C03 - Ep. 16 - Brig of Endridge Bay - Lost Souls & Lost Hulls

I'm Scott Hanson, host of NFL Red Zone.

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Greetings, all you gassed grave callers.

Swag your stench into the stinky dragon and throw back our latest thirst quencher six feet asunder.

It's a mixture of blackened fallen tea leaves, cinnamon necrosis sticks, a cloth full of orange-peeled flesh, and the stillest of icy water.

One cup of this corporeal cold one and you'll have an ear full of unfinished business opportunities.

Previously, our adventurers were eye to eye with iron.

Nope, this isn't right.

All right, skip me.

We'll do this.

I'll do this in post.

We'll do it live.

Do it live.

It is correct, isn't it?

Our gang is right.

Totally.

It is right.

It is lost.

It is correct, yeah.

Okay, my bad.

Let's keep going.

Keep some of that in, Micah.

Previously, our adventurers were eye to eye with Ironclad, Toll's formidable former captain.

After some brief banter, the fearsome foe fled, and the foursome of our friends footed back to the first floor of the high three to consume more complimentary cold ones and cuisine.

Eventually, they found Fismum and courageously crossed into the cursed catacombs in search of Pancak and their imposter.

Round up a refreshment.

Let's resume this rink recollection.

Something about my brother saying,

swag your stench

really highlights how I am literally a co-owner of a company that's name is about smell.

And I can't.

Does Uncle Mike ever talk to the kids like that?

Said, hey, kids, swag your stench on over over to your Uncle Agas.

Just trying to connect with them on some sort of colloquial slang level.

Have you ever met anyone else who can't smell and you felt like...

My uncle.

Is he in jail?

Because I heard their statistic that

people that don't have a sense of smell are statistically more likely to be serial killers.

Oh, that did come out a while back, didn't it?

Yeah, that did.

He's like dragging a body away.

Yeah, I say that because, yeah, I remember seeing that.

I'm like, oh,

uh-oh.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome, welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I'm your Dungeon Master Gustavo Sorola.

I'm putting this train back on the tracks.

Choo-choo!

Woo-woo!

I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow.

Can't put a train on the tracks if there's no tracks built, so we're going free.

We're building the tracks.

What is your character's go-to karaoke song that's submitted by Tommy the Jester?

I know yours.

It's Crazy Train.

Rolling a D20.

It's a good one.

14.

18.

4.

16.

So we're going Blaine, John, Barbara, Chris, I think.

Correct.

You hoots me toll if it's Blaine.

Dang it.

I was hoping I would get low initiative order because I wanted to do

the joke answer, which was, you hoots me, Tolf.

I'm a male orc barbarian level five, and my favorite karaoke song is the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song.

And you guys went, oh, but Tolf, that doesn't have lyrics.

And I say, yeah, I just, you know, hum along to it.

You know what's actually, I don't know if everyone here will know this song, although last time I made this reference in a crowd, people actually connected really well with it.

The Pirates Who Don't Know Anything?

No one here knows that.

That's a Veggie Tales song.

I thought you were Veggie Tales movie.

Don't do anything.

Thank you, Micah.

Thank you, Micah.

We are the pirates who don't do anything.

We don't know anything.

We just say

around.

That kind of thing.

Yeah, I know that song.

Yeah.

Okay, there we go.

I had a mild amount of church indoctrination.

Christian values and vegetables.

Well, okay, I'm going to update my

Okay, so my favorite karaoke song.

I haven't had many chances to sing karaoke.

If you guys want to go this weekend, I'm totally free.

I'm totally game.

Would be Holy Diver by Dio.

Yeah, it's a big one.

It's a bit of a campaign one callback.

Okay.

Yeah.

I don't know what campaign one means.

Okay, well.

I thought it was a safe space in these confessional booths and I could break the fourth fourth wall.

I guess not.

Is that the real title or what's the real title?

Yeah, Holy Diver.

Okay.

I don't know because

I don't know Dio's songs.

Yeah,

if it's not Veggie Tales, John.

Correct.

Correct.

Or Andrew Lloyd Weber.

He was about a guy in the midnight sea.

But what's becoming of me?

He's just out in the ocean and it's just, he's just having a tough time in the waves.

You know, I can relate.

Holy diver!

There it is.

That's me telling on myself that every time Barbara did that, I didn't know that was referencing.

John, Sane.

I'm just now learning that that was a reference.

I thought that was something we had made up in this group.

I had no idea.

No, no, I knew it was a reference, but I just never asked.

No, I didn't.

You guys never...

Ronnie James Dio, that's nothing to you.

No, I know what, I know the name of the band, Dio, or, or is he a solo artist?

He, so, oh, God.

All right.

So we're going to.

Oh, don't do it.

I pull that question back.

Thank you.

I just, I don't know these songs.

That's all.

End of story.

Okay, so like he filled in for Ozzy and Black Saturday and it caused a huge divide in the metal music.

We could talk about this on Second Wind.

We were like,

we've got an episode.

We've got to get to it.

I love it.

I love it.

Okay, holy diver.

Oh, my God.

Diver.

Diver, very good song.

Holy diver.

Next person.

Thank you, Toll.

Next up, I believe, is John.

Hi, I'm John Reisinger, and I play the character that makes it so we can't do this show, and we go on tangents the entire time that we're recording.

Or I sometimes play Natty Wonder, who is a Drow Warlock.

You know, I swap around those characters.

And

what song do I well, unlike my friend Tov, which I'm so sad to hear about this, I did karaoke all the time.

My village, we loved it.

We just did it all the time.

We would do it, you know, even just around a campfire.

You can do karaoke wherever you want.

And my favorite song I like to sing was actually a song that was created by a local band.

Their name was Muse.

And

they had a great song called Apocalypse Please.

And it's just this great song about, you know, the end of the world.

And it's got a great like opening rift.

And it's just fantastic song.

Love it.

Anything about the end of the world?

Huge fan.

REM,

they made a great one.

It's into the world as we know it.

I feel fine.

That's another good one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now you're speaking my language.

Those are references I get.

Yeah, yeah.

I was almost going to say, I love Death Cat for Cuties.

I will follow you into the dark

because of both.

They got words and both of those things that I like.

But, you know, I had to go with Mews.

Okay.

That song is really good.

All right.

Well, thanks.

Thanks, Natty.

We're going to swap over to, I believe, our resident DJ, Doug.

Doug Boone on the ones and twos.

Up next.

Which, by the way, if you haven't been listening to the very end of every episode, you're missing out on Doug in the Morning.

So I say a fun fact.

uh the marvel cinematic universe stole that idea from us

we've predated them

i was gonna mention too it's funny a lot of people ask us uh you know about the various campaigns that we record like is there any connection like do i have to listen to this campaign to understand this campaign etc etc or could i just jump in i feel like the big thing people are missing is the references we make and the jokes we make that like cross over every true campaign like hurly diver and that's that's the big thing we've jokes that transcend time and space and campaigns.

People are like, What is this council of barbarians?

I don't get it.

Who are these random voices?

But good news: if you go to our store right now at sore.stinkydragonpod.com, you can get a shirt that shows these characters so you can see who Elga is and who Gumgum is.

There you go.

And if you buy that shirt and you wear it, and we make that reference, you look down at your shirt and you say, I know that

the shirt actually winks at you.

I know that reference.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Doug in the morning it's me doug boon the auto official bug bail played by barbara dunkelman hello everybody welcome to another episode of tales from the stinky dragon and uh you know there's there's really only one time doug ever did karaoke and so it was just the only song that doug sang and the only reason i i was able to do it is because it was at the end of the night when most people had left so it was uh closing time by semisonic okay

but there was only like maybe two or three people left in in the in the club and so uh you know, I took a chance and I did it and I felt pretty good.

And everyone was maybe a little too intoxicated to pay attention.

So it felt nice.

It's the perfect audience.

Exactly.

Were you the last performer of the night on the way out?

And you bust out some closing time?

I sure was.

There's a lot of words in that song that might be difficult for Doug to say.

Listen, John, it was hard to find a killer song that Doug can sing.

I'm surprised that Tove didn't get the take a chance reference.

What?

She said take a chance a second ago, and all I heard was take a chance.

Take a chance on me.

Oh, ABBA.

Abba.

See, I make references to music.

Wow.

Local band for you, Tolf.

Abba.

Yo.

We're going to find out.

That's his family.

That's his actual biological family.

Here we go again.

Thank you for sharing, Barbara slash Doug.

And up next, we have probably the most musical of the four.

Yes.

He needs no introduction.

He is Chris DeBarris, musician i'm also playing

sorry chris is a guitar in the background of his shot which just adds to the the house

sorry yeah anyway i am playing gunther the level five male croke folk fighter uh we do not um

do i as you say karaoke but there's uh some songs that my village uh sings together that have very special meanings that we sing

to bring us together and talk about our commonalities.

