think Pat Tillman is a wildcat. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There you go, dude. Let's go.
Let's go, Arizona. I spent a lot of money to go to school there, all on loans.

Speaker 1 Took me an HBO special in seven seasons of billions to pay it off.

Speaker 1 I've not been to Arizona, but I have, I mean, Arizona University. Yeah.
But I've heard nothing but good things. It was great.
I just

Speaker 1 got to do a show in Tucson at the Rialto about a month ago, and it was fantastic to go back there. And I walked around school, and it was like...

Speaker 1 Man, those are children. Like, you just go and you're like, this is a giant daycare center.
I know.

Speaker 1 I went to the University of Kansas and I go back home. All right.
Jayhawk,

Speaker 1 we had had a rivalry with you in basketball when I was at school. Well, heck yeah.
Because you guys were awesome. And so was Arizona.
This is when you guys had

Speaker 1 Kirk Heinrich and

Speaker 1 Collison. Heinrich and Collins.

Speaker 1 But we were down 20. Kansas is a great basketball school.
It's a good school. It's a good basketball school.

Speaker 1 I think there are certain universities, everybody's had their thing, right? Yeah. And you're lucky, actually, because you actually have football and basketball.
It's switched.

Speaker 1 It ebbs and flows, but you have a pretty consistent appearance.

Speaker 1 It It always depends on who the football head coach is, but basketball at Arizona stays baseline pretty good. Pretty good.

Speaker 1 And I think there are certain places like Michigan has the big house in football, right? There's certain cathedrals to the sport.

Speaker 1 And I think Allen Fieldhouse at the University of Kansas is definitely one of those cathedrals

Speaker 1 to the sport. I would put it up there with the Coliseum for USC.

Speaker 1 Notre Dame, Big House.

Speaker 1 I mean, there's so many legendary places for sports. You know what's weird is college baseball's never gotten the run to get that kind of like...

Speaker 1 I always remember it as a kid watching it. Yeah.
You know, in the summer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it would always be up in Lincoln, Nebraska or Omaha. Yeah, they'd do the Nebraska, the College World Series in Omaha.
And there was usually the same cast of characters.

Speaker 1 It'd be Arizona was always be in it. Always.

Speaker 1 Your Oklahoma schools. And then an SEC, like an Alabama or Florida State.
Florida State was great.

Speaker 1 But it never got the push that basketball and college football got. I don't know.
And it's America's pastime. So

Speaker 1 I don't understand it. Katie, my friend.
I will say this.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you a story. So Allen Fieldhouse, if you've never been, I say go because

Speaker 1 if you're a fan of the sport of basketball, especially college basketball. Azur's invented.
Yeah. I think you got to go, you got to treat yourself to a game there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because it is a special environment for basketball. So my girlfriend, Kasha, who's in the other room, she's a professional golfer.
Okay. She's from Poland.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I went, Coach Self asked me to come back and host the Midnight Madness practice, right? Which at KU is a big deal. At Arizona, at the Mikhail Center, it's a big deal.
It's a big deal.

Speaker 1 You can imagine it's a nuts and duke.

Speaker 1 Midnight basketball means they can open for practice. Yes.
It's the first practice.

Speaker 1 You know what you do, though? The recruits come out and dunk, and students get so crazy. Yeah.
Dude, freshman and sophomore, you're going to Midnight Madness. Midnight Madness.

Speaker 1 So we had 16,000 people in the field house. It's, you know, laser lights, smoke.
They do all the like

Speaker 1 hawks. It's like like that.
Yeah, the show and the videos. They made these videos, the highlight reels.
Yeah, everyone. So it's electrified, right? So I come out, I'm hyping the getting going.
It's,

Speaker 1 you know, it's everything you'd hope it'd be, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I go sit down next to her and she kind of looks at me and she's, you know, dazed, you know, and she, she goes, you do all this for amateur sports? That's so funny.

Speaker 1 And I had to go, oh, baby, let me explain how it works. Yeah, sure, it's, they're called amateur sports.
But in her mind, she was like, this is crazy. Can you guys do this for college kids?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the college, college athletics, I think this is the only country where it's as, where it's like a huge business and thing and like culture. It's a huge culture.
It's a culture, for sure.

Speaker 1 And you grew up in Kansas. I grew up in Colorado.
When you grow up in the South Midwest, anywhere, you know what? I hate to say this Northeast. Anywhere but the Northeast.

Speaker 1 College football is much more important. It is.
I came to New York and no one gave a shit. They're like, yeah, we got rutges.
And you're like, no, no, no. What about Saturday mornings waking up?

Speaker 1 What about the tailgate? What about the whole day, the whole Saturday, the day buzz? It was. It's like, it all matters.
Day drinking.

Speaker 1 Day drinking.

Speaker 1 But also just college football.

Speaker 1 From the time I can remember being little, waking up and seeing like a random... Now, I grew up in, we both grew up in Big 12

Speaker 1 area. So watching like a random Oklahoma state versus like Kansas State and being like, I love this.
But that's the thing. Like I have great, great memories of going to

Speaker 1 Big 12 games. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whether it was, you know, because I had friends where we'd drive down for

Speaker 1 Oklahoma State, Bedlam, you know, one of those games, right? Or whatever. But if we went to KU, a KU game, you know,

Speaker 1 there's a tailgating element. You know, you go, you have a couple of Bloody Marys, you're grilling some meats, you're eating, you're having a couple beers.

Speaker 1 It's time to go into the game our football wasn't that great so yeah by halftime we're out of there yeah you know but we'd we you know you go over to uh to the wheel or to a bull you know to the to a bar and you you know keep drinking and socializing and just that that afternoon autumn buzz yeah i mean nothing better i don't think there's much better i hope i would say i hope when i go to heaven that's part of it that the feeling the walk around feeling that's a big assumption i'm getting at yeah but walk around feeling it's god goes it's pretty nice huh it's day buzz yeah day buzz.

