C03 - Ep. 07 - Mission Through Middrus - Left Holding the JAG

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Previously, our adventurers Eldred blasted a magistrate in mid-sentence and found out nothing more from the now-departed devil.

They also broke open more chests of rare relics and were caught red-handed with sticky fingers.

Round up a refreshment, and let's resume this rank recollection.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Tales from the Sticky Dragon.

I'm your dungeon master, Gustavo Sarola, and I'm joined by our four players who I'm going to hit with an arrow.

Don't do it.

Don't do it, guys.

Why don't you try a different air at flying things like javelins or

players with a nice compliment?

Yeah.

I'm going to hit play with a frisbee.

If you could get away with one crime, what would it be?

And that's submitted by FriendlyFire675.

Should we roll for initiative?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, we were going to do that.

Great job, Barbara Memory.

Roll a D20, everyone.

Okay.

Barbara, get an inspiration dive for remembering that.

We go.

Earned.

I was about to say that, but I held back, but I'm glad that you said it, Gus.

Yeah, definitely got a reward.

Remembering.

I rolled a 20.

Eight.

18.

13.

Okay, so it goes Blaine, Chris, John, me.

Wait, I had 18.

What did you have, Blaine?

20.

20.

Oh, sorry, I misheard you.

Is that right?

Uh, hello, I'm Blaine Gibson.

What number did you think you said?

Because 20 is a very specific sound.

I, I, I don't know.

I just, I, I, I just didn't hear 20.

And I

okay, okay.

All right.

Toony.

Uh, hi, I'm Blaine Gibson.

You who?

It's me.

I play Tolls.

I am a male orc barbarian.

This is a fun one.

This is a fun question, okay?

If I can commit any crime, any crime, get away with it.

Fratricide.

Okay, who's next?

Okay.

Wait, what is that?

What?

Do you have a brother?

Fratricide?

No, no, no, no, no.

Patricide.

That's my bad, guys.

I'm so sorry.

Okay, who's next?

Who's next?

What's Patricide?

I think we need to be talking in our character voices if we're going to be asking Tov.

If I'm Doug, then I definitely know what Patricide is.

Yeah, it's Patricia.

It's fun.

This is a fun teacher.

Do you issues with your dad?

What?

I don't really want to say out loud what it is.

It's daddy issues to the extreme.

Yeah.

It's when you kill your father, you know?

You guys asked me the question, you're getting all mad.

It's like if you came to me and you're like, does this hat make me look weird?

And I'd say, yeah, it makes you look weird.

And then you get upset with me.

And it's like, I'm just telling you the truth.

I'm just telling you the answer.

I think you might be the one who's upset.

I'm not upset.

You're upset, Natty.

I think your hat looks good.

Well, thank you.

I think Gunther's not getting it.

You might have to explain it to him, Tolf.

What?

It's Spades Magic.

I killed my father.

You know, what's wrong with...

Why is everybody looking at me so weird?

No, no, it's just no judgment on you, Tolf.

You know, I mean, the question was, if you could commit a crime, which one would you be?

Which one would it be?

And so, like, you know, crimes are inherently bad.

And so, you know, anything you said, we would probably be judging regardless.

I'm just answering the question, dog.

We're going to talk about this more later.

Not like a war crime.

Okay, Tov, let me break it down to you.

Fraticide is not a war crime, Gunther.

I know.

That's what he said.

So it is okay for him.

Okay, go ahead, Nerid.

Here's the issue, Toll, if I could.

Yeah.

First of all, you called it fratricide, which was really confusing.

And second of all, you could have used the all-encompassing murder because murder is a crime, but I don't think patricide specifically is its own crime.

Like, it is murder.

That's called tailing on yourself.

I was just trying to help, you know, and I was thinking of father, and then I said fratricide, the fu-fuh, you know, alliteration.

But no, it's patricide.

Okay.

Okay.

That's like getting really super hyper-specific.

You're welcome.

We might hear more about that in the future.

I feel like four weeks ago.

It's like saying, would you rob a bank?

Like, what would you do if you could rob a crime?

You're like, I would rob this bank at 8 a.m.

with a crew of three to three.

And this is our exact plan.

Yeah.

I almost feel like this is an admission, if anything, rather than just an answer to a, you know, harmless question.

This might be the most harmless.

We've talked about an arrow.

It's a harmless question, harmless answer.

You know, like, let's just move on, guys.

This is getting weird.

Let's put a watch on Toast Bottom.

I'm making an unrelated phone call.

While I do that, Gunther, why don't you go ahead?

I think you are next.

A crime that I could get away with.

Introduce yourself first.

Oh, yes.

Chris Tamaris playing Gunther, level three fighter in the house.

A crime that I could get away with.

Croak, folk.

Crow, croak, folk.

Frog.

He really wants to answer the question.

A crime that I could get away with.

There is such a funny question in that there are no crimes and what you could not get away with.

Oh,

you doing patricide too?

No!

No, okay.

No.

In my community, no one does a crime.

And if you do, then you leave.

Oh.

And to leave is also the crime.

So I have done the crime.

I'm so confused.

Wait, I'm a little confused.

So

did you say there is no crime you can get away with or can't get away with?

You can.

Oh, okay.

Oh, you don't do any crime.

You cannot do a crime.

And if you do, you cannot get away from it.

Because if you get away, then you must go away.

Which is a crime.

Which is in itself a crime.

How do you decide who you send away?

I don't.

Because I do not decide who does crime.

It's a good, good answer.

So it sounds like a little bit like a uh an honor system no you know that gif of zach galfanakis with all the math going around his head yeah i i feel like that's all of us right now

i will say this though in this law there are crimes that i would do and get away with in this law i think he means in this legal system that we currently yeah right oh no he didn't mean in this law yeah outside of frog law in this law then yes i would oh good

that is the question it would be to take a life oh oh so patricide okay okay

no i will not kill your father okay is there any specific life you'd want to take gunther oh geez yes

not not poor little doug's heel right doug's a good guy friend of yours huh Why would I want to kill Doug?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I've yet to know Gunther's motives with with certain things.

I do not know yet who I am to kill.

I do not know yet.

So I asked if you had someone specific in mind and you said yes.

Yes, but I do not know.

So it seems like he's solving some sort of crime.

He seeks revenge on who he does not know yet.

Gotcha.

That might be the case.

I speak Gunther.

Okay.

All right.

Theoretically, it's like if Khyborg didn't know who Quadron was and was looking for that person.

Like knew someone did something and yeah right yeah in another world the six-fingered man so gunther real quick you said that if you leave your people that is a crime no you leave your people because you did a crime right or no it's not mutually exclusive okay so if you were to leave that's a crime but also you would be ousted if you committed a crime So which one did you do, Gunther?

They're both.

Wait, first question, is that accurate?

That sounds right.

I think so.

Yes.

I'm not asking y'all.

I'm asking the frog to answer this question.

Gunther, you're just kind of staring at us, bug-eyed.

Why do you not understand?

I'm interjecting here because the frog is not making any sense.

Right.

So I don't know how you're going to make sense of something you don't know what the answer is by someone who hasn't given us the answer.

To be fair, he is a frog.

And so a frog not making sense contracts.

He's a croak folk.

That's true.

There's folk in his name.

That's very true.

He's also played by a human boy.

All right.

Gunther, I think you've enlightened us enough.

I don't think he's enlightened us at all.

Hey, Naddy, I think that's as far as we're going to get.

We need to move on.

Gunther, always a pleasure.

Who is next?

Doug,

you were next.

I'm John Reisinger, and I'm confused.

That's a weird class.

But I'm not confused about what class I'm playing.

I'm playing the character Natty Wonder, who is a Drow Warlock.

Level three.

Level three.

Reporting for Duty.

I'm just a simple southern drow who just wants to bring a little bit of, you know, sunshine to this world.

So I'm not quite sure if I even have an answer for such a question.

But since we're here and I'm pressed for answering, I would want to bring about the sudden and complete destruction of the bourgeoisie and give the means of production back to the proletariat.

Ooh.

Bourgeoisie, that's a fun word to say.

Yeah, that rolls off the tongue.

Either that or maybe steal a candy bar from Walmart.

Oh,

that seems exciting.

You do look like you like candy bars.

Yeah.

Yep.

I love me a nutter butter.

Nutter butter.

Why don't you get Giggy to do that?

Because then, you know, he's a little kid.

He's a child.

He doesn't know any better, white.

Oh, he already does that.

Hey, Doug, can you say nutter butter?

Nutter butter.

There you go.

Just the way it was intended to sound.

You know, when you take, sometimes people take their dogs for walks and the dog picks up rocks along the way and brings them back.

Yeah, no.

Ask Giggy with items of purchase at any store we go into.

Ouises Pieces.

Yeah, he loves those.

Crunch balls.

Maltizos.

Malatiz.

Butterfinger.

Puddle fingers.

So yeah, that's my answer.

Maltizos.

Well, tell Giggy to get all his crimes out of the way now while he's a minor.

Oh, he's got so many crimes that he wants to commit.

I don't think he can get him all out of the way.

He has a to-do list with crime.

He got a bucket list as long as my arm.

Okay.

Doug, I believe that leaves you.

It does leave me.

Mr.

Boone.

Hello, everyone.

My name is Doug Boone.

I'm a bug bail art official, also level three.

And, Gosh, I have a confession.

Go on.

