C03 - Ep. 08 - Mission Through Middrus - The West is Yet to Come

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time.

In the car,

gym,

even sleeping.

So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live.

She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them.

Sort of.

You were made to scream from the front row.

We were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia, made to travel.

Savings vary and subject to availability, flight inclusive packages are at all protected.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest-paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

No.

Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Hello, Nigel here.

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Be wise all.

Take Zazole at night.

Users Directed starts working in 45 minutes.

Compliments to all you canaloths.

Track your way into the stinky dragon and guzzle our latest gulp.

Pick a guard, any guard.

It's a mixture of invisiblack tea, tapioca claw pearls, uncanny candy apple, and a spiny tongue's worth of sugary limbs.

One lick of this bubbly beverage and you'll feel dimensionally locked and loaded.

Previously, our adventurers landed themselves in litigation due to life choices and lack of lawful literation.

Luckily, they laid down some logical language whilst lacking a lawyer and locking horns with lads.

After a level-headed and lore-filled long rest, they lurched from their lie-down to learn of a looming lead on their legacy, their first mission.

Latch on to our libation and let's leap into our lore.

Breathe, Micah.

I beg you.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon, campaign three, episode eight, the eighth most episode of campaign three.

Eighth most episode of campaign three.

The eighth most.

I'm your Dungeon Master, Gustavo Sorola.

I'm joined by our four players, so I'm going to hit with an arrow.

Every time.

Every time.

I try here.

I rolled a 17.

I think that's it.

I did toss us an arrow or maybe hit us.

No.

It's D and D.

It's violent.

You got to shoot us, yeah.

What is your fondest childhood memory and why?

Roll for initiative that question is made up by the jeff uh yeah roll for initiative the jeff the jeff the jeff the little shark yeah we're rolling a d20 10 17 i rolled a seven what'd you get chris one

so it's uh natty first with a 17 then toll with a 10 doug with a seven and gunther with a one you know what i realized before we get into these arrow responses go for it we brought this up on a previous episode about how with Blaine, he always introduces himself with like a little catchphrase.

Like he had one for Chip, he had one for Tolf, but we're like, oh, we didn't really have one for Kyborg.

It's because we didn't introduce our characters every episode in the Infinite campaign.

That's true.

We didn't have arrows.

We didn't like introduce what our characters' class and race was.

Like we didn't do any of that in campaign one each episode.

So I'm like, oh, that's why he didn't have one.

I'd also argue it's suporg.

So what you're saying, Barbara, is that's another thing we need to go back, edit those files.

No, no, no, please, no, no.

I'm going to do a couple pickups if you can drop it.

I just wanted to say that you trigger Gus.

I'm on my third pass.

Yeah.

Hey, everybody.

I'm John Reisinger.

I'm the antagonizer of Gustavo Sorola, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a Drow Warlock.

And the question of what was my most fondest memory as a child?

Is that what it was?

Fondest memory.

What is your fondest childhood memory and why?

I got so many.

I had a great childhood.

I grew up in a great community with good, two good mamas.

Um, and uh, I would say my fondest childhood memory has to be the day I'm sure everybody here can uh relate to this kind of a memory because everybody has that moment when they're they're, um, you know, some sort of a parental or important figure in their life might sit them down and teach them them about death and how death is just a beautiful, beautiful thing.

It's actually our deity that we love and we praise and we pray to and we worship and we talk to and we make crafts about and we bake for and all that.

And that was just a special day that I will always hold fondly in my mind.

Do you have a favorite death craft or that you've made in the past, Naddy?

We used to make little

gravestones out of macaroni is what we would do.

Cute.

Yeah, it was very cute.

All the little kids would do it, and then we put them up.

We put them up all over the walls in the community center.

So, do you have like an annual death day, kind of like how people have like both days and stuff?

Yeah, do you like, do you like leave like roadkill out by the fireplace?

I don't think we would honor death with

roadkill necessarily, but I guess there's there's no wrong answer as long as you do it with a good heart uh no uh you know every day is a good death day that's what that's what we say and that's how we start service at our temple

the death temple every week there's a screening of happy death day on the weekends yes i was gonna make a reference to that movie too death becomes her

anything with death that's me yeah that's uh that's interesting i think uh maybe not everyone can relate to that as as

widely as you think naddy but i think you know i I think there's definitely people who can understand and relate to that

life experience.

Learned something new today.

Nanny is definitely a very unique individual.

Well, thank you.

It was a compliment.

All right, who's next?

That's Talv.

I think it's me.

Because I rolled 10.

Hello, I'm Blaine Gibson.

I'm still finding my voice.

I play a male-org barbarian named Yoohoo.

It's me, Tolv.

It's actually my first name is not Yoohoo.

This is how I greet people, but my name is Tolv, so good to see everybody i'm barbarian yo who's your first name it's me tolv is your middle name yeah well you who's my favorite drink let's just make that clear uh oh favorite childhood memory don't have many uh but if i had to say it would be you know sometimes my family we go to the beach you know and and i'd be able to make the sand castles that was quite fun you know we were typically there because we were raiding and pillaging a nearby village you know, so there'd be dead bodies and skulls, lots of skulls.

And then, you know, Ironclad would come over and stomp on my sandcastle and say, What are you doing?

You should be killing your killing machine.

And I'd say, I just, I just want to make sandcastle, dude.

You could relax and play with me, too.

I didn't say that, but that's what I that's what I thought in my mind.

And then I'd go and, you know, that's your fondest memory of someone stomping on your sandcastle.

The preceding the stomping of the sandcastle, the building, you know, constructing things is nice.

Yeah.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

Well, thanks, Toll, for that great answer.

Of course.

I want to explore one thing that Toll mentioned there.

Sorry, Doug.

I'll get to you in a second.

Oh, I'm on the spot.

You made me think about Yoohoo the drink.

So we're going to talk about Yoohoo now, Toll.

Sponsor.

It's got a long shelf life, so it's good for a ship.

It's it's got a long shelf life because i just realized there's almost no milk in it no it is it is not a milk beverage you do not need to refrigerate yoho it can be a warm room temp it is water high fructose corn syrup and whey mostly

and chocolate there's some chocolate in there in there there's got to be some chocolate less than two percent of cocoa and non-fat dry milk i went to costco the other day and the lady was doing the samples for a canned protein shake and she was like you want to try some and i was like this is going to taste terrible i tried it and i was like this tastes exactly like Yoohoo.

And then I was staring at her, eye contact, grabbed the crate, and I was like, You win this time.

I read

strawberry Yoohoo referenced in Red versus Blue from Starship.

Oh,

strawberry Yoohoo.

Now I want to know in Strawberry Yoohoo, what is the strawberry ingredient in strawberry yoohoo?

I said that with air quotes because I would assume it is not strawberries.

It's like pink dye and

pink dye number seven.

Super low.

Yeah, red dye, whatever.

I think it's it's just labeled under natural flavors, natural and artificial flavors.

Yeah,

like mama used to make

it's water, high fructose corn syrup, away from milk, and contains less than two percent of non-fat, dry milk, natural, and artificial flavors.

I think that's where it is.

I'm surprised the water came before the high fructose corn syrup in that ingredient list.

Water is 51%, the high fructose corn syrup is 49%.

Yoohoo, if you want us to stop, you need to send, you need to, so you need to pay us.

Otherwise, we're going to badmouth Yuhu every episode.

Thanks for watching.

That's how we're doing advertising now.

Is if we badmouth bail, then they pay us to stop.

Yeah.

Anyway, I'm sorry, Doug.

I got distracted by Yuhu.

You were saying it's your turn.

Hey, guys, Porsches.

They suck.

Am I right, guys?

Oh, hello, guys.

Hello.

Addie.

Hello.

It's me, Doug.

I'm the bug bail out official, level three.

And, And, you know, Lustavo, I got a lot of childhood memories, really fond memories, but I think the fondest of memories are

most of the time of growing up with my brother.

His name was Phil.

Oh.

And, you know, we had a lot of...

Your name is Doug, and his name is Phil.

Yeah, that's correct.

And then if you dig the hole and then you fill the hole?

F-I-L, is how you spell it.

So good.

No notes.

Love it.

F-I-L.

But yeah, you know, we were really close growing up.

And I just, you know, I really miss him.

Was he older or younger?

He was older.

If, like, you were to die, would we meet Phil and he would sound very similar to you?

No, we actually, we actually sound very different.

He grew up, you know, being a lot more tough and a lot more kind of like similar to our family, where I was a little bit more, you know, on my own most of the time.

But

when we were young, we used to we used to do a lot together.

Oh, I want to clarify something if I could.

Yeah, because you said he was older.

Is he still older or did something happen?

Or did he did he stumble into one of Naddy's like death day ritual days, you know?

Now, last time we talked, Tov, you said you were going to try to be more respectful.

I love it.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I know it's hard and I know we all stumble, but I'm just here to help keep you on your path that you said you put yourself out for.

I am learning.

I'm so

thank you for your patience, Doug.

What happened to Phil?

I don't really want to say all he's not around anymore.

He's not around.

Something really bad happened.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, I mean, you know, you talk about deaf being positive, white, natty, like something good.

And so that's kind of like what I hope is the case.

I mean, there's a very good chance that he's met my wife.

My wife?

It's hard not to say that and instill that core feeling we all have when we hear those two words, no matter how you say it.

Well, I hope that if, you know, if your wife was kind and, you know, maybe they're friends whoever they are together.

Oh, everyone loves her and she loves everyone.

Oh.

Sounds lovely.

Very gregarious.

Okay, Doug, we've had three depressing ones.

Now take us home.

Big happy memory.

Here you go.

Talve.

Mine was not depressing.

I need you to work on this attitude.

You're so right.

I'm Chris Damaris.

I'm Chris Demaris.

And I play a level three fighter frog Gunther.

Croak folk, right?

Croakfolk.

Croakfolk.

Get it right, idiot.

Tove is spicy today.

I don't know what was in his pudding.

Homemade coffee, a lot of cold brew,

and a bunch of jalapeno seeds.

Yeah.

A favorite memory you have from Abraham.

What?

What?

I think Gunther just had a car accident.

Gunther speedrunning the arrow.

Did he just do that while running past us?

