109: Paper Straws with Jim Gaffigan | Soder Podcast | EP 107

Speaker 1 Bookstores are like the opposite of liquor stores, right? You go to a bookstore to enrich your life. There's even a self-help section.
But a liquor store is like an enormous self-destruct section.

Speaker 1 They might as well greet people. How can I help you? Are you looking for your wife to leave you or just lose your job?

Speaker 1 Both. We've got just a thing.
It's called Fireball.

Speaker 1 Stealing road signs brings you back to a feeling that you can't

Speaker 1 get that high off a weed or alcohol. You gotta be aware of it.
There is, you know, I have

Speaker 1 my son, one of my, one of my sons stole a traffic sign,

Speaker 1 and I was like, what the?

Speaker 1 And, you know, you forget. It's

Speaker 1 and then he was, and what he did, he just turned around. He goes, where'd you get this? And I was like,

Speaker 1 no, it was actually a sign that's hanging in my kid's bathroom. Really? Yeah.
And I had told him that I had just taken it. Yeah.
But that high of going and taking it, I'm in my 40s.

Speaker 1 I drove away from that pull-off into those houses and I was like,

Speaker 1 what is this? 1997? It's

Speaker 1 alive.

Speaker 1 It's also design. Yeah.
It's design. But when you get divorced, she's going to throw it out.
Oh, she'll burn it. She'll burn it.
She'll go, that piece of shit. I should have known.

Speaker 1 I watched the bourbon special. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 You know what's fun about watching an hour of comedy about a thing that killed most of your family is it feels like if I if we were in if we were in a trial yeah and someone annihilated my family yeah right like if i was sleeping in the basement they didn't find me but they killed everyone else it'd be like if i was watching a great defense of that where you go

Speaker 1 you go, I love this lawyer.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I would go like, they are, the points he's making are fantastic. Maybe my family should have been murdered.

Speaker 1 You know, because when I was writing all this material, I was like, because I resented, you know, my dad's drinking when I was a kid. So your dad did drink when you're a kid.
He did. He did.

Speaker 1 But like, there's also, some of it is this.

Speaker 1 I feel like either I've gotten to the point where, you know, I mean, I also, you know, I used to have material about not drinking. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I, and then I would drink, I would only drink beer because I didn't want to get it out of control.

Speaker 1 And then when I'm sitting there compiling this set, I'm like, all right, how many jokes can I do about my impending alcoholism? Like, you rash. You know, yeah, you're predicting the future.

Speaker 1 You go, let me get ahead of this so I look like a genius. Yes.

Speaker 1 So that's just, that's actually brilliant. But also what I realized is

Speaker 1 there is, we we you know like it's not just my denial like i think even from a society standpoint even the the the addiction that we feel with our that exists with our phones oh that's that's destroying teenagers i think the way sports has embraced gambling is insane it's funny because you bring that stuff up to people and they get very like

Speaker 1 i don't want to be the nerd i remember growing up up and loving, you know, I was born in the early 80s.

Speaker 1 So I was a child that watched Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, all those action movies where they would just kill a ton of people, then have a line.

Speaker 1 And I always, when Tipper Gore came out and did parental advisory,

Speaker 1 I was right at that age. I was maybe like 11.
Where if they were like, they're trying to silence us. And you're just like 11 years old in the suburbs.

Speaker 1 I'm not being silenced at all, but I'm like, fuck Tipper Gore. parental advisory, you parents just don't understand.
Right.

Speaker 1 Then you get older and you go, senseless violence might have a cause in our society.

Speaker 1 Like you're seeing like the amounts of mass shootings and you go, maybe we shouldn't have had all those 80s movies where they were killing 20 people and going, suck on that, Mr. Feeling.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Well, I feel like, no, I feel like the gambling thing, it's not going to end well. No.
Like those, those you're not going to end up with a bunch of millionaires

Speaker 1 no it's like the house always wins always but also it's going to

Speaker 1 eventually i mean these vulnerable players are going you know like if someone has a big

Speaker 1 i'm surprised there isn't a movie about this like it's like i've got you know the the

Speaker 1 the uh

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 let's say i don't know basketball that well but let's say i've got the pacers to win game four sure

Speaker 1 well you know the thing is is that

Speaker 1 they're probably not going to win game four unless we Nancy Kerrigan a player. And that's what's going to happen.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you, you know, by the way, I should probably say it should be Tanya Harding, not Nancy Kerrigan. No, but Nancy Kerrigan.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And shout out to my friend in sixth grade who did the funniest impression of her I've ever heard in my life that got me in trouble in school where he's going, why,

Speaker 1 why,

Speaker 1 why?

Speaker 1 December 5th, that's a Friday. Vancouver, Canada.
I'm going to be there. It's close to sold out, but we're at the Vogue Theater.
Saturday, December 6th, Eugene, Oregon.

Speaker 1 I know it's the Big Ten Championship. I hope your Oregon ducks are doing great.
Off chance they're not, or the games are earlier in the day.

Speaker 1 Why don't you come to the McDonald Theater in Eugene, Oregon? December 13th, Royal Oak, Michigan, Royal Oak Theater. I'm coming back, baby.
I'm very excited. It's the last show of the year.

Speaker 1 We're going to have a hell of a time. December 13th, Royal Oak, Michigan.
Dansoder.com for tickets.

Speaker 1 Don't futz around with those other websites. Go to dansoder.com, get your tickets from there, and I'll see you in Royal Oak.

Speaker 1 You know, this original point of addiction is spreading in our society in so many acceptable ways. As someone that grew up, you know, you grew up with the dad that drank.

Speaker 1 I grew up with around, my parents drank. My mom wasn't bad, but she drank.
Everyone around me drank.

Speaker 1 Both of her parents were alcoholics. And to accept that was like accepting a gay child in the 60s.
It was like they didn't want to accept the fact that they were alcoholics.

Speaker 1 They're They're like, we're not alcoholics. We're just fucking drinking.
Yeah. Well, so it is like funny that you're writing these bits and you go, I have to, let me cut myself off at the pass.

Speaker 1 Yes, I have to, you know, there has to be some self-awareness in this. But like this whole

Speaker 1 bourbon set was, I knew when I when I kind of dove into it that it was totally a niche thing, that it wasn't for everyone. But can I say that I enjoy

Speaker 1 i've i'm learning that i love

Speaker 1 this is this is a weird take i love one subject dedicated stand-up thing colin quinn does it perfectly with unconstitutional new york story how he takes one subject and burrows into it that's what i liked about this because there's offshoots that you went into that were just like dude the liquor store as someone whose dad worked in a liquor store oh really yeah top to bottom you nailed it oh thanks the the design of why don't we make it the back i was like dude that's exactly how it feels and you it what's crazy about working in a liquor store is you see everyone that drinks and you realize everyone drinks yeah there are there like my dad used to open there was a liquor the name thing is great too can i just say as someone that lived in astoria for 15 years the fact that you brought up city slickers yes on 21st is it the one on 21st street in uh yes yes in astoria Queens?

Speaker 1 Yes. I used to drive by that every night home from the comedy clubs and I would laugh when someone would be giving me a ride and we'd take 21st off the bridge.

Speaker 1 Well, Christian Finnegan and Ted Alexander, when I was doing that bit, both brought it up to me. Yeah.
And I was like, anyone that lived in Astoria are like city slickers.

Speaker 1 And your punchline on it's great. But I do like, when you said that, it was like...