No judgment.

Doug has already committed a number of crimes.

Uh-oh.

Well, so have we all.

Including, but not limited to, trespassing and burglary.

Oh.

What'd you stay in?

Some people might call it petty theft.

I don't know.

Wait, are you talking about the ones that we, the chests we just opened up in the last episode?

That definitely isn't included, and Doug still feels bad about that.

But, you know, Doug has had to fend for himself for a really long time.

And so, like, there was these abandoned towns around.

He would, you know, take things that didn't belong to him and go in places that didn't belong to him.

And Doug's not proud, but you know, he has to do what he had to do.

Ooh.

You gotta do what you gotta do to survive.

If the jail time is long, I will accept it.

Doug is sorry for everything he's done.

It's okay, Doug.

Don't cry.

Doug, just say allegedly, and it's all clear.

What if I can't say it?

It is a legend.

I can't say it.

Oh, you're so close.

Allegedly.

Supposedly.

You are a legend.

Wait, if it's abandoned, is it theft?

You might be white, actually.

I don't know.

Let me welfance my law book.

I feel like abandoned literally means someone left it and doesn't want it anymore.

And so I think you're good.

Oh, thank you, Natty.

You're away.

I never thought of it that way.

I'm sure we'll commit crimes sometimes between now and the end of our adventure.

So don't worry about it.

I'm sure there will be a crime committed at some point.

Thank you, Doug.

I appreciate you opening up.

Hope you feel a little better after Natty clarified things there.

Oh, maybe like 5%.

Good.

Better than zero.

As you all are inspecting the flail, the doors at the northern end of the armory burst open, and Drill Sergeant Steele Eye storms into the room with several guards.

B team!

What's the meaning of this?

What are you doing with those stolen relics?

Doug points to the magistrate on the floor.

They're not stolen.

They are right here.

They're not where they should be.

They're supposed to be in the chest for safekeeping.

Did you steal them?

How did you get in here?

What are you doing?

What's the meaning of that?

What's the meaning of this?

We're gonna pick up this episode 30 minutes from that moment.

Oh,

time jump.

Speaking of crimes, the party now stands in Fort Andrich's headquarters courtroom for their court-martial.

That's quick.

This is a mockery.

I was told it was abandoned.

Squatter's rights.

You all are in a courtroom and it's an octagonal iron room with a bench to the north with three chairs.

There's a banner on the wall that reads, Together we stand unbroken.

There's a lectern in the center of the room and a bar and gallery to the south.

Iron doors lead to the west and to the south out of this room.

Both doors are guarded by MPs.

You all were led into this room from the western doors, so you know that is the prisoner's entrance into the courtroom.

And you said some time has passed.

30 minutes.

30 minutes.

30 minutes.

Not a short rest.

No.

No.

Okay.

I would think we would not have time to rest as we were being taken into the room.

Whipped into shape.

You all are standing near the lectern in the center of the room.

It's a cold iron lectern, elevated and surrounded by a railing.

The heck is a lectern?

It's basically where we're standing in a raised space to be judged.

Yeah, you ever see like a speaker with like a little podium in front of them?

Kind of like

you know the Senate and Phantom Menace?

I am the Senate.

That the like that middle spot that would be our electern.

Oh, we are Palpatine, God.

And then we're facing the east.

That's where the...

No.

No, you're facing to the north where the bench with the three chairs is.

Okay, okay.

Who's at the bench?

I'm glad you asked.

I was about to get to that.

Sitting at the bench is the judge presiding over this case, Captain K.

Mark K.

Martin.

Oh.

You see Private Parts sitting in the courtroom clerk's seat to the left, and there are no attorneys for either side.

Captain K.

Mart K.

Martin?

Yeah.

Kmart K.

Martin.

Kmart is the nickname, and K Martin's the real name.

Oh, kind of like classic Lasic.

Okay.

But this is a captain, not a private.

Correct.

I'm just giving an example.

Yeah, like people have nicknames and their actual names.

And then sitting in the gallery behind you is Sergeant Steele Eye and a team.

These guys are everywhere.

And who is in the clerk's seat again?

Private parts.

Oh, yeah.

And the clerk's like the they're like the stenographer.

Yeah, kind of.

Okay.

And do I perceive a blue light special today?

Are we going to get any deals from Captain Kmart?

Kmart?

You better hope so.

Oh, a bleed deal.

Kmart closed, right?

I think there's one location left, if I'm not mistaken.

I think it just closed, like very recently.

The one on Guadalupe?

No, no,

in the United States.

The last major Kmart store is in Bridgehampton, New York.

It'll close in one month's time on October 20th, 2024.

We were too late.

We could have saved them.

It's impossible.

Michael mentions they're still in Australia and are quite nice.

It's an alternate reality.

Oh, thank God.

I've been to one in Australia.

Captain Kmart bangs their gavel

and shouts out.

Order!

I'll have order in the courtroom.

B team, you are accused of the following.

Breaking into the armory without permission.

Breaking into chests of relics without permission.

Murdering the magistrate instead of detaining him for questioning.

And finally, leaving A team behind instead of regrouping as ordered.

B team, you will provide testimony and evidence in your defense.

We're going to play an improv game.

Wait, I thought that's what we've been doing for the last three campaigns.

Is that not the point of the show?

We're going to to play an improv game called Fortunately, Unfortunately.

Oh.

Where you all are going to speak as a group, but you all take turns.

Well, you start your opening sentence with, it all started when, and then each one of you takes turns adding a sentence that starts with fortunately or unfortunately.

Shall we roll for the order we go in?

I roll for you guys ahead of time, and I've got an order here in front of me.

So we're going to do that for two minutes.

So hopefully you guys can present any evidence in your defense and you don't go to prison.

And this might be be the shortest campaign ever.

Wait, so this is two people.

Is it just going to be like Blaine, fortunately, Barbara, unfortunately, Chris, fortunately, John, unfortunately?

And then it's going to go back to Blaine, fortunately?

Correct.

We're just going to go all the way around.

Okay, so some of us will only be fortunatelies and some of us will only be unfortunatelies.

I'll tell you what.

Each of you, when it's your turn, you can choose whether you want fortunately or unfortunately at the top.

Oh, okay, okay.

Oh, that's fortunate.

Very fortunate.

We're going to go Doug, Toll,

Gunther Natty.

DTGN.

Good job, Vibe.

Thanks.

Captain Kmart looks at you, Doug, and says, Mr.

Boone, begin your defense.

The timer starts now.

Well, it all started when we realized that Colonel Boy was actually the magistrate in disguise, and he stole something very important and then started to go into the armory.

So we followed him like the good, you know, soldiers that we we are.

Unfortunately,

he was able to incapacitate the A-team.

And after coming to their rescue and deeming it necessary to pursue the suspect, we left them behind once we had made sure they were secure and gave chase to the magistrate.

Cunter?

Fortunately, A-Team was

said they were good and needed not help because we offered it and they were all happy

You're done wait do I need

yeah

Okay, Maddie unfortunately wait wait has Gunther always talking in such broken English this year not just waking up to this

It's different every day, man.

It's just like it's like sort of a Yoda, but not

Wait, so wait and we just give the fortune and now John would give the unfortunately yes, yeah, but Gus said he could do whichever one.

Okay.

Maddie.

The one I want to say, I can't.

I want to say, unfortunately, I asked the DM if I could not kill the magistrate, but you guys killed him anyways.

Unfortunately, we did have to pursue him into a room that we weren't aware of what the room was until we got in the room.

And so,

yes, technically we entered the armory, but we came from an entrance underground that didn't have a sign or anything.

So, how can you, how can you like break into somewhere if you didn't even know you were breaking in?

Yeah, yeah.

Fortunately, we were there on the double to make sure that the magistrate didn't get away with the thing that he stole.

And we stopped him in the in you know in the room full of all these chests.

Well, he got something else important from the chest, but we were there.

You know, if we weren't, who knows what would have happened.

Time, time.

I was gonna say, I had so much more.

Sorry, stop.

That's it.

Time.

Time.

That's it.

Captain Kmart bangs their gavel down.

That's how courts work.

You get a limited amount of time to talk.

That's what's this case.

I call.

Because we have to.

Surprise witness.

Sawyer, the lawyer.

There are no attorneys here.

Our hushbuckers.

How could we break in if it was already broken into?

I think we answered all of the different relevant accusations, but in one, which I don't know what we were supposed to do or not.

Yeah, no, I think we got it for the most most part.

The judge

bangs their gavel and says, If the defense wishes, they can cross-examine any of the witnesses we have available.

If not, we will just have them read statements they have prepared.

Are we to defense?

Yeah, you always defense, Doug.

We're defending ourselves.

Did you think we were prosecuting somebody?

What were the names of A-team?

It was Classic, Lassic.

Who was the girl that we that was

a-okay Ogre, Canandros, okay, private mess, private parts, private Lassic, private mess.

Uh, yeah.

I would like to question the defense.

Nope, wait.

You are the defense.

I would like to question the offense.

Go team.

The witnesses.

He wants to.

Your honor, may I approach the bench?

Okay,

I'll allow it.

Okay, Okay, okay.

I go right up to

Kmart.

There are two guards right next to the bench.

I'll get as close as I can without, you know, them getting all defensive.

I say, hello hello, hello.

We don't really know legal terms, so you're going to have to be,

you know, a little forgiving and a little patient.