Does Sama forget to put the batteries in Gunther today?

No, and I do not eat batteries.

I eat bugs, which I ate.

But the song, it is such a special

our village sings it together because it brings us together.

It is, it's not easy being green.

Oh,

it's a very special song to my village.

I thought you were going for a village people reference.

I thought you were more of like a yellowish green.

Green,

there's shades of green.

There's yellow, there's green, there's browns.

It's not easy.

Bing green.

Clearly.

It's all the colors.

It's just a rainbow connection of colors there for you, isn't it, Gunther?

Yeah.

Yo.

Why is there a guitar behind you, Chris?

Do you play guitar?

Yeah.

Not one.

Give us a little.

Give us a little taste.

Come on.

Give us a lick.

I just, I need to point out, if we're talking about Chris's camera, when Chris first popped up, his camera came into, you know, our, our chat.

I thought he wasn't wearing a shirt, but just a little kind of like shoulder jacket because the color of your shirt's almost like

it's one of those baseball tunes.

It's very similar to your skin tone.

I was like, is Chris just wearing a little bolero?

Like

he's doing that thing that little kids do where they just pull their shirt up over their head, but leave it on their arms.

You go, Chris.

Oh, he almost did it too.

You almost prompted him, John.

He went for it.

He's very susceptible.

All right.

I think we learned a little bit about

all of the players and all the characters today.

So thank you.

Thank you for sharing.

We appreciate that.

Guzzler, what's your favorite karaoke song?

Dart.

What was the voice for Guzzler?

Go on into the stinky drive.

Well, I'll tell you what.

I'll sing Renegade by Styx any day of the week.

Ooh, Renegades.

That's like a little Guzzler, a little Colonel.

No, what's his name?

Oh,

Steel.

Steel eye.

Steel eye.

I love Sticks.

I have not done the Guzzler voice in years at this point.

I'm trying to remember listening to it.

You can get right into it by just going, it's

Renegade by Styx.

You like Styx?

IRL?

I don't know.

I mean, Styx is cool, yeah.

But I figured that was like a good song for

Styx is cool.

Deloring Reverse, Mr.

Robato.

Yeah.

Natty, make me a dexterity check.

That's a natural one.

That's a critical fail.

Congratulations.

You stub your toe and stumble and fall over on

something on the ground.

What intarnation was that?

You look, and there's a small box on the ground.

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

It seems to be a very secure box made of some kind of weathered stone and on the top of it, etched into the stone, is what appears to be an anchor.

I shake it.

You shake it and it feels very heavy and it sounds like there's something small rattling around inside of it.

You know what?

I opened the box.

You open the box and to your surprise and horror...

And inside of the stone box, it shimmers with white, pink, blue, green, and purple, like the inside of a seashell.

And as you open it, you see on the underside of the lid is engraved a symbol of a chalice overflowing with water.

And there are two things inside of the box: a piece of paper and a necklace, a charm necklace.

Describe the necklace.

It looks like it's a wavy chain made of silver beads, and it's got a charm on it that's in the shape of a rowing oar and made of nakri, nakra, nakri, nakra, mother of pearl.

And then the unfoit de Papier.

Is it folded up?

Is it sealed?

Is it a letter?

It's just a single sheet, and it appears to be brittle and bone-dry, and it's got a note written on it in common.

Well, I speak common.

Little known fact, Matt Daddy.

She speaks common.

Oh, I learned something first.

Yeah.

Cool.

What's it say?

Do you read common?

I'm being difficult now.

I'm sorry.

You are being difficult.

You run your eyes over the piece of paper and

your eyes get the sun.

Ow!

Paper cut, paper, cut.

I'm going to slack it to you so you can read it.

Oh, okay.

I love that we do this.

Give me that sweet southern charm, Natty.

All right.

That's the wrong window.

There's the right window.

Hey, hey, hey.

He was in first campaign.

That's good.

Blessed bearn.

You have been more than a faithful follower.

You have been a steadfast tide, rising to meet every challenge, unyielding as the waves.

Because of you, my lost love will soon be found.

I am leaving to find her as soon as I finish this letter.

As a token of my gratitude, take this necklace.

It is a twin to my own, forged in the endless swell of the sea.

Should you ever find yourself adrift, call upon my true name and the waters shall heed your cry.

The sea drinker.

Oh.

That's your god.

Yeah, I was gonna say I didn't want to interrupt your flow, but yeah, that's like totally my god, the chalice overflowing with water.

Yeah.

Also, who was Bjorn?

Was that the name that you said, Blessed Bjorn?

Yeah.

It seems to be someone important to the sea drinker.

Told, do you know a Bjorn?

I actually do know a Bjorn.

Yeah.

Wait, you do?

Yeah, am I like...

Is it cool to talk about this?

Like, I look in the air?

Can I get a sign?

You do, you.

Yes.

Okay, I heard a sign.

So, like, okay.

I hate to bring down the mood because we're already just having such a great time in this cave.

But, um, when Ironclad, uh, you know, got rid of me and, you know,

he abandoned me after a, uh, what's that thing called?

Mutiny?

Mutiny.

Okay, so when we mutinied against Ironclad, oh, Ironclad, he so sucks.

You and your siblings, if I remember correctly?

Ironclad is like my dad, but like the lamest, poopiest dad in the world, you know, sucks.

Anyways, he's like a piece of bad.

Yeah, he's big bad.

So then when I made it to the mainland, I was taken in by a good person named Bjorn, and Bjorn was like, he was like, kind of like a dad to me, to be honest.

Another one.

Well, yeah, but like a real one.

He took me in.

A dad.

a good dad a good dad yeah

nice i'll give myself an inspiration doctor

good for you yeah

i don't know why that tickled me so much he was he was a good person you know in in having only really known ironclad and then to be met by this beautiful wonderful person you know it just he was really nice i love bjorn so what what happened to bjorn he passed away

oh yeah we had a couple of good years and he taught me a lot of things and he took me under his wing and then uh and then he had wigs no gunther he did not give have wings he wasn't he was not an aero cochran he was he was an orc just like me is he the one who who told you about uh the sea drinker or was that a prior faith you had while on the ship with ironclad no there was not a lot of culture to be shared on a ship with ironclad just a lot of like death and swords and stabby stabby but yeah bjorn introduced me to the sea drinker yeah okay i don't really know his relationship with the sea drinker to be honest but um from this letter it seems like Bjorn was a really known and faithful follower to the sea drinker and is responsible for the sea drinker finding or being able to find their lost love so helped your god somehow yeah sounds like it yeah how did how did your new dad Bjorn die?

What happened to him?

I don't really know.

I'm not like, you know, good with medicines and things like that.

I think he was just afflicted by some sort of disease and

he was taken sadly before his time.

It was very hard for me, you know?

Why is this box down here?

It's a great question.

I have no idea.

Because this seems to be a gift that the Sea Drinker was trying to give to Bjorn and never got this necklace.

Yeah, so either it was like lost in transit from Sea Drinker to Bjorn or Bjorn put it down here.

I don't know.

Yeah, maybe he was exploring this place too for some reason.

Maybe.

Well, I feel like this necklace should be held held on by you for the moment i appreciate that naddy that's very kind of you yeah i totally thought you were gonna be like finders keepers losers reapers and i was gonna be like wow

it's like that ice knife from campaign two all over again

anyways

You know what, Doug?

I think I figured out.

I think Tove is plagued by some sort of past live situation, which is what he's bringing the baggage from to our relationships.

Because I know me, Naddy, and I'm not the kind of person to be like Finders Keepers, but he seems to be putting that on me from some previous person.

Oh, yeah.

Hold on, I'm getting voices.

Okay.

I think I need to do a backflip.

I just feel that.

I don't know why.

Is this necklace, would you say, is it movable or immovable?

Oh, stop.

Well, then, I'm going to add this to my equipment if you don't mind, Naddy.

Again, thank you.

Yeah, take this and the letter.

Why don't you hold on to the letter?

I will.

I'll take good care of them.

I miss Bjorn.

He was a good guy.

Yeah, and don't forget that the necklace seems to have some sort of power.

MetaSpeak, is this anything that I need to find in an inventory, or do I just, is it just simply a necklace?

Just call it Mother of Pearl necklace.

Woo!

Yeah.

Guys, I don't care how low we get and how hard up we get for cash.

I'm not going to pawn this one off.

I'm just saying that right now.

It's actually not...

It's NACRA necklace.

I'm gonna slack you that word.

How do you pronounce this?

NACRA.

I would assume that what you just sent me is some sort of spelling error.

Or like it would have been something fancy like naser.

It's a mica-ism.

Mm-hmm language all its own.

Micah has such a great vocabulary.