Speaker 1 It's how I imagine when people listen to the podcast and I talk about Denver stuff and I'll be like, I was driving by Parker and Quincy.

Speaker 1 I was just right there. They're like, oh my God.
Like, I was watching your special and I was like, serious liquors. I know 21st Street.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But all that liquor store stuff made me go, like, oh my God, this is perfect. Oh, thanks.
Because the people, the thing that my dad worked at a liquor store called Dan's Liquors. Dan's.

Speaker 1 Which I thought was because he loved me. Yeah.
But it was because he was an alcoholic.

Speaker 1 Was he named Dan? No, I'm Dan. I know.
His name's Gary. Okay.
Yeah, that's right. And he was like,

Speaker 1 I'm just working at Dan's Liquors in Mill Valley. And it ended up being where I would go in the summer and hang out.
I would just like hang out at the liquor store.

Speaker 1 And there's like stuff around it, like the auto mechanic in the back, and there was like an arcade close by. But

Speaker 1 watching people come into a liquor store is fascinating. I, I mean, I, you know, I'm totally into the bourbon whiskey world.
And it's just such a weird business that has yet to be.

Speaker 1 a retail experience that has yet to be ruined by online shopping. Yeah.
Like you can buy booze online, but like you can't do like Amazon. No.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So you have to, and it's also one of those retail shops where I love,

Speaker 1 you know, there's a lot of topics that I couldn't get, but I love how people that work in liquor stores, you know, it's not necessarily required that they're polite. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I would actually say it's a benefit to them if they aren't. Yeah.
Because they're going to see crazy shit. Well, they have to process

Speaker 1 the, you know, the, I think I was in a liquor store in Rhode Island and I saw this woman deal with this person. She's like, you got your pint or whatever.
You got your bottle. Now you have to leave.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And she's just babysitting this mentally ill guy.
Well, because also the thing about booze, like any inebriate, any kind of like substance is you get excited getting it. So there's an excuse.

Speaker 1 The ritual, the ritual. Yeah, you get excited.
And he like, he got his pint and he was like, I want to hang out though. Yeah.
I want to hang out. I'm about to get fucked up.

Speaker 1 I need someone to hear my story. Yeah, like I need to talk to you.
And she goes, I'm on a nine-hour day. Yes.
At seven, I'm getting $7.50 an hour. It's definitely.

Speaker 1 And I got my hand on a broken bat, like a chopped-off bat that I could fucking break your hand with. I would watch my dad.

Speaker 1 That was one of the first instances I saw at my dad, at someone being negative towards homeless people for a correct reason. Oh, that's so interesting.

Speaker 1 We would open the liquor store and it would open at around 7, 7.30.

Speaker 1 So those were always the first people in to buy like the cheap vodka so that they could survive on the streets. So they can get to like 3 p.m.

Speaker 1 But I'm like a seven-year-old and I'm like, the men sleep outside. That's bad.
And then they come in and they're like, ah! And my dad's like, get your fucking booze and get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 And then they leave and he goes, You want to drop the cigarettes in the thing at the top that came down?

Speaker 1 That was my favorite thing to do was turn on the open sign and put the cigarettes in the chute. There is

Speaker 1 a social equality in liquor stores, right? Yeah, well, everyone's coming to get their poison. Yeah.
Everyone's coming to get their thing.

Speaker 1 But my point is that there are

Speaker 1 what humans live in denial of is that the poison,

Speaker 1 if you stop drinking,

Speaker 1 the poison will go away.

Speaker 1 But my point, you know, like as someone who is a compulsive eater and as somebody who's a compulsive stand-up sure you know like be by the way being a comedian is an addiction going in front of people it's asking for adoration and approval is not

Speaker 1 if i i said this on my hbo special but it's true if i was balanced i would just be the funniest guy at enterprise yeah i would just be a manager at an enterprise right now and being like yeah sometimes i make my coworkers laugh a lot but instead someone my hose is crunched and so the water's shooting out weird so every night i go did you guys ever think about this i think about this is this okay they like think about this and it's compulsion it's also why a lot of comics

Speaker 1 go through drinking phases or start really heavy boozers and become better comics when they quit a la joe list and a lot of guys that i know that stop and then they go oh that was i got into comedy Because I loved comedy, but I loved drinking.

Speaker 1 It's so funny because like that, your whole like,

Speaker 1 you know, age group of comedians, because when I was putting out Father Time, I would reach out to all these comedians and I was like, hey, I want to send you a bottle.

Speaker 1 And then what was very apparent is at least half of them were like, I know, at least half of them were in the Mulaney thing. Like, I'd rather not have that bottle.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 They did a gift thing on Billions. Yeah.
And, you know, Billions is like the biggest production I've ever been a part of. It was awesome.
It was really cool.

Speaker 1 But at the end of the year, they had this, fuck, what was the liquor brand that they had like a sponsorship with this whiskey?

Speaker 1 And at the end, you'd go in on your rap, on your last day of filming, you'd go in your trailer and there'd just be a bottle of whiskey like in there. And you're like, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 But you guys don't know me?

Speaker 1 It's like a $300 bottle. It's crazy.
I gave it.

Speaker 1 My father-in-law and my brother-in-law drank it when we brought it. And my father-in-law was like, This is the shit.
And you're like, Yeah, it's real good stuff.

Speaker 1 But my point is like it's funny they just left it in a room where i was alone in a trailer where i was alone where you're like i could have locked the door and became

Speaker 1 stories of comedians going up to montreal i probably shouldn't say the name we'll kick those names out where they went to montreal they had to

Speaker 1 remove the mini bars oh yeah because they couldn't even have the mini bar in the room because it was too tempting.

Speaker 1 If you drink and you think you might have a problem, watch the movie Flight with Denzel Washington. Oh, yeah.
If it makes you feel weird. He landed the plane upside down.

Speaker 1 He goes, I'm good for another 20 years of drinking. But if that movie in any way makes you feel uncomfortable, look into your drinking.
Because there was the moment where the mini fridge is banging.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, and he opens the door.
And I was like, oh, I felt like.

Speaker 1 And so at least in the first five minutes.

Speaker 1 So do you intentionally not stay in hotels that have been... Oh, I don't care now.
I'm past it now.

Speaker 1 There does become a time where I just know. Also, I'm not sober.
I smoke weed. Okay.
It goes somewhere. This is the point you were making.
That's the thing.

Speaker 1 I have friends that were, I have a friend that was a sex addict, stopped being a sex addict and became an alcoholic, quit an alcoholic, and then became a compulsive eater.

Speaker 1 And you're like, it's like that Bugs Bunny where he's just sticking his finger in the dyke and it's like sprouting out somewhere else. No, it is.

Speaker 1 And by the way, it's the human condition. I think it's the human condition.
And I think it's also the arrogance of human society to think that

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Speaker 1 Terms and conditions apply. What's crazy is that I think it's even stuff like having LeBron in a DraftKings commercial where you go,

Speaker 1 I'm a pro wrestling fan and and I believe in the mixture of Kfabe in real life. It makes the stories better where you go, all right, this might be real.
These guys might have a problem.