But I would like to talk to one of the A-team members, if that is okay.

Why did you approach the bench?

Just because of some one-on-one time.

I feel like, you know, when we're so far apart, you know, you might not know me, and, you know, we're not super...

I just feel like I give off a good aura and I wanted to be nearby you.

Well, perhaps if you knew legal terms and the order of things, you wouldn't be in this mess, Tolls.

Well, you know, I'm a soldier first and foremost, and I do my best out on the field of battle.

Are you implying I'm not a soldier first and foremost?

No, I just think that you're, you wear many hats and they all look great on you and right now you're wearing oh you're wearing the judge's hat with the gavel you know and that's cool i respect that i couldn't do that that sounds stressful return to the lectern and you may call up a member of a team if you wish Okey dokey.

Meta talk, which one did I save that was about to fall into the rift thing?

That was, I believe Private Lasso was about to fall into the rift.

Okay, and I think that they were unconscious, were they not?

They were conscious, but they were like shaking and under the ill effects of the gas from the previous room.

Okay, I would like to talk to Private Kendranos.

Kandranos.

Kandranos.

Private Kandranos stands up from the gallery and walks up to the bench and takes a seat in the witness chair.

Hello, Private Kenandro.

Kendra

Kendranos.

So, Private Kendranos,

first of all, how are you doing today?

Uh, I'm fine.

And A-team is recovering fine, thanks to B-Team.

Well, I would like to recall what happened whenever we came in.

Uh, do you recall a big, you know, uh,

hole opening up in the room that we found you guys in?

Does that

tickle your memory?

Um, yeah.

After we followed the colonel's orders and went underground to find the culprit, we were injured in action and regrouped in a room that had a crevice in it.

That is correct.

Okay, and do you remember what happened to Private Lassik when he was injured and regarding that hole and it started to open up a little bit more after we arrived?

Yes, if memory serves correct.

You kicked him and started to shove him into the crevice that had opened in the floor.

Okay, I'd like to approach the bench, Your Honor.

Permission denied.

Okay, well,

we have a bit of an issue because Private the Canandros Candrom.

I don't know your name.

I'm not even going to try.

You don't deserve my respect.

They're straight up lying.

They did not put their hand on the Bible or whatever they have to swear allegiance to the flag.

They're lying, okay?

And this is...

I think we need some sort of different,

I don't know, trial by combat, something else, because

this is unfair.

Does anyone have what's the truth-telling spell?

Oh, oh, cone of truth!

Cone of truth!

Zone of truth.

Zone of truth.

Zone of truth.

The honor of the witness is not called into question.

Yes, it is.

Uh, Private Canginos continues.

You were wounded in action, and as we were tending to our wounds, I do recall you arrived late, and you did not assist us.

Rather, you moved in the direction of the culprit's last known whereabouts, proceeding to the south of the room.

Then you passed by us again, instead of waiting for us to proceed as a group okay well this is a bit of a a you know we were talking about kmart in australia this is a kangaroo court okay uh they are setting us up for failure at this point i don't even know what we're doing here because they're just straight up lying because i came in and i saved private lassic before he fell into a hole and almost died judge kmart uh asks to do you have any evidence to support your claims one way or another i mean i have three witnesses behind me, but I guess you've got four witnesses to the contrary, and they're gonna say their thing, and we're gonna say our thing, so I don't know.

Which is why I need evidence.

Evidence beyond words.

Anything physical that could perhaps show the court or prove innocence?

I don't know.

Maybe he pooped his pants while he was about to fall into the floor, but he's still alive, so that's evidence that I saved him.

Do they have any evidence, Your Honor?

How did you make a persuasion check, Toll?

That was almost a one.

Rolled over to a 19.

That's a dirty 20.

Ooh, very good.

Your testimony is quite enlightening, Tolv.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Can I take a stab at this?

After you.

Please.

So I guess y'all switch.

Toll steps away from the lectern, and then Natty steps up to the lectern.

I give a crisp high five to Natty.

Make me a perception check, Natty.

Sure.

16.

No, 18.

18.

Okay, as you approach the lectern, like I said earlier, it's a cold iron lectern.

It's elevated and surrounded by a railing.

And as you approach it, you see something that maybe hadn't been noticed before.

There's a shelf below the top level of the lectern.

And it looks like there's something in the back of the shelf below the top of the lectern.

I look.

I look what's in it.

What is it?

There's a horn glittering white with golden streaks.

I think I know what that is.

What was it, Doug?

Oh, well, would you, would I be able to see it?

Uh, hey, Doug, I hold it like down below so doug can see it i go doug what's this i think that might be the cone of copia

that's the thing that the mother the the abbey lady approached this check

how is this gonna help my art of fame i don't know maddie we're not we're not talking to you right now judge

the dm talking to you

naddy i need you to make a reality check reality check what's that you need to roll a d20 and add all of your ability score modifiers so add your strength modifier your dexterity modifier constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma.

Is this new?

Is this homebrew?

My total.

Just the six.

The six of them?

Yeah.

Okay.

My modifier is a six.

Wait, that's it?

You only have plus six between all of them?

Yeah.

How is that possible?

What do you guys got?

Wait, we add up all of our modifiers?

Yeah.

Hey, I have nine.

I don't know what you guys have.

Six seems awfully low.

That's what I got.

I have like 12.

Okay.

Okay.

Someone rolled like doo-doo when they were rolling their character sheet.

I have seven.

You have five, don't you, Gunther?

You're talking about like our strength, dexterity, constitution, and intelligence.

Oh, no, you do have seven.

One of those plus ones I thought was a max one.

Yeah.

All right.

So yeah, go ahead and roll that check for me, Natty, after you've been shamed.

Yeah, I don't care.

23.

23.

Sounds still a good roll.

Natty's amazing even without those things.

I don't need those numbers.

That's a successful roll.

So

I'm very curious to see what this reality check is.

I have a theory.

I don't know if I should share right now.

You, uh, you know, as you're holding it and you turn to Doug and ask about it, and Doug says that maybe it's a cone of copia, uh, you feel almost like your vision begins to warp and fade in and out, and you feel like this item doesn't belong here.

Then, after you look, finish looking at Doug's eyes, you look down back into your hands, and the horn is gone.

Oh, I think I know what's going on here.

Huh?

Well, share.

I think we might be under some sort of spell, like we're not actually here, and it's all very legal themed.

So maybe the magistrate is actually fooling us right now.

I don't know.

But why would we see the cone of Copia?

Like, what does that have to do?

Like, why would it be there and then gone?

Well, the magistrate had it, and then, you know, maybe they're using it.

Maybe the power of the cone of Corpia.

Did they have the cone?

I thought they had the hammer.

Don't hit me.

It is a no, uh, Natty, as, you know, you, this is going through your mind, you realize this is not the cone of Copia, but instead this must be some other powerful magic item.

And it's no longer in my hands.

It's gone.

Was it even there to begin with?

Yeah, because you said it was.

I don't know.

Maybe you're imagining that.

Okay.

I assumed that was supposed to help me in some way, but it did not.

The defense would like to call Gigi to the stand.

You call Giggy to the stand?

You have to roll to make sure Giggy goes up there.

Oh, son of a.

I rolled an eight.

He doesn't go on the stand.

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I rolled an eight.

He's his own boy.

How's it going, Daddy?

Giggy begins walking towards the chair.

It seems like he's going to listen, but at the last second, he detours and begins gnawing on one of the guards' legs.

Giggy, Giggy, no, Giggy, damn.

Giggy, Giggy, no treats later.

No treats later.

It seems like your witness is hostile.

I'll address

Kandranos.

Okay, Kandranos, I guess, comes back up to the stand again.

Oh, wait.

Could I get Sergeant Steel Eye up there?

Sure.

Is he here?

Yeah.

Rather than Kandranos, then you call Sergeant Steel Eye, who stands up from the gallery and walks straight to the witness chair and sits down.

Sure, he does.

For the court, can you please recite your full name?

Sergeant Steele Eye, Eli Steele.

And how long have you been our sergeant?

I've been overseeing B-Team's training for these past three months.

And have you been overseeing A-Team as well?

A team has also been under my purview, correct.

Have you ever

witnessed any sort of animosity from A-Team towards B-Team?

What I have witnessed is contraband found in B-Team's trunks the night before their passing out ceremony.

That's not what I asked.

I need you to answer my question and not give me other random things that you want to talk about.

I have witnessed healthy competition between A-Team and B-Team to win favor within the Mortalion.

In moments where the B-Team was not performing well, have you ever witnessed A-Team reveling in

our badness.

A team sure spends a lot of time reveling.

Okay.

Defense rests.

Thank you, Your Honor.

I appreciate it.

Hey, guys, I think we're scraped.

I think we're doing very good.

I think the DM wants to convict us.

There's still some of us who need to question people, Hugh.

I would love to see you try.

Can one of us approach?

Well, are you going?

If that's okay, I had some questions for Steel Eye.

Yeah, go for it.

Yeah, sure.

Then Steel Eye will stay there since you also want to address him.

Steel Eye.

That's Sergeant to you, son.

Sergeant Steel Eye.

Who

found and chased and fought the former boy that was then the magistrate?

I witnessed B team engage briefly with the magistrate above ground before being ordered to pursue the magistrate below ground.

At which point, B team went back to their barracks and took a rest rather than following orders.

