112: Nature’s Candy with Liz Miele | Soder Podcast | EP 110

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody. I want to thank you for coming and seeing me on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour.
We've announced the second leg.

Speaker 1 It starts up in February, February 13th in Orlando, then February 14th in Tampa. Gonna be in Buffalo, February 28th, Boston, March 6th, Philly, March 7th.
Go to dansodor.com.

Speaker 1 The whole second leg all the way through April is on sale, all available at dansodor.com. I love you guys.

Speaker 2 I watched a video of this guy teaching his son, like couldn't be older than three, to hit a ball.

Speaker 1 He's wearing like he's wearing like a full

Speaker 2 helmet, like he's on a motorcycle. And he's teaching them how to hit the ball.
And every time he hits it, the goal is to hit his helmet, but it keeps hitting it to the right. So he's teaching him.

Speaker 2 He goes, hey, bud, just when you're hitting it too early. So when you hit it early, it's going to go there.
But if you wait and then hit it, it's going to hit right.

Speaker 2 And so he does does it and he goes, okay, what did you do? He goes, I did it early. He's like, yeah, but that's okay.
He's like, we're going to wait. And then he waits.

Speaker 2 It doesn't do what he wants it to do, but he did exactly what he said. He's like, you waited.
That's great. We're already, we're already halfway there.

Speaker 2 And it was like this parenting person about like positive affirmations and letting them, not even just that, letting them come to the conclusion themselves.

Speaker 2 And I'm watching the whole thing as she talks about what a great parent.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, choking up.

Speaker 2 I'm never going to have kids. My cats have never listened to me.
I don't even know what to do with this information.

Speaker 1 And I'm just like, I wish I was parented this way.

Speaker 1 It's everything's porn. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They've turned everything into porn.

Speaker 1 Anything you can think of is porn now. You go, what about Christmas memories? And there's a video online.
Oh my god. That's what the N64 kid was.
Do you remember him? No.

Speaker 1 He was like, he unwrapped a Nintendo 64 and he freaked out. It's like a old recorder movie from the 90s.
And it was a popular video online where he's like, It's on the 10-down 64!

Speaker 1 And you're like, Oh, like you watch that, and you go, I remember opening toys on Christmas, and it is.

Speaker 1 It's just the same part of your brain that porn activates, where you're like, I wish I was opening a video game system right now.

Speaker 2 But isn't it like how people wish they could see their favorite movie for the first time again?

Speaker 1 Yeah, those are the worst tweets. That's why I'm glad I'm off Twitter.

Speaker 2 It wasn't the

Speaker 1 racism

Speaker 1 and just the pure, just absolute toxicity.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, it was people wishing

Speaker 2 to have their first memories again.

Speaker 1 There's a very famous comedian that tweeted out during the pandemic. He's like, I'm watching this movie.
You ever watch a movie and realize you're watching your favorite movie in real time?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, man,

Speaker 1 I wish we didn't fall out of contact. So I could tell you how gay this tweet is.

Speaker 1 So I could be like, man.

Speaker 2 Because it's too out of nowhere to be like, hey, this this is the game.

Speaker 1 You've been in L.A. too long.

Speaker 1 Because people in L.A. will affirm that.
They'll go.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Thank you for.

Speaker 2 Thank you for showing me. Thank you for showing me your heart.

Speaker 1 I wish I could show you a moment I had and go, shut the fuck up. My problem, the people I feel the worst for in L.A.
are

Speaker 1 locals. The people that

Speaker 2 grew up there.

Speaker 1 They just live there and just like want to work at a regular job. And then they have to just deal with like.

Speaker 2 Somebody now like like TikToking in the back while they get coffee.

Speaker 1 I mean, New York has a lot of that, but I think LA, it's the whole like, the problem I've always had with that city is that everybody wants, everyone's looking to collab. That's how it always feels.

Speaker 1 Like the, like the barista at Starbucks is like,

Speaker 1 can I open for you? Like if they knew who you were and you're like, I don't even know who you are. Why would I do that? Yeah.
What a risk that would be. I'd be taking.
But

Speaker 1 like Louis Katz is originally from los angeles oh i didn't know that he like grew up there yeah but then he went to college at berkeley and started in san francisco and became a real person yeah but he's like a real person from la yeah that's the thing that i think is unfair is and i've been guilty of this i like stereotype the whole city as everyone is that la yeah hollywood trying to do

Speaker 1 it's not it's a lot of them yeah the people that are from there Like people that are from New York are very good at being like, I'm from New York, get the fuck out of my way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like you're here. And I always have really enjoyed that.

Speaker 2 My, so, my best friend

Speaker 2 lived in Hawaii for like a year and a half. And she was like, she hated it.
She hated it with her whole heart. She was just there because her now husband had a job.

Speaker 2 He was a marine biologist. So she had to be near fish or whatever.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So she said.
So it's pretty, you know, just kind of a big deal.

Speaker 1 Marine biologist can't live in Colorado. Yeah, she can't go to landlord.

Speaker 2 She was like, makes nine times more money than I do. I guess I'm moving to Hawaii.

Speaker 1 Also, it's funny of the idea that you are bummed out. You have to go live in Hawaii and not work.
And be like, oh, I got to go while my fucking rich husband pays for everything.

Speaker 2 Well, she didn't know. She got a job.

Speaker 1 I know. Listen, listen,

Speaker 1 I'm all about powerful lawyers.

Speaker 1 But you can understand I put that on paper. Yeah, yeah.
She's look horrible.

Speaker 2 She's paying for groceries.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's that Eddie Murphy for Raw, where he's talking about Johnny Carson getting divorced. And she goes, $170 million and $75.

Speaker 1 I worked at the boutique. I had to think about that joke all the time.
When she got half. Half.
She goes, 175 and 75.

Speaker 1 But no, I can understand moving away from the mainland. So, but

Speaker 2 so we're Jersey kids. She, I mean, she's been everywhere for like work and whatever.
So she goes to Hawaii for a year and a half. Immediately is like, I hate it here.

Speaker 2 She's like, I hate everything about Hawaii. And she goes, the locals are amazing.
Just the kindest, most wonderful people. She's the whitest person you'll ever meet, by the way.
Just blonde.

Speaker 2 Everything's blonde. Everything's white.

Speaker 1 Just so many vowels.

Speaker 1 A's and the O's and the U's back in the A's.

Speaker 1 Can a sister get a constant?

Speaker 1 Can a sister get a T or a K somewhere?

Speaker 2 She's like, locals are awesome. I loved it.
The people that move there, the people that move there are the people that no one on the mainland misses. Damn.
She was like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 She's like, I've never hated my neighbor so much in my life. She's like, everyone I met that like moved there because they wanted to get away, you're like, nobody misses you.

Speaker 2 And it was like countless examples. And she was just like, she's like, I miss my family.
They call me all the time. People come to visit me.
And I try to make it the best.

Speaker 2 But she's like, I understand why people wouldn't like me there as like an implant.

Speaker 2 But also like the type of people that seek out Hawaii as like, it's going to change in my life and be the, you know, my new home. She's like, are the worst kind of people.
And that is what Hawaii is.

Speaker 1 Locals and the worst kind of of people well I think it's like adventurous people which

Speaker 1 I think some of those are adventurous people and I think adventurous people can be fun

Speaker 1 but not all the time you don't want people that are like let's just jump off this cliff and you're like I have a stomachache I don't want to do that right now like sometimes that's fine but not all of the time but isn't that what it's like as when somebody meets you and they find out you're a comedian like like my boyfriend told me before he met me he was so worried I was going to be like on all the time.

Speaker 2 And like, and I was just like, annoying.

Speaker 1 Annoying. We can be annoying.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I'm not an on all the time person. I've never been an on all the time person.

Speaker 1 What sucks is when I'm having fun being silly and I don't realize I'm being annoying. And that's what I think people talk about a lot.
Where sometimes I'll be like.

Speaker 1 being funny and it'll be a family member or an old friend and they'll be like okay and you're like yeah I think I am kind of being a lot right now but that's I I think, because we hang out with comics all the time and we like that.

Speaker 2 So it's also a little bit like, almost like you were talking about with your dog, where it's just like, you tolerate your dog being your dog, but you understand your dog being your dog in the real world is too much.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I feel that way where like I'm a lot and comedy has only made me worse.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And my sister likes it and my friends like it. But like I've been in the line at the airport and seen somebody like watched in real time someone think I'm a crazy person.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's I've or like literally like find an excuse to get away from me. And I was like, oh no, no, no, I'm that person.

Speaker 1 So when you clock someone being fed up with you, yeah, this person hates me.

Speaker 1 And I'm

Speaker 1 and I get it. And I absolutely get it.
You're like, they're not wrong. I'm wondering how that would fuck me up if I was, because, you know, we do it too.

Speaker 1 We look at people, we go, look at this fucking idiot. You're in line at like TSA or something.
But for, if someone ever went, hey,

Speaker 1 I get it. I hate myself too.
I'd be like, what? That would fuck me up. I'd be like, you see it too.
Hawaiians arguably have the best case of like, please get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, you're ruining our

Speaker 1 paradise. Yeah.

Speaker 1 James Cook, you piece of shit. Why did you have to land on these islands? But also, I always loved when I found out, like,

Speaker 1 you know, like black people say that we smell like wet dogs when we get wet. That seems valid.
I love shit like that. Yeah.
Unknown white racism to me is always like, oh, that's interesting.

Speaker 1 I always have found that really interesting.

Speaker 1 And this buddy of mine that I played high school football with, Eli Rock, cool name. Yeah.
Even better football player. The guy could hit like a sack of hammers.
He would just smash dudes.

Speaker 1 He played safety. But he lived in Hawaii and he was the first.
He like lived there when he was a kid. And he was the first person that told me that they hated white people there in a different way.