Speaker 1 I want to watch this match, but it ruins sports because you go,

Speaker 1 so you're into gambling? Well, how much are you into gambling? Well, should I worry? Should I not gamble on your games? What the fuck is going on? Well, it's

Speaker 1 when

Speaker 1 I started stand-up, there used to be you could do a lot of commercials. Oh,

Speaker 1 that was like the way in. Right? You'd make a living in commercials, but there was a certain thing where you'd be like,

Speaker 1 you know, like there'd be international cigarette ads and you're like, all right, I'm not going to do cigarette ads.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to, like, there's obvious ones, like, I'm not going to do Rogane or like diarrhea or something. I would do both of those, by the way.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 As a guy with a hair transplant and who constantly diarrhea, I'm in for both. But like, obviously, I'm exaggerating.
Yeah. But, like, there used to be this

Speaker 1 kind of like, like, what's in poor taste? You know, like, what are you, you know what it was? Is

Speaker 1 just a high threshold for shame where you're like, you don't feel any shame about that? And then you would have to look at your family in the eye. And that's my whole thing is like society is broken.

Speaker 1 Like I, how many benefits did you do for the legalization of pot? Like I, it used to be once a quarter. Yeah.
Dude, our normal would reach out.

Speaker 1 You know, like, and they'd go, hey, you want to do do a show? And you go, yeah. And they'd always go, it's 420 friendly.
Yeah, and it's like, it's like, we're trying to help out.

Speaker 1 And I was like, and intellectually, I understand all the argument.

Speaker 1 And I also emotionally had hoped that New York City, this brilliant home of commerce, the financial capital of the world, they would at least tax it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And with those taxes, they could sit there and uh

Speaker 1 get some kind of program where they could regulate it but like it's like and i don't you know i don't really care you know my joke is like you know it's great raising kids in new york city because you can't walk a block without smelling weed i mean it by the way that got turned on though that got turned on by colorado doing it the right way colorado in 2014 because it's a purple state where you have very blue big cities and then you have very red rural areas.

Speaker 1 How they got it to work was they said, okay, we're going to tax it at this level.

Speaker 1 And 25%,

Speaker 1 I forget what the actual numbers were, are going to schools and roads.

Speaker 1 And so it goes, and then they had like, dude, in 2015, they had the excess of like $127 million in taxes because of marijuana sales.

Speaker 1 And you go, well, then I better never feel a bump on I-75 when I'm in Colorado. Or 225 better be smooth as fuck.
And, you know,

Speaker 1 the thing is, is like, but I don't get a sense that that's what's happening in New York. Well, New York City was selling like as a weed smoker that stayed away from it.
I bring my weed in.

Speaker 1 I don't buy, like, I. You won't go to a dispensary.
I have started recently, but forever I would bring, because flying is no big deal. They don't give a shit.
And you go to like the West Coast.

Speaker 1 The way that New Yorkers talk about pizza and bagels, where they go, yeah, it's the water. I don't know what it is.
You go to the fucking California. I can't get a a decent slice.

Speaker 1 As someone that's from Colorado, hey, New York, your weed is ass. I don't know if it's the water or the soil, but it sucks.
You go to the West Coast and you go, this is fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 1 And when you say good, is it on a power level?

Speaker 1 Well, anybody, now they've learned how to soup it up so it can be super powerful. I'm talking about finding a weed, like you smoke it and it's pleasant.
And you just go like,

Speaker 1 I feel great. Kind of like the way Kentucky does with bourbon, where there's just like these certain areas.

Speaker 1 And I'll tell you, California, Colorado, and the Pacific Northwest just do marijuana better. It's because of the altitude, the climate, how everything's grown.

Speaker 1 But you come to New York and it just feels like New York. It feels stepped on.
It feels very like, yo, you want sour basil? And you're like, I hate to do this to you, New York.

Speaker 1 You're the best in a lot of things.

Speaker 1 Marijuana is not even close to the top.

Speaker 1 You know, I, again,

Speaker 1 and I know people will get mad. I come from me.
Dude, you got got to come to our shop. Yeah, I'm going to make you, I'm going to give you schizophrenia.
Fucking soda. I don't want that.

Speaker 1 I don't want the schizophrenia. I've done all the mind-bending drugs.
Yeah. I want a pleasant,

Speaker 1 like, sometimes you can smoke weed that you buy here, and it feels like when you drink cheap bourbon, you can like taste that it's been like, what has this been? This is good.

Speaker 1 And then you smoke good shit and you go, oh, this just, it feels like I smoked a plant. Oh, that's nice.
And that's what you want. Now I want to smoke pot.
See?

Speaker 1 but by the way i would have had this energy towards out i did have this energy towards alcohol yeah i were i was the guinness brand ambassador oh wow so i had to go around talking about guinness oh that's for so two years in a way of like friendly towards yeah liquor reps yeah which are a special breed of hell that you probably have to deal with by one by the way one of my best friends is a liquor rep and i love him to death but there are guys in that business that No, well, I love the whole, because I dove into the whiskey world and, you know, some of it is like I was interested in it anyway, but like, it's all self-assignment.

Speaker 1 So you sit there, it's like people think like, oh,

Speaker 1 does Netflix come and knock on your door and say, hey, in six months, we want a special? No, they don't.

Speaker 1 You got to go fight them for you. You got to go do it, you know, and then they'll see it.
So it's all self-assignment. Even from this,

Speaker 1 that's where like the audacity of a comedian to just go on stage is pretty bizarre. Right.
It just doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 Fermenting anything is bizarre. It's in the same realm.
You know what I mean? It's the self-starter. It's the exact same thing you were saying about it's a self-assignment for stand-up with bourbon.

Speaker 1 Because the thought of like, that's why I always knew that it's like a human condition thing when you find out guys get good at making prison wine. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And you go, yeah, I would get good at fermenting shit if I had to

Speaker 1 live in a cell.

Speaker 1 And, you know, obviously men and women, but like the whiskey world the the whiskey nerds how they you know some of it obviously alcoholism is a very serious thing but what hopefully i identify in the bourbon set is that there's another level which is a uh a geekdom that is

Speaker 1 separate from the fact that it's a poison that you know i'm well there is that's crippled an entire island.

Speaker 1 You know how you're talking about how like

Speaker 1 society is broken in every way. These are one of those broken things where it goes, yeah, but I'm a diehard hard football fan.

Speaker 1 And I watch these hits at home eating snacks and I go, ooh, and this guy's got brain damage now. So you can separate yourself from the fact that you go, well, I know this is bad, but I like it.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It's like, there is like this,

Speaker 1 I think what has happened is this complete bailing on accountability.

Speaker 1 This like bailing on like, yeah, I know, I know that kind of sucks it is interesting i kind of it kind of sucks and i do like there was a good they had like a decade where people were like this is incredibly dangerous yeah look at jim mcmah what has happened yeah and now people are like yeah well that's the cost

Speaker 1 exactly i was just gonna say that i was just gonna say well that's the cost of business and there really is a lot of that in everything where they go

Speaker 1 abdication you know what else they're doing accountability you know what else they're doing it with yeah plastics and water yeah they go hey man sorry, you got a spoon in your brain now.

Speaker 1 And you go, no accountability at all. No way.

Speaker 1 We're trying. Maybe move the different kind of.

Speaker 1 But we also are all guilty of it. Like when we're microwave something at plastic and we know we shouldn't, we're like, yeah, fuck, I don't want to put it on our paper.

Speaker 1 And I'm guilty of it just like anybody. I go, yeah, but a bottle of water is so easy just to go like, can you grab me a bottle of water out of the field?