I feel like I have a good vocabulary, but then I read some of the stuff here.

It's like, man, that's next level.

You know, I'm pretty impressed that Natty found jewelry and didn't keep it for herself.

I feel like y'all are getting a bad feeling about me.

I'm actually embarrassed.

It's not a bad feeling.

It's more of just, you know, for someone here to, you know, appreciate some fine jewelry, it would be you.

Yeah, just because I appreciate something, they mean a hoarder.

I appreciate that.

I'm going to, you know what?

This is my promise to you.

When it comes to your arc, I'm going to find something really cool.

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm sorry, I need to stop being meta.

I'm being a moon.

All right.

I went ahead and, Blaine, I slacked you the letter as well i just want to make sure that you you got that okay yep i'm looking through it i i added it to the description so i've got it cool why don't you make me uh an investigation check okay that is not my strongest it's gonna be a

nine yeah you realize that with the piece of paper specifically you need to be very careful with it because it is very brittle and bone dry and you feel like if you folded it or bent it too much, it might snap.

I think this would also fit this kind of of time and era or

setting

like an oiled kind of canvas, like a wax oiled covered

like satchel of some sorts.

I feel like Toll would have something like that on his person to keep things dry that are important.

Okay.

So I'm going to put it in there, but I'm going to wear the necklace.

Okay.

Yeah, Jordan's my guy.

He's my homeboy.

As you, you know, are securing the letter, you've noticed that there is something a little unusual about it.

The piece of paper is fairly long and tall, but the note seems to be kind of scrunched up and written primarily in the top portion of the piece of paper.

Hey, Doug.

Yeah.

You got that, like, cool, like,

Sousaphone.

What are the eye scope?

What do they call that thing?

Sousaphone?

I don't know.

Isn't that an instrument?

I probably know.

It is.

It's like a tuba, right?

Only I'm thinking kaleidoscope.

That's what I was talking about.

That's what I was thinking.

I'm sorry.

Oh, you're thinking of the spyglass of Zodiac.

Spyglass of Zodiac Zodiac Killer.

That's the one.

Can you look at this piece of paper?

I feel like there's something more to it.

Only if you call it by its proper name.

Spyglass of Zodia.

Thank you.

Yes.

The first of its name.

Zodia.

Gunther is very tickled.

You got to respect the tool in order to use it.

His name is Tolv.

Got him.

Nice.

That's a good one.

So, Doug, you comply?

Yes.

You pull out the spyglass of Zodia and you try to focus in on the piece of paper and in the blank area, you can see what appears to be some kind of blurry text.

Could I focus in to see if I could read it?

Put your glasses on.

Because I assume that's also potentially in common.

You know, you try to focus it and read it, but you can never, it never seems to come into focus.

It looks almost like it's watery, like there's water in the way, and you can't see the text clearly.

Water.

Uh, hey, hey, Tolf, uh, you seem to be an expert on water, so I'm trying to look at this thing here, and it seems like there might be some type of liquid or water on the paper.

Do you know how to

you might remove that or something?

Maybe it's such a touching letter that it makes you tear up, and that's why you're having trouble seeing it.

Because that's how I feel.

That's really possible.

Doug is barely in touch with his emotions.

Do you mind if I take a look?

Maybe I can see it.

It could be, you know, if

Bjorn wrote it down, I might know his handwriting.

What if the paper needs to be quenched?

Oh, it's very fragile.

I mean are you he's thirsty?

Does anybody

yes Gunther?

Um does does anybody have like a okay piece of flat glass or a bottle of some kind?

That way we don't have to put water on the document, but we can look at it through water?

I mean I have my glasses.

Okay, we could cry.

I don't think Gunther heard anything you said.

Look at it through water.

I think Gunther might just want to cry.

Maybe he's been holding onto it for a while.

Gunther, if you need a shoulder, come on, yo, buddy.

Doug pats to his shoulder.

I don't know.

I will cry on your shoulder.

Gunther jumps up onto your shoulder.

Gunther's definitely onto something.

I want to try that.

If you guys will allow me, I don't often do this, but I'm going to get a little emotional.

And I'm going to summon the best tears that I can, and then I'm going to look.

Doug, if you'll let me, I'm going to look through the spyglass of Zodia through these tears and see if it changes things.

I don't know, give it a shot, you know.

Everybody's staring at me.

This is awkward.

No, I just think we should talk about it.

You're talking.

I was watching.

You're talking.

Listen,

sorry.

This is shape.

I don't even need inspiration.

I'm just going to cry right now.

This is enough to make me cry.

Hey, Doug, remember that time Tolf said he never gets emotional?

Yeah, it's weird that Oboe Balion, who wages, said he never gets emotional.

I miss my village

And I'm still just holding my arm out with Gunther crying on my shoulder

So now me and Gunther are just crying I guess

you guys are killing me today.

They're getting emotional.

Yeah

stay in touch with that.

Don't lose it.

Alright, so can I try crying?

Yeah, what what do you think about to evoke these feelings toll toll's brain tries its best to drift away from hatred so he tries to put ironclad away and instead think of the few happy moments that toll has had so he thinks about his siblings and the time that he had on with them on their ships on their ship and then he thinks of his good times with bjorn so he just does does anything he can to see like happy tears oh yeah i like that yeah that's really really good Okay, so yeah, you start conjuring up these fond memories to conjure happy tears, and then mechanically, just so I understand, like, what's the way you're doing this?

You're crying and then looking through the spyglass of Zodia.

Like, I just wanted to make sure I understand exactly what's happening here.

Yeah, I'll try crying and then through those watery tears, look through the spyglass of Zodia onto the document.

I feel like if this document is as brittle as you say it is, I'm afraid to put liquid on it.

You know what they say?

Like, water plus water equals clear.

It should work.

I don't know.

The old saying.

Doug, I don't know what to do.

Water plus water equals clear.

I'm being very vulnerable with you guys in this cave.

Maybe your tear will kind of make like that bubble of water that almost acts like glasses, you know?

Yeah.

Who knows?

Who knows?

Yeah.

You conjure these memories and start picking up the spyglass to look at the paper.

And as you're doing so, you realize you don't need the spyglass.

Oh.

Through your tears, you're able to see the text on the paper.

Oh.

Oh, Doug grabs the spyglass back.

There you go.

There you go.

You see the beautiful writing, but you're unable to make it out.

It appears to be written in celestial.

Does Toll know Celestial?

I do not believe so.

No.

Does anybody know Celestial?

I know Celestial.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, Gunther, I'm gonna need to make you cry.

Oh, sorry, Doug, I'm gonna need to make you cry.

Okay,

i know i've mistaken the names i feel like we've opened the floodgates on guntho and anything i'm just gonna set him off now i mean guys let's just you know team building uh oh my god private parts you can join if you want i forgot you were here

private parts is busy uh uh attending to captain uh mumbles well there's a lot more people in here than i thought oh captain grumbles captain grumbles but mumbles is great too dog it's very this text is very important to me it could be a message from beyond the grave from my dear dear bjorn could you somehow summon some tears to see if you can read this oh don't worry

dog is very in touch with his emotions oh wow that's if you just

ask me to quiet i just have to think about what they and it's not working what's that thing dog

Let's give her the flip off.

Walkie, here you go.

I just want to say, Giggy is so confused.

Is Giggy not crying?

Giggy is looking at the three of you making all these sounds and crying and just kind of looking back and forth and just not not kind of understanding what is causing all this see i picture giggy seeing this and also crying because i feel like when you're a baby and other people are upset you get upset but it's the cartoon version where his head tilts back and tears spew out his eyes

let's just help you get on shoulder

oh like give me the paper okay there you go is the paper be very careful could I read the section through my tears?

Yeah, I'm gonna send you what it is.

It is okay.

Okay.

Doug, real quick, I'm gonna prompt you.

If this is from Bjorn, I need you to read it in Bjorn's voice, okay?

That's my prompt to you.

I mean, I don't know it.

I don't know if this is from Bjorn.

Just a reminder, this was written by the god, not Bjorn.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Never mind, continue.

Read it in the voice of the god.

Every

few know the true names of those who dwell in Hiwa.

It's so good.

And fewer still live to speak them aloud.

There is power in such knowledge, and peril in misuse.

Guard this secret as you would your own breast beneath the waves.

For to share it is to invite the storm.

My true name is

Najorda.

Check that again.

I didn't

know.

Let me spell it out for you.

Let me spell it out for you.

M-L-J-O-O-D-A.

It's good.

Let it out.

It's probably got a silent J.

Njorda.

Njorda.

Njorda.

That's beautiful.

What about Bob?

I go in the night.

I take Naddy in for a big hug.

I just need the love and support of my friends.

Okay.

I didn't know if you were forgetting a name again and calling someone else another name.

Did you want to cry, Natty Vonder?

You can!

It's okay.