Speaker 1 Yeah. New white hate to me is always like, oh, all all right, what flavor is this but calling them, calling us Howleys?

Speaker 1 What does that mean? I don't know. Can you look up what the origination of the word Howley is? I don't know, but they would just go like, get the fuck out of here, Howley.
And you're like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 But like, new white racism, let's check it out.

Speaker 2 But I think

Speaker 2 the one, the one thing that I've grown over time is self-awareness.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So I hate that.
I think that's just age. Sure, but in therapy.
I've been in therapy a lot.

Speaker 2 But I think, and then comedy really does make you I think if you do it right really become introspective. So it's like I hated myself and now I know why I hate myself and I'm 10% better than I was.

Speaker 2 So I hate myself a little less. Like that's kind of a great way of saying it.
That's my journey.

Speaker 1 I think that's that's pretty fucking accurate about how I

Speaker 1 you're just like walking around with this ball of energy. Yeah.
And then you go, I really hate myself. And then you go, oh, I do this because of this.
Then you go, well, that.

Speaker 2 I'm going to forgive myself. Yeah.
Yeah. And then you correct it just a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Tell me what Howley means.
Howley is a Hawaiian term for individuals who are not native Hawaiian. So it's not for white people.
And applied to people primarily of white European ancestry.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's not white. It's white people.
It's white people. The background is it predates the 1778 arrival of Captain James Cook.
This is all from Wikipedia. Check out sources.
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 We're all about sources here. Yeah, we're all about sources.
At the Soder podcast, we're all about sources.

Speaker 2 I believe this is from AI Overview.

Speaker 1 This is from Gemini.

Speaker 1 Gemini says, eat spiders. It's good for your poop.

Speaker 1 I make an AI eating stuff reference, and people are like, why do you use that reference so much?

Speaker 2 She's because it does do that. No, it tells you

Speaker 2 like a recipe. It would be like, so put some nails in it.
And you're like.

Speaker 1 I was on the regular nails talking about AI psychosis with Lewis. And we were talking about something about Austin comedy.
I go, oh, like, yeah, AI is going to tell you to eat rocks.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that was a Cam Patterson joke. And he was like, that was a Cam Patterson joke.
I go, I was literally saying AI told me to eat rocks

Speaker 1 one time when I left.

Speaker 1 The term, back to Howley.

Speaker 1 The term was genuinely given to people of European descent.

Speaker 1 However, as more distinct terms began to be applied to an individual European cultures, and okay, the word Howley began to refer mostly to Americans, including American blacks.

Speaker 1 I don't know why they wrote it like that.

Speaker 1 Black Howley. They used to call them Black Howleys.
Oh, okay. Black Howley is an awesome band name.

Speaker 2 I was just about to say, like, if that's like a part of your crew, if they were just like, that's Brian, that's John, that's Black Howley.

Speaker 1 Black Howley is fucking sick. If I was a black dude, I would absolutely have a rock band called Black Howley, but spell it H-O-W-L-I-E.

Speaker 1 I don't think so. But they wouldn't know.
I don't know. You know what? We're spitballing.

Speaker 1 I can't get it. Not only do we do good journalism, but we do good spitballing here.
Of the Polynesian race said, God bless Elise. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.

Speaker 1 Howley. So it predates them.

Speaker 1 Anyone could explain what the word meant. All right.
Yeah. Basically,

Speaker 1 Howley is a term for people that go to Hawaii that are white. Yeah.
And if you're black, they call you Black Howley.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And like, ruining shit.
Like, you're, we're literally the same, like, the way the Galapagos has, like, a limit of how many people can go each year because just.

Speaker 1 They're doing that everywhere.

Speaker 2 They should.

Speaker 1 They absolutely should Everest is like

Speaker 2 guys stop stop dying here like you're like well it's like crazy that you wait in line and you walk by dead people yeah I is that still true is there still a line to get to the summit of Everest I don't know but I have one I've heard about it two I've heard there's trash there because people leave their trash and three I've heard there's dead bodies there but everything about that and then I heard that it is more dangerous because you're waiting in line and you're like hey something can't it's almost as somebody that has run i think almost 15 marathons Jesus.

Speaker 2 But, you know, after you run one, it's not really a feat anymore, is it? You know what I mean? So you, you start to be,

Speaker 2 you find, it's like anything. You do, like, even with comedy, you have this point where people are like, that's incredible.
You're like, it's really not after a while. Like, it's a skill set.

Speaker 1 Well, it makes me understand athletes when they're like,

Speaker 1 when they talk about Super Bowl, oh, my God. They talk about Super Bowl with reverence of like,

Speaker 1 Yeah, which like Tom Brady talks about the Super Bowls casually. Yeah.
And you go, well, yeah, he worked there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it became like

Speaker 1 the first thing that ever happened to me where it ended the magic of that was Cinco de Mayo. You know, I used to live in Arizona and Cinco de Mayo, you'd party when you live in Arizona.

Speaker 1 And then I moved here and I worked at a Shishi Mexican restaurant, Dos Caminos. Shout out.
At one time was Shishi.

Speaker 1 And they would get hyped for, they'd be like, Cinco de Mayo's coming. You better get fucking ready.
Everybody's working a double.

Speaker 1 We've got 400 on the books.

Speaker 1 shit's insane and then you work a couple cinco de miles and you go it's not that big of a deal it's gonna get busy and then it's not gonna be busy it's gonna get busy again and then it stops yeah but and people are at risk 2025

Speaker 1 there is literally a traffic there is a

Speaker 1 picture oh we'll edit that in you're just if you're just waiting there is nothing

Speaker 1 that you're

Speaker 1 going why am i here you're having a casual conversation like you're waiting for a latte like it's dmv yeah like that's my number? Yeah, I gotta go touch the top of the world. Hold on, real quick.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, I'm 63.

Speaker 1 You can't be 63. I think the new rule for Everest should be: you can climb it.
You don't get a Sherpa. No guys.
Oh, yeah. No guys.

Speaker 1 You want to do it? Yeah. Do it the way fucking Whitney did it or whoever that first guy was that got to the top.
Like you go fucking climb that shit by yourself. Yeah, I just.

Speaker 1 Stop bowling with bumpers.

Speaker 2 Yeah, for sure. And like,

Speaker 2 just because you were cold for a bit, that's your accomplishment.

Speaker 1 You didn't, you didn't carry anything.

Speaker 1 Content is the issue.

Speaker 1 About I Climbed Everest. Here's what it's like.
Hey guys,

Speaker 1 instead of get ready with me. Hey guys, climb Everest with me.
That right there, that guy died in the 20s and froze.

Speaker 1 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 The crazy I climbed Everest face.

Speaker 1 I got to the top of the world.

Speaker 1 Here is our Sherpa, Unuatno.

Speaker 1 Unuatno has been Himalayan and lived there since he was a little baby boy. I asked him if he loved sugar.
He did. Fuck everybody.
Let them all die if they're going to climb up there.

Speaker 1 Get up there. Go.
Go yourself. There should just be a guy at the bottom that goes, go.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like I went on a slide.

Speaker 2 Like it just lets you see.

Speaker 1 Oh, that guy left. Go.
One in, one out. Like a dance club.
He goes, are you with a bunch of girls? That's how you get in. You go, I got six chicks with me.
He goes, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 you can climb Everest.

Speaker 2 But also that Sherpa's done it 80 times.

Speaker 1 Dude, you want to talk about like

Speaker 1 a porn star. When you meet porn stars, when you meet people that have done porn,

Speaker 1 sex to them is like the way that we feel about joking around. Yeah.
Like being funny at work was my favorite thing in the world.

Speaker 1 I always try to think about that when doing stand-up so I don't become jaded because I'm like, this is the best job in the world because I get to do the thing that I would get fired from every other job for doing.

Speaker 1 And sex workers and people that work in the porn industry are like,

Speaker 1 this is why everyone goes on dates to get the thing that I do for a job.

Speaker 1 So that's how shroopers are with Everest. They're like, oh, do you want to climb a mountain?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And

Speaker 2 it becomes work. Like it becomes work.
And I also think from anybody I've ever talked to, you know,

Speaker 2 Doing that with somebody that is inspired, like did the work, did the research, working hard, taking care of their crew is is like in it. That's a cool journey.

Speaker 2 But, like, someone that's just doing that, doing the selfie, you know, selfie stick and trying to doing their makeup while they like have frosted eyelashes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Crazy wind coming through, and they're like, okay, that messed up.
That messed up my phone.

Speaker 2 Let's take it again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, take it again.

Speaker 2 Take it from the top.

Speaker 2 The wind is really messing up my microphone. If somebody.

Speaker 1 I think that's the reason everyone was excited when that submarine blew up. Oh, of course.
Because it was rich people that were were

Speaker 1 going down to the Titanic. And they're like, we're going to go down there.
Whereas like someone like James Cameron like got into diving, like put it together, did the research, was like very, like,

Speaker 1 there's people that really, Jacob, my old producer, or he's still a producer on the bonfire, but a buddy of mine, he loves the Titanic and he gets mad that so many people are going down and seeing it because he's like, you're fucking it up.

Speaker 1 You're bringing like shit down there that's going to break it.

Speaker 1 and people are taking stuff and they're like and that's like everest you're like it's supposed to be this mythical cool thing that if you get to the top you've done all the work you've learned how to climb a mountain and instead it's like yeah just pay me and we'll just take you up there but i don't got commodified i don't think people realize as

Speaker 2 people like nerds people like people that are passionate

Speaker 2 like that like love a thing like my brother has now shown me and my mom twice it's this guy in the uk that the train guy? No, no, no. He walked and canoed the

Speaker 2 entire Thames River

Speaker 2 from source to sea.

Speaker 2 And it took like three weeks. And he's literally walking through the Thames when there's no water.
And then in London, he's in a canoe.