Can we slow that down in the ambulance?

A favorite memory of Ramada Evores.

A favorite memory I had whenever I was child is one time.

There was

there was all of all of the Beatles they escaped and then they all out everywhere.

So then me and my father and my brothers and then my good good friend Bunlap we all went searching across and exploring and looking to capture up all the beatles and return them home and it was an adventure.

Were these like livestock for you or pets?

Yes.

Was like one of them named Paul McCartney?

No, what is that?

Okay.

What about John London?

No.

We're getting close to them.

They were Beatles.

So like are are beetles like what are they to your people?

Food?

They are toys.

Like you take them into them and then you have them in a gate.

So do you milk the beetles?

Do you like like hoard them like you would with like sheep or something?

You heard them.

And then there is the juice of the beetle.

Oh

is it tasty juice?

This is what Warner Brothers call us.

Sorry, what?

Juice of the Beetle.

Warner Brothers needs to give us a call.

So I think in the past, Gunther, if I remember right, you've also mentioned raising flies.

Were there other animals that you raised as well in addition to beetles and flies?

There's many bugs and animals.

Really?

Yes, yes, yes.

My family may have had many animals on our farm.

Which was your favorite?

Probably my brothers.

Your brothers were my favorite animal, too.

His name was Dunlop.

What was his name?

That That was my best mate.

Oh, what was your brother's name?

Bunlap, I believe, was the friend.

Yes.

I have had many brothers.

Oh.

How many brothers?

From memory, I had 33.

Oh,

that is awesome.

Wow.

Yes.

And then with my sisters, that would be

51.

Oh, 51.

Okay.

And where do you fall in the order of all your siblings?

Like your middle child, oldest, youngest?

I do not know.

Like first, third, or I do not know.

Top five of the generation.

If he doesn't know, I'm willing to bet he's somewhere in the middle of that 85 children.

You know, typical middle child Gunther over here, number 42.

Gunther's middlest middle child.

Let me clarify 51 was the total.

Oh.

51 was the total sisters, you said.

I misspoke.

Oh, so 17 sisters then.

Yes.

18.

Wait, no, I am.

Right, you are one too.

So 33 brothers and 17 sisters.

And of course, Gunther.

And me.

Yes.

And that is it.

Okay.

I have a question for Chris, not Gunther.

Did you look up the average amount of eggs that a frog lays?

No.

And then that's oh, because I was like, you're right on.

It's between 34 and 75.

Yeah.

Wow.

I just pulled that out of my butt.

It's between four, how many and 75?

34 and 75.

Wow.

Yeah, you're like right in the middle there.

Yeah.

They do that four to six times a year.

So that's like in a chunk.

That begs the question.

The reason why in nature that's the case is quantity over quality and because most of those are going to be eaten.

So then, so if all your siblings, you got that many, how big is your community?

Right now.

I do not know.

I'm not there.

Do you live in like a metropolis of

croak folk?

i'm not there right now so i do not know

what size they are

when you left how did like is it a is it just the biggest community ever if i were to like walk up to it and say population what would the number be

i've never yet counted it i would say

several

thousand no hundred thousand no how hundreds hundreds of hundreds if not a thousand or more it depends well i will say gunther's biggest fear from several episodes ago was also bird so that may uh play into uh

the population as well

that's very true watch out yeah

also

specifically the i don't know if i'm gonna pronounce this right the coqui frog female lays clusters of 34 to 75 eggs four to six times a year when every other common frog uh lays up to 4 000 eggs in one spring i'm not a common frog that's what i assumed That's right.

Cokey Frog is in Puerto Rico when I lived there.

You could hear them all the time.

They are so loud.

That's what I imagined Gunther is if he was any type.

Slowly, you all begin waking up the next morning, more or less, pretty much all together at the same time.

And as you do so, you wake up and you look around and you see private parts standing there watching, waiting for you guys to wake up.

That's not creepy at all.

Morning, B-Team.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I've got new orders for you guys.

It's your first mission.

So yeah, Private Parts is there in the barracks with you guys and says, well, come on, sleepyheads.

We've got to get over to Headquarters ASAP.

Sergeant Steele Eye is waiting for us.

Oh, can't wait to see Sergeant Steel Eye first thing in the morning.

Oh, favorite, yeah.

All right, does anyone need to do anything or get anything or gather anything before you head out?

Last time we took our time, we got in trouble.

Yes, we should do this on the double.

You know, private parts, do we need to, like, grab all of our equipment?

Will we be coming back to the barracks?

Well, that's up to you guys, but you know, Sergeant Steeli likes it when you take charge and are ready for action.

We must have grabbed our own stuff.

You, let's grab all of our stuff.

And if anybody wants to, like, take a jump in one of a team's foot lockers, I will turn a blind eye.

No questions asked.

Okay, bye-bye.

I'm going to roll to see if Giggy heard that and does what she asked.

Oh, Blaine almost did a spit take.

I forgot that we have someone who will do basically anything.

We have an influential little toddler who is happy to.

And I rolled a 14.

So yeah, Giggy goes and takes a dump.

It's important that he goes before we go because I don't want to deal with it

on the way.

For sure.

Do you have dipos for Giggy?

Or what do you usually give him when he goes boom, boom?

I tried, but he kept eating them.

Oh, that's so gross.

I'm going to look on Barbara's face.

I should imagine someone eating a dirty diaper.

Oh, well, they weren't dirty.

He ate them before he could dirty them up.

Oh, okay.

That makes it a little better.

In our, like, uh, trunks and in our room, are there any like longer-term

materials or equipment for like longer missions?

Like healing potions or

rations.

Magic food.

Yeah, things.

No, just whatever you would.

Like, there's no extra inventory there.

It's just whatever you have.

That's it.

Like, it's just your items.

Imagine like a bed and a trunk with all your stuff in it.

I would say Doug takes all of his stuff with him and also makes his bed.

Oh, that's nice.

Is there any

of your like special stuff you want to do, Doug, to any of our things?

I don't know how you artificers work, but you seem to have stuff to do to make things special.

Well, it does take some time.

And you know, before going to bed last night, I did infuse Tov's hammel.

What, what?

Oh, that's right.

So that's looking a little bit stronger, Tov.

Let me know how that works out for you, buddy, okay?

I mean, let me try it out on one of these foot lockers over here.

I attack one of A-team's foot lockers, not the one that's been pooped in now.

Yeah,

make your attack roll.

The 20.

Dirty 20?

Dirty 20.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, for the uninitiated, that means it's a 20 after modifier, not a natural 20.

Yeah, I guess roll your damage.

Which foot locker do you pick?

Kandranos.

Okay, you bring your hammer down on Kandranos' foot locker and it splinters the lid off of it.

And the lid falls to the ground, broken off.

And since we clarified that it was Kandranos' foot locker that got hit, that means that's not the one that had the poop.

Do you want me to just randomly roll and pick one?

Oh.

I was just saying, not Lasix.

Lassic's the one that got hit.

Yeah.

No, private parts is there with you.

Well, parts.

Talking to us currently, but Lasic is the one who actually stood up for us in court.

I don't remember the...

Wait, I can remember him.

Hold on.

I have no.

Wait, no, that's the fort.

We've got Private Mess.

Lasic.

I feel like that's just in the name, so make a mess and mess.

Okay,

Private Mestra.

Got it.

And then there's Oak Gray.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, they get by this time.

This time.

Yeah, Private Parts watches, I don't know, watches Giggy and Toll go to work on the foot lockers and just raises a concerned eyebrow and says, I don't think they're going to like that.

We're super hyped for this mission.

You saw nothing.

Yeah, you know what snitches get?

Ah!

Presents?

Nope, it rhymes.

Yeah, tell them, Gunzo.

Gunther is excited and stabs his own locker.

Can I roll?

Yeah, okay, sure.

Yeah, make your attack.

Can we just say that he attacked it?

Do we have to do the rolls?

It's just part of the fun.

14.

Okay.

And make your damage.

Nine.

Okay, yeah, here's the lid lid of your foot locker also breaks off.

We did it.

Is Cantrinos have any medical supplies in their locker since they're the medic?

Perhaps a potion or four?

Make an investigation check so you can rifle through it.

Okay.

Nice.

Oh, it's a nine.

I could do an inspiration if we wanted to.

You tell me?

Ah, what the heck?

Let's do it.

13.

Yeah, you find two healing potions neatly on top of the items in there.

Oh, Oh, these just fell out.

Oops.

But the tops are shattered and the contents have spilled all over the rest of the items in the trunk.

Okay, it's too powerful, too strong.

Shall we destroy more?

No, we should go.

We should go.

No,

I think we're ready to go on a mission, personally.

We don't want to get in more trouble than we already are at this base.

Yeah.

You all are on thin ice.

It's making Doug very anxious.

So, okay, you all follow private parts out over to HQ.

Yeah.

I can't believe we have a character named Private Parts.

Welcome to Stinky Dragon.

Private Parts.

What are we doing?

We're going to headquarters to get your mission from Sergeant Steele Eye.

Do you know the mission?

No, I'm just the messenger.

Okay.

Gunther's being very feisty.

Yeah, he is.

Y'all walk out of the barracks and head over to HQ, which isn't too far away.

It's just like pretty much the next building over to the southwest from the barracks.

You all are very familiar with this building.

This is where your court martial, or your court martial was held in the courtroom inside of headquarters.

Y'all walk into HQ and Private Parts leads you into the war room, where you find Sergeant Steele Eye looking at a large round table.

Looks up, locks eyes with you, and walks straight over to you all.

B-team!

It's about time you showed up.

It's time to get to work.

Okay, so we are ready for our mission.

And Doug salutes.

Let's be at them.

Yeah, I salute.

Gunther does his salute with his foot up.

The back heel, whatever you call it, the little kick that we did there.

Oh, like Colonel Boyd, like you salute and then kick your leg out.

Okay.

Yeah.

Son, we got to work on that one.

First and foremost, congratulations, B team.

You all have been promoted to the rank of private.

For what did we make this promotion after we were just in trial?

Son, I'm going to need a question.

For what did we make this promotion after we were just in trial?

Yes.

Anyway,

your mission is to travel to the local city west of here, Endridge Bay, look into some intel we just received.