Speaker 1 How much?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And by the way, no sleepy afternoon.
Yeah. You like that smoky smell of burning leaves in the background? It's pretty cool.
It's autumn. That's for you.
It's not a stroke. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He goes, there are no strokes here. Have fun.

Speaker 1 There is. I remember even not even going to games, but like being in college and waking up and a friend.
hurting from the night before and being like,

Speaker 1 hey, I got breakfast burritos and some beers. Oklahoma's playing Texas.
And you go like, yes. Yes.
Yes. And then you find out an afternoon game.

Speaker 1 When I moved in New York, I had a friend from Colorado move out and move in with me.

Speaker 1 And he was like, where's the college football? And I was like, our apartment. And then we would just drink on Saturdays.
We would get,

Speaker 1 I wasn't getting spots yet. So I was like, if I wanted to go do spots, I had to go out and do a bar show and stuff.
So on Saturday, some Saturdays I would go.

Speaker 1 Let's just throw the whole Saturday away and then just like drink and watch college football clear into the night. I remember those days.
I really do.

Speaker 1 When you Saturdays were just dedicated to watching football and having a couple beers, nursing the hangover from the night before. Maybe if you were really motivated, you might go play some golf.

Speaker 1 Maybe not.

Speaker 1 But when I was in New York, I remember there was a sports bar up on the Upper East called Ship of Fools, and they had like 16, 20 televisions going. So you could catch games from all over the place.

Speaker 1 I'd go up there and just have some chicken fingers and some beer. Yeah.
find a nice little booth. Did that become cooler? I'm assuming this is when you now, when you moved here, was for SNL?

Speaker 1 No, I moved here as a Marine. I was on active duty.
Really? Yeah, I worked in Midtown in the public affairs office. No way.
And I took my first stand-up class. I didn't know how.

Speaker 1 I just knew I wanted to do comedy. Sure.
I didn't even know how to begin. I really knew nothing.
And you were stationed here?

Speaker 1 And I was stationed down in North Carolina and I was getting out and I was going to move to Chicago to study at Second City because I heard that's what you should do.

Speaker 1 So I was like, okay, well, that's what I'll do. And then the Marines said, well,

Speaker 1 would you consider staying in? And I said, I didn't want to tell them what my dreams were because they would have probably been like, what the fuck? So I was. You were the one.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. You should have told us that much earlier.
We wouldn't have let you near half the stuff we let you already. You have no business.
Yeah, you were around some dangerous equipment.

Speaker 1 I didn't know you had silly brains. Exactly.
You got

Speaker 1 yuck somatic. So I

Speaker 1 just said, I've got some opportunities in Chicago I'm going to pursue, but thank you very much. And they said, well, what would it take?

Speaker 1 I said, well, if you can get me to New York or Los Angeles, because to be honest with you, I was going to move to Chicago and be a bartender and a waiter and try to do comedy. That's my goal.

Speaker 1 So they said, well,

Speaker 1 if they can get you to New York or LA, I said, I would stay. The next day they called my bluff.
I had orders to New York City. So I figured, well, I was a captain.

Speaker 1 I might as well get paid as a captain. Great.
And have, you know, moved to New York. Benefits? Benefits, everything.

Speaker 1 So I would do three years more here as a captain, Marines, during the eight to five, you know, in Midtown. And then at night, I'd go do comedy.

Speaker 1 So when I got up here, first thing I did, I went and found a sports bar, a ship of fools in my neighborhood. There you go.
And then they had a rugby team. That was the New York Rugby Club.

Speaker 1 So I ended up playing rugby with those guys because I knew no one when I moved up. Great way to get in there.
I knew no one.

Speaker 1 And I met a bunch of really nice guys and people so I like had friends pretty quick and was part of that group for a while and then I realized hey I came up here to do comedy that's what I sure I came here to do comedy so quite literally on the way home from ship of fools to my apartment I walked right by comic strip live up on the upper east and there was a little sign that said classes so I went I got to start somewhere so I signed up for classes And I took eight weeks of classes with

Speaker 1 D.H. Sweeney.
Is that his name? Oh, no, D.H. Sweeney.

Speaker 1 I know that name, but there was another woman teaching it when I moved here. But I know what you're talking about.
I know which class you're talking about at Comic Travel. I think D.H.
was over it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He was like, he's like, we do three jokes per minute here.
Set up punch, set up punch, set up punch. Yeah, it became more of a,

Speaker 1 when I moved here in like the aughts, it became more of like a,

Speaker 1 if you sign up here, I can maybe get you spots on real shows.

Speaker 1 It wasn't like, it became more of like a hustle. Yeah.
Like, this feels hustly.

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So I went in and I took these classes and I hated the classes because I didn't realize how terrifying getting up on a stage was.

Speaker 1 Oh, and you had never done it at that time. You'd never done like an open mic? Nothing.
You know, and I was in the Marines. I'd flown planes.
I'd deployed. I'd done.
Yeah, you'd done real stuff.

Speaker 1 But this, I think being on stage terrified me on a level I didn't expect. Like real vulnerability, real fear.
The kind of fear that when I finally got up to do my five minutes, I didn't bring anybody

Speaker 1 you know I just I just you know you're supposed to bring two people I didn't do fuck that I'm not bringing anybody no one's seen me do this exactly so I got up I did my five minutes and it was five minutes of jokes that I wrote that I hated I hated the jokes that I wrote I did not believe in them

Speaker 1 It was because I did his formula of three jokes per minute. Well, I'm more of a storyteller, Eddie Murphy, delirious type.
Yeah, you can't.

Speaker 1 I like to tell stories and do characters within the stories and animate myself and heighten.

Speaker 1 And that wasn't happening. It was three jokes per minute.
So I'm right on. And that is a very old-timey, like

Speaker 1 cat skills, Borsch Belt, like, you know what you got to do? You got to go out there and you got to talk to them.