Speaker 2 And like, there's all these gates that he has to go through and stuff like that. I would never watch this in a million years.
Sure. But my baby brother wanted to watch it.
He's explaining it.

Speaker 2 We're doing British accents. We're having a real good time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is, this is how I spent Thanksgiving. I love that.
But it's cool.

Speaker 2 This guy's done so much research about like the nature of, you know, how the Thames became about and, you know, where it's going to be hard and how to get through it. And he's not a canoe person.

Speaker 2 This is the most canoeing he's ever done. So he's fucking it up.
And like, it was,

Speaker 2 it was fascinating to watch somebody go through a journey that they were excited to do and then did the research. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, cared about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but

Speaker 2 people doing things for clicks is a bummer.

Speaker 1 Those are people that do stuff just so that they can talk about them. That happens a lot in entertainment where people will go to like premieres or parties and shit.

Speaker 1 And it's not because they want to go to it. It's just because it's because they want to go, oh, I was at the variety Oscars party and I saw so-and-so and so-and-so.
And you go, hey, everybody.

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Speaker 1 yeah absolutely i i want the pricing of it absolutely

Speaker 1 before i get to the pricing of how much it costs to get up everest i will say that's what what what i cut you off about earlier was this guy named francois or francis and he's on instagram and he is legitimately i don't think he's autistic probably autistic but he loves trains Big sign he's autistic.

Speaker 1 But he's so passionate about it that you watch it and you go, I love this guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's like, today we're following the 47th valley and it's going going to cross at exactly this time and it comes by and he's like oh it was ripper and he and he and he wears this camera on his head so he can show it and i swear to god go find him on instagram it looks like me that's why i started

Speaker 1 my friend from high school was like you got way my buddy garipay was like you got way into trains and sent me that and then i just loved the guy yeah because he was so passionate about it he's like oh here it comes and he's like younger but he's got an older man british accent he's got a girlfriend he like drives around around i love that you're like proud of him you're like yeah you're like yo way to turn your autism into a fun time all he does is oh all he does is just talk about how much he loves trains and i'm like brother get it but that's the thing i could not even care about the subject talking about just you're passionate you've done research i've learned something but just a dude that's like we're here we did it

Speaker 2 like you know what i mean and it's like i this is my okay my boyfriend we went to my my sister my sister has three kids.

Speaker 2 We went to go visit my sister and I couldn't find Cooper, who's the oldest, he's 11. And so we go downstairs in the basement, me and my boyfriend, and he's huge TV.

Speaker 2 He's watching a YouTuber rate a hotel. Like just give it a rating.
Sure.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 me and my boyfriend are like, what the fuck is this?

Speaker 1 Like, why? I never watched this when I was a kid.

Speaker 2 What are kids watching?

Speaker 1 The concierge was impressive.

Speaker 2 It was so

Speaker 1 navy corners on the beds.

Speaker 2 It's more like like he's like a hyper teenager that's just like, look, the bed sheets, they were crisp. That's weird.
It kind of gave me like a burn.

Speaker 2 And you're just like, what of everything you could be watching? What the fuck is it? He's not learning anything. I don't know if he's ever stayed in a hotel.

Speaker 1 But he's going to know what to write when he stays in a hotel.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, sure.

Speaker 2 He's going to be like,

Speaker 2 can I do the Yelp review?

Speaker 1 He goes, you're going to go on a family trip. And he's like,

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's something wrong with the sheets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're not crisp. Also, I didn't like the check-in policy.

Speaker 1 just all the places i've been you're like how many hotels you run easy like this is the first time i've seen yeah yeah i've never there's no i watch all the videos i know how to read i know the holiday inn i know the marriott i know the hilton so to climb the permit fee to climb mount everest from the nip from the nepal side is fifteen thousand for the 2025 spring season

Speaker 1 which starts september 1st 2025. Fees for other seasons are also higher, $7,500 for autumn, September to November.
And oh, they're cheaper. Oh, that's what more they are.

Speaker 1 So, here's what it is: spring, you pay $15,000. Oh, it's cheaper if you go in the autumn, and then it's very cheap if you go in the winter.
Yeah, for the permits, like $3,700. They're like, good luck.

Speaker 1 You're going to die.

Speaker 2 They actually give you a bag of chips.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Good luck to you.

Speaker 1 The permit fee is only one part.

Speaker 1 It ranges from $40,000 to $100,000. Guides and Sherpas, gear and equipment, base camp and logistics, oxygen, travel and insurance, and miscellaneous expenses.
So

Speaker 1 if you want to pay to climb Everest, 40K to 100K.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I understand

Speaker 2 if it's something you want to do and it's an accomplishment.

Speaker 1 I think it should be like a video game in a final boss situation where I think you need to have climbed

Speaker 1 at minimum

Speaker 1 five

Speaker 1 14,000 feet mountains. Like you have to go like get those K2s and shit.
You got to go beat the bosses and then to get to the Everest should be the final boss.

Speaker 1 And I don't believe you should have a Sherpa. I believe the, I believe that the permit money and shit should be kicked back down to the Sherpas.

Speaker 1 I think if you want to climb Everest, I really do believe in that. I think if you should climb Everest, you should fucking go do that shit yourself.

Speaker 1 But then if you do it and you come back.

Speaker 1 That's a real accomplishment. I'm telling everybody.

Speaker 1 This guy fucking climbed Everest by himself.

Speaker 2 But at some point,

Speaker 2 what is the accomplishment if everybody is doing is it just a different place to be cold?

Speaker 1 That's what I mean though. No Sherpa.
That's the accomplishment. Yeah.
Made your way up the fucking tallest mountain in the world without help

Speaker 1 when you have all that. Like the like even saying logistics.
It's like it making it sound like a summer camp. They're like check-ins Monday.
You're going to get to base camp on Wednesday.

Speaker 1 Thursday's your activities.

Speaker 2 Yes, we're going to do bingo.

Speaker 1 I know everybody loves bingo here. We do sledding off the top of the mountain.

Speaker 1 If you don't wear a harness, you will die. That would be, and then extreme way to climb Everest is to snowboard down.

Speaker 1 Surf guitar.

Speaker 2 But aren't there people that do crazy shit like that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I watch that shit on YouTube. Yeah, that's.
I know your cousin's out here watching, but I'll watch guys go backcountry and then just jump on a snowboard and it's insane.

Speaker 1 I've been getting a lot of those on my shorts.

Speaker 2 You watch one of those and that's your personality now.

Speaker 2 I'm just letting, I'm like, probably going to move soon. And I I was just looking at wallpaper and I have every interior design.
I was like, I'm not even this person.

Speaker 1 It just had squirrels on it.

Speaker 2 It just seemed cute.

Speaker 1 Sometimes when I get sad on the road,

Speaker 1 Instagram knows to feed me just dog content.

Speaker 1 And it's just insane.

Speaker 1 My for you is like old wrestling clips and dogs. And you're like, that's where I'm at right now.
No.

Speaker 2 It's just like. And if you watch one video, it completely tells you.

Speaker 1 But I like that. I want to watch people jumping off a mountain on a snowboard.

Speaker 2 That shit's cool as fuck That's what I thought the internet was gonna be in 1995 I was like I just get to watch guys jumping off mountains and snowboarding right and you're like that's gonna be your enemies telling you that you suck you go cool all right it could have I mean you know what's funny is I I one I built my career off social media but I've now curated it where it's mostly cat videos it's cat videos and like I like ceramics I like art I like cute knickknacky things that people make that's almost 95% of what I watch on top of like friends comedy and then fucking AI started making cat videos that weren't real.

Speaker 1 Oh, I saw a couple of those. I got thrown off.

Speaker 2 And not just the ones where they're like dancing and you know it's not real. It'll be like just a cat being like, meh.
And I'd be like, oh, that's so cute.

Speaker 2 And then now I have to look in the comments to be like, this seems AI. And then it tells you it's AI.
And it's like, come on, man.

Speaker 2 There's so many real cute cat videos or like bears that also do wacky things.

Speaker 1 There was one of a cat freaking out and running around. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, that video is funny. And then like two weeks later, Katie and i were somewhere like a friend's house and she was like i meant to tell you that video is ai and you're like

Speaker 1 what and it's just a cat spazzing out yeah she was like running up and then jumping off and then freaking out this lady which

Speaker 2 yeah it was one of those things where i'm like that makes me laugh when cats freaked out like that and it and like you find out it's ai and you just kind of like One, it's like, is this the today version of like what we have to tell our parents where you're like, that's a scam, mom.

Speaker 2 You can't do that.

Speaker 1 And I also feel like my problem with AI,

Speaker 1 number one, is that it just goes and takes everything that's been put on the internet and steals from it.

Speaker 1 It's not original. It just takes stuff and does it.

Speaker 2 You mean the worst type of comedian

Speaker 2 is AI.

Speaker 1 Exactly. It's just, oh, like whenever a comic,

Speaker 1 and we've both seen this. They'll do a joke and they'll get off stage and you'll go.
Hey, I just want to let you know like so-and-so does that joke. Yeah.
Like verbatim, someone's, and they go, okay.

Speaker 1 And then you just see them and they do a joke and you go, oh, man yeah now there's a part of me that i gotta dislike you yeah because i know you're not

Speaker 2 anytime anyone's been like oh that's a similar bit it's a bummer you go ah yeah like that's the response and you go all right and you're like it's like that

Speaker 1 either i have to find a new angle or i just wasted three weeks on a joke i mean i have a joke right now about my grandma dying and uh louie has a joke about his mom dying or his dad being in a nursing care thing and someone was like oh louie's doing a really funny nursing care bit.

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 1 well, my grandma died. So I'm not changing the joke I have.
You know, it's like, I lived through that. I'm just going to talk about how I lived.