A local by the name of Fizmum claims that people she knows are being replaced by imposters.

Sound familiar?

Mission is to do reconnaissance, investigate the claim, and determine whether or not this is true or some kind of red herring.

You're to meet Fizmum at a local business called the High Three.

Endridge Bay is 18 miles due west, so it should be about one day's hike.

All I got from that was Fismum.

I got it all.

Don't worry.

Don't worry, guys.

Doug is on the case.

I tried my best.

My handwriting is so, so bad.

This is a chance for you four to test which of you has the medal to be a leader.

Each of you takes turns trying out the role of team leader.

Your responsibilities will include training, leading in battle, maintaining discipline, tracking supplies, and staying on mission.

Private parts here is going to follow along as an observer, and he'll deliver a report back to me in three days.

And if Private Parts doesn't return, it'll be on your heads.

That's a lot of pushing.

To be clear, his observation starts now, not like 20 minutes ago.

Like, I just want to make sure that when's the report start?

Yeah.

Because that's a little important right now.

That's at Private Parts discretion.

Papa Pause, did anyone tell you that you're looking a little sharp today, buddy?

He pulls out a pencil and begins scratching something out from a notepad.

I think that's a good thing.

I'm sure he's writing nothing but nice things.

Private parts report and my assessment of that report and your performance may lead to a promotion for one of you to the rank of corporal, who will then be the new team leader and receive benefits befitting the rank.

What kind of benefits are we talking about here?

You'll find out if one of you makes the cut oh surprises i think they let us in the like a like a teacher's lounge and we get access to like a toaster and microwave oh all the fancy stuff okay real quick my mom was a teacher at my school and i used to go to the teacher's lounge and it at my the other teachers hated it so do the kids and i used to get free iced tea every day it was the best

i really want to be corporal Wait, free iced tea?

That was your big treat?

Yeah.

We live in Texas.

It was for the teachers and you were stealing it.

Yeah.

Well, no, I was entitled to it.

I was an Epo baby, duh.

Was it sweetened tea?

Yeah, I could be.

Okay.

If you put sweetened low in it.

Oh, okay.

It's called chemistry.

Maybe Doug knows something about it.

I put a chemistry.

How do we decide who is the leader for the moment?

How do we decide when we swap?

I can't be expected to hold your hand every step of the way.

You four need to figure it out.

Now go!

This is the most gus character in any campaign we've had.

I can't be expected to hold your hand in this.

You guys want to like roll initiative or something?

And then we can decide based on that order who becomes the team leader?

Yeah, we could draw lots.

Okay.

How do you draw a lot?

What does that look like visually?

I was just trying to think of an in-universe way people would say instead of rolling dice.

Unless dice is a part of the cannon universe.

I don't know.

Maybe it is.

Sergeant Steelio dice a part of the canon universe?

Just roll.

Yeah, he turns his back to you four and turns his attention back to the big table in the room.

Okay.

Let's just roll.

Just roll a d20 or an initial.

Yeah, d20.

I rolled a nine.

I rolled a 10.

What'd you roll, Tolf?

I rolled a one.

I rolled a 14.

So Tolf wins?

You're going with lowest, right?

Tolf's number one?

Toll's number one.

I just rolled another dice to see if Giggy would roll, and Giggy did roll, and he rolled a 15.

So Giggy's in charge.

Giggy's Steelinger in the first day.

So I i think based on drawing lots natty wins but natty secretly is gonna let giggy run the show no no no just that was just for me

okay

uh yeah i guess i'll take the start okay and we're going due west which means directly west from here 18 miles until we get to the fort and widge bay or just endwidge bay endridge bay there you go sorry misspoke it's all good duck just want to make sure you're on the on the right page but it sounds like you are in a metagame perspective if

we're on a map, are we like at the far edge of where we are?

So it's like if we traveled across all of Fort Endridge, that would be X amount of miles, or are we like at the very kind of end going west?

If you were looking at a map, you can go in any direction, basically.

I'm not sure if I'm answering your question appropriately.

Like, think of Fort Endridge as being in the middle right now.

Think of like a layout of hexes all around you, and you can go in any of the directions based from where you are.

I guess if like I'm saying like if each hex is X amount of miles wide, are we at like the edge of a hex?

So if we like you say forts in the middle of the hex.

I see what you're saying.

Imagine you're in the entire hex.

Like you're not going to spend any movement moving within the hex that you're already in.

Gotcha.

Okay, make sure I answered your question.

Okay, do we get any special equipment for this?

No?

Are you asking

us to steal it?

Yeah, he turned his back to you guys.

Okay.

I guess we should go.

And as my first decision as leader, we're gonna move that direction.

And I point west.

What is marching order, Natty?

I feel like we should have the buddy system.

Okay,

okay.

So find your buddy, and we'll walk with our buddies.

Will you tell me who my buddy is?

Natty, could you be my buddy?

Okay, Doug and I are buddies, and Tov and Gunther are buddies.

Okay, okay.

Who's Giggy's buddy?

I'm always Giggy's buddy.

Oh,

Giggy don't need no buddy.

Okay, then we head out, I guess.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Let's go.

I'll focus on staying on mission.

We did it.

Episode eight, and we're leaving this place finally.

Hey,

that's up to you guys.

That's been your decision.

It's like Midgar and Final Fantasy

six or seven.

Final Fantasy VII, we're finally leaving Midgar and we see the overworld for the first time.

Ooh, there's more to the map.

So, yeah, I guess imagine in your mind's eye that it's a hexagon map.

And from where you are in Fort Endrich, you can go, I'm going to go all the way around.

North, northeast, southeast, south, southwest, or northwest.

Oh, so we have a choice of going southwest or northwest, basically.

You can go in any of the directions you want.

Well, okay, I'll revise that.

To head in the general direction of west, that's our two options.

Yes.

Yes, we want to go north or southwest.

We could just flip somewhere.

I'm going to flip a coin.

All right, we're going northwest.

Are you sure I have a lot of rewards points with Southwest?

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Give yourself an inspiration, Dolly.

I just, I hate those seating policy.

I like having an assigned seat for something else.

They're changing that.

They are.

I think they are, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Northwest.

Okay, so you all decide to go Northwest.

You, you know, you gather up your equipment, your packs, and, you know, Private Parts is tagging along with you as an observer.

Oh, he could be Giggy's buddy then.

There we go.

Oh, okay.

Oh, so he's leading with Giggy?

Well, yeah, Private Parts is, you know, is following as an observer, and I guess he's Giggy's buddy.

I don't want someone to not have a buddy, so we're going to stick to this private parts just says oh okay that's an interesting command decision and just begins uh scribbling something on a notepad

i assume it's something good private parts how did you get in here to the war where are you from oh my family has a long history of serving the mortalion it seems like it's always been almost predestined that i join up and do my part in the ongoing conflict

do you have other family in here not currently i'm the youngest child so everyone has already moved on and they're out and about in the world i'm hoping to catch up soon I think after doing this job, observing for Sergeant Steele Eye, he'll note my special skills and I'll get my promotion and finally be able to move up in rank.

We will make sure that we do good for you.

Yeah, glad to have you on board.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

We will definitely make sure you survive this mission as well.

And maybe, you know, it would be one of those situations of, you know, we squat your back, you squat your back.

Wink wink.

Okay, I could see that.

Yeah,

maybe, why not?

You know, you all are new to the rank of private, and I don't want to brag, but I've been private for a while now.

So while we're traveling, I think it's time I let you know all the perks you get now with your newfound promotion.

Being a private in the Mortalion.

It honors.

First of all, you can purchase non-magical weapons and armor at a 20% discount at any facility associated with the Mortalion.

20%?

Yeah, it's great.

It opens a lot of doors.

What are you packing, private parts?

Uh, he's got uh a longsword.

Oh, cool.

Besides that, don't forget that now, as privates, you are part of a hierarchy that provides you with orders.

If you cause any trouble at Midras, you answer to your officers, not local law enforcement.

Oh, does that mean we got some sort of immunity?

Diplomatic immunity.

Do we actually, though?

Like some type of.

So you're above like the common law of the land.

You answer to the military law, as you all already have experience with dealing with your almost court-martial.

Ah.

The military.

Do we know, like, how ubiquitous is it across the land?

And what's the digital perception of the military across the land?

Yeah, that's a good question.

I mean, it's pretty much everywhere.

Everyone's very familiar.

Well, I would say most people are very familiar with the mortality and have, you know, this is a very wide-ranging conflict that's been going on for quite a while.

But, you know, as with most things, it can vary, you know, like going with like sentiment, it can vary town by town or person by person.

Everyone's got their own feelings on what's going on.

So it's hard to say.

There is no general consensus, but there is definitely a wide range of thoughts about it.

I mean, if martial law is in effect at all times, I feel like that might cause some weird distrust.

No, no, it's not that it's martial law, it's that you all are above local law.

You only answer to military law.

Yeah.

The locals still answer to their local law enforcement.

Yeah, so I have immunity when it comes to local law enforcement because I only listen to my military leaders.

Got it.

Martial law.

Cool.

Glad we established that.

I think Told might not know what martial law is.

And of course, your rank in the Bortalion now grants you access to places that are off-limits to civilians.

With your commander's permission, you can enter dangerous training grounds or military installations like an army's regional headquarters or a repository of top secret intelligence.

Plus, you can also request that your commander grant you authority to act in their name or provide access to experts or leaders higher in the chain of command.

Aw, that feels very powerful.

It is.

You won't believe the things I've seen.

Oh, like in a bad way, or like.

Of course not.

Heavens no.

Oh, okay.

I was like, did you commit war crimes or something?

Jeez.

You undertake your missions at the direction of a commanding officer who expects your absolute obedience.

These missions have clear and precise goals, leading you on the path of adventure.

In rare cases, you're trusted with open-ended tasks that afford you leeway in interpreting orders.

Well, you're just a walking PSA.

I do my best.

I love the Bore Tallion, and I'm very dedicated to this.

Sergeant Steel Eye must love you.

Oh, I hope so.

I'm trying to get it good with Sergeant Steel Eye.

Does it bother you that we just became privates, and then the Steel Eye said that one of us gets to be corporal soon?

And you've been waiting this whole time to get promoted?

All in due time.