Speaker 1 And what's funny is when that comes around in comedy, as far as like even streamers now will be like, we've noticed if you have three jokes a minute, before they can you go,

Speaker 1 let me figure it out. Let me figure out my own comedy.
Let me, and that, and I think that's what takes the time. That's and the repetitions is you,

Speaker 1 yeah. You have to find your voice.
You have to figure out that doesn't work at all. This feels awful.
And then you find ways that it doesn't feel awful or that it feels better or this works.

Speaker 1 And now I see what they meant when they said this. So anyway, I got up.
I did the five minutes. It was

Speaker 1 like a car accident because I was in shock.

Speaker 1 I really was in a state of shock. Someone with a flash.

Speaker 1 And what's your name? I didn't hear, I couldn't hear the crowd because the pulp, the

Speaker 1 heartbeat. The heartbeat in my ear, ear, the blood rush.

Speaker 1 I wanted to be off the stage the second I walked on, but I knew I had to power through it. So it was, it was like being in an accident.
I was in a state of shock.

Speaker 1 Was there a part of your Marine, and this is just as someone that's not been in the armed services or whatever, but like, was there a part of your Marine like that you knew like, all right, my, I'm having, you know, the fact that I got on the stage was.

Speaker 1 All the Marine Corps guys. Right foot, left foot.
Cause mine was like just straight booze.

Speaker 1 Like I just drank, I just drank a couple beers and I was like I want to yell some shit at you like but I'm thinking and you know when you have these tools that you've developed in the Marine Corps where you go like all right soldier that's your heartbeat and get it out of here I wish I had that level of skill I didn't all I the the Marines did provide me with you're not quitting yeah and you're not backing out like a pussy great so Those two things got me on the stage.

Speaker 1 Big thing. Because left to my own devices,

Speaker 1 I would have walked. Yeah, you're like, fuck this.
I would have said, fuck this. And I said, it's not the right time.
It doesn't feel right. I would have come up with a thousand excuses.
And you see,

Speaker 1 people in comedy do that. Then the Marine Amy was like, go up there.
Yeah. Take your fucking medicine.
Yeah. And let's just get it over with.
Yeah. And let's see what happens.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I went up and I took my medicine, but I was never more petrified, never more in shock. So when I walked off the stage, here's the thing.
I couldn't hear the audience. Sure.
So

Speaker 1 I didn't even listen for a laugh. Like I knew I had five minutes to say and I'm going to say it and I'm going to get the F out of here.
So I said my five minutes and I got the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 On the way out, guy goes, hey, whoa, don't forget your tape. And I didn't realize that they videotaped me.
Yeah, I got that Vape. So I took the videotape.
I got back to my apartment.

Speaker 1 I sat there and about two hours later, my adrenaline had cooked off. Yeah.
And I was like, okay, I'm going to watch this fucking thing, see what happened. I popped it in.
It wasn't as bad.

Speaker 1 as I thought. Now, it wasn't great.
It fucking sucked. But it wasn't the level of hatred that I thought was out there.
Yeah, you watch and you go, oh, that's true. In fact, there was a couple laughs.

Speaker 1 There was a couple laughs that had I let it breathe, it might have done okay. But I was like, I started talking and drowned out the laughter.

Speaker 1 Gotta get those

Speaker 1 three minutes in. You gotta get those three jokes in per minute.
So

Speaker 1 I realized it wasn't that bad. But what I also realized was I hated that experience.

Speaker 1 I hated it so much that I thought I had made a big fucking mistake in my life.

Speaker 1 Is that the thing where it's like almost like in a sense like post-nut clarity where you like do it and then you go like, oh fuck, I promised a lot of things.

Speaker 1 And you're thinking. Yeah.
And you're like, I'm in New York now. I transferred here.
I quit flying. I quit flying in the Marines to get on the ground.
I took a, I quit my flight contract.

Speaker 1 And I had my pilot's license in college and everything. I quit flying so that I could become a ground officer so that I could pursue comedy.
And then you do it and you go. And then I did it.

Speaker 1 Ski volume. And this was all sight unseen.
I don't know what the fuck I I was thinking. I just had a dream, right?

Speaker 1 And then I did it and I realized I hate it

Speaker 1 with a, I mean, really hate it because I, I just. Is there a panic that says? Yes, a big panic.

Speaker 1 Like, I can't believe I gave up flying and I can't believe I gave up this whole thing to do this thing that I really didn't look into. I just had this dream in my heart that I wanted to do it.

Speaker 1 I felt like I belonged there. I felt like I should be doing it.
So anyways, all sucked. Then I'm sitting there feeling sorry for myself and I had a conversation.
Somebody,

Speaker 1 an old friend of mine, knew Dave Kechner. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And said,

Speaker 1 I have this comedy friend. Do you want to talk to him? You know, he might talk to you.
He's had a lot of success. So I was like, well, he's not going to talk to me.
And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So friend set it up. I called Dave.
I go, Dave, I'm the friend of friend. Yeah.
And he was like, oh, yeah, we want to grab a coffee. So I was like, sure, my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I went and had coffee with him. And he goes, okay, so walk me through.
What's going on? Yeah. So I was like, oh, this sucks.

Speaker 1 i used to be in the sky i could touch god and now i'm just like what the fuck i'm in the swamp with these clowns what the fuck yeah why did i do any of this he was like calm down yeah he's like you're right where you should be this is that this is natural you're not you're not in crazy land yeah this is reasonable just like being a good dentist yeah and you just want a teammate yeah

Speaker 1 i got my hand in your mouth and you're hearing that was great and then he goes he goes uh he goes well you there's a lot of avenues here he goes have you have you thought about improv and i go yeah but they don't have any in new york and at the time they didn't oh really the only thing they had was chicago city limits which is short form improv like games and you know songs and stuff like that that wasn't my thing at all and he goes i i got some friends from chicago who just moved here uh and he goes um

Speaker 1 uh they they're starting a school And they do a show called Ascat. They do a show every Sunday night.
They call themselves the UCB Upright Citizen Brigade. Go check them out.

Speaker 1 I think that might be more what you're looking for. So I went down, saw the ass catch show.
This is Amy Poehler, Matt. I mean, it's Matt Besser.