You know what?

I'm too happy for all of this good emotional expression and discovery of lost important people to cry.

Okay.

But I pat Tov on the back.

Yeah, and at this point, Private Parts walks back over and just says,

Guys, I think we should keep moving.

We've made a lot of noise here.

And his gaze turns to Tov.

What?

What did I do?

Huh?

Nothing, Tolv.

You're good.

Okay, you are the leader, but it's okay.

Is Tolv the leader still?

No, this is still Doug.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I'm so sorry.

I forgot.

It's okay.

I get the names mixed up all the time.

It's perfectly acceptable.

I did not forget the name.

I just forgot the leader.

Oh, wait, everybody.

Time to toughen up.

No more tiers.

tears.

We move forward.

Yes sir.

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With that being said, since Natty was the last one who went and found this item card, that means we are at Gunther.

There are three cards in front of you, or three paths, I should say, in front of you.

One, two, three.

I declare it the more.

I'm loving the energy today, Chris.

The go-through is really firing today.

I had just enough time to let the coffee hit before.

Okay, good, good, good.

I'm here for it.

Get an IV of coffee.

Can I

scout ahead?

Is that available?

Mace notes and tables.

There they are.

That's a good song.

Your buttering me up will get you nowhere.

I need an inspiration, Diane.

Yes, they are.

It is available sure

from the vantage of of doug's shoulder the gunther tries to scout ahead oh oh you do have a very high advantage now yeah that's a dexterity check yeah so scout ahead yeah as a dexterity base check oh no there's a two plus five for seven Ah, the tears are still in my eyes.

The tears have attracted cave dust and now you've got cave mud in your eyes.

I can't see anything except for sadness.

Does he change into animals?

No, it doesn't.

So yeah, because your eyes are too bleary, you're unable to really glean any further information about the paths laid out ahead of you.

I feel that we'll go to the left.

Okay.

Is that that one available?

Yeah, all three are available.

And are you still going on top of Doug's shoulders or are you leading the way here?

I'll lead the way.

I'll hop off.

In shame.

All right.

Gunther hops off in shame and begins leading the way forward.

And as you're doing so, you know, you're kind of slowly making your way, gingerly stepping through the cavern.

And like I said, you know, you've got these tears in your eyes and maybe dust, and it's hard to see.

And you feel like there's something actually in your eye.

Like, you know, how you feel like a hair or something?

I don't have hair.

You were just on dog.

Presumably in your travels, you've had some another mammal's hair.

You were just on my shoulder.

You might have hair on you.

Yeah, it's in your right eye.

It's like really bothering you.

Oh.

You were crying.

My hair got wet.

You know, I might have just gotten there.

I've always wanted hairy.

Well, you've got one in your eye.

What?

No.

Uh, you say leave the hair there?

Gonna try to pull it out or anything?

This is the bump?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gunter tries to pull the...

It's a very long hair.

I don't know where it...

You don't know where it came from, but it like pulls it out.

It's like a six-inch hair.

It truly is nothing like getting something that is stuck in your eye out of your eye and you just like

I feel like personally getting something stuck out of my teeth is even better.

Oh wow.

You pull the lock of hair out and as you do it you realize it's really long.

You ever get one of those like really long gross ones in your eye?

And it's a lock of bronze hair and as you pull it out and hold it in your hand it takes the shape of a key.

What?

What?

Oh.

I didn't know my folk could do that.

Your hair is magic.

What you got yo?

A key.

Is it like...

How big is it?

It's like an actual...

Godzilla looks around for a door.

Make an investigation check.

No, you don't really see any locks or doors.

There is a spiral staircase that continues the path in this direction and continues your descent into the catacombs, but that's about it.

So this is like a key that holds shape as a key?

It's a key that holds shape as a key?

What do you ask?

Like, like, I take it out and it's in the shape of a key and it's still like holding shape?

Yeah.

Like, is it still hair form?

Yeah, it was like like a long piece of hair and you pulled it out then as you were holding it it transformed from like a long straight piece of hair into the shape of a key oh that must have really hurt do you have like retinal damage or anything do you need some eye drops or anything i have my own drops coming from my eyes oh not again we've moved past that part come on gutter

we shall go up the stairs i suppose down Down the stairs.

Okay, you begin walking down the stairs, and as you step on them, they're very squeaky.

Like

old, old wood, and just kind of squeaks and groans a lot as you all walk down the staircase to the next level in the catacombs.

We must be quiet stairs.

Okay.

Alright, that's it for Gunther.

Up next, we have Doug.

Alright, so what I got in front of me?

You actually have three options.

Yeah, three paths ahead of you.

Okay.

Remind me again, do I choose a direction and then or do I choose an action?

Choose an action.

Okay.

Um, can i do careful consideration yeah careful consideration so doug stands at the uh the precipice of this decision and with fingers you know rubbing his chin he uh ponders the possibilities in front of him

and that's a wisdom uh wisdom check yeah 15.

Oh, that's a really good role.

Something about the situation rekindles an old memory, and you're able to regard the paths in front of you and try to figure out which one is the best.

So metagame wise you are able to reveal two cards in the river.

So pick two directions to reveal.

Right and left.

You consider those directions.

Right and left, right and left, left and right.

With your years of experience in burrows and dens, you feel like there is some kind of creature or animal in the left passageway.

And you feel like looking down the right passageway, you get a sense of correctness and that being a better way to go.

And then from a metagame perspective with the rules, you choose one of these to discard.

And then we shuffle the remaining two and place them face down in the river.

I'm getting a bit of the heebie jeebies from the left side, so I don't think we should go that way.

You got it.

Let's discard that one.

Okay, we shuffle the remaining two cards and place them face down.

Alright, so you still have a left center and right path, but the heebie jeebies option is gone.

As far as I know.

Yes, the heebie jeebies you got from that is gone.

Now there are fresh options in front of you, left, center, and right.

I will go right.

Okay.

The heebis and the cheebis.

Heebies, jeebies.

Where'd you get those GBs?

Creepies.

Yeah, creepies.

That's a good one.

You begin making your way down the right path, and as you do so, you know, maybe it's because Gunther just found some hair, but you're looking around on the ground and you find some locks of magenta hair on the ground.

Oh, oh, didn't, um, was it Pancak that had magenta hair?

It was.

Good memory.

Really?

Yeah, stout halfling with magenta hair.

What color hair was that key that I pulled from my eye?

It was like a bronze.

Yeah, bronze.

Oh, sorry.

Wrong metal.

Stupid, stupid.

Guys, Doug picks up the magenta hair.

I think we'll want to something.

This is probably Pancak's hair.

Hopefully, they're not like cutting it as they walk because that, you know, you don't want to cut your own hair.

I've done that before with mine, and it did not turn out well.

Go to original.

Yo, yo.

Yeah, bangs.

I always regret them.

Especially when you're walking, it's even more difficult.

It's true.

I cut my hair all the time.

Well, I feel like you're more skilled in the beauty department.

Cosmetically inclined.

Exactly.

Plus 10 to cosmetics.

So, with Doug's turn settled, that means we are upon 12.

Yoo-hoo!

What are my options, dude?

You've got all of the options available to you.

Okay.

Yeah,

I don't think this is said explicitly, but it seems like we're not going by the actions table is limited.

Oh, okay.

Micah kind of updated the rules a little bit for this new iteration.

Then let's do...

Let me see if my dex is any good.

Yeah, what the heck?

Let's do Scott Ahead.

Okay.

Roll for decks?

Yep, make your dex check.

Okay.

Oh,

that's a 19.

Man, that's also a good roll.

All right, so you kind of forge ahead a little bit and investigate and try to, you know, ascertain what the best course of action here is.

And from a metagame perspective, we're going to draw three cards from the deck, and then we choose one to place on top of the deck, and the other two are shuffled into the back.

I put the Aesir in ascertain.

It's a bit of a Nordic joke.

Am I right, guys?

Am I right?

What does that mean?

Aesir are a race of

creatures.

Was Freya part of the Ace here?

I can't remember.

It was the Aesir and the gods that were too different.

Give yourself an inspiration, die.

That's right.

Wow.

That was told.

That was told, by the way.

Micah says that's over his head.

All right, so yeah, we've met it game-wise.

We've got three cards, and we're going to choose one to place on top of the deck, and the other two are shuffled back into the deck.

Okay.

Let's see those cards.

Oh, wait, no, the Aesir were the gods.

Okay.

Okay.

Odin was an Ace here.

Gotcha.

You know, you scout ahead a little bit, and, you know, you see two possibilities with chests of some kind, and another possibility with someone else who appears to be exploring the catacombs.

Ooh, a stranger.

I'm going to avoid that guy and go to the leftmost chest.

So you keep that one and then lose the other two.

Big correct deck, right?

Okay.

Exactly.