I'll earn by rank what it's due to me.

That's a very mature way of looking at it.

Yes, thank you, Doug.

And he scribbles something down.

Excellent.

Ten points for me.

And the final thing I need to tell you is each member of your group earns a regular salary or share of the military's forces' spoils.

The amount varies depending on your organization and your position within it, but at Minimum, you enjoy a modest lifestyle.

You receive a small salary as well as access to food and housing on military bases.

You get one gold per day, but rely on that money for room and board off-base.

With higher rank comes higher pay.

I hear that as an officer, you can maintain a comfortable lifestyle and get two two gold per day.

Wow.

Hey, big spendo.

That's big living.

Double the income, I guess.

Tell me about it.

1%.

Oh, for sure.

Alright, well, we're trying to stay on Mission White and head over west to Andridge Bay.

How long of a hike is that, would you say?

Well, Indridge Bay is about 18 miles, so it should take us pretty much an entire day to get there.

All right.

All right.

Surely we've been walking while talking, yeah.

I mean, absolutely.

Okay, thank God.

It's only been five minutes.

Make sure you hold your buddy's hand.

Uh, Doug reaches out to hold Maddie's hand.

I grabbed Doug's hand.

Gunther.

But I imagine you're holding just my big finger because he's got a big ol' mitt.

Yeah.

I'm trying to think of the size discrepancy between

you can literally ride my shoulders and I would not notice you, and it is totally cool if you were to like chill.

I'm just offering it.

Okay.

Do you need to make a roller save of Giggy Holes private parts hand?

You're living to regret this child.

I rolled a nine, so he's gonna fight it a little bit.

I like to think that uh, instead of like reaching out with his hand, Giggy reaches out with his mouth and just like tries to clamp onto Private Parts' hand as they're walking.

So, you know, y'all are paired up in the buddy system.

Buddies, what do you all talk about during this initial part of uh your trek?

I probably want to talk to Natty about death.

I love that.

Just because I think that's like one of the things that Doug doesn't really understand or like think is, like, has any positive to it.

Even in all of his, his studies and,

you know, time researching things, he just doesn't see, I think, a benefit to death.

Doug, what's on your mind?

Oh, so much.

So much, Naddy.

Yeah.

So, I get, you know, you talk a lot about death, and I just, like, I just can't comprehend how anybody would be driven towards thinking that this is a good thing or you know because it's just like if you lose someone They don't come back and so like I guess how is it how is that good?

Well, I mean it depends on on what you your definition of like what this losing means like it's not a finality as I think you might be thinking it is because it's just it's just transition to a new place is what it is.

How do you know, I guess?

Because my wife, she told me.

You talked to her?

Yeah.

How?

I mean, it's usually in when I'm sleeping.

Uh-oh.

I mean, I talk to my boy sometimes before I go to sleep, but she doesn't talk back.

Is Toll interjecting?

No, that's just so sad.

I'm just reacting.

I heard that and I'm like, oh my god, that's so sad.

Yeah, I would imagine it's hard to talk to the dead, but my wife's not dead.

What is she?

She is dead.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

So she took my boy up?

Not necessarily.

She is the essence of that, the feature of life that is the end of it.

And so she's not necessarily the one that killed him, but she's there to greet him

when he came to visit her.

And I'm sure he was loving it.

Because like I said, she has the nicest smile you've ever seen.

I mean, I know that she's not the one who killed him.

I know that.

Who did, if I might ask?

I can't really say right now.

Maybe we can take baby steps towards sharing that, because I know talking about stuff helps.

I just,

it wasn't my fault, okay?

I didn't say it was.

I'm on your side, Doug.

That's all I want to say.

It wasn't my fault.

Okay, okay.

Good baby steps.

Good.

Hey, everybody, everybody, Doug just took some baby steps towards the direction of sharing his feelings.

Everybody, give a little clap, little clap for Doug.

Okay?

Oh, we did it.

It actually was my fault, okay?

I just am trying to tell myself that it wasn't.

Oh, but maybe if your wife

sees Phil,

she could just

tell him that I'm sorry.

You know, I would tell her that.

And I'm sure that would mean the world to Phil.

Why was it your fault?

Oh, God.

I don't know if you're there.

You're going to be having a separate conversation with Tol.

Okay, I didn't know because we were all clapping.

Imagine just daddy turned around and told everybody to clap.

That's all it was.

Does that make you feel better, Doug, a little bit?

Uh, maybe like 0.07%,

but uh.

Hey, progress is progress.

Wow, that's what have you been to say OP though?

That's really nice.

Yeah, I go to therapy all the time.

That's John speaking.

Doug?

I got therapy today.

On ambition.

Is that who Giggy really is?

Well, I'm proud of you, Doug.

I'm proud of you.

I'm glad.

And Natty squeezes Doug's hand even tighter, or his finger even tighter.

Natty's very strong unexpectedly, and so Doug kind of winces at the pain.

Oh, no, not like that, like like a like a an affectionate squeeze, not a not a painful one.

All right, what do uh Toll and Gunther talk about first am I writing on Tolv?

That's cool with me.

It's cool with you, then could we also like while we're looking, I think Gunther would be like looking for

any sense of supplies or things in the terrain that could be like just scouting ahead, being like very aware of the surroundings and looking for danger or anything that they could use on their journey.

Make a perception check.

It's a five.

No, it seems like there's not much out here.

It's pretty barren here, but

you are making your way away.

You can see the fort slowly getting smaller behind you as time goes on.

And I don't know how this applies, but I have the wanderer background, in which I can find food and fresh water for yourself and up to five other people each day, provided that the land offers small game water and so forth.

So, I don't know if that matters in this context, but

super useful.

It's so cool, Gunther.

Yeah, yeah, is that something you'd uh you'd want to do?

I think so.

I think Gunther's used to wandering, and that's part of his like process of wandering is always being like looking for the next meal.

I guess you already rolled your perception check, but I was just trying to see, do you want to make like a

investigation check of some kind to see if you're able to if you're successful?

Or survival.

Survival.

Yeah, survival.

That's it.

Yeah, roll the survival check.

I rolled a one, Gus.

You find a trail.

There's footsteps.

It's

maybe five humanoid-sized creatures and one smaller one.

It seems like they were coming from the east and heading west.

We're being followed.

This is scrubland, but you can't seem to find anything.

Maybe the presence of the fort being so close scares away any potential game that you could hunt.

And, you know, maybe they've already scoured the nearby fruit or berries or anything that's edible in the area around the fort so it's already too picked over.

Something I can talk to Gunther about.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, if he's in a chatty mood, Gunther, you want to talk?

Okay.

Okay.

So like, I was, you know, raised and grown up around water.

And I'm curious about your culture because it sounds like you come from like a desert climate.

So like,

what's like water like for you guys?

I just want to share our common experiences and just, you know, find differences and just share about our cultures.

Water is very special.

Oh, yes, it is.

That is where everything comes from.

The water.

Yeah, that's true.

Okay.

And in the desert, it is hard to find, so we do not go very far from the water.

So do you have like a lot of waters in like a pond?

No.

Where do you get your water?

It's from the sky or from the one source in our village.

It is

oasis.

Oh, cool.

Have you ever been to the ocean, Gunther?

No.

Would that like freak you out with all of that water?

Hmm, yes.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, that sounds like too much water.

Can you swim, Gunther?

Yes, I can swim very well.

Can you swim?

Not really, no.

Were you not on ships?

I was on ships, but that was like kind of part of the deal.

Is like if you fell off, then you know, bye-bye, you know.

Then you're meeting Maddie's wife.

Yeah, a quick meeting.

So, you never fell off the ship?

Oh, yeah, yeah, it was very scary.

And what happened?

Well,

that's the last time I saw my crew, you know.

When you fell off the ship?

Let's not say that I necessarily fell off.

It wasn't by my choice, you know.

I'm very careful on the ship.

I'm a very good sailor.

You f pushed?

Yeah, we could put it that way.

I was pushed.

It was not a fun day.

Not a fun day day at all.

Who pushed?

It was ironclad, but that's a story for another time.

But I think if we ever end up in a mission on the water, I'll watch your back, and I think it'll be...

You'll be a-okay.

I think you're gonna have sea legs in no time.

Sea legs.

Yeah, that is like something I like.

Sounds good.

What would Giggy try to say to private parts?

I was wondering if you were gonna bring bring that up.

Oh, you know what?

I love Giggy.

Giggy's my new...

Giggy is my new, like,

pseudo player that I get to be in the campaign.

It's going to be your favorite character because it's not played by any of us.

Giggy would just...

kind of observe everyone's chatting and then look up longingly at private parts.

He's a very, he likes mimicry and parroting, and so he would just kind of like want private parts to kind of take the lead.

So what would private parts do to respond to Gigi's stare at him what's your name little one he just he's

oh i don't know if i could pronounce that that's interesting did your mob daddy give you that name giggy um looks at his mom and then looks at private parts and then looks at the ground and finds a finds a bug and gives private parts the bug

Oh, thank you.

I appreciate that.

It's very thoughtful of you.

Do you want to share it?

When Private Parts made that noise, Gigi did the whole like chihuahua head tilt kind of thing.

Like that making a sound that's like him, that kind of thing.

And then goes and picks up a rock and gives it to Private Parts.

Oh, thank you.

I feel like I should give you something.

Here.

Private parts begins digging through his

pockets looking for something and pulls out a copper piece and hands it to Giggy.

Love to roll.

He doesn't eat it.

Oh,

it's a particularly shiny piece of copper.

It's like must be newly minted.

Okay, he puts it in his little harness.

Don't tell anybody about that.

That's between us, okay?

We're battle buddies.

Battle buddies.

Gigi, uh,

let me see.

Let me see how he responds to that.

Oh, he rolled.

I rolled a one.

He um, he bites private parts, but uh, but he's like smiling while he's doing it.

Thank you.

And Nanny hears that and turns around and goes, Oh, he likes you.

He likes you guys are buddies.

Oh boy.

This reminds me of anytime you go to a friend's house and they have like a cat or a dog that's like really aggressive, and the person's totally comfortable with it, but you as a guest are not.

And you're just like, oh, is he so?

Are they supposed to be growling right now?

Is it what should I normally?

What do you do?