Did we not go to barracks because of injury?

Did we not ask for help because we had injuries from fighting magistrate?

You did not follow orders directly.

Did we ask for aid from injuries?

Did you?

I don't remember.

Not to my recollection.

You have a medic on your squad, don't you?

Attend to your injuries in the field.

That is exactly what you said at the time.

So we went to go attend to our injuries, like as you commanded, which was in our barracks in the field.

Do you think the Undarians are gonna let you go back to your barracks when you get a boo-boo?

No,

hey, it makes a good point.

Who?

Stars and steel.

That's not helping.

You told us to go heal our injuries.

We healed our energies, then we went out to go help.

Make a

persuasion check, Gunther.

19.

Well, yes, I guess that's correct.

So we follow a team into a hole, which we discovered after chasing magistrate.

A team was not able to fight.

They were injured.

We continued your number one command, which was to follow the magistrate.

I have a question.

How can we break into armory if there was already broken into?

That's what I'm hoping to find out.

How did you break into the armory?

We did not.

Magistrate was already there.

The hole was already there.

We nearly followed orders.

I am following magistrate.

Nearly followed orders.

Do you have a question for me?

Is that correct?

I don't know.

We're trying to figure that out.

I need evidence that it wasn't you that broke in.

To the armory?

Oh, wait.

Could I take Ovo here?

Or are you still going?

One more question.

We are also accused of

taking items, breaking into a chest, and stealing.

Correct.

The scale of scales, blowpipe of bewailment, double flail of double-fettedness, and the flambard of fluidity.

And all of these items are here, correct?

Correct.

Alright, so then how can we have taken them?

Because you had them when we entered?

And we caught you?

We were not caught.

We caught magistrate.

We took them for magistrate.

He was taking them.

We did as commanded.

And do you have evidence?

Yes, the fact that the items are still here and that we are here with the items.

Okay.

How can we have stolen the items if they are here with us and we did not leave?

Does a burglar not steal if you catch him in your house with all of your money in his hands?

But we were doing as you commanded, which was to follow the magistrate who went to go steal items.

If we were following your orders, then we could not have broken them.

Son, I need you to stop yelling at me.

Okay.

That's rich coming from the guy who like always yells.

It's my job, son.

Stop.

Say that someone said, hey, you should go get some food.

And then you go to the mess hall, okay?

And then you eat your food, and then someone says, Hey, you know what?

I think there's too many cooks here.

Who's talking to me?

I can't keep track.

Who's at the lectern?

One at a time.

Oh my gosh.

Dougo2.

If you commanded us to follow the magistrate, should we have not entered the armory because you did not also tell us to follow him into the armory?

Well, I guess there's some logic to that.

But where was A-Team?

They were injured and resting after we secured them.

Well, maybe they could corroborate your story.

Captain Kmart bangs their gavel and says, All right.

Got enough out of you, Gunther.

Doug, approach the lectern.

Could Doug do a quick, I don't know what kind of check you'd want me to make, but just in terms of like, have we seen this room before?

Because we have been training at this place for months now.

And I figured we would have seen a lot of areas of the, you know, Fort Enridge and stuff like that.

So have we ever been in here or do I recognize this place at all?

Do we do our jury duty in here at any point?

Yeah, you would have heard of it.

You've never been in this room specifically, but you've been in this building.

This is in the headquarters.

So you know that this room exists and you know where it is in the headquarters, but I don't think you ever would have had opportunity to come through during your training.

Okay.

Hello,

Your Highness.

Doug would like to bring...

Private Lassok to the bench.

Okay.

Sergeant Steele Eye goes back to the gallery.

He passes Private Lasic, who walks past him and takes a seat.

Hello, uh, Private Lasso.

How are you feeling?

Much better, thank you.

So,

you know, you seem like a good guy with a really good head on your shoulders, good memory, and stuff like that.

Um, you know, you were pretty shaken by everything that happened down there, uh, but you remember us coming in and trying to help, don't you?

Yeah, we make a persuasion check with advantage because you're being so flattering, uh, Doug.

Oh god, my persuasion's not great.

Doug is like killing it right now.

Did they go to law school?

A 12?

That is correct.

I do recall that while we were injured and Private Candranos was attending to us, B-team came by, briefly attended to us, left the room to the south, returned, and helped moved us into a recovery position in the southern part of the room.

Doug does the thing where he points to Lasic and then points around the room and goes,

Are you not satisfied?

From the mouth of a team, we were there, we helped, we tried to save them, and we continued on with the mission of what we thought was right to do.

The mouth?

Uh, Kmart asks you, Doug.

And you, Mr.

Bone,

do you have any evidence besides this testimony to support your claim?

Well,

I mean, it's hard to have evidence and it's easy, you know.

It's tough when you're like, oh, we did this thing, but we don't really have proof because there's nothing physical.

I mean, like, what are you expecting, like, a physical evidence from trying to save people?

Like, it's not like we have a camera or any sort of like recording device.

Could we have a meta powwow between the four of us?

I don't.

Are we allowed to call one of those?

Let me answer that question first and then you can proceed with that.

The court merely seeks to substantiate any testimony with physical evidence to help make sure justice is indeed served, Mr.

Boone.

Did we get any, like, because I know that was like the gold gates, right?

In that room?

Yeah, once Natty used the key, the bars turned into gold pieces.

Do we have any gold pieces from them?

I mean, I still have that.

Would that serve as any evidence for something?

Well, it's show that we were down there.

We also have the spyglass.

That's true.

Is that I'm trying to think of any other thing.

We had a blue shard.

If y'all want at this point, you can take your meta powwow as well.

Should I not listen?

That's what this is.

That's what this is.

Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

I just wanted to ask the group, because my brain can't is not racking anything that's like evidence that we have, but I know that I don't remember everything.

But the only thing I think of is the Zodia thing.

Yeah, the spyglass, but we also, if anyone took any of the gold from that, that would show that, like, the gate.

I have some of that clothing, the pearl, ebony and pearl ring clothing, but I don't know how that would help.

That's from the cages, right?

We also, the cryptics we also found, but the only thing that that

was shards.

Yes,

the only thing that that proves is that we were just down there.

And I feel like they're going to twist our words and say, what were you guys doing farting around instead of saving the bad blood?

You know, oh, you're treasure hunters now, not soldiers.

That's like, that's what Gus is going to say.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Let me help you.

Or let me give a suggestion.

Did any character draw a map or take notes or discover anything about what the magistrate was up to that they could provide to the court?

Oh my gosh, like I have such a thorough map.

yeah.

Yeah, and Doug always is taking notes.

Did we figure out what the magistrate was up to?

Yes, they were trying to steal, and we stopped them.

Well, they got the corn of Copria, and then they were trying to get away, and we chased them, and then they led us back to the armory to get more goodies.

They took the hammer, the

claw, straight.

Yeah, there were doggies that we uh defeated in the cages.

I think we're going to jail.

I mean, I feel like

I almost want to ask a question, but I feel like they're going to just laugh at me.

There's no dumb questions told.

Are we done with the MetaTonk?

Oh, actually, I did want to do something.

Okay, never mind my question.

Oh, the leg.

We have a leg.

Well, the leg was attached to a whole body.

No, it was attached to the wall.

No, it was attached to the wall.

It was a single leg that was just removed.

Yeah, just a leg.

Yeah, from the wall.

Yeah.

Just a random leg.

So, Doug, are you ready to present anything or are you going to do anything with any of the stuff that you all talked about?

Well, Well, in terms of evidence, there is many.

So, you know, a few of us here, we've taken, you know, very detailed maps of the places we've gone so we could, you know, make sure we know where we're going and also backtrack if we need.

I believe Tov took a really detailed map.

He's a great artist, actually, a little-known fact about Tolv.

Oh, stop it.

Please submit one of those to the court.

One of the guards leaves the bench and approaches you, Doug, and sticks their hand out.

All right, Tolv, do you want to show him your map?

Okay, I come up, I high-five the guard, and then I hand him my map, map, and I say, here you go.

Now, if the judge would take a look at the map and see, because I assume the judge might know the inner workings of the Armoi, you would see that this is completely accurate and to scale.

The guard takes the map, turns around, and walks back to the bench and hands it to the judge, who begins looking it over.

This is where you were?

Uh, yes.

Interesting.

One of many places that we were.

Can I con wait, I want to know what he was pointing at.

It's just like holding up the map in general.

Not like a specific room or anything, just like referencing the map in general.

We could like go on a field trip and like show you play by play, but I feel like that would draw out the episode.

Then, uh, you know, there's also in the room where we saved a team, I might say, uh, there was also these like balls that turn into gold.

Uh, and I believe a few of us uh have some of that gold as evidence as well to prove that we were in there.

How do Barr turn into gold?

That magic.

Yeah, I was too busy tending to uh private Lasticule, as he will,

you know, back me up on.

Private Lastic!

Can you corroborate that account?

Uh, and Private Elastic just nods.

Hmm.

Interesting.

Can I whisper something to Dodkasic?

Tell them about the dogs that are in the thing with this.

And I hold up the armor stuff that I took.

You know how I had the ivory and ebony clothing, and then we went in there and we put the flame dogs inside of that one.

I don't know if that room is.

Because that's not where A-Team was.

No, but it's also showing that we fought the enemy.

Oh,

also, my colleague here,

Ganto, has some evidence of something we found in one of the cages where we fought the Mongols and,

you know, the enemy as we are trying to, you know, defeat.