Speaker 1 If there's some similarities, there's some similarities.

Speaker 1 But every other time in my life when that's happened, I've just gone like, well, I'm not going to do that joke.

Speaker 1 I've had a joke about wanting to make people pee. Like that's something I wish I could do is make people pee, like have to pee, because how uncomfortable it is when you have to pee.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's like a punishment? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like as a superpower punishment like everybody else has lasers and you're just like you really got to go and there's no path room yeah and you don't know the code and then i never really got it to work but or whatever and then i saw i can't imagine why no it was working though fuck you it was working

Speaker 1 but then i saw sean patton do a brilliant bit about if he could his superpower would be to control your poop And then he like had a thing about the poop going in and out.

Speaker 1 And I was like, this is so much better that you're like, all right, well, it freed me from doing that.

Speaker 1 yeah i'm done and that's what i mean and ai just goes well then here's the piss video like it just gives you the thing that that knows it's not original it just sucks and it sucks that i think they're doing that so we all become like

Speaker 2 but we were already there you said yes we were already there because of the nature of TikTok and Instagram influencers. Like there was this guy.

Speaker 2 You know, the trend where you would just kind of stand there and there'd be like almost like a tweet above your head.

Speaker 1 It was like a, it was like a video. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And there was this guy and every single one was a banger. I was like, dude, this guy is so fucking funny.
And usually I don't like the stuff, but I was like, follow. And then it took about a week.

Speaker 2 I feel almost embarrassed for me to realize he was just stealing them. He was just stealing tweets, putting it above his head.

Speaker 2 He has half a million followers and it's like, yeah, man, I can recognize what's funny and take it.

Speaker 2 That's not, and you realize that's most of Instagram and that's most of TikTok is just these dudes seeing something that's funny or these girls seeing that something that's funny and putting it out there so that when you put something out, they don't think it's yours.

Speaker 2 They don't think that you originally came up on it.

Speaker 2 So Adrian had Adrian Appalucci.

Speaker 1 She had

Speaker 2 so good. She's brilliant.
And she had a tweet. It's been going viral truly for 15 years in any kind of form.
So whenever I see, it doesn't matter who it is.

Speaker 2 It could be you, could be Vecchion, it could be Adrian. If I see someone else's bit and they're not credited, I go, hey, this is an Adrienne Appalucci bit.
Love that. Please go find her on that.

Speaker 2 And I start doing credits, like almost like I'm a manager because it makes me.

Speaker 2 You could be a comic I I don't like I do not like that kind of stealing and it's it's even if you the person didn't know it because it's been replicated so many times I'm gonna give it to you I'm gonna go I already am thinking of three jokes I already know Michael Che got one stolen by the fat Jewish

Speaker 1 someone else I remember they just like took their jokes and you're like yo, that's so-and-so's joke. And by the way, Che met him, the fat, was it the fat Jew?

Speaker 1 It just sounds anti-sonya. It does sound great.
But he saw him at the WWE and Che was like, fuck you, you stole my joke. And then he went out and tweeted, like, whoa, Michael Che's about it.

Speaker 1 I kind of respect it. And you're like, fuck you.
Fuck you. You're a fucking thief.

Speaker 2 But even if it's just a girl,

Speaker 1 I can name you a couple comics that do that. I have a policy with my fans.
In person, I'll name names. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to pat you down for a wire, but in person, I'll name fucking names.

Speaker 1 And there are very,

Speaker 1 very successful comedians who steal tweets and do them as bits. I hate that.
I hate that. And they don't get not, and it's been brought up online before.

Speaker 1 By the way, they're no one that we fuck with. No, but that's FYI.

Speaker 2 But there's no consequences. And it's also breaking creative

Speaker 2 autonomy. So this is what I was trying to say is that I go, hey, this is Adrienne Appalucci's bit.
She's been on Netflix, da-da-da-da. You should.

Speaker 2 One, give credit, even if you didn't know, and you guys should check out her work. And then it becomes this huge thread of people both like liking it and being like, thank you.

Speaker 2 But then it's this girl unrelated to this post that's just like, well, how do you know?

Speaker 1 And I go, I was at her taping. Yeah, it was on Letterman.

Speaker 2 And she goes, and she goes, well, this, she's like, well, I heard of this bit eight years ago. And I was like, she was on Letterman like 13 years ago.
I was like, what are we doing here?

Speaker 2 I go, also, and then another girl goes, well,

Speaker 2 how like something, something about creativity and it doesn't come from anywhere. And I had, I lost my mind.

Speaker 1 Eyes bleeding at the computer. What do you mean it doesn't come?

Speaker 2 You think tweets are coming from the ether? Like Jesus dropped them down?

Speaker 1 There's this thing that where people sometimes are, it's just easier to doubt it

Speaker 1 and then it is to, I mean, dude, that Russian bit I did on Conan has like

Speaker 1 prop, and I'm not joking when I say this, over 60 million likes on different accounts. Yeah, of course.
I've never published it on my own account outside of retweeting Conan when I did that set.

Speaker 1 And it's like Russians are the scariest white people joke. And then it's funny when people go, this is Dan Soder's joke.
And 99% of the time, the account that posted it goes, I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 I'm getting clicks.

Speaker 1 Fuck him. This is, in a weird way, they do this thing.

Speaker 2 But they still get clicks.

Speaker 1 They say,

Speaker 1 fuck you. These are, because what in their heads, and Pimps agreeing with me on this, they go,

Speaker 1 this is my... 20 million likes.
I took your thing. People are liking it because I put it up.
And you go, I wrote the joke. I worked it in clubs.
I polished it. I polished it.
I got it where it was.

Speaker 1 And there are people that just do not give a fuck. They will just take it and go, it's mine now.
And by the way, there was one guy.

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Speaker 1 Comedy Central used to do this show. I think I told this story recently on the podcast, but Comedy Central did this show in Central Park called Stars Under the Stars.

Speaker 1 They used to do it back in the day, and it'd be like 5,000 to 7,000 people in Central Park. And it was like all the people that had shows on Comedy Central.
This is when Comedy Central was king. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I did a half hour and then I sold a cartoon to Comedy Central. And they were like really high up on me.
And they were like, Do you want to open stars under the stars? They're like, Fluffy's hosting.

Speaker 1 And I was like, cool. So I'll be first up.
And they go, oh, no, no, no. You're going to go out before Fluffy.
And I was like, oh, you want me to do warm-up? And they were like, no,

Speaker 1 you get to do a set. This is why I'm so glad most of them are out of a job now.
Because you're like, fuck you. You don't know comedy.
And they would go like, you stupid dickhead.

Speaker 1 We're going to put you up in the worst position possible. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I go up.

Speaker 1 This is also

Speaker 1 comics. If you're in comedy, just know that you can bend the will of people in ways that will surprise you.
So we've known each other for 20 years. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When I was coming up, you remember when I was doing check spots? Yeah, of course. All the time.
And check spots are horrible. For those of you that don't know, I'll give you a quick summation.

Speaker 1 A check spot at a showcase club is when eight comics are on the lineup. They drop the checks for all the bills between the second to last and last comic.

Speaker 1 And the MC usually goes up there and kills time while you pay your bill. Then they bring the final comedian up.
That way everyone can leave and they can reset the room quickly and quietly.

Speaker 1 That spot sometimes will be given to a new comedian,

Speaker 1 which was me. And you just bomb because everyone's paying their bills.

Speaker 1 But I learned how to finagle it a little bit. I learned Mike Britt was always really cool and he would let me do the check spot when he was hosting at Stand Up New York.

Speaker 1 And I'd go like, yo, Mike, let me get like, could you do like a minute or two? And he's like, I got you. And he'd go up and be like, but

Speaker 1 do a joke. And then he'd give me like a really long intro that was really nice.
And then he'd bring me on.

Speaker 1 And by then, there would be enough people that I could just be like, all right, I could just do these jokes with these people and then everyone will be on board by the end of my seven minute set.

Speaker 1 So they're like, Fluffy's hosting. You're going to go up before him.
I'm like, well, going up cold. I'm going to fucking bomb.

Speaker 1 And then just pure luck, they were like, hey, Fluffy has this guy open for him. It's like his boy, and his fans know him.
He usually brings Fluffy up.

Speaker 1 And I was like, why don't you have him go up, say hello, bring me up? I'll warm him up. And then you can bring up Fluffy.
And these fucking dickheads are like, great idea. Oh my God, where'd you go?

Speaker 1 So I go up and I do, I just did Conan. I i just did the one with the russian bit

Speaker 1 no i didn't do conan yet i did the set i was going to do on conan yeah

Speaker 1 four months later i do conan yeah and a guy in the comments goes yeah i was at stars under the stars this is these are all john delaney's jokes because john delaney was on the show late much later in the show and he and the guy goes these are verbatim john it's the only time i've ever gone on a comment and signed in as myself and been like hey dickhead i opened that show with this exact set and then the no apology no no acknowledgement people will literally throw your entire life and reputation under the bus yeah and even when i because most of the time it's they just women are awful and you should kill yourself and it's like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna respond real healthy stuff yeah so it's like i'm not gonna respond but you know you get you get hit sometimes where they're just like this is all stolen and you've never written a joke and you're like hey hey you cannot like anything i've ever done but i did write this shit yeah this garbage you don't like i worked really hard on it katie has moments this just happened where she says something really funny and someone will go dan wrote that and you're like man

Speaker 1 and you know what you know who pisses out who that pisses off besides katie is me motherfuckers you don't think i'm married to her for a reason or engaged sorry we're not married yet we're engaged she's been calling ourselves engaged yeah it's too late you're already married but you think i'm with her for what re like because she has no timing or a message i wrote you think i sit down and i go say this at dinner

Speaker 1 say this when it happens there was a guy this was the most this was the moment for me where i saw how unhinged people were online shout out the opi and anthony subreddit uh it was a huge toxic environment but very entertaining for a long time especially if you're a fan of the show yeah it's very fun to go there and read and honestly the reason i named my tour the golden retriever of comedy was because that's what they called me on that subreddit there was a moment where they liked me then they turned

Speaker 1 they always turned then they hated me

Speaker 1 but i was on i was doing i remember specifically what this was it was Opie and Jim, right? And they brought in the Stangle brothers. Was that their name?