Am I allowed to pet him?

What am I doing wrong?

No, no, you're doing it right.

Oh, he likes you.

That's fun.

After passing a little bit of time talking to each other, the land begins slowly changing.

Ever so often, you start to see, you know, a little more vegetation popping in here and there.

Not like a ton of it, but just a little more, more frequently than you were seeing before.

You begin walking up slowly closer to what appears to be maybe a river in the distance.

And around there you see uh you know some rocky outcroppings and maybe a small bridge crossing over it and everyone make me a perception check 10 11.

god another one

16.

okay so it was a 16 for natty an 11 for doug a 10 for tol and a two for gunther yeah i rolled bad yeah bad natty you begin to hear what you think might be like a chorus of voices that seem to be yelling.

Describe the emotional tone.

If you had to guess, you would say anger.

Oh.

Coming from...

The direction up ahead, like where you saw the river and the bridge.

So like west.

Still west?

Correct.

I put up my hand to tell the group to stop, but I pull up the hand that I'm holding with Doug and put both our hands up.

Yeah, we could do it.

Doug, I love your enthusiasm.

Just everyone, everyone, quiet.

I feel like we should approach with caution for I have heard a commotion up ahead.

Commotion?

What kind of commotion?

It's a choo-choo train.

That's a locomotive.

Oh, okay, got you.

That's a crazy motion.

You know what?

As leader, I've decided we should send one of us up for reconnaissance before we approach this what seems to be a tumultuous angry noise.

I'm very sneaky if you want me to sneak.

Yeah.

I think Gunther's a good sneaker too.

Yeah, he's small.

Yeah, let's send Gunther.

Gunther, you go find out and report back what's making this noise.

And you know, so, like, worst comes to worst, because this place is like, you know, a little bit more full of vegetation and stuff like that.

You could just blend in as a regular frog if you needed to.

That's a good idea.

I want to make sure we have a signal if you're in danger.

So, is there a sound you can make

that could alert us?

That's a croak.

And you can do that loud?

yes.

Okay.

Because, like, you know, frogs croak and you hear them, like, real far.

Sure.

Gus just said it.

Those cokey frogs are super loud.

And then if I'm not in danger, I will do this.

Oh.

A little bit more high-pish, I see.

One is mrum and the other one's rum.

As long as Tov can can tell the difference, I'm confident.

Okay.

I think Toll and Gunther's time together during this journey has let Toll understand Gunther a bit better.

Yeah, he just taught him all his different croaks as they were walking.

This is when I'm in danger.

If I may,

I need a quick word with Gunther to wish him farewell.

Is that the one you're singing?

We know each other's language.

I wished him the best of luck.

Well, on that best of luck note, if you're gonna proceed, why don't you make me a stealth check gunther okay yeah and then like what's laying in front of it it's the river and the bridge what's the terrain you said it's like a little more uh vegetation

vegetation it's also pretty rocky or it's becoming very rocky that's a 20 a dirty 20.

oh nice got a top men on it top men

You stealthily approach in the direction that the path is going, and you get closer and you see that there is a small wooden bridge crossing a river from the northeast to the southwest here.

And as you approach it, you see what appear to be some ruins.

It seems like there's some buildings that are kind of destroyed and falling down and some scaffolding with crumbling walls throughout the area.

And there's a group of people in the street in front of some of the ruins.

Seems like they're angrily discussing something.

Just really quick for clarification, are these like ancient ruins or are these like war-torn ruins?

Gunther?

You would see.

Yeah, I think Gunther would be the one to ask.

Yeah, I mean, I guess that's a good question.

Are there ruins on the other side of the bridge?

Correct, they're on the other side of the bridge.

Okay.

And then do I hear what they're discussing?

Make a

perception check.

And they're yelling.

They're not, like, talking.

Yeah.

And are they grouped in such a way where there's like two different sides?

No, it seems like they're all mixed up together.

It's not like two groups arguing.

It's one big group kind of all angry.

That's 16 on perception.

You hear the words compensation and apology being thrown about quite a bit.

Compensation and apology.

And how many are there?

Did you say that?

It's like a mob of people.

Let's say like 12, 15, somewhere on there.

And what's their like general, are they all the same race?

It's a mixture of various types of humanoids.

And their garb, like, are they military?

Are they townsfolk?

Are they...

They seem like civilians to you.

And the structures that they're around, does it seem like it's a place that they live?

Or is this just a like ruin ruins?

You see various tents set up.

It's almost like a small settlement here.

Settlement?

So they've been there for a while.

It seems like they're based out of here if you had to guess.

Okay, so they're arguing about money and this is their home base.

How far up am I like relative to them?

Not much higher.

You're perched up like on a small rock on the north side of the river.

You're maybe five, six feet higher than they are.

I can't hear anything else about what they're arguing or like what's gonna happen.

They're so far it's hard to pick out.

Can I signal the group to come closer?

How does that sound again?

Oh, I think that means he's in danger and we shouldn't go any closer.

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I guess is there a way can I get closer where I can find out more about them?

Can I get up closer?

I just want to be able to hear what they're saying more.

Yeah, you could try to get closer.

You like cross the bridge maybe and listen, but you know, I would say you would need another stealth check to try to get a little closer and see if they don't notice you.

Okay.

And if it matters, I would try going under the bridge.

Okay.

So like that way I'm not visible.

Yeah.

So you would crawl down from the rock, get on the ground, and then like kind of slink into the water.

No, no, like stay on the bridge.

I thought I said under the bridge.

Like climb up on over the bridge so i stay wait wait you're confusing me climb over the bridge or climb under the bridge you said both under the bridge but without but stay on the bridge like as in like as if i'm climbing on the under under part of it the chipaney special yeah climb under the bridge but on it we had a cartoon about this yeah like how you know remember the cartoon chipani like yeah but what's the on it part that's what i'm not understanding like as in not you would just be climbing monkey bars like doing the monkey bars

yeah you just kept saying on the bridge, which is like, I don't understand what that means.

Make me a stealth check to see if you're able to successfully climb under the bridge.

Alright, 25.

Yeah, you do Gunther bars under the bridge and swing your way across and you get a little closer,

Croakfolk bars, and

you can make out what they're saying a little bit better.

They owe money to us for all the damages.

It's time we get together and starters a protest.

Yeah, take that protest and we'll get a money that we're all owe.

What is this voice?

What is this cadence?

Okay, does it sound like they're arguing about someone that's not there or are they arguing about Okay, and that's all I can hear?

Yeah, that seems like a lot of planning for some kind of protest to try to get compensation and I can't figure out who they're talking about

They came here and they just destroyed everything

and they owe us to try and fix it.

Anything else I can gather before I leave to go back?

Nah, I'd say that that's about it.

Okay.

Am I...

Does it sound like they're mad at like the army that we're in?

I guess is the one thing I want to know.

Make a

intelligence check, I guess.

Insight.

Insight's better.

12.

You think they might be mad at the Mortalian?

Oh,

that's us.

Okay.

Can I sneak back to the group?

Yeah, make me one last stealth check.

Be stealthy.

Oh, yeah.

25.

Why couldn't you have failed one of those?

Yeah, you're able successfully.

I'm good at stealth.

I told you I was good at stealth.

Sneak back to your group.

I'm imagining I'm sitting there talking to like Natty and Doug, and then Gunther sneaks up on me and I go, oh, oh, where did you come from?

Roll for an attack.

There are many people there, all very mad at the Mortalian.

They said that we destroyed their things, which I do not know if we did, but we did not personally.

But we should pretend to not be Mortalian.

You know, Gunther, someday I'm going to teach you about this thing that I learned very young called,

what's it called?

When you learn it, you shall tell me

punctuation.

Chris played a reverse card there.

He did punctuation, very important.

I think that would be a good lesson, though.

Do you know where one sentence ends and the other begins?

Helpful sometimes.

So, like, you think we should act like we are not part of the Mattalion and like roll through?

Or do you think we should sneak our way around?

I think we should act like we are not part of Mattalion and also mad at Mortalian.

Naddy, what do you think?

What's your read?

You're the team leader.

I know from our character art, it's not there, but is there anything about us or private parts that reads as military?

I was learning the same thing.

Yeah, private parts is a big red flag.

I feel like he's so proud to be part of this military that he couldn't pretend not to be.

Freshly starched pants with the pleats ironed and everything.

He's a part of the military.

Yeah, you all would be in uniform.

Oh.

Do we then carry our civvies?

Sure, why not?

Okay.

We could also say that we were part of it, but we escaped because we didn't agree with what they're doing.

That's setting us up for having to persuade them of something when we could preempt that by not giving them the thought.

We're just some travelers, you know, making our way downtown.

Downtown.

Daddy, I bet I could persuade you.

That's a nine, dang it.

Okay, never mind.

This is a bad idea.

I was wondering where this was going.

Doug, when you mentioned talking about like deserting the military, that seems to like private parts gets a little shocked.

You see, he starts getting a little sweaty at the thought.

Private parts, listen.

I mean, you heard the conversation, right?

These people over here, we don't know if like they'll attack us if they know what part of the military or.

Oh, yeah, I just can't imagine leaving the mortalion.

I got this.

Private parts, this is all espionage, okay?

We are going undercover

for our team, you know, in order to get more information.

Intel, yes,

everyone else throw out really interesting military terminology.

Reconnaissance,

black ops.

How's that sound, private?

Shouldn't we try to convince them that the Mortaliat are in the right and settle any issues they might have?

And what happens if they find out we're lying?

Oh, lying makes me nervous.

He starts sweating a little more.

Giggy starts licking the sweat.

What is our mission?

Is our mission to communicate with them?

Well, our mission is to get to Andrew Bay, I guess, but.

Okay, then.

I just hate the thought of people not appreciating the Bortalion.

This is part of my fulfillment of my leadership duties that I am training you.

As you can tell, and Natty strikes a pose, I am a queen of presentation and performance.

Natty is the queen.

I can't conform.

My queen.

Also, like, you know, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, private parts, okay?

It doesn't mean we don't respect the Mortalian or anything like that, but you just gotta pretend for a little bit.

I understand.

Okay.

Again, I'm just an observer, so I leave it to your team leader's discretion.

But don't forget, we all abide by the Mortalian's goals.