So then you are still faced with three options in front of you.

Left, center, and right.

Left?

Why is that?

I just have a feeling in the back of my head.

I don't know.

He's a big fan of Beyonce.

Y'all.

Way back now, y'all.

Yeah, I was going to say that.

She was one of the ACE here.

Oh, yeah.

Alright, so you go to the left, and you're greeted with a passage with vents and small water puddles on the floor.

Ooh, I give it a little splish-splash.

It sounds like a splash zone, is what you just described-like what I would take my kids to when they were young.

Yeah.

That sounds fun.

Until we die.

Well, except, yeah, it seems like as you're splish-splashing around, steam begins rising, and the puddles begin slowly bubbling and expanding.

Okay.

The water's slowly rising, Toll, higher, higher.

Hey, Toll, why don't you do something?

You seem to be standing there as you are a standard.

i'm gonna get out of that water i'm i'm gonna i'm gonna go to the other side or no wait this sounds like a dead end is it a dead end i don't know i need something gush give me an action

no run

toll begins uh running to uh escape it make me um uh a perception check toll why not okay

15.

just blame Blaine listening to Gus like he's an audience member, just wondering what he's doing next.

Oh, I hope Toll makes it out of this.

Oh, no.

He was just, you know, what in Blaine's defense, he really, it's easy to get enraptured by your storytelling, Gustavo.

No, it's true.

He just wants to stare and listen.

Sometimes I think I'm the audience.

You can see that there is an exit on the other side of the passageway, and as you begin running for it, boiling hot water begins exploding out of the puddles.

Make me a dexterity saving throw.

Okay.

I think on dexterity saving throws, I have advantage.

Yes, with your dexterity throwing.

So that's a

21 and

13.

The scalding hot water explodes

all around you, doing...

It would do five points of damage, but you save successfully.

You take half damage.

You take two points of damage as the boiling hot water falls on you and lands on your skin, Tov.

Oopsie, Daisy, my bad, that hurts so bad.

Oh my gosh.

Stewart is crying too.

A lot of tears today.

Then once you get across, the level begins lowering again, and the boiling and the eruption seems to be subsiding slightly.

Do the rest of us need to cross this obstacle?

Now you do.

Mm-hmm.

Woo!

It's okay, guys.

Because I brought it up?

Well, no, now because Tov's crossing.

Okay, okay.

You made that sound like it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't brought it up.

Hey, Tolve, you alright?

Oh, I'm doing great.

Just a little scalding, nothing too bad.

Just run so, so very fast and it'll be A-okay.

Okay, Santo, you want to hop on my shoulder, or you want to go yourself?

I've never left.

Well, yes, I did.

I'm back.

Actually, Maddie wants to do something with Doug.

Oh.

Hey, Doug, I have something really important to ask you to do for me.

You're going to make me quiet again.

No, it's not.

Stop crying.

Could you hold my ring for me?

Uh, sure.

I'll hold it.

It won't fit on one of my fingers, though.

No, I just want you to, I just want you to put it in your fist and hold on to it.

Okay.

Okay, I put the ring in Doug's hand, and then both Natty and Giggy disappear into the ring.

Oh, what?

Oh, it's like the flash.

Do I see that?

It is.

I never thought of it like that, Blaine.

That's pretty good.

I thought this was an engagement, but instead it's a ghosting.

Metawise, to explain to you guys, that's the genie vessel for my patron and where Gigi is summoned from.

And I have the ability to enter it if I want.

That's cool.

Okay, so do I know that you're in this ring now?

Like, did I see you, like,

like...

I feel like in my head, Blaine wasn't off.

It was in my head, it's like the Jumanji suck.

Like, when the kids get sucked into the game, it's like that in my head.

Okay, so we would know in the original Jumanji with Ron Williams and

Bonnie Hunt

Okay, well, I got a gun on my shoulder and I think the rest of the party in this way

I Wanna hold up my shield over Doug's face so that like you know

Like this

so that while we pass the water, I'm blocking Doug's face from the water.

Maybe like a hat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is it raining down?

Like, how's the water coming in?

Right now it's very low again.

It is the small water puddles on the floor.

But it seems to rise up and then it went back down.

Okay, guys, ready to go.

Listen, Daddy, if you went yell, we're gonna run through the water.

So just stay in the wing until I tell you it's safe.

No response, of course.

I just feel the ring kind of vibrate on my hand.

Could Doug then, while carrying Gunther with the shield on him and holding the ring, just like run as fast as he could towards Toll?

Yeah, you begin running as fast as you can and Private Parts does his best to keep up as well as Captain Grumbles.

You're running through and as you begin running through, once again, the steam begins rising and the puddle bubbles begin expanding and the water's slowly rising higher and higher.

Make me an athletics check, Doug.

I was going to ask, this might be one step too far, but as I see this happening, could I grab Gunther's shield and like put it under my feet while I'm running so it almost acts as like a like a board like a stir board a wakeboard wakeboard.

Yeah, yeah gunther I don't know how you communicate this but somehow Gunther knows and he flings it forward while you're running so

So that you can just like hopefully hop onto the legolas.

Yeah So you said athletics check?

Yeah, we'll still call that an athletics check to to do that.

It rolled from a 17 onto a three.

I give give you my inspiration guy.

Oh, nice.

I forgot we could do that.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome.

Again.

Oh, 19.

Woo!

I was really hoping for the three.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, so Gunther tosses his shield out in front and Doug hops on top of it and says, cowabungo or something.

And...

No, we don't want that him.

Yeah, speedily skims across the surface of the water, reaching the other side shortly shortly before it explodes into a cacophony of bubbles and exploding water.

Naddy, I wish you could have seen what this happened.

It went from crazy.

What did Captain Grumbles do?

Apparently this is called skim boarding.

I just learned from Micah.

Skim boarding or skimming is a board sport in which a skim board is used to glide across the water surface to meet an incoming breaking wave and ride it back to shore.

They do that in California beaches all the time.

Yeah, Private Parson Captain Grumbles did not get on there on the shield, so they're a little slower and the water explodes all around them and they get a little

worse for the wear.

They come out the other side, slightly damp and looking unhappy about the whole situation.

Okay, but look at the bright side, you guys.

How about that exfoliation?

Am I right?

The pores super open.

It's okay, Private Parts.

You can say what you think.

Take an inspiration, Diocrat.

That was good.

It's called self-care.

Natty, do you just come back out of the ring?

Or just, Doug, do you have to do something?

How does this work?

Natty, we're through the stuff.

If you want to come out now, I don't know what to do.

I'm still gripping on to the ring.

Natty appears outside the ring with Geeky.

Thanks, Doug.

Yo.

Can I have the ring back?

Here you go.

And Natty puts it back on her finger.

I was hoping it'd be like a green lantern thing, you know?

In darkest night and brightest day, I summon my friend who is like super gay.

It's pretty good.

It's pretty good.

All right.

Take an inspiration, die.

That was good.

Okay,

that was toll,

which means Natty, it's Europe now that you're back with us.

Hi, Natty.

Welcome back.

You are up.

Step on up.

You got three paths ahead of you and a full range of options you can use.

Yeah.

I'm just going to go with boost morale for my action.

Okay.

And I'm gonna roll charisma on that.

That's a critical failure.

Don't need to look at

my sheet for that.

Who were you going to try to boost the morale of?

I think Natty would have tried to do the whole team, but I imagine one person in particular would have been more inspired than everybody else, and so they would have gotten advantage on their next turn.

Gotcha.

Maybe you like uninspire someone because of your failure.

You just pick one person, you just make a total downer day.

That's a DM decision.

It's like when you try to compliment someone, but you hone in on something they're insecure about or you're like you bring attention to something they would rather not talk about.

So despite your best effort, they're like, oh, now they're self-conscious of this thing that they don't want to really think about.

This must have happened to Gust really recently because he sounds pulling from a specific

idea.

I watched a video online of this person who insulted another person and made a comment about their forehead.

And the person receiving the insult would like instantly, like, subconsciously, like, touch their forehead.

And it was, it was just

a really weird, awkward encounter oh that's what's like standing out in my head anyway so yeah you uh you you know go up there and try to give a rousing speech to everyone uh but every time you try to talk giggy's following along uh mimicking you uh making giggy noises so nobody can really hear what it is that you're trying to say uh but i picture giggy like patting walking back and forth

trying to give a rousing speech and just

no one can really focus on what it is you're saying naddy he thinks he's translating go team.

All right, so I have three paths in front of you.

A left, a center, and a right.

Natty wants to go right.

All right.

As you are heading to the right, you find another staircase, this one going up.

And leaning at the base of the staircase, as it goes up, you see what appears to be a small wooden crutch.

Tiny Tim, who has a crutch?

Oh, wait, someone did have a crutch.

Hold on.