Speaker 1 They gave up on that, that we got to get rid of all these bottles.

Speaker 1 Folks, we got to get rid of all these bottles. And then it's like, all right, we tried that.
Let's move on. Straws, too.
Turtles made a real push. And then that was like, honestly.

Speaker 1 What about the owls? The owls, baby. That might have been.
All right, time to move on. That might have been, if there ever was a right-wing turn on me, it would have been the straws for the turtles.

Speaker 1 Because I was going like, plastic straws are the only thing that makes sense in this world.

Speaker 1 And of all the worlds, all the shit that happens in this world, plastic straws. And when I went to fucking get a paper straw, and I'd be like, you piece of shit.

Speaker 1 It's just the cardboard from a toilet paper roll

Speaker 1 that unravels in my drink.

Speaker 1 And you put it out, and when you see this, the wood straw, the paper straw dancing in your fucking McDonald's spray. You see all the color, the dye coming off, and it's like all unraveling.

Speaker 1 It's doing that thing with its weird cardboard fingers. You're like, get the fuck out of my drink.
So, what do you think? All right. Now, I want to hear your predictions of what is the comedy boom.

Speaker 1 Is it slowing down?

Speaker 1 It's.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you that as a fan. Yeah, as I'm still a fan of stand-up, yeah, and I try to preserve that as much as I can.
I still love this shit. I still like love watching, like

Speaker 1 it's not lost on me that I, like, that part is no, and I, that sounds like some corny fucking uh ward speech accepting speech, but it's the truth. I'm just like,

Speaker 1 I just love it, man. It's like Dirk Diggler and Boogie Knights, where he's like, let's just keep rocking and rolling.
But it really is like, I won't watch Rock at the cellar.

Speaker 1 I won't watch Chappelle at the cellar.

Speaker 1 I won't watch these guys guys because i want to see their specials i don't want to watch louie i don't want to watch you i don't want to watch bill burr i want to see your hour

Speaker 1 because i know you're at a point in your career where you go i know when it's done you're i don't want to go in the kitchen and watch you cook it i just want to sit at a table and have it put in front of me and go i love the way this guy cooks that's just that genuinely is what i do and i'll tell you is i i'm a fan of stand-up It's overexposed.

Speaker 1 It's overexposed. And that's why we had, we had a deal.
We were going to do a thing on the podcast where if we talked too inside baseball, he was going to taser me. Oh, that's so interesting.

Speaker 1 But I bought a taser and

Speaker 1 I bought one that was too big and it'll give me a cardiac arrest. So

Speaker 1 if you have any ideas of how we can go around this,

Speaker 1 go off in the comments. But

Speaker 1 it's kind of what you're talking about about the shame of like doing too many commercials. I think comics were going like.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're making money doing podcasts. Or we're making money doing stand-up.
I think the reversal of it, and I felt this way watching your special,

Speaker 1 Teach for America needs to start taking stand-up comedians and making them be public educators for two years in one subject.

Speaker 1 So like the way you learned about Bourbon, like I'll go learn about the War of 1812. Yeah.
And then they'll put it in. I mean, there are a lot of comedians with history.

Speaker 1 Shane is, Shane's got a history degree. Yeah.
Well, also, Giannis. Giannis.
Colin Quinn. There's all these guys that I know.
But if you put us,

Speaker 1 you go, you know what? You You get that theater tour. It's the most money you'll ever make in your life.
And then the next year, you're in New Orleans in the ninth ward, teaching the ward of 1812.

Speaker 1 But stand-up rules. Yeah.
So you get to be funny. So you get to make these kids laugh while you're teaching them.
And also to get out of line, it's heckler rules.

Speaker 1 So you get to go sit down. You can't even read at a fourth grade level.
Look at this fucking idiot. This fucking idiot sucks his thumb.
Look at this guy. I caught you sucking your thumb twice.

Speaker 1 And then you heckle him. So they're in it.

Speaker 1 But that's how, I think this is how we're going to fix the education system is you got to take two rich kevin harts can be like all right bam now here's what happened at selma well

Speaker 1 he's like well oh shut up you corny now he's like i'll kill you yeah

Speaker 1 i mean there is something about

Speaker 1 i mean you know i i'm sure let's talk about church like you go to church and you're like dude what are you guys doing yeah they're not they're they're running an old playbook it's like when you watch a uh remember when colleges because coaches kind of get age out of it.

Speaker 1 It's like Joe Gibbs was really good, and then it's just like, come on. It's like when you watched, up until recently, like a team run like just the option, and you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Guys,

Speaker 1 they've learned how to stop that. Three different ways you can go.
That's what I need to do. I grew up watching Colorado versus Nebraska.
And Nebraska would go, hoop, doop, doop, doop.

Speaker 1 They do like a three-card Monty where I handle the ball, I throw it to him, and I gave it to him, and it worked. And they won fucking national championships.

Speaker 1 And then everyone went, oh, well, I'll just get like a big safety to play linebacker, and then he can just follow your guy. And now he can fuck that shit up.

Speaker 1 And it's kind of like, that's what happens.

Speaker 1 Church is running the old program. Yeah.
They're going, like, we're not going to drop back.

Speaker 1 Everyone's like, these people should have wives. They should have somewhere for their semen to go.
And they go, that's crazy. Shut your mouth.
And you're like, I'm just trying to modify your system.

Speaker 1 Like, I think that, you know, I'm, you know, just talking out my ass here, but like, that's what all podcasting is.

Speaker 1 I do think that comedy from when I started has evolved so much and because of obviously the internet, but even cable TV. So like the fact that people can find

Speaker 1 their comic or a handful of comics that they enjoy,

Speaker 1 like it can't contract back

Speaker 1 all the way back. Now, people can, you know, people can lose,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 momentum, you know, like people can be Arena X and then it disappears.

Speaker 1 But like comedy itself, so once people get it, because you know, Seinfeld says this, it's like going to a comedy show is a better bet than seeing a movie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you can do your research in a way where you go, you know, a movie, there might be a director that you like, but he could have a miss. But you can't trust the reviews.

Speaker 1 Well, it also means with all this stand-up, if someone doesn't like you,

Speaker 1 they've seen a lot of you.

Speaker 1 The sample size has been tested. If someone doesn't like me, I go, hey, there's enough out there where God bless you.

Speaker 1 And I think that is something where it's like, that's accountability that comics don't take. We're quick to go.
They're bots.

Speaker 1 And I go, I'm like, I still have the part of my brain that goes, they might be right. I might suck at this.

Speaker 1 Of course. Yeah, I might really be bad at this, but that's also,

Speaker 1 I think, what's good for anyone that's a performer is you, it, it's like Bill Burr used to have this great thing where he was like, you want 80% of the audience to love you and 20% of the audience to not like you.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. It was like a thing he used to say.
And I understood why. It's because like you can get lost in that 20% and go like, why am I not making you laugh?

Speaker 1 And you're ignoring 80% that's going like, this is the best.

Speaker 1 But you got to acknowledge that 20%.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And not acknowledging them.

Speaker 1 You're not making a bold enough choice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, if you're doing 100%,

Speaker 1 something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, well, I also think you, you have to.

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Speaker 1 I think, like any friendship,

Speaker 1 there has to be,

Speaker 1 because I believe that stand-up comedy, even though I know that there is the fandom thing and all that, I think it's much more of a peer group thing that people like your stand-up.