Speaker 1 I laughed when you went, oh, there's no improv in New York.

Speaker 1 That's how stupid. I went like, well, yeah, there's a shit ton of improv.
There's UCB. Well, now there is.
But back in 1997. Crazy.
Because the UCB got to New York in 96.

Speaker 1 And then they had that Comedy Central show. Right, but that didn't start until like

Speaker 1 98, 99 yeah so that's when that show was going that's when i learned about it yeah and i didn't know they had like a whole school and that's the thing like i was so lucky i was one of the first students they ever had really yeah i mean they had one class i would say class ahead of me and then it was like my group right which was like me paul shear rob hubel jason manzoukis uh jack mcbrair you know there's just great comedians but that was kind of my class and then there was a whole whole nother group behind us the zach wood and all these guys.

Speaker 1 Imagine being in the class before him. You go, oh, that's pretty good people too.

Speaker 1 You're like, fuck. That's like a stack.
That's like the

Speaker 1 what draft class is that? Like the 96 NBA draft class? There's like a draft class that's like Kobe Steve Nash. Yeah.
There was also a football one, like an 83 with all the quarterbacks. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That was they did the 30 for Kelly and Marino to Elway to Marino. There you go.
Jim Kelly. Yeah.
And the Chiefs took Blacklitch. Anyway.
Yeah. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And why? Because he won the national title that year.

Speaker 1 You know, my favorite part of that documentary is, because I'm a 49ers fan, is when they say the Colts called Bill Walsh and they said, what about we trade you Elway for Montana?

Speaker 1 And Bill Walsh said, let me call you back. And then he calls him back a little bit later.
He goes, I'm not done winning Super Bowls with Joe yet. And then he hung up and I was like, fucking love me.

Speaker 1 I fucking left him because he got fucking three more.

Speaker 1 He got two more.

Speaker 1 That franchise was run so well.

Speaker 1 DeBartolo. I got to meet Eddie DiBartolo, and I was with a friend, and my friend didn't realize why I was so excited to meet Eddie DeBartolo.

Speaker 1 And I was like, he was the reason the 49ers were a dynasty. He was just in fantastic ownership.

Speaker 1 There's a reason that every single 49er that has gone to the Hall of Fame during that time has had Eddie D give the speech to go in there. I believe.
The Chiefs have, you know, the Hunts. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Good ownership is.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. People always think it's the team on the field.
Of course it is. Absolutely.
Absolutely. But it starts at the top.
But the organization can make a big difference.

Speaker 1 You know, it's funny is Jed York is the, you know, they're controlling partners of the 49ers now, and he's like, kind of like, I think either my age or a little bit older,

Speaker 1 watching them turn into a good owner has been awesome. Yeah.
And you're like, I mean, you guys have gotten two Super Bowls on this. Did you go to both of those Super Bowls? I did.
So did I. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was on the other end of that. Sorry.
Did you go to the one where you lost to Philly? I did. Good.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 By the way. I just needed you to have a way of pain that I had.
So the last three Super Bowls I've been blessed to get to go to. So the one 49ers, that was the one.

Speaker 1 So you went to Miami and I went to Miami in 2020. I did not go see the

Speaker 1 Bucs ones. I think there was like 10 people that did.
Yeah. I think it was because it was lockdown time frame.
So didn't see that one.

Speaker 1 First year of COVID.

Speaker 1 I went to the 49ers one. So you went to the one in Venice.
I went to the Eagles one before that. The ones where you beat the Eagles.
Yeah. Went to that one.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that one I enjoyed. I enjoyed the ones we went, obviously, because we won.
But the Eagle, for whatever reason,

Speaker 1 I don't get like sweet tickets.

Speaker 1 I think that's more like Rudd and Sudakis.

Speaker 1 Those guys get those tickets. I think that's the first graduating class of UCB.

Speaker 1 I'm more away at, you know,

Speaker 1 we got Riggle. I'm out there.

Speaker 1 I do a spot.

Speaker 1 I'll turn tricks for Bud Light to get a couple tickets, right? Well, that's kind of what happens to me. They're like, would you be willing to stand over here and fart in a cup?

Speaker 1 We'll give you two tickets. I'm like, Don,

Speaker 1 dude. Don.
I got to fart locked and loaded. The Chiefs fandom,

Speaker 1 comedically wise, it's great. It's you, Rudd, Kechner.
Stone Street.

Speaker 1 Eric Stone Street from Modern Family. Eric.
And Heidi Gardner. Yeah, from SNL.

Speaker 1 My buddy, Robert Alberino, who you know,

Speaker 1 worked at the Chiefs. Yes.
Big 49er, guys. Well, he went Chiefs, 40, he went Eagles, Chiefs, 49ers, back to the Chiefs.
Yes. And he's the best.
Rob is the best. Love working with him.

Speaker 1 I'm going to see him when I do my show in Kansas City. I love his family.
He's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 Him going to the Chiefs the year they beat the 49ers twice, knowing how much he enjoyed it because of how it ended with the 49ers was so tough to watch a friend get.

Speaker 1 Genuinely like, you know what? Good for you. Yeah, a little justice.
You're vindicated. Yeah, a little justice.
A little justice. And then the second time I went, I'm not as as happy for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, cool. Second easy.

Speaker 1 Okay, you got enough trophies. You got a lot of rings.

Speaker 1 And then now he'll be like, and I love Rob. Every time I talk to him, he's like, we've got to get you to a Chiefs game.
I'm good.

Speaker 1 I'm good. Can I tell you? So I was down in New Orleans for this last Eagles Chiefs debacle.
Yeah, a great Super Bowl. Terrible Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 The only time in the world you'll ever hear me say, flybirds fly.

Speaker 1 So we go to it, and truth be told, there was a vibe.

Speaker 1 I didn't like the vibe. Fuck off.
But I'm also very positive, so I'm not giving in to the vibe. Sure.
I'm just like, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 You're willing it.