Speaker 1 They worked for Letterman, and Opie brought them in to help them with the show.

Speaker 1 And Pete Davidson was coming on a lot. He just got SNL and he was coming on OP a lot, Opie and Jim.
And he like got into it with him, and they didn't like each other or whatever. And then I just,

Speaker 1 I did.

Speaker 1 The show after they left. These guys were

Speaker 1 the brothers were supposed to work with them and then they left the show.

Speaker 1 And I guess it was because Pete was making fun of them. Okay.

Speaker 1 He's like 19.

Speaker 1 And so I went on the show and I was like, damn, you got bullied by a child. Like, that was my joke.

Speaker 1 It was like, I don't know, you fucking, when they were telling me what's going on, Jim's telling me what's happening. And I'm going like, these guys got bullied by a kid and they quit.
And this.

Speaker 1 He can't drink. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 what are you upset about? Just go, fuck you. You're a kid.
You probably still believe in Santa.

Speaker 1 That, that the next day or the day after this guy on Twitter was like yo you stole my riff and I was like what

Speaker 1 and then I go to the opium anthony subreddit this dude 10 toes down was like soda was on the subreddit he saw what I said and then he took it on on opium gym and said it and I go number one You know how good at timing you'd have to be to do that?

Speaker 1 To steal a riff and then go like, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it. There it is.
It's like parallel thinking, motherfucker.

Speaker 1 it's if anything, you should be happy that you had the same thought and go, oh, I thought the same thing. But you see how mentally unhinged, and then you just see the guy was like completely unhinged.

Speaker 1 He's like, I know he comes on here and steals stuff. You're like, motherfucker, I would hate my, I already hate myself.
I would hate myself so much more if I was

Speaker 2 that person that I didn't create my own thoughts and my own bits.

Speaker 1 That's why I'm saying I'll name names because when I see people steal stuff, I go, fuck you, because we're all out here trying to write jokes.

Speaker 2 And it's hard. It's hard.

Speaker 1 And I that's why most people suck because it's hard. But also,

Speaker 2 and this, I feel this way about just about anything that you do. Why do it if you didn't actually do it?

Speaker 1 Like, how do you sleep at night? Well, people, that's because people aren't in it for, I knew the driver was going to go off. I called it.

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 that was the thing that I'm going through post-pandemic is being in a creative job and working with people that don't care about being creative where they just go, oh, I'm strictly in here for the money.

Speaker 1 But the thing about stand-up is people can hide.

Speaker 1 This is happening a lot right now where people are hiding their true motives, not just in stand-up, just in general. They're hiding their motives by saying it's something else.

Speaker 1 And me and you are two nerds that just like love stand-up and love doing it. So we're like, oh, yeah.
And people could sit next to us and go, isn't this the best?

Speaker 1 And then they just turn around and take shit online. And then they go, oh, I didn't know.
And it's like,

Speaker 1 you see this a lot with like people who talk about their work ethic where they're like,

Speaker 1 harvest worker in the room. It's like, I actually think you're a psychopath.
Yeah. I actually think you don't care about working hard.

Speaker 1 I think that's your excuse on why you see a lot of celebrities that are in too much stuff are in commercials and movies and they're overspread too much and they go, I'm addicted to the hustle.

Speaker 1 It's like, no, you're not. You're a, you're an, you're a narcissist, an egomaniac, or a psychopath.
Yeah. And you're greed, just flat out greed.
Just greedy.

Speaker 1 And you're making it look like you're a hard worker. You're not a hard worker.
If you were a hard worker, you would burrow in on one thing and make it great.

Speaker 1 Not this like, I got to hustle all the time. Fuck that shit.
That kind of mentality, we should be, this is how you get a Jeff Bezos is by going like hustler mentality.

Speaker 1 He's like, he's a wealth hoarding. cunt.
And if you are defending him, you're a fucking loser. I truly think you're a fucking dork if you're like, wow, you're,

Speaker 2 you're just, you're just jealous that you don't have that kind of money. And it's just like, no, I don't.

Speaker 1 No, I don't want that kind of money.

Speaker 2 I would never treat people like that.

Speaker 1 I would feel gross if I had more money than anyone in the world and you're not doing anything with it.

Speaker 1 You're just sitting on it for your shit kids and your shittier grandkids and then your shittier, shittier great-grandkids.

Speaker 1 And then I hope one of them gets their head cut off in a fucking guillotine because fuck you. I will just say, if you're a fan of Jeff Bezos, you're a fucking nerd.

Speaker 1 You're a nerd. Pause.
Not a cool nerd. Not a cool nerd that knows Batman or knows any of the cool stories.

Speaker 2 No cool stories.

Speaker 1 Just imagine ball wash. I don't know.
You know what I found out? We talk about stand-up too much on this podcast. Doesn't matter.
It does, I think.

Speaker 1 It does to me because I feel like sometimes we burrow in. But we got a taser.
I bought a taser on Amazon. So

Speaker 1 Pimp could hit me with it. So if I was talking about comedy too much, he could just go like,

Speaker 1 but it's for hogs.

Speaker 1 So it would kill me.

Speaker 2 On right on the thing, it says, Do not use this on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it will cause cardiac arrest in humans.

Speaker 2 So you bought it, never used it. And do you want them to just hold it? And then you just, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like it's a sit, like it's someone had a great idea.

Speaker 1 Pregnancy simulator. It creates.
Oh, yeah. You put it on your abs and it creates the pain of the pain.

Speaker 2 Or like a period, like when you see those guys that are just like, how do you do the dishes with your period?

Speaker 1 This is crazy. I need, we're going to get that.
I'm going to buy one. 2026.

Speaker 2 I'm so excited for you.

Speaker 1 so i'm letting you know new year new me

Speaker 1 we're gonna have a pregnancy simulator or a period simulator so that so we're gonna keep going like the thing about writing

Speaker 2 i'm just i'm hurt that i was here before you got your pregnancy simulator i'll have you back and we'll have nothing but a comedy conversation and i want to control it oh yeah so like i'll start being like in the bits and then i'm just like and you're like wait you're not even getting punished you brought it up

Speaker 1 in front of conan why are you doing it?

Speaker 1 Why are you using when they said late-night sets aren't useful anymore?

Speaker 1 What the fuck are you doing this to me? Yeah, I like,

Speaker 1 I just am,

Speaker 1 that'll be very fun. That'll hurt a lot.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm just excited for you to become a feminist.

Speaker 1 It's not really, I'm not really doing it for the feminist aspect as much as you can.

Speaker 2 But it's going to be a casualty of it. Every time you think of comedy, you're going to think about women's rights.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go out in the living room and go, hey, Katie.

Speaker 1 Really sorry. Yeah.
Really sorry for everything you've been through. Fuck that.
I'm gonna go, no wonder you guys are fucking psychos. That shit hurts.
This hurts. This hurts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I, but that was a way around it where I was like, they won't give me a heart attack

Speaker 1 because I don't want to get stunned in the.

Speaker 1 But I do think it's funny because I think comics talk about, I think we've ruined some stand-up by talking about it too much. I think we've given away a lot of the mystique of it.

Speaker 1 And I think we need to go back to shutting the fuck up about it and just doing it.

Speaker 2 For sure, but I also think

Speaker 2 everything has become content.

Speaker 2 Everest. Everything has become content.
And if I'm being honest about myself, I don't know anything about anything else.

Speaker 1 What would you say outside of stand-up that you know the most about? And be honest. Cats?

Speaker 1 Cats. You grew up with a vet.

Speaker 2 Two vet, two vet parents, cat specialists. So I would say cats.

Speaker 1 And you love cats.

Speaker 2 I would also say like, probably like psychology, but like in a, in a real way? In a, I read too many books and I was in therapy too much way.

Speaker 2 Like I wouldn't say listen to me, but I would say like, hey, I like, I, so I'm trying to get, I would say my identity outside of stand-up is I used to read a lot, which sounds, and I, I work out a lot.

Speaker 2 I would say, um, like exercise, shut up.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna zap you right now. I can't.
I don't have

Speaker 1 my period band on. It should only be stand-up.

Speaker 2 You should give it the control of the guest and it's not even about stand-up. I'd just be like, I don't like your response.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's gonna be wild when I have guests I've never met.

Speaker 1 Where I just go, here you go. You better be fucking cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey.

Speaker 1 Steve, I goes, it's hilarious. And like,

Speaker 1 I'm not.

Speaker 2 Everybody has like an insurance thing they feel like.

Speaker 1 Hey, we got an NDA and an insurance thing in case you fucking kill me with this period simulator.

Speaker 2 I think as somebody that's like kind of a gym rat, I think like I've done a lot of research about like how the body works and fitness and, you know, fasting and I don't know.

Speaker 2 CrossFit, like like that kind of shit. But I think the biggest thing is I was a reader.
Like I, I, I know like two other people that read as much as I do.

Speaker 2 And I just even though I'm dyslexic and I read like an idiot I still absorb information and I like it like it's the same way that like comedy makes me excited and I just want to like tell my new joke sure reading a like I'm reading um Tupac's biography okay and it's I love it so much.

Speaker 1 As a white lady with a bandana on and your hair like that, you look like you're like, you read a chapter and snap. You're like, oh, oh, my black king, what you had to go through.