Speaker 1 So therefore, I think, you know, similar to a friendship, you have to constantly be challenging. You can't have the same conversation with someone.
So like, you know, it's like the great crime.

Speaker 1 And, you know, people say like, oh, you know, it's just the same material every hour. It's not.

Speaker 1 If it is, there's, and I'm not saying that, that some people might want to just see the same stuff, but I think most

Speaker 1 evolving friendships, you have the same roots, but you're not having the same conversation. You might have a nostalgic moment.
Sure. But like even when we were talking about friends, some of it is.

Speaker 1 It's not like if you're giving shit to each other, it's not the exact same joke. No.
That's actually what makes it better is other stuff happens and you take that friendship

Speaker 1 and you talk about that thing. You know, I've been friends with the same group of guys since high school.
We're all similar, but we're not the same. Right.
Our friendships are all similar.

Speaker 1 Well, we just got together like last month because we hadn't seen each other in a while and it was like the hang felt, but it wasn't the same hang. We weren't talking about shit from 2003.

Speaker 1 We're like sitting there, everyone's got families now and everyone's talking about shit, but there is still the same angles and elements. We're making fun of certain friends.
They're busting balls.

Speaker 1 I brought a comedy thing. I was hot on like a comedy thing.
And this is why it's important to have friendships that go a long time. I brought a comedy thing that I was mad about.

Speaker 1 And I, I'm used to like talking to comics. We'll be like, yeah, fuck that.
That, fuck that shit. And I told my friends and they went,

Speaker 1 what do you, what are we supposed to be mad about? And you're like, you say it out loud and you go, oh, this is lame as hell.

Speaker 1 Like, I remember being on the phone with my friend who has twin daughters and they're just in the background screeching like hawks. Just like, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's, and I'm like going off about how I had a bad show. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he goes,

Speaker 1 get down. Stop doing that.
Yeah, sorry your school shooting joke didn't work out. It was like he came back to something and you're like,

Speaker 1 what do I, what am I thinking the importance of? No, there's the moments of you can have

Speaker 1 conversations.

Speaker 1 that you can't you can't sit there and explain. It's like, it's not that you're rooting against this person.

Speaker 1 The injustice here is that this person did this joke and some of it is just the zeitgeist caught on sure and they're like you're doing what you love right yeah it's dude it's i think like that should be the i think that's like if i could give every comedian a pill of something it would be a pill like a realization pill that they're like oh i remember going to open mics and just like waiting like i love when i was coming up and hearing those stories about you at your job showing up in an open mic in a suit yeah

Speaker 1 but also

Speaker 1 the access colin when I used to open for Colin, he'd always be like, yeah, your generation's doomed. You guys know too much about stand-up.
He's like, there was this element of not knowing it.

Speaker 1 And then you work and discover it. Cause I would sit down and be like, so you did this special.
And I, because I grew up like a fan. Like, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, even this, talking to you right now, you know how many times Joe List and I quote your heat joke from your Comedy Central Presents? I want to talk about it now.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I've said that punchline in my life more like a catchphrase.

Speaker 1 Like, but I want to talk, like, I just watched Alien earth and everyone's like yeah that came out months ago you go I want to talk about it now yeah but it is like that's I think to me is like

Speaker 1 what you were saying with the peer group I found my friends and shit that I liked with people that liked stand-up yeah because it was all this thing that you could go like she this guy's joke this guy did it like this and yeah and List was one of my first friends when I moved here that we would quote the Seinfeld documentary comedian to each other yeah and he was like oh you're into it and then he would he got me into Regan I liked Regan but he he got me like into Regan.

Speaker 1 And it would be like, oh, well, what about this guy? And it becomes like bands where you're like, you haven't heard this guy? If you like this guy, yeah.

Speaker 1 And if you would get like a, oh, dude, I'd get a burnt. My friend Trent Cole would give me a burnt Stanhope, a CDR from Stanhope and some fucking random ass like Vegas show.

Speaker 1 And I would listen to it and be like, this is the best. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I remember buying a Lenny Bruce album and being like, I don't get it. Yeah, yeah.
And then feeling like, am I dumb? Am I dumb? And and it's like you know it's

Speaker 1 it's so interesting because then if you listen to the lenny thing at a different time you'd be like oh wow this is i bet if i listened to lima ohio right now i would be like oh i get it yeah when i was in my 20s but you know what i liked in my 20s was bill hicks going like the government's fucking you know like that is what was crazy is i remember when i started I started in Arizona in 2004.

Speaker 1 And when I moved here, at that time, there was a lot of open micers trying to be either Dane Cook or Doug Stanhope. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 That was my, you got, you saw like hot guys doing over exaggerated movements. Yeah, or and you saw guys look like school shooters going up there with a notepad being like, the war in Iraq isn't right.

Speaker 1 You know, and you'd go like, oh, 20 years from now, you might be able to do these jokes. Not right now.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just watch guys with mics do fucking 9-11 bits that would fucking bomb worse than the towers. It was so fucking wild, dude.
It was wild.

Speaker 1 I remember seeing,

Speaker 1 because when I started with Geraldo,

Speaker 1 it's so funny because Geraldo wanted to be,

Speaker 1 he wanted to be Brian Regan. I wanted to be a tell.

Speaker 1 Really? Yes. Really?

Speaker 1 And it was

Speaker 1 crazy to me because if I were to put that puzzle.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then it and

Speaker 1 what made it switch?

Speaker 1 Some of it is, you know, you have to, to

Speaker 1 and you know I know authenticity is used a lot it's like what is real for you yeah what can you do so in other words it's you know and and what are the opportunities so the you know Greg Greg and I at open mics

Speaker 1 he was working at the law firm and you were and you were working at your job yeah and so like but it was this I would say your class was our our favorite like yeah you're what we latched on to good data cross the river I still still listen to it once a year yeah and so it was just uh so he wanted to be like regan he wanted to be like fluffy and light not that no no he wanted to be the animated i mean well some of it is like

Speaker 1 you know it by the way

Speaker 1 if you could like brian regan live in a theater and by the way in a comedy club is

Speaker 1 like still one of the most amazing things. And that he reminds me of is BB King.
It's just like BB King up until the day he died, they'd be like, go into a room and watch him perform. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He'll blow your fucking head. Like, he'll blow your wig back.

Speaker 1 And so like the whole thing with, but like Ettel, it was the sheer, like the stuff that Attel would do, because he would go on every night with at least five new minutes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he would never do those jokes again. And people would be like, comedians would be like, I'll take those.
I remember Mike DiStefano. Yeah, we were at a show at Caroline.

Speaker 1 I was just like, I open mic or hanging out on the peripheral, but Mike DiStefano was smoking a cigarette in the bathroom at Caroline's.

Speaker 1 He goes, I'm telling you, I'm waiting for an accident because if a toe goes down, I'm taking all those jokes he doesn't use at the cellar. And I got a new hour.

Speaker 1 It was just so like, he was just very like matter of fact about it. He goes, I'm waiting for an accident because there's about an hour that he doesn't fucking touch that everybody wants.
It's so

Speaker 1 you know, what's interesting is because stylistically, you're right, how it swaps. Yeah,

Speaker 1 but now that I'm thinking about Geraldo bits, there are Regan-inspired deliveries, the yo, Monica, you got AIDS, yo, where he's like, Is that how bad our, and then it comes down to like a Greg, where it's very smart, like, is that how bad our healthcare system is?