Speaker 1 You're trying to will it away. You try to will it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Every person that's going to the Super Bowl that is a real fan, not a corporate guy that got it because they have an AI company that gave 70 million to something.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about the fans that go there are all on edge in a way that is hard to explain. Right.
Everyone's doing that. Everyone's going, if I take this step right, we'll win.

Speaker 1 If I take this step right, we'll win. You're like,

Speaker 1 truly, everyone's doing that. I would rather, and this sounds weird in a way, but I'll give me the loss at the wild card level.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Don't let me get to the, don't let me almost taste the ring and then take it away. That's the hardest.
I would

Speaker 1 say, you know, I went to the Vegas one and I was with Michael Che because he's a 49ers fan. That was a very hard loss.

Speaker 1 It was. 2019.
Yeah. To me personally,

Speaker 1 I don't think I can feel a worse sports moment because I was there, but more importantly,

Speaker 1 I grew up with Mike McDaniel, who was the offensive coordinator or he's the run game coordinator at the time of the 49ers.

Speaker 1 So my middle school best friend is the run game coordinator of my favorite team. They lose in the Super Bowl, and then you go to that after party.

Speaker 1 And you're like, did you go to the after-party after they lost?

Speaker 1 No, I retreated. You didn't go? I went to the Afros.
You got to go. If you ever get the opportunity.
No, no, I went to the Chiefs' hotel. Okay.

Speaker 1 Because at New Orleans, the Eagles had a hotel, the Chiefs had a hotel. I went to the Chiefs' hotel.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So at least there was some red and some safety around because the Eagles fans were consuming the quarter. Yeah, that's what happened to me in Vegas with you guys.
It was just red and yellow.

Speaker 1 My favorite was Miami, the day after Miami, I'm flying back to New York. And

Speaker 1 there's Chiefs fans in the TSA line, and you're wearing it. And I'm wearing my 49er hat, yeah, because I'm not a fucking, I'm not, I'm not scared.

Speaker 1 No, no, you you keep wearing, you don't take it off the next day.

Speaker 1 I was sitting there like this, yeah, win or lose, win or lose. I'm with you.
I was sitting there with my 49er hat in the TSA.

Speaker 1 By the way, I didn't shed a layer when I walked into the French quarter that night. And dude, this is the best.
This was the best.

Speaker 1 They're all,

Speaker 1 you know, all the Chiefs fans.

Speaker 1 I mean, God, we win with so fun.

Speaker 1 I waited my whole life for that in the FIFA event. 50 years.
And I go, I told the lady in the airport, I go, I hope you have to wait another 50.

Speaker 1 And then you guys have just been on a roll since.

Speaker 1 But I was standing in that TSA lot, and everyone's going, and one of the TSA agents, this old black dude, is like telling him, he's like, y'all looked great last night. Y'all looked great.

Speaker 1 And then he sees me and he goes, I see you, big dog, like that. And he goes, I see you repping.
And I went like that. He goes, stay strong, like that.
And it got me home. That was all I needed.

Speaker 1 I was like, he gets it. Dang.
I was like, I was just sitting there like, I fucking hate this. And everyone's like, oh, we're having some.
Oh, fuck. So I was at the New Orleans one, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, when you lose it. And we were never in it, right? Yeah.
The Eagles pulled you guys out. We were never, there was never a moment where I was like, here we go.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Every other one you guys have been in has been a great game.
We just.

Speaker 1 And all, you know, credit to the Eagles and their gameplay and all this. We just were never in it.
We weren't in the game. We just,

Speaker 1 there wasn't even a moment where like we got some momentum or we had a couple play we just weren't in it so again because i scrounged for tickets we were sitting in an eagles section oh so i'm surrounded by eagles fans and they're amped up uh i will just say

Speaker 1 some of my favorite people that i love more than family members I have friends that I go back decades with, people that I would die for.

Speaker 1 Fuck that fan base, man. That fan base.

Speaker 1 When you are going against them, you are just like, Steeler fans can get annoying.

Speaker 1 Fuck the Seahawks forever because I'm a 49ers fan. Something about Eagles fans is they want to fight you.
Okay. They want to fight you.

Speaker 1 Philadelphians. Yes.
Yes. Philadelphia's mains attain a level of like, yo, fuck you.
I'll throw something at you. And you're like, like, I don't want that right now.
Yeah. I'm watching the game.

Speaker 1 Please let me, I'm processing on my own here.

Speaker 1 So you're in the Eagles. Right.
And now,

Speaker 1 let's go back a couple years when we, when we beat the Eagles in Phoenix, I was also surrounded by Eagles. Right.
The whole first half, they're riding me. We're down, I think, 10 points at halftime.

Speaker 1 That was when Sirianni was like,

Speaker 1 so we're down 10 at half. You know, I go to get a beer.
They're like, where are you going, baby? You know, give me the hot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, don't. You might want to not miss this next one.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 they're just loving it talking that mad shit by the end of the game all everybody's gone they all just vanished into the ether that's what you got to do and so it was it was it was a really nice moment for me yeah you can we'll now cut to new orleans and we're down there we're never in the game so it's just it's a never i never had a minute to cheer to be like all right oh you know suck it no no it was a a relentless barrage yeah so i'm with my girlfriend i think that's the only reason they didn't pour beers on my head or get fucking insane.

Speaker 1 Well, also, you're Rob Wriggle. Well, I don't think that I think that made him more crazy.
Yeah, they're like, yeah, you're the guy that said fucking Kobayashi's cocks.

Speaker 1 Doesn't feel like the Kettle and wine mixture now, does it? You know, I would hate that if they're just hitting you and the lines and stuff, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 And all I could do is sit because I had nothing to, I couldn't push back.

Speaker 1 I called Will Farrell and told him you're a dick. I was just like, and my team was just getting shellacs.
So I was like, oh, yeah, fuck. And I had to eat that shit.

Speaker 1 Well, about, I think it was the fourth quarter, 34-6.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it wasn't getting better. In fact, they're getting more gassed up.
The heat's getting more intense. So I just celebrating.
I looked at my girlfriend. I said, I go, I think we need to get a beer.