Also, you know, I just want to point out, it's an important life lesson to know that, like, not everyone will agree with your way of life.

And, you know, sometimes you just gotta stay true to yourself, no matter what.

But, you know, I gotta do what you gotta do to be safe.

I feel like that was a mixed message, but I'm hoping Private Parts took that.

That's true, but as we always say at the Mortalian, together we stand unbroken.

Okay.

Hey, we're gonna play a part together.

Unbroken.

Get that?

That's your name.

Parts.

The Z is important.

Oh, yeah.

And so, so everybody get into their civvies.

Okay.

Okay.

Doug goes behind a bush to change.

But the bush is too tiny.

It's like one of those cartoons where it just strategically covers.

How about this?

I'll even help this a little bit.

We are a traveling group of performers.

Oh, this won't get us into trouble at all if they call our bluff.

I like it.

I love your confidence, Toby.

Let's approach.

Let's do it.

Okay, so everyone gets into their civvies and approaches the ruins up ahead.

Yeah.

What's your marching order for this?

Let's go.

Me, Doug, told Gunther, giggy private parts.

Okay.

You're so you know, I'm not very persuasive, so I don't know if you want me near the front.

I can do the talking.

I can do the talking.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

You got this.

Naddy and Doug, you both, you know, are in the front and you begin approaching this group of people and this area.

It was just like Gunther described.

There's a small wooden bridge.

And as you get close, it seems like the entire mob of people all kind of take notice of you in turn and watch as you all approach.

Hattie!

You're not from here.

That is correct.

How can you tell?

Your accent is totally wrong.

Well, I mean,

I'd use a word called different.

Different?

Uh, Naddy, these people seem to be talking kind of like a little bit slower, a little bit sleepy.

So, maybe if we talk like that, they'll sink off from you.

I think it's called code switching.

Match their vibes.

Kika gets concerned and starts slapping Tolb to wake him up.

What are you doing here?

No one ever comes to the ruins of Ray Zine unless they need something.

Well, then we're a first.

We don't need nothing other than to pass through.

Hmm.

Where are you going?

That direction.

Speaking of directions,

you came from the direction of Fort Endridge.

Yeah.

Is that what we passed?

Jeez, we've been on the road for a while.

Why have you been on the road for so long?

Traveling along, you know.

Merry band of travelers, right, guys?

Make a deception check, Charles.

Blaine, you just said you're bad at deception, and then you spoke up, you dummy.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

It's a 12.

The key to lying is to open your mouth a lot and keep talking.

I don't know.

I guess it's plausible.

What's your name?

Cobb.

Well, howdy, Cob.

I'm Naddy.

And I'm Doug.

Naddy's Doug.

And you?

Any points that you told?

Told.

And then your little squishy friend?

Which one?

Both.

That's Gunther.

That's

Giggy.

Do we know what is Private Parts' first name?

No, Parts.

His name is First.

No, it's Private.

That's Private.

His name is Private.

Private.

No, oh no.

No, he said private, private parts in our first episode.

I know, but this is not gonna help.

That's a little military sounding.

Yeah, I mean, sometimes people got funny names.

Yeah, I've met people named like Major.

Yeah, your sounds like a food.

You're all right.

Cobb slaps you on the back, uh, Natty.

Well, I know I'm all right.

You're all right.

You're all right.

Oh, we're all all right, aren't we?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So, what's what's the hubbub around here?

What you guys up to?

Oh, we're planning a protest.

Mortalians came and destroyed Raisine, leaving us in ruins.

We need to get them to pay for the damage that they caused.

Why did they destroy it?

What happened?

There was a battle, and they just call it collateral.

Those people at Mortalian and Copia Convent, they owe us compensations and an apology.

Who were they fighting?

The Undarians.

Wow, you really aren't from here, huh?

Well, I meant I was being a little bit more specific than that.

Like, what were they for the is it?

Was there a special Undarian or was there a reason they're Undarians here?

Why do they fight anywhere?

They just show up and they start breaking things, not even caring who it affects.

Yeah, that's a bummer.

Be real.

Were the Andarians being attacking two?

Oh, we were hiding, trying to stay out of crossfire.

It's hard to say.

Yeah, it does sound like there should be some sort of fund, you know, set aside to kind of help people like us who are here on the sidelines of this war.

Yeah.

He shoves a piece of paper and a writing instrument in your hands, Daddy.

Here, you seem like you're like-minded.

Sign our petitions.

Happily.

I love signing things.

It just feels so special when you get to sign your name.

Everyone, make me a perception check.

Oh, rolling like Gigi's diaper today.

I keep rolling sixes, so I have an 11 with my modifier.

18.

Nat 20 for 21.

Gunther and Natty, you both noticed that Private Parks has started sweating profusely.

I mean, he's just like drenched now.

What's with your friend?

Is he sick?

Peace.

Hush.

Hush.

He has no answer.

He is sick.

He has.

He has the great sick.

Stay away from him.

The great sick.

Yeah, keep away.

Could be contagious.

Very sick.

Very contagious.

Yeah.

Okay, both of you make me a deception check.

What's the definition of idiocy?

13.

20!

Curses.

I've never heard of the great sick, but it does sound bad.

That's great.

Get your vaccines.

Wow.

What does it do exactly in detail?

It is where you lose all of the liquid in your body.

Yeah, and you like start to lose your ability to speak and you like bite things.

You know, Gigi over there was a perfectly normal little boy before he got the great sick.

Now look at him.

He's over there just like, fuck.

What's Giggy doing?

Yeah, he's got a full head of hail, full head of teeth.

Okay.

I don't want to get the great sick.

Definitely not.

Yeah.

And you signed the petition, Naddy.

What name did you sign on it?

I signed it

Nutty Wander.

Isn't Wander spelled the same as Wander?

No, with an A.

Like a wandering person.

Uh-oh.

Got it.

Oh, Wander.

You're wandering now.

You were made for this.

Not all who wander are lost.

You're all right, too.

All right.

Well, you're welcome to pass through what's left of raising.

Look around if you want.

Keep on going.

You're A-ok with Cobb.

Hey, that's Aces with me.

Thank you, Cobb.

Do you have anybody you know named Cornon?

Cornon?

Oh, that's my father.

John would want to pass through and get out of here.

Natty's a people person.

Natty would want to say hi to some folks.

Can Natty, like, is there, is there commerce or anything?

Or is this like this place is all in wreck and we should just move on?

You guys got the military discount here.

Oh, my God.

I mean, we do get 20% off.

I know.

I don't know from these people.

Hey, Cobb, before we head out, I feel like your story has hit me so hard.

Is there anything we could do to help y'all?

You know, like on our way?

In fact, you could.

Okay.

Since we're rebuilding, we do need lumber.

If you could help us find some.

Oh.

Okay.

Sounds good.

Sure.

Why not?

Yeah.

If you head over to T He, just south of here, there's plenty of lumber there.

What's the name of this place?

Where you are now?

Yeah.

Raisine.

Raisine.

Hey, Cobb spell that.

just like it sounds r a e z

e e n raisine not how it sounds

okay and we're heading to ti to get lumber for y'all yeah i think that's the least we could do oh you'd be heroes to the people of raisine and our cause of rebuilding and i i like i elbow private parts like isn't that nice for us to do something for these people to help them out he's like he doesn't open his mouth but he just starts nodding his head and, like, big drops of sweat fall off of his forehead onto the ground in front of him.

Gentle with him, he has the sickness.

Is he down with it?

He's nodding.

Could I give private parts a little rub on the head to kind of like wipe away his sweat with my fake, like

just soak it up with your fuzzy

hands?

Yeah, sure, yeah.

But almost like I'm like, oh, it's okay, buddy.

Like,

yeah, your hand is now damp with private parts sweat.

That's not a good sentence.

No, no.

Give yourself an inspiration, Doug.

And I'm going to retake that.

Your hand is now damp with the sweat that was previously on his forehead.

I don't say I just got it.

I say keep that in.

That's funny.

I just got it.

I was because I was just thinking about the character's name.

What?

Yeah, let's head south.

Why not?

Let's have an adventure.

Yeah, I think, you know, based on the direction, trying to stay as west as possible,

southwest, maybe?

Sure.

I think you were saying Teehee's the hex right below us.

Right, correct.

So it's still...

We're not deviating too far.

It was the other option.

We're not going back.

Right.

Right.

We're just basically like...

Northwest, down, and then it's still the adjacent block.

Correct.

But can you imagine how proud I say this in private to my group?

I'm about to talk about stuff that I don't want Cobb to to hear.

Can you imagine how proud Sergeant Steeli will be if we come back with not only Intel

on Andridge Bay, but also we have helped the morale of like the perception of the mortality with the locals?

Based on what happened here, I would say that I don't know if Sergeant Steeli cares whether or not this place is helped or not.

They just don't, I don't know if they care about this kind of thing.

Yeah.

We do, though.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

There could be a new generation of privates who care.

Privates who care.

I like that.

Yeah.

Let's take out Brutality.

Can we just change our team from B team to that?

South we go.

Okay.

Yep.

You pass through Raisine and you follow the path through Raisine and you see some dilapidated buildings and stuff.

That's seen better days.

Let's say some buildings that are falling apart, like I said, scaffolding on some of them.

So you pass through Raisine and continue on your way south.

And after, you know, a couple of miles of walking, you start to see tree stumps begin increasing in number.

You said tree stumps?

Yeah, dotting either side of the trail as you're walking through.

Yeah.

So as if they've been demolished or cut down?

Cut down?

Yeah, harvested.

Can we hear Tim Curry singing in the distance about oil and sludge?

That's a fern gully reference, guys.

Yeah, I got you.

I got you.

Okay, okay, I didn't know.

You're walking through, and eventually you come to a crossroads and you see several people like dressed up with equipment who seem to be setting up some kind of camp.

What are they dressed up as?

It seems like they're like lumberjacks.

Oh.

Okay.

So they're probably the ones doing us the trees.

Do they seem to have like trees with them in their

pile?

Carrying around and something?

Or yeah, in a pile.

You do see a pile of lumber, but it's not very large.

They notice you all walking and don't seem to pay much attention.

It seems like they're focused on harvesting trees at the moment and collecting them.