Speaker 1 And then he goes big and like, but I don't know, and it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I can see that. And, you know, some of I mean, it was very interesting when Greg

Speaker 1 because now the roast thing is

Speaker 1 totally

Speaker 1 you know like totally standard and also just like premium but there was a time when it was just this

Speaker 1 uh kind of niche thing that uh jeff ross or jeff liftshultz at the time was doing yeah and it was one of those like at the at the uh friars club it was a very unique thing but he kind of

Speaker 1 propelled it obviously to make it huge and now it's this standard bearer right when they were were when giraldo was doing it there was a little bit i was like i was like that's interesting and it wasn't a snobby thing it was just kind of

Speaker 1 but it was such a great outlet for him because he was obviously the killer you know oh my gosh nikki and amy got a breakthrough on there too nikki's fantastic at roasts jessel nick but giraldo was the guy where like every roast you were like i'm excited to see his set and and he brought he was not a put-down comic no you know what i mean so well you watch his stand-up and and it's so different from the roasts.

Speaker 1 And obviously, like, you know, he was friends with Jesse Joyce, who I love, fantastic comic, and a guy that helped him with those roast jokes.

Speaker 1 And what was interesting is, especially with my generation of comedy, you're like talking about how it was this odd thing. Yeah.
Roast battling got huge for a couple of years.

Speaker 1 And I would always compare it to the dunk competition where you're like, it's like slam dunking. where you're like, it's so cool when guys can do it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But that does not necessarily translate to them being good at basketball. Yes.

Speaker 1 So there are guys, and so it's interesting because like Geraldo was like a guy who was good at basketball that could just fucking win the dunk competition every year at the NBA All-Star Game.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. And you're like, oh, but it is, that's the closest analogy I can find where it was like.
People were doing it, but in ways where you go, well, it doesn't really seem efficient.

Speaker 1 And then like, now it's blended into stand-up so much. Now you go, it's a part of it.
It was the number one thing, that Tom Brady thing. Yeah, that Tom Brady thing was massive.

Speaker 1 It was like a massive, you know what's weird about that is it's one of the only things I've seen in the last 15 years that like a Seinfeld finale, people go like, do you watch the Brady Roast?

Speaker 1 Like it brought back water cooler talk for like a week. There, I wonder,

Speaker 1 is you know, because also looking at Tom Brady's face, like he was like, this was a mistake. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. And he did not like it.
He's also a guy that.

Speaker 1 has to

Speaker 1 have that kind of confidence or he's going to get killed. And why he's got all did he do it? Fame? Because I think what happens is he gets big off football.

Speaker 1 Well, then football goes away and you're like, well, I want that light. And they're like, how do you do it? And they go, how about the biggest event of all time?

Speaker 1 And you go, we're going to have a bunch of dorks taking shots at you. And he's like, fine.
He goes, these are nerds. I don't care.
And you go, well, Tom, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Your whole life, you've been fucking Victoria's Secret Pussy and winning championships.

Speaker 1 These guys have been thinking about mean things to say to you. You know what I mean? But how do they out? How do they outdo that?

Speaker 1 I mean, I remember even when they were doing the roast and they had like Alec Baldwin, they had Donald Trump roast. They had just everyone.
What was it? That's like how

Speaker 1 didn't Martha Stewart was, she didn't get roasted, but she was on with Pam Anderson Roast. The Pam Anderson thing was huge.
How, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Some of it is like also, I'm thrilled that it exists, but it's also like, there's part of me, it's like, and I think that when Alec Baldwin did it, there, oh, there was a big check written for a charity, so I get it, but I'm like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. Can I ask you? This is like, I don't know if I want to do that.
This is, this is talking, this is us taking accountability. Date would never do that.
I couldn't. I could, oh, be roasted?

Speaker 1 Or, or, you know, to like when you guys were like, when we roasted date, we had a roast of date at the Creek in the Caves. But that's when it was fun.
That was when it was different.

Speaker 1 That's when it was friends on friends. I mean, and it was brutal.

Speaker 1 We did a Giannis Pappas roast yeah at the creek and there are jokes that i still think about mike racine it was right after mike di stefano died and chris de stefano was there and mike racine went well the wrong diestefano died and like just in front of him and then he went my scene's joke he was like you know i love the creek but rebecca trent is a lot like lenny bruce people tell you it's important but then you listen to it and you go i don't get it he had uh joe list had one of my favorite i still remember joe list joke where he said um yannis papas puts on a dress and says the n-word and is considered a comedic genius in that case my mother is a comedic genius

Speaker 1 and it was like all these jokes i remember michael che bombed michael che was so hot at the time and he was we were all friends he was coming up the creek but he was like the new guy that was really killing and he didn't write and he went up there and was like had like a minute of good shit and then everyone watched it and everyone everyone was like, boo.

Speaker 1 And it was so like a clubhouse. It just felt like, uh, there, I mean, I don't even think it was half sold.
It was like all these people were there, and there was barely like 20 people there.

Speaker 1 But we got a bucket of free tacates because Rebecca let us do the show. And I remember us just like shitting on each other in very mean ways.
But you saw who excelled and who didn't.

Speaker 1 I was never good at it. I don't know why.
I think it's my

Speaker 1 inner, I want to be liked. Yeah, so I have a hard time being mean

Speaker 1 to people unless I'm angry. Right.
And I don't want to get angry for a show.

Speaker 1 Are you good at roasts? No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Because we both have the...

Speaker 1 It was one of the coolest things you ever said to me when I got off stage. I think it was like Gotham, I got off stage, and you go.
You and I have the same kind of white dude rage.

Speaker 1 And I went, you called it like trailer rage. And I went, yes.
And I was like, you were walking away. There's something about

Speaker 1 it's because I think that you have to retain a likability up there. And like, I think

Speaker 1 you can be, like, Lewis Black can rant. Sure.
He's a very likable guy. And people are like, oh, he's this intellectual professor who's ranting.
He's like Bernie Sanders.

Speaker 1 And, you know, Stanhope can pull it off. But, like, there's some white guys, if they're angry, people are like, uh-oh, shit.
You know what?

Speaker 1 He's going to beat a woman. That's probably the explanation of why

Speaker 1 so many guys were trying to be Stanhope.

Speaker 1 It was because he was saying such smart shit, but with the air of a guy at a bar that you're waiting for your drink and he's telling you, and you're gone, oh, I didn't know they put that in the water.

Speaker 1 You go another round, and you're like talking to him. You go, I'm not threatened by this guy, right? I'm waiting for my drink.
Yeah, but you're right. Certain white guys who get mad.

Speaker 1 Stanhope can pull it off. Oh,

Speaker 1 Burr is great at being angry on stage. Yeah.
He can simmer on stage. Well, Burr is like, it's,

Speaker 1 he, you know, it's like he's mastered

Speaker 1 a seemingly toxic statement. Yeah.
And then he unravels it. Yeah.
And he gets the majority of the audience, but there's some people that are still bitching and moaning.

Speaker 1 He's a genius. It is.
It's word Houdini. Yeah.
He's like word Houdini where he's like, I'm going to put myself in this in this stray jacket and dip myself in water. Women shouldn't vote.

Speaker 1 I was going to get out of this. And then like four minutes later, he's like, oh, and he goes, that ah, see, you know, like a dumb horse.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you'll see like Conan clips where a Burr, like back in when he was on the Conan's TBS show, where it was obvious they'd called him and they're like, Bill, can you do Conan?