Did Pancak have a crutch?

Yeah, it was like a Kaiser Soze thing.

Would it be like a history check maybe yeah can i explore the depths of my information my knowledge yeah why don't we start with naddy since it's her turn and we'll we can expand it to everyone based on how she rolls but naddy why don't you make me a let's call it a wisdom check this is much better than my last roll 19.

who's pancak who's pancak pancak no no they have crutches oh it was pancak yeah well yeah toler remembered and tolerve told you but yeah you do remember that something about pancak using a crutch do you remember why tol because they

had magenta hair.

I don't know.

I know.

Oh, have a half left leg.

There you go.

Yeah.

It's missing.

Yeah, half of Pancak's left leg is missing.

Yeah.

And we asked what the leg was that we found in the wall that one time, but it was a right leg.

Yeah, there you go.

Look at that memory.

Yeah.

And it's of a diminutive size, so you think this could theoretically belong to Pancak.

Okay, I'll hold on to this.

Okay.

I think we're going the right way.

Seems to be a good omen.

Not for Pancak.

Yeah.

So, is that a correct path card?

Yeah, metagame-wise, yeah, that is a clear path card.

I only ask because I can't remember where we're at in number-wise.

Yeah, that's that's the third one.

That's three.

Okay, I mean, five.

Yeah, there was one in the previous episode.

Then Doug found the magenta hair, and you just found uh the crutch.

We're more than halfway there.

Look at that octopus.

Glass is half full.

Living on a prayer.

I like that attitude.

Whoa.

We're more than halfway there.

I see what you're doing.

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That was Naddy, which takes us over to Gunther.

Having failed last time, he wants to redeem himself and try and scout ahead.

Before you do that, I want to remind you of something, Gunther.

You still have advantage on a charisma check.

I think it was because of something you ate or drank at the high three.

Oh.

Oh, is it the

slime or something?

The slug?

Oh, is it because I...

Yeah, I

ate the mushrooms or something?

I don't know.

Yeah, you and I had something.

Tea.

You both had some

hallucinogenic effects for a little while that have since worn off.

But I think Gunther also had something else as well that gives him advantage on a check.

That makes sense.

I don't know why I had it in my notes, but I had that Doug and Gunther have an acid trip.

Yeah.

And I was like, I don't remember this.

You could boost morale, Gunther.

Who's next in the order?

Next after you is Doug.

Doug, what you did with my shield was very inspiring, and I want you to know that it made me happy, and I think you are super neat.

That's so nice.

Wow, that's

one of the nicest things anyone's ever said said to me.

You're going to make me cry again, Go.

Oh, don't make me cry again.

You guys are making me cry now, thinking about crying.

That should just be the thumbnail for this episode.

It's everyone crying.

It's like, which scene is it from?

I don't know.

It happened so many times in this episode.

This is the one where everyone cries.

Just do it where it's the three of them crying, and Natty's not in the thumb.

And people are like, what happened to Natty?

Clickbait.

Clickbait.

Oh, John.

You never deprogram that part of your brain, huh?

Nope.

I'm just so good at thumbnails.

Yeah.

So roll a charisma check with advantage.

That's an inside joke there.

That I will never let die, I don't think.

215s.

So 15.

All right, yeah.

Doug, you feel really good about yourself.

You feel like, you know, you're puffing your chest out, standing up a little more straight.

You know, you can figure it out.

I can figure it out.

Yeah, I like to think the second Doug stands up straight, you just hear all of his bones start cracking because he has such a hunch.

And then, are all three paths clear or available?

They're all available, yes.

Gunther will move to the center.

You're walking forward in the path, and you know, you're still holding that lock of bronze hair you found earlier, I imagine.

You're still like regarding it and trying to figure out what to do with it.

And as you're looking down at it, you see something on the floor beneath your feet as you're walking through this passageway.

It's not a lock of bronze hair, it's a key of bronze hair.

Yeah, I know.

I was just thinking that.

I was like, there's a joke or pun in there.

You have visions of a lizard folk who is really into hair.

No, no, no.

But

as you're looking at it, you're looking down at the ground, and you see there's a necklace bead on the ground.

And it's near an archway that continues the passage forward.

And this necklace bead, can I look closer?

I like to think that, yeah, Gunther just kind of leans over and puts his face close to the ground to examine it.

And yeah, you see, it appears to be made of purple heartwood.

This is Pancakes.

Solitary bead.

They have a necklace of purple heartwood.

I have it in my mind.

Y'all took really good notes.

I'm kind of shocked at this.

I will take it for Pancake.

Okay.

Do you convey this to the rest of your friends?

Yeah.

This is good.

Let's go.

And then, yeah, continue.

I'm guessing the necklace that Toll is wearing, it's not made out of the same material, is it?

It was silver with a made-up word that is like pearl.

Knocker.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like more like a mother of pearl, is the necklace that Told has.

What is Mother of Pearl compared to Pearl?

I think Mother of Pearl is more iridescent, and it's not necessarily a sphere.

Like a Pearl is sphere, but Mother of Pearl can be flat and iridescent, if I understand correctly.

All right, good job, Gunther.

Up next, like we said a little while ago, is Doug on the threes.

Doug on the ones and twos equals threes.

All right, could I do a It's Elementary?

You absolutely can.

I feel like that's Doug's favorite.

And you have advantage on this because of Gunther boosting your morale.

Well, what a sweet thing for a friend to to do for another friend.

Don't think I'm going to need advantage because that was 22, but I'll roll again.

Okay, 22.

All right.

You,

you know, bust it down scientifically, logically.

You try to figure out what your best options here are, which metagame-wise allows you to draw two cards from the deck.

And we're going to choose one to replace a card in the river.

So you, you know, using the process of elimination and logic, I would say like looking down one path, you see what appears to be an obvious trap of some kind.

and looking down the other path, you can almost get like a sense of fresh air.

So I go down the sense of fresh air path?

Yeah, so you can choose one of these and replace a card in the river with it.

So you choose one and it'll go into the river.

So which side was which again?

I would say the left appears to be maybe a trap of some kind.

It seems suspicious.

And then to the right, you get like a sense of fresh air.

I want to get rid of that left card.

All right.

Which means we will put the fresh air into the options that lay in front of you.

So you can go either left center or right and you know one of them has at least one of them has fresh air which could be a trap but we'll go right okay you uh walk down the right passageway and as you're walking down the hallway slowly becomes more reinforced with iron plating and leaning up against one of the iron plated walls you find what appears to be an antique crystal shield

Can I pick it up and take a look at it?

Yeah.

You pick it up and since you said you're taking a look, make an investigation check on it.

Investigating?

Darn.

Six.

You pick it up and take a look, and you see that there is a colorful script written on the back.

Oh.

It's written in orc.

I don't know if you can read orc, Doug.

Guess what?

I can.

You can?

Dang.

Oh.

Then, in that case, clear as day, you can read, and like again, very flourished, colorful script.

It says, made in Vulgaria.

Oh.

Vulgaria.

Do any of you guys know a place called Vulgaria?

I think that's where Vustago's Gorola is.

Anybody?

Anybody?

Vulgaria?

Can I see if I know?

Yeah, make a wisdom check.

Why not?

I'm going to add that as well.

Can I, yeah, can I?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like I'm saying this to the whole group, so I would think like that.

16.

I'm waiting for everyone else's rolls to

6.

Hit my dice.

20 plus 1, 21.

So 16, 21, 6.

Got it.

You ponder it and you think about it, and you're not quite sure if you've ever heard of that.

It doesn't seem like a familiar land.

None of us?

Yeah, none of you.

It could be that maybe, since it's antique, maybe it's a land from long ago that no longer exists.

Vulgaria.

How do you spell that?

Probably like Bulgaria with a V.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay.

And it's a shield that you said is like some pearl-shaped.

Antique crystal shield.

Crystal.

Does it look like a practical shield, like still usable?

Yeah, like usable or more of like decorative.

It's crystal, so it probably would not be super effective.

Do you think we should take this with us, or should we just leave it here?

I think so.

I've traveled many places and I've never heard of Vulgaria, so it could be special old.

I guess I'll hold on to it for now.

So go for it, yeah.

As Doug says that, parts of his speech seemingly get bleeped out.

Well, I guess I'll on to it for now.

Keep talking.

Hey, guys.

Interesting.

New degree.

What is where is that coming from?

Okay, so here's a theory, gang.

Vulgaria, the root word vulgar.

I think it shields us from vulgarities.

It's like some sort of joke thing.

I don't know.

But I didn't say anything vulgar.

Say a naughty word.

Okay, yeah.

All right.

Say a naughty word, Barbara, and don't push the button.

Boop.

What happens?

What do we hear?

Okay.

I'm just gonna put this guy down.

Say a word for when you're going to keep carrying something.

Huh?

What?