Hey, gang, let's have a group chat real quick, yeah.

Okay, what's up?

Okay, so like, we could probably use military leverage to see if we can make them give lumber to the people of Raisine.

They're called raisins?

Yes, raisins.

What if they also hate people from immortality?

Yeah, we might have to just feel out the vibe, yeah.

Maybe to simplify our story so that they don't tell Cobb that we're military.

We just stay in our civilian stuff.

And if it becomes advantageous to let them know we're from the military, we can reveal it.

Oh, that's a good idea.

All I'm saying is, I don't think we have the money, but like maybe they could build a mortalion or something.

Well,

you're such a big, strong, manly man.

Maybe this is your time to shine with these other alpha males that are clearly out here

taming the wilds.

Oh, you know what?

A warhammer is very similar to an axe.

We have so so much in common.

Yeah, I can lead this.

I can go for this.

I love it.

Okay.

All right.

Gunther and Tolv take the lead.

Why don't all of you roll me a perception check?

11?

That's a dirty 25.

17.

Gunther and Naddy, you both notice that there's a signpost here at the crossroads.

And you see signs and directions written on the signpost.

It says north and says ruins of Reisine.

Then northeast, Fort Endridge.

Southeast, Foothills of Flack.

South, Gulf of Kibosh.

Southwest, Trigon Mouth.

And northwest, Sola Sod.

As you all are looking at the signposts, it slowly begins to rain.

There's like a small drizzle that starts.

And one other thing, Doug and Naddy, you both rolled good on your perception checks.

You see that there's something carved into the side of the signpost written in Elvish.

Oh, who speaks Elvish?

I speak Elvish.

I'm a drow.

I forgot.

What's this say?

What does it say, Natty?

I'll send it to you, John, so you can read it as Natty.

Yeah, that's important.

Role-playing.

I'm gonna have Giggy read it.

All right, group, this Elvish on this signpost, it says, these words shall root in minds that read, no rest until you plant a seed.

So I guess we need to plant a seed.

These words will root in mind.

What was it?

That read.

Sounds like to cut a tree, you must plant a tree.

I mean, that just sounds like common sense.

But what about our minds?

Like, does it mean we have to plant something from our body or something?

My mamas used to have this saying where they say, readers are leaders, and leaders are readers.

So maybe that's what it's about.

It's about read a read a dang book.

Oh, I've done that.

And you are the leader right now, Natty, and you did read.

And I have decided Tove will go do his manly duty.

Okay.

Can you run that poem by me more time?

These words will...

Shall root in minds that read, no rest until you plant a seed.

Now that you're looking around, Tov, since Naddy is tasking you with making contact with these people, as you look around, in addition to the workers who seem to be clearing the trees, you see that there is what appears to be a tent with a vendor in it nearby as well.

Ooh.

Could I go look at the tent?

Yeah.

Maybe they have some seeds for sale.

Well, I was going to see if there's a good find, like, can I identify the leader or anything like that?

Is there anybody that seems to be in command or is the vendor probably like the base camp for this?

Uh, you don't see anyone like giving orders or anything, everyone just seems to be milling about, like, going about different tasks.

Okay, lumber milling about, yeah, that's why I kind of like chuckle to myself.

Uh, I'm gonna approach just the nearest lumber guy, spit on the ground, boys do that all the time, okay?

And I go

and I spit on the ground, and then I and I say, hey, hey,

my lowest voice.

Yeah,

he stops and looks at you.

Hey,

who's in charge around here?

The deep voice with the falsetto cracks is just on point.

Well, he kind of like lifts his hat and scratches his head a bit and says, I guess if you wanted to say someone was in charge, it's maybe Pi A.

Lamode.

Okay, and where can I find Pi A Lamode?

I don't know.

She's probably out harvesting trees somewhere.

Okay.

She's a wood elf.

Can't miss miss her.

She got curly bubblegum hair, flannel petticoat.

Oh, she sounds cool.

Very stylish.

Okay.

Well, how about you, like, help me find her?

That'd be really cool.

You know, his fellow dude, his fellow guy, and I slap him on the back.

He kind of like stumbles in forward a step or two.

I can.

I'm real busy right now.

I gotta finish up my work before the day's done.

Yeah, yeah, I totally hear that.

Yeah,

hard work, hard work.

Okay, well, thanks for your help.

Toodaloo.

TGIF.

I guess I would try to go.

Let's go try to find Py Allah Aila mode.

Ayla mode.

I'll walk up.

Could you point us in any direction?

He kind of haphazardly points like further deeper into the clearing to the west.

All right.

Tol, have you heading that way?

Yeah.

Don't forget, I just wanted to touch back something that Barbara has said as Doug.

There is also a vendor with a tent, and I think Doug was going to go check on that as well.

So I'm going to sidebar with Doug, who I assume is doing that at the same time.

Okay.

you walk up to the tent, Doug, and inside is a dwarf with tiny ears wearing a red necklace.

And they look up at you as you walk in.

Do I recognize this necklace at all?

Uh, make a wisdom check.

17.

It's a necklace with an enormous red eyeball attached in a glass case.

Make me a reality check.

Remind me what that is again?

Yeah, sorry, I forgot.

It's relatively new to us.

Roll a D20 and add all of your ability score modifiers.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so it's a 14 plus 26, I think is the total.

Okay.

Yeah, there is something strange about it, which did, you know, did catch your eye in the first place, and you don't remember it, and then as you're looking at it, trying to remember what it is, it just seemingly disappears from around the dwarf's neck.

And that's what happened in the

trial with the horn underneath the judge's desk or something like that, right?

Mm-hmm.

In the lecter, not in the judge's desk.

Right, sorry.

The dwarf looks at you and says, my eyes are up here.

Oh.

Sorry, I was just looking around and I just admire your shirt.

I like the shirt you're wearing.

It's very nice color on you.

It's like filthy, just covered in dirt.

They look up and say, uh, Oogie.

So, uh, what's uh, what you got here?

Well, I'm the last merchant here in TE, so not much.

I do what I can to support what's left of our lumber industry.

So is that what you sell, just lumber?

Yeah, I sell various things that assist in the uh lumber industry.

So why is that so popular here?

Popular?

Have you uh looked outside?

There's not much going on outside of trying to find some trees to fell.

It used to be a vibrant hub.

There was lots of industry back when there were more trees, but slowly as the trees have gotten chopped down, the lumber yard went out of business.

Eurocraftspeople take this route now, and it doesn't seem like we get nearly as much traffic as we used to.

I mean, what are you doing here?

It's just lots of trees.

But not as many as it used to be.

Oh, sounds really sad.

Yeah, well, what can you do?

Well, what do you have for sale?

Yo, I want to support local business.

Oh, well, I've got a bag of dry wheat biscuits drizzled with honey.

There's a cedar chest that's reinforced with iron and topped with a sturdy lock.

And between you and me, it has a false bottom.

Perfect for storing your ill-gotten gains.

And I've got some hemp rope.

They point over at a carefully coiled segment of hemp rope.

And some chamomile tea.

Wow, point to variety.

Yeah, I've got some things.

Does that look familiar to the chest that we saw in the armory by any chance?

No, no.

It does not appear.

Like the ones holding the artifacts?

Yeah, yeah.

I turned around.

I was like, what chest is she talking about?

Like, oh, the artifact ones.

Okay, yeah.

Well, I guess the woope.

I think some woke would come in handy.

How much do you need?

I have maybe like 500 feet.

How much per foot?

You can have the entire 500 feet for 10 gold.

So two gold for 100 feet?

It looks like I have 145 gold pieces.

Lord.

What bank did you rob?

How do you have so much money?

I think it was like a setting that I built my character.

It's like how much wealth they had.

Yep, oh, baby.

I was waiting for it.

How much for the 500?

10 for the 500?

10?

Yeah.

Okay, yeah,

I'll take all your hemp woke.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

It's a banner day for Bode Sh bear.

Here you go.

Would I just put rope in my inventory?

Names in this episode.

You put hemp rope if you want to be specific.

Could Natty come over?

Sure.

Natty's ears hurt someone talking about a false butt.

How much for that bottom?

This cedar chest?

25 gold.

Wait.

Oh, that's what it has.

The cedar chest has a false bottom.

Uh-huh.

In my head, I heard like it was like a false butt that you put on and store things in.

Well, I guess if you're a certain size, you can attach this chest to yourself.

I like my idea better than yours.

That is a good idea.

I do like it.

Uh, never mind.

I don't need no chests.

Oh.

Mine's good enough.

Uh fair enough.

Thank you, Blaine.

Are you two traveling together?

Yeah.

Oh, many visitors.

I'm Bodeche Bear.

What are your names?

I'm Doug.

Yep.

Nice to meet you, Doug.

And I'm Nutty.

Nutty.

Uh, okay.

Nice to meet you, Nutty.

What are you all doing here?

Is there uh anything I can help you with?

Well,

maybe, perhaps.

And Doug whispers over to Naddy.

Do you think that this person might be able to help us with what's said on the signpost?

Oh, it was in Elvish.

I don't think a dwarf would be writing something in Elvish.

But maybe.

May you know what?

Ain't no hurting asking.

Well, maybe because they live here, they might know something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ask.

Ask away.

Bodesh, is that what it is?

Yep.

I have a question for you.

So you know there's like a signpost out there with like all the different directions, different like places you could go.

There was something written about planting a seed.

Do you happen to know anything about this?

I'm not sure.

I think Pi Alamode might know a little more about that.

She is an elf.

Oh, yeah, she's a wood elf.

Yeah, she might help you with that.

You know, she's missing a couple things, so if you want to get on her good side, you can help her find her missing items.

I bet she'd reward you if you helped her out.

What's she missing?

I think she's missing a woodcutter axe and a pickaxe.

It's a it's a very special pickaxe.

Oh,

what's special about it?

It's the Tempest Tinker.

It has a special name.

That's a pretty good name.

It's widely known in this area.

What does it do?

Is it like a special ability?

It's very unique.

You'll know it when you see it.

It's a bloodstone pickaxe wafting with smoke.

Dang.

Alright, well, we'll keep our eye out for those.

You do that.

It's a surefire way to get on Pie's good side.

Should we go find this Pie lady?

Yeah.