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, I'll do it. And then they're like, so it'll be like, someone, he just makes a choice.
He's like, no, I don't like Bill Gates. Yeah.
And I remember that. He'll just go on.

Speaker 1 And some of it is he's so smart. He can find an angle, but it's almost kind of like if he had waited a month, he would have found this perfect clean thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And, but like

Speaker 1 he was so comfortable and so used to, I think, like, I think that his podcast was very instrumental in him kind of articulating ideas.

Speaker 1 I used to listen to it it all the time, and he'd rant, and I'd go, Yeah, that's it. That's that's the exact point.

Speaker 1 And that's why he does find stuff because I remember the Bill Gates stuff, the thing that always made me laugh, something that he pointed out that I never thought.

Speaker 1 He goes, And you know, he'd be eating a pretentious fruit like a pear with no shoes on. And you're like, It's exactly how I would picture a pretentious tech guy

Speaker 1 building a phone. Yeah, like that's always my favorite thing.
It was always like

Speaker 1 Chappelle, whenever he would come to the cellar, I would watch Chappelle

Speaker 1 talk about places people were from in a way that was funnier than anybody I ever saw do it. I remember this guy was like, Yeah, I'm from Singapore.
And Chappelle went, Damn.

Speaker 1 So you landed and bought all the bubblegum, huh? And he did like a chomp of like, and you're like, that's so smart. You need to know that it's illegal to chew bubblegum in Singapore.

Speaker 1 And he was doing it. And it was like this act out that just, it was like me and three other people that like lost it.
And I was like, that's the best.

Speaker 1 Because he just is like, when you watch people do like their, like Nate

Speaker 1 used to call me

Speaker 1 and like bitch about something yeah and like six months later it'd be like a seven minute bit it first happened where he was watching 60 minutes and he's like you know people are buying tigers and I was like no and he's like I mean that's like worse than guns and then the next thing you do is you see it and you go oh that's fully fleshed out like he talks in fully fleshed out bits Christmas he called me and he was like my mom doesn't have grape jelly in the the refrigerator.

Speaker 1 He's like, That's ridiculous. And I was like, It is ridiculous.
Everybody has an old grape jelly in the refrigerator. And then it's on his special one, but it's and he's like, I changed it to ketchup.

Speaker 1 But it's beat for beat

Speaker 1 his points that he was making to me in conversation.

Speaker 1 Which is, which is back to our point where it is

Speaker 1 inspired by anger, but making it palatable. Yes.
Whereas, like, for

Speaker 1 someone like

Speaker 1 Lewis black he yells about it and it's the the hyperbole of his reaction that works but for like white guys like me you and nate we have to sit there and we have to find a comfortable thing yeah where like like when nate talks about his wife yeah it's like

Speaker 1 you know it's a finished bit yeah it's like but he's so smart and socially nimble yeah well he can go in between

Speaker 1 i know he loves his wife but he's frustrated And it only works. And that's like me complaining about my kids.

Speaker 1 It's like, if I wasn't present and I was like, my these kids that I see once a year, that wouldn't be as funny. Yeah.
That's going like, I see them a lot and I'm annoyed by them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that was kind of like was similar with like, I had a, I even now have a bit about my grandmother, but I had like multiple bits about my grandmother.

Speaker 1 It's because like, well, I was helping to take care of her and all this stuff. And I love her.
The most, but I got, but she does shit that makes me

Speaker 1 pretty angry.

Speaker 1 you go i need to put this somewhere because this sucks and that's why this joke that i'm doing now about her dying it happened in real time and it you do get to this age of doing stand-up where you go

Speaker 1 like this thing happened and my cousin lisa was like this is going to be a joke isn't it and you're like oh 100 yeah almost and then she saw me do it at the columbus funny bone and she was like that's exactly how it happened yeah she was like i remember talking to him about it and this is exactly and you're like yeah because i was upset it came from a place of being upset angry sad yeah then sitting with it for a while and going like you know what i noticed about that and some of it is it's the anger thing but it's also the obsession thing because there was a moment where uh

Speaker 1 because my wife and i started drinking bourbon during the pandemic and then it it came a point where

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 i was doing material on it and she goes can't we just keep the bourbon just like that we have this moment why do you need to harvest everything katie and i had kind of like kanye west didn't he write that poem for kim and then he's like i need that for the song

Speaker 1 you know it's funny is when during the pandemic yeah i was doing bonfire yeah and sometimes i would bring up jokes that katie and i she's hilarious that we had come up with in our house like bits like house bits yeah and she'd go Can we keep the house bits?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's interesting. And I was like, you know what? That's very fair.
And she's like, it's funny. Sometimes she tells, but it's also, sometimes that's our stuff.

Speaker 1 And then there's been times where I try house bits and they don't work out of the house. And then you feel real dumb.
You go, oh, fuck. This was cutesy and fun with me and my wife.
I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 I love that house bits. That's a brilliant thing.
Yeah, I mean, we just have a lot of house bits.

Speaker 1 There are like bits that we do where we go, well, we'll, like when we're at Thanksgiving with your family, we'll like call back to our house bit and no one else will get it.

Speaker 1 And you go, there's it, because there's house bits and then there's, there's, uh, there's

Speaker 1 road bits. Like, do you have bits with? Sagalo and I have road bits.
Like, you'll be on the road with us and you're like, Sagalow and I go on the road together, and we'll just like do a thing.

Speaker 1 And you go, That's a road bit. And then you'll try to bring someone else in on the road, and they go, I don't get the bit.
Yeah, no, we, well, you were here when we built it.

Speaker 1 We were doing Daniel Simonson, yeah, who's brilliant. Oh, my God, Daniel Simonson is brilliant.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but for Sagalo and I got high at our hotel, and we were doing him saying Backstreet Boy lyrics, and it was making us laugh in such a back of the bus, going, because I want it that way.

Speaker 1 He's like, you're talking about like a white guy with anger. Oh, but he's so smart that he's like learned a different language to be angry in a funny way.
So funny.

Speaker 1 Like, he's so Gotham vintage room, which is like there are rooms that,

Speaker 1 and I love Gotham and I love the stand, but like that room upstairs at the stand and Gotham's vintage room are not good for stand-up.

Speaker 1 But I do both of them. For eating.
They're good for like having a small private party. Yeah, that's what it always feels like.

Speaker 1 You feel like you're giving a speech at a time. Maybe a post-party for a wake.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The one downstairs at Gotham, you truly feel like you just took over the corner of a room where people are having a nice time.

Speaker 1 It's, and you know, every comedian, it's very familiar because you start in those rooms. Yeah.
But like, but Daniel, seeing him go on because it's so interactive and seeing these.

Speaker 1 Him doing this brilliant stuff and the audience not understanding it. Yeah.
And then him suppressing the annoyance with them and them climbing on board. But like, there's the show bit that,

Speaker 1 you know, like when with Ted Alexandro, like, or and Matt Owens, who I opened, you know, we

Speaker 1 on the road. I love it.

Speaker 1 They'll make, you know, like, we'll get to the venue and Ted will be like, does baby want a coffee? And I'm like, baby wants a coffee. Yeah, that's it.
You know, it's always the fun stuff.

Speaker 1 And it's like, it's like, baby needs a sleeve because it's just like.