Speaker 1 So I turn around to everybody, and they're like, you know, they're, you know, giving me the hot stroke, the double birds, you know, everything.

Speaker 1 And I go, I go, I need to get a beer to cool down some of these flames. Ha, ha, ha.
You know, they're like, that's right, motherfucker. So, you know, I make nice and jokey joke.

Speaker 1 And we make our way up the stairs, out the back, down the stairs, and all the way to the French corner. I did not turn around.
I'm not looking back. I'm not looking back.

Speaker 1 Well, and it was the best choice I made all night. Getting out is that is.
So

Speaker 1 in Miami, the Super Bowl was in Miami. I was getting tickets through McDaniel the whole playoffs.

Speaker 1 I went to the divisional game. I went to the NFC Championship game, all in San Francisco.

Speaker 1 But he's the coach. They get access to tickets.

Speaker 1 Super Bowl, his wife calls me and she's like, she calls me and my friend Chad that we go to all the games. And she was like, all of his games.
You're on your own.

Speaker 1 Well, no, she went, here's the team price point.

Speaker 1 And we were like, holy shit. It was something like 4,000.
It was something where you were like, I was still working for Fox NFL. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That was one of my last years at Fox NFL. And Fox had the Super Bowl that year.
That's why I was able to. Right.
So that's what you need to find.

Speaker 1 That's for people that want to know how to get Super Bowl tickets, you need to find the way to go. You're like a sperm trying to get into an egg.
You just got to go like,

Speaker 1 Because at the time, Katie was still at ESPN and she was doing, uh, she was doing stuff down in Miami for the whole week. That's right.

Speaker 1 Um, so she's down there and she's like, and, and I was like, all right, well, I'm going to buy a flight. She had a hotel.
So all I had to do was buy a flight.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, well, I'm going to fly down there maybe. And then she was like, well, sometimes there's these parties that ESPN does and you go to it and the gift is tickets to the game.
And I was like,

Speaker 1 great.

Speaker 1 and then she calls me and she's like i got you i got you we got two tickets and i was like how great is that call it was unbelievable it was like it felt like old timey where i was on the phone trying to get like a ticket i need the first ride down to miami i'm going tomorrow you see yeah i'll take a train look at it i'll non-stop uh express as fast as possible i'm loading my suitcase i'm just throwing suits in a suitcase but i i wanted to get down there

Speaker 1 i call mcdaniel i'm like you know i'm coming down i got it i got a ticket my friend chad we ended up like he spent money to get it he's like like all right if you're going i'm going it and he bit the bullet bought a ticket we all go down there they're in the 49ers section yeah with the families yeah katie didn't realize i was in the chiefs section oh

Speaker 1 well i've been there friend i get it that's what i mean you're talking about it yeah well

Speaker 1 i had two 49ers fans behind me okay that was our a little conclave it was like our backs yeah we were to we were back to back on every circle

Speaker 1 yeah we were just like waiting around well

Speaker 1 I don't know if you remember that game, but we were up. Yeah, Patrick Mahomes had never thrown an interception in the playoffs until that game.
Yeah, then Fred Warner picked him in the third corner.

Speaker 1 I got a little too excited. I stood up and I was like, Shut my fucking dick, my fucking goddamners.
Fred, I was like, Fred Warner, Fred fucking Warner, and I was just like, going nuts. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 And then we were up.

Speaker 1 We were up like 20.

Speaker 1 I only laugh because I've been there. Yeah, and we're there.
What are you? What are you so gassed up? Oh my God. I just exploded.
I just exploded. It's visceral.
It's visceral. And they're like,

Speaker 1 and it's 26-16.

Speaker 1 Chiefs come back. I forget what it was.
We were up 10. I forget what the exact score is.
And you come back. That big bomb to Tariq Hill.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which is great.

Speaker 1 I have a story about that, which it was third and 14. And he hit Tyreek Hill on that route.
And it just opened it up. You guys took the lead.
And then you scored that extra touch and go up.

Speaker 1 And the the energy went from me standing to like the Chiefs fans all going like

Speaker 1 and enveloping. And Katie's been, she's a big Patriots fan.
She's from Massachusetts. Patriots fan.
She's been at Super Bowls where they've won. She's been at Super Bowls where they've lost.

Speaker 1 She was at the Philly one when they lost. She was at Seattle.
She was at the Atlanta one when they won. She knows.
She's been there. She's my point person.
And she's in plain clothes.

Speaker 1 She's a Pats fan. She's not wearing anything.
She's wearing a leather jacket and jeans or whatever.

Speaker 1 It's pretty obvious Fortnite's are going to lose. And she just calmly says to me, She says, Listen,

Speaker 1 best time to leave is right now. Yeah.
You don't want to get hit with the confetti. That's it.
And I went, what? And she goes, you don't want to get hit with the confetti. Yeah.
And we're walking out.

Speaker 1 And as it happens, it was like... Indiana Jones.
We're like getting out of the temple. And it's like the confetti is coming down.
And we just, like, you, we just like, we're just like,

Speaker 1 oh. It's just like, and I said, the next year,

Speaker 1 the next year, or or two years later, Eagles, Chiefs in Phoenix, Shane Gillis, and Big Jay Okerson, Burt Kreischer got them tickets and they did his show with them. Oh, awesome.

Speaker 1 So Big Jay's like, I would have loved to seen that show. Big Jay's like, I'm going to the game.

Speaker 1 They're losing.

Speaker 1 You guys are going to win. And I text Jay.
I said, just get out of there before the confetti. And then I saw him on Monday and he was like, I got out of there before the confetti.

Speaker 1 That's the only thing that matters. That's the key.

Speaker 1 That's good advice. So what's funny about that Tyreek Hill play?

Speaker 1 McDaniel got us friends and family.