Thank you for allowing us to patronize your place.

Thank you for the business.

You have a great day.

Daddy, I I could have sworn that I saw a person wearing like a necklace that had a red eyeball in it.

They weren't wearing a necklace when I came up.

I know, but I could have sworn I saw it on them.

It was the weirdest thing.

You know what?

I saw a horn in the courtroom, and it was the same kind of thing where I thought I saw it, and then it wasn't there.

Huh.

I'm going to take note of these things.

You do that.

All right, Tov, lead the way.

As you walk out to rejoin with Tov, you see, you know, the other abandoned tents, just like Wadesh talked about,

flanking this tent and going down a little ways along the the path he did mention he was like the last shopkeeper or something like that or last vendor yeah and you all walk back up and rejoin with toll and gunther how was that conversation did you guys have a lot of laughs and fun with your new friend i got hemp woope because this is cool we could play like jump rope with giggy

I like where your brain is at.

It's 500 feet, in case that makes a difference.

We could set like a Guinness World Record with the most people to play play jump rope with, you know?

I don't know.

Spitballing ideas.

You do a lot of jump rope on the ship?

You need a lot of downtime.

It gets very boring on the high seas.

Actually, I bet that'd be hard because of the sh you know, the rowing.

You get good at it.

Uh, did you learn anything about the surrounding area?

Is business good?

Is business bustling?

Oh, it's not

good.

All the wood's gone.

That might be an issue for trying to acquire lumber for uh raisine.

But apparently, someone in there is a pila mode.

Yeah.

A pila mode.

They might be able to help us, but uh the shopkeep said that if we found missing items, they might be more inclined.

So we could find like a a wood cutting axe and also a a pickaxe, specifically a tempestinkle pickaxe.

Our side quest gave us a side quest.

Exactly.

We're already on a side quest for a side quest.

It's just side quests all the way down.

I'm also feeling feeling like everywhere we go there's gonna be like sad more problems and it's it's bummer man

i just feel like it's other little badges we can put on our chest and go hey sergeant steel eye look what we did look at all the things we did okay so let's find those axes then huh yeah let's go i feel like we should go talk to pie yeah Well, like, on the way, maybe we keep our eyes out for these pickaxes.

As you all are talking amongst yourselves, one of the lumberjacks is walking by and says, Pie, have you seen her lately?

No, I heard she was the one we were just looking for, actually.

Yeah, yeah, I am too.

Haven't seen her in a day or two.

Oh, what do you need a fool?

Do you have a side class for us?

Oh, I'm just trying to find Pi.

Okay.

Last I heard she was missing some items.

She went looking for them over in the tree sanctuary.

Oh, thank you, sir, with pivotal information.

That exclamation mark above your head does.

Is your name Deusx?

Is that what your name is?

When you see her, you tell her that Yaddi needs to talk to her.

Yadi.

Yaddi.

Is that you?

That's me.

I'm Yaddi.

We will do that.

All right, let's go to the tree sanctuary before someone else talks to us and gives us more things today.

This was helpful for you to go in a direction.

You're acting like I'm making this more difficult.

I'm trying to help you.

Yaddi, we're not talking to you anymore, okay?

We are we need from from you calm down yet cash it up do you think yeti has a fly name low

take take an inspiration die it's a good one

oh i don't get it i don't get it yanny and laurel it's the sound from like people five or six years ago some people hear yanny some people hear laurel oh what wow that's like the the blue blue and black dress thing yeah exactly Well, I was, I wore a gold and white dress, John.

But it is, you said Yadi, right?

Yadi.

Y-A-D-I.

Yeti.

Okay.

While we walk that way, can Gunther look on the ground for seeds?

Yeah, make a survival check.

That's a five.

I want to use my inspiration die.

I want seed seeds.

All right, 16.

Yeah, you find a couple of tree seeds sprinkled amongst the tree stumps here.

Okay.

You walk over the direction Yaddi pointed, and you find a glass house with a sign that reads, tree sanctuary under construction.

And then it's like a dash and presumably a name.

Chaste chain.

Uh.

Nobody throw rocks.

What is a tree sanctuary?

Like a greenhouse?

Like a present tree.

Yeah, like a temple dedicated to trees, I guess.

Let's go in and find out.

Knock, knock.

The door is just kind of loosely swinging open.

This whole building is very rickety.

The whole thing kind of sways and seems like it's barely standing.

Osha here.

You have some violations to answer for.

Yeah, the door swings open and you see inside it's a cramped space with dirt floors and what appear to be a couple of tree exhibits.

Like what's in the exhibits?

You walk in to take a closer look and everyone who walked in make me a perception check.

I walked in.

13, 12, 15.

12.

It's a little DM tip for anyone listening.

If you want your players to enter a room, say anyone who entered a room gets to make a check and then suddenly everyone enters the room.

Goddess again.

Dang.

When you all enter the sanctuary, you all hear what appears to be some kind of mumbling.

Is this like the mumbling of someone distantly talking through a wall or captured and gagged?

It's the mumbling of someone beneath the sanctuary, like underground, maybe.

Are there any doors or anything or trap doors?

But it's dirt ground, right?

Yeah, it's dirt floors.

Are we able to like hear like do they sound like they're buried or like there's a cellar or something?

Um, so I want to answer a question you had earlier, Chris, before I get to this new one.

You asked about the exhibits.

So inside, like I said, it's a cramped space, no glass, dirt floors, and three tree exhibits.

And there's a fountain with a sculpture.

And there appear to be three gardeners working around inside the room.

When you look at the tree exhibits, you see that there are different species and they're labeled chortle chestnut.

drizzle dogwood and hogwash hickory and all three trees look similar to you and they each have have pairs of holes in the trunk.

Cool trees.

And like I said, there is a fountain.

It's like a central sculpture of a silver coin the size of a dinner plate etched with wind lines.

And it smells of fish and the water is still.

And there's a plaque on it.

You can we go up to read the plaque.

Yeah, the plaque reads, Sacred Font of the Wind Trader.

And this is on the fountain?

Yeah.

Trader as in like someone who like trades or

someone who okay turned against their people.

Sacred font of the trader.

Wind trader.

Of the wind trader.

Wind.

Giggy trades wind all the time.

It's terrible.

And the water is translucent and hard as a rock, but it's not ice.

And there's a silver coin sculpture on a spinning swivel.

And then in addition to that, there's three gardeners walking around tending to the trees and various vegetation in here.

Hello.

Do you approach one of them?

Anything else?

Yeah, say hello to one of them.

Have you guys seen pie?

One of them looks up at you and says,

no.

Haven't seen Pie.

Don't know where she is.

And what are you gardening?

Why?

That's my job.

I garden here.

Is this religious?

Religious?

What do you mean?

Are these sacred trees in some way?

Uh, well, it's an exhibit.

You got your troddle chestnut, your drizzle dogwood, and your hogwash hickory.

What is the purpose of this exhibit?

What are you showing?

The different trees that grow here.

It's the tree sanctuary.

That's what we do to preserve the trees.

What are your feelings with the people who cut down the trees?

Well, it's all part of the cycle.

We grow the trees.

People cut the trees and use the trees.

And we grow more trees.

But there are not enough trees.

No, we gotta grow more.

We need to get busy.

That's why I'm here.

How do you grow more trees besides these three?

Seeds.

Oh, do you have more seeds?

He kind of like pats at his pockets and looks around and says, no.

Gunther holds out his seeds.

Oh, thank you.

He pulls them, grabs them out of your hands, and like sticks them into his pockets.

Anyone else?

Do you guys, am I going like cuckoo in the head?

Or does anybody else hear mumbling under the floor, gardener?

Mumbling under the floor?

Yeah.

That's where a tree's roots are.

Great.

Do you have like a subterranean level of this tree sanctuary?

No, only the trees do.

Okay, the root level.

Got you.

Do any of the trees make noise?

I know that that sounds crazy talk, but like,

I swear I hear mumbling.

Mumbling.

The gardener gets down on the ground and puts his ear to the dirt.

I don't hear anything.

Great.

Okay.

I'm going crazy.

I heard it too.

I heard it too.

Who was the person from our group who actually heard the mumbling?

I think we all had the same perception.

I think, yeah, you all rolled well enough to hear it.

So say that I take a pickaxe or a shovel and I dig straight down from where I'm standing.

There's nothing below me that you know of.

Just dirt and roots.

Can I I see if they're being honest with us?

You can make a vibe check, insight check.

Can I do the same?

Yeah, go for it.

It's an 18.

That's a nine.

Yeah, this is just some dumb gardener told.

You have no idea what he's on about.

Gunther, you think that this person

is not being forthright with you?

Who could have seen that coming?

You think there's something not right?

Like, he's not behaving the way you would expect he would.

Can Gunther go up to the tree and you tell me the truth or I kill the tree.

Oh, make me a perception check, Gunther.

15.

As you know, you look to the tree like you're going to harm it.

You notice that the two holes that are in the trunk have eyes peering out of them watching you.

Oh.

Does it seem like the trees are in control here?

Is that the vibe?

Or that

there might be hollowed out fake trees, and this is a secret base.

Might be Undarians.

Who's in charge here?

The gardener looks around nervously, and as he does so, a green-skinned devil about the size of a house cat pops out of the tree

and begins flying around.

And out of each of the trees, another fiend bursts out and begins swarming, circling around you and your friends, Gunther.

The gardeners look at each other and say, they know.

Get him!

Oh, remember they were there was reports of people saying that the others were being like mimics.

Everyone go and roll initiative.

Oh,

yeah, but that was in Endridge Bay.

Bay.

Bay.

Six.

And we will find out what those initiative roles are on the next episode of Tales of the City Dragon.

You don't know.

21.

Shut up.

no no i'm writing them down 21 6 i got a 14 for doug and a 20 for 12 awesome all right so no matter what happens in the next episode tales of the stinky dragon naddy is going last

that's fine all right tune in next time to find out what happens to the party

farewell

trees have i hey Pointer, pro tip, watch out for your trees.

Okay, there might be little Unarians in them.

Thanks, George of the Jungle.

If you're listening to this, go chop down a tree.

Quickly, do it.

Watch out for that Do it before it gets you.

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This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger, and additional editing work by Catherine Arnold.

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