Speaker 1 I've told the story before on the podcast, but it is true. Shane, when Shane used to go on the road with me, we had a bit where he was like, what's your fucked up thing?

Speaker 1 He's like, you're just like a nice guy. You smoke too much weed.
That's like your, that's your thing. He's like, I don't believe that's your thing.

Speaker 1 And then it was our running joke that I would go into cities and go under bridges and jack off homeless men. And then we did this voice where he'd go like, oh, hey, buddy.
I was asleep.

Speaker 1 What are you doing? And then Shane and I would laugh. We're going like, oh, whoa, hey, hey, slow down.
I'm about to lose it. And so we'd make each other laugh.
And then I was taking this vacation.

Speaker 1 And the video game Red Dead Redemption 2 came out. And Shane calls me.
And he picks up and he's like, dude, have you played Red Dead Redemption 2 yet? I'm like, no, I'm on. I'm gone.

Speaker 1 I'm coming back next week. And I'm going to play it.
I bought it. So I'll play it.
And he goes, dude. The main character is our homeless Jerkoff guy voice.
And I was like, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 He goes, Arthur Morgan is our homeless Jerkoff guy voice. And then you play the game.
He goes, well, damn, Josiah.

Speaker 1 And I was like, it is. I played it.
I called him. I was like, it is.

Speaker 1 So it was like a road bit that became into like the zeitgeist in a way that we're like, Arthur Morgan is our homeless Trukov guy once. Well, hey, buddy, your hands are pretty cold.

Speaker 1 Oh, geez.

Speaker 1 We would do Bay Area rapper E40 as a sex pest. I don't know if you know who E40 is.
He's a black guy with a very specific way of talking, but he rhymes. He goes, ooh, my name's E40.

Speaker 1 And like the way he talks. But we would have him doing like gross porn convention things where he's like, ooh, I saw Jana Jenna Jameson and I gave her a doll made out of her hair.

Speaker 1 And we're like, oh, but we were doing like creeped out E40. It was the thing that we would try to explain to other people and it just would like bomb in front of us where we go, it's still a good bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Road bits and home bits. House bits.
House bits. Road bits.

Speaker 1 You need them. And by the way, this is what people at work.
When I was a waiter,

Speaker 1 I always had like three different bits with one of the runners. One of the Mexican runners, I convinced this girl.
He, you know, they'd be like, they'd be like, ooh, fuck it.

Speaker 1 And then I went, dude, that's my sister.

Speaker 1 And then he was like, Francisco was like,

Speaker 1 Mina, I'm so sorry. I didn't know she was your sister.
And I was like, no, I'm fucking with you. I ain't my sister.
And then he'd be like, I fucking.

Speaker 1 And then the rest of the time, I'm like, no, that's my sister. And it'd be like, our bit.
Yeah. Where he'd be like, tell your sister I love.

Speaker 1 And then in 20 years, he's going to come to you and go, that's my sister. And you're like, who the fuck are you? And I go, get away from me.
I go, I debort him. Deport him.
And I just melt down.

Speaker 1 You're not eating me. All right.
What is going to happen?

Speaker 1 What is America going to look like in

Speaker 1 six months? Six months. Who fucking knows? I don't even know.

Speaker 1 I do feel in the next 10 years, we will see important people get elected that have had to worry about old podcast episodes, which will be very funny. I wonder where they're going to be.

Speaker 1 Because like that guy in Maine, right? Yeah, that got the tattoo removed, the Nazi tattoo.

Speaker 1 But like, is so like the right has no purity tests and the left is kind of like, wait a minute, did you say

Speaker 1 the left is that, did you say

Speaker 1 there with an ID?

Speaker 1 The one that they used to bust our balls on Facebook about? Yeah, yeah. Is there a new thing about how they railroad politicians? I think that is the thing.

Speaker 1 It's like, you have to be Catherine Zeta Jones in that. in that fucking laser movie when you're on the left where you have to like lift your leg up now swing it now drop it.

Speaker 1 And like,

Speaker 1 that's the difference. Is the left is Catherine Zeta Jones and Sean Connery going, do a sexual danc to get a little piece of jewelry.

Speaker 1 And the right is Heat, where they go, why did Wango shoot that guy in the face? And they go, because he looked at him too long. And you go, okay.

Speaker 1 It's like you're either the shootout from Heat politically or you're in the fucking, or you're just in the middle going, I love heist movies because they all fucking. I think

Speaker 1 there's going to have to be

Speaker 1 a,

Speaker 1 we're going to have to evolve where, you know, it's so funny. I'll probably get in trouble for this, but like, there's going to have to be a certain amount of

Speaker 1 humans or morons. I went through my moron phase.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, I think that's everybody. I was a huge moron, dude.
Yeah. I was a fucking huge moron.
My 20s? That's what your 20s are. I've got kids.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh, yeah, you're watching them go through it. I'm like, oh my God.
You know, like I...

Speaker 1 Dude, when I was 16, the dumb shit that I, you know, we started this podcast talking about stealing fucking political street signs, but it's like, there was nothing.

Speaker 1 You think that comedians are predisposed to conspiracy? Absolutely. Good ones are.
Yeah. Good ones are.
Because

Speaker 1 good ones are creative and they're all. You have to have a point of view and a suspicious mindset.
You have to be suspicious. You have to go.
That's why we're horrible at taking compliments.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, good job. And you go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's all imposter fraud. Yeah.
Yeah. That's why I don't know.
That's why it's wrong that any comedian gets married. We're just ruining these people.

Speaker 1 You know what's great, though, with her is I feel like she's like...

Speaker 1 The fact that she's tied up in the next room is not good either.

Speaker 1 Or we're in there. She came in and she was like gagged and I was like, what's this all about? And I go, don't worry about it.
I go, it's this. It's this freak off part.

Speaker 1 And I was like, what does that mean? I go,

Speaker 1 that's our code word, which means she's safe. But it is, man.
It's like,

Speaker 1 we shouldn't be important. We should be making fun of shit.
Yeah. It's like, I want to be the comic that you want to have a smoke break with, not

Speaker 1 ask me what's happening at work. I don't fucking know.
I'm not paying attention. I'm just trying to get through my day, go home and play video games.
I'm fucking sick of all this shit.

Speaker 1 That's really how I feel. And that's why I loved watching your special.
It was like, you know, oh shit, this guy did a whole 45 minutes on bourbon with jokes. Oh, thanks.

Speaker 1 Like with jokes, jokes that I was like, I don't know, I can't drink.

Speaker 1 I'll die. But I go, this fucking, we got dude I'm telling you there were parts where I was like oh hell yeah no I know

Speaker 1 I don't want that's why I had that joke about it it's like I don't want because I I understand it is a stroke but you go I don't want someone to drink I don't want someone to go like when you know what you're doing where you're going like when you're going like a you know there's like Irish whiskey and there's Scott whiskey and you're going

Speaker 1 to sit here going yeah room temperature it's the best with a cold beer

Speaker 1 but also what's great about it is someone that doesn't drink Immediately, when you were in the liquor store stuff, I mean, for me personally, I was just like, oh, this is my shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you're like, I am going to talk about liquor stores, if I would have been there, I'd have been like, Yeah,

Speaker 1 I want to know about it. Because it is.
It's great. Check out the special.
It's on YouTube. The link is below.
Jim Gaffigan is one of the best comics of all time.

Speaker 1 I can't thank you enough for coming on the podcast. Thank you so much.
Appreciate it.

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