Speaker 1 What you had to go through.

Speaker 2 But right now, I'm reading about his mom being a black panther and like representing herself. Like she was supposed to go to jail for 300 years.
There's like some fucked up situation in like the 70s.

Speaker 2 And she represented herself and just had like incredibly smart and like

Speaker 2 creative and like thoughtful. And, you know, she had a very checkered, horrible past.
She became addicted to crack and stuff. But like reading that and like, I've always been a huge hip-hop fan.

Speaker 2 I like learning about the music side of things. I've always thought stand-up and hip-hop have a lot of similarities.
I'll I'll fuck it. No, you shut up.

Speaker 1 100% disagree. That's my subway take.
Put sunglasses on me. 100% disagree.
People in hip-hop are coming from real experiences. We are fucking clowns.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 The writing process?

Speaker 1 Sure. I think it can be similar to songwriting.
I can see the similarities of songwriting and joke writing. I

Speaker 1 think biographies should be written by your enemies. Oh,

Speaker 1 because they can make it sound like she studied and she beat the court. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This bitch got lucky.

Speaker 1 Just some lady that didn't like her. She goes, I'm going to tell you right now, that bitch is guilty as hell.

Speaker 2 Which is funny because my boyfriend is an editor and he edited the Diddy Doc, which is produced by 50 Cent, which is his enemy.

Speaker 1 Which now the Diddy lawyers are like, please don't let that come out.

Speaker 1 So it might be out now. Go watch it.
It is. It is.
It's out today. I'm going to tell you right now.
It's out today. Yeah, it's out today.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have to watch it this afternoon while I'm putting on ornaments on my Christmas tree.

Speaker 1 Oh, the holy Jolly Street. In the background, it's like, Diddy ripped over 50 men?

Speaker 1 In case you didn't know,

Speaker 1 oh, my golly, Havaholly. He ripped as much as he produced.
He ripped.

Speaker 2 I agree with you about biographies, but I also am somebody that likes, I like stories so much. And I like hearing how people persevered and how people got like.

Speaker 1 Biographies can be very helpful.

Speaker 1 When I was younger, I was, especially in my late teens, teens, early 20s, I was obsessed with reading biographies because I loved reading about successful people that went on to do great things that had horrible shit happen to them when they were kids.

Speaker 1 And for some reason, that made the horrible shit I was going through a lot easier. Because I was going, well, this fucking guy turned out great.
And he...

Speaker 1 His whole family got murdered.

Speaker 2 And you're like, that's, you know, I think that's what can be great about reading biographies is you go like, there's a similarity in someone's, even like crazy old shit about like Alexander the great you read something you go i can kind of understand that struggle but but i think i'm getting back into it because right now it used to be that trends and life changed on a seven to 12 year basis right oh it is a weekly it exactly and as somebody that is you know a creative person a working comedian who is a freelancer I am

Speaker 2 so lost, like in a way that I can't process. I used to be like on it.
Like I loved business. I loved the creativity of business and I'm not there anymore.

Speaker 2 Like I'm, and so a biography shows, even if it's not every week like it is now, it shows, hey, this was working, this was working, and then it stopped. Think about your favorite band from the 90s

Speaker 2 that was the biggest band ever and you know, playing stadiums, and now they're playing the same venue they started at. But how do you

Speaker 1 always love that? I was actually talking about this last night at the seller about

Speaker 1 bands that evolve i think are the ones that i always like if you're a fan of a band i've been a fan of queens of the stone age for like 28 years and i would say like or you know i've been with them every evolutionary step of the way because you let them lead they're a band they're going to give you the album it's then you're it's like a it's a relationship where they put out an album and you go i don't like it but then the the next album, you like it.

Speaker 1 It could be, but then there are the fans that go, I wish they'd just be more like songs for the deaf. Why can't they be like Desert Rock and Stoner Rock and shit?

Speaker 1 And you go, because they're fucking 28 years older. Yeah.
They're fucking older. Let them be older.
Let them be old. Maybe you should be old.
Maybe.

Speaker 1 And also, this is the thing about fandom in the United States, because everything is a dollar, every kind of like a meet and greet, Patreon, give me your money, give me your money.

Speaker 1 Fans don't realize that you have all the power. Just leave.
Yeah. You can just stop.
Like a lot of times those bands that were really big in the 90s,

Speaker 1 that's why I used to love VH1 behind the music. Yeah.
Because VH1 Behind the Music would show you that all these commonalities of like, oh, they thought that they were better than everybody.

Speaker 1 They thought they were like divine and like given this like right. And then they crash because they go like, fuck.

Speaker 1 It wasn't. There's this great book.
This guy, Sam Sheridan, wrote these two books called A Fighter's Heart and a Fighter's Mind.

Speaker 1 And he like talks to like professional fighters about all these aspects.

Speaker 1 But a fighter's mind is really good because he talks to the coaches about like how they coach these guys up to go and fucking basically try to kill each other.

Speaker 1 And he's talking to Freddie Roach, the boxing trainer.

Speaker 1 And Freddie Roach was like, I would rather have a guy with a couple losses than a guy that's undefeated because a guy that's undefeated, sometimes a lot of times their brains, they think it's it's a God-given talent and then they lose and they go well God's forsaken me versus someone with versus someone who has lost and rebuilt themselves and then they go oh I if I lose I can just rebuild I've been I've been to the pathway and it's like that I think needs to be taught more than like you're the man you're killing it nothing goes your way it's like no no no something's gonna not go your way and you need to know how to respond to that I think one of the most toxic things that has come out in the last five to 10 years is the phrase the goat.

Speaker 1 There isn't. There cannot be multiple goats.
It is a singular phrase.

Speaker 2 But also, why can't it also be

Speaker 2 you're at your peak right now or you're doing real?

Speaker 1 Eras.

Speaker 1 Michael Jordan did not play in the same NBA that LeBron James played in. Joe Montana did not play in the same NFL that Tom Brady played in.
It's just, and you can't compare.

Speaker 1 Colin Quinn had a great joke in Schumer's movie Trainwreck where he gave a monologue.

Speaker 1 Colin Quinn played her dad and he's like at the home giving a monologue about Babe Ruth. And he's like, it's really funny.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, Babe Ruth, he wouldn't be able to hang out with, he wouldn't be able to hang on the diamond with 12-year-old Dominicans now. And you're like, he's right.
It's such a good point. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 If you played in an all-white NBA, you weren't shit. I don't care if you were a shooter the scooter and you're like, fucking, he had 46 points.

Speaker 1 It's like, you weren't going against a six foot nine guy that moved like he's five foot eight. Yeah.
You should just change it.

Speaker 2 I also just don't think they knew about protein. Yeah.
So I just, I don't think they knew about it.

Speaker 1 They thought water just milk.

Speaker 1 They go, drink milk. It makes you stay.
You don't need water. That's for ladies.
That's for ladies washing their hair.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I think saying everything's the goat, saying everything, it's like, but it isn't. Someone can be just, he's just really good.
Just enjoy it. He's really good.
And by the way,

Speaker 1 something that's really enjoyable is like learning to like shit that you didn't like. That's like one of the coolest parts about life.

Speaker 1 you know what i got into this year real big cantaloupe and melons used to hate them i thought you were gonna say a skill and then you just were like fruit have you heard of it fruit used to hate cantaloupes used to hate

Speaker 1 used to hate melon i my mom used to love eating cantaloupe and i was like get that away from me and then you get older and you take a bite and you go This is nature's candy. This is real good.

Speaker 1 This is real. This is nature's candy.
This shit's real good. And you go, I like cantaloupe.
I feel like Neo and Matrix where I go, I like Candle.

Speaker 1 We put in the program for him to like succulent fruits. But it is.
It's like,

Speaker 1 I think that needs to be pushed more than they're the greatest of all time is maybe you'll learn to like something you hated. I remember like your parents' music from when you were a kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot of times when you're a teenager, you're like, ugh. I don't want to listen to Steve Winwood.
Bonnie rate sucks. Now we're on a fucking road trip.
I'm like, let's toss on some Steve Winwood, dude.

Speaker 1 Let's get back into high life.

Speaker 2 Bonnie was our age when she made it. So you better recollect Bonnie.

Speaker 1 Dude, Bonnie Rait.

Speaker 1 I loved Bonnie Rait back in the day, and I love her even more now.

Speaker 1 And I go, oh, when I was young, I was always like embarrassed because I had friends whose parents listened to like Metallica and Guns and Roses. And you're like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 And then my mom was like, putting on Bonnie Rait with like a drink.

Speaker 1 My mom listened to it. And then now I'm like, now I put it on.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 I fucking love it.

Speaker 2 My mom also did two albums. She loved Prince

Speaker 2 and Queen.

Speaker 1 Damn. Yeah.
My mom, your mom was fucking.

Speaker 1 You had no idea how much your mom was fucking. It was that's so.
You always learn about who your parents are. Robert Palmer's.
Yeah. Oh, Robert Palmer.

Speaker 1 I was like, what the fuck? The lights are on.

Speaker 1 But you're not home. Yeah, your mom was.

Speaker 1 Your mind is not your wrong one.

Speaker 2 All I can see is my little old lady mom.

Speaker 1 Be nice to me. No, hell no.
She was built, too.

Speaker 1 She had kids. Yeah, dude, that's like, it's funny because I always was like, oh, when you see the personality, my dad was a Jimmy Buffett fan, so that was a giveaway.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That he was just a fall-down alcoholic. And then, you know, my mom liked all that.
Like, mom, like, after a long day at work and have a cocktail. Yeah.
Stirring it with her finger.