Speaker 1 We go to the Super Bowl party. Because, you know, a lot of people don't know this.
Super Bowls, the teams have a party win or lose. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They spend like $200,000 on these things. And they have these like parties with people.
And they usually have like a name. musical act.
Yeah. You know, big, big.

Speaker 1 Like in somewhere that's, it's like, oh, shit. So for ours, we go, we get on the bus.
Everyone is silent. Yeah.
You take a sad, quiet, almost like hungover bus ride. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We were at the American Airlines Arena. It was like this outdoor party or whatever.

Speaker 1 And then the team shows up and they're sadder because they've just put their bodies on the line for this whole season. And then I see my fucking friend and he's crushed.
And we're sitting there.

Speaker 1 And Katie and I talk about this all the time because we remember it. We're sitting there eating tacos with Mike and Robert Sala, who's now back as our D coordinator.

Speaker 1 And Robert Sala goes,

Speaker 1 you know, on that play where Tyreek got that first down? We practiced that a couple times this week. He goes, we weren't supposed to bite on the fade route.
That's what opened up Tyreek.

Speaker 1 And I went, oh, I don't want to hear about the play. You know, you're like, but that, that, and that kind of stuff, as you know, too, just from what we do, those little moments, even if you prep,

Speaker 1 they'll haunt you. That's what it is.

Speaker 1 You know, he'll. I bet that play still haunts him.
I know if he's when the plane's taxiing for takeoff,

Speaker 1 even to this day, he's glancing out the window and he's thinking, why did they bite on that face?

Speaker 1 We fucking talked about it. He goes, and we had the safety.
They think about it. And that's, and coaches, it's all they think about.

Speaker 1 I can still tell you plays from my high school football, from my high school football that I'm like, you know what? I blew that. We should have.
I blew that.

Speaker 1 We should have got that. Well,

Speaker 1 and the best part is, is they're sad and we're eating. And then you just hear, all right, ladies and gentlemen, keep it going for the Jabberwockies.
And they're just on the stage going like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 And it's all these NFL players. So Katie and I stood for me.
We stayed for like maybe 20 minutes. Chad stayed and got hammered.
He just really should. But the Jabberwockies is so funny.

Speaker 1 I mean, talk about a tough gig. To dance.
Just saddle. To the saddest people.

Speaker 1 Maybe in all the world at that moment. They were just at the precipice.
Yeah. They were on the cusp of legendary.
They just had to push open the gate to the promise of the world.

Speaker 1 All they had to do was step forward. All Jimmy G had to do was hit that long throw, and then you guys are done.
And we run out the clock. It was just that one time.

Speaker 1 But dude, the next morning I wake up and it's just blurry pictures. And Chad's like, little Wayne was here, and it's like four in the morning.

Speaker 1 And you're like, there's no way I would stay until four in the morning. Because they did.

Speaker 1 And that's what they should do, is they should all get blind drunk and then wake up the next day and go, fuck, fuck. But when you go to Super Bowls, that's the worst part of going as a fan.

Speaker 1 You said it earlier, and you said it beautifully, and it's absolutely right, which is there is this nervous energy. And what it is, is everybody, both sides, pregame,

Speaker 1 you're both so dangerously close to one of the best highs you'll ever experience. or maybe one of the darkest lows you'll ever experience.
And so it's terrifying. It is.

Speaker 1 And there's all these like big companies around and they're going like, try this new Bud Light Taco Bell. And you're going like,

Speaker 1 fun,

Speaker 1 fun.

Speaker 1 Like, I remember Che got us tickets in in the Vegas one. Yeah.
And Marcelo Hernandez was there. But Marcelo got tickets also through MBC.

Speaker 1 But Marcelo was just going to Vegas to go to the Super Bowl and party. So me and Che are like sitting there like, uh-huh.
And he's like, did you guys try this? He's like, coming up.

Speaker 1 He's like, how great is this? And you're like, I'm so fucking nervous right now. I was at the Chiefs pregame

Speaker 1 for all of them.

Speaker 1 but the the last one in New Orleans. And I saw some old friends.
I saw a couple of friends from high school and things just like, you know, a lot of Kansas City folk were down there. Sure.

Speaker 1 So I was chatting them up, but I really wasn't hearing what they were saying. It's like your first set.
It really was. I was kind of like,

Speaker 1 I just got to get in there.

Speaker 1 I just got to get in there. I want this over with.
Because I was also fighting the bad vibe I had. Yeah.
You know, and I'm like, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Speaker 1 No. I'm like, in my mind, I keep screaming, no.

Speaker 1 I said, and I've said it. I went on Rich Eisen's show and I said this and I meant it.
I'm never going to a 49er Super Bowl again. I'm 0-2.

Speaker 1 I've had my opportunity. Had they been 1-1,

Speaker 1 had we beaten you in overtime and won that game, maybe.

Speaker 1 Maybe. But I will never go as a 49er fan.
And I'm saying this, if you're a 49er fan and you have gone to both of those losses and maybe the Ravens loss, maybe you stay home.

Speaker 1 Maybe you put that money towards a new team. Well, and see what happens.

Speaker 1 Stay home and see what happens. Dude.
Because what if you win? Because if we win. Because now you got a new thing going on.
And then now we we got a sixth ring. Exactly.
Now we're back in it, baby.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Now we're back.
Now it becomes the best Super Bowl party ever.

Speaker 1 This is what I'm saying. To all the coolers out there, realize you're a cooler.
Stay the fuck home.

Speaker 1 Stay the fuck home. Know yourself, man.
That's the first secret to success. Know yourself.
This is exactly why. And that's what led you to UCB.
Yeah. Fuck a stand-up class.

Speaker 1 Half the people teaching those classes suck ass at stand-ups. So why are you going to take a class from a guy that doesn't even know?

Speaker 1 Those you can't teach, except an improv, where they actually improv with you. So you know if they can do it or not.
And then after I did all the improv, right? And that gave me, I learned so much.

Speaker 1 I grew through them. Then when I got on the daily show, I shared it off with John Oliver.
So John is a dedicated, dedicated stand-up. I mean, really a worksman.