I'm trying to figure out the word that got bleeped, but I can't say the word because Naddy wouldn't have heard the word.

I'm gonna hold on to this guy.

It's intermittently.

I'm gonna onto this.

Oh, okay.

That's what I wanted to figure out.

I wanted to figure out if it was random or specific.

So it's a random censorship.

It seems to be kicking in randomly.

Let us give it to Mr.

Grumbles, Grumbles.

Captain.

So it's basically the MPAA.

Can we give it to Captain Grumbles?

So he just goes,

You can give it to him.

I don't care.

Okay, now I like Captain Grumbles.

Okay, Captain Grumbles is very important.

I need you to hold on to this shield and protect it with your own life, okay?

All

Thank you.

He's so angry.

Oh, Captain Grumbles, take it easy, man.

But he hasn't gotten to take a turn, so I think he just feels left out.

All I know is I don't think I want to visit this Vulgaria personally.

Yeah.

Strict laws.

Yeah, no freedom of speech.

Alright, that was Doug, which means toll.

You're up.

Oh, you who?

Uh, let's see.

Yoohoo.

I would like to forge a path.

I want to use my strength.

Okay, show us that strength toll.

Ah,

that's a 20.

Oh, nice.

So that adds two additional clear path cards into the discard pile.

So, you know, you go out there and you just kind of like clear some growth and clean some slippery moss off the ground and just generally try to make the path easier for your compatriots to follow, which metagame-wise just increases the opportunity in general for people to make a correct choice.

You're welcome.

Hard work.

Yep.

Moving boulders.

What?

John God is.

Is that just celebrity squares?

Hollywood squares.

Hollywood squares.

Yeah.

Whoopie.

Yes, Whoopi Bolder was on there a lot too.

That was just Guther being excited about progressing.

Whoopie.

Alright, so you begin proceeding, and as you are walking down the pathway, I'll tell you what, make me a perception check.

Okey-dokey!

That's a tin!

As you are walking, you slowly begin hearing a sound.

It almost sounds like the clinking of chains and a voice crying out in pain.

And it's slowly getting louder and louder.

And as you are walking down this passageway, it appears to fork to the left and to the right.

Uh-oh.

You want to maybe hear where the thinking is coming from?

Yeah,

can I figure out which one, which direction is coming from?

It seems like the sound is traveling down and coming from both of them.

The same sound.

Maybe this fork just goes around, it's just a big circle and it goes to the same place.

Like this one.

Yeah, just this way.

Uh, left.

Let's go left.

Alright.

We've encountered chains before.

They were white chains.

Right.

Yeah.

You take the left path and after snaking around for a little bit, you come to what appears to be a cavernous underground cove flooded with seawater.

There's natural rock walls and palm fronds and moss and a smattering of jagged rock sea stacks.

Now is this the kind of water that I could swim through or is this the kind of water that's going to make me burn and hurt and go ouchy?

It does not appear to be boiling steamy water.

Okay.

And does this lead to any place?

Like, like it's just water in front of us and then it leads down.

Okay.

I appreciate the questions.

Thank you for asking.

Yeah.

You see, where you have come out, you're on a dock that appears to hug the western edge of this cove.

And you realize that this looks very different from the catacombs you were just in.

Across the cove on the eastern side, you see another wooden dock that also hugs the eastern edge of this cove.

And in the middle between them is floating and sunken ship wreckage.

To the north, you see what appears to be a menacing house-sized skull with one eye replaced by a sharp gemstone.

Ooh, got a real real goonie situation here.

Yes, Natty.

That's that skull is across the cove where that other wooden dock is, past the wreckage?

The skull is to the northern end of the cove.

Yeah.

It appears like both of these docks kind of snake to the north towards the big skull.

Okay, and then there is a watery area in the middle middle with all the wreckage.

Okay.

Correct.

Between the two docks and south of the skull.

Does anybody have like

misty step or like some sort of walk-on water power?

Like lily pads that they can shoot out so that Gunther can hippity hop.

I might be able to make something.

I'm interested.

Otherwise, I'm going to be honest.

The only thing I can think of is I put like all of you inside of Natty's ring and then I skip it like a skipping stone and we just kind of see how it goes.

Do we know how deep it is?

It's presumably deep, but I wouldn't say super deep since there's like shipwreckage.

You can see like parts of ships are settled under the water, but parts of them are still protruding from the top.

It's not deep enough for a ship, but it's deep enough to swim in.

Is that narrow enough for you?

Does that kind of answer your question?

Yeah.

I'm gonna be so for real.

I am like terrified that there's going to be like a big sea monster, you know?

I don't know if it's deep enough for there to be a monster window now.

Is there there anything above the shipwreckage or the

things?

Like in the ceiling?

Yeah, or like that could be used as like something to grab hold of to swing across.

Stalactites.

It's almost like a big cavern.

So there is stealing.

There is a ceiling with stalactites up there, but it is pretty high up since it is like a cavern.

Like how high?

Let's call it 70 feet.

If I can throw you, and then you can...

No, no, you could throw me.

Catch it with your tongue.

Oh, i have a question the house size skull does it have a door what i was about to say was if you continue on this dock it appears to lead you to this house size skull as in the docks were just like a like a boardwalk to the skull correct we can just walk natty goes why don't we just walk right here on this little path made to walk to that skull no throw me that seems to make just a little too much sense natty throw me now

uh i let everyone win i we start walking and I throw Gunther in front of us.

Just finish a tall, give him a shot.

Yeah,

Gimli and Lord of the Rings.

Trust me.

Trust me.

And you said, sorry, one last question about the skull.

You said like one of the eyes was a gem?

Correct.

Which one?

It's left eye, which when you're facing it, is the one on the right.

Thank you.

What kind of a gem?

It's just some kind of sharply cut gemstone.

Okay.

When you get a little closer, you might be able to see, but from here, it appears to be like maybe it's a sharp gemstone, roughly in the shape of an eye, you know, since it's in the eye socket.

It's encased in some kind of brass frame, and it seems like light beams are casting out of it to the south.

I know you made a coonies reference.

This was a very rescuers, is what this is.

Oh, Naddy starts walking the boardwalk.

All right.

Same.

Same.

I was thrown, right?

Yeah, I threw you.

Yeah.

Did you really throw him?

Oh, yeah, I should.

You need to straighten stocks, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Roll for throwing.

I'm going to give it to him.

While he's flying through the air, he wants to pull out a sword and strike a cool pose.

There you go.

Everybody clap.

Wow, good job.

There you go.

This is so cool.

DC's patronizing.

The docks themselves seem to be planked walkways and they're dimly lit by lanterns.

This route you're taking seems to feed into the skull.

And you said there was a door?

No, John asked if there was a door.

I said that the

walkway just kind of feeds into the skull.

And as you get closer, you can see that the skull is a house-sized skull covered in moss and grime.

This plank path you're walking on feeds directly into the side of the skull and seems to proceed to the north.

Past the skull?

Yeah, like the path leads you into the skull and beyond it.

Oh, into the skull.

So now we are in the skull housing and heading north.

I wouldn't put you there.

I would say you're at that precipice.

If you want to walk in and continue, that's up to you.

You know I want to go inside of this skull.

I mean...

Well, point of order.

We have a leader.

Got Doug?

Ugh, it's still me, isn't it?

You know, you can't just come across a giant skull and not go inside.

That's what I'm saying, yeah.

But maybe one of you, if you have the ability to, like, check which waps or something like that.

We all do.

Could I check which waps?

Yes, you can.

Yeah, you can.

Absolutely you can.

The look on Barbara's face as she realized she can do that.

For some reason, I thought it had to be like a special ability.

Some classes are more attuned to it and have better checks for it, but anyone can look.

I will check for traps.

Where are you looking, like, exactly?

Like, what are you looking for exactly?

Like, what in your mind, what are these traps you're looking for?

I would say, like, I would kind of peek in.

Like, I wouldn't step in, but I would look for anything on the ground that maybe looks uneven.

Like, it could be like a stepping plate or anything like in the walls of the skull that maybe have like something sticking out.

Yeah.

I'm going to look for the sword of power to raise above my head and say by the power of Grey's goal I have the power.

Nice.

Are we walking into the mouth?

What hole are we looking at?

It would be like the cheeks.

Okay.

I rolled a 15 on my investigation.

Yeah,

you do a pretty exhaustive search looking around

and you don't see anything that appears to be a trap.

Nothing, no pressure plates, no trip wires, nothing of that sort.

Okay.

Doug does that thing where he stays quiet, but he like motions forward with his two fingers

into the skull.

As you're looking around, you know, looking for these traps, you can tell that the skull is actually made of rock and not bone.

It's the same kind of jagged rock as like the sea stacks that are in the watery area out in front of it.

Does it look carved?

Yeah, potentially, yeah.