Ganto, if you would present the evidence.

This is clothing from searching for magistrate, and inside of cages, you will find mongrels that we defeated.

You showed the enemy no mercy?

We really didn't.

Yeah, no, they're dead.

They have returned to dust.

I'll hold on all of you make a persuasion check.

Even Doug.

I will say, Toll, you have a disadvantage on it because your interaction with the judge did not go great.

Oh, oh.

Oh, Natty, just like just a normal role.

Doug, you had a compelling argument, so we'll give you an advantage.

And Gunther, you get advantage for providing evidence of demongrel combat.

okay i rolled a not 20 for a 19 so i'm not gonna get there as a dirty 20.

i rolled an 18 uh i rolled 19 and a 14 so i gotta go with the 14.

14.

okay captain kmart uh bangs their gaffle and says okay i think that'll end the evidence portion of this trial all we have left is closing statements for me team you can each offer one final statement for your closing argument and then we will pass judgment

Oh my god, you killed me.

Kingdom court.

Do we want to go in the same order that we approached the bench?

Sure, why not?

It's up to you guys.

Okay.

So Yoana, you see, from the mouth of one of the greatest members of a team, Classic Lasticule, he said we were there saving them.

We were heroes.

We were doing what we needed to do, as you see from our evidence.

we were there to defeat the enemy for any reason at any cause.

Conclusion:

Doug is very nervous.

Doug with law enforcements gets very nervous.

Very good, Mr.

Boom.

Gunther's applauding, like, he thinks that was really good.

Yeah, Gunther would.

Who's next?

12.

Did I actually submit mine or am I able to go?

No, no, go, go, go.

I love the trepidation.

Teacher, can I speak?

Okay, so like war can be very confusing, and when the enemy attacks and they're in our home base, everything gets all topsy-turvy.

But

we followed our commands, and though it ended us up in a situation that was not ideal, we did follow the orders.

despite a few mishaps.

But we are innocent men, and I hope that you will reconsider our sentencing because I do not think that there is a sound amount of evidence.

That is a terrific run-on sentence from Toll.

You're welcome.

I don't know if it was as run-on as Doug's, but.

I don't know if Doug's was a sentence.

I know it's dramas and semicolons.

Oh, God, very novice and forgot English.

I would love for the listeners to transcribe those sentences

and send them to us and see what they're actually if it's possible to make those into a single sentence.

The key is to not breathe so that it just keeps going and you don't see the spot where you insert the period.

Oxygen just slows down how the brain works.

Yeah.

All right, who's next?

Thunder.

I'm not familiar with the laws that we have broken in that.

I'm not from this area.

All I know is that.

All right, that's a sentence.

Thank you very much, Gunter.

We were given orders and we followed the orders and we defeated the enemy and ensured that no artifacts were taken.

Very good.

That was good, Gunther.

Excellent use of the conjunction and to string that one out.

Way to go, Gunther.

Natty.

Natty approaches the lectern, and then Natty sneezes into her kind of gloves.

And as she does that, she casts fairy fire

on the lectern, which reveals anything that's invisible in a 20-foot cube.

Oh, that's so cool!

Okay.

What does that sneeze sound like?

Oh, that's the cute sneeze.

I have a hood.

That's pretty good.

Bless you.

So each object in a 20-foot cube within range is outlined in blue, green, or violet light.

Which one do you want?

Violet.

Violet light.

Wonderful skin tone.

Turning violet, violet.

Good color.

Any creature in the area when the spell is cast is also outlined in the light if it fails a dexterity saving throw.

For the duration, objects and affected creatures shed dim dim light in a 10-foot radius.

So you cast fairy fire, and what was your specific goal with this again?

I wanted to cast it on the lectern, like if you want to like pick an object, pick the shelf that I found, and I wanted to see if anything in the lectern's radius appeared again.

Make a

history check.

History is negative one, so that's 17.

You cast it, and you see where you saw that horn before.

You don't see the horn, but you see like an outline of where it was and then it is like slowly collapses and dissipates and disappears.

Man, Gus, you're gonna, you just want to confuse me, don't you?

That's all you want to do today.

Confused.

Can I at least reach into there and see if I feel anything?

Yeah.

You reach in and it's just an empty shelf.

Question: When Natty saw it, did Doug also see it, or do we not really cover that?

I would say by the time Natty turned around to show you, it was gone.

Oh, so I never saw it.

Yeah.

Okay.

I thought I had something, guys, but I don't think I I have anything.

I thought that would totally work.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Well, should we just await ourselves?

Okay, no, I want my closing statement.

I'm just going to go and get my closing statement.

I feel like the gamer part of John wants to like take a moment and really figure out this puzzle, but also like, that's not a good podcast.

So let's just move forward.

Well, I will say, I think it was a good move on your part to cast Fairy Fire to try to see it and get a little more information.

It's intentionally vague at this point.

That's fine.

Before Natty goes, can

Tov give a modifier for their role?

He casts two thumbs up.

Thank you, Tov.

Your Honor, since there is no material evidence to facilitate the prosecution's case against us other than happenstance and hearsay, I implore the court to not, for unproven reasons, send a single mother to prison

when she should be at home taking care of her blessed little boy.

And she motions to Gigi, who's gnawing on that guard still.

That's so good.

Thank you.

You may step down from the lectern.

Very well said, Natty.

Natty curtsies.

Wow, that's the best one yet, I think.

They're fancy words.

Captain Kmart addresses the court and says, Well, now that all testimony, evidence, witnesses, and arguments have been weighed, weighed, it's time for me to offer a verdict.

Kadug grabbed the hand of his teammates next to him.

Sure, who's next to you?

Whose hand is it?

I guess it's probably Toll's, if we're in order.

How do my hands feel?

Are they clammy?

Are they cold?

Yeah, they're pretty warm, actually.

Oh, okay, hands are always cold.

Okay, I'll hold that hand.

I'll level things out.

I hold Doug's hand, too.

Okay, so it's Maddie Doug Toll Gumfrey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In light of all the evidence and and statements before me, it's my opinion that I pass a verdict of not guilty.

Yes.

There's a lack of conclusive evidence, and the defense is not guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

The state has not met their burden of proof.

So for these reasons, the court finds B-Team not guilty.

However, the court reminds B-Team to stay on base at Fort Endridge for the remainder of the day.

Might I make a request, Your Honor?

You may.

Can we have like different bunk situations away from A-Team?

I feel like there's a conflict of interest and they do not like us.

That sounds like a matter for Sergeant Keelai.

Okay.

Cordon's dismissed.

I'm sure he'll have our backs in that request.

I don't, I think you are lying to me, Doug.

I think you're joking.

I was just practicing my sarcasm.

You did a very good sarcasm.

Thank you.

I've been weeding up sarcasm for dummies, which is a book that I got recently.

Ooh.

Captain Kmart bangs their gavel and then stands up and walks out of the courtroom.

Is this where we throw our hats into the air?

Or is that a different thing?

That's graduation.

Okay, okay.

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I'm glad to see the justice system is still in place.

For now.

See, guys, i saw on the lectern for a moment i saw a horn it wasn't the cone of copia

but it was fancy and it was white with a gold line what was description it was glittering white with golden streaks very unique looking okay i was not too far off yeah guys do we know who was the person who like brought the charges against us was it was it

steel eye steel eye was it steel eye

yeah it would have been uh sergeant steel Eye on behalf of the Mortalion.

Because they found us in that place with all the chests and items.

Correct.

Who can we trust now?

You know, like Kmart, maybe?

I have a question.

While this is happening, is everyone like funneling out of this room?

Yeah, y'all are left in the courtroom by yourselves.

Everyone has made for the exits.

And I assume, Natty, you told us about seeing that horn.

Yeah.

Could we look around?

Yeah.

Just tell me what you like to do.

Doug wants to take out his spyglass.

Oh, the Zodia thing?

Yeah, the Zodia spyglass that he found.

I think this is a great idea.

Before Doug does it and A-team is leaving, I do want to address A-team real quick before they leave.

Yeah, I wouldn't pull this out unless the room was completely empty.

No, no, yeah.

That's why I was like, I want to interject before Doug's a really good idea, but I got to do it before they leave.

And I pull

A-team aside and go, fellas, no hard feelings.

I know this is all just to clear things up.

And I would obviously never be somebody who would tell you you should watch your back.

Yeah, you know, like we saved your life once, you know, but like, hopefully there's not the next time, you know, things could get crazy and, you know, Kendronos, you know, that was kind of, you know, crazy what you said up there, but good luck out there, guys.

You can talk to them in the courtroom or you could follow them out into the hall if you want to let Doug do the Zodia thing at the same time.

Totally up to you.

Not saying you should do one or the other, just giving you options.

I'm just saying this and then letting them go.

Yeah, I do hope you rest soundly tonight, sleeping where I know you go

during the night and have full access to it anytime I want.

I disagree.

I hope you do not rest well.

Thank you, Gunther.

It might not be a bad idea to actually find out why some of them were lying.

I think they don't like us.

Or maybe they really just don't remember and something happened to them.

Maybe.