Speaker 1 I met a guy out of the classifieds his name is eric and we're going to

Speaker 1 we're going to the emerald aisle for a round of drinks listening to bonnie rait and meanwhile i'm just slamming two pieces of i'm slamming my action fingers together like yeah dude it's Growing, that's what I'm like really

Speaker 1 loving about getting older is like you just learn like, oh, you were wrong. Like I didn't like something and I was wrong about it.
And that's fine. No one cares.

Speaker 2 But also I think I obviously your taste changes, but like I got into cooking because of the pandemic. I never cooked.
I was never good at it. I hated it.
I thought it was a waste of time.

Speaker 2 And then I started cooking with one of my roommates. And like, I didn't want to touch the meat.
I was like, it looks weird and I don't like it. So he would do meat.
I would do vegetables.

Speaker 2 And then I moved out.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, I got to touch the meat. I hate this.

Speaker 2 Which is a phrase I don't think I want to say again.

Speaker 1 We'll bleep that out. So no one

Speaker 1 your feet covered. That was my biggest concern.
Don't have your feet out and say that, or else it's going to be a fucking logistic nightmare.

Speaker 2 But I started, I was single, I was living on my own or living like alone for the first time and i you just stirring reading tupac's mom yeah

Speaker 1 get him girl yeah yeah get him making a stew you go oh this fucking court system has no idea what this bitch is about to go

Speaker 1 oh

Speaker 1 get him mama

Speaker 1 talking like pock yeah no i get i get his voice he's a gemini i'm a gemini i feel very close to him bipolar what what that's that che joke where he's like mental health hit the black community too late he's like I know a lot of bipolar women calling themselves Geminis.

Speaker 1 It's one of my favorite jokes.

Speaker 2 But I started cooking and it's just like anything you learn, right? And you start to, before the recipe tells you, you start to know what to do. And you're doing it before.

Speaker 2 And you're like, it's the same way with like joke writing or for me, like with exercises, I learned some new, you know, whatever.

Speaker 2 And then all of a sudden I was just like, oh, I'm correcting my own form. And da, da, da.
And I do think there's something about the

Speaker 2 empowerment empowerment of

Speaker 2 starting over that is no longer kind of talked about anymore. Like because it's everything is like, ah, fucking idiot.
They don't know what they're doing. And you're like, I'm just trying.

Speaker 1 Well, when you start over and you learn something.

Speaker 1 You don't need these frivolous companies that sell you, we'll do everything for you. For sure.
That's the half of the sale of AI is it'll do all the menial shit you don't want to do. And you go,

Speaker 1 the devil's in the details. You got to go learn how to do all this shit.
It was always like, I talk about this a lot, but I'm always impressed.

Speaker 1 I'm way more impressed with anyone that started a business over someone that made it in entertainment. For sure.

Speaker 1 I go, someone that made it in entertainment, they might have talent and they're good at lying and being friends with the right people, but you start a business, like an actual business, like you're selling shit and you got like a brick and mortar store.

Speaker 1 You got to wake up, go there every day. This has been my fucking thing.
I want someone to implement. no more

Speaker 1 board of directors.

Speaker 1 If you own a company, you got to to work. The guy that owns the Chipotle needs to be at Chipotle.
I can't just have a guy reading things and going like, we're going to cut staff by 20%.

Speaker 1 It's like, you need to know, I want you to know everyone that comes in and works. And I want you to go, who's the, you know, remember when we were growing up, they'd go, let me speak to the owner.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 A guy would come out and he'd go, can I help you? I have this fucking problem. This guy's being rude.
He's like, well, he's my employee. Let me talk to him.
That's.

Speaker 1 gone.

Speaker 1 And of course they're going to give you shitty service. They're not talking to the guy.

Speaker 2 But also like, so they've been talking about how most food, think of like Chipotle's, sweet green, all those kind of like chains that were like blew the fuck up are now they're gross.

Speaker 2 Like they're, it's just everything about it is like not the same quality food or whatever. But it's also, I mean, yes, we're making decisions on saving money.

Speaker 2 But even if you can't put your, your finger on it, why this burrito that is, you've always gotten, it might not even have changed price just doesn't seem right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Somebody made a decision to go to a different meat person because it was 10 cents cheaper overall.

Speaker 2 And they never, they didn't go and say, be like, you still like your burritos? Do you care? Like, you know what I mean? And you just use all of that.

Speaker 1 That's a perfect example of that is sriracha. I love sriracha.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There was a farm that was making the sriracha, like the peppers and shit for the sriracha that was in that classic dragon bottle or whatever, the one we all know with the green tip and shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I read this article that that company wanted to save money. So they went to a different farm and everyone was like, like, your sriracha sucks now.

Speaker 1 And then the company that was making that sriracha goes, well, we still got that farm. We're still making it.
So that's the shit that I buy. I'll go find that.
You can look it up.

Speaker 1 It's real easy to find on Google, but now I'll buy that like in a two-pack and it's the old sir. And you're like, holy shit, this is how it used to taste.

Speaker 1 And it's just because the company that had the bottling, my buddy works for

Speaker 1 Tito's vodka and he's worked in the liquor industry for a while.

Speaker 1 And he, his first job in the the liquor industry was working for Kettle One and I would talk about gray goose and I'd be like this is when I was drinking and he's like gray goose vodka is shit vodka they just pay a lot of money for the bottling yeah and everyone gets fooled and so it's like well yeah of course you're gonna get duped because they go look at his bottle and you go oh that's shit but i so i i'm allergic to yeast so i sucks yeah it does i haven't drank in over 10 years but in the beginning they told me i could have triple distilled vodka which i'm allergic to yeast too yeah oh jeez because it makes me makes me want to blow my brains out in the morning.

Speaker 2 But, but I remember being at the stand, the original stand, the small one.

Speaker 2 And I told, I told Chris, because he offered me a drink and I was like, oh, I can only have triple distilled vodka, but I actually just don't like vodka. I think it's gross.

Speaker 2 So I just stopped drinking. And he goes, you need the good stuff.
And I go, I don't know. He, I don't know what the fuck he poured me.
He first poured me like just a little bit of vodka.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I'm not that kind of drinker. He goes, taste it.
And I was like, that was pretty good.

Speaker 2 And then he made me like, I don't know, like whatever orange, I have, it's been so long, just juice, screwdriver, screwdriver, orange juice, and vodka. Yeah, yeah, something very simple.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I was like, oh, this is amazing. Oh, and I was like, oh, I'm too poor to have good.

Speaker 1 I mean, good vodka. When you have like good alcohol, you're like, oh, oh.
I got, when I got hired by Diageo to work for Guinness, like to be there,

Speaker 1 when you're an employee of Diageo, you can go to their bar. They have a bar in their office in Midtown and you don't pay because you're an employee.
You don't even, you're not even allowed to tip.

Speaker 1 And I drank Johnny Walker

Speaker 1 uh blue

Speaker 1 and it was like

Speaker 1 it was just so smooth I was like I don't drink scotch and one of the guys I was working with was like have you ever he goes you should we own Johnny Walker you should have the best Johnny Walker you can have and it was and it was just a giant ice cube and Johnny and I was like am I a man now yeah I go I'll go to war send me to war I'm here I also start a business and sire a son um but yeah it really is you really realize you're like i'm poor as shit you have like good stuff and you're like you don't even real you don't even know what you're missing you're just like i don't like vodka and then you just realize you're like oh i or you like it too much and you go why am i drinking the stuff we're detailing the silverware with at those cominos i'd come in hungover with an orange juice and i'd be like

Speaker 1 sorry i'm doing side work and then you did fucking just drink it gas with orange juice

Speaker 1 felt like a dragon drinking that shit you're like

Speaker 1 when you drink detail vodka there is a moment where you go i think I have a problem. Yeah, yeah.
That's like one of the ones where you go, all right.

Speaker 1 People are like, are you taking nail polish off? Like, why

Speaker 1 smell?

Speaker 1 Shout out to all my fellow servers that were drinking detail vodka. There were a couple of us.
Do you still drink? No, I haven't drunk in 13 years.

Speaker 2 Really? Like, so, like, you're sober.

Speaker 1 Like, you made it. I get high.
Okay. Yeah, I mean, I like getting, I love getting high, but I don't drink alcohol.
Okay. Because it was a real problem.

Speaker 2 It was a slippery slope.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was.

Speaker 2 You're a man. I think I was around.

Speaker 1 I think I saw that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think I've had, I've had many. You know what's so funny? Because when you said the golden retriever thing, I like I that couldn't have been more accurate, but I have like

Speaker 2 I have a vivid memory of doing a bar show somewhere in the East Village with you and you asked me a question. And you, I mean, you're always been the nicest person.

Speaker 2 I, you know, but you asked me a question, and it wasn't until after you left that I was like,

Speaker 2 is he, is he going to get home? Okay, like it was, you were that level of like, because you're, you come off as very happy.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 2 But then I watched you stumble

Speaker 1 and I it was the first time I ever like worried about a man getting home oh man I would I would get home I might have fallen asleep on a train or at a train stop but you're like three times bigger than me and I literally was just like should I pay for his cab

Speaker 1 people tell you when people ask you if you're if

Speaker 1 I got hammered at a guy code premiere party.

Speaker 1 I mean, blackout. I started drinking.
I started drinking at Stand Up New York.

Speaker 2 I don't like when you brag, but please continue.

Speaker 1 I was at Stand Up New York doing shots. And then I was, this is how bad it was.
I was doing shots and drinking rum and cokes. Okay.
So I was doing a shot with a rum and coke, which is wild behavior.

Speaker 1 And they were at some,

Speaker 1 there was a ping pong place that Susan Sarandon used to own. That was like, this might have been before she owned it.
I vaguely remember. It's called like ping or something.
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They had the premiere party party there. And I showed up pretty drunk.
And then I got very drunk because they was open bar. And so I was doing shots of Crown Royal.

Speaker 1 You're like, everybody looks like a lizard somehow. And I was just talking to people.
I was just like, I had my beer and I was talking to people.