Or like a natural formation, natural forming skulls.

I will say, now that you're up close, you, and it's a good thing you're making this check, Doug.

You're especially in tune with this.

You recognize what the gemstone's doing.

What's it doing?

It's kind of like the eye caster you saw in the seesaw at Fort Endridge.

Seesaw is the training place.

Yes, if you remember, at the very beginning, you went through like a simulated training.

So what's it simulating?

I think he was just explaining that.

Yeah, so it's like at the seesaw in your training, it created like a holographic, almost like a holog in Star Trek, like it creates like a holographic experience that you then use to train.

John slash Natty is asking, well, what's this doing?

Once Doug Doug points this out, Natty, your eyes follow it and follow these rays of lights that are casting out from it into the waters of the cove in front of you.

And you see that out in the water, the light beams are casting visual and audible illusions of a safe patch of sea in the midst of a storm.

But in fact, you know that there are rocks and ships wrecked here.

It's a trap.

That must be where the Ark of the Covenant is.

Yeah,

no.

It's a trap for ships to crash.

Okay, that makes sense.

Yeah,

it was safe and then they go that way and then not so safe.

Is there an opening in this cave that would allow for a ship to come in and crash?

Well, there's that cove of water between the two docks that we talked about.

Yeah.

But no entrance big enough for a ship beyond the skull, if that's your question.

Weird, then how'd those ships get there?

Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry, on the other side?

Yes, that leads out to the sea.

Oh, to the sea.

Yeah, yeah.

So that would explain what the ship saw was a safe passage and then they hid in.

And yeah,

it's a flytrap.

It's a Venus flytrap.

How big is this room?

I think I misjudged.

It must be like a multiple football fields worth or something.

He said a cavernous cove.

Yeah, it's cavernous.

It's huge.

The ceilings are 70 feet high.

The width across from the western and the eastern docks is probably over 100 feet.

It's pretty big.

Cool.

How big is the eye physically?

The jewel that's doing this illusion?

It's really big.

If you had to guess, it would probably weigh a couple hundred pounds.

Yeah, skull's the size of of a house.

Imagine the eye scale.

It's pretty big.

Toll?

Yeah.

You ever heard of like Ironclad either doing something like this or talking about a legend of something like this or anything like is there like a cursed cove or something or is this what he does?

Well looking at my notes that I took in real life in the game in real in our universe real world.

You can make a history check if you want.

You talk weird.

Yeah, okay, okay.

Oh my god, where is history?

It's alpha.

It's alphabetical order.

I know, I should know this.

10.

I gave him an inspiration dice.

I don't need...

Oh, you don't need to do that.

I'll do it.

Give him an inspiration dice.

It's his choice.

Okay.

History check with advantage.

That was a good use because I just got a two.

God.

You know, you win some, you lose some.

Oh, this is good.

Oh, yes, I remember this place.

Yes, it's it's called the Cove of Lost Holves.

Like a ship hole.

H-U-L-L.

Not the other kind of hole that your brain went to because this is in Jakarta, you know.

Wait, I can't tell if this is Blaine BSing or this is Tov actually telling the truth.

This is Tov receiving a

message from the beyond.

This is Tov recalling.

This is Tov recalling.

This is Tov recalling.

And I know from our experience at the seesaw that that thing is called its Thaumotech.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so this is something you've heard of.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay.

I don't know if it's

Ironclad's doing or not, but you know.

You would not believe this would be something of Ironclad's.

I don't think Ironclad is smart enough.

He probably is.

I'm just trying to insult him because he sucks so bad.

Should we cover up the eyes so that people do not die?

Yeah, that will like totally steal this giant gem and try to resell it.

That would be an option.

It is too big.

How big is it?

Giant.

God, how big?

We just went over it.

Yeah, several hundred pounds.

Okay, what if we shattered it?

In my head, I was stuck.

You talked about reselling it, and I realized Endrich Bay is eBay, and I was making myself laugh in my head while you were talking.

Very good.

Okay, how about then in that case, Tolv takes a whack with the Warhammer.

It's still Tov's turn, so I think that this would be something he'd want to do.

We're not an initiative.

I know, but T-Dove.

They said, give us more story, Tov.

Don't just listen to the Gus.

Tell stories with Gus.

Yeah, tell stories.

How are you going to try to approach this?

Are you going to climb like the outside of the skull?

Are you going to try to go inside and then climb and go up there from the inside?

Like, what's your approach here?

I'll climb from the outside of the skull.

Okay.

I have had experience climbing, being on ships with sails and things.

Yeah, same thing.

That is totally something someone would say who knew things about ships.

Yeah.

You sound like me talking about sports or cars.

I have played with balls and things.

You've moved the ball successfully.

Yeah, you put your hands on the outside of the skull, begin finding a foothold, and as you do that, you start to hear grumbling voices approaching.

Oh.

And along with it, you hear like sparks and zaps

it seems to be coming from the north from inside the skull and it seems to be getting louder captain grumbles did you learn how to throw your voice that's really that's impressive

wow he's got the shield oh

I I wave at everybody to get their attention stealthfully and then and then I say

talking I move my mouth hand up and down talking inside and I point inside the skull oh okay we sneak in now he starts doing the chicken dance with the hands

shakes his hand vigorously as you all are signaling to each other the voices suddenly stop for a moment

finally a voice breaks the silence and says think i heard something it was over there footsteps slowly march towards the party's position getting closer and closer with every second.

What will the party do?

What's the source of the voices?

Well, we're gonna have to find out in the next episode of Tales and the Sneaky Dragon.

Thanks for listening, everyone.

All my favorites, yes.

Not quite karaoke.

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The air hums as if the arena itself is alive.

Whoa, stop there, my dudes!

There's a blur of yellow as a figure jumps from an elevated platform and does 30 backflips before sticking a perfect landing in front of the party.

Bow drawn pointed at your heads.

I see what's happening here.

It's technically an elf.

Slightly shorter than Kyborg.

He has flowing long blonde hair and a huge upper body that's rippling with muscles, but his legs are tiny, completely disproportionate.

Kind of like Johnny Bravo, if you remember that show.

Man, I'm pretty.

So is this Gum Gum's version of you, Kyborg?

I want to do the Predator handshake and say, what up, dude?

He high-fives you so quickly that he takes his hand off the arrow, high-fives you, and then grabs the arrow and pulls it back without it firing.

That was impressive.

Thank you.

But also, I'm defying the laws of gravity and stuff.

Thank you.

Hello.

Hello.

What's your name?

Oh, hi.

I'm Kyborg.

You're Kyborg.

What's your name?

I am another version of Kyborg.

Oh, sick.

Okay, great.

You're open to this.

All great.

I thought you were going to try to attack me, but no, we're like brothers.

Yeah.

Do you want me to attack you?

No.

Okay.

Look, you guys seem super cool, especially you, Kyborg.

Thanks, Kyborg.

But I can't let you pass unless I know you're like cool enough.

What cool stunts do you want us to do, Kyborg?

If I told you, then it wouldn't be cool.

Okay.

I've heard so many stories like this.

You have to challenge him to a competition.

Oh, he can't resist that kind of thing.

I can't, or he can't.

Yes.

Okay, got it.

Visit stinkydragonpod.com to show your support and make this show possible.

A number of incredible voice actors lent their voice to the show, including private, private parts, voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben.

This episode of Tales with the Stink Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold and David Sonye.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales of the Stinky Dragon.

All right, Doug Boone here on the ones and twos.

I know I got a couple listeners listening in.

Doug's on the ones and twos equals threes.

You know, it's an interesting day today.

You know, a lot of stuff's happening.

We've got some boiling water.

We've got some hair that we found belonging to Pancak.

You know, it's just, we're on the case, is how I'd like to say it.

But, you know, we're not

making as much progress as Doug would want.

But we're making, we're making moves.

We had Natty turned into a ring somehow.

I didn't know she could do that.

It was pretty wild.

We got Chris here doing a little dance on his camera.

He's looking at me.

He knows I'm doing this.

Hey, welcome Gunther to the show.

How are you today?

I'm very good.

Very good.

What's easier show?

This is Dougs on the Ones and Twos Equals Threes.

How's your afternoon going?

Oh, it is good.

I like afternoons because they have the sun and it reminds me of home.

But then...

I also like night.

I like all bedtime.

Well, we love that positivity here on the Doug's on the ones and twos equals three.

So, thank you so much for that addition.

Oh, hello, Gus is back as well.

He's been listening this whole time.

You know it.

I'm always here.

It makes me feel like there's always someone watching.

Listen, no matter what, I'm your biggest fan, Doug.

You've always got at least one listener out there, no matter what.

Wow, can we get a pew pew?

Pew pew!

Pew pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Doug's got to work on his soundboard.

Coming soon to a new episode.