I think that's a very hopeful and altruistic way to look at

jerks

private elastic did give some compelling testimony uh on your behalf when doug was questioning him yeah sure private elastic he's my he's my homie can i ask kandra nose then can i talk to kander nose then uh they're not really stopping they're continuing to walk out you can follow them if you want to try to get in front of them or confront them in my mind because i i recognize that doug is about to do something that might need some like uh

no one looking in on it so like maybe to make sure the room is secure and to, like, lead them out and stuff like that, he'll, he'll kind of follow them until the doors,

you know, and then he'll, he'll, like, close the door so that we have some privacy.

Is that okay?

Yeah.

Kandranos, you said that I attacked the A-team.

Why would you say such a thing?

You said I, like, kicked someone while they were down.

Well, that's what it looked like.

I was busy looking down, tending to my privates, and when I looked up, you were shoving elastic into a crevice.

Can I do like a roll?

Like a...

Insight check.

Yeah.

Vibe check.

Vibe check.

That's a 13.

Seems like they're being sincere.

Okay, like I want to clarify something because that's a pretty big, you know, accusation.

I was trying to rescue him.

He was about to fall into the crevice, and I reached down and grabbed him, and I got him out.

Is that what happened?

It looked to me like you shoved him down there, and he was having to fight to pull his way back up.

No, like, I was fighting to pull him back up because he was like rolling in while you were attending to someone else, you know?

Did you ask ask him?

Tomato tomato, I guess.

No, not tomato tomato, because that's like, hey, this guy tried to murder my friend when really he was like rescuing.

It was going to be in big trouble, Kendra knows.

That's messed up, dude.

All I can report on is the way I saw things, and that's what I did.

Okay, well, you stink.

There, there.

I think you came to the conclusion that I was already at, but I know you needed to have that conversation.

And I close the door as they leave.

And Giggy gives them raspberries.

You all are now alone in the room, Doug.

Doug, do your thing.

I'm going to secure the exit.

Just make sure nobody else comes in while Doug's doing his thing.

Sure.

The south exit?

Yeah, because the prison is the west.

So, yeah, I'll do south.

I'll watch the west door.

I want to give Doug full privacy.

Got it.

Then I will watch the other one.

There were three doors.

Nope.

Nope, there were not.

I thought there was a north and south and a west.

West and south.

But we are facing north.

Never mind.

Doug pops out the spy glass.

Zodia, the spy glass.

Yes, you pull it up.

And could I look around the room with it, specifically at the lectern?

Yeah.

You look around and you look there under the area where the lectern is, and

nothing stands out.

You don't see those stars like before.

And by the way, make me an arcana check.

That's an intelligence roll.

I'm going to re-roll that.

Thank you.

She rolled a five.

Okay.

Ignore that.

I accidentally clicked that instead of my inspiration dice.

World initiative.

Here we go.

Ruth Trake is fighting the lectern.

Okay.

I'm rolling very bad.

Then I rolled a two plus four is six.

Anybody else got a inspiration dice to give to our good friend?

Gos knock knock.

Who's there?

Unless I took the 14 from my initiative roll and added four, which would be an 18.

Yeah, it should be because that's just a dice roll.

It's just a d20.

I will say in the past, that is what we normally do.

When someone makes the wrong roll, we do actually take

the wrong roll in order to try to discourage people from quote-unquote accidentally rolling the wrong.

Oh, whoops.

I rolled a strength saving throw.

I need to roll a strength saving.

So, yeah, normally we do take the errant roll and then change the modifier on it.

So, this is a rare time it's in our favor.

This is one of the rare times it does work in your favor, and it's not me trying to correct bad behavior.

You look around and you don't see anything out of the ordinary, but now that you're above ground back in Fort Endrich, you begin recalling recalling things that seem more clear to you now.

You have heard of an ancient technology called a horoscope.

It was developed by the mysterious and bygone civilization of Zodia.

It's a rare ocular spyglass type device that allows the user to read the heavens and it's interpreted to provide insight into the current or coming season.

Kind of like a calendar slash time-telling device,

but some people think they're untrustworthy and inaccurate.

Just like actual horoscopes.

Get them.

Get them, Arbor.

Is there like a weird spelling of that, or was it literally just horoscope?

Yeah.

Okay.

They said horoscope, and I was like, that's grotesque.

Get out of there with this.

Horoscope.

Horoscope.

Okay, so do I think that the spyglass might be the horoscope?

Yeah, you think it's one of those types of devices.

So it's not a device that reveals things.

It's used to determine, like...

To read the heavens.

To read the heavens.

Potentially.

In the future.

Insight into the coming season.

Okay.

What kind of insights into the coming season would it provide, typically?

It's like almost sort of a calendar slash almanac slash time-telling device.

Does it also give lottery numbers?

You can try to use it once you go outside, but you know, it wouldn't do much good inside.

Okay.

What if we all did just a quick little investigation of the courtroom to see if that cone might show up elsewhere?

The four of you search the courtroom for another 10 minutes, but unfortunately you don't discover any further clues or findings.

Okay, let's go let's go back to our bunk.

Okay.

Yeah, I guess

I guess so.

It's gonna be like really awkward on base now because like Steel Eye is like after our buns, you know, and like A-team.

I don't know if I can trust them.

Well, all we gotta do is is prove them wrong, right, guys?

Right.

I mean, I guess, but like everything's at disadvantage with those guys because they're like so after our butts, you know well think of how good it'll feel when we proved him wrong and we are the heroes of the story, right everyone?

I thought we already did the heroic thing where we fought and killed them and saved the items.

Yeah, I agree.

That's a good point.

Okay, so you all leave the courthouse just to just to make sure.

Yeah, you all step outside and there's a red sun beaming down on you like a fixed, unmoving eye, ever watching over Midras.

Sauron.

A perpetual reminder of what you fight for.

for, defeating the Undarians and protecting the gates of Hyra.

Despite the everlasting daylight, you discern from the position of the waning moon and faint stars, it is likely evening.

Is this like Alaska?

Is it like daylight when it's nighttime?

Daylight all the time.

Oh, okay.

Daylight all the time.

Are there people around, or is it pretty sparse out here right now?

Uh, right now, you see several people milling about, going about their business on base on Fort Endrich, but um, no one in particular in front of the headquarters where you are.

Could I do a sneaky sneak sneak looking with my horoscope up at the sky?

Sure.

Make a stealth check, just for fun.

I also want to say that I am sneaky.

I'm proficient in the stealth skill.

In addition, without squeezing, you can move through and stop in a space large enough for a small creature as a bug bear.

But you were so big and floofy.

It's just a higher modifier.

Yeah.

I just wanted you guys to know that.

Yeah, that's good to know.

We always need to know which one of us is sneaky.

Yeah, dirty 20.

Good roll.

Okay.

That's a very sneaky i'm gonna make a roll he just rolled initiative no i think the thing is doug's hands are so big that he's holding the spyglass like probably with all of his hand

just covering him

is that tube from the toilet paper

you're rolling a lot of big numbers there's probably a 99 don't worry about me my goodness what are you doing dude

what are you up to guys

watch him go and you just see the sun yeah that's the sun yeah yeah

You stealthily pull out the horoscope and point it at the sky.

And it's able to show you the faint stars in the sky more clearly.

You're able to see stars that were hidden before by the sun being out.

And you're able to tell very accurately that your suspicions are correct.

And it is indeed evening time.

And as you're looking up, you feel like you see a symbol in a constellation of some kind amongst the stars.

If you were to try to describe it, it would be like a humanoid with magics around them.

What position is the humanoid standing in the constellation?

Standing with its arms spread out.

Like a T or a Y?

Why?

Good question.

Here's some inspiration dots.

An excellent question.

Is there like an M and a C and an A?

You don't have the horoscope.

You don't know.

Oh, God.

I mean, it's natty, to be fair.

Oh, true.

Curses.

So it looks like they're like praising the sky, kind of.

Maybe, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

When you say, could you maybe visually help me understand what surrounded by magic looks like as far as a constellation is concerned?

If you were looking out at the sky yourself, like a galaxy, like clouds of stars swirling around.

Does Doug remember if this looks like any of the imagery he saw on those mosaics?

No, it does not look like that.

Do you think Sergeant Steeli is good or bad or dumb?

What an interesting question to randomly ask us.

I would designate him as he's a lawful neutral.

He's not here to play any favorites.

He's here to make soldiers who follow orders.

Yeah, like on one hand, it could be like tough love, you know, like some parents or authority figures might give you.

But I also feel like I'm kind of with you, Gunther, where it seems like he's got something out for us for some reason.

Well, we did, according to his sense of of reality we did have contraband we did not follow orders and took a nap and then the next thing he found us in was in the armory having broken into a bunch of important chests i would opt for ignorance you know because like i don't think he's bad but he doesn't really look beyond what surface level things he sees you know like he doesn't question why we have these things in our foot lockers he doesn't think that maybe a team might have put them there.

He's just like, oh, they're here and you are in trouble now.

La la.

And I think that's kind of what I was trying to get at with your interaction with Kandranos.

It's like people see things in different ways, depending on their perspective and what they've seen.

Yeah, but like Kandranos is like straight up dead to me, okay?

So, you know, you all are outside now.

And like I said, there's not a ton of people.

There are like small groups of people milling about.

And the weather is currently dry and hot.

It seems unseasonably hotter than normal.

What's your plan?

What do you guys want to do?

You've got some downtime.

You're confined to the fort for the rest of the day, for the rest of the evening.

I mean, should we take a rest or anything like that?

I don't know how people are wearing.