Speaker 1 And I remember specifically Andrew Schultz and whoever he was with at the time. He's there and I'm talking to him.
And he looks at me and he goes, You think you should go home like that?

Speaker 1 And I remember going like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 And then I was leaving and then I was like, banging up the staircase. And I was like, what a, it was such a

Speaker 1 polite way of going.

Speaker 2 You're going to ruin something very quickly.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It was like, everyone thinks the haunted house is mean, but it tells you to get out.
Yeah. Just listen to the house.
It goes, get out.

Speaker 1 Get out. Get out.
And then there's no problem.

Speaker 1 And then you can go, once I moved into a house and then it told me to get out, so I got out. And then I don't really.

Speaker 1 really yeah yeah then i left but that's how i felt when he was like i love how your alcoholism is a poltergeist that just told you the truth well just but like

Speaker 1 because he wasn't like uh schultz wasn't mean about it he just went like

Speaker 1 you think you should go home right now and i was like yeah i have just been pounding crown royal at the bar i'll probably get out of here and when it has to do with like career stuff you're like hey bud that's the thing that's the warning you want yeah because i woke up the next day and i was like oh thank god i left because i remember being outside smoking a cigarette, getting into a cab, and someone from the production staff or something was like, what?

Speaker 1 They like, they just got there. You know, when production shows up with their backpacks after they leave the office, and they're like, you're leaving.
And I was like, my God, yeah, man.

Speaker 1 I got in the cab and it was like, thank God. Yeah.
I'm sorry. Because I would have stayed there and been like, oh, no.

Speaker 2 And just like truly burned bridges.

Speaker 1 Oh, and that was the warning I got. That was the thing.
Sometimes you get a warning where like a friend will tell you something and you go, yeah, I could see that happening.

Speaker 1 And it was, it was brian copelman who created billions after i did montreal he was like did you drink up there and i was like oh yeah and he was like that's your one problem he goes because you're going to get drunk and you're going to make a joke and someone's not going to take it as a joke and then that guy could affect your career and i was like oh a hundred percent that's going to happen

Speaker 1 that's all i kept because i always thought alcohol was my superpower of like grabbing people and being like what's up mother runners and then you're like oh yeah but then you say the stupid shit yeah or and if you have no recollection of it, how do you even change?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've been talking about drinking. I've been talking about drinking too much.
What are we not allowed? Why are we not allowed to talk about anything? Because I talk about stuff too much.

Speaker 2 You have a podcast.

Speaker 1 What is happening right now?

Speaker 1 You know what? I listen to the comment section. That's what's happening right now.

Speaker 2 I think there's some validity to that, but also like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I have like four subjects that I know anything about, as we've discussed. Cats,

Speaker 1 exercise, psychology. comedy and reading.
Comedy.

Speaker 2 That's that's it. Yeah, and I'm not even a good reader.

Speaker 1 Minor, booze, comedy, wrestling,

Speaker 1 dead dads.

Speaker 1 Excel at dead dad.

Speaker 1 I could talk dead dad for hours.

Speaker 1 And 49ers and the San Francisco 49ers. Because of my dead dad.

Speaker 1 They're one and the same.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's like a side.

Speaker 2 It's a little side.

Speaker 1 Do you think your love of cats is related to your parents being vets? Do you think that like...

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 keep in mind, we had a small ranch house, and next to it was another small ranch house that my mom had a cat clinic at. So, I didn't have a babysitter.

Speaker 2 I would literally, after the cats watched you, the cats watched me.

Speaker 2 After elementary school, I would sit in the lobby of my mom's practice while she worked, and I would do my homework in the lobby of her cat clinic.

Speaker 2 So, all I know is like everywhere we lived was next to or near my parents' animal hospital. So, I've just, and we had every animal you can possibly think of.
But I also think my parents are very

Speaker 2 lonely, sad people, people.

Speaker 2 And they,

Speaker 2 I think animals were safe for them.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 2 And that that also felt safe for us.

Speaker 1 That's great.

Speaker 2 So I, all of my ability to communicate is either through a book

Speaker 2 or because my friends, like, I remember like my girlfriends in high school, because I was very shy and very quiet while writing jokes. I started stand-up when I was 16, but I.

Speaker 1 I forgot that. I forgot these shirts.
So yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So like I was, nobody ever was like, you're funny. You should do it.

Speaker 1 People were like, you seem sad. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what what I mean?

Speaker 1 Why do you hiss at me? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's still a tactic.

Speaker 2 I walk home late at night. It helps.

Speaker 1 It works. I would, I would back off a bitch hissing at me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I think in general, animals, just as doesn't matter what, it could be a lizard. It could be a dog.
It could be a rat.

Speaker 2 Like any kind of pet you have is usually a connection to a part, like, to like emotions that you can't connect to.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Because here it is, like, like,

Speaker 2 you know it's it's a it's a it's a different type of relationship but like my cats the you know the dogs that I've had that we had a chameleon like you think of it whatever animal that's you know their little quirks sure you know everything about them you like the chameleon I knew what color it turned when it was mad you know what I mean yeah of course it's red so it's kind of obvious

Speaker 1 yeah yeah should have gone with the smoother color come on man keep them guessing but but like you you like I remember a good friend of mine he likes snakes I was never a snake person he likes snakes you do not have snake lady energy i do not at all but you'd have been smoking inside

Speaker 1 you'd have gone i don't care if you say yes or no i'm doing this you ever watch a boa eat a rat

Speaker 2 i don't smoke enough to have a snake but he gave me a snake and he was showing me how it shows affection and i just never knew no thanks and knowing how it should showed affection all of a sudden that kind of catly i was like oh that's all i care about now you like snakes yeah because you can see them

Speaker 1 we found out when dogs lick their tongue they're

Speaker 1 lick their tongue. I mean, when the dogs lick their nose,

Speaker 1 that's their like self-soothing thing. And so now she learned that online, and we both know it now.

Speaker 1 And now, when Myrtle licks her nose, we're like, all right, well, I'm sorry, you're fucking insecure. Like, we're insecure.

Speaker 1 And we're like, when you see that in an animal, you go, well, maybe I'll just leave you alone. Maybe I'll just leave you alone on the cats.
I'm like, you're having a panic attack. No, sorry.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking swarming on you. Heaven forbid I fucking love you.
But yeah, I understand that.

Speaker 2 But it's a safer way to understand somebody, right? Like I can tell you. So I have two cats, Lunchbox and Ghost.
Goodness. Thank you.
They're brothers. They're very different.
Sure.

Speaker 2 And so if you walked into my apartment and you wanted their attention, I can tell you exactly how to get Lunchbox's attention. I know exactly how to get ghosts.

Speaker 2 And then ghosts can be a little bitey sometimes. I can tell you when to stop giving that attention to protect you.

Speaker 2 Think about that with emotions for people and how people don't do nearly that much work because they use their words, right? And it can be hurtful.

Speaker 2 So like I'm, I think a lot of people are like this, but like when I'm tired or hungry, God help us all. That's everybody.

Speaker 1 Sure. That's like everybody.
And everybody has to have that moment where you're a dickhead and then you eat and you go, fuck, I was just hungry.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like I drove, I drove five hours for Thanksgiving.
I had my one of my buddies can't drive and my brother is horrific at driving.

Speaker 1 So I drove the whole way.

Speaker 2 And so I came in and my parents bombarded me with questions and I was like, hey, I'm hungry. And they're like, yeah, yeah, but it did.
And I go, hey, I'm hungry.

Speaker 2 And they're like, I was like, I cannot do this.

Speaker 2 And either you need to give me cheese immediately or you need to leave me the the fuck alone like i was so mean and then everybody was like and then your mom was like kennel her

Speaker 2 put her in the kennel this is what happens when our kids misbehave how is that any different than ghost nipping at me yeah and being like i'm hungry yeah and i can see it says eight o'clock you like like i but like that my our dog didn't eat uh we forgot to feed her breakfast we were traveling we forgot to feed her breakfast

Speaker 1 and then uh later katie was like when i was about to go on the walk she had to do the thing where she goes remember she didn't eat breakfast so she's going to be a fucking nightmare on this walk and it helped me yeah because i was like oh yeah she's going to try to eat everything because she's fucking she didn't get breakfast yeah yeah that's i i i hope a lot of people could take from that maybe you're hungry maybe you're hungry i mean i think that most of the time but like even when it's i i know certain things agitate me in a way that i'm the worst version of myself and i i think my parents and I think myself, I think animals were the safest way to learn both love and understanding people's flaws and accepting them.

Speaker 1 That's, that's a great way of looking at it. I wish more animal owners did that.
Then you wouldn't have so many shitty animals because they're just

Speaker 1 raised horribly.

Speaker 2 Of course. But like we even talked about at the beginning, like you, there is a,

Speaker 2 I have an old joke from my first album about how I have a lot of like, obviously mental illness and like issues and like emotional issues. And I have a cat who has mental health and emotional issues.

Speaker 2 Like there's no way for me to have not implemented that on full circle, baby.

Speaker 1 Right to the beginning where Myrtle's a fucking problem because I'm a fucking problem. Liz Mealy is one of the best.
Go watch her specials on YouTube. The newest one just came out.

Speaker 1 Space Camp. Space Camp.
Come on. Go check it out.
Go subscribe to her YouTube. Honestly, just like pure stand-up, one of my favorites.
Great joke writer. She's hilarious.
Liz Mealy is the best.

Speaker 1 Thanks so much.

Speaker 1 I'll see you next time.

Speaker 1 What's the next? Oh, when I have my when I have the periods.

Speaker 2 I really want to be a part of that.

Speaker 1 We won't talk stand-up.

Speaker 2 Not only will I not talk stand-up, I think I can ruin our friendship quick.

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