Speaker 1 He's also coming from that UK style, which is I'm going to write an hour in a year. Yeah.
Like I'm going to have a whole hour in a year. And I'll write on the stage.

Speaker 1 Like he gets on the stage and writes. Yeah, John Oliver's, I did John oliver's stand-up show on comedy central and like watching him do like six different sets yeah you're like holy

Speaker 1 those guys are worksmen right they're they're they do the work so john i would make him come down to the ucb and do monologues for the ask oh yeah because there's always a monologue that starts asking and he he'd never done that before but he's smart a set smart enough and savvy enough and comedic enough to know how to tell stories sure so he'd come down and do he'd be the monologist for the for the ask cats show well then he flipped it on me and said now you got to come do stand-up with me I go, dude, I tried it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't care about your excuses.

Speaker 1 We're going. So we'd get done with work at five.
We would literally go downstairs. We get a slice of pizza each.
Sure. And then we'd get in a cab and we'd go hit microphones.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We'd go to the slipper room, the piano room. Those are all great.

Speaker 1 We'd go

Speaker 1 everywhere.

Speaker 1 There was always a mic we could find. So we would go.
And I was literally, I was like, I don't even know what to do. I don't have any material.
He goes, he goes, just tell me one funny story.

Speaker 1 Can you tell me one funny story? So I was like, well, this happened today, you know, and I thought it was kind of funny. I told him on the cab ride down, he goes, well, that's what you're going to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So I was like,

Speaker 1 shit. So we get up first place and I just tell the story.
It's three minutes.

Speaker 1 It got some laughs. Sure.

Speaker 1 And that was it. I said, thanks.
And I got off. We get back.
We jump into another cab. We're off to the next place.
And he goes, he goes, he goes, the story worked. He goes, it worked.

Speaker 1 I I go, yeah, but it's just, it's a three-minute at best story. And he goes, where, do you remember where they left? I go, yeah.
He goes, keep those. He goes, and then try to find a new place.

Speaker 1 So literally, by the end of that first night, I probably had a minute and a half, maybe two minutes of material. That's that.
That was actually like good. And I could tell.
So there's two.

Speaker 1 I just need 58 more minutes. Yeah.
You know? Now just build a whole hour of it.

Speaker 1 And that's what I did. I started building and building off of that by just adding these toes.
And I got more, and I had built up a lot more of stage confidence. Oh, you did.

Speaker 1 So UCB is like, my mom tried to teach me how to ride a bike when I was five years old. Single mom, ADD kid, that ain't going to work.
It just didn't work.

Speaker 1 It was oil and water. I didn't learn.
But then my friend had his scooter. And I used to ride around on the scooter and I unintentionally learned balance from the scooter.

Speaker 1 So one day we're at the park and I used to just picked my friend's bike up and start riding it. And I was like, oh, and that's what you do with stand-up.

Speaker 1 You just went and learned how to get balance on stage through UCB. And then you're like, oh, I can go up.

Speaker 1 And that's the thing I always say about people when they're like, where should I move to do stand-up? The one thing that I was told that was true was New York City just provides so much

Speaker 1 stage time. And that I think is the most valuable thing for anybody in comedy.
100%. Because you're going to find your voice through.
I couldn't agree more. And I still think that to this day.

Speaker 1 I think exactly what you just said. And I believe it is true.
And that's because I live in L.A. now.
Yeah. And I know the difference.
Yeah, I mean, I've had friends move to L.A.

Speaker 1 and go like, Nate Barregetti, when he left here and moved to L.A., he goes, I'm going to do the same amount of sets. And I was like, not even close, man.
And then he's stubborn.

Speaker 1 And like three months later, he goes, I can't. It's crazy.
He's like, everything's so far away from me. It's so far.
It's 30 minutes to get from gig to gig.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, the roster is usually pretty thick.

Speaker 1 But the benefit of that is you live in L.A. where you have space to yourself.
Yes. You don't have a person shoved up your ass and sitting on your head everywhere you go.

Speaker 1 There is drawbacks, but one of the benefits is, is because everyone's so tight, you can just fuck up. I always said if I ever built a new set,

Speaker 1 I was going to come back here and just get an Airbnb or a sublet and just stay for three months and just cook with gas. Every night, open mics, just hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it.

Speaker 1 And write, write, write, work, work, work. And I really think in maybe even less, but three months, if I just worked every night in New York, especially, I could get myself a 30 to 40 minute set

Speaker 1 in that timeframe. That was, that I would be proud of.
I'm not going to give up names, but I know a couple comics that live other places that are planning on doing that soon.

Speaker 1 Because they just go the amount of stage time and the

Speaker 1 varying, the varying feeling of audiences. It's not all the same audience.
It's like different audiences. And that's another thing, too.

Speaker 1 The older I get, the more I realize my references mean nothing to these people. Oh, yeah, yeah, you go.
That's when you know you're old. It cuts like a knife.
Where you go, phone book? Yeah. Nothing?

Speaker 1 Nothing. You guys don't know what a phone book is? Double pages.
Ah, fuck.

Speaker 1 Dude, Rob, I was so glad you were able to come by and hang out.

Speaker 1 Thanks for having me. This is awesome, and I love watching you.
I'm a fan of yours. So thanks for having me.
Grit, Spit, Never Quit, a Marines Guide to Life and Comedy. Out now.
Go buy it.

Speaker 1 Make this man a New York Times bestseller. How fucking cool would that be?

Speaker 1 Happy Veterans Day. This is Veterans Day on the day.
Thank you for for your service. Thank you.
You know, as I said, it's cool as shit. You, uh, I always think people that serve

Speaker 1 those aren't the guys ever to get mad at. You can't get mad at the guys that serve.
It's the people that give them the shitty orders you can get mad at. I agree.

Speaker 1 But I, man, I thank you for your service. Thanks for being hilarious.
Like you, right back at you. Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm a big fan.
So this was awesome. Thanks so much, dude.
I appreciate it.

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