So, well, during this time, you have the opportunity for a long rest.

So we would just classify this as downtime.

If there's anything you want to do, if you want to craft, if you want to hunt, if you want to like do like party building or like team building exercises or go study or, I mean, you tell me, the world's your oyster.

I wouldn't mind going to like, you know, this is crazy.

Hear me out.

Like, level four?

I don't know.

You know, let's just get nuts.

Let's get crazy.

Gosh dang it.

I got a quick question.

I want to work on something.

Tolv, do you mind if I borrow one of your weapons?

Oh, yeah, by all means.

Yeah.

Which one would you want?

Which one do you like to use?

Like, what's your favorite?

What's your favorite guy and image oil you got?

I'm quite fond of my Warhammer.

Okay.

So here you go.

During this downtime, because I believe it takes an hour, could I please uh infuse Polv's camera?

And I'm going to pick what I want to infuse that with.

Blueberries.

Just usually.

Could I just do enhanced weapon?

Um, it would give a plus one bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this weapon.

Sure.

How long does this effect last for?

Forever, basically.

If I basically have two of these that I could do,

and then if, like, let's say I do a third, I think the first one that I did would lose that infusion.

Correct.

Okay, so stay on Doug's good side guarded.

Doug, how would you go about doing that?

Like, what does that look like?

Like, what do you need?

Where do you go?

Um, I probably just kind of find like a little workbench that would uh exist, I assume, out here somewhere.

I assume there's like benches and places to sit down, and then I would use my

tools, my

Smith's tools, I guess, sure,

and kind of like sharpen some areas and tinker with it.

I guess those would be tinker's tools.

And just

use my abilities to make it cool.

Sure.

Smoking like somebody who's done some blacksmithing in the world.

Sure had not.

Well, we know what Doug's going to be doing for the next hour.

What about the other three of you?

Gunther, after observing Doug workshopping Toll's weapon, he goes and he holds up the piece of metal that he found with the Croak folk down below and asks Doug, what do you think of this?

You seem so well versed in the art of smithing.

Was it metal or was it a piece of a blade?

It was a

blue metal shard.

Yeah,

and that's kind of why he's asking, like, seeing you workshopping on a weapon, if you know anything about it.

Could Doug take a look at it and see if he knows anything about it?

Although I'm...

Have we done that before?

I forget if we did that when we found it.

I believe you did when you found it.

But you can give it another look.

You know, now Doug's in the zone, you know, working on stuff and in an artificer mindset.

So why don't you make me a...

Let's call it an arcana check.

Why not?

Oh my God.

Six.

I either roll real good or roll bad.

It's really the way life goes.

It's a fine piece of high-quality metal.

It's like nothing you've worked with before.

This is far more exotic.

I think Doug's background is in more mundane metals and more mundane items that he then elevates and makes better.

Well, this is a fine piece of metal, but I typically work with more mundane things.

And, you know, it just seems to be a piece of maybe something else that Doug's not as familiar with.

There's not a lot of it, but perhaps you could forge it to something else or use it to augment another item, like a supplement of types.

Ooh, like creatine.

You know, there's not a lot of it, but perhaps I could use some of it to augment something else.

And it looks like a piece of a blade, right?

So So it's a sharp fragment of blue metal that feels cool to the touch.

And it looks like it was at some point the part of a blade.

It's just a shard of one for now.

Okay.

And it seems like the colors dance and play on it.

And it seemed, and if you remember, it was in the cryptics that was on the body of a croak folk that you found in a pit.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, I mean, Gundo, if you want to give it to me, I could maybe like try to incorporate it into something or augment it in some way, but you're also welcome to hold on to it for now if you'd like.

I'll hold on, but if you think of anything, let me know.

I'll be thinking.

Is there other like materials and stuff for the army?

Because I thought I had Smith tools as well.

Is that like equipment I could go and look for?

Just so I had some.

Is it in your inventory?

Well, I have proficiency with Smith tools.

So

whenever I initially encountered them, I thought I was like, oh, I don't need these.

I already have some.

Yeah, you could try to find some here.

I think the only Smith you've seen so far is that one in the armory.

I don't want to go back in there.

No.

Yeah, but I think you might not want to go back in there for now.

We know how to get in.

I have a question.

Do we know where bodies are taken?

What do you mean?

Like of the enemy.

Like they're like a grave site.

Like the magistrate that was killed.

Do we know where their body might be?

Oh, I mean, I think that's something they typically don't handle here.

Normally, you know, the battles are fought off in the battlefield and not at this fort per se.

This is not...

like super up close to the front.

So there's not like a designated facility for that.

Is it worth looking?

I'm asking the group.

Well, I would say you peeled off and you went with Doug and you're going to be dealing with that fragment for a while.

So I need to figure out what Told and Natty are doing in their downtime as well.

Go ahead, Natty.

Toll, if you want to go for a walk and take Gigi for a walk.

Oh my gosh, that sounds so like amazing.

We've had such a stressful day and a good walk is just nice, you know.

I agree.

And Giggy gets, he gets, he gets so rambunctious if I don't walk him.

Well, yeah, he's going to get the zoomies like so bad.

Yeah.

Yes.

So Toll's going to take Giggy for a walk?

No.

Natty with Tov and Giggy.

Gotcha.

I had something that I wanted to do, but I also want to entertain what Natty's doing.

That's fine.

Yeah.

Do you have to make a roll to see if Giggy's compliant with this?

I pull him.

This is me pull.

This is me.

This is, I'll do a strength check against Giggy.

Why don't you do me a favor and just roll it, and that way we'll know whether or not Giggy's going willingly or he's being dragged behind you.

He says it's an eight, so he's not going willingly.

Okay, so you two begin walking and you're dragging Giggy, just leaving like a burrow in the ground.

Yeah, just leaving a rut.

Claw marks.

It's okay.

When we get going,

he'll see something he likes and he'll want to chase it.

And

it's for the best for him, you know?

Yeah, you begin walking out from the headquarters and making your way around the fort.

And you see a few different buildings.

The headquarters itself is located in the southwestern portion of the fort.

As you walk to the north from there, you pass by the armory, which you're very familiar with the inside of after recent events.

Continuing north past there, you pass by the seesaw, where you have performed a lot of training over your past months here at the fort.

Continuing around from there, you pass by the Cordesh courtyard, where you know you had your passing out ceremony yesterday slash earlier today, actually.

Then continuing around south in a loop from there, you pass by the mess hall, which you helped put out a fire there.

Then across from there or in that same general area next to it and across the courtyard are the barracks.

And then a little further south from there, that takes you to the main gate.

So you complete your loop around the Fort Andridge.

Well, I wanted to have a little conversation with Toll.

Okay.

Toll, how you feeling?

How you feeling?

It's been like a few months now in this here army.

How you feeling?

I'm like feeling pretty good, but you know, today kind of shook me because like we went on our first big combat mission and like everyone was like all up in our butts you know and kandranos like lied about us so that's not very cool so like i'm a little on guard you seem to have a very uh particular way that you uh handle trust with people yeah uh it seems that it's it's a uh it's something that can easily be broken with you is that where's that come from also like like you know full disclosure I came from, you know, some other military type situation, and I had a very strict upbringing, but I had a very close crew of people that were like my brothers and sisters, and like we had like very good trust with one another.

So now that I'm coming into a situation where like my supposed allies are like turning on me, it just, you know, makes me miss the olden days, but some of the olden days parts, the camaraderie mostly, not like the stuff we had to do.

Who was your former commanding officer in this

military-like environment you were in?

Oh, we do not talk about ironclad.

He's like a bad dude.

Oh, he makes me so upset.

Oh, then I would assume that y'all left on bad terms before you came here to the military.

Pole just kind of nods his head.

Like, violent terms?

Pole just kind of nods his head.

Oh, okay.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry to hear that.

That's not, that must have been traumatizing.

Oh, it's totally traumatizing, but that's totally cool.

You did not know.

I'm glad I got that off my chest.

So, like, tell me me about your upbringing like what's going on with you and stuff oh you know you all you know about my village i come from with my mamas uh they're the priestesses they're in my village you know i i grew up uh learning uh everything i could about you know warlock magic i don't know if you call something else than that uh and uh oh yeah and uh i i'm uh you know i got my son giggy here and and you know uh it's tough you know raised him on my own, but you know, his mom is busy and so, you know, this is something that I'm happy to take care of.

Well, I did want to clear the air.

You know, we had that whole thing with like the demongrels and how like they died and I felt like that was not cool because they were in a cage, you know.

And I know that you have like a relationship with death and I don't know what that means, but I don't want to like make fun of or like pass judgment on your like religious beliefs.

But you know, I come from a background where, you know, combat and violence was like a day-to-day thing.

And it just, I'm just like, it wrote me raw.

You know, I don't like those situations.

They make me feel bad about things that have happened in my past.

So like I'm trying to turn over a new leaf.

And when I saw that, it just brought me back to the old days.

And I'm sorry if I reacted poorly.

No, I get it.

Without context, that would be something jarring to see.

But honestly, anytime that, you know, I'm in a situation where,

you know,

I got to send somebody on for their final trip.

I know I'm just sending them to see my wife and they'll enjoy it when they see her.

Oh, well, that's that's beautiful.

I didn't know that element of it, but uh, yeah, maybe we'll just have to like learn more about each other.

You know, I need to like be accepting to your beliefs, but I also want to hold true to, you know, my beliefs and try not to like create unnecessary violence, you know.

No, I get it.

Everyone's uh full of multitudes.

I wish Doug and Gunther could be there for this very heartwarming conversation.

You know, all of that's going on, you know, Tov and Naddy are having this conversation.

So, at the same time, while Doug is working on his artificial things, you know, Doug and Gunther can have their own conversation as well.

I just imagine hardcut and Gunther is just staring at

like a little frog eyes.

Yeah.

They're not even blinking in time at the same time.

It's like one and then the other.

Uh Guntho, uh, you know, just uh just us two buds here hanging out.

You know, uh, what uh, you want to do some bonding or anything like that?

Okay,

that's exactly how I talk to my bros.

Hey, you want to do some bonding?

Listen, uh, you know, Doug hasn't had a lot of experience, uh, you know, bonding with people, so...

Why not?

Oh,

I've had a really rough kind of history.

I don't really talk about it much, but, you know,

some stuff happened, and then I was alone for a while, and I didn't really make any friends, really, for the entirety of my life.

And so, you know, I just, I guess, like, what do you do to make friends typically?

Like, what's what do you like to do as a friend?

I do not have friends, really, so I do not know.

Hmm, we shall learn together, maybe.

Oh,

I like that idea.

So, like, what are your hobbies?

I like searching and training, and I'm only here in a moment of my time, but my spirit is not here.

It is elsewhere.

You know, this is a this is a lot deeper than I thought this conversation would go.

I was out you would say, like, oh, hiking, or you know,

Do you have family or no?

I do.

I have family.

But, you know, I said I've just some really bad stuff happened with my family, and I don't really like to talk about it.

I feel like a lot of us are here because of that, you know?

Do you like to draw?

I do.

I'm not very good at it.

I like to draw math equations if that counts.

Do you like to draw?

I was going to say, if you do not like to talk about it, you could try it.

Oh, I don't.

It would be a little too graphic for me to draw.

Oh, no.

Oh my.

How did you learn math?

Oh, well, you know, I've always been interested in, you know, learning about the world and just how things work.

And so, you know, I've always been interested in studies.

And, you know, math is something that's so universal and that, you know, explains a lot about how things work.

And so math has always been a really big interest of mine, but I just, I just love learning.

Is that what you're looking for?

What are you looking for?

Bunzo, that's too big of a question for me right now.

What are you looking for?

I've learned in my book about friendship that, you know, someone asks you a question and you answer, and then you return the question to them as well as a sign of friendship.

Well, I do not like math.

I do not understand it.

Oh, well, maybe I could teach you a thing or two.

Oh,

okay.

Starting with two?

Well, technically, it starts with one.

Okay, okay.

I assume we cut back to the other cut

and go through the numbers.

I'm actually going to do a different cut.

So, Toll, if there's anything you want to do after your walk with Naddie.

The only thing I can think of is what happened to that foot leg thing that we found in the caves.

I guess what are you kept it, right?

Or did you all leave it there?

I don't think it was explicitly stated.

I wouldn't mind investigating it if someone or myself had held on to it.

Anyone call Dibs?

I didn't write down a note that said anybody took it.

I don't think I took it.

I assumed someone took it.

Can we imagine that I took it or did it?

I took it.

Oh my God.

Wow.

I know you recognized what the metal was.

Or you recognized something about the metal.

Well, like, like after like a big long hug with Naddy and just like so grateful for our friendship and like a distant but careful pat on Gigi's head without trying to get bitten.

I did want to pull out that leg and see like what is up with this thing.

Was it like like what is it exactly?

You know, when you all first started unearthing it, it was just like the toe portion of a a metal shoe.

Then as you all unearthed it, it revealed an entire metallic leg forged from some kind of unknown metal.

You all asked if the joints articulate or if it was like a statue, and the joints do articulate and move about.

If you want, you can make like a history check maybe to see if you were able to glean any more information from it.

Sure.

16.

Yeah, it's definitely an exotic metal.

You feel like you've encountered this kind of metal in your travels in the past, but it's not something that is very common by any stretch of the imagination.

Now, was it like ripped off of something or was it like cut, like sheared?

Like, can I determine the how this thing was like removed from its owner?

It seems like it was being crafted.

Like maybe it wasn't complete yet.

It was maybe it was a prototype or maybe it was part of a larger construct that wasn't done and it hasn't been attached yet.

The weird mystery.

Okay, that's all.

Just like, what the heck is a leg doing without its owner?

There's There's like a guy like hobbling around right now, probably.

Well, it was a weird room with the murals and the horoscope as well.

Yeah.

Okay.

Gunther, was there anything else you wanted to do?

I know you mentioned the shard thing.

I want to make sure there was nothing else you wanted to to accomplish

before the night ends.

I kind of was curious about looking at them, trying to find the magistrate's body and see if there was anything on that.

You all went through and looted the magistrate after you killed him.

And I believe, if I recall properly, you all found found his wig that he had ripped off and nothing else on his body at that time.

Yeah, I guess not so much looting, just investigating the body.

If I would know where it would be, yeah.

Like I said, they don't necessarily have a building or facility for that here, but you suspect that most likely it would be taken to the abbey for disposal of some type.

Can I go there and look?

You can't because you all have been remanded to stay on Fort Endridge for the night.

Okay.

Oh.

And we're understood supervision.

Yeah.

Maybe we uh head to bunks.

Could I uh give Tolv back his hammer?

Yeah.

What would Doug say as he presents it to Tolv?

Like, is there a ceremony of some kind?

So, Tolv, I present thee an infused item that I have worked on for the past hour or so while chatting with Kundal.

Uh, this is a improved war hammer.

And he bows down and like presents it to to him.

Wow, this is like genuinely one of the nicest things I've ever gotten.

Like I don't get gifts like ever.

So like this is this is very touching dog.

Thank you.

And then he holds up a screen that has a tip screen on it.

20%, 25% and 30%.

Just a bit.

80%.

So just for meta game purposes, you would customize the item and you would add one to hit bonus and then one to damage bonus.

Cool.

Awesome.

This is hard to say without being in meta, but I'm going to try to do it in character.

Doug, for doing this for me, this very touching act.

You know, just so you know, like, if we ever get into a sticky situation and you need, like, a big favor, you just ask, okay?

Like, I owe you big time for this for real.

On God.

Oh, you don't owe me anything, Tov.

You know, I'm happy to do it for you.

I, you know, talking with Ganto, you know, I've already learned a lot about friendship.

And, you know, know, friends do, do things for each other, nice things for each other.

Even if it's a

whatever action, if it's kind of a throwaway thing for you, Tolva is genuinely touched because, like, I think you can tell, like, this is not common for him to experience this kind of thing.

No.

So nice.

This is very touched.

I think some people might call this a romance.

A bromance.

Oh, my God.

She is sighted me up.

All right.

So do you all retire to your bunks?

Yeah.

I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Before bed, Natty does her flash cards with Gigi.

They're covered in different kinds of plagues and ways people can die.

I love it.

I do my skin routine, of course.

And Gunther reads from a book and, I guess, meditates slash prays.

What book?

It's his book of stuff.

Is it a math book that Doug lended you?

It's Frog and Toad.

It's his favorite series.

Oh.

No, it's more like journal/slash religious stuff that he kind of keeps to himself.

Sure.

All right, so you all go through your nighttime routine and call it a night.

You are tuckered out from your long court-martialing day.

And everyone gets an inspiration die.

And I think I already told you you can take a long rest, but make sure you click the long rest if you haven't.

Done.

Slowly you all begin waking up the next morning, more or less pretty much all together at the same time.

And as you do so, you wake up and you look around and you see private parts standing there watching, waiting for you guys to wake up.

Huh, that's not creepy at all.

Morning, B-Team.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I've got new orders for you guys.

It's your first mission.

Find out what it is on the next episode of Taylor and Stinky Dragons.

You turd.

That was like a surprisingly emotional episode.

And also, that court marshaling, that was tough.

That was like the hardest roleplay I think I've experienced with this show.

I was legit sweating.

I was like, yeah.

Y'all did a good enough job throwing doubt in there.

Oh, that's good.

Good enough from Gus.

That's that's just, he couldn't say you guys did a good job, but he could say y'all did a good enough job.

You don't have to prove innocence.

You just have to prove not guilty.

Should we cut on our recordings?

Yeah.

Thanks for listening, everybody.

Oh,

sorry.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

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Listeners who interact with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Private Classic Lastic, named after Dirk, voiced by Kerry Shawcross, at Carrie Shawcross, Private Kangenos, voiced by Jillian Maloney, at underscore Jillian from Red Web Pod, Private Private Parts, voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben, and Captain Kmart Kmartin, named after, you guessed it, Captain Kmart, voiced by Paige Wesley from Cult Podcast at Ram Page Wesley on Instagram.

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This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

This is a tough one, guys.

We're quite in the pickle here.

You guys are doing a good job.

I waiting for Doug to step in.

Doug, here on the ones and twos, uh, ready to report in from this Joey duty.

Not looking so good for a B team.

We got Micah and Ben here to uh, you know, give their thoughts on the current situation, current standings of things.

Well, it's not looking good, but you know,

I think there's a chance that you could uh go to jail, figure things out.

You can, you can fix it.

I know you can.

Doug could figure